#i have been working with some folks on embodied traumas

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I'm really glad I've been able to learn as much as I have about somatic therapy processes, but also I would like more pls????

[bjfinn]

HEALING CIRCLE

"I think we should do something to help the people who were ... traumatised by BJ," Delia said one morning as she and Charles were having coffee.

Charles snorted. "Starting with ourselves," he said.

"We are helping ourselves -- by helping BJ," she pointed out. "He's made great progress these past months, and we've all been able to deal with what happened. No, I mean all the people who haven't had the chance to truly process what they went through. That poor girl scout, for instance -- what was her name? Raine?"

"Skye," Charles corrected her. "And I don't think it's a good idea for us to get involved. That's what professional therapy is for."

"Well, of course," Delia agreed. "But we can -- should -- help, too. After all, we did end up 'adopting' him. He's our responsibility now."

Charles folded his newspaper. "All right," he said, "what do you have in mind?"

"Well, I was thinking about starting a healing circle --"

"Delia, darling," Charles interrupted. "The folks BJ, um ... traumatised ... need more than just scented candles, crystals and mantras. They need real help. Dealing with trauma isn't a matter for amateurs."

"And we can provide them with recommendations for qualified therapists. You're friends with a few -- I'm sure they'd appreciate the referrals." She regarded him seriously. "But you should never underestimate the power of candles, crystals and mantras. They can bring a sense of peace to a troubled soul." She stood up. "And they can meet BJ -- version 2.0."

Delia didn't notice the look of alarm on her husband's face as she gathered the empty coffee cups and took them to the sink.

"Uh, Delia ... I --" he began.

"I'm going into town to get some flyers printed up," she said. "Do you need anything?"

"I really don't think --"

"All right, then." She kissed him on the cheek and grabbed her purse. "I won't be gone long. Ttfn!"

And with that, she was gone.

"God help us all," Charles muttered.

*****

It wasn't long before Beej's victims started to get in touch. Delia apologised to each of them for what they had gone through and explained what she had in mind, and soon each agreed to come the following Saturday evening.

When everyone had arrived and was seated in the living room, Delia began.

"First, I want to thank you all for taking the time to come -- it's important that we all come to terms with what happened to you a few months ago."

The little girl, Skye, tentatively raised a hand. "I-is he still here?"

Delia smiled. "Yes," she replied. "Yes, he is -- he's part of our family now."

"Delia!" Otho exclaimed. "I'm shocked that you would allow that ... that creature back in here! After what he did??? And calling him family??? He's the embodiment of evil!!! "

"Otho, really ... BJ is not that bad," Delia said. "I mean, yes -- he did some bad things ... he threatened people, hurt people ..."

"He tried to kill me!" Otho interjected hotly. "It was just plain luck that I managed to free myself from his Wheel of Death before it rolled down the basement stairs!"

"I know, and I'm sorry about that. But you have to understand -- BJ has ... issues. Many, many issues. But with my help and guidance, he's working through them ..."

Otho scoffed.

"... and he's becoming more ... civilised. In fact, he's saved our lives on more than one occasion. All he really ever wanted was ... somebody to love him and accept him."

"You want us to love and accept him?" Mrs Feinstein asked, incredulous.

"That's up to each of you to decide," Delia replied. "But whether or not you do, each of you needs to work through the trauma he caused."

The others nodded grudgingly -- all except Otho, who sat with his arms crossed, a sour expression on his face.

"All right, then -- I think we should start by talking about what happened. Who'd like to go first?"

*****

Over the next several Saturday evenings, Delia explained to them how the Deetzes and the Maitlands were helping Beej by providing him with hobbies that were more constructive outlets for his energy.

"I've been teaching him yoga," she said, "and we've been having therapy sessions to help him deal with his feelings about growing up unloved -- he's been making wonderful progress. See?" She handed out several of the demon's drawings. "We've been doing art therapy -- it's his favourite."

The group looked over the pictures approvingly.

"These are ... actually kinda good," Ted, the census guy, said. "I mean, they're not going to ever be in an art museum, but ... there's some talent there."

"Look at this one," Mrs Feinstein said, holding up the picture she had -- it was titled MY FAMLY, and was of the entire Maitland-Deetz clan, all smiling and holding hands, with the demon in the centre. "This is just ... adorable! It looks like a drawing my grandson could've made. But ... who's this?" she asked, pointing to a figure standing beside Beej.

"Oh, that's Dewey," Delia explained. "He's BJ's brother."

"You mean there's two of them?" Otho asked, his eyes wide. "Oh, God! "

Delia shook her head. "Dewey is human -- he's a music teacher in New York. He and BJ met at Halloween when a couple of his students accidentally ... summoned BJ, and they became friends. Then at Christmas, we found out that they're related. Well, probably. Anyway, for all intents and purposes ... they're brothers."

"That's so sweet!" Mrs Feinstein said.

"Here's one of just the two of them," the pizza delivery guy, Brandon, said. "They're playing guitars -- at least, I think they're guitars."

Otho sniffed petulantly. "He's a demon! This ... these drawings are nothing more than an elaborate ruse. A ... a con to gain your trust. I can't believe you're all falling for it!"

"Why not? I fell for your con, didn't I?" Delia retorted.

"You're comparing me with him??? " He huffed dramatically as he pulled a silk handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed at his eyes. "That's so unfair!"

"You're right," she admitted. "I shouldn't have said that -- after all, at least he's trying to become a better person."

Otho looked at her, his face a study in betrayal. "Delia! How could you??? I thought we were friends!"

"We are friends," she replied gently. "Sometimes a friend needs to speak uncomfortable truths."

"It's like a knife in my heart," he said, and blew his nose. He opened the handkerchief, looked inside, grimaced, and stuffed it up his sleeve.

"Oh, stop being so dramatic, Otho," Delia told him. "You're here to process what happened, same as the rest of us. And part of that involves looking inward and facing our own ... deficiencies."

He started sobbing quietly. "He tried to kill me," he murmured.

"Okay," she said brightly. "Who here has meditated before?"

*****

"How goes the group meetings?" Charles asked the morning after the latest session.

"We're making some real progress," Delia told him, pouring herself a cup of coffee. "I've begun teaching them how to meditate, and everyone is starting to come to terms with their experience."

"Even Otho?"

"Okay, not everyone. But Otho ... has his own issues to work on."

Charles chuckled at that.

"In fact, it's going so well that I think they're ready for the next step."

Charles shook his head. "Don't you think it's a bit too early for that?"

"Of course not -- the sooner the better."

*****

"You want me to what? " Beej asked when Delia told him about her plan.

"It's important that they see that you're improving," she said. "That you're not the same demon as before."

Beej scowled.

"I really think it'll help them," she explained. "And it'll help you, too."

"How?"

"Well, you want people to accept you, right? Doing this will show everyone that you deserve to be accepted."

"Well ... maybe," he conceded. "But I don't like it -- I'm a demon! Breathers are supposed to be scared of me!"

*****

"I'm so pleased with the progress we've made over the course of our sessions," Delia said. "That's why I think it's time that we confront the source of our trauma."

"What do you mean, 'the source'?" Ted asked. "You mean --"

"-- the zombie guy?" Mrs Feinstein finished. "Him??? "

"His name is BJ," Delia told them, "and he's really not so bad, once you get to know him. He's waiting in the hallway, and he'd like to --"

Beej suddenly appeared. "Hi, guys!" he said, smiling and waving at them like an overgrown puppy.

Skye screamed.

"Wow!" the demon said. "Yeah, I definitely remember that sound. How've you been, little girl?"

She screamed again.

"Not so good, I see. Okay, well ... yeah, okay," he said. "I guess by now you all know that I'm a demon --"

He was interrupted by another scream from the girl scout.

"Uhh ... right. Well, actually I'm half-ghost, half -demon -- see, my mom was a demon, and --"

"Maybe we can save the backstory for another time, BJ," Delia told him. "Don't you have something you want to say to these folks?"

"Uh, yeah," he said. "Right. Well, uh ... what I did to all of you -- well, it wasn't very nice. But you ... you gotta understand -- I'm a demon! It's what I do! "

Skye screamed again.

"I know, I know -- I'm the big scary dead guy!" he said to the girl. "We all get it, okay? Jeez! "

"BJ," Delia admonished.

"Well, she keeps interrupting me! How am I supposed to apologise with her screaming every time I say 'demon'?"

Skye opened her mouth to scream again, but Mrs Feinstein put her hand over the girl's mouth.

"Wait -- what?" Otho said. "You're here to apologise? "

"Well, yeah ... I --"

"And I suppose you expect us to just forgive you? After what you put us through?" He sashayed over to the demon and poked him in the chest. "You tried to kill me!"

"You tried to kill me first! "

"I was doing my job," Otho said with a dismissive flip of his hand, and turned his back to Beej.

Beej's hair began to turn red, and he sputtered and fumed, trying to think of a response. He glared at the back of Otho's head for a moment, balling his fists and waving them around wildly -- he wanted nothing more than to punch this ... this meatbag, but he knew that Delia would be disappointed in him if he did.

"Maybe we should all take a moment to calm down," Delia said.

"I'm perfectly calm," Otho replied.

Beej stuck out his tongue. "I'm perfectly calm," he mocked.

"BJ, please," Delia said.

"Ah, come on!" the demon replied. "Lemme hit him! Just one punch -- that's not too much to ask, is it? After what he did?"

"And what, pray tell, did I do?" Otho asked, turning to face Beej, arms akimbo.

"Really, Otho?" Delia said. "Do you really want me to tell everyone that you're a charlatan who took advantage of my naiveté and bilked me out of half my savings over the course of two years? Do you really want me to tell them about all the cults you ran where you took advantage of God knows how many young girls? Do you really want me to tell them that your real name is --"

"Yes, well," he said hurriedly. "Perhaps you're right -- after all, I suppose even a demon can change his spots ... or stripes, in this case." This last was accompanied by a disdainful sneer at said demon's fashion choices.

In reply, Beej thumbed his nose at Otho.

Skye giggled. "You're kinda funny," she said to the demon, who turned around to face her, surprised. "Maybe ... you're not such a bad guy after all? I mean, you're scary when you want to be, but you can be funny, too.

"I'm Skye, by the way," she said, holding out her hand.

"I'm BJ. Or Beej," he replied, shaking her hand. "You're not scared of me any more?"

Skye shook her head. "No ... well, maybe a little. But not as much as before."

The side of Beej's mouth twitched for a moment, and then he bit his lip, smiling. "Do you wanna be my friend?" he asked her hesitantly.

The girl thought for a moment, and then she nodded. "Yes," she told him.

At that, Beej picked her up and whirled her around in a circle. "I got a new friend!!! " he exclaimed. He set her down again, and Skye reeled, dizzy from the experience.

"Well," Otho said petulantly, "I, for one, will never be friends with the likes of him! I mean, he's kinda cute -- in sort of a deranged psychopathic clown way -- but stripes? And what's with those lapels? My God, you'd think it was 1986! "

"Thanks!" Beej said with a grin. He grabbed Otho's face in both hands and planted a big wet one on the ersatz guru's mouth. "That makes me sooo happy! I don't wanna be friends with you, either -- you're a pompous asshole!"

He spun the sputtering Otho around and gave him a boot to the rump, sending him stumbling back to his chair.

"BJ!" Delia chided. "That's not very nice!"

"He started it!" he said, pouting.

"To be fair," Mrs Feinstein put in, "Otho is a pompous asshole."

Ted nodded in agreement. "I kinda wanted to kick his ass once or twice myself."

Otho huffed, looking at them in exaggerated astonishment. "Delia! Am I supposed to just sit here and be subjected to this ... this unprovoked character assassination??? "

Delia had had enough. "Oh, sit down and shut up, Kevin! "

Otho's jaw dropped. Without a word he flounced over to his seat and perched on the edge of the chair. He took out a handkerchief and dabbed daintily at the tears of embarrassment and humiliation running down his cheeks, and then loudly blew his nose. He stuffed the handkerchief up his sleeve and looked up at her. "Et tu, Delia?" he said.

