#*looks at clock* hey not bad ! 12:30 !

[hinamie]

I could've been a better man, but I'm not

more lmhs megu bc i love him. he is here fr ur lunch money :>

jjk atla!au with @philosophiums

[yourmidnightlover]

control

(forever? pt 2)

pairing: mob!bucky barnes x fem!reader (arranged marriage)

summary: after a rough night with bucky, you wake up alone and get some frustrating news from your beloved husband

warnings: reader is insecure/doubts, not eating for 24 hours (out of protest), kind of controlling bucky, violence, if i missed anything, please let me know!

w/c: 2.7k+

a/n: hiii! this is the second part that was in high demand after i posted forever? i hope y'all like it! this has been sitting in my drafts for what feels like forever and i finally have had a chance to share it with you all! i hope it's worth the wait :)

part 3 -> the story

you woke up alone, just like every morning in the past two months with the exception of the smell of his cologne only a whisper on your bedsheets. 

maybe you shouldnt have expected anything else from him. he had just felt bad about what happened, about making you cry, that’s all. he couldn’t have you running out on the deal that was made. he just had to save face. it was all business…

there was another knock on the door. two days in a row, which was rather surprising. 

opening the door, you come face to face with bucky’s right hand man, steve. his kind blue eyes shone with a hint of remorse, likely knowing at least a bit of what happened last night from his boss.

“hi,” you smiled, your hand remaining on the doorknob.

“hey,” his eyes examined your face, probably to report back to bucky on how you were doing. as if he couldn’t check on you himself. “are you hungry?”

you turn around to look at the clock that reads 12:30.

“i didn’t realize how late it was,” you shook your head as he chuckled. 

“you probably needed the rest after…” he inhaled a sharp breath. “anyway, bucky wants you to head up to the office. told me to make sure you ate too.”

why couldn’t he show you how caring he was?

maybe that’s why he left so early… because he had stuff in the office to take care of. that was what your mind would assume to save your own ego, at least. 

he took you by a mom and pop diner around the corner from their office, let you eat as many waffles and pieces of bacon as your heart desired until he discreetly paid the bill and then you made your way to the office to meet with your husband. 

stopping outside his door, you heard his voice ringing angry and raging. 

“i said to find him. i don’t care if you have to work all day and night to do it. i’m gonna find out where he is. nobody touches what’s mine and gets away with it.”

was he talking about you? or was he talking about another one of his many possessions or assets. either way, with the tone he was talking about everything, even if he was talking about you, he made it seem as though you were merely an object that was in his trophy case. if he was looking for john in order to reprimand him, it was likely to send a message to everyone else that dared look at him. to ensure they didn’t see him as weak.

he would never do anything for you out of the kindness of his heart, surely.

“do whatever needs to be done. end of discussion.” you heard a dial tone end, followed by steve knocking on the door. 

“glad you made it safely,” bucky nodded towards steve before glancing at your form tucked behind him. “how’re you feelin’?” you shrugged. 

“fine, i guess.”

“thank you, steve,” seemingly dismissing steve, he left the room promptly. “i wanted to talk with you about something.” you remained quiet; he sighed before continuing. “i’ve made some arrangements to get you your own personal bodyguard, for when i’m not around to ensure your safety. they would be ‘round the clock unless approved otherwise or when i’m available to be around you.”

“so i would be watched 24/7?” you finally piped up. “like a child?” you voice was still meek as you mentioned your objection.

“it’s for your safety.” he stepped closer to you, not missing the way your body tensed at the movement. “so that something like what happened last night doesn’t happen again,” his jaw tensed, seemingly at the mention of what happened. 

so someone doesn’t touch his precious trophy again, you thought to yourself. 

“i’m a grown woman. i barely even leave the house, and you think i need more surveillance?” your brows furrowed together as you shrunk into yourself, your shoulders deflating at the thought of losing even more of yourself to this marriage. 

“it happened at our house,” bucky reminded you.

“it happened with you right around the corner, too. y’might as well have a drone following me around at that point,” you scoffed quietly. “what? next i won’t be able to shower by myself.”

“if that’s what it takes to ensure your safety, then that’s what’ll happen.” there was no playfulness or sarcasm in his tone.

“i was joking, you can’t be serious,” you looked at him, feeling stubborn tears beginning to well in your eyes. 

“deadly,” he assured you, his brows raised and his serious tone piercing your heart. “whatever it takes.”

you shook your head as you turned to the door. “no.”

your hand reached the doorknob before he added, “i was running this by you as a courtesy. not to get your permission.”

you froze in your steps, turning to him with a questioning look. a couple tears finally broke free from the dam before you responded, “then what was the point?” with that, you walked out of his office, turning to steve. “is it you?” after seeing the tears streaking your face, the choked sobs leaving your throat, he looked to the ground in defeat. you had your answer. and bucky had your freedom in his hand. 

you really were just a device for him at this point. you play the part of a loving, devoted wife while he probably does whatever he pleases to maintain his image to the public. 

you understood that their businesses were in the public eye and that the news of a finance business being absorbed how it was would draw a lot of attention, but nothing made sense right now. he was being so serious about it all. 24/7 surveillance, a fucking bodyguard… for a finance business merge. it was disheartening, to say the least.

it’s not like you had a say in the matter, anyway. so, steve escorted you safely from the premises back to your gated house, where you locked yourself in your room for the rest of the night. 

you didn’t open the door when he tried to ask what you wanted for dinner, or when he tried to give you a sandwich. 

you didn’t even open the door when bucky tried to knock himself once he got home at 11p.m.

or in the morning when they tried to give you breakfast.

or at noon when steve insisted on lunch.

“it’s been almost 24 hours since you’ve eaten,” steve sighed from the other side of the door as you sat at your desk, pen doodling meaningless lines in your notebook as you stared at the blank word document. “bucky’s not gonna be happy if he finds out you haven’t been eating or talking or… anything. you know i have to tell him.”

and you stayed quiet. 

if he wanted a polite little trophy wife, he would get one. but last time trophy wives were a thing was in the 40s, and they weren’t really allowed to say much, so you figured you’d follow suit. 

kind of like your own version of a peaceful protest. 

apparently bucky wasn’t very happy about that. 

he showed up knocking on your door not 20 minutes after steve tried to insist on lunch again. at least he wasn’t busting the door down, much to your surprise.

“it’s bucky, but i’m sure you’ve figured that out,” his voice rang with a certain softness he had with you only two nights ago. “i told steve to go for a little walk so i could talk with you. i was hoping you’d maybe respond?” he tried to open the door, finding it remained locked. “sweetheart, please just eat something. you haven’t even had water since yesterday. you know you have to drink something.” 

you suppose it would look pretty bad for him if his dear wife went to the hospital for dehydration, or starvation for that matter. has the bucky barnes been treating his wife as less than? or has he simply forgotten about his wife? perhaps she’s a weak point for him? 

although he probably wouldn’t admit you to the hospital, he’d probably hire someone to come to the house themselves, sworn to secrecy of some sort. 

you heard rustling on the other side of the door, not footsteps, more like clothing being rustled followed by a thump. his voice rang out lower on the door when he spoke, “i know you’re not happy about having a bodyguard. i understand, i do. you think your freedom is being tarnished and threatened and this is you trying to control what little you can because of that.”

how can he act like he knows you so well? the man who made it seem as though the marriage would be at least a partnership before the words ‘i do’ were uttered. after the honeymoon a flip must’ve been switched in his brain, telling him you were a little toy for him rather than the partner you had agreed to be.

but, after plenty of time to think, you’ve come to realize that you were being rather selfish. as much as you wanted your freedom. you wanted to stick it to the man and tell him that you deserved respect, because you did. 

you also had a duty to your family, to keep them safe. being in this marriage was the only way to do that. and if any questions arose, like bucky’s care for you, then your family would be in danger. 

with a click, you unlocked the door. he must’ve heard it because he slowly opened the door and took a step inside your room, a few feet from you.

“i’m sorry,” you looked at the collar of his suit rather than his eyes. “i’ve been acting rash and immature. i apologize for that.”

“i didn’t-”

“i won’t question your authority again,” you were picking at your nails. “i understand that you need steve to make sure nobody harms me to maintain your image. i respect that. i respect your decision.”

you couldn’t bare to look at his face. your gaze shifted to the floor as he began to nod. 

“does that mean you’ll eat something?” you nodded, chewing on your lower lip before responding. 

“i’m sorry for taking time away from your business,” you moved the hair from your face, tucking it behind your ears, doing anything you could to distract yourself. “i now how valuable your time is.”

“you’re more valuable than all the time i have,” he took a step closer to you before you felt his index finger and thumb gently holding your chin, nudging your head up to look him in the face. “do you understand?” his blue eyes were full of emotion, a mix of them, at that. if you squinted it was almost like there were tears building at the corners of his eyes. but you weren’t squinting anymore. you saw the full picture quite clearly with your eyes wide open. 

“i understand,” you nodded curtly.

you did understand.

you understood that he had an image to maintain. that image, for you and your family, was for him to be a devoted, loving husband to his equally loving and devoted wife. 

his image is his reputation, and no money in the world could buy the reputation he has. 

he let go of your chin, cupping the sides of your face before he leaned in to press a kiss to your forehead, “i brought your favorite with me. steve’s warmed it up in the microwave for when you’re ready for it. just… eat whatever you can. if you’re still hungry i’d gladly go and grab some more for you.”

“aren’t you going back to the office?” you, voluntarily this time, looked into his eyes with furrowed brows. 

“no, my love,” he shook his head before dropping his hands from your face. “i told them i needed to spend the rest of the day with my wife.”

of course. if steve knew about last night, people at the office probably did too. it would look pretty lousy if he didn’t look after his wife after an incident like that. 

“oh,” you nodded as you broke eye contact once more. “that sounds nice.”

you followed him downstairs, where steve had already set your food aside for you to start on. not eating for so long truly did affect you more than you thought. you didn’t even realize how hungry you were, finishing the entire meal in less than 15 minutes. 

bucky was sitting beside you, eating his own food as he made sure you ate and drank, and noticed when you made a happy plate, and cup, might he happily add. 

“wanna go get some more now?” he let his hand float to your hair, raking through your messy locks with a smile growing at the corner of his lips. 

“no, that’s okay,” you shook your head, not wawnting to bother him more than necessary. 

“if you’re still hungry, then that’s not okay,” you looked to see him shaking his head, his eyes fixed on the dining room table. “c’mon,” he stood from the table, holding his hand out for you to take. “we’re going to get s’more food.”

“will we be going alone?” you let your eyes gravitate to where steve stood in the corner of the room, having not been dismissed by bucky yet. 

“steve,” bucky called him over. “you can go home now. i’ve got her. thank you.” he released him from his duties. “now will you come with me?”

you took a second to think. maybe he was a controlling asshole, but what he was doing was for your safety, whether you agreed with it or not. “okay,” you nodded, figuring it was also best you went along with whatever he said. he seemed to get whatever he wanted anyways. “can we just go through a drive through somewhere?”

“if that’s what you want…” he nodded, surprisingly agreeing to your proposal. “where to?”

“... mcdonalds?” you suggested once more.

“of course, my love,” he pressed a kiss to the crown of your head, oddly affectionate since nobody was around. “when we get back i’ll arrange hiring a chef for you, as well. i won’t have you going hungry if i can help it.”

“you don’t have to-”

“i will.” 

you knew better than to argue. you wouldn’t poke the bear if you could help it. sure, he’s told you he wouldn’t hurt you. you were his wife and if news came out that he had hurt his wife in any way, his reputation would be threatened. 

you couldn’t help but remember every warning your friends told you about going into a relationship with this man. warnings about being on your toes, watching your back, never letting your guard down. 

in your mind, this was just one more reason you wouldn’t have to leave the house. another little piece of freedom taken from you in a roundabout sense. 

“okay,” you nodded, accepting your fate as someone who would eventually be trapped in their house forever.

he took you through the drive through at mcdonald’s, getting you whatever you wanted and an oreo mcflurry. on the way home, eating the mcflurry before it melted, it was a silent ride. and not a very comfortable one, probably due to your suspicions about him wanting to control you. 

maybe him controlling you wouldn’t be so bad… he was kind to you, provided for you, made sure you didn’t want for anything. but with that, went a lot of your heart, freedom, and control.  

TAGS:

@nefri-black

[fuck-customers]

I got a doozy for ya.

I work in a sex shop, right. A high-end sex shop. We’re open until 10pm every night except Sundays. This doesn’t matter to the story really, but we’ve been low on people lately — down to a team of 3. Today was my 8th straight day of working and my 3rd time this week closing by myself, which is not supposed to happen ever. Shit is kinda rough, but we keep the store nice anyhow because we take pride in the products we sell, etc.

Anyway. The story. Couple comes in at 9:55 — we’re already off to a bad start. I hit ‘em with the ol “hey just so you know we do close in 5 minutes!” The wife tells me “oh it’s fine, he knows what he wants” so im like okay, whatever.

