#my life is different now
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Just finished reading the wicked book
I see so many people saying that elphaba is a very inspiring character and that shes relatable to a lot of people, that her story is very important, that her story matters. And although its mostly said through the filter of the movie i think its even more important in context of the book. Elphaba being convinced that she never accomplished anything, that everything she tried to do she failed at. And yet so many people consider her inspiring. I havent yet watched the musical, i dont know how it changes the book (probably a lot) but i too think if elphaba as inspiring despite it all. Because she tried.
#i sobbed so much when she was show the puppet show from the time dragon#and the reason for what was because she tries so hard at life#and i think i need this energy in 2025#that trying is good#and important#elphaba thropp they could never make me hate you#oh and fiyero jfc its so over#i know what happens to him in the musical and i dont know which way i prefer more#the book version is so tragic idk do we interpret that he IS the scarecrow or was he brutally murdered???#the latter is more tragic so im picking that#but perhaps the musical ver will heal my yero fae soul#my life is different now#who knew that me randomly going to see wicked would impact me this heavily#wicked#wicked spoilers#wicked book#elphaba thropp
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
--
no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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Inspiring
since i can't post only sad stuff here one of my greatest masterpieces
#I have been inspired#This is#This fixes everything m#This changes everything#My life is different now#Just changed forever#Woah#Wow#Amazing#Cool#Thanks Bee#Awesome art#Awesome shitpost m#Gonna go eat this now
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Michael Afton wishes he had FNAF Movie Mike's life,,
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#mike schmidt#michael afton#elizabeth afton#fnaf movie#sister location#fnaf fanart#tbh this comic was an exist to draw different looks for Mike and Michael#it’s just cool to think about the ‘what ifs’ now and again#I think Michael does prefer Mike’s life seeing compared to his it’s currently simple#he’d love to be alive and just taking care of Elizabeth as best he can#though Mike is definitely not as enthusiastic 💀#his life would just get significantly worse if he had Michael’s life#so he’s not interested at all BAHAH#It was fun to draw them out though in swapped looks#Mike being scooped and Michael and Elizabeth being in more movie inspired clothes#my boy Michael can dream!!
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Look what we've become.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#Initially I wanted to do a 'Mutiny' quote to follow the 'Luck runs out' quote.#But the musical earworms demanded a different blood to be drawn. And I think it works just as well.#Alright. It's time to confess something. I really struggled with this comic. I didn't want to draw it. Then I didn't want to upload it.#Because I knew I would be here in the tags writing and backspacing for hours trying to articulate my thoughts.#I'm going to talk about death and grief in the tags today so this is your WARNING to look away if you aren't in a headspace for it.#Sometimes in media there are scenes and characters which land on topics so specific to your wounds that it reopens them all over again.#Because here's the truth. When you've known someone like this for nearly your whole life...it doesn't matter how bad the fight is.#You always think 'We'll always have time. One day this dust will settle and we'll rebuild the bridge.'#And then the fucker dies!!! He dies and suddenly there will never ever be time to repair the rift.#Someone you loved died thinking you hated them. And part of you did just a bit. But love and hate aren't mutually exclusive.#He's fucking dead and you are left with so many broken and unfinished pieces between the two of you.#Jiang Cheng loses Wei Wuxian thinking that WWX thought they hated each other.#He's a younger brother who will one day be older than the person he lost.#Who has no one else in the world who understands those feelings of love and hate and grief.#I can't be normal about this character. I don't think he even heals me. Zero catharsis to be gained here.#I just look at his sour grape ass and think 'shit that's a little too close to home.' JC is my discomfort character.#I'm probably going to regret being this vulnerable in the tags in like. An hour. So. sorry if you see this once and never again.#EDIT: Yeah sorry this took 4 hours to muster the courage to post. Surprise update!#EDIT 2: You guys were being too nice to me on my sad comic to point out the spelling error. I have fixed it now B'*)
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i was an avid anime shitter uponer until i was reformed by Akira (1988)
i have a new outlook on life and my eyes are open
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It's a Wonderful Life (1946) dir. Frank Capra
#It's a Wonderful Life#filmedit#filmgifs#tuserdana#usersugar#userfilm#cinematicsource#userbbelcher#moviegifs#classicfilmsource#fyeahmovies#classicfilmblr#classicfilmedit#old hollywood#cinemapix#mygifs#<3#idk if this is showing in tags now but hopefully#i know the crops r off but the scenes are different n i wanted to make it as even as possible#blame my ocd
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I could've been a better man, but I'm not
more lmhs megu bc i love him. he is here fr ur lunch money :>
jjk atla!au with @philosophiums
