#i have a problem where i think anything i like or make is inherently embarrassing which ik isnt true i have problems

[eyesopod]

do you have info abt yr ocs posted anywhere? i feel like itd be rly neat to learn abt them ^_^

hello i could kiss u on the lips.

most of my ocs have a tag tht has their general vibe, and theres 2 tags for shared stories/universes (?? i cannot think of the right words rn) that are gs and ss :] every character in ss is shared with my bestie theo sunblisters, and gs is like a legit story i want to make into something. everything else was made for funsies or are from a dnd campaign :P

[bluegiragi]

I don't want to sound rude, you may have already answered this question (if so, I'm sorry, I didn't find that answer), but I'm wondering why you're so against AI bots specificly. Obviously, this is a personal matter for everyone, but I'm a little confused by such harshness. Of course, I'm not going to prove anything to anyone, but I just wanted to understand the roots of your position. I really like your work, but to be honest, your last answers have thrown me into a kind of stupor :(

i have an ideological opposition against AI as a whole to be fair. a lot of it comes down to it's environmental impact

Globally, AI-related infrastructure may soon consume six times more water than Denmark, a country of 6 million, according to one estimate. That is a problem when a quarter of humanity already lacks access to clean water and sanitation.  

but i also believe it's inherently anti-human.

In a time when global literacy rates are diving (did you know that half of american adults read at a 6th grade level or below?) , I think it's incredibly short-sighted to be essentially surrendering your ability to write your own emails/essays/messages to an AI, when doing it yourself, despite what online contrarians will say, does have value (emails teach you how to communicate professionally, messages improve your social skills, essays improve your critical thinking skills). In this political landscape, it also feels dangerous to have your ability to read critically by yourself get dampened by AIs which are, at the end of the day, owned by silicon valley billionaires many of whom attended trump's inauguration, which is a good indication of where they lie politically.

Generative AI when it comes to art is also killing culture, removing opportunities for existing artists who are the ones who can extend the ceiling for human creation and helping society devalue art even more even though it's the only thing keeping us all sane. How would you feel if all you had in your life was just school or work, leaving out music, movies, tv shows, books, art? Doesn't art bring enough value to your life that it's worth properly compensating the people responsible for it? Why should we ever encourage or normalise throwing art into a meat grinder and feeding on the approximated soulless sludge it generates?

For AI chat bots, my beef with it is that it's an inherently anti-social product. All it does is remove the need to ever communicate with another person, which is horrible for people's brains. Some people are "falling in love" with their ai chatbot, some people are using their ai chatbots as therapists. The desire for real human connection is getting lost. An AI chatbot also makes RP obsolete, which is a foundational part of fandom which, i always feel like i need to remind people, is based on community. The point is to connect with people! I just fear that the popularisation and normalisation of this technology is going to end up with people shut in their homes their entire life, lost to whatever toxic pipeline their anti-social behaviour inevitably leads them down.

i know people love to play with AI like it's a fad, and it's "not that deep bro" but i think it's shameful and embarrassing to act as if you don't have agency in your life. You can choose to abstain from technology, you can choose to find entertainment elsewhere, you can choose to be a person independent of technology. If all AI went away tomorrow, would you be able to still do your job? Write a story? Read a book and understand its meaning? AI is a product built on instant gratification and entitlement - not to get too deep on an ask about AI chatbots, but i think art, relationships, culture, all of it is worth the journey to get there.

[rdthoughtdaughter]

I believe that one of the most tragic things that can happen in one’s life is the disruptive relationship with the body you’ve been born with.

Despite all of the things I’ve gone through, I doubt that I would trade that experience, because I’m unwilling to lose the acceptance that I had to fight for.

Like many other girls around the world I’ve witnessed woman’s body and its ‘beauty’ being up for discussion.

By men usually, but it’s always followed by some of the women.

The problems started to come out of thin air.

First there were my ethnic features, my nose in particular. From the present paradigm I can say that there is nothing wrong with it. First and foremost it does its job: I can breathe, and do so very well. Secondly, it’s just… a nose? It’s quite literally ordinary, especially amongst my people, and it’s beautiful to be apart of some society, to be able to trace your history, your DNA by your phenotype. Our bodies are so much more than just us. It’s the history.

But because it was different from the standards of a country where I lived, I was claimed as unattractive. And we all know how men treat women who are not attractive from their point view.

It destroyed me in many ways. I was and still sometimes am embarrassed to walk with people side by side, knowing they can see my side profile. I had this animal fear of them seeing me like that. And only recently I saw one photo of myself, and there was a revelation. There is literally nothing wrong with my nose. It suits my face, and it’s beautiful.

Then there was weight. From my early childhood I’ve been doing sports. All kinds of them. It helped me quite a lot, building stamina and I have been healthy, which supposedly is all that matters.

But when I was just a girl in cheerleading, my male coach has been making remarks of me being chubby, having a stomach. I loved him as a parent figure, I still do, but it’s something I doubt I will be able to forgive. Since those remarks I started thinking about food and the amounts of food I consume. I remember being at a contest, and eating an apple. My coach saw me and said tiredly: ‘you’re eating again.’

And it all changed something within me, irrevocably.

I look back at the picture now, of me being a child, and all I can see is a kid who’s REALLY small. I had no over weight, whatsoever. I was just a child whose features haven’t sharpened.

Lastly, there are stretch marks. It isn’t something that was noticed by anyone. It’s rather something brought up by the internet. I was constantly seeing content about how to deal with stretch marks, and it made me believe that I have to fix my body. I was horrified, how am I so young, and so damaged. I had to buy oils, or whatever else, and to fix it, to become attractive because that is where my value comes.

But it’s not. Your value is not in your beauty, because beauty does not exist. It’s a social construct, as many other things that make people suffer: gender roles, deviance, marriage; the list goes on.

You can make a choice. To not care about those things. To just accept yourself the way you are, the way you were born, the way your body is created.

Because there cannot be anything inherently ‘wrong’ with you.

[bug-the-chicken-nug]

preliminary note: if this resonates with you at all. I would very much appreciate you reblogging it. a problem with so much anti ai sentiment is like. for such a self-professed pro-human movement. it sure does have a lot of misanthropy implicitly baked in.

which in turn comes off like its basically kinda constantly running the risk of turning more and more artists into dogmatic elitists

because it essentially kinda constantly risks "artists are intrinsically pure angels who deserve everything and are always inherently superior to Icky Computer. but normal people are icky dumb irresponsible sheep who are always totally selfish and will blindly do whatever the rich tech companies say! surely there is no nuance! surely, no one can care about two things at once, or have a coherent reason to not be wholly and rigidly against something with flaws! if they say they do, they just have no integrity! they're making excuses and trying to normalize oppressing us, so it's secretly okay to give in to black and white us vs them thinking after all! won't anyone think of The Artist?! you know, even though a huge portion of 'anyone' is all the people I just shunted into my out group and am now completely blocking and ignoring anyway?"

"won't anyone stand up for the Little Guy, even though, in this instance, a ton of we Little Guys keep showing worrying early precursor signs of temporarily embarrassed millionaire syndrome and claiming humble goals, but lowkey wanting to be the new Big Guys over at least Some people in the process? so by our own logic, actually you should shun and ignore us and reverse the same black and white thinking on us for having these faults?"

oh, but you probably realize: that would be a bad faith thing to do, now that it's about *you*. this whole argument is unfair, reductive, and insensitive, now that it's about *you*.

Yeah. You're right. It is veering into hyperbolic overgeneralization, huh? It is very convenient and cherrypicked, isn't it?