Cue them bringing me a bunch of different things to open at the counter and look at, because apparently they did NOT know what they wanted. The wife asks me what size underwear I think will fit her and what size will fit her husband — like im just fuckin psychic? I guess? The husband meanwhile is going to sit on our CLEARLY MARKED display couch (it literally has a sign that says “please do not touch display”) and pretend to make out with the mannequin. The husband comes up with a dildo and proceeds to freak out that the underwear (strap on boxers with an included bullet vibrator) are too expensive ($74). So the wife puts back the 3(!) sets she had grabbed, except she doesn’t put them back, she leaves them on the bottom of the merchandiser. Like?? This is not Walmart honey this is a fucking luxury shop?? Hello? You cannot act like an animal in here!

Mind you. The only reason im putting up with these people is because at first it looks like they’re going to make a big purchase (a harness, a high-quality dildo, a couple of restraints). But no, the husband wants to bitch about the prices some more. I’m like honey you were the one who wanted the 10 inch poseable dildo with lifelike skin, it’s gonna cost you more than the basic silicone would, sorry. The wife is complaining that he uses scrubbing bubbles to clean their toys (what the fuck) and then as im explaining that some soaps have silicone they’re interrupting me to tell me horrible details of their sex lives. I’m like please for the love of god can you just finish your purchase and leave.

They don’t end up getting the restraints. They get the dildo and a basic strap-on harness. Something like $97 total. By the time they check out, it’s 10:12, 2 minutes after I’m supposed to be clocked out, and I haven’t even started counting the drawer down. All told I don’t end up finishing my closing tasks and getting out to my car until 10:30, which is the time im usually at home in bed. Yayyyy.

And mind you all of this I could have handled. Whatever, some people don’t understand what “closed” means. But as if all that weren’t enough, as she’s leaving, the wife turns back to me, looks at the poster for one of our sex swings, which features 3 different sets of models, and says:

“now why is it that nowadays all of these things have to have interracial couples?”

Posted by admin Rodney

[localemofreak]

I Could Tell That You Were So Bad News.

(Rockstar!Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader)

Based on the song:

Hotel - Montell Fish

—————————————

Story: one morning, you found yourself in a random hotel room- which happens to be your ex's, instantly- you try to get out of there, not wanting to be there any second longer, or maybe you wouldn't mind staying a little bit??..

‼️Warnings‼️: mentions of smut, fighting, swearing, Eddie being a little cocky, etc. (if I forgot anything, tell me please!)

—————————————

What the hell even happened.

You don't even know where the hell you are- or what time it is.

You slowly started to open your eyes to find yourself in a nasty, trash filled hotel room-

there was bottles and empty wrappers to all different types of shit scattered all over the place.

You were naked, the only thing covering you was the thin sheets of the hotel bed you were currently laying in.

You turned your head to check the small clock on the bedside table-

'12:30 PM' in bold red letters you read on it.

You let out a tiny groan before all of the sudden you heard a door swing open.

Your head instantly snapped over to the door, it was the bathroom door- and out came prancing, well- more like slowly shuffling, the man himself..

Eddie Munson.

You just watched in confusion as he shuffled over to the bed- his hair was a complete mess and his eyes looked bloodshot, he had a toothbrush hanging from his mouth and he was wearing nothing but a pair of boxers.

He was just mumbling tiredly to himself as he searched around for his black ripped jeans, the pair he was wearing when you ran into him preforming live at a small bar.

As soon as he sat down at the edge of the bed to put back on his pants, you slowly sat up, holding the bed sheet against your chest for dear life.

Your head was pounding, which caused you to wince a little bit, it also caused Eddie to get out from whatever daze he was in at that moment and turn his head to slowly look over at you.

"Oh- sweetheart... you're up.." he mumbled, taking the toothbrush out of his mouth.

Not only was Eddie Munson a super hot, slightly popular rockstar- he also happened to be your ex, from way back in high school.

"What the hell happened Munson-" you mumbled, hand up to your forehead to stop the pounding sensation even for a second.

Eddie just let out a sigh and grabbed an empty plastic cup, spitting his toothpaste residue into the cup before dropping his nasty toothbrush into the cup as well, just throwing both things to the side on the floor with the rest of the trash.

"I thought YOU would remember out of all people, after all you seemed to remember what happened in high school-" he mumbled, rolling his eyes slightly.

You just let out a tiny scoff, he was still the cocky little prick you dated in high school.

Yet he managed to make success with it, and also happened to turn into a little sex symbol- totally making him leave you behind.

"Alright well I don't dipshit-" you muttered, a slight harsh tone in your voice as you searched around for your panties and a shirt to cover yourself with.

You had to get out of there as soon as possible, you didn't want to see his stupid little face anymore.

Well Eddie glanced over at you as he fixed up his belt, noticing the slight rush you seemed to be in as you searched through piles of shit on the floor, trying to find your clothes.

"Hey sweetheart- what's the rush?" He said, causing you to shake your head with a small scoff.

Without even having to look at his face, just by the tone of his voice you could just tell he had that stupid little cocky smirk he always gave.

he really needed to get his ego in check.

"Don't call me that-" you muttered, managing to find your bra and panties as you quickly started to put them on.

Eddie just had the biggest smirk on his face even though he was definitely still a little shitfaced from last night.

"Don't call you what??.." he said, scooting a few inches up the bed to try and get closer to you, obviously just trying to get on your nerves.

And it was working a little bit-

"You know ‘what’ fuckhead." You muttered harshly, trying your best to get out from under the covers while he tried to continue inching his way towards you.

But as soon as you managed to stand up from the crappy hotel bed, you felt Eddie's strong hands grab onto your waist and pull you back.

You let out a small yelp as you instantly fell back into the bed, Eddie now hovering over you while you were just in your underwear.

"Well you were liking the names I was calling you last night weren't you?.." he muttered, the most stupid cocky smirk on his face that happened to be inching towards yours slowly.

You couldn't remember jack-shit of what happened last night- and you're kind of glad you didn't.

Your eyes followed Eddie's face as he got closer, obviously trying to press his lips against yours- but you just placed a small slap on his cheek, causing his head to turn with the impact of your hand.

"Get the hell off of me Munson." You muttered harshly, basically managing to shove him off you as he fell next to you on the mattress.

Eddie just basically laid there, staring up at the ceiling as you quickly got up and rushed on all your clothes, deciding to just grab your shoes instead of putting them on.

Right as you grabbed your bag and started zooming over to the door, Eddie sat up on the bed and looked over at you.

"Wait!-" he called out.

Instantly you froze at his words, your hand hovering over the door knob- why were you stopping for him, you should just get out of there.

But instead of doing that- you just let out a sigh and slowly turned your head to look over at him.

Eddie was just sat on the edge of the bed, leaning back against his arms and he had those puppies eyes- the ones that you could never say no too.

When you two were dating, whenever he did that- anything that he wanted to happen, would happen.

You just couldn't resist that look.

But now it had been a few years, and you have seemingly moved on, so those eyes didn't have as much of an effect then it did when you were in high school.

"What." You said, your voice harsh and sharp- showing him to just get to the point so you could leave.

Eddie just gave a small nod before letting out a tiny sigh- taking a second to get his words out before he finally said something.

"I actually enjoyed this.. what happened last night-" he muttered, slowly sitting up straight from leaning back on his arms.

You just continued to look at him with a certain look, which gave him a mental note to just tell you what he needed to say.

He let out a shaky breath, glancing around the room slightly with his eyes before looking back at you.

"I, uh- want to do this again.. y'know.. not let this just be a one time thing.. I kinda missed you.." he said, moving his hands to nervously fidget around with the rings on his fingers.

You listened to his words- and you didn't say anything back.

You just rolled your eyes and let out a small scoff, turning to walk back to the door.

Eddie just let out a small sigh and dropped his head slightly, basically accepting that he will probably never see you again.

As soon as your hand grabbed onto the doorknob, you froze again- just staring at the door.

Slowly, a smirk started to appear on your face- one Eddie couldn't see.

"You have my number Munson, just call it." You said, the smirk still on your face as you opened the door to walk out.

Eddie's head quickly shot up to look over at you, hearing what you said-

But before he could even say or do anything- you had left, the sound of the door clicking shut being the last thing he got from you.

[disturbedbeautywrites]

Time for a change - Jake Seresin Imagine x Bestie Reader

Warnings: physical and verbal violence, cursing, mentions of blood. Mentions of physical abuse and domestic violence

A/N: Here is officially the part 2 to ticking time bomb!

2 days, that’s how long your boyfriend kept the promise to be sober. That’s how long your relationship was good for. Two whole days. On the third day, he came home in a pissy mood from work and had decided to stop at the hard deck on the way home. You looked at the clock, the numbers changing to show it was now midnight. You hadn’t expected him home this late, but thought he just got held up.

However, him staggering in told you he wasn’t keeping his promises. You were fed up. “I’m not doing this. I’m done.” Your words were firm as you went to walk away from him, but he caught your arm in his grip. “No, you’re not.” He smiled at you as he held you tight enough to bruise your wrist. “Let me go.” It was a mix between a whine and a demand, your wrist trying to writhe itself free. He refused and just held you tighter, until he finally let go and you ended up hitting yourself in the eye, hard. You swore and staggered back as you put your hand over it, instantly seeing him become apologetic. “No, I’m done with this shit.” You shook your head and walked to grab your keys, storming out of the house and into your car. You sat there for a few seconds, trying to decide what to do.

12:30 flashed on your dash, the only light in a seemingly endless darkness of your front seat. Your head was leaning against the steering wheel as you swore under your breath and opened up your phone to snap a quick picture of your face. There was already a bruise forming around your eye, the purple and blue colors starting to poke out and rise to the surface. “Damn it!” You sighed and tried to figure out where to go. You had just broken off things with the guy you lived with, so you only had one other place to go.

You dialed Jake’s number and let your thumb hover over the call button before eventually giving up. You felt awful dragging him into this again. You didn’t even know if he was awake. It was almost 1 am by now, and no doubt he had things to do in a few hours. But, you still found yourself throwing your phone down and driving to the all too familiar house that Jake shared with Bradley. They claimed to not be best friends, but you saw right through the act.

You knocked on the door and waited, gnawing on your bottom lip anxiously. “Melanie, I told you I’m not-“ You heard a gruff voice at the door as it opened, revealing a slumber stricken Bradley. His hair was messy and his eyes were half open as he glanced down at you. “Oh, shit. Hey, Y/N.” His face softened as he saw the tears rolling down your cheeks and he let you inside. “He’s in his room.” He nodded towards Jake’s door as you walked over to it. You twisted the knob, sighing when you realizing it was locked. You knocked softly, hearing a rustling inside. “God damn it, Rooster. I told you to knock it off.” His sleepy voice brought out the Texas twang more and you sniffled and looked down at your feet, staying quiet. “It isn’t me, dickhead! It’s Y/N!” Bradley’s voice was irate and grumbling as he gave you a nod and headed back to his room, the door closing behind him.

At the mention of your name there was a pause before the door finally peeked open. He looked out at you with a raised eyebrow, his upset from the last interaction you two had evident. He waited for you to say something before he let out a sigh and leaned against the doorframe. “Fight?” He asked simply and you gave s curt nod, picking at your nails. “Bad one.” You hated this. You hated the small talk. You hated the awkwardness. “Listen, im here for you. But, how many more times-“ You shook your head and cut him off, not looking up at him. “None. I broke it off. I left.” Your voice was muffled as you finally looked up at him, the black and blue bruise showing up in the moonlight.

He swore under his breath as he lightly ran his finger tips along the underside of your eye, holding up your chin to get a better look. He inspected the bruise, tilting your head towards him. “Did he?” He couldn’t even get the full sentence out as you shook your head and showed him your wrist, that was now a dark bluish purple. “No, but the eye happened when I was trying to get away from him.” Jake tenderly wrapped his fingers around your wrist, using it to pull you into his chest. He held you close, his heartbeat soothing you as you finally let a few tears slip. “I’m not going to let him hurt you anymore.” His words were a solid promise, his lips pressing to the crown of your head as he held you as close as he could. “Come on, let’s get some rest then we’ll figure everything out tomorrow.” Jake let you into his room where you got comfy on his bed and quickly fell asleep, exhaustion taking over your body.

*********************

The next day was full of talking with Bradley and Jake and trying to plan out when and how you could easily get your stuff. Jake and Bradley both agreed to talk to Maverick and try to get a few days off of work so they could go to your house without Nathan being there and get your stuff. It would be the easiest that way, you had all decided.

That would take place later this week, for now you were basically just going to be living in the clothes you have and the clothes your friends let you use. Natasha, for instance, was willing to let you borrow some of hers and she was willing to take you shopping. Jake was willing to let you steal his hoodies and his sweatpants and him and Bradley were willing to turn their gym room into a room for you. That was hard for them to give up, but Jake said it was worth it.

