#i hate you with every word i can imagine
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me, looking at the most toxic, awful, horrendously unhealthy fictional relationship in the world: why can't i have what they have? :(
#remind me of how easily you could kill me then say i won't die until you let me#you insult me and I'll insult you and we'll both know each other so unfathomably well that every word is a finely tuned blade#we'll kiss and you'll draw blood and I'll think of you every time i feel the bite mark#in every universe we find each other and we hate each other and we want each other more than we can say through words#tell the world i'm yours while i glower with reverent loathing#every conversation we have is poison#we twist and distort each other until there's nothing left but two shattered halves of a one way mirror#I'll hold you tightly like you're the only thing that matters#we'll slowly settle into a sort of rancid dependent domesticity#and set out to ruin each other until even those jagged shards turn to dust#(apologies reader of these tags#the “you” i'm referencing isn't referring to you personally#or you generally#i'm just cooking up more motivation to write sdhdjshdj)#(oh! also- please note the use of FICTIONAL#this is all just imagination loll)#why yes this is about#toxic old man yaoi#however did u guess#also just general#toxic yaoi#toxic yuri#but ykkkk#I watched one too many animatics#billford#hahahaaa who said thatttt not meeee hahaaaa#they ruined me#oh also-#pureshadow
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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No, Ms. Siwa, I’m afraid you’re wrong. Karma is not the bitch, you are
#Jojo siwa#I hate you more than mere words can express. you genuinely- and I MEAN genuinely -make my blood boil in my veins#you are the bane of my existence. a thorn- no a DAGGER in my side that I do desperately want to rid myself of but cannot as it’s the only#thing keeping my insides from spilling out.#y’know the meaning of raison d’etere? you are that for me but in the most awful way imaginable#every night I pray on your downfall. I look forward to the day I get to watch you crumble in a heap of your own well-deserved suffering#I seethe with disgust every time your face invades my vision. your very existence is enough to bring me to nausea.#I loathe you with every cell in my body. every breath I take is in spite of you#thanks for coming to my ted talk
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oh, a fun* thing I'm noticing about when I'm writing something is that there's absolutely no descriptions of what anything looks like ever. not the rooms, not people's clothes, just nothing. everything happens in a blank void and no one... is wearing any clothes? no that's definitely not where I was going with that but now I've forgotten what I really wanted to say.
anyway, it's really not surprising and just mirrors how I read things written by other people too - I completely skip over any descriptions like that. can't do anything with it anyway so it's just unnecessary information to me
*not so fun
#context: I have aphantasia#there's no images whatsoever. so knowing what a room looks like doesn't help me at all. can't remember.#I hate detailed descriptions of what everyone's wearing. I mean specifically when it's like. it's described in detail what every damn#character is wearing all the time. as long as it's not relevant I just can't do anything with that. so I skip it#but anyway lol it's probably a very good thing that I stopped thinking I wanted to be a writer when I was like 7.#I wouldn't be able to remember to include stuff like that#but yeah anyway it just makes me sad really lol. feels like I miss like. a pretty big part of things sometimes.#and it's very hard to describe what anything looks like when you can't imagine it. don't know if that's how other people do that but anyway#I just find it interesting. mostly sad. but interesting. I just think it must be so fucking cool to see images in your mind. like damn#people are really out there living like that?? sounds made up but okay#I can just barely imagine a voice if I try really really hard. one at a time. and it takes a lot of practice. other than that?#it's just words.#personal
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hey question for all the tlt fans out there are you guys aware that in nz a "dairy" is like just a convenience store? like a 7/11? like at least thats what my nz friend calls them and when i read nona w my partner they told me they'd been picturing the local dairy nona goes to as like???? a milk store???
