#I really need to start tracking my period because it totally might be that. or you know. I have OCD and anxiety is just a part of my life

[emometalhead]

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[organised-kitty]

Tag 20-28 | 18/100 hours | 28/08/23

So basically this week I barely studied German, I only did like 2 hours in the entire week and I felt like a total failure to be honest. After careful analysis I realised I needed to re organize my goals, my plan, my study techniques and my mindset so I can make this work out the best possible. At this moment I’m in a stage where I feel like nothing works to help me get back on track but I need to see this as a period of experimentation to help me push forward. So this is my take on how to deal with failure and slumps in progress. (Inspired by selfcare-journey)

⭐️ Identify what’s not working

Personally, what’s keeping me from doing my tasks is the fact that I’m always feeling tired and I have frequent migraines; I have been sleeping less than 6 hours a day because of university and yet I haven’t done as much progress because I’m so tired, I can’t focus and therefore I worked very slowly which left me feeling lazier, very frustrated and unmotivated.

⭐️ Prioritizing health and self care

I think we have all been consumed at some point by the idea of toxic productivity where the one who works the most and sleeps the least is the best one, but ultimately enjoying learning and having quality study time will only be possible if we’re physically and mentally sane.

I feel hesitant to redefine my work hours because I feel guilty when I think of studying less, I’m scared of not meeting deadlines, but I already know that this toxic cycle isn’t working for me so I have to accept that it’s okay if I can’t study 8 hours straight, if I need more breaks than other people and it’s okay if I work slow, if I don’t grasp things quickly, it’s okay to fall behind..because I’m in the process of rewiring how I study and taking my time is better than not doing anything and giving up.

⭐️ Managing energy levels

Along with my horrid sleeping schedule this energy slump is also the result of me not eating throughout the day and then having a huge unhealthy meals later in the day, and it’s really affecting my energy levels. So I need to start keeping hydrated, doing light exercise, eating healthier and more regular meals along with having better sleep hygiene because honestly I feel half dead. I also need to go to a medical check up to figure out what’s the cause of my migraines.

⭐️ Dealing with procrastination

I think lately I really struggle with a sense of discomfort when I study because lately I associate studying with failure and frustration. So I think breaking my task into smaller bits might make it less overwhelming. When I was in therapy I learnt a lot about how to deal with intrusive thoughts and emotions so I will put some of those techniques into practice. I also want to work on self compassion and embracing the idea that even a little progress is a step closer to my goal, I think celebrating those small wins can create a positive cycle of motivation.

⭐️ Improving focus

For this aspect I will go back to the ultra short Pomodoro method. (10-15 min with 2 min break) Force myself to work for a small period of time and give myself a tiny break. It’s a pretty basic technique but the idea of this is to experiment and see how well it works for me, identify for how long I can work until things start to become difficult. I think the best breaks are those that keep you away from your phone, because 5 minutes of social media is a recipe for disaster. So I will try to do things like grab some water, stretch a bit, breathing exercises, clean my bag, walk around the room a bit, doodling, have a snack, so that I keep active but refreshed. I think being in a productive environment like a library or a cafeteria could also help to keep focused.

⭐️ Enjoying learning

Now that I’m coming across more difficult content I tend to get unmotivated, so I think the best strategy is try seeing it like a game, where I don’t focus on the learning outcome but rather focus on the process of understanding, problem solving and overcoming new challenges, perhaps that will make the journey more rewarding.

Reminding one self of why I started and connecting the connecting the content to my interests and real world applications could be really useful in boosting my curiosity and motivation as well.

⭐️ Active learning

My study sessions have turned into something very passive, just doing exercises and checking flashcards has become very boring. I think I need to re-incorporate more active learning techniques like writing in a journal in my target language and talking to native friends more.

Additionally I think I need to readjust my schedule and re organize myself so I can include these changes, track them and check for feedback, but this post is already long enough so I will make a separate one.

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

personal rant (tw chronic pain, chronic illness)

i don't normally post stuff like this on here at all because i love keeping this space here just for fun fandom stuff, but today has just been so unbelievably shit and i feel like i just need to scream into the void about it for a moment to try and process.

basically, me and my sister had vip tickets to meet and see this band today who's incredibly special to us. they were a total lifeline for us when we were growing up, but we never got the chance to see them live. in august when we finally got these tickets over ten years after we both started listening to them, we were both over the MOON. it was such a special moment for us, but also felt like such a milestone because both of us have been through so much since we were those kids sitting in my room finding so much solace in this band's music together. it felt like such a significant thing to be going to see them all these years later, having overcome so much and both of us being in places now that we never thought we could get to.

anyway, fast track to today and i woke up in excruciating pain. some of you might know that i have some issues with various chronic illnesses/pain already, and one of the conditions i have is endometriosis. for anyone who doesn't know, it's an incurable condition where tissue similar to the lining of the womb grows outside the womb and causes chronic pelvic pain, fatigue, and a whole bunch of other fun symptoms. but it's biggest symptom, for me anyway, is the WORST period pain you can imagine. like, no medications can touch it, passed out on the floor for hours, screaming in agony kind of pain. i've lived with it for over half my life now and yes, obviously it affects me - but also i've got pretty good at learning how to manage it, and i have it down to like. a day or two per month where i'm incapacitated by pain rather than half the days. some months i don't get days like that at all now. i wouldn't say i feel good - a lot of the time i'm in pain and on painkillers/carrying around a hot water bottle with me when i'm at home etc - but i'm like. mostly functional. it hurts, but when it does, usually these days i can push through it when i really need to (even if that makes it worse later).

but today? today of all days, i woke up with the most excruciating pain i've had probably all year. i couldn't see or move enough to reach out to my bedside table and take my painkillers, let alone think of getting on a train and going to a gig. it's been over twelve hours and i'm only now able to sit up enough to watch stuff on my laptop for comfort and type this out (and i'm still in a lot of pain). of course my sister had to go to the gig without me, because there was just no way i could physically move to get there. and i'm just feeling so shit because although of course she was lovely about it, she was so nervous about going by herself and also really sad we couldn't go together, and i feel so much like i've let her down and that my body hasn't just ruined this incredibly special thing for me but also for her.

i generally try not to dwell on the stuff i can't do because i've learnt that it's NOT helpful, and it doesn't change anything anyway. i'm used to missing things i want to go to and not being able to see friends sometimes, working and having no energy left to do anything but sleep at the weekends. and most of the time it's okay, i've kind of made my peace with it. but on days like today i just feel so sad about it, all the things i don't get to do - especially things like this which are such special, once in a lifetime kind of opportunities. i know i shouldn't really complain because on the whole i've been really lucky with the things i've got to do despite my condition - i think this is the first time in a good five years or so that it's caused me to miss going to something really big like this, and i've got to go and see so many wonderful bands over that time. but this one... they're just such a special one to me and to my sister, and it feels like such a loss. and it just brings home how much this condition really does affect me - i've got pretty good at downplaying it over the years, but it's days like today where i'm like, no actually. this is awful and there's nothing i can do about it. which is a really scary kind of position to be in.

i don't even really know what the purpose of this post was other than to just let some of that out. normally i'd speak to my sister about it because she understands it the most, but i didn't want to let her see how upset i was about not being able to go because i still wanted her to have the best time possible and not be worrying about me. anway yeah, sorry to anyone who's read all the way through this, i know it's long and rambly and super negative. usually i'm able to take this kind of thing in my stride, but today it just really got me and i just feel so sad and defeated. i know in a few days it won't loom so big, and there are other wonderful things on the horizon that i'll get to do - but yeah. for today, i think i just need to let myself feel sad.

[lovelylogans]

the parent trap

CHAPTER SEVEN: operation augstus

The realization of having an identical twin does quite a bit to spur some out-of-the-box levels of creativity.

The realization of having an identical twin does quite a bit to spur some out-of-the-box levels of creativity.

⁂

The rest of the day passes in a giddy, unreal blur.

They eschew camp activities and communal meals—who needed any of that when you’d just found your twin brother for the first time?!

The wedding photo, placed as close to reunited as they could manage, has taken place of pride in the midst of their communal bulletin board.

Cubby and Paddington—in their own way, reunited, long-lost twins—are put in pride of place at the forefront of Roman’s dresser, the best-lit location in the room at the moment. They even look like they’re holding paws.

They spend a lot of time going I can’t believe it! and who’d have thought and I really, really can’t believe it! but that one’s mostly Roman, but Remus can totally get the urge.

Because seriously. A long-lost identical twin brother.

A long-lost identical twin brother who is currently telling him all about life with Dad—who exists and walks and talks and is generally a real person with thoughts and opinions rather than a frozen figure in just one picture—and Dad’s cousin, Uncle Logan, and their Grandfather (“we have a Grandfather?!”) who all live together in—

“How big’s the townhouse?”

“Oh, don’t make me try to translate proper measurements to your awful system,” Roman complains. “I don’t know—big enough that we all have our own bedroom? It’s a house.”

“Still—you’re in London, you all have to be squished in between other houses. That sounds really—”

“How could they have never told us about each other?” Roman says, and that stops Remus in his tracks.

He tries to come up with something. Anything.

All he can come up with is “I dunno.”

“I know that Dad doesn’t tell me everything in his life, especially if it has to do with Papa,” Roman says in a small voice. “But I’d have thought he’d at least tell me something as important as this.”

“And hiding this is totally unlike Pa,” Remus says. “He’s a total open book. He’s so lovey-dovey with so many people, and he’s all about that importance of family junk, he schedules in bonding time and everything. Almost a little too much, sometimes.”

“...maybe he schedules too much with you because—”

“—what, because he’s missing you?” Remus says, then stops to think for a literal second. “No, yeah, that actually sounds a lot like Pa. Huh. That’s definitely part of why he’s so…”

He struggles for the word, then, “You’d get it if you met Pa.”

“I wish I could,” Roman says glumly. “If our parents didn’t even know that we were going to meet each other—”

But that jogs a thought for Remus and he interrupts immediately.

“So you haven’t written Dad about me, right?” Remus checks. “Like, back in the fencing match or whatever.”

“Certainly not,” Roman says, affronted. “He’d be lecturing me for weeks that I managed to get caught pulling tricks on someone else.”

“Me either, with Pa,” Remus says, “except he’d just be lecturing me for weeks period. Dad sounds cooler about that sort of thing, but I’m getting off track: you never mentioned the name Remus or Parker, right? Because I never said anything about a Roman or a James.”

“No, I was so sick to death of the conversation that I just completely blocked out the fencing match from my letter,” Roman says. “And then—well, all the trouble started. I think I mentioned going to play poker, but that would be it.”

“Well,” Remus says. “They can’t know that we’ve met.”

Roman looks stung. “Why not?”

“Uh, hello?!” Remus says. “I don’t know about you, but I think a letter home going Dear Pa, Guess who I met! My identical twin brother, and you’ve got some explaining to do! might not get the results we want, will it?”

“But we can’t not write about anything,” Roman says. “I don’t know how I’d feel waiting to talk to Dad about camp until we got home again, I’ve been writing him fairly consistently, unless—”

Roman pauses.

“Unless?” Remus prompts.

“...unless we come up with an alias,” Roman says slowly.

“A what?”

“An alias! Like a codename,” Roman says. “That way, we can write home saying we’ve made a new friend this and that, and then when we get home we can lay all of our cards on the table. Like, we know we have a brother out there, look at this Polaroid for proof and explain yourself!”

“That’s a pretty good idea,” Remus admits. “What’s our codename, though? Like, Harry M. Welsch?”

“That’s a movie character, isn’t it.”

“Oh yeah, for sure.”

“That would give it away immediately. No, we need something unique…”

Roman hand-to-God starts tapping his finger against his chin, like some kind of movie character, before: “I’ve got it! Well, part of it.”

“Well, tell me your part, and I can come up with my part.”

“Roman,” he says, placing a hand to his chest, then pointing, “Remus.”

“Yeah…?”

“You’re familiar with the story of the creation of the Roman empire, aren’t you? Isn’t a name for something related to both of our names obvious?”

“Your codename cannot be Rome.”

“No!” Roman laughs, then, “I’m saying the real-life founder of Rome instead of the mythical ones. Our codename should be Augustus.”

“...Huh,” Remus says. “You know, that’s… not terrible.”

“I’m making friends with a boy in my cabin named Augustus,” Roman prompts. “We play poker and we’ve found an abandoned cabin—”

“—no mentions of our exile then—?”

“—of course not—and we hang out together a lot more, we’re getting to be really close, practically like brothers…”

“Oh, I catch your drift,” Remus says. “Hm. I guess I should come up with a last name, then…. oh!”

“Is it going to be awful?”

“Augustus Plotka!” Remus says, nudging him. “Because Augustus is key to our plot?”

“Awful.”

“I could just call him last name Operation, first name Augustus.”

“Plotka’s fine,” Roman says hastily.

⁂

Hi Pa and Virgil,

Sorry I haven’t written in a while! I got real caught up in stuff with a guy from Pine. He’s pretty cool, I guess, he knows a lot about fashion and fencing and poker and stuff. His name’s Augustus Plotka and we’ve had to spend a lot of time together lately since it’s raining like crazy here so it means we spend a lot more time talking to other people. 

Which also means more letter writing, since there’s not a lot to do out while it’s raining. I guess everyone needed a rest anyway, so much has been happening here that you probably wouldn’t believe me if I told you. There’s been a bit of a shuffle around for scheduling since I guess the counselors trust us enough to know our way around now and me and Gus found this abandoned cabin—I’ll stick a Polaroid in the envelope—isn’t it spooky?! It looks like someone’s going to come and murder us in the dead of night and this cabin used to belong to the founder of camp who haunts it to this day, I love it. 

