#i hate this post but im posting it anyways so that maybe one day the me who wrote that first wall of text will see it and elaborate
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It's a clear, beautiful summer's day, the type of day that starts out bright and full of birdsong, that ends looking up at the stars and the moon while crickets chirp and fireflies show soft bursts of light. When the air is warm and full of life and the smell of hot grass and lavender and honey permeates everything.
The whole summer had been like that, really. Running outside with abandon, chasing each other through the tall grass deliriously happy and lying down in the fields surrounding their village, watching the clouds float by while they eat cucumber sandwiches. It's the summer before their first year at Hogwarts; the Sallow twins know that their life's about to change and are determined to enjoy their last summer of childhood.
Maybe they're too old for this sort of thing - they are eleven, after all, but both of them know that this summer is a turning point for them and they want to cherish every moment for as long as possible. Their parents have been encouraging them, often sending them out for the whole day, piling journals and ink and quills and picnic baskets full of food in their hands, encouraging them to research and be curious about the world around them as they had always done.
This day, however, their parents are almost eager to push the twins out of the house. Their mum's smile doesn't quite reach her eyes. Sebastian feels nervous about this, but doesn't realize why until much later, when the memory is analyzed and remembered during his dreams. (definitely not while awake). When they leave the house in the morning, she makes sure to kiss each of them on the cheeks which she normally never does and Sebastian pushes her away in disgust, much to his future horror. In the moment, all he can think is that he might still be holding on to the last moments of his childhood, but he's too old to be kissed by his mum.
(but now, Sebastian doesn't know if his memory is faulty and he is adding moments that never actually existed in the first place. the mind is a tricky place)
He never allows himself to think about these halcyon days, the perfect-until-it-wasn't summer before they went to Hogwarts; this day in particular is forbidden to remember. His unconscious mind rebels against his iron will.
They spend the morning looking for the fairies that Anne had dreamed about the night before. She's convinced that it's a prophetic dream and they march around in circles in the little copse of trees - a forest to the two children, who haven't really ventured out of their village - as Anne tries to remember where she had seen the fairies in her dream.
Sebastian is happy to follow her even if (maybe especially if) he thinks it's a futile adventure - what else are summer days for?
They're in that strange junction between childhood and adolescence; desperate to just grow up already and become the people they were always meant to be, and yet just wanting to spend their days being kids, without a care in the world.
"Come on, Sebastian," Anne calls to him, a tiny stream gurgling between them. In one hand, she's holding the map that she drew as soon as she woke up; in the other, boots stuffed with her stockings.
Sebastian huffs as he trudges behind her, arms full with their bags, his shoes, and the picnic basket. Anne had offered to help him carry things, but he refused on principle. Their dad is always doing small things like this for the women in his life, and Sebastian wants to be just like him.
Anyways, Anne has her own role as the leader today, and it won't do to have her bogged down.
And he's eleven, more than old enough to carry everything.
He steps through the tiny creek, mud and slush squishing through his toes, and he smiles. There isn't anything he loves more than being outside, except maybe being outside with a good book.
"Keep your eyes peeled for a tree with a knobby trunk, with lots of knots that look like faces," Anne tells him, glancing over her shoulder, then turns her face back to her map and scrunches up her face. "In my dream, the fairies lived nearby."
They spend the rest of the morning continuing their fruitless search, laughing as they walk in circles, then set up their picnic in the field next to their house.
"What do you think Hogwarts will be like?" Anne asks, a dreamy look on her face.
Sebastian doesn't look at her when he answers. He lies back and stares at the clouds. They've already had this conversation hundreds of times since their Hogwarts letters arrived, both of them have their parts memorized. "Amazing. I can't wait to actually be able to use our magic instead of just reading about it."
