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lesbicosmos-writes · 30 days ago

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i have 7 wips yet i wrote an entirely new fic woah what a surprise

anyway, my first arcane fic!!

pairing: jayce & viktor (can be read as platonic or romantic but there are hints at viktor having feelings)

rating: G

summary: Viktor was so used to people either just ignoring him or treating him like he constantly needed help. They never asked if he needed it, and it always felt condescending, as if just because his leg didn’t work properly, he couldn’t navigate life on his own – despite the fact he had literally fought his way out of the undercity and into the academy alone. But then there was Jayce, who on top of being a brilliant mind and a sweet person, treated his disability with genuine care, and asked if he needed help, and knew he was more than capable of so many things but just needed a little extra hand sometimes. Viktor loved him.

notes: since it's my first thing for the fandom, pls lmk if anything seems ooc i always wanna try and get these as in character as possible 😭

on ao3!!

oh but you're good to me, baby

No one had ever loved Viktor like Jayce Talis did.

From the day they met, there had always been a strange sort of spark between them, a companionship and an understanding despite the differences in both of their lives. Obviously, it wasn’t always understanding – sometimes Jayce would make unintentionally ignorant comments about the Undercity and its people that Viktor would have to educate him on, and quite often Viktor would intentionally insult Pilties and Jayce would…mostly agree with him, actually. He wouldn’t outwardly deny most of them even if he didn’t share the same view, anyway; he knew Viktor absolutely had a right to hate them for the conditions he had to grow up in.

Over six years, they’d become such close partners that it was rare that one would be seen without the other – except on the occasion Jayce had to give a speech to the council, or attend one of their fancy galas. Jayce was Piltover’s golden boy, and while both he and Viktor were angry that Viktor rarely got any credit for his work on Hextech, Viktor didn’t exactly want the level of attention Jayce seemed to be constantly getting. He wanted to be remembered for his work, not praised like some sort of god. He could tell Jayce felt the same – he didn’t particularly enjoy being the centre of attention, but he could cope with it better than Viktor. He always was the more outwardly social of the two.

With the way Jayce was constantly celebrated and showered with attention, it was nice to have days like the one they were currently having – both in their lab, working on their current Hextech project, doing what both of them loved most and feeling like they were still just barely graduated students of the academy sneaking around doing experiments Professor Heimerdinger wouldn’t approve of.

Viktor looked up from his desk, and just sat watching Jayce for a few minutes. He was on the opposite side of the lab, standing in front of the chalkboard which was so full of notes that no one except for the two of them would ever be able to decipher what they were referring to. Jayce had one arm folded, the other with his chin in his hand in concentration, mumbling to himself as he tried to figure out an equation.

In his staring, he found himself thinking back to their early days as partners, only a few months after they managed to prove Hextech could actually work. They’d been given permission by the council to continue their studies and experiments, and were given a proper laboratory in the academy in which they could conduct them.

The day they moved into the lab had been stressful; moving books and papers and equipment that had previously been in Jayce’s old workshop – which the Kirammans had kindly been keeping safe for him. The constant moving had put a lot of physical strain on Viktor’s leg, and he all but collapsed into one of the lab benches when they finally made the last journey of boxes.

He’d worn a compression brace on his right leg for as long as he could remember. He rarely bothered to take it off unless he was showering, or it needed to be cleaned. Since it was under his trousers, he didn’t have to bother taking it off before bed every night. And it was usually comfortable enough.

It did tend to become irritating when he’d been on his feet for a while, though. It became sweaty and overwhelming and by that point, he’d rather take the pain.

He leaned down to lift up the leg of his trousers to take the brace off, but immediately winced as he leaned forwards, pain now spiking in his lower back. He had the cane, which definitely helped, but even with it, he often still got pretty severe back pain due to his uneven walking. He couldn’t escape. He hated that it was something he was used to.

“Do you want a hand with that?” Jayce asked, putting down the scissors he was using to cut open one of the boxes and walking over to him.

“No, no, I can manage,” Viktor replied, a little too harshly.

He was too used to people thinking he was broken and couldn’t do simple things.

“I know you can, V,” Jayce said, not offended or surprised by his tone in the slightest, “but it’s hurting your back.”

“It’s not,” Viktor insisted.

“I could hear you wincing from over there. I can help if you want.”

Viktor gave in, leaning back on the bench and giving his back a little relief.

“Thank you,” Viktor sighed.

Jayce knelt on the ground next to him, lifting his trouser leg up and gently pulling the brace down his leg. Viktor didn’t think they’d ever been so physically close before, but he couldn’t say he minded it.

“You didn’t have to do all of that heavy lifting, you know? I could’ve done it,” Jayce said.

“I would have felt useless if I was just sitting around here all day.”

“You aren’t useless,” Jayce reassured.

“I know. I was fine, though. I’m very used to feeling like this at the end of the day, Jayce. It’s kind of what comes with chronic pain.”

“If you’re sure. Obviously I know you know your limits better than I do.”

“I am. Believe me, moving helps sometimes.”

“Okay. I’m always here if you need a hand though, yeah? You just gotta ask.”

“Thank you.”

Viktor was so used to people just ignoring him; and if they did acknowledge him they usually seemed intent on helping, though they didn’t ask if he needed it. He’d been approached by strangers while out in public who put their arm around him to try and stabilise him when his limp was more pronounced, and he was leaning on his cane more than usual. He knew at heart they were just trying to help, but it always felt condescending, as if just because his leg didn’t work properly, he couldn’t navigate life on his own – despite the fact he had literally fought his way out of the undercity and into the academy alone. To have someone like Jayce who genuinely cared, who wanted to help, who asked if he needed it and only gave it if he did, made his heart warm. He was very glad the man wasn’t exiled from Piltover those few months ago.

“Do you have to do this every night?” Jayce asked, handing the elasticated fabric back to Viktor.

“I don’t take it off to sleep often. It’s not the most uncomfortable thing in the world, it’s just…getting itchy right now.”

“I didn’t even realise you were meant to keep it on for so long.”

“I only really need it on when I’m putting pressure on it, it’s not like it’s on there to help it heal or anything. I wish it could do that. But, it’s effort to take it off so I usually just don’t, unless it’s really necessary, like washing.”

“Well if you ever want me to do this again, just say, yeah? Your room’s right next to mine, it really won’t be a big deal. I’ll always help you. Only if you want it, of course.”

That was the other part of the deal they struck with the council – while Jayce’s place at the Academy had not been reinstated, he had been given a room there next door to Viktor’s in order to be closer to their lab rather than several blocks away.

After that day, it became almost a routine. Viktor still didn’t take the brace off all the time, but he did so more often, and Jayce would help him if it was getting uncomfortable. At first it started as something that only really happened if the pain in Viktor’s back was bad, but then it became a sort of ritual and Jayce was always the one who did it – even when the pain started getting somehow worse a year or so later and he had to switch from the compression brace to a structured metal one that he had to wear over his trousers and take off every night. It was more complex to operate than what was previously an extravagant sock, but Jayce did it anyway. And it was never out of obligation, or because he thought Viktor couldn’t, or because he got some strange selfish sense of charity from doing so, but because Jayce genuinely cared and wanted to.

It also never felt like a big thing; it was never the topic of conversation during their nightly routine, it just became what they did every night. They would talk about other things, whether recounting the findings of the day in terms of their experiments or gossiping about other students at the academy they had met on occasion, or recalling childhood memories. Viktor showed him the toy boat he’d built when he was a child and kept in a drawer ever since, and Jayce was enamoured by the mechanics of it. Viktor could also tell he was intrigued by the engineering of the brace itself, albeit fairly simple in comparison to the technology they were working on – ever the scientist, was Jayce Talis.

After Jayce had finished figuring out his equation on the chalkboard – and loudly cheered when he finally worked it out, since he’d been trying for a few days now – the two of them decided to turn in for the night. It was getting late, and Jayce had to go and update Councillor Medarda and Professor Heimerdinger about their current progress early the next day.

So, they headed out of the lab, saying goodnight to Sky – a girl Viktor had known when he was a child who had become their assistant a few years prior – before heading towards Viktor’s room.

As usual, Jayce sat on the chair at the foot of the bed while Viktor sat on the edge, and Jayce leaned down to undo the buckles on the back of Viktor’s leg and slide the brace off his foot. It was always so strangely intimate, but neither of them had ever really brought it up. They’d become such close friends over the last six years, it was almost as though they’d known each other all their lives, so nothing was weird or too much for either of them. By now, he wouldn’t have it any other way. There was no Hextech without both him and Jayce. There was no Viktor without Jayce, anymore.

He'd been so supportive over the last few years, since Viktor’s mobility started to decline even further. He’d been there when Viktor needed him physically, to hold on to while they walked through the street, but more than that, he’d been there to give Viktor a distraction. They’d achieved their best progress in their science when they were intently focused to stop Viktor from spiralling about everything his condition meant he couldn’t do. Jayce was always there to remind him what he could – that his mind, even when not paired with his partner’s, was utterly brilliant.

“I’ll probably head back to the lab pretty early tomorrow,” Viktor said as Jayce stood the brace up against the bedside table, next to his crutch. “So good luck with the Professor and Councillor Medarda.”

“Thanks. I’m sure it’ll all go great, though. We’re making good development with it.”

“Well that’s definitely good, Mr. Man of Progress,” Viktor teased.

“Shut up. ‘Night, V.”

“Goodnight, Jayce.”

With that, Jayce left the room and closed the door behind him.

Viktor stayed still for a while, just listening. He heard Jayce’s footsteps moving away from his bedroom door, but he was definitely heading back towards the lab, not towards his own room. His guess was confirmed when he heard mumbling. One voice was definitely Jayce, the other Sky. Then, he heard Sky’s lighter footsteps pass his door in the opposite direction.

Jayce had been heading back to the lab late at night often lately, and Viktor knew he was working on something in secret, but every time Viktor had brought it up, Jayce denied it, claiming he was only going back to tidy up before going to bed himself.

Viktor had a bad enough sleep schedule himself to know that most of the time when Jayce’s footsteps finally retreated back down the corridor, far too much time had passed for him to have just been tidying up.

He supposed he would find out eventually. He had enough trust in Jayce that the reason for him keeping it secret wasn’t malicious, or because he was doing anything against their goal with Hextech. So, he tried to clear his mind, changed into his pyjamas and attempted to sleep.

A month or so later, Viktor was sitting at his desk in the lab, his magnifying goggles on as he analysed a hex crystal that was suspended on a small platform. They had successfully stabilised some, but there were strange behaviours in some of them, as if they had more Arcane energy than others. Before they could put the crystals to use in inventions for the public, they had to ensure they had a way of stabilising all of them. Perhaps it was something in the runic patterns-

Viktor’s thoughts were interrupted when the lab door burst open and Jayce came in, beaming. Victor spun around in his chair to face him.

“Are you alright, Jayce? Did something happen down in the forge?”

“No, I just have a surprise for you,” Jayce replied.

“Really? What is it?”

“You’ll see later.”

He refused to say anything else about it, so Viktor got back to work immediately after relaying his current findings to his partner.

It turned out that later meant when they were heading to bed.

“I’ll meet you in your room!” Jayce shouted across the lab before disappearing out into the corridor, dashing towards the forge.

Viktor chuckled, filing away his report with the rest of them, and then headed over to Sky’s desk. She seemed to be poorly masking a giggle.

“Goodnight, Sky,” he said.

“’Night, Viktor. Hope you enjoy whatever it is Jayce has for you,” she smiled.

Viktor nodded and left the lab. It was clear that Sky suspected there was something more going on between him and Jayce, and if Viktor was honest, he didn’t blame her for her assumption. They certainly did act like an old married couple sometimes. And they constantly called each other partners in tones of voices that could easily be implying something more than lab partners. And then there was the whole Jayce going to Viktor’s room every night thing, and wow, did everyone around them think they were together? Funnily enough, Viktor didn’t really think he minded what they thought. Technically they were wrong, but it wasn’t like Viktor himself hadn’t entertained the possibility several times over the years. He simply assumed Jayce wasn’t into men. Which was fine.

