#i hate money so much
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I keep trying to look for ways to monetize art and its rooootting me brother like christ alive (happy easter) it just is not ok but art is the One skill i have so its like well i have to do something w it, right? Like grrrrrrrrrrrrr
#luly talks#there's so many things that'd be fun to tackle for NON MONETARY REASONS like pattern making#that'd be cute!#i just hate money#i hate money so much
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just spent an hour on the phone figuring out stuff with my retirement fund and my roth IRA and my investment portfolio and i've once again concluded that being an adult sucks and is boring not to mention stupid
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while i dont necessarilly want to monetize my art, i dont want to work a 9-5 even more. i cant handle going to work every day and losing bits of my soul for the most pathetic paycheques ive ever seen
in a perfect, kind world id create just for the joy of it. but so long as i have to make money under capitalism, i might as well try to do it on my terms
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my school friend who bought me a warm döner last tuesday can be excited for tomorrow. i'll pay for that hoe's whole day.
#i owe her money anyway but this is for gratitude man#she's a broke bitch as well but bought me a warm meal ffs that makes me feel insanely intense gratitude#i hope that everyone who ever gave me money and/or food maybe cigs knows that i dont take that shit for granted#going from more or less alright financially to having to skip meals and being 9 days without electricity/warm water kinda really left a mark#i hate money so much#my posts
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#i hate money so much#i hate spending money#i hate buying stuff#i have to get new glasses this friday and i've already made up my mind to buy the cheapest#no matter how ugly they are#and i was looking at shoes today cause i need to buy some#but the boots i liked are ungodly expensive and the cheap ones i saw are ugly as fuck so now i don't know what to do#i hate things i hate having taste of some kind and i hate the idea of choosing something#cause once i choose it i will have to stick to the price and then if i don't love it i will feel like i wasted money#but for me to love it it has to be the more expensive one#and UUUUGGGGHHH#i hate stuff#not to mention i spent the past 3 weeks fighting with my bank so they would give me MY FUCKING MONEY#cause idk what the fuck happened to it it was not on my account by the time they said it was going to be in it#ange talks#personal
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Lmao did I ever tell ya'll that because my sister e-transferred money to my bank account for her half of the hotel and gas money that the government deducted the amount off of my assistance and I didn't receive payment til the month was over
And now I got all these bills and by the time I pay them I'm gonna have $0.77 in my bank account 💀💀💀
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i'm in one of those phases where i really wish i believed in manifesting and spellcasting and things like that bc you know when you want something so bad you're literally praying for the universe to let it happen
#ramble#this is not me judging by the way i think it's cool as fuck i just don't do it personally#context: a lot of my 'dream jobs' are now just 'ways to make money that i might not absolutely hate'#but i have one (1) legit dream job and it's literally FINGERTIPS away from me right now#i feel like most people who know me can guess what it is and know how badly i want it#i'm not even letting myself daydream about it or talk about it too much because i'm so afraid of not getting it and being disappointed#and also i don't want to like. jinx it#i've tried so many times before but this is the closest i've ever been and i feel SICK i want to bite something
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Begin again
#fnv#fallout#fallout new vegas#dead money#dean domino#fredrick sinclair#vera keyes#my art#I just LOVE DEAN DOMINO EVEN THOUGH I HATE HIM SO MUCH.#anyways#spoiler#spoilers#why am i on an art roll nowadays? anxiety
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#look who's back#back again#that's right it's everyone's favourite villain mic#congrats to me for drawing Aizawa for once#he's got a lot of potential for cool artwork but I hate drawing him so it is all for nothing#guess who spent too much money on Pokemon cards this month#loudspeaker au#bnha#villain!mic#hizashi yamada#shouta aizawa#present mic#mha au
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On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?
*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)
*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)
(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )
(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)
#polls#tumblr polls#I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup#the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli#section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff#so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just#blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most#neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol#I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me#but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T#I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee#person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times#But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol#And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly#When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one#sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it#Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something#Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and#coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single#coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to#have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus#make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as#possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get#to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol
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#I CANT DO THIS……………#yuri on ice#i hate them so much. HOMOPHOBIA….LIKE. DO YOU GUYS HATE GAY PPL MORE THAN YOU HATE MONEY??????#having the worst day of my life?#anyway this is a lesson for me not to watch a 1 season long anime 8 years after it airs and not get emotionally invested lmao#FAIIIIIILED#never again#gonna frow up#text
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oh you know it's all latestage capitalism but the thing is. how are you supposed to be a person inside of this. a person trying to be a better version of yourself.
oh, you started working young, which was kind of hard, but it's just the way stuff works sometimes. and it was 2008 and your family couldn't afford heat. but it's fine, you grow a spine and get used to the professional world and besides it was the suburbs we're talking about here, like, your life could have been actually hard, so what if your father lost his job and you can't afford to move or turn the lights back on. and once you start making money, it's good. you keep doing that. because now they're relying on you. so you have to do that.
