#i hate that this impacted me so much
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#personal#i know logically like#im sad because i just lost a friendship that was important to me and i am grieving that loss#but i feel so stupid still being so sad about this#i feel childish for not having moved on already#even though logically it has barely been a Week since this blowup#but like she Did apologize (even though i desperately wish she hadnt yet bc i Needed to be angry to start the grieving process right -#-bc i really struggle to connect with my feelings and learned how to process them first through anger)#and like idk. maybe im just a childish asshole#it feels like this is all my fault even though i know logically thats NOT true#i keep having nightmares about all my loved ones flipping a switch the way she did#i keep having nightmares about not being good enough for anyone and feel so violently insecure about my role in ppls lives#and i WANT like. reassurance that ppl love me is the thing#but if they reference this issue or like i have to ask it just doesnt feel Righ5#and ive been putting the energy out into the world that i would like to receive sometime but ik i cant demand that either#i just.#feel so sad#i hate that this impacted me so much#like. im literally more upset about this than my dad's health issues#(though admittedly this hits a more deep rooted insecurity/fear/distress than my dad's issues do)
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Morning on the path to Liyue Harbor - A study with original additions
#genshin fanart#genshin impact#genshin impact fanart#genshin#genshin statue with offerings#genshin zhongli#zhongli#liyue harbor#genshin liyue#I was thinking about what to put as garland on the statue#I ended up going for a very hmm chinese wedding look#i wish i could think of something that is not that#but like i did not hate the look#the rocks were so much fun to color#the whole project started because I was thinking about how funny it is that zhongli getting soap from the people#there wasn't actually enough space for this piece for me to draw more objects#i want all of the different statue to have different looks and colors#I am trying not to draw the statues all at sunset because how pretty the colors are then
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something i really appreciate about the silt verses finale is that carson being unwritten from the narrative didn't change anything on a wider scale. because of course it didn't. he admitted it himself; he's just one guy in an entire system of abuses and cruelty and people fighting to be the one calling the shots. cutting off a few more heads will only free up more spaces for new ones to grow and trample one another in the bid for power. which makes how he dies all the more impactful in spite of how narratively and personally "unsatisfying" it is - despite the utter denial of catharsis - for both his and VAL's character arcs. because in the end, they both realised the truth, and were able to accept it with dignity.
#🐉#fuck this guy fr for making me character study him. i hate him so much but unfortunately he compels me.#but yeah. when people were speculating what impact carsons death would have before the finale part 2#i was like. its not going to change anything. thats the point. it wont. it cant.#and when it didnt? well i raised a glass to jon ware#the silt verses#the silt verses spoilers
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Cool awesome reminder that you don’t need amazing technical skill to be a good artist/storyteller
#I still compare myself to other people but also like. Damn. What if I don’t need to#That’s literally what working with other people is for . so you can fill in for eachother and make an awesome thing :)#Reminder that Toby Fox is not a skilled visual artist LOL he makes concept art in mspaint#Ik He’s more of a composer / character writer but you know what I mean. He works with other people to bring those ideas to life#You don’t have to be good at everything !!#Txt#art#I say this because rendering pieces of art takes me dozens of hours and it’s literally so much work and I hate it sometimes#Ok then make a simple stylistic choice instead of doing a giant painting !! it will still carry the same or maybe even greater impact#I still want to make awesome giant beautiful pieces of art (illustration) but alas I don’t have infinite energy#I usually only make sketches instead and that doesn’t mean they’re unfinished. Maybe that’s just all they’re meant to be#Until I change my mind at least 🩷#Adhd#Honestly anything that gets your idea across is good enough. Depends on the idea
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“something must have warped you when you were little” but i feel like the more interesting option (and this is what i think is probably canon) would be if nothing super huge and traumatizing happened to misty as a child. it would make sense, of course, for a character like her to have been abused or something similar, but it would be infinitely more interesting if she was always Like This to some degree. of course she was canonically bullied and excluded, and i believe she was probably neglected/ignored/whatever by her parents (or else they probably would’ve done something about her being Like This), but that Something that makes her Like This has always been present. we’ll never know what is wrong with her, and neither will she, but it’s inherent and it will never go away. it’s scarier and more tragic to think that the Something that has marked you as different, isolated you, and meant you will be perceived as evil and broken for your whole life was always part of you. it’s not something that can be cured or even explained. it’s you. there was never any hope.
