#i have a lot of Big Feelings today
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my favorite aspect of vaultghoul is how they started off with such an intense power imbalance, but lucy managed to flip it on its head by single-handedly taking out that facility and helping him. in one swift move she showed him that her ideals aren't just cotton candy. that she can be strong AND good. he may have played a hero once upon a time, but she's the real deal.
you can see that's precisely what's on his mind when he meanders in there and pops in one of his old movies. the exact movie that marked a moral shift for his heroic character.
The audience, they wanna see that even a good man such as yourself can be driven too far.
and he was. he was driven so far into doing what it took to survive that he forgot what it takes to be human. lucy is his reminder.
#vaultghoul#lucy x cooper#i have a lot of Big Feelings today#i'm gonna write something at some point idk i have such intense brainrot for this show#not sure if i wanna start with vaultghoul or ghoul x reader first#i wanna play around and get in the headspace to write him hhhh#the ghoul#cooper howard
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day 1765
#amphibian#frog#self#frogsona#thanks everyone for the congrats and well wishes!!!#genuinely meant a lot :)#healing is going super well!! i was expecting it to be a lot worse tbh but i'm mostly just tired#the post op binder SUCKS though i understand why it's useful but i can't wait to be out of it#today (day of posting) i FINALLY got to see the results for the first time though!! after getting the big bandaids and stitches removed#they didn't take any pictures of the results before taping me up so i've had to be sooo patient#actually seeing it felt unreal im so happy?? it already looks amazing and it's healing so well#i keep looking back at the pictures i took holy fuck that's me!!! it feels so right i have never felt this good about my body wow
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How would you redesign Headmaster Magneto? Just out pf curiousity because while he served it didn’t feel like… Erik.
i have to keep it 100 i have no idea without just. rerunning his original design but with a palette swap LOL but we try around here
#xmen#xmen comics#magneto#erik lehnsherr#snap sketches#CAUSE LIIIKEE i want to keep SOMEE elements of the headmaster look obviously#i like its design intent. or how i see its design anyway idfk .... idk what im sayin im sleepy#just gotta. throw a few more things on there .... maybe... again i dont know 😔#the bigass M just makes me think of megaman gigamix i cant even lie#having/wanting to keep this as a one piece/leotard with that big ass m is probablyl whats stumping me if im so tbh#for some reason the lack of 'underwear' and helmet really is doing a lot for it Not feeling like magneto#the helmet i get Thats His Symbol ATP but the underwear ..... girl idk Strong Man or something like that#its just awkward because headmaster magneto is Supposed to be more tame or . 'domesticated' i guess vjALKE#not less powerful but he shouldnt be as intimidating/outwardly powerful if. that makes sense???#the first thought seeing him shouldnt be 'hes going to stomp me to death' it should be. Not That LKVJAEKj#BUT AT LEAAASSST in the back of the mind being likek 'he could probably stomp me to death'#SOME power but not to a threatening degree idfk what im saying my TUMMY IS RUMBLIGN AGAIN#what did i eat todasy. i ate like five hot pockets today thats what i ate. and some grapes#idk im tired. maybe ill try this again down the line#anyway enjoy if you can. saturday is upon us which means i can DOODLE AGAIN
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I think if their was internet on the Tulpar that Daisuke wouldn’t call for help and just live tweet everytime Swansea and Jimmy got into a fist fight or “girls night” (him and anya sleeping in a different area during said fight).
Almost every tweet is a live tweet of him going “Lol Swansea brought out the axe again :p”
#like I think the game takes place in the like retro future where it’s extremely post capitalist hence why they go to different systems#and year long voyages and have such a big ship for something so stupid and media has reverted in a lot of ways hence the commercials like#1950s aesthetic#like real talk Swansea would be like gen z probably and Swansea like around my age but whatever generation he is#mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#feeling silly today back at work#pls send asks I beg like I have nothing to do
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Are true riverdale fans of the opinion it is a very good and nearly flawless show or does being a true riverdale fan mean being able to mock writing choices
it's long-running serial television plotted a season/half at a time so definitely not even "nearly" flawless.
