#context: I have aphantasia

[running-in-the-dark]

oh, a fun* thing I'm noticing about when I'm writing something is that there's absolutely no descriptions of what anything looks like ever. not the rooms, not people's clothes, just nothing. everything happens in a blank void and no one... is wearing any clothes? no that's definitely not where I was going with that but now I've forgotten what I really wanted to say.

anyway, it's really not surprising and just mirrors how I read things written by other people too - I completely skip over any descriptions like that. can't do anything with it anyway so it's just unnecessary information to me

*not so fun

[jerimum-dream-journal]

[thelesbianthespianposts]

oh! oH!! “IN YOUR MIND’S EYE”, BC YOU CAN SEE IT IN YOUR HEAD!!!! BC ITS LIKE YOU HAVE ANOTHER EYE IN THERE SPINNING APPLES!!!

[etherealkissed88]

daydreaming vs visualization vs imagination

i was thinking about before i got into the law. you know when you imagine steamy scenarios before you go to bed for fun? i know you know what i mean. i used to do that every night in 2020 (even now) with the same scenario bc it was fun. keep in mind that i didnt know about the law at this point so i obviously didnt intend for it to "manifest". a year ago when i started to understand states, i used to think back to 2020 and wonder why those scenarios didnt manifest since i kept visualizing and imagining the same thing. last week i randomly remembered about how i used to wonder that and i immediately knew the answer: i wasnt changing self.

when i was visualizing/imagining, i wasnt becoming the person who actually knew i was experiencing it. i was not being someone who was experiencing those steamy scenarios. in order words, i was just daydreaming.

daydreaming

in my own words, i think daydreaming is visualizing something while being someone who knows they dont have it. for example: visualizing owning a car while knowing that you dont have it. so you are just visualizing it for fun, not for the purpose of changing self but for the purpose of just experiencing something in imagination (via visualization) just for your own enjoyment. daydreaming is like visualizing for fun, without changing states/self. this "knowing" i talk about is based on what state you are in, so if someone knows they dont have a car, they are in that state.

i think daydreaming is always visualization but visualization is not always daydreaming. daydreaming is for fun, without the intention of "manifesting" or changing states while visualization is changing states whether or not you intent to do so.

so i was visualizing my freaky scenes as the version of me who didnt identify with those freaky scenes (aka daydreaming). i wasnt identifying with it or using it to change self. same thing applies to when i used to repeat positive thoughts 100k times but i didnt identify with them. those are called vain repetitions and can be used to change self but if they just dont change self/states, then it is just daydreaming/vain repetitions. you can change self/states without realizing too which is why i think people put so much power onto techniques by thinking the techniques themselves are doing something, when its only self (imagination/you) that is changed by the techniques. those techniques were the things that consciously or unconsciously made you change self. regardless, self/you will always be the thing manifesting.

realize that regardless of everything, your state/version of you you are being, will always determine the "3d".

visualization ≠ imagination

visualization is a tool to change self / imagination. you can visualize things but that doesnt mean you are identifying with it or accepting it as true. i think of visualization as a smaller form of imagination but its very small compared to imagining/imagination itself.

imagination is what you are (aka self). imagination is not a tool like visualization because you always are operating in imagination since everything is self. you are always being a version of you. you arent always visualizing. visualizing can be daydreaming if you arent visualizing that thing to change self.

when you imagine something in a law of assumption context, imagining = what version of you you are being.

imagination is not limited to visualizing. there are some people in this community who have aphantasia and think they have no imagination and therefore "cant manifest", etc. but they just cant visualize. imagination is not equal to visualization. no matter what type of or stage of aphantasia you have, you will always already be manifesting.

visualizing and thinking without changing self means nothing. changing self means being a new version of you who knows they have (insert whatever desire).

self changes everything

so back to my story, i was just visualizing me and my imaginary bae, i wasnt being the person who was experiencing what i was visualizing. this is why it didnt manifest. i like this idea because that is just more proof that self changes everything, who ever you are being in imagination will express. it also means i have control bc i can daydream anything for fun and control whether or not it expresses bc i dont have to identify with that version of me who is experiencing whatever i am daydreaming.

i hope this makes sense and if it doesnt, dont stress. just focus on changing self, be the version of you that has whatever it is you want. i made this post because its been on my mind and hopefully it can help someone else realize that changing self is all you ever have to do.

kisses, jani ☆

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for asking my boyfriend to stop watching porn?

This is pretty simple tbh. NSFW mentions of porn, sex, and masturbation.