#misty's storyline is so autistic horror#that being said autism is FAR from the only thing going on with her#though she is autistic. don't get me wrong. but autism doesn't even begin to explain her whole deal#and i think it's more impactful if her whole deal is never explained#yellowjackets#posting some thoughts because the yellowjackets tag is pissing me tf off rn#it's so NEGATIVE#i don't want to go onto the tag of a show i like to hear all about how much you hate the characters and the fandom and the writing#like good god#i miss when s2 was coming out and people had interesting takes and funny jokes#:(#yellowjackets spoilers#misty quigley#shauna shipman#shauna sadecki
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okay i didnt really understand the whole thing about "well this character would be less hated if she were a man" until i was literally talking to a friend not even 5 minutes ago and they were talking about blaze the cat from Sonic The Hedgehog(2006) (or sonic rush is i think the first game she appeared in... i cant remember), and how they didnt like her, the way she died wasnt meaningful and it had little impact to them, and how silver dying wouldve made the story better(also in general just bashing different female characters in sth? like cuz tehy were women or the way they interacted with the male characters or smth)
and like it shocked me people hate sally acorn because she was simply WITH sonic?? or how blaze could be disliked because she DIED?? TO SAVE THE PLANET??? or how someone disliked tangle because shes too "friendly" or smth
i havent watched the 06 movie in a hot minute, i havent read IDW or archie all the way through yet. i havent watched sat am in over 5 years. but bro theres no way these girls are that bad you have to bash them for being written a certain way. writers can SUCK. i know that, ive KNOWN that. but can a character seriously be written so painfully bad that you hate them so much you want them dead..? especially in sonic.
but like also, if ANY of these women were men, theyd be hailed like king or smth... it just confuses me
#it also pissed me off their fav fem characters were rouge cream & amy#the 3 most mainstream ones#and i LOVE them all#rouge is the goat#i would sell my soul for amy#cream i love now. i disliked her when i was a kid#i think it was cuteness agression honestly#i really wanted to punch her lol😔#but like..? cmon man#breezie you hate because she dated sonic#you hate blaze because her impact wasnt enough for you#but oh if blaze was a guy#or better yet SILVER. youd love her a whole lot more!! probably bcuz you feel sorrow for her or smth#like man fuck u#and then you have NO ISSUE with ANYYYY of the guy characters#i love all sth characters so much theyre all dear to me#but bro this pmo#biased asf#sorry dor the rant.. im js mad man#blaze the cat#sally acorn#tangle the lemur#uhh others idk#rant#sth#is this misonginy...#cuz its making me MAD#per pearls input heres my rage post LOL :3c
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Anyway I wish this show was actually bold enough to give Miguel an arc exploring his feelings of entitlement over the captaincy spot. Throughout the show Johnny has repeatedly told Miguel that Robby is a lost cause but hey, It’s okay because he has Miguel now. That Miguel’s his champion, his Number One Boy. So how could Miguel not feel at least somewhat entitled to the captain spot? How could he not feel insecure about his place in Johnny’s life with Robby not just back in the picture, but now literally taking the number one spot? When Johnny has repeatedly put into both kids heads that when it comes to his love and attention its one vs. the other, how could there be no lingering feelings of resentment and jealousy?
