#i hate low iQ freaks like them

[babesinterfiand]

i hate talking about communism because it gets everyone on my ass but wow it pisses me off so much. the marx'fems' will get pissy with me when i mention the communist genocides/famines/work camps (work camps - nazi camps without the gas) etc. because they love ignoring obvious issues with communism because 'it works on paper'. and when i talk about the island full of cannibals owned by stalin? or the rapes at the hands of the red army? ...

and its worth mentioning that it's actually like disgustingly ignorant to be a communist when you're a westerner because people are still being affected by communism (eg. georgia) and that those people actually fucking hate you and your privileged white arrogant asses for believing in something that is currently destroying their home, like wow FUCK you!

[tomorrowusa]

MAGA is really just a variant of fascism. The racist anti-Latino orgy of ethno-nationalism at MSG on Sunday has removed all doubt.

Dean Obeidallah at SubStack walks us through it.

Here is a sample of the hate buffet served up to the cheering MAGA crowd. 1.        Anti-women: Donald Trump again called VP Harris a "very low IQ individual." Tucker Carlson said to cheers if Harris wins she will be “the first Samoan, Malaysian, low IQ former California prosecutor ever to be elected president.”  Grant Cardone, a businessman said VP Harris and “her pimp handlers will destroy our country,” obviously suggesting Harris is a  prostitute. -David Rem a person the campaign identified as a childhood friend of Trump, brandished a crucifix and called Vice President Kamala Harris “the antichrist” and “the devil” to huge applause. 2.        Anti-Black: -The rally played Confederate favorite “Dixie” before Black GOP Rep. Byron Donalds came out at Madison Square Garden. -“This cool Black guy with the thing on his head, what is that a lampshade? Believe this guy? Just kidding, that’s one of my buddies. He had a Halloween party last night. We had fun, we carved watermelons together,” said podcaster and alleged comedian Tony Hinchcliffe. 3.        Anti-Latino and anti-Migrant hate: -Referring to Latino migrants, radio host Sid Rosenberg declared to cheers that they are causing crime and that: “The fucking illegals, they get whatever they want, don’t they?!” -“I don’t know if you guys know this, but there’s literally a floating island of garbage in the middle of the ocean right now. I think it’s called Puerto Rico,” said Tony Hinchcliffe. -“These Latinos, they love making babies. Let’s know that they do. They do. There’s no pulling out. They cum inside. Just like they did to our country!’ again Hinchcliffe. 4.        Anti-Arab/Palestinian hate: -Rudy Giuliani declared: "The Palestinians are taught to kill us at two-years old. There may have good people. I'm sorry I don't take a risk with people who are taught to kill Americans at two." He then declared to big cheers, “I’m on the side of Israel…Donald Trump is on the side of Israel.” 5. Anti-Semitism: -“You also know the Jews having a hard time throwing out that paper, you know what I’m saying?’ Hinchcliffe stated while mimicking holding money, playing on anti-Semitic trope that Jews are cheap. Before this MAGA event, some invoked the hate-filled February 20, 1939 Nazi rally at MSG billed as a "Pro American Rally" which featured a huge image of George Washington in between swastikas. After Sunday’s Trump rally, that comparison was no longer speculative, it was 100% accurate.

Yes, they even played "Dixie" – the Confederate anthem.

This event was held at a large venue in America's media capital with the intent of exposing as many Americans as possible to their message. They are not trying to hide anything. They want to make sure every last nutcake hears their words.

As David Frum via Charlie Sykes on SubStack observed:

This rally seems aimed at the crucial bloc of swing voters who like Donald Trump but worry that maybe he's not quite stupid and obnoxious enough. They need him and his team to squeeze out of the tube that one last plop of stupidity and obnoxiousness.

The stupidest thing for us to do is to freak out. Michael Tomasky wrote an excellent piece in The New Republic.

If You’re Being Fatalistic or Panicking, You Are Helping Donald Trump

It's way easier to prevent dictators than it is to get rid of them once they're here. So quit doomscrolling and do stuff in real life to save a whole lot of work in the future.

Volunteer | Kamala Harris for President

[misfitwashere]

Rallies at Madison Square Garden

Quotations from October 27th, 2024, and February 20th, 1939

Timothy Snyder

Nov 01, 2024

The following are quotations from Donald Trump’s closing campaign rally last week and the Nazi rally of the American German Bund in 1939.

Her and her pimp handlers will destroy our country

To attempt to thwart the will of nature by indiscriminately mixing the races of the world to produce some artificial standard human race is madness

'You know what? Kamala Harris, she got 85 million votes because she’s just so impressive.' As the first Samoan, Malaysian, low IQ, former California prosecutor ever to be elected president, it was just a groundswell of popular support and anyone who thinks otherwise is just a freak or a criminal.

There never has been and there can be no 'international' or 'interracial' culture

We carved watermelons together

Everyone knows she is a very low IQ individual

The Democrat party has forgotten about Americans. Rather than cater to Americans, they decided: 'You know what? It would just be easier to replace them with people who will be reliable voters'

I will stop the invasion of criminals coming into our country

They’re eating the pets up there

The United States is now an occupied country, but it will soon be an occupied country no longer

And these Latinos, they love making babies too. Just know that. They do. They do. There’s no pulling out. They don’t do that. They come inside, just like they did to our country.

The Gentile American worker is being sold down the river by international Jewish interests

But the fucking illegals, they get whatever they want, don’t they?

Jews have a hard time throwing that paper.

The Jew is most concerned with maintaining his stranglehold on the financial systems

They are indeed the enemy from within, but this is who we’re fighting.

They are now full-on to Marxism and socialism.

The menace of anti-national, God-hating Jewish-Bolshevism is deliberately minimized

Radical left Marxist rated even worse than crazy Bernie Sanders

The most sinister and corrupt forces on Earth

There’s only one person alive today that can fix all of it

If you like, see if you can tell which is which.

Once you have sorted it out, see if that makes anything better.

Donald Trump is working within a tradition, and he knows it.

Please share this post.

[punkeropercyjackson]

hi mate just came here to drop this here but AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I HATE THE OVERSEXUALIZATION OF ARAB WORDS IN FRENCH AND THE FACT THAT THEYRE ASSOCIATED WITH LOW IQ. LIKE FOR EXAMPLE AS A KID I CALLED MY PARENTS YEMMA AND BABA CUZ THATS NORMAL THATS WHO THEY ARE BUT THEN I STARTED SEEING THEM WHITE KIDS APPROPRIATING IT IN WEIRD CONTEXTS (sexual i just didn't get it) AND I JUST STOPPED AND STARTED CALLING THEM PAPA AND MAMAN WHEN NO THEYRE YEMMA AND BABA. OR JUST ARAB WORDS BEING CULTURALLY APPROPRIATED BY FRENCH FRAT BOYS WHO JUST USE THEM IN THE WRONG CONTEXT AND LOOK NOT ITS ONLY SAID BY STUPID PEOPLE AND GANGSTERS. FOR EXAMPLE HENDEK WHICH MEANS BEWARE AND IS GENERALLY USED BY YOUR MOM WHEN IS ABOUT TO WHOOP YOUR ASS IF YOU DONT SHUT IT RN THEM WHITE BOYS TURNED IT INTO A SLANG FOR COPS. DUDE WTF ? AND ALL OF OUR CULTURE BEING APPROPRIATED BY FRENCH BOHOS AND HIPPIES FOR THE AESTHETIC ASPECTS CUZ WE CANT HAVE PRETTY STUFFS THATS GOTTA BE COMMODIFIED AND WHITE WASHED ! AND THE REST MEH GIVE IT TO THOSE FRAT BOYS WHO DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT US. OH AND WHATEVER IS LEFT MAKE IT SEXUAL ! FOR EG HABIBI WHICH MEANS LOVER BOY AND IS OFTEN USED PLATONICALLY ESPECIALLY WITH YOUNG KIDDOS WELL I SAW A WHITE ALT RIGHT ACTIVIST GIRL CALLING HER EQUALLY BIGOTED BF HABIBI AND GIRLS ON TIKTOK MAKING IT SO SEXUAL. GUYS THATS SOMETHING I SAY TO MY 9YO BROTHER WTF IS WRONG WITH YALL ? WERE EITHER SEXUALIZED CRIMINALIZED OR COMMODIFIED ! CANT WE JUST EXIST ? NAH BUT WITH ALL OF THOSE TERRORIST ALLEGATIONS ON TOP OF THAT AND THE GROWING HATRED OF MAGHREBIS IN FRANCE ! IM JUST SO FUCKEN DONE ! WE CANT EXIST ! AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON ARAB FISHING TO COMFORT TO THE BEURETTE STEREOTYPE ! And anyway time for a maghrebi arab and black solidarity moment from what I read on your blog you guys also have this kind of experience and just reading it made me feel seen even though we're not from the same community. Keep up with the good work you're so cool and good at putting into words feelings I had about a lot of stuffs ! you slay beyond mortal comprehension love takow ps : drink water

1.YESSSSSSSSSSSS GET THEY ASS,DESTROY THOSE FREAKS!!!

2.White people when something isn't about sex:Hmmm sounds innacurate

3.True true true!!!!As a black person i love arab people so much and how much we can share♡

4.Ahhhh tysm,i'm so happy i could!!My posts are often made with the intention of that so i'm glad i could :'>

5.I will and i will also be eating soup with lemon juice for dinner :]]]

[astrronomemes]

ASTRO BOY (2009): STARTERS

a collection of quotes, phrases, and sayings taken from the 2009 Astro Boy remake. change & alter as needed.

“For rocket science, it wasn’t exactly rocket science.”

“He’s a dangerous idiot who happens to have a high IQ.”

“Jeez, kid, you’re like, thirteen years old. It’s time you grew a backbone.”

“You scientists think you’re the only ones with the brains.”

“Everything’s going to be fine, I promise.”

“Quality time! Bonding! All the good things!”

“My job now is to be your father.”

“You know, I haven’t had this much fun since... well, ever!”

“I think I’ve made a terrible mistake.”

“How did I think this could work?!”

“What’s wrong with me? Why don’t you love me anymore?”

“Well, this is definitely going in my diary as the most exciting day of my life!”

“Why would you want to go someplace where people think you’re garbage?”

“If you can’t come up with a sensible suggestion, then kindly mind your own business!”

“I know. I hate losing, too. If you want proof of that, you can ask any of my wives.”

“Relax, son, we’re family here! We’re allowed to ask questions!”

“I’m gonna tell them! Just... not yet, okay?”

“Almost makes me wish I could read.”

“It weighs hundreds of tons! What are you gonna do, put it in your backpack?”

“Kid, I think you’ve got the makings of a champion.”

“Oh, you’re almost too good to be true, kid. Keep this up, and I may just have to adopt you!”

“Do you ever feel like you just... don’t fit in? Like you’re different to everyone else, kind of an outsider?”

“Well, what did you expect? Rock, paper, scissors?”

“Somebody programmed him to be nice. He’s not really nice!”

“What kind of robot are you?”

“This isn’t your fault, you know. You’re fantastic. Absolutely first-class. Superb. Wonderful.”

“I guess fitting in can be a lot more complicated than it seems, huh?”

“In any conflict between positive and negative energy, the negative always prevails! Look at human history! Look at me!”

“When the going gets tough, smart people take a hike.”

“Onward and upward, [name].”

“It’s not fair. All he ever did was help people.”

“Where have you been, sweetie? We searched high and low for you!”

“I am so freaked right now!”

“Are you sure you’re ready for this, [name]?”

[cxffeeshxp]

🔥🔥

~ This is unpopular, really struggling with them for this meme but whatever.

I think the whole drama that surrounded the whole Poison bit that leaked before episode 3 and 4 of Hazbin even dropped only further proved my whole 'media literacy is dying' and 'a good portion of the hate Hazbin/Helluva is just weird parasocial shit' because at NO point, even with the clip, could it be interpreted as a GOOD thing Angel was being abused... at all. But a bunch of freaks looked at that drooling and digging through the Twitter of Viv and some random storyboarder to claim it was pro SA when it clearly wasn't.

