#i hate evryth
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ONE THING I DONT LIKE ABT DARWING IKEMEN IS THAT I CANT DO MY USUAL BLUSH THAT MAKES THEM LOOK LIEK A PRETTY BOY
#Ź ā¢į“„ā¢Ź idle chit chat#they dont look dominnnaat anymoe if i put the blush#FUCK YOU ALHTIHMTAM#i hate art#i hate draiwng#i hate evryth#i love dotorrre
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nothing will convince me to watch a show more than mydramalist comments being extremely angry and mean about said show
#ppl on mdl: this is the worst show i've ever seen i hate evrything about it l you only like it for the actors the writing is bad#me: well that means it must be fun and interesting then
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the . umm yea !!! :3
#garten of banban#garten of ban ban#jesterban#garten of ban ban jester#garten of banban banban#garten of banban the jester#garten of banban banbaleena#garten of banban nabnaleena#my internet keeps going out i fuckifng hate EVRYTHING#WHAT THE FUCK MAN#ā¹ā¹ā¹
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ā¦..i forgot to block bsdās spoiler tags this month
#i swear to god#i SWEAR#the ONE time i forget#im begging the universe i didnt just fuck up this bad#that was NOT the spoiler i thought it was#im misinterpreting it#i did not just spoil something for myself that ive been waiting YEARS for#it DIDNT happen#everyone be quiet be quiettttt#thereās a chance okay a CHANCE itās all just a misunderstanding okay i misunderstood#im gonna be surprised by EVRYTHING that happens this months chapter because i DIDNT see any spoilers okay#weāre all pretending that didnāt happen#ooooooohhhhhh im so mad i hate myself so bad rn#actually cried over this btw#im on my period + no sleep from lingering covid cough = VERY out of whack emotions rip#i am like a delicate little flower and superpower mafia comic spoilers will apparently irreparably emotionally destroy me#except they wonāt because i didnāt SEE ANYTHING OKAY IT DIDNT HAPPENNNNN#AGGGHHHHHHHHH#insane that itās not socially acceptable to wail in agony over minor dilemmas at 6 in the morning
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i hate dog owners actually
#as a dog owner#i gneuinely hate other dog owners and if someone tells me they own a dog i assume theyre a control freak or toxic as fuck#go on r/dogs and youll have a real fun time !!#even more toxic than feminist subreddits#theyre either super abusive or theyre extremely neglectful#literally just came across a post on reddit about someone complaining bc theyre puppy they got ONE DAY EARLIER#'doesnt eat; doesnt like the crate; pees and poops everywhere in the house; bites evrything; never leaves them alone;#like wholeheartedly i think you should be banned from owning any animal at all#even a spider in your bathroom#and then tail docking; ear cropping; extreme training (bodyguard training.)
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Anyone else feel like they're just a goddamn mimic
#not even gonna tag this as anythng bc like. Oughh FUCK I hate evrything abkht my brain#likehow bout I go into the fucking lake near my house huh????? FUCK#whatever this shouldnt be fucking posted whatever whatever bye this is stupid
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i slept from 6am to 1pm in 1-2 hour intervals bc my anxiety is through the roof and also itās 40 degrees and iām sweating like a pig
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Should I reblog an ask game. Question of the century. Idk maybe it will make me able to form a coherent thought about hetalia
#just talking recreationally#Honestly? This month my hyperfixation on hetalia kinda slipped away a little? I sort of focused on other things#And like. Forgot how much fun it is. How much joy it brings me#History(and history adjacent things) is the love of my life and hetalia is related to that y'know.#And storytelling too which I sort of use hetalia as a way to exercise telling and writing (historical) fiction for#The hypothetical day I will write non hetalia maybe original stories.#I loveee hetalia and I really wanted to write so much about it since it's summer and I have some free time#But I just cant bring myself to sometimes. Sometimes it's hard even thinking about it#I don't know. I'm trying to remember why hetalia is special to me in the first place.#This is a mess but I just. Man I used to be able to make a million posts a day (cuz I was ignoring school ig)#I'm so frustrated about evrything and I hate the way my brain works.#Tl;dr : My hyperfixtion on hetalia kinda slipped away a lil and I don't have any current hyperfixation (besides maybe FOB) +#+ and I am cranky about it.#Delete later maybe
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teacher: do this thing me: what thing. how do we do the thing. when do we need the thing. what time do we start the thing. what do we need for the thing-- my classmates: alright! me: wait hold on a sec, what thing--? my classmates: (already starting) me: WHAT FUCKING THING?
you know. the thing. the thing everyone knows but you. the thing that you should already know, are you stupid, ask one more question and i will think you are stupid. you might be stupid. you don't tell anyone this. you pretend to know The Thing.