#like my kingdom for them to let miguel have Real Actual Feelings about anything ever!#i dont have any real hopes of them actually exploring this#i think any frustration miguel feels towards robbys will be framed solely in the context of him being stressed about getting into stanford#which is also like. i wish this show would show us WHY miguel cares so much about stanford#and its not like its not understandable!#people talk about robbys trauma bc its so plainly obvious#but after the year or two miguels had it makes sense that he wants a real tangible Win#that he wouldn’t want all the pain and trauma to be for nothing. that he can spin it as a triumphant story of how he overcame#some extreme adversity to get into one of the top schools in the country#but the show hasnt actually shown us that miguel feels that way at all#and i dont need them to spell it all out for me hut man it would be nice to give us SOMETHING. literally anything even remotely close to an#actual arc for Miguel before the show ends#and like none of this is miguel or johnny or robby hate btw…characters are flawed and thats a good thing#i just wish the show would actually explore the impact of those flaws on the people around them#and also jealousy is a very normal feeling as is competition in sports#but it would be cool if the explored how that is compounded by everything johnny has put these kids through and the way he has constantly#even if unintentionally positioned them against each other#but anyway!#cobra kai#miguel diaz#robby keene
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Malccolm moment for daunda4 (on Instagram) idk what it is but every time I draw him I have to give him a pinneapple like at LEAST 2 out of every 3 times I draw him
Also finished Enterprise the other day,, what was that finale
----(SPOILERS)---
someone give my man back :( and I love Riker but I swear if I ever see him again)
Posted to Instagram February 21 2025
#the tng stuff literally took so much of the impact of the show away#I pretend it didn't happen#anyway malcolm is so special to me#this is like my second to last one and I hate the next one but I'm trying not to axe art from my profiles just bc I don't like it#malcolm reed#lieutenant reed#star trek enterprise#star trek ent#enterprise#ent#star trek#star trek fanart
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i understand that the site full of hyperfixating internet users who are exhausted grad students/doctorates by day is not the most effective audience to help me with this, but there is a horrible little devil on my shoulder who keeps whispering "psssst you could write an academic thesis on this" about my current interests and i need to kill it with fire
#I HAVE HAD A GOAL FOR APPLYING TO GRAD SCHOOL SINCE 2ND YEAR#i cannot be thinking about switching disciplines now#especially when the route that switching would ultimately take me down only leads to academia#and i hate the politics of academia#and YET. i'm reading my professor's book on retrospective narratives/histories surrounding places and icons in hong kong rn#and i just know the kwc especially given talk surrounding it the last year#would make a FANTASTIC example for interrogation in terms of how history and popular culture and identity intersect#via those kinds of narratives#and also more broadly how those narratives impact global perception of a place#like i could talk about it so so much#ANYWAYS.#is this the real life#ashton originals
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Lanyan my babygirl,I wish people would treat you more than who they ship you with (when she finally release)

#I understand thumbstacking her to a ship is a way to keep her relevant#but after the shippers on tiktok already causing drama#I sincerely hope people don't reduce her to a love interest when she's out#listen I like my bro gaming too as much as the next guy#them being childhood friends are super sweet#can't wait to witness their dynamic#but please I beg you gaming x lanyan shippers on tiktok#stop being the ship police to other completely legal ships#it goes both ways#don't send hate and don't accept hate#you deserve better than to engage in an argument over which pixels should kiss which pixel#and you deserve better than to be angry at someone who's wasting your time over how boring your ship is#I hope I don't come off as a hater#like I genuinely hope lanyan isn't remembered for the discourse that surrounds her when she's finally out#(a mean part of me wishes she's aroace coded so the toxic tiktok people can finally shut up)#(but that would be unfair to normal shippers that's just doing their own thing#yet again genshin tiktok proves to be the most braindead community imaginable#lan yan#genshin lanyan#lanyan genshin#genshin impact#shipping discourse#not a reblog
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whenever alhaitham speaks I hear the nerd emoji
#complicated relationship with haitham#hes like my wife but im a boomer husband who talks about how much i hate him#hes sooo pretentious...... but i love him for it....#but also when paimon was like omg hes so snooty i was like YEAHHH TELL THEM#if you are a haino fan like me this can be interpreted as such but yk what. you can do whatever you want forever ❤️#my art#cyno#alhaitham#al haitham#genshin impact#fanart
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finally got around to finishing a sketch from last year 🎉🎉🎉
aug '22 -> mar '23 -> oct '23
#EYAHH HHHHHH im so tired ahahha#:3c im rlly rlly rlly happy w how it turned out 😌 sometimes you gotta take a one year break from a piece ahdghashgdgha#i popped off ngl#genshin impact#cyno#i love cynoooo ooo so much i should play with him more audghfh#my art#yknow what i like you *transes your cyno*#going back to old wips when you dont have any creative juices is a good idea why havent i done this before smh#im rendering another old wip aodfjdhggdk i love rendering so much and i hate it with a burning passion#like its always the thing i look forward to the most but it also fills me with dread.. yknow??