ive been thinking about like how all of you who arent from nz or even aus are imagining these things like i just saw a whole post where someone was like "why tf do they say jandals" besties i am begging you to remember the author is from New Zealand
#tlt#nona the ninth#i genuinely see ppl get confused on a regular basis#abt nz slang in this fandom#like im aussie so a good amount of it is the same as what im used to#but like i do genuinely wonder how that changes the reading experience#little details and descriptors can really change how someone imagines the world#even just if you imagine the dairy as a dairy store instead of a 7/11#and like this is no hate to anyone who doesnt understand these bc like i dont expect everyone to ynderstand every bit of slang#i just think its interesting how that can change the reading experience of a book yk#this is too much thought abt the word dairy#but im sleepy#so there
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I need Santa Eid to give me a lobotomy for Eid al-Fitr
#if I see that one word one more time I’m gonna give myself a lobotomy#“patience is a virtue” well my patience is running thin and my brain is deteriorating what now#every day it’s every day man 🧍♀️#dora Daily#reason one is because of that one topic and the secondary reason is cause can people just tell me they hate me and don’t want to be friends#anymore to my face I’m so tired very very tired. just say it bro idec atp I’ve lost more people than you could imagine I don’t careeeee#all I want is the truth otherwise I’ll start tweaking even more 😭#hshshshsjsiwsnsn
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ignore this post I’m venting my disappointment in the tags abt twitter LMFAOOO
#dude do you have any idea how fucking awful it feels to go on a social media site and have your favourite character just be constantly#shit on? like I’ve gotten attached in an autistic way to this fucker and now it’s legitimately made my mental health for the past few days#TANK. I used to go on twitter and see people be normal instead of being bombarded with hatred from every angle#and not to get me started on the fact that bad refuses to fucking say anything#like okay man! just let the hatred fester and let people who actually liked you turn on you because you made a stupid ass decision#it’s literally just a hostile fucking environment on one end and the other is in radio silence#im still so attached and I fucking hate it#I hate the motherfuckers on twitter and I hate bad being so goddamn silent#I hate the people defending him in places where he’s wrong and I hate the people who take every chance to twist his words#I love my mutuals who are sensible people#but I cannot fucking stand everything else#and sorry for being so upset when im shamed out of a special interest and what used to be a safe place for me#you motherfuckers have EVERYTHING. you have the numbers. the popular ships. you have people who will defend you#literally cannot have shit in this place#our fav is treated like shit and yours is praised to the high heavens#in and out of game he’s constantly fucking disrespected#can you even imagine how that feels to someone who gets so attached to a character and his dynamic that it influences their mental state#or is it just easier to play the Saint who is never wrong and will never be#I fucking hate what bad did and I’m disgusted that he’s still friends with that fucker#and I am still attached to his character and story#the shame is legitimately overwhelming#fuck it all. really and truly#and most of all fuck qsmptwt I cannot stand you motherfuckers#my mutuals and oomfs are obviously exempt from previous statement
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‘wheatish’ ‘dusky’ STOP just say brown it won’t hurt u. it won’t i promise
#from my wonderful light skinned mother who still has a deeply ingrained bias towards#fair skin and just can’t accept that her daughter is dark#and also can’t ever equate dark to beautiful#anyway dark skin is so beautiful all skin tones are beautiful i grew up to realise that hope that anyone struggling with it can see their#beauty too ❤️#horrifying how so much of the country is dark skinned and yet even there finding a foundation shade is so difficult#have to give the western makeup brands points for inclusivity seen more from them than i ever did from my own#also the way they just refuse to say brown. it’s so annoying. just SAY it it’s not a bad word please i beg of you#glad i didn’t grow up there or my relatives would have made me hate myself and my skin forever#all of them are so light skinned 😀 it’s just me and my dad 👍#rmb when my grandma would scrub my skin w exfoliant every time we visited the country to try and scrub off my dark skin 😀 like the colour#was dirty 💀#or the way my family thinks it’s a compliment to new parents when they tell them ‘your child reflects so much light 😍😍 hes so fair’#or when they say oh u were so fair as a baby… you became darker 😬#grew up in a country where the majority race has very fair skin and yet they never made me feel like my own race has 😐#over sharing on tumblr yet again who cld i tell this to#took me so long. but dark skin is so beautiful and my heart goes out to everyone who is made to think otherwise#like. even as someone whose parents immigrated to another country#i keep hearing the nonsense from aunts and grandparents and paretsn and COUSINS 💀#cant imagine how bad it would have been otherwise
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bro just for shits i was like lemme check out this stranger con thing i saw noah tweet out bc it’s like a 45 minute drive from my house maybe it’ll be a fun weekend excursion. and that shit is so expensive. oh my god. like i get that these fuckers are like Big Celebs but oh my god. $100 for an autograph?? ON TOP of the general admission fee??? bye omg
#i say things#maybe if i like. actually cared about celebs i would do it but like#naw bro LOL that is so crazy#like no shade to ppl who do spend the money and do wanna meet these people#like i love that people look up to these folks like that or admire their work or w/e#but every time i think about like. what would i say if i met this person i really like#i just totally draw a complete and utter blank#like 'hey ur good at ur job' is all i can think of ghfsdjkg#the ONLY person i've ever been like 'i have this thing i wanna say to them' about is#mamo miyano. bc his music just makes mme so stupid happy#like if i ever went to a concert and he did like a meet and greet or w/e#i might pay the extra X amount of money just to be like#'literally your music makes me so happy. if im ever sad or pissed off#all i have to do is listen to your music and i have an instant smile on my face'#but he is the Only Man who i will ever be able to come up with other words for#i guess if i paid the $150 or w/e to meet noah#it would be like 'hey congrats on coming out im super happy for you#i cant even imagine what it's like being as in the spotlight as you are#in a time where queer people are being more and more hated by govts at large#and deciding that you wanted to be open about that part of yourself. welcome to the club'#but like. am i gonna pay that much money to do that. no#ANYWAY ramble over i was just. so blown away by how expensive it was LOL#like i get it but at the same time. holy shit
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So I've been trying to understand the takes in this post more, because it's always better to try and understand what the other side is saying before forming an opinion and yadda yadda, and the hot takes I've seen in this post as of now are:
Oh noes alphabet soup bad, labels bad, let's all say faggot or queer instead;
People who dislike slurs aren't allowed to do so because... ?