Viktor sat himself down on the edge of his bed, awkwardly waiting for Jayce to return. In the meantime, he reached behind himself to unclasp his back brace and remove it, placing it beside his bed. He hated that he had to practically hold himself together with metal and plastic, all because his leg didn’t form correctly in the womb. What would he be doing if he didn’t have his condition? If he had full physical freedom?

He barely entertained the thought. It didn’t matter because it would never happen, unless Hextech managed to create a miracle. But what was the point in imagining anyway, when he had all he ever really wanted in life right in front of him. He was a scientist, using his mind and his inventions to make a difference in people’s lives, even if the effects weren’t totally evident yet in the people he wanted to help the most. And he had a partner he could never even have created in a dream – a man who shared his passions for science and invention and magic and supporting those who needed it.

He hated what he didn’t have, but was more than pleased with what he’d done with what he did.

At that moment, Jayce entered his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

“So, I may have been working on something,” he said, before turning to face Viktor and holding something out to him.

Viktor’s eyes widened as he realised what was in Jayce’s hands – a new leg brace.

“Jayce, what is this?”

“The project I’ve been working on! Sorry I didn’t tell you about it, I wanted it to be a surprise. The brace you’ve got now has got all those confusing buckles and shit, and you’ve told me enough times how uncomfortable it can get. I don’t know how you’re meant to deal with all that on your own when you’re already struggling, but I think I figured it out!”

Jayce reached out, flipping the brace over in Viktor’s hands, revealing something in the centre of it – a bright blue glowing vaguely spherical shape.

“A hexcrystal?”

“Yeah, I know we said we were gonna properly brainstorm ideas for them soon, but I hope you don’t mind I did this one. All you have to do to take it off is take the crystal out! It unclasps itself.”

Jayce demonstrated, plucking the crystal from its mini cage within the structure of the brace, and it instantly opened.

“Wanna try it out? It might need a few tweaks, obviously I’m not the best person to try it out.”

“Of course.”

Jayce smiles, kneeling down beside Viktor to unclasp and take off the old brace, replacing it with the new Hextech-imbued one.

“How’s that?” Jayce asked.

Viktor grabbed his crutch from beside his bed and stood up, pacing around the room a few times. He looked over at Jayce, who was staring expectantly in the same way he always did when they tested out something they both really hoped would work.

“So?”

“I think it’s better than the old one! It’s helping my leg but also, I can barely feel that it’s there,” Viktor noted, looking down at his leg to admire the craftsmanship.

“That’s another one of the features! The brace itself sooths the skin where it sits, so it shouldn’t get as uncomfortable for long-term wear,” Jayce explained.

Viktor looked up at him, a grin growing on his face.

“You, Jayce Talis, are a genius.”

He moved the few steps across the room it took to reach Jayce, and pulled him into a hug.

“Thank you,” he said, practically into Jayce’s shoulder due to their height difference.

“No problem,” Jayce replied, seeming relieved that Viktor liked it. Then he inhaled a little in a panic. “But I don’t want you to think I did this because I don’t wanna help you anymore, it’s not a burden or anything, I just know you don’t particularly like asking for help and it would just make life easier for you and-”

Viktor pulled away from the hug, regaining his balance with his crutch.

“Jayce. I know. Even just the fact you’ve done this for me told me that.”

Jayce smiled. The two of them headed back over to the bed, and Viktor reached down to test the release mechanism. It worked immediately, practically falling off his leg. He laughed a little at the ease of it all, lifting the brace up to really take a look at the details. There was a little cog engraved into the side of it – not unlike the one that had been the first thing touched by Hextech when they first got it working.

“Sentimental bastard,” Viktor chuckled.

“I thought it was fitting,” Jayce replied.

“Seriously though, Jayce, do you know how good this will be for people in the undercity? If we could adapt it, for different injuries and conditions, this could be huge!”

“Well, I have started some concepts for a spinal brace version, it shouldn’t be too difficult,” Jayce said.

“You are brilliant.”

“I guess now we just have to concentrate on fully stabilising every crystal that gets made, this is one of the only ones we’ve perfected so far.”

“We’ll get there. I think we’re getting close with that one.”

Their entire goal with Hextech had always been to improve lives, and if there was one thing Jayce Talis had proven he could do, it was just that. Not only was the entire city progressing because of Hextech’s work, Viktor was a living example of Jayce’s talent specifically – he certainly felt more fulfilled than he ever had before meeting Jayce, despite his declining health. He had someone who cared for him, he had a purpose, he was loved. And it made him feel so alive.

#noticed viktor doesn't wear the leg brace til act 2 and thought hmm jayce Builds Things #had to write this as soon as the thought entered my brain #arcane #jayvik #jayce talis #viktor arcane

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darcytaylor · 2 months ago

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It is tiring, is it not, trying to be a voice of reason in a fandom hell-bent on indulging in anything but? I admire your conviction and constancy, you're a stronger soldier than I.

Day after day I log in, finding very little in the fandom that interests me. I deleted my original blog because I was getting hate in my inbox on one hand and getting blocked by certain accounts then getting shit-talked by them on the other and people telling me about it. I don't need something like that in my life, especially not about something as inconsequential as a bloody TV show. Now I just mostly observe and occasionally slide into the ask box of people like you.

I think it's important to realize that at its core, this isn't about the show or Nic or Luke at all, it's about people meeting emotional needs by latching onto a piece of comfort media. A lot of the more extreme accounts in the fandom seem to be run by people with substantial trauma who are just trying to cope with the realities of life by rejecting them. It's unfortunate that they're taking it out on real people who just happen to be actors, but my hope is that the outlandishness of the claims makes it very easy for Nic and Luke to dismiss them outright and protect their peace.

I've been protecting my peace as well by not engaging. It just... It doesn't matter that much, none of this does. It's just entertainment. One day, people will delete their blogs, Tumblr will cease to exist, and so will the Universe, eventually. Not to get all existential on you lol, but everything that's ever been created and will ever be created will fade into irreversible nothingness. Do we really want to spend the limited time we have on Earth having bad experiences, especially unnecessary ones? The answer for me is no. But if other people are choosing this distress, it's not for me to tell them not to. It is their job to protect their own peace, if they so wish. And if they don't - well, it's their life to waste.

Appreciate you and hope we get more good career news from Nic and Luke soon! Have a good one.

Well, this is a thoughtful and introspective ask. Thank you for taking the time to share this, and for your kind words. It can definitely feel exhausting sometimes, trying to keep a level head in a space that can be so volatile and toxic. (I wouldn’t call myself the voice of reason - I’m just a human trying to be a positive presence online). But messages like yours remind me why I try - because there are people out there quietly observing, navigating the chaos in their own way, and some who may find some value in what I share.

I completely understand your decision to step back and protect your peace. That’s a smart move, and honestly, a much healthier one in a lot of ways. I’m sorry you had to deal with hate and gossip - it’s so disheartening how a space meant to bring joy can spiral into something so toxic. Like I’ve said before, if you don’t like a take you come across that isn't hurting anybody, there’s no need to respond in a hateful way (I do it all of the time!). People don’t need to belittle others for thinking differently. That doesn’t create an environment where everyone can actually enjoy themselves, learn, or connect. Instead, it just breeds hostility and defensiveness. And when people feel attacked, they’re less likely to engage in meaningful ways and more likely to retaliate. It’s just a vicious cycle of negativity, and no one wins in the end.

You bring up a good point about fandoms being a way for people to meet emotional needs (I mean I guess that's one of the reasons why I'm here). It’s such a bittersweet thing. On one hand, fandoms can be this amazing space for creativity and connection, but it can also turn into an unhealthy escape for some. Like you said, when this need for comfort becomes fixated on, it can lead to harmful projections - where the lines between fantasy and reality blur, and the people involved, like Nicola and Luke, are treated as though they’re part of that escape, instead of being real individuals.

I'm sure that Nicola and Luke are able to dismiss the more extreme stuff. I imagine that as public figures, they’ve probably had the opportunity to get some training or support to help them deal with everything that comes with fame - whether it’s media training, social media strategies, or just leaning on the people around them. They should hopefully have the tools they need to manage.

It’s a bit of a comfort to think that the more outlandish claims might be easier for them to brush off though, but it’s still a shame that they even have to deal with it in the first place. It’s a good reminder for all of us to try to approach spaces like this with more care and awareness.

Your existential perspective makes sense, none of this will matter in the grand scheme of things. What does matter is how we spend our time and the experiences we choose to let into our lives.

Thank you for your kind words and for this reminder about the bigger picture. Take care of yourself, and know that your choice to protect your peace is something to be admired.

Bring on more good news from Nicola, Luke and the rest of the Bridgerton cast! ❤️

#bridgerton #luke newton #nicola coughlan

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atlasofoverthinking · 5 months ago

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dare i say that neito monoma would have been a great protagonist?

i feel like the fandom either hate or love monoma, and i'm not ashamed to say i love him. he's probably one of my favorite characters amongst the students

so allow me to yap about how i feel a monoma-centric rewriting of mha would go

it would have the same start as the canon focused on izuku. monoma learns early in life that quirks have a huge impact on the way people see you but he decides to become a hero anyway.

the story would focus on monoma accepting he cannot become a hero like All Might (or the most popular ones in general), that he has to use his own tricks despite how unheroics they may seem. it would put an emphasis on monoma's inferiority complex. he literally describes himself as a 'background character' (or something like that). then you'd also have the whole dynamic of neito having a quirk considered weak/useless/villainous and having to prove his worth to both himself and his classmates (that would be interesting if he was fighting against Todoroki or Bakugou).

Shinsou would be an important part of the story too because i love him and i wish we'd seen more of their dynamic.

and don't even get me started on monoma making fun of 1A. I feel like this could make an interesting point on unhealthy coping mecanisms. like, you just need vlad king (who would be the parental figure™ of the story) telling monoma that putting other down won't help him in the long run, that he needs to focus on himself and that popularity doesn't matter in high school (it sounds like shit but trust me it has potential). and then bam (pun intended) you get a parallelism with bakugou who's also working on himself.

as the story goes, monoma learns to trust his classmates and work with them. he accepts he needs others to succeed (yk the whole power of friendship team) and is proud to be alongside his classmates and friends during fights.

monoma canonically struggles with his grades, which could be an important theme related to his self-worth issues (like, he's the only one who failed the midterms so he feels bad bc he feels like he doesn't deserve his place in the hero course)

and last but not least, you could even draw a parallel between him and afo: afo steals quirks, and so does monoma. the only diference being that monoma is doing this to help people and works with others.

anyways, i love him 🩷

#atlas thinking ☆#mha #bnha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #neito monoma #mha monoma #phantom thief #mha fanfic idea #i need more fics about him #he's annoying #i know #but he has so much potential T-T

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lover-of-mine · 7 months ago

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The thing I find fascinating is that the show runners are fully capable of writing engaging couples. Henren, Bathena & Madney – their relationships are beautiful. And then we have Buck and Eddie with their respective LIs. It’s almost as if they want the relationships to fail.

This season, they had every chance to set up Tommy as a suitable LI for Buck. But they didn’t? They didn’t even have to show a grand love confession or the likes, but at least some small gestures. Them holding hands in the hospital, Tommy dressing up for the bachelor party, being a little more sensitive when they ran into Eddie during that first date… Just a few simple things that would have made all the difference.

I feel like most of the love for Tommy comes from headcanons the fandom accepted as universal truths, while there isn’t much in canon to support it.

This isn’t meant to be hate on the character (though it probably will be taken that way by certain people), it’s just that I don’t think he is a good fit for Buck. He’s guarded and deflects with a dry sense of humor, when Buck needs a person to be vulnerable with. You know, someone who is so soft and sickeningly sweet with him. So far, I didn’t get much of the sorts from Tommy. But then again, we didn’t get to see a whole lot of the relationship actually playing out on screen, so who knows.

And the other thing that started to bother me is about the daddy issue thing. There is nothing wrong with showing (or alluding to) a couple having an active/kinky sex life. In general, I’m all in favor of it.