Anne rolls to her side and props herself up on her elbow, getting a better look at her brother's face. With a smirk, she says, "I think I'll like Transfiguration the best. I can't wait to be able to turn you into a -"
A huge noise interrupts her before she can continue. Sebastian sees the confusion in her face before he truly registers that something has happened. It's like everything's moving in slow motion and all he remembers clearly whenever he dreams of this day are his feelings of confusion and disbelief and the smell of fire.
There's a huge explosion and the air is full of smoke and he and Anne are scrambling up, the picnic blanket tangled up around their bare feet and -
Hand in hand they run in the direction of the huge black smoke that is billowing up. It coats the air - they can't see anything and the smell of burning fills their noses and the smoke fills their lungs and they're coughing coughing coughing -
Sebastian doesn't want his sister anywhere near the blackened husk of their former house but he is also terribly afraid to be alone. They stand in the middle of what used to be their house, blackened half-walls, charred wood that used to be their table, the old couch they read on every night, it's all smoldering, all gone, the thick black smoke making his eyes water and choking and smothering everything in its wake. His mind can't comprehend what he's seeing. Everything is so familiar and yet so wrong.
He doesn't know how long he and Anne stand there, clutching each others' hands like they are a tether to reality. Which, he supposes, they are. They might be there thirty seconds, ten minutes, one hour, an eternity...
Then, neighbors are running to the twins, coughing, covering their faces in the crooks of their elbows as they conjure blankets with their wands and wrap Sebastian and Anne up and drag them out of what is - was - their home.
This part is always hazy. Sebastian can't remember if he cries. Or if he even says anything. He just stands there with Anne, the smoke thick and oppressive as it pours out of their house. Everything is crumbling apart.
(A hand gently caresses his scalp, fingers light and reassuring as they dance through his hair)
Their neighbors try their hardest to salvage what they can. The daguerrotype that their mother had cherished more than anything, taken a few years before, miraculously survives. Sebastian stares at it, the tiny figures moving and laughing and smiling as though everything is perfect. He wants to throw it and break it or maybe rip it up to shreds but he can't bring himself to do anything but stare.
Their father's wand is also shoved into Sebastian's hand, unscathed. It was found just outside of his father's curled fingers, lying pristine on the ground as if mocking the destruction that it caused.
At some point, their Uncle Solomon, who they've only really seen once a year growing up, shows up with a loud crack and tears through the rubble, tears carving wet tracks through the soot on his face. His voice goes rough with desperation and when he walks up to the two orphans, he is almost unrecognizable.
As if in slow motion - maybe an after-effect of the curse that has destroyed their lives is that the air has turned into molasses - Sebastian watches his uncle stagger over to them. He looks much older than Sebastian remembers.
Later, when Sebastian looks at his reflection in the mirror of his new home, the boy staring back at him also looks much older than he remembers.
Before It Felt Like A Sin, Chapter 14
#i was rereading through random chapters of my fic (as one does) and I really like this scene#it always makes me a bit weepy ngl bc I’m a crybaby#but I like it😔🫶#anyways my low-effort post of the day#im not sure if I ever put these two drawings in the same post??#anyways here they are…my two little rascals💓#i literally LOVE this drawing of Sebastian so so much it holds a special place in my heart#and I’ve gotten like 200 followers since I posted this give or take so if you haven’t seen these drawings yet!!!!#that’s one thing I hate about social media tbh. everything immediate and then we move onto the next#create create create & these drawings take me a long time (even though I draw like crazy😆) so to just have them be a one-day thing…idk…#so maybe sometimes I repost old art I like a lot😌😌😌#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow fanart#anne sallow#hogwarts legacy fanfic