The three of you were lounging on the couch, not much noise between you before Bradley spoke up. “Do you guys wanna go to the hard deck? Coyote and the rest of the guys are going.” He looked up from his phone to the two of you, sorry evident on your face. “That’s his favorite place..” you mumble, nerves evident as you started to gnaw on your bottom lip. “I’ll protect you. Besides, I could go for giving him a piece of my mind.” Jake gave you his signature smirk as you looked up at him, eyes sparkling in mischief. “Jake…” Unease was very evident in your voice, your leg starting to nervously bounce as you sat up a bit. “Come on, you know we’ll take care of you. We always do.” Bradley was trying to comfort you now, throwing you a soft smile as you thought about it.

You hesitantly nodded and the two boys exchanged knowing looks as you all got up to go get ready to go. You all three climbed into the bronco, Bradley insisting on driving this time. You sat between the two boys, eyes out the front windshield as you tried to calm your nerves. You were walking into the lions den, you had an army behind you, but you still felt the fear creeping up and into your stomach.

When you pulled into the parking lot of the hard deck, the three of you got out of the bronco and walked inside. The rest of the squad was already there, and Natasha immediately walked up to you and engulfed you in a huge hug. She lead you over to the bar, ordering you a drink. Jake shot her a look that told her to keep an eye on you and she nodded in obligation. The two of you spent some time catching up and ranting before walking back over to the pool tables. Natasha walked off to talk to someone else and you slotted yourself next to Jake, his arm immediately going around you. “Having fun?” His words were soft and genuine as he squeezed your shoulder, hoping the answer was yes. You nodded and gave him a smile, opening your mouth to answer before it quickly snapped shut.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t the bag man with my sloppy seconds.” You heard Nathan’s voice come through the crowd and Jake immediately put himself between the two of you. He pushed you behind him, bicep flexing as he grit his teeth and looked at Bradley. Him and the rest of the daggers made their way over, knowing this would get ugly. “I’m nobody’s sloppy seconds.” You tried to make yourself sound tougher than you felt, Nathan laughing harshly in reply. “Sweetheart, you need an emphasis on the word sloppy.” His words were like a dagger and you winced.

“You know he’s given me no choice but to kill him now, right?” Jake’s eyes were the coldest you had ever seen them and his voice was dripping with venom. He was tired of seeing this happen to you, it was time to take action and end this once and for all. He took a step towards Nathan, boy boys puffing their chests up as Jake pushed the other boy out onto the deck. “Oh, you think you can hurt me?” Your ex boyfriend’s condescending tone was like nails on a chalkboard as you just swallowed thickly and watched as he took the first punch, it landing on Jake’s cheek and mouth. Jake just smirked and felt his lip, feeling it start to swell up as he spit a little blood into the sand nearby.

Jake had always been very good at fighting, unfortunately you knew that personally. In high school, he got in quite a few fights protecting you or his sisters. He was very protective of his girls and he got really good at knowing where and when to strike. He reared back and landed a hard punch right to Nathan’s nose, undoubtedly breaking it according to the loud crunch that you heard follow the blow and the blood pouring from his nose. Nathan staggered backwards, swearing under his breath as he reached up to try and stop the bleeding. “You son of a bitch.” He was seething, almost looking like he was foaming at the mouth.

You looked around nervously, noticing a crowd starting to form to see who might win the fight. It made you nauseous and you just wanted to go home. You watched as Nathan barely managed to give Jake a black eye before Jake landed another devastating blow to your exes jaw, sending him tumbling to his knees.

“Wow, you sure gave up fast.” Jake had a cocky smirk on his face as Nathan just sat there, bruised and bloody. Jake was wanting to bask in the glory when he realized you were nearby and he immediately turned to look for you, his breath hitching in his chest. Where were you?

He searched the people around him before his eyes finally landed on you. You had moved towards the back after Jake threw the last punch, a shy but proud smile on your lips as you gave him a thumbs up. He made his way towards you, your arms immediately wrapping around him. “You worry me to death when you fight like that.” Your words were muffled by his shirt as he hugged you, chuckling as he looked down at you. He had a black eye and a split lip and it made you frown. “That has to hurt.” He shook his head and instinctively let his tongue run over the cut on his lip, half wincing. “It’s not too bad.”

You just sighed and shook your head, taking his wrist and leading him back towards the bar. “Well, at least let me get you a whiskey and get you cleaned up and hopefully no one calls the police.” You gave him a bashful smile as you pulled him back in through the hard deck doors, immediately going up to the bar and ordering a shot of whiskey for Jake. He drank the shot and then you pulled him towards the bathroom at the hard deck, ready to get him cleaned up.

“Nope, hang on.” Jake held back before he ordered a shot for you and another for him, the both of you downing it. “We need liquid courage before you save my life.” He was so dramatic. You rolled your eyes and just shook your head before you went through the door into the bathroom. “Sit down and just hush. Let me get to work.”

For the first time, Jake did as he was told.

[joekeeryswife]

Hi girl!!

I had an idea for a while now and I thought you might want to hear

It’s kind of a two paragraph thing

Reader and Joel are married and she is Sarah’s mother and also pregnant and she planned to tell Joel the day after the outbreak but doesn’t get to it. The day of the outbreak she was working late and never got home. Joel is sure he lost his entire family but reader (and the baby) made it through.

Twenty years later in Jackson a woman in her early fifties and a twenty year old young man/ woman (your call). After confirming they are not infected and have no bad intentions they meet Tommy , that leads to a beautiful and emotional family reunion.

Thank you🫶🏼🫶🏼

Apocalypse - J.M

hey honeys! first Joel imagine.. changed it slightly to instead of y/n being Sarah’s bio mum to her step mum but been with her practically her whole life🫶 i kinda made this like y/n’s friends where trying to protect her from hearing what was going on and ive also kinda not specified how y/n got lost until the end. i love a good angsty imagine!!! I ACTUALLY HATE THIS SORRY! I PROMISE MY NEXT JOEL IMAGINE WILL BE BETTER! enjoy reading xx (Joel is 36 and reader is 27 at the beginning)

(join my taglist🫶)

September 26th 2003

“i promise i’ll be home early today. i’m only on a half day so try not to be late as well yeah? i have something to tell you” it was 6:30 in the morning and Joel didn’t have to get up for another two hours. you felt him nod and with you both sharing ‘i love you’s’ and a quick kiss on his cheek you were gone.

being a midwife was hard, especially when it pulled you away from your family. today was Joel’s 36th birthday and every year you would usually all spend the day together but this year, you and Joel had been pulled into work. you were meant to both be off but someone had called in sick and you had been persuaded into going in.

you had been excited for this day, you had found out last month that you were pregnant, 12 weeks when you found out, and you wanted to wait for his birthday to tell him. you had planned to tell him at dinner with Sarah. you had been in Sarah’s life since she was 5, she was 12 now and ever since she had met you she begged you and Joel for a brother or sister.

honestly you were excited, you had been with Joel for seven years and now was finally the right time for you and him to become parents. you had discussed it a few times in the past and one thing led to another and you both decided to start trying and as luck would have it, third time lucky you got pregnant. you had your first scan at work and decided to keep the gender a secret for now but being a midwife meant you could possibility find out the gender just by looking at the ultrasound picture so you hadn’t looked too closely.

-♡-

when you finally clocked in at work you already felt tired. being pregnant, nauseous with a headache did not help you whatsoever but money was money and you needed to start saving for your baby. “hey mama, how are you?” your co-worker and best friend Julia said as you entered the staff room. you sighed at set your bag and coat down on the table before sitting down.

your shift hadn’t even started yet and you were already ready to go home “hey, i’m alright. you been on the floor yet?” you tucked your hair behind your ear and rubbed a hand over your face. “no not yet but i’m sure when we go on we will be dealing with most of it” what she said was true, most of the staff here didn’t listen to instructions so it was up to you, Julia and a few other staff members to clean up their mess.

there were a few other co workers in the staff room with you, most of them eating their breakfast but it was practically silent except the two of you talking. “let’s go, i just want to get this day over with” and with a nod you both stood up to go to the delivery floor.

“you finally telling him tonight?” Julia asked you as she looked through a patient file “yeah, him and Sarah. she’s been begging for years so it’ll be nice to tell them at the same time. i was going to pick her up from school and tell her before but you know, duty calls” you joked. the two of you laughed and started making your way to a patients bedroom.

-♡-

you had been at work for eight hours before you finally got a break and sat down. it had been hectic and all you wanted to do was go home but your head of department had let you know that you would be staying at work way past the time you were meant to go home. three more people had called in sick and he thought because you were here you were supposed to stay.

you got your phone out of your scrubs pocket and dialled Joel’s number. it took a few rings before he finally answered. “hey sweetheart” he said in his thick Texan accent. “hey honey, happy birthday” you replied as you smiled, all you wanted to do right now was go home and cuddle with Joel. “thank you baby, how’s work?” you scoffed.

“that’s what i wanted to talk to you about. David is making me work till late, says there’s too many people calling in sick so i have to stay on” you heard him sigh

“you booked this day off months ago and they make you come in and they can’t let you leave at the time you’re meant to? that’s bullshit baby” you could sense that he was rolling his eyes.

“i know, i’m sorry. i begged him to let me come home but he wouldn’t budge.” you felt awful, letting him down on his birthday because of your stupid job.

“i’m gonna try my best to get home before 9 i promise, i want to spend at least an hour of your birthday with you” you said, trying to lighten the mood.

“don’t stress yourself too much baby okay? we always have tomorrow to celebrate. you said about telling me something this morning, is everything alright?” you opened your mouth to answer but Julia came into the staff room looking for you, a panicked expression on her face.

“y/n i’m so sorry but i need your help” you sighed, feeling deflated. you couldn’t even have a full break. your whole body was aching and you wanted a moment to just sit down and talk to your husband.

“i’m guessing you’ve got to go” Joel said making you laugh and roll you eyes. “i’m sorry, yeah i do. i’m okay though Joel, i’ll talk to you when i’m home okay? i love you” before he could answer you quickly hung up and followed Julia.

-♡-

“that was a weird conversation” Tommy said as he peered over at Joel who looked confused. “she sounds stressed. ain’t had a fucking day off in three weeks. barely see her now” he knew you loved your job but he also knew how much it stressed you out.

“maybe there’s a reason she’s been working so much?” Joel scoffed “she’s been tryna get a day off for ages and her boss is a fucking asshole, don’t give two shits about anyone except for himself”

“she’s gonna try get home a bit earlier but i doubt it, gonna do something together tomorrow if they allow her the time off” Joel wanted to have one day where you could all spend the day together, or even just a day that you and Joel could be together without worrying about anyone else.

“hey, old man, turn up that radio for a second” Joel chuckled and rolled his eyes, Tommy wasn’t even listening to a word he said but nevertheless he turned up the radio.

‘there has been suspicious activity in Indonesia, people are acting strange which has spread through many different countries. the government is advising that people stay indoors-’

“what a load of bullshit that is, turn it back down” Tommy scoffed and got back to work and Joel turned down the radio, what had that been all about?

“why don’t you finish early today? i know you told Sarah you’d be back late but you should go home”

“i gotta get this job finished, i told her latest ill be back is 9 now shut up so we can maybe get this finished quicker” with that, the two of them got on with the job.

-♡-

it was now 12:30am and there was no way you were leaving work yet. everything was just going wrong, so many people coming into the hospital to give birth (which was a given) but the amount of times the alarm had went off in the main hospital ward was ridiculous.

every 20 minutes like clockwork the alarm meant off meaning something violent was happening or a lot of people were not responding.

“i just want to go home” you said to Amy, the front desk worker as you stood in front of her, your head falling on the desk carefully. “go home, seriously” you looked up at her and saw her with an expression you’d never seen on her face before, pure panic and seriousness.

“are you kidding? David would fire me if i went home, besides there’s too many people off sick and i need to-" she shook her head and cut you off “y/n. go home. there’s been some weird shit on the radio, people going crazy, you’re pregnant and you need to be safe so go home”

your body filled with anxiety, you’d never seen her like this ever. you nodded “yeah uh, okay, i’ll go home now. you stay safe Amy yeah?” with that you quickly rushed to find Julia to let her know you were going.

you didn’t know why but the way Amy spoke sent a shiver down your spine. was Joel and Sarah okay? was your parents okay? were your family okay? you felt nervous and worried.

you quickly ran to the staff room and grabbed your stuff before searching for Julia. “Emma, have you seen Julia?” Emma was another midwife who worked with you. “yeah she’s at front desk, why have you got your stuff, did David say you could go home?” you ignored her and ran back to the front desk.

“y/n go home, what are you still doing here?” Julia asked as she saw you jogging towards her “i came to find you to tell you i’m leaving. Amy said there’s something going on but i didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye to you”

you didn’t know why the two of them were being a little secretive. Julia felt her eyes water slightly and she hugged you “i’ll see you soon okay? get home safely and look after that baby” you hugged her back. “i will, i promise” with that she let go of you and with that you left the hospital.

as you were driving home all you could hear on the radio was ‘an outbreak has happened, get home and lock your doors’

you felt sick, what type of outbreak? you quickly got your phone and called Joel, you were scared, terrified even and you needed to know he was okay.