But looking back at season one, Buck used sex as an unhealthy coping mechanism to feel a connection to people. And he doesn’t have the best relationship with sex to begin with (Remember 7x05 and the talk with Eddie, where it hadn’t occurred to either of them that saying no is an option? Doesn’t sound healthy to me.) If they wanted to set Tommy apart, they should have put all their efforts into building an emotional connection between the two. I’m not saying that sex can’t be a part of it - not even that it can’t be kinky - but that the show should have put much more emphasis on the emotional aspect of it rather than the physical attraction.

Maybe it’s just wonky writing due to a shortened season but the relationship between the two isn’t half as good as it could have been.

No, but I made a post about this during the s6-7 hiatus, because it's not like the show doesn't know how to establish a love interest, bathena and madney work because all of them exist individually and Henren was introduced to us in a way where we would side with Karen, so even tho Karen only exists to be Hen's wife we care about her in a deeper way because Karen has never done anything wrong in her life. With Buck and Eddie all of the love interests are presented to us with something wrong with them. Shannon never had a fighting chance because she left and Eddie himself was never sure about her, Eddie was dating Ana and Marisol because he thought he had to, and I'm not even gonna go there with Kim. Abby breaks every possible protocol to call Buck, and she's never in it in the same way Buck is, Taylor tries to take advantage of Bobby's addiction for her personal gain and continues to take advantage of him to get ahead, Ali is never there, Natalia is too interested in Buck's death and Tommy is callous. There's a weird metaphor in there, but the basketball scene, the way Buck hits Tommy and ricochets back and Tommy doesn't even flinch. Buck needs someone who will bend. But the show didn't even try to establish an emotional connection between the two of them, everything comes back to the physical and with a character like Buck, who was shown using sex as a bad coping mechanism, to constantly make it seem like this new relationship isn't going beyond the sex is concerning. There were better ways to imply they are having sex. Even more considering the way the show had the opportunity to make it seem like they are building some sort of emotional connection and just chose not to. Every scene we had with the 2 of them could be rewritten adding the idea that they actually care about each other beyond the attraction, and that's a choice. To go the route they went is a choice. I'm still not over the way they had Tommy not dressing up and then Eddie suggesting matching outfits in the next scene. Like, it was that easy because they showed Eddie doing it. And I don't wanna compare, but with the constant triangle formation and the way they were showing Eddie as the person who understands Buck and Tommy as the dude Buck is fucking, we have nothing happening in our screen that makes it seem like Tommy is even a little fond of Buck and all I can think about is Buck standing in front of a hot air balloon with a huge bouquet of flowers for a woman who referred to him as a boytoy. Buck deserves someone who's gone for him and none of his canon love interests gave me that impression. And they make a very explicit choice to not make that implication. They could've been something, but right now they aren't. If you just watch the show you don't know why they are dating. They are just there. And coming from a show that wrote bathena, madney, and henren, and the way that Tommy being a firefighter gives him a fighting chance because it's real easy to make him exist outside of Buck, it's on purpose.

#i think there is a wonky writing aspect #i dont think they thought bt was going to be well received and decided to capitalize on the publicity for longer #but they are not putting any effort into it #911 #911 spoilers #i really need a tag for asks #anti bucktommy #intellectual-applesauce

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regular-theodore · 8 months ago

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I've seen a few posts about the similarities between Frank and Jeff, and on the whole I think they are pretty similar, but one thing I haven't seen explored (probably because there's a total of three people in this fandom) is that Jeff is a young Frank.

I think obviously most actors have a certain vibe, or a certain character type they play often or particularly well, and Jeff and Frank are both the sarcastic straight man of their group, but there's also some traits that definitely read to me as "he still has issues but he's getting better."

(essay below the cut)

I think one of the first things people could notice is that Frank is a silly little guy! Jeff overall (light heartedly) makes fun of the rest of the study group's shenanigans, before sometimes eventually relenting (this happens often in the end credits with Troy and Abed, when he at first rolls his eyes at them before reluctantly joining in and actually having fun). on the other hand, despite Frank's gruff exterior at first, he doesn't hesitate to have fun with his coworkers, and is seen getting very enthusiastic about it- for example, the licence plate game or the animal metaphor game.

obviously both characters' sarcasm and tendencies to use it as a coping mechanism/way of pushing people away. with Jeff it's addressed at times how he's distant, afraid of commitment, afraid of having friends, and other things. however, probably because Animal Control is much shorter, or has a more light-hearted tone, but it's never really addressed seriously by the characters other than in jokes how he's cold or distant.

adding to that, one noticeable difference is how open Frank is about craving intimacy. in the episode with the cats, Victoria makes fun of him for being old and alone, and in the episode with the gardening girl, he mentions that all he wants is to skip to a relationship, and to have someone to sit at home and be domestic with (paraphrasing because I can't be arsed). while Jeff on the other hand is very closed off, putting up a facade of not caring, going on a lot of dates, and generally doing all the parts that Frank hates; casual sex, dating, and shying away the moment it becomes something more serious. to me, this definitely screams character development- Frank gets over his issues with intimacy, probably through therapy or experience or age, and is burnt out from a twenties and thirties full of casual dating, which at heart, was never what he really wanted. this allows him to become far more open about how he truly just wants his person.

another thing on the topic of healing relationships is Jeff and Frank's daddy issues. in Community, it's far more obvious, as there's several episodes centred around Jeff's father and his relationship with him, and it's mentioned enough that it's obvious he still struggles with his dad's leaving as a kid. as opposed to Frank, who never mentions it apart from when actually sees his dad. when Jeff visits his dad, it's an entire episode thing, but when Frank sees his dad, it's at most a five minutes at the end of an episode. this shows Frank's moving on, and managing to focus less of his life around a father that doesn't care.

throughout Community, Jeff struggles with alcohol issues, which are somewhat addressed in the GI Joe episode. he drinks a fair amount and is even referred to as an alcoholic by other characters. in Animal Control, this is again far less severe, and while he is shown drinking several times, and it is joked about by Victoria, it comes across as far more teasing and less concerned. this honestly seems to be a general theme (he says as if this is based off anything at all and not just a coincidence) and it shows with Frank's relationship with food as well. obviously Jeff has some pretty fucked up self hatred and most likely an eating disorder, whereas Frank is shown eating pretty much whatever he wants, to the point where things like him eating Amit's ice cream sandwich or talking about the panini maker become pretty regular.

but also the part in the episode with the gardening girl, when he says he wants to skip to the part where they are "binging shows and gaining weight together" (so real of him) I think summarises his entire arc pretty perfectly, as since Greendale he's not only healed his relationship with food and his body, but he's accepted that what he wants in a partner is pretty much the opposite of what he thought he did before- almost "overcorrecting" to the point where characters no longer make fun of him for his commitment issues and casual dating, but now tease him for his domesticity and pathetic lonely yearning for someone to be his.

so yeah, this was a lot of rambling and projecting and making completely baseless assumptions but it was fun to write :3 I should do more character essays, especially about Jeff because he's so me. hopefully I get my Frank healing arc before I'm in my fifties <3

#community tv show #jeff winger #frank shaw #animal control fox #joel mchale #character essay #silly #long post #nbc community

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chaifootsteps · 1 year ago

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You know how i cope with the fact that Helluva Boss is "wasted potential: the show"? By gaslighting myself into tinking thats not an actual cartoon, but a fanfic of one better adult cartoon from another universe:

In some other paralel universe, there is an aclaimed adult Cartoon that aired in adult swim from the early 2000's, called "Helluva Job", wich follows the wacky adventures or 4 demons, all very different in personalities and have a hard time working together, triying to get out of their miserable life as the lowest class of demons in hell by working on killing humans in exchange of money from those who commision them those murders.

Every episode its about them trying to get their new target, a premise thats kinda repetitive but the show manages to make it fresh avaery episode with its creativity.

It had a wacky absurd humor that doesnt take itself seriously, sometimes based on very silly and cartoony things happening to the protagonists, it also had a very, VERY dark humor that would make kinda fucked out jokes about taboo themes (kinda like drawn together), wich made many people belive that the show "didnt age well" despite still being hilarous. It also had some sexual humor, but it was very limited and always with clever jokes that arent just the characters screaming the names of genitals.

Robo-Fizz, The Cherubs and Verosika are some of the recurring villains that where remembered for having neat designs very charismatic personalities. Even the people that never saw the show know them and loves them.

The show was also know for having a lot of criticism of capitalism and rich people hidden behind clever dark humor, that didnt distract from the sillines of its show.

Stolas is just a recurring joke of "that one creepy old man Blitzo sleep with because he is rich and has to do it to keep his job", he never gets more than 4 minutes on screen and its always him being an steriotypical rich asshole who abuses his power and makes gross comments to Blitzo (and he is very classist and racist). Stella is just the woman thats married to him and she tries to be a decent wife, but she is clearly annoyed with him and clearly she just waiting for him to ask divorce.

Stolas also dies in the finale of the show when a metor falls over him, Blitzo celebrates this in the most childish and exagerated (but also extremely funny) way possible.

The art style was like a combination between Clone High and Dexter's laboratory, with the use of exagerated shapes to form its cgaracters. And the animation was just decent, but its praised over the character designs, wich are simple yet efective and creative

The show got 2 seasons and those were enough, it was remembered as one of the darkerst yet funniest cartoons that ever aired on adult swim, and how people still rewatching it years later.

Meanwhile, Vivziepop is some popular artist in the fandom of that show thats know because, for some reason, she got obsessed with Stolas fucking Blitzo, and she insist that their relationship is the most beautiful thing ever, and hates Stella for some headcanons she created about her.

She wrote the know fanfic "Helluva Boss" wich is basically her mischaracterising every character into becoming this really boring, flavourless version of themselves and get reducted to one aspect of their personality. And her trying to gaslight us into thinking that Blitzo and Stola's relationship was some misunderstood tragic wholesome romance, because "Stolas actually loved him!". Almost everyone in the fandom makes fun of this fanfic.

Extremely valid, Anon. To get by in this bitch of a world, sometimes you've just got to gaslight yourself a little.

#Anonymous #helluvs boss mention #actual blog post

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begitalarcos · 4 months ago

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Hey Guys

Wow it's been quite some time. In regards to my last life post (that I don't remember making) but did happen and was very difficult to deal with all the fall out for like... more than a month after.

I'm sorry I left you all with that and then just disappeared again. Things have been weird the last couple months... to put it in simple words... shit sucks

The falling out with my daughter caused a huge rift between several people who (were not involved but still had a very loud opinion about things) and quite a few uncomfortable conversations.

I unfortunately started drinking as a way to deal with not dealing with things (I'm good now but I had about 3 weeks of just being smashed on the regular) and during that time I suffered an awful fall which resulted in me slipping a disc in my back. Possibly 2 of them but I've had such a hard time dealing with doctors lately that no one in the medical field has been particularly helpful. So I've been living off a cocktail of painkillers for almost 2 months now (which I hate), I was going to physio but then my insurance decided not to cover my sessions until I could PROVE I was actually hurt.

Tomorrow I go for an assessment with a new doctor to try and get my insurance to cover treatment again, my MRI isn't even until August of next f*cking year. -_-

Our healthcare system is an absolute joke right now.

On top of being in CONSTANT pain (not being able to sit or lie down for very long either cuz I lose feeling in my legs) my daughters disability/mental health program has decided to just... not help anymore until she gets a new assessment. Even though its been almost 3 years and she's still on a waiting list for an adult psychiatrist.

So the last week or so now everyone is coming back to me to try and fix/smooth things out again (after I was basically pushed out of her life because I was "making shit up" and "didn't actually care" and apparently was just being a control freak) and no one has apologized for the way they treated me or forced me out of helping my own kid. Nope. They just expect that now that she has no financial coverage that I should be the one to speak for her again cause they have no idea what to do. -_-

My husband has been solid thankfully, even though his relationship with Sassy has suffered so much because of the people around her who have influenced her... not always for the better. But I at least have maintained a sense of control in a way that's worked for me.

I told everyone who has given me grief for the past couple years about Sassy (including Sassy) that if I am going to advocate for her and get this stuff sorted out that I'm doing it my way, and if I get any push back or flack from anyone - then I'm done. They can figure it out themselves and I wash my hands of it all.

My husband thinks I shouldn't have gotten involved again at all, but I know (and I knew things were gonna blow up eventually) if I don't fix this... its gonna become my problem again anyways.