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day 7 - HIT ME ON THE GROUND
redraw of a shot from the inuyashiki op (flashing lights cw, reference photo under the cut)
#yttd#your turn to die#kimi ga shine#yttd spoilers#alice yabusame#reko yabusame#notyoinara art#alice yabusame art marathon 2024#OKAY I WOULD HAVE FINISHED AND POSTED THIS EARLIER. HOWEVER#i kind of accidentally procrastinated all day yesterday and it was getting a little late (4am)....so i decided to finish it today instead!!#i'll try to get day 8 done on time. no promises i always post these anywhere from 1-4am#anyway i haven't been the same since i realised what this shot meant im so. AAAAGH#i watched all of inuyashiki in one night because of a single clip i saw on twitter i should rewatch it sometime#the buildings. are sort of visible. maybe. they're there#i really hate seeing all of the mistakes in this#but i also have to remind myself that the 30 day challenge is supposed to (somewhat) get rid of my perfectionism
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college … wasted on the youth (me)
#didnt help that 2/4 yrs was covid telezoom but man.. MANNN#forgetting how impossible it is to pursue rhe degree plan u actually want (advising hell) i feel like . theres just#so many diff things i want to learn now Knowing that im more solidified in my interests and who i am and what i would be interested in doing#and like.😭RGAAAAAQH TEARING MYHAIR OUTTT every other week i have a night where im sititng there like damn i couldve been sm1 completely dif#dgmw i still rly enjoy some of the upper div classes i Did take but what if i took x and liked it more or minored in y and it led me to z#bc i do feel rly set in where i am rn which . i DO ! like it but im never gna be in that environment where u have the flexibility to explore#ykwim . i wish i had taken physics and calc srsly . i always thought i hated that shit but i like it. i like it quite a lot actually😟#or more geology .. urrghh.. sprinkle in sme extra art history . no bc thats what actu pissed me off ab school#i rmbr wanting to dual major and they straight up told me no i cant . but then i was like maybe an arts major bio minor when i wanted to do#science illustration but sry we dont offer bio minor . ok bio major arh or studio art minor . no sry not enough open spots we rly only#reserve it for when we have extra openings post admission❤️#and then even late into sophomore year u would still be last in registration so all the cool classes would be closed#and then bc of covid half that shit was cancelled bc they couldnt transfer labs online (rip comparative vertebrate anatomy)#and then by senior yr an additional collection of classes were unavailable bc u dont have the prereqs bc the prereqs were cancelled during#covid and u dont have enough semesters left to actually take it . like it was gen such an awful experience so ik why i couldnt ever do what#i wanted but .😭 AND LIKE the classes i DID enjoy like genomics or molecular genetics were closed by registration and i had to email and beg#for access . thts crazy .literally crazy .#anyways . i think i want 2 start reading textbooks bc i think thats the closest ill get LMAOO#i remember seeing my coworker read a textbook for fun one time and idk why i just didnt understand why bc it seemed so dry but i Get it now#like yeah .. u knew what was up ..#sad too that like . i could theoretically audit a course but i Work..during the day .. so sad . so sad#guys wht if i just said yes to grad school (<the devil talking.dont agree)
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saw someone being wrong about kon on the internet again (i know. shocking) and you are all so lucky i'm sick and feverish and lazy because i DID just seriously entertain the thought of writing up a small essay complete with issue and panel citations about why it's simply incorrect to say that kon never really seemed to reciprocate any sort of crush on tim before geoff/tt03. this is just not true. you dont have to actually ship them but to downplay their importance to each other even in the earliest days is simply incorrect. i'm too tired and achy to bother digging through comics to pull up all the issues that have the bits i want to point at but like... they were both very mutually important to each other from early on. it was in no way shape or form one-sided, whether you want to read that as platonic or romantic. man.
