#i hate him because he has an excellent top tier design and then they made him an INCEL MANBABY. HOW COULD THEY DO THAT TO ME

[colorful-horses]

what season would you say mlp started going downhill

Whichever one introduced Fluttershys fuckass brother

[remy2fang]

More indications for F.A.N.G’s possibility to return playable for Street Fighter 6

In other words, let me spew my thoughts like every other hopeful fan…and also a lot of things I said in the past end up becoming true one way or another. Let me try my luck even further lol.

I made posts about this topic, which can be read HERE. I have more that I wrote back in December 2023:

That third emoji.

👥

When I saw that before any of the SF6 stuff being promoted, I thought it was supposed to depict the illustration where F.A.N.G and Phantom were walking away in the city.

Now that we know A.K.I.’s character, this emoji could be interpreted on how she feels about F.A.N.G lol.

But after thinking about it, maybe the emoji that was used for the 3rd chapter of Toxicity was supposed to portray F.A.N.G and A.K.I. as complementary characters. Like, not only do they both essentially work as a duo team in their medicine work, but it’s kinda shown with the way they’re played in the SFV (FANG) and SF6 (AKI). AKI excels over FANG when it comes to offense, walk speed, cool set ups, awesome unique new moves, and no charge (lmao), but she does have major weaknesses like slow normals and startups and hurtboxes bigger than they should be. Whereas it’s the opposite for FANG for almost all of them (low damage output, slow walk and jump, but lightning speed normals with good poking range). Also, FANG’s slides are better, his coward crouch is spammable lol, and Ryobenda is better than Orchid imo. I know it’s all just wishful thinking here, but I think it’s possible for FANG to comeback playable in the same game with AKI because both their play styles are foils to each other. They just gotta spice up FANG’s kit for SF6, like how they did for all returning characters. That double-headed emoji had me thinking for a long time, and it looks like Capcom wanted to have 2 poison characters in the game, considering how different FANG and AKI play from each other.

Another clue is F.A.N.G’s Nguuhao dagger. In Toxicity, the importance of his dagger was frequently mentioned. It holds the secrets of the poison hand and FANG used it to kill his friends as his first assigned job. AKI saw the dagger’s power when she first met FANG and decided to join him. Oddly enough during AKI’s World Tour story, she made no mention about the dagger. In WT when she described the time when she first met FANG, she said she was very interested in learning everything about FANG. But nothing about the dagger. I’m wondering if the dagger will just stay in the Toxicity story? But perhaps Capcom is saving the dagger for later in SF6…maybe for a FANG story to tell. If FANG were to be playable, it would be cool if he utilizes his dagger for his kit. I mean, look at his new design. He lost the sleeves and have a more tight look to him. He has the design that could whip a knife out. It’s even described that he could move quickly and effortlessly in Toxicity. I’d like to see this FANG in action.

I know FANG is hated in the vast majority of the fandom and that only the truest people of culture appreciated him, but I could tell that Capcom wanted to turn him into a more appealing character for the wider fighting game audience. Why else would they give FANG his own 3-part story that showed a nuance perspective on him, have him alluded in AKI’s Battle Pass, have AKI be loving, supporting, and doing a lot of PR work for him, has a cool new look and personality, and his own story goal to revive Shadaloo? I think they want to make FANG likable in preparation to make him playable again. To some extent, I can see the parallels with how both he and Luke are handled. When Luke came out for SFV, he was HATED by the community. The only people that liked him were people who mained him, the very few fangirls at the time, and myself (I thought his backstory was interesting). People didn’t like how Capcom “pushed” him to become the new face for Street Fighter and made him top tier. Only after SF6 came out and the amount of social media posts Aleks Le made, Luke is not hated anymore from what I’ve seen. In fact, a lot of female players enjoy him along with Jamie haha. I see the same thing for FANG, but on a much smaller scale.

Those are my thoughts. Whether F.A.N.G becomes playable or not, time will tell. I just know we’ll see more of him in later dlc because of unused audio files and where the SF6 plot is going.

[dokidokitsuna]

Thoughts on RWBY: Ice Queendom

First, reactions to the trailer:

LOOKIT THAT GRIMM WITH HIS LITTLE EARS AND ACTUAL FUR!!! THAT IS SOOOO CUUUTEEE

Saori Hayami’s Ruby Rose was one of my favorite things about the original Japanese dub; I’m glad she’s getting so much attention this time around~

And speaking of voice actors-- YOKO HIKASA ❤❤❤❤❤❤

Ozpin looks super ikemen all of a sudden O.O...I know that’s probably the most natural direction to take his character design, but I kinda liked how scruffy and weird his original model looked; it made him interesting (and does a lot to inform the way I way I write for him)

The girls are all wearing lip-gloss now...and surprisingly, I don’t hate it

Gen Urobuchi AND Studio SHAFT are working on this??? Holy toledo... ...I gotta agree with what someone I follow on Twitter said-- it’s insane how much top-tier talent is constantly being attracted to RWBY’s honestly very mediocre story. Now, personally, I welcome it-- RWBY’s story may not be very impressive, but it has a VERY strong, unique concept that has the potential to be legendary in the right hands. And the more people keep trying to give it a chance, the closer we’ll get to that reality. However...this makes it even sadder that its original creators continue to treat it so carelessly. Like, LOOK at all these amazing artists and writers and actors who want to bring new life to your IP! Look at how much money people are willing to invest in it! And yet, you STILL refuse to even hire a fight choreographer for the main series?? You refuse to give the writing for each season more than an incredibly-rushed first draft?? It’s downright tragic...like, if you don’t want to show love to your best-selling franchise, hand the reins over to someone who does, because apparently there are a LOT of seasoned pros who would be glad to take your place.

Now, for my own expectations:

Based on the poster that dropped before the trailer (and certain scenes within the trailer, and the freaking title) ‘Evil Weiss’ seems to be a big possibility. And I REALLY hope they go through with it, and it’s not just, like, a coma-dream sequence Weiss has or something. PLEASE BREAK AWAY FROM THE TRADITIONAL BEACON FORMULA. PLEASE BUILD A NEW STORY THAT PUTS TEAM RWBY AT THE CENTER OF THE PLOT. DON’T PASS UP THIS CHANCE!

...Besides the sheer novelty of making a member of Team RWBY an antagonist, I think it would be cool to see Atlas as the threat it was built up to be in the first 3 seasons. Like...they really dropped that ball. ^^; More Atlesian Paladin fights, please

Plus...if the Atlas military is gonna be involved...does this mean we could maybe...possibly...potentially...have MORE IRONWOOD CONTENT???!?!?!!! (◕ヮ◕)*:･ﾟ✧

Actually, there are a lot of characters who might be making a comeback: like my darling Adam Taurus. ^^ And good ol’ Drunkle Qrow, and Roman Torchwick, who was suspiciously absent from the trailer, but I’m pretty confident that they’ll put him in the anime. He’s a great villain; fun to watch and easy to write; if Gray can’t play him anymore, just get someone else

Speaking of voice actors (again)-- I’m SO happy that RWBY’s original cast will be doing the English dub. ^^ I was scared I’d never get to hear Jason Rose or Garrett Hunter again (I still might not, but let me dream)...and while Miles Luna may not be doing great as a writer, he’s actually an EXCELLENT voice actor, at least for Jaune. Like, he is damn good. ‘_’ If that’s the extent of his creative involvement with the anime, I’ll be a happy camper.

This is getting long...there’s a ton more I could say, but I’ll stop here. HOWEVER, before I go: the wiki mentioned ‘new characters’ for this series, and although I’m not sure how I feel about that, part of me hopes it’s true so huke’s design work gets a chance to shine. Black⭐Rock Shooter is one of my favorite anime character designs period, and I’d love to see a RWBY character with that kind of abstract, edgy, playful look.

[come-on-shitty-boys]

//general dating headcannons//

Characters: Daishou Suguru/ Kita Shinsuke/ Yamaguchi Tadashi

Warnings: i don’t think any??

Word Count: 2K (~650 a piece)

Notes: i am soft for kita shinsuke. that is all.

Daishou Suguru

He’s a top tier boyfriend and no one is allowed to tell me otherwise

He is a first-class WEENIE for his s/o and would genuinely do anything for them

But noooo y’all hate him smh

Daishou is the kind of person who puts every important date of your relationship in his phone.  He is never missing your anniversary or your birthday or any other important relationship dates.  

He’s a good morning/good night texter too.  I know that everyone thinks he’s an asshole, but after being broken up with for focusing too much on a club, he doesn’t want you to feel like he only cares about volleyball.  If he’s going to be busy for a few hours, he’s going to tell you so you don’t think he’s just flat out ignoring you

I promise, he will let you do anything to him if you just ask.  Want to try to curl his hair?  Cool, just please don’t burn him.  You want to pluck his eyebrows?  Go ahead.  He doesn’t mind.  Did you see this really cute nail design that you want to try? Suguru already has his hand held out towards you so you can practice.

He’s not telling anyone that he does all of this so willingly though.  He has to maintain some essence of coolness

Literally the whole volleyball team knows that he’s a total simp, so idk who the hell he thinks he’s hiding it from

His love language is quality time, so as long as he’s with you, he’s perfectly content.  Daishou will happily just sit next to you for hours, sending each other memes or stupid tiktoks.

When it comes to actually going out on dates, he’s really simple.  He likes picnics in the park or taking hikes or going stargazing.  It feels very intimate to him and allows a certain degree of vulnerability that can’t be found anywhere else.

You guys went stargazing on your first date and he brought you flowers and the two of you shared snacks it was all very cute and there was no way that you weren’t going to go on a second date with him

Speaking of flowers-

One time you made him mad over something really stupid and he brought you some flowers as a partial apology for him being overdramatic, but the card just said “fuck you” in really pretty lettering, but there was a really small, “but also, I love you” on the other side.

The two of you pick up random hobbies together?  For no other reason than the two of you spend an awful lot of time just sitting at each other's house?  So, you decided to do something other than just sit on your phones for h o u r s

You’ve made those giant arm-knitted blankets together.  One time, you tried to make soap, but it didn’t smell good so that hobby got scrapped.  You’ve tried to learn how to roller skate together, but Daishou almost broke his arm so you thought maybe something less dangerous like puzzles.  But, those got old really fast.

Please for the love of god run your hand over his arms.  He will be putty in your hands.  He loves it so much.

Better yet?  Put your hands on his biceps when he kisses you and he’s a happy boy.  His arms are the feature that he’s most proud of, so knowing that you like them too is a big boost to his ego.

He has two main nicknames for you smh.  When he’s teasing or just being a little shit, he calls you sweetheart.  If he actually wants to be affectionate, Daishou calls you babygirl.

He’ll pull you into his lap and pepper your face in kisses while telling you, “I love you, babygirl, you know that?”

If you call him ‘Sugu’ or just ‘ru’ he may actually die right there.   It just plucks something in his heart that sends him to cloud-9.  

Suguru really is a fantastic boyfriend who just wants you to be happy ;-; He wants you to smile and laugh and be comfortable around him, because he’s here for the long-haul.  When Daishou falls in love, he falls hard

Kita Shinsuke

An absolute sweetheart

He’s going to take care of you so good

Kita for sure walked straight up to you and asked you on a date.  He gave zero fucks.  Nerves?  Kita has never heard of them before. If you reject him, you reject him.  It’s not like it’s the end of the world.

You met his grandmother really early into the relationship because she’s really important to Kita, so he needed to know that she approved of you before fully committing to a relationship with you.

But, I promise, she loves you and now that Kita is finally dating someone, she’s going to pester him about wedding plans once he comes home from your date.  She doesn’t care that this is only the second date.  She wants to see her grandson married.

Kita genuinely loves domestic life?  Please please please come over and cook with him.  If you offer to help him with the dishes, he may propose right there.  Okay not literally but you know what i mean.  Come over on Saturdays for laundry and gardening.

I should mention that dating Kita isn’t always chores and housework, but even when it is, it really doesn’t feel like it?  The two of you joke around, definitely throwing dirt at one another while you’re pulling weeds in the garden or flicking water at him while doing the dishes.  

He’s an “acts of service” kind of person.  Little things like having your favorite snacks in the cabinets for when you come over or turning the heat up before you get there so it’ll be warm because he knows you get gold. You left your math binder at his house once, so he took the time to put all of the loose papers where he knew you would’ve wanted them.

If you’re a person who gets periods, he has pads and extra painkillers stocked in the bathroom cabinet.

Please note that Kita has zero shame in buying you period products.  You need tampons?  Okay.  What size and what brand?  Do you want anything else?  He can get some snacks while he’s at the store too.  You can say no and he’s going to pick up a package of pizza rolls anyway.  He knows you well enough that you’ll say no, but only tell him that you're hungry the minute he gets home.  He’s played this game before.  He knows. 

It makes his grandmother so proud, seeing him love and care so wholeheartedly for another person that isn’t related to him.  She just knows that he’ll make an excellent husband to you one day

She cares about you just as much as he does.  Kita mentioned that you weren’t feeling well once, and she packed up a bunch of leftovers and some tea for him to take over to you, pretty much telling him not to come back until you were feeling well again.

Kita doesn’t beat around the bush, so if he has something he wants to tell you, he’s just going to say it.  Communication is really important to him and he believes that it’s the key to a healthy and happy relationship.

But, because of this, it took him a while to say I love you.  He didn’t want to just say it, you know?  He wanted to genuinely mean it. He believes that that phrase gets tossed around too easily. So, it was a few months before he actually said it, but you knew that he was serious when he did.

He likes to kiss the top of your head.  If you’re tall, he enjoys kisses to your temple just as much.