🐣🐣

I am a transgender man and struggle a lot with sexual intimacy. I don’t think I’m on the ace spectrum, I just have a lot of insecurities and dysphoria that I’m working through. I still crave sexual intimacy, I just get very anxious about it. My boyfriend is understanding but a little pushy at times because he’s got a high sex drive. He doesn’t do it on purpose and backs off when I tell him to. Important to mention that my boyfriend is cis. So, because of this, my boyfriend usually takes care of himself. I help out whenever I feel comfortable.

Recently, we somehow started talking about porn and hentai (don’t remember the context of the conversation) and I asked him what he does when he takes care of himself. He said he watches porn, which I was surprised to hear but it makes sense because he has aphantasia. So, he can’t really imagine me or anything. Sometimes he uses my photos, but he said he needs some movement. At first I was fine with it, but then he mentioned that he only watches straight porn.

Now, I know my reaction was out of line, because I started crying and calling him an asshole for watching straight porn when he’s dating a trans guy. He’s pansexual, so he can really watch any kind of porn he wants, but I just started freaking out for some reason.

He kept telling me that there was no good gay stuff or ftm stuff, which is just straight up not true. There’s plenty of ftm nsfw content, but when I mentioned that, he said it felt weird and fetishistic.

I told him it hurts me when he watches straight porn, he said that’s stupid and he needs something to get off to. Fair enough but it still hurts me. There’s just something about me trying so hard to get past my anxiety and dysphoria so we can finally be intimate with each other and him blatantly disrespecting my gender identity that hurts like hell.

Plus, every time I suggested we do something that I’m into, he shot me down. I’m a bit of a kinkier guy and he’s very vanilla, despite insisting that he’s into the same stuff as me. I 100% respect his boundaries and never brought it up again. But I don’t think it’s fair that he won’t even try stuff with me that might make intimacy more enjoyable for me and then goes and watches straight porn. I keep trying to make our sex live work and he can’t even be bothered to figure out ftm bodies. Idk.

I talked to an online friend and they called me biphobic.

Am I out of line for trying to tell him what kind of porn to watch? Am I overreacting?

[devout-khajiit]

I think something important to generally remember is not all offerings have to be physical. And no, I'm not talking about devotional acts, that's similar but not what I'm getting at. I know this depends on tradition to tradition, person to person, but, (This post written from my perspective from my tradition, so it might not match everyone's tradition. General disclaimer.)

My point being, envisioned/imagined offerings, digital offerings, drawn/written offerings, and other forms of similar offerings are still valid. Even for those like me with aphantasia, you can still write down what you're offering in detail and place that upon your altar for example, or even burn it if you please.

There's a lot of push for physical offerings and I understand why. I myself always share my dinner with my guides as I follow a tradition that permits me to share that meal, and when I can get my hands on something physical I think a guide would like I do so. But sometimes I wanna give a specific guide a specific thing, but I neither own it nor can obtain it. As well, we don't all have the space to make the offering, or help build a little collection of the same kind of item. So I'll pull up a picture of it and say "I devote what's in this image to you." Or I'll sit back and do my best to describe verbally what it is I'm giving, or writing it down and giving that if that's easier at the time.

Worship isn't all about what you can physically give in this context. It's just about giving.

If you're wondering why and how, this generally follows the idea that you're more giving up the spiritual, or metaphysical or magical, whatever term vibes with you best and fits your paradigm, portion of the thing. Now again, this is different tradition to tradition, person to person so take this with a grain of salt, too. This also isn't the ONLY theory behind why this works, but rather just one that I'm familiar enough with to explain.

But my overall point being? Don't feel like you have to, no matter what, give physical offerings. Anything works in a pinch. Your spirit guides are probably happiest just with the fact you're giving something at all.

[schizospecfaye]

Question for psychotic people

I experience this weird thing where I see or feel images/film in my head. There’s no context for them, they’re often bizarre and will interrupt my train of thoughts.

To make it even weirder I usually have aphantasia and don’t see images in my head, which is also why I suspect this is psychosis related

Does anyone else experience it? Does it have a name?