It was made even more apparent when the episode actually came out it wasn't pro SA and that Val, which should have been obvious from Addict and the fact he is a PIMP, is a piece of shit to Angel and Angel is miserable.

Like people can critique the show, and should, nothing is free of criticism, but man, does some of it just come off as... low IQ to put it nicely.

[katyspersonal]

It just will forever baffle me how unfair he has been. He kept constantly blaming me for all that was going wrong in his life, he could get upset to the point of wanting to hurt himself or worse over things as little as me disagreeing with his creative ideas or not wanting to listen to something he wanted to share at the moment, he abandoned his friend he knew for two years because he got interested in me too much to give her enough - and then because he convinced himself she didn't care for him anymore.

And I knew, all along, that I was not right for him. I kept telling him to keep reaching out and seek friends that he'd actually like and actually get along with. I kept insisting that he was doing it to himself by clinging to me where clearly he hated me to the point I could've hurt him by as much as setting up boundaries, having different opinions or having limitations as a human being. I told him that that friend he abandoned still cared for him and he could not just decide FOR her. But over and over, he denied everything and begged me to stay, saying how much he wanted to have future together, how I was like a sister he lost a chance to have, how we were supposed to share life experiences together and how I was the only one that felt "real". I kept sticking around despite the abuse, despite how much he was ruining my mental health and my social life (being abused distances you from even close people), all because I could not stand seeing him so hurt and alone. And the last deceit hurt especially bad, because he made me truly believe him. He said something that made me lose my guard, my focus on the fact that I was just a placeholder in his life until he finds someone fitting.

And just like I kept saying, as soon as he got enough money for good life, his mental health improved upon switching meds or something, he met a new friend and reconnected with that exact one he abandoned earlier - he declared me a dead weight on his life that has only been "killing" him and declared that the almost two years he spent with me were just a bad dream he was happy to finally forget.

I knew all along that the best thing I could do for him was to leave him, but I never did. I should have before he stopped caring for me entirely out of blue, because now he didn't even learn anything. He lost nothing of value in his eyes, just a person that "wasted his time". So what if his current friends """fail""" him again? He'll just seek an outlet in new ones, until they prove "useless" and he'll ditch them too, and so on. Some people just can't appreciate someone's personality, they only value people for what they can give to them. Or.. is it just me? At times I am genuinely annoyed when people tell me I am a valuable person and anyone who can't love and appreciate me is an idiot, because on the contrary, in my life all people that despised me and saw me as a waste of their time the most were all high IQ, very well-read and educated, very sophisticated individuals. Clearly, there is a correlation between being very smart and deeming me as human garbage - in a way jealous haters, hypocritical control freaks and callous ableists I've met online never could.

Honestly, sometimes I should decide for someone else. I always knew he hated me and splitting with me was to the better for him, but I let his tears and clinginess force me to feel bad and go back every time. And to doubt that maybe I was the delusional one and could not be sure of someone else's needs. Honestly, guys - when you are given every single indication that you are hated and only kept around out of their fear of loneliness and low self-esteem... it is all there is. It is not a situation where you should listen to your heart, to hope or to give benefit of the doubt. Being abused is something you can only comprehend with mind and knowledge, there is no bigger story and no intricate matters.

Still, I hate how as painfully stupid and naive for my age as I am, I've been able to understand things way more correctly than a much older, much more mature person with high intellect and tons more of life experience. I was right all along, but I hate being right sometimes. And I hate always being discarded as soon as people's lives improve. I hate always being just a placeholder. Apparently, no one whose life is good would ever want to burden themselves with me.

[theonesigngle1]

One piece: modern highschool au (1)

Prolgue:1

---------------------

Highschool, a new day, a new you they say, as a teenager you'd normally describe as a normal day in hell.It's my last day of summer meaning a brand new school, new start, and new classmates.

One piece high, a place for misfits, unfortunate, unique, powerful people where you're either accepted by a letter or family status. It was unfortunately my last choice of japan highschools. This school was popular and rare to get into. It has secrets, unhackable accounts that no one barely knows about what's going on, on the inside. Government involved high ratings and no low ratings on many sites.

Now what does that have to do with me? A pretty normal girl if I do say so myself. Not that much interested in guys and they're just as interested in me as I am into them. Meaning not at all. Never had luck in guys or maybe I was just not interested in real, living ones.  I sometimes wear makeup, only if I actually wake up on the right side of the bed. I have a normal family, a father, a mother, and a few siblings. An average IQ and good grades (...ish) and everything is good. I'm normal. An average joe per say, a bit of an asshole though take after my daddy…not a…dick.. And not good with the guys or attraction. Maybe the teenage pimples, not so clear skin and acne. At Least I'm content with my body and feel hot. I don't need guys anyway. Just a few dollars to save

Now on about my living situation. My current status of living is pretty average. Downtown grand line city. My dad runs a strip club and my moms a bartender. Not so bad. They aren't abusive but sometimes fight over the smallest stuff. Don't know how they haven't divorced yet, must be that true love stuff from the disney movies I binge. Gotta feel like a princess somehow. Shoot, I'm straying off. My dad makes decent money and my mom makes decent tips. Mom works at a rip off bar and my dad owns a strip club. Pretty normal. Moms are a bit over protective, while my dad is a chilll hard core football fan. Cheers on his favorite team.

Now the whole country we live in is huge. We have a border between two big cities separated into smaller cities. Grand line city is one part while new world city is the other half. Both have huge populations but the cities are run by gangs..and the police. Sirens go off all the time in downtown, and that's where the poor less fortunate While the rich snobs live in the new world. Assholes i tell you

Onto onto my ordeal. I don't wanna go to this new school, I'm pretty sure it's run by murder mafia. Trusting my gut on this one. I could jump off my balcony above my dads club and break a leg..he won't be too mad. We have insurance… And a leg is a leg.  But..I wanna kick some ass..ugh.. I hate this..teenage hormones and laws forcing us to go to a shitty school. Damn the education system..

My mom bought me the uniform and packed my things.. Live near the campus apparently.. Rich school I guess… In the middle, built on both new world and grand line grounds. Large school..like really big..Tall hoes and like really abnormal bodies too.. Hopefully no pick me's or i'm not like other girls. I just wanna get these school years done with. You get me? Just me and no bitches bout' to go to a school with my pretty bitched..i like men and women brain.. Damn..  I suppose I'll just have to wait.. I also forced my mom to get me a freaking my bluey backpack as a fake for the first day. Meaning I'm gonna step on the back of people's calves and laugh.

New school, new life they say. Uniform uncomfortable. Gonna have to wear shorts.

My mom bought me a normal bookbag. Epic betrayal. On my end.  But she didn't get me those good mechanical pencils. And a bunch of paper, been geeking at that. I can take my phone. Yippie. Okay so..how bad can this school be..

[papirouge]

oh, I understood that the supposed "trans allegory" applied to only one story, but I admit I didnt know about the animatronics being possesed by dead children. the problem is that i'm kind of a wimp so i usually avoid horror, but if even kids could play it it shouldn't be that horrible right? also, does that video feature screamers or something? some content creators do that when discussing horror related stories or formats like the iceberg videos and I really hate screamers lol

the american system is so weird in general to me, the fact that they only have a two party system when in my country there are like dozens of different political parties lmao. once we literally had 13 different presidencial candidates to choose from.

and notch is a certified asshole. after that, he simply stopped being involved in minecraft and kept on commenting on his twitter. i think he even mentioned the iq race theory once. he also seemed to be one of those guys that believes women only care about money, so when he finally became rich due to minecraft success, he was completely flabbergasted that women still kept rejecting him right and left lmao. he attributed this to him being too successful, and women being afraid of his success thus prefering subpar men to date. and I know all of this because he thought tweeting it all was a good idea. lets remember that a big part of his audience were literal kids.

i actually thought it was good that nintendo/game freak were attentive enough to change jynx skin and her facial features somewhat to avoid being insensitive even if it wasn't their intention. it has a different connotation in other countries, and it resembled black face whether people like to admit it or not, so some black kids could have been offended by it and decided to never play again. They had a similar but less known controversy with the character lenora, a black woman gym leader who wears an apron. nintendo of america thought she resembled a mammy so they removed her apron.

also, I remember once watching a video about the jynx controversy saying ganguro started earlier and in the same place the nintendo or pokemon office resided, but i dont remember well. then there's also mr popo from dragon ball, which is a very similar design, and in general akira toriyama designed his black characters with big pink lips, not to mr popo levels, but he did say he had never seen a black person before designing his characters and that's why they looked like that.

plus lets be honest, stereotypical racist black characters were actually somewhat common in japan, like the doll dakko chan which represented a little black girl.

I too stopped engaging with horror content since a while, but fnaf games are more like jumpscare type of games. There's nothing (visually) fundamentally horrific in them beside the lore.

And don't worry, I went through the whole 9 hours video and there's no jumpscare lol (that's something very shitty to do in a lore/iceberg video imo)

And LOL at that scrote coping about women feeling intimidated by his wealth? When there are entire armies of sugar babies around... Dead. 💀 Dude must be very awful to be around with because there are women willing to have sex with geriatric aged men with diapers for the money... They definitely aren't "intimidated" but much...

And sperging about IQ race theory is textbook White trash loser behavior. You know, those guys broke as hell and with a shitty life but they cling that narrative because "at least I'm not a low IQ nigger 🤪" to which I always wanna reply "sure but, where did that Caucasian high level IQ lead you to? look at your life. At least a bunch of those low IQ Africans have a house, family and job. You're obese, with no friends and living in a trailer park. Get your life on check before obsessing over people living on the other side of the globe 💀" Those people rely on fantasizing on other people's misery being worse, to make their own brand of misery less painful. "At least I'm not Black 🤪" they say while drowning under debt, on medication, with no job, and without any fulfilling human connection.... Tragic.

Africa has its own problem, but NGL when I see my uncles, aunt, cousins conservation on our family WhatsApp group they seem happier/more mentally stable than the average western netizen. It's really striking.

I'd rather have no Black character in anime than those shitty depictions 💀 the only japanese made Black character I'll acknowledge is HxH Canary and Kimberly in Street Fighter 8s freaking cute too (it's a GIANT step up compared to Elena from SF3 who was supposed to be Kenyan but had blue eyes and non textured(?) white hair(??)....💀). I heard they asked for an actual Black woman to give them tips so im not surprised the result is great. Black women are the only relevant ambassador of our owb representation). The average mangaka is to ignorant to properly pull out Black characters.For some reason I always assumed that Mr. Popo wasn't even human (more like an alien, like the namek lol) Toriyama excuse of not seeing a Black person irl to pull out such awful portrayal of black people is stupid. There were definitely photograph and shows featuring Black people. Wasn't Japan already industrialized in the 80s? They didn't have TV or poster magazine ? Bye.

[x3rrorx]

You’re a freak of nature and I need you to know that. I’ve been following this since your last blog, and what’s crazy is you sometimes bring up “other people” talking about the exes but you’re the only one who got a blog taken down for harassment and then made another, as a grown woman, to try and knock the exes of your idol. You’re the gum stuck to the bottom of that man’s shoe. And it makes sense! Since you only ever talk about your mom, I’m willing to bet daddy’s not around and that’s why you’re unhealthily white knighting for a man who doesn’t remember who you are. Always playing the victim, accusing people of doxxing you for showing your accounts that YOU had linked, including things you have the exact same name on. I’ve seen your FB myself, all you have to do is search your name and it’s the ONLY account to come up. Speaking of, it makes sense to me why this means so much to you. You have the markers of fetal alcohol syndrome and your teeth look like Peter Rabbit. They say that’s a marker of a low IQ, and I think if they did a study on you that would prove it. This is all out of jealousy because you think his exes are mid but he doesn’t even remember you and the crown. You’re below the bottom. You’re living in a fantasy land where you think your faves would let you shoot photos for them, meanwhile the photos you take look like shit. My suggestion would be to find a job and pay for some photog classes. Find something better to do with your time. I know you bitched at us for not supporting your work that you post, it’s because we all know you’re a cunt. You don’t deserve the praise. You deserve every ounce of hate you’re getting from these girls and the worst part is that you can’t even see it. You think you’re doing the right thing. Tsk.