Super young people with no trauma dictating to older people what they should do.
Well... These are interestingly out of touch takes.
Posting faggot and queer like 2am gunshots to keep property values on my blog low and scare away assimilationist LGBTs who want to replace my empty lot full of native wildflowers with a 5-over-1 because they're too traumatized by their upbringing to accept the reality of our diverse marginalized community
#especially because why are you all trying to tell other people how they should feel about their queer experiences#use whatever words you want but respect other people's choices!#it goes both ways#you all aren't special for using slurs that in most cases would never be used against you in the first place#like why are bi under 30 women gleefully claiming they're superior for calling themselves faggot lmaooo#ofc that slur holds 0 power on you#I'm a bi woman and I can just imagine how out of touch I'd be if I went to a 50+ gay man and told him he's dumb for not reclaiming/hating#the faggot slur 'see I'm calling myself a faggirl! see how easy it is for me to use that slur! you're just too soft and tryna policing me!'#meanwhile in the golden age of homophobia gays had to literally live in fear of some homophobe saying faggot#because it was usually followed by threats of violence and worse#do the tumblrinas realize the world we live in now is still oodles better than the past and not every queer person has the same experience?#I don't care if this is 'discourse' you all need to accept critiques and people not agreeing#instead of calling us 'contrarians' or 'trolls'
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dry swallowing pills is my stupidest flex. i'm not even showing off anymore i'm just impatient
#this post brought to you by#the breakfast of champions#(a monster energy and a naproxen)#and my decision at a rather young age to figure out how to do it because sometimes juggling pills and water in your mouth is too difficult#obviously small dry ones are easier#gel caps and large pills are a lot more difficult *mostly* due to size#but the gels are also more prone to sticking to me accidentally on the way down which is Super Uncomfortable#that said i learned my technique on the dayquil gel caps when those were relatively new and thus the ergonomic tech on the cap shape/size#wasn't quite there yet but they did catch up#and also my hips which i think are the actual problem and not my lower back which is...really annoying mostly lmao#i can FIX lower back if that's wrong#idk how to un-dislocate (i assume) my whole pelvis and put it back into place properly#that post about ripping your spine out and fixing it manually out in the open but for the rest of the skellybones#that's how i feel#on the plus side something *did* big major pop back into place last night and i imagine at least some of this pain is related#but like#ow#that's not very nice and kind of you Mr. Pelvic Area#if my hips didn't part like god commanded them to make way for his people to escape egypt once a month every month#i probably wouldn't HAVE this issue#i'm Stretching i'm Moving as much as i'm fucking capable i'm Learning How Far Is Too Far and i'm just like#why isn't it WORKING#what am i doing WRONG#and it's just that my body hates me specifically and doesn't want me to have a good time hardly ever#also probably my hip joints are related to this#i'm relatively certain i have mild hip dysplasia (or however it's spelled) as well as the hypermobility#which i'm just assuming at this point is EDS due to all the other factors involved but like fucking hell#it's almost like a fucking chronic illness that causes pain regularly or something#i wanna speak to the manager of bones#i've got some Choice Fucking Words for them
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Few things piss me off more than when I'm researching something, and I find someone asking the question I want answered, and the response is just "you shouldn't want that, just do this instead"
Today, it's me trying to look up a build for this witch farm concept that uses raid captains to manipulate the witches ai instead of using redstone
"Just use the shifting floors farms, they're just about as good" people respond... you stupid prick, that's not an answer to the question actually asked. I don't know about these guys, but me, I want it cause it's novel and there's no redstone, and I like putting bespoke prestige projects on my server... you might have noticed I tend to do form over function on a lot of my farms... so this is about form, the function is just a bonus
Second example, I wanted to see if there was any way to make Terra Invicta load faster, "just don't save scum"... you idiot, one that's just stupid advice, people can play games however they want, but two this once again doesn't answer the question
Like yeah, how dare people want to know if there's a way to make a game load saves faster when loading takes like 1 minute
If they at least phrased stuff like "sorry, I don't know how to do that, he's an alternative you might try", it's not helpful but it's at least polite