BUT. i'm not doing combat with the writing team. i'm not actively reading against the text the way i have to in order to enjoy something like supernatural or the 90s robin comics or the fucking sopranos, which are patriarchal christiancore copworld rapeworld white supremacist horrorshows that hate their minority audiences, with like 2 good creatives involved and martyring themselves to fight the good fight on sparse rare installments if you try to approach them sincerely.
riverdale writing staff are like a favorite smart problematic tumblr mutual to me. I don't always like what's on their blog or who they're referencing. but we're in the same community and i'm interested and inspired and i trust their agenda overall, even when i see shit i wouldn't have fucking posted. but bc i'm not being condescended to or actively spited i'm not gonna condescend to or spite them, you know?
i expect rvd to age like twin peaks (another very uneven, highly referential serial juggling a couple of intensely cool metanarratives on top of its core story). and twin peaks fandom mocks twin peaks all the time. twin peaks includes some CLUNKY shit. it's kitsch. it's camp. it has a second season that is largely ASS. james is there. and on top of that it also includes some genuinely offputting-to-me stuff that just bothers me to sit through, even though i feel like i understand and respect what they're going for with it. i just don't want to watch someone sweep the fucking bar for minutes and minutes as entertainment. OK!!?
...so yeah. mock riverdale but in the right spirit. is that an answer? do i sound like i'm chugging the flavoraid koolaid fresh-aid? probably.
#i like the way people mock the flop parts of twin peaks and i enjoy it when people mock the flop parts of riverdale in the same tone#but rvd NOT one of those shows where the fandom is the thing that makes it good by appropriating and rearranging it. like some listed above#riverdale isn't dumb. it's not thoughtless. it's a lowbrow postmodern love letter to trash media and it takes a lot of big risky swings.#and its juggling act does NOT always work in practice. i don't always agree with the tradeoffs it takes to balance like.#the mainline text AND the queer subtext AND the fanfictiony iterative media riffs AND the genre meta AND the actual canonical metaplot#but it really does reward curiosity and close-reading. it's like a little puzzle cube you have to turn over a few times sometimes to solve#i feel judgmental about people who hit 'post' on what's obviously like a very surface level reaction without much thought put into it#ohhh the show challenged you? the show folded continuity over on itself and you can't hang anymore? you didn't get what you expected?#and now you're being dismissive instead of sitting with it? ok. dork.#riverdale#(it's not really that serious. but you asked and i'm feeling so so very earnest about Posting today. love you thanks for asking)#(would love to know what parts you most want to mock. i have my own list. eNdGaMe is at the top of it. jughead's mommy issues era too)
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Found this audio and it fitted just too well (except the marriage part ahah), so I just had to try and do something with it. Clive fandom I will never truly leave you even if I suck at social media <3
#Thought about it a lot and I think I just don't like social networks. It feels stressful and overwhelming and I'm never at ease on these#But the people are nice so I keep coming back <3 I love you all =) I hope you've been doing good !!!!#I haven't started catching up but I'll do it tomorrow night because I have a big day today and it is currently 5am oops (haven't slept#Anyway I hope you like it !!! :D Doing animatics on paper is a nightmare ijnfuzehf#Clive Dove#Luke Triton#Professor Layton and the unwound future#Professor Layton and the lost future#Unwound future spoilers#Lost Future spoilers#My art#My videos#<- LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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wet on wet, attempts at some art therapy at home
#art#watercolor#abstract#i suppose!#my art#i’ve been going THROUGH it this year dear lord#and my art has taken a beating for sure#well maybe not the art itself just the feeling around it#i haven’t been able to let loose in so long#so today i decided to just do it!!!#i used my kuretake gansai tambi and a big ol brush and no palette#i just let the paint do its thing#my favorite is the first one#or the second#hm#this year has been so so much to handle and we’re not quite out of the woods yet#and on top of everything else i’ve had to heal from traumatic experiences#that i gained *at* therapy which is so painfully ironic#old ladies who don’t believe in autistic girls existing (basically) and deny my pain only because i’m young#have no place in the therapy world#she did and said a lot of other things that hurt me so deeply that it’ll take months to fully process it all :’D