And yet so many people in this crowd never try to consider if *they're* being unfair, reductive, and insensitive too.

but tbh it Does smack of like. Strong precursors to TERF logic, doesn't it? A proverbial "Little" group becoming so frothingly mad at the "Big" group that they become self-righteous, and shunned and reviled by many of those they said they wanted to protect, all while now coming to see those same people as enemies and continually becoming more bitter and insular.

it also smacks of often feeling like a fresh new iteration of the underlying stuff behind that issue i personally had in middle/high school, where I was always shy and lonely in a way that spiralled into a weird and lowkey self-absorbed inferiority/superiority complex

"I hate mostly everyone and I'm smarter than them, but also I still deep down REALLY want them to be my friends and validate me and prove themselves Worthy, all while I do barely any outward work in challenging my perceptions of them, meeting them halfway, or positively enticing them to behave that way, and instead just continue waiting for them to miraculously decide to do all the work themselves, because I'm Entitled to that, even though I'm also wildly insecure and think I suck"

with an insidious extra trick because this time you can go "ohrr but we keep telling them to roleplay with us instead of char.ai!"

as if you Don't immediately block them the moment they're honest about it or sharing anything positive or even just suspiciously neutral at all about it?

as if you can at all actually guarantee that across the board, your RP communities are always inclusive, welcoming, non-judgmental, and accessible?

as if you don't love to just blame the ai folk for not "trying hard enough" to find you or put themselves out there... as you then follow that sentiment up with a self-deprecating reblog of a hugely popular post about how a ton of you are soooo bad at replying to people?

like. i'm sorry. really. your mental illness is not your fault. this part especially is a low blow on my end. but this behavior is still one of the things that erodes accessibility and feelings of inclusiveness while also risking hurting the feelings of others. you still have to do your best to work on it instead of just apologizing or joking about it over and over. particularly because you kind of brought that responsibility upon yourself the moment you starting tooting your side's own horn about how much more "fulfilling" and "positive" it is.

otherwise, you come off like you want way too much praise and credit for the bare minimum.

And some of you probably thought "but im NOT self-absorbed, you have me all wrong, i'm doing this in the name of All Artists!"...

as if there aren't like an assload of harmful dogmas that are self-evidently harmful even though they are, just like this, still motivated by genuine care for a large group of people, and coinciding hatred of a large group of people who seem to pose a threat to them. (racism, for one. much of it is in fact a loving desire to "protect" your entire group, and your perceived ideas of its best interests.)

and you'll notice that the vast majority of those dogmas are self-destructive, irrational, overly fixating on punishing and isolating the threat and all who are even vaguely too sympathetic (hence a major reason for their self-destructive tendency) and reliant on cherry-picking, even though the goal is pretty noble when you reduce it to sound similar to the prevalent anti-ai ethos. (does "protect the children!" ring a bell? does it sound all that dissimilar to "protect artists!" on the face of it?)

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

you don't care about CSA victims if you think accusing someone of pedophilia over Harry Fucking Potter drama is "defending yourself". your friends are sick, and you as well for defending this.

and be honest, you do not care about most POC either, you would gladly rail them over fanfiction or because they like Snape or whatever. did you know that a good chunk of spaniards are POC? no? you probably don't. i'm not saying @maxdibert is. but half my highschool was and you just happily said that they didn't experience racism. i'm sure they would love to know that being called "monkey", "eggface" or "moorish whore" isn't actually racist, because they're spaniards! they were suffering over nothing, according to your logic, uh?

but go on, defend those who called them pedophiles. I'm sure these friends won't make any jokes about pakistani when they switch targets.

this is the last ask I'm sending, because I'm done with you. you're acting like a brat over a problem that you started, ignoring proof when they show it to you (Mary being hc as white by many people) and stomping over CSA victims and spaniards just to harass a nobody in this platform. you're all being embarrasing and I really hope you grow out of this, because supporting false claims like this just because you can't block and move on is much more pathetic than anything max has said over this topic. grow. up.

listen, the things you say are insane. you can't get mad at my friends for saying horrible things (they didn't) and then say i don't care about victims. you're assuming things and making things up because it fits your narrative to paint me as a villain.

telling a woc she doesn't care about poc as someone who's likely white, or at least has never been in a position where they've learnt how to deal with discrimination, is insane. you're assuming things without any basis, again. max dibert is a white woman, she would've brought it up for leverage if she wasn't. even if she is a person of colour, she's not justified for the way she's acted.

max being called a monkey or a whore or an egg face have nothing to do with me, but in that post she got called a house elf (= slave) after calling someone who the majority perceives as black to be a slave. if the worse spaniards "suffer" is by being called an animal online over an opinion on harry potter characters, then, yeah, their suffering is nothing lmfao.

for the hundredth time, don't talk shit about my friends. you don't know anything about them, i would never be friends with racists - not like you or max. my friends would never make jokes about pakistani characters being enslaved or any other sensitive topics, they would never treat me as different because of where i'm from which you are doing. just the fact that you're holding this threat you've made up over my head is proof of that, the fact that you're claiming a white woman is a poc just to victimize her shows that you view poc, specifically woc, as defenseless. poc can be good, poc can be bad.

mary can be hced as white by many people, but that's not how she's perceived. max made that post so it would be seen by the general marauders fandom who sees mary as black, and made mary a slave. that's inherently problematic. mary is not hced as white by many people, i think the number is, like, under fifty. and ten of them are just the people i've argued with.

stop reducing poc and csa victims to that - it's a shitty thing to do, as someone who's both. pov and csa victims can be horrible, horrible people like max has proven, and they shouldn't be babied and treated as less intelligent or not in control of their words or thoughts because of what they've experienced or who they are. it's weird, it's discriminatory, it's harmful. you don't get to pick and choose stereotypes you like because they're all shit, so stop doing it.

once again, you're the one who's embarrassing, considering you're the one so afraid to talk to a sixteen year old you're going on anon. i've done nothing, really, i sent one ask and then max decided to go on all of mine and my friends' posts to chat shit, tagged me and them in their own posts. i've stopped talking to max numerous times and she just starts a new conversation every time. you could block me, but instead you whine in my inbox about a racist bitch. grow. up.

[kaveat]

Okay. Once again interacting with miraculous ladybug.

Lord help me 😭😭

But unfortunately I wound up watching the statue episode. I can’t remember the name, but I know everyone who has even a semblance of knowledge about miraculous ladybugs knows what I’m talking about.

Genuinely I got so baffled about the whole sub conflict of that episode.

Basic synopsis is that Mary sue and Adrien head to this wax statue museum because babysitting? And it turns out they have a statue of him (which is also strange, like he clearly didn’t know about it beforehand) so he decides it would be funny to replace the wax statute version of himself to prank Marinette.

Marinette comes in. Is sufficiently fooled and then starts acting like an absolute freak with this wax statue of her crush. Which granted, on its own isn’t entirely weird, like shes 14 and while I never did the whole kissing photos of your crush thing I have friends who did and yeah I make fun of them, but I’m not going to condemn them for it. However they’re in a public setting and while at 14 our standards were on the floor, I think we still had enough dignity to not attempt kissing a wax statue in public.

But that’s not where my issue lies. Rather when Adrien recoils as one who are near victims of assault are prone to do, Marinette is so humiliated that she gets mad at him. For what? Idk, because this would not have been anywhere near as big of an issue if you hadn’t been acting so weird with what she thought was a wax figurine.