- Faye

[nadianova]

Quick question about the new game, how is it pronounced? Is it like nay-oh-me-da or now-me-da or something else?

no idea. good luck

edit: my gf said first one

i asked how does she know

and she said she decided for context why i have no idea is that finnish is an extremely phonemic language and each written character is essentially read the exact same every single time so there is no confusion with how to read out loud a word and secondly i have aphantasia which extends to a near lack of sound in my head when reading stuff so i am probably mispronouncing every single word i have ever read without hearing a native say it to me repeatedly

whatever way i am reading naomida out loud isn't really something i can write down other than "naomida" unless i pull out these shits: "phonemic" (/fəˈniːmɪk/) and i have no fucking clue what alien language this is

anyway its not really relevant in any part of the process so i just don't care about pronunciation with any of my names or characters or anything really

edit 2:

here i unleashed my autism for you anon each character is its own link to the corresponding sound i hope a linguist doesn't fucking kill me for this if i fucked it up

/nɑo̞ˈmidɑ/

edit 3:

oh yea i forgot where the name even originally came from maybe i could have started with this. naomi(like the name) + 涙 for these characters Finnish and Japanese has enough phonetic overlap i think なおみだ works. just read hte first two chars in the same mora and more stress on d

so like the takeaway here is that you can pronounce it in whatever way you like or it comes comfortable for english speakers. i literally don't care and i don't think there's a right or wrong way but this is just attempt to explain how i say it and this same thing applies to all my characters and names and locations and whatever. only place where i care about pronounciation is if people irl pronounce my name wrong to my face

[esoteric-chaos]

Visualization in Witchcraft. The Importance and Struggles.

Visualization. What is it? According to Google "Visualization or visualisation is any technique for creating images, diagrams, or animations to communicate a message."

Now what is it in a Witchcraft context? To myself, it is the ability to see something within the mind's eye or to "experience" it. Now what does that mean? Visualization to me is truly being able to be within that moment of which you are trying to do spell work or any sort of manifestation you are doing. Whether that be seeing it in my mind's eye or physically feeling it happen within my body with energy manipulation.

Visualization is an integral part of witchcraft. It's what gets you in the true mindset to do spellwork and other manifestations.

Things like energy work, circle casting, grounding, centring, manifestation, deity work, divination and hedge witchery. It's extremely vital to become adept at Visualization.

Now if you are like me who rates a 4 (almost 5) on an Aphantasia scale. You'll understand my difficulty with being able to see things within the minds eye. That's where the tying of these techniques I am going to share with you today is all about.

Some are able to visualize more easily with their eyes open. With unfocusing your eyes in a dimly lit room and going into a trance-like state.

Try visualizing through art. Painting, drawing, writing.

Try your other senses. What can you smell? Taste? Hear? Feel? Take note of where this is in your body.

Look for Visualization exercises on YouTube then make your own once you have graduated from it. Challenge yourself.

Try a sleep mask. Sometimes blocking out all light helps.

Music like drums, singing bowls, and binaural beats are all helpful.

Try making a petition or a sigil. They can be a great aid.

Visualization is like a muscle. It will need to be worked on and can take a long time to master so do not be hard on yourself if you do not get it right away. I'm still learning how to better it every day and searching for better methods.

Looking for all of my posts in one place? Check out the Masterpost

[sophia-sol]

whoops I drafted this for crossposting but then never got round to it - just discovered the draft while cleaning up some files!

two question/answer memes* I did over on mastodon! reposting here so you can see my answers too :)

*shipping meme and fic-writing meme.

Shipping meme

1. three shipping tropes I love:

bodyswap, fake dating/marriage, sex pollen/fuck or die, inter-species communication, timeloop, whoops that's five but I'm not deleting any!

2. three shipping tropes I don't love:

soulmates, omegaverse, royalty au (I usually see that in the context of shipping so I think it still counts as a shipping trope!)

3. One emotional aspect of a ship that always gets you:

when you can tell how much they know each other on a deep level, and nothing they see of the other's full self puts them off!

OR when they're so different that there's no hope of them ever managing true and full understanding but they care about each other so much that they try anyway

4. One physical aspect of a ship that always gets you:

I'm fairly far in the direction of aphantasia; I simply do not picture my ships having physical existences because I can't picture them period!

anyway what I want my ships to have physically is for them to have the things that those characters in specific would be super into

5. Multiship or Monoship?

you can convince me of nearly any ship! me shipping one thing by no means stops me from simultaneously being into like five other ships that conflict with the first one. each ship has different dynamics to explore and it's fun to spend time thinking about all of them!

6. Rare pairs or Mainstream?

both! ship all the things!! I often start in one of a fandom's bigger ships because it's what's there to dive into, but over time I start hungering for variety and investigate all the possibilities

7. Polyamory or Monogamy?

either, both, whatever makes sense for the characters and ships in question!

8. If the ship is physical, reversible or not?

truly not something I have strong feelings about in any particular direction, shrug

9. Do you always have romantic ships for fandoms?

honestly…..almost any characters I'm into romantically shipping, I would also be into platonically shipping, unless that would be wildly out of character for them. I just want them to have intense feelings about each other! the specifics of those feelings are less important.