Just say you know nothing of what you’re talking about and move on 😂 not a single thing you just said was even close to the truth.

So let’s unpack this. Let me tell you how wrong you are.

My blog didn’t get taken down for harassment. Nothing I have posted wasn’t what was already posted online. My blog god taken down because I posted about her OF.

No one cares that they fucked Noah. I’m friends with an “ex” of his cause she’s not fucking battshit crazy and weird like these girls have been. So it genuinely has nothing to do with the fact that they were with Noah. So was OG, she was someone who actually could have had a long real relationship if she chose that path. You don’t see me talking shit about her. It’s how these girls have been acting and portraying themselves. It bothers more than just me. That’s why I consistently get sent screenshots sent to me about what they have said and done.

They literally have talked about getting a bad omens tattoo… they made a playlist named “unblock me Noah”. Have made multiple tumblrs to talk about Noah. WHILE HAVING A BOYFRIEND.

“Since you only ever talk about your mom, I'm willing to bet daddy's not around”

I’ve only ever talked about my mother because someone made a threat towards her. I have my mom and my dad as well as a bonus dad. All who have been in my life. Weird assumption you would make.

“Always playing the victim, accusing people of doxing you for showing your accounts that YOU had linked”

Again WRONG. I never had this particular Facebook linked. And you say it’s not doxxing but also believe I doxxed them? How does that make sense. Everything I’ve ever posted about them was shit they posted themselves. If they didn’t dox me, I for fucking sure didn’t ever dox them. Make it make sense.

“I’ve seen your FB myself”

Oh so you admit you’re a fucking weirdo stalking my shit just like the rest of them. Embarrassing you’d admit that but in the same breath say I’m the stalker and weirdo and freak of nature. 😂😂😂 just say you’re a fucking moron and be on your way.

“It’s the only account to come up”

WRONG AGAIN!! Here’s the thing babe. I have a family account and another account for friends and bands and other creatives. They found both. My guess is you found the public one. I’m not bothered by the fucking public one. I’m bothered that they found my more private one, went to my list of family members, went to my mother’s Facebook, searched through her shit and found her place of work. But you’re right… I’m the freak of nature 🤔🥴

“It makes sense to me why this means so much to you. You have the markers of fetal alcohol syndrome and your teeth look like Peter Rabbit.”

The most wrong you could fucking me out of this whole thing 😂 “markers of fetal alcohol syndrome” babe… I rarely fucking drink. I have been simi drunk maybe twice my whole life. You are looking like a god damn fool with how incorrect you have been with EVERYTHING.

And my teeth? Is that all you guys have is commenting about peoples looks? I don’t have perfect teeth and they gap out. Ooooo. You got me. How will I ever go on. Telling me shit I’m already well aware of about myself 😂 babe, I’m perfectly happy with how I look. If I wanted to fix my shit I’d go get braces and bam, all good. Can’t change your shitty ass attitude and mindset though. Maybe some mental help would do some good.

Babe this all sounds like you’re a jealous little girl not getting her way. Grow the fuck up. Stop making account t after account. It’s fucking embarrassing. Stop stalking my shit and being a fucking weirdo cause you have no life. Stop deflecting your issues onto me. No one gives a rats ass. You just pull shit out of your ass as if it means something. Go do something with your life. You’re bottom barrel babe.

Also… what the fuck are you talking about where I’ve bitched at anyone for not supporting my work? 😂 do you just hear voices in your head or something. Like you genuinely just made up a whole ass paragraph based on shit that’s not even real. Please go seek help cause what the fuck kind of drugs are you taking. Yikes.

You need to take a look in the mirror and say these things to yourself. You’re deflecting it all on to me when it’s you guys that need to be hearing all of this. Have a good one. Get the help you desperately need. Stop making accounts to message me.

[eldrai]

Not Worth It

Whumptober 2021 - day 3 - prompt: insult

Character: Reid

Warnings: ableism, r-slur, brief/mild homophobia

Words: 2.2k

Summary: Spencer isn’t naïve. He is young and he looks young but he isn’t stupid. He hadn’t graduated with the expectation that because he was older, had qualifications to back him up, the world would collectively mature in kind. After all, he’d gained his relative immunity to insults because it hurt less to let them taunt him than it had to confront them and end up shoved in a locker or tied up on the football field.

He had hoped things might be different. Not expected. Not assumed.

Just hoped.

ao3 / masterlist

“—were actually invented in the early fifteenth century, though the first versions were, uh, significantly more spherical and made of a wood like beech. It’s also highly likely they used cows’ hair inside leather—”

The cop – Maciewicz – nudges the officer beside him. “Does he ever stop talking?”

Spencer is fairly sure the jab is intended to be audible. It’s an interesting social convention, that sort of insult, where everyone including the target hears it but the person who said it can’t be called out on it because they supposedly directed it at nobody in particular. Interesting, and very high-school of them: Maciewicz is closer to forty than thirty and beginning to bald, and the stale remnants of cigarette smoke follows his colleague wherever he goes.

It doesn’t offend Reid these days. Attending a public LA high school is its own distinct circle of hell but doing so at nine? University at twelve? He’s been called most names under the sun and petty insults don’t get under his skin like they used to.

Which isn’t to say they aren’t annoying.

What he hates the most is the variety of people who insult him: they all have different reactions, different sore spots, and getting them to go away isn’t a one-size-fits-all situation. Reid has dealt with enough bullies to understand that ‘ignore them and they’ll go away’ is useless, if not downright dangerous advice, but there is a whole spectrum of solutions which may or may not work. Get it wrong, and they just grow more persistent.

Spencer isn’t naïve. He is young and he looks young but he isn’t stupid. He hadn’t graduated with the expectation that because he was older, had qualifications to back him up, the world would collectively mature in kind. After all, he’d gained his relative immunity to insults because it hurt less to let them taunt him than it had to confront them and end up shoved in a locker or tied up on the football field.

He had hoped things might be different. Not expected. Not assumed.

Just hoped.

Of course they aren’t.

He pays them no mind and continues to explain the significance of the golf balls their unsub keeps leaving behind. If they didn’t want him to talk, they shouldn’t have asked for his opinion.

This seems like a fairly straightforward case and with any luck, they’ll only have to tolerate the local police department for a couple of days more.

He may have jinxed it.

(Once when they had come to take his Mom to inpatient, Spencer had overheard someone at the front desk talking lowly to someone else, and her words had stuck with him: see, that’s what you get for saying it’s quiet today!

That was always the gist of what was said on TV hospital dramas too. Police chaos isn’t all that different from hospital chaos, he thinks. There’s always too much of it and it’s unpredictable in its unpredictability.)

The curveball this time is their unsub is not a lone male but a male-female duo – he carries out the kills but under her direction. Classic submissive-dominant dynamic. The thing with pairs is they crack. Bend under the pressure until they break and lives are lost in the collateral damage.

Case in point: Marcy Edgeworth, aged twenty-four, Caucasian female, death by blunt force trauma. She is the first female victim and the first to have been left to lie where she’d died. That isn’t a good sign. No indication of sexual assault pre- or post-mortem but there is an incomplete ring of bite marks just beneath her right collarbone, exposed due to her torn shirt.

“What, never seen a naked girl before?” Jamison – Maciewicz’s colleague – mutters. Just low enough for Spencer to hear as he is trying to get on with his job, unlike a certain pair of officers.

“Woman,” he corrects, for her age, “and yes, I have.”

He hopes the lightness in his tone offsets the brusqueness. Spencer shifts his crouching into kneeling and leans forwards to examine her hair. It’s an artificial red – her roots and her eyebrows are blonde – and their previous victims have all had brown hair.

“Only counts if it’s outside a morgue,” Maciewicz chimes in.

He ignores them but their gaze burns the back of his head, and their presence has his guard raised. They stand behind him and their shadows stretch out over the grass either side of him. They’re going for a reaction, Spencer assumes.

Biting is an interesting thing without an accompanying sexual assault. If nothing else it gives them a good estimation of their male unsub’s teeth. The impression he’s getting from the scene is one of interruption, an impulse kill whose victim he had to leave too soon. It is a public park and it was an early-morning dog walker who found her – likely a jogger or someone on a night shift.

Jamison clears his throat once, twice, then taps him on the shoulder. Spencer rears away from his touch. People never ask, they just do.

“Yes?” he asks.

“Oh, nothing,” Jamison says. “I – we – we were wondering why you do that… thing.”

“What thing?” Spencer asks.

Jamison gestures. “You know, the – you know.”

Is that some sort of punchline he’s missing? Spencer glances over at Maciewicz and finds a mild amusement. Nothing to indicate he should be laughing, nor should he know what they do mean.

Maybe he’s missing the cue. He’s better at it these days, but not perfect.

“No, I don’t.”

With a furtive glance at the precinct’s captain, deep in conversation with one of the forensic technicians, Jamison sighs. “The thing with your hands, the—” He shakes his hands in an exaggerated manner.

Spencer’s hands still. He hadn’t thought it was very noticeable and more to the point, Jamison is definitely overexaggerating it like kids in middle school used to do. Only back then they had his unusual gait and meltdowns to mock too. “I don’t do that,” he says firmly.

(He’d answer it if it was a genuine question. Respectful. He loves people who ask out of genuine good intent. They are few and far between.)

Maciewicz snickers.

“Yeah, you do,” Jamison says. “I want to know why, that’s all.”

“Makes you look like a retard,” Maciewicz adds.

…and there it is.

He goes cold from head to toe. It never fails to make him feel as if someone has just dumped a bucket of water right over him, washing away his enthusiasm and excitement and everything else he values. Leaves the bare bones, the weirdness, each of the hundred ways he never quite fits in.

Spencer hates the word.

Because they don’t care about his IQ or eidetic memory or reading skill when they say that, and they don’t care after he tells them.

Nobody calls him that because they think he is. They say it to hurt him.

He wishes it wouldn’t.

Despite how often he’s heard it, he never has a response. His mind goes blank and all he can pull from it is the roots – re,from Latin: back, and tardus, from Latin: slow – as if they give a damn about etymology. As if that’s a normal person’s response. Today is no exception so it’s a blessing when Morgan wanders over.

“You got anything, pretty boy?” he asks. Maciewicz and Jamison snort. If Morgan hears it, he pays it no mind. “They found a guy’s baseball cap over there. No hair but it looks like it’s our man’s.”

And once again, his mind goes blank. Makes you look like a retard. He’d been thinking about – the bite mark, yes, what does that indicate? Spencer catches his hands moving and shoves them in his pockets before they can. “He was interrupted,” he says. “It explains why the bite isn’t complete and why he didn’t notice he’d left his hat.”

Morgan nods. “The person who found the body didn’t recall seeing anyone else around, so you think he’d just left before they got there?”

“Probably,” Spencer says. “I think the woman might be blonde. If they got into a fight, he’d be stressed, he’d be thinking about her. Maybe she reminded him of her.”

“Could be the hair, could be something else,” Morgan says. “He won’t have talked to her, not if he hit her from behind.”

“What if they did? She could have walked away—”

“Maybe,” Morgan says. “But if her hair was dyed, he wouldn’t see that unless they were up close, right? He’d initially go for her because she’s got red hair, not blonde. And if they did talk, Prentiss says no woman’s gonna just turn her back on a strange man. Especially in the middle of the night with no-one around.”

It’s a valid point, and it isn’t condescending. Nonetheless it hurts. Spencer studies the ground for a long moment and tries to forget (retard) Maciewicz and Jamison. “The unsub isn’t going to be someone he’s sexually attracted to,” he says. “He didn’t assault her, and if the victim reminds him of the other unsub, he’d probably have tried to even if someone interrupted him before he really could.”

A burst of laughter from Maciewicz and Jamison. His cheeks go hot with embarrassment—they must be talking about him, what else is there to laugh about? Morgan follows his gaze. “There a problem?” he asks.

Maciewicz holds up his hands in mock surrender. “No, no. Just… the hell is that about, ‘pretty boy’?”

Morgan shrugs. Spencer isn’t sure if it’s as casual as it looks.

“Well, makes sense,” Jamison says. “Course he’s gonna freak out over a naked girl if he doesn’t swing that way.”

…oh, great.