I’m assuming the whole problem lies with the fact that Adrien didn’t break character sooner and let Marinette act like an idiot in front of him. Which granted he defo could’ve like backed up beforehand, but also he seems genuinely surprised when she tried to kiss him. Like he looks confused the whole time she’s pronouncing her love to him and maybe I’m reaching, but he’s shown to not be the best with social cues, and it’s not exactly criminal to assume that he really just didn’t pick up what Marinette was putting down.

I mean she does all of that and he still doesn’t realise she might like him. I’m just saying.

Still Marinette has absolutely no right to be upset about the situation she has put herself in. It pisses me off that the writer were twisting this to make her seem like the victim when she was acting weird as hell. Attempting to kiss a wax statue of your crush and then having them apologise for it is weird enough on its own.

But when your crush is also a friend you hang out with regularly then it’s just downright disturbing. Like I’ve had crushes on friends, but at 14 I definitely was not constructing weird romantic fantasy’s and roleplaying with a wax mould version of them.

Am I crazy??? Cause I feel like the whole fandom sees it as more of a second hand embarrassment moment, but I find it genuinely weird. Like Marinette sees Adrien as less of a person and more of a character she can project her fantasy’s onto and while I don’t really think there’s anything inherently wrong with that (she’s a teenager, of course she’s putting her crush on a pedestal) I feel like the fact that it’s never acknowledged by the narrative just makes it weird.

[littlest-bugz]

I have a special hatred in my heart for my last doctor. Here is my list of grievances;

She end up ruining my surgery results by failing to inform me about my severe vitamin D deficiency, which meant my bones didn’t heal right. All she had told me in reference to my blood tests was that my cholesterol was high, a fucking GENETIC thing, and that I should exercise more (did I mention I was still healing from surgery and mostly bed bound still when she said that? No?? Well there it is). She didn’t tell me about my vitamin D deficiency until literally a day before my appointment with my podiatrist. Even he was pissed off.

She also took off my ADHD and Autism Diagnosis. I only got those back because I scolded her that they can’t just be “resolved issues” (which she had categorized them as). Like ADHD and Autism are life long things. It took me explaining that for her to put that back on my chart, which should be embarrassing for her.

And in that same appointment where I scolded her, she undiagnosed me with PCOS and my autoimmune disorder, which were both diagnosed by an endocrinologist when I was FUCKING FOURTEEN.

And not to be an absolute debby downer about the PCOS especially, but I was forced to go on birth control to be feminized. So forgive me if Im especially pissed off about that. I can’t imagine being a doctor and changing a nearly decade old diagnosis for no reason. She never did blood tests for it, she never did ANYTHING about it. It was managed by a endocrinologist before I saw her.

She then put my autoimmune disorder as “acquired” when it’s genetic and always has been, and Im even on specific medication for it! Like good fucking grief it is not acquired. It’s been there since I was fucking born. How did I “acquire” it???

I can only deduce that any of this is because Im fat (/neu). Like I truly hate to put it that way, because it’s inherently fatphobic, but I can’t think of any other reason why a doctor would do this.

Ive gone to what feels like a billion doctors and NONE of them have ever been this egregious, but she only ever talked to me about my goddamn weight.

And like I talk about this with my bestiana and my girlfriend. I talk about how much it frustrates me to have been medical malpractice’d this hard. It’s sumthing that makes me cry because the next doctor I go to is going to just this mess of a fucking chart and believe she was a good doctor and “had it right”, when she actually has a history of doing this not only to me, but other fucking patients (frum what Ive heard frum people who saw her).

I almost don’t even want to go to another doctor, but I have so many physical health problems that it might kill me if I don’t see one. I just feel so shitty after she did all that shit to my medical record

[mcsmtxt]

okay so i know i’m supposed to talk about romeo and xara and i WILL but i do think it’s important to voice this thought i have about romeo post canon and it’s the fact he is actively suicidal lol. well maybe not actively … perhaps passively is a more apt term. he has no real will to live and any desire he does have is thrown at jesse as a person, and xara to an extent, although he initially hides from her. he lives on and doesn’t purposefully end his life because jesse saved him, willed him into being, believed in him even though nobody else truly does … but it’s sort of an aimless act, redemption, for romeo. there is no ‘end’ point, there is no ‘stopping’, or properly ‘atoning’ … he is going to slave away at every problem that’s ever existed forever until he dies by happenstance. jesse said dying instead of fixing his problems was the ‘coward’s way out’ and romeo does believe that — but there’s still an innate craving for death and a belief that he will, somehow, stumble upon forgiveness and redemption via his own demise. the game tries really hard to handwave romeo’s overt suicidality by having him give a whole speech to jesse in the end about fixing his mistakes, yet all he can talk about is dying. he even has two endings where he can choose to die! i find it ironic that the game paints this as a heroic act when jesse literally tells romeo it isn’t … i do believe it’s tragic and brave of romeo to die so that the others may live, but there is also this sense of. oh. romeo got what he wanted. which was to die.

the way he talks about it too in both variations … it is so obvious that romeo inherently believes in his death being the solution. it is less of a ‘heroic’ act to romeo and more of what must be done :

leave romeo.

save romeo.

there is the theme of ‘paying’ for what he did / his mistakes … i will say that while this is largely romeo just loathing himself so utterly and wanting to die overall, i also think he has a very strong belief in death being noble, or strong, or … erm, particularly heroic in some instances. not always ( hint hint his losers vs winners mentality ) but i think there were instances where he saw it more positively, like in his gladiator rings for a while or in fred’s own ‘death’ … like, he would not tell people fred was weak for his passing, definitely not, nor would he insult xara in such a way had she died. something something roman mentality about dying in battle, something something the nobility of sacrificing oneself for a far greater, more valuable thing ( jesse ). he does not think this excuses all his wrongdoings but he does think it’s just and ‘what he deserves’ if that makes sense. but really, romeo just wants to die, and has probably wanted to die for a very, very long time.

i’m sure people view romeo’s behavior and constant pleading to ‘leave’ him as romeo just taking the easier out ( especially given jesse’s own words ) but i don’t think that’s it at all. romeo is more than willing to do the hard thing and work tirelessly at righting his wrongs … he just doesn’t believe it’s the right call. that’s why he tells jesse to leave him. romeo believes it the appropriate thing to do … believes that he’s most deserving of that fate compared to any other … he brings it up continuously after being turned human again no matter what jesse says :

but there is a hint of this desire to die even before this, back when romeo is still the admin … it paints this picture that he’d rather face death than the embarrassment of losing to jesse, but i am more inclined to view this as the admin’s way of channeling that empty, hollow urge to just die more than anything else. it’s a rather dramatic thing to say since jesse has shown no intention of actually killing romeo :

though it does add this sense that dying is what romeo wants, doesn’t it? and it is! obviously. but ah … basically what i’m saying is that a.) romeo has always struggled with suicidality, and b.) he still would post canon, despite his rather hopeful claims of forging a path forward and making up for what he’s done by active participation in life. i find it silly to even imagine that such a strong desire to die would just be zapped away like that … suicidal impulses are not that simple, ever, and so romeo would thus struggle with it eternally afterwards. even when he gets better there would always be that urge to die for some greater good … to be executed by someone … i vividly imagine him sort of trying to ‘sacrifice’ himself many times during my imaginary s3 actually, much to aiden’s dismay. it would almost be his first instinct … especially since he’s still getting used to his human body and ‘fighting’ physically again … he may be useless, but he is a body between evil and jesse, or evil and aiden, or evil and ‘good people’ … so he will use said body to be a hurdle, if he must. i also imagine romeo would offer himself up to xara to kill or torment as she pleases when his belief that things are unsalvageable is confirmed … in the scenario where she beats him romeo would not fight back nor lay a hand on her, though i’m sure part of him would have twitched to do so, vaguely. and he’d offer this up again and again … to paint a more vivid image i’d say romeo would be decently reminiscent of freya from god of war :

but if that alone will make you whole … if seeing me dead will make things right … i won’t stop you.