oh you were in thousands of dollars of debt at 17 years old so that you could go to school, because you have to go to school if you want to get a "real" job. you even did it "right", you worked parttime and attended community college before you transferred to a public school. you were under so many merit scholarships.
which is fine. you pick yourself up and you say like, okay. i graduated college. i'm holding down a job. i'm doing the Adult Thing, which looks and acts like this, according to all the books i've read. you start with the shitty job and then you climb that corporate ladder.
but the shitty job doesn't cover rent and you stretch yourself too-thin so you get sick. good luck with that. the shitty job no longer pays for your meals. everyone asks why you don't just move, but there's nowhere to move to. and with what money are you going to be moving? and then the loans come back, because they were never going to forgive them, because you were 17 and trying to do the right thing, which was stupid. people are now saying you shouldn't have even gone to school.
which is fine. but because you have no other option, so you do the shitty job, and you apply every day for like 5 new ones, and despite the fact everyone says "there's no one who wants to work!" it's actually just that nobody is fucking hiring so you can either work for 13 dollars an hour in the shitty place you know (where at least you have a passingly friendly relationship with the manager) or you can start from scratch again with a different 13 dollars an hour without knowing how much abuse from the new job you'll be taking.
and if you quit you lose your insurance. if you quit you lose your housing. if you quit, you'll be another burnout kid. the lazy ones. these assholes, look at them!
and you come home to a family dinner and you hear from your father the same old thing. how he worked hard at his job and yes it sucked for a while but he was able to provide for the family and then the house and the dog and the rest of barbie's dream vacation. how the insurance did cover some of it. how you just really need to start speaking up more in manager conversations so they know you're a go-getter. you want to tell him - did you know we're actually doing more now hourly than any previous generation? - but you can't remember where you heard that statistic, and you're far too tired for the fucking argument. and then he starts in on his usual bit. where's the house? where's your kids? where's your ambition.
the same job the same money the same hours doesn't do it anymore. the same nose-to-the-grindstone now just shreds your face off. there's no such thing as upwards mobility, not really. and as far as you're aware, the money certainly is not trickling. you do the soulless stupid shit you signed up for because you fucking have to or else you literally risk your life (food, the apartment, the insurance), but it's not getting you anything. you download the stupid "save more" app and you budget and you do every right thing and then the price of eggs is 7 dollars and you say - oh great! another thing i have to fucking worry about now!
and you go to your stupid job and everyone in your father's generation just tells you to be better about being an adult. they have their homes and their savings account and their bailout and they say. well have you tried not drinking starbucks. well your generation just spends too much on clothing. well you might just be too addicted to travelling. and you - because you need the job - you bite your tongue and don't say i am being held prisoner and you're suggesting i stop pacing my cell if i don't like the scenery and you don't say what the fuck do you think i've been doing with my money and you don't say i haven't spent a cent on something nice in literally forever much less coffee you arrogant asshole. you open and close your bank app and check your loans and check your credit score and check fucking zillow and ziprecruiter and apartments.com just one time more. and still they give you that demeaning little grin and say - see, what you need is -
what you need is for your meds to stop being so fucking expensive. what you need is for the housing bubble to explode into dust. what you need is for billionaires to choke on their wealth. what you need is actual help. what you will get is more economic advice from people who are older-and-wiser.
and above you, almost in a glimmer, you can see the wedged smile of your debt getting toothier, wider.
#i hate when people try to tell me i didn't do it right#what should i have done better#i did it ALL the right way#(not that there is a right way)#it's just that others feel comfortable believing that THEY did it the right way and that's how they made money#whereas i must have just committed a sin somewhere in there! i MUST be doing it wrong!!!#and i'm not a victim!!! im simply experiencing consequences!#and im like. where . where. wherewherewherewhere#i graduated top of my class. i was almost the student speaker.#i have always excelled at work and i work hard#i have been working since i was 13#WHERE !!!!! IS MY FUCKING !!!! MONEY!!!!!!#ps please do not make the assumption i am ablebodied or neurotypical.#i am neither of these things.#it DOES get worse if u are either of those things. so fuckin much#but @ the one anon who was like ''u could be X that would be worse u don't know how lucky u are''#.... don't i?#do i need to be luckier than someone else#or is it possible we are BOTH victims?#and that we need to work TOGETHER to resolve it#not just wave it off since it COULD be harder for someone else... it can be true we BOTH deserve better
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hi i can no longer act coy or hope that a job will come in time so im coming to everyone really embarassingly with my issues
in June I attempted to get fired from/left my job after having a really embarassing public meltdown due to having Rapid-Cycling Mixed Bipolar and the unending stress of that job of 3+ years. I've been struggling to get a job afterwards due to being in CA without a vehicle, and i'm currently working on an overdue commission so could not open up any more.