10. How important is the sexual part (if any) of your ship?

not a big deal to me! unless it is obvious from canon that sex is important to these characters, in which case, it's important to me because it's part of writing them in-character

11. Opinion on platonic ships?

love em! I like stories about people's relationships with other people, whatever shapes those relationships takes

12. List 3 ships you currently love:

I love so many it's ridiculous. I am into the major ships of all my current fandoms as well as plenty of other ships, but let me name three rare ones I like, just for fun:

jin guangyao/su she

ling wen/shi qingxuan

ning yingying/liu mingyan

13. List 5 OTPs from past fandoms:

chosen somewhat at random from the vast numbers I could pull out of my fandoms of yore!

marcus/esca

budur/hayat/kamar

methos/everyone

elisabeth/death

valjean/fauchelevent

14. Opinion on the importance of marriage?

not something I have any particular attachment to for my ships, one way or another. if it's something the characters would place high importance on, then that's great, but it's not something I feel any need to lead characters in the direction of if they're not already going there themselves

15. Opinion on OC kids?

I'm not personally into kidfic or other narratives that are inherently focused on themes of reproduction, pregnancy, parenthood, or the wonders of children/childhood/babies. OC kids are particularly likely to be props in a story that's about those themes, so they're a flag that a fic is likely not going to be for me!

fic writing meme

1. Fave genre to write:

I find it the most fun to write humour, I think, but I don't actually do it very often; only the occasional fic idea I want to write actually lends itself to being humour. I think a lot of my fics are…..idk, literary fiction that happens to be in an sff setting? focusing on style, character, relationships, and theme.

2. Preferred tense and pov:

strong preference for past tense as my default, but present tense can sometimes be useful for certain effects - I just don't like to use it unless I have good reason to!

for pov I like to mix it up, because different ones can serve different purposes. first, second, and third, but also within third doing either limited or omniscient. I like experimenting with the different things you can achieve with pov! fandom house style is limited third so I do default to that, but I think I have written fics in all the possible varieties of pov!

3. Tag you've used most:

Post-canon, with 5 uses out of 60 works on my ao3. You can tell I don't tag profligately - I mostly use tags as a way to tell readers who see the fic what kind of fic it is, rather than trying to draw in more eyes by having my fic show up in every possible relevant tag. I'm just not that interested in that style of marketing for myself I guess, for better or for worse!

4. What inspires you to write:

A number of intersecting factors! it's fun and interesting creative work, it's a way to engage with thinking about the fandoms and characters I love in a more structured way that lets me dig deeper, it's a way of regularly connecting with my cheerleader verity, it feels good to finish a thing and post it online for accolades, it's a way of connecting with others in fandom and being excited about our shared fandom together, and probably more!

you'll note that none of this is the type of "I am just driven to write" or "I have so many ideas I simply have to get out" that I often see from people who identify as writers. I don't think I'm an obligate writer, but it is a hobby that brings me lots of joy and pleasure regardless, and I love having it in my repertoire of hobbies!

5. One line from a current WIP:

you're getting three whole paragraphs! :D

Bored and suspicious, Luo Binghe glanced through the memorial he held, ignoring the watchful attention of those around him. His reading skills were developed under the neglectful tutelage of a sect who did not appreciate the potential of the student whom fate had given them. Five subsequent years in the Endless Abyss provided few opportunities for practice. Luo Binghe was a slow reader, ashamed of it, and angry at being so ashamed. This added to the forbidding impression he gave to the anxious northern official. After looking at the paper in his hands for long enough only to take in a few phrases here and there, Luo Binghe's eyes snapped up again, glittering and dangerous. The memorial said something about a mating season, he thought. The location of the ritual seemed to be the problem at hand. Tedious business to a ruler who was used to focusing on duels and battles and power struggles, and vital in the working life of a career bureaucrat. “Why are you bothering me with this?” Luo Binghe asked, his voice soft.

6. Trope you want to write:

It's unconscionable that I have not yet written any time loop or time travel shenanigans in my entire decades-long fandom career

7. Favourite character to write

I like to mix it up, I would get bored writing the same character(s) regularly, but I do keep coming back to shen qingqiu of late - I think because the disconnect between his self-perception and his actions is enormously fun

8. How you choose your titles:

mostly: sighing, despairing, looking through the fic to see if there's a short phrase I can use that's thematically relevant, seeing if I can find lyrics I like in a song or poem that's thematically relevant, asking friends for help

9. Describe your writing style:

hmmm a tougher question! I would say - heavy on creating vibes and on interiority, precise and careful about choosing just the right words, and tending over-much towards very long multi-clause sentences. flowy rather than high-tension or rhythmic.

but I might be too close to my writing to describe it accurately! I'd love to hear how others would describe my writing style!

