#i hate my fucking self and i hate my fucking life and im so FUCKING tired of everything

[sephrotting]

Now that i read this a second time. Omg yea.

Mention of self harm

I realized, it's kind of fucked up that this is the most popular headcanon. He's essentially self harming whenever he fails to achieve his goal. He thinks he deserves pain and suffering because he isnt able to save his dying family. And we're over here like “oh yea its because he gets off on that”

Like, that's actually kinda fucked up of us.

For CQ it may have been like. A disposable joke (hopefully). But we made it a thing.

Oh wow.

And with Reaper. I knew he wasn’t actually a sadist bc ive read the comic from start to finish.

For me the sadist joke was also like. A one time thing for shits and giggles and not actually serious. I never thought it to be like, actual writing. Just jokes.

From what i remember, he is sometimes a smart ass like all sanses are. But for the most part, he isnt all that mean to anyone???? More like people are mean to him. And by people I mean mainly Undyne (FUCK YOU Undyne you’re my least favorite god out of them all) and Life (and understandably. Her kids are dead).

And don’t quote me on this. Im paraphrasing it how i remember it. But he hated Life because he thought “you give humans life only for humans to suffer during their life. To experience sadness and grief and disappointment. How is that considered kind?”

Also. One more thing thats more a sidenote:

In Reapertale there is this magical room with this magical mirror. Just imagine a room with a mirror in it and only Gaster (the god of magic) has access to it. Gaster says that the mirror holds all information there is in this universe and that only people with no bad intentions can enter this room. Like, the mirror can sense if you have bad intentions. And Reaper is able to enter the room.

So i think that adds to the argument that Reaper is a good person in general.

And now that i think about it.

I think Reaper would pity Geno. As much as he can that is. He needs to be desensitized for his job but he would sympathize.

And uhhh

Im rambling :’)

I like reapertale ok.

Anyway these are my 2 cents bye!

"geno is masochistic" directly contradicts him in multiple ways lol.

he doesn't enjoy pain, he uses it as a punishment for himself. even his name is a punishment. he thinks he deserves the pain because he became hopeless

i think it's bad to sum it up as him wanting and enjoying pain. no bro. he's forcing himself to endure it. he literally called himself geno because of the genocide route. he shows himself bleeding and dying to shame himself, not because he gets off on it.

[butchpeace]

i need advice

im a radfem, at my core, i held radical feminist views before i even stumbled upon them, i never wore makeup, heels, anything, i hated them all, i hated men

i'm also ugly and i can't not hate myself for it

it's somehow a blessing, i've never been catcalled or harrased, i am the ugly friend that comes when a friend is harrased by a man to tell him to stop

but i always hear "i don t see men being attracted to me as a compliment. men would fuck a sandwich, an iguana, a goat, a hole in a wall"

but they wouldn t fuck me

i fell worthless, below a hole in a wall

i know its wrong, i know i think wrong, i try not to, i cannot get this out of my head when i look in the mirror

i am ugly and i hate myself for it, i do not know what to do

I’m sorry to hear you’ve struggled so much with your self esteem, and I won’t pretend to know exactly what it’s like to be in your position. I do know how it feels to think that you don’t deserve love though, and I empathize with that.

All I can say is that maybe focusing on your self worth outside of your attractiveness could help you out of this struggle you’re in right now. Women don’t have to be attractive in order to be worthy of love or happiness or any of the other good things about life. Maybe focusing on those other things and just focusing on self love for now will help you with your struggles. ❤️

[spookythesillyfella]

remember when i had that dream where you [Y/N] have a sleepover with tumblr sexyman tony and sketchbook where you guys just end up in a polyamorous relationship ??? well . i tried to find a fanfic that would even slightly line up with the description. even if it was only vaguely

but uhhh ....

there were none . so i had to do it myself

[kayin-junn]

anyways if by some miracle any of yall still has $ youd be willing to donate and hopefully help me not starve id be infinitely appreciative

paypal.me/Vahllen

[intraven6us]