“Joel, i’m 20 minutes from home, what the fuck is happening? they look like they’re blocking the highway off, i’m just pulling into town now” you could hear Tommy in the background telling Joel what to say “baby listen carefully okay? don’t go home, go to straight to town, don’t talk to anyone, don’t stop the car for anyone just try get there” his voice was filled with panic “Joel what-”

he cut you off “i’m going to get Sarah and we will meet you there as quickly as we can, i will find you there i promise. i love you okay? if i don’t get-”

you looked at your phone which had abruptly cut the call. “Joel?” you dialled his number again but the call went straight to answer phone.

you hoped whatever was happening that Joel, Sarah and Tommy would make it out safe and you prayed that you found them before whatever this virus was destroyed everything.

-♡-

“get in the truck, right now” Joel shouted as he got out of the truck with a wrench in his hand. Joel pushed Sarah to the truck but stopped when he saw Mrs Adler.

Joel froze in fear as he saw the usually quiet old lady who sits in her chair run toward them, screeches coming from her. in the time he had lived in that house he had never heard a single sound from that lady yet here she was running.

“what are we doing Joel?” Tommy lifted the gun up, fear laced his voice. Mrs Adler was coming closer and closer by the second and without thinking Joel hit her over the head with the wrench.

she fell to the ground and stopped moving. what the fuck had he just done? he dropped the wrench and quickly turned to look at Sarah who looked terrified.

he put his hands on her cheeks carefully “you killed her” Sarah said, her voice breaking slightly. “baby i’m so sorry” he pulled her in for a hug, his hand cradling the back of her head.

“Joel, we gotta go” Joel pulled away from Sarah “it’s not just the Adlers okay? but we are gonna be brave and we are gonna get out of this” the three of them got into the truck and drove off.

“they’re saying it’s some kind of virus, a parasite” Tommy said as he drove quickly down the road toward the town. “are we sick?” Sarah asked, her eyes filled with tears as fear overtook her body.

“no, course not” Joel quickly said, trying his best to reassure her. “how do you know we are not sick?” Joel turned to look at Sarah then back at Tommy.

“they said it’s mostly people in the city. that’s why they’ve got most of the highway blocked off” Tommy glanced over at Joel then focused back on the road.

“what about mum? she works in the city? is she sick? where is she?” she asked, her eyes darting between the two men.

“mum is fine, i spoke to her before i got you. she’s not sick, she’s in town and we are going there right now okay? she’s fine” to be honest Joel didn’t know if you were okay. it had been thirty minutes since he last spoke to you and he had no idea where you were. he just hoped you were somewhere safe until he could find you.

-♡-

November 12th 2023

20 years. it had been 20 years since Joel had last saw you and he was sure you were dead. he had promised you he would find you, keep you safe and he failed to do that. he felt like he had failed you and failed Sarah and he wanted nothing more then to be with you.

when they got to town is was destroyed, fires everywhere, cars flipped over, people dead in the road and there was absolutely no way he would have been able to find you.

he would have nightmares every night. the nightmare of Sarah dying in his arms the same way over and over again but with you, he had no idea how you died. he had dreamed every way imaginable that you died and it was awful. he felt disgusted with himself every single day for not being with you.

he would think about how different life would be if the outbreak didn’t happen. the two of you would have had two kids, both girls, moved into a bigger house more in the countryside and lived together forever, but then he’d realise what had happened and images of that night came crashing back.

Joel had decided to move to Jackson after the whole ordeal with Ellie realising that that was what was best for her. Jackson was safe, secure, nothing could happen to her and he felt somewhat free from the world outside those walls.

they had been in Jackson for six months at this point and life had finally started to feel somewhat normal again. he was grateful Maria gave him a chance to turn his life around after feeling his stopped because of what happened to you and Sarah. he wanted to be better for Ellie now, she was his main priority.

it was a Sunday and usually the whole of Jackson would have a day off (except from patrols) and Joel and Ellie had decided to take a walk through Jackson. it was snowing but it was nice to walk through the streets and see families be happy together.

Tommy had been helping the builders by the front gates when they opened meaning the patrollers had come back from their shift. he looked up briefly and saw two new people on the backs of Maria’s and Michael’s horses.

he didn’t know why but he felt the need to go over there and greet them, coming into somewhere like this could be scary for some who hadn’t been in this sort of environment for a while so he wanted them to feel welcomed.

the patrollers stopped and everyone got off their horses. Tommy had a warm smile on his face as he saw the younger woman out of the two lace her arm around the older woman’s.

as he got a closer look he couldn’t believe what he saw. a woman who he thought he’d never see in his life again was standing right in front of him. his heart swelled with joy and he didn’t know why but he felt his eyes fill with tears.

“Tommy?” before he could even talk the woman spoke making his assumption correct, it was you. you looked a little older, you had a few scars littered around your face and your hair which used to be quite long was now shoulder length but suited you so much.

“y/n, it is you oh my god” he rushed toward you and wrapped his arms around you. you couldn’t believe it, Tommy was here.

your brother in law who you thought had died was here, did that mean Sarah and Joel were here too?

“i thought you had died, i didn’t think id ever see you again-” Tommy was cut off quickly when he heard his brothers voice behind him.

“Tommy who the hell are you hugging?” Joel and Ellie had walked toward the gate when they realised there were a few new people. you pulled away from Tommy and your eyes immediately made eye contact with the ones you used to love staring into.

Joel’s heart felt like time had stopped. there was no way he was staring at the woman he loved right now, there was no way, it had been 20 years and he thought you were dead. “Joel” he heard you whisper.

you quickly made your way toward him and wrapped your arms around his shoulders. “y/n” he pulled you in closer and kissed your forehead. “my god i thought you were dead” his voice cracked as he spoke, both of you had tears in your eyes.

“i promise i tried to find you but there were people everywhere-” you pulled away slightly, shook your head and kissed him passionately. he hadn’t felt anything like this since the outbreak, happiness. you were here, you weren’t dead, he hadn’t failed you. 

“you would have never of found me. don’t beat yourself up over it Joel” his eyes scanned your face, you still looked as beautiful as ever. you noticed the young girl stood next to him confused, where was Sarah?

“where’s Sarah Joel? is she here? i bet she’s gotten so much taller” his face softened “she died on the day of the outbreak” you felt your heart drop, you sweet Sarah was gone.

“oh Joel, i’m so sorry” your hands went to his cheeks, stroking it softly. “it’s okay, i think i’ve finally come to terms with it” he turned to look at Ellie who was just watching the two of you.

“Ellie this is y/n, my wife that i told you about” you turned your head to look at her too. “i realised with all the kissing and hugging the two of you did” her voice was filled with sarcasm which actually made you giggle quietly.

“it’s nice to meet you Ellie” she just gave you a small smile and a nod. “i, uh Joel” you pulled away and turned around to see Margot stood awkwardly behind you. “this is Margot” he looked at the young girl, she looked about 20 years old.

dark hair, dark eyes but her face looked almost identical to yours. Margot walked closer to the two of you “she’s your daughter” he frowned “what?” he unwrapped his arms from around you “i know it’s a lot to take in-”

he quickly made his way to Margot and hugged her close “hi dad” he heard her say, voice filled with anxiety. he was just as anxious as her “hi baby girl”

you watched the two of them with teary eyes, you never thought that this was where you would be 20 years into the pandemic. in a safe haven with your daughter and your husband finally happy once again.

[eddieschains]

Maximum Security Vol. 2

credit to @eddiemunsons-missingnipple for the eddie edit 🫶🏽

Vol. 1

Word Count: 1.5k

TW// mentions of murder, brief use of y/n

The morning after is mostly a blur. You were still wrapping your head around everything that had happened just hours before. Getting out of bed was one of the hardest things you’d had to do in months. Harder than giving birth, you’d say. But you had a child to take care of, and now a husband to bail out of jail.

You got Leila changed and dressed for the day, sitting her in her highchair for breakfast while you made a quick phone call to Joyce. You asked her when Hopper’s shift started so that you could be there as soon as he came in.

Hopper had known both you and Eddie nearly your entire lives. For both good reasons, and some bad ones. But he always treated you both like his own children. Maybe it was because Wayne was one of his best friends in high school, or maybe it was because he just wanted you both to feel like you had someplace or someone to call home, since neither of you had that growing up. But, no matter what the circumstance was, he was always there to help and protect both of you.

Joyce told you he should be at the station in about 30 minutes and that he would be expecting you. She gave you her sympathy and told you if you needed anything you and Leila were always welcome at their home.

You hung up the phone, quickly getting dressed and looking somewhat presentable before loading Leila in the car and practically racing to the police station.

You see Hopper pull into the lot just seconds before you do. He clocks you as soon as he gets out of the van, standing and waiting for you as he lights a cigarette.

Putting the car in park, you load Leila into her stroller before walking to meet with Hopper.

“Hey kid.” He pulls you in for a hug, a little longer than his usual. “How you holding up?” He asks, blowing the smoke from his cigarette to the side.

You shake your head, trying not to let the tears that have been brewing all morning fall. “Been better.”

Hop just nods, stomping the cigarette out and leading you into the building. He greets everyone at the door and tells you to wait in his office as he makes you a cup of coffee. You’re sure he can tell you need it by the dark rings around your puffy eyes.

Sitting in his office for what feels like an eternity, all you can do is stare at your sleeping baby. Thinking about how the love of your life could do this to you, to your daughter, even to himself. He was supposed to be bettering himself. Walking down the right path, the path of a wholesome family man. Not the path of attempted murder.

You’re pulled away from your thoughts as you hear the door open, Hopper walking in with two coffee cups, setting one on the table in front of you before plopping down into his chair.

You both sit in silence for a moment, enjoying your fresh cups of coffee and the morning breeze. The slightest moment of peace you’ve been able to get in the last 12 hours.

“How old is she now?” Hopper asks, smiling at Leila.

“6 months.” You smile, combing her hair with your fingers. “It’s been hard… but I know it’ll be worth it one day.”

“It’s worth it now. You’ve got a beautiful baby.”

“And a husband in jail.” You respond, looking back to him. He sighs, a sympathetic look washing over his face.

“So how much is the bail?” You reach down for your purse, rummaging through your wallet. “I brought my checkbook and I know I don’t have much, but I could at least put somewhat of a down payment down if that would work.”

“Oh, sweetheart…” He breathes.

“Or if it’s too much I could look into a bondsman I guess.”

“Uh…”

“I could call my dad. He doesn’t like Eddie but I know he’d rather not have me raise a baby alone.” You continue to ramble, keeping your eyes on your purse as you finally pull out your wallet.

“No, that…” His volume gets a little louder, but you choose to ignore it.

“Or- or Steve! I feel bad asking him for so much but I know he’d help at the drop of a hat and-“

“Y/N!” Hopper shouts, stopping you dead in your tracks. “Eddie’s not getting bailed out.” He softens his voice again.

“Of course he is, that’s why i’m here Hopper.” You scoff.

“He is the prime suspect in a murder, kid.” He softly placed his hand on yours as you shake it away.

“No- no they said- they said he was okay. He got hurt but he was at the hospital and he was going to be okay.” Your chest starts to tighten, as your breathing become shallow.

Hopper takes your hand in his. “Jason died this morning. They tried their best but… he didn’t make it.”

Wait, What? Jason? As in Jason Carver?

“Jason… Jason who?” You ask Hopper, your breathing becoming shallow once again.

“You know which one. Carver.” You scoff, looking away. Sure, they never liked each other but for Eddie to kill him? You would’ve thought it would be the other way around. “What was their… relationship like?” He carefully asks.

You chuckle. Out of all people, Hopper should know the answer to that question. “They hated each other, Hop. You know that. But, I thought we all grew up and moved on…”

“So there wasn’t anything after school? No fights or anything like that?” He questions you further.

“No, no. Nothing like that. Trust me, if Ed would’ve run into him I would’ve been the first person to know.” You respond. “If either of them would’ve gotten hurt, I always thought it would be Eddie. He wouldn’t hurt a fly…”

The only reaction you can let out are a few tears. The information of your husband, the father of your child, being a murderer, becoming all too real at this moment.

“You know… when I first moved into the trailer with him and Wayne, there- there was this stray cat that would roam the park. She didn’t look like she was taken care of very well. But Eddie… Eddie always left food and water out for her. He took her inside when it would rain. He named her Star, cause she would only come out at night. He made her our unofficial child.” You laugh, remembering the way he treated that little kitten, Hopper's eyes soften as he listens to your story. But, you were soon brought back to reality. The tears formed once again as you remembered where Eddie was now. “Where is he? Can I see him?” You ask, wiping the stray tear off of your cheek.