I haven’t actually found any evidence of hauntings or grisly murders. Yet. But give me time!!!

I think Gus would probably like that if just through a storytelling perspective. He’s kind of squeamish but I guess everyone is compared to me. You should’ve seen his face when I started making Sludge at the dinner table! He didn’t think I would eat it! It’s like he’d never even met me!

How’s stuff at the vineyard? How’s Sprout doing? Apparently there’s going to be some rinky-dink old donkey down at camp sometime, but there’s no way that ass is gonna hold a candle to Sprout. (I can write it! That’s the technical name for a donkey!)

Send suggestions of junk food to st request from the kitchens!!! I think Gus is Amish or something, he’d never tried a Dunkaroo or a Fruit Roll-Up until he came to camp, can you believe it?!

Pet Sammy and Sprout for me, and also don’t even worry about whatever noises are coming from the closet in my room,

—Remus

⁂

Dear Dad (and Uncle Logan, and Grandfather),

At last, some semblance of home here! The downpour we’ve had lately is truly something; Augustus from my cabin keeps trying to tell me various American turns of phrase for it, but I think at least one of them is fake. Probably “the devil’s beating his wife,” because that seems rather uncouth, doesn’t it? But Augustus swears up and down that’s what Americans say when it rains while it’s kind of sunny outside so long as his last name’s Plotka.

This means much more time for drawing and painting—we got to explore a bit more before the rain shut us in, and Augustus and I found this abandoned cabin (sketch enclosed) that makes for a nice quiet area to sit in shelter without worry of any interference from other campers, who seem to ignore this cabin’s existence entirely.

Augustus likes to paint too, but he tends to a bit of a more… impressionistic style, let’s say? Lots of bright colors, lots of interfering with any brushstrokes with using his fingers because “the paint’s not going where I want it,” but it turns out pretty good, so I suppose I know what he’s doing.

We’ve rather settled into a rhythm here at camp, and the counselors seem to trust that we know where we’re going now, so we have much more freedom in picking our tasks. So that means less basketball (I really am rubbish at it) and much more footie, arts and crafts, and hanging out by the lake, which is as I prefer rather than trying my best to avoid being tackled by the brutish sport that is American football.

Anyway, this weather ALSO leaves us plenty of time to play poker (Augustus gets close but he’s hasn’t beaten me in three matches, even though he tries to count cards and is absolutely unrepentant) and talk about things. His home sounds interesting, but I find myself missing you all more and more.

Your son/cousin-once-removed/grandson,

Roman James

⁂

And now, to close the night, they’ve pushed their beds together, arms tucked under their heads, talking and talking, the way they’ve been talking and talking all day, and it’s just—

It’s just so weird. Even for Remus.

“Did Papa ever remarry?”

“Nah,” Remus says. “He always says he’s too busy with me and the vineyard, and that romantic love isn’t the end-all be-all of life anyway and that he’s perfectly happy with the platonic love he’s got. How about Dad?”

“No—he said that marriage isn’t much for him,” Roman says, then, thoughtfully, “I’m sure he’s gone on dates, but nothing too serious.”

“Same as Pa, then,” Remus says. 

“That’s rather poetic, I suppose. Both of them mirroring each other even after all this time.”

“I don’t know if they sound too much alike,” Remus says. “Actually, they sound real different. They did end up getting divorced for some reason, you know.”

“Do you know?” Roman says. “The reason our parents got divorced, I mean.”

“Not really—Pa doesn’t talk about it, much. It makes him too sad.”

“Dad either. He always changes the subject. I don’t know much about their partnership, really. Well—clearly, neither of us knew that much, considering our current predicament.”

“Do you know much about how our Dads met?” Remus asks, adjusting slightly so he can see Roman better.

“Some,” Roman says. “Probably the same as you.”

“Say it anyway, in case you know any little details different from me.”

“Well,” Roman says. “Dad’s scared stiff of flying, you see, so when he had to go from London to the States he booked a ticket on the Queen Elizabeth II, an ocean liner. Dad was put next to Papa at dinner, and I’m told that was history. They were married onboard the ship in less than the two weeks the voyage took.”

“Going from strangers to marrying them in two weeks,” Remus says with a shake of his head. “That’s wild. And I’m saying that.”

“Well, I think it’s rather romantic,” Roman declares.

Remus wonders, in a daze, if hearing about the opposite life he could have had is as strange for Roman as it will be for him… if they’d just been switched at birth, it’s the life Remus could have had, knowing his Dad instead of his Pa, but then…

But then it clicks.

“Roman,” he says, turning to grin at his brother—his brother! “I have a completely perfect, totally awesome idea!”

Roman blinks at him, briefly lifting his head, propping himself up on his elbows.

“You want to know what Pa is like, right?”

“Well, of course,” Roman says.

“And I wanna know what Dad is like,” Remus pushes. “I’m thinking—Roman, when camp is over, I think we should switch places.”

Roman gapes at him.

“I’ll go to London to spend time with Dad and Uncle Logan as you,” Remus says, then, “so weird I have an Uncle, by the way—”

“—he’s not technically our uncle, he’s Dad’s cousin—”

“—same difference—and you’ll go to California to spend time with Pa as me!” 

“Remus,” Roman protests, “we’re so completely and utterly different—”

“Roman, we’re identical twins!” Remus urges. “This is the kind of thing that pranksters dream of! We can teach each other—you can tell me about why I should like beans on toast—” (“they’re good!”) “—and I can teach you cool things, like how to build stink bombs—look, I can be you already!”

Remus covers the streak in his hair with his hand and puts on his haughtiest English accent.

“But do you want to know the real difference between you and me? That I know how to fence and you don’t? Or is it that I have class and you don’t? Take your pick.”

Roman grins sheepishly.

“Come on, Rome,” Remus urges, clasping his hands together under his chin. “I gotta meet my Dad—and I know you wanna meet your Papa.”

He juts out his lower lip and widens his eyes in his best possible puppy-dog eyes impression. 

Roman chews his lip. Then—

“You know,” Roman says, some realization dawning over his eyes. “You do realize, if we switch…”

“Yeah?”

“Then Dad and Papa are going to have to reunite to switch us back.”

Remus gasps, the realization hitting him.

“And when they do—” Roman prompts.

“They’ll have to reunite again!”

“After all these years…” Roman sighs, “oh, it’s like a romance movie, I could just die!”

“Ugh, I dunno about romance,” Remus complains.

“Oh, hush,” Roman says happily. “So… if we were to switch…”

Remus nudges him with an elbow. “You’re gonna have to work on your accent.”

“Oh, as if yours is any better.”

previous chapter | masterpost | next chapter

[wil-whatilearned]

Hi, my name is Wil. Well, this is not my real name, but let's pretend it is. It stands for "What I learned", because i want to share here weekly (hopefully) what I will learn in my my university STEM journey.

In September I will finally graduate in physics (a year late) , and then i'll start my master degree in particle physics. Now, I just have to finish writing my bachelor thesis.

An exciting path is ahead of me. I'm filled with hope but also fears.

I fear failure. In my bachelor's degree, I failed. There's no other word for it. I'll get a mediocre final mark, with a mediocre thesis (well, sometimes I think my thesis is great, honestly), after a mediocre university career. I started this journey without knowing much about what I was doing, but I studied. A lot. I studied every day, but definitely without knowing where I was going. Totally unorganized, skipping classes, and always running to catch up. Somehow, I managed to survive: my grades are not bad, not good, just average. Somehow, finally, I'm graduating, and honestly, I'm proud of this. I mean, I'll graduate in physics! That's not something that everyone can accomplish.

Now a new adventure is beginning, and everything will be different. I know where I went wrong, and I know what to do about it. This time I feel I'm ready.

Or maybe that's only what I'm trying to believe. Maybe nothing will change. In the end, everything might be like before, even harder than before (maybe next time we'll talk about this). Why should I succeed this time?

That's scary. It is, because now I know what it means to fail, and I don't want it to happen again. Definitely scared as hell.

Now let's see the bright side. I'll learn new exciting things every day. I love what I study, always have. And now I will come across new, hard, advanced physics. Next time I should definitely tell you what classes I've decided to attend.

So, I decided to start blogging. There are several reasons, but definitely the real one is because I need it. I chose to do it on Tumblr because maybe there's more chance that someday, someone will read my posts.

Now let's see why I decided to start blogging.

Immersion They say that if you immerse yourself in what you're doing, if it becomes a little bit of an obsession for you, it will help. I want to grow my passion for physics, and I think that talking about it can help me.

Practicing English The reasons are obvious. I read in English, study in English, watch English videos, but I never practice it. Maybe writing periodically in English is a good idea (and ChatGPT will supervise me, so if I write something wrong, you know who's at fault).

Networking… maybe? I don't know if someone will ever read my words, but in case they do, it would be cool to talk to someone about STEM interests. I'm a shy person, so my socialization in university was very poor, and there's not many people I can talk to about what I learn.

Journaling I need it so badly. This year has passed by without me knowing… How are we in August already? What happened? I really feel detached from time somehow. I need to track periodically what I'm doing and why. Maybe this can help me.

We are at the end of this long post. I don't know if someone will ever come to this point, but I already feel relieved. Putting your thoughts on paper really is liberating, isn't it? Two long years are ahead of me. The bet is my future. What will happen? Let's see.

I, really, can't wait.

(if you have read all of this, feel free to share to share your thoughts and experiences, if you want)

[skincare-surveyor]

How to Try Skincare Products Without Breaking the Bank

Perhaps, by this point, some of you are wondering how I’m able to afford all these skincare products without being totally broke. I’ve listed some of my tips below for those who are curious.

If you want to try new skincare products, but are reluctant to purchase full size products at full price in the event that they don’t work out for you, here are some simple tips.

Join Mailing Lists: I know it’s annoying, but it really does help. Ulta, Sephora, and individual brands all run their own mailing list promotions. Some will offer you a discount just for signing up. Others will frequently send out exclusive coupon codes and offers.

Join Rewards Programs: Again, it’s annoying, but there are lots of opportunities here. For example, Ulta and Sephora both allow their members to earn points on purchases. Points can then be redeemed for rewards. Sephora even allows its members to trade points for free samples. And they usually do a birthday gift too.

Limited Time Promotions & Free Samples: If you are a rewards program member and signed up for the mailing list, you can expect to receive member-exclusive offers and first dibs on new promotions. For example, Ulta often does exclusive coupon codes for their mailing list members. I have also received offers where you can choose your sample pack, add it to your cart, then spend X and it’s free. And there’s also mystery sample packs you may receive if there’s a promotional event happening.

Keep an Eye Out for ‘Free Gift With Purchase’ Offerings: I have gotten some deluxe samples and even full size products from participating in these. For example, I received a full size moisturizer from Honest Beauty for spending 25 USD on other products. That’s like 30 USD I didn’t have to spend.

Look for Sales: Especially seasonal sales. I see so many crazy deals happening around the holidays. There are tools you can use now to price track items you want to purchase and find the best deals on price too.

Gift Sets: Speaking of holiday sales, you know those mini skincare gift sets that you tend to see more of around the holiday season? Yeah, those are a great way to try a bunch of new products. I know they’re supposed to be ‘gifts,’ but like whatever. Treat yo’self. And if you catch them when they go on sale, it’s even better. One or two of these is definitely enough to get a fairly lengthy ‘trial period’ to see if you want to purchase the full size products.

The other thing I can’t state enough is that you need to know your return policies. Different retailers have different return policies. For example, Ulta Beauty wants their customers to know that they stand behind the products they carry. For that reason, they allow returns within 60 days of purchase, even on opened products. This is an extremely generous return policy intended for use on products where you might have had a bad skin reaction or perhaps you bought foundation that turned out to be the wrong shade. Don’t abuse it or they will start limiting your returns.

Knowing retailers’ return policies can really be of benefit. I feel more confident buying from certain retailers where I know their policies show they have faith in their products and trust in the consumer. Retailers whose policies are more along the ‘all sales are final, no returns allowed’ line sketch me out because that says to me they’re not willing to guarantee their products.

So if you are wary of trying new skincare products because you don’t want to commit to buying full-size products at full price, choose your retailer wisely. Some return policies are more forgiving than others. This can remove some of the doubt from the purchasing process.

[growandrecover]

hey I’m sorry to bother u

But are you comfy in giving me (a middle schooler) tips on periods? Because I’ve only been in those since last summer every other month and it sucks.

Also i have no cramps thank gof

Hey! You're not bothering me at all, thanks for the ask! I'm sorry it took me a bit to get back to you, I wanted to make sure I could think of everything that might be necessary before responding.

First off, if you haven't already, track your period. It can be on an app, or on paper. I currently use Clue, but I used to use Flo. If you have an iPhone, your health app will do it as well. I started tracking my period as soon as I got it, but I wasn't tracking my symptoms. I knew I had mild cramps, but that was about it. Tracking my experiences might have made it easier for me to find out I had PMDD.

Speaking of PMDD, if you think you're experiencing anything unusual, or if you're not sure what you're experiencing is normal, please tell someone or go to the doctor if you can. Some of my friends have had such horrible periods they've needed to get on the pill.

Next up, this one might be obvious, but always, always, always have period hygiene products (and another change of underwear and possibly a pair of leggings) with you in your backpack, locker, purse if you have one, etc. When I was in middle school, I always carried a jacket around with me when I was on my period just in case I leaked.

