#i hate feeling so gross about myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sparklingchim · 7 months ago

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#can i yap for a moment #im extremely sleepy but im feeling very upset and mad and confused #also lowkey questioning whether me feeling all that is justified or if i am overreacting #anyway #made out w a boy tonight #and he wanted to go to his place #and i was like no i wanna stay and dance with my girlies #and he gets upset??#asking why i'd kiss him if i don't wanna hook up and i said i just wanna have fun?#made me feel so stupid #that anger in me led to a little fight with another boy (who was unfortunately very cute) and i just wanted to punch him #i just hate when boys think they're so superior #so i argued with this stupid but hot man #until an ex? friend shows up and he was pretty drunk just yapping about things #anyway he basically told me he'd like to rekindle our friendship #but not in a heyy haven't talked in so long let's meet up again #it was in a heyy let's hang out again got a new big car and moved out of my parent's house 😋#which gave me the ick bc that's why we aren't friends anymore and i told him no multiple times #and got sad bc he was one of my closest friends #anyway and then we left the party #this guy pulls me aside the parking lot #and i was so embarrassed bc there were so many people and they were all looking and i could already see people gossiping about it #and i just wanted to die #and then he just CONFESSES??#gives me flowers and all which is saur saur cute #but i legit have zero feelings for him </3 #and have commitment issues and have never been in a relationship and don't wanna be in one #actually grosses me out thinking about relationships </3 #the confession was so random and i kinda lost another friendship? even tho i wouldn't rlly consider him a friend we just share sum classes #but yeah boys are so stupid and confusing and i dunno how and why i get myself into these situations :') m sorry just needed to rant </3

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calkale · 3 months ago

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uni has literally turned me into a husk of myself

#i have been running but not enough to lose as much weight as i have #i hate how i feel here i dont feel healthy at all which makes me feel so gross and bad #ik all i do is complain about school but im literally losing who i am my body is so important to me #and to lose control over that (again 😁) is not a good feeling #i dont look like myself anymore #i stood on a scale yesterday as a joke and almost cried 👍

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running-in-the-dark · 1 year ago

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there's no rage like the rage I feel when I'm working on a painting and it looks like shit.

#like ughhjhjjh it makes me so mad!!! it's so ugly!#I hate painting I hate colours I hate everything about this!!! *keeps doing it for 5 more hours anyway*#I'm not good at this and it makes me so mad but also I need to do it and it's the only thing that makes sense #ugh #and like it's just. so much worse when it's a portrait! it feels gross! what am I doing?! no he doesn't look like that! he's pretty and this #just looks like some kind of demon 😩 it's so ugly oh my god #maybe I need to keep painting just other things. like those damn hands. they also look horrible but it doesn't make me want to punch myself #quite as much.#maybe I should like. read a book. about how to. paint.#since I don't know shit.#maybe that's the problem #no no I'm the problem it's fine #personal

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ratsword · 1 month ago

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internet not big enough...saw what is unmistakably his art style and felt like vomiting. it's crazy how someone can continue to poison you even after years of being blocked.

#delete later #I'm starting to spiral. remembering how fucking manic and manipulative and selfish he was.#i hate my past self so bad for not being more firm about my boundaries. for not telling him to fuck off. i deleted so many times.#and he just kept coaxing me into remaking. always saying that it was up to me...but never shutting the fuck up about it until I came back.#did he feel good for love-bombing a bad artist? why did I accept his fake ass affection even though he was super shitty and gross & chaotic #I deleted those art folders years ago but i cant make my own memories go away. i feel disgusting when i think about him.#i feel like i cant breathe and im scared he'll use his own clout against me again to get what he wants until its not fun and then lash out #I know it's irrational but the fear always remains. I hated a lot of preds in that fandom and didnt want the platform or exposure.#I live by the block button still. I don't trust new people still. I hide still. I fucking hate him and myself for enabling his tantrums.#It's not just a bad friendship breakup...he had actual power and influence over everything i did and lied about who he was.#yeah im still scared #I've been doing really well this year about not thinking about him but like #i still dont want to make or post art for that fandom because it makes me panic that hes gonna do some crazy shit or find me or something #im barely even embarrassed by how annoying i used to be because the fear of him lashing out is so much worse #BUT ITS GONE! HES GONE! SO WHY AM I STILL SO FUCKING AFRAID OF WHAT HES GOING TO DO OR SAY IF I POST NEW ART