Hopper nods, opening the door and leading you to the few holding cells in the back of the building. He looks at you, silently asking if you’re sure you want to do this, before you send a nod his way. Before he’s able to turn the door handle, you interrupt him.

“Wait.” Hopper stops, looking back at you. “Can I leave Leila with someone out here? I don’t want her to… see him… like that.” He looks back at one of the officers behind you, nodding for him to come over.

“Can you watch the little girl while we go talk to Eddie?” The officer agrees, grabbing hold of the stroller before Hopper ushers you into the holding room.

Walking in, your eyes go straight to Eddie. He’s sitting on the cold metal bench behind the metal bars, his eyes dark and heavy, he’s probably spent most of his time in there crying.

“Baby…” He lifts his head as he hears you walk in. His eyes light up slightly, taking in your presence. “Thank god you’re here baby, i’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for putting you and Leila through this, I- I just wanna go home. Can we go home now?” His voice comes out as a whine, his vocal chords probably tired from all the sobbing he did the previous night.

You fight the tears beginning to form before walking closer to the cell. “What… the fuck. Wha- what the actual fuck is wrong with you, Munson?” Eddie flinches slightly, knowing you only call him by his name when you’re angry. “We were in a good place. Everything was great and then- then you went and- and you… you killed someone, Eddie! And Jason of all people? What were you thinking?” He furrows his brows, and you realize that Hopper hadn’t told him the news yet. “You’re not getting out. Not any time soon. I don't know what the fuck was going through your head but… we can’t help you this time.”

You walk away, heading for the door as you hear Eddie mumble jesus christ, followed by a loud bang from his slapping the metal bars. You turn to look at him. He’s taken a seat on the cold bench, head in his hands as you hear soft cries leave his mouth.

“I love you, Eddie Munson. But you really did it this time.”

[celestial-bell-drop]

Guys my babygirl (Gangle) got an episode

This is gonna be so much because PLEASE I need her to have lore and will be milking every detail of this episode

1. New mask!! With pupils!!!!!!!!

2. Zooble's room is just as chaotic as it should be

3. Wow I never thought I'd see Ragatha high off of... stupid sauce? Idk but being honest with everyone was refreshing as hell

3.5. "I hate you, but I don't want you to hate me" "you're kind of annoying when you're happy.... is that mean to say?" "I miss my horses.." mood but how fucking dare you insult my bbg/silly

Hey guess what

There's a lot more

4. New diagnosis-es for Gangle in this episode include........

- Canon bipolar "Nope! It's a manic episode and it's not going away for another three seasons!!" (Screamed at this, I am so happy for her to be mentally unwell)

- Probably disassociates a lot

- Questioning reality and escaping Spudsy's

- Just clinically insane someone please get her some meds

5. Gangle's physics are terrifying. I love it.

6. JAX TORTURED WE WIN GUYS

7. Why is Gangle a nihilist. "But you need to understand that your dreams are unrealistic!" 😔

8. "No..?" "...Why not?" HOW DOES THAT TV WORK I MUST KNOW

9. A different clock every time Jax checks it is an amazing detail

10. C&A COMPUTER GUYS

11. The pink flip phone had me DYING when Gangle pulled it out 😭

12. GUMMIGOO! GUMMIGOO!! GUMMIGOO!!!

13. I smell ribbun and abstragedy but unfortunately the abstragedy fans won/hj

14. "That was more gloink reproduction than I'd *ever* need to know" ...why am I slightly curious

15. Jax finally listening to Gangle is sending whole ass alarm bells through my entire being like "YES! RIBBUN RIGHT THERE!!" okay I'll stop

16. Someone give Gangle to actually talk to besides Zooble. They're a great friend but clearly Gangle doesn't have anyone to vent her frustrations to. My theory is that Zooble is just a little... apathetic. Just a thought.

17. When Gangle walked out of the restaurant and just screamed internally. It's amazing. AND POMNI'S REACTION IS EVEN BETTER

18. Speaking of, GANGLE AND POMNI INTERACTION I WON TODAY

19. She's so mentally ill please. I said that already. Too bad you read it again. I am making sure it gets to the people that she is ILL

20. Kinger just go back to your pillow fort it'll be good for you lmao

21. Zooble doing the job. Good for them, good for them.

22. Caine and Bubble physics are funky and I like them

23. HOW DID I KNOW THAT SHE WOULD JUST RUN INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC. I SAID IT OUT LOUD AS A JOKE AND THEN JUST. WHAT.

24. She's so cringe I adore her

25. "Nah, I have my bowl of cereal" *CRUNCH*

26. Pomni please have some kind of heart to heart with Gangle or someone please talk to the sad ribbon lady I beg

27. "I used to be a shift manager!" Ooh lore drops

28. Zooble why did you have a Gangler mask. Just sitting around. What. I know it's technically yours but why.

29. Ragatha deserves a little amount of drugs. Just a little.

30. "Sometimes it gets hard to tell how genuine she's really being" Yep. We solved it. Ragatha doesn't like Gangle and it is becoming painfully obvious. See you in like episode 5 I think when Ragatha just snaps on every single person and lays out everyone's flaws. I'm calling it.

31. I brought my own Gangle plushie over and pointed out when Gangle on screen was having a breakdown and said "look! It's your trauma!" HDJCHFJDNDJDND

32. Why is Gangle so sad at the end. Why does she keep looking back. Is she scared for Pomni? Does she not want the sad jester lady to be alone? What's wrong with being alone, Gangle? Hmm? Did something happen to you that makes you dislike being alone? HMM?

33. "Your unicorn horn" "Well, it's possible" hell yeah her famous line and her iconic unicorn horn

34. Pomni stop being creepy to the customers they're getting uncomfortable/silly

35. GANGLE BEING HAPPY WITHOUT HER COMEDY MASK. YES. YES. YES.

36. Is Gangle tired of being happy? Is she exhausted from the energy it takes to be cheerful? Maybe.

37. Can't throw at the beginning of the episode. Now she can. Awesome. It's becoming a thing where a small detail at the beginning of the episode means something at the end. Look at episode 3

38. "Okay, that I didn't even do on purpose" ...sure.

39. THEY MADE JAX A BURGER. THEY BORGORFIED HIM.

40. "The bathroom looks like a biohazard!" Oh Christ

41. Why do Ragatha and Jax bicker so much. It's not even fighting. It's bickering like children. Except one is mentally exhausted and the other is actually just immature as fuck

42. Gangle stop giving Caine ideas. Motivation is not a good idea.

43. Suggestion box, fun

44. Super scary adventure ooh what could that have been

45. "Is that what you thought I'd like?!" "Well, if you're all going to be CRITICS-"

46. B+, hell yeah.

47. Going back to find the 57. Might take a while.

48. HER DRAWINGS HER DRAWINGGSSSSSS

49. Zooble are you dumb. *Puts on spatula hand* *uses it* *is surprised why it hurts* STUPID/j

50. Hehehe new merch...............

Okay I think that's everything

Wow

Anyways here's the bingo card completed

Not a bingo but pretty close in almost all directions

Should today's ribbun week just be a screenshot redraw of Jax with his face against the TV screen? Yeah? Okay thanks guys.

[boxbugdotcom]

A bit of writing for Grumbo month day 15 (coffee shop) because I realized that even if I’m burnt out of drawing, I sure can still write >:)) thanks to the wonderful @grow-bettah to making the prompt list !!!!

Grian stood behind the counter, not particularly paying attention to anything going on around him. It was later in the day, about 4:30, which meant the lunch rush had just started to slow. In general, Grian wasn’t exactly what you would call an “enthusiastic employee”. He did about what he was required to do to get paid, often exploiting loopholes and just generally being a bit lazy about it.

That being said, today was especially bad. Oh, sure, it had started out fine, but come 12:00, and he was worse than usual. Gem had asked what was up— of course she’d noticed— but Grian had only slid down the wall into a puddle in response.

What had happened, and Grian wasn’t going to tell anyone this, was that his favorite customer hadn’t come in when he normally did. The customer’s name was Mumbo— he always showed up at about 11:30, dressed in a smart suit like he had somewhere important to be. Grian liked to make up theories about Mumbo’s job, since he didn’t actually know what he did. What he did know included things such as how old Mumbo was, what degree he had, a few of his prominent hobbies, and that he had three roommates.

They talked a lot, when Mumbo came in— Grian adored talking with Mumbo, he was giggly and sarcastic and a bit oblivious, and he really was quite pretty. Grian had been deliberating for a few weeks whether or not he should ask Mumbo for his number.

The bell above the door rang, and Grian straightened his posture.

Mumbo was walking towards the counter, dressed as he always was, his hair was a bit messier than it usually was— though, his mustache was as perfect as always.

Grian lit up, smiling as if he’d just seen the sun for the first time in years. “Mumbo! Hi!”

Mumbo returned the smile, which only served to make Grian’s chest feel warm. He really was cute…

“Hey, mate.”

“Where were you this morning?” Grian picked up a hot drink cup. “Your usual?”

“Yeah.” Mumbo nodded. “Sorry about that— Scar tripped over the cord to my alarm clock and unplugged it. And then didn’t plug it back in.”

Grian giggled, writing out Mumbo’s order on the cup he’d grabbed. Scar was one of Mumbo’s roommates— an exceptionally clumsy one, he’d learned. “Well, you better not let it happen again, mister.”

“It almost sounds like you missed me, mate.” Mumbo snickered as he dug through his pocket for his wallet.

Grian had missed him. Very much so. But he wasn’t about to say that. “Well, y’know.”

Mumbo handed over his payment— $6.78– and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, you’re a very good liar.”

Grian gave Mumbo a playful glare as the latter walked off to go find somewhere to sit.

…… “Gem—“ Grian whipped around, just in time to see Gem taking Mumbo’s cup.

Gem froze. “Uh— what?”

“Gimme that cup—“ Grian snatched the cup from her hands, picking up a pen and scribbling something else onto the cup.

“What’re you doing??”

Grian handed the cup back. “Just make the coffee, Gem.”

Gem gave Grian a look, but she continued on.

Soon after, Grian took the coffee and walked over to Mumbo’s table, who was scribbling something out onto a napkin— what it was, Grian couldn’t see. “Here ya go! One twenty-ounce black coffee, with four extra shots.”

Mumbo covered the napkin he was writing on, nervously smiling at Grian as he took the cup. “Thanks!”

Grian nodded— he wanted to sit and stay with Mumbo, talk more, but he also sort of needed this job. He turned back to the counter, reluctantly going back to his job.

The minutes passed, and eventually, Mumbo stood up, coffee and napkin in hand. He walked to the counter, waving at Grian— who was cleaning out a blender. “I’ve gotta go— I’ll see you later, mate!”

Grian waved, watching as Mumbo left.

“Hey, Grian, your name’s on this napkin.” Gem pointed at a napkin on the counter— it definitely hadn’t been there before Mumbo left.

“What?”

“Yeah, look—“

Before Gem could finish, Grian snatched the napkin, looking at it frantically.

Spindly, loopy handwriting covered the napkin, reading:

Grian

Call me? (xxx)-xxx-xxx

- Mumbo

Grian grinned, and he tucked the napkin into his pocket, ignoring Gem’s questions about what it was. He had Mumbo’s number!

[hollow-pocket]

[CW: this is a hunger kink story. contains painful hunger and accidental meal skipping. character is able to eat at the end]

[this is about my OCs Gracie and Isabella who I hope to do more with later :)]

Gracie sat down at her desk, relieved that she’d made it to work on time. Her alarm hadn’t gone off, and she’d been worried she would be late enough to get reprimanded by her boss, who, while nice, was an absolute monster about punctuality.

She opened the incoming file folder on her desk and booted up her computer. Gracie didn’t look like the type to enjoy bureaucracy—all heavy eyeliner, black clothes, and chains, not to mention she was a big woman, six feet tall and wider than most—but she loved it. The completion of the tasks satisfied her, and she was good at it.

She reached forward to get her computer monitor adjusted to her preferences, and as she pushed her arm forward it made her stretch from fingertip to hips. Her stomach, having been curled over protectively by her bad posture, took the opportunity of the new space to grumble gently.

Gracie winced, bringing her hand back to rest on it. Of course, being nearly late she hadn’t had time to eat breakfast.

It was just one skipped meal though, nothing she couldn’t handle.

Her boss, Ivan, came to check up about an hour later. “Hey Gracie,” he said, examining the pile of papers on her desk. “How’s it going? Lots to do today?”

She shrugged. “Not too much, that’s actually the finished pile.”

He raised an eyebrow, impressed. “Well, you’re flying through this. If you finish early and Diane says there’s nothing else to do you can head out, it’s a pretty slow day today.”

Gracie thanked him happily. Isabella’s commute was shorter than hers, meaning her girlfriend would already be home when she got back and they’d be able to spend more time together.

Just then, Gracie’s neglected stomach pushed in on itself again, aching painfully beneath her ribs. She reached up to rub the cramp on instinct, but the pressure her hand put on it caused it to unclench, and let out a long, whining growl.