I 10/10 recommend a Kita.  He would love you wholeheartedly and, don’t tell his grandmother, he really does want to spend the rest of his life with you.

Yamaguchi Tadashi

Another absolute sweetheart of a boyfriend oml

But, I promise that you’re probably going to have to make the first move if you want anything to come from this.  

He’s just so shy and nervous when talking to people that he finds cute ;-;

Although, there is a chance that Tsukishima told him to get over himself and just ask you out.  

“It’s not that big of a deal.  If they say no, you move on.” 

Shut up, Tsukki.

Yamaguchi really likes to hold your hand.  It’s really grounding for him, so if he’s ever starting to get panicked, he’ll reach for your hand.

Before every game, he has to hold your hand and he’ll squeeze it three times before he has to go.  So, if he starts to panic during the game, he has a fresh memory of the feeling of your hand in his.

Yamaguchi lets you wear his jacket during games ;-;  He didn’t even think about it as something to show you off as his, he was just worried that you might get chilly in the stands, so he offered for you to take it.

But, now he’s obsessed with how cute you look with his jacket around your shoulders that he’s letting you hold onto it whenever he gets the opportunity.  

Study dates study dates study dates

The two of you will either go to a cafe or a library and claim a table and just hang out and do homework together.  If you’re struggling with something, he’ll walk you through it.  He moved his chair close to yours so that your knees just barely brushed against one another.  

He loves to bring you little gifts.  If he sees something in a shop that reminds him of you or if he thinks you might like it, he’ll buy it and give it to you the next time he sees you.

He usually doesn’t like nicknames?  He'd rather just be called by his actual name, but something about you calling him ‘dashi’ just feels right and he really likes it.

Tadashi has a lot of insecurities, especially in the start of your relationship with him.  He doesn’t understand why you’re so willing to be with him?? He’s just a bundle of nerves and he’s convinced that you could do so much better than him, but yet you still stay with him?  

It took him a really long time to get comfortable with the idea of being in a relationship and realize that you weren’t going to just dump him because you really got to know him, but when he does get comfortable, it’s like he’s a totally new person.  His nervous laughter actually becomes more full and free and he smiles a lot wider.  He isn’t afraid to tease you and he’s a lot more open about his emotions.

Tsukki is the first one to really notice just how good you are for Yamaguchi.  Tadashi isn’t super open with anyone but him, at least, until you came along and gave Tadashi another person that he could connect with and feel comfortable around.

Tadashi loves it when you play with the hair at the base of his neck.  It feels so comforting and he would love to just fall asleep right there with your fingers in his hair.  Everytime you play with his hair, his head immediately goes to your shoulder and he’ll wrap his arms around your midsection and tell you that he loves you.

You will never go a day without Tadashi telling you that he loves you and that you’re absolutely incredible.  He finds something to compliment you on every single day because he just wants you to know that you’re loved and, while yes, he does find you absolutely beautiful, sometimes it’s nice to be complimented on things other than physical appearance and that’s where Yamaguchi really shines.

{Taglist: @moncymonce @nicka-nell @celosiiaa @lovinnoya  and my fellow daishou suguru simp @kuronekomama​}

[roguish-gallery]

Did you ever make that joker tier list, I always like seeing what people think of all the different ones. Though if they put Romero last I can no longer respect them.

LMAO I DID! I think I’ve made it kind of obvious in this blog but I... don’t... particularly... care... for... the joker.... unless he’s, y’know, fun to watch. Cause he’s a clown, and clowns are supposed to be entertaining. But since you politely brought it up, and and because I have a deep respect for mutual Romero-lovers, I guess this would be a good time to explain my rankings and just discuss my general thoughts on each clown:

General Thoughts:

For the most part, I don’t really care for the Joker. This is hardly an uncommon opinion here on tumblr, but I definitely fall on the side of the fandom that feels that he gets too much attention from DC. I get WHY they use him so often for films and comics, and I don’t have anything against *most* folks who consider them their favorite Batman villain, but at this point he’s used more for shock value and as a crutch instead of anything interesting. Like, instead of giving attention to the other Rogues, writers (at least for the comics) will try and make up some bullshit story that they can shoehorn the Joker into, ‘cause it sells. It’s tiring, and I feel like the character has lost his meaning; I can only read so many stories about the Joker, I don’t fucking know, wearing a suit made from dead babies and Jason Todd’s flayed corpse before I get sick of it.

I’m at the point where I’ll like any Joker who’s just fun to watch. I genuinely respect those who prefer darker interpretations of the character, but that isn’t me; I vastly prefer the lighthearted takes on him, because... at this point... writers who use the “cleaner” version of him tend to be more creative, since they actually have to write a Joker story that doesn’t rely on gore/torture porn.

TIER ONE:

Joker Baby: Self explanatory. Joker Baby is thematic, thoughtful, and intense. Everytime I watch this video, I shiver with fear and pleasure; something primal in me awakens whenever Joker Baby runs his fingers through his spray-on dyed hair, and ends up smearing green paint on his forehead- it represents the inner turmoil, the chaos, that resides within the disturbed body that is Joker Baby. Nothing can ever hope to top the artistic and cultural impact Joker Baby has had on society.

TIER TWO:

Batman Ninja: I genuinely believe that Batman Ninja is one of the most fun, organic, and creative things to come out from the Batman side of DC comics in like... hmmm... a decade, maybe (I could talk for hours about how much I love this movie but that’s something for a future post). This Joker is easily, and unironically my favorite interpretation of the character, period. I love his energy, his design, everything. This is the most fun I’ve ever had watching a Joker on-screen, and for that I’ve gotta give the film credit where it is due.

Batman ‘66: I looooove Caesar Romero. Batman ‘66 in general is one of my favorite pieces of Batman media, and I absolutely adore this Joker. The show is pure, genuine fun, and it’s nice to turn my brain off and watch a show where the entire cast was allowed to goof around. This Joker is just a cute, goofy little clown-man who likes to commit crimes, go surfing, turn Gotham’s water reserve into gelatin, and have wild orgies with Penguin, Catwoman, and the Riddler. I massively appreciate the hustle. I love his little mustache and his facial expressions. I’d give him a chaste little kiss on the cheek if I could.

The Batman: EXTREMELY CONTROVERSIAL TAKE BUT. I think TB!Joker is better than what people will give him credit for. I can only imagine how stressful it must have been to be the first Batman cartoon to follow BTAS and the writers for this show knew they were gonna be fucked no matter what they did with the Joker, so they just decided to try something completely different with him. Personally, I appreciate the new direction- he has a fun, unhinged energy. I’ve placed him higher than BTAS/BTNA!Joker simply because The Batman was the show that got me into the Rogues in the first place, and I’m just a bit closer to this Joker because of it. Also his vampire form was cool as FUCK in Batman Vs. Dracula and the scene where he gets drenched in blood at a blood bank is fucking awesome.

Batman the Animated Series/The New Adventures: Everyone loves BTAS’s Joker, and I’m no exception. Mark Hamill is fucking great, and the writers clearly knew the character well enough to create a version of him that can be fun and threatening. As an aside, I unironically like his redesign in BTNA- I remember Hamill mentioning somewhere that he thought it was neat that this Joker looked more like a shark (I’ll see if I can find a source on that... I think he said it in an interview with Kevin Smith?) and I kinda agree with him. the redesigns in the final season are hit or miss, but I didn’t get why so many people bitched about the Joker’s new look.

Batman Unlimited: Hear me out... Hear me out... Clown... funny... and cute... He wears a little crown and gives Solomon Grundy a little smooch on the cheek and it is as delightful as it sounds. Yes the Batman Unlimited films literally only exist to sell toys but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy them on some ironic level.

TIER THREE:

Lego Batman: He’s a gay icon. He has the range. Enough said.

White Knight: This is just a genuinely good, original take on the character, and the art in White Knight is absolutely gorgeous. 

Arkham: My friends and I joke that this Joker is basically a more unhinged version of BTAS! Joker and... yeah. I’m glad Hamill and Paul Dini got to fuck around with the character more, but I never really dwelled on the Joker parts of the games like I might have for other characters. I definitely liked him the most in Arkham Asylum, as he was more fun to watch. Arkham City was fiiiiine, but I think I replayed the game so much that I kinda got fatigued with everything about it. Genuinely hated his part in Origins, and I was pissed that he stole the attention from Black Mask and Bane (who’s the best fucking part of Origins IMO). I’ll admit that I... Haven’t... played... Knight yet (I have it on PC but my laptop is too wimpy to run it) but like... He’s dead at that point, so I’d assume he isn’t the main point of that game anyway. I love Mark Hamill and the fact I can personally beat the shit out of this Joker, so he’s ranked up pretty high for those reasons.

TIER FOUR:

Batman ‘89: TBH this Joker should be a rank higher, but I’m too lazy to hop onto PicsArt to change it. NIcholson was an excellent choice, and I apprecaite how this Joker makes use of the playful and unhinged aspects of the character. Also, his outfits are cute, and I love the museum scene.

Brave and the Bold: Technically this Joker SHOULD be ranked higher since he’s literally based on the more lighthearted comics in the 60′s but... ehhh... I haven’t really watched BATB so I don’t have any strong opinions on the show and how it handles the character. he’s ranked this high through beause I appreciate what they were going for.

Golden Age: The quality of comics are always subjective, based on the creative team behind them. Some I’ll like more, others less so, It’s kind of hard to rank the pre-52 comic version of the Joker because of this.

TIER FIVE:

Killing Joke: Read it, didn’t care for it. I acknowledge how massive the impact this comic had on... everything, but just because I recognize how important this graphic novel is, doesn’t mean I have to like it.

The Dark Knight: Ledger did an excellent job with the role, but uhh... I’m kind of sick of the alt-right chuds who are out there sucking this Joker’s dick. The fanbase definitely ruined the character for me.

TIER SIX:

99′: Eh

Endgame: No

Suicide Squad: NO

Death of the Family: Hate him. Despise him. Lame stupid dumb little edgy bitch.

Gotham (Jeremiah): I don’t particulary care for Gotham in general, but the only reason I ranked this Joker over Jerome is beause I thought it was kinda funny to see that they made him a little rat-man, and I liked watching all the fujoshi on here cry and complain that they can’t ship this version of the joker with the pre-pubescent Bruce Wayne in the show bc he’s too ugly.

Gotham (Jerome): stop shippping this freak (who is fucking eighteen years old) with a literal twelve year old child. what the FUCK is wrong with yall.

UNRANKED:

The Joker (2019): I don’t plan on watching this film, nor will I ever. I know this is ironic, coming from someone who runs a Rogue blog, but stuff that focuses primarily on a character’s deteriorating mental health makes me reaaaaallllllyyyyy anxious (it’s kind of a phobia) and considering that I don’t particularly the Joker, I have no reason to watch something I know will only give my dumb ADHD-ass intrusive throughts.

[zanyanimalstechnologytaco]

My Hero Academia, the series, the fan media, the community all was a mistake of our time

I hate this show. More than Naruto and more than Fairy Tail. I hate Izuku, I hate Kstsuki, I hate how everyone and everything is just being forced to like everything about them, I hate All Might, I hate the Hero Association, I hate how light hearted and shallow arcs end. And I hate how things ended up with my once favorite character, his ship and everything I ever expected to be better became much worse and theres no male based fan media to or communities that allow my project myself in shouto anymore, seriously hes manly than "Cant stop Sparkling" guy now adays based on all the fan stuff he has about being with deku.

Todomomo was a mistake and Todoroki is a mistake. All bnha ships are unholy and wrong. Bnha is all shallowness and impure GARBAGE. I used to love bnha and was a big todoroki fan. But the more I invested through time in this character, the more i felt alone and isolated from the fandoms intention on shouto being bland fangirl fuel, the more I felt more distant from the character and not even the manga supports my reasons to invest in todoroki whom hori treats like the most shoehorned false hype emo in the show. And that offends me deeply, you got all these characters and the ones that you are expected to take seriously (and live through vicariously) are the most important characters in the show. Deku, Bakugou, All Might, Mineta, Kirishima and even Endeavor are these character and he obviously builds up there hidden character development in abilities and progression, shouto still struggles with his own personal development and is basically the same as he started with the added bonus of jobbing.

Oh and all the hype about him being cool and attractive, just irrelevant blanket statement extra tidbit filler, nothing meaningful but to make shouto explained why hes special, I prefer it if the story elaborates this by "showing" it, which the author just skims through with him and hand waves consistancy with contradiction in other following scenes making him seem like a weaker/dumber from before(ex. Fighting Festival(shouto a top tier student in every respect according to deku) to Stain Fight(Shouto is nothing but quirk reliant) according to Stain). Strongest quirk wise, this is all he has for him but even hes not even the most talented or intelligently trained with it, which makes me wonder of all shouto is just a blanket statement based character that just meant to exist to explore how insignificant he is with all his power and advantages compared to the main duo and other coming of age based events involving the cast. Even his father represents this more than his son.

Todomomo seems to relate to this, but its meaningless, just like everything else shouto has been portrayed by fans, based on how much the author puts his narrative into play which is also meaningless in the grander context of the story. Why make momo and shouto work together in the first place only to not build that relationship in future developments.