Delia sighed. "Otho, you know I love you," she told him gently, "but BJ's right -- sometimes you are a pompous asshole. Maybe that's something we can work on together."

She clapped her hands together. "Okay!" she said brightly. "I think we can all agree that BJ isn't the embodiment of pure evil --"

"Hey! " Beej said, affronted.

"What I mean is," she continued, "he's evil, yes --"

"Okay, then -- that's better," the demon cut in, mollified.

"-- but we've seen that he can be nice, when he wants to be. And really, did he ever actually hurt anyone?"

Otho sighed dramatically.

"Other than Otho," she amended, "who, truth be told, did kinda deserve it?"

The others muttered in grudging agreement -- except for Otho, of course, who simply sat there, sobbing quietly.

"Okay!" Delia said. "Well, I think that's enough for today -- we can pick it up again next week!"

[generouskittentidalwave]

I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH THE KUNG FU PANDA SERIES, I'M GRABBING IT BY THE THROAT AND DRAGGING IT TO THE DEPTHS

JUST COME'RE, COME'RE FOR A MINUTE AND EXPLAIN TO ME

WHAT. THE FUCK. IS THIS?

This has GOTTA be another Macaque disguise in order to mess with Wukong's image cause I refuse to believe that THIS is Wukong.

Now don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with adaptions made of our beloved monkey gremlin, a lot of them are super cool and well made! But there is a difference between an adaption and then just full on disgracing the source material BECAUSE HOW CAN ONE FUCK UP THIS BADLY ON SUCH A WELL KNOWN AND BELOVED CHARACTER? OKAY SIT DOWN FOR CLASS TIME AND LET ME STATE MY CASE.

First of all the looks, why is only one eye red and gold? I'm sorry but if I remember correctly Wukong wasn't half way in the furnace. My second gripe is with the monkey species they chose for him. Listen, Wukong is supposed to be the representation and embodiment of a monkey, he isn't supposed to be a specific species of monkey in the first place as he is not only his own species of monkey but he is supposed to represent all the monkey species. So making him into a specific species of monkey doesn't work all that well in the first place, but out of all the species they could've picked why the species that looks like a reverse oompa loompa?

AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HIS POWERS

Okay okay, get this, not only did they heavily nerf him, but they also made it so all his power comes from THE GOLDEN CIRCLET. YEAH THAT'S RIGHT THEY MADE THE TRAUMA RING AROUND HIS HEAD INTO A CROWN THAT GIVES HIM POWERS AND THAT HE WANTS TO GET THE CROWN BACK.

The crown is most known for being the equivalent of a shock collar for him, how do you mess that one up THAT BAD?

And we haven't even touched on his backstory yet oh no no no no. Sit down as you are gonna LOVE this one folks

Apparently Wukong was great friends with the gods in heaven until he was framed for something he didn't do and was imprisoned, not in the mountains by the Buddha, but was imprisoned in the red jade mines for it. Not only that but he basically poisoned Po and his trainees as he could only get out if he replaced himself in the mines with another and keep them there until like sunset. First of all Wukong would never do that in the first place sure he was impulsive and reckless but he wasn't bad for the sake of being bad, he was just a bit of a trouble maker that needed proper guidance. NOT ONLY THAT BUT PO'S TRAINEES WHO ARE LITERALLY KIDS BEAT HIM. LIKE- HELLO? LITERAL KIDS BEAT SUN WUKONG? THE MOST OP CHARACTER IN KNOWN HISTORY?

Apparently the ldb was the one behind things and Wukong needed to stop her which we saw that be done much better in Lego Monkie Kid (amazing show I HIGHLY recommend watching that instead of this). And Wukong redeemed himself and became besties with the gods again.

OH OH AND TO ADD MORE SALT TO THE WOUND? MONKEY'S BROTHER IN KFP IS NAMED "WU KONG", THE SAME BROTHER WHO CAUSED THEIR OWN MOM TO DIE DUE TO HIS OWN SELFISHNESS.

LIKE BRO WTF DO THEY HAVE AGAINST WUKONG? WHY ALL THE BEEF AGAINST SUCH A BELOVED AND AMAZING CHARACTER AND MAKING HIM OUT TO BE A HORRIBLE AND PATHETIC GUY WHEN HE ISN'T?

Kung Fu Panda is beloved by China for it's good representation and understanding of it's culture, so how the franchise could let one of the most well known characters in Chinese mythology and stories get slanderized THIS BADLY by one of their spin off series is beyond me.

I know this has just been me ranting about how a recurring character in a series was characterized in a spin off series kid show people hardly know about but like- for some reason I was just absolutely flabbergasted by this characterization of Wukong as a whole in a franchise that's known for doing plenty of good research on chinese culture, mythology, belief and stories. My only hope is that this was Macaque disguised as a fake Wukong the whole time just pulling a funny prank.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #80

I rested for most of the day today. In so doing, I had a realization.

Truth be told, on a near-constant basis, I'm plagued with a wide variety of doubts and insecurities, like most anyone with a trauma history. Thanks to the power of "pathological projective identification" (I'm so glad that this is a phrase that I now know!), I had been forced to internalize, as a small child, the notion that I am fundamentally defective, wrong, strange, and inferior to all other humans. While I am at a point now where I understand rationally that all of this is false, these messages have been ground into my bones, and I am still trying to root them out and replace them with better things. Just because something gets ground into our bones doesn't mean that that's who we truly are or who we have to remain forever.

I thought about my biological family, with whom I've severed all ties. I've thought about my own growth and learning over the years. I imagine if they saw me now, they would look at me and see a very stupid, naive, and weak person who has all the wrong ideas about how the world works and about people in general.

And you know? Old me would have deferred to their judgment of who I am and what I stand for instead of trusting my own. Old me would have tried to adjust myself in order to better suit their definition of what is the "correct" way to be a human, to change my worldview to something harsher in order to better suit their definition of what "strength" is.

It's not quite that bad for me anymore, but still, when I think about the notion that they would most likely vehemently disapprove of who I'm becoming, I feel more than a little sad, and still a part of me wonders if maybe they were right about me all along - that I'm nothing more than an oblivious weakling with poor judgment, who is far too open, and does not have enough perspective for my perceptive abilities or my general manner of thinking, feeling, and being to be worth a damn.

But then I realized. Given that I've grown past them in a variety of ways, why should I continue to see myself as beneath them, and continue to view my judgment and manner of being as inferior to theirs? Given that they still make choices that are destructive to themselves and to other people, I think it might be wise to reconsider how much weight I place on what they might think of me.

The people in my immediate circle know, understand, accept, and love me as I am. And shouldn't that be enough, even if the rest of the world was my enemy?

And… I suppose more importantly, given that I am a person who does my best to stand for compassion and mercy, shouldn't my own approval of myself and my own faith in my judgment and perception be enough as well?

…I'm going to work on it. I can't protect the people around me if I'm questioning my own integrity every time someone who doesn't understand me acts like they know more about who I am than I do. I can't try to protect you or other fallen folks if I am constantly questioning the validity of the kindness and mercy I've been trying to learn to embody. I don't know exactly what I'm gonna do yet, but I am surrounded by a wide variety of very amazing people, and I like to think that I'm reasonably intelligent; I'm sure I'll figure out something if I pay careful attention to the things going on around me.

Hey, Sephiroth? Are you resting properly? Are you taking care of yourself? Are you hydrating and nourishing well? I know you're supposedly superhuman or some shit, but you're still a man, still a squishy mammal, and as such, basic needs and comforts are essential. Please treat yourself as though you deserve nice things, won't you? Please treat yourself as though you deserve to feel healthy and good. And maybe then you can think about your childhood and your upbrigning and all the horrific circumstances you suffered under, and realize that none of it was your fault. Maybe you can realize that it happened because the people around you were so traumatized that they made bad choices while interacting with you, and not because you're a "monster" or an "aberration" or an "abomination" (because you are NONE of these things!).

I think I'll end today's letter here. Though I am slowly recovering from the trip and from the other adjustments that have been made to the structure of my immediate circle, I'm still pretty tired.

Remember you're loved. Not for what you look like. Not for the power you wield. Not for your status or your fame. But because you're you. Remember that even if you lost all of those things, there are still people in this world who would do their best to know, understand, accept, and love you as-is. Use that knowledge to muster up the courage you need to make good, wholesome, and loving choices. Use that knowledge to muster up the courage to be gentle, compassionate, and kind with your words and deeds; this is what it means to be strong in the real way. Do no harm, but take no shit, okay?

I'll keep writing to you every day until you come home to the people who care for you. We miss you.

Your friend, Lumine

[priafey]

I wanted to let you know that your detailed critique of Gwilin fics has inspired me to give better criticism and that your love for Gwilin has been transferred to me - I’m feral for him now

NO WAYYY SOMEONE IS ASS-DEEP IN MY BLOG READING THOSE THANGS??? 😭😭 You honor me...

I'm glad you've gotten something out of them!! I wrote them with a lot of love and care. I feel that sometimes fanfic authors want their work to be treated with the same esteem as more traditional works of literature, but are quick to shy away or outright reject the opportunity to receive and respond to structured, systematic criticism. Which, y'know, there's no rule that says you have to entertain such criticism, but, when you do, you have a greater chance of perfecting your craft, which is all anyone can hope to do with their art. Not for money or so you can achieve some standard, personal or societal or otherwise, of what an 'improved' version of your art would look like, but so you can better convey what it is you hope to convey. Goodness knows some people can get really out of pocket with the things they say in response to art, though, so the apprehension is understandable.

That being said, there are few more satisfying feelings than knowing you're getting better at being able to transmit your vision to others. That doesn't mean others won't misunderstand or misinterpret your art, just that you'll achieve an ever-greater understanding of what effect you can create in an audience through it. Best way to do that is through self-revision and, yes, engagement with criticism.

(As a bonus, if you don't take yourself too darn seriously, you can even find artistic gratification in how your work is misconstrued xD lol)

I kept a light touch for a lot of the reviews for that very reason. Sometimes I fear people conflate honest, well-intentioned feedback with someone attacking their work or their vision for their art, and this can be especially true if the art was a means for them to work through some personal issue they have (like traumas or insecurities) or present their viewpoint of the world–or both. And I get it! I do that in my own fics, as well (as do basically all writers, regardless of medium). But art is not sacred. And 'each artist knows themself best, and has the best conception of what social function their art embodies' is not a useful, or even truthful, viewpoint. When artistic purity is enshrined as an unknowable ideal towards which to strive, everyone suffers, and a great richness and nuance is lost in our creation and understanding of art, how it develops, and how its function changes over time.

Suffice to say, art has become collaboration. The artist is no longer in the spotlight, which may sound harsh to some, but to me it means they need not bear the brunt of their 'performance' on their lonesome any longer. They are not to be put on a pedestal, nor to be trampled. Instead, they should invite a few folks from the audience to come up and tell a story with them. After all, they already do, whether they mean to or not.

[dramaqueeenamby]

I posted 334 times in 2022

33 posts created (10%)

301 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

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I tagged 329 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#photo - 205 posts

#text post - 72 posts

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Longest Tag: 65 characters

#hopefully y���all stumble across some amazing and underrated works!

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Amby!!!!! It’s so good to see you!!! How are you love??

Hey babe!!! I always miss ya'll when I do my little disappearing acts. Ugh. I'm okay. Life is still lifin, but you know how that is.....

How are you?????

@cocoamoonmalfoy

7 notes - Posted November 13, 2022

#4

😒😒😒😒😒 I see some things never change on this damn site

13 notes - Posted November 13, 2022

#3

updates.

Don't remember the last time I shared some things, but I got my counselor license at the top of this year, so I'm a licensed professional counselor in my state! Working on certifications on child and adolescent trauma as well as a neuropsychological treatment approach to anxiety. I'm going to apply for my next (and final) license which would allow me to open my own private practice (which is the goal) in August of next year. I also got a car, her name is dulce. She's the babe. Uhhhh got formally diagnosed with PCOS, and that's been kicking my ass in so many ways, so that sucks. Been working on a writing project for a minute now, but I can't talk about it cause it's not just mine. Anddddd......I've been reading more and playing sims on Saturdays. Oh! I'm also only gonna be working Monday through Thursday starting the 3rd week of August, so hopefully that will free up some time.