#rimi talks#id rather put my limited energy towards the tender t4t timkonisms fic but in my heart this is a longass post#kon's sb94 alice in wonderland nightmare sequence. kon's entire Everything @ tim in issue 85.#the entire concept of robin kon?????? hello?????#the way they function as a unit so easily in yj98 even While actively bickering???#graduation day and judd winick explicitly saying he wanted them to come out of the closet [together]??#kon going out of his way to not only do bits just to annoy tim but also being protective of him at the same time?? (in yj98 again)#him wanting robin's number in wf3 (and then getting it sometime before rex leech roller coaster issue)??????#what are you fucking onnnnnnnnn#you dont have to read it as romantic if you dont want to but they were undeniably close and it was undeniably mutual. bro#i just um. i just think that if youre so internet poisoned to hate a ship that you have to deny the characters have mutual importance#to each other in the canon material (but you can't deny it from one side so you have to claim it's mostly one-sided and blame a writer)#then maybe you should um log off and reread canon ?#<- that's petty sorry but im just saying.#anyways.#returning to the timkon mines now. crawls back into my word doc
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not for anything but friendly reminder that ~fandom discourse~ about where women belong (or people you perceive as women) is misogynistic as fuck. or what they're allowed to say, or what they're allowed to write about, or what they're allowed to enjoy.
next time you see someone having a tantrum and vaguing, especially if their posts from week to week completely contradict each other, perhaps analyze if the common denominator is "a gross woman said something and now i'm mad" without otherwise adhering to any actual principles.
#like i wonder if someone consistently preaches that we need to respect each other's headcanons#but they are specifically bothered by women & people they assume are women#and they keep specifically complaining about how ANNOYING GIRLS are the ones with such STUPID ideas#if maybe that person is just a fucking misogynist LMAO#and maybe we shouldn't give them the time of day :)#but what do i know lol im just a dumb girl with my dumb girl brain#anyway sorry guys i hate posting vagues i think it's really immature but like how much of this do we fucking tolerate#and can you please stop reblogging him bc tumblr's block & mute functions are terrible#if i'm not vague about it does it still count as a vague?#i hate public drama but like he didn't want to resolve it in private either and won't shut the fuck up haha sorry#but i also fucking hate bullies so#:)#also in b4 fandom clique conspiracies start floating around#if you act like a misogynist dickhead and get blocked by a bunch of people#it's not a cabal of mean girls ganging up on you#maybe you're the problem lol#knock it the fuck off aren't you tired of this it's been a year man#get a life.
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the way charles and erik stand next to sean when they first recruit him in the aquarium is so…
MAMA Y PAPA!!!
theyre literally going there to adopt him and sign the adoption papers !!!!!!!!!!!!!
#snap chats#guys wait time out i just bit my cheek really hard i fucking HATE GUM <- continues to chew it anyway#i swear to god one of these days im goign to accidentally bite a chunk out of my cheek thats my biggest fear. <- continues to chew anyway#now my cheek hurts this sucks. <-continue to ch#O IFUCKING DID IT AGAIN maybe i should stop chewing just to finisht his post. guys it hurts tho... <- c#anyway yeah thats their kiddo thats their baby and i MISS HIM#I MISS SEAN SO MUCH :(((
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i feel like a part of my soul has been ripped from my chest and i dont know why.
#is this a bad time to mention i dont even believe in souls?#i really dk why.#no this isnt abt jiro somehow apparently having a loving family#(ok like. at least 1/4 of it is BUT STILL. NOT THE POINT)#(part of me feels awkward abt it bc just. huh? youre telling me. this guy. that i basically am the irl version of. has a loving family???)#(/j and all but just. idk part of me feels awkward now? it just. a guy who blew himself up for most of the same ideals i have)#(gets to have the one thing i yearn so very hard for. everyday of my life. but can never have.)#(ill get over this in like. 2 hours. hopefully. most of thats just shock anyways.)#just. for the past some days. besides a couple things and people. hurt and love havent really. made me feel much of anything#like being cared for by actual ppl even online. yeah. it still does but#even my fantasies don’t entertain me anymore#oh god am i becoming lopt. save me fuck#UNLESS this means i get mason as my bf. then hell fucking yeah (kidding kidding kIDDINGG i dont wanna be lopt. please.)#but srsly. usually i can envoke some sorta reaction from myself if its brutal enough#but. nothing.#id assume that im over doing it usually. but i havent in a good while#maybe this is some what where my art/writers block is coming from#whatever this hell is.#time to go on a spiral of mildly depressing and somewhat cryptic posts (cryptic if i didnt info dump in the tags that is)#why is it so hard to confront issues when you dont even know what the issue is?#i just. wanna be able to make myself feel something.#not in a “i have no one but myself” way for once. just. i dont wanna have to rely on others for my emotions#i want to feel a pang of hurt. yet it feels so empty. i dont want to harm myself. i just want to feel it.#anyways ig.#ig im gonna just sleep#which tbh im growing to hate bc like. i feel all i do is sleep. i sleep to avoid how much my own body hurts. i sleep to ignore my issues#i sleep to ignore the fact i keep forgetting to respond to people even though ik i have to at some point. i sleep to avoid the dread of not#getting anything done. i sleep just because im bored.#and im tired of sleeping.#but. it feels worse awake. my body hurts. my mind hurts. it all just hurts.