That pairing I hate(todomomo), I didnt hate in the beginning only to me because it was the only humanizing aspect todoroki had not related to his family and later the forced shoehorned dynamic with deku and bakugou, it made sense because the two are socially awkward people despite their supreme standing in the class and as first years and yet they both encourage each other by standing firm to overcome their own lack of socialization skills to grow as ideal people and improve socially, which seems to be working for momo now not shouto who's still the brooding loner elitist type(only has friends with elitist characters like friends too) . Now it's a husk and a relic of a potential investment in shoutos own story, I dont give a damn anymore, shoutos has no real anticipating developments to compel him to me, his quirk is boring as fuck since it's just a shooting targeting spammer, he isnt a good character to entertain me from a personal way, he really is a broken record of the same issues with a new idea, his family outside of endeavor and overcooked guy is more boring than him, and god I hate him with deku and bakugou which gives me more a reason to not bother with anything about him specifically since they will always overshadow him as story narrative and progress development narrative types, and I hate those two more. They are really just stand ins as horikoshi escapist fantasies, and both of them get more attention than any character as narratives who pretty much get the most attention in doing the most awesome feats and accomplishments as main roles. The new movie was about that. Shoutos accomplishments center around how he plays second fiddle to that basically instead of exploring the potential of being a pure equal to deku and bakugou, he gets the second in command villains or does something less than them in battles they already excell at in quirk control.

It's all worthless, shouto should not be this popular anything, and eventually this reflects in the popularity polls recently, which I noticed in the west from the previous one, shouto was less recieved by a significant margin compared to the main leads as a third place holder, maybe it shows me that todoroki is losing favor slowly, it makes sense, the author is not doing anything with him that makes people catch interest with the plot about strong heroes and villains getting more relevant as major players, while hes stronger than most the class but not plot relevant with his strength like deku has. Bakugou is like just like deku since the plot focuses on his strength to and is naturally stronger than Shouto via being the more badass and more aggressively driven he gets and thus gets as strong if not stronger and more skilled than shouto out of sheer plot armor. Shouto is just getting hotter and cold, bigger and more raw and unrefined in his power, so he has to control it which is still not as grand as bakugous perfect skills and genius and deku grander scaling in brains and brawn. If I were to make a guess, shouto is just going to to be behind them both as a stronger quirk user eventually and more about being a defensively capable than battle capable like kirishima and ochako, fitting for a major yet minor character, which disappoints me even more since shouto can be more battle creative than both of them if the author didnt have a bias in making deku and bakugou better than him despite having a stronger quirk.

God I hate this series. Theres no likable characters that are relatable or even human, there all shallow power and fanservice fantasies, the only character in class 1s that acts less cartoonish and serves as a stand in audience Surrogate is jirou and tail guy, but they are all about being generic looking compared to the unrealistically attractive guys and girls, the looney toon designed comic relief, and the recycled shonen trope cast. But if anything shouto represents all these shallow functions the most, and it's made him a less than a character too, it made him a sellout fan appeal type with no credibility as a character, which is why men dont like him due to not showing much concern to connect to him as a human narrative, at least the characters compared to him are showing why they(despite acting like shallow cliches) are interesting characters to care about, shoutos thing is telling about how tragically sympathetic his character needs to be as the only important thing about him, not as a part of him as a character to endear towards while he grows and helps build up a leading narrative with his development. His story doesnt help any part of the main lead or rivals growth, or his class, or his own personal objectives for his goals as a hero(being like all might and surpassing all might is a all purpose blanket statement to keep him near deku and bakugou as a power hype, not a individual self defined person). Dragging out objectives(season 1: being anti endeavor on surpassing all might which in the end pledges to learn not to do that and become better, season 2.Learning from the festival and from then on to being able to take endeavors legacy and take his training seriously which compared to deku and bakugou isnt enough to show much, Season 3. Promises to make people depend on him, doesnt happen since hes still the unapproachable person people in his class know him for. Season 4. Still makes promises hes gonna be a dependable hero, still accept his fire side, still be his own hero, things he repeats and fails to attempt because hori is lazy or just doesnt care about showing how much hes changed compared to his mary sue duo. etc) that dont happen and are inconsistent with new story details is why shouto is dead to me. High expectations about him are problematic since the author has agendas that don't involve story relevancy about him compared to the actual leading roles, plus the fan reception helps effect how I feel about shouto to, hes not even popular enough to have drawn pornagraphy with most all the girls and high quality momo hentai fanservice artists and circles, fucking mineta and your average joe otaku faceless male is more likely than shouto instead. That's how much the value shouto means to anyone than just a fangirl targeted audience which is just gay or bishi equivalent to sasuke fanworks and the feminine answer to male targeted audiences of characters like deku, bakugou and mineta, the worst and most common types of shonen stock characters in the series.

I hope this series and all the fans get tired of this shit when it gets eventually cancled. Or maybe it has. I dont really keep up with it anymore.

[tsuki-sennin]

So who are your favorite Touhous? I'm guessing Reisen is one of them?

Bitch you know it. I love all the 2hus pretty much equally, but if I had to rank my 20 favorites, it'd go like this.

20. Yuuka. Really freaking cute and really freaking scary, with the added bonus of generally being made hot by the fanbase. Has some of my favorite tracks in the PC-98 games as her themes, and makes me feel enamored anytime I see her done justice in a fan work. Sometimes people take her sadism way too far though.

19. Marisa. Super cool and has a really fun personality, but ultimately my least favorite to play as out of the playable characters. Idk why, she just is. She's also easy to mess up in fanfics, usually by virtue of making her an OOC mess that can barely talk to the other side(s) of the story's ship or Flanderizing some of her worst aspects like her greed, impulsiveness, or obnoxious behavior. If you follow @touhou-gensoudairantou, you'll know I promised a Marisa moveset... She's coming, okay?

18. Yuyuko. Has a very charming design and a really cute relationship with Youmu, but she doesn't appear a lot unless Youmu does too. I hope Wily Beast and Weakest Creature has her show up. She also nuked my 1cc run of PCB which just... demoralized me.

17. Yukari. She's so cool and so interesting, but she's one of the easiest characters to fuck up imo. Usually done by over-emphasis on her crueller aspects (making her an insufferable edgelord in the process), her age (the hag jokes got old really quick), or (and please try to not hate me too much for this) practically shoehorning in ships. I've seen a lot of bad romance stories, but Yukari seems to get hit the hardest by the REALLY bad ones. You know Draco Malfoy's depiction in My Immortal? How he's basically turned into Ebony's bitch by virtue of him becoming a whiny little wimp? I've seen quite a few stories where that happens to either Yukari or whoever she's getting Red Stringed with.

16. Alice. Her abilities are cool as fuck, and her design is easily one of my favorites. Her interactions with Marisa give me life.

15. Junko. I feel for her man, I really do.

14. Hecatia/Clownpiece. Their designs are so striking, and it suits their personalities so well. They have a great dynamic with Junko in fanfics too, especially Hecatia.

13. Kisume. Ungodly cute, and a personal favorite of my good friend @sunneflower. I'm scared she'll eat me, but I taste like shit anyway.

12. Sumireko. She's so relatable, and her chuuni personality just speaks to me on a personal level. I hope she appears more often.

11. Seija. Gotta say, I'm shocked I don't talk about her more but she's hilarious and ISC is a really fun game. If you have complaints about my placement, then flip the number and replace her with... idk, Kasen? She's super neat. Wild and Horned Hermit is good. Karen's pretty.

10. Reimu. The gatekeeper of the Top 10, and the main heroine of the series. Relatable, greatly written, occasionally really attractive, and an amazing character all around.

9. Cirno. And by extension the rest of Team 9 and most other early stage bosses. I hate calling her an idiot because I'm a filthy casual who ruins people's fun amd I hate picking on people because who don't deserve it becaus3 I used to get picked on when I was a kid and I FUCKING hated it. Not much justification she and the others are super fucking cute and I like their themes a lot.

8. Rumia. Blame Mori. He made me like her more and more and more. She's prolly the cutest out of the first stage bosses, and therefore my favorite.

7. Byakuren. She's really... really fuckin pretty? She's so nice and kind and sweet? You wanna go bitch?

6. The SDM crew. They're Green Hill Zone level overused in fan works, and I hate how Play, Doujin and Nippon Ichi charge me money to play with them more on consoles (because FUCK PC), but... nah, I can't be too mad at them. Not when they're the reason Touhou is as big as it is, not when they've got some god tier themes, and not when Patchouli Knowledge exists. Koakuma, Sakuya, and Meiling are also hot af, and the Scarlet Sisters are stupidly adorable and really fuckin' cool.

5. Youmu/Tenshi. They got cool weapons/Spell Cards, endearing personalities with compelling flaws, great designs, and some stupidly good music.

4. Minoriko and Shizuha. Blame Mori (@fall-in-the-dark ) and our mutual friend @ice-cold-rose for this. They've endeared me to these too stupidly underrated girls so much that It's not even funny. Excellent autumny designs, some of the best music ZUN's ever composed, and a genuinely believable sibling relationship that I really like.

3.5. Koishi. Why is she placed here? Because it's my list, fuck you. Pattern goes that She's interesting and cute and has good music and can you tell I'm bad at describing things I like because I really am

3. The Moriya Shrine Goddesses. Um... how could I NOT? Kanako is gorgeous, Sanae is beautiful, and Suwako is pretty? Is that good enough for he?

2. The rest of the Imperishable Night cast. Eirin is a genuine goddess, Keine is a really cool teacher, Kaguya and Mokou have one of the most interesting relationships in the series, and Tewi is just flat out amazing.

Honorable Mentions:

-Nue. Sick design and the Heian-kyo Alien reference is amazing.

-Mamizou. One of my favorite takes on the Tanuki since Tom Nook.

-Aya. Great character development and a real beauty.

-Yuugi. I love the oni in general, but Yuugi's the definite favorite.

-Mima. Would be higher but ZUN needs to bring her back.

-Nitori. Cute as hell, and really fun to use with Marisa.

-everyone else honestly this list is so arbitrary

And now my obvious pick.

1. Reisen. QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

WIFE.

Okay if I didn't turn you off go follow the blog's I @'d because they're cool ppl.

[superwolfiestar]

Across Another Dimension Ch. 49

It was a normal beautiful sunset afternoon, the people are driving, walking, laughing, and going to stores and stores. The children are playing in the wonderful playground in the park. The criminals are running the way from police.

It was a regular day in the city of Duckburg, nothing had gone wrong. Everything is normal, no evil, no monster, and nothing. Until…..

*BOOOOM!*

All of a sudden, meteor cannonballs were shot from an airship, knocking down one of the buildings in the city, catching the citizens by surprise!

Soon, more and more airships arrived, still shooting more meteor cannonballs at the city from the portal that’s right above the mansion. Then, the evil minions jump off the airship and began chasing the citizens. Everyone began to panic and did their best to dodge the meteors as they ran away from the attacker. Some were forced to get out of their home while other where dragging out of the building. They gather all of everyone to the center of the city.

The main airship stops right in front of the citizens, and the King and his son stand at its deck.

"Attention everyone of this dimension!" The King starts to speak to the people. "You courtly invited to the wonderful wedding of the year." A sinister laugh arose from the king. The people gasped at this, terrified.

“I cannot wait to get married the love of my life.”

Meanwhile back in the Mushroom Kingdom, the gang need to plan to get the portal machine. They were now sneaking up on the edge of tree, hiding behind a tree and bushes and saw two Beagles guarding the machine.

"The beagles..." Jose whimpered. "I hate them..." he then whispered to the other Jose. "So, what's your plan for getting' past those two?"

"Live bait." Panchito whispered back.

"Good idea," Jose smiled before realizing. "Hey..."

"Come on, Jose, you and the others Panchito have to create a diversion." Jose whispered.

"What do you want me to do?" Jose replied incredulously. "Dress up in drag and do the hula?"

Everyone smirked as if that's what they all had in mind.

"Oh, this is going to be very entertaining." Dewey smirked.

The guards were protecting the machine and then, hear the drum beating, they turn their head to see where that drum coming. they saw a green parrot dress in the hula costume.

Jose:

Luau.

If you're hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meat

Eat my buddy here because he is a treat!

Panchito hid his eyes with both his hands. He looked at his embarrassed green Brazil’s parrot and to himself back and forth.

Jose:

Come on down and dine

On this tasty swine

All you have to do is get in line

Are ya achin'?

Panchito popped his head up.

Panchito:

Yup yup yup!

Jose:

For some bacon?

Panchito

Yup yup yup!

Jose:

He's a big pig!

Panchito:

Yup yup yup!

Jose

You can be a big pig too!

OY! Jose's cheeks turned slightly pink. Then, they started to run away as the guards began chasing after them leaving their post.

The gang ran toward the machine, Professor Gyro turn off the machine and the portal in the sky close.

“Well, the portal is gone but we still age to save Donald and the other Donald!” Scrooge exclaimed.

“Don’t worry, we will save them. But first, we need to take the portal somewhere else!” Professor Gyro told everyone as he ordered Storkules to carry the heavy machine and take it somewhere else so the guards won’t follow them.

“Quickly! We must hide inside the castle!”

Back in Duckburg, the people were pushing inside the chapel by force. Inside the chapel. The chapel was decorated with beautiful white roses, the people were seated in the seat.

Five guards are guards the chapel entrance to make sure no one will ever escape.

In the white airship. King Zeus and Doofus was getting ready for the wedding. His servants were helping adjusting the entire of the white suit, cleaning the dust off of it, and polishing his white shoes.

King Zeus fixed his big bow as he looked at the tall mirror. “Am I handsome or what?” He smirks.

Then, one of the servants rushed in the chamber with a frightened look on his face. “King Zeus, King Zeus!!!”

King Zeus let out annoying sigh as he turned to face him. “What is it?” He rowl.

“It’s the ducks!” He address the king. “They’re hysterical!!!”

“What!!!” Gasped the King.

In the boy bride chamber, a bunch of pretty objects were thrown at them, they were hit by them and ran out of the crazy sight.