Spencer doesn’t mind exactly what they say as much as the implication—that they know, that they’re entitled to know his sexuality. How they say it as if gay is equivalent to bad. Once again, how utterly high school it all is. And he knows Morgan isn’t going to appreciate it either, probably more insulted on his behalf than Spencer himself.

“And you care, because...?” Morgan says, looking back and forth between them.

“I don’t,” Jamison says.

“He’s…” Maciewicz stammers, “…you know.”

“Smarter than you?” Morgan suggests. “Better at his job than you? A better person than you?”

“You don’t have to stick up for him,” Jamison says. “Must get annoying to deal with a re—”

“It’s fine,” Spencer interrupts. It isn’t. It really isn’t but it isn’t worth the conversation. How tiring it gets to deal with it, how much easier it is to walk away. These officers aren’t going to change their worldview on disabilities all of a sudden. “Morgan.”

Morgan takes in his posture, the unnatural stillness as he forces himself not to fidget, though the look in his eyes doesn’t fade. “The only people I don’t want to ‘deal with’ are both of you.”

The men share a look – not so much chastened as disappointed their fun was interrupted – but they do back off.

“They already seem to think I’m incapable,” Spencer says irritably. “I said it was fine, I didn’t need you to say anything.”

He crouches down to examine the bite again.

“It didn’t matter,” Spencer says. His hands itch and despite needing to, he can’t bring himself to move. Makes you look like a retard.

“Does if it bothers you,” Morgan insists. “And it did, don’t look at me like that.”

He sighs. They’re not even there any more, the two cops out on patrol and them revisiting the penultimate crime scene. “I’m used to it.”

“And?” Morgan says. “Just because you are doesn’t mean you have to put up with it—”

“It was five minutes at most,” Spencer points out. “Everyone else was fine.”

“Yeah, and they were dicks.”

He shrugs.

“What else did they say?”

Spencer rolls the fabric of his sweater between his fingers and feigns ignorance. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, what else did they say when I wasn’t there, ‘cause they said something.”

“Makes you look like a retard.”

He doesn’t mean to say it – wasn’t sure what he had planned to say, but it certainly wasn’t that – but he says it nonetheless, his tone mimicking the disdain and irritation. And now Morgan definitely isn’t going to believe him if he says he’s fine and it’s going to make the situation worse to explain that he mostly is, he just hasn’t heard it for a while, he’s used to it.

Stupid echolalia.

“Like I said,” Morgan says, “they were dicks.”

Spencer doesn’t point out being rude doesn’t automatically mean lying. “I’ve heard worse.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t give them the right to say stuff like that.”

He rocks back on the balls of his feet. His hands aren’t co-operating but the swaying motion is a good substitute. “I’m okay.”

“You know,” Morgan says casually, “whenever you lie, you stand exactly the same way.”

Spencer looks up. The expression on Morgan’s face falls somewhere between sadness and sympathy but, he thinks, not pity. It’s a nice change.

“Kid, the only thing you’re gonna get from pretending you’re OK is worse,” Morgan says. “It’s not worth it. Not for anyone but especially not morons like that.”

“It’s not worth it,” Spencer repeats. The words catch in his thoughts and he murmurs it again and again and Morgan isn’t even slightly annoyed at him.

(It isn’t worth it—he knows this—but maybe it is. Just a tiny bit. Just for the part where he has friends who tell him things like this, who don’t mind when he’s awkward. Who don’t mind him.

Friends who say nothing about it but when they get back to the station, the pair are getting chewed out by a pissed off captain.)

A/N: I had trouble getting this to flow as well as my other ones, there's something about it I just can't figure out. Regardless, I hope you enjoy it.

[inkla-kirisame]

If someone was flirting with you

Context: you and your partner were having a couple time but they go for something, when they turned around, they saw a womanizer flirting with you, they also had a little revenge against them

Warnings: revenge (mostly nuclear, supernova and black hole) and language

Side note: I wanted to add Lisa, the Gunnhildr sisters, Am-, I mean, Fischl, but I didn’t have any idea of how to make them, I also wanted to add Beidou, I guess there will be a second part. Also, it not a Yandere headcanon, just jealousy and warth

Diluc

Oh, the irony....

He might have fire vision but he can and will treat that person so coldly that it could bring Snezhnaya to a second (or third) age of ice

Even Kaeya is scared of this, and knows very well not to flirt with his brother’s partner or else he would be dead

“Hold my grape juice”

He goes for something he saved for this time

The poor guy literally when to hell that day

Turns out, Diluc himself served him his strongest wine with a little surprise (read as: laxatives, some poison for rats and who knows what)

The cost of this was that (Y/N) didn’t talk to him for a long period

Extra: the guy might lost some value things that night and things that didn’t belong to him were there, he also got a visit from the Knights of favonius... by an anonymous report

Razor

Between the persons you don’t want to piss, is him, he might look sweet but with his family (or pack) he goes ballistic, with his partner is worse

When he saw someone flitting with... oh boy, he was seeing CRISMON

The next thing you know is that Razor is punching this guy in his face, not caring if he is going to kill that guy

You managed to turn him away from him, he immediately went from berserk wolf mode to worried puppy mode

You thanked him but also scolded him from that

The wolfs always haunted him when being in the forest

Venti

He was mad but managed to control himself

“(Y/N), dear, I’m so happy to see you” he said trying to hold his anger... but he was boiling inside

“A bard? Is this your fucking boyfriend?” The guy maniacally laughed “he looks like a girl!!!” Venti was about to shut him up but you were faster than him

Long story short: you broke his nose and went home with Venti

He might be the god of freedom, but this wasn’t free from his warth

The next day, his whole house ended up in the ocean and all his money ended up with the fatui as “a gift to the Tsaritsa, from B.”

The guy was loaded with moras and hated the fatui like most people, he only knew that his money and jewelry ended with them because he saw them talking about the mysterious donator

“Oh, my, did you find it out so quickly? My bad”

He turned around and saw the Anemo Archon, Barbatos, before him, but now that he looked close to him... he was that bard with the girl/boy he tried to bang

Yep, you fuck up, buddy

Every time he saw you or Venti, he would tremble and see you like the Stormterror was going to eat him

He might not be someone who enjoys the misfortune of others, but damn, Venti enjoyed every time he saw that guy trembling, knowing that he learned his lesson

Xiao

NEVER flirt with the girl of a guy that lived so many years and still look young because he is a deity (or semi), that is known to kill thing that can destroy a whole city, that lost almost all of his friends and/or family and that his girlfriend is so precious to him

But some people... aren’t that smart...

He saw you and this guy who was eating almond tofu, YOUR HOMEMADE ALMOND TOFU, but that wasn’t the worst, he was trying to kiss you and flirt with you IN FRONT OF HIS FACE

There was one thing he was happy about this and it was that you defended yourself and tried to push him away, telling him that you have a partner and you were happy with him, it prove to him that you were so loyal to him despite being ausent, he was going to repaid it to you later

He appeared behind you and put one around your shoulder and said “get away from my partner, now”

He obviously made his life miserable, lost his home, money, family and other things, the guy almost sore that a man with a demon mask always saw him and that he was smiling

Weeks later, you both encountered the guy pleading for money

Xiao asked you to go with Xiangling to talk and when he get there they could eat in the restaurant

He only did this because he wanted to tease this guy and he did... by greeting him and when he asked him what he wanted he simply said

“Oh, nothing... just simply see how your life when down thanks to me” the cherry on the top was that he put his mask on and disappear in the air

He told everyone that you were the partner of a demon that was going to kill everyone but one believed him because he was a liar and cheater

Ningguang

Oh, boy, why people does try to flirt with the partner of more powerful people

This moron, whom I presume has a very low IQ, decided to try to bang you.... THE FREAKING PARTNER OF THE NINGGUANG, THE LIUYE QIXING WITH THE TITLE OF TIANQUAN, THE OWNER OF THE JADE CHAMBER AND ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE ON TEYVAT...

You get the idea

This dude really wished dead....

She was going to surprise you and instead she find this moron in the spot

Like Xiao, grateful that you are loyal to her despite not spending to much time together

But, oh boy, she was fuming...

She obviously use her power to make a nuclear revenge that would affect his life FOREVER

And she was watching this from first row but never seen

He lost everything and crawling to her in hopes to get an opportunity

When he entered towards her office, she was properly making out with you just to make him realize he really mess up

He was now in a boat to another nation in hopes of having a new life

But her warth will NEVER leave him. Period

Kaeya

Diluc literally saw him fuming and simply said “I’m going to keep away the good glasses”

Kaeya simply waited for an opportunity and then... throw a bottle of wine to a person... Kaeya was behind this guy but managed to not be seen

After this other guy began to fight this Romeo, Kaeya took you by the wrist and bring you outside, but, oh boi, he hasn’t finished

He went to see this guy’s files, and guess... he was in red numbers.... and he had only one chance before going to prison

He has a shit eating grin in his face, he was going to enjoy this

The next morning he went to Diluc’s winery

Everything was a mess, thankfully, the wines and most of the glasses managed to be safe

He informed Diluc that he can press charges against him and he will go to jail...

The red haired man thought of it, that man was already in his black list so yeah, he accepted but wanted to be in first row while doing this

They enjoyed him being escorted (by force) to jail

He reminded everyone that you were his partner and if they thought that they could flirt with you, they will be dead meat

Ironically, he is the one flirting with others (with the excuse to get some information)

Still, no homemade wine for Kaeya for a good while

Zhongli

He is a true poem

He’s mad, but also heartbroken

That’s until he heard you trying to get this weirdo away from you

He’s now is angry

He punched the guy in his face and pulled you away from him

But he wasn’t finished

He probably will do some research in the shadows...

And destroy this person’s life from there

IF Zhongli turns out being Rex Lapis... this guy will definitely will be better dead that alive

He might go chat with old friends to get some ideas on how to get his revenge

All the Adepti think it was irrespect towards him (despite being in a disguise) and offered him very good ideas

He disguised himself as a young woman and seduced him (he felt nasty doing this but he will teach him a lesson) and just coincidentally, this guy’s spouse arrived

He was kicked out of his house and his children hated him

Next was him destroying his career

He made everything posible to make his job impossible

The guy was fired and his ex place of work warned everyone about him, there’s no way he was gonna be in a job again... and if he did, he will just make his stay a hell

But oh no, he wasn’t finished, this was merely the beginning

After many attempts to destroy his life this guy arrived at his door, pleading for help

He said he was going to think about it until you arrived

You were astonished to see them and so do they but the guy’s face is a mix of fear and anger, while yours clearly showed fear

He shout at him, telling Zhongli that he is in danger, that because he was trying to have talk with her and she didn’t wanted, she cursed him and public humiliated him

“Public humiliated?” “That’s right! I told everyone but that snake made herself the victim when I tried to confronted her”

Oh boy, he did just and more wood to the fire

He told you to go to your room and he’ll be with you in a minute

“I’m afraid you confused the situation... my dear (Y/N) wasn’t the one who did that to you... she can’t even hurt a fly” (but you were an traveler and you definitely could defeat many things) “in fact... I know the one who did that to you” “and who is it?”

“Myself” he didn’t care if he blew up his cover, he was doing this for you, and also he didn’t have nothing to loose, he had a bad reputation and nobody in their right mind would believe him

The guy told everyone that Zhongli was Rex Lapis but nobody believed him, he was the mad of Liyue and when trying to prove himself, he ended up killed by a Ruin Hunter

Childe

God... he is pissed... VERY PISSED

He punched the guy in his mouth, you could sore that some of his teeth when flying away

He doesn’t care if he has troubles with the locals or the fatui... or worse... Signiora....

He won’t allow ANYONE to do that

And guys, word of advice

Never flirt with one of Eleven Harbinger Fatui’s partner

Childe got into a fight with the guy

Childe won but not without bruises

The guy in the other hand... didn’t have so much luck...