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Natsume Is a Cat (pt. 3)
If anyone is looking at this nonsense... thanks. Isn't the world golden on our side of things? Let's get back to it, to our academic and scholarly research!
Where were we? Onto cats likes and dislikes?
Cats don't much like water. They don't care for swimming and avoid it when possible (that doesn't mean they're dirty though; cats are very good at self-grooming).
Water bugs them, after all.
But the dark doesn't! Cats have a tapetum lucidum in their eyes which lets them see in the dark, so there's nothing to fear even in total darkness.
They tend to underestimate their weight and enjoy sitting on chests if they so choose, even if the person they're sitting on doesn't like it as much.
I had to include this because my cat Phoebe does this to me every night.
But they don't really like going places. They would prefer to do nothing.
You can try to make them, but they revert back to inaction. Always.
Natsume does nothing all the time. It's his favorite thing to do.
Cats also typically dislike when they're introduced to a new cat in their home. Especially at first, they might be cruel to the new cat, but in time, they might get attached.
Cats do this often. They look at you, spot your interest, and then run, for the sole purpose of making you chase them. They do this on purpose. They like the chase. They will stop and let you pet them eventually but they need to play the game first. I'm not making this up. This is true.
And to wrap things up, I will conclude with pages I had in my folder with unclear captions that I saved too long ago and now no longer remember where I was going with them.
Titled, "catlike". I agree, but I can't explain it.
Titled, "gives cat vibes." Don't know what that's supposed to mean. He does look like a black cat here though.
Titled, "hes a cat i can tell". Very unhelpful to me. I guess it's just a vibe?
"hes a cat what do u want me to say" Well, past!Anya, I want you to say specifically where you were going with this. But I'll bite. He does seem like a cat here.
"omg just like a cat". Have no idea if this is about what Aoi is saying (misunderstood and thought of as scary, like a cat) or Natsume in the background doing fuck all. Maybe both. Either way, I agree.
And to finally finish off, let's discuss the fact that the person he gets along best with is Ruka, who has the animal pheromone alice. Unlike literally every other person on the planet, Natsume has never been angry at Ruka. He loves Ruka. He always loved Ruka. Natsume is a cat.
(This is clearly a joke. Natsume is not nice to Ruka because he's under the affect of animal pheromones. Because Natsume is a human being. But it's a funny joke. Their friendship is very clearly authentic and beautiful. Natsume is kind to Ruka because Ruka is perfect and has never done anything wrong ever, in his life.)
BONUS
Not related to cat stuff, but this one was funny:
"AND HERE COMES NATSUME WITH THE STEEL CHAIR!"
Okay I'm done now! Thanks so much for reading this silly nonsense rambling. It was fun to put together and I hope it was a fun read too! Have a great day/night. I'm very tired and this took longer than I thought it would, so I'm going to sleep. Love y'all <3
Also, in case y'all missed the first two parts, they are as follows:
Part 1. or Part 2.