*BONK!*

*SPLAT!*

*WHAP!*

Two ducks thrown whatever they could possibly find to hit at them.

“You’re highness! You must calm down!” One of the servants try to calm the situation. But was hit by a bottle of hairspray.

“We will NOT marrying a MANIACAL, FIEND, like KING ZEUS!!!” Boy Princess Donald reply.

“Fiend? Where?” The sound of the heartbroken voice came from the chamber entrance. Two duck know who that voice belongs too.

They turn to face to the King of Darkness.

“You!” Donald exclaimed, “I will simply will NOT marry you!” He barks at the King.

“Come now, my precious!” King Zeus smiled and took his hand, placing a kiss to the back of it as he looked straight to Donald, it. “You’ll learn to love me!”

Donald snapped his hand out as he wipes it. “Don’t touch me!!!”

Donald and Boy Princess Donald both look at them angrily. They will not married him. King Zeus groan at them. And hate that they are forced to wear a wedding dress.

Boy Princess Donald was wearing a wedding dress. The top was going straight across his chest with champagne lining on the top going around. There are white poofs on the side at the waist with champagne lining, champagne lining trim along above the hemline. A white ribbon wrap around his waist and make into a beautiful white bow.

On both of his arms was a long white opera gloves with champagne lining around on the top of the glove.

On his head was a tiara, it looks a lot like his original crown except the tiara one have oval shape on the top and it sparkly with glitter. A beautiful two tier of waltz timeless veil made of soft and sheer soft tulle with pearls shatter around and trimmed all around in ribbon edge.

And around his neck, was a white ribbon choker with glittering royal blue cabochon pendant meant to look like Boy Princess Donald’s pendant.

Donald was also wearing a wedding dress too. A sweetheart neckline bodice with attached champagne ribbon band (fully boned) is one piece with huge bow on the back while the tulle ivory Underskirt is a fully gathered six yards. There is a three-tiered layered tulle petticoat underneath supported by a five row crinoline (hoopskirt.)es. On his chest was a bodice jewel.

Just like the boy Princess, both of his arms was a long white opera gloves with champagne lining around on the top of the glove.

In his head was a crown, unlikely Boy Princess Donald wedding tiara, this crown is basically a same crown that Boy Princess Doanld wore on his head, except that this crown have beauty small sticker crystals and pearls around the crown and behind the crown is a beautiful one tier of wedding veil. This wedding veil is made of soft illusion tulle and has a raw cut straight bottom edge with rounded corners.

"I need a hypnotist…" All of the sudden, a tall black beagle dog dress in the blue wizard attire suddenly appears. "Did somebody say Hypnotist?" he said.

"Ah, Black Art Beagle." The King said to him.

"My dear lord." Black Art Beagle bow his head. King Zeus give him a creepy smile. "Do your thing, and I will pay you."

“Yes my lord, as you wish.” Black Art Beagle step forward to two boy brides as Donald stood in front of Boy Princess to protect whatever that magical guy is going to do. They look at the wizard as he waved his magic golden wand.

"ABRACADABRA!" A dusty flew into their as they feel strange as the magic hit him. Suddenly their eyes color change to green.

"King Zeus, my love. I worship the ground you walk on. I love you. From the bottom of my heart." said a Both hypnotic Donald and Boy Princess Donald as the King pay the Black Art Beagle with a golden coins.

"Excellent work! Now, my dear, the ceremony is about to start, shall we?" King Zeus snap his figure and suddenly in both of their hands was a beautiful bouquet.

In Boy Princess Donald hand was a beautiful small cascade wedding bouquet which is made of silk flowers: blue and Ivory rose buds, of white accent flowers and greenery. The handle is wrapped and decorated with ivory satin ribbon. A beautiful huge blue bow completes the design.

While in Donald hand was a beautiful small cascade wedding bouquet about the same size as Boy Princess Donald bouquet. A baby pink and cream/ivory brides teardrop bouquet is made with quality artificial roses, greenery, crystal stems and gypsophila. The handle is wrapped and decorated with ivory satin ribbon. A beautiful huge pink bow completes the design.

"We may," Both of them took his hand as they exited the room and head to the chapel where the ceremony is held at.

Back the Mushroom World, Professor Gyro try so hard to find their dimensional home.

“Come on, come on!!!” He groans.

“Well you hurry up!” Scrooge became inpatients already, they need to save them and stop King Zeus.

Panchito and Jose came back from running by the guards. “Well?” The red Mexican rooster ask.

“No luck.” Princess Della sigh.

Finally, the portal open to the ground of Scrooge McDuck.

“Great! Come on everyone! Let go crash that wedding!” The Super Caballeros jump in followed by everyone else expect Professor Gyro and his interns. The machine suddenly blow up as everyone managed to get inside.

“Good luck everyone!!!” Professor Gyro wished them the best of luck.

[jonesaf]

more soccer AU positions

(lowkey cont. from this)

America: Forward. For much the same reason as Denmark is a forward tbh. He’s a rookie playing his first season in a top-tier league, a total goober off the field, but don’t be fooled by his boyish grin --- this boy is ambitious as hell. When he’s out on the pitch, he’s surprisingly tactful and utterly merciless; he doesn’t care if they’re up 5-0, he’s gonna keep going for goal. He’s kind of a jerk on the field honestly; he’s young and his emotions get the better of him at times, and just like Den, he wants every single goal, but his style isn’t as aggressive as Denmark’s overall: his fouls are usually tactical and he’s mostly just making himself a nuisance for the opposing team --- particularly by nutmegging other players, one of his absolute favorite things to do. (It gets him in trouble. A lot.) His platforms of choice are Snapchat and Instagram, 80% of which are selfies, but also gets surprisingly political over on Twitter. He likes to hang out with kids at the park or the academy, and young fans at the stadium too, because he was one of them not too long ago and he really wants soccer to get bigger in the U.S. Much like Denmark, you either love him or hate him, there’s no in-between with this kid.

Canada: Defender (winger) Alfred’s twin brother. It’s something commentators love to talk about, because he plays in Canada, which also competes in MLS --- and I’m gonna namedrop Toronto FC here because I feel like the atmosphere suits him better than Montreal or Vancouver --- which means that the two of them are always pitted against each other, at least outside of the national team. It’s the trend we’re all familiar with: Matthew is the quieter one, keeps to himself, doesn’t do as many interviews, and isn’t a striker, so 8 times out of 10 when people are talking about him, it’s in comparison with his brother. He’s used to it, though it’s not entirely fair; Matthew is just as intense on the field as he is mild off of it, he’s just as fast as Alfred (and they are fast, holy jesus), just as skilled with the ball, and it doesn’t take long before he’s a regular in the starting lineup. This boy will shut you down. He’s the player you don’t really know anything about, but you always want him on the field, ‘cause nobody can get past this kid.

England: Coach. Previously an attacking midfielder in his playing days; all the good parts of maintaining a solid midfield, with the added bonus of scoring goals. Still young enough that Alfred and Matthew remember watching him play whenever English football was on TV, but retired due to problems with injuries; he had a rather hot-headed style of play back then that led to a lot of collisions and fouls. Tends to be hard on his players. Sometimes a little too hard --- nitpicky, one could even say, communication isn’t always his best skill --- but it’s all in the name of good football, you see. He’s not disappointed in you because you suck, he’s disappointed because what you’re doing sucks, and he knows you can be better, so what on earth was that performance? Known for getting, uh. Passionate, shall we say, on the sidelines. Probably coaching Alfred’s team. Also probably grooming Alfred to be captain one day. Maybe also putting a little too much pressure on him as a result...they’ll probably be fine...

France: Retired forward. To quote F. Scott Fitzgerald, “One of those men who reach such an acute limited excellence at twenty-one that everything afterward savors of anti-climax.” Was a star for a hot minute in his day, and probably played for a club that likes to collect star players like Paris Saint-Germain. His career came to a head somewhat early with France’s 1998 World Cup win --- that, combined with the seasons right before and after, was his best run, and something he’s still incredibly proud of. Retired early, perhaps due to injury or because he wasn’t enjoying it enough anymore, and is now in some completely unrelated industry like teaching culinary arts for kids. Still an avid football fan, however, and probably the owner of a club somewhere. A bit of a strange man, very French, but you can’t help but like him. He’s so charming... Small aside: Could perhaps be Alfred and Matthew’s weird uncle. Definitely something going on between him and Arthur. Friends? Rivals? Secret lovers? All of the above? Rumors and theories abound, but nothing has been proven.

Germany: Defender (center-back, vice-captain). This man takes “defending champions of the world” very seriously. Ludwig Beilschmidt is a one-man wall. He’s still young, close to Alfred’s age, but he’s been playing football since he was old enough to kick a ball, and he’s on his way to being one of the best defenders to come out of Germany. Would make a great goalkeeper too, and actually started out as one in his youth, but he wants to be in on the action and influencing the game. Very good at reading the situation. Also very precise, great for corner kicks, intercepting the ball, and long passes. His ambition and hard work mostly serve him well, although he does have a tendency to stress about his performance and dwell way too much on mistakes, which can trip him up and cause a cycle of frustration. It’s just really important to him. Dude is intense. Which is funny, because he’s actually pretty sweet IRL; stern-faced and awkward, but well-meaning. Isn’t on social media much, but his instagram is almost exclusively pictures and videos of his cat and dogs. He’s either a blessing or a curse, depending on which team you’re rooting for.

BONUS

Prussia: Retired defender (left-back, captain). Battled with some chronic health problems before a career-ending injury finally forced him to quit early, but still embedded in the industry somehow; coaching or working with an academy would probably suit him. He’s just as intense as his baby brother (whose praises he will sing at every opportunity as long as Ludwig’s not within earshot; despite his teasing, he’s very proud), but he’s an awesome good mentor and has a deep respect for the sport. Keeping his eye on the growing American soccer market... Small aside: a big fan of the German club Eintracht Frankfurt. There’s just something about that white&black + eagle combination that really...speaks to him...plus, how much more awesome can you get than having an actual, real live eagle as a mascot? Named Attila?! Only if Gilbert himself were playing for them could they ever be more awesome than that.

Japan: Dude is one of the best FIFA19 players you’ve ever seen. Ever. Has a degree in web design or programming, but he’s made his career out of being really damn good at FIFA. Practically an eSports legend. You think eSports is dumb? You think it’s just a video game? Just watch this guy.

China: He’s been here so long he’s played pretty much every position, and he’s not going anywhere any time soon. He’s that player who seems to have been around since the dawn of time, and yet somehow hasn’t aged a day since he turned 30. Probably immortal. May, in fact, never retire, but if he did, he’d still be breaking records for longest coaching career in the history of football.

Mexico: One of the voices urging her country to put more into women’s soccer. Although soccer is incredibly popular in South America, it’s also incredibly male-dominated; women’s soccer teams are largely amateur, and the women’s national team relies heavily on Mexican diaspora in other countries like the USA. It’s so important to her to be nothing less than absolutely outstanding, and boy oh boy, she is. I’m not sure what position she’d play, but I get the feeling she’d be very versatile on the field no matter what. This girl is out there working her ass off every single day.

[therealkn]

David’s Resolution: Day -2

Day -2 (December 30, 2018)

The Night of the Hunter (1955)

“And then the good Lord went on to say, ‘Beware of false prophets which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly, they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit. Neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Wherefore by their fruits, ye shall know them.’”

There have been plenty of actors who’ve tried their hand at directing films, with varying degrees of success. A big example is Ron Howard, who started out acting in The Andy Griffith Show and Happy Days, then went on to become an accomplished filmmaker with a lot of good films like Apollo 13 and A Beautiful Mind. Clint Eastwood’s had a pretty solid career as a director, with films like Unforgiven and Million Dollar Baby. Same with Rob Reiner, who went from being known as Michael “Meathead” Stivic on All in the Family to being known as the director of This is Spinal Tap, The Princess Bride and Misery (and also North, much as we’d like to forget that film exists).

Mel Gibson took on directing Braveheart himself, and that film was also a big success commercially and critically (also has a great soundtrack by James Horner); same thing with Tom Hanks and That Thing You Do!. But not every actor who goes into directing met big success, at least initially, and one such example is Charles Laughton.

Charles Laughton was a great actor whose more memorable roles include William Porterhouse in 1932′s The Old Dark House, Dr. Moreau in 1932′s Island of Lost Souls (a really good old horror movie where he is the best thing in it), and Quasimodo in the 1939 adaptation of The Hunchback of Notre Dame, which portrayed Claude Frollo as a judge over 50 years before Disney’s animated adaptation of the story. He was a fantastic actor who sadly directed only one film, but at least the film he made is fucking incredible and one of the best thrillers of all time.

The Night of the Hunter is the story of one Rev. Harry Powell, played by Robert Mitchum. Powell is a traveling preacher who also happens to be a serial killer operating in the same vein as Bluebeard: he finds wealthy widows, marries them, kills them, takes their money, rinse, repeat. And his latest target is Willa Harper (played by Shelley Winters), a widow living in Depression-era rural West Virginia. Willa’s husband Ben (played by Peter Graves) was arrested, sent to prison, and executed for bank robbery and killing two men during the robbery, but it just so happens that Ben’s cellmate was Rev. Powell himself, who was serving time for car theft. And Powell learns that Ben, before his arrest, gave the money to his two children - his son John and his daughter Pearl - for them to hide, meaning that not only is Powell going to go after Willa, he’s going to go after her kids.