But man... I just get tired of people not answering the question being asked and instead answering the one they've decided was asked
(Actually, a legit real problem in the real world such as... with doctors who don't listen to their patient and decide they know what's really being asked. Don't do it, answer the asked question, or at least ask questions to confirm what's being asked before going off pig headed)
#anyway; pouring over unhelpful people one dropped a mention that Doc from hermit craft seems to have built this design this season#so now I have to track down that... while youtube's acting stupid like it always does after I've left my computer on a few days#no other websites have an issue; but youtube basically becomes unresponsive for like 5 seconds every 10 seconds#the video plays fine if it's already going; but if I try to start or stop it or click anything it doesn't#wonderful website you have their youtube; I'm sure it's not a windows style processor hog or anything#...I'm also in a bad mood; like I'm fucking hair trigger at the moment; cause of one of my mom's sneezing fits hours ago#I know it sounds stupid; and honestly it feels like I must be faking it or something#but when I hear her do that (and it lasts for minutes; she never sneezes less than like 20 times at the top of her lungs)#I actually start smashing my fucking head with the heels of my hands; like against the ears and temples#have to fucking race for rain sounds and turn them up to max; and then I just kinda sit there rocking like a crazy person#...I don't know... probably has something to do with... some kinda shit in my childhood... can't really put it into words or anything concr#but yeah... this kinda thing already pisses me off on a good day cause conceptually it's a jackass move#'oh; you asked a question? well you're stupid and wrong for wanting this; you should just be me instead'#like I could imagine if you asked someone how to do wood burning having them say 'you can't; you can only cut it with power tools'#that's the kind of mentality going on here#slime chunks are another good example; I wanted to know if there's a way to trim them cause they kinda piss me off#short answer no; they seem to be even more baked into the seed than biomes are these days... which sucks; but it's a full answer#but 'just spawn proof with slabs and buttons' is a stupid fucking answer you moron#oh shit; I never considered the obvious... thanks; it's not like maybe people want a certain vibe to a room they built#2010 ass builders; like yeah; in the end I'm just gonna discretely add spawn proofing where I need it#but... that wasn't the fucking question#anyway; point is this pisses me off anyway; but I'm also so angry on like... a physical level; everything has me spitting bullets#like I had to make my cats leave my room because physically hearing my mom sneeze just upsets me so much that...#well... I kinda lose control; not like where I'd kick the cats or something; but where I might slap them away#so it's just... fuck; I hate that I often end up raising my voice in that state and yelling#I prefer when I at least keep it together enough to stay in a measured tone as I'm like 'move move move' herding them out#but yeah... it fucks me up on a really physical level#even now hours later when I've kinda calmed down; Bart's laying next to me and part of me just wants to shove him away#cause I just can't fucking stand anything at the moment#on a intellectual level... I fucking hate it cause I'm not even that mad; and I want Bart here
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Should i just unfollow my ex-mp, because ngl I feel like im just torturing myself at this point
(Im seriously asking and you should tell me yes)
#he just keeps tweeting the most stupid shit.#like you can just not be racist its not that hard#like the only reason im still following him is just to keep tabs of this exact bullshit#but some of the stuff he says/retweets genuinely angers me so much#and the worst thing ia that i cant. do. anything. about. it.#and that is driving me mad#so im struggling between would i rather Know that someone is shitty and be able to see it#or just unfollow and give myself peace of mind because at the end of the day#what is having this info gonna do for me#god i actually hate this motherfucker like he literally was at mosques handing out flyers with the palestine flag on it and look at his#islamophobic ass now. fuck you. not to mention not a WORD om palestine since. not even a word on lebanon now#but he Has mentioned how the 'culture' in Afghanistan and 'other such countries' are not valid#🎤 heres me handing you a mic please further explain what you think these 'cultures' are. do you also mention the us where child marriages#are legal in many states? have you literally EVER mentioned anything about the rise in sexism in our own country.