He probably needed a plastic surgery

When you and Childe returned home (not with the Fatui), you immediately treated his wounds

Childe’s subordinates weren’t happy about this

This guy was in their black list now

From what they knew the guy ended up dead in the forest

Childe give them a great dinner at your house, you were the one who cook most of the dishes but Childe helped you

The best meal they had and a reminder of why they let you be Childe’s partner

Sucrose

Sucrose, our sweet and shy Sucrose... is crying

She thinks you are cheating her with this man/girl

You immediately hug her and telling her that she was flirting with you

This person still tries to bang you but you get upset and you immediately go away with her

Her suspicious of cheating are out of line after Amber told her what happened

She DID flirt with you but you refused, stating that you already have a girlfriend who you love

They weren’t happy with that response

And the rest you already know it

Oh, boi.... if you thought Rosy (my nickname for Sucrose) was a saint... she wasn’t going to let this one go...

Other tip for you, never piss an alchemist...

She managed to give her mercury

Not in person but she somehow managed to do that

Every alchemist in Monstrad was investigated but later on it was decided that this person decided to end they life

If you ask, Rosy had an alibi and many people could tell she was telling the truth, besides, she wouldn’t hurt a fly

Unless that fly becomes more than just a pebble in her shoes

[missinghan]

night changes ⤖ bang chan

❖ genre : friends to lovers! au; fluff; 

❖ word count : 5.3k

❖ warning : explicit language & mentions of alcohol

❖ summary : kissing Bang Chan was never on your New Year's resolutions list but you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

one.

This is probably the tenth wedding you’ve been asked to plan out and as always, you’re not having it. 

In your defense, there are countless reasons to hate a wedding. 

One, all of your friends are out and about, running into the love of their lives like it was meant to be. Soon enough, all of your girls’ night out would be cancelled in replacement for their date nights. The next thing you know is that you’re now standing somewhere in the audience while they’re having their soon-to-be husband slipping the wedding band on their ring finger. Meaning, all you can answer during every family gathering about your non-existent love life is “I‘m not seeing anyone.” 

Two, you don’t trust someone enough for them not to break your heart because you’re incredibly terrified of commitment. A single vow and a piece of paper simply means nothing if their feelings for you fade as time passes by. And obviously, they’d feel obligated not to leave you behind because, well, like they’ve said before - “I do.”

Three, people always say, if you love something, you have to learn to let it go. From your point of view, that’s just total bullshit. If you love something so badly, why should you even let it go in the first place ? You’re supposed to hold onto to it like your life depends on it, even if it makes you seem utterly pathetic. And you’re the kind of person who falls in love with someone, then let your entire universe revolves around them. Not to mention, you’d always end up getting hurt anyway. 

Four, who the fuck would want to get married on New Year’s Eve ? Kim Woojin, unfortunately. 

Not only do you feel personally called out because your best friend knows that you’re super single and super antisocial at the same time, but also because your other friends have already got themselves a kiss before 2020 even strikes. No doubt, you’d rather stay at home and cuddle with your dog instead. At least he’s willing to give you kisses at all times. 

Worst case scenario ? You can still sit back and chat with your favorite person in the whole wide world. Hyunjin is easily mistaken by people that he’s either a player or a fuckboy, but in reality, he’s the literal definition of a ‘Hot Cheetos’. Meaning, he’s quite the looker but has the IQ of a freaking Cheetos despite his sparkly GPA because he’s just lost all the time. Anyhow, you never take his company for granted. He would rather take a step back and watch others party until they pass out on the floor, very much similar to you. In conclusion, you guys are practically platonic soulmates. 

“How’s Felix been doing with that girl from work ?” You ask while sipping on the glass of rosé that a waitress has politely offered. Getting hammered tonight isn’t a bad choice, you figure as soon as ‘Beautiful in white’ starts playing in the background. 

Hyunjin purses his lips and stares at his glass of bubbly water. “He was shaking while talking to her via text. Via text ! Fucking pathetic.” He clicks his tongue in disapproval. “At this rate, I’ll have no choice but to steal his phone and ask her out on a date in courtesy of him.” 

You nod in acknowledgement. “He didn’t even have the courage to confess to the girl in Park’s business class back in college. How is he gonna get with someone from work where everything’s more complex and dramatic ? If he doesn’t have a girlfriend by next year, I’ll make him marry Seo Changbin.” Frowning at the burning sensation from the alcohol, you shake your head before placing the glass down. That’s too much wine for today. 

You low-key feel bad for Felix and high-key wants to grill his ass at the same time. He might not be very smart, academically, but his hardworking nature made up for everything and that’s why he’d always excel in every single class that he attended. And if you were one of those shallow girls who are all about appearances and shit, you’d definitely fall for him. With a decently attractive face and chiseled abs, he already had your whole school down on their knees back then. 

Okay, you might have exaggerated but Lee Felix is really something else. If only people could take more effort in getting to know him, he’s not just another pretty face to look at because nobody’s perfect. Felix is that kid who ran on three hours of sleep back in school because he had to finish homework then played video games in the dark until he’s sick of it. His parents’ bank accounts were probably mortified because they had to pay for their son’s eye surgery sooner or later. 

But he is your stepbrother after all, in spite of his flaws. 

“Wait, isn’t that Bang Chan from Changbin’s hip hop trio ? 3racha right ?” You notice a familiar face in the midst of chaotic people. 

Hyunjin cranes his neck over the crowd and spots Chan almost immediately. “Oh right, we did decide to keep in touch but haven’t really talked that much. I heard they got signed into a music production company so things have been a bit crazy for them. You know, the music industry. Problematic as shit.” 

Truth is, you’d be lying if you said that you didn’t have a crush on Chan back in the good old days college. You’ve only talked for a couple of times since he’s a mutual friend through Changbin but never really got the chance to get to know him because you’re extremely awkward when it comes to an authentic, in real life conversation. You’re also not the type to fall for someone twice but Chan looks really good tonight.

So your heart says otherwise. 

two.

Not thoughts. Head empty. Just Chan. 

Kim Woojin just has to have you and Chan sitting at the same table. Now he’s barely eight feet away and you’re already feeling the need to take a breather. You practically lost your feelings for him in the middle of your senior year because of the overloading amount of work and because you never mustered enough courage to ask for his number. But he’s currently right in front of you, too busy all smiling and laughing at Changbin’s dumb jokes to notice the mini mental debate that’s happening inside your head. 

Chan has never appealed to you as much of a fashionista like Hyunjin because in college, he usually showed up with long-sleeved shirts, shorts and caps. Black all the way from head to toe. But now you’re starting to wonder if Hyunjin got his good taste from Chan because he can effortlessly pulls off a simple black suit and steals your heart with ease. 

He’s wearing a one button suit with notch lapel, giving it a formal yet smart, casual look without overdressing. His white dress shirt is tucked inside his slacks neatly, hugging his body perfectly, and you know that he still takes good care of himself by the crispness of the cuffs. The matte finish of the black fabric makes the whole look that much more expensive with minimal effort. In which, makes your navy blazer over a silky black shirt, and matching pants extremely pale in comparison. Your black heels are also digging into your feet and you’re starting to regret the amount of money that you’ve spent on them. 

You’re looking like you’re about to attend a meeting while Chan looks like he’s next on the red carpet for some award show. Oh the things you do to plan out your best friend’s wedding. You just can never imagine yourself frantically running from one place to another in a cocktail dress or a full-on gown. Not even in the next life. 

“Christ, I miss my flats.” You wince slightly when the stilettos dig into the back of your feet, outstretching red marks across your skin when you try to sit down. Long story short, someone messed up the entire menu the day right before the wedding and nobody noticed it until you walked into the kitchen fifteen minutes ago for a last-minute checkup. So you’re obligated to spend another ten minutes trying to figure things out while having Jisung entertain everyone by a spicy session of the Pocky Game. Classic. 

Seungmin frowns. “Just go bare-footed, the floor is decently clean. This place is a five-starred restaurant after all.” He gently helps you remove the undeniably uncomfortable shoes, tossing them under the table not long after. Your feet finally stop yelling at you for the first time since the past hours and you too, think that it was the wisest decision you’ve made tonight. 

“Thanks Min, I really should have just said ‘fuck heels’ and gone with boots instead.” You smile weakly at your friend, feeling drained from the amount of work that you’ve put into Woojin’s wedding. Although weddings are still considered annoying in your eyes but Woojin has been there for you through every ups and downs. He’s the person who’d picked you up from really shitty parties and also the only one who’d cooked you hangover soup plenty of times because you just can’t accept how low your alcohol tolerance is for your own good. 

Speaking of which, your best friend creeps up from behind you out of nowhere and almost gives you a cardiac arrest. “How does it feel to eye-fuck my best friend in the middle of my wedding who’s also your ex-crush ?” He says and swings an arm around your shoulder. 

You quickly snap out of it, looking at him in disbelief while jolting up from your seat. “I’m not a freaking stalker— and your best friend, what ? Fuck you.” Woojin is usually pretty chill compared to your chaotic group of friends but when he’s in the mood to pester you, you swear to God, he’s louder than Han Jisung and Lee Minho combined. 

“Hmm, it’s about time anyway.” Woojin hums. He’s having that kind of smirk which makes you want to knock the daylight out of him as he angles his wrist to take a closer look at his watch. “Would you guys just kiss already ? Chan’s not coming back for a good year or so. 3racha and their dumb business trips.” This time, the playfulness in his voice disappears and a glint of sadness is evident in the corner of his eye. Regardless of how many times they drive each other insane, Woojin could never trade his friendship with Chan for anything else. How could he ? 

But wait, Chan isn’t coming back until the very next year ?

“Who said that our business trips are dumb ?” Someone voices from behind you. 

In that moment, when you turn around and see his beautiful face, you quickly come to a conclusion that this is rocket science. Talking to your crush is so fucking complicated you wish that they taught you this in school. Like okay, you know that a thermite reaction is basically what happens when metal burns. And if you perform it on a block of ice, you end up with a spectacular explosion. But still, there’s no spark in your dry ass love life. 

“Oh, hey Chan—“ You attempt to turn on your heels to meet his eyes but your feet fail you for the tenth time of the night, and gravity is apparently a bitch, which means you fall forward onto something which means you’re now on top of Chan which means he’s being crushed underneath your weight consider all you’ve been eating are donuts for breakfast and lunch while skipping dinner for the past few weeks.  

Chan flutters his eyes open, watching how heat slowly flares across your cheeks with mild interest. “Hey,” He grins, both dimples are fully on display. “Long time no see.” 

“Oh my god, Chan ! I’m so sorry !” You frantically try to get off of him and offer him a hand to stand up straight. You’ve officially entered panic mode when he grabs your hand firmly enough to lift himself up again. His touch feels absolutely magical because his hand perfectly envelopes your smaller one with ease. As if it’s personally mold by whatever god up there to interlock with yours. 

Chan laughs at your flustered state, giving your hand a squeeze in reassurance before slipping his fingers out of yours completely. “It’s fine, but shit, how much did you drink ?” 

Needless to say, you miss his touch. 

three.

Ryujin deadpans. “Kiss-him-already.” Your roommate proceeds to kick your foot from under the table when she sees Chan excusing himself from the table. 

Shin Ryujin don’t have to own the eyes of a legit eagle to see right through your nervous chuckles and the small glances that you keep throwing at Chan throughout dinner. It’s a pain in the ass to witness ‘awkward middle school Y/N’ all over again but at least she’d have something to post on her story in return. 

You let out a barely audible groan because she is in fact, being so fucking obvious. Like hello ? Chan’s not blind, nor deaf and not to mention, he has a whole group of idiotic friends who have their phones out at all time to record any juicy moments during special occasions. Especially when it’s Woojin’s wedding. 

But when you actually think about it, you’d definitely kick yourself too. Just thirty minutes ago, you had the perfect chance to strike a decent conversation with him yet your brain decided to have you chicken out of the situation instead. Everything was perfect to the T, the settings, the way that he smiles at you, the way that your heart picks up the pace just for him. But you indeed have to fuck up by blurting out the most pathetic little “I gotta go, the restaurant manager just texted me” to ever exist. 

“Ryujin, I don’t think that’s how you help.” Jeongin supplies unhelpfully over a mouthful of crème brûlée, a desert dish that he can’t even pronounce properly. He swallows the big bite and pops another raspberry into his mouth, chewing obnoxiously. “This entire situation needs to be handled professionally.” He declares as if he’s THE expert. Good gracious, he’s quite the bad boy in highschool but those days are long gone. 