This past month or so I've had some really good breakthroughs with my therapist about my toxic coping skills, people pleasing and lack of boundaries with family members.

I feel better about things though than I ever have and now that I am standing firm with my boundaries and my convictions its been much easier for me to deal with any gaslighting or potential drama that people have tried to start up with me.

I know this got super long winded and I didn't intend for it to be as rambling and trauma dumpy as it was but - it is good to get things out and clear the air. As I feel like I sort of left an air of weirdness here for quite sometime.

Working on getting back to the things that I enjoy and stop becoming immersed in other peoples drama and things that I can't change.

I've missed you guys and crikey has Tumblr changed since I've been away. But I'm hopeful and I look forward to getting back into fandoms and gif sets and all those things I loved so much again <3

much love to you all

#begita #life update #tw: alchohol mention

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nemaliwrites · 1 year ago

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i finally got around to reading "Rappaccini's Daughter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne and now i have Dahlia Thoughts™

Rappaccini's Daughter, according to the Ace Attorney wiki, is where the inspiration for Dahlia's last name comes from. I read it with my Fandom Goggles on, and not to get too english class here, but....we're about to get pretty english class

For those of you who haven't read it, it's a gothic short story abt a medical researcher whose experiments with poisonous plants result in his own daughter, Beatrice, becoming poisonous. The man who falls in love with her slowly learns the truth about her nature and struggles to cope with it.

"Am I awake? Have I my senses?" said he to himself. "What is this being? Beautiful shall I call her, or inexpressibly terrible?"

A large portion of our MC's internal narration heavily revolves around the idea of one's appearance vs their nature. He refers to the garden as "an Eden of poisonous flowers". When he shuns Beatrice for what she is, she tells him that even though her exterior is poisonous, her soul is pure.

This is a direct contrast to Dahlia, who Phoenix refers to multiple times as an "angel". And, needless to say, her soul is quite the opposite.

But the one thing the story makes clear about Beatrice is that she is, at the end of the day, a victim of her circumstances - in the same way that Dahlia arguably is as well. The MC's realization of the truth comes like this: he realizes that because Beatrice has been raised in the presence of poison, she has become poisonous herself -> i feel like I don't even need to relate this back to Dahlia at this point, it kind of slaps you in the face.

Beatrice confronts her father, too, and asks why he inflicted this miserable curse on her; but he is adamant that he hasn't done anything wrong.

"Wouldst thou, then, have preferred the condition of a weak woman, exposed to all evil and capable of none?"

He claims it's anything but misery to be as terrible as you are beautiful, to have the power and strength against which no enemy can prevail -> does that not give you big Morgan vibes

At the end, she takes an antidote given to her, believing that it will cure her of her poison - but because she's been so inextricably tied w the poison, there's no curing her anymore.

To Beatrice,--so radically had her earthly part been wrought upon by Rappaccini's skill,--as poison had been life, so the powerful antidote was death

The comparisons to Dahlia are interesting, I think, in that the 'poison' can be used as a metaphor for literally anything else. If we stick with the whole 'you can't escape from your nature and whatever you are raised in the presence of is something you can't separate from yourself anymore', then in a way Dahlia is the exact opposite of Beatrice. One actively fights against and rejects her nature, isolating herself from the entire world, while the other accepts it wholeheartedly. It also can be used to draw further comparisons between Beatrice's father and Morgan: one purposefully molded his daughter to fit his desired image, while the other actively was not involved, but still led to the same end result.

Beatrice's tragedy is that she's aware of her poisonous nature and hates it. She tells Giovanni, her love interest, "I am poisonous! I am deadly! I am like the fatal basilisk that slays with a glance!" She's a prisoner of her father's making, a living weapon who longs for normalcy. Dahlia, on the other hand, embraces her poisonous nature. She uses her charm like a weapon, manipulating everyone around her. There's no longing for normalcy with her; she revels in the chaos she creates.

"Thou hast filled my veins with poison! Thou hast made me as hateful, as ugly, as loathsome and deadly a creature as thyself--a world's wonder of hideous monstrosity!"

And, unwillingly, Beatrice ends up passing on her poisonous nature to Giovanni - and now he's forced to live with this curse. What, then, does that say about Phoenix...?

#ace attorney #ace attorney meta #dahlia hawthorne #phoenix wright #morgan fey #aa3 #trials and tribulations #rappaccini's daughter #nathaniel hawthorne #i mostly did this in preparation for the 'dahlia is literally poison' fic i will write one day hehe #the draft for that fic is literally #“something something morgan feeds dahlia and iris poison so they become poisonous”#“they blame her for it and dahlia starts killing ppl because that feels like the only way she can take that power back”#and like a lot of notes about vishakanyas #especially because in mythology they were usually used as assassins 👀#dahlia unleashing her poison powers trying to assassinate mia and/or maya?#using her poison powers to kill diego instead of the poison in his coffee? 👀#also i didn't even add this bc it felt obvious but like....poison being dahlia's main weapon of choice in canon #nemali writes #nem gets meta

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positivelybeastly · 1 year ago

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Is the krakoan era X-Men the most unlikable interation of X-Men?

"I - don't think that's fair to say about them. From what I understand, they put all of their hopes on the establishment of a new country, joined everyone together under one roof, and then . . ."

He'd never seen anything like it. The sheer amount of carnage. He didn't even know most of the people he'd seen being torn apart in the footage, but that hadn't stopped him wanting to throw up when he'd seen them being . . . God, and then, when Bobby . . . he'd dragged his hands down his face and wanted to wail.

Who could do that to Bobby of all people?

The short, glib answer is that Chuck Austen's run of X-Men continues to exist, so by default, no-one can be as unlikable as them.

But the long answer is that the Krakoan X-Men aren't really the X-Men for a lot of that era, and, in their hurry to enjoy the fanfic-esque tropical island paradise setting that Krakoa presents, the fandom forgets just how . . . weird, and culty, the island actually is.

Hey, do you wanna know something semi-embarrassing about me? I only read House of X yesterday. I've only ever read the finer details on other Wiki pages and the occasional plot synopses, never actually read the issues themselves, and . . .

It's fucking creepy, man.

I had an instant negative reaction to the weird shit to do with resurrection, and I just, was not comfortable. The way Cyclops was all creepy about Franklin Richards, acting like they have more claim on him than his actual birth family? I'm sorry, dude, that's fucking whacked out.

Like, I'm sorry, I think that mutant sovereignty is an absolute must and a mutant nation is a narrative necessity, but Krakoa's been fucking creepy and weird and cult-y since moment one.

The weird rituals about resurrection, the whole dying in combat to earn your powers back bullshit, the vilification of Scarlet Witch, everything that went down in LaVelle's Sabretooth books, the Quiet Council and X-Force (full stop, just - in general), the casual sex leading to popping out babies you just LEAVE ON THE FUCKING GROUND?

It's a fucked up society. It's dystopian. You conquered death, and guess what? That never ends well. Suddenly you have to redefine life's meaning, and they chose to make it just fucking around and being weirdos, and, like, sure, that's a mood, but it's also not particularly heroic, and it's very significant that it takes a while for the X-Men to reform as an actual hero team because, well, they decided to give up on protecting a world that hated and fear them for a bit there.

But that's in-universe. Out of universe?

They just aren't putting in the time to service the relationships between the characters properly, and a lot of the time, when those moments do happen, it's become extremely clear that almost everyone on Krakoa is a self-obsessed narcissist with increasingly toxic levels of coping with it.

Think about Kate Pryde just completely fucking flubbing her chance to spot that Piotr Rasputin was under mind control, think about Storm just fucking off to Mars and abandoning everything on Earth, think about what happens to Orphan-Maker at the end of Hellions, think about LITERALLY EVERYTHING to do with X-Force - this is not a healthy society.

And that's a good story.

But it feels like at some point, they just kinda forgot about the fucked up shit and decided nah, this is just paradise, this is great, let's sand off the edges. Like, when Jean tells Firestar to just throw X-Force Beast under the bus to make her cover better during the Hellfire Gala, it's read by so many people as this girlboss OMG SLAAAAAAY moment, but . . . you . . . guys do realise that, like . . . that's fucked up, right? You do realise what that moment means?

"You should invoke Beast's reputation as a butcher of humans and a genocidal maniac and a massive lying piece of shit, WHICH I KNOW ABOUT AND HAVE DONE NOTHING ABOUT, and in fact, I'm going to validate his work because it's useful to me now!"

Like, X-Force Beast would tell Jean that she did EXACTLY the right thing in that moment, would welcome it, compliment her on her cunning, and if that's not a sign that you fucked up, that your moral priorities are completely and utterly fucked, then I don't know what to tell you, man.

#vinial453 #verse: I wait to wake #outofmuffins

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meraki-yao · 9 months ago

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20 Questions For Fic Writers ✒️

I have a bit of time between now and my consultation for my essay so I’m finally answering these! Thank you to @luainthewild and @typicalopposite for the tags!!!!

How many works do you have on ao3?

13 right now! I’m a baby fic writer lol I only started in 2022 as a coping mechanism from university fucking me up, but I’m fully in love with it now. It’s so good to get back into writing for myself after writing for school and exams according to a marking scheme for so long.

What's your total ao3 word count? 43,982!

What fandoms do you write for?

浪浪钉 LLD (The collective ship name for the main ship Wenzhou and the rps Junzhe), Shadowhunters (mostly Show canon but I do have book canon fic ideas in my drafts), RWRB

I have a Sanders Sides Hadestown AU in my drafts too but that’s been gathering dust there for a while😅

Top five fics by kudos:

I’d Hang the Moon for It to Shine on Him Sleeping (RWRB)

I Need Comfort (But I Hate Being Comfortable) (RWRB)

Dancing Under Red Skies (Shadowhunters)

Take Me Out and Take Me Home (Shadowhunters)

Achilles Come Down (Shadowhunters)

Do you respond to comments?

Not really, mostly because I have no idea how to handle compliments🫠

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I’d say my first fic? Four Times Love Meant Sacrifice and the One Time It Didn't Need To, because that was literally four ships with a bad ending (or at least endings presented as bad) with one final happy ending ship. But otherwise I mostly stick with happy endings, or at least hopeful endings

But I will say my WIP that I posted on Wednesday is gonna break that record and have the angsiest ending, because it’s about Arthur Fox’s cancer diagnosis and Henry’s emotional journey through that point of his life

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I’d say most of them are fairly happy? But I do think I do hopeful endings more.

Probably Can I Have This Dance? It ends with Alex and Henry dancing around in the Texas family house after the election

Do you get hate on fics?

So far so good, no, and I’m hoping it stays that way 🥹

Do you write smut?

Very, very tame. The most explicit thing I’ve written is The Word of Your Body, which is a RWRB Movie Paris scene fic. It’s very tame, but writing the main event gave me such a crisis

Craziest crossover:

I don’t think I’ve done a crossover? Between fandoms, that is. And I don’t think I’ll ever plan to? Unless you count what I did for Four Times Love Meant Sacrifice and the One Time It Didn't Need To because I was mixing the actor’s characters from different projects and shipping them together (which is a really prominent thing in the LLD/JZ fandom)

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, not that I know of

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but with my growing interest in translation, I am thinking of translating some of my own fics, starting with the LLD (since that’s a dominantly Chinese fandom to began with)

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, not yet!

All time favorite ship?

Aw, you can’t make me choose, that’s impossible!

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have way too many ideas in my RWRB draft box, so there’s a lot of doubt there

But for fics I actually already started, it’s a song fic on “I’ll Cover You” from Rent for Junzhe. I was like 40% done with the draft, but the last time I touched it was in 2022.

It’s supposed to be a sort of exploration on cross-dressing and femineity which started because I was pissed at the government’s “Anti-sissy” declaration, and Zhehan (one part of the ship, but don’t search him online yourself a lot of shit happened and there’s massive misinformation everywhere about him) was really loved and known for his perceived femininity after holding a dominantly masculine image for most of his career. The gender neutrality in his style during and after Word of Honor suited him better, and I wanted to write about that

What are your writing strengths?