So after Powell is released from prison, he goes to Willa’s town and begins charming his way into the town and endearing himself to the townsfolk, which does two things. One is to show Robert Mitchum’s talents as an actor: he is legitimately charming and charismatic as he tells the now-famous story of why the words “hate” and “love” are tattooed on his knuckles, and he quickly endears himself to the town and to Willa and Pearl, even to the viewer in some degree. And that’s where the other thing comes in, and that is that it shows how goddamn terrifying Robert Mitchum can be.

I ended the It Happened One Night review saying “Robert Mitchum is a scary motherfucker”, and this movie shows why. There’s a reason the American Film Institute put Powell on their list of the 50 greatest movie villains of all time. The way Mitchum plays Powell is captivating not only in how charismatic he is, but also in how sinister he is. At all times, even when he’s singing hymns with the townsfolk at an outdoor picnic, there is always this sense that something doesn’t feel right. Even when he is played a little more for comedy, like when he’s peeking upside-down at Ben in prison like he’s Kilroy, or when he’s hollering like Daffy Duck after getting shot in the arm (we’ll get to that later), there’s still this feeling of unease around him. If anything, the fact he can be more comedic makes him scarier because it makes him feel more like an actual person. It makes him more grounded and fleshed out and all the more disturbing.

Powell soon marries Willa and kills her, but not before convincing her that she has been a wicked woman - their honeymoon is him making her feel ashamed for wanting sex in a marriage, and she soon adapts herself to her beliefs. This leads to what I feel is the most disturbing and terrifying scene in the movie, where Willa is preaching to the townsfolk about her “formerly wicked” ways, surrounded by torches as she preaches her rhetoric. It’s legitimately terrifying to see her indoctrinated into these beliefs and speaking these words in this way.

Willa dies at Powell’s hands, and it eventually leads to John and Pearl striking out on their own, travelling downriver to avoid the pursuing Powell. This eventually brings them to Rachel Cooper, an old woman played by Lillian Gish who takes care of stray children, and who takes them in to live with her. Rachel is established as a badass old lady who does have a very kind and understanding side. The film reaches its peak when Powell tracks the children to Rachel, who doesn’t buy his sob story about Willa’s death for one moment and, when Powell goes after John, immediately goes for her shotgun to force Powell off, leading into a tense nighttime standoff between the reverend and Rachel. And how it ends... yeah, not spoiling this one. You’ll have to see it for yourself.

Put simply, it’s really depressing that Laughton didn’t direct another film. This is one of those movies that took some time to be seen as a classic. When it first came out, it did not do very well with critics or audiences, and it really got to Laughton to where he didn’t direct another film. It sucks because I’d have loved to have seen him direct more films, because if The Night of the Hunter is anything to go by, he’d have given us more great classics like it. This makes me wonder if after his death, he saw the film’s reception even today and how so many see it as a classic.

All the acting in the film is great, from Mitchum and Gish and Winters to the child actors, even to the Spoons, an old couple who are friends with the Harper family and whom the wife Icey (yes, her name is Icey Spoon) I absolutely fucking hate as a character. That’s not a bad thing, I think she was designed to be a character you hate, and if that is the case then it’s done very well. The music by Walter Schumann is excellent at conveying mood, especially when things get dark. But then you get to the cinematography and the lighting, and that’s the really good shit.

That screenshot I used for the film is the perfect example of that. The use of lighting in this film is god-tier and there are few films before or since that have used light like The Night of the Hunter. The symbolism behind it is very simple - light and dark, good and evil - but it’s absolutely striking. There are shots that are beautiful to look at and haunting at the same time: the ethereal depiction of Willa’s body in her car at the bottom of the river, the whole thing framed like a painting; the shot of John and Pearl sleeping in a barn when John sees Powell on horseback in the distance, searching for the kids; and the scenes with John and Pearl floating downriver, with the night sky above and the animals watching on the ground. There’s some really beautiful imagery in the film and it’s worth watching just for that.

I highly recommend this movie. Just the cinematography and lightning’s enough to make you want to see this movie for how great it looks, but it’s also a top-notch thriller with one of cinema’s greatest and most terrifying villains. Also, this is the first movie that I’d recommend you watch in the dark, preferably in the evening or in the early morning before the sun rises.

Next time: a Joan of Arc film, but not the kind you’re thinking of.

[briangroth27]

Incredibles 2 Review

I absolutely loved Incredibles 2! It's a great time at the movies and definitely worth the 14-year wait. I was initially skeptical of it picking up seconds after the original, but I think the story threads here—particularly Jack-Jack's (Eli Fucile, Nick Bird) development and the Anti-Super laws—needed to be dealt with onscreen rather than off.�� I liked that they reversed the structure of the first movie and had Helen (Holly Hunter) go off on the adventures while Bob (Craig T. Nelson) stayed at home to watch the kids. Even better, this switch was rooted in statistical facts that Elastigirl was the most effective and efficient hero between herself, Bob, and Frozone (Samuel L. Jackson). Since so much of her Elastigirl persona was left in the past in the original movie because she’d moved on in life while Bob hadn’t really, showing Helen truly loving her work and being great at it was a perfect moment that let us see a whole new side to her. Seeing Helen so overjoyed at getting to be a hero again—and being great at it, with no collateral casualties—was excellent! It was also nice to see that she had detective skills; a good contrast to Bob smashing his way through problems (and which have probably have helped her deduce what her kids are up to over the years!). That her heroic competence was truly valued outside her family circle and by the people who wanted to use her to push their politics Bob Odenkirk, Catherine Keener) was a genuine and welcome surprise; I'd love to see more female heroes respected and revered the way Elastigirl is here. Bob playing Mr. Mom was a lot of fun, even if I’m more than ready for a competent parenting duo instead of the always-effective mom and the cliché overwhelmed dad. That said, Bob’s battle with Dash's (Huck Milner) new math, Violet's (Sarah Vowell) teenage angst, and Jack-Jack's terrible toddling was extremely relatable and a great change from the superhero midlife crisis we saw in the original. I enjoyed Bob’s playful ego about being the better hero in his marriage and loved that it was balanced by genuinely caring that Helen had the space to do what she needed to do. That sort of loving/selfish balance is an extremely difficult line to walk but the writing and acting totally pull it off without making him unlikable (and it's not even hinted or implied that Helen is in any way selfish either). It was especially sweet of Bob not to tell Helen what was going on with the family not because he didn't want to come off as incompetent, but because he knew she'd stop her mission. Yes, he benefits from her completing it, but I fully believe that he also wants the better future for his kids that Helen can secure. I would've liked to see more of Dash and Violet in general, and particularly their school lives. Dash has homework trouble and Tony (Michael Bird), the boy Violet made a date with, forgets her (a cool example of superhero lives wreaking havoc on civilian ones as well as the law affecting the Parrs in an unexpected way), but the Anti-Super laws would've been stronger if we'd seen the kids’ lack of choice Bob talks about. Violet wanting to be normal and Dash being "defined as a person" by heroism does play out that choice, but we don't really get to see consequences of the laws in terms of impacts on the kids. Does having to come in second place in track rankle Dash? And if he's defined by being a hero, how does he feel about having to hide at school?  Is anyone suspicious of his speed? Does Dash have to fight to control himself when confronted by bullies that openly hate Supers? By teachers who preach that Supers are bad and should be illegal? Playing up the questionable aspects of the first movie's ending—is he cheating by using his speed, even for second place? How is not living up to his potential affecting his development?—would've built up a lot more pressure on the need to make Supers legal again. Violet hating being a Super made her a good proponent for not being legalized, though I would’ve liked more of that as well. How much of her tragic love life is really angst about not being able to be herself? Maybe she could’ve gotten involved with a student organization to keep Supers illegal, pitting her against her mom’s efforts. What if she discovered another Super kid at school and was forced to choose between outing them or letting them stay hidden? Might she find that pretending to be normal at school is simply boring or stifling her in ways she doesn’t want to admit? That said, I loved what we did get from Dash and Violet and absolutely dug Jack-Jack's awakening powers! The idea that Super babies often have multiple abilities is a very cool metaphor for kids having unlimited potential and it also made for a lot of fun, varied action scenes. His battle with a raccoon was highly entertaining and his unexpected bond with Edna Mode (Brad Bird) was a brilliant twist! Edna discovering a role as a loving aunt was as hilarious as it was heartwarming and a great way to reveal a new dimension of her character. Frozone is always a welcome addition and it was great to see more of him here, both as a "rebel" with Bob and Helen trying to get the Anti-Super law reversed, as a protective uncle to the Parr kids, and finally a hypnotized enemy. I’d like to finally meet his wife Honey (Kimberly Adair Clark) though. It's beyond time she was more than just a nagging influence taking the joy out of his superheroics (though I like that she knows her worth!). I really hope she’s also a retired Super so we can see what the two of them are like outside of their home. Or, it would’ve been easy to make her a Lois Lane-type figure, so she could cover Helen’s return to prominence and at least get a moment of bonding with her. Either of those options would be great and I’d like to see their relationship explored somewhere. I knew who Screenslaver (Bill Wise) was almost immediately, but that didn’t lessen my love for this character at all. The hypnotism was a spooky and old-fashioned angle that felt totally fresh and fit the retro-futurist world of The Incredibles perfectly! Screenslaver also managed to comment on modern concerns about social media obsession, which was a nice bit of relatability (just like Bob and Dash's struggle with new math) while remaining rooted in the films’ era, when TVs were the hip new thing everyone was obsessed with. Screenslaver was a creepy, cool villain who topped Syndrome for me. I just wish his argument—that people were getting lazy and becoming too dependent on Supers—was more explored with examples of people being "less" because of superheroes (beyond hearing about a death caused by waiting on one). Maybe Screenslaver should’ve been saved for a movie set after the law against Supers was lifted, but slightly clearer examples of his point here would’ve worked just as well. I feel like his argument would be stronger if we got to see Supers making things too easy or if more people were put in peril because they waited for Supers to fix their problems instead of the big argument against heroes being the collateral damage their fights cause. That said, I absolutely loved this villain and would definitely be down for a Screenslaver return! Underminer (John Ratzenberger) was also a cool, second-tier villain that felt like a classic comic book bad guy. He's clearly patterned off of Mole Man, but that didn't matter to me; it was kinda refreshing (and appropriately old-school, given these movies’ time period) to see a villain who just wanted to rob banks. He also provided a good way to reintroduce the family's heroic dynamic and to showcase Bob and Helen's different fighting styles while complicating their lives further, building off the end of the first movie brilliantly. I liked that it became a strike against the heroes that he was forgotten in the scramble to stop his drills and that he actually got away. The new Supers that were introduced didn't make the biggest impression, but I preferred this to more focus on a bunch of random new people who would take screentime from the Parrs. I did like Voyd (Sophia Bush) a lot; her fangirl attitude toward Elastigirl was fun and she was a nice answer to Syndrome's toxic fandom. I hope she returns in a sequel! Krushauer (Phil LaMarr) was a solid threat and got some good and funny lines in, while Screech playing up his full animalistic nature was creepy and something I hope Daredevil does with Owl Jr. These wannabe Supers did bring a variety of challenges to the final battle, so as secondary adversaries go, they worked perfectly. All the fight scenes contained very clever uses of everyone’s powers and were choreographed with an insane amount of fun and imagination! The numerous powers on display also made for battles that were never uninteresting. Even Bob's Incredibile got a nice showcase here as a display of the retro tech in this universe. I love the design of this world in general, but classic spy and superhero aesthetics like that are my favorite parts; I wish more superhero franchises would embrace stylized elements like this to carve out their own identities. Speaking of classic aesthetics, I loved that Bob, Helen, and Lucius had their own old-timey superhero theme songs! Michael Giacchino’s music was great as always, but those themes were great surprises! Brad Bird's direction was crisp and the writing emotionally resonate, bringing the heart of the first movie back at full force.  I can't wait to see what comes next from this world! I hope we don't have to wait another 14 years for Incredibles 3 (and I didn't need the apology/”trust us the wait was worth it” video that played at the beginning of this one; it only made us wait longer!), but I definitely want to see more adventures in this universe. Now that Supers are allowed again, I’d love for the next movie to introduce Dash and Violet's trouble-making cousins as wannabe supervillain bad influences. Cousins would bring aunts and uncles who have differing parenting styles from Bob and Helen, as well as Bob and Helen’s in-laws, who have their own opinions on how to “correctly” be heroes as well as parents. I'm thinking Christmas Vacation with superheroes, but whatever the next film is, I'll be in line to see it! While we wait, you should see Incredibles 2! It's among Pixar's best and definitely worth seeing on the big screen!

Check out more of my reviews, opinions, and original short stories here!

[moczothe1st]

Let’s Play Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War - Part 3 : Isn’t it Ayronic?

Part 2

Welcome back to Let’s Play Fire Emblem IV: The Name is Very Long.  When we left off, we were in Evans Castle, preparing to fight back a terribly dangerous and exciting attack on our way of life!  So you know what that means… time to learn about new gameplay mechanics whoo!

Welcome to the castle screen, wherein you start every chapter except the first one.  In here we can have characters visit the local town, wait to heal up, assign them to guard the castle, and obviously decide who will be in the army you sortie for each map. There’s no character limit, so you can send everyone; and unless they end up totally shitty and useless (ALEC AND NOISH) you might as well, honestly.  

Let’s start off by visiting the village.  

As you can see, there are six options when in the castle town, and you’ll be needing about four of them.

Blacksmith: Repairs your weapons and staves for money. The better the weapon, the more it costs, but characters with good weapons have the easiest time making money because…

Arena: Fight in gladiator matches to earn experience points and money. Only characters that can fight, obviously; those who don’t have an offensive weapon to bring in need not apply.  There are seven fights to go through in each chapter, each harder than the one before it, and honestly there are some characters who simply cannot make it through them all, period (ALEC AND NOISH). But you should always try to get everyone as far as they can for the extra EXP and the sweet, sweet money.  