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was trying to figure out why I feel so Wrong rn and I think it's because I didn't follow my usual daily routine like At All and now my brain is freaking out. woke up at a vastly different time, had entirely different tasks throughout the day, took a nap at a weird time (to make up for the fact I had about 3 hours of sleep last night), zero human contact for the past 15 hours, and ate different food from usual (various leftovers from social events/thanksgiving, instead of cooking for myself like normal). and before I really realized that these were all things that were Bad For My Brain I was just wandering around my house like "why do I feel like garbage?? I've literally been outside so much today my brain should be happy"
ANYWAY here's to me not remembering I have issues with unstructured living because my days have been so similar for the past 4ish years that I straight up Forgot that things being too different too fast makes me crazy ✌️
#rye.txt#I'll be fine lol#the sudden shift in my daily schedule and my generally unhealthy eating today were the big things that made me feel Bad#so now that I am actually cognizant of this I can take steps to mitigate it tomorrow#god. what the hell did I even eat#leftover soup. that was breakfast (very out of my ordinary). uhh. a lot of pie (grandma made a ton for thanksgiving).#a tangerine that miiight have been on the edge of going bad#(thought I should eat a fruit. fruit did not improve status)#reheated popcorn chicken? that was not a good decision I felt so gross after eating that#hrm. ok my issue is that I feel like I Need To Eat These Leftovers So They Don't Go Bad#otherwise i'll be Wasting Perfectly Good Food#BUT. I don't want to eat it and eating it makes me feel generally unfulfilled and kinda blehg#ough. why can't I be normallllll#I'm also not dealing with the whole 'zero human contact' very well tbh. which is weird because I'm a deeply introverted person#and usually spend my days avoiding people like the plague#but idk. it's been literal years since I've spent and extended period of time completely alone#I don't knowwww i don't know#I'm gonna invite some friends over tomorrow and get them to help me eat these dang pies#ALSO. ITS BEEN REALLY COLD TODAY. AND I HAD TO BREAK INTO MY NEIGHBORS' HOUSE#(was not breaking in; I was trying to take care of their dogs since they're out of town)#(but their door code AND their garage door code weren't working#and I didn't have a physical key to use#so I had to push my way in through a back door that'd been blocked by a pile of boxes taller than my head#and squirm into their garage in order to get inside and take care of the dogs)#(was a very stressful way to spend my early waking hours)#i ALSO had to drive to the AIRPORT this morning which SUCKED. had to drop off family#which like I'm happy to help but also airports suck so much ass I hate them#anyway. today was sort of shitty#but mostly I only have myself to blame#did not structure my day well enough
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my seniors have been so quiet all year and it’s been fine cause we’ve had a lot of writing/research to do but I need them to talk to me now so i was hit by a bolt of inspiration two days ago and I made them all tell me their comfort level with sharing aloud, rating themselves on a scale of 1-10. I then averaged the class score and they’re a 4.5. I then told them yesterday we needed to raise the score the tiniest bit. And the 1’s and 2’s didn’t need to be 10’s just maybe 3’s and 4’s. And they tried! They talked more 😭