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orcelito · 1 month ago

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This just in, local struggler severely overestimates how much they can eat yet again. Left with half a bowl of ramen and a sad, sad heart

#speculation nation #it's homemade at least so im not wasting money on fancy ramen #but i Hate this man it sucks 😭😭😭😭#i keep losing weight bc i can never eat enough #and i was like 'ok lets make a ramen thats a good sized meal' but then i cant FINISH it #forced myself to finish all the eggs at least and now im just picking at the peas. ugh.#at this rate im gonna have to start drinking ensures more regularly again #bc i havent gotten to the underweight phase yet but if it keeps going like this then i will #like it was. excuse me talking about my weight for a bit but im a tad bit concerned about it #but back before i started adderall back in uhh. september?? i think?? or october???#fuck if i remember. been a few months tho. but also not That long.#anyways i was at like. 140lbs at the doctor and like 137lbs at home (relevant bc clothes weight. rest of this will be at home weights)#and ive had such shit appetite that ive been watching it go down and down. like at least a pound a week. sometimes two pounds.#and now im at 123lbs. which is a solid almost 15 lbs lost in like 3 ish months. which is kind of a lot when ur small to begin with.#also a little alarming when u see this happen like a pound lower between every shower. bc i tend to check before i shower.#& i often shower every 4 days or so. when im in the Rotting Era and all. aka i dont rly go outside much.#and like 123lbs still isnt bad for 5'3“ but i think 107lbs is the cutoff for underweight. and im halfway there.#and now see i was about this weight a few years back so in one respect it's nice to fit into some of my older pants again #but at the same time..thats too quick!!! thats not healthy!!!! but when i try to eat more i Cant!!! it makes me nauseous!!!!!#so back in early 2020 when i was dipping under 110lbs bc of meds stuff i got onto ensure and it did help. so maybe i need to again.#just..blegh. i just kinda feel empty all the time. like stomach-wise. but not Hungry. it's a problem.#gotta come up with ways to eat that dont rely on my stomach to tell me when to eat. bc it's definitely not doing a good job at that.#weight mention/#and like see ive been eating 2 meals a day on average but i was doing that before too!!!!!!#but i think it's bc i cant Finish my meals half the time that's really causing problems.#staring at my half eaten bowl of ramen very grumpily. it has now been long enough that it's kind of gross.#and my arms hurt. just bc my bone aches have decided to flare up again. very grumpy.#negative/#i guess lol

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the-casbah-way · 10 months ago

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grabs my computer screen and starts shaking it how to cure gender dysphoria HOW TO CURE GENDER DYSPHORIA

#kidding theres no way to fix it when it’s like this #everything i’d normally do to alleviate it makes it worse when it’s this bad #because it’s like wow look at you trying so embarrassingly hard to not look disgusting and failing miserably #i had to cancel my plans yesterday and today because girl i can’t go outside when i feel like this i can’t even get out of bed #looking at myself makes me want to VOMIT why do i look like this #i look back on old pictures of myself and try to work out what was different back then so i can replicate it #but people say i look exactly the same in those photos as i do now #and i remember taking those old photos and feeling ugly and dysphoric back then too #if i lean back into my more cis look i’ll get gendered correctly again which i want #but i don’t like playing cis man it’s not who i am and it makes me feel weird and gross #i just hate what i look like no matter what i do to my appearance #every single part of my physical self makes me feel really ill and anxious and bad and guilty #there’s not a single bit of me i can stand to look at when i feel like this #i feel like everyone who has ever seen me thinks i’m disgusting and ugly and horrible to look at #and i want to like hide forever but i can’t #it’s so hard to function like this #i hate everything about me so much #someone affirm my stupid dumb ass gender right fucking now i’m going to die

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songs-ofa-dyingbird · 3 months ago

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I wish I had a support system so bad

I wish I had people to talk to when things get bad.