to which xara … can not bring herself to ever go through with it — actually killing romeo … she doesn’t have it in her, really, especially not when he looks like her romeo and not the admin. she is so very angry with him and she wants him dead to a degree but she can’t do it herself and would, more likely than not, instinctively reach out to protect him if something else were to try. she still loves him, you know? and it infuriates her to no end and makes her lash out and harm him and anything else in her reach … but she can’t kill him. even though she would have eons and eons ago when the fred wound was still so fresh. i also just think xara is trying to desperately put romeo and the admin behind her, since jesse gives her the bed and tells her there’s still good things out there, if she just looks for them … her active choice to stay in the underneath rather than run blindly after romeo ( like she had done before in a flurry of rage and hurt ) seems to be development on her end, and an attempt to let it go, even if only for a while.

ah, i digress! point is : romeo wants to die! yippee! as the admin he lived on because he was too prideful to do anything else and as romeo he lives on because jesse wanted him to but there’s always that feeling of … i need to die. i should be dead. sometimes that feeling is unbearable and vivid and other times it’s a numb film just draped over his very being … s3 post canon would improve this but there’d always be flares of it, even if fred came back. especially then, perhaps, on some bad days. i also imagine that on top of that internal struggle romeo was very prone to vicious bouts of self harming after being saved : clawing at his face, his chest, his arms … himself, basically, in an attempt to be rid of the admin … he is very freaked out by the idea that some of the power still lingers in him and will start trying to gouge it out of himself in a fit … he also has. standard things? like … expected things, i suppose. romeo has vivid and horrible intrusive thoughts about killing people or entrapping them … he has nightmares frequently and thus doesn’t sleep often … he cannot stand to look at himself in any capacity or he will snap … the admin haunts him every day … etc. there is more to all of this but until i figure out romeo’s specific mental illnesses ( besides his bpd ) that is all i can say as of yet, alas.

i have more to say regarding romeo always + him and xara and whatnot but i’ll hush for now.

[androdetective]

I enjoy reading you takes on the show so I just wanna ask, how do you think a healed/healthy tulio would look like? or do you think he is beyond saving ?

This is a really interesting question. I can imagine what steps he'd have to take to better himself, but I can't see him actually taking them. Tulio is a very proud guy. He also hates vulnerability. He is also very selfish and inconsiderate. Many people point to his high ego as one of his flaws. And to some extent, I agree, but I think the way he goes about it is the actual flaw. A high ego simply means that one has a high self-esteem/importance/whatever. This isn't inherently bad. People valuing themselves is cool. But with him, it leaves him dysfunctional. This impairs his quality of life. It leaves him quite insecure, actually. He's sensitive to people critiquing him or making fun of him. He doesn't like being ignored. Which leads to desperate, often embarrassing, attempts of trying to get attention. He's even had a moment where he admitted he thinks he's a useless asset of the show. Which seems like the opposite of how he presents himself. Both to others and even himself. This is unfortunate for him. These are quite common problems and insecurities. He has a high ego, but he is also very insecure with a lot of things. Like his looks or image or how he appears to friends. It's like he hides behind a high self-esteem to cover up his low/just very mixed and dysfunctional self-esteem.

The thing is, he chooses to be selfish and mean. He chooses to lash out at his friends whenever he gets insecure. He doesn't apologize as often as he should. He takes advantage of everyone. He doesn't learn from mistakes and continues hurting his friends all the time. Having low self-esteem didn't make it so that he had to be a bad person. Even a high self-esteem wouldn't make someone be an inherently bad person. Neither of those things matter when it's his actions that do.

I think that in order for Tulio to heal, he'd have to admit he's not perfect. He'd have to be fine with being a flawed person. And that being flawed doesn't mean he's the worst person ever that doesn't deserve anything. Tulio would have to learn how to cope with not having to rely on constant attention. That his friends still like him even when they aren't paying attention to him. And that his attempts at getting attention aren't the best/can hurt, for himself and even others. He'd also have to realize that lashing out won't make his problems better. And also he'd just have to not be a bad friend/person and be more nice, even if it might leave him vulnerable. We know he likes people. He just doesn't always show it enough. He'd have to apologize to his friends and coworkers and actually take the steps to being better and nicer to them. Also stop exploiting workers. Honestly, he'd have to go over all this in therapy. He has the money for the best therapy too.

But would he? I don't think Tulio likes being insecure. I think he'd like to overcome that, but he wouldn't take those steps. He's too dependent on his facade of being perfect. He'd hate the idea of going to therapy and acknowledging he's flawed. I think he's too comfortable with his maladaptive coping skills. Probably too scared to get better, too. But also, he does like being mean. He likes being selfish and rude and horrible. Even if he didn't have really bad insecurities, he'd still be some sorta mean person.

Now for a hypothetical healed Tulio? I'm thinking he'd be similar to how he was in season 1. That being more calm, less snappy, and a bit more professional (a bit 💀). He still had a bit of an ego, but it wasn't as bad as later Tulio. He was also nicer to his friends and not as cruel. I'm thinking back to those times he wanted to cheer up/make things up with friends. Like cheering up a depressed Bodoque or in the movie where he was very selfless trying to make things right with Juanín. Those times showed a more genuine Tulio, a Tulio that actually does care and has the ability to be selfless. I think if he was healthier, he'd have more moments like these. He'd overwork Juanín less, too. (with the movie I just assumed he'd do that but alas) (Although Juanín would probably still overwork himself as he has genuinely bad workaholism but that's another topic) He'd still have some quirks of his personality but he'd be a more pleasant/tolerable person. His friends would like him more, and he'd be happier. Unfortunately, he's still too set in his ways, so not only will his friends continue to suffer, but so will he. I don't think he's unfixeable, I just think he'll refuse to get better.

[overflowchute]

basically the tl;dr is that i grew up in a rural cnsrvertv community basically loathing everyone for being chrstyn without a car and spending a lot of time on tumblr feeling like if i was a cishet man i was inherently a lesser being and ultimately failed to develop anything approaching a proper self, even though i have somewhat matured in various ways like feeling like i'm probs a nonbinary bi individual and that i'm not actually extremely ugly like i assumed before age 20, my general angle is still that i am not actually a human irl and must mask around all ppl

it's weird. like i have a worksona used for for literally everything irl including interacting with my family. in general my impression of irl relationships is that they are mostly about lying about yourself to please people, which may be a bit of an emotional distance problem. it's maybe a kind of misanthropy or arrogance or something lol b/c in general i feel like almost nobody will really ever "get" me or what i like, and it's embarrassing to show any weakness or failure b/c it makes people even less likely to respect me, given my general ineptitude, lol

idk i guess all i really want is to have close irl friendships and relationships where i feel understood but i feel like i am too much of a weird, specific, highly online and easily irritated person for that to meaningfully ever happen. lmao. (also i have a really bad habit of bonding too closely to people who show me 0.001 grains of attention even if they treat me like shit and i don't really want to end up in that scenario again (i went insane in a situation slightly like this this year again somehow))

anyway thinking abt it bc i think most of my really weird gender swings this year call back to the idea that if i simply could become something else i could fulfill a role someone sees as desirable, since currently i am more a curiosity desired as a tool than anything. but i think i am more attuned to the role of abandoning humanity... my goal in life is to be the villain's weird angry little taskmaster lieutenant who nobody really likes but does its job earnestly, and dies as a pretty weird boss fight early in the penultimate dungeon