Probably more, but I won't bore folks.

19 notes - Posted July 24, 2022

#2

Black Panther 2 was a masterpiece, and I am emotional.

Expect a one shot sometime tonight.

84 notes - Posted November 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Easy | T'Challa Udaku

A/N: My god, BP2 was such an emotional ride. This is a product of all of the emotions I'm still reeling from. I have not written for BP in probably a year+, so I apologize for the rustiness.

Warnings: ANGST.

Words: 3K

You can find my other works HERE.

++++++++++++DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN BLACK PANTHER: WAKANDA FOREVER++++++++++++

-----------

Loving him was easy. 

Maybe too easy.

Maybe things would have been easier if he wasn’t so easy. So easy to admire, so easy to be drawn to, so easy to feel an ungodly amount of love and adoration for. 

But maybe that was just T’Challa. With his beautiful smile and brilliant mind, few paths seemed to lead to some place loveless. He was the embodiment of attraction, from the way he spoke, to the way he conducted himself, to the way he loved.

Yeah….easy seemed to be unavoidable. 

A small smile makes its way to your face as you reminisce on your first meeting all those years ago. 

“Would you just tell me already?”

Nakia simply looks over at you with that same bored yet tempted expression. “And ruin the surprise? Never.”

She laughs, clearly amused by your frustration, by the lack of patience for which you’ve still struggled to fully comprehend. 

You’d just completed your War Dog training and had been assigned to Nakia, to shadow her on a few missions and prove that you were ready for your own assignment. It was a perfect partnership, as Nakia matched your wit and sense of humor, both of which had definitely gotten you in trouble more times than you’d like to admit.

“How about a hint?”

“How about no?”

Your eyes narrowed as you nudged her. “You are enjoying this.”

“Somewhat,” she admits. You share another look before giggling together when a firm voice from behind interrupts your moment. 

“Forgive me, ladies.”

“You are not forgiven,” your response is natural and instantaneous, a small smirk playing on your face. “Matter of fact, you should know better than to sneak on two lad–” The smirk drops and your ridicule is cut short by the dark eyes and curious gaze of the crowned prince who stands before you. 

If Nakia was amused before, she was delighted now. You can feel her eyes still focused on you as she bumps you with her hip. “Y/N, you didn’t finish your statement. How rude.”

Your glare could burn two holes into the princess as she shakes her head and returns her focus onto Prince T’Challa. 

“Yes, T’Challa?” It’s in the most random, unexpected moments that you remember while Nakia is your friend, she is also royalty. Perhaps it’s something you should commit to memory, especially given how you’ve just completely disregarded all protocol for the future ruler of Wakanda. 

Finally able to pick your eyeballs off the ground, you find that T’Challa’s gaze is pinpointed on you. “Nakia is correct. It is improper to finish your statement…..”

He trails off, and you realize he’s searching for your name. Slightly dejected and still embarrassed, you answer, hastily adding a “your grace” onto the end. For good measure and respect.

He simply makes a sound before repeating your name. It feels so strange hearing your name on his mouth, strange but also….right. Shifting your stance, you’re thankful when he finally reirects his focus to Nakia. Memory of what was said between them was lost years ago, but the initial butterflies in your stomach upon your first meeting have always stayed with you. 

You pray to Bast they always will. 

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330 notes - Posted November 11, 2022

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[loversandantiheroes]

This is definitely something that's bothered me more than a little, I won't even try to deny it. It's difficult to take in the sheer volume of smut created for Astarion without scratching your head and wondering just how the hell so many people missed the point of his story so badly that they circled right back around and made him the exact thing he spends so long trying to escape: a pretty thing to be used.

In truth, I do think a lot of it has a pretty simple explanation, though. There's obviously folks that misunderstand the text, or outright ignore it because all they want is hot sexy vampire time, but I hold onto at least some hope that the majority of this is just a bad mix of thematic material and fandom stand-bys. The most good-faith reading I have on this is that the general fandom is attempting to treat him the same as any other favored character, and what fandom typically does with their faves is, well, smut. Not only is it what gets the most attention, but for a lot of people it's how they explore characterization and themes and such. Cue the "yes the 2k word blowjob scene is plot relevant" post. Sadly with Astarion's story, that standard chafes more than a little, and can go horribly if you're not careful.

The scene you posted screenshots of is such a crucial moment for him, this massive realization that not only does he not want to be used anymore, he doesn't have to be. And the player has the opportunity to either facilitate and support him in this, to defend his agency and autonomy for the first time in literal centuries, or turn around and tell him you were hoping your white knight act would get you into his bed again. His reaction is no surprise: if the person I had just been thanking for their kindness turned around and said they wanted to be an exception to the rule they just try to show me I could set, then yeah, no, I wouldn't be comfortable with any of that either.

But Astarion does show interest in reclaiming this part of himself. In the same scene one of the dialogue options leads to him telling Tav that he doesn't know any other way to be intimate with someone, "no matter how much I'd like to." He knows that things with Tav are different, but what he wants and what his body knows at this point are polar opposites. He shows genuine interest in the drow twins' offer in act 3 once Cazador's been defeated, saying outright that he'd like to explore his own desires now that he's free to do so (and yes, he does disassociate during that scene, but at best it's been, what, a week since he killed his abuser? and then he just dives right in for a 4-5way with two elven prostitutes right across the street from the flophouse where we know he spent an awful lot of time. It was probably a Bit Much to start out with, my guy.)

And I think it's more than fair to want to explore that end of Astarion's story, to let him do the dirty work of healing and get to live his life the way he wants to, even when it's hard, even when there's setbacks, because he finally has the ability to shape his life the way he wants. There's an unfortunate all-or-nothing mentality I've seen when it comes to his characterization in fandom, where he's either the sex object or the fragile victim. No nuance, no depth; he's reduced yet again to the product of someone else's fantasy, a pretty thing existing to be used, or he's a walking embodiment of trauma, as delicate as spun sugar in a rainstorm. And both of those extremes deny him any sense of of the agency and identity his story is so heavily grounded in, and I think it's a goddamn shame.

I just think it's (curious? ironic? heartbreaking?) that a character who's been through sexual trauma stemming from someone seeing him as just a sexual object, is now so known mostly because people who know him see him as sexy.

It's true that most who know his story understand him and love him as a whole and not just for his attractiveness.

But the fact that the thing that everyone knows about him is "Oh, that guy everyone wants to fuck" IN REAL LIFE.

KNOWING HIS PAST??.

The fact that if you push him to sleep with your character he literally says this.

And, yeah, it's an 'I don't know' not a 'definitely not'.

But like, still.

(source)

[co-captens]

I have a little rant because I think there’s a complicating factor that we don’t acknowledge enough in our considerations of how we as a fandom consider Izzy Hands: the fact that he’s the homophobic force in a pro-queer show.

I think Izzy Hands is a good (as in well-constructed) character on the show, a complex antagonist who fleshes out characters around him and advances the plot and allows for complex conversations around the themes of the show. He’s complex enough that people can like him based on their interests and their perspective on why they like/dislike characters. If you just love a good antagonist, or like the way other characters play off of him, or like his aesthetic, or think he represents necessary complications to a floating queer paradise, or think he’s hot, whatever-- he’s a character on a show you like and you’re allowed to like him.

Absolutely hating Izzy Hands doesn’t negate any of that. You can hate Izzy hands because you don’t like harm coming to characters you care about, because he’s a threat to the sweet found family the show is building over time. You can hate Izzy Hands because Con O’Neill really knows how to play him as threatening, unsettling, and hypocritically whiny.  You can hate Izzy Hands the same way any given character can rub you the wrong way-- you can dislike the way his dialogue is written, or you can think his priorities are out of whack in a way that you just don’t find as entertaining as the rest of the show. Antagonists are complicated, particularly in a setting this morally dubious, but that doesn’t mean you can’t dislike him, and have a good reason for doing it.

This has all been said. I think it also needs to be said: regardless of his role, writing, and execution, you can dislike Izzy Hands because he’s a homophobic, queerphobic, anti-fem, slut-shaming, close-minded asshole.

This show is remarkable for its portrayals of queerness and queer masculinities. For a lot of us, it marks something big that we’ve been waiting for in our media: it’s fun, high-quality, diverse, gripping, and unequivocally, unapologetically gay. It’s a funny little period rom-com for the queers, with a cast and staff who seem to care about making good media for folks who have been routinely exploited and generally screwed over by media for decades. If you’re queer and you really enjoy the show and then want to engage in the sheer pleasure of it without remembering the shitty things Izzy Hands says, does, or represents, that’s allowed. Hating Izzy doesn’t mean not understanding his value and place, and doesn’t inherently make a statement that should be taken off the show, or whatever else, it just means you, you know, don’t like homophobic assholes. I have lots of traits and identities which Izzy would openly harass me for, and I don’t always want to see him when I’m in my little curated fluffy gay wonderland. On the show, I wouldn’t mind seeing him redeemed, and I wouldn’t mind seeing him killed. I think queer people in particular should be allowed to want either without issue (granted it’s for an appropriate reason). Off the show, I just don’t want to see him at all, particularly portrayed sympathetically without putting him through the work of redeeming himself.

For all of the discourse around our various relationships with Izzy Hands, I just want to keep in mind that in S1 he embodies real, immediate trauma and violence against queer people in what’s otherwise, finally, a pretty safe show for us. If some queer people don’t want to include that in their fandom participation, I think we should respect that with sympathy. If others want to include him, we should allow and respect that. Asking for mutual respect in this or any fandom isn’t new, but I hope realizing Izzy hits folks a little differently than most antagonists might usefully inform that respect and the conversations around it.

[gentil-minou]

Hi! You talked in one of your article about Marinette being neurodivergent, what makes you think this ? Also what do you think she has, does she have autism or do you think she has amAsperger or something else ? Thank you ☺️ you have a cool content and it's interesting to see psychology side to the TV show ♥️

Thank you for such sweet words!

I guess the main reason I see Marinette as being neurodivergent is because I see a lot of my own self in her, plus a lot of the characteristics I see in clients i work with. Also there are so many fascinating analyses made by countless fans and conversations with friends that confirm it.

Also given how emotional dysregulation/processing and mental health is literally a theme of miraculous (by way of the akuma metaphors) it's hard for me to believe the main character wouldn't be neurodivergent.

(Plus there's my theory that NTs don't actually exist but idk if that's controversial asdhfjgkks)

Regarding what Marinette has, I and others have written about her having several! Personally I love all headcanons but the ones I link below have some of the best reasoning, in my opinion at least.

ADHD @rena-rain

Autism - I like this post I found by @kagayakuseiza but a lot of folks have really good takes on these so I will tag @alexseanchai because they also have a great tag for autistic Marinette

OCD tbh @galahadwilder did like most of the work.

And personally I have been advocating for Generalized Anxiety Disorder and PTSD. And recently @chatonnoir answered this wonderful ask about Mari's neurodivergence that really deserves all the recognition.

I think part of the beauty of Marinette as a character and a reason why it's so easy to relate to her is because of her very clear and obvious neurodivergent traits. I think it's changed recently but a lot of the adults who watch this show grew up with protagonists that were considered "perfect" or "quirky but not too quirky hehe" way. I think characters like Lizzie McGuire and That's So Raven with protags who had some neurodivergent relatability got replaced somewhere in the late 2000s and early 2010s to be taken over by "It Girls" which unfortunately made it really hard for folks like me to relate to them (also they were all white so yeah dfkjh), and I realize this is a tangent but the point is that

Marinette embodies these traits and what's honestly my favorite part is there is no one diagnosis that covers them all. She can have anxiety, or PTSD, or ADHD, or Autism, or so many others and it's great because it means we as the viewer can see ourselves on the screen. And it mean a lot, so much more than I can ever gush about.