My mom is getting us calzones for dinner! Very yummy! I’m on my period I should be allowed to eat but I feel so gross and I don’t want to waste food or raise suspicion and I’m sure I’ll eat just fucking fine when the food is actually in front of me but I feel so so gross I don’t want to fucking eat this

I don’t have anyone to talk to. Nobodd to help me with this. I’m so fucked and I don’t know what to do. I’m having a breakdown every damn day and I just don’t know what to do

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sparklingchim · 1 year ago

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sos how do i get over a boy

#like why do i always feel so much he wasn't even my bf !!!#m so mad at myself for even getting upset about this bc i shouldve known n now m experiencing my first heartbreak n i don't like it at all!!#as a new year's resolution i will never speak to boys look at boys or acknowledge their existence again :')#so gross how he got me so miserable last night m way too sensitive n emotional 🫠 i hate boys

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ourceliumnetwork · 3 months ago

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it's hard to have a good day like, mentally and emotionally but a bad day physically.

it's REALLY hard to do that twice in a row but we're going to try.

#i'm not doing the bit this time sorry #the POTS has been POTSing all over the place and i had to take a shower #so what *wasn't* THAT bad before is now VERY BAD and i'm like...#i'm nauseous i don't want to eat anything i can feel the pain starting so i do need to eat SOMETHING so i can take meds #but the concept of both making AND eating food is daunting and also gross feeling simultaneously #my heart is just constantly pounding and i haven't had any caffeine yet today #so my concerns that it was the monster making my shower reactions worse is absolutely not the case #because i'm fucking sitting here shaking like i just survived a car crash all due to having #*checks notes*#woken up made my bed and taken a shower. that's IT. that is ALL i have done so far #and i am trembling and shaking and weak and nauseous like i'm in shock or something this is BULLSHIT #i think i'm hungry too is the other problme i don't know for sure due ot the aforementioned other factors #so i bet eating would help a lot here #god i hate this so much right now i'm so mad #i had to dream about my family and being ignored and there were WILD swings between feeling horrible and feeling like things were improving #and i wouldn't be shocked if the symptoms i was having in my dream were happening in real time in my actual body too #i hate htis i hate htis i hate this #water salt compression socks WHAT ABOUT WHEN THAT'S NOT ENOUGH HUH? WHAT THEN??? DO I JUST GOTTA LIVE LIKE THIS?????#*fuck* i'm so angry rn. and sad. i think i'm going to let myself cry and see what happens

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nobodybetterlookatme · 4 months ago

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how are you feeling today? did you make it through unscathed?

Yeah I definitely didn't 😭 I've been hella congested all day and I definitely have a cough, but it's more bc my throat is bugging me than anything. I don't think I technically have a fever, my temp's just slightly elevated from where it normally is. It's fucking miserable bc I can't breathe through my nose and the damn thing fucking hurts, and I'm kinda uncomfortable and a little achy, but other than that I'm mostly just tired and a little hazy and generally just don't feel great, so I'm not dying like my partner was lmao. But yeah, all this to say that I'm fucking pissed at him and I literally feel like a goddamn plague rat 😭😭

