#yeah im still scared
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internet not big enough...saw what is unmistakably his art style and felt like vomiting. it's crazy how someone can continue to poison you even after years of being blocked.
#delete later#I'm starting to spiral. remembering how fucking manic and manipulative and selfish he was.#i hate my past self so bad for not being more firm about my boundaries. for not telling him to fuck off. i deleted so many times.#and he just kept coaxing me into remaking. always saying that it was up to me...but never shutting the fuck up about it until I came back.#did he feel good for love-bombing a bad artist? why did I accept his fake ass affection even though he was super shitty and gross & chaotic#I deleted those art folders years ago but i cant make my own memories go away. i feel disgusting when i think about him.#i feel like i cant breathe and im scared he'll use his own clout against me again to get what he wants until its not fun and then lash out#I know it's irrational but the fear always remains. I hated a lot of preds in that fandom and didnt want the platform or exposure.#I live by the block button still. I don't trust new people still. I hide still. I fucking hate him and myself for enabling his tantrums.#It's not just a bad friendship breakup...he had actual power and influence over everything i did and lied about who he was.#yeah im still scared#I've been doing really well this year about not thinking about him but like#i still dont want to make or post art for that fandom because it makes me panic that hes gonna do some crazy shit or find me or something#im barely even embarrassed by how annoying i used to be because the fear of him lashing out is so much worse#BUT ITS GONE! HES GONE! SO WHY AM I STILL SO FUCKING AFRAID OF WHAT HES GOING TO DO OR SAY IF I POST NEW ART
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i've been thinking about exactly why people portraying one of the other crew members successfully killing Jimmy as a "for what you did to Anya" kind of thing rubs me the wrong way a bit and it's because like..... this is just another form of taking agency away from Anya, in a way. it's kind of framing her as some meek, shivery woman-thing who's entirely at the mercy of the men around her, either to hurt her or save her.
(i understand these are mostly for wish fulfillment on the audience's behalf because everyone would like to see Jimmy pay for his crimes. whether or not this is the intention of the person writing it isn't really relevant, characterization happens with or without intent. i feel like it misses the point by portraying it as an 'ideal ending'.)
because... Anya is a capable person. she takes things into her own hands when she can. it was partially(?) her idea to get into the cargo,
(before he interrupts her.. remember when she interrupted Curly in the dead pixel segment?)
it was her idea to get the code scanner from the cockpit,
it was her idea to get the medication from behind the foam.
(the chance to do these things herself is not given to her.)
she'd been keeping Curly alive for months in a critical state somehow, her psych evaluations at the start are only so useless because Jimmy refuses to take it/her seriously and Curly is obviously biased when he puts it into his own hands. he's known him a long time, like he said. "I'll just put good for that one."
there's not a lot of material to work with because of how the game is framed, but it's there. we are working with two very biased perspectives and neither one lends Anya what she deserves
there's significant changes in how she speaks post- and pre- crash, and depending on who she happens to be talking to. i recommend re-reading her dialogue, because the difference is drastic
she acts the way she does around Jimmy because he has tangibly done horrible things to her, is actively hostile, and physically could not escape him by any means. she can't take away Curly's agency herself, in my eyes. you have to remember that Especially in the post-crash segments of the game, it's entirely from Jimmy's POV, and he obviously does not (and has never) thought very highly of her or treated her with a shred of respect
i've seen a general idea that she can't bear to hurt other people for any reason, but that doesn't really track to me. this is the real point of the post by the way
it seems based on the parts where she says she struggles to give Curly medication. "It just hurts him so much, I can't stand the noise." "It makes me nauseous."