#it just pisses me off because i am so angered and DESPISE whats going on in Afghanistan. but anytime i try to look for info and sources to#post about it. anyone commenting it is fucking racist and or a t*rf. like im not even fucking joking. like why is it so hard to realise tha#MUSLIMS HATE THESE MOTHERFUCKERS TOO. AND I IMAGINE A LOT AFGHANI CITIZENS AS WELL. as per usual shitty fucking men MAKE UP THESE RULES#based on nothing because islam ENCOURAGES education in women. it allows divorce. abortion. THESE THINGS ARE PART OF OUR CULTURE THAT ARE#not part of 'Christian culture' but no one would ever even say that because they know its dumb!! and not every Christian believes that!!#and lets not even get started on how western colonisation leads to all this turmoil in the first place.#anyways to conclude. brown people are not just inherently sexist/homophobic/racist/bigoted etc. claiming they are and that their 'culture'#promotes it is SO BEYOND FUCKING RACIST I NEED YOU TO THINK 2 SECONDS BEFORE YOU JUST RANDOMLY SAY SHIT.#and like. a shitty terrorist group enforcing backwards rules on its population is not 'culture'. i think thats whats bothering me. like why#are you further demonising and ostracising people who are already so isolated as is. you dont even know anything about them and then you#you just make this big washjng statement.#i actually could say so much more btw#and even some of the comparisons i made are not even fully equivalent. and i Want to go into it. but i cba. i just woke up and im probably#gonna delete this.#if yoi have read this far pls just answer my q in the og post and tell me to unfollow this man before i lose all my marbles xD#le text post
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How was the meal Shadow
#ngl this post madw my imagination spiral so hard that ive unlocked the horror concept of#sonic repeadively murdering shadow with no reprocussion after the event sof kidnapping him and forcing him to literally eat the entire#script of his words starting from that exact line- from every media- frpm every game that Sonic wouldve heard him talk#and then was like “lets escelate” and eventually it becomes rei akemi type shit where its just like his subconciois is linked to every#murdered version of him but he represses it so badly/memory is so fuzzy that he just has no idea whu he absolutely HATES/wants to avoid#sonic like the plauge. and its like sonic has escaped the boundraies of the limited mindscape of fiction and has mentally ascended beyond#the fourth wall. and now he is just like “well hes the least likely for people to question what im doing with him or why i keep fighting#this guy so might as well see how far i can take this cause even of he dies hell jusy come back. same way i do. everytime.“#and like sonic is like “this is wjat happens to us when the people from the othee aide of the screen make us popular” and does that one#scene in neon evangellion where its just a bunch of float rei akemis copies#and its like kind of a horror concept considering sonic was brealing the 4th wall since his original debut#with the whole “killing hself causs he got bored of waiting for you to come back to the screen” thing#but im guessing since he dont do that no mo hes gotta have someone else to play with#and thats why shadow hates sonic
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gojo never imagined an arrange marriage with you, but now you’re all he can think about.
he thinks about you when he’s training, when he’s seated at his round table, when he’s in his bed, everywhere, every time, you’re all he can think about.
and you’re oblivious to it.
you heard the gossip everywhere you walked, about the girl gojo was pleading with his family to marry. how much he loved her, how beautiful she was, how much more elegant she was compared to you. you knew you were never his first choice, not even his fifth, but it hurt even more when everybody acknowledged it.
you stopped wearing your wedding ring, started acting like you were just another person there. luckily gojo didn’t seem to be in any hurry about making heirs, so pretending like you two were working things out didn’t even matter anymore.
you find yourself alone most of the time. your maids were kind and patient, but they had so many things to do throughout the day that you felt awful pestering them to walk around the estate with you.
eating dinners with gojo became normal, but most of your other meals were in silence, always feeling like a speck of dust in the large dining hall.
one day when you’re walking around aimlessly you stumble across the training grounds, the open space below you filled with men swinging wooden swords back and forth at each other.
it wasn’t difficult to find your husband, his white hair hard to miss in a crowd of others. he didn’t notice you watching from above, and so you stayed hidden, not knowing if the men were picky with who watched them.
he was swift and agile. everything he did was precise and with meaning. no wonder he was named the best warrior of the north.
you found this to be more entertaining than walking around the gardens for the tenth time or watching the cooks assemble the next meal, so you didn’t even notice how gojo looked up to see you, somehow slipping away without you knowing.
you were in a state of watching but not really thinking, almost jumping out of your skin when you heard his voice behind you.