#not snz #i fucking hate it here #I've sneezed a few times but not much #mainly just coughing #super sniffly tho #also i did go hang out with him just so i could bitch at him lmao #also i feel fucking disgusting and i was sad being in my room #like i don't want anyone to perceive me #like i was almost never sick when i was younger and if i was no i wasn't unless it was bad #but times have changed 😔#so no more going out and doing things while being either maybe or definitely sick 😔#thank god honestly but i still don't want people to Know #like don't fucking look at me let me rot in my hole and die alone #but i didn't wanna be alone apparently like i was very sad about the thought for some reason smh #so yeah we literally just hung out in the car #lowered the seats and had blankets and pillows and shit so it was kinda chill #and he bought food from a couple different places bc it's his fucking fault and he's trying to buy my forgiveness lmao #various soups and mac and cheeses and the general concensus was that they'd probably be good if we could taste them better 😭#some of them tho the texture was just not it like even a great taste couldn't save them imo #also there's a boba place that makes hot teas also so we went there a few times #ordered in advance masks on obviously so we were only in there for like a minute just to grab everything #like we were being as careful as we could #also he's like mostly feeling better like his fever broke apparently #he still sounds fucking gross tho lmao like his voice is shot and he still has a pretty bad cough #and now I'm like fucking whatever we both have the same gross ass fucking disease so it's fine i guess #but i still kept glaring at him as a first reaction whenever he decided to be symptomatic lmao #but i wasn't pressing myself against the window trying to escape so progress lmaoooo #anyway it was a chill day i guess like we were just hanging and making sure the other person wasn't dying lmao #I'm at home now and took a hot ass shower and my eyes hurt and I'm tired so it's probably bedtime lmao

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littlest-bugz · 8 months ago

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How I look when the rock I live under prevents me from keeping up with current internet news meaning I accidentally support the shittiest, worst fucking people

[img doesnt belong to me]

#IM SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME /vvgen/#I THINK ONE OF MY FAV MOOTS BROKE THE MUTUAL OVER IT TOO #LIKE IM SORRY PLEASE EDUCATE ME #I DONT WANT TO SUPPORT DICKHEADS OR ABUSERS OR GROSS FUCKERS #I guess this is the reason to engage in fandom BUT GODDAMNIT I HATE FANDOMS #I hate that I dont engage outside of myself bc SHIT LIKE THIS HAPPENS #I know I shouldn’t get attatched to mutuals who dont even know me but… THEY POSTED THE MOST FIRE STUFF #At least im not blocked- that feels better #being so public about this BC I CANT VENT TO ANYONE #the bugz speak

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heartshattering · 6 months ago

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My mind is just going to continue racing with self-hate the longer I stay awake so. Time to sleep even if it's only 2 PM :')

#literally how do I look so fucking gross now #I'm just embarrassed to exist honestly #I don't care about looking good to attract people or anything but like #I don't like that feeling of 'I look so bad to everyone around me and I can tell they are judging me and thinking I shouldn't be here'#and feeling self conscious about myself #and not being able to wear cute clothes anymore #and arriving to events looking sweaty and greasy since there's no air conditioner in my house OR in the car #I genuinely never hated my appearance like this until now...#I always thought my face shape was cute and that I had a nice way of doing makeup and styling my clothes #and of course all the compliments about having a flat tummy #kill me please just fucking kill me already I want to throw up

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whoblewboobear · 6 months ago

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The way I had every intention to be productive this weekend and did none of it bc I know I’m in for some shit the minute I walk into that stupid office

#I finished the t-shirt design for HR lady right and she came in twice about it (could’ve been an email truly)#then when she DID said an email she just forgot that we fully did discuss putting the gross 75th anni. Logo on it #so her email was just that #and I did forget to respond to the email- like I skimmed it and then went ‘we talked about this’ but I’m not allowed to be a smart ass over #email anymore because when sales reps were being especially rude and disrespectful to my coworker and I #I’d waste no time to put them in their place #it took two fucking years of complaining for them to not treat us like shit and to give us deadline that aren’t same day/next day #like two years of me forcing my bosses hand to actually stand up for us for him to tell them to back off #I stopped dealing with it #my coworker does now bc I can’t be bothered to argue with assholes anymore #anyway yeah I- I truly do not check my email often so by the time EOD rolled around I wasn’t checking #but I know HR lady will be in my inbox bright and early :/#but on the bright side I’ll have the art room to myself Monday+Tuesday bc my coworker is leaving~~~~~#so I’m gonna try and be productive Monday so I can rest and relax at my desk Tuesday #then pretend I’ve been productive when I meet with my gross awful boss Wednesday morning #ugh #I need a new job bad #I hate this one #it’s fine but god is it boring and not creative at all #I love graphic design I do I really do but when it’s just sign making with pre-made templates it’s soooo fucking boring #So this weekend I just got high and yesterday a lil tipsy to feel a lil crossfade #I truly haven’t done shit bc if I think about Monday I’ll scream #personal