Which means we can put any of our own headcanons on her. I am using Marinette's struggles this season as a way to show how anxiety and trauma can lead to depression in my fic and I love it, even if it's not strictly canon. The point is she has endless possibilities and that's part of the fun of having her as a main character!

[raposarealm]

Just saw the character questions you reblogged! I don't know who you've answered about in the past, but how about either Geo Stelar/Subaru Hoshikawa and/or Sonia Strumm/Misora Hibki? I'm almost positive you've probably answered about them already, but they're my favorite characters in Mega Man Star Force (Alongside Luna). Thank you for reading this, even if you don't respond!

YES ABSOLUTELY I WILL ANSWER

Also surprisingly nobody's sent in Subaru or Misora (or any Starforce characters, actually) yet.

Ok I'll do this in two, but first: Subaru because I will always, always be ecstatic to gush over him because he's my favourite. Also, this got super long so read more to save people’s dashes:

Why I like them

Oh god where to start. Literally me. he's literally me when I was a critically depressed hikkikomori kiddo floating in-between grades in high school. Right down to the space nerdiness. But, I digress.

First off, I don't see too many well-written representations of depression and trauma (or PTSD in this case, arguably,) in the media I consume or in general really, but the few that I do see tend to be the kinda 'Izusu Ren' archetype: gloomy, melancholic, tearful, and often self-harming or even suicidal (especially in Ren's case particularly.) This is accurate to some folks, yes! But, not so much to my experience with the illness. I'm not suicidal, I'm not self-harming, I'm not tearful and sad and mopey. And, neither is Subaru! He's not sad, he's angry, frustrated at the world in general and at himself specifically. He's self-deprecating, but also cynical and paranoid to the point of delusion. He's actively forcing himself to stay this way at the beginning of the first game (I'll ignore the anime for now,) because he's so terrified -- phobic, even -- of being abandoned or betrayed again, and it's just... easier to keep everyone away if you convince yourself that everyone's out to get you, or angry at you, or if you just see people as caricatures instead of, well, people. And that's so dead on the mark of how I act, it's almost creepy.

Subaru has no energy, no motivation, and that's what depression does to you, the 'depression' is the depresses energy, 'cause your brain's not producing enough serotonin, enough dopamine, and your nervous system isn't working right. But, all that paranoia and delusion ends up giving Subaru some pretty severe anxiety issues as well, which isn't really surprising given how often those two disorders overlap. He's not a classic textbook-example of depression, he's an amalgam of different disorders, all compounded by occurring in his early formative years! It's not really known if he had friends before Luna gang and Misora, but there's a good chance he didn't have any close ones -- which might have been why he was so close to Daigo, and why he couldn't physically move on from his death/disappearance for three whole years, until Warrock shows up and very literally drags him back into the world.

But Capcom didn't go full edge here, not at all, because once he's given a reason to keep moving, even one he might not have wanted at first, Subaru can't keep up the cynical façade anymore, he can't keep convincing himself he doesn't care about people, because he does, more than anything. I feel, Subaru kinda embodies the whole 'with great power comes great responsibility' line, y'know the one. He didn't choose to fight, he was forced to by the imminent crisis in the moment (either the out-of-control train in the game, or the derailed monorail car in the anime.) He didn't want to fight, he was scared, he straight up has a panic attack in the anime even; but, even if he didn't care particularly about the rest of the town, even if the classmates now dangling precariously over a hundred-plus-foot drop had previously left a bad taste in his mouth, these were still people, and therefore, he couldn't think of them as objects. There's a line he quotes in game 1 during the denpa-human attack that I've already made a whole post on, but I'll repeat it here again since it really sums up Subaru's true view on things: "Even if there was a sliver of a chance, it's better to do something." I compared it to a line said by Shinobu Akira in her story in Magia Record, "Inaction is Cowardice," and I feel that both lines also resemble a principle I strongly try to live by: Noblesse Oblige, or "Nobility Obliges," the ideal that people in power should help those who don't have it. (Or, as defined by the OED, "privilege entails responsibility.") Even if Subaru didn’t care particularly about anybody in danger, or otherwise, once he fully realized that, as Ryuusei, he now had the power to fight and protect others, he had a duty to do so. This was especially expanded upon in game 2, which, yes, joke all you want about the story, but I still feel that at least this part of the plot was handled really well. 

Having Subaru break away from the ‘gung-ho warrior of justice’ archetype we tend to see in both shounen and magical girl genre series (fight me), or maybe even just from his predecessor Netto’s pure nosiness and naïve curiosity, let Subaru have a character arc that mirrored the arcs of the characters he fought, and eventually saved. He’s having to overcome his past, the way Misora and Luna were. He was having to overcome the cynicism that had come to be his shield, the same way Gonta was using his image as a cruel ‘tough-guy’  to hide his insecurity. He had to learn to place his trust his new-found friend(s), the same that Utagai had to learn that not everyone was out to get him (and frankly, both had to learn to trust Amachi specifically, ehe.) He had to learn to persevere through the right path, even when facing insurmountable odds, the way Ikuta had to learn to fight for what was truly important to him, consequences be damned. And don’t even get me started on Tsukasa and Hikaru. Hell, Subaru even had to re-learn to see people as individuals, and to place hope in them, the way Warrock had to do when encountering Daigo, and again through Subaru himself. Actually honestly the dynamic of those two is just, fantastic thank you. It kept his character from feeling stagnant, since he didn’t start at a good place, he had room to grow and improve -- but also room to dip back down again, to have impactful ‘darkest hours’, and just moments of true, well, mental illness. 

And since the plot of the series is so heavily character-driven, Subaru ends up getting to the point where he chooses to keep going, to keep fighting and protecting others. He chooses to keep his own development going, into a true ‘shining star’ of hope for others. (Ok look I was trying to make a pun here, laugh, dammit.) And the hope others place in him ends up powering him in both a metaphorical sense, and in the very literal sense of the Brotherband. He’s only able to activate the Star Force when he vows to protect Luna no matter the cost. He’s only able to break free from the control of the OOPArt[s] through the force of his will to prevent harm from befalling those dear to him (once again Luna, I know.) And look I’m sure game 3 has an equivalent with whatever’s going on with the Noise Changes but I still haven’t finished it because D-pads are my enemy. He’s only able to be guided back home in the game 1 ending by the collective bond, the Brotherband, between him and his friends, even the ones who hadn’t formed a formal connection were still so dear to him that the connection became a literal path. ...Have I made it clear how much I love the Power of Friendship trope, because it’s literally The Best. 

And maybe that’s the core of it all, Subaru as a character, and through that Ryuusei as both an alias and extension of the two characters that form it, embodies the power of friendship, of bonds, of hope so integrally, yet he’s not the annoyingly bubbly, over-optimistic protagonist that usually gets that type of theming -- he’s believable because he falters. He never gives up hope or faith, but he comes dangerously close, and he’s still prone to a whole load of self-doubt and deprecation that comes with being the one shouldering it all. Also, how did this end up turning into a Madoka theme analysis? Whoops. Basically, I like Subaru’s character theming in the same way I like Madoka’s character -- a realistic, but not dark or edgy, response to their situations, and a inseverable, if not unwavering, hope.

Why I don’t

Ok, usually I have an answer here, but... Nope. Subaru is literally my favorite okay, I don’t dislike really anything about him.

I will note that, for the anime’s writing of him in particular, some of the impact of his arc is lost by speeding up his ‘recovery’ from his depressed state. Actually, my problem there might be that the anime kind of implies that Subaru ends up defeating his mental issues permanently, with the only relapse shown in the middle of the season much more to do with active trauma (and some goading from Cygnus) than with anything more deep-seated. Here’s the thing: depression, anxiety, trauma (and resulting PTSD), any other illnesses/disorders you could argue Subaru to have... they’re treatable, they’re combatable... but they’re not curable. They don’t magically go away, they don’t even go away with all the work in the world. Mental disorders are the result of a physical deficiency and/or deformity in the mind, whether neurologically or chemically. And the source of that issue can’t be cured, because it’s a fundamental part of how your brain works. It’s like saying that an autistic person can’t be ‘cured’ of autism -- because it’s a fundamental issue with how our brains are wired to work. 

The game doesn’t do this, fortunately, and instead does the opposite: it goes almost out of it’s way to show us how these illnesses and issues are still there, they’re still affecting Subaru and every way he functions. He’s never going to be ‘cured’ of his depression, trauma, anxiety, etc., but he still overcomes them the best he can -- and when he can’t, he’s got friends to pull him out of whatever funk’s got him this time. The anime kind of nerfs Luna gang into secondary characters a lot of the time (though arguably set up to be main during the short-lived and much better Tribes,) and while Misora is sort of set up to take their place, they take too long to fully let her and Subaru be actual friends instead of just teammates. Amachi and Utagai kind of fill in a little, but their adult status kinda makes them feel more like mentors and teammates more than proper friends. (Anime-ver. Amachi definitely feels like an older brother-esque figure to Subaru, at least. Utagai, well... he’s Utagai.) However, I wonder how much of this had to do with the show possibly just not having enough time to build things out at the pace they were moving.

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

Since I’ve mentioned both game and anime versions here, I’ll give one for both!

For the game, definitely the scene mentioned above from game 1, during the denpa-human attack on Kodamasho. This part of the game takes place directly after the culmination of the Libra arc, which ended in the school play, where Luna mistakes Subaru in a poorly-made costume for the actual Ryuusei (until Kizamaro fumbles his queue and blacks out the spotlight, which, having now worked with a manual spotlight, that’s not hard to do, give the kid a break he’s short.) Luna’s already starting to act on edge around Subaru at this point, since A) she’s not sure who she saw in that moment, but she can’t shake the suspicion that Subaru and Ryuusei are connected somehow, and B) her puppy crush on Ryuusei has started to evolve into a much more tangible crush, but on Subaru instead, so she’s frazzled and it doesn’t take much for her to start going off the deep end panicking when she, well, witnesses her two closest friends turn into some sort of pink floating monstrosity right in front of her. Her clinging on to Subaru instinctively helps cement Subaru into the rare leader role, and we get to see him act under pressure, in civilian form, with a panicked friend in tow. The line mentioned above is given in this part, where after tactically traversing the school grounds for an exit, Subaru realizes he’s definitely gonna have to fight his way out of this one, and accepts this all on his own, no prodding from Warrock, no complaining or cowering, he immediately moves to thinking of how to protect Luna who’s still clinging to him like a lost puppy. So, rare Cool Subaru, a not-so-rare flustered and panicked Luna (which helped to transition into her arc in the next part,) solid character growth on both parties, and my favorite line of all time.

As for the anime, I’d say I’m split between three. The first scene being Subaru and Warrock’s first meeting. It’s so drastically different from the game’s version, but I sort of liked having them get a chance to properly meet before chaos ensued. It’s rather comical, so it sets up the ensuing gravity of the fight to come in the next episode. 

The second scene, the Ryuusei vs. Harp Note fight. Note (ehe) that in the anime, Misora was unconscious during this fight, and her arousal signaled the end of the skirmish. As a result, Harp was in complete control of Misora’s body, and that led to a much more dangerous opponent than what Harp Note would be later on with Misora conscious. This fight had a surprisingly little amount of dialogue, given what’s normal for the rest of the series, and animation-wise, you could tell that lead storyboarder Shingo Adachi had his hand in this one, it’s one of the best in the season. Subaru demonstrates real efficiency and skill with the battle card system, as well as the high agility and speed he becomes known for throughout the series. The best part, though, being one of Harp’s lines before the fight -- in response to her rhetorically questioning whether her adversary was Warrock in henkan, he effectively tells her to shush and go back home... and then Subaru responds separately as Ryuusei, with much more dignified dialogue of course. Harp responds bewilderedly asking if Warrock’s host was actually conscious, cementing how rare a team such as the two of them working together was. It’s an early indication of both Warrock’s unique nature among the denpa, as well as showing how in-sync (or maybe in-synchro, this is the same studio after all,) the two are. 