Don't feel bad if you eat more than usual. This is something I'm still struggling with, but seriously, if you're craving it, just eat it. Your body is asking you for it for a reason.

Make sure you stay hydrated! It's very important, and could help you feel better.

I know a lot of people use cramps as a way to get out of stuff, but seriously, if you don't feel good, you don't feel good. Don't force yourself to do something if your body is telling you to rest.

If you use a hot water bottle, please don't make the water too hot! I've seen people getting serious burns and lasting marks from theirs, try to be careful!

I wish I would have known this at your age, but periods are not shameful to talk about. You could be one of those people who is totally comfortable talking about them, and that's great! But if you're not, just like my friends and I weren't (my best friend and I literally used to call it 'red marker'), it's okay. It's part of life, you have nothing to be embarrassed about, trust me.

If you're allowed to, try different period products. Some kids I knew at the time were only allowed to use pads, and if that's you, then disregard this, but if you're not, maybe try it out. It took me trial and error to find what I like, but there aren't just tampons and pads out there! There's period underwear, menstrual cups, and discs too!

I really hope this helped! If you think of anything else, or have any questions, you can send me another ask anytime! Have a good rest of your day/night <3

[nights-at-crystarium]

Once again I’m being so well-fed-back, thank you so much ;o; Some replies to this under the cut!

Does he ever feel warm anymore? Will he accept it if someone tries to help him?

I didn’t even dare hoping that anyone would pose such a question because the canon answer is no, however, Fragments is only canon-adjacent, soooo.. Episode 27 might have a solid, definitive answer to this :3c

He’s smiling so much. I mentioned before that he looks so carefree here and I wonder how long it’s been since he was really able to do this for a prolonged period of time?

To someone not reading my notes, wolqotd and other bits of info I’m randomly sprinkling in, I suppose this doesn’t look like anything special, yeah just a guy having fun. But you’re totally on point! If we look back at the tone set by SB and 4.x patches, it’s not exactly carefree. Who loves war? I mean someone might, but not this guy. I’m about to start showing his flashbacks and random grumbling about that, hopefully it’ll build up over time and let the reader realize just how sick he was of everything by the time Exarch fished him out, and what this moment truly meant for him:

Admittedly, Vivi doesn’t only accept this offer, but overstays his welcome in the chill zone, like sorry, hero, you HAVE been resting a lot, but we still need to do this world-saving thing?? Exarch doesn’t know how to confront him about that.

I wonder why G'raha trailed off at the end though. Does he see Vivi’s tired expression or is he realising something? Or is it both?

Hopefully this makes more sense now! Vivi meets Urianger much earlier than in msq thanks to this detour (yes it’s an equivalent of running off to explore a new map ignoring the quests, we’ll have a proper Il Mheg arc later), and, looking at his face, Exarch can tell that he MIGHT BE finally considering getting back on track. Urianger’s loredump saves Exarch the trouble of reminding Vivi why he’s here.

My storytelling style’s pretty cryptic on top of me being new to this, so, until I publish a chunk and get feedback on it, it’s hard to gauge how well I’m doing. Go too simple and people would be bored. Go too big brain and people might not get it. I’m balancing on a scary thin line here, thanks for bearing with me x’D

I could’ve chosen to dump some angsty backstory between ARR and ShB, I PLANNED TO a year ago, when my writing muscle was noticeably smaller. Then I felt like it was too on the nose, that I wanna be more subtle, but that turned into a new challenge. Just to be clear: I’m self-critical, but I still have faith in what I’m doing. All the broad strokes of this story are finalized, chapter 2 has one more year’s worth of scenes that’ll slowly tell more about the both idiots. I’m asking for a lot of time and close attention, but your example keeps me hopeful that at least a part of my audience is on the same wavelength C:

✧✦✧ “Fragments” - episode 25 ✧✦✧

.....save the world .....pet the dogs ✔️

New reader? Start here: @ffxiv-fragments

[sixeyesgojo]

jjk characters handling your period

Summary: “What do you mean, no baby this month either? Okay, suffer then.” - your damn uterus

Pairings: Gojo/Megumi/Nanami/Naoya/Toji x Reader

Content warning: the monthly bloody nightmare your uterus puts you through and the whole shebang that comes with it, language warning, suggestive themes, explicit warning for Toji (you’ll see why)

A/N: purely self-indulgent because I suffer. @megumifushi and @sukirichi , my gals, I gotcha. Also dedicated to all readers who suffer from the same fate (may it be right now or not). Also: Yes, absolutely open the video I linked in Megumi’s part (it’s safe, I promise).

Gojo Satoru

You turn and turn in bed uncomfortably. Something isn’t right, you think and it’s not the fact that Satoru is missing next to you. Not knowing immediately irritates you. All of a sudden you become painfully aware of your lower region. Yes, of course it had to be that time of the month. You just knew you already stained your panties and perhaps the sheets haven’t been spared either. Getting out of bed, then realizing it was already past noon, you sprinted to the bathroom. Fuck, moving fast was not a good idea. 

Having changed the sheets and your stained panties, you made your way to the kitchen. Your stomach growled, signaling you were hungry, but at the same time you feared. Smelling food, let alone tasting too much of it, was a slippery slope – either your nose would protest or your stomach, no in-between. Regardless, you had to eat; or were you supposed to starve to death because of this? Not in this lifetime. “I AM BACK!” an annoyingly loud voice rang through the apartment. You groan and turn around. “Fuck off, Satoru,” you say. Your irritation flaring up for seemingly no reason. “Stop being so motherfucking loud. My head feels like it’s going to split in two and my pussy is fighting the crimson war right now,” you snarled at him.

“Oh honey, seems like I called the right shots then,” he declared proudly and held up a bag filled with... snacks? “I already called in sick for you for the next few days,” Satoru continued to explain as he wrapped his arms around you, “and I’ll be by your side 24/7 for the next two days. We’ll do fun stuff. How does movie night with lots of cuddling for tonight sound?”

“Why are you so nice to me right now?” you mumbled, tears welling up in your eyes. “Simple: I don’t want to be castrated by you,” he whispered back and planted a kiss on your cheek. “Fair enough. What will we do tomorrow?” He stayed silent but pulled out a black card out of his sleeve. You gasped.

Fushiguro Megumi

Ping. A notification. Quickly, you scrambled to get your phone to see what that was about. You desperately needed some distraction right now. The pain was too much. Your boyfriend Megumi had gone somewhere you didn’t know. All you knew was that your boobs were sore, the sensitive nipples rubbing against the fabric were already too much. In addition to that, you also experienced period cramps, resulting in back pain as well. Life was not easy at the moment but at least you could lay in bed for today, doing absolutely nothing.

Unlocking your phone, you saw a new message from Yuji: “omg look at this???” [Video link] It was a video of 42 seconds. There was a cute seal – probably the cutest and fluffiest seal you have ever seen – and background music. It may have only lasted 42 seconds but it definitely triggered some happy feelings inside you; it was so pure and you loved the energy of the clip. Perhaps these feelings were a bit too intense and overwhelming. Tears streamed down your face and you started sobbing uncontrollably. Why were you like this? It wasn’t even a sad video, was it?

You buried your face in the blankets, weeping as if someone just broke up with you. Through your loud crying, you did not notice the door opening. A jangling noise could be heard from your nightstand. Instantly, you shot up to check for intruders but luckily, it was Megumi. A frown spread on his face. “What happened?” he asked as his thumbs wiped your tears from your cheeks. You showed him the video, still sobbing, “Look at the seal... It’s so c-cute. I just... got emotional because it really t-traveled the world. This cutie deserves the whole world...”

“And so do you,” he bluntly stated, “now take the ibuprofen I brought you for the cramps and rest up.” As a matter of fact, he not only brought you painkillers but a hot water bottle and food as well.

Nanami Kento

“No, give me that. Lay down and rest. I can dust off the shelves on my own,” his deep voice commanded. If there was a man that screamed “male wife” it was definitely Nanami Kento, particularly when it came to you being on your period. You weren’t allowed to do anything in the house, except for very light chores. With good reason. “Kento, I can do–” Yeah, no, it wasn’t possible and Kento knew it too well.

You weren’t lucky when it came to period symptoms. Besides excruciating back pain, extremely sore breasts and headaches, you also had the luck to suffer from dizziness every single time you experienced the monthly nuisance. The first time you even passed out. In fact, it had happened several times. And that was precisely how Kento decided to not let you do anything. Still, you felt bad to leave everything to Kento. His work already demanded so much from him and here you were, being babied and even spoon-fed. You didn’t even have to cook your own meals or wash and iron laundry.

You had barely said those words when the unwelcome whirling sensation took you over again. Your feet wobbled, you were in danger of crashing to the ground. In a flash, Kento was by your side to steady you. “I told you not to overdo it.” He cupped your cheek with his warm hand. “Sorry, Kento. I’ll... just rest for a minute.”

Zenin Naoya

Period pain? Laughable. Naoya thought it was pathetic. A woman – these already weak creatures – having period symptoms was a mystery to him. What could possibly hurt about bleeding a little? He couldn’t understand. Your pitiable and sorry state was only another inconvenience to him. Not that you hindered him in any way – you were obedient enough to be quiet and complain as little as possible – but he absolutely despised seeing that annoying expression of pain on your face every time he had to look at it.

Hell, he didn’t even want to engage in sexual activities with you during that time, even though he had randomly picked up somewhere that it might help. Not that he wanted to help you, it was your problem and yours only, not his. “Stop looking at me with those eyes. It’s disgusting,” he remarked condescendingly as he got dressed for wherever he had to go. “When will you be back?” you croaked out but he totally ignored you.

“Women are so damn weak. It’s so fucking pathetic, I almost want to give you a hug,” Naoya gagged. He was about to leave the room but stopped in his tracks. Looking over his shoulder, he caught a glimpse of your face that was contorted with pain. In long strides, he made it to one of the cabinets, fished out a tiny box and threw it on the bed. “Tsk, you better get well soon so you can serve me again, dumb bitch.”

Fushiguro Toji (soft)

Work hadn’t been treating him kindly: not yesterday, not today, not ever. Although he was highly capable and never failed to exceed himself, all Toji truly wanted to do was to go home. When he finally made it through the door, he called out, “Am home.” Usually, you would come running to greet him but when nothing but silence greeted him, his hand instantly moved to the cursed creature lingering on his shoulder. It was suspicious. Did enemies manage to find this hideout? Where were you? His hands started sweating.

Stealthily, he approached the kitchen. To his surprise, he saw your form in front of the counter, hunched over in pain. Dropping his offensive stance immediately, he quickly strode over to check on you. “Hey, what are you doing there?” he asked, hesitatingly putting a hand on your shoulder. You looked at him, grimacing with pain, “Oh, Toji. I didn’t realize you were home yet. Sorry, I’m not done cooking dinner yet, I just feel so nauseous, exhausted and my entire back  and shoulders hurt so much. It’s so sore.” “I see.” He nodded, understanding what was happening. Suddenly, he lifted you effortlessly. You squealed, “Toji!! What are you doing?!” “Taking care of you,” he promised. “But dinner!” “Don’t care.”

Making his way to the bedroom, Toji laid down with you on top of him. Something about his warmth already made you feel better but as his large palms rubbed your back in circular motions, you felt as if you were in heaven. Toji’s ministrations soothed the pain so well, you almost let out a moan. Now that the pain didn’t overshadow all the other symptoms anymore, the drowsiness took over. “Toji, ‘m tired,” you mumbled; eyelids fluttering already. “Then sleep. I’ll take care of dinner later,” he whispered. You only hummed in response, already far too gone. Slowly but surely, his steady heartbeat lulled you to sleep. “Sleep tight.”

Taglist: @megumifushi​ @gojos-mochi​ @assbuttbaek​ @bleueluna​ 

[chacusha]

I probably should give an update on the fic I'm working on, and might as well do it by reblogging this post. Basically, when I started giving my full focus to this particular fic in April, it had a bit over 6k words in it: the first two chapters, more or less complete, and then quite a few snippets from later in the fic already written up.

I'm writing this for an event (Unconventional Courtship) that has a vague June deadline (I have until 14 June to sign up for a posting date 1-30 June, and there's also amnesty posting on 1-7 July for people who signed up but missed their posting date).

I made a sketchy outline in order to estimate how many chapters this fic would require in total and came up with 12 chapters total at a bare minimum, assuming my chapter plan panned out.

I then counted how many weeks there were from the beginning of April to the end of May, the main work period before we started getting into scary Posting Territory, and I counted... 9 weeks. So even at a very ambitious (for me) "1 chapter per week" pace, I would still not be finished drafting by the beginning of June -- and I needed to budget quite a bit of time for editing too.

In any case, I decided to just go for that "1 chapter per week" goal and see how it went. Each of the chapters pretty consistently came out to about 2k words. So I could kind of make a secondary goal which was to write at least 2k words per week in case my chapter plans/lengths changed (which (spoiler alert) they did...) and tracking by chapter started to become messy.