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#fanart#jjk fanart#fushiguro megumi#megumi#jjk atla!au#atla!au: art#atla!au: illust#lmhs#megu i love YOUUUUUUUU i have $2 in nickles and a crumpled receipt but its yours u can have it<3#i just . wanted 2 draw him fighting n looking menacing fgsfhsfk#we decided tht his bending style is an homage 2 his canon technique so ! Hands my beloved <3#had to pose in front of th mirror to get proper ref smh when will my kotobukiya hand return from war :(#honestly cruel tht we're doing this au Now before i have it JHSDG my life wld b so much easier re: bending ref if i did#well. ref fr everyone but yuuji rly#anywayyyy#decided 2 try smth different n leave the Base sketch visible ? i think i like it w th current style ive got going#makes it Soft n Sketchy#also im SO proud of my me ths the best upward tilt head angle ive ever drawn ?? n it didnt even give me any trouble????#character growth <3#*looks at clock* hey not bad ! 12:30 !#ws this....4 hours?? 5??? time blurs man idk
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secret wars secret love you will ALWAYS be famous
bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#snap sketches#//draws eriks weird reindeer thing differently to make this pose work// vjELAKVJEALKJV#maybe ill stick to this but i kinda like the 'barricade' vibe of the other option but anyway#mom said its MY turn to reference the famous bridal carry panel#this was supposed to be a quick warm up but as i was lining things my hand started to tremble really bad#i dont know why ??????????????? thats never happened before and my hand's perfectly fine and normal now#like my hands tremble a little from time to time but nothing ever detrimental#the trembling i had today was ACTUALLY crazy bad. had me concerned but i was also able to still draw so not that bad ig#ANYWAYS. yeah <3 i wanted to reference tha panel we all love ......#i draw this mfer carrying his mfer so much i fear i cant be stopped. charles is a princess who needs to be princess carried#i usually draw it like. An Actual Block or whatever but its flatter ... so charles may rest his weary head ...#i did draw charles getting a handful. its what he deserves. its also what i deserve but i cant have that now can i#erik living my dream too tho ..... life is so unfair i wanna carry charles xavier and kiss his head this life SUCKS#slowly being able to feed my cherik fix again we're Semi back. once i finish my work for once THEN we'll be so fuckin back jWRKLJLAKF#ok thats all from me bye bye
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okay but what if. video game designer marinette...
#miraculous ladybug#marinette dupain cheng#this is brainstorming for one of my WIPs technically but#i increasingly headcanon marinette as realizing in university that fashion design isn't really what she thought it would be#and then having a crisis of what the heck do she wants to do with her life. and taking a long time to figure it out#and feeling like she's falling behind because all her friends know that now. and adrien even knows what he wants to do now#and he keeps reminding her of all the times she told him not to worry. that he'd figure it out in the end. but she's like IT'S DIFFERENT#and every time she finds something she finds 100 reasons she can't do it or won't like it--mostly cause she's sort of lost faith in herself#maybe i just want to project the mid 20s experience™️on her okay? KJBADFKJDKJBGFKB#BUT YEAH SHE'LL FIGURE IT OUT IN THE END#and i think she could get so into gaming. she can't decide if she wants to do more game design or art or programming aspects#so she tries out multiple different programs before settling into a job#but then she's a badass#do you see the vision?
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the *other* part! i felt the need to draw this one too, considering the events of the latest episode...
(for @cherrifire 's dtiys! again)
/also, small thing; you can see where i messed up a bit on grian's face (that's just the downside of using biros to draw with)
#i did do this in a different order to the other piece#but still#besides i was thinking about watching skizz's pov as i kinda wanted to see how far he could go#but i guess thats not happening how i thought now :v#anyway!#my art#art#drawing#sp7 does art things#traditional art#skizzleman#skizzleman fanart#grian#grian fanart#mumbo jumbo#mumbo fanart#trafficblr#wild life smp fanart#wild life fanart#wild life smp#sorry for the ramble in my tags i will probably do it again#sp7's rambling tag#cherridtiysnail#(EDIT: HOW TF DID I FORGET TO TAG THAT?!)
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Finished The Good Place several years later after dropping it right before the finale (to avoid intence emotions). Found out the last ep is called "Whenever you're ready"
#and now I'm a mess and don't know what to do with my life#the wave was just a different way for the water to be#the good place
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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Happy Halloween spideypool nation‼️
Halloween version of this post since booping is back
#boop#spideypool#spiderman#deadpool#my art#Halloween#happy halloween#I was going to post a different thing for Halloween and finish writing my Halloween fic too but#unfortunately shit kinda hit the fan in my personal life soooo that didn’t end up happening#everything’s fine now#so we will be finishing Halloween when I say so#I should drop out of college to do full time spideypool
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just fooling around at the speed of sound... found a cool brush to play with...
#ah to paint messy and natural *smokes big joint* that shit hits good#yes i know reigen looks too cute in some of these i know!!! i love making him with lil round cheeks to pull and pinch!!#also now that im his big age i just draw him how i see other 28 year olds look... does that make sense?? hes very youthful looking to me...#last image was supposed to be them having a conversation but i forgot what i had them talking about... just mindless couple banter i suppos#anyone else like playing around with different facial features of characters like ur in a create-a-character... shits fun#think i took like 2 hours creating my first elden ring tarnished cuz thats like my favorite part to do... piglet has no life...#my art#mp100#mob psycho 100#reigen arataka#serizawa katsuya#serirei
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