The third scene, Subaru returning after the encounter with the Satella Admins to rescue Warrock. Given everything that had happened between the two at this point, Subaru’s decision to throw his wariness and anger of Warrock out the window to save and reunite with him, first, is obviously a really good Power of Friendship scene, which is just the best. But, secondly, it shows more character growth on Subaru, and a lot of it all at once. Warning for spoilers, but Warrock had been accused of being Daigo’s murderer, but in the end, Subaru decided that there wasn’t any way that could be true, that this person that he’d come to know so well just wasn’t betraying him. Finally embracing gut instinct and a blind faith in a friend sets Subaru on the upswing of his arc in this season, and helps to bolster Warrock’s character as well. (The premiere usage of the Star Break coming in the scene after this makes it even better.)

Favorite season/movie

For games, game 1 is my favourite game of all-time now. Like, it’s displaced Drawn to Life, the namesake for this blog even. For the anime, Tribes was better than season 1, ridiculous Gainax ending aside. I just know that if they’d had more time/episodes, it would’ve far eclipsed the source material of game 2.

Favorite line

Already answered above: “Even if it was a sliver of a chance, it’s better to do something.” (I know Daigo said it first but shush)

Favorite outfit

I mean, he wears the same thing pretty much all the time? But, I do like his normal civilan wear, and good ol’ Ryuusei also looks real neat. (Also the concept art outfit from the cancelled game 4 is actually awesome and also the only good thing we got out of that.)

OTP

Look, honestly, Subaru’s kind of shippable with any of the main adolescent cast, but also, I don’t strongly ship him with anybody really. But I guess if I had to pick a pair, Subaru/Tsukasa. Also, Subaru/Kizamaro of all things works... better than it should.

Brotp

Subaru/Gonta and Subaru/Misora! (Or better yet, all three of them as the game 3′s terrific trio!)

Head Canon

He learns to knit because Akane suggested it a bunch of times (she’s canonically said to knit in game 2,) and even though Kodama’s too warm for winter wear, any time he ends up somewhere actually cold, he has a scarf that Akane knitted for him earlier on.

Also, for a decidedly less cute one: since in-game, Subaru would die if Ryuusei did, I assume damage taken in henkan carries over to his civilian form. Thus, I imagine after months of fighting, he’s developed some fairly impressive scars, mostly on the limbs and back from near-misses and being surprise attacked. He usually wears long clothing as shown in canon, so they’re not visible normally, but during Phys Ed and other points where he would have more skin showing, he covers the scarring with a makeup concealer (probably found at like, the local drug store or something.) This would apply to Misora, too.

Unpopular opinion

Y’know, I don’t think I have one of these this time.

A wish

Let him continue to stay with the friends he’s grown so close to.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

Capcom, don’t you dare pull out that cancelled game 4 ‘edge rebellious teenage phase’ Subaru y’all implied. I. Will. Fight. You.

5 words to best describe them

Stubborn, Resilient, DEPRESSED, Anxious, Determined.

My nickname for them

I affectionately call him ‘my boy’ because he’s my favourite and therefore my boy; I also call him ‘Mohawk’ (though I also call Kill La Kill’s Kinagase the same thing and that made for a confusing summer 2017) and also ‘Cockatiel’ because everyone else like to joke about that.

WOW THIS GOT LONG it also took me like three hours so sorry Crystal

Gonna get to Misora next, because I can’t not gush over her too

[boreal-sea]

I know everyone who follows me on Tumblr is cool, but I've seen some buckwild takes on twitter (mostly from people who are extremely anti-Izzy, yes, it's a thing, there's been a lot of drama, a lawsuit, and doxxing involved)

ANYWAY

I've seen some folks claiming that Stede is a horrible person for abandoning Edward... and in the same breath, they place all the blame for Edward embodying the Kraken at the end of the season on Izzy.

Both situations were trauma-induced reactions. But in one situation, the person is blamed for their actions, and in the other, he's excused.

Personally, I think it shows a severe misunderstanding of how trauma works, and a disconcerting lack of respect for people who react to "fight or flight" with flight instead of fight. There is of course actually four options: fight, flight, freeze, fawn.

I've seen this reaction in other fandoms too: people really cannot wrap their heads around anxiety, trauma, and fear causing a character to flee a situation if it results in someone else being harmed. I recognize it immediately, as someone who also has an anxiety disorder.

In Yuuri on Ice (stay with me), Yuuri has an anxious break down near the end of the series. He decides that the best way to "fix" the situation is to "run away" by breaking everything off with Victor. Yuuri very much has a low sense of self-worth and views himself as bringing Victor down, and preventing Victor from skating.

In OFMD, Stede has an anxious break down near the end of the season. He decides in a moment of utterly traumatic panic that the best way to "fix" the situation is to run away back home. Stede very much has a low sense of self-worth and views himself as bringing Edward down and is accused more than once of "bringing the greatest pirate ever to ruin".

You can see the similarities. I think I deserve a reward for comparing Yuuri on Ice to OFMD.

Anyway, in both cases, I saw a lot of fans expressing zero understanding, empathy, sympathy or compassion for either Yuuri or Stede.

"Oh my god, he's so cruel, how could he do that!? He needs to apologize on his knees! He doesn't deserve to be taken back!"

But let's look at Edward: he's also facing trauma: he was left behind by Stede, and then Izzy comes along and in his attempt to snap some sense into Edward, he makes it worse.

But Edward doesn't flee.

Edward's response is, in my opinion, a combination of fight and fawn. He becomes the Kraken both to literally fight, and also to appease Izzy, to scare people into believing he is who they want him to be. It's a very aggressive form of fawning, but he's not doing it for himself, he's doing it to make other people happy. He's becoming who he thinks they want him to be: the Kraken. It is, in its own way, a form of flight too, because he's retreating inside himself and putting up a persona to hide behind, but I think people don't always catch on to that form of flight.

And the people out there blaming Stede for his reactions don't blame Edward, they blame Izzy! "It's Izzy's fault! He did this!"

So Stede gets to keep his agency, but Edward doesn't. Edward is a victim, but Stede isn't.

And that's not even getting into how Izzy's actions are in and of themselves a response to him being genuinely worried for Edward's mental and physical well-being. He even tries to send in Lucius first before resorting to threats. He tries to do things the gentle and kind way.

All of the characters are reacting to everything and it's a big clusterfuck of feelings, but some folks don't like things to be complicated, so they have to pick aggressors and victims, and somehow, those folks decided Stede and Izzy were to blame, and Edward has no control or agency over his decisions.

And I think people just overall have more respect for people, fictional and real, who react to panic and trauma with "fight" instead of "flight". Which is a damn shame. I'm not sure if ableist is the right word here, but it feels derogatory in some way.

[love-takes-work]

When someone toxic needs a friend

I just wanna add a little personal reflection to the discussion of Spinel’s treatment in Steven Universe: The Movie.

A few signposts so you know where I’m starting with this:

A criticism I’ve seen: 

Steven was not particularly warm to Spinel. He did not hug her. He did not offer to be her friend. He spoke carelessly and triggered her toward becoming murderous again. He only cared about what she could do for him.

A perspective I’ve seen: 

LOTS of people with borderline personality disorder or strong feelings about abandonment personally relate to Spinel and are critical of Steven from this perspective.

Rebecca Sugar’s commentary on Spinel:

The thing about Spinel is that she’s a really toxic person. 

She’s so toxic that she’s literally trying to poison people. 

In my interactions with friends who have had a history difficult enough to make it hard for them to trust other people and sometimes even actively want to hurt others, it’s just a very difficult situation to navigate. In the case of Spinel and all of these characters, that’s extremely exaggerated because cartoons have the ability to be extreme exaggerations. I wanted to explore what it’s like when you’re trying to help someone who really doesn’t want to help themselves, who wants to embody the negative feelings that they have about themselves. I think that’s something really real. I hadn’t seen that in a cartoon before. 

Spinel, unlike many other characters, actually has the goal of hurting people, which is new territory for the show. She really wants to hurt Steven, and there’s a reason that she does—because she’s in so much pain. I just wanted to explore all the dimensions of that.

I also think Steven has his way of trying to handle and dissolve conflict. It’s not necessarily a good way for him to handle this situation. It really leaves him in a difficult state, and I think what I wanted to show in the way that they interact is that at a certain point, when you can’t help someone, you have to be able to protect yourself. 

Ultimately, he can’t really convince her to change. It’s something she’ll have to want for herself. But what he can do is protect himself from her, making it impossible for her to hurt him. 

It’s sort of up to you if you would like to love her. If you watch this movie and she, you know, frustrates you, that is totally fair. I want that to be a big part of who she is.

[From the AV Club interview]

So here are a few things I want to shed light on.

It’s very interesting that Rebecca intended Spinel to be read as “a toxic person” because so many fans fell in love with her, said they’d be her friend, hated intensely on Pink Diamond because of what she did to abandon the poor Gem, and sympathized with her directly. But Rebecca was looking at Spinel from Steven’s perspective. And that’s also what I did.

I’ve been Steven. I have VERY much been Steven.

When you meet someone who was done dirty, when you recognize the horror they’ve been through, when you see how much pain they are in and agree they have the right to be angry, it’s natural for empathetic people to offer themselves as comfort.

But when you’re Steven, you also know it isn’t YOUR fault either. Before you have the ability and experience to set boundaries, you can get sucked into other people’s stormy waters and think you’re helping if you drown in solidarity with them. What’s really important to preserving yourself is learning that you can stand on the boat and toss a life preserver. That it doesn’t ACTUALLY HELP to jump in the water and sink with them.

Some folks are angry that Steven didn’t jump right into sacrifice himself on the altar of friendship in the service of an intense, literally murderous stranger who tried to poison him and his planet and lash out at his friends, robbing them of their rich pasts and their relationships because all of it hurt HER so much. It is SO easy to understand WHY SPINEL WAS ANGRY. But nothing she was doing to Steven, his friends, or the Earth was going to fix her problems, and furthermore, she FULLY UNDERSTOOD that it was NOT THE FAULT of any of the people she took her anger out on. It was irrational, yes, and that is part of her dysfunction. But also, in these situations, what helps explain it still does not excuse it.

Some have railed at Steven saying he somehow forgave genocidal tyrants like the Diamonds but couldn’t be friends with a damaged Gem like Spinel who just wanted friendship. The big difference there is that Steven got involved with the Diamonds when both parties believed he was a different person. The Diamonds believed he was the lost Pink Diamond, and Steven has also spent much of his superhero life believing he WAS his mother and was therefore obligated to accept punishment for her crimes or to clean up the messes she made. Now that he knows he is not her and that she did some pretty horrible stuff, he also wants the right to stop feeling responsible for every person Pink hurt in the entire region of space.

Steven gave Spinel basically compassionate treatment. He did not abuse her. He did not insult her. He occasionally coddled her when it seemed important (and though some said he was too businesslike while he pursued his mission, he was literally looking at the world ending within two days if he didn’t solve the problem). And most importantly . . . .

He let her leave the garden.

Spinel stayed in the garden all those millennia because Pink Diamond told her they were playing a game. All that time, she had visions of Pink returning so she could see her smile, hear her laughter. We see a sequence where she tried to follow Pink out of the garden and Pink manipulated her into staying willingly. We watch those feet leaving and one pair of feet staying behind. We see Pink disappear.

When Steven goes to leave the garden, Spinel follows in the same manner. Some have criticized him for letting go of her hands.

But he invited her out of the garden. He didn’t say stay. He said come with me.

As he sang about her deserving someone better, he was sincere. But he did not say the person to make her feel found should be him. He did not want to take on another person with thousands of years of baggage who would require a specific brand of attention and so much tenderness to avoid snapping. He did not allow her to be held by the hand and led out. He recognized that she needed encouragement to leave this place because of what was done to her, but he wanted her to take the steps.