Descriptive writing and character studies, which is why most of my fics are either putting visual media into words, or missing scenes, or canon compliant

What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue and anything regarding movement and action, so choosing to write a Tangled AU for the RWRB Big Bang is a challenge I set for myself

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Be careful with it, and be respectful. (and of course, if it’s Chinese, I will be extra critical)

First fandom you wrote in?

Lang Lang Ding/Junzhe! Or if you categorize according to AO3 tags, Word of Honor RPF

Favorite fic you've written?

Eh, I’m pretty happy with most of my fics but I’ll go with I’d Hang the Moon for It to Shine on Him Sleeping, The Word of Your Body and Achilles Come Down

No pressure tagging @o0anapher0o @pippin-katz @lfg1986-2 @noemiettedraw @thinkof-england

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #rwrb movie #firstprince #rwrb fic #junzhe #word of honor #junzhe fic #malec #shadowhunters #malec fic #meraki writes #tag game #ask game #meraki fic

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diabolicalcunt · 8 months ago

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I feel the need to pin this cause I’ve always been notorious for people loving me when they first meet me, and then finding out that my political views are not extremely liberal. So here’s all the reasons you will hate me once you get to know me. Or not. I honestly don’t care I’m just sick of the ‘You aren’t who I made you out be in my head!’ conversations.

So my unpopular opinions in no order-

1. They/them is something that’s being encouraged by big brother to see yourself as non or less human.

2. DID isn’t real and you just disassociate a specific way. I look like I’ve been drugged cause I fall down ‘inside’ myself like a well and have no reaction time and can barely speak. I’m like a sloth. You pretend to be a anime character. It’s just coping.

3. The concept of trans genocide is fear mongering by big brother and means to keep boundaries between social groups.

4. To build off 3, the push to medically transition underage children is a move by big pharmaceutical companies to create a permanent customer. Because whether you decide to stay transitioned or de transition, you’re going to be on medication for the rest of your life whether you like it or not. There’s also the whole issue with child exploitation. You’ll be judgmental against Dance Moms, but you won’t say anything about a mom who transitioned her child when they were two years old and made them a social media star.

5. Trans men and women who have been charged with a crime belong in LGBT prison wings. Because we have created a culture where male rapists can put on its dress and be rewarded with a permanent stay in the hen house where they can victimize more women and the system will just cry transphobia and call the victims liars. You got a problem with that? I have never seen a trans man pushing to get put in men’s prison. I wonder why… 😐

6. Blair White is queen.

7. I will fight Henry Cavill on sight. I don’t give a shit how bad you want motorboat him. He’s a fucking pedophile.

8. Same goes for David Bowie. When I get to the afterlife I’m gonna make him wish he could die again. Ask me if you want my full on sight list. 😂

9. I stand with Palestine. Yes I think Islam is a horrible religion that is anti woman. I still don’t think kids should die for the grievances of adults and I think it’s fucked up Israel is doing the same shit Nazis did to them and expect us to nod and smile!

10. Qu**r is just as much of a slur as f*g*t or n*gg*r. I don’t use it and if you do I will block you no questions asked. Say gay! Say lesbian! Say…bisexual! 😱

11. Butch women are valid as fuck and I adore y’all . They aren’t trans men, fuck your lesbian phobia.

12. To build off 11, the new LGBT movement has been infected by woke homophobia and the new trans movement is nothing but conversion therapy in a mask.

13 . Radical feminists are women’s last hope.

14. Marvel movies always sucked, we were just kids and ate up the pretty colors.

15. Dune is a white male savior story.

16. Your fave is not autistic, trans, gay or whatever. You just need validation cause you have no confidence.

17. The Boys should have never cast Jensen Ackles and the Supernatural fandom needs psychological help.

18. Too many of y’all try to primp and posture as the gods of your fandom and yes I say that as someone who did the same and stepped away when I realized how cringe I was. Lording over autistic adults and actual children is pathetic. Get therapy and a real hobby.

19. While gender neutral fanfiction has its place. The trend that all fanfiction needs to be gender neutral is literally killing the creativity and frankly the spice to fanfiction. I hate this trend where piece of media needs to be sterilized so it can be consumed by anyone, even people just passing by. It goes against the concept of creating at its core. Sometimes things are made for specific groups. Sometimes it’s made just for you. The things you create do not need to be sanitized to the point there’s no substance, just a hollow consumption. Think of it this way. Would you rather have a hot pizza of your preference or would you prefer to just drink a bowl of water because someone on the other side of the world might not like pizza?

20. The WWE Divas belt was iconic. I get the whole take women wrestlers seriously movement and I agree! But god damn it, it’s a Bratz belt!!! Gimme!!!!!

21. I fucking HATE koalas. They literally only exist because humans have dumped millions of dollars and keeping them alive. If natural selection were allowed to take his course, they would’ve died off 100 years ago. The food they consume has so little nutrition that they have evolved to have the smallest brain to cranium capacity of any animal to create a built in helmet!! Why? Cause they are so stupid they literally fall out of trees and drop their infants!!! They shit on their young and have permanent diarrhea due to the 0 nutrition thing. They carry chlamydia. They’re so fucking stupid they can’t fuck and have to be artificially inseminated to continue the population. If I couldn’t get laid on my own, the government would not drop millions of dollars into making sure I do!! So why did koalas get it? Literally a waste of resources that could be going to feed thousands of hungry children and instead we’re keeping a fucking retarded (I’m on the spectrum fuck you) animal alive who should have gone extinct hundreds of years ago cause it’s supposedly ‘cute’!! God! I hate koalas!

#get to know me #unpopular opinion

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lemonhemlock · 2 months ago

Text

bg3 anon!

i would have replied sooner but... well, you know. i didn't want to be on any sites at all, truthfully, so i've basically only been playing a bit and looking at build videos, some limited stuff on the bg3 subreddit, that sort of thing. i'm just... so tired.

anyway. i'm currently out of the underdark and investigating rosymourn monastery. i did all the underdark quests (i think) but did not take the elevator to Moonrise Towers because i wanted to explore as much as i could.

" Yeah like with all due respect because I don't want to sound offensive or god forbid try to diagnose people I don't know in real life, but many Astarion fans (plus a few others in the fandom) need to seek out a good therapist. It's clear many use this character as an emotional crutch to cope with the problems and traumas they have which in theory should be fine but after interacting with them it's obvious they are not doing so in a healthy manner.

It's understandable to identify with a fictional character and it's normal to use fiction as escapism but they take it so, so far that they just can't differentiate the actual canon between what they projected onto him anymore. Some unfortunately also have the habit to (un)intentionally trauma dump onto everyone else and constantly use phrases like "As a survivor…" likely to guilt you in order to sell their own interpretation of the text as the only valid one. After all, if a survivor tells you something it means it must be true and moreover, it's shitty of you to contradict them, you know? If you try to politely argue against them, they lose their marbles and hit back with "just say you hate survivors". It doesn't even matter if you are also a survivor who may or may have not decided to come out as in a fandom space (why would we though, many of us are private persons).

I had witnessed similar behavior in the HOTD fandom where antis were employing similar tactics when trying to harass people for shipping incest, claiming they are were a danger to real survivors like themselves without knowing that many of those who were targeted by their horrible behavior were also survivors who simply chose to interact with problematic media because it's a safe environment that allows you to control the outcome. Not everyone is the same nor are survivors a monolith, in the end it's on your own responsibility to curate your fandom experience.

So, so true. The weaponisation of trauma survival as a means to lord over people in fandom spaces is such a creeping blight in online discourses and serves no one. It alienates fans and traps the perpetrators in an echo chamber from which they themselves might have trouble healing. And this whole nonsense is not even about enjoying the Ascendant storyline or writing fic about it (anyone can do that and entertain themselves or find a form of catharsis), simply about insisting on it being the good and non-abusive ending. The bar is in hell!

The self-insert nature of the game doesn't help either, you can tell most of them self-insert into their Tavs. This isn't a problem in itself, but when you express a negative opinion about some of the things you can do it in the game, they will take it as a personal attack because that's what they would've chosen to do had the situation been a real scenario (hope this makes sense!). I know this sounds crazy and again it's more of a personal opinion, but I think it explains a lot of their behavior.

I get what you mean and I do think there is a strong urge at play here to "justify" oneself and one's choices. Similar to how, in the HotD fandom, we had so many people siding with Rhaenyra automatically because she is a woman and of course women should get to rule and are not wrong ever.

But, in truth, I actually wager that some of them would truly, really NOT make the same choices if this were actual real life somehow, they're just blending fiction with reality in an unhealthy way. Like, if a fey creature showed up and asked to drink their blood, pretty please, they would most likely say no, like any normal person in that situation. Because the threat would then be immediate and not diminished by the safety blanket of fiction. "Realistically"-speaking, this is a strange man you don't know, who threatened you with a dagger at your neck just a few days ago, who's not even particularly nice to you and is rather obviously out for himself. No, I don't really believe even the wives would be so eager to indulge him if this were a real scenario. So, it's all the more embarrassing to be stirring shit up and making discourse out of nothing.

And, you know, it's FINE if you want daddy dom Astarion to ravish your delicate flower self and what-not, but there's really no need to find ethical worth in a horny fantasy, nor is that something achievable! Nor does it have to reflect back to one's moral character. There's no shame in finding the handsome vampire hot! Just have fun with it.

But these wives are forgetting that, just because someone is charming and dandified, it doesn't translate into sound judgment or moral worth, not in real life and not even in fiction. He can be very charismatic and still unable to make the best choices for himself.

Also, while there isn't a definite canon in BG3 since it's an RPG game and your playthrough is your playthrough and what someone else chooses to do in theirs doesn't mean it's something that applies to yours, when analyzing Astarion (or anyone else) as a character you have to take all dialogue options into consideration to reach an informed, valid conclusion. You shouldn't cherry pick the dialogue option(s) that's more likely to validate your preferred interpretation, that's now how it works. The AA situation is a good example of it: it's true that by choosing the loving options where you don't cross him, you can perhaps say he is loving partner but it's also true he will be awful and show his true colors if you go against him. Likewise, just because you do not choose to break up with him, it doesn't make his refusal to let you go away after the tadpoles are gone ("your future is mine to decide") is any less valid. In conclusion, yes, he does become abusive if he ascends. Constantly stepping on eggshells around your partner and only saying what he wants to hear from you is a sign of the relationship turning abusive, if it hasn't already.

Yeah, this is so true and I've had one of these lines already. The first time in the goblin camp I refused to give him a tadpole and he went all feral cat on me (and this was after he came onto me!! the knave!!). But when I did my second playthrough, I thought I'd make Mirta a little bit of an avatar for the Beholding / Eye (since I already gave you The Magnus Archives podcast link, it's one of the fear entities the show is about. this one in particular deals with things like scopophobia, the absolute terror of being known, of being judged or the pure experience of fear or of the unknown). So, she'd be a little like "oh, so you insist on being an absolute idiot? Might as well get a little entertainment out of this" and hand him just enough rope to hang himself with (you know, the kind of morbid curiosity that lends itself to terrible things sometimes). And so, I told him he could have the tadpole and he was all polite smiles and smug demeanor. Pompous prick!!! 🙌

It does seem to me that this part of the game is kind of broken, or at least not integrated enough, because 1. I don't think it's fair that you can ingest even a couple of extra tadpoles with no consequences (this is my understanding at least) and 2. I didn't get any approval or disapproval points from him. He just said that he'll pop one out of my backpack later. Now, I know he's not going to rummage through my stuff and steal it, like, I actually have to make him take one mechanically if I want his Illithid menu activated, so it was purely for show. But it feels rather empty, still.

Anyway, this is also just a game at the end of the day and its complexity is limited in that it can mimic real life, but not truly represent its quagmires, because character development is not linear for living, breathing people. So, I definitely agree that AA harping at Tav and biting back whenever he encounters the slightest resistance is meant to be a Red Flag, but irl sometimes, when you navigate a difficult situation with the "right" conversation, it allows the person to calm down and even grow from that experience. Like, they can later reflect on their bad behaviour and how wrong they would have been to lash out if they didn't hear what they wanted in that moment. But this is obviously something that doesn't really translate that well to becoming an immortal vampire lord with superpowers or whatever - like, by that point, they're too far gone to be able to interrogate their wrongs. But it could, perhaps, apply to Act 1 stuff when everything is still very raw from their trauma and still indulging in unhealthy coping mechanisms.