10. A comment you treasure:

one fic I wrote eons ago got a comment from a person who was deeply moved and grateful because they saw themself and a major struggle in their life reflected in my fic in a way they had never seen before. that comment has really stuck with me!

11. Favourite scene you've written:

I am extremely fond of the scene from Habitat, Behaviour where bingqiu transition from peaceful cozy homelike vibes of sqq writing an angry letter to a publisher while lbh brings him more paper and snacks, to a scene that's extremely sexual with sqq in lbh's lap while lbh hand-feeds him and escalates from there, and sqq has no idea how or why this counts as sex because lbh's pillar isn't involved at all. meanwhile lbh is sobbing into sqq's neck over how amazing it is. (sqq loves it too.)

I am really proud of the physicality I managed in this scene, the groundedness in sensation and tangible presence of things, as well as the conveyance of what sqq is actually feeling vs what you hear of his thoughts from his close pov!

12. Fic that best represents you:

hmmmm, probably Artifice and Affectation. from the pov of a secondary character who's not a man and who doesn't get much fandom attention, gen with ambiguously shippy vibes, About Gender thematically but not explicitly, interested in interrogating structures of power, doesn't actually have a plot.

13. A fun fact about a fic you wrote:

do I even have any fun facts? if I haven't written it down somewhere I've probably forgotten it!

goes to check my old fic notes

oh ok! so while I was writing precious treasure I was very aware of what I felt was needed from each side of the foursome to turn them into a viable ship from the state they start the fic at, so these were the things I had to be sure to make happen.

sqh needs: to be able to complain at lbh without being nervous of how he'll respond

lbh needs: to feel like he could be fussed over in a caretaking way by sqh

mbj needs: to find something in lbh that he can respect

sqq needs: nothing, he's soooo gay for everyone in pidw plus the creator of pidw, he's easy to get on board

14. How you handle writer's block:

I put the fic aside for the day and come back the next day. if I keep on not coming back to it, I try to think about whether there's something I feel unsure of in terms of where the fic is trying to go, and I either think it through on my own or talk it through with a friend, to get myself unstuck. if that doesn't feel like it's what's going on, I just accept that there are factors in my life that make writing harder for the time being and I let it go, because trying to force writing when it doesn't want to happen doesn't give me what I want out of this hobby!

15. Hardest thing for you to write:

in the past I would have said dialogue but I think I have really levelled up on that! I suppose now what I find hardest is plot. I'm working on it though!

16. Dialogue you loved writing:

every single line from the aquarium hobbyist discord fic!!! so much fun, and rereading it now, I still think I'm very funny :D

17. Your planning process:

Not a huge amount of pre-planning, usually! once I have the general concept of the fic, I dive into writing, and discover as I go whether more planning is needed. Sometimes I keep an outline of the fic in a separate doc as I write - a retroactive outline, showing what I've done so I can see what structure I'm creating. Sometimes I talk through the concept with a friend to figure out what I'm actually interested in exploring with the concept. Sometimes I get partway in and realize I don't know where I'm going and need to do some brainstorming on that front. But sometimes the concept is all the planning I need and I just….write.

I do usually end up having a notes document for any fic that's longer than 1-2 k words though, with little thoughts to remind myself about what my intentions are for the fic, or noting things I want to keep in mind as I write, and that doc gets added to and altered as I go. But the kinds of notes I keep in there vary fic by fic!

18. Your editing process:

I do a fair amount of editing as I go, both editing the bit I'm writing as I write it, and semi-regularly going back to the already-written parts of the fic to tweak when I have more distance from what I wrote and more sense of where the fic is going. When I'm done a draft I give the whole thing another read, fixing anything that stands out to me, then I send it to beta. I do another round of editing based on my beta's comments, and then I consider the fic done and I post it!

19. Your favourite writing tip:

(caveat: not all advice is right for everyone, ignore if not right for you!)

it's been big for me to have a cheerleader! a friend to send snippets of fic to as I write it, who will say encouraging things!

some reasons:

I get accountability, because they're expecting fic updates, so I don't get as caught up in the executive dysfunction failure to initiate task

I maintain a sense of perspective, that my fic is good and worth continuing to work on

Praise as a form of critique is under-valued! Having someone react excitedly to my writing as I go tells me which things I'm doing well and encourages me to do more of that! It can help me see things in my writing that I wouldn't have seen without that outside perspective! It motivates me to hone skills to do more of that better and on purpose!