The good news is that I... have largely kept to this schedule? I currently have 12 chapters finished, and 24k words written, which is slightly ahead of schedule in terms of chapters (+10 chapters in 9 weeks) and BANG on schedule in terms of words (+18k words in 9 weeks). This discrepancy is because some of those chapter are shorter (~1k) chapters that did not exist when I was making my outline. T_T

So yeah, the BAD news is that my chapter outline is currently sitting at an estimated 15.5 chapters (chapter 16 being a short coda) instead of 12 chapters. In terms of where I am in the story using my original chapter outline, I have just finished what used to be "chapter 8" was in my original outline. So still 3.5 (possibly more) more chapters to go and we are already in posting period land. <:D

But the good news is that those 3.5 chapters are exactly the ones I estimated would be the easiest for me to write (they are relationship drama, my favorite thing to write for Quodo, and a significant amount has already been written in the form of snippets). I was actually secretly hoping to hit the end of the (old) "chapter 8" by the end of May, because chapters 3-8 were the tricky ones where my idea of what would happen in them was "???" but I already know exactly what happens in the remaining chapters (old chapters 9-12; now chapters 13-16) and knew it would be a coast from this point. BUT BUT they DO still need to be written AND ALSO I still need to do editing! Serious editing!!

Also, during May, I actually fell behind significantly due to travel and getting sick, and so the last three weeks of May have featured me writing at a pace fast enough to hit my weekly goal and then a little more to make up the deficit. And as of this weekend, I am fully caught up, so yeah, that's been great.

So yeah, this writing experience has been really weird for me. It's hard for me to describe my progress because I am simultaneously slightly behind schedule, ahead of schedule, and also right on schedule. In order to achieve all this, I've basically been doing daily sprints all throughout April and May, which has been both hectic and extremely effective.

I did not have high hopes of finishing this project on time, but it was always a *possibility*, and after all the work I've done, I'm basically at the same place: it IS possible I can throw this together in time for a late June or early July posting date, but the jury is still out on that one. I don't have a clear "you have to throw the towel in" OR "yep, this is in the bag" signal, so I guess it's still an uncertain forward charge for me.

Anyway, since I have to make a final decision by 14 June, I think I am going to make one last writing push this week and if I have easily finished drafting by 14 June and am ready to start edits, then I will sign up.

Whew, that was really long, sorry!

Quo-do the Thing! - Check-in #1 (June 1-7)

Here it is -- our first check-in! This check-in is optional, for people who need external accountability in order to get things done. If you fit this category, then it is required. ;) For everyone else, though, you can skip it without issue.

📋 Check-in form 📋

The check-in form is open from now until the end of June 7th (whenever that is for you). Also, sign-ups are still open if you would like to join the event! The AO3 collection is also open for posting, if you have already finished a work that fits this event.

Helpful links: Sign-up form | AO3 collection | Event info

Below the cut is a reminder of what you said you'd like to have done by June, for those who have signed up. If you marked that you are using Tumblr to follow this event, I have @'ed you -- I hope it's okay.

chacusha:

Quodo UCII: Goal: The whole thing, basically. Can I do 2-3 chapters in April, and 3+ chapters in May? Is that feasible??

colorcoded:

Smutty Quodo art: Goal: Rough digital sketch

@mossmx:

QuodoCook: Goal: figuring out the storytelling, finished gathering references in a PureRef file (characters+proportions, DS9 room, DS9 cooking accessories, DS9/Ferengi food), decided which "props" to have in the scene and finalizeing the poses.

@rulesofacquisition:

Doctor Odo and the No Good Very Bad Physical: Goal: 1200 words

Weaver:

Earring: Goal: Maybe 1 chapter

@yvanka:

Anniversary date: (No June check-in goals written.)

Quark bi bi bi vid: Goal: Adding all the footage to the file

Feel free to check in using the form or by replying to/reblogging this post or just wherever works for you. If you haven't gotten started or you're not quite where you wanted to be, feel free to get a little work in before checking in!

[fukouiro]

Gimmick! Quality of Life Mod

I made a ROM hack for Gimmick! that makes jumping way easier.

There are many situations where it feels like your jump input gets eaten, so I fixed that! Jumping feels way more consistent now.

Gimmick! is a really charming game with a great soundtrack. If you haven't played it before, now's as good of a time as any!

A more detailed explanation of the hack follows.

This is my first time dealing with assembly-language stuff since taking a college class for x86 assembly. It was really fun, actually!

Shoutout to Mesen's debugger for being really cool and user-friendly. Not that I have much experience using other emulator debuggers, but the feature that marks what code/data has and hasn't been called by the game was a real big help.

The reason Gimmick!'s jumps can feel so strict (to me) is because the game seems to have one or two frames of input delay (i did not do rigorous testing of this), combined with the fact that the player character starts falling off of platforms sooner than you might expect. This means that you can press jump while you're still on a platform, but by the time the game processes the input you've already been put into the air.

This is further exacerbated in situations where your character is accelerating down a slope or jumping off of a falling platform, as they may suddenly become airborne for a frame or two, meaning you can't jump if you happened to press A at that exact moment.

Occasionally there are also jumps that only have a couple frames of leniency (especially when using your star). It can be really hard to gauge exactly when your character will land on a surface in some situations, especially when combined with the slight input delay.

So my idea was to do two things: implement "coyote time" (being able to jump for a short period of time after you fall off of a platform), and implement a jump buffer that allows you to press jump a few frames before landing and still have it come out as soon as you land.

To do this, I found a seemingly-unused RAM address ($F1) and used it as a shift register. Every frame, the routine that checks whether or not you jumped pushes two bits into the shift register: one that tracks whether you pressed A this frame, and one that tracks whether you can jump this frame. So basically, when you press A, that will be saved for 3 frames afterwards, and when you are on the ground, the game will still allow you to jump for 3 frames after you go airborne. I think.

I had to add a couple of new subroutines to achieve this, and luckily I found two seemingly-unused areas of code that had just enough space for me to squeeze those subroutines in. I think they were exactly big enough or 1 byte larger... Granted, there were still more unused areas and I could have split those routines in half if I really needed to, but thankfully I didn't! Assembly programming is fun.

I think in total it amounts to about 44 bytes of new code, plus 46 bytes for the slightly-changed jump routine (which is a couple bytes shorter than it was originally). Somehow it surprises me that it's that small, but I guess it makes sense thinking about machine language bytes and not plaintext characters.

[pwarkluv]

❝ idk you yet ❞ - p.js

park jisung x reader | angsty, fluff | 1.6k words 

WARNINGS | TW: mentions blood, abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, smoking, lowercase au, non-idol au, high school au, badboy!jisung, mature language/cursing, reader is like an angel sent from heaven for him, jisungie just in need of love :(

SUMMARY | being an outcast has him wondering if he’ll ever be happy. cue you, the new girl, stumbling into his life (literally).

AUTHOR’S NOTE | inspired by the song “idk you yet” by alexander23! also AHHH this is my 100 followers special fic :) THANK U LOVES FOR 100 IM SO SHOCKED CJSBFKEJD <33 the writing is a little crappy because i’m currently on my period and my patience for sitting down and writing this went down halfway through lol but I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, ENJOY THIS JISUNG FIC BC JISUNG MY BABIE AND SO ARE YOU GUYS!

whenever anybody thinks of park jisung, they think of the chains and dark clothing he wears. they think about the faint smell of smoke and men’s cologne that follows him wherever he goes. 

they think of the boy who grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. 

but what they don’t think about are bruises on his face he fails to hide whenever he walks into school, the dejected look on his face whenever random people give him disapproving looks, the way his smile slowly faded into a permanent frown wherever he went. 

jisung quickly accepted his reputation at school and in their little town, not having enough energy to feel insecure about it like before.

the only group of people that even remotely cared about the boy were his best friends in the whole entire world, nct dream.

they were outcasts just like him, the most “fucked up group of boys” in their town (the people’s words, not theirs).

see, they were your typical bad boy group straight out of your typical fanfic. bad grades, smoking in their free time, getting into fights, always being late to class; not a single person had hope in them.

but behind their scary and intimidating facade, all seven boys were big softies with misunderstood hearts and difficult backgrounds.

people were just too dense to look into it, only judging them based on their looks and personality on the outside. 

❝ how can you miss someone you’ve never met ❞

love was a foreign thing to jisung, the only form of love he’s ever felt being from his friends. his parents were… interesting to say the least. 

jisung’s father was a hard-core alcoholic, his mother being a major druggie. with no siblings in the house, jisung was usually their main target to push around and beat up.

and so because of this at a young age jisung learned to distance himself from other people and found different ways to release stress.

he started smoking when he was 14, the warm and hazy feeling of the smoke entering his lungs comforting him.

if jisung humored himself enough, maybe smoking could count as his first love. it was always there for him, never leaving him alone even if he wanted to quit. 

he relied on it knowing it was the only constant in his life. 

now of course the boy has heard of proper love, love like in the movies or shitty romance songs he hears on the radio.

and he won’t lie, there were moments he thought about what it felt like to be in love. but he knew that would never happen, at least not in their small town anyways. 

he just wanted to be loved. 

jisung would never admit it but sometimes he’d be jealous of the old couples walking down the street in their own world like it was just them two against the universe. he was jealous of the happy kids running around, their mother’s and father’s fondly smiling at their child. he was jealous of all the “normal” kids in his neighborhood. 

jisung wanted that, craved that. 

but most importantly, the boy wanted love.

❝ cause i need you now but i don’t know you yet ❞

everything hurt. 

his head, his body, his mind, his heart; everything was in pain.

jisung walked down the empty streets of their city, a trail of blood following behind him as he accepted his fate. the boy was 99% sure he had a concussion and at the very least had a few broken ribs. 

he felt like this was the end, and he was ready.

-

wandering aimlessly around town, you decided to take a late night walk to familiarize yourself around the area. you had just moved into the city a week ago, spending all seven days trying to help your family unpack and rearrange your cozy new home. 

now that you were finally free of the smell of tape and the dust of the boxes, you decided it was best to get to know the place you were living in. 

the autumn air seemed to settle at night as you shivered, cursing yourself for not bringing a jacket of some sort. the sight of a convenience store up ahead of you brought you relief as you rummaged through your pockets wondering if you had enough money for ramen.

your steps became excited as you found a couple dollars, fondly thinking about what type of ramen you should buy. you became so lost in your thoughts you didn’t even notice the poor boy who was staggering in front of you, or the trail of blood he left behind. 

-

jisung pushed himself to reach the convenience store a couple feet away from him, in desperate need of supplies to at least try and fix himself. 

if it didn’t help in any way then oh well, maybe death was indeed an option. 

grinding his teeth though the pain, he did not expect to feel a small body bump into him. had he been at his regular health, jisung would’ve easily been able to keep still but because of how much blood he was losing the boy was knocked down like a bowling pin.

“holy fuck.” jisung cursed the feeling of the concrete floor colliding with his ribs. he didn’t even notice the girl who had bumped into him sitting on the floor dumbfounded, freaking out over his state.

“oh my fucking god.” the girl said, capturing his attention. jisung glared at the stranger, mentally acknowledging the fact she was pretty. 

but her being pretty won’t get you anywhere, he scolded himself. she’ll leave you just like everyone else.

“a-are you okay?” she said, eyes glancing at his black eye. jisung rolled his eyes, already annoyed. “does it look like i’m okay?” he replied, his deep voice catching the girl off guard. 

“just, fuck off.” jisung said closing his eyes as he laid back down on the floor, knowing he couldn’t force himself to get up anymore. he didn’t even have to open his eyes to know she left, hearing the sound of her footsteps walk away.

the boy sighed as he laid idly on the floor, wondering what sin he committed to lead him to where he is now. not even she wanted to stay, the tears threatening to fall as his thoughts buried him alive.

“why can’t i just die?” jisung said out loud, asking no one but himself.

“because i won’t let you.” a voice replied as jisung forced himself to sit up in confusion. it was the same girl he had bumped into, but this time she had a first aid kit with her. he gave her a lost look despite knowing what she was here to do. 

jisung’s mind just couldn’t wrap around the fact that a total stranger would even bother to help him. 

“now sit up.” she said softly as she bent down to open the box, the boy slowly followed her instructions. “i’m sorry this might sting.” she said though jisung didn’t mind because she was much prettier up close.

-

the next ten minutes were you trying to fix his wounds against the shitty chairs outside the convenience store.

jisung didn’t even bother mentioning his broken ribs, not wanting you to freak out. you cleaned up what you could and the boy was beyond grateful for that.

you subconsciously rubbed his back in a comforting way whenever you’d apply alcohol to his open wounds, trying to ease the sting. you held his hand for him to hold and though he was a big boy and had a high pain tolerance, he still gave it a squeeze just to keep your hand there.  what the actual fuck is this feeling, jisung asked himself as he watched your determined figure work on him.

it was cold and in order to better work on his wounds, the boy offered to give you his hoodie which strangely had no traces of blood on it. you gladly accepted, the faint smell of blood and his cologne engulfing you up. 

the sight of you in something so big and so him made his chest swell in pride.

jisung couldn’t even formulate a sentence as you cursed at the time once you finished patching him up, fleeing the scene before he could say anything with a small smile, his hoodie still on. 

❝ and can you find me soon because i’m in my head ❞

the thought of your soft hands on his, your voice, your whole presence; everything about you couldn’t seem to leave the poor boy’s mind. it was now monday, and waiting for his class to start already made him want to go home.

if only i got her name, jisung daydreamed with his head resting on the palm of his hand. the classroom was loud and bright, people occasionally giving him looks but the boy didn’t mind. 

“jisungie~ did you hear we have a new kid?” jaemin asked, poking the boy’s cheeks. the boy only gave him a pointed look before sighing. 

“hyung i don’t really care.” jisung replied, looking back out the window. 

jaemin only gave him an offended look before grumbling a bit. “i don’t know maybe you will.” he muttered under his breath as their teacher walked into the room. 

❝ yeah i need you now but i don’t know you yet ❞

their homeroom teacher stood in front of the class, jisung tuning out his voice. the boy once again sighed as his teacher called for their attention, explaining they had a new girl in their class. “now make her feel welcomed,” he said before turning towards the door.