Also, it can be save scummed. See, Genealogy is super huge, so it lets you save the game at the start of every turn, as long as none of your characters have spent their turn. Using the arena does not count as using a turn.  So there’s nothing stopping you from saving and reloading after victories until you get favorable RNG in terms of winning battles and gaining levels. But that would be morally wrong.  Bwhahahaha.

Pawnbroker: Buys and sells weapons/items. Because characters cannot trade weapons to each other, because this game was designed by the Devil, the only way to move an item from one character to another is to have them sell it to the Pawnbroker and then buy it back with a different person.  

Augury: Look up what units are approaching a Romance with each other, and how many kills a unit has. Interesting, but not super useful since your control over Romances are fairly limited (if two characters are showing up as ready to romance here, then you have to be very lucky to stop it), and knowing how many kills they’ve gotten is neat but doesn’t actually help anything.

Supply: Store items you don’t have room for. Really aren’t enough items in the game to bother with this, because if a character doesn’t have room to hold something, they should probably sell it to someone who can put it to use.  

Armory: Sells a limited supply of new weapons for better prices than the pawn shop, but you can’t sell your own things to them and their supply is limited.  Restocks occasionally throughout the campaign, so check it every chapter. To start:

Nothing great, but I have Finn buy the Javelin to give him a distance option, upgrade Lex to a Steel Axe (but do not sell his Iron Axe! It’s important later, seriously!) and have Arden buy the Slim Sword to help his accuracy a little. I also go to the Pawnshop, and sell Sigurd’s Steel Sword to let Alec buy it.  Now it’s time to cheese the shit out of properly and politely face the Arena. It’s super tedious to both do and watch, so I’ll do the basics first and then proceed to do it off-screen with everyone.

Step 1: Enter the arena and pick a weapon to use.  

Step 2: Be told who your enemy will be, so if they’re not a good match for the weapon you picked you might as well just quit, go back, and pick a different one if you can.  

Step 3: Kick ass. All battles in the arena are to the finish; units will just keep attacking like in normal battles until one is defeated. Don’t worry if you lose; you don’t die, it will just leave your unit back in the castle with 1HP.  Conversely, if they win, they’re healed to full.  

Step 4: Get money! Each tier gives you a 500 more than the tier before it, so winning all of them is a pretty hefty payday.  

Now, let’s do this. See you in sixty years.  

Sigurd:  7 wins, gained two levels. +2 HP, +1 Skill, +1 Strength, +1 Speed, +1 Luck

Quan:  7 Wins, gained three levels. +2 HP, +1 Skill, +1 Strength,  + 1 Luck, +2 Defense

Arden: 5 wins, gained one level.  +1 HP +1 Speed

Noish: 3 wins, gained one level. +1 Speed +1 Defense

Lex: Five wins, gained three levels.  +2 HP, +2 Luck, +3 Defense

Azel: 3 wins, gained one level. +1 HP, +1 Skill, +1 Speed, +1 Magic, +1 Luck

Ethlyn: 3 wins, gained one level. +1 Skill, +1 Strength, +1 Luck, +1 Defense

Alec: 3 wins, gained one level. +1 HP, +1 Resistance

Finn: 4 Wins, gained one level. +1 HP, +1 Skill, +1 Speed

Midir: 5 wins, gained two crappy levels. +2 HP, +1 Skill

Not… great. I was hoping more people would be able to win, but tier four is a super fast sword guy that tripped a lot of people up, and tier six is a stupid fast wind mage that tended to crush the people who made it past him. Only Sigurd and Quan were badass enough to finish the whole thing. I’ll try again with some of them near the end of the chapter, after they’ve gained some levels in the field.

That done, let’s head right on out, and meet the Verdane invasion. I assume they’re still coming, even though we spent ten million years in the arena.

So here we go. Three enemy castles, one neutral castle at Nordion, and our home base in Evans. There are also three villages; one directly south of Evans, one to the south-central portion of the map near the second enemy castle, Marpha, and one directly to the west of that. All of them just give out money and lore info, so if you miss one it isn’t a huge loss, but we’ll try to get them all anyway. And of course, before we do anything else, checking the menu screen…

Shows Quan and Finn have a conversation to have.  We send them out of the castle to chat.

Quan: Thank you, Finn.

Finn: Even so, I am but a page… It honors me to have your confidence, but I doubt I’ll be much use to you.  

Quan: Is that so? In that case, what better time than now for a spot of hands-on training? Draw, Finn!

Finn: Yes, sir!

This conversation gives Finn a permanent +1 to Strength, Skill, and Defense, and now you start to see why he is better than Alec and Noish. This is not the last time Quan or Ethlyn just randomly gives him an awesome present; apparently the Lenster Royal Family are great bosses.   We deploy the rest of the army, move them as far toward Genoa as they can travel, and end our turn. No enemies are close enough to reach us or to reach any of the villages, so the enemy phase goes by quickly, and…

(Oh, hey, story is happening. You might remember Prince Jamke from the chapter start cutscene. He is handsome, young, and not smirking like a jackass, so you probably guessed he was the good prince. Well, you weren’t wrong.)

Jamke: You need to get as far away as you can before Gandolf finds out!

Aideen: Pardon me, Prince Jamke, but are you not joining us?

Jamke: No. I won’t stand for my brothers’ vile ways, but I won’t just betray my father, either. I’m going back to the capital. I’m going to try, one more time, to convince my father.

Aideen: You’re right… we must do all we can to end this war as soon as possible. Prince Jamke, I would sooner not burden you alone, but you are our only hope to persuade King Batur to end this.

(Oh good, the obnoxious child character is joining the cast. I really love how everything needs to have one of those.)

(Jamke, you’re okay in my book.)

Jamke: If Aideen hadn’t insisted on letting you go too, you’d still be sitting in chains. Now, what did you promise to do?

Dew: I know, I know. I promised Aideen too. I’m washin’ my hands of thievin’ from now on. Can I go now?

Jamke: I’ll take your word for it. Now, go already!

(Jamke heads back to Verdane Castle, and we zoom in to Marpha to see Bandana Rapist learning his life has gone wrong.)

Gandolf: Gah! Damn my rat of a brother! Boys! We’re taking the wench and the brat back! If they put up a fight, kill ‘em if you have to!

Well, on the down side, we got an entire second army heading our way now. That’s not ideal. But hey, two new characters! Let’s check ‘em out.

First, Aideen, the team’s first Priest. Her class can’t fight at all until they promote, and she has no abilities at all, so she’s not gonna be super good for dealing with this army that’s right next to her. But hey, she’ll be wonderful when we get her home, because she’s a much better healer than Ethlyn. Her magic is higher, and her Mend staff is better than Ethlyn’s Heal staff on top of that; I might have them trade out later, but for now they can stick where they are.  In addition, her speed, luck, and resistance are all solid, so she can do a very good job of tanking against mage units when we run into some.  She does have Minor Ullur Blood, but can’t get the greatest benefit from it because the weapon it empowers is Bows, which can’t use. It does improve her HP Growths by +20% and her Luck growths by +30%. She can also have a conversation with Ethlyn that will get her a gift. They did grow up next door to each other, after all.  

And… then there’s Dew. He’s… I just hate him so much.  As you can see, he is a melee unit despite having Strength and Defense that are total garbage.  His Speed and Luck are excellent, so he’ll dodge well, and he’s level 1 so he’ll grow quickly, but at this point in the game he will break like cheap glass under any attack at all.  

That said, he’s not worthless, and in fact is very useful if leveled up.  He comes with three abilities that are all quite excellent: Steal, which lets him take the gold from any enemy he lands a hit on; Sol, which has a chance of causing any damage he causes to heal him; and Bargain, which cuts the prices in half for him when shopping at stores.  Plus, as a Thief, he is the only class that can give his gold to any other unit, where most units can only give gold to their own Lover.  So you see, his primary role in the army for the foreseeable future will be to rob the shit out of axe dudes who can’t hit him, and then give that money to people who are useful.  Then, with luck, he will gain a few levels while doing this and his reasonably good growths will give him the stats to actually contribute to the army.

TL;DR, I hate Dew but I’mma use him anyway because he’s actually not a bad unit, despite having a very slow start. I just hate him anyway because I’m a miserable child-hating bastard. 

I have Aideen run away, and have Dew camp out on the village nearby. He basically can’t be hit by the axe units of Verdane as long as he’s standing on a defensive terrain of some sort, and while he won’t kill anything, he can at least chip away and steal some gold.  

Back to the main army, we move south to start the attack on Kinbaith’s army. He himself isn’t anything special, and his army is mostly crap despite his two Leadership Stars buffing them, but he’s a pain in the ass for one specific reason:

Note that little bag icon next to his Hand Axe? That symbolizes an item which will drop when the enemy is killed, ending up in the inventory of whoever kills them. Now since units cannot trade items because of the dark influence of Satan Who Is the Devil, this means you preferably want any unit with a drop item to be killed by someone who can put it to good use right away. This is annoying from the very get go and never stops being annoying.  This is actually one of the less terrible ones; the only person who can use the Hand Axe at all is Lex, so we want Lex to kill Kinbaith if at all possible. At least Lex can fight, so that ain’t too bad. Time to rock!  

First, the unit going for the nearby village gets to meet Sigurd.  

I don’t think he enjoyed the meeting. It’s okay, neither did I, that level was pretty crap.  Everyone else has been put onto a forest to let Kinbaith’s idiot squad crash against us like waves upon the sand. Let’s watch.  

I would like to thank my kids for their expert dodging.  Don’t know how Noish pulled it off, since he has been playing the game like he has a magnet in his face, but hey. Only one person took a hit, and two kills. And Dew is so guaranteed to dodge the enemy didn’t even take a swing at him. Wimps. I start off my turn by having Aideen run away, and letting him take a shot of his own.  

God, look at that shit damage. Everything about you is bad, Dew. Thanks for the money, though. Other characters take their shots at the units Noish weakened in his bout of random matrix dodging. Azel, Quan, Noish, and Sigurd all get kills of weakened enemies, but only one person gains a level on this turn…  

And he’s starting to scare me. Just… who is this guy. I’ve never had Finn turn out this good, never. He’s going from ‘pretty okay’ to ‘endgame tier’ with surprising speed.  I’m not complaining, exactly, but I’m starting to worry if he’s sucking the power out of everyone else to fuel his demonic rise.  

Um… end turn, I guess. We broke the back of Kinbaith’s army and the rest are set to charge a giant wall of metal once again. That should be funny.

… Unless Alec ruins this for me. Don’t ruin this for me, Alec.

… Why would he go after Midir? The one person who could counter him?

Guys. There’s a whole other army of people who can’t fight back against you.

I shouldn’t be having to give you tactical advice!

… You know, I mean, I shouldn’t complain, this was pretty great for me. But it’s almost frustrating to see it happening.  

The enemy phase ends when the little army near Dew takes on swing at him; the commander has a small shot to connect, and tries. It doesn’t work.

This may take awhile. I have him attack and rob another random axe dude, and then go back up to the main army and rock shit out.  Arden! Kill!

I’m almost relieved that wasn’t amazing. It feels more normal. FINN! KILL!

BEHOLD MY POWER! NOISH! FAIL ME!

We’ve grown so amazing that even Noish can’t fail us anymore! Bwhahahahahaahahha… BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  SIGURD, TEACH KINBAITH TO FEAR ME!

LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEXXXXXX!

HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *cough cough* I’m… sorry. I mean. I’m not used to things lining up so beautifully on this run, so I went a little mad with power. That was just… that was goddamn textbook. And Lex even gained a perfect level to cap it off and… what’s happening. Is this joy? I’m feeling joy.  *sigh* It’s nice. It won’t last, but it’s nice.  

Two enemies left. Azel walks up and eats the archer….

*sniff* I may cry. One guy left and three people to four people to hit him with.  Just to be safe, I run Ethlyn in to heal Alec, then feed the last kill to him and Midir.

Midir takes a hit, just to make me unhappy after his perfect performance, but he gets the kill. I’ll allow it. End. Turn.

… Yeah, before we do anything with Ayra, we need to get people down there to help Dew. He has a 6% chance to die and I don’t trust those odds.  Ethlyn heals up Midir, and then takes the nearby village.  

(Well, I have good news for you, then.)

Woman who wasn’t paying attention: Barely a month goes by without him settin’ his army on us. It’s terrifyin’! King Batur, his father, used to do such a fine job of keeping him check. I can hardly imagine what’s goin’ on… anyway, glad you stopped by!

Great conversationalist, that one.  Run, run, run to the southwest, my minions!  Go and save the annoying child character!

Who is, to be fair, not doing super bad. Would have liked some strength there, but I can live with more speed. Lower that 6% chance to die until I can get some friends your way.

Back with the main army, Aideen has finally reached the team. I have her and Midir chat setting them up to one day have beautiful romance.

Midir: I’m so sorry I failed to protect you. Please, forgive me…

Aideen: The important part is that you’re safe as well, Midir. Please, don’t worry about it. You gave your all to protect me, and I couldn’t thank you enough for that, even if you didn’t succeed. For now, I’d like you to remain with Sigurd. He could use your strength.

(Ordinarily I would challenge that assumption, but in this case she’s actually not wrong. Midir has been rocking out this run.)

Midir: Certainly, Milady. He’s done so much for me, for you, and for all of Jungby. I’ll do all I can to return his kindness.

That done, we have Aideen heal his ouchies and move the army down another run toward Dew. We’re coming, little dude! Slowly are we coming!

Right after we have more conversations!