3 in the morning rant but I'm sick of living in a fucking straight world! I'm sick of every piece of media in every advertisement, every theatre centering around heterosexual courting and and pairing ritual! I'm sick of every song on the radio about heterosexual love lust or heartbreak! I'm sick of listening to straight women whine about how their boyfriends play too much video games or watch too much porn or how their girlfriends are too emotional or can't take a joke! I'm sick of the pointless categorisation of everything into male and female! I'm sick of discourse and I'm sick of something as simple as cross-dressing or transitioning being something that turns heads! And I'm sick of everything queer that does end up in mainstream culture sanitised for the heterosexual audience! I don't want to have to behave myself and keep it pg at pride so that the straights deem us family friendly enough to endorse! And I'm sick of who I am being made out to be some twisted perversion of human! I'm sick of monogamy culture and marriage and the house with the fucking kids and dog! Just for once I want to live in a world where I'm not a freak or unnatural and I can be open about who I am and the experience of life I'm having and just talk about how my day was without having to censor how queer it was so my fucking straight colleagues and friends don't need it explained or need to be spared from the explicit and disgusting nature of my fucking life! I'm sick of the heterosexual life being shoved down my fucking throat since before I could even understand what the blue and pink characters on my children's cartoon was indoctrinating me into!

[butchnavi]

i miss stupid rafaela

[bunnyboy-juice]

spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner

[w3brot]

fucking humilating when he says to me he got hickeys from another girl in a gc infront of everyone lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao

(i want to sl/t my throat)

[girl-bateman]

am I overreacting yes or no QUICKLY

[writterings]

procastinating at work but here's my philosophy for today: it's okay to hate a behavior in someone else but also understand that this behavior does not make them a bad person. like i HATE when i'm venting or talking about a serious problem i have and then the person i'm talking to starts trying to relate by talking about a similar experience they've had. like absolutely hate it. make me feel like the focus is being taken off me and it genuinely is in some ways, regardless of your intent. yeah, i understand that's your way of trying to comfort me -- but that's not the way i need or want to be comforted, and that's what matters in a situation where i'm coming to you to be helped.

and that's okay! like. no one is in the wrong here unless i have explicitly asked you to support me in a different way and you're intentionally refusing, or if i lash out at you when i could just disengage. it just means you're not a person i should go to for help when talking about my problems. we can still be friends, you and i can probably support each other in different ways, but we're just incompatible in this regard. and that's like....okay. it's okay to be incompatible with people.

[smilepaint]

anyway the concept of passing is a scam. we will never be liberated until the idea that a trans person's inherent value and worth and validity is directly proportional to their resemblance to a cis person. and i say this not just to those who struggle to or do not fit into that box, but to those who very much do and are counting themselves lucky.

the same way that its unhealthy and unreasonable to expect a same gender couple to conform to notions of what a heterosexual family should be, its unhealthy and unreasonable to have to expect a transgender experience of identity and a transgender body to conform to a cisgender ideal. not only does it further the marginalisation of trans people and drive a wedge in our community, but it's an unhealthy way to see the world and relate to yourself. its not fair to expect a human being to go their whole life in states of checking the value of their body and their life against a societally imposed, often unattainable model that may not even reflect their own desires or goals.

it's tough, i know how tough it is to go against everything you've been taught, and the right to seek medical intervention to reshape ourselves in a way that deepens and solidifies our connection to our bodies is and will always be important. but for your own mental health, whatever shape you take must reflect yourself first. not a cis persons. transition is about making a home out of the body you're living in, in whatever way works for you.

you deserve the mental freedom that comes with removing "passing" from your emotional radar entirely. trans bodies are good bodies.

[mushed-kid]

i need life to work out soon like im kinda tired tbh

[acetheta]

.

[trans-axolotl]

for about two years now ive struggled with relapses in self harm and have not really known how to deal with my desires for harm, health, and existing thoughts on antipsychiatry. ive been accessing psychiatric resources for well over a decade with a lot of trauma inflicted over that time. ive also dealt with really harsh approaches to reducing self harm that both began the problem in the first place and worsened it.

ive been working with my therapist to stop self harming but, to be honest, i have no desire to stop. i try my best to reduce risk where i can such as not self harming in an emotional state, using clean implements, and keeping it light. previously i didnt care about any of those things and self harm was mainly a dangerous coping mechanism. but now i see it almost as a form of body modification with a lot of intentionality to it.