Ivan raised an eyebrow, and Gracie was grateful that her darker skin hid her flush. “Was that your stomach?” Ivan asked.

Gracie nodded, embarrassed. “I didn’t get a chance to eat breakfast this morning,” she explained.

Ivan nodded. “Well, it’s nearly lunch. Make sure you get something.”

“I will, thank you,” Gracie said, feeling her stomach twist again at the thought of lunch. Ivan nodded and moved on.

Gracie worked diligently until the clock hit 12:30, her hunger not strong enough to impact her work. She kept a hand on her belly though, pushing into it whenever a particularly sharp pang hit her.

When lunch hit, she opened her bag and started rifling around for her wallet. She couldn’t find it. After a couple minutes of searching, she was forced to conclude that it wasn’t there. She and her stomach groaned in unison. She sucked in, rubbing it again.

“Sorry tummy,” she muttered. “I’m hungry too, but looks like we’ll just have to wait.”

She managed to find enough coins in her purse to buy a couple granola bars from the vending machine, and resolved to save them until absolutely necessary. It was going to be a long day.

A few hours later, Gracie had checked, filed, and stored the last of her papers. Her fingers were starting to get shaky on the keys of her computer, and she was relieved Ivan had already told her she could go.

She went over to Diane’s office to make sure. “Oh, hi Gracie. Yeah, just this, then you can head out,” Diane said, handing her a folder.

Gracie bit her lip to stifle a groan, then headed back to her desk without complaint. She slumped down into her chair, stomach churning miserably. She felt painfully empty.

With a sigh, she opened the folder. She judged the work inside would only take about forty minutes, and grimly got down to it.

Half an hour later, she wasn’t even halfway done. Her belly snarled, deep and resonant. She was too hungry to focus. Her mind kept drifting to Isabella’s cooking, and how nice it would feel to have a warm meal in her hollow tummy.

She pulled out one of the granola bars and ate it. It steadied her, sharpened her mind, and she got back to work with relief.

Half an hour later she was done, and she headed out to her car. Her stomach wailed mournfully as she stepped in, and she sighed. The snack had helped with her energy, but it hadn’t dampened her hunger. If anything, her stomach seemed more upset that it hadn’t gotten anything more substantial.

Gracie pulled out of the parking lot, relieved to be heading home. Her stomach was growling near constantly now. It took quite a bit of food to keep someone of her size happy and satiated, and her body was not dealing well with the lack.

She pressed a hand into her famished belly, wincing as the she felt the ripples of an especially loud growl.

As she pulled onto the highway, she stared at the road ahead of her. The traffic was awful, worse than usual. Dismayed, she checked her GPS and saw that an accident had nearly doubled her hour long commute.

Another hunger pang hit her, and she dropped her head onto the steering wheel. Her stomach was aching horribly, neglected and angry about it. It felt terribly pinched and hollow, like it was trying to fold in on itself to make her feel less starkly empty.

She felt awful, and decided to call Isabella to let her know what time she’d be home.

Isabella picked up with a “hey baby,” and Gracie felt better almost immediately.

“Hi,” she said, smiling faintly at her girlfriend’s voice. “I got to leave work early but there’s a traffic jam on the highway so I won’t be back until around 6.”

“That sucks,” Isabella said sympathetically.

“Yeah. I really wanted to get back early today.”

“Aw, don’t worry babe,” Isa said gently, and Gracie could hear her moving around the house. “6 is still earlier than usual.”

“Yeah,” she said glumly. Her stomach rumbled plaintively, reminding her that it wasn’t early enough.

Isabella paused. “What was that noise?”

“Probably just the traffic,” Gracie said quickly. She didn’t want her girlfriend to worry too much about her. “I’ll be home in an hour or so.”

“Ok,” Isabella said. “I’ll see you then. I was just about to start on dinner, any requests?”

At the mention of dinner, the hunger pang that had been steadily building inside Gracie’s abdomen released, and her ravenous stomach roared, a deafening growl that trailed off into smaller gurgles.

She winced, knowing Isa had definitely heard that, and it would be hard to blame on the cars around her.

“Grace,” Isabella said, worry evident in her voice, “was that your stomach?”

“Yeah,” Gracie admitted, frowning as the starved organ immediately cramped again, gnawing away at itself with nothing else in it to digest.

“What did you have for lunch?” Isa asked, concerned.

“Forgot my wallet,” Gracie said sadly. “And I didn’t have breakfast because I was almost late and you know how Ivan gets.”

Isabella sighed. “How are you feeling?”

Gracie rubbed slow circles onto her aching tummy. “Really hungry,” she said softly. Her stomach grumbled again, and she amended, “starving.”

“Oh, baby,” Isabella said, and Gracie closed her eyes against the prick of tears. The hunger had made her lose her grip on her emotions a bit. “Only an hour to go right? And when you get here I’ll have dinner already waiting for you, how does that sound?”

“Good,” Gracie said, swallowing the lump in her throat. “Really good.”

“Okay,” Isabella said. “I’ll see you then. Do you have anything small you can eat so you don’t get too shaky? I don’t want you driving if it’s dangerous.”

“I have a granola bar in my bag,” Gracie said, realizing she’d forgotten about it.

“Eat that alright? I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah. Love you.”

“I love you too,” Isabella said, and Gracie hung up. Traffic was barely moving, so she had plenty of time to grab and eat the granola bar.

It made her feel less like crying, which she was grateful for.

A little under an hour later, she pulled into the driveway, feeling nothing but relief.

Her stomach rolled, groaning like a foghorn. Nothing but relief and hunger, anyway.

She walked inside and was greeted by the smell of Isabella’s cooking. It went straight to her empty and cramping stomach, and she had to lean against the wall to steady herself, abruptly dizzy.

“You’re home!” Isa exclaimed, coming over to hug her. Gracie hugged back gratefully.

Her stomach growled angrily between them, and Isabella pulled back to rub it. “Oh, your poor belly.”

She dug her finger in expertly, easing the worst of the hunger pangs by working them out through a vicious sort of massage.

Gracie moaned with relief, slumping into her girlfriend.

“Come on,” Isabella said, helping her to the table while still rubbing firm circles into her belly. “Let’s get something in your stomach.”

There was already a plate at her seat, loaded with noodles. Gracie dug in gratefully, her stomach starting a racket as soon as the first bite entered her mouth, demanding more.

The warmth of the noodles was wonderfully soothing in her hollow stomach, and soon she had eaten her fill.

“Feeling better?” Isabella asked with a smile.

“Much,” Gracie said, leaning over to kiss her. “What would I do without you?”

“Live on granola bars probably,” Isabella said with a grin, and Gracie laughed.

Even the worst days were less bad, when she could come home to this.

[hypengene]

・❥・when you 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝑜𝓃𝑒

𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨: riki x gn!reader

𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦: fluffiest fluff of all fluffs; bestie -> lovers au

𝘴𝘺𝘯𝘰𝘱𝘴𝘪𝘴: in which your childhood bestie riki starts ignoring you one morning..

𝘢/𝘯: helloo lovely readers!! first one that i am writing, PLEASE give me suggestions and correct anything wrong. having lots of fun writing this one hope you guys enjoy it!

listen to when you love someone by tone stith ft. her while reading pls

flashback 11/30

"morning niki!" you whispered as you entered class late, sitting softly next to riki.

...silence

you tried again "good morning nishimura riki." still no response. you turned your head, looking at him. admiring how his hair softly fell over his eyes, as his eyelashes curling slighty upwards. his sharp, slender nose lying perfectly in the middle of his fa--

woah you thought to yourself. nononono, stop. you shook the thought off, turning your head looking straight at the professor.

why are you ignoring me riki?

present day 12/24 at home

the nishimura family was over for christmas dinner. you guys sat all across the table, and unfortunately, niki right next to you. every since that day, he started ignoring you like you were nonexistent. you gave up. but as hard as you tried, your feelings for niki just never seemed to fade. plus, having him over for the night really isn't helping.

currently, niki and you were in your room. both laying on the bed scrolling through your phones. except for the faint music he was playing on the speakers, it was silence. no lights, no sound, just...silence.

you were getting bored as you guys have already laid here for 2 hours. you turned over, peeking at the clock. it was already 11:30pm.

"hey niki you wanna go wash up, its 11:30" he stood up with no words, heading to the bathroom. you sat on the bed, looking at his tall figure walking with his phone still in hand.

"y/n where's the towel?" niki asked from the bathroom. you walked over, pointing in the cabinet as he bent down and grabbed one. you looked at him, again. staring, staying still as ever. he turned his head and looked at you,

"i know im hot ok, but this staring thing over here is getting a little too intense miss y/n" he laughed. you stared straight into his eyes, but still keeping some distance.

"why were you ignoring for like, a month?"

he kept quiet, switching his gaze to the floor.

i know i ignored you

"riki answer me." he didn't say a word. instead, he walked out of the bathroom to your bed.

im tryna be patient, but i keep on pacin

you stomped in front of your bed. "riki, being ignored is not a good feeling. in fact, it's so bad. so so bad. when i call your name across the hallway, you see me. i know you see me. but why do you just turn your back and leave? when i text you, you just leave me hanging there. if you want our 15 year friendship to end, just tell me. im done with this. im done with being ignored." you said.

we've been runnin away from communication

things were starting to get blurry in front of you, as your eyes started to fill with water. you couldn't see what niki was doing, but suddenly, you felt a strong pair of arms pulling you towards that shadow.

"im sorry y/n." niki whispered in his low voice. as you heard his heart beats against his chest, feeling his hands caressing your hair.

baby let’s face it

"im so sorry y/n. i just wasnt used to this feeling that was overflowing me when i looked at you baby. it was, it was so weird…but i loved it? sometimes i would lay in bed, and all of a sudden you pop inside my brain. without knowing, i would start smiling." he giggled

its just conversation now

“i realized this was wrong, this was different. everytime i looked at you, i couldn’t stop. everytime i was over and you laid your head on my chest, i would tense up, feeling a sense of euphoria rushing over me.”

you lifted your head from his chest, wiping the tears away. seeing his face, his dark, watery orbs, staring straight into yours.

no more temptation, no more misbehavin'

it was just silence. but this time, it was a comfortable silence. two people, that blinded by their love for each other, staring at one another. feeling emotions that cannot be described.

you're pouring your heart to me

how could i let this be?

his dark orbs now slowly moved to your lips, as yours moved to his too. you guys started to lean in, slowly, fluttering your eyes closed.

just needed time to see where i wanna be

the lips met. his fit yours so well, as if they were made for each other. like two magnets, attracted. his soft, delicate, plump lips against yours were like a match made in heaven. they moved in sync, as his hands slowly travelled to your waist, another holding your neck. as your hands rested on his chest for support.

cause i kept it together

this moment. it felt like you've found that lost piece of yourself. this was it. his soft hair under your fingers, your soft hair under his. the puzzle has been complete.

and we're better together

he pulled away, as you opened your eyes. looking down towards the ground. you felt your cheeks warm up, as they were probably tinted with a shade of pink.

and with you it's immense, love

he then put his fingers on your chin, lifting it up until your eyes met his.

"baby, look at me."

only thinking bout what's next, love

you looked at him as he looked at you.

"i love you y/n"

"i love you riki"

forget the rest, love.

[jungkookslipring]

“I Can’t Sleep”

TW: mentions of depression, anxiety, drinking, and insomnia, read at your own risk.

AN: this was what I went through my senior year of college.

It was understandable what you were going through, it just sucked. You were in your fourth and final year of college, graduation was 2 months away, you were taking way too many credits even though your advisor told you not to. You would just rather take the remaining credits spring quarter because you knew you did not have the energy to take 5 credits for 6 weeks in June and July. In a way, you did this to yourself, but you didn’t realize how hard it would be, and you didn’t realize the toll it would have on your body.

This crazy schedule started affecting your health. It started off with not getting enough sleep, maybe 6 hours, then it dropped to 5, then it dropped to 4, and you were LUCKY if you got 4 hours of sleep. Soon, you were pulling all nighters, some nights by choice, some not. There was nothing a coffee or two couldn’t fix. Then you went from having one to two cups of coffee a day to three, sometimes throwing in a redbull in the mix. It didn’t help that you also drank to cope with stress, so mixing all these drinks in the span of 12 hours definitely didn’t do you any favors. Not to mention you had anxiety and depression. It was just a cluster fuck.

It got so bad to where you started experiencing sleep paralysis and occasionally waking up having panic attacks, even when you were half asleep. It was hell. Your senior year was complete hell. You had no desire to keep pursuing school even though graduation was just around the corner.

It was hard to open up to the guys about it. They had their own problems, and you didn’t want to burden them. Chan was the one with insomnia so you especially didn’t want to whine to him about your lack of sleep.