Aideen: Please accept my apologies. I’ve put the people of Chalphy through nothing but danger…

Sigurd: Don’t worry about it. Everyone will be glad to know you’re safe. You’ve nothing to worry about anymore. The road back to Jungby is secure for you, when you’re ready.

Aideen: No, I wish to remain here. Injuries are inevitable in war. As a humble servant of the gods, it is my duty to stay here and aid the wounded.

Sigurd: Say… Aideen, as I recall, you declined to pursue a knighthood and instead joined the clergy. Am I right? I shouldn’t be surprised, knowing how easily people warm to you, and you them. I’d do well to learn from your example!

Aideen: Thank you, Lord Sigurd, but that isn’t entirely true. Initially, I sought priesthood in a bid to help me find my sister. Even now, I still believe this is the answer I seek.

Sigurd: You mean Bridget… I’d heard she went missing as a child. So all this time, Aideen, you’ve been praying for her sake, haven’t you?

Aideen: Yes. I know we’ll meet someday. No matter what happens, I must give her this: her sacred birthright, the bow Yewfelle!

… … … I am suddenly very much looking forward to meeting Bridget, oh yes.  The army moves southwest again, Quan and Alec stopping in range of Verdane’s second army, and Ethlyn stopping next to Aideen. One more conversation to have…

Aideen: It’s difficult to convey my thanks, but please, take this staff. I think you’ll have more use for it than me.

Ethlyn: Is this… a Return staff?! Oh, thank you, Aideen! I’ll put it to good use to help us all.

Yes, thank you, Aideen! The Return staff let’s Ethlyn warp a unit back to our home base from anywhere on the map, which is very helpful if unexpected enemies appear or you just want to get a new unit home to run the Arena.  Even better, it gives Ethlyn roughly triple the experience of healing someone, so it helps her levels shoot up much faster. All in all, a great new toy.  

With that, we move Alec and Quan into range of the enemy, and end our turn. Let’s see how this goes.

… Not great. Alec dodges, but Quan takes two hits despite being parked on a forest. My own dumb fault, I forgot to unequip his Javelin.  Luckily, nobody else can get to him, and the rest of the team is near enough to help on our next turn. Rest of the team! Help!

Well… Lex helps, anyway. Alec reminds us he’s here to disappoint, taking a shot that puts his health in the danger zone. I have him run back to Aideen, and move Quan to save himself, as he was always destined to do.

With that out of the way, he runs back to his wife for a kiss and hot cocoa, while Sigurd runs forward to assassinate the enemy commander.

… Almost. Dew lightly pokes another gentleman, and… *sigh*… I might have screwed up. They have 0% chance to hit Dew, so... End turn…

Yeah, picture this exact scene six times as Sigurd steals all the experience for himself. Dammit, did not think this through.

…. I mean… I totally planned this. Yeah. All part of my master scheme.

The only exceptions to the remorseless one-sided slaughter are one guy who goes up to hit Lex… and misses… and the Commander, who takes another shot at Dew… and misses. When my turn comes around again, I have Midir execute Lex’s attacker. He levels…

And you know, forget Aideen, I want to marry Midir at this point.  Finn runs down to Javelin the second-to-last soldier, who is attacking the village Dew was sheltering in. Ethlyn runs down to join them, giving the commander another target; I’d like Dew to get the kill, but on the way there I want him to have 100% perfect health just to be safe. She levels up from healing the little bastard.

… What is with you this run, honey? You’re letting your husband and brother down. Still, we have things mostly under control, so…

Well fuck you too, buddy. And worse, the commander I wanted Dew to kill foils my scheme and takes a shot at Finn instead.  

So Finn is wounded, badly. Reinforcements are coming. Time to run! Ethlyn heals Finn and they both make a break for it. I leave just Dew, sitting on a tree, as a distraction. Without that commander, nothing can hit him, so he’ll be a perfect roadblock as long as he stays on defensive terrain. It’s time for the rest of the team to go… *twitch*… go… try to recruit Ayra.  You might think with Kinbaith dead she’d be friendly. This is not true. And getting near her is incredibly risky for one. Big. Reason.

Astra is a venerable Fire Emblem special ability, and Ayra is (unless I’m mistaken) the first user of it, back when it was really broken. Later versions have those five strikes do half damage, but Ayra’s is just five normally-powered strikes in a row. If she hits you with that, pretty much any unit will die. And if they don’t die, they might kill her, because she’s not very durable. So I need someone she can’t Astra and who definitely won’t be able to kill her, to act as a distraction…. Huh…

Hahahaha, no. Maybe if you hadn’t spent this whole game being a sack of garbage and had gotten some good levels, but as you are now she won’t even need Astra to kick your ass. Get back in the corner, Alec. We will be using Finn, who will run from her when she gets close. Run like a coward. End turn!

I realize it doesn’t look like it, but I’m totally winning this map.

Finn gets close enough to Ayra to set her off. The idea is to have her run after him around the forest while Sigurd runs in, kills all her little buddies, and takes the castle. Once Shanan is free, then she can be reasoned with. Sigurd is ready, Finn is close enough… I think… and a few helpful units are near enough to draw a little pressure off Dew while we work. End turn…

Shit her little handaxe bros came out after us first!  This could go badly. This… this could be bad. Please don’t be bad, game, please…

…………. I mean… I planned this. Yeah.

Did not plan that though. Azel is supposed to be support but he could die here and ruin my happy accident cunning plan with Finn if he gets attacked and hit again.  

Oh God bless you, you beautiful caped madman.  

…. Here she comes. I heal Azel, move the rest of the army away from Ayra, and… and pray, mostly. Go after Finn. Go after Finn you evil bitch. Please. Please, he set you off.

Meanwhile, Verdane’s army pulls some stupid stuff. Most of them go after Lex, who levels from it, but Azel gets a few as well and also gains.  

Tolerable, if not the raw perfection I’m used to this chapter. Noish gets some ‘love’ and levels up too, but I didn’t screencap that because he got literally nothing. No points. In anything. I hate him so much.  

On my turn, we’re in a very precarious situation. Ayra is in a position where she could chase Finn, Quan, or Sigurd, and I can’t be sure who she’ll go for.  Meanwhile, the army itself is outnumbered by Verdane. This is turning into a shitshow, so my first priority even above Ayra is to thin the enemy’s numbers. Alec and Azel start by getting kills and…

… Huh. It finally happened. Even Alec doesn’t want to be associated with Noish anymore. Damn.  Dew plinks away at the enemy yet again, gaining his second level.

Maybe Noish’s role in the army is to inspire everyone else to not be like him? I know it sounds like I’m joking, but everyone else on the team scores a kill without being damaged.

Meanwhile, Quan, Finn, and Sigurd are all still in Ayra’s range. Two are parked on forests with spears to give them weapon advantage. One is not. This will be… ugly.

Please, game. Show some mercy.

The enemy phase goes perfectly fine for most of it. Nobody levels, but nobody dies and that’s a fair damn trade in my book.

And then Ayra goes for Finn.

Come on Finn…

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, FINN…

*sigh* Astra.

Reset! I figured I’d lose at least one to her, but still. Frustration. 

Restarting from the beginning of the turn, things proceed identically up to that point. Dew gets a slightly different level because I send him a different unit, changing the RNG of his level; a point of Speed instead of a point of Defense, not really a fair trade for him, but otherwise it’s the same.

This time, with Sigurd and co, I have them not kill Ayra’s buddies, and instead have them run like terrified children. Sigurd toward the castle, Quan and Finn away.  Maybe this will work.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!  Okay. For now, we just need to have Quan and Finn up there stay out of her range at all costs, while Sigurd goes and besieges the castle by himself. That is much more realistic than fighting Ayra. Trust me.

Game is saved, and I win. Eventually. I start my turn with Aideen healing, and unlike Ethlyn she knows how we do here.

Welcome to the team, Ms. Of Jungby.  I’m very pleased to see you here. From here, I have the team rush out to meet Verdane head on, kicking ass, taking names, and nobody levels up except Alec.

Eh, still better than Noish!

Now, this was super risky and I might very well regret it. But, unless I’m wrong there’s just not enough of them left to really kill anyone; pretty much everyone is full health and they’re guarding each other’s back in a big way. Hopefully I’m not wrong.

If I am wrong, well, I did just save. Two resets is not bad.

Quan and Finn run away like frightened children, and Sigurd goes to storm the castle.   Nothing much happens, though; the castle guard has tons of health, but can’t hit Sigurd because hand-axes are inaccurate against swords. Then he immediately kills himself rushing against Siggy again on the enemy phase. Now all we need is for the main army to live!

… Ethlyn, if you fuck this up for me, I swear.

Thankfully, the others all go for Dew and miss him, so we’re pretty set. All that’s left of Verdane’s army on the map is two archers, two axe dudes, and Ayra. And soon, not even that.  Sigurd wrecks axe-dude number one, levels,

I’ll take it. And while we’re on the subject, I will also take the castle! 

Sigurd: What’s the matter? Why are you silent? I want to know why you were held here.

Shanan: You’re not one of Kinbaith’s lot… are you?

Sigurd: We’ve dealt with Kinbaith. There’s nothing to be afraid of anymore.

Shanan: Oh! So Ayra doesn’t have to keep fighting! My Aunt Ayra was forced to fight ‘cause Kinbaith had me! Please! You’ve got to help her!

Sigurd: That swordswoman. Huh. I thought there was something amiss about her… Very well! I’ll let her know that you’re safe. Now, what’s your name?

Shanan: Shanan. I’m Shanan, the prince of Isaach…

(OH. Um. Well. Awkward.)

Sigurd: Isaach’s prince, you say… I can barely begin to imagine what you’ve been through, Shanan. For now, though, you’re welcome to stay with our army. Don’t worry. One day, you’ll make it home. I’ll do all I can to ensure that.

(Awwwwwwwwwww, Sigurd, you big old softie.)

Oifey: Pardon me, sire, but we’re currently at war with Isaach. If we’re going to harbor its prince, shouldn’t we inform the king?

Sigurd: He’s a child, Oifey. That war has nothing to do with him. I’ll find a way to get him home safely, but for now, we need to look after him.

Oifey: Understood, sire. … Just as I thought. Lord Sigurd really is such a kind man…

Well, we got the castle, and with that the worst part of the map is over, so I believe it’s time to call this update.  Next week, we chat with Ayra, finally get to feed Gandolf his own bandana, experience some delicious plot development, and see perhaps the most pathetic romance in gaming.  Look forward to it!  

Total Resets: 1.  Better than I was expecting, honestly! 

[jeremy-ken-anderson]

Unsubscribe

Sometimes I struggle with unsubscribing from a channel on Youtube.

The faulty logic is something like this: I think their content is good, therefore I should be subscribed to it.

The reality is I should only subscribe to a channel if I think it’ll be useful to have their content appearing in my subscriptions feed. That is a VERY different thing.

Recently I’m going through and culling a lot of shows. Looking at a few, and the logic:

Sarah Z: I like Sarah as a person and as a content creator. I think her takes are accurate and her videos are well-researched, well-produced, and insightful. Unfortunately most of her stuff of late is about some form of fan drama. And while it’s cool to look at cultural impact of things, and I think she’s fairly respectful of these communities, it’s more just...I don’t need that drama in my life.

Mother’s Basement: This is one of the hardest to drop. These are beautifully edited and deeply knowledgeable videos about anime, which is of course one of my favorite topics. It’s just that 9 times out of 10 the videos are extraordinarily well-made shitposts, and he produces at a sufficient pace that another 10-minute funny shitpost every couple days will really start to add up to a lot of lost time.

If I weren’t culling entertainment shows because I want to stop treating Youtube as an entertainment site in general, I probably wouldn’t be getting rid of MB.

Noah Caldwell-Gervais: Slightly easier to drop but still kind of rough. Noah’s games journalism is top-tier and he writes about things he really cares about and has obviously thought through for a long time. What it comes down to is a (time : game dev insights) ratio. He’s got good insights, but his videos are upwards of 3 hours long and that’s just too big a commitment.

Penny Arcade TV: I put this on my subscriptions because I thought I was going to binge C Team and catch up to now and continue watching it live. That didn’t happen, C Team has now ended as a show, and also PATV has a bunch of other videos they put out that hold no interest for me and thus are just subscription-page clutter. Easy drop.

Patrick (H) Willems: They’re neat video essays about movies. If you want cool movie insights or care about weird stuff behind the scenes of films you might have seen? It’s pretty good. Right now that’s not what feeds me. (Also, a personal taste thing; I’m not a fan of sketches in the midst of film reviews, and that’s a stylistic thing he’s been leaning into more and more)

Lord Ravenscraft: Again, a review channel.

This is a general theme of this culling. I think part of the issue that led to this culling is just that I noticed that I spent more hours a week consuming thoughtful opinions about media than I did consuming media. And I feel like maybe experiencing more art for myself would be better for me than listening to experts tell me what to think of a thing I’ve never seen.

MFPallytime: This hurts not because the channel is good content - which it is - but because the dude is so cool. I like Walter aka Pally, and the parasocial feeling of Youtube makes it so this feels like if I were taking an acquaintance out of my friends list in FB. That weird sense of “Is he going to hate me now?” No, he won’t, he doesn’t know who I am. But it feels that way. It feels like cutting off a friend. But his channel is all him playing video games and - again with the “primary sources” thing, if I’ve got that kind of time I should either play video games or, if I don’t have energy for that, watch shows or read a book. Or take a nap, or a walk!

Markiplier: And another one.

Game Grumps: And another one.

For the sake of positivity, let me mention some of the things that I’m keeping and why!