#hyuuga natsume#natsume hyuuga#gakuen alice#alice academy#ga#ga meta#ga meta: manga#my meta#natsume is a cat#maybe one day ill be stupid enough to put together similar arguments for what animals other characters are#mikan is a puppy i think. ruka is a rabbit but also idk much abt bunnies#hotaru could be a cat but i kinda wanna give her a stranger and more unique animal somehow#tsubasa is a dog like i said#anyway yall can send me suggestions and we can talk about it but idk much about animals that arent cats bc#as u might have guessed i am a cat person#im scared of dogs actually (but i DO NOT HATE THEM) so i stay away from them usually but im sure i could some day make similar posts#at least for mikan#anyway good night yall love u
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"philosophy is pretentious" love? my best friend love is pretentious? platos symposium opens to talk about love amd hes one of the big three socratic philosophers. what is love by haddaway is pretentious? baby dont hurt me, dont hurt me no more?
#a lot of post western enlightenment philosophy reads as pretentious - and im sure a lot of it is#but consider: theres a lot more than ppst western enlightenment philosophy.#the symposiums a beloved one but theres also like. buddhism is a philosophical school. marxism.#i dont know why im so weirded out by the dismissal of philosophy as a topic of intrigue. perhaps because its just so broad and touches#a lot of things. the 'i do science' of rational inquiry. or maybe it was because i came out about a singular interest i like to read about#which then just got horribly trash talked. like sorry you had poor experiences previously but recently ive been readong about friendship#and love. lots of gilgamesh+enkidu and jonathan+david and achilles+patroclus#like sorry im mildly horrified by the concept of watching true crime? or going to bars and concerts? and thats all one person i know does#aside from jobs#oh aside from complaining every day about? sleeping alone? which really doesnt help you sound like you want anything other than a bedwarmer#im hoping that was a mostly flippant remark#meanwhile hes both leaving the house and interacting with people in person whereas im living in a house full of people i kind of hate#anyway. anyway. is it rude to call someone an acqaintance? collegue? a few layers further out of the friendship onion
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alright but hear me out:
#something something nine who had to learn to rely only in himself to survive#vs kit who was programed to live for someone else#nine who is a product of his past vs kit who doesnt have one#nine who made an identity for himself vs kit who had his stolen and remade#nine who doesn't belong with anyone (we all know he wont live with sonic) vs kit who is tied to surge#nine who prides himself in his independence yet wants company#and kit who both hates and yet is almost happy (but is it really him or the programing?) for what starline did#both want what tails has#both hate that they do. and hate him too#nine looking down on kit because of his dependency on surge yet feeling bitter because at least kit has someone#someone that needs HIM. not a duplicate of himself#and kit both fealing jealous of nine's independence and freedom#but then realizing how under all that he is just as desperate for love and friendship as he is#and then calls him out for it#nine is in denial. and claims he could never be as pathetic as kit#but deep down he knows its true#so anyway they hate the parts they can see of themselves on the other#but are also envious of other stuff#maybe one day i'll make a more coherent post because im pretty sure i thought of more stuff before but im tire#kit the fennec#kitsunami#kitsunami the fennec#nine the fox#tails nine#nine tails#miles nine prower#miles tails prower#tails the fox#sonic prime#sonic idw
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pro tip: if you think you have adhd then don't start a master's program before you even get a diagnosis (also you need a stronger prescription, you have astigmatism, and reading glasses aren't gonna cut it)
#i can handle one class just fine but 2 classes??? im killing myself#im working too so its like i never have time for myself and its just a neverending well of assignments and work plus i hate the schedule#why is everything due at 10:59 and why is it due in the middle of the week but i have to come back the next 2 days and write responses#one of my classes will trade out a disucssion for the week with an assignment thats due at the end of the week and i like that sm better#the other class makes use do a discussion and an assignment in the same week#and usually they're all due at the same time so i go to work and then go home do my homework and then do more homework on the weekend#then go back to work do you understand my problem#anyway my mom casually confirmed that i have astigmatism recently which ???#but my eyesight is fine but driving in the dark is hell and its not b/c of the dark!#any kind of bright light blinds me like it could be a sunny day and i won't be seeing shit for that entire drive omg#just realized that this might be the cause of an increase in headaches wait...#ok back on track: adhd consultation (maybe) in a month and a half!#i don't have a therapist so im hoping my doctor can help? or at least refer me to somebody that can help b/c looking is hard omg#where the therapists at omg#moon posts#long one today because i am procrastinating so i can give up <3