“y/n, please come in.” the teacher said and jisung almost fell out of his seat when he saw you walking through the door with the same smile you gave him a couple days ago.

“hi i’m y/n and i hope we can get along.” you bowed to the class, a familiar hoodie you were wearing catching his attention. 

isn’t that mine, jisung thought to himself as he bit back a smile knowing you kept it all along. 

[cayofdreams]

Relieving Their Sleepy Stiffy~

~A Mini Fic Collection~

(Feat. Eijirou Kirishima, Denki Kaminari, and Katsuki Bakugou)

Summary: self-explanatory really

Words: approx. 1k per character; 3.3k total

Rating: 🌊 Explicit, Smut 

Warnings: somnophilia, oral (giving), hand job (giving), humping/grinding, the ruining of clothes with pre-cum 🤪

-------------------------🌼-------------------------

Eijirou Kirishima – Stiff Muscle Massage

You and Kirishima had both passed out on the bed after coming back home from an intense workout at the gym. Usually the two of you would make protein smoothies and watch a bit of reality TV but something about that new leg workout really took a toll on you both. You had been asleep for about 30 minutes before waking up next to a still sleeping Kirishima. Tracing your fingers along his bare chest, you admired his well-formed pectoral and ab muscles. He really had to have had the best body of all the previous boyfriends you’d been with.

As you placed your head on his chest, you continued to trace along his stomach, his body subconsciously twitching due to touching him in ticklish areas. Your eyes started to feel heavy again at his peaceful heartbeat before you saw something intriguing through your fuzzy vision. It seemed not everything of Kirishima’s body was sore and drained from the recent workout.

You giggled at him before sliding your body down so your head was now resting on his thigh, right beside his pitched tent. Softly petting over his clothed length, you placed soft kisses on his hips and thigh. His soft grunts egged you on, so you got on your forearms and laid your torso right between his legs. You hovered over his crotch, letting your hot breath warm him underneath.

“Does my baby need a post-workout massage?” You placed pecks over his clothed hardness as your fingers traced him up and down. “I’ll take care of you, Kiri~”. Sucking over his pants, you let your saliva soak through the fabric, causing Kirishima’s cock to grow stiffer by the increasing wetness. You grazed your teeth over him admiring the sleepy whimpers he made from above. Eventually you were able to taste the salty pre-cum seeping through his pants which let you know it was time for the next stage.

You slowly pulled down his pants, stopping whenever it seemed like he was about to wake up. He worked so hard today so you wanted to make sure he was completely relaxed through his oral massage. When you were able to lower his pants enough, his cock sprung free and bounced against his abs, already shining with your saliva and his pre-cum. You took the base of his cock between your thumb and middle finger and glided your tongue up and down his shaft. You made sure he stayed asleep by pausing when his groans got too loud.

Periodically keeping your eyes on his face, you took his tip in your mouth and slithered the bottom of your tongue over his slit. You felt the vein in his cock bulge against your thumb and you let out little moans to create stimulating vibrations. When it seemed his body got used to those movements, you lowered your head letting the tip of his cock graze against the back of your throat. He was a little big but after much practice you were able to take more and more of him in your mouth without gagging. Judging by the moans leaving him, it seemed he appreciated that.

Pretty soon, Kirishima’s cock was smothered in your saliva as you bobbed your head up and down. You swept the hair out of your face, becoming entranced by his throbbing cock and harsh grunts. You tasted more of his pre-cum filling your mouth and the taste made you feel wet underneath your shorts. But you wanted to focus primarily on your tired boyfriend so you left your underwear to collect your horny essences for now. Becoming so entranced with Kirishima’s meaty cock, you didn’t notice him waking up until you felt his hands caressing your head.

“Whatcha doin, babe?” His voice was raspy from his groggy state as he lifted his head to get a better view. His voice seemed to resonate through his cock and you felt the vibrations on your tongue. You popped his cock out of your mouth to which his face twitched at the feeling.

“I’m giving you a post-workout massage.” You licked and sucked at his frenulum. His eyes squinted at the intense pleasure on the area. “Do you feel good?”

Before letting him properly answer, you sunk his cock back in your mouth, letting yourself deep throat him. Constricting your throat muscles, you made sure he could get the same feelings as being inside your tight pussy. If not better. You breathed through your nose as you swallowed his cock to the base, sticking out your tongue so that its tip gently tickled over his balls.

“F-fuck yeah, babe. Feels fucking amazing…” His fingers gripped gently at your hair as he savored in your athletic tongue. “Please don’t stop. Fuck!”

Popping him out of your mouth again, you made spit bubbles on his cock as you looked up at his flustered face. “Don’t worry, baby. Just relax and focus on feeling good, okay?”  

He simply nodded as he let his head plop back onto the bed. He felt your pools of saliva drip onto his tip before you slurped it back into your mouth. The wet sounds you were making brought him closer to the edge. “Shit Y/N, m-move your head. I’m gonna cum!”

Still working your tongue on him, you slurpily replied. “Jush leh it ouh, babe~ I can chake it.” You sucked vivaciously at the upper end of his shaft, while your hand messily stroked the bottom. The copious amount of saliva flung over his thighs as you jerked him. “I wann yor cumm, baby~”

“Fuck!” Kirishima cursed as wads of his cum spurt down your throat. His grip on your hair tightened as you kept sucking the cum out of him. You didn’t swallow it, instead slurping it around his head creating more wet stimulations for him. “Shit, Y/N! Oh my god…”

Slipping his cock form your mouth after he was done, you lifted your head so he could see you swish his cum with the saliva in your mouth. Almost as if you were savoring it like a sweet wine. You made a loud gulp as you slowly swallowed all of it, looking lustfully into his eyes. “Mmm~ so thick, Eiji.”

Kirishima could’ve came again from the little show you just performed. He licked his lips as he grabbed at your arms, pulling you forward so he could now grip at your thighs. 

“I think its only right for me, as a man, to return the favor. Come sit on my tongue, babe.”

-------------------------🌼-------------------------

Denki Kaminari – Mutual Study Break

You were helping Kaminari with his studying in your room, going over his last exam trying to help him better understand the questions he got wrong. It was a bit taxing because at first you didn’t know how to explain certain things, but eventually you were able to break down the question in a way that made it more understandable. In a way, helping him helped you as well since having to explain a complex problem to someone really tests your own knowledge of the material. After about an hour or so, it seemed Kaminari was growing tired of looking at the exam material and he plopped his head down on the coffee table.

“Y/N~ I need a break.” He let out with an exhausted sigh, closing his eyes. He looked kind of cute being so sleepy after a nice study session but you were determined to help him improve.

“C’mon Denki, I really want you to learn this.” Stroking your finger along his cheek, you heard a faint grumble at your request.

“Please~ just 10 minutes, I swear.”

Before you could even reply you heard a soft snore purring from him and you couldn’t help but just give in to his adorableness. You leaned down to his lips and gave them a small kiss.

“Only because you’re cute, okay.” You softly whispered, making sure your voice didn’t disturb his nap. Pleased with his sleeping face, you pulled out your phone and started scrolling through social media.

As you caught up on various hero topics, you lost track of time and realized it had been 30 minutes since you let Kaminari rest his tired brain. Gently rubbing your hand along his back, you tried to wake him up.

“Denki, wake up. There’s only a little bit left to go.”

“Hnnggh…” His eyebrows twitched at your voice but he was still sound asleep. You decided to lean down into his ear and whisper to him.

“Denk- heh?” That’s when you noticed his reddened cheeks and strained facial expression. You thought he might be sick, so you placed your hand on his forehead to check if his body temperature was warmer than normal. It seemed fine though, but you were still a bit concerned. Until you heard him whimpering your name in his sleep.

“Haahnn~ Y/N- feels so good…”

It didn’t take you too long to realize that he was having a wet dream- and starring you no less. It made you kind of happy that your boyfriend was a simp for you asleep just as much as he was when awake. So being the flattered and concerned girlfriend you were, you peeked under the table to see if he were having any other reactions. Unsurprisingly, you saw a nice tent being pitched underneath his jogger pants.

“Aww, Charge Bolt needs de-stressing, huh?” You dipped your hand under the table and rubbed along his clothed erection, smirking at his whiney, but sleepy reply. Kissing along his red cheeks, you placed more pressure on his growing cock and before long you felt the seeping of his pre-cum through his pant fabric. You rubbed it between your fingertips, chuckling at how much he was leaking despite his sleeping state. “No wonder you couldn’t focus, Denki.”

“Y/N~ Inside…” A bit of saliva drooled out of his lips at his whimper and onto his notebook. You wiped it up with your thumb before slipping your hand in his pants, smearing it on his tip with his abundant pre-cum.

“You can’t come inside, baby. You haven’t finished studying.” You continued to press chaste kisses along Kaminari’s face as you stroked up and down his shaft. The increasing amount of pre-cum made you able to stroke at faster and faster paces, allowing you to hear louder and cuter moans leave his sleeping lips.

“Hnnmmgh~ Y/N...”

The lewd adorableness of it all made you slick between the hips yourself, so you spread one of your legs across him and slipped your free hand down your shorts and panties. Flattening your fingers around your pussy lips, you circled around your clit, smearing your juices all over your inner thighs. Eventually you increased your pace to be equivalent to the hand stroking your boyfriend’s cock. “Ahhnn~ Denki, you make me feel good even when you’re sleeping.”

“…Y/N~ gonna cum...” More slobber fell from his lips as his breathing became more labored. His hips started to subconsciously thrust into your hand, trying to chase his dream-filled high. Apparently, his body was too stimulated because you were soon met with his golden irises. “Y/N...Y/N~!” He raised his head and gripped at your arm that was heartedly pumping at his cock. “Oh fuck!”

“Hahh…You had a sleepy boner, babe. You must’ve worked so hard while studying~” You continued to simultaneously jerk and flick with your hands while gazing at Kaminari’s extremely flustered face.

“I-Its because the way you were sitting with those s-shorts on! Your thighs are so gorgeous, Y/N!” He gasped as you lowered your hands to tighten around his base.

“Just my thighs though?” You feigned an innocently upset expression as you held his cock hostage in your hand.

“A-All of you! All of you is gorgeous, Y/N!”

Smiling, you went back to your jerking his cock. “Aww, thank you, babe.” You leaned over to capture him into a kiss, his tongue mindlessly licking around your lips as he focused on his building orgasm. “Gonna cum from my hand?” He nodded eagerly as his grip on your arm tightened.

You leaned your head back as you quickened the motions around your clit, also about to reach an orgasm. “Me too, Denki~”. Kaminari’s cock twitched wildly in your palm and you stroked harder around the head in hopes you both would reach a mutual orgasm. “Oh shit-! D-Denkii!” Your eyes rolled back as your pussy quivered under your hand.

Meanwhile Kaminari’s hot cum was being spilled all over your knuckles. You slowed your pumps on his cock, essentially re-lathering him with his own lubricant. As the two of you regained your breaths, you slipped your hand out of his pants, his cum sticking on all of your fingers. Kaminari laid his head back down on the table, sighing as exhaustion dwelled over him again. You got up to wash your hands in the sink and looked back at your tired boyfriend.

“You ready to try Question #7 again?”

“W-what?!”

-------------------------🌼-------------------------

Katsuki Bakugou – In Heat

Bakugou was taking a nap on your bed after a long day at his internship, and it honestly irked you. It seemed like nowadays when he came over all he did was eat or sleep because he was too tired for any other nightly activities. How could he just lay there on your bed with that beautiful face of his and not at least submerge it between your thighs? What was the point of all that stamina if he wasn’t going to share it with you?

You’d make sure to complain about it when he woke up, but he was just too cute to disturb right now. This of course was probably the only time you’d get to bask in the peacefulness of Katsuki Bakugou. You decided to grab your phone and watch a movie as you distracted yourself from your horniness. Everything was going fine until- a sex scene popped up. Just your luck. Deciding to be petty, you turned up the volume to max so that the moans of the actors would wake up your boyfriend and hopefully he’d get a clue.

“Oiii wake up and fuck me, already.” You softly spoke into his direction. He lazily grunted but was still very much asleep. “Stingy.”

You were about to give up when you noticed the moans from the movie did seem to get a reaction out of him, a reaction his sleeping state was not aware of, of course. “Aha! So the bastard does work.”

Turning down the volume so he would now not wake up any further, you spread your leg over his hip so that you were sitting directly on his crotch. You snickered over his sleeping face having rarely had such a domineering stance over him. “Yeahh~ Just stay asleep, Katsu. I’ll have fun by myself.”

You placed your hands on his chest to steady your position and slowly grinded away, stopping briefly when his eyebrows twitched like he was awaking from his slumber. The silky lace of your panties made for a sleeky smooth friction with his soft nylon shorts. The thinness of the material made it so that you could feel the increasing stiffness of his cock between your clothed labia. Your clit was nicely stimulated by the materials that separated the two of you.  

As you felt yourself get more aroused you couldn’t help but notice the pre-cum that started to drool through Bakugou’s shorts and smear onto your own panties. “Katsu~ You’re leaking so much for someone who’s been ignoring their girlfriend for so long. Prick.” Despite your harsh whispers, you leaned down so you were pressed chest to chest with him, softly peppering kisses along his jaw.  

You nuzzled yourself into his neck as you humped with increasing pressure against his cock. No longer caring if he woke up or not you let out soft moans that vibrated against his throat. “Hahh Katsuki, I can feel you throbbing~ You gonna cum?”