WeskAlber: This is one of the best sets of guides to FFXIV that exists. As new patches come out that change how the numbers work he updates them. I play FFXIV. Also he doesn’t update super often, so he’s not clogging my feed.

Gaijin Hunter, SDShepard: Similarly, really useful guides if you play Monster Hunter games. I do. Gaijin Hunter has a few more opinion pieces that I don’t care about but they aren’t quite frequent enough to warrant unsubscribing.

Jess Jackdaw: Process porn of an excellent artist creating original works on the fly - “What if we crossed a silver dragon from D&D with the pokemon Absol?” or “What if we drew a displacer beast in the art style of Katamari Damacy?” Like, my complaint with a lot of the “watching someone playing a video game” stuff is that there’s some better way of injecting this media into my life. Not so, here. Jess’ channel is an absolutely original experience and leaves me feeling inspired for my own D&D games and my game development work.

Sharp Accent, Blackthornprod, Infallible Code, quill18creates, Coding with Unity, Jason Weimann: These are all purely for educational purposes, and by and large they’re pretty decent at it.

GMTK, Errant Signal, Extra Credits, Design Doc: These are a little more edutainment and theoretical, but I find enough insights into good game design (and they’re short enough relative to the number of insights gleaned) that they get to stick around. 

Matthew Colville, Dungeon Craft, Zee Bashew: Useful insights for anyone who wants to run a D&D game. Sometimes rules, sometimes variants, sometimes opinions on why a rule should be houseruled away. I don’t always agree but the talks do get me thinking and I think they help make me a better dungeon master. Also when Zee does sketch comedy in the middle of his education/opinion bits it’s an original animated short, so that always gets a pass.

[naberiie]

from which stars have we fallen, to meet each other here?

….is taking a short break while Eva and I recharge and get ready for the next set of updates!

In the meantime, please enjoy the first in a series of planned worldbuilding/background/lore posts about all the work we’ve done for this top-tier rarepair:

Just over a month ago, @aerefyr wrote this Fives/Rabé ficlet that may or may not have made @evaceratops​ and I yell for weeks, because oh my god have you ever read something so INCREDIBLE in your ENTIRE LIFE? It ended with Fives proposing to Rabé in Mando’a, and the last line really struck a cord with us:

“We will raise warriors.”

So we wondered, if Fives and Rabé had been able to get their happy ending, if we gave them a fix-it, most-everybody-lives AU (which we also have ideas about) - what sort of warriors would they raise?

Meet Kida, a heavy gunner in the 501st, and her younger brother Rohan, Jedi Knight. (Fives doesn’t know which one worries him more and can you really blame him)(also can we take MINUTE to appreciate the CHARACTER DESIGNS by @evaceratops like oh my god)

Kida Bhutia; Lionheart

Around the same age as the Skywalker twins, and is good friends with them

Born with the random blonde hair mutation, just like Rex!

It gradually beomces closer to Rabé’s color as Kida gets older, but she dyes the tips the same blonde - she likes having that connection to her uncle and mentor

In training to become a Republic soldier - more specifically, a heavy gunner, much to Uncle Hardcase’s delight

Rex is in charge of her group of cadets at the Republic Academy, pushes her because she’s half-clone and knows she can take it (he is unofficially/officially her mentor)

Her least favorite words in the entire galaxy are: “Cadet Bhutia! Again!” She hears them a lot. Multiple times, every single day. And they usually mean pain.

HOWEVER, there was That One Time when Rex had to leave for a week or so (to help sort out some mischievous Skywalker twins at the Temple), and Commander Wolffe was his replacement

Inherited her dad’s bravado and penchant to show off at all times

Built like her father and uncles: tall (5’8”), broad, and strong

Is extremely focused and driven to be The Best at everything - she excelled in her classes at school because of this

But she has trouble adapting when plans or orders fall through, has trouble thinking on her feet - until Echo sits her down and talks it through with her

Has gotten into fights about the following things: someone insulted her because she’s half-clone; someone scoffed about how she wears her hair; someone picked on her kid brother

All Fives and her uncles care about is if she wins - which she almost always does

Eventually earns jaig eyes, as bestowed to her by Rex (who also gives her her clone name)

Earns them by saving her brother’s life on the battlefield

Rohan Bhutia; Riptide

Two years younger than Kida, Luke, and Leia

Is usually dragged into elaborate pranks by the Skytwin Terrors and Ezra Bridger, but everyone knows Rohan is not the mastermind

Force-sensitive and in training to become a Jedi; his master is none other than Jedi Knight Ahsoka Tano

Essentially adopted by Ahsoka, Anakin, Plo Koon, and Shaak Ti, all of whom would absolutely eviscerate anyone who made Rohan feel less or worse for being half-clone

Takes after his mother - tiny (5’2”!!), gentle, but deceptively lethal

Inherited his father’s short attention span, and hates lessons that are purely lecture or reading based because of this 

He needs mental stimulation in order to focus but loves any lessons on Jedi-Sith conflicts

A terrible liar, also like his dad

Padmé gives him his clone name, handing down her nickname from her time as Queen to the next generation 

Their parents’ older siblings, whether they are blood-related or not, gave the kids their clone names

Wants everyone to be happy

Is an artist, like uncles Tup and Hardcase (yes, both of whom survive their respective arcs)

Once gave Ahsoka a drawing of the two of them as Master and Padawan before his apprenticeship began and he was like, five years old 

Ahsoka had to take a moment to compose herself because he’s just so Good

[junker-town]

The Pirates blew their chance at keeping Andrew McCutchen around forever

The Pirates had a lot of options with Andrew McCutchen. They chose the worst one.

On Sept. 7, 1982, the headline on the front page of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette read, “Champion of the city.” Pictured was Willie Stargell, wiping a tear away from his eye, at his retirement ceremony. Elsewhere in the paper, there was an article that included this anecdote:

By the time Stargell was halfway through the hugs and handshakes with the Pirates, the tears were falling faster than he could wipe them off with a towel draped around his neck.

This was all before a game against the Mets, and the traffic was so bad getting into the park that the start of the ceremonies were delayed. In the game, Stargell came up as a pinch-hitter in the eighth inning, lined a single to center, and came out for a pinch-runner as the crowd roared and roared.

This is an article about Andrew McCutchen, by the way.

If you want the gooey stuff about the Pirates and McCutchen, I wrote about it last year, when he was supposed to be traded to the Nationals.

This is a team that waited 20 years for anything to cheer, enjoyed three years of postseason hopes, and are right back to the old paradigm, with one of the most popular players in franchise history almost certain to leave. Because that’s how it works when your team doesn’t command a market of six million people.

It’s narratively sublime that the Pirates didn’t finish over .500 from Barry Bonds to Andrew McCutchen. It’s a neat, perfect bookend that’s almost too easy to be real. One superstar left, and the Pirates were the butt of baseball’s on-camera practical jokes. Then another superstar came, and they were great. It’s almost like the 20 years in between didn’t happen. McCutchen brought them back to relevance, and he happened to be one of the most affable players in the history of a franchise that also employed Stargell and Roberto Clemente. The Pirates and their fans had earned this player like few other teams had earned their superstar.

Still, when those trade rumors came up last year, they made sense. McCutchen’s previous season was a dud, and there was some strategy to a trade. If he had really fallen into a talent vortex from which he would not escape, last season was the Pirates’ best chance to nab top prospects and save millions. Even though his season was disappointing, there were still enough teams hoping he would reclaim his MVP form that there would be something of a bidding war.

But a deal couldn’t be reached for unspecified reasons, and McCutchen stuck with the Pirates. After going 0-for-5 on May 23, nearly two months into the season, his average fell to .200. His on-base percentage was .279, and his defense was slipping. This looked like the end, and it looked like the Pirates missed their chance to recycle McCutchen’s promise into shiny new prospects.

The Mendoza Line would not claim him, though. After that game, McCutchen hit .313/.400/.540, with 22 homers for the rest of the season. While he wasn’t zipping around the outfield in the same fashion, he was dominating at the plate, finding his eye and his ability to make hard contact.

The Pirates stunk last year, but at least they had their superstar back. If you wanted to squint, you could almost argue that his 14-month dip was advantageous for them because it meant that McCutchen might settle for reasonable extension instead of a perennial-MVP-and-future-Hall-of-Famer extension. The Pirates couldn’t do the latter, but maybe they could do the former? For a special player like McCutchen?

He would have been open to the idea. I would guess that a fella that names his kid “Steel” might have some sort of connection to Pittsburgh, but that’s just me.

There was a window to keep McCutchen, one of the best human beings in the game, in the franchise for the rest of his career or close to it. It might be getting ahead of ourselves to put him in the same tier as Stargell or Tony Gwynn, but can’t be more than a half-tier below them. There aren’t a lot of players that deserve consideration for legacy end-your-career-here contracts, but McCutchen was one of them. Here was the Pirates’ chance.

They absolutely whiffed. They chose the worst of the possible options.

Option #1 - Sign McCutchen to a long-term deal

On Sept. 7, 2025, the headline on the front page of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette would read, “Champion of the city.” Pictured would be Andrew McCutchen, wiping a tear away from his eye, at his retirement ceremony.

The only unbelievable part of this scenario is that the world is still here by 2025, but other than that, it rings true. There’s a chance in this timeline that McCutchen stumbles again and gives the Pirates five or six poor seasons that are marred by injuries, while he commands a salary that helps them afford players who can actually help the team.

Reminder: The largest free-agent deal for an outside player in team history is still Russell Martin, who signed a two-year, $17 million contract. Pretty sure a McCutchen extension wasn’t going to keep them from signing free agents. They were already going to do that on their own.

The extension might have have resulted in a championship. It might not have even resulted in a division title or a wild card appearance. But it would have brought warm fuzzies to a franchise that was used to not enjoying warm fuzzies. Their fuzzies were usually cold and unforgiving, and they had fangs as long as your arm.

Here was a chance, though. Here was a chance to make McCutchen a story of Pittsburgh baseball that didn’t have a gut punch in the third act.

If you aren’t one for warm fuzzies, well, I guess there’s ...

Option #2 — Trade McCutchen last year, when teams were thinking they could buy low

I don’t know what deals were offered. I’m not sure if the financial obligations and McCutchen’s disappointing 2016 season left the Pirates without a reasonable offer. But even if they couldn’t get top prospects back, there was an explanation. “We loved McCutchen,” it went, “but you watched last season. He was clearly on the decline. This isn’t a team that can afford to sign declining players in their 30s, so as much as we loved him, this was the only appropriate decision for us to make.”

The fans would have hated it, but it didn’t smell like an owner trying to keep payroll down, at least. McCutchen didn’t play like someone who would deserve a long-term deal at the end of his contract, even for the fanbase that loved him unconditionally. Getting prospects back then — when the Pirates still had designs on a contending season, mind you — would have seemed like a logical, practical decision.

It wouldn’t have seemed cheap, and the pain would have been fleeting.

Unlike ...

Option #3 — Make sure McCutchen has a renaissance season, then trade him for unheralded young players

Easily the worst of the scenarios, just an absolute stinker. In this one, Pirates fans get to remember how much fun McCutchen is, and how they wish he could be around forever. And then they trade him for a reliever and a tweener outfield prospect to save $12 million.

Kyle Crick is a reliever with promise. He’s a former first-round pick with a first-round arm, and he resurrected his career last year with the Giants, thriving in the majors. At no point, though, will Pirates fans be talking about Crick to their children and grandchildren. The odds of a reliever making that sort of impact are unspeakably low.

Bryan Reynolds is a switch-hitting speedster of moderate promise. He’s a former second-round pick with a first-round skill set, and while he struck out a lot at High-A, and he wasn’t especially young for his level, there’s a small chance that he will be an excellent, Shane Victorino-like piece for a team one day.

And that can be a beautiful thing. But the odds are that Crick will pitch a few years, have some ups and downs, then leave. The odds are that Reynolds doesn’t even come close to Nate McLouth levels of fame and adulation in Pittsburgh. This is what replaced the idea of McCutchen wiping tears away at a retirement ceremony.

It would have been preferable to go with ...

Option #4 — Let McCutchen walk in free agency

In this scenario, the Pirates are still cheap, but there’s sense that at least they tried. Hey, can’t blame a guy for looking elsewhere. He’s a person with thoughts and feelings. He has agency — it’s right there in the name, “free agency.” Maybe McCutchen hits well enough to deserve the qualifying offer, and maybe he doesn’t.

There might not have been a tearful retirement ceremony, but there could have been one last standing ovation, just in case he left as a free agent. That’s better than him disappearing in the middle of the offseason.

The Pirates could have kept him around indefinitely. They didn’t.

They could have traded him when it looked like there was something wrong with him. They didn’t.

They could have let him leave of his own accord, putting some of the decision on his shoulders. They didn’t.

Instead, the Pirates traded Andrew McCutchen for a two-part package of potentially useful players, not potential stars. They might have received more than they would have if he received the qualifying offer, but it’s close enough to wonder what the real risks were with keeping him one more season. It’s close enough to contemplate the harm that comes with a franchise loudly announcing that there will be no tearful Willie Stargell ceremonies again, no player worth keeping around just because he’s a part of the team’s DNA and always will be.

The Pirates chose the worst of their options, and they timed it horribly. If we’re back here in five years, and Crick is an All-Star closer and Reynolds is a star, feel free to laugh at how overwrought this is. But there won’t be a tearful retirement ceremony for a homegrown superstar, and those chances sure don’t come up an awful lot. It might be five years until the franchise gets that kind of player again, or it might be five decades.

The Pirates might not blow that chance. But they sure blew this one. And it’ll probably be a long, long wait until that next chance comes around.

[latina214-blog]

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