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ranger-kellyn · 8 months ago

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it's like i keep telling myself i'm going to go to the single's event tomorrow at the lesbian bar but also................://////////

#im just gonna walk away sad and feeling worse than i already do bc people just. Do Not. approach me and UGH #sometimes i just really miss presenting more femme bc at least then people looked at me #and i'm clearly just. not. the kind of non-femme that people are interested in #still too scared to call myself butch bc my ex still lives in my stupid head and his laughter at the mere idea of me wanting to bc butch #idk #siiiggghhh @ self we're FINE #after a fun night our brain wants equilibrium so of course we're gonna get extra sad #trying to average out the brain chemicals or w/e #but also UGH after a work trip?????? i just wanna be home......#but they only do the singles event once a month #it's only 2 hours i don't have to stay the whole time #i should at least TRY #UGH #i hate bargaining with myself #talking tag #i just need to cry about feeling gross and undesirable and then go tf to sleep

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chisaharu-chiha · 9 months ago

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I'm not as fat as I've been hating myself for being. The love handles and the stretch marks and the fupa, it's not all that bad. (or at all) I can think all positive things about my body all I want, but then the bad side of my brain tears me apart for no reason. It just be like that and I hate it. (mb delete later. Courage posting for idk, to make myself feel less bad about how my body looks)

#unusual don't post these kinds of pics but i did it to prove to myself my body is fine as it is #and even if i get more skinny or fit it was never bc i was ugky fat and gross #and also I've seen way more pics of other people on this site that are far more into the realm of why i hate my body #low-key it makes me feel better about my body bc at least i don't look or feel that fat or unhealthy #if they can be confident like that then so can i #ignore this post #mb delete later #depends how I feel #usually down the road i delete selfies bc I just do

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skeletalheartattack · 2 years ago

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as a lesbian with bottom dysphoria i think we should trade. i receive dick you receive pussy. love wins

anon im so sorry but as much as id love to accept this dick and balls pussy exchange... i'd hope to one day have neither meat nor hole...

my poor unfortunate babygirl ass wants nothing babey!! a clean slate!!

#ask #anon #probably gonna tag this as mature since i always feel a little weird inside talking about GENITALS❗❗#but anyway back on subject #basically some day i hope to get nullification surgery. i.e. the surgery that leaves you with basically a clean slate #ive never really enjoyed the sight of Certain Bits all my life. hole's a little better but they both make me feel gross #and like ive always kinda hated that aspect of myself but ive come to terms with it over the years thankfully :)#its one of the reasons im a sexually repulsed asexual #i hope to some day get nullification done in such a way that i can. keep certain aspects #which. i think is possible? ive been told it is. but whenever i talk about what i mean im always vague in order to not gross myself out #so like. if i did get nullification surgery and had to trade. id hate to give someone meat that doesnt work. thatd just be mean :(#though i should probably state that i'm not 100% knowledgeable about how nullification is done #so theres definitely parts im probably getting wrong #but anyway anon. im sure theres a way that could be done that would make us both happy :) im just not well educated on it atm #love on hold. but the winds are in favor of a win.#thank you for the ask anon :)#im usually very vague about what i talk about with bottom dysphoria so no worries if you didnt know :)

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