I want to add something rather surprising I've noticed about some wives. There are a few of them in the fandom who even claim to have degrees in literature (one is even teaching English literature at a university) and complain constantly about the state of media literacy in the fandom, the puritan culture that's been sweeping up fandoms lately…yet when you see their take on Astarion, ugh, they are the types who genuinely believe the ascension is his good path and that he 100% turned Tav into a vampire bride. Like how??? I won't elaborate further but yeah…I'll just add that your average gamerbro who likely hasn't read more than two books in his entire life never had such issues in getting the actual message of Astarion's story. They may not like his character (quite the opposite) or paid any particular attention to him and his romance, but at least they immediately understood ascension isn't his good path.

Yeah, when your garden-variety basement-dweller gamebro has a better understanding of the basic "good v evil" divide in a piece of media, it's time to rethink the tuition fees you paid for that literature diploma. :))

Ridiculous to think because, even IF Ascended Astarion was the consummate gentleman and the most loving waifu on the face of the earth, how is it helping anyone to bring another vampire into existence? By definition, vampires prey on other living creatures, it's parasitic and hurtful and frightening. They bring misery and problems into any community. Why would you even want to become one? And, again, even if it's like a fantasy kink or something, it would be detrimental to everyone else living nearby! We used to live in a society! It's just so harmful to your fellow man!

All of them have some baggage but he's certainly the one with most of it. It gets worse when you realize that's all he has ever known considering he can't remember his life as a mortal/elf (he "died" at 39 years old), having lost most of his memories because of the amount of torture and trauma (although in D&D lore vampirism itself could be another cause behind the memory loss). He can't even remember his face or the color of his eyes. When you confirm/ commit to the relationship with him in act 2, if you decide to friendzone him he'll tell you he's happy to have a friend because he can't remember ever having one. :( Being with Tav is really his both his first actual friendship and/or romantic relationship if going forward that route. I'm sure he had friends and lovers when he was alive, but it's irrelevant since all those memories are lost.

Yeah, this is what I mean, he's really had an awful turn. Two centuries of that! It's admirable he still has his wits about him and can function. But he needs A LOT of therapy (or the Faerun equivalent). He told me about not even remembering the colour of his eyes or what he even looks like anymore. Which ties a lot into the loss of personhood. If you don't know anything about yourself, what kind of life is that? What would he even like to do in a normal life, if given the chance? The only thing he knows is that he wants the pain and degradation to stop. Or to know that no one in your former life cared enough to try to help Elves, for example, live a very long time, even in DnD and he "died" very young for an elf, so his parents must still be alive. Where are they? Do they even care that their son is condemned to eternal torment? (I know they're probably absent because the writers wanted him with no attachments for story reasons, but, still, if you want to RPG properly, it must suck to think about it).

Which by the way, some Astarion fans hate it when you say that perhaps he needs a friend rather than a lover. It's okay not to vibe with his romance anymore guys!! But they've treated some people so awfully when they dared to say they prefer this option, as if everyone's opinion was in bad faith (the "you are just infantilizing survivors" type)…they should realize not everyone wishes to roleplay a character who got themselves into a situation where someone only started to have sex under false pretenses (he wanted protection so you wouldn't throw him away like you correctly pointed out), nor should they feel guilty into going forward with the relationship just because Astarion will feel bad about it. He's also happy if you remain friends! Just because he is now in a relationship with Tav, this doesn't mean all his issues will disappear, nor will they go away once Cazador is dead. You don't heal in an instant from centuries of constant abuse, torture, mind control and sexual trafficking. Also, just because he doesn't ascend and remains a spawn doesn't mean his relationship with Tav is actually 100% healthy and without issues, at least not from a modern POV or perspective.

Absolutely, not everyone wants or knows how to offer that kind of help to a romantic partner, and feeling way more comfortable to do that for a friend is understandable. It's OK to also have romance goals for your Tav, everything doesn't have to revolve around Astarion. :)) He is obviously very confused about the whole issue himself.

And, fuck buddies or not, it does sting to think that he only slept with you because he wanted your favour, because he goes out of his way to make it seem like he's over the moon about you and finding out he really doesn't rate you is unpleasant. Because it was never presented like the exchange he sees it as; not that Astarion presents it as true love or anything either, but he insists on it hinging on Tav's allure or attractiveness. And that's a delicate topic for people - no one wants to think that having sex with them is a chore.

No one's love life is something that they must sacrifice in order to "help someone out", like, that's not how it works. Your body is your body, not an instrument to cure someone's mental illness. I don't want anyone to take this the wrong way, but it's fucked up to expect that from people. Like, this person is just pretending to want to have sex with me and I'm supposed to not feel any kind of way about it? :))

Also, this is anoter fairly sensitive topic and I would not like to overstep, but I would urge anyone who is identifying with Astarion because of various disabilities or mental health issues and may feel further isolated or hurt by seeing people uncomfortable with romancing him and appeasing him to please not conflate their condition with vampirism. I think these comparisons can work to some extent, but only up to a point. I get the dependency aspect and needing a strong support system in order to manage their affliction - those are reasonable similarities that can help people identify with his character.

But vampires literally suck their victims' blood - it's not reasonable to expect the people within a settlement to be willing to offer their bodies up to feed the resident village vampire. Media often sensationalises this topic (and it's hard not to, since it doesn't exist IRL and there's really no way to tell how it could be managed by real-life people), but it doesn't take a genius to understand that it could very well be a frightening and painful experience for any such blood donor. It's often portrayed in fiction as this quasi-erotic, pleasant experience, but, as we all know, sexual acts especially can quickly turn extremely uncomfortable and traumatic in the absence of consent. Even if the person involved would theoretically consent, for the good of their community, they may very well not desire it at all and it could leave them feeling violated regardless.

This is why it's crazy for me to hear that some wives will accuse you of being 'ableist' if you'd want to find a cure for Astarion's vampirism and that you should just 'accept' him the way he is. Those two things are not the same at all! Let alone any kind of situation which leads to bringing more vampires into the world.

"Gale is most definitely NOT approaching godhood in any capacity. I could not STAND this mediocre white man overpowering ME! I am, though, debating on whether I should let Volo perform brain surgery on him. Mayhaps I will!" I think Volo's eye gives you the "See Invisibility" ability? It's useful but later own you'll find plenty of scrolls and potions of that kind. But if you want to sacrifice Gale's real eye just for the sake of it, then go for it!

Gods above, I did it for the morbid curiosity and it was just awful. Not even Gale deserves that, so I reloaded. I figured that it would be absolute blasphemy for the Beholding to take out one's eyes, so Mirta would not be on board with this. I booted Volo from my camp after I got out of the Underdark, because I wanted to at least give that fumbling idiot a living chance at least. For RPG reasons (I know he leaves anyway after the "surgery" wherever you set camp).

And, anyway.... *drumroll*... I respecc'd to lvl 4 wizard and lvl 2 bard and now I have fairy fire, which allows me to see invisibility anway so I don't need Volo's Trojan horses. Being a bard is so fun, you were so right about this, I can now play the flute(!) and have bardic inspiration as a bonus action. I also got annoyed at how much damage I'd get during fighting and switched Mirta's class to Abjuration - now she gets a cool spherical shield around her when she's hit and it's so much better!

Don't be so sure about Gale not approaching godhood! With Gale, the choice on whether or not he will become a god depends on certain dialogue options you will choose and 3. Unlike Astarion who can be convinced with a persuasion check, with Gale there's a point system behind his decision so the more options you check that lean in one direction, then that will be the result. Quite a few players actually thought they picked the right dialogue choices that would result in him not ascending to godhood but they still woke up with God!Gale in the end. We call it Sneaky God Gale lol. I won't spoil you too much, but you kind of have to push really, really hard against his stupid ideas even if he gets mad and gives disapproval.

He gets more infuriating the more I learn about him! I watched some romance scenes with him from Act 1, out of curiosity, and, gods above, he is SO smarmy. I could never. 😂

"Even if it were manipulation, I’d still do it for his own good. Dumbass needs all the help he can get. " See, if you were to post this opinion in pro AA space, the consorts would've canceled you. How dare you say you know better than him? He says he wants to ascend, do you not get that?

Here's to being his no 1 bully, first and foremost 💪

I know, right? I see where they are trying to come from when saying that it's beautiful to accept him just as he is, drawbacks included (the vampirism) but accusing people of ableism is just not it. Also, the idea of curing him and getting to live the remainder of his life in human years…I LOVE THIS. I don't think I've ever seen this headcanon from anyone!! Anyway, posting it in an Astarion fandom space will likely get you some angry fans who will say it's toxic and abusive lol.

Yeah!!! I'll give him the best human years of his loser ass life! Wizards live longer anyhow (from what I understand), so there's more than enough time for marital bliss. 🤡

"I’m also thinking I’m ready to change the difficulty to medium now (I heard I can do this mid-game). The goblin battles weren’t really challenging on easy and I am intrigued by multiclassing, which I can not do on easy. Dror, for example, was SO easy to kill, I just put Lae'zel and Karlach nearby and they made quick work out of him, he was gone by the third turn max. Elixir of Bloodlust on Karlach is insane." I think it's worth it. The game isn't hard at all on medium once you learn the basics and the multiclassing is worth it. If you want to get into that, I suggest multiclassing Astarion into Rogue/Ranger. For Rogue, I would suggest getting 4 levels in the Thief subclass because you get an extra bonus action for choosing it. The Assassin subclass is also good, but just avoid the Arcane Trickster one. Put all the rest of the levels into Ranger, specifically the Gloomstalker subclass. As for feats the most important ones for him would be +2 DEX and Sharpshooter. You can look into this build: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBREg0F0TCc - I suggest checking out his other ones as well if you need some help with other companions. You don't need to follow his exact stepts but his builds are a good starting point.

Oh, yeah, I had watched videos like that and thought it was a good idea so my Astarion is currently a lvl 3 rogue and a lvl 3 ranger. I also got a mod that gives you a feat every 2 levels, so I'm not worried about battles anymore. I'm not really one to use potions too much and I'm not going to activate the tadpole powers, so it's whatever, I'm not some overpowered demigod either way. I mostly just want to have fun during battles. So I was able to spare an Alert feat for Mirta and now she & Astarion go first almost every fight - who's a cute wittle power couple?? 🎃

" Also, there is a barn in the Blighted Village where an ogre and a bugbear are having sex. If you go there BEFORE entering the goblin camp and let Astarion interrupt them*, you get 5 bloody approval points in one go. Crazy. After that, he made his advances towards Mirta and then the sex scene triggered when I hit long rest.

*you will have to separate yourself form the rest of your party and just knock with him at the door" I thought you did that already!! Did he not ask you to let him open the door? Because when I played and romanced him he asked my Tav when she was about to open the door "please, let me do it!" . Perhaps they patched it out and now you have to do it separately with only him.

No, I had missed this! This particular barn is somehow a little off from the rest of the houses and I went past it completely. That's one of the reasons I reloaded - so many easy approval points, it was a shame to waste. Also, it was pretty funny.

"If nothing else, Halsin will be nice to have for some added flavour and the ability to play with a druid. Minthara, too, because she is a paladin and I have none in my party. Pity you can’t make Volo a companion!" Sadly, even in this regard he's not unique as you will be able to recruit ANOTHER druid in act 2 at about the same time when you can officially get him to join the party: Jaheira. She was one of the companions in BG1 and BG3 and far more interesting than Halsin. There will also be Minsc who is a ranger in act 3, another former character in the previous games. She and Minsc are good friends and they have some good content in act 3.