it's not really the same thing as, say, hurting someone in self defense
this sounds like she did want the gun itself. this never felt worded like someone who would refuse to, at very least, threaten Jimmy with a gun, with violence. if she had been given the agency to make that decision on her own. she wasn't though
she still tries to reclaim some of it even as she's denied it
by the end she's still trying to keep that gun out of his hands
i think some people overly soften her, for similar reasons the game itself is trying to comment on. she's not a tender victim who couldn't cause pain to another out of the softness of her soul, she's a person who's had every last bit of agency ripped from her repeatedly until she couldn't take it anymore. that's the point. that's why framing her that way, "needing" someone to save her, is odd to me
she didn't need Curly to save her, she needed him to take responsibility
she didn't want to escalate things, but she's not an idiot. self defense was absolutely on her mind
but who knows im just saying shit *smiles serenely*
#dib noise#mouthwashing#sorryyyyyyyyy lol#i will defend you anya o7#its been fun to roll this game around in my brain. gives me something to do#long post#could be reaching though. it's unfortunate so much of her screentime is hammering home how poorly jimmy regards her#or her being scared/nervous in his presence#or trying to placate him#yes i know that's the point#are my feelings on how anya is treated by the the characters the fans and the game itself weirdly personal? yeah sorry#unfortunately i do think they didn't get the anya parts as solidly as the rest but oh well#everything has flaws#i've gone through a playthrough of this game like 10 times for this#you KNOW im sourcing my claims!!#not really an attack on the people who made the stuff i mentioned at the start#more of a commentary on how they relate with the source material itself#yes yes i know giving a crewmate a lethal weapon is probably not the best idea to curly#does that make this situation any less horrifying?#remember: these aren't real people. everything they do was written on purpose for a reason#i still need to write down my general thoughts on the game as a whole..#also not about one specific person post image writing ect it's a collection of things and ideas thrown onto one post#I'm not any good at ending posts like thase it kind of devolves by yhe end but thats ok
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ummm first time becoming self conscious about the way you act with your best friend because of some middle school bullies :)
#iasip#always sunny#charmac#charlie kelly#mac mcdonald#fanart#mine#i watched ‘close’ nd had some pain#but yeah ofc my brain was like 'i can make that charmac' h8 myslf#mac macdonald#im not good @ dialogue it feel ooc to me but iv ben like staring @ this for days i just need to post it#for th record i dont think mac wd giv a shit abt wat bullies think of him. bt he'd still get n his own head abt it#like hed nevr thought of their relationship tht way b4#nd th possibility alone scares him#1k
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meet cassian :]
close ups and more info under the cut!




gloomiest guy you’ll ever meet
pathetic loser
he’s an artist
comes from a rich family
he barely leaves his house, he stays inside a LOOOOOT
insane attachment issues
clingy and dependant yandere
he guilt trips a lot (isn’t really aware of it lmao) can be really manipulative without trying unfortunately
texts you constantly but if you don’t answer back in like 5 minutes he starts freaking out
sometimes he’s normal enough but if you take too long he WILL lose it
doesn't like it when you talk to other people, why can't you just talk to him? is he not good enough for you? what's so interesting about other people anyway?
he hates stairs (he's fallen down and up the stairs WAYYY too many times)
shy (lmao ok) and introverted (has a really hard time talking to people)
has a mascot! (his name is PopUp :] he made him for a school project and just ended up liking him a lot lol)
sopping wet cat
don’t be mean to him, he doesn’t like it, even as a joke
doesn’t get much social interaction cause he stays inside a lot
WAYYYY more comfortable texting, he’s like a totally different person when you’re texting him
spams a lot. like a lot
used to be a lot more outgoing and social
wishes you could be by his side 24/7
he’s sad a lot of the time
feels unloved, please shower him in love
really pessimistic when it comes to himself
he’s really passionate about art
you and art are the two things that make him extremely happy
if you thought nox was tired, meet cassian! he has an even worse sleeping schedule than nox
he’ll do ANYTHING to keep you by his side
so he can and will kidnap you! lol!
is also a stalker… great..!
has probably installed a camera somewhere in your room (um??)
you’re probably one of the only people that can convince him to leave his room
really loves shoujo manga, has fantasized about being the perfect male lead for you (he really wants a romance like that, only with you)
he's a huge romantic, he wants the two of you to have a happy life together
so please don’t leave him. please
takes a lot of walks at night, don’t worry he doesn’t spend ALL of his time inside (he wishes he could tho.)