Soon after, my mother's car imploded, and a series of incidents related to a used engine and taking out a loan with a friend has left her both needing to pay back the loan and still needing to get a new car, putting her thousands in the hole.
my mother has allowed me to not worry about paying rent while unemployed, but now the person living with us is moving out, so it will be on me and my mother to pay rent, upping mine from $300 to $500 a month. I am currently job hunting with good prospects, but I am still in need of some assistance.
I DO NOT WANT TO ASK FOR DONATIONS WITHOUT GIVING SOMETHING IN RETURN, I have a very bad time taking help from people without doing something in return because I do not want people to feel like they Have to give me money or help me, I want to Offer something in return for that money, even in a situation like this, because I want everyone to come out on the other end feeling fulfilled, so I'm offering some (slow) cheaper commissions I can work on in between the bigger comm I owe.
My kofi is always open for donation sketches ---- you can donate the minimum amount (or whatever you prefer) and get a drawing like this of anything as long as you put it into the donation message!
i cant currently take on big commissions as I have one i owe and the commissioner is a very generous person who has been waiting a good few months for me to finish one during this hectic time, but if you're interested in getting something a little higher quality for a donation, a $30-50 USD donation can get you a ''simple commission'' styled drawing --- that is, you give me a prompt and character refferences (ocs or fanart, up to 2-3 characters depending on complexity), and I draw them like below (color complexity depends on price, the higher the amount the more the color).
You wont have access to revisions to make this as fast as possible, so i HIGHLY reccomend only getting fanart comms of these and to make sure you really like my style!!
this is one of those situations where I DEEPLY reccomend people do not donate unless they want something in return, if you dont wanna ask for a drawing or anything i reccomend going to people in more dire circumstances and helping them out with your donation!!!
but if you want to help me help my mother get out of a bad financial situation and get a little drawing in return, you can do a small dono and att a message of what you want doodled, or you can email me at [email protected] your $30-50 donation reciept and what you would like me to draw, and ill try to get them as soon as I can
thank you so much for checking this post out and keep it real old school!!!!! i promise once this is over and i get a job we'll be back to your regularly scheduled art posting
[EDIT: PLEASE DO NOT REBLOG THIS VERSION. I AM NO LONGER TAKING THE SIMPLE COMMISSION TIER. REBLOG THE ADDITION TO THIS POST GIVING AN UPDATE]
#i usually lock these posts cause i feel bad having a donation post circulate but this one time i wont#i dont know why i jsut feel so ashamed how much ive had to ask for money these past 2 years. i think its been p rare up until recently#but i hate doing it at all because i feel like a teenager again and it makes me feel horrible#so thats why i dont want just donos w nothing attached puh lease let me draw you something 😭😭😭😭
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i wanted to write a quick 3-chapter fic for day 4 of loa shiptober (how they met i think) and i (a fool) was like. yeah. i could totally write 3 chapters in a few hours. i was wrong. SO wrong. haven’t even finished kremy’s (the first one).
so instead have a maybe-past-kremy design that im conflicted about compared to his current design, as a peace offering
#i kinda hate this ngl#im still writing it it���ll be like a week or two late tho skfjd#i spend like 20 minutes playing around with one 5-line paragraph#logical human brain says edit after getting the story out#but the worms consuming it say “it has to be good on the first draft or else you suck” and i cant argue with that#i like to think that kremy used to dress kind of dark and simple bc he didnt have that much money to spend on luxuries#and he saved up for his silly fancy suit#and spooky fancy cane#and silly fancy tophat!#he has fun with it i think#kremy doesnt draw on a mustache every day for nothing gotta give him his flowers#not too sure how i feel about my past kremy design tbh#i did just pull up pinterest and search up suit. so. thats on me lol#let me know what yall think#thanks for reading my tag rambles mwah mwah#kremy appreciation <3#once upon a witchlight#legends of avantris#kremy lecroux#ouaw fanart#my art
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i have so many feelings about this conversation. the grief and guilt for the lives he took. how he’s able to sympathize with the gur and acknowledge what he’s done to them as well as what they did to him.
#frankie posts#bg3 spoilers#astarion#bg3#astarion acunin#bg3: vid#baldurs gate astarion#baldurs gate 3#i feel like i don’t see anyone talking about this.#like okay yes astarion is evil and selfish and amoral OBVIOUSLY#but when it comes to those that are disenfranchised#in acts one and two he hates them. bc he sees them as reflections of himself#but in act three there has been so much growth#like as long as it doesn’t have any effect on his own life (making it better or worse) he always approves of you helping kids#although he doesn’t approve of giving money to the refugees i think he approves of donating supplies?
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what's with ppl acting like if you didn't pick up something as a child then you'll never learn as if you're locked in stasis once you're an adult? it kinda makes me sad bc you spend most of your life as an adult :/ the idea that most of your life you're just miserably unable to do anything new is just so.... bleak
#adulthood does suck but no more than childhood 😭😭😭😭#like yeah i hate working but as a kid you spent so much time doing nothing waiting for your parents to finish#i feel like it's an even trade-off but now i have my own money and can do what i want when i want
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