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I miss her,,, Bona please have a cameo in 5.5 please
#genshin impact#genshin#genshin fanart#genshin impact fanart#bona#bona genshin impact#bona how does it feel to be one of my favorite npcs#she deserved so much better#if you have not played lost traveler in the ashen realm. PLEASE do the lost traveler in the ashen realm wq#even if you hate the rest of natlan this quest is extremely good i promise#then again I am extremely brainrotted about that quest (+ochkanatlan in general + natlan as a whole) so i may be. a bit biased#lost traveler in the ashen realm#lost traveler in the ashen realm genshin impact#genshin lore#my art#my artwork#shes so silly i love her#her and bennett would be best friends if they ever met somehow#anyway. if you also like lost traveler in the ashen realm please yap to me about it please
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honestly while watching the untamed, i was thinking that the censorship didn't really bother me all that much, like sure they changed a few lines moved some things around, but they also added scenes so the trade-off really seemed worth it.
i am now realising that i felt that way just because for 80% of mdzs there wasn't that much to censor, playing with the wording was all they needed to do to meet the requirements. i have now reached that last 20% and the full weight of what the censorship robbed from us is starting to sink in.
what do you mean we don't see lan zhan cradling a delirious wei ying before fighting his own clan elders to defend him. idc if you multiplied the number of lashes he received by 10 it is so much less impactful when it's su she and jin guangyao who are the agitators also i don't understand what the timeline is supposed to be is this after wy is already dead?? how is he so composed??? i have so many issues with this and they would all be resolved if they kept the scene from the novels why couldn't that have been part of their "bromance" too???
#he's defending the burial mounds and that is noble#but what is so visceral about that scene in the novels is that it actually isn't all that noble what he's doing protecting wei ying#it is in fact one of the most selfish and reckless things he's ever done wei ying - whatever justification he has for the things he's done#he IS guilty he is not innocent at that point in the story#but lan zhan loves him loves him loves him so much#and he is desperate to save him even if he's gone off the rails even if he hates him (wy is lit telling lz to fuck off the whole time)#he will break all the rules he will fight whoever tries to harm wy or take him away even his clan elders lan zhan is SPIRALING almost as mu#as wy is in that moment#and it is not at all the same impact in the untamed it's just not#and that makes me sad#okay rant over#i hate censorship#mdzs#gwen's liveblogging again#wangxian#lan wangji#the untamed
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it just hit me that the movie is coming out next month imgonna throw upppppppp
#to be clear this isnt an excited post this is a scared post .#i feel kinda guilty about it with how excited i was about the first 2 movies#but i just cant be anymore paramount and the scu have disappointed me so much within the past year in so many ways ......#shadow is one of my favorite characters his lore makes me go crazy and is one of the things that pulled me into loving sonic so much#but i literally felt nothing while watching that trailer aside from confusion at some of the writing choices being made#like i wasnt expecting an exact recreation of sa2 but why is sonic working with gun . wtf is gerald doing here . why are there no girls .#the only positives to me were things that were cool visually . which doesnt outweigh all the things that have annoyed/disappointed me#like who cares about another cool sonic and shadow fight scene we already have plenty of those .#Anyway. saw some of those new promotional images.#i swear to god if they actually start calling shadow+eggman+gerald team dark#like they suggested they might in that survey from a while back#im gonna become the joker for real#(insert the NO that is NOT solid snake image but it says team dark instead)#also maybe im taking the hedgehog games way too seriously here#but having gerald still be alive and present in some form feels like such a bad idea from a story perspective ... like .#for one shadow lost Everything in the gun raid having gerald still be here feels like its undermining that in a way#but also gerald's whole thing in sa2 is being long dead but still impacting the story despite that . why is he ALIVEEEE#and why is he here over rouge ???? do they just hate women or something#(before someone goes ''it would take too much time/money to animate another cgi character''#maybe the movies should have just been fully animated if that sort of thing was a concern . just saying)
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Just finished reading the wicked book
I see so many people saying that elphaba is a very inspiring character and that shes relatable to a lot of people, that her story is very important, that her story matters. And although its mostly said through the filter of the movie i think its even more important in context of the book. Elphaba being convinced that she never accomplished anything, that everything she tried to do she failed at. And yet so many people consider her inspiring. I havent yet watched the musical, i dont know how it changes the book (probably a lot) but i too think if elphaba as inspiring despite it all. Because she tried.
#i sobbed so much when she was show the puppet show from the time dragon#and the reason for what was because she tries so hard at life#and i think i need this energy in 2025#that trying is good#and important#elphaba thropp they could never make me hate you#oh and fiyero jfc its so over#i know what happens to him in the musical and i dont know which way i prefer more#the book version is so tragic idk do we interpret that he IS the scarecrow or was he brutally murdered???#the latter is more tragic so im picking that#but perhaps the musical ver will heal my yero fae soul#my life is different now#who knew that me randomly going to see wicked would impact me this heavily#wicked#wicked spoilers#wicked book#elphaba thropp
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