[lepertamar]

one of the big.....among the biggest-on-a-narrative-level changes in the revised stars is not really a change as much as making something that in the previous version was very very slippery and avoided and impossible for me to textually justify but still got a deep deathly tingle of on the back of my neck. and which in this version instantly makes everything 5x richer and more layered and pierced-to-the-heart-of The Issue even as it triggered me intensely, that is:

the preceding context, which is not the point but is necessary, is in chapter 4 or something, there's this change, where lucifer's reading from a book about something unmemorable, changed/restored to being a book about a girl who was falls in with a 'bad crowd' and is tricked/forced into burning herself (lu reacts with vicious disgust-based ableism/pity as well as doing it in a context that's very........clearly testing yenatru to make sure he reacts the way they want, they aren't very on-the-nose vicious usually):

but that's not the main point. the main point of this change only makes itself clear many many chapters later, when lu is about to go track down tamar:

hopeful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that’s the problem!!! the problem lu has is not having to be around a g-d manifestation, the problem is not the triggering reminder, the problem is that tamar is someone who liked it, who doesn’t want to be saved from it. tamar being miserable and forced into it and hating it would fix everything for them!!!!!! would immediately be no problem for them!!!!!!!! even though that would approximate their own trauma more and should hypothetically be more triggering!! but that is not their problem, triggers are not their problem. hopeful!!!!!!!!!!!

even though, a few pages earlier in the same chapter, talking to the same person, they said:

and i wrote in my liveblog chat, i feel very deep shame and embarrassment every time i try to justify the connection but truly:

the stated reason for this revision was 'better continuity with The Lives That Argue For Us, and I see exactly why.

but also, it is so so SO much better. it is so much more cancerous and corrosive, so much gears-turning-other-gears in the psychology/society/narrative/themes of this series. it is no longer single-note trauma as a floating disconnected excuse that does not affect anything or get affected by the traumahaver's frameworks anymore. the really really dread-feeling part is how lu is...charming and insightful and actualized and likable and a good person (....when they are interacting with eliya, or with kjorel, and not when with anyone they like interacting with.) and like???? kinda normal, not in any way edgy or shocking, and not at all inherently or unusually awful. in fact it would feel less bad if they were…..the badness is that, just like irl, people who are not awful can and do sincerely and unironically act like this, because they just think there is an exception, that there are people who are the anthropomorphic representation of not-being.

[r0sepetalbed]

I know but I can't fix it.

So, I am perfectly self-aware and conscious that my taste in men is a problematic--not to mention a paradox--thing to begin with.

For instance I long for peace and calm and stability, maturity and understanding. Yet, at the same time I wouldn't mind if he was mean, if he was ignorant, if we fought and disagreed.

Worst of all, I would forgive him for hurting me, in all regards, but frankly I draw the line at betraying me, if he lacked loyalty. I know, that sounds quite stupid, makes one wonder "where are this girl's priorities and why is she okay with anything else?" My answer to that might be insufficient. When you know, you know. For instance, my parents had a rough relationship, many bad moments and good and calm ones sprinkled in. But they never looked at other people, never betrayed each other. I know, bare minimum, but there are couples that cheat. I'd rather go through hell than get cheated on, that's why, in my skewed perspective I could forgive him or her if he mistreated me as long as he is loyal.

This only applies to me, I don't believe anyone else should be subjected to such things, maybe it's my martyr complex, ever the victim, but at my own hands. I have experienced almost all forms of abuse except drug and sexual abuse--thank God--and I must say I am an ungrateful b-word for feeling okay and at the same time haunted by it. Why can't I be normal and feel a certain way about it? Still, there are moments in my life, where I am happy and genuinely, the unbridledly desire of betterment and healing so close, yet out of reach. Finger tips graze the edge and I realize, "no, this scares me, it feels weird. I'd rather stay miserable."

Well maybe I don't explicitly think I should stay miserable, but I return to my old ways. That brings me back to my type, my "romantic" interest. It's embarrassing vocalizing it, so I write it down instead.

I don't idolize bad men, not those serial killers or criminals, I actually have a very tame and mild obsession with men that any woman would like; Mads Mikkelsen, Cillian Murphy and so on. Well that, and mostly fictional men. Women too, but that is a topic I am yet too shy to delve into.

Someone I want, or maybe desire is not equal to what I need. I know the differences between the two, yet desire wins over conscience. Forgive me God. I need someone gentle and patient, warm and welcoming, private and mature. But I want someone who is emotionally not there, controlling, older and wiser but also self-aware of his own flaws yet unwilling to change, someone stubborn and cold yet warm, keeping me starved but feeding me enough to keep me alive for their love.

Someone who has the power to destroy and build me back up, who knows every secret of mine and doesn't shy away from tough love.

And that is a problem, I know, but I don't see why exactly, I don't see why I can't love someone who is deemed unlovable, so long they are not fundamentally bad people, I find a way to long for them. No one is inherently bad or good and I'd rather want someone I can feel comfortably with, even if they are not the healthiest choice.

I want someone who is on a black and white spectrum a dark grey.

But I shouldn't, because I know I can't handle it, I am far from perfect or healthy or happy or mature. I would crumble on the outside and I'm afraid I won't like it, I hate showing vulnerability, especially to those I hold dear.

I am working on it, baby steps.

[max1461]

The thing that you have not quite isolated yet is why having a strongman would be better for people’s lives. Can you answer that? Yes. I think that having an effective government and an efficient government is better for people’s lives. When I ask people to answer that question, I ask them to look around the room and point out everything in the room that was made by a monarchy, because these things that we call companies are actually little monarchies. You’re looking around, and you see, for example, a laptop, and that laptop was made by Apple, which is a monarchy. This is an example you use a lot, where you say, If Apple ran California, wouldn’t that be better? Whereas if your MacBook Pro was made by the California Department of Computing, you can only imagine it. I’m sorry, I’m here in this building, and I keep forgetting to make my best argument for monarchy, which is that people trust The New York Times more than any other source in the world, and how is The New York Times managed? It is a fifth-generation hereditary absolute monarchy.

From the NYT Curtis Yarvin interview. He's saying the same thing as me! He's saying the same thing as me, and as @aorish, it's just that our values are all different. Me and Curtis and aorish, we have different perspectives on what an ideal world looks like. But the facts of the matter are easy to see.

By the way, before I go on: the 40-hour work week is about 1/3 of your waking hours, not 2/3. If I'm going to make this into an effortpost, I have to correct a mistake that embarrassing at the outset. Conversely maybe the desire to correct me will act as ragebait that will help this post spread, so who's to say whether it's good or bad in the end.

Anyway, I elaborated a little bit on these ideas here (other relevant-ish posts here and here; it's crass to link your own shit to too great a degree but I'll do it anyway. Kontextmaschine style.). From my perspective, a core feature of a just world is that people have autonomy—the practical capacity to direct their own lives, according to their own ends, preferences, and beliefs. In some domains, one person's decisions don't significantly affect another's (an example: personal sexual behavior; if you're gay that doesn't mean anybody else needs to be gay, etc., it effects others only very marginally), and so autonomy becomes a matter of negative freedom, non-coercion. But in some domains, decisions by their nature have to be made collectively. People have to coordinate to get anything done. This is true in matters of government and it's true in matters of production; these are complex activities in which many individuals must coordinate towards a common goal, and in which even people who aren't explicitly involved and didn't consent to this coordinated activity are effected by the outcomes it produces. So, I think, in inherently coordinated tasks, autonomy has to manifest as some kind of democratic process.