Unless they fixed some of this in patch 7, he is also very bugged and many of his dialogues are flagged as "flirting" despite them being innocent. At the tiefling party when talking to him you can pick any non-flirty dialogue option you want to and it won't matter. The next morning, if you talk to him again at camp you will have the option to apologize for coming so hard onto him at the party the evening before. Lmao, like when did I do that??? Later, if you later ask him how he fares at your camp he will say something about books, to which you can answer with "you'll find plenty of books, I come across them everywhere"…yeah, that's considered flirting and so is the other option if I recall correctly. And this can go on and on all the way throughout the game…In my case (and it happened to lots of other players, there are tones of complaints about it on the internet) when he finally confessed his love and I rejected him he hit back with "I thought you felt the same way, are you sure???" & "you saw to my needs at camp with the care of a lover, not a host" oh my god just go away dude because I did NOT treat you like a lover lmfao. In this instance he reminded me of those type of guys who think that just because you were nice one time, you must be attracted to them and down to fuck if given the opportunity, but when rejected they complain you were the one who led them on in the first place lmao.

In patch 6 they supposedly introduced a friendship/platonic path for him due to all the complaints but for most players it barely works considering how easy it is to accidentally flirt with him lol…very few people have managed to avoid all of this apparently by not talking to him AT ALL except the quest he gives you in act 2 and by avoiding all the dialogue options that give you a lot of approval.

Gale had similar problems at launch where he took ANY interaction with the player character as flirting, which eventually led him to confessing his love to you unprompted. It was hilarious. Fortunately they fixed it quite rapidly in the next patch which begs the question, why are they not doing it with Halsin...unless he's intentionally coded like this.

Now back to serious matters…Halsin can have a purpose in act 3. Without spoiling too much, there will be a kidnapping plot and he is one of the characters that can get kidnapped (don't worry, you'll be able to easily save anyone once you find the location). The other kidnappable companions are Gale, Lae'zel and Minthara, plus a NPC kid who will potentially join your camp. Also, no romanced companion will be taken. You can metagame your way into getting whoever you want kidnapped by leaving at camp the character you want to get rid of while having the rest in your active party. The thing is that Gale and Lae'zel have major quests in act 3 so you'd best want to keep them in your party if you don't want to fuck the result to those quests, Minthara has a past with the character who does the kidnapping (it's her former abuser) so you'd want her in your party when you go to confront them. As for the NPC…if the kid gets kidnapped, her cat will get killed no matter what you do. And that is unacceptable because no innocent animal is going to be harmed. Which leaves us with Halsin. Considering he really has nothing going on in act 3, he's the best candidate for this. Currently most fans have him kidnapped just to send him to horny jail. Many even kill him then, but I chose not to do it because if he stays alive he will take care of and raise some orphans and I don't want to take that away from them. It's a cute ending for him.

It's a pity because his character is okay if you ignore all of the issues and the fan service around him. Sadly, all Halsin does these days is ending up being a subject for discourse every two weeks or so…he also has a few annoying fans who will try to gaslight you that none of this is happening and it's your fault if you flirt with him (as if it's so easily avoidable) so…that's that.

I'm beginning to see what you mean about Halsin. I've had him in my camp for a while now and he does nothing, just stands there like a weirdo. He doesn't even have his own tent (neither do I, and I'm still salty about it). Doesn't interact with any other companions. And I can't even play with him! It really does feel like he was added as an extra thought.

I got the same experience in talking to him re: flirting. I spoke normally with him at the party because I wanted to lock my second night of passion (😂) with Astarion and the next day I had the option to act all embarrassed for flirting with him. Crazy. Now he's giving me moon eyes. :)) I don't really mind it that much since I do like him, he has a kind of rugged charm, but he's definitely not integrated in the best way in the game mechanics.

"I am so looking forward to hear her dunking on Gale." Minthara also has some nasty banters with Astarion. She says he would make a good pleasure servant in Menzoberranzan which is icky given his past lol. In another party banter she jokes about him probably having some STDs due to his decades of philandering. She is really vicious.

He'd better not have anything though!! :O Just kidding, I doubt vampires can contract and get sick from diseases.

I am so curious to see them together, since Minthussy is bound to be a dommy mommy who'd eat Astarion alive for breakfast. She should be scaring the living daylights out of him, given her background as a former Lolth-sworn drow. I learnt that they really don't treat men nicely down there. :))

In relation to this, I wish there was some options to explore the character of True Soul Nere more, since he abandoned Lolth for the Absolute and comes from a society in which he'd be a second class citizen. At one point, in one of his racist remarks, Astarion even says "I understand saving a drow, but gnomes?" And I was itching to reply something like "really? A male drow? Shouldn't they be considered weak underlings judging by your standards?" or even instill some fear of God into him, since he is also a male elf. 🫵

"Frustratingly enough, Lae'zel and Karlach have me at the lowest approval ratings in the party :)) 31 and 29, respectively. But we’ll do the creche next, so I’m hoping they’ll grow." Once you get to the Creche with Lae'zel to advance her personal quest you will gain A LOT of approval. Don't worry. But yeah Karlach was a bit hard for me, not gonna lie!

"Yes!!! Thank you!!! And, in any case, I think you can fight Raphael even if you didn’t take his deal, so I’m not missing out on anything. I think Mystra is equally lame for cavorting with (and discarding) a human like that, but groomer? Let’s bffr." You will eventually fight Raphael depending on your choices, don't worry…but you may want to deal with him in act 2 in order to help a certain pale companion, just saying! Make sure you have Astarion in your party when you reach the Last Light Inn. If you're now romancing him I guess you have him all the time, I assume?

You know, I was ready to switch him out regardless and leave his ass at home to fulfill the rotation, but he is really fun to have around, so I haven't had the heart to leave him in camp (*he was a punk, she did ballet, what more can I say* 🤡)

"Gale is NOT autistic coded, what the hell? If anything, he is privileged rich kid coded. " Fans will try to woobify their favorite characters, what's new. And yes I think Gale is indeed rich? Not filthy rich but well enough for sure.

I think I'm starting to see why they are rushing to his defense with this diagnostic - he has a tendency to ramble didactically on any given topic without stopping and I guess that COULD be interpreted as having a hyperfixation or a special interest? But Gale does possess good manners, because he can access them on a whim, apologises and stops. IDK, there's this tendency to pathologize any normal behaviour and turn it into something resembling neurodivergency that I don't think is necessary sometimes. People can just be arseholes! FFS, Gale introduces himself as Mystra's fuccboi and he will not let you forget how special and talented he is to have slept with her. Who does that??

"I did get Harold and managed to trade with the merchant. I tried to make the painter make a portrait of Astarion, as I figured it would be a nice gift for him to be able to see himself, but I could only free him. (Of course, Astarion disapproved both that and me giving him money for the road)." NO WAY YOU GAVE HIM MONEY! I REFUSE!!! I'm sorry but had you refused to do it, he would've told you he actually intended to spend the money on getting drunk. Lmaoooo. Sorry!

!!!! I thought he was going to die on the road if I didn't give him money?? 😭 You can't trust no man!!! ☠️

You will meet him again in the city though! If you successfully complete his future quest he can make you a portrait. But no companion will react to it. As for Astarion, yeah it's a missed opportunity that we can't show him what he looks like. However, Ascended Astarion will be able to see himself in the mirror and react accordingly…fuck him anyway.

Whelp....not on my watch! Not before we give him an anti-vampire vaccine like in the movie Blade. 😂

"I think I completely forgot about the shipment though! That cave is so big and I kind of lost myself picking up everything from the ground, so I don’t really know where it is? Or if I can go back? Was it where Zarys was standing?" You can loot it from Zarys' corpse if you gave it to her.

"Phew! I even had Lae'zel come onto me unprompted at the goblin camp. With 30-ish level approval!! She’s crazy lol. She gave me the “I want to taste you” line. Before that, she asked Astarion at the waypoint why he hadn’t attempted sleeping with her. After he slept with Mirta!! Lae'zel!!! " She came onto me after I killed the owlbear mother in the cave. I never got that banter with Astarion though…a lot of the party banters were bugged before patch 7. :(

Fun fact, if you aren't dating either Lae'zel or Astarion, they will hook up at the tiefling party and sleep together. By the way, if Astarion isn't available she will try to fuck Wyll. However Wyll will only want to talk, leaving her disappointed. There is also a bug where she will say to you she slept with Astarion even if you were the one to sleep with him, which led to some Astarion haters to say "see, he went to fuck someone else the moment your Tav fell asleep". Lmao.

Wyll was such a downer at the tiefling party, I gotta say. I'm having some trouble connecting with his character because he doesn't seem to get involved in anything and I don't really understand how to play warlock. It's gonna be ages until I find his dad, so I don't really know what to do with him lol.

"Yeah, I just made the decision that I don’t want to have the Illithid menu activated, even if nothing will happen if I just take 1-2 tadpoles. But, for RPG reasons, we’re doing all of this shit to get rid of them, why would I add more of them, you know?" I didn't eat any tadpoles in my first playthrough either. But I will indulge in them this time with my Dark Urge bard. He's crazy enough to do it lol. Plus, some of the abilities the tadpoles will give you are pretty great. It's just that indulging a lot in them may have some consequences…

"Right?? It would work so much better if he took it down a notch or two. Atm it’s mainly pantomime. I nearly gagged when he talked about “our mutual ecstasy”." You'll get another offer to sleep with him (but no cutscene this time) and he'll try some new lines! Watch out for them!

"I managed to knock her out and free Halsin so fingers crossed!" I hope she won't end up bugged. Before you rescue her in Moonrise Towers from the prison, make sure to make some saves. There will be others who will need saving as well!

Also I don't get why the fuck didn't Halsin transform into a rat or something and escape from the prison lol. Plot reasons, I gues? But it's stupid nonetheless.

I think I may have mentioned something about some recent Astarion discourse… There is this group of "Astarion is actually gay" fans because he acts flamboyantly and two of his former victims she was forced to seduce and bring back to Cazador were men...For many of them it's just their personal headcanon though, which is okay! But some (as well as a few others) often shit on f/m Tav/Astarion ships, headcanons, fan art and even fan fics bemoaning the fact that he's often mischaracterized in a lot of this type of content. It's also apparently heteronormative to ship Astarion with a woman or something lol, that we are delusional to think he would actually be into some of our female Tavs. Some even went as far as saying that Astarion fulfills some women's fantasies of being with a gay man and that's why we like him. Lol what? At first these people tried to excuse it "we are just curating our own fandom space, that's why we mention our dislike for f/m content and we block it on sight because we're gay!" which I fully get since it's understandable for a gay man to avoid f/m content, you know? Here's the thing though: they keep complaining about it even after supposedly blocking this stuff which begs the question: why keep talking about it so much if you hate it so much? Unless your purpose is to gatekeep the character and make women who like him feel bad about it? Because that's what it looks to me lol.

Of course some of the wives got a bit pissed and one of them even used a slur against gay men in response. It was the one I mentioned about pretending to be into a real relationship with Astarion. Anyway, at this point I don't even care this much about them getting shit and being shamed for liking their f/m Tav and Astarion ship because in the past many of these wives joined fandom mobs against others for silly reasons so in a way, it makes me feel lowkey happy they are finally getting a taste of their own medicine. Fellow wives, please do enjoy being called homophobic!!! Meanwhile think of the times you were throwing "-phobics" accusations at others!

Another ridiculous thing to fight about. :)) I mean, Astarion will sleep with you no matter your gender or race or how you look like, so I'm pretty sure he was always meant to be pansexual, all the companions were. It's so goofy to fight about this, it's in the game mechanics.

But, yeah, I understand the feeling of schadenfreude. 🙏

Now seriously complaining about fanon content it's a bit useless. When it comes to fan fic, Astarion is mischaracterized in most of it, INCLUDING m/m ships. In the end many of these authors are really young and honestly? Most are writing for themselves and what they personally like. You are not owed anything. I don't like several tropes either but I won't complain about them existing you know? I just don't read fics including them.

I also want to clarify that not every f/m Astarion ship is getting dunked on, it's mostly those ships where the woman in question doesn't fit the archetype modern fandoms think a strong, capable woman is supposed to look and act like. You've been in the HOTD fandom for long enough to see what I'm referring to lol...what type of women these fans dislike and consider weak.

By the way I'm having flasbacks to those Aemond/OC fics right now, heeelp! I admit to complaining quite a bit about those during season 1 but man...to think Aemond would betray his family to be with Rhaenyra's daughter? And the incessant Alicent bashing every other paragraph?