#it’s sooooo hard because when a class is quiet my default is to assume you hate me#which is so hard because I need a response. which is why I actually can handle a loud raucous class pretty well because it’s just about#holding their attention and redirecting#but when they’re quiet it’s so hard. but i’ve really forced myself to be like ‘they don’t hate you they’re just quiet’#and they ARE#and actually they are reading (not all of them lol) and a lot of them want to learn#it was really helpful going to try to capitalize on this today#I had a moment a few weeks ago where I taught them a poem and it was crickets and I was like sigh they hate it and me#but then I said wanna learn another one? and like—seven of them nodded at me with big eyes and quiet enthusiasm#and I was like okayyyyy there is something going on#it feels so different teaching them than any other class it’s been a real learning experience for me#also yesterday we were talking about Jane Fairfax and Emma hating her lolololol#and Emma being frustrated with Jane’s reserve and I teased them a little bit#I said you’re not cold but you ARE reserved and I am Emma trying to get you to tell me about Frank Churchill at Weymouth#literally lol#ALSO it hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday that this is the class where I need to tell them WHY I make them tell me all the plot details#and we go over it together#and the actual concrete purpose of it. cause it isn’t just book-clubbing it!#it has to do with guiding them through a novel but also teaching them how to do it themselves#I get so prickly when people think it’s just book club behavior#if I was in a book club i would be a tyrant which is why I belong in a classroom#ANYWAY I AM WASTING THE DAY AWAY#but i have woken up with great excitement because I’ve been mulling on the seniors all year#and I feel like I’m getting somewhere#teaching tag
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after my last job that left me suicidal constantly, it took me literal years but im finally at a place where i feel like i can do work and try and go through stressors without hating my work and my life and idk, maybe this is dumb but no matter what happens, even if right now things feel like a mess, i hope that one day things will feel right for you. you are strong, it doesnt always fucking feel like it when you're breaking down and its going to be so much work (and sometimes that work is learning how to destress and setting boundaries and slowing down) but i love you and i have faith in you.
Thanks :-]
#mostly rn i just have a lot of fear in my body which is paralyzing me#so im not being productive im not goofing off im just sitting there feeling horrible#but i successfully read a paper today. unfortunately it was a paper that was particularly chosen to be super simple#so its not actually a big success. and it took me like 2.5hrs but i did read and understand it. so yea#and im also terrified that if i do get a job offer ill have to move in the middle of the semester. which would b horrible for a lot of#reasons. so i dont wanna b here and i dont wanna go. so again im just sitting here feeling horrible#unrelated
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One of the most beautiful things about being a Christian is the fact that I can take my sorrows, my worries, my pain, my joys, my desires, my hope--all of it!--directly to God. And he cares about it. Even when it's small and personal, and even when it's so big I can't deal with it myself. I can take all of it to him, and I know he will take care of it.
#there is so much peace even when I have a lot to trouble me#i was absolutely devastated today to learn something (it doesn't directly affect me but it hurts me to know about it)#and I couldn't deal with it myself#and I haven't been the greatest at keeping actively in prayer recently#but this was so big I had to take it to God right away#and the peace I have now that I've done that is so great#sometimes it feels like “WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING”#and i don't for a second want to dissuade someone from doing something if they have the means and the abilities and the backing to do it#BY ALL MEANS IF THE LORD WILLS IT GO AND DO IT#but some things are beyond our abilities#beyond us in every way#but if it still bothers us we can take it to God and rest assured that in taking it to him#we have done more than if we had personally tackled the issue ourselves#because what is impossible even for the most powerful person on earth is not impossible with God#and we are promised that if we pray in accordance to his will he will answer those prayers#so i have taken my pain to God and I came back feeling renewed#what a friend we have in Jesus#how blessed to be able to take my sorrow to the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE#i am so grateful for being the uniquely Christian ability to approach our God and speak to him directly#he is so so good
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My brain is absolutely terrible today. Here's some pictures of my pets.