One night, you woke up having yet another panic attack. You got on your knees as you gripped your pillow and your chest. You took in sharp inhales, desperately trying to get air into your lungs. This was the 3rd night in a row you woke up sometime in the middle of the night, completely disoriented and not being able to breathe. It hurt your chest as you did everything in your power to get the oxygen flowing. After a solid maybe 30 seconds which always felt like hours, you were able to get your breathing somewhat regulated. You took in deep breaths as you placed a hand over your heart. How much longer did you have to go through this? What if this is permanent? You’ve never gone a year in your life without education. What if when you graduate you’ll continue waking up panicking from all the stress? You were pulled out of your thoughts when there was a quiet knock at the door. You looked at your clock and saw it was 3 am.

Great, I woke up one of the guys, you huffed to yourself.

You got out of bed and walked over to your door. When you opened it, there stood Bang Chan, who had concern written all over his face. Guilt swirled in your chest realizing you probably woke him up, the one and only time he was going to sleep. You started apologizing at mach 20.

“I’m so sorry if I woke you up I’m really s-” you rambled before he gently cut you off.

“Woah woah woah slow down you didn’t wake me up, I just got home,” he said pointing to his laptop that was still hanging on his shoulder. Relief warmed your chest but unfortunately sprung tears to your eyes. Bang Chan’s eyes widened as he set down his lap top, never breaking eye contact.

“Hey hey what wrong bug?” he asked as he put a comforting hand on your shoulder. You covered your eyes as you bit your lip, attempting to swallow the sob that was making its way up your throat.

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, I just heard a slight bit of commotion in your room and wanted to check in on you,” he said gently. You couldn’t keep your emotions at bay as a sob ripped out of your throat. Bang Chan pulled you into his arms as he walked you further into your room and closed your door. You buried your face in his shoulders as your body wracked with sobs, releasing the built up tension from the past few months.

“I’m here y/n, I’m right here,” he whispers into you ear as you hiccuped in his hold.

His fingers slide up and down the back of your neck softly as he rubbed the small of your back with his thumb. You continued to cry as Chan held you in his arms, alternating between rubbing your back and neck, while at the same time dropping small kisses on the side of your temple.

“I don’t think I’m okay Channie…” you whimpered. Bang Chan continued with his actions as he let you spill your heart out.

“I haven’t been able to sleep well and I k-keep waking up having p-anic attacks and I- I’m so t-tired and I’m s-scared its always gonna b-be this way and I d-don’t know what to do,” you wailed as your grip on his sweatshirt tightened.

“Shhh shhh shhh breathe sweet girl, breathe for me,” he said gently. He took one of your hands and placed it on his heart. He kept his own hand over yours and used his other hand to cradle the back of your head. He guided you through breathing exercises until yor heartbeat was regular again. You were so exhausted. He continued to hold you securly in his arms, gently swaying you back and forth. You were beyond lucky to have him and the rest of the guys. Without stopping his actions, he began to speak again.

“Do you think you’ll be able to go back to sleep? I can stay with you if you’d like,” he suggested. You decided to let go of your pride and nod. He kissed your forehead before leading you to your bed. He took off his hat, placing it on your nightstand, and helped you get under the covers. He opened his arms as you snuggled right into his chest. His hand made its way into your hair as he threaded his fingers from the base to the ends. The soft touches were lulling you to sleep, and before you could slip into dreamland, Chan began to speak.

“We don’t have to talk about it now, but if you ever need to, I’ll always be here, we all will, I promise,” he whispered before leaning down to kiss your cheek. You smile and bury yourself even deeper in his chest.

“Thank you Channie,” you croak out. He held you close to him, continuing to play with your hair. After some time, you were able to fall asleep, and not too long after, Channie did the same.

[yinnyguardian]

Anyone Want A Free Ivara Prime Neuroptics Blueprint? TwT

Giving away a free Ivara Prime Neuroptics Blueprint to anyone who needs it after I felt too bad to turn down an extra <3 (FCFS)

(Well as free as Warframe allows. You will have to trade at the very least a throwaway trash item/mod due to Warframe not allowing completely free trades)

Ok so a little story behind as to why I'm giving it away IF YOU WANT! It's a long read with a very small very vague spoiler nearer to the top and I overdramatized the fuck outta this to make it fun to read LMAOOO

If you want the over dramatized context, click "Keep Reading" >:3

It was yesterday, specifically sometime between 12-2 AM. I got onto Warframe, ready to play a bit before getting settled for bed... However... A Mistake was made.

Simaris popped up. The daily stuff restarts around 8-9 PM for me. He's offering his Tenno Slav- I mean Hunter a reward. An offering of three choices. Two different types of Rescource Boosters and whatever the fuck the last one was (I wasn't paying attention).

I had my eyes on the prize and totally forgot I wouldn't even be able to use them fully since I'm doing this before going to bed in like an hour or less. I was basically biding time for my sleep pills to set in. But that didn't stop me.

Instead of closing the game to pick the next day... I foolishly took the Rescource Booster that gives you extra resources upon pick-up! Worse still, it didn't even dawn on me the mistake I had made as my attention fled to the yellow marker. The Kinepage had updated.

I rushed over, ready to see what it said. And after reading it I smiled to myself, happy to have experienced such an update, as small as it was.

However that happiness didn't last as I finally remembered and realized my mistake when my eyes darted to the bottom of my screen... To the clock.

I gasped and rushed to the Navigation, quickly opening the first mission I could think of! An Alert. Maroo had another hunt for me. I quickly took her mission, ready to get that Ayatan Treasure and some Argon Crystals I had been waiting on a Resource Booster for... Not realizing it would end in disaster!

I typically only ever get 1 or 2 Argon Crystal spawn ins per round. So I was expecting 4 Argon Crystals at most! How foolish I was. I looked in abject horror once the mission was complete. 10. 10 Argon Crystals.

I rush over to the Foundry, praying I would have enough blueprints! Alas it was in vain. By the end I still had 6 Argon Crystals. But it was going on 2:30 AM and I was tired. Sleep had found it's way to me. Knowing that I had by 12 AM the next night, I went to sleep and prayed I'd be able to get the blueprints the next day.

Today came and I quickly hopped on Warframe while pulling up the list of Blueprint needed for such a task. I decided to focus on Relics. AKA Prime Frames and/or Weapons. Specifically any of the common variant that I didn't already own... But my supply was thin and time was ticking.

By the way one of the relic packs I was opening...? Yeah the reward I wanted was a common. I opened 4 of them. Didn't get the specific reward I want. You wanna know what I did get? I got the uncommon. How the fuck did I get an uncommon before the common? It's like the game knows like "Oh hey you want this? This should be easy-to-get reward? Yeah? Too bad you don't get it >:)" LMAOOO

Cough

Anyway.

As I watch my relics deplete that had those specific blueprints with only one success, leaving me with 4 Crystals left, I felt hopeless... That was until... I noticed my plat and remembered... Yes... Yes the Warframe Market! That would be my saving grace upon such a troubling time!

I rush over to the Market Website and scanned prices of the blueprint! First one went by quickly! Baruuk Prime systems! Only two more Argon Crystals left.

Next one I set my sights on was the Ivara Prime Neuroptics. I sent a message and after about 5-10 minutes with still no response, I decided to throw out another hook. This time a fish caught it. I smile widely as the second person gets back to me. They took me to the dojo, we did the trade, and I finally could rest knowing my Argon Crystals would not fall into waste... Or so I thought.

However... As I enter an easy capture mission on earth, a throwaway mission for my sights had set on Nora Nightwave's Complete 15 Mission quest... I got a message. The first person had been AFK. Which was fine! I constantly find myself distracted and/or AFK and accidentally leave any potential buyers to wait on complete accident. However they ask the question... Do I still need the neuroptics. I didn't...

So naturally I said yes I do!

Now this might sound stupid, however I felt bad. If I had just waited yet another 10 minutes this poor person could have gotten plat instead. And again, I quite know the feeling of accidentally making a buyer wait for a response only to be too late. You tend to feel awful.

As I rush through the mission so they can give me an invite to their glorious dojo, they kept being super sweet and kind. As the trade commenced, I paid and looked upon the familiar neuroptics, still no clue with what I'll do with such a thing.

Obviously I couldn't resell it even if I did do it for cheaper than original price. That would be wrong. But as I sat and wondered, clicking accept and finalizing the deal... I realized what I must do!

I said my thank you's and farewells to the individual before coming here and any other possible places I might post (Idk where else for now).

So I offer to anyone who wants it who doesn't already have Ivara Prime Neuroptics... The blueprint. Completely free You, unfortunately due to how the trading system in the dojo works, will have to offer something in the trading place but it can just be a throwaway junk mod (Like Revenge, Ammo Drum, Pressure Point... Just something that you can get really easily and don't use/need much). I apologize for this inconvenience TwT

[ashplayz]

Bored.. Jasper x reader angst

Bored…

Jasper entered your house earlier than usual but she saw no signs of you anywhere she in turn grew slightly Irritated as she called out to you.  "Hey Brat! Where are you?" She called out (silence) she grew more and more irritated by the second "Runt! Are you here!?" She called out louder this time sounding angry. Nothing she walked -stomped into the kitchen to find a note on the counter.

The note read-

'Hey Jasper sorry for not checking in ahead of

time but I'm going to be spending some time with some old friends of mine so I won't be home until late tonight. Help yourself to whatever you can find to eat (I still need to do the shopping..)  Also, Try not to destroy anything while I'm gone I should be back by 8 O'clock or 8:30

I love you.

-Y/n'

Why did she read that in your annoyingly adorable voice/tone.. She let out an annoyed growl under her breath altho truthfully she never really cared if you spent time with your friends or away from her it wasn't like you were her prisoner and she never expected you to check in with her before going out somewhere she knew full well that she didn't own you and of course she trusted you it was other people she didn't trust..

Jasper Rummaged through your pantry in search of a snack grumbling something under her breath. She pulled out a half empty bag of spicy Cheetos. (you really did need to do the shopping) Jasper then grabbed the last can of soda out of the fridge smirking to herself as she knew she was going to get an ear full from you later seeing as you had already called dibs on the last soda. She made her way to the living room plopping down onto your sofa and turned on the TV in search of a nature documentary. The time was 5:30 when she started watching TV but to be honest she wasn't really even paying attention to the time.

Hours had passed of Jasper watching TV and ignoring the clock completely, also choosing to ignore the setting sun. But when Jasper finally looked up from the TV she had a bad feeling in her stomach.. It was 11 meaning that you were supposed to be home at 8 or 8:30 at the latest it had been 3 hours since you were supposed to be home.. Witch wasn't like you you were the kinda person that made a point to be on time the latest you had ever been after saying you'd be there at a certain time was roughly 30 minutes late or less not 3 damm hours..

Jasper growled as she sat up and turned off the TV not knowing what course of action would be best she settled on just sitting there and waiting for you to get back figuring that you couldn't be gone for much longer.. But as the seconds turned into minutes then the minutes turned into an hour she felt herself growing more and more anxious but clueless on how to act on it. Before she knew it it was almost 1 in the goddamn morning it was past 12:30 and still. No signs of you. That's when the door slammed open to reveal you standing there in the doorway covered in blood wearing tattered and ripped clothes, bruises and cuts covering you from head to toe Jasper felt her chest tighten and felt light headed which was odd considering she was a jem..

She quickly stood up off of the couch and bolted over to you causing the whole damn house to shake she was yelling but it was almost like you couldn't hear what she was saying you then collapsed closing your eyes tightly although you weren't actually passed out you just didn't want to deal with reality in that moment. Jasper caught you and was still yelling demanding to know who did this but to no avail.. She picked you up bridal style and set you on the couch running out of the room no doubt to find one of the first aid kits you had around the house. Her heavy foot falls shook the whole house and even caused something to fall off the wall and crash into the floor. Normally you would have yelled at her for running in the house but you couldn't care less about what she was doing in that moment you couldn't care less about her..

Your whole body ached and throbed it felt like you were just hit by a bus but that was nothing compared to the throbbing of fury inside you. You weren't really Sure who you were more angry with in that moment.. The people who you thought you could trust yet attacked you.. Or Jasper.. One things for sure you were indeed angry With her.. Her quickly falling feet made their way back to you as she knelt down beside you immediately starting to try to patch you up yelling something but you were far too irritated to listen to what was being said once her movements ceased she grabbed both of your arms forcing you to sit up despite the amount of pain you were in "Jasper!" You cried out angrily tears in your eyes..  "Y/n. Who. Did. This.!?" She demanded to know in a dangerous tone you didn't respond..

(Silence..) "I thought I could trust them.. I thought they actually cared.." You finally spoke up "Tell me who it was. So I can bash there skulls into the earth!" She said in that tone that always scared you. "NO! I DON'T WANT THAT! I DIDN'T WANT ANY OF THIS!" You yelled you struggled to stand up but once you stood over Jasper she too stood up her hands balled into fists altho she didn't say anything.. "I.. I was just.. We were hanging out and I started to vent about some problems  I was having.. Because I was going crazy! I needed someone to talk to! And.. And they seemed really supportive at first.. I thought they actually cared.. But they.. They started to get really pushy.. I told them to stop but they wouldn't listen.. I tried to fight them off but.. I was outnumbered..  Thankfully I got away before they could do anything.. Else..  Jasper was silent, you wouldn't meet her gaze..