“With you humping like a bitch in heat like that? Hell no.” Bakugou’s raspy voice against your eardrums immediately stopped you in your chase of pleasure. You lifted your face and met his eyesight.

“That’s not what your leaky cock says.”

“Me?” Bakugou pushed his hands against your stomach so you’d sit up. Hooking his hand under the wing of your panties, he easily ripped them from your hips. He raised the panties in front of your face so you’d see the gusset that was lush with your juices. “Sweetheart, that’s all you.”

You grabbed your panties away from him before throwing them sharply on the floor. “That was your cock’s leakage seeping through.” Ignoring his rolling eyes, you leaned back down against his chest. “Now can I finish my business in peace, please?”

Bakugou slithered his hands down to your ass, grabbing at the jiggling fat. “Just hurry the fuck up. I’d like to actually do something that feels good at some point.” He grinded your ass further against his now damp shorts, giving your clit an insanely pleasurable amount of friction. But you wanted to feel something smoother so you slipped your hands between your bodies and tugged his shorts down. But only enough for half his cock to peek out from the waistband. You then readjusted your seating so that you could grind directly against his slickened cock.

“I don’t make you feel good, Katsuki?” You teased as you went to press lovingly tender kisses on his cheek and jaw.

“H-Hell no. Look how you’re selfishly humping away right now…how could this shit feel good for me?” Contrary to his verbal expression, Bakugou’s fingers were gripping tightly at your ass, desperately trying to get you to hump him more ruggedly. You could feel the imprints that would be decorated along your faint stretch marks. But two could play that game, so you wrapped your lips around a part of his throat, sucking deeply until the skin bruised. He twinged at the pain but kept his grip on your rear firmly pressed against him. “Who the f-fuck said you could do that, huh?”

“Ahhh~ you haven’t fucked me in so long I had to make sure you were still mine, Katsu.” As you  humped at his cock, you could feel the friction get more slippery as your pussy’s soppiness mixed with Bakugou’s pre-cum. The mess the two of you were making dripped over Bakugou’s hips and onto the bed sheets that lied below. Your clit swelled against his throbbing cock as the both of you became clouded with a looming orgasm.

“Shit- of course you’re mine. You always will be whether you fucking like it or not. Dumbass.” Bakugou’s grunts became more hoarse and his hips grinded up against you. “Fuck! I’m gonna cum. Don’t stop- shit!” As you moaned in reply, Bakugou grasped one hand around your jaw and pulled you into a sloppy kiss. The feeling of his saliva swapping with yours felt almost as lewd as the desperate humping being performed by your hips.

Bakugou’s cock pulsated under your twitching clit as orgasmic waves washed over the both of you. You felt his hot cum seep into your thin pajama top and slicken over your navel.  He didn’t dare release your tongue from his until it felt like every drop had been drained from him, leaving you to whine and pant into his mouth. He softly kneaded at your ass cheek as your grinding slowed from your post-orgasmic, sensitive clit.

Thoroughly satisfied, he let go of your face so your head could drop exhaustingly onto his shoulder. “You’re changing the bed sheets, right? Seeing as how you started this?” He heard nothing but soft snoring in reply and he clicked his tongue.

“So damn spoiled.”

[tisthenightofthewitch]

Ghost / Tobias Forge: “We're going to keep on changing the set a little bit throughout the tour cycle. More than we ever did before.”

In 2018, Ghost fans were introduced to Prequelle, which brought with it some inspirations that were clearly more 80s oriented. Totally uninhibited, Tobias Forge, mastermind with his thousand-stringed bow, brought us tasty melodies that took us back to the best of AOR while maintaining the mystical identity of a band that fascinates more and more with each release. COVID-19 would unfortunately delay the continuation of the adventures of Cardinal Copia who became Papa Emeritus IV (Tobias’ on-stage alter-ego) in the meantime. Impera, a new, slightly heavier release, but also a worthy sequel to Prequelle, arrived just in time for the resumption of live concerts. Here we discuss the new album and upcoming tour with Tobias Forge.

Hello Tobias, how are you? How are you feeling three days before starting the Impera Tour in Manchester?

Hello! Right now, I’m still in Sweden. One of the reasons why I’m still here is because of the same old story we’ve heard over the past couple of years: COVID. Everything is very dependent on traveling, of course, and transport. With all those delays, all our gear has been traveling since we stopped the US tour at the beginning of March, it’s just arrived in the UK like today or something like that...

I guess it’s complicated to schedule everything the way you want it. But we’re curious, will this tour be reminiscent of what you did after Prequelle? ?

I’m not gonna lie, everything is very late. Our teams are working over there to get everything in order. The show we will play during the Impera Tour will be slightly shorter compared to the Prequelle era. At this period of time we were playing two and a half hours with an intermission. For this tour, this is going to be more an hour and a half or something like that. It will match with the shows that we did in the U.S. in January, February, March, but longer.

Impera is an album we can easily imagine being played in its entirety in concert. Have you considered doing this?

Well, at some point maybe, but not right now. I can't really say why we didn't choose to do that. Let’s say I think we are not ready to do that yet. We needed to be a little bit more to the point. Honestly, between the U.S. tour and this tour, we just haven't. We live on so many places on the Earth, we didn't have any opportunity to sort of reconfigure everything from the ground up to something completely different. But in the future we might, because, you know, what you will see during the European tour is not going to be the same thing that you will see later in the year and next year. We're going to keep on changing the set a little bit throughout the tour cycle. More than we ever did before.

Hunter’s Moon is the first song we heard from Impera at the end of 2021. We knew it was part of the Halloween Kills movie, but in your mind, was this song always meant for Impera?

Not initially when we started recording in 2018. Hunter's Moon was meant to be a separate track, but I wasn't satisfied with the result. I found the one that we sent off to the film company not to be to my liking. So I wanted to remake it for the album because it felt like a strong song to be part of an album as well. Of course, being part of an album is a bigger thing, but I figured that Hunter’s Moon was just too good to be just buried someplace out there. I needed to fix it. The only way to get my version out was to have it on the album. It’s that upbeat sort of poppy track that I had in my head and wanted for Impera.

Does Impera look and sound like what you had in mind a couple of years ago when you started planning the album?

It's very much like working on a movie. You can have a script, you can have a story, etc… But at the end of the day, everything is based on the takes, the actors and the circumstances. I really think it’s the same for an album and the tracks in it. You can have an idea for years that you stick to, but the record is never made until you're in the last stage of recording because you are always messing with stuff in it; a word, a note or a song. For as long as you're recording it, it can never be 100% planned. When I say that I already know what the plan is for an album, it’s really just about the concept and everything around that.

Is that the case for whatever is coming after Impera?

I have a very, very clear concept of what I want the next record to be. I know the title. I know what the lyrics will be about and what kind of song titles I want. I know how I want to progress from this live show we have, and you will see in Paris in the next live show what we're going to do in 2024 and the major differences between the two. I have a road map of the land I want to conquer, but I don't know exactly how I will. (laughs)

Can you tell us more about the Papa Emeritus statue we see on Impera’s cover? It seems that it’s perhaps incomplete/unfinished.

The idea for the statue is that it is still being built. If you fold out the full cover, you’ll see the poor, quiet industrial city outside looking up to the big, enormous building that is the church of the state, in which all the gold in the country has been invested in order to make a huge statue of the dictator. All the necessary materials for it have been sucked out of the rest of the country.

The message couldn’t be clearer!

It was important for it not to be finished. If you look closely at the statue, you see how extremely small the people around are compared to the gigantic work. It takes an enormous amount of wealth and manpower in order to finish that statue. And it might never get finished.

Can you tell us more about the guitars in Impera? Have you changed something in the writing and recording process compared to Prequelle?

First of all, I really want to say that the amount of guitars is identical between Prequelle and Impera. I had recorded all the guitars for all the demos and the pre-production for all the songs. But as we were going into the recording process one thing you can do with the modern days of recording equipment is use all the demo tracks. It would have saved an awful lot of time to do it. Using all those guitars that had already been recorded, it’s a dream. They were recorded at various times throughout the writing and the demo process, which was over the course of a year and a half, basically. So, unfortunately, if you listened to the demos, the guitars would sound different from a verse to a chorus depending on the period of time it was recorded. It was weird, and it was almost impossible to use them. We needed to re-record them, and in the six months where I could have done that, I needed to do a lot of other stuff.

I guess it’s time to talk about Fredrik Åkesson’s (Guitar/Opeth) collaboration with you on Impera.

We needed to have someone who can read and track all the guitars in the blink of an eye. Fredrik is phenomenal at not only playing guitars, but also sort of mimicking. He likes playing for hours and hours every day. He's a good friend of mine and we live close to each other. That's another thing… you know, usually, when everything in the world works normally, despite the fact that we both live in Stockholm, Opeth are usually out on tour when I'm home and when I'm on tour, they’re home. So we barely see each other. But during COVID, of course, one of the big benefits was that everybody was around and people needed things to do. It was very much a friendly like: “Hey, do you want to come in and do something funny? Oh, and please have a look at solos while you're at it and make them sound a little bit better”. (laughs)

During the last show of the Prequelle era, Cardinal Copia became Papa Emeritus IV. Had you always planned for him to become the fourth Papa?

As I always said, we needed to see his journey as Cardinal Copia to see if he deserved to become the next Papa. I guess he succeeded!

He seemed a little bit off in the Chapter 10 video that was released, perhaps even a little bit sad. Is he okay?

I really hope so...

Qobuz.com

[bts-weverse-trans]

201128 Weverse Magazine ‘BE’ Comeback Interview - Namjoon

RM: “I spend a lot of time thinking about where I am now” BTS BE comeback interview 2020.11.28

The story of BTS’ new album BE started on April 17, 2020 when group member RM announced its production on the BANGTANTV YouTube channel. In the seven months that followed until the album’s release, RM’s mind was full, his thoughts flowing in and out of his head.

How do you feel about the unique approach you took to making your new album, BE? RM: The other members were a ton of help to me. My lyrics made it on the album, but the music I composed didn’t, so I’m really thankful to the group for the music. How should I say this? I feel like everyone is doing a great job. There are so many parts in these songs that I’m indebted to them for. “Stay” was originally going to be the title song on Jung Kook’s mixtape, but everyone liked it so much, and they all agreed to put that on our album. That’s how much influence they had. I’m really happy my room idea was chosen to be the album photos. Since we’re spending a lot of time in our rooms because of COVID-19, we laid out the idea of each of us decorating a room in our own style. I can’t remember for sure (laughs) but I think I’m the one who came up with that. I made a comfortable room, one that’s modern and warm because that’s what I like.

There’s a painting in the middle, and symmetrically arranged figurines. RM: The figures are from my own collection. I wanted to show one of my paintings, but that didn’t pan out. But still, those are the things I hold most dear to me right now, so I let the room embody the things I wish I had, too.

It’s well known that you like art and frequent exhibitions, but how do you feel when you look at art in your home or another space where there are no people, like in the album art? RM: Someone said, “You don’t have to buy this painting; it’s yours so long as you’re looking at it.” That’s my favorite sound bite these days. What I most envied about painters was that, even after they died, their work would be hanging up somewhere, maybe even in another country, still defining that space. Musicians leave behind their songs and videos, too, but it’s only through fine art that viewers in the future are able to completely meet artists from the past. I’m envious that this is only possible for painters. These days I’m trying to find spaces where I can have more relaxed viewing experiences.

There’s a full experience involved, from the time you get ready to leave your house until the time you’re actually looking at artwork in the gallery. RM: That’s perfect to me. There’s art you can keep at home, and then there’s art that should always be viewed in museums.

What effect do you think that type of experience has on your music? You didn’t compose any of the songs but instead participated in writing the lyrics to all of the tracks. Did that experience affect your lyric writing in any way? RM: I think it’s helped me develop a way of thinking using all the senses. I used to be attuned to speech and focus on language and auditory textures, but now I can look at my thoughts from many different angles. That’s why I spend more time studying art now. I’m waiting for the day that it all comes to the surface, like when you paint the base on a canvas over and over so the colors pop. It’s hard to answer in one word if it has a direct influence on my work, but I think people who create music develop a way of seeing the world through their personal experience and their creative process. Painters naturally exhibit their art over a very long period of time. I think it gave me an eye for looking at the world in one long, continuous stroke. So now it’s become a little challenging for me to write lyrics these days. I’ve become more cautious.

Why is it so challenging? RM: I used to have so many ideas pouring out that it was hard to pluck one out. So I would stack them up like a Jenga tower and ponder over which one to remove. But now, it’s hard to even add a block to the stack. I’m not sure why but, when I look at these artists whose works span their entire lives, I sense that the rhythm of my creativity is slowing down more and more. That’s the source of my dilemma. I’m only 27 years old. I still need to wander around and get tripped up a little. But am I just trying to imitate what the fine artists are doing? Or maybe BTS experienced so much in the past seven years, that now it’s time for us to take a breather? I’ve got so many questions, I feel like my hair’s turning white. That’s why none of my songs are on the album. I wrote some, but they were too personal to use there. I don’t exactly like myself like this, but I have to see through to the end in this direction and find the answer.

Maybe for that reason, your rapping has shifted focus to the lyrics more so than trend or musicality. It emphasizes the feeling of the words over a particular format or beat. RM: Exactly. In—was it 2017? Pdogg was talking to Yoongi, Hobi and me about our style, and said, “Namjoon, it feels like you’re becoming a lyricist,” and it really stuck with me. I have a lot of thoughts lately when I watch Show Me the Money or listen to hip hop songs from the Billboard chart. My music started out all about my life as a rapper, so I spend a lot of time thinking about where I am now.