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#that's the last picture i took of Shiloh#i miss my sweet old man#the holidays are always hard#but today is especially rough#my wife didn't give me anything for christmas#we don't normally really do anything so it's not a big deal#but i did get her a little something#and she made gifts for her co-workers and her siblings#she said she felt bad and i said it was fine because i don't want her to feel bad#but i guess it's bothering me more than i realized#just feeling kind of taken for granted in general lately#i do a lot for other people#which i do genuinely like doing#and i know it's appreciated and i don't expect reciprocity#but like#it would be nice if someone did something for me sometimes#without me having to ask or bargain or break down crying#ignore me#just venting in tags#hope everyone has a lovely new year
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A humble offering 🤲
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(because you also deserve to have some Tinies dropped on your inbox 🥺)
mnynymnmynmynymnymynmyyygghhhhh <- actual transcript of the pathetic whine i let out when i opened my inbox
Words are not really wording for a couple hours now but for me? ME? Tiny Token FOR me ?? With an entire summer scene??? I am both humbled and crying. I am fully undeserving but i'm taking it. T_T♥
I can't even decide what is the best bit. All of it. Yeah, everything about this is perfect.
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#answer under the cut so people may reblog it more willingly#this needs to be seen#seriously tho i have no idea how you divined it but i really needed this today#this is just so unnecesseraily kind of you and i'm just..#you know#feelings#big and a lot of them#being processed#thank you so much again#levynn answers#sleep token#tiny token
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#just a little mental health check in mostly for myself just to write it down#I'm in a weird place#in some regards I've been doing really well lately#I've been more social which always does wonders for my mental health#on the other hand a couple weeks ago I was home alone for a couple days and I was so stir crazy I almost couldn't handle it#I've actually been happy with my body for the last few months and I haven't had any anxiety about food nor have I attempted any restrictions#that's been a big bonus#I'm having a lot of trouble with decisions lately. I'm second guessing everything to a stressing degree#I feel like a bad person for reasons I can't totally pinpoint. like I think I'm manipulating everyone but to what end I can't tell#and there's a part of me that knows this is irrational but I can't shake it#it's so weird being aware that I'm doing so well in many regards#but I'm also able to feel myself slipping into types of paranoia that I know I'm suseptible to#today's been better but for the last few days my heart rate has been noticeably high (which says a lot because it is generally high)#it's caused unease#I don't know if I really have a point to typing any of this out#I'm feeling fine overall. I'm happy with my life right now. I have plenty of things to look forward to in the near and further future#I can just tell something is a little off and I think it might be beneficial to my future self to write this out for sake of timeline#I really need to start tracking my period because it totally might be that. or you know. I have OCD and anxiety is just a part of my life#who knows. it could be a mix or nothing or everything#I don't think anyone's reading this whole thing lol but if anyone does I do want to leave the reassurance that I'm fine and I'll be fine#like I said. just keeping an eye on myself.#oh I thought of another positive thing! I've been way less freaked out about chemicals lately! that's a nice note to end this on!#ashley rambles
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So turns out being sick + seasonal depression + sleep deficit + work-related issues + the world going to shit in general amounts to me not feeling so great at all, I am both shocked and appalled by this outcome 😔
#and then I'm like 'at least I'll always have fanfiction'#and then the world is like 'ha ha so about that...' 🙃#sorry to be depressing on main#I try not to do that too much because I want this to be a positive space but AAHH today is just a Day#just not having a very good time atm#as I'm sure goes for a LOT of people right now#I know I'm not special lol#just venting I guess#this is why I hate fall and winter but anywayyyy#big shoutout to the wonderful nonnie who send me an ask earlier though <33#you're the only good thing about today and I love you#I will reply when I'm feeling a little less maudlin <3#minnie talks
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//.
#🌊 | outside the ship / ooc#vent tw#tbd.#[ I think I'm about to hit a big burnout again but I don't want this to happen ]#[ a lot of shit happened today that made me feel emotionally exhausted I guess ]#[ like I have to make a different kind of food; we ran out of water here due to the heat ]#[ my shoulder still hurts because of yesterday's walk and now one my my earbud's side just stopped working. out of nowhere ]#[ my mom is going to be mad at me bcs these were basically new ughh ]#[ I'm sorry for those who are waiting I'll promise I'll try to make up for it this weekend if I'm able ]#[ I have a shit ton of stuff in my inbox but I promise I'll try to get to them soon ]#[ I'm just. man ]
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