I have a friend who is invested in my story to talk things through with when I run into issues!

AND MORE.

A++++ would recommend.

20. Your current writing goals:

keep having fun writing :)

[existencebringsonlypain]

tag system below! any other info you need is in my description.

#existenceunrelateds - posts not directly related to the Owl House (most content lately)

#reblog - my reblogs. used in conjunction with other tags.

#re: tags or #re: prev - I'm responding to the tags from the previous reblog. Open their reblog to see what I'm responding to. Also, if a tag is prefaced by ←, that means all the previous tags are from the prev reblog, and all tags following it are mine. I may on occasion forgo the previous tags altogether, and if so, just hit previous reblog. If there are two, prev also uses this system.

#nutdealer posting - posts about or relating to undertale or deltarune, cuz my brain decided it wants to fixate on those. Dw, toh's staying, they just share room in my head, and the nutdealers are taking priority. This tag will not be used in conjunction with #existenceunrelateds, so if you only want owl house content, you can block both. I just don't want to complicate things for myself

#cephaloposting - I just HAAAD to go out and learn splatoon lore and now I'm in fairly deep. tag works the same as nutdealer posting, pearlina is adorable, I'm team Callie, Order and Future, and if Frye doesn't get another win before the game stops having splatfests I'm gonna be pissed.

#negative - this one's been in effect for some time, but it was infrequent enough that I didn't think of adding it. This is not necessarily ANY negative post, more posts that could seriously affect someone reading them. Because of this, a good chunk of Palestine-related posts are tagged with it. Not all of them, though, only the emotionally devastating ones.

#my rock collection :) - im into steven universe again i guess

#carbohydrate before you carbodiedrate - my new mutual/shenanigannery tag. don't ask. I'll almost definitely forget this a ton, so a general rule is if I'm reblogging to talk to mutuals or other people a lot within a short period of time, it'll be there. or if i'm replying repeatedly in the tags. or if spectator brings up bread again.

#personal shit - Personal shit. Usually doesn't apply to the occasional vaguepost or question, more complaining about situations happening in real life or asking for advice.

#geek figuring stuff out - I'm still pretty young. I won't tell you how young, but young enough that I don't know myself all too well. This tag may contain Gender Confusion, Romance Confusion (Or Lack Thereof), Sexuality Confusion (Or Lack Thereof (??)), Inability To Visualize Confusion (See: Aphantasia), and Medical Confusion (Dehydration, Malnourishment, and More!). Additionally, this is where most nsfw content will go, if it's not body positivity or sex ed. Or me reblogging thirst traps for my lesbian followers.

#existence is unhealthily obsessed with queso - I rate queso for some reason. Mostly going to be chains within just Florida, or southeastern USA.

alright so I'm entrenched in undertale and deltarune, which means I also tend to get homestuck content. I have no idea what the fuck homestuck is about but I know a lot of people love it and a lot of people hate it, so I jokingly tag any posts relating to homestuck with #cw homestuck. this is a joke and not intending to belittle any homestuck fans- I'm an undertale fan, I can't judge.

speaking of, any time I'm tagging posts with warning, I'll usually do two to four variations on #cw [xyz thing here]. I use cw much more often than tw, since it feels more inclusive to any reasons one might not want certain content on their dash. make sure if you've blocked the tw version of the tag, block the cw version as well.

#su spoilers - dagger and I are watching/rewatching (respectively) steven universe. you can figure out where we are using context clues. he has that tag blocked so that's just posts I don't want him to see

Regarding accessibility and related things, I try to alt any image I post that is more than like. a cat photo for just my mutuals to see. If you would like me to add an alt to any of my posts, just ask!

I also tend to mess around with unicode a lot, to make fun emoticons or ᵗⁱⁿʸ ᵗᵉˣᵗ (plaintext: tiny text). I'm guessing screenreaders don't appreciate that, so I can plaintext my posts for you if you'd like. Usually these things will be in my tags, though, so it's not too important.