i really dont know what to think. its objectively dangerous since i am harming myself but i also cant agree with the general aims of therapy and psychiatry to stop self harming as an ultimate goal. i want to be happy and healthy and for me that means living with self harm as a reality of something i will continue to do. and i think its my right as an autonomous person to choose what i do with my body, even if its harmful. yet i can feel the claws of psychiatry and feel so much shame and hatred towards the fact i cant stop. or more significantly, that i dont want to.

sorry for such a long ask, but essentially what im getting at is, how does one handle harm reduction when there is no desire to ever fully stop? i believe in my own right to bodily autonomy but ive also been told repeatedly that using my bodily autonomy to harm myself makes me undeserving of it and instead in need of carceral punishment. how do i even begin to navigate those contradictions of feeling like ive been horribly hurt and dehumanized and feeling like on some level ive deserved that dehumanization because of the pain i inflict? is self harm as body modification even a concept or idea that people have discussed? since i mainly just see it discussed as a coping mechanism.

content note: continued discussion of self harm and self harm methods.

Hi, anon. Thanks so much for reaching out.

I really resonated with so much of what you shared. It's really hard to try to navigate all our feelings associated with self harm when we are constantly hearing from society that our self harm makes us dangerous or unworthy or unable to live outside of institutions. For me, it honestly feels really violating when other people like providers try to push their narrative of what self harm means onto me. My relationship with my self harm is so personal and there's a lot of different meaning I attach to it, and I want the room to be able to talk about it in a way that actually makes sense to me.

Something that's helped me in trying to navigate all of this for myself is really just to come back to these values of bodily autonomy and harm reduction. A really important harm reduction value for me is that it is completely okay if people don't ever stop (whether we're talking about drugs, self harm, disorderly eating, etc). It's important to me that we can defend people's right to do all these things and recognize that harm reduction should not be just another method of coercion trying to convince people to stop. I strongly believe that people can have meaningful and valuable lives that also include self harm as a part of our lives. I want to build a world where we can say that we're not interested in completely stopping self harm and that statement is not reacted to with shame or blame, but rather with curiosity and respect for the fact that we are the experts on our own lives and choices. Part of encouraging autonomy is recognizing that we are allowed to make choices about our lives that might not be what the psych system wants us to make.

Anyway, all of this is to say: I think it's okay if you're not interested in ever stopping self harming, and I know a lot of people who also feel similarly to you. You absolutely have the right to interpret your self harm in a way that makes sense for you. I've definitely heard other people talk about self harm as body modification (I think some of the harm reduction zines in this google drive might talk about it, but I haven't read through them in a while. Continued content note for discussion of self harm, self harm methods, and diagrams of anatomy and self harm). It makes a lot of sense why you might connect self harm and body modification, and that's something that would resonate with a lot of other people. You have the right to build a life that includes self harm as a part of it, and find a way to do it that makes sense for your body and life.

That feeling of dehumanization you described is so so real. I really just feel a lot of rage towards a psychiatric system that makes us feel so hurt and conflicted. Untangling that learned shame and hatred towards ourselves is so fucking hard, but just know that you are not alone in that and that we have the right to reject the ways the psych system punishes us.

And I want to be clear that none of this is to downplay the very real harm, pain, or risk that can come with self harm, but rather to point out that abstinence only methods, shame, and carceral psychiatry did not do anything to support me with that. Instead, it left me feeling trapped and like it was worthless to even try to figure out what I needed in really difficult moments. So I also really just want to acknowledge and celebrate all the stuff you listed in your ask--using clean implements, not self harming in an emotional state, and keeping it light. I'm really glad that you've found some steps to take that make self harm more manageable for you. Those are not lesser steps or a waste of your time just because you are not interested in stopping self harm, and those things are such a great example of how harm reduction doesn't require you to stop self harming in order to make some changes that reduce risk.

Just sending a lot of love and solidarity to you, anon, from another person who is not interested in completely stopping self harm, even as my relationship to my self harm shifts and changes over the years. There are a lot of us out here and we deserve to have the space to openly talk about these things without facing judgement.

💜💜💜💜

[su1c1d3wh0r3z]

boutta take a 1000mg ✨gummy✨ so my brain can PLS STFUUUUU

+already took 750mg of ibuprofen cuz emotional pain was so bad, i could feel it in my physical body..

[gilbirda]

watching house md in one go really makes you see when the writing went nosediving huh