Jeongin leaves his seat and cracks his knuckles dramatically. “Desperate times call for desperate measures. Changbin, give me a hand.” He waves Changbin over from the opposite side of the table. “You, me, on a count of three, get Y/N to the balcony for her New Year’s kiss. We better hurry cause we only got ten minutes to squeeze. Three, two, one.” 

“No, no, no, oh my god PUT ME DOWN !”

It’s like every single neuron within the other one hundred million in Changbin’s brain cells is connected to Jeongin’s because before you can even object, the two of them easily shove you through the crowd of people who are swaying their bodies to the slow, sensual melody. When you can breathe normally again, your vision quickly adjusts itself on the surroundings, which is the restaurant rooftop terrace. 

The cozy outdoor space features plenty of potted plants and contemporary furnishings. A sectional is complemented by an outdoor wicker square coffee table and a fabric covered butterfly chair. And there’s Chan, leaning against the black rail while admiring the city’s skyline. Your heart is thumping inside your rib cage so strongly that you can feel it through the veins on the back of your neck. 

“Be subtle.” Jeongin pushes your back as soon as he sees your dreamy expression and he quickly drag Changbin away from the scene before he can even whip out his phone. 

With his back profile facing you, Chan suddenly inquires calmly. “Are you gonna come here by yourself or do I have to hold your hand again ?”

You purse your lips. “Sure mom, I’m coming.” Yeah, real subtle. 

After when you approach Chan and let your forearm dangling in midair from the steel rails, you can’t help but stare at him like a complete dumbass. Moon is lighting up his skin and breaking through his hair, the light embraces him elegantly like a halo of his own, leaving you completely astonished. Although he looks so ethereal in this moment, there’s also something else within his present that makes you a little fuzzy inside. Just like college, but stronger, more profound. 

“How come you never asked for my number back then ?” Chan turns sideways and flashes you that boyish grin of his. He must know the effect that he has on you to keep playing with your heart like this. But also what ?

You’re gobsmacked at what he said, eyes as wide as a goldfish’s. “I didn’t even— how did you know ? It’s because of Jisung, isn’t it— my fucking God.” Words spill out from your lips one after another as if you've totally lost control of your own senses. When you’re able to finally snap it close, you also realize that too much has been said. All of your embarrassing moments were probably foiled right under your nose because Changbin and Jisung are two little big-mouthed shitheads. 

Chan just laughs wholeheartedly because he’s secretly a sadist who loves to see you being a blushing mess. “I really should have just made the first move, huh ?” When you give him a confused look, he just sighs and takes out his phone. He goes straight into his contact list and shows you the screen with your name and number displayed on it. “Lix slid your number into my locket during your sophomore year, you’re quite clueless too because he clearly didn’t know how to hide secrets back then.”

“You had my number this whole time ?!” You exclaim rather loudly, mentally debating whether you should hug Lee Felix or throw him into a tank full of sharks. “Then how come you never gave me a call ?” A smile unknowingly outstretches on your lips when you find out that you’re not the only one who has been hesitating for a while. At least now you know that the feelings aren’t necessarily not mutual. 

This time, it’s Chan’s turn to blush. In which you think he’s too cute when his pale cheeks are replaced by a coral shade of red. You start to wonder what it feels like to caress them with the tips of your fingers, to trace along his jaw and to run your hand through his locks of hair. And before he slips his phone back into his pocket, you catch a glimpse of his lock screen - a picture of Berry with the time displayed above her head [11:57p.m.].

Three minutes until 2020. 

“Never got the courage to.” He confesses timidly. “I really thought that you wanted to ignore me for a second there. You know, the whole ‘the restaurant manager just texted me’ and you were avoiding my eyes. Not gonna lie Y/N, that shit stings.” 

You roll your eyes at him. “FYI Christopher, it is scientifically proven that when a guy likes a girl, he looks straight into her eyes but when a girl has feelings for a guy, she simply looks away.” Despite the fact that you sound like a nerd, Chan still laughs it off since he’s a bit out of it because of the margarita that he downed about an hour ago. The alcohol really has to kick it right now, not before, not later, right-now. 

Two minutes. Time is ticking. The decade is ending. 

This is one of those moments where you wish time would just stop for a second because you’re already having too much on your mind yet too little time. The fact that Chan is looking at you with his dark brown eyes, full of liveliness and all, does not help to cope with the situation either. 

He smiles sadly. “Y/N, I’m not coming back to Seoul until next year’s January.” 

“I know,” You interrupts him awkwardly. “Woojin told me.”

“Do you want me not to—“

“Christ no ! Why would I ?”

God, how do people do this ? Do they just go for it ? No one told you that snatching yourself a kiss would be this hard. You really should have planned everything out first. “Chan, I—“ You blurt but mentally facepalm yourself not longer after. It’s not gonna work out anyway. “Whatever, I’ll just head back inside, it’s freezing out here.” 

One minute. Only sixty seconds left. 

Those words which left your lips ten seconds ago finally knock some sense into Chan and have his eyes twice as big as before when you suddenly walk away. He instinctively grabs your wrist and turns you around. Nothing seems to make sense anymore when all you feel is Chan’s hand holding onto your waist as if you’re gonna disintegrate into dust the moment he lets you go. His other hand gently caresses your chin and quickly decreases the gap between your lips. 

Shivers bubble up on your skin as Chan’s mouth repeatedly brushes against yours, backing you up against the wall. All you can do to deal with the mess running through your mind at the speed of light is to lay your palms onto his firm chest for dear life. The feeling of his soft lips makes you feel like you’ve just spent the whole night by the bar where Minho is mixing up some sketchy looking drinks with you chugging from one glass to another without hesitation. Undeniably intoxicating. 

Chan smiles into the kiss when you suddenly grab a fistful of his tie to pull him in closer, deepening you both into the downward spiral full of tenderness and devotion. Although he’s not your first kiss but Chan will definitely be on your mind all day all night for the next few weeks because this kiss is the kind of kiss that leaves you a bit lightheaded but can put a dumb, lovestruck smile on your face anytime. 

A small ‘clank’ occurs out of nowhere, making you two flinch. When you break away from the kiss, Jisung is standing there in front of the glass door dumbfoundedly with a can of Coke lying on the concrete floor. “Uhm- sorry. I didn’t know that the rooftop is already taken.” He coughs awkwardly and picks up the red aluminum can. 

Woojin isn’t allowing a single drop of alcohol inside his body since he’s the chosen one tonight to drive everyone home after when they all get shitfaced. “Just so you guys know… we’re having cake. It’s— it’s confetti by the way Y/N, your favorite. So.. uhm yeah.. come back whenever you guys are ready— we’ll just— just wait haha, okay bye.” 

And that is how Han Jisung learnt how to run. As if he’s Usain Bolt before Usain Bolt was even Usain Bolt. You’ve never seen him running away from something so fast before. He’s not gonna get a good sleep tonight, that’s for sure. 

“So…” Chan drawls and you love how his cheeks are still tinted pink, his cool breath fanning your forehead. Fireworks are crackling and whistling in the background, painting the sky with different shades of glitter. Like an explosion of paint on a black canvas but you can’t care less when you already have him by your side like this. Talking about kicking off the New Year by kissing your ex-crush, how drama material. 

“Do you still want my number or nah ?” 

You almost scoff at him. “I believe that’s not how CB97 get all the girls.” 

Chan grunt softly before pulling you into his embrace, nuzzling his nose into your hair. “Ugh, don’t even remind me. I’ve been clowned enough for ‘Wow’ already.” And you just stand there with your hands clasped onto his back, letting every single word, every single moment sink into you like you’re rewatching an old movie. That’s also when you realize that, you just got yourself a New Year’s kiss. 

“I’ll miss you, Chan.” You whisper into his ear, teary-eyed. 

“Well, you know what they say : Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” He replies like the exceptional composer that he is, holding onto you firmly. Just firmly enough because he wants to hold you like you’re a single snowflake, threatening to disappear if he accidentally squeezes too tightly, but will easily slip away if he doesn’t hold you back. Chan might not know what the future has in store for him but he knows that everything will turn out just fine as long as you’re right here, in his embrace. 

Nothing matters when he has both of his hands clenched and remains still in your heart. 

four.

[ 3:25a.m. ] 

shrek | take care :pp I hate you.

quokka | I’ll give you half of my salary when I get back so please don’t kill me for dropping your favorite mug =)))

Another thing school has yet succeeded in teaching you : how to not be late to literally every single important moment in your goddamn life. 

It’s barely forty-five minutes before the flight and you’re THIS close to having a mental breakdown because Chan is actually horrible. Yeah, you kissed him three hours ago and he’s just gonna repay you by booking a flight at three in the morning ? His friends aren’t the best either, really. If Jisung didn’t text you on when you’re brushing your teeth then you would have curled up in your blanket and dozed off. 

2020 just arrived and everyone’s already gone wild with their schedules for trips and vacations. Even from the inside of your car, you can still hear people cursing at one another from across the street and be able to bathe in the smell of smoke and gasoline shit. You scrunch your nose at the particular ways someone people prefer to park their cars and carefully park yours neatly in the corner. It’s definitely gonna take some time when you go back to get your car. 

Just when you frantically grab your keys and phone your purse before stepping out of the vehicle, you quickly realize that there’s absolutely no need for you to show up. Chan didn’t ask for it, Jisung and Changbin didn’t even ask for it, they just simply wanted to ‘notify’ you about their departure. But there’s still something that’s stirring inside your stomach, which makes it even harder to concentrate while driving. 

So you’re determined to find out what that is before he leaves. 

And that is also why you’ve chosen to push yourself through the sweaty lines of people queuing up for security, luggage check-in, shopping, and other boring paperwork. Everyone is obviously a bit ticked off since business in airport is slower than a sloth when it comes to holidays. If you were them, you would have just taken a nap on one of the spare benches while waiting for your flight. But the problem is : there’s no empty seats. There are literal people using their jackets as a mattress to sleep on the floor that janitors clean up one two many times with bleach. How tragic. 

Besides, it’s been forever since you’ve come to the airport and now you feel like a fucking caveman, just watching the bustling, noisy life passing by with wide eyes. Meaning, you have no fucking idea where their gate is, but you do know that if you’re stubborn enough to have a five-minute staring contest with the map, you’ll figure it out. Hopefully. 

After ten minutes of struggling with the map in your hands that’s getting kind of damped from your sweaty palms, you eventually spend another five minutes to race yourself through the packed airport to get to Gate 9 before the plane takes off. 

You feel like you really should treat yourself afterwards since running through the airport brings you back to the marathon competition in middle school, the only difference is that it’s ten times more exhausting and time consuming. Changbin better gives you what ever the fuck of a healthy juice and aloe vera sheetmasks that he stores in packs of four inside his carry-on because you’re 80% sure that you look like a strip beef jerky that’s been staying in the oven for way too long. 

[ 3:40a.m. ]

y/n | where tf are you guys ?

Just when you finish texting Changbin, you spot Chan in front of a vending machine, struggling with a wallet, and three other water bottles in his arms. And you start pondering how people still think that God is fair and rightful. How is he so fair when he can make Chan look like a freaking celebrity in a simple white dress shirt with black jeans while you’re looking like a raccoon in your denim jacket and leggings ? How is he so rightful when all it takes Chan is one single glance to send your heartbeat over the edges ? But whatever, fuck that. You’re just gonna be slightly salty about Chan looking better than you all the time. Slightly, that is. 

Nonetheless, he makes you smile like no other. “Chan !” You call out his name like a maniac, running towards him with no hesitation. Because he’s it, he’s your endgame, and you want to know what it feels like to hold him for the last time before he’s gonna be seven thousand miles away from you for a good three hundred and sixty-five days. 

Chan widens his eyes out of surprise when you crash yourself into his embrace, knocking the water bottles onto the tiled floor along with his wallet. Though, he soon regains conscious when his nostrils are filled with your scent, his arms shaking around your waist like second nature. He suddenly smiles brightly, and genuinely in a fairly long time. That alone is enough to prove that you’re the only one who’s capable of making him feel loved. 