Related: If you notice I've somehow typed a comma in my tags, it's not magic, it's unicode! There's a unicode character called single low-9 quotation mark (U+201A) that displays like this:

‚

It looks exactly like a comma, and it works in tags! Feel free to copy and paste at your leisure, or add it to a keyboard shortcut like I did.

also sometimes I'll use whitespace characters to fine-tune spacing in my posts, for example to make italics look better than whatever tumblr's got going on. for example:

uncorrected: I don't like this (space between don't and like is too short, between I and don't too long)

corrected: I don't  like this (using varied lengths of whitespace characters, spacing is fixed)

tell me if that fucks anything up

[mythicalcoolkid]

This disability pride month I wanna talk a bit about some ways my autism presents, because I feel like I don't personally see it talked about in current autism settings. I guess maybe because it seems kind of "old-fashioned?" Like a more stereotyped view of autism, that gets discounted a bit now in favor of more nuanced and varied views. But people with "stereotypical" autism still exist and I wanted to talk a bit about what that looks like

I'm very hyposensitive. I have very poor interoception (sensing internal sensations). I have a few areas I'm more sensitive in, like smell and hot surfaces/water, but overall I'm really underresponsive. I often can't tell:

if I'm hungry (meaning I chronically undereat)

if I need to use the bathroom

whether I'm hot or cold: I often dress inappropriately for the weather and have health problems

what emotions I'm feeling

if I'm sick or hurt: I've had serious health problems go untreated for years because I didn't notice them

how much time has passed: I have alarms that go off every hour and sometimes every 15 minutes because I can't keep track of time

if someone touches me

the difference between some foods: a lot of different foods taste or smell the same to me. I've tried and cannot learn the taste difference between chicken, turkey, and pork

how much force I'm using: I often drop things or pet animals harder than I should

The only exception to these is food taste/texture. I have ARFID, an eating/feeding disorder that makes a lot of foods difficult to eat to the point that I go without food entirely

My "reality sensor" is broken. It's really hard for me to internalize "safety truths" and understand that they apply

I eat food when it's no longer good

I have a hard time "fearing" germs a healthy amount

I over- or underestimate risk

I massively underestimate how much time things will take

I have trouble recognizing certain things

I'm faceblind (prosopagnosia): I can't recognize people without memorizing certain traits

I have aphantasia: I cannot visualize things in my head, at all. (I can hear things in my head exceptionally well though!) Because of this I can't easily memorize images, give directions or "improvise" routes, follow maps, imitate visual actions, or do many visual puzzles

I usually don't recognize wordplay in titles because it doesn't register to me the same way

telling if someone is laughing or crying

picking up on non-obvious cues and sarcasm

understanding what's appropriate in different contexts

telling where sound is coming from

noticing smaller changes

I "look autistic"

I rock back and forth in public

have a notably flat voice and facial expressions or they don't match how I mean to come across

sit on the ground in stores

sometimes need AAC to communicate

have shutdowns where I'm fully unresponsive

use language that makes sense to me, but not others

have meltdowns when forced to change tasks early and extreme distress with life changes

had an extremely strict routine growing up and had meltdowns with self-injurious stims if anything deviated. Similar meltdowns from things not going the way I meant continued into my 20s

if my approach to something isn't working, I'll often try the same approach over and over, like looking in the same place for something repeatedly

All the "stereotypical" autism things. Even if autism doesn't actually look a certain way, there is a specific look people associate with autism and I fit it. I'm sure people have thought my partner was my carer and in some ways he is. When I was 16 I expected to be living in an independent living facility as an adult, and it's only because I got on proper meds for my comorbid disorders that I'm not

Anyway, there's probably more I'm not thinking of, but I wanted to talk about my experiences a bit because I think some people view them as maybe an outdated view instead of a way that people actually experience autism. I'm open to answering questions.

Happy disability pride month everyone!

[donnerpartyofone]

I found out pretty late in life that it is statistically unusual to think almost entirely in words like I do--unusual enough that there's a name for it. When I read fiction, reference memory, daydream, or formulate a plan or goal, it is difficult or impossible for me to develop vivid, related visual imagery. My thoughts can involve scraps of sensory information--including textures, colors, and very weak images of people/things/places--but they're not significant enough to consider; overall, my thoughts tend to be verbal and conceptual. It's basically accurate for me to say I only think in words, and I encourage you to generalize like that with your answers. (And if you feel like you can't possibly generalize, then I guess this isn't the poll for you! Sorry)

I'm interested in how you think it affects your life, too, if you have a comment to make. For instance, I have a theory that my aphantasic tendencies are part of why goal formation and pursuit is so hard for me. There's a reason you hear about visualization so often in self-help/self-improvement contexts, and I think my inability to picture what I'm after does affect my ability to get things done.

Tangentially, there's been some discussion about whether aphantasia has some correlation with neurodivergent conditions like autism and adhd. I find this discourse exciting, even though I do not at all believe there is a one-size-fits-all model for neurodivergence. It's just interesting to imagine what the subcategories of us might possibly be, and how we might relate to one another. So just for novelty's sake, I'm also curious about whether respondents have been diagnosed with particular cognitive or neurological conditions, if you feel like saying.