Compassionate people are crushed all the time under the weight of needy people who make it hurt to love. People like Steven can acknowledge that Spinel deserves love and deserves to be happy without accepting that it’s heartless to stop short of personally doing it. Especially when you literally have to take physical, mental, and emotional damage as a general consequence of offering support and counseling. It is sometimes just beyond what you can do.

I made the mistake several times of getting very close to someone who treated me poorly while taking comfort in my presence. I cared that they were hurt and I didn’t know how to say “You deserve love” without stepping in and loving them. In EVERY case I was involved with, the person went from initially grateful to “why don’t you help me more?” shockingly quickly, and two of them deliberately tried to create situations where I would be trapped with them and isolated from others. 

I could get very personal here but I don’t think I need to. Those of us who relate all too well to Steven wanting to help others will have been in this situation. Your heart hurts for people who live with pain that has never touched you, but when they’ve made it clear with one of their first actions that they feel satisfied at the idea of ruining your life, trusting them could mean the end of you. Especially if they demand that you risk life and limb to fix and save them before you’d dare to call it love, and especially if they want to be fixed without feeling responsible for initiating any of it. Some people mistake suffering for working hard toward a goal. Both can hurt but only one is constructive. If I’m expected to spend extensive resources on someone, I need some partnership in the goal, and I can’t accomplish that with someone whose wish for companionship manifests as “I want you to feel as bad as I do, and will take steps to hurt you so I have someone to cry with.”

Steven risked his actual life while he didn’t have powers so he could go talk to Spinel, and he wouldn’t fight her when she wanted to fight. He protected himself while she spent her anger. He STILL put himself in the line of fire far more than a less compassionate person would. He took time and tenderness to listen to her story and sympathize with her, tell her she deserved better, bear witness to what she’d become after being treated like a discarded plaything, and bring her hope with promises of a new future and a way to feel found.

Sadly, Spinel flipped back to being murderous at the first sign that Steven might be about to prioritize someone other than her, reframing his reasonable needs as if he was planning to abandon her, isolate her, discard her. This was a trauma reaction, yes, and she isn’t entirely to blame for being upset because she was worried she was just being used and none of her actions were logically thought through. 

But does someone ever “deserve” the friendship of a specific person who can’t feel warm toward them because of their OWN bad experiences? 

No! 

Steven has a big heart but he has his very own huge storehouse of trauma, and being physically attacked with his family and planet put in danger over the actions of his mother is at the top of the list. Instead of assuming that the person who has trauma the loudest is the most hurt, can’t we just acknowledge that Spinel’s and Steven’s respective traumas make them NOT the best match for friendship?

The ending of the movie, with Spinel going off with the Diamonds, might seem a little disturbing with all the codepencency floating around there, but if you want to talk about compassion, I think this is a good place for Spinel to start. 

She just wanted to make Pink Diamond laugh and enjoy her life. She longed to do that for so long and then it all ended when she found out she would NEVER GET TO DO IT. I think bonding with the other Diamonds and having a familiar, safe place to experience the kind of love she’s used to will be a good FOUNDATION for building herself into a person beyond that. For now, she needs comfort. I hope they treat her well.

[nikarmy]

Equilibration ~ Prologue

Masterlist

Pairing: Waterbender! Jungkook x fem!Firebender Reader feat platonic!Bts

Genre: The Last Airbender Au, fluff, angst, kinda slowburn, s2l

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: judgemental stares in public, cursing, slight inner aggressiveness (how do you call that?), self hatred, mentions and descriptions of war,   childhood trauma, flashbacks, reader is insecure af, mentions of killed people and humans screaming out of fear,

The looks from the passengers started to intimidate you.

How should one react to unwanted attention? Stare back, insult them, ask them what's wrong, or put their powers to good use and knock them down? Fuck no. That's not the right thing to do.

But the old lady in the olive robe has been fixating her gaze on you since she entered the train, only stopping her inspection when a young man offered his seat to her 5 minutes ago. Unfortunately, as soon as she made herself comfortable on the metal bench, she restarted her action.

Her face looks remarkably punchable to you right now.

Red was never your favourite colour.

In fact, you despise it, even though it perfectly described you.

Anger, Aggressiveness and Harshness. Perhaps that's why you've been considered as a prodigy and as one of the most gifted trainees back in the fire nation. You are basically the embodiment of the hot flames, symbolizing destruction and war.

You hate it. And now your red attire made you hate the colour even more, as the result was having judging looks on you all the time.

Teachers, parents and elders of the fire nation always tell stories and legends about the benders of their kind, emphasizing their heroic actions, and everyone listens to them attentively.

Although you know these stories by heart, you longed for more, for a view outside of the borders that separate your people from the other elements.

You read folk stories of waterbenders, earthbenders and airbenders, satisfying your curiosity by practically studying their culture.

But the more you learned about the peaceful water tribe, the disciplined people of the earth kingdom and the imaginative

air nomads, the more you felt ashamed about the fire nation, about yourself.

The insecurities grew as your father forced you to join the military as a soon – to – be soldier at the tender age of 8. He wanted to “use your abilities to good use”, so you just went with the flow and trained along with other talented students, destined to end the war in a brutal way and make their parents proud.

Years went by, and not too long ago, marking a week now to be exact, you went on your first “mission” to a city of the earth kingdom, whose name you don't even know, to occupy them and take over their land in a brutal way.

The pictures of killed people and destroyed houses are engraved to your brain, highlighted by the destructive flames surrounding a once peaceful town. You'll never forget the children screaming on top of their lungs and the parents begging for their lives.

The next sleepless nights you sat at your desk and started making plans on how to escape the fire nation, whilst writing a goodbye note to your family and trying to persuade them to not search after you.

And now, days later, you are standing in a train to Ba Sing Se, not even having a clue on what to do next. Your backpack consists of a bottle of water, some sparing clothes (but still not much), your toothbrush and money.

Finally you hear the male voice on the speaker say the awaited words: “Ba Sing Se Central Station”. You leave out a sigh you didn't even know you were holding, glad to be at your destiny and also glad to get out of the stinking train with the rude old lady.

During your targetless walk through the city, you notice a lot of eyes on you, and to be honest, you don't blame them, you hate firebenders too.

So you guess a new start also means a new appearance, right? Luckily you walk past a thrift shop. Its appearance is very pretty, the building is made out of wood and warm tones, the curtains which could be seen behind the big windows were a light shade of green, above the small door you could see golden calligraphy spelling “Kim's Thrift Shop” in all it's pride. It's not modern, but it looks comfortable.

At exactly that moment you choose to enter and change your black and red attire to search for one with a colour that is much less hated, like blue, yellow or green.

Entering the shop you immediately face a young man behind the counter, and you swear you've never seen a more handsome human being before.

He had perfect features, his broad shoulders and his tall figure instantly catching your attention. His raven black hair was voluminous. He could easily pass as a prince.

As much as you drooled over him as a result of his striking lineaments, he looked at you, well, weirdly. That wouldn't surprise you if he looked at you like you were his enemy, just like the other people here, but he stared at you, like you were some kind of god. Like he is genuinely happy that you entered the store. His eyes light up with hope.

“FUCKING FINALLY! NAMJOON LOCK THE DOORS!”

What. The. Hell.

Never in your life have you been so confused. Does he want to kidnap you? Oh fuck he wants to kill you.

The only logical thing to do right now is turning around and leave the shop. And you do just that.

But as soon as you can grab the door knob with your right hand, another one holds it, preventing you from fleeing.

You look who this hand belongs to, and next to you stands a man with blue hair and tan skin. His biceps and height frighten you and you realize that you're in big trouble. He has a tight hold on your forearm and leads you to the backroom of the shop in a quick pace, behind you the black haired cashier.

The backroom looked comfortable, the carpeted floor creating a cozy feeling. But the atmosphere was the complete opposite.

Here you stand, surrounded by five boys. You inspect each other and you realize that two of them are airbenders.

There stands the cashier, then your eyes land on the guy who held your forearm as if his life depended on it, and a third guy who sat on the sofa. His appearance was remarkably charming, full lips, blond hair, round face and soft features, he was quite short compared to the others. All three of them have green clothing on, so you assume that they are earthbenders.

But what really catches your attention are the last two guys. They wear yellow and red robes, both of them having a blue arrow drawn through the middle of their foreheads.

You've never seen an airbender before.

“So umm sorry if we scared you back there” the blue haired guy interrupts your thoughts. “But we are really desperate for someone like you right now”

“Someone like... me?” You curiously ask.

“Yes. The guy there..”

he points to one of the airbenders. The boy has wavy dark hair and as soon the blue guy mentions him he flashes you a cute boxy smile.

“This is Tae. Short for Taehyung. He is someone special. You see, for how long has the last avatar died?”

“70 years ago.” you reply. It's true, Avatar Aang died many years ago, and that at the time the world needed him the most. If he was still here, the war could have been prevented before it even escalated.

“Yeah” he answered “Tae is the next one”.

You gasp lightly and feel your eyes coming out of their sockets from having them wide open in shock.

The avatar is standing right  in front of you.

“And we are searching for different benders who can teach him in all the elements. See, we kind of established a secret alliance against the Fire Lord, to end the war. He already knows that the avatar came back and is searching for Tae like crazy, we had to move out of our hidings four times now because he always managed to find us. Now we have to find teachers quickly, the sooner the better. Tae has to learn to be a great avatar so he can fight against the Lord. We thought we would never find someone from the Fire Nation, but then you came. Are you a firebender?”

“Yes?”

“Perfect, you're exactly who we're looking for. We'll cut you a deal. Since we assume you're not a spy, we ask you to be Taes teacher in mastering the art of firebending. In return, you'll get to live with us and we'll give you food for free. Jin is a great cook. I know this is a lot of information to handle right now, but what do you think?”

You didn't even think twice about it. Even though you don't know these guys, what do you have to loose? It's not like you had plans anyway. And stopping the fire nation seems to be just the right thing for you right now. And finally you can use your skills to good use, not for war.

“I'm in.”

Later you get introduced to all of them. The Avatar, Taehyung, is an airbender, and you swear you've never seen someone who behaves this childish before. But it's not a bad childish, in fact, it makes you feel jubilant. Maybe because his bright ambience makes up for the childhood you never had, the childhood you spent in training and learning that brutality is the way to power, and power is everything.

The guy with the blue hair is Namjoon, an earthbender and Taes teacher in that field. He seems like the leader of the group, always explaining and answering your questions.

The black haired handsome guy is Jin, a nonbender. He felt very excited when you said yes to joining them.

The other airbender is Hobi and also Taes teacher, the first thing you realize about him is his very contagious smile.

The blond dude is Jimin, a nonbender who is from an earth kingdom village.One day he knocked on their door of the shop and wanted to thrift there. But instead of finding clothes, he started talking to Tae who sat behind the counter. The Avatar liked him so much that he insisted on having him join the “Gang”.

The thrift shop actually belongs to Jins aunt, and sometimes, when he's in Ba Sing Se, he has to work here. It's also a good place to hide from the Fire Lord.

“So we need a waterbender too?” you examined.

“Yes” Namjoon was the only one to answer again “We have to travel to one of the tribes to find one. It won't be that hard.”

a/n: Thanks for reading! I would like to apologize if it’s bad, I’m not very content with my writing style, but I am working on it, since it’s my first fic and I have a long way to go:) What do you think?

[idreamtofmanderleyagain]

Morality-Focused Frameworks Of Discussion As Acts of Control

This is a post in response to a larger conversation I’ve been having with @eshusplayground. I have a perspective that I think would be really relevant to the conversation but I also don’t want to derail the specific focus of the following posts she’s been making recently.

(Trigger Warning For Abuse Discussion and Brief Mentions of Rape)

---

So I’m in the Hellraiser fandom. More specifically, I’m a Pinhead/Kirsty shipper.

For those of you that don’t know, Pinhead is a demonic torturer from hell who’s design is inspired by the BDSM community. Characters who open a magical puzzle box have unknowingly given themselves away to his violent underworld community of eternal torment and depravity. Hellraiser is a film about romantic and sexual horror, and there’s quite a lot in there about abuse and trauma. Kirsty is a traumatized person, and in my personal opinion, very likely a CSA victim.