he wants to have his happy ending with you <3
#num draws#cassian posting#<- hehe#yandere oc#male yandere#yandere male#oc art#yandere#original character#digital art#guys meet my sopping wet cat of an oc! i love him dearly!#also. i think i said this before but i put a lot of my own traits into my ocs#this fucker has the most of my traits. i wonder what that says about me#NONE OF THE YANDERE STUFF THO THATS ALL HIM!#i wanted to include more info but if i do ill just keep going and going and going and i dont think anyone is gonna read all that anyway </3#btw PopUp is a character that i made for a school project so yeah he's stealing him from me (and im ok w that. was supposed to happen lol)#i mean ive shown PopUp on the blog before just didn't tag it (bc i was just yapping and complaining about my project.)#this is my first time posting a full body (and like its the first one ive drawn in a while) pls be kind. im so scared to post this.#i worked really really hard on this so im excited to share this with you!#also this is my 1000th post. hell.#i still need to add him to the relationship chart n everything.#also i think ill do proper ref sheets for them bc. i cant just leave them as busts.#and ill rework rowan's too bc he deserves my love
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love media that’s like- found family but only because they’re literally trapped together. found family but they don’t even like each other in the beginning. forced found family. like we are all completely different types of people and we do not get along but we don’t have a choice to not be around each other. We fight constantly but there’s nowhere else to go and no one else to turn to so we have to be here for each other. we find a kinship in each other not because we like or understand each other, but because we have no other option. and maybe in the end we’re half grateful for that. maybe we find that we care about each other more then we think. maybe it turns out we are a family after all.
i eat that shit right up
#bbc ghosts#dhmis#the amazing digital circus#tadc#dont hug me im scared#its quite a niche trope but god i love it#tadc is still in the “we all hate each other” stage but i have a feeling it’s gonna go in this direction#oh yeah i should also prolly add#ihnmaims
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To me the joy and beauty of vocal synthesizers has always been that they don't sound real and exploring that to create artistic expression that can't be achieved by human voices, so seeing them become more and more realistic is disheartening, almost? Especially since a lot of artists make the same voice banks sound so different and have their own personal charm. I'm glad that people will be able to make things that sound realistic, but I'm worried that songs that intentionally play out of sounding as realistic as possible will be sidelined, discouraged, no longer created, impossible to find, or unsupported by fans of vocal synthesizers. I don't want things to just push towards being as realistic as possible. There is beauty in how everyone's usage of the same voice banks sound different. There is beauty in the lack of realistic sounding vocals in vocal synthesizers.
#vocaloid#utauloid#vocal synth#book of kells#edit: i think some people are misunderstanding (and im not saying this upset or madly at all)#i absolutely have no ill will towards realistic tuning#i think it's cool as fuck and wonderful#this post was meant to be a personal post that bordered on venty and I didn't expect anyone to reblog it 😅#however people are enjoying it so i wont turn rbs off#but yeah i was moreso trying to express ''im scared that non realistic tuning and creativity in vocal synth will trickle away''#rather than ''i think realistic tuning is bad''#i dont think that at all#:}#also i recognize this likely wont happen but im still worried—hence the post#im expressing a worry#and also expressing my love for non realistic tuning#this post is not a criticism realistic tuning whatsoever!#and again the tone for all of that is kind/neutral—i dont want to sound mad at all ^w^
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To start things off i am holding up well, where it shouldn’t be a concern for my safety, it doesn’t mean shit is easy though
being diagnosed with schizophrenia is kinda recent, like 2 months ago, so im still coming into terms with it pfft and it explains the plethora of drawings
But anywho i just wanna say, our mind plays tricks on us, emotions aren’t entirely permanent, and i hope you can find (even little) reasons to staying on the right track, and if u continue to try to be a decent person i appreciate u very much <33
#vent#trigger warnings#mental health#oughhhnhvdnvnvg#also i hope this doesnt scare anyone i tried to be as gentle but not sugar coating as possible 😂#but i understand that ppl might think this is alarming but its kinda been like this for a long time even before the diagnosis#so its not new to me and im still here#so yeah ill keep pulling through but that won’t stop me from complaining lmao#also ngl i hate having these labels and thats why my brain likes to throw it at me to spite me but it is what it is
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What do you think of the executive order classifying everyone in the US as legally female?