So you’ve started to ask yourself who you are as a musician? RM: I listened to Lee So-ra’s seventh album again today. I keep changing my mind but, if I had to pick between her sixth and seventh album, I like her seventh a little more. And then I listen to the most popular songs on Billboard, and I feel kind of thrown off. Um … There’s something Whanki Kim said that’s been running around in my head lately: After moving to New York, he embraced the style of artists like Mark Rothko and Adolf Gottlieb, but then he said, “I’m Korean, and I can’t do anything not Korean. I can’t do anything apart from this, because I am an outsider.” And I keep thinking that way, too. That’s my main concern lately.

You can feel that on BE. As the members take on more prominent roles as songwriters and producers, characteristics of old Korean music—the kind of music you likely listened to in middle and high school—gradually entered your sound. But your music isn’t from that era, and it sounds like pop, but not quite. RM: The sound has to fit with the whole album so I couldn’t incorporate that feel into BTS songs, but the songs I’m listening to most lately have been Korean. Songs like P-Type’s “Don Quixote,” Dead’P’s “Spread My Wings,” Soul Company’s album The Bangerz. The impressions the songs from back then have left on me, the lyrics from back then and the lyrics from now, they’re different. So BE is both Korean and pop; it’s very unique, in my view.

I think that’s especially true for “Life Goes On.” It’s got a pop melody, but compared to “Dynamite,” it has a very different feel. It doesn’t slip deep into the sentimental, instead allowing the melody to flow naturally. RM: Exactly. The chorus is totally pop, and one of the writers was also American. But the song doesn’t really follow American music trends, weirdly. So I don’t know how “Life Goes On” is going to be received. It’s really calm, almost contemplative. So there’s lyrics, like, “Like an echo in the forest,” and, “Like an arrow in the blue sky.” The song kind of feels like that: It could just float off and disappear. It might even come off as bland next to “Dynamite.”

If nothing else, it seems the song will stick around for a long time. Maybe kids now will listen to it later on in the future. RM: I hope so. That’s the one thing I really hope for, people in the future, thinking back and saying, “Oh, right! Remember that one song?” That’s what my favorite artists and other people who leave a lasting impression on me have in common. One thing common among the songs that have affected me a lot, like Lee So-ra’s seventh album, is that the lyrics they utter in their voice along with the overall sound stick with me. I hope when people look back, my words uttered with the sound of my voice, echoes for a long time in an auditory or visual way, or even throughout their entire lives. But that’s the dilemma: We have all these bling-bling symbols of our success, but we’re not that kind of team.

And yet, BTS’s career path is even more “bling-bling” than ever. “Dynamite” was the top song on the Billboard Hot 100. RM: I was the first one to check our position (laughs) but I didn’t want to get too excited about it. I was scared of facing disappointment so I put the brakes on out of habit, and restrained myself. But on the other hand, I feel like I should relish this moment. This is a once-in-a-lifetime thing; shouldn’t I enjoy myself a bit? But I disliked that sensation of only feeling elated so I tried to be as objective as possible. I was just one small part of everything that made this happen.

It reminds me of that part, “Running faster than that cloud of rain /  Thought that would be enough / Guess I’m only human after all,” from “Life Goes On.” RM: “Only human” sounds so appropriate for me right now. One time, I saw a dark cloud over the N Seoul Tower while I was walking along the Han River. I was with a friend and we talked about where the border between where it’s raining and where it’s not might be, and suddenly, we came up with the idea to run and find that spot. But after running for 10 minutes, the cloud was even further away than it had been. At that moment, the puzzle pieces snapped into place. You think you can go faster than that dark cloud? No. That’s what I realized then. And I just like what Whanki Kim said, that maybe I can’t do anything not Korean, because that’s what I am. I used to work late and then stay up all night when things weren’t working out, sometimes walking from Samseong to Sinsa station, thinking everything through. But now, like the saying, I realize that maybe I can’t do more than what I am.

On Weverse, you said that you gained some muscle from working out. Could the change to your body improve your creativity in the long term? RM: I started to think I better change myself a little, physically or mentally. I’m talking about being steady. I used to bombard myself with challenges and worries and just get over them, but now I think it’s time to find that one sturdy thing and plant myself there. The best choice was working out, and I think it’s changing my behavior a lot. I’m hoping that, if I keep working out for a year or two, I’ll become a different person.

Music is your job, but also your life. Like you expressed in “Dis-ease,” how would you say you feel about your work? RM: This is my job and my calling and I feel a great sense of responsibility. I think I’m lucky and happy that I can solely worry about my creative process. And I feel very responsible to those people who put their trust in me, so I try not to cross any lines, judge myself honestly, and always be professional. Those are the responsibilities that come with the job—the things I have to do and the promises I won’t betray. But if I’m going to do it, I’m going to be happy while I do it. That’s not always going to be possible, but that’s generally how I feel.

Well then, how do you feel about BTS at the moment? RM: BTS is … Well, it’s really hard to tell. (laughs) When BTS started out, I thought, “I know everything there is to know about BTS,” but now it’s, “I don’t know a single thing about BTS.” In the past, I felt like I knew everything, and that anything was possible. Call it childish or ambitious. But if I were to ask myself, “What is BTS to me?” I would say, we’re just people who met each other because we were meant to. But it feels like the stars aligned and a startup company became a unicorn, with perfect timing and lots of smart people. Looking back, there were a lot of ironies and contradictions in this industry. I thought I figured them out one by one, and then finally understood the whole thing. But now I feel like I don’t know anything at all. Anyway, to sum up: My young, reckless twenties. The events of my twenties. There were a lot of contradictions, people, fame, and conflict all tangled together, but it was my choice and I got a lot out of it, so my twenties were an intense but also happy time.

And what about you, as one individual person? RM: I’m a real Korean person. (laughs) A person who wants to do something in Korea. I think millennials are charging into society stuck between the analog and digital generations, and what I chose is BTS. So I try to integrate myself into our generation, try to understand what people like me are thinking, and try to work hard to capture that feeling without being a burden on them. This might be another kind of irony itself, but this is who I am. I’m a 27-year-old Korean. That’s what I think.

Trans © Weverse

[odos-bucket]

In Which Each of Bruce’s Kids Come Out to Him

and then he comes out to them

Dick

They’re working on opposite sides of the coffee table in one of the manor’s more habitable sitting room’s. It’s become a regular part of their weekday routine: Bruce finishes up whatever office work he has to do, while Dick does his homework, and talks about his day. Usually there are snacks involved. A parenting book Bruce had read recommended trying to get their work done together. It’s a good way to keep connected with their increasingly busy schedules.

“So anyways…” Dick’s story is starting to slow down a little bit, and the shift in tone has Bruce glancing up from his paperwork. “I should probably tell you, since, well, everyone knows at school now.” His voice is still conversational, and relaxed, but a little distracted.

Bruce shifts him his full attention.

“See, what happened was Cameron Josephs in my third period biology class came to school with nail polish on today, which I noticed with my clever detective skills, and promptly dismissed as unimportant, and everyone else noticed with their nosy pre-teen skills, and promptly lost their shi- I mean, minds over. And that was Mrs. Horton’s class, and she has absolutely no control over her students, so it sort of became this whole big thing. Kids were making fun of him, and other kids were yelling at them to knock it off, and he was just trying to do his work, but the rest of the class got into a big fight. And then Brad Cormick- he’s on my basketball team- made a homophobic joke, and we were sitting at the same table, and I could tell that he wanted me to laugh at it. So I told him to shut up, and said that I was bisexual, not that any of it really had anything to do with anything else that was going on, but it did get him to shut up, which was good. Except that I think it may have been because I have more friends than Cameron does, which is totally unfair, and everyone should just be nice to everyone else no matter what, but also I guess not really the point… The point is, yeah, I’m bi. Oh, also frog dissection got moved to tomorrow because one kid threw up.”

Dick takes a deep breath (finally) and a long sip of his juice, before immediately returning to doodling athletic stick figures in the margins of his algebra homework.

Bruce studies him for a moment, trying to figure out what kind of response is expected of him, what would be helpful for Dick to hear. He’s really not very good at this kind of thing.

He’s saved from the risk of putting his foot in his mouth when the science class story continues.

“Are frogs really that gross? I don’t think they are. But I guess our basement is filled with guano, so maybe my tolerance is heightened by regular exposure to the substance most frequently equated with insanity.”

Dick hadn’t seemed nervous before coming out, or relieved after. And if he’s not going to make it into a big deal then neither is Bruce, even if a part of him feels pleasantly warmed by the casual show of trust.

Jason

Bruce loves picking up his kids from school. It’s not something that his schedule allows him to do very often, and Jason- as Dick had been before him- always seems pleasantly surprised to see him. It’s a little thing in the grand scheme, but it’s just nice, normal. And he would never say it out loud- he’s not sure why, he knows he should- but he cherishes the little bit of extra time spent with his boys.

But today Jason isn’t happy to see him.

Bruce pulls up to the curb, and only has to scan the crowd of teenagers for a few seconds before spotting him. He’s on a bench with another student, their shoulders pressed together despite wide swaths of free space available on either side of them. Jason’s pointing out something in a textbook, while the other boy plays with his free hand.

Bruce pulls slightly to the side to let another car drive around him, figuring he’ll give Jason a few minutes to finish up, and notice that Bruce is there, rather than call out and risk embarrassing him.

It’s not even a full minute before they make eye contact across the lot, and immediately something in Jason’s expression changes. His eyes go wide and startled, his posture suddenly tightened. In one fast motion he shuts his book with both hands, muttering something to his friend as he practically throws himself off the bench.

Now feeling on high alert, Bruce sweeps an intense gaze over the school yard for anything that could have upset his son. He doesn’t manage to spot anything before Jason arrives at the car and pulls himself into the backseat (where he never sits, unless the front is already occupied). He starts talking before Bruce can ask what’s wrong.

“That wasn’t what it looked like!”

Bruce frowns, and looks over both Jason and the area in front of the school in an attempt to identify something that isn’t like how it looks.

“He just-“ Jason flinches, seemingly realizing something wrong with whatever he’d been about to say, and cuts himself off with a sharp breath. “I mean-“

Feeling lost is by no means a new part of parenthood for Bruce, and he’s sure it’s something he’ll experience many more times going forward. But, god, he really hates not understanding what’s going on, not knowing what to do, and he doubts that he’ll ever get used to it.

“Jason,” he tries. “Slow down.”

“Yes, sir,” Jason answers automatically. “Sorry.”

It’s been over a year since Jason’s called him ‘sir’ and the sudden reintroduction of the honorific sends a cold chill down Bruce’s spine. For a second they just stare at each other, with what Bruce is pretty sure are matching expressions of partially concealed horror.

“Jason,” he says more quietly.

“I know,” Jason interrupts. “I’m sorry. Please-“ He stops himself, covering his mouth before he can finish the thought, and then just as quickly lowering the hand back to his lap.

Another silence follows, short but harrowing. Then finally Bruce makes a rare admission

“I have no idea what’s happening right now.”

Jason stares at him, and the wider his eyes get the younger he looks, and the more Bruce wants to scoop him up into his arms. But he just waits, and tries not to look too expectant.

“I-I was holding hands with Derek,” Jason breaths out.

“…Alright?” He’s heard that name before. Jason doesn’t have as many friends at school as Dick had, so they’re a little easier to keep track of, even if Bruce has only ever met any of them in passing. “Is this someone you’re worried I’ll embarrass you in front of?” He asks after a brief pause.

Jason keeps staring at him, expression crinkling as his breathing grows erratic.

Bruce finds himself automatically exaggerating his own inhales and exhales, resting the side of one hand against his sternum, to remind Jason of some of their breathing exercises.

“That’s it, chum,” he says as he sees it slowly begin to work. “Everything’s okay.” For all he knows- or doesn’t know- right now it might not even be true, but dammit for his kid he will make everything okay.

“Everything’s okay,” Jason obediently echoes.

Bruce takes his hand off his chest, and starts to reach towards him. But Jason flinches away from him, not as violently as he had back when they were still new to each others’ lives, but it’s enough to make Bruce feel sick. He can practically feel the wrongness of it squeezing his heart into shards as he slowly withdraws his arm back into the front seat. He had truly thought that they had gotten past this.

“I’m sorry, Jay,” he says softly, a small concession to the part of himself that wants to beg his son’s forgiveness for whatever he’s done to make him afraid. “I’m so sorry.”

Jason’s not looking at him anymore. His head is down, and his gaze is fixed on his knees.

Bruce hesitates.

“I’ll never hurt you.” It’s a reassurance he had thought they were past the point of needing, but if they aren’t he’ll say it as many times as he has to. “Never.”

“Are you mad?”

“Is there something particular that I’m supposed to be mad about?” Bruce asks carefully.

“... That I was holding hands with a guy,” Jason elaborates, after a steadying breath.

Oh, Bruce is an idiot. What kind of detective is he if he can’t even- He cuts himself off, realizing he can’t wait too long to respond to that.

“Of course not. That’s what this is about?”

“I never meant for you to find out,” is the response he gets. And doesn’t that just hurt like hell to hear?

“That you like boys?” Bruce confirms.

“And girls, both. But I didn’t know what you’d think, so I figured if I couldn’t be sure it was better to keep it to myself.”

Bruce closes his eyes, taking a second to calm his own breathing.

“I never want you to feel like that,” he says. “About anything. I’m sorry I didn’t make that clear. I love you, Jaylad, that isn’t contingent on anything.”