And I ship these two characters together.

So the subject matter of my particular fandom is extremely intense and niche and complicated to navigate, although YMMV (I have no trouble with this franchise, but I cannot really handle GOT or American Horror Story, for example). After I grew interested in Hellraiser and integrated into it’s fandom, my perspectives about the way we have conversations about villainous characters started to have a major shift.

I often see people have these intense conversations (and arguments) about where a particular character exists on a moral scale, with the subtext (or outright text) that if they tip too far one way or another, they can be rendered unworthy of their own subgroup of fans within their own fandom. People who love those characters or find them shippable are then subject to moral judgements.

So how does one apply such logic to a psychosexual torture demon?

The answer is you can’t.

The frameworks people online use to have these discussions do not make any sense when talking about my fandom. Hellraiser is a dark horror fairytale presenting disturbing, surreal images and behaviors in order to discuss complex and difficult experiences and perspectives. The monsters within it, like Pinhead, are more metaphor than anything.

Now, my follower count is too low and my fandom is too niche for me to really be on the receiving end of a lot of the cruelty that manifests online about the moral validity of the fiction I enjoy. That said, between the anti-kink TERFS and the younger folks involved in purity culture on this site, I can imagine exactly what it would look like. You know what they would look like.

“You’re an Abuse Apologist!”

“You’re an Abuse Fetishist!”

“You’re reinforcing sexism!”

“he’s an irredeemable torturer, you’re probably okay with literal real world rape lmao uwu”

“This is bad kink representation and you’re complicit in the abuse real men do to women because you like this!”

Now, setting aside the fact that the canon lore context of Pinhead involves him having a human soul brainwashed by a monster god to become what he is, and is also in a roundabout sense “redeemed” in canon, I think most people utilizing this kind of framework would assume that I believe Pinhead can be redeemed in the way online Discourse (tm) means it, because that’s how we talk in fandom about the villains we really like.

I do not want to redeem Pinhead. I don’t think he even needs redeeming. I don’t even see value in that conversation at all. Redemption is not a concept that makes sense for what he is, or what he could become as a character. The framework of Pinhead as a Real-World-Equivalent Human Male Abuser who Cannot Be Redeemed From His Actions would inevitably dominate all conversation, regardless of the fact that it is inherently incorrect and detrimental to real, robust literary analysis of the narrative he exists within and how brilliantly it actually interacts with male on female abuse as a subject. By nature of it’s gross oversimplification and misrepresentation, It ruins the potential for greater, more nuanced and complex conversations.

And that’s the thing: my engagement with this particular story and it’s characters has a lot to do with the potential in the narrative to examine how trauma interacts with love, desire and gender politics. Hellraiser has a very unique way of exploring that kind of subject through a storytelling aesthetic that appeals to me (horror/fairytale, gothic romance, etc).

This is about to get personal, so strap the fuck in.

I am the victim of gendered abuse, in that I had an emotionally abusive step father and sexism was absolutely a factor in why that manifested the way it did. I am also a second hand victim of gendered abuse, in that my biological father was a serial stalker and rapist, and other male abusers (or just self-centered family members) caused severe emotional destabilization in my childhood. I grew up viewing adult men as unstable, selfish children. My family endured a lot, and I came to resent the men in my mother’ life for not taking on the role of protector and nurturer when she needed them most. I had discovered the great lie of traditional masculinity: in the face of real crisis, grown men were not protectors. They did not hold together the domestic space. They abused or faltered and abandoned us. This was a repeated pattern among several men in different roles. I was often left picking up all the pieces, taking on roles as a child that these men could not. I had to have strength they did not.

My experience of desire for romantic intimacy with men and men in roles of stable, nurturing authority now inherently involves a jumbled emotional soup of fear, pain, and a deep longing that comes from a place of feminine vulnerability, a desire to be taken care of instead of being the caretaker.

The narrative of Hellraiser pushes a lot of buttons for me. It speaks to my own trauma experiences in a very specific way. In an effort to further that conversation, I’m trying to create a piece of art (a fic) inspired by the deeply personal feelings this film gives me.

For me, Pinhead represents the Jungian shadow masculine, a simultaneous mix of fear and desire, the potential for suffering and pleasure, and everything in between. These experiences are inherently intertwined for me. And Kirsty’s experiences mirror many of my own.

In other words, in order for me to get out of Hellraiser what I get out of Hellraiser, Pinhead has to be exactly what he is, and everything that he is. Which includes monstrosity. Which includes the potential for change. His place in the narrative must fully, truly embody this conversation I need to have with masculinity, which inherently involves painful, scary things.

Anybody demanding that I either denounce my interest in him as morally offensive because he’s a monster in the full sense of the word (and not just the aesthetic one like what is currently trending in Monster Boyfriend fandom), or force a traditional redemption arc upon him as if he were a real life human person who must repent for his real life sins, are essentially saying that I am not allowed to engage with this work of fiction in a way that is transformative for me. And that’s very unfortunate, because honestly, I think my perspective is so much more dynamic and has so much more to offer.

This is not just about basic catharsis. This is not even a power fantasy about emotionally transforming a powerful (white) dude, or “bad boy” fantasies, both standard arguments for villain stanning that feels like it has never truly represented me or the complexity of my experiences and interests. This is a full-on conversation and act of self expression I want to have through art about the experience of fear and trauma when dealing with men as a woman who desires men.

And I don’t think a person has to be traumatized in order to want to engage with this type of fiction. I want to be clear that my experience is not a justification for my interest (I do not need to justify myself), it is an example of a perspective that gets erased by the framework of these conversations.

To me, the framework of moral validity for enjoying fictional villains and monsters and whatever you please feels incredibly stifling to the complex, dynamic ideas and analysis that I want to engage in, because I, and many people I know, are consistently pressured to structure their thoughts with this framework as the only acceptable baseline of discussion. This is so ubiquitous that when people I’ve known have tried to engage in ways that diverge from that framework, the responses they get are outright confused or direct the conversation right back to the original framework they tried to avoid. Complex conversation gets steamrolled.

Somewhere in the conversation we were all having about acknowledging and discussing abuse and oppression, and acknowledging troubling patterns in media which reinforce the normalization of abuse and opression, some people decided that there was a very serious moral discussion to be had regarding the mere act of liking things which involve dark subject matter and complex, or even monstrous characters. They now argue that there are very clear cut, simple moral frameworks for A) telling stories and B) enjoying stories, and most importantly, that this moral framework is a valid justification for the social treatment and silencing of certain people.

A framework, by the way, which I think is actually not functionally a framework, because like the toxic American fundamentalist christian groups it’s thinking is structured from, it does not account for the vastly diverse moral landscape within it’s own space. There is no objectively consistent body of knowledge anybody is working from, because morals are derived from the human experience, which is inherently subjective.

Interestingly, no where does this have more of an impact than with marginalized people, and people like me, who want to express something deeper and more meaningful in the conversation about abuse and oppression than what this framework really offers us. To be honest, The more I see this kind of conversation making the rounds, the clearer it becomes that it’s a means of control and power game playing. It’s not about morality, but about how morality can be leveraged in order to silence truly diverse and nuanced perspectives and uphold people’s sense of self-comfort. It is a means of supplanting more convenient and easily digestible understandings of these highly complex subjects that require more intensive, thoughtful engagement, especially when it gets challenging. This kind of rhetoric absolves people of making room for complex and diverse experiences, and reinforces an (at face-value) easy to follow set of moral rules of how we are all allowed to think and feel.

The implication of all of this is that if we all adhere to the One True (alleged) Moral Framework of Fandom Engagement, then we will somehow come out on the other side with all the Good People having a Great Time having Squeaky Clean Fun. And I don’t think I should have to tell you at this point how stifling and disturbing the implications of that kind of mentality really are.

 Quite frankly, I think a lot of us are very tired of constantly speaking on other people’s terms.

[jokerfan99]

My Top 10 Favorite Anime Heroines by DarkChild316

Being a hero isn’t easy, but someone’s gotta do it! And these ladies have shown to be just as capable as their male counterparts. Now I’ve already done a list showing everyone “My Top 10 Anime Villainesses”, but I figured: “Hey the good girls deserve some love too,” so I decided to give you guys my list of my Favorite Anime Heroines as well. So, with that in mind, here’s my list:

#10. Saeko Busujima (Highschool of the Dead): This is an anime that will give you plenty of two things in abundance…boobs and zombies! While it may seem like your run-of-the-mill apocalyptic fanservice anime, among the well-proportioned ladies is this kendo warrior who’s more than capable of holding her own against any foe and would fit right in with even the most old-school samurai-themed anime. When the dead start to walking most of the cast usually reach for a form of firearms, not this lady who prefers to slice apart the undead with the greatest of discipline and precision, whether it be with her signature bokken or her deadly Murata-tou sword. There’s no denying that Saeko’s the ideal companion we’d want on our side for a zombie apocalypse.

#9. Touka Kirishima (Tokyo Ghoul): Living as a ghoul isn’t easy, especially when you’re trying your damnest to retain what little remains of your humanity. Starting off as a cold, yet collected individual, Touka found shelter in both the horrors of her dark past and her constant hunger for flesh in her day job at a café as a waitress which serves other ghouls and as a hangout stop for ghouls. While she grew warmer as her relationship with one Ken Kaneki grew, she’s not without her bestial side, possessing an abject hatred for the CCG after they killed her parents. In a series where everyone seems to be on the edge of insanity and turning into a rampaging, bloodthirsty monster, Touka is one of the few characters genuinely fighting for a chance at a peaceful life.

#8. Riza Hawkeye (Fullmetal Alchemist): Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye is undoubtedly one of the best female anime characters of all time and for good reason, she is truly the perfect soldier. As both an Amestrian State Military’s officer as well as Colonel Roy Mustang’s bodyguard, Riza Hawkeye is a dangerous sharpshooter and firearms specialist. From the outside she can seem strict and even a little cold, but those close to her know that there’s much more to her than her strict no-nonsense attitude, including a courteous nature in the presence of her allies and a desire to protect those she holds dear. Beneath the strict persona is a kind soul who understands the difficulty of carrying a heavy burden and let’s not forget…she’s a true badass in every sense o the word!

#7. Erza Scarlett (Fairy Tail): She went from child slave to arguably one of the strongest mages in all of Fiore. All while battling against S-Class mages, terrifying demons, and even her own psychotic mother, now that’s dedication folks! Forced by her possessed childhood friend to build the Tower of Heaven, she manages to escape her captivity and make her way to Fairy Tail, where she would soon rise to become one of Fairy Tail’s youngest S-Class mages and one of the most truly badass fighters in Fairy Tail’s ranks. With her magical ability known as Re-Quip, she has an unlimited number of weapons and armors at her disposal, each possessing their own devastating abilities. She’s a stoic warrior with a soft heat and a dark past, and you can bet your ass that she’ll fight to defend her Nakama to the bitter end.

#6. Ryuko Matoi (Kill la Kill): Her choice of armor may be a bit on the revealing side but going against this rebel isn’t the smartest idea if you value your life. You’re not likely to find a more stubborn soul in this absolutely whacky series and trust me…NONE of these characters are on the subtle side of things. In search of her father’s killer, Ryuko takes up the sentient life-fiber uniform Senketsu, and openly battles the dictatorship that is the Student Council. Stubborn as hell, Ryuko will always stand up to anyone who gets in her way, no matter how badly the odds are stacked against her. How can you not love someone with that kind of drive!

#5. Saber (Fate/stay night): Before she became a hero in the endless Holy Grail Wars, Saber was actually Artoria Pendragon, known throughout history as King Arthur, the mythical King who united Britain. As the Saber-class servant, Artoria generally tries to hide her identity in battle by using an invisible sword. When pushed, she can brandish Excalibur instead though, a sword she wields with unmatched skill and can do long-range attacks as easily as close-range. With her holy sword, and her “Mana Burst” ability, she is one of the most powerful Servants. Saber is loved by fans worldwide for good reason: she is kind, valiant, and fierce, all traits that make for one divine heroine. None would mind putting the fate of the world in this blonde beauty's hands.