When I posted this question on a certain other social media site (why do I ever stray from Tumblr?), I immediately got in a confusing argument with someone about, I guess, what "thinking" actually is (like maybe they meant "reasoning" to the exclusion of all other mental events?) and whether or not aphantasia applies to "thought". So in case that bothers anyone else, I really mean all conscious mental events. I include anything that passes through your mind while you are awake that COULD have associated imagery--where if you are aphantasic, that imagery may appear blurred, distorted, fragmented, or not at all.

[sophieinwonderland]

Guys! I'm notorious for being endogenic!

There's a lot going on here.

Harassment allegations are too broad to cover. Have I been involved in sending hate messages, making threats of violence or doxxing? Absolutely not.

Am I someone who will happily respond to people saying bigoted and hateful things about myself or my community to tear misinformation apart? Absolutely.

I generally don't drag out an engagement though. If someone posts something harmful, I'll make a post about. Maybe a few. And sometimes I'll post anons that have more to add. But I'm not going to focus too much on a single individual. At least not by name. I also try to avoid abusive language when I can.

I personally wouldn't call this harassment, and don't think Tumblr would either.

As for the alleged misinfo, I find that people will label anything they disagree with as misinformation. Unlike anti-endos and System Cringers, nearly everything I state about the science of systemhood can be backed up with sources.

Anyway, here is the context, which frankly seems weird to me. Of all the posts you could have used as examples of cringe, why this one?

This surely couldn't have been the cringiest thing I've said. Even recently.

This was in a collection of six pictures from different people, BTW. Here was the first one!

And don't you just love how anti-endos accuse people of stealing resources, such as access to help from psychiatrists... and then just casually suggest people without a mental disorder go see a specialist in dissociative disorders? Truly amazing levels of cognitive dissonance!

Anyway, let's have a look around at the other comment on this thread!

Soft trauma usually refers to things like emotional abuse, as opposed to more violent forms of trauma.

Is this supposed to imply that repeated emotional abuse isn't traumatic enough to result in a dissociative disorder? Is that what r/systemscringe is suggesting here?

That's rhetorical, BTW.

The answer is yes. r/systemscringe doesn't believe lesser forms of trauma can cause dissociative disorders.

I also found my favorite piece of reasoning for why endogenic systems are supposedly invalid!

As you can see, the only possible mental conditions someone can have are disorders. Aphantasia? Not a disorder and so it's not real. Synesthesia? What's that?

Either something is a mental disorder or it's invalid. Those are the only possibilities! 🙄

[anxiously-sidequesting]

Since it seems like in the Wizard101 universe the different schools actually have like, differing aspects and characteristics to them (that are at least portrayed as accurate and a well known fact of nature) rather than the horoscope treatment (where nobody can agree if it even exists or not), I wanna see instances where any individual of a certain class diverges from their magical (spiritual?) capabilities

Like, since Diviners are supposed to be good at technology give me a Diviner who can't read or understand building instructions, or doesn't have a good concept on precise measurements or shapes. OR LIKE what about a Myth wizard with aphantasia.

Like how dependent are these traits, that when a wizard is born and their magical alignment is decided (somehow) who can say how accurate these traits even are. Like what is the probability of being born a Life wizard with "non-Life" attributes?

(me pushing away the GNC agenda that keeps trying to come into this post /j) This opens up a lot of possibilities as to what Magic really means in the Spiral; like is it just what you're able to do, the spells that you're able to cast? Or does it get more complex than that and does it play a bit of a deeper role when it comes to emotions, identity, etc.

Like imagine meeting a wizard that you have no idea what their magical class is; and then when it comes out they're a Pyromancer everyone is like "HOLY SHIT???? You act NOTHING like a Pyromancer you give me Balance wizard vibes"

This concept is super interesting to me because it adds so much context and depth to Magic as an entire whole rather than just a game mechanic with Some Lore taped to it. This opens up like 9 other plots I can list off both hands right now and I want all of you Girlies to think about this

[turtle-trash]

Had a thought because I’m literally scripting down a pmv I have very vividly in my head and remembered the nonsense that is the aphantasia tests. I think my main issue is that the tests n stuff all say it with the context of you having your eyes closed and not opened

Also most scales descriptions are lame, what if I picture things in a way that isn’t realism huh? What about that? What if I tend to imagine stuff in the way I draw them what then?

Idk I don’t care if I have aphantasia or not since it doesn’t really affect me is I do or not, I just think that the image tests that float around online are nonsense