#school is just that experience but over and over again until you go insane#i hate evrything.#ryan's screaming
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atp i shld drop out or kms bc my degree is "useless" right now in that my University doesn't want to fund it, dorming is super fucking expensive and no one near the campus sublets - but staying with my parents and commuting for a semester would genuinely make me want to kms. none of the scholarships are getting back to me bc fafsa was done SO LATE THIS YEAR that they haven't processed ANY of the scholarships (unless of course you're in precious STEM).... like i fucked myself over so bad bc of how suicidal i was in HS but at this point it's a self fulfilling prophecy. there's so much pressure for me to continue school from family and even my boyfriend's family that i genuinely think they would look at me w contempt if i dropped out. my younger sister said she wld disown me. so it's either go into debt forever or live at home and want to kms............
#i hate evrything i hate school sm. im just gonna have to sit down#and talk to my parents about it. bc it would save us a LOT of money
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Dear (Sir or Madam,)
After (careful) consideration,
We (regret) to inform you that you have not been (selected,)
We have decided to (pursue other candidates,)
We carefully regret your application,
(Honestly, you should have known,)
We regret (your decision,)
(You chose this life, no?)
(Why did you fail again?)
(The fear? The anxiety? The dread?)
(You dared to deign yourself worthy?)
(You decided to not plan ahead,)
(You were never able to plan ahead)
(You didn't plan to live past 12)
(Your career was a stillborn)
(It was never gonna hatch)
We have decided to leave you,
No paths, no forwards, no advance
Do not pass go, you will receive nothing,
You never put effort to anything,
We regret (you,)
(Were you not informed that you'll never be enough?)
(Careful, dear.)
(You can't fall from the sky icarus,)
(Your father never had the time to build the wings for either of you,)
(Never had the tools, the knowledge,)
(By your lazy, overworked hands, you are condemned,)
(By your ragged breath, the sweat filled brow, and the dirt under your nails,)
(By the rough in your gut, the grit under your tongue, and the grease in your veins,)
(You are to be your own minotaur,)
(Trapped, cannibalistic, vile)
(You can rot yourself away,)
(Pursuing anything that crosses your path,)
(Chewing through lives that could've been yours,)
(Hoping for answers in the marrow of their bones)
Dear(est),
(That wasn't a very good choice, was it?)
We do hope you understand.
Regards,
(A life not made for you)
#look#when it gets to the point where even fucking mcdonalds doesn't want to hire me#i think im allowed to write angsty shit#i fucking hate evrything#yes i work a manual labour job#shit fucking sucks and im allowed to say it#i work a manual labour job surrounded by offices#i want to cry every day#i didn't know that office jobs were real until last year#i honestly thought my only career choices were artist or orchard hand or die#and i put all of my chips on the last one in high school#i fucking hate this#i hate evrything#i wanna cry so bad#i got told by a friend who works in one of those offices ājust quit and find a better jobā#i love him so much but#if the only job that has hired me was this one#if i don't have time to look for a better job#if i don't have time to breathe in a day#if i didn't even fucking finish high school#if i don't have any fucking qualifications#if fucking NO ONE WANTS ME#HOW THE FUCK DO I GET A BETTER JOB#idk i wanna go back to study but like#im 20#by the time i get a diploma i'll be aged out by some 17 year old who's been planning for this shit since they were born#i don't wanna have to do this for the rest of my life#i don't wanna struggle#poetry#mine
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Finishedā¦ at what cost (2 panic attacks)
#horrible. horrible experience#hated it so much#I fucjinggg hate this shit#I was promised help and I got none. and Iām a fucking baby and I need help#guys donāt work for squishables theyāll fuck u over#fucking so many empty promises#Jesus Christ I need to stop panicking#ok were fine now now we get silly#i