Good that the law finally caught up <3
#but seriously I...#it just makes me feel *not good*#how little they care that a mistake like this slips through#so I try to ignore it#because yeah sure everyone is legally female#but like they wont ever interpret the law that way#how little the actual law matters with those people in charge makes me#...um#its not good#glad i dont live there#and im scared that this would still affect me anyway#gosh I wish you cuties strength <3#.#asks open!
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Thinking of vlr Akane is so conflicting cuz on one hand I’m so upset that she doesn’t ever get a moment to just rest and enjoy being alive again I’m upset that she just gets deeper and deeper into this role she’s built for herself and she loses her humanity and will never ever be that girl who died in the incinerator. But on the other hand, I need her to get so, so much worse I need her to be so obsessed with perfection she has this unique ability to change the course of history and she will burn everything and everyone to the ground in the blink of an eye if it means she can "reset" and get a perfect timeline and I desperately need her to never be satisfied with anything because really, is there anything that’s worth all the damage she’s caused?
#zero escape#akane kurashiki#virtues last reward#yeahhhhh just having so many thoughts about akane and sigma and junpei and yeah im screaming eyes bloodshot#i want akane to just like post 999 just do silly shit with aoi get a cat be a gamer try to heal the best she can#and i want her to be so evil i think theres still some crimes she hasnt committed yet she should do those#i really really really want her and junpei to just beat the shit out of each other in a boxing ring. specifically post vlr#need them being old as shit throwing chairs everyone is cheering#and damn like vlr akane just cant agree with junpei on his philosophy that a life with pain is still a life worth living cuz then thatd mean#everything she did in 999 was all for naught like to accept even the bad timelines where she died as valuable...#thats a kick to the dick especially when she fought so hard to live and how her death was so unfair#except she was just a scared kid with no choice then. now whats her excuse#i just want it to be possible you know? possible that akane didnt need to do this and she couldve been happy#cuz yeah the trauma would be horrible but surely itd be better than the trauma she has now since she took that dive#i wonder if she knows that no matter what she does she’ll never erase her trauma and eventually she will have to face it#or if she actually believes she can figure it all out and win the perfect timeline and magical mental stability will happen#basically akane is avoiding therapy soooooo hard but then again who would even be her therapist#no one can possibly understand her...right?
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Because his inner monologues really are just. So long. And I think it's important to show how much this guy thinks in order to say "not quite".
#my characters#also it is worth pointing out that piero does just make fire ! like a superpower!#and the time he set his ex on fire was ACTUALLY before they dated and it was because she was hired to kill him#but she used her cult like popularity to surround him and he got really scared bc he doesnt really wanna die#so he just meant to send a warning flare type thing ? but it was much more extreme than intended#and she got burnt while one of the followers died#and she then was like well now i dont want him dead cause HE CAN BE OF SO MUCH USE and then#manipulated him and lied and betrayed him and started to date him but without meaning it#so he was naive and thought maybe someone finally didnt hate him for his powers and then oops!#shes just using him and so he leaves one day and the entire cult holds it against him for making life harder for her#and also she has some power over time in the sense she can halt time and walk by people unnoticed#then release time and no one notices#except she does it so much to piero that he slowly builds a tolerance to it and thats actually when he overhears her#commenting on how useful he is but how annoying he is and how much she has to put up with him#and unfortunately for piero shes also the only person he can think of that might be able to do something#about langdon and getting him back home cause hes from earth#and they are very much not on earth#but its not completely an isekai type plot in the sense that langdon didnt die and get reincarnated#he just simply popped up in another dimension#that part of the plot hasnt actually been decided on the hows#but the ex gf and cult leader does help langdon get back home !#hi i love my ocs a lot im sorry that even with the fact i love them i cant sit still#on which ocs i will draw for#im still constantly thinking about the death dimension group and also oifil and also like 10 other plots#but still yeah ok so him acknowledging he doesnt like being lied to is due to the ex he needs to get to help them which is why#he thinks about it very clearly - hes about to go try to request help from someone who spent YEARS lying to him
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#hey so if any of you remember me saying 'i dont think im butch anymore'#i bought a dress 😭#now i havent wore a dress since i was 15#so idk what im gonna feel lol#its real nice dress too#its long and has a gothic aesthetic#it has floral print on it#I've been dressing masculine for a minute now (and i still will)#but I've been dreamkng about also dressing more feminine#and even combining the two#masculinity and femininity#so im going to finally let myself dress more feminine and not be scared of it#i still need to be careful cuz i do get dysphoria when i do#so i gotta do it just right#but yeah i think i gotta just my url here bc i really dont think im butch#which makes me sad#that identity helped me so much to figure out who i am#and being more comfortable with myself#but i feel like im in a transformation part of my life#and its time i let it go and grow!#sorry this was a long one lol#there's femmes who dress more masculinity as well#so idk if i call myself a femme#im still definitely in the butchfemme community#y'all are my people!!#but yeah im just gonna do right by me now :3#and do what feels right and its that pretty dress rn!!