"Why didn't you talk to me. We are partners are we not?"  She asked then causing anger to flare up inside of you "That's a laugh! You're never here!! And even when you are here you don't pay any mind to me! And I tried to talk to you. you didn't listen!!" you snapped, she was looking down at the ground, her hair hiding her expression "I am just so-!" You were about to start in on her again but you drew back all the fire leaving your soul Jasper watched as that spark you had in you die.. And it killed her inside.

"I am so… Bored… I am so bored of feeling like I'm not even worth a passing glance. I am so bored of feeling like you the person who's supposed to make me feel secure, the person I respect more than anyone else HATES ME!... I am… so.. Bored of this…I tried to make this work I really did because I choose to believe there was some good in you! But..mabey I was wrong mabey you really are a bad guy!... I .. I don't want this anymore.." You said tears were streaming down your face but you didn't feel sad. You didn't feel angry.. You just felt numb..

"What do you want?" She asked in a quiet voice not sounding angry…. After a deadly silence that Lingered for what felt like entirety you sighed before saying.. "I.. I want you out of my house. And I don't want you to come back." You said, sounding so sure of yourself.. What happened next you never would have expected.. She gently lifted your chin up with her fingers to meet her gaze. Her expression was unreadable but she was most certainly not feeling angry.. "Are you sure that's what you want?" She asked she looked into your eyes and you could swear it looked as if she had tears in them.. "yes. I am.. " you said finally.  But what shocked you the most is when she gently took her fingers to your cheeks and wiped away your tears that were still falling.. "I'm sorry.." She said almost in a whisper.

She then turned and walked off to go pack up her belongings. Her chest felt heavy in fact her entire body felt like lead.. She walked into the bedroom and grabbed a bag and shoved the few things she owned into it. The only reason she owned half these things was that you would buy her gifts things she didn't need on impulse and while Jasper didn't show it she had always taken great pride in the fact that you thought she was worth whatever gift you bought for her. That's when she picked up the stuffed lion toy you gave her that she always pretended to dislike.. But truthfully she never did.. She remembered the night you gave it to her..

It was a very stormy night and you were taking longer to get back from work than usual and every news Channel on TV was saying how bad the storm was and that you should avoid driving unless absolutely necessary and how many drivers have gotten into fatal crashes.. That's when Jasper started thinking about how weak humans truly were, how Vulnerable to everything they really were, in a blink of an eye something unthinkable could happen and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it.. She knew she couldn't always be there by your side to protect you.. What if something horrible happened and she wasn't able to protect you.. She would never forgive herself..

Jasper felt herself starting to panic  she dug her nails Into her knees head down breathing hard forcing herself not to cry just then the door opened and you walked in you saw that something was clearly wrong so you hung up your wet coat and took your shoes off before making your way over to Jasper you knelt down in front of her putting your hand on top of one of hers "Jasper.. Hey.. Tell me what's wrong.. " you said gently, very worried her hand quickly grabbed onto yours tightly she was slightly shaking..

"How am I supposed to live with the fact that the worst possible thing could happen at any point in time and no one can do anything to stop it.. I.. Can't…  always be there to protect you.. What if you got hurt or worse…  I… I would never be able to forgive myself.. " Jasper said in a voice tight with emotion, your eyes widened at this.. You would never have thought Jasper to be the type to bring this up.. After a moment you smiled "Jasper.. " you said gently.. She looked up to face you "I might not know what's going to happen in the future.. But I do know that I'm actually.. A lot stronger than you might think.. Do you remember.. How I told you about that accident I was in when I was younger.. Well I didn't tell you the full story.." You said before standing up and climbing onto her lap as she wrapped her big arms protectively around you.

"I was 10 years old when it happened.. My parents were driving home from my grandparents house.. They were fighting as they Typically did.. My older brother maliki was complaining about how he wasn't getting any service and my baby brother Jay was crying.. And I.. Was pretending to be asleep so I didn't have to deal with it… that's when I heard my mother scream.. I opened my eyes to see a pair of bright headlights coming towards us from the side.. Next thing I knew.. We were weightless; it was like everything was in slow motion.. Then there was a massive crash as our car landed upside down.. What had happened was a semi truck hit our car from the side and it knocked our car off of the bridge above two other streets and our car fell to the bottom level.. It was a really bad crash… the last thing I remembered was.. Sirens and the sounds of screaming and crying fading out… I woke up in the hospital.. My parents were dead.. So was my baby brother Jay. My older brother Maliki was still alive though.. The doctors said it was a miracle I even woke up. They had predicted that I would be in a coma.. They also said that it was extremely unlikely that I would ever make a full recovery.. But I did.. Mostly.." You said

Jasper was silent and simply held you closer burying her face into your neck "You know.. Part of me feels like my older brother hates me for making a full recovery.. Because he's permanently damaged from the accident… We don't really talk any more.. " you said silence… "listen I really don't know what's going to happen in the future but what I do know is that we will face it together" you said before standing up and walking over to a cabinet you kept locked you unblocked it and pulled out a stuffed lion toy.

You walked over to her before handing the toy to Jasper "this lion always helped me through the dark times and when I was scared.. I named her Jay after my little brother. I think it's time she helped you now." You said Jasper didn't respond at first looking at the stuffed lion.. "Her? This is a male lion. It has a mane." Jasper pointed out you laughed a bit "Yeah but when I was a little kid I didn't know that I always called it a she." You said. "I think you should have her so she can help you when you're scared." You said with a sweet smile..

Jasper had stood there holding the stuffed toy while she remembered that night.. She hesitantly set it into her bag.. After Jasper had finished  shoving all of her belongings into the bag and slinging it over her shoulder she made her way out of your home but didn't see you however.. She was hoping to see you so she could tell you one of the many things she regretted never telling you.. She walked out the front door and saw you sitting on the porch step crying.. She didn't say anything as she walked past but she stopped. And turned to you "Look I know this isn't going to solve anything it isn't going to change anything but…  I want you to know that I love you.. And… i'm sorry it took.. this..  Happening for me to say this.. But I do truly.. Love you.. And I'm so sorry for everything… " she said then before turning and starting to walk off..

"For what it's worth… I'm really going to miss having you as my roommate.." You said suddenly.. "... Yeah.. Same here… . same here…" she said quietly before walking away.. It was silent then as you went to war with yourself in your mind fighting the urge to go after her and beg her to stay.. You knew that wasn't right.. You knew this was how things had to be.. With tears still streaming down your face you stood up walking into the house.. you knew that this was never healthy.. It was bad from the start.. You were a fool for forcing yourself to believe that she could change..

You sighed heavily "bored.. " you whispered out into the silence of your home..

Jasper walked not necessarily knowing whare she was going.. But knowing she just had to move.. She was angry.. But that was only directed inward.. And there was nothing.. She could do about it…  she knew this was her fault that she lost the one person that she had ever loved because of her huge ego and her pride.. She felt.. Incredibly hopeless in that moment…

She felt tears falling down her face… 'I really am a bad guy.. ' she thought to herself as she walked far away from the place and the person she called home..

(Pt 2 is finally out btw)

[a-bit-too-much-of-a-pokemon-fan]

Hey folks, for my benefit more than for anyone else--as this whole blog is--here's a timeline of my spring 2022, pieced together from screenshots and memories: (it gets personal and heavy at the end)

12/30/2016 - I ambitiously start a new save on Pokémon Platinum Version, my first time playing it not as a child. I immediately put it down and don't pick it up for seven years, when I take...

4/23/2022 - My first screenshot (shitty photo) of my actual first adult playthrough of Platinum, showing a Lv. 27 Luxio named Alpha. I must have started a couple days prior. (Alpha is currently chilling in Violet as a Lv. 100 Luxray, only ever used 2 rare candies)

4/29 - I defeat Cynthia by the skin of my teeth.

5/6 - The ~Breakup~ to which I allude often, which is pivotal in this story, happens

Also 5/6 - I buy Pokémon Legends: Arceus as a treat. I play it quite a bit and--despite its faults--enjoy it quite a bit too.

5/9 - I buy the red and black DS also as a treat, realize it looks like a Sinnoh Pokédex, and pop Platinum in. My in-game Pokédex reads 119 obtained. Bipolar manic response to intense emotional distress kicks in. I think, "You know what, why not catch 'em all? Better yet, why not make a Living Dex?"

5/11 - I catch 19 Bidoofs to fill slots in the PC where mons i can't possibly catch would go so I can actually track who I still need. Out of spite, I name one "MANAPHY." Pokédex reads 155 obtained.

5/16 - Pokédex reads 183 registered. I've caught almost every Pokémon possible on one cartridge of Platinum.

5/20 - Content to move everything forward to White, I pick up my playthrough of White that I abandoned in freshman year of college when my Gold DS broke. I'm 7 gyms in already, time for the home stretch.

5/24 - I beat White. Hell Yeah. This will become my Living Dex save until October.

5/28 - I move all my Pokémon forward to White and document everything in my save. Pokédex reads 185 registered. Play clock is at 159:35. I reset. Time to Nuzlocke.

6/1 - First photo evidence of my Nuzlocke, showing me in a very dire spot against an enemy ace trainer's Luxio.

6/7 - A screenshot of PL:A in the Basculegion quest. I guess I'm still playing this here and there.

6/21 - I beat my first ever Nuzlocke. Play Clock at 141:31.

And that's how I played 301 hours of Pokémon Platinum Version in the span of two months. That's 12.5 days, or 20.3% of all the time in that span. That doesn't even count the time in White or P:LA. Keep in mind that for April until the breakup I had four classes, and from then to September I had an internship that demanded 20 hours/week (quite a bit of the grinding in the Nuzlocke happened on the clock). So it's not like the only thing I did was play Pokémon.

You know what? I'm not embarrassed. I was heartbroken. I was lonely, home for the summer, away from all my friends and almost every other distraction. I needed something to fill the gaping whole in both my heart and my schedule. Pokémon was there for me. So was my family, and so were my friends (digitally). I wasn't alone, especially not with all those damn Pokémon I caught.

If anything, I'm proud of myself. I've been to incredibly dark places. When I was younger, it got so bad I did something that leaves scars on me to this day. This time, an older, stronger, more hope-filled version of myself channeled my manic energy and overwhelming emotions into something entirely harmless: a video game. Better yet, I made personal achievements out of it. For the first time ever, I had completed a regional Dex, and I attempted--AND WON--my first ever Nuzlocke.

I joked that I switched mains in Smash Bros from Samus to Pokémon Trainer because I played a debatably unhealthy amount of Pokémon. The debate is in why I played so much. Was it unhealthy when it kept my emotionally stable? Was it unhealthy when it might well have prevented more self harm? I think not. You hear that, kids? Playing Pokémon for a fifth of your time is healthy in all situations forever. Obligatory /s.

[whentherewerebicycles]

hey look! my favorite roommates!

day 2 of keeping my phone out of my room after 9pm was a success… I fell asleep reading at 10:15 and woke up right before my alarm clock at 6:15, then was able to get up right away and work from 6:45-8 instead of crawling back into bed to 😴 I did just get back into bed but that’s only because I got a big chunk of work done and have earned a little lounging around time before I shower & get ready for meetings. I am also in better spirits today hooray!! still feeling so nervous about the ultrasound friday (I have this fear that the meds didn’t work and I’ll have to skip the IUI this cycle) but liz arrives tomorrow morning for six days and that will make me so happy & joyful it will cushion any bad news. although I sure HOPE the meds worked because my mood swings have been wild this week and that better mean the necessary chemicals are swirling around in my body/brain!!

here’s the day:

up at 6:15

6:45-8 work

8-9:30 lounge, emails, etc

9:30-10:30 shower, get ready, complete more sections of this module

10:30-11 AS mtg

11-11:30 RB mtg

11:30-12 new hire mtg

12-2 write letter

few small chores: order walgreens print, fold laundry, deposit check

2:30-3 eye doctor appt again because they gave me the wrong prescription last time sigh

3:30-4:30 walk dogs for an hour & listen to the first period on the radio. DURING WALK I need to call the grocery store because they forgot half my order but still charged me for it

4:30-6:30 decide if I want to watch the rest of the game at home or watch/listen/ignore it at the gym. if I don’t go to the gym during the game I’ll go right after for 33 min elliptical time + 3 min running or stair climbing.

for dinner: roast more cauliflower + chickpeas and finish off the Bombay burrito leftovers

after dinner: clean kitchen, do laundry (towels blankets duvet), change sheets and duvet cover, vacuum downstairs + upstairs, scrub down bathroom sinks, spray & scrub down shower, tidy bookshelves, print out letter

put phone away at 9, read till 10:15ish, sleep, and then when I wake up it’s bff time!!!!!