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I get why people like the whole queer existence is resistance thing. I don't personally, because I think it puts a tonne of intracommunity pressure to exist in the 'right' way, I.e. the way that is 'radical' to the person currently scrutinising you. As a person with OCD that manifests in self scrutiny that I have to constantly concentrate on to avoid it becoming self hatred, I'm never going to be a fan of that. I kind of feel this way about any kind of assimilation conversation with regards to queerness really. I think it's an important conversation within irl communities who already care for each other- who shows up for others outside of their own interests and who doesn't, etc. But the internet makes things so impersonal and cold. It encourages people to make very serious snap judgements about others who they don't even know, and to encourage others to believe that about them. None of these people are in community together in any meaningful sense, or they wouldn't treat each other so ungenerously.
Anyway I had a bit of a realisation earlier- I think we have to tell ourselves our existence is inherently radical all the time because we're always getting the subtle message from our community and the wider activism community that having a good time or enjoying yourself is somehow bad, or insulting to people in dire straits. But instead of challenging that idea we say no it's OK because I'm doing activism simply by being here. I think it's fine to feel that way and in many ways existing as a marginalised person really is radical. I just want to make sure we aren't internalising the idea that we can't ever be happy or having a fun frivolous time without justifying it, and passing that idea along to others without meaning to.
#as radio 1 used to say: you only get one life- love it#i try and tell myself that when i get bogged down in the 'my misery is activism somehow' thinking#that so many people on here reinforce#i feel the 'pride is a protest' conversation constantly turns into this#because while pride's origin is in protest on the anniversary of the stonewall riot#most prides now are parties with a march and some information stalls#and...that's fine! If people have fun at it!#not everyone finds pride fun obvs its usually boiling very overwhelming and loud#ive had some shit times at pride but had a blast at my last one#it was post coming out as trans and I'd just started drinking more regularly#after abstaining for my meds for so long#i went alone had some drinks and a dance and went home#loved it best day ever#anyway the idea that in order to do activism you have to constantly disrupt#bring your 'queer liberation not rainbow capitalism' sign#i dunno...i dont think anyone really likes rainbow capitalism but the sponsers keep entry free#thats the case at my main one anyway#i struggle because i only just started having fun a bit more and enjoying things#i hate being hit with the message of 'actually this fun time is wrong '#even in the most subtle ways- but maybe im oversensitive#i will say that if misery is activism ive more than paid my dues#why do they think people wanted to get into stonewall inn anyway???#eta- i know not all prides are free and the ones that aren't still have corporate sponsors#i just don't feel it ruins pride personally#it's mildly annoying and that's all#eta: i put activism instead of capitalism in the slogan in the tags for some reason
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what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group
#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever#im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point#and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn#selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too#we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right#get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure#what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye#AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care#she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us#what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not#taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg#just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg#why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend#and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic#and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc#but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever#if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die#sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP#id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh#post#nickpost#will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1#i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it#sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh#nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone#living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh#adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway#its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her#bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships
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old man yells at cloud about constant sequels