I wish I could have protected you from whatever it was that made you feel like this was something you had to hide. He doesn’t say it.

Jason is finally looking at him again, gaze thoughtful and careful. A long moment passes, before he surprises- and momentarily terrifies- Bruce by getting out of the car. But before he can react to that, Jason’s climbing into the passenger seat, and after a second of hesitation, leaning into Bruce’s side.

“Okay,” he says quietly, sounding a little choked up.

Bruce puts an arm around his shoulders. The closeness is a balm after the pain of having his son flinch away from him.

Tim

Tim isn’t supposed to come over today. His parents are in town, and Bruce had made a point of hiding his reluctance when he’d given Robin the week off, chastising himself for the empty nest syndrome he has no right to be experiencing- at least in regards to this particular child.

So he’s surprised when he hears Alfred’s throat clear, and looks up to see both Alfred and Tim lingering in the doorway to his office. It would be odd to see him here at this time of day even if they had been planning to go on patrol; sunset is still a few hours off.

Bruce immediately has a bad feeling. He knows it’s commonplace for the Drakes to disappear unexpectedly partway through whatever length of time they were meant to be spending at home. As Batman it’s made his life easier numerous times. As a parent it’s beyond his comprehension. If he still had his boys at home- but he can’t think about that, not without breaking down, and if Tim’s just been abandoned that’s the last thing he needs.

As he approaches the door, Alfred’s pointed look, and Tim’s vacant expression confirm that he’s right to be concerned.

“Tim.” He keeps his voice neutral. “I wasn’t expecting to see you today.”

He picks up on Alfred’s glare a fraction of a second too late to realize that he’s said the wrong thing.

“I’m sorry.” There’s something miserable in Tim’s voice, that makes Bruce want to bundle him up in a blanket. Before he can assure him that he has nothing to apologize for, Alfred cuts in.

“I told Master Tim that he’s welcome to stay with us for as long as he needs.”

Bruce nods automatically, looking down at Tim, who’s glassy expression looks a million miles away.

“Tim,” he says gently, eventually drawing the boy’s gaze, but feeling disconcerted by how delayed the response is.

Alfred leaves with a comment about putting a kettle on for tea, closing the door firmly but softly behind him. The sound it makes as it pulls all the way shut still makes Tim twitch.

“Do you want to sit down?” Bruce offers.

Tim stumbles a bit on his way to the couch. He’s so out of it; He won’t be patrolling tonight, even if his schedule’s suddenly open for it. Bruce sits down on the other side.

“Are they gone again?” He asks, trusting fully that the vaguely worded question will be completely understood.

There’s a worrying delay before Tim shakes his head, giving Bruce ample time to wish for Alfred back before he can register the response enough to be surprised by it.

“So...“ he begins uncertainly, before being cut off.

“I’m sorry,” Tim says again. “I don’t mean to be a bother.”

“You aren’t a bother, Tim.”

The- admittedly somewhat monotone- assurance just gets him a shrug.

“Can you tell me what happened?” He tries.

“Do I have to?” Tim asks after a long silence. “Can’t I just stay here?”

Bruce frowns.

“Of course you can stay here. But I think I really need to know what’s going on.”

Tim stares at him, eyes shining, mouth opening and closing several times before he speaks.

“Can I- Alfred says I can tell you something, and you won’t get mad?”

“Well, that depends on what it is,” Bruce says, thinking back on every time a robin has had something to tell him, but first wanted confirmation that he wouldn’t be angry.

Tim seems to shrink at his words, his breath catching audibly as he curls in on himself. Fuck, Bruce is bad at this.

“What do you have to tell me?” He asks.

“Well now I don’t know if I want to!” It almost comes out as a yell, strained by the sound of held back tears, and Bruce is a little taken aback.

“I’ll probably find out at some point,” he reasons.

There’s a beat of silence, and then Tim chokes on something that sounds like a suppressed sob.

No, no, no no. This isn’t supposed to happen. Bruce reaches out for him in an awkward and hastily aborted movement.

“I can’t,” Tim says after a minutes, tears streaking over his pale cheeks. “If you don’t-“ His voice catches. “I need you to let me stay here.”

Bruce’s heart hurts as he scooches a little closer, reaching out to rest a hand- hopefully not too awkwardly- on Tim’s shoulder.

“Of course you can stay here,” he reiterates. “I told you you could stay here. Even if I’m mad at you you can stay here. If you-“ He searches for a moment. “-Took the batmobile out on a joyride, and drove it into the harbor, I’ll be mad at you, but you’ll still have a place here. One will never have anything to do with the other.”

Tim makes a noise that’s over too quickly for Bruce to be able to tell if it had been a laugh, or just more crying.

“Did Jason do that?” He asks in a hoarse voice.

“Dick,” Bruce corrects.

This time Tim definitely snorts, which has Bruce smiling in spite of himself.

“Did you do something worse than that?” He asks.

It’s meant to be a joke, but Tim makes an unhappy face at the question.

“I- no!” He says, defensive, but confident. “I didn’t do anything wrong!”

Bruce gives his shoulder a squeeze before releasing it.

“Then why would I be mad at you?”

The humor that had begun to make its way into Tim’s expression disappears again, and Bruce curses himself.

“Mom and Dad were mad,” he says quietly.

Bruce scowls. He tries pretty hard not to let his dislike of Jack and Janet show around Tim- though he’s long suspected the young detective can tell- but it’s harder to hide sometimes than others.

“You said they were still home,” he remembers. “Tim, did they kick you out?” He does his best to keep the anger out of his voice.

And then he finds himself doing his best to keep the anger off of his face when it takes Tim a moment to answer the question.

“I don’t think forever,” he says uncertainly. “Just- They said they needed time to think about it, to d-decide what to do.”

The slight stutter puts him over the age, and fury starts to trickle into Bruce’s voice.

“To think about what?” He demands. Hell, that place is more Tim’s home than it is theirs. They have absolutely no right to ask him to leave! And where the hell do they expect him to go? Bruce forces himself to clench his jaw, and take deep breaths.

“...I’m gay,” Tim finally says.

Bruce stares at him for the second that it takes for the words to register, and connect back to the rest of the conversation.

“That’s it?”

He’s wincing at himself before the question is all the way out of his mouth, immediately convinced that he’s said the wrong thing again. But then, to his immense relief, he realizes that Tim has started laughing. It isn’t deep, or sustained. His voice is still a little weak, and his eyes are still a little red. But he’s definitely laughing, and Bruce realizes vaguely that a robin laughing is still his favorite sound in the world.

“That’s it,” Tim confirms, on the tail end of his laugh.

“Oh, Tim.”

Bruce doesn’t give himself a chance to second guess the motion before he pulls the boy into a hug, satisfied that it was the right course of action when he feels Tim melt against him.

“Of course I’m not mad, of course I’m not mad,” he repeats like a mantra. “I’m sorry I let you think I would be. You’re right, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

A few seconds pass, and he realizes there’s a wet patch at his shoulder where Tim’s face is buried. Bruce freezes, totally unsure of what he’s done wrong this time.

“I’m sorry,” Tim breaths out. “I- thank you. Thank you! I don’t know what I would have done if- I- I don’t want to be alone!”

“Not alone,” Bruce promises. “You’re not alone. It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.”

Tim presses closer, and Bruce takes it as a cue to tighten his hold.

Alfred finds them like that a few minutes later, Tim curled up in his arms, while Bruce cycles through reassurances. The look they exchange is enough to confirm that they’re both thinking the same thing: this kid is ours.

Cass

One day Cass hangs a little pride flag up on her door. Later in the week when she catches Bruce glancing at it, she comes up to him, gives the flag a meaningful nod, before just saying, “Girls!” in a happy voice, giving him a hug, and disappearing down the hall.

Damian

Bruce can identify every member of his family by their knock, but Damian’s is particularly distinctive. Not just because it tends to come from a lower part of the door, but because Damian has cultivated a strong knock, the way businessmen cultivate a strong handshake. It’s a very confident and determined sound, that he often finds himself stifling a smile at, knowing that that isn’t at all the intended reaction.

“Come in,” he calls, and there’s no pause before Damian strides into his office, confident as ever. When he speaks however, the undercurrents of his voice tell a different story.

“Father, there is something I wish to discuss with you.” There are a few hesitations, that don’t quite manage to turn into stutters in his voice, ones it’s unlikely anyone outside of their family would notice.

Bruce doesn’t comment on them, just nods for Damian to sit down and continue.

His legs don’t fully reach the floor. Something else that Bruce has learned not to let himself smile at.

“Grayson says…” he begins confidently, before trailing off.

Bruce just raises an eyebrow for him to continue, not feeling like he has enough information to put anything together from at the moment.

“Richard says,” Damian continues more carefully. “He came out to you as bisexual when he was around my age?”

Bruce nods. He has a feeling that he knows where this is going this time.

“He did.”

“He said that you were okay with it?”

Bruce nods again.

“Dick is my son. My love for him isn’t conditional, certainly not on that. There’s nothing wrong with not being straight.”

Damian had broached the topic using Dick as a proxy, so Bruce had followed his lead and assumed that Damian would know to automatically apply the assurance to himself. But Damian’s face just falls into a puzzled frown.

“So why…” he begins, before changing track. “Richard isn’t your biological son.”

Bruce frowns back.

“Damian, you know that doesn’t make a difference to me. I don’t love your siblings any less because they’re not-”

“I know,” Damian cuts in. “It isn’t about loving us differently.” He says it very matter of factly. “I have the ability to carry on your bloodline, whereas they do not.”

“That ability isn’t an obligation,” Bruce says, wondering why his kids never seem to be able to just worry about normal things. “And it’s certainly not something that you need to be thinking about at thirteen years old.”

Damian nods slowly, staring down at the desk with a look of intense concentration, before slowly raising his gaze to Bruce.

“Mother and Grandfather said that you wouldn’t like it, if I wasn’t interested in girls,” he says quietly.

Bruce sighs. of-fucking-course they did. He gets up from his chair, and moves around the desk to kneel in front of Damian.

“Well they’re wrong,” he says simply. “And they had no right to lead you to believe that it would make any difference to me. Just like I don’t love your siblings any less, my love for you is no more conditional. Understand?”

It takes a moment, but Damian nods.

“All right. In which case, I suppose... I’m gay.”

“And I’m proud of you,” Bruce says, before pulling his son into a hug.

Bruce

Bruce looks at his assembled family, and begins to feel a strange sense of trepidation tickling at the edge of his consciousness.

They’re all here. Trying to get the whole family together all at once is like pulling teeth. But he told them it was important, and they all came. There have been plenty of points over the course of the years when that wouldn’t have happened. And even though they’ve all been pretty settled with each other for a while now, he never wants to take for granted having his whole family together- not that he thinks the part of him that only seems to settle when he has all of his children within arm’s reach would let him.

The comfort of having them all be together is overwhelming, but the trepidation is still there, just like it probably always will be any time he manages to round up the courage for anything resembling feelings talk.

They’re all in one of the living rooms, sprawled in a comfortable half circle across various couches and chairs.

“There’s something I wanted to tell you all,” Bruce starts to say.

“Are you dying?” Stephanie asks casually.

Beside her, Cass freezes, looking horrified.

“I’m not dying,” Bruce says quickly.

At the same time Steph rubs a hand up and down Cass’s arm and assures her she was kidding.

“Not like he’d tell us if he was,” Dick says.

He knows it’s meant to be a joke, just like Stephanie’s question had been, but it still sends a chill through him. Mostly because he can’t say for sure that Dick is totally wrong; it’s the kind of thing he easily could have kept to himself. But then he sees the uncertain frown that Damian is giving him, and Cass’s wide, anxious eyes, and decides that he has to be wrong.

“I’m not dying,” he repeats, reaching out for Tim who’s sitting closest to him, and who’s been staring very intently at the floor since the topic came up.

Tim leans into the touch without shifting his position.

“And I would tell you,” he adds seriously, feeling absolutely wracked with guilt over the fact that up until this moment he doesn’t know if he would’ve been able to claim that with any certainty.

“I swear, if there’s anything wrong with me, all of you will know as soon as possible.” By the time it comes out of his mouth, he knows he means it with total certainty.

“I think we’re all pretty tuned into the fact that there’s something wrong with you,” Jason offers, and the tension in the room breaks.

Bruce smiles despite himself. That was agonizing. Compared to that getting on with the conversation he’d previously been so apprehensive to have will be a relief.

“What did you want to tell us?” Duke asks.

“It can be… difficult for me to articulate what it means to me whenever one of you trusts me enough to share something about yourself. I thought that I owed it to all of you to return the favor, and share a… recent discovery of mine.” He stumbles through it as awkwardly as he’d expected to.

“This is weird,” Stephanie stage whispers.

“I’m bisexual,” Bruce admits.

“Bruce!” Dick says excitedly.

“Unacceptable,” Jason cuts in. “We already have enough of that nonsense in this house!”

Tim kicks him in the side.

“Well, seeing as it’s an option, I for one prefer the idea of you pursuing romantic entanglements that bear no risk of resulting in pregnancy.”

“Noted, Damian.”

“I’m happy for you, B,” Tim says. “It can be hard figuring yourself out.”

“Thank you, Tim.”

“Is that it?” Duke asks. “I mean, not that it’s not a big deal- and I’m happy for you too by the way- it’s just that most of our family meetings involve addressing some kind of crisis.”

“That’s it,” Bruce admits.

“Perhaps- seeing as we’re all here anyways- we could take this opportunity to have dinner together as a family for once,” Alfred offers.