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there's a jeremy. multiple jeremies. jeremi?
the middle one was a redraw of @techdifficulties Jeremy, the rest were very heavily based on their style
#officially obsessed with how they draw hair#still trying to figure out my style#i keep on jumping all over the place lol#i wanna try drawing squip next/again but it just has so many different versions and stuff that like#im kinda scared#im getting better at sketching these people on my own#but im still not sure#meh ill get there eventually#jeremy heere#be more chill fanart#be more chill#bmc#bmc fanfiction#digital art#btw like the main reason im trying to get good at art is to be able to draw squipemey#so#yeah
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the fact that Marius left Daniel out of the family mural is hysterical to me like imagine you're that much of a petty bitch
#wise ancient vampire still bitter about losing his companion to his fledgling#idk how obvious they make it that daniel is missing i havent read the prince lestat books yet#or if anne rice simply forgot about him too#but the in-universe implications are sooo sklds#he is such a loser#iwtv#tvc#devil's minion#daniel molloy#yeah still not tagging marius bc im scared
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Soooo
I cane out to a guy I've been friends with from the past four years and it went great.
This is the 2nd longest friendship I've ever had so I'm super fucking glad.
#BE PROUD OF ME I WAS SO SCARED#I WAS TERRIFIED#I WAS SHAKING LIKE A LEAF#BUT I DID IT#at first he just said damn so i thought i lost this friend too#so i told him im panicking rn and he asked me why#nd IDK OKAY I WASNT THINKING STRAIGHT WELL I NEVER THINK STRAIGHT CONSIDERING HOW I'M GAY AND SHIT#anyway-#i asked him if we're still friends COZ IM AN INSECURE PIECE OF SHIT#then he reassured the fuck out of me and#I'll think fondly of thos for DAYS WEEKS MONTHS YEARS#anyway so it went great i feel really nice rn#I FINALLY DID IT. I FINALLY CAME OUT TO HIM#and i wasn't expecting the reassurance coz like we dont talk about that. we dont tell each other how we're important and stuff so yeah#anyway#ramble over#yapping the days away
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Genuinely, what the hell is this
#did they get talia and selina confused or something???????#and jason.... god.... from nearly killing criminals with his hands to being carried by bruce bc he is so scared he cant run....#and yeah they are different writers but???? did they even talk before writing all this????#and then STILL talia didnt train jason.... she just sent him to teachers. im just ahdkahdk#talking tag#reading gotham war
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I just had a horrible thought, younger generations are reading less, they cant focus and dont even bother reading the sparksnotes instead immediately turn to ai, what does this mean for the future (in 10-20 ish years) of comics and tv? ig its time to lock in and get a literature degree to start writing comics
#we cannot let them ruin the legacy of these stories#either they start vetting their writers of being capable of critical thought#or they major comic houses should just shut down#bcs there will be a point when seasoned writers retire and im scared#like yeah theres some bad writing but at least it still feels human it has soul#we cant lose that
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