Chan buries his face into the crook of your neck. “Are you here to ask for my number ?” 

“Right, that.” Your mouth forms an ‘o’ in realization. “And.. and… I- I love you, okay ?” 

The grin on his face just can’t get any wider now or else his mouth is gonna crack and bleed tremendously. “What was that ?” 

“I’m not saying that twice !”

“No, tell me !”

Truthfully, love isn’t just about the horrifying commitment or the metal band wrapped around your ring finger. Love is the persistency in accompanying, offering a shoulder for someone to lean on, so they can be free from reframing themselves in order to not be frowned upon by society. Meaning, they can let go of their pride during hard times, just bursting into tears like a child. The burden is shared and lifted slightly from their shoulders and that’s how love adds a bit of sweetness into reality.

In fact, movies are realistically based on real life, it’s just that everything’s filtered to be picture perfect because humans only see what they want to see and hear what they want to hear. In reality, there’s no certainty that someone will be there to pick you up nor life will leave you alone when you’ve had enough. You won’t even have the slightest chance to look upon the sky and let your tears pour back into your heart, crying is impossible. No, actually, the world is nice, but reality is disastrous so it is your birthright to be terrified of the smallest things. May time be against you, may reality kick you to the curb, may the whole world have their backs turn onto you, you can still hold onto a fragile beam of hope that the entire universe is on your side because you couldn’t have asked for a better person to walk into your life than Chan.

And to him, you’re gonna worth every mile between you both.

❖ p/s : pt.2 is out now!

[kinglarrykoopadx]

Top 5 Worst SML videos

Who doesn’t love SML? Aside from everyone.

In case you didn’t see my SML Rant post, here’s some istoree. SML was once a cult classic towards plush tubers back in the days of cat videos being relevant as hell, but they lived long enough to become the villain. From scummy Patreon, to insulting the people that know what’s best, hell, even Nintendo hates his guts, they sent him a C&D and to 99% of the world, it was a W for Nintendo. And you know you screwed it up when you turn something as bad as a C&D into a dream come true. Hell, it was why I quit SML in the 1st place, after a certain “video”, SML’s last line of defense to me was making Junior videos cause Junior was one of my favorite SML characters. Now that Junior videos are replaced by the arguably worse puppet Junior videos, I never felt more alive escaping that hell hole of a channel. And now, as a former SML fan it is time to add my piece of the salty pie by ranking my top 5 worst SML videos when I was a fan of SML. Why a Top 5? Cause I can’t be bothered to make a top 10.

Keep in mind if there aren’t any videos here that you think are bad, it’s either

A. I never saw them

or

B. They’re a guilty pleasure

Now with that outta the way, let’s a go.

5. Black Yoshi’s Call Of Duty Special Edition

The problem with this video is Black Yoshi himself. In this video, he’s really anger inducing, like MY GOD! Ok, for context, Mario and Rosalina were going on vacation, which leads to Black Yoshi turning on the TV and him knowing about the aforementioned game. And so, he somehow, by force of habit, made his way to Mario’s plane, and forced Mario’s flight to cancel and Mario and Rosalina have never been more sympathetic than in this video. And what follows is an irritating scene of Mario saying no and Black Yoshi pretending to not understand, and then, Black Yoshi stole Mario’s credit card and bought the new CoD and almost got away with it. Key word being “almost” because the reason this video’s on number 5 is cause the ending kinda saved it. Mario spots Black Yoshi’s little “package” and returns it to GameStop and we get an admittedly funny gag that goes on for a teeny bit too long about Mario, Brooklyn Guy and Black Yoshi not knowing where the PS4 went because it had a camouflage paintjob. But just because the ending isn’t shit doesn’t mean that it saves the rest of the video’s skin.

4. Zombie Jeffy

Don’t worry, this isn’t Jeffy’s last time being in the spotlight of failures. To start with, JESUS that Zombie Jeffy puppet! What kind of 2 eyes approved of this?! And (sigh) ok, I’mma be honest. This may make me a hypocrite, but I didn’t watch the entire thing. Like, I never got past the beginning but from what I heard I assume I’m not missing much just by watching it up until the end of the beginning. But there’s the key word. The beginning kinda saved this video and it’s not in the top 3 because it’s not the real SML halloween special. The Halloween Heist was the real special and it was awesome. But that doesn’t mean this video isn’t shit, cause it is.

3. Bowser Jr’s Revenge

With a title like that you must expect something awesome right? Something real amazing? Something that will rock your socks off? Well, tough shit, cause all we got was a bunch of badly reenacted pranks, which made this video pretty bland. Legit, I skipped to the end to see if there’s gonna be anything interesting, but I guess I was overhyping cause the rest of the video is still shit. The reason it’s this low is because it’s an Infinite. Great ideas on paper, horrid as fuck on execution.

2. Mario Sells Jeffy

There’s not much I need to say here, the plot is already written down, Mario sells Jeffy to Goodman because Richard, his son, is in need of a playmate and the rest of the video? PURE FILLER CRAP. Mario eventually sold Jeffy by tricking him to thinking Goodman is Willy Wonka, and Mario must now cover up the fact he sold his adopted son for money from Rosalina. And then, the video ends with Mario getting Jeffy back. It’s such an unnecessary, bland, filler heavy video that doesn’t need to be here. Why is it on number 2 though? Heh. Hahaha... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! I AM GLAD YOU ASKED!

1. Jeffy’s New Year’s Resolution

This video... this fucking video is the aforementioned video that made me almost lose trust in SML. Like, look at the thumbnail and you can tell the entire story from there. Jeffy’s area was hurt from being smacked too often and now he must stop doing it forever. Basically a plot made by the geniuses having the IQ of 0.5, cause it’s simplistic as fuck! And the jokes? The jokes are even worse! They’re bland and unfunny, the total opposite of a joke! Mario’s pizza joke would have been hilarious but he spoiled the damn thing and now it’s not funny! Hell, not even the Drunk Brooklyn Guy can heal the wounds the video casted upon himself. And the worst part? This is the NEW YEAR’S SPECIAL! NO JOKE, WE’RE SUPPOSED TO TAKE THIS BORING, BLAND, UNFUNNY VIDEO, AS SOME FREAKING NEW YEAR’S SPECIAL! I can forgive it if it was a normal video, but a SPECIAL?! This video literally shattered almost all of my respect towards SML which is an admirable feat, IF THE WORLD WAS UPSIDE DOWN! If you think of this video as a proper way to close off a new year, you have the IQ level of 0.35. Sorry, but it’s true cause this was one of the worst videos i’ve ever watched, nah, scratch it, THE WORST VIDEO EVER THAT I HAVE THE DISPLEASURE OF SITTING THROUGH. This has been my top 5 worst SML videos, and don’t even try to make me like jeffy’s new year’s resolution, it’s a waste of time, just like the state of SML right now.

[sikebubs]

Accident brings you to me (Namjoon x reader) - Part 1

   What do people expect when a grown up man wants to have a walk alone. Nothing bad can happen to him. Especially if he is tall and well built. But the moment Jin gets a message from the leader of BTS that he is alone without any guidance, the members of BTS never been so fast getting ready and go out in search for their leader. 

    Kim Namjoon. What could possibly go wrong if he is alone? Lost his passport? Check. Burnt the pan? Check. If he got into accidents while being with his friends, what if he is alone? The thought of it already send chills down their spines. People is well aware that he is clumsy so they are worried to the chances of Namjoon getting in any accidents. 

    Namjoon is taking a peaceful walk in the evening. To his luck, there is a few people in that evening so the possibility to be chase by fans is low. He is enjoying his break by focusing to a book that he finds rather interesting and humming some songs from his latest air pods. He finds nothing wrong within his walk except the obvious pedestrian traffic light still in red and there is a really fast car approaching him.

“Oh my god! Is that Namjoon?!” Hoseok shouts in their van. The others’ head snap to where Hoseok point just to see the mad driver just a few metres from crashing Namjoon.

“Why is he reading while walking?!” Jin freaks out and gets off the van. The others follow him but unfortunately they are at the opposite of the crosswalk. They shout his name but they are being drown in his music. Jimin and Hoseok are crying. Taehyung and Jungkook close their eyes with their hands. Jin and Yoongi stare and pray for him.

   As Namjoon looks up from the book, he is happy to find his members but it turns to horrified when he sees the car. He is paralyzed to his spot. He looks at his worried members and smiles. 

“NO!” The members shout desperately as He closes his eyes, accepting his fate. A few seconds later, his body is flying to the road side.

‘Am I dead?’

‘I don’t feel any hurt. Isn’t death hurt?’

   He feels something grazes his wrist. He opens his eyes just to find a girl under his body. He observes her features her (h/c) hair and especially her (e/c) eyes. He looks at his wrist to find a bracelet with a shooting star charm. At the star is a letter. (y/i). As he looks at her again, he feels an electrical jolt in his vein.It is not painful but...pleasant.

“Are you my angel?”

“Relax. You’re safe.” The girl calms him when she sees the panic in his eyes. As he looks around, everything is blurry and before he knows it turns dark.

Namjoon POV

“Why is he so clumsy despite his IQ?”

“That’s a question everyone can’t answer, Yoongi”

   I hear the faint voices. I try to open my eyes and is welcome with a bright light. I blink my eyes for a few times to adjust to the brightness.

‘Am I dead?’

“He’s awake!” Jungkook shouts alerting the others. They gather around my bed while I see Jin hits Jungkook’s head.

“This is hospital, dumbass.” He scolds Jungkook as Jungkook rubs his head. I look around to see theirs’ worried face.

“What happened?” I ask them.

“Well, you are nearly being crash by a car. I know you are clumsy Hyung but I don’t expect to this point.” Taehyung says while crossing his arms. I try to remember what happened. The members, the car and a girl. I sit up quickly. I search for the girl around my room. I get off my bed and walk out of the room. The members walk behind me.

“What are you doing?” Jin asks with a worried voice. I look at his face and hold his broad shoulders.

“Where is she?”

“Who?” 

“The girl that saved me. Where is she?” I ask desperately.

“There’s no girl, Joon. Do you imagining things.” Yoongi says calmly. I look at their face weirdly. Some of them look away from me.

“There’s a girl. (h/c) hair. (e/c) eyes.” I say in loud voice. How come they don’t see her? They look at me with a sympathetic look.

“You don’t think I’m crazy right?” I back away from them. I run around the hospital to find her. I check some rooms in case she is in there. 

“Namjoon hyung! Wait, don’t run! You need to rest! NAMJOON!” Jimin calls for me while chasing after me. Some doctors and guards follow after him. As I nearly reach the counter, I see the girl. Her eyes widen when she sees me.

“Wait, you--” Before I can run to her, one of the guard catches me and a doctor injects me. Slowly, her face fades out.

* A few months later *

   We are at backstage after done performing the concert. It has been some months after the incident and I am allowed to continue my schedules. The accident changes me a bit. I space out more often, lock myself, work more and less energetic. I still do my job as the leader perfectly except it lacks communication. I still think of the girl. The way she calmed me in that situation. Sometimes, I sneaked out the dorm to search her only to be caught by the guards. My condition causes the members to look after me.

“Where is she?” I ask Taehyung who is in duty to look after me today. He looks at me pitifully. I ask him as we reached our dorm.

“Hyung, there is no a she.” Taehyung answers me sad with the blank look in my eyes. 

“Why do you want to know her? It doesn’t like she means something for you!” Yoongi says angrily causes Jin to hold him down. I stare at him blankly. 

“She’s there. She helps me.” My words make him fuming in anger. He lefts the living room. I walk to my room to get ready to sleep.

Author POV

“We need to tell him.” Jungkook says to the others.

“What? That we ask her to avoid Namjoon?” Hoseok asks.

“Well, why can’t she meet Namjoon?” Jimin asks as he is tired by this situation.

“One, we don’t want that news to spread. Two, she can be a sasaeng. Three, she need to deal with the CEO and medias.” Jin explains to them the reasons again.

“Those are not the perfect reason to keep her away from him. You already see his condition. It’s getting worse. You guys just want to avoid him from falling in love with her right?” Taehyung says left the others with no word.