It's impossible almost by definition to give every individual the power to fully direct their own activities in a coordinated process; if they do that then the process isn't coordinated anymore. But by democratizing the process we produce some kind of approximation. Giving every participant a voice in directing the coordinated aspects of the project according to some fair scheme (what defines a fair scheme? It's a hard question) distributes decision-making power so that, even if the participants cannot fully direct their own activities and strive for their own ends, they each get some amount of say in what their activities will be and to what ends they will be working.

Figuring out the best implementation of this is a really hard problem. It is probably not as simple as "mandate that every company now be run as a worker co-op", as I try to elaborate on in the linked posts. But the goal, as I see it, is a world in which individual autonomy is increased by adopting a laissez-faire stance on those issues where coordination problems are minimal (such as gay rights), and increasing democratizing in those arenas in which coordination is necessary (such as the state and the economy). And this might result in less stuff being produced, or worse stuff being produced, and it's an empirical matter where exactly all the various trade-offs here should be made. I don't think a one-size-fits-all approach makes sense (again, as I try to articulate in the various linked posts).

But, roughly, this is my political agenda, this is what my libertarian socialism means. Yarvin sees companies as mini-monarchies, and thinks this is good, because they function more efficiently that way, and thinks the state should mirror this style of organization. I see companies as mini-monarchies and think it's bad, because it decreases the autonomy of the people who have to spend a lot of their life as part of the processes directed by those companies—and I think both the state and the economy could be made more democratic than they are, and that would probably be good. Subject to various empirical issues mediating exactly where the trade-offs should be made. But I think the trade-offs should probably be made pretty far left of here, as it were.

Call me old fashioned but I believe that if you spend upwards of 2/3 of your waking hours at work and you don't have workplace democracy you aren't meaningfully free. Call me old fashioned but I believe America is genuinely not a free country and neither is any other liberal democracy, etc. etc., in a really very straightforward sense.

[coristophanes]

Well this post certainly isn't going to go in the direction I had thought my first post would go when I made this account a few days ago but I told myself that this account for just kinda posting whatever comes to mind; Like a journal of sorts.

I doubt anyone will end up reading this but if you do, I do know that this could be posted privately, but my brain tells me that if it's private there's no point in writing it at all when I could just keep it in. Also I don't know how tumblr is supposed to work but I don't really care. Wow this mobile formatting bothers me. I also don't think I used the semicolon right but I care even less about that.

I'm gonna be talking about mental health and suicide so trigger warnings or whatever.

---------------------

So uh how to start. In my experience, whenever people talk about suicide or whenever it's protrayed in media, it's always a lingering thing, you know? It's always talked about like this monster looming over a person and all it takes is one particularly bad day for it to get close enough to get you. It builds and it lingers and it just always hurts. For so many that's just how it is I'm sure.

I've had my share of suicidal thoughts, they've never gone further than that but they happen. But I feel like my experience is different than the lingering monster. At least I think it is but I'm not really sure, which is part of why I feel the need to write it out. My suicidal thoughts aren't lingering, they're reactive. They happen in response to things that upset me, even just minorly.

I struggle greatly with self worth. Its not that I feel inadequate but more that I feel purposeless? I guess? I'm capable of so much, I know that I am, but I'm unable to use that. I've tried furthering my education, developing a career, going to the gym, taking care of myself better. I can never manage. It starts out strong but lose focus. School in particular was tough because the littlest fuck ups snowball. All it took was a single missed assignment to cause a domino effect leading to me literally missing 80% of all my classes and classwork.

I don't really know where I'm going with this but I think I got off topic. The littlest mistake, embarrassment, bad memory, anything, is enough to pop into my head the idea of "it would be so easy to just do ___ and have it all be over with." And then it's gone. Either I push it out or or it just leaves and I don't think about it until the next time. The thing that spurred all this on in particular is that I've spent too much money recently. Was laying in bed, thought about my spending and then just "this sucks, I suppose I could just end it." Only reason I'm thinking about it now is because I've chosen to think about it because you know... Probably not a healthy mindset to have.

But when I got to writing the first part of this post I started thinking "is this really different from the looming monster metaphor" (not my best work). Sure it's not inherently the direct nono thoughts always looming over me, but those triggering thoughts absolutely are. I find myself always needing some kind of distraction lest the thoughts creep in. I watch so much Netflix and YouTube and tiktok, etc, just to keep the thoughts from rearing their ugly lil heads. Even as we speak, or I guess as I write, I'm rewatching suits on Netflix in a little popout window on my phone (if your curious where I am, Mike just got arrested for being a fraud). Notably, I don't typically listen to music because I'm still able to empty my head when I listen to music, leaving it open for the thoughts I don't wanna deal with.

Honestly I don't know where to go with all this at this point. I'm kinda out of thoughts to write down. Uhh might see Oppenheimer next week, that'll be fun. Maybe barbie too, idk about that one though, kinda harkens back to the spending problem.

Harkens? Did I use that right? I'm gonna assume I did. I probably didn't but who cares, whats gonna happen? The nonexistent reader gonna make imaginary funny of me for harkening wrong? I think not.

This was never the intent of this account. I thought I was gonna be funny and just kinda post random 'quirky' thoughts but uhhh I do think there's gonna be more of these in the future because it felt good to get this off my chest.

Future Topics you can look forward to [or dread]:

- My emotions [or lack thereof]

- My relationship and why I think it's struggling [spoiler alert: I might be aro but I have no idea]

- Why I randomly changed from round to square brackets [I didn't feel like fixing them once I noticed]

- quirky silly goofy Minecraft Roleplay Server trauma (trauma might be a little strong but the hyperbole makes it funny.)

- Cheese probably. Idk why or when but cheese is important to me and I'm gonna discuss it eventually.

- the fact I think I have ADHD or some other neurodivegency (but you'll never catch me telling someone because I despise self diagnosis)

- hyperfixation of the week

- the fact that I accidentally went back to round brackets

- the fact that this list is way too long now but I don't really care to delete any of them but like whatever? Nobody is reading this. Probably. Like I said idk how tumblr works.

Uhhh anyway bye.

Sike I realized my about me section isn't actually made yet so breif background info I should probably put at the top but uhh fuck you.

Cori, 22, Agender(ish), Use any pronouns but if you ask me which ones I use I'll tell you they/them otherwise you'll end up using exclusively he/him and I don't want that because that is incorrect, sorry. Canadian... If that's relevant. I like purple. Big fan of Satyrs. Love D&D. Not straight but don't ask me what I am or I might have to kill you (I don't know). Fun fact: approximately 65% of the crushes I had while in pre-post-secondary school ended up realizing they're actually various flavours of transmasc (one's actually Triple A but don't worry about it).

None of this is relevant, but my episode of suits ended so I'm just kinda rambling until I can find a good point to stop typing, otherwise return of the bad thoughts. I hope tumblr posts don't have a word limit (looking at you twitter [or should I say 'X'] {I shouldn't say X, X is stupid})

Wait this is already and incoherent disaster I can just stop now.

K byeeeeeee

[microwave-core]

A Handful of Headcanons

These are, uh, kinda unhinged.