#i wantttttt to like the beetlejuice sequel (just saw the trailer) and i don't want to be a hater. however#i dont knowwwww i mean theres a lot of callbacks to the original. which is good. its just#maybe its seeing some of these same effects done in cgi. or something#like it just looks like every other modern movie except w some of that beetlejuice imagery#im assuming the sandworms are cgi. bring back the claymationnnn bring back practical effectssss#idk im just really getting to hate the way movies nowadays look that are likely shot digitally and are just so subdued color wise#is any of this making sense.#like thinking of the original beetlejuice like whoa the colors were popping! greens reds purples!#and theyre so important and tied to the look of the movie and how it sticks in your mind#(im sorry. beetlejuice has always been one of my favorite movies. but anyway)#and now the sequel just looks ehhhh. you know#also we still should have had beetlejuice goes hawaiian instead. if we had to have a sequel#plus the story of the sequel seems so dependent on the story of the first movie like is there going to be anything original?#what made the first movie so good was not only was it a fun different storyline of these ghosts and everything#but it was also a good satire of the yuppies of that era as well as the idea of the afterlife and ghosts and all that. which was different!#im probably not making all of my points clearly and this doesnt really matter anyway but anyway#i need movies to be standalone movies. i dont want everything to be part of a series#i dont want beetlejuice to be called beetlejuice 1#bc then ill be saying 'back in my day we had only one beetlejuice'#LIKE. yes some movies are really good and you could watch a whole tv show more with the characters in that movie#but it doesnt actually have to be made. thats for you to imagine in your mind#like wow i love those characters in beetlejuice. i wonder what it would be like going forward for these people to live with ghosts#but thats for you and your imagination!!!! ugh i dont know is any of this making sense i ask again. i keep trying to wrap up this post#but im very passionate about films and as i think about my own main movie idea/screenplay#i love my characters and i could put them in dozens of scenarios that would be very funny for them to deal with#but i dont think they need a five film series. the one movie is enough for the main storyline#ok im going to eat something. enough bitching from me about the current state of film
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still working on typing out the arkham knight stories. its weird, seeing so much mention and description about how the jokers death changed him (the one im working on now, "Faithful Servant" in particular seems to imply a developing eating disorder) and yet not much mention of jason. i assume thats because he has been gone for a while at that point, given that tim was already robin as far back as arkham city, but theres still something gnawing at me about it. maybe its something like, the writers are telling me jason is right, bruce really doesnt care about him, but that feels like too simplistic of an interpretation. jason/robin dying is an occupational hazard. acceptable not because it is good or right but because it's a simply a reasonable possibility. joker dying is unthinkable. it forces bruce to reevaluate himself (or moreso how he does his work) which has never come naturally to him. maybe the joker was his better half. maybe he made up such a significant part of bruces own sense of self that he doesnt know how to deal with the sudden change. maybe its not about the joker at all. maybe the joker is just the catalyst from which hes forced to truly address what hes been doing all this for. joker as a representation of everything bruce has staked himself on. not antithetical to his personal philosophy, but a corrupted branch of it. the whole "we have a lot in common" shtick weaved into a macabre show of mutual insanity.
... me @ me im not proofreading all that, congrats or sorry that happened ig
#SHUT UP its midnight and i hate both of them#bat/jokes is selfcest no i will NOT get into it further#me @ me again you let our foot fall asleep for THIS?#smth smth disclaimer dont take this too seriously this is literally as unpolished as it gets#i hate this post but im posting it anyways so that maybe one day the me who wrote that first wall of text will see it and elaborate#write the akverse bat/jokes selfcest meta you coward
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I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness
#There’s this specific part of the song#It srsly alters my brain chemistry#Anyways#i hate tumblr sm#Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm#No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much#Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely#Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D#The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏#Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it#The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc#To show her how messy it was ….#I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone …#Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th#Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious#And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei#It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking#To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I#Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia#And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games#All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car#Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke#Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon#Like me go mad with all these things#Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up.#dora daily#Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable#Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more#Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing.#Essay tags 😻😻😻
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