“didn’t know i had an audience,”
you yelp, flinching as you look behind you to see your husband all sweaty, panting slightly as he moves his hair away from his face. you eye the stairs that led him up here, wondering how you could’ve missed that.
you laugh sheepishly, giving him an apologetic smile as you pick are your nails.
“i’m sorry,” you scratch behind your ears, feeling heat rise to your cheeks under his intense gaze. it’s unfair how pretty somebody can look, especially after training for an hour straight, “i was just walking around and i saw this.”
he waved it off, shaking his head as he leaned his sword on the wall.
“not a problem,” his eyes shine, “i just would’ve tried harder if i knew my wife was watching.”
my wife.
the words fall so smoothly from his lips you wonder how many times he’s said it before. with malice, hatred, necessity?
you smile a little bit, eyes crinkling around the edges as you look away briefly, not noticing the way gojo chased after your cheerful face.
“how’d you get up here? where are your ladies?” he asks suddenly, looking around at the fact that it was just you up here.
“my what?” you say, looking up at him through furrowed brows.
“you know,” he waves his arm around as if that would help, “you’re ladies in waiting,”
you scrunch up your nose a little bit, something he noticed you did when you were confused.
“oh, well, my maids are working right now,” you tell him, noting that he still didn’t look any less confused.
“no, not your maids, your ladies,” he tilts his head to the side, “the girls your family sent them up to help you around.”
you stare at him, unblinking.
“the girls that are your friends, the ones that help accustom you…” gojo trials off when he realizes he’s not getting anywhere with you.
you feel even more embarrassed than when he caught you watching him, hating the way you were clueless at yet another thing in this life that no one explained to you.
“the girls you hang around with?” he finally lands on, hoping this jogs your memory.
you shake your head, eyes wide as you fidget with the fabric of your dress. his eyes fall onto your finger, lingering on the fact that you’re not wearing your ring.
“who do you spend your time with throughout the day?” gojo seems even more lost than you. he’s seen you with…? well surely that one time…?
“by,” you swallow, embarrassed, “by myself. i walk around a lot.” you admit sheepishly.
“your family didn’t send…?” he answers his own question with his silence.
this entire time you’ve been alone?
he opens his mouth to speak but somebody beats him to it.
“satoru! get down here! we’re still not done!” his friends shouts from below, and you look over your shoulder to see all the men staring at the two of you.
gojo stares at you, unblinking.
“i,” he swallows but can’t find any words.
you can’t either.
he leaves you there, running down those stairs as he shouts at the other guys to resume what they were doing. that entire day he was off his balance because he kept looking up to see you there, but you weren’t.
maybe you were just walking around, like you said.
#gojo x reader#gojo x you#satoru x reader#gojo drabble#jjk x reader#jjk drabble#gojo angst#arranged!gojo
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rip bitw!strahm you would've loved who's lila
#not that i can imagine him playing a video game#in a better world adam who's alive and well would have sat him down and made him play it as a revenge for strahm making him sit through#multiple lynch movies (they're friends in a completely jigsaw-unrelated way no one knows how they met and why they hit it off so fast)#he's gonna take it so seriously though. he'd make sure to use all of his years of watching people react to things in a neurotypical way to#shape will's face into the most appropriate expressions and he'll scream at the screen every time will's face moves on its own#scrambling to close will's eyes in the boiler room and almost breaking the screen when he fumbles and doesn't do it on time#strahm looking through the palettes: blue rose? reminds me of blue rose cases in twin peaks. hm#arriving at martha's: we're breaking into the girl's apartment by pretending to be sent by pest control. and hiding in her closet. are you#kidding me. that's just word for word the beginning of blue velv— *sees the poster* THE FUCK#he'd pretend to hate it but would still get all the endings and discuss all the cards with detective yu. he'd also pest adam until he pulls#up the whole game script for him so he can find the secret lila whispers to yu (pointing at the screen and going MOTHERFUCKER when#she leans in to whisper it laura palmer-style)#anyway#we could have had it all#daneil.txt#blood in the water fic
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