I love Nemona with my whole heart and soul, but I almost always write her (and you, dear reader) as being insanely oblivious because I just can't help myself. Every time I saw her in my Scarlet playthrough all I could think was “You wanna kiss me so bad you look stupid” because that is exactly what she’s like.

Her friends have been telling her for the past Arceus knows how long about her crush, but she never understood where they were coming from. Her obliviousness is completely impenetrable, it’s insane. They’re all pulling their hair out by her inability to recognize her own damn feelings.

Like, it’s to the point that her friends think she’s worried about people’s reaction to her being gay. Penny will casually tell Nemona that everyone was fine with her being gay or bi or whatever but Nemona’s just genuinely a dumbass when it comes to romantic feelings. 

(It’s funny, really, because anyone that would have a problem with her sexuality would never voice it lest they get their ass kicked but I digress.)

But when she realizes it? It’s fucking over. Her entire perspective has changed and she is now a new person. She now spends her nights staring at the ceiling plagued by thoughts of you. She could never fall asleep when thinking about holding your soft hand, or playing with your hair, or feeling your lips against her own. Occasionally, her thoughts become unsavory, and it never fails to make her feel like a complete creep because she shouldn’t be thinking of you like that.

When around you, she manages to act pretty normal. She’s too distracted by you to be overthinking her own feelings. The most she’ll do is just… look at you, but kinda intensely.

She’s just in so much awe at your existence, how you could look so beautiful, so elegant, just sitting there. Your every action sets her heart ablaze. Please give her affection, she deserves it even if she can be inexplicably stupid at times.

Cynthia would be such a wife-guy, it’s unreal. I have given this much thought. Sometimes I think about those alignment chart memes and everytime I do I think about the champions in regards to how they would treat their partner and, without fail, Cynthia and Leon fall into the wife-guy section and I will not elaborate further (that is a lie I will elaborate if asked). 

People across the world look up to Cynthia as a pillar of strength, as a serious badass who could curb stomp you with a single look. These people have no idea how much of a nerd she is, but they sure as hell know how much she loves her wife. 

Every interview she’s ever in, she will bring you up. No matter how much you might beg or plead her to, to avoid the embarrassment of her unabashed declarations of love, she will not stop. She cannot stop herself even if she wanted to.

She is the definition of relationship goals. All of her interviews have comments like “get you a girl who will talk about you like how Champion Cynthia talks about her wife” under them. 

And she absolutely adores your embarrassed reaction to them, too. You just look so adorable when you’re flustered. Don’t worry, she won’t tease you that much, that’s not really her style. She’ll always make it up with hugs and kisses and chocolate and anything else your heart may desire. She loves you more than anything else, after all.

Geeta is lowkey a sugar mommy, no matter what. Certified Girlboss™ over here is so busy, which she’s not inherently against as a workaholic, but it does prevent her from seeing you.

And so whenever she does get time for you, she will spoil you. Gift giving is her way of showing affection, at least when it comes to you. She’s practically made of money, please spend as much as you want. It’s her treat and you deserve it. Don’t even think about pulling out your purse or wallet, she will not let you pay. 

During quiet moments in her day, she’ll pull up a store on her phone and scroll until she finds something you’d like. She’ll be scrolling through fancy-smancy stores during an important meeting or when talking to someone like Nemona or Clavell because she just thought of the most darling thing to get you and she needs to find something suitable this instant. And she’s not slacking off or not paying attention, either, she knows exactly what is being said around her.

She’s also shameless. On more than one occasion, someone’s seen her looking for fancy, incredibly expensive lingerie. They’re incredibly embarrassed about it, but Geeta doesn’t care. She is in no way flustered or worried, just amused by their reaction.

If you don’t live together, she’ll totally send packages to your house or apartment. She’ll usually tell you, but sometimes she just doesn’t and suddenly you're opening your door in the morning only to be greeted by several packages. 

Not so much of a headcanon as much as it is a concept, but Courtney and Shelly pining for the same person. That’s it, that is the thought,

These two are their own brands of unhinged, and they would absolutely rip the other to shreds if it meant winning your heart. Courtney is just batshit insane. She’s feral. She’s completely unhinged and would go to any lengths necessary to get you by her side, no matter how much she has to dirty her hands to do so.

Shelly is also unhinged, but she’s far more calculated. She’s part of the brains behind Team Aqua, and so she’s not going to take action without considering all her possibilities first. She’ll go to the same lengths Courntey will go to, but she'll consider all her actions before making a commitment.

There is very little you can even do in this scenario. They would choke each other out with their bare hands if it meant having you. Don’t think this can end in dating both, they would never tolerate the other. They’re just going to continuously fight each other, try to one up each other, until one of them snaps. 

Drasna is severely slept on. I don’t even have a grand vision to put here. There is no idea, there is no headcanon, and there is no scenario. All you get is the concept of Drasna.

Just like… look at her. She borders on milf and gilf, she is decorated in dragon bones, she is sweet and kind and could kick your ass. She is gentle and loving but changes into cold and savage when in the midst of battle. 

She could curb stomp your ass any day of the week, and you (by which I mean me) would thank her. Not that she ever would. She cares about you too much! If you did battle her, she would attempt to go a bit easier on you, toning down the intensity a bit, but it slips out every now and then.

Also, do you think she’d have fangs? That’s how all the dragon tamers are in my head, so it’s not really Drasna specific. Actually, don’t answer that, she totally does because it’s my fanfic and I get to make the rules.

Anyways, Drasna would totally live in a cute little cottage. She’s from Celestic Town (apparently), so she likely prefers a quieter, humbler lifestyle. That is to say, you get to live with her in a cute little house that’s surrounded by nature and is also covered in dragons. You get to unwind at the end of the day by sitting in your cute little garden with her, and isn’t that just the dream?

…. How do we feel about gilfs? Like, in general. Milfs are pretty unanimous, I think. We all love a hot mom, but what about hot grandmas? I say that like the Pokemon grandmas are hot which I don’t think they are (except Cogita, obviously) but like… is there a consensus on this?

I don’t know man, when I look at Agatha and Bertha and Opal it’s just like… that’s a grandma. She’d bake you cookies and ask you about school or work. Agatha has an implicit risk, as you will be jumpscared by her ghosts. She’s also a little bitter and would totally just bitch about the people that get on her nerves. She’s old, she doesn’t care about anything anymore.

Bertha is the kind grandma who always asks if you want to help her make the cookies (she will not be offended if you decline). She’ll ask how your life is and will give you so much useful advice. She’ll also tell stories from her youth, and she looks so happy when she does it. She’s just nice, that's all I have to say.

Opal. Oh Opal. This specimen already has the cookies baked when you show up at her door unannounced. She knew you would be coming. Come sit down and complain about your life. She wants all of the gossip. Tell her everything, especially about your love life. Be careful about what you tell her, though, because she will not hold back when giving you her opinion.

Sorry I couldn't help myself. I had to write this out. I’ll go back to the regular headcanons.

Regular is a strong word. I desire Sada carnally. She is broken and I can fix her, okay? I have thought about this a lot, and I would subject you to all of those thoughts in incredible detail if I was strong enough to truly capture her image.

Real talk though. Sada is hesitant to fall in love again. She’s gone through a messy divorce before, and doesn't want to go through that kind of thing ever again. But she couldn’t help but fall in love with you, which leads to one of two things happening.