Yeah, I have done my fair share of complaining (hello lucemond and Rhaenyra's daughter LOL), but, like in all things, I have always been of the opinion that moderation is key here. It can be a relief to have a space to complain about all the things that annoy you and people should be allowed to talk about what they don't like as well, but, if you find that's the only thing you focus on, it's time to take a step back. I hated the Alicent-bashing myself and I'm glad I talked about it and I'm sure a lot of other things will annoy me in the future and I will also talk about them, but some people do make hateposting look like a full time job, when it's really not that serious.

Speaking of goofy HotD tropes, I was browsing the Astarion/Tav tag on AO3 and, of course, I found Tavs named Rhaenyra and Visenya, if you can believe it. I noped out so quick. 😂

I've also noticed that many BG3 bullies finally moved on to the new Dragon Age game and like I correctly predicted, they are now causing discourse over there. I am interested in the DA series but I'm not touching it as I don't want to share a fandom with these people anymore. Playing BG3 and interacting with the fandom (Twitter, reddit, Tumblr) at the height of its popularity has proved to be really tiring and by far my worst online experience.

Oh, yes, I've heard that game is causing quite a ruckus. I've been watching some clips out of curiosity with my boyfriend while eating, just for the sake of having something on the screen, but, I have to say, the fact that most of these commentators sound like incels who have not known the touch of a woman in a long time (if ever) is not helping the critical landscape. :)) Like, I've seen the ridiculous bharv (?) scene and, yes, it was cringy and I understand the game pauses many times to lecture you, but I still haven't properly understood why the game play is that bad, because they're not focusing on that and are instead frothing at the mouth at the idea that your tav can have top surgery scars, you know what I mean? The companions do sound annoying and it's silly that you can only be a goody two-shoes over there.

BONUS 1: https://imgur.com/a/72SRYya - I hope this is bait for their own sake but why do they always talk as if he is real? Not surprised though. I mean it's common even for those wives who seem normal to pretend he is real and say something like "Astarion would hate you for thinking/believing this" as if he's real. Also, him possibly hating some of my takes would be a good sign if you catch my meaning. ;)

"Tactless" - excuse me? I can't believe the way this is worded, I had to pause for a second there. 😂 "Telling someone their partner is an abuser" - he's not your partner!!! And if your partner were behaving like that, I'd hope someone in your life would tell you! Good Lord.

Yet again I'm having flashbacks to Aemond discourse when antis tried to make Helaemonds feel bad with "He loves her like a sister you freak!!! Aemond would actually hate you for shipping him with her!" yeah Aemond is also not real, hope this helps!

Ah, what a golden goose of a discourse this was! We did have some fun in our time! 🤌

BONUS 2: https://wanderingbardtoys.com/collections/astarion-the-vampire-rogue ;) Astarion inspired dildos lol

Holy godsdamned hellsssssssssssssss 😂😂😂😂😂 Why are they coloured like that????

I do have to admit, though, that these are much better than the oversized tick of a penis that toy statue of his had. The one that looks like what I imagine Jabba the Hut's "throbbing member" would look like if I were to entertain the idea and be completely insane. I was even cursed today to see a thumbnail of it when I opened the YouTube app on my phone.

EDIT: Wait a minute, I just had a look at length and girth.... Is he a man or a donkey???

Daddy's "home" - what home?? He doesn't have a house. ☠️ He's jobless.

By the feel free to ignore this if you don't feel like replying, it's okay if you only want to address a specific point. This got way too long..

No, but I do enjoy our little talks very much. It's just I wasn't really feeling like being online that much these past two weeks. I hope you're well and get to read this! 🫶

#miss lemon plays bg3 #anti astarion #anti gale

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itchose · 10 months ago

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in-depth character headcanon questions for TRAVIS | @inflame asked: what's your muse's biggest fears and what caused them?

i have so many different answers for this for different parts of his life.

pre-crash, his biggest fear is being perceived. he’s always been an outsider, always struggled to make friends / connect with anyone, but it obviously gets a lot worse after 7th grade when he has his spinal fusion surgery and starts getting bullied more heavily with the addition of the nickname flex and all the other rumors that come with it. because it’s one thing to be the kid on the outside who people just ignore in a way that’s always made him feel lonely; it’s another thing to be the kid only noticed because of a rumor being spread and a nickname people can now use to poke fun at him too. especially because most of the people probably don’t even know what his actual name is. they just know the nickname that’s clearly very harmful to him. so now there’s attention on him that makes him even lonelier than not being noticed at all. he hates the idea of people talking about him or to him in this way, he hates knowing that there are people spreading this name / these rumors, he hates knowing that they only see him as this.

he’d rather not be perceived at all, which ultimately makes his initial time in the wilderness harder, because there’s no chance of him fitting in there at all. he’s the only teenage boy there. there’s a group of girls who are already on a team together who already know each other in a certain way. then there’s an adult, and then his kid brother, and these people are all outsiders in their own way, and i think the fandom has a habit of associating travis with ben to claim there’s some similarity there, but there really isn’t. he’s still an adult, travis is still a teenager, they’re still in very different circumstances. ben tries to connect with him to be there for him but it’s hard for travis to accept it ( i think there’s some resonation between them much later on, but that doesn’t mean travis feels like ben is the person to stick around to make him feel less alone, because he isn’t. )

the bullying is just even harder for him to deal with in the wilderness because it’s now impossible to hide, even worse than it was in the halls at school, because he is such an easy target. he is the only teenage boy there and they’ve already got hold of this nickname that makes him feel so much shame and it’s impossible for him to get away from it. he’s being perceived more than ever, or at least that’s how it feels, and it’s terrifying to him, which is why he lashes out and why he’s mean to everyone around him and especially his brother. and he handles none of this in the right way but all of his fears and insecurities really hit him at once and the only way he knows how to deal with it is to push outward.

after crashing, his biggest fear is losing javi. and that doesn’t mean he’s the best brother to him because of it, either, because he’s definitely not. he never properly processed his feelings about his father’s death. he didn’t like him, he routinely wished for him to be gone, but now that he actually is, he doesn’t know how to cope with that, other than realizing that the responsibility to take care of javi is now on him. and he doesn’t know what he’s doing. he’s well aware that he’s not been a good brother to him for the past few years, but now, he’s his only parental figure out there, and that’s scary, because travis has no good reference from their father. and it’s fucked up because as much as he doesn’t want to be his father, he ultimately takes his anger out on javi the way his father often did to him, and he can feel himself doing it and it’s terrifying to him. he takes steps in the right direction but when he can’t handle something personally, it backfires. he literally tries to dig up their dead father’s body just so he can bring javi something to have of a father that travis never liked or trusted anyway, and when he gives it to him, he acts like he just had it because he wants to spare javi from knowing the lengths he went and because he doesn’t want some kind of empty praise for something that felt necessary to him anyway. but he still fights javi afterwards. he steals food from the girls and refuses to give them a reason, and when he tries to give it to javi just so he can feed his brother, he still gets mad at him for the gum. he’s trying to take care of javi physically but it’s the emotional side that’s really hard for him. he tries, just very slowly.

and then he does lose javi. he’s missing for over 2 months and all travis can think about is that as long as he doesn’t have closure, then javi is still out there, but he’s suffering somewhere and he has to get to him. travis told javi not to come with him on doomcoming and that led to javi’s disappearance and to travis’s assault + almost murder. all of these things are connected. if he didn’t go with jackie, if he didn’t make that choice, then maybe he wouldn’t be so traumatized, and more importantly to him, maybe javi would still be here. he believes it’s on him for not just being with him. it was a scary night for everyone and he should’ve been protecting his brother and no, travis isn’t at fault for what happened to either of them, but he’s never going to forgive himself for his decisions that night anyway. and, frankly, it’s easier to hate himself for what happened to javi than to deal with what happened to himself. because at least finding javi is something he feels like he can actually do, but actually working through what he experienced that night isn’t something he feels capable of doing.

javi returns and travis promises himself he’s going to do better by him. because he can’t afford to lose him; just like with bringing the ring back for him so he can have something, he has to be able to bring something home to his mother, too. it can’t just be him. he knows he’s not the favorite son, he knows that his mother is already going to have a hard time processing the fact that her husband is gone, but she can’t lose her youngest son, too. and travis doesn’t feel like he’s any sort of consolation prize either. he takes a new approach with javi, he tries to be softer with him, tries to match his energy when he can’t speak. he tells him it’s okay if he doesn’t want to talk because he understands that’s not something he’s comfortable with, but he’s still desperate for information because he’s so afraid of what happened to him out there. he tries to create a shield between javi and the others, he refuses to push javi when the girl insist he do it, because he’s trying to protect him. because that’s all he can do until javi is ready to communicate with him. but he’s terrified, because javi is back, but it doesn’t feel like he is, like he’s a ghost of his former self, and travis has already decided that he’s failed to save him.

but then there’s some relief when he doesn’t pull the queen card, and he doesn’t even consider what his actions afterwards could do. all he thought about was saving nat’s life, he never expected it to put javi in danger ( not that it would have stopped him, per se. in that moment all he was thinking about was saving nat. ) he tells javi to go protect nat because it’s his only move left, but the last thing he’s expecting is for them to bring javi’s body back. he sees javi’s dead body and all he can think about is his own failures. he thinks he could have prevented it, he thinks it’s his fault; not just by fighting in the circle but everything that led here. he can’t see it any other way. and i’m with the kevin who said that if travis knew what nat did, what really happened when javi died, he would never forgive her. so i don’t think he ever learns what happens out there— and i don’t think the details are something he’s desperate for, either. all he knows is that what he was most scared of out there already happened, and now he doesn’t know how to keep on living. but he has to, because that’s why javi died: so travis could live.

after he loses javi, for the rest of his time in the wilderness + through his life post rescue, one of his biggest fears is dying. it’s not that he thinks his life is worth living or that he’s afraid of death itself; he’s faced it for so long that it’s impossible for him not to get comfortable with the thought. what scares him is ever making what happened to javi meaningless. because van did reach him in that conversation before they ate javi, even if he wasn’t exactly receptive to it at first. javi died to he could save their lives, to save travis’s life, and if he didn’t eat, if he didn’t keep fighting to live every single day of his life afterwards, then what did he die for? that doesn’t stop him from being reckless with his life, either— but he’s so desperate to feel something that he can’t balance safety and survival all at once. that’s why there’s a suicide pact between him and nat; because they both know they’re alive because javi is dead. and they both feel in depth to him for different reasons. their lives have to be lived, even when it doesn’t feel worth it.

outside of himself, his other biggest fear, especially post-rescue, is nat dying. she’s his only family left. she’s all he has. he has a mother who he doesn’t know how to look in the eye anymore / who he can’t properly communicate with. even when things between him and nat are going horribly, even when they’re breaking it off / refusing to speak, she’s still family. she always will be, just as javi saw it too, and he doesn’t want anything bad to happen to her. sometimes, that means they have to stay away from each other, and he understands that too. he hurts her, she hurts him, it’s a cycle that they can’t get out of because no one else understands them the way the other does. they don’t belong together but how can they possibly belong anywhere else? they’re horrible together but how can they be with anyone else? if nat is safer away from him, then he’ll accept that, because at least she’ll live, he thinks. and that’s all that matters to him. i think travis would have had a very similar arc to nat’s if it happened in reverse; it might’ve been the only way for him to ever want to reach out to anyone beyond lot.

to circle this back around to the beginning, another fear of his post rescue goes back to being perceived. it’s just different than it was when he was in high school. i’m actually surprised it took him so long to finally change his name and go off the grid, i think it’s something that he considered for many years before he ever finally did it, because he hates hearing his name, he hates knowing that people may recognize him from the news. the good thing about it is that most of the time, his photo isn’t used in reports at all, because it’s often focused on the team; the bad thing is that his name is probably more recognizable because of it, too. he wants to try to live his life without his past following him but it’s so scary for him to try, because he shuts down the moment someone mentions it— especially if they’re aware that he is the only one who had family with him out there, and he returned alone. for everyone else, their relationships with the ones who passed away are just speculation, but travis doesn’t get that—- his father and his brother’s death are something that is certain to anyone who knows about what happened out there. he can’t escape that. he’s still being perceived in the worst ways and he still can’t free himself from it.

#study: travis.#meta: travis.#2000 words of me talking nonsense but -

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