#4. Mikasa Ackerman (Attack on Titan): Attack on Titan's Mikasa is one of those reserved, stoic characters who doesn't speak very often and seems to be stuck in her own head. After all the trauma she’s experienced living under the looming terror of Titans and the carnage she witnessed while part of the Survey Corps, not to mention the brutal murder of her biological parents by criminals, it would be difficult to come out unscathed. Perhaps it’s endurance that is one of Mikasa’s most relatable traits. Despite her often-cynical comments about the world around her, she manages to retain her humanity. Mikasa herself said, “This world is cruel. And yet... so beautiful.” The stereotypical boy-saves-girl gender roles that play out in media are also very much reversed when it comes to her relationship with Eren, which is a refreshing and welcome change of pace to see, though her protectiveness of him seems a little unhealthy at times. On top of everything mentioned, she’s also totally ripped.

#3. Asuka Langley Soryu (Neon Genesis Evangelion): I just couldn’t leave out Neon Genesis Evangelion’s Asuka Langey Soryu from this list of awesome female protagonists. Asuka is a classic anime heroine and remains beloved by fans of the show to this day. Asuka is an American teenage girl who serves as an Eva pilot for the Evangelion Project and pilots the Evangelion Unit-02. Asuka was raised in Germany and often swears in German. She was a child prodigy with a college degree at only fourteen years old, but definitely has her human flaws. She has a temper and is obsessed with being the best at everything she does. Despite these flaws, Asuka is hilarious in her own way and has the kind of confidence and pride you rarely see in a young girl. She knows she can do her job well and isn't afraid to tell you about it. Asuka is relatable in that she is stubborn and often has a hard time properly expressing her feelings and vulnerability to others. Her eventual nervous breakdown shines a light on her humanity-- she is not a perfect person and she is still a child forced to do a job that no child should be forced to do.

#2. Motoko Kusanagi (Ghost in the Shell): Major Motoko Kusanagi is one of the primary protagonists of the popular Ghost in the Shell franchise of manga, films, and animated series. Motoko is a cyborg who works as a field commander for Public Security Section 9 on the Japanese National Public Safety Commission. Motoko is a very physically strong and incredibly intellectual who that is quick-witted and an excellent hacker. But put a firearm in her hand, and she’s especially deadly. As a child, Motoko was comatose following an airplane accident. After her health began to steadily decline, her consciousness was put into a  "full-body prosthesis,” an augmented-cybernetic human body. Motoko causes us to question exactly what makes us human. She is an emotional, stoic, strong woman who fights for the citizens she protects, yet she lives inside an artificial body. But her greatest use is as a platform to speak on the nature of humanity in a technological age. She's a human mind that has been stuck in an artificial body since childhood, and her life and trials bring up the age-old question, "What does it mean to be human?"

#1. Usagi Tsukino (Sailor Moon): You really can’t have a list of awesome female protagonists without including everyone’s favorite schoolgirl superhero: Usagi Tsukino from Sailor Moon. Usagi is the embodiment of an empowering female in anime in her fearless display of conventional femininity without any implied weakness. Usagi is your typical teenage girl who is all about her friends, food, and cute things, while simultaneously being a badass heroine who cleanses the streets of evil. In the original manga and anime, Usagi was portrayed as reluctant to be a superhero and would often run away from fights and be a crybaby. However, through her careful character development, Usagi becomes a brave, reliable, and confident person who cares deeply for her friends. She becomes a better version of herself without stereotypically “shedding” her girliness. Instead, her femininity becomes a defining feature of hers, deconstructing the idea that being girly makes you weak. On the contrary, Usagi’s girliness makes her funny, relatable, and a good role model for young girls. Usagi set the template for a generation of female heroines for generations to come, and it’s for that reason why she’s well-deserving of my #1 ranking on my list.

So that's my updated list, what did you guys think about it? Love it, hated it? Go on and tell me what you think and let me know who your favorite anime heroines are. See you soon!

Deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/darkchild316

[harostar]

How do you think of how AoT handles Anti Semitism, X Men fallacy aside. I've heard of how the reason the Eldians are so Hated was a result of reprehensible things there ancestors had done, and there religon with Ymir was sort of based on a Lie.

That would seem problematic at first glance, But I did want to learn more from someone who actually knew the series. Especially as I do know the situation in real life has complexities regarding Cycles of hate

You know, I had kind of set this Ask aside and been unsure about answering it. But I think I will give it a poke, as best as I can as someone that is one-degrees of separation from Jewish folks. So obvious disclaimer that I am approaching things from an outsider’s perspective.

The series stumbled heavily in choosing to so closely use allegories related to Nazi Germany and the Jewish people. I think a large percentage of the problem is because the Holocaust has become short-hand in public consciousness for Genocide and atrocities. Those images are scorched into the world-wide mind, and unfortunately touching on it as an allegory or using it as the basis for fictional discrimination is a very, very, very messy and difficult thing. ESPECIALLY when the creator(s) involved are not Jewish, and don’t understand the deeper aspects of Antisemitism that have been weaved into Western culture for centuries. 

Isayama borrowed from European history, used a historical atrocity to create a comparison in his work. He.......made many mistakes in doing so, because it’s a messy thing to do even when you ARE familiar with how much that hatred is woven into a lot of European imagery, stories, and beliefs. A Japanese audience is probably not going to pick up on those elements, the way a Western reader might for better or worse. 

I think that decision has muddled and tainted a lot of discussion around the series. Some people outright call it “Nazi Propaganda” and refuse to associate with people that read the series. I would argue that we are the audience have a lot of digest and discussion in terms of how the “Eldian Allegory” plays in comparison to the other themes of the work. 

Because the series would have worked MUCH BETTER had he not made the decision to base his fictional ethnic group on a real one. It was a mistake that casts doubt on a work that focuses so much on themes so opposed to a “Nazi” or “Fascist” ideology.

The atrocities of the Eldian Empire simply being exaggerations and demonizing, not matching a simple history of neighboring groups/nations fighting each other for resources and land. The idea of Ymir as a Goddess or a witch that made a deal with the Devil both being false versions of what was simply....a girl. An ordinary girl that stumbled across something Otherworldly, and gained a power that was exploited. 

The history of the series is simply about one group gaining an advantage over their neighbors. The Titans served as numerous metaphors throughout the series:

Dehumanization, especially in times of war

Gunpowder 

Chemical weapons

Nuclear weapons

The largest theme that emerges particularly in the final arcs of the story are explicitly Anti-War, Anti-Imperialism, Anti-Militarism, and Pro-Humanitarian.

Hatred and Bigotry are learned, they are things that people actively have to teach their children. The most powerful counter to Hatred is simply meeting other people. Our shared humanity proves that we are more similar than we are different. 

(This is beautifully illustrated in a flashback, in which the Survey Corps are infiltrating Marley. They end up meeting a group of foreign refugees, who welcome them into their camp for helping a child. Though the two groups do not speak the same language, they are able to understand each other enough to share in a communal meal and then party the night away. Even when we come from vastly different cultures and don’t speak the same language, we can find common ground. There is a simple joy in how people are people are people, no matter what differences we might have.)

In terms of the problematic elements, I would argue that Isayama did not intend anything Antisemitism about his work. In particular, he frames the allegorical Eldians as sympathetic with most of the cast coming from this group. The story centers on their plight and spends the most time in humanizing them. Ignorance rather than Malice. It taints the work, but also clashes with the major themes of the story. 

Indeed, our common humanity is such an important theme. Hatred and Revenge are empty, only leading to further tragedy. Eren represents those emotions and urges taken to the extreme, and that is ultimately why he becomes the Final Villain of the series. Because he allows hatred to consume him, and loses hope in the world. He can only see “Us vs Them”, and cannot see a path forward that does not involve Genocide. It’s a tragedy that warns us about letting anger consume us, and the dangers of surrendering ourselves to Violence being unavoidable. Eren can see the Future, and therefore he is trapped with the belief that there are no other paths forward. That he must follow in the footsteps of his future self, no matter what. 

It’s an ugly, tragic turn that transforms the series protagonist into a Monster. Into a world-ending monster that his loved ones must now deal with, because they have learned the lessons he did not.

The thing that separates the heroes in this story is Hope, but also a willingness to recognize the futility of revenge and hatred. As the final arcs progress, they are increasingly confronted with the option to look away from atrocities or to take revenge on people. Increasingly, they choose to take a different path.

The story of Sasha and Gabi is central in this particular theme. Sasha kills soldiers that Gabi knew, and attacked her home. But she cannot bring herself to shoot a child, even one that is clearly an enemy. Gabi is a child indoctrinated into Nationalistic, bigoted views. She kills Sasha as an enemy, but then finds her world turned on its head when she accidentally meets Sasha’s family. She’s forced to confront the reality that there are no Monsters and Devils, just ordinary people just like her that have suffered tragedies because of war. 

When given the opportunity for revenge, Sasha’s father refuses. He gives the “Forest” speech, comparing his daughter’s decision to become a soldier in war to letting her go alone into the forest. He accepts her decision and the tragic outcome, but also HIS responsibility as an adult to not pass burdens of Hatred and Revenge on to the next generation. He will not punish Gabi for being a child caught up in war. 

And this becomes an important moment for Gabi and for everyone else. She is not FORGIVEN for her crime, but these people make the conscious choice to spare her. Mikasa shields her from harm, Jean regrets hurting her in anger, they all make the choice to treat Gabi as a CHILD and not a soldier. To recognize their responsibility in doing better than the adults responsible for them. They were Child Soldiers, but they make the choice that the next generation SHOULD NOT be soldiers. 

The series deals heavily in Trauma, especially the ways that War destroys people. The physical, mental, and emotional cost to people are heavily on display throughout the series. The cast have suffered emotional and mental injuries that will never heal, and they struggle with wanting a better world for the next generation.

Children are another big theme. We have the cast start out as children, becoming Child Soldiers, and eventually reaching Adulthood. As they become the adults, we have a new generation introduced in Gabi, Falco, Udo, Sofia, and Kaya. The series gets a little heavy-handed with how Children are the Future, and people have a responsibility to not burden them. To not force their sins upon the children, to not teach them hatred or revenge, to not use them as tools. 

Zeke’s storyline contrasts with Eren’s in that each brother has reached a different conclusion about the central problem. 

Zeke wants to snuff out their own future, preventing more Eldians from being born. Their lives are suffering, so the kindest thing that can be done is to kill them or prevent them from being born. Life is meaningless, because living means suffering. 

Eren takes his hatred to its most extreme, deciding that to protect his “In Group” (the Island of Paradis) that he will destroy everything else. He has taken Dehumanization and Us vs Them mentality to its greatest extreme. He sees no future where people can do better. He refuses to even let them try. He has no hope, he sees only ugliness in the world.

In contrast, we have what has become the alliance. The surviving members of the Survey Corps, the surviving members of the Warriors, and an assortment of people from other nations. A motley group of people of different backgrounds, races and political alliances that are all brought together by a singular belief that the world is worth saving. That it shouldn’t be a Zero Sum game.

That the world is very cruel, but also very beautiful.

Hatred, cruelty, selfishness, greed, militarism, nationalism, imperialism, racism, and bigotry have led the world towards possible destruction. The Rumbling as a metaphor for Nuclear War, humanity destroying itself because it cannot look for a path besides violence.

The pure Destructive urge that is Eren, contrasted against the other two parts of that Golden Trio. 

Mikasa, the girl that was saved by a single act of kindness. The strongest of all, but also so very kind. A girl that has seen the ugliness of the world, but also the goodness in it. 

Armin, the boy with a dream. The intellectual that once asked if it was necessary to abandon your humanity to win, but has realized that our shared humanity is more important. The one filled with hope, even in the darkest moments.

And of course into this, we have Falco Grice. The boy that embodies the central themes of the story: a child soldier that has seen the worst of humanity, and has decided the best way to fight is by being Kind.