There’s the realistic option, that her love for you will make her work even harder towards finding paradise, which basically just leads to how the game plays out. She spends more and more time in the crater until she decides to move into it and eventually gets got by Koraidon, but you don’t know that. It would suck, but you would not be totally alone as you would have Arven there, going through the same thing. At the very least, he’ll turn out slightly better (until he has to tell you that Sada’s been dead for Arceus knows how long). 

But that’s sad, so I present to you the ideal option, that her love for you makes her realize how damaging her workaholic nature has been. She’ll be able to take a step back from her work, from the time machine and Area Zero, and just be able to live in the moment with you and Arven, like a normal family. She starts working as a regular professor. Hell, she might even start teaching at Naranja, where she’ll get to tease Arven everyday.

Anyways, regardless of what happens you get to be Arven’s stepmom, and that makes it worth it because he deserves a good parental figure in his life. I love him, he is my son, and he deserves the world.

Speaking of milfs: Lusamine. Hear me out. Technically, there are three types of Lusamine. There’s Sun and Moon Lusamine who is completely unhinged and selfish and will stop at nothing to get her way. There’s Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon Lusamine who is also slightly less unhinged and will stop at nothing to get her way, but she’s doing it for a greater cause (although it’s still kinda selfish but sometimes it’s the thought that counts). Then there's the anime Lusamine, who is actually pretty normal. Not unhinged or feral or incredibly selfish, just a mother trying her best for her two kids. 

All three of them are near and dear to my heart, but, to me, Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon Lusamine reigns supreme. She’s the best of the other two, where she’s both unhinged and trying to be a good mom (after the Ultra Necrozma business goes down, anyways).

When she becomes more adjusted, not worrying about saving Alola from an unworldly entity, she’s incredibly supportive, both to you and to her kids. Speaking of kids, if you don’t support Lillie and Gladion with your whole heart, she will cut you off. Her family is important to her, especially after losing Mohn.

Writing this, I realize that I might just be invested in giving these kids better lives, but whatever. Lillie will open up to you pretty quickly. She wants to do all kinds of mother-daughter activities. Please just spend time with her, she will love you forever. Gladion takes a bit longer, but he’ll cave to your kindness in time. He won’t admit it, though, he has an edgy persona to upkeep.

Or maybe you're into an evil bitch and you want selfish and crazy Lusamine, which is also understandable. She’ll do anything for you, and I mean anything. She would be pretty controlling though, and she might love the Ultra Beasts more than you, but that’s the price you’ve gotta pay if you want her unhinged.

Oh and also, please don’t look into Ultra Wormholes or Ultra Beasts. No matter what version of Lusamine you’re into, just don’t. Lusamine would never recover if you disappeared like Mohn did.

I’ll end this with Marnie, because I like her. She’s kinda quiet and maybe even a little shy, but she’s adorable and loves you with her whole heart and soul. Her quiet nature, though, is lost when you start doing… basically anything. Whether you’re battling or studying, she’ll be your number one cheerleader.

When you’re battling other people, she’ll be hyping up your every move. You're her girlfriend, you're obviously up to snuff, and she’ll remind you of that fact constantly. She’ll even bring in Team Yell to help out. She wants the entirety of Galar to know how strong you are. 

But she’ll cheer you on quietly, too. When she senses you're overworked or stressed, she’ll be bringing you blankets and hot tea before you can even complain about your problems. And when you’re settled in, she’ll bring you curry and huddle into your side. She’ll even get Morpeko to cuddle up to you. Feel special, Morpeko won’t even do that to Marnie, and she would complain if it wasn’t making you feel better.

If you’re battling against her, she won’t openly cheer you on like normal. She’s a gym leader, she can’t just go throwing a match because she loves you! But she’ll compliment your strategy when you're doing well. Team Yell won’t be cheering for you, though. 

Also, Piers would be totally chill with you. He couldn’t be intimidating even if he tried, he is a literal twig. He just wants his sister to be happy and safe, and mans knows you would never do anything to hurt her. Besides, someone has to tell you Marnie’s embarrassing childhood stories and baby photos.

[ganymedesclock]

I think there's a tricky place we can fall into with discourse about prejudice where the pattern goes,

"sometimes people will be angry! Demanding minorities to be sanitized and peaceful and pleasant to groups that have hurt them and in the face of behaviors that continue to hurt them is unfair!"

Which is a good thought!

But then it becomes, "it is always ethical to bully people who are More Privileged Than You!"

At which point there are three problems,

Problem one is that bully mentalities are not good, not in a moral sense as much as a practical one. Even incidents we do celebrate, like that one time a neonazi spokesperson got punched, we don't celebrate because it's a bullying action. It was a targeted act of deplatforming. That guy wasn't embarrassed because we wanted to snap his underwear and send him home crying. The punch was a means to take the platform away from a dangerous person who was using it to spread hate speech. The goal is to stop the harm. The goal is to stop the harm.

The goal is not to be a bully, because being a bully feels good and fun and cathartic and the more you encourage that impulse the more you will actively want to find people to bully, because it feels good, and being left alone with your feelings doesn't feel so good. So the categories broaden. As a means to vent anger it fails, because it makes you angrier, because you want to be angrier, because if you have more justifications there are more people to hurt. An endless buffet of people to hurt! You're better than ALL of them! (Not good for you, not good for praxis, not good to be around)

Problem two is that every human being on the planet is complicated and Privilege is a thing we can identify much more easily in vague abstract than we can in practice. Trying to split hairs and divide everything down to the finest degree to rule who outranks who on the great objective scale of privilege, creates a model where people are incentivized to strip themselves down to victim status for credibility. And most of the categories are extremely broad and affect people to very different degrees. Is my disability "disabled enough" for people? Or because I don't have physical disabilities and I'm not nonverbal, should I shut up forever, regardless of what I'm saying? Are strangers on the internet entitled to my medical history?

At that point it's basically just repeating ableism- you're only credible if you're suffering SO much you can't live without help and then we should all pity you and see you as such a victim. And that's just one example. There's a lot of ways this can go wrong.

Problem three- and the thing that inspired me to make this post- is that if you establish a narrative where the closer to a cis, white, straight, perisex, allosexual, able-bodied, english-speaking christian man in America someone is, the worse a person they inherently are, which gives ownership to all these qualities to the worst people.

I feel like I often see jokes or discussions of characters where male characters are ascribed 'stupidity' as a trait when the thing that the audience is clearly actually reacting to is that he's. nice. trustworthy. patient. And I feel like that's kind of unfair, isn't it? Are we implying any sufficiently smart man would hurt and maltreat others? That the best thing he can be is stupid? As a transmasc person myself, I don't really like the idea that if I reached a point in my transition where people saw me as a man more than anything else, they'd be afraid of me and have to decide if they think I'm too stupid to hurt them.

Men don't inherently suck, cis-heteronormativity creates a shitty box to put men in and this experience hurts them. If the hypothetical Perfectly Normative Man I listed above is the winner of the 'game' that prejudice creates (again, in America, not necessarily in every country) he wins a really bad prize. The primary nexus of misogyny, of racism, homophobia, transphobia, acephobia, ableism, prejudice against intersex people and non-christian religions and secular beliefs are directed off him, but he is made a soldier for these causes because he is never that far off the crosshairs. A cis straight man is often culturally socialized to be terrified of queerness because there is always the warning he could fail to measure up, and become rejected like those Others. Virtually always, in some way, he is already Other himself, even if he hits all the 'correct' categories he may not hit them in a way that power approves of.

This is a system that perpetuates itself through suffering, and the worst possible men, cis people, straight people, so on and so forth do not deserve to be given the right and privilege to speak for the category.