   After Namjoon being admitted to the hospital, they saw the girl looking at the emergency room. She was worried despite having some injuries from saving Namjoon. From her look, the hyung line realized that she will be something more than a stranger.

*flashback*

“Thank you for saving Namjoon. We don’t know what will happen if you wasn’t there. Hey, who are you?” Hoseok said to her. She looked away from the ER to face them.

“(y/n) (l/n).” She answered shortly before looking back to ER door. Jin, Yoongi and Hoseok shared a glance.

“I think you can go now. You have to tend your injuries.” (y/n) looked at the ground before standing up. She looked at the boys before walking away with heavy steps. 

In that moment, they know there’s something in her that really care for their leader. And from the way Namjoon searched for her as soon as he woke up proved that indeed he feels the same. They are afraid if Namjoon and (y/n) continue to meet each other, there will be feelings involve and their work is on the line. Especially when Namjoon is the leader. So, after Namjoon was taken back to his room, they met (y/n) personally.

“We had a request. Please avoid Namjoon.” Jin said straight to the point.

“Why? I need to know he is okay.” (y/n) asked weird by their behavior.

“Well, you saw him. He is fine.” Hoseok said calmly.

“But-”

“What did you not understand? You are nothing to us! So don’t walk near us or we had our security.” Yoongi said harshly and walked into the hospital followed by Jin and Hoseok. (y/n) stood there stunned.

‘Yeah, they are right. Who are you to exist in his life?’ With that thought, she walked away from there with a promise to avoid them.

*end of flashback*

‘Where are you?’ Namjoon thinks with closed eyes.

“I’m here, Joon.” Namjoon opens his eyes to the sound of the familiar voice. He looks around but to no avail he don’t see her.

“Where are you?” He asks desperately. He hears a feminine giggle before someone blocks his sight with their hands.

“I’m here, babe.” He turns around to face with his savior. He hugs her and nuzzles his nose at her neck. He feels a calmness radiating from her. He hugs her tightly like his life depends on her. She wraps her arms around his waist laughing at his behavior.

“Where have you gone? I searched for you.” Namjoon says with cracked voice. She pats his back softly.

“If you didn’t safe me that day, maybe I’m dead. I want to thank you but you’re nowhere. You seems to disappear and doesn’t exist. From the moment I saw you, I know you already somewhere in my heart. I believe you are my soulmate. People can laugh at me for believe that but I don’t care. I thank you for giving me a chance to live but without you here, sometimes I wish I am dead.” The girl forces him to face her. She holds his face softly with a comforting smile. Suddenly, a tear falls from her eyes.

“Don’t say that. There are so many people want you alive. Don’t make me the center of your life. You have so many responsibility to hold and you have your members with you. Maybe we are soulmate but maybe we are not fated in this life. If we are, we’ll meet one day.” She says while breaking the hug. She walks away backward and disappear. Namjoon’s eyes widen.

“NO! COME BACK!” He shouts desperately in tears. He shouts hoping she comes back to him.

“NAMJOON! WAKE UP!” Hoseok shouts as he shakes Namjoon figures roughly. Namjoon sits up with a gasp and tears. He holds his chest as he tries to calm down. He looks around his room to find his members. He looks at Hoseok and hugs him.

“Hyung, I can’t. I hate it. She haunts me everywhere, every night.” He sobs. The others look at him, sympathize with their leader’s condition. The hyung line share a glance and nod. Tomorrow, they’ll find you for the sake of Namjoon. 

   Meanwhile, in a bedroom, a girl jolts up from her sleep with tears. She brings her knees to her chest and put her face between it. 

‘I can’t live like this. I need to stop this pain.’ She thinks trying to calm her aching heart.

[michelles-garden-of-evil]

Quiz: Which Desmond Hall Character Are You?

SPOILER WARNING FOR DESMOND HALL ARCS I AND II

Last week, I was going to work on finishing my next review, but then my muse pulled me aside and ordered me to write a Desmond Hall personality quiz while threatening me with a conjure doll and silver pin. Not every Desmond Hall character is in this quiz, only the ones that I thought would be the funniest to write. Enjoy!

1. You have just arrived at an ancient manor house enveloped in darkness that rests atop a sinister network of haunted caves. When you learn this, how do you react? A. Lie in bed for several days while writhing in agony. B. Accept it and keep myself busy while pining for my voodoo island home. C. Act insufferably smug, because soon the house will belong to me. D. Go search for creatures in the caves to alleviate my boredom and satisfy my compulsion to do random disturbing things. E. Barely react at all because the writers have forgotten that I have a personality. F. Swan around while talking to myself about how the manor looks like something out of a storybook. G. Wish that I could live there again, because I've been trapped in a trippy magical closet for months.

2. The daily newspaper arrives and the headline reads, "GIRL BRUTALLY MURDERED.” What is your response? A. Retreat to my bedchamber and panic loudly about how I hope no one discovers that I’m the murderer. B. Get the body buried and all evidence concealed. C. Observe a moment of silence for my former doxy, then promptly forget she ever existed. D. Cut out the photo of the victim's face, suspend it from a papier-mâché gallows tree, and display it prominently in the foyer. E. Feel moderately concerned for my safety, but not too much. My ghost boyfriend will protect me...maybe. F. Scheme to blackmail the killer into marrying me. G. Wonder, "Was that my brother again?"

3. Your hobbies include: A. Moping around the manor house in fancy suits and contorting my face as though trying unsuccessfully to relieve myself. B. Reciting dramatic monologues with bits of scenery caught between my teeth! C. Plotting murder, robbery, and the corruption of young maidens while sipping sherry. D. I wander. I visit. I'm here and there. I'm a kind of ghost of Desmond Hall. E. I used to enjoy rebelling, flouncing, and bickering, but I've lost my taste for those. Now I prefer hanging out with old people in a cottage that smells of strange spices. F. Talking to and stroking my sweet little snake. (By which I mean "reptile with no legs and a forked tongue." Get your mind out of the gutter.) G. Necromancy.

4. Your favorite foods include: A. Bubbly eggs cooked in champagne. Definitely not kippers. B. The cuisine of my native island, before the evil of THE DEVIL JACQUES ELOI DES MONDES made all the plants poisonous and killed all the animals! C. My spouse's hors d'oeuvres--but only when I don't have to eat them off the floor. D. Sugar, strawberries and cream, and the very best...*checks Teleprompter*...butter. E. Muffins laced with magical herbs. F. The delicious misery of the man who tried to strangle me and of all the other women who want him. G. I don't eat anymore. I'm a ghost. Food passes right through me--literally.

5. What turns you on? A. A lover who is unpredictable but not murderously crazy, and who likes to wear lacy nighties. B. I would not know! I have not felt those urges in three hundred years! C. Money. D. Anyone from my preferred gender who actually wants to spend time with me. E. A ghost who behaves like Edward Cullen. F. Jean Paul Desmond! He is the sexiest male character in the history of television. G. Submission and unquestioning devotion. Also, lesbians.

6. What is your signature look? A. Highly flattering mod suits combined with an unflattering combover. B. A long black Victorian dress. C. A stodgy gray/green suit, which is probably in desperate need of Febreze after being worn three days in a row. D. Turtlenecks. E. Bleached blonde hair and faddish early ‘70s fashions. F. Long pointed fingernails, false eyelashes, and a creepy grin. G. I once hung from the ceiling with my shirt torn open. Does that count?

7. Everyone has a skeleton in their closet. What is yours? A. Although I want to reach out and help the beautiful young women who come to me, instead my hands reach out to kill! B. I single-handedly cursed my employer's family by signing his grandfather’s (misspelled) name on a pledge to the Dark Lord. C. I am a black widower. D. I used to participate in necromancy rituals with my dear cousin. E. I stole a piece of my mother's jewelry and sold it at a pawn shop. F. I am a priestess of the Serpent God. G. Funny you should mention skeletons. My closet has a literal one hanging in it.

8. If you had to guess, which of these personages were you most likely in a past life? A. A freebooter possessed by the Devil. B. Myself. C. Henry Seewald--who looks exactly like a toddler version of me--transported back in time via the 49th hexagram. D. Someone named Claude. E. A young girl sacrificed by a priestess who looked like my mother. F. Ophelia, if she were real. G. My great-uncle with the same first name as me, who was allegedly disowned for being a poet.

9. Your favorite Dark Shadows character is: A. Barnabas Collins. B. Magda Rakosi. C. Nicholas Blair. D. David Collins. E. Carolyn Stoddard. F. Angelique Bouchard. G. Quentin Collins.

10. What from 1970 Dark Shadows do you believe was most likely inspired by Strange Paradise? A. The character of Judah Zachery, who is highly reminiscent of THE DEVIL JACQUES ELOI DES MONDES. B. The use of a retcon to completely change Angelique's backstory. C. The name Desmond Collins. D. The implied reincarnation in the Summer of '70 arc that (sadly) never got explored as much as it should have been. E. The subplot about Quentin falling in love with Daphne's ghost. F. The Leviathan cult's use of snake iconography. G. The carousel in Tad and Carrie's playroom.

If you answered mostly A, you are Jean Paul Desmond, richest man in the world and master of Desmond Hall. Tall, dark, and incredibly handsome in spite of his receding hairline, Jean Paul is the victim of two self-imposed curses, one of which causes him to strangle people when the Mark of Death appears on his hand (which is totally not a reflection of some repressed or hidden part of his personality, having formerly displayed megalomania and control freak tendencies on his island). When not under the effects of this curse, he is the living embodiment of charm and sweetness and attracts would-be partners like moths to a flame. Logically, the same must be true about you, because online personality quizzes are never wrong. ;)

If you answered mostly B, you are Raxl, daughter of the Priestess of the Serpent and winner of the Canadian 1969 and 1970 scenery-chewing contests. Far older than she looks, the Desmond family’s housekeeper may not be as loyal as she appears, depending on the whims of whomever wrote the plot outline for the final arc. She is an expert on all things occult and supernatural, from tarot cards to the Egyptian Key. Even after her retcon, she is awesome.

If you answered mostly C, you are Laslo Thaxton, husband of Ada (Desmond) Thaxton and master of Desmond Hall in the absence of Jean Paul and Philip. I would say that you are an unscrupulous, greedy Devil-worshiper like Laslo, but I’ve always hated those personality quizzes that make moral judgments about people just because they share some traits in common with the villain. Therefore, I’m just going to assume that you are most likely a decent person who only got Laslo because you happen to love money and Nicholas Blair.

If you answered mostly D, you are Cort Desmond, twenty-something cousin of Jean Paul and Philip. Eccentric and erratic but oh-so-adorable, Cort is a polarizing character loved by some fans for his good looks and (often unintentionally) funny lines, but hated by others for being somewhat of a spoiled brat. Like Hamlet whom he idolizes, he seeks justice for the death of his father, along with the inheritance his Dear Stepfather Laslo wants to steal from him.

If you answered mostly E, you are Holly Marshall--or, rather, what Holly has become since her creator Ian Martin left the show. Formerly a spitfire with a high IQ, a low boiling point, and a love for outdated slang, Holly has become a shell of her former self under the new writers. She spends more time unconscious and hypnotized than not; when she is conscious, she wastes her time pining after an unsuitable love interest who treats her like Edward treats Bella in Twilight. I hope this doesn’t describe you, because, if it does, you should seek help. Don’t be like Desmond Hall-era Holly!

If you answered mostly F, you are Agatha Pruitt, a young seamstress obsessed with Jean Paul. While the master of Desmond Hall has attracted many suitors, none are as strange or disturbing as Agatha, who blackmails him into letting her live at Desmond Hall after his failed murder attempt and proceeds to wreak havoc there along with the Serpent God (who may or may not be Raxl’s Great Serpent) whom she worships.

Finally, if you answered mostly G, you are Jean Paul’s brother, Philip Desmond (not to be confused with his cousin Philip Desmond, or either of the two Philippes des Mondes). A secretive figure largely mysterious even to his own brother, the handsome Philip dabbles in the dark arts and other mysteries, which ultimately leads to his disappearance into the caves beneath Desmondton and reappearance as a ghost. His character alignment is unclear--he may be evil, or just chaotic neutral--but one thing is clear: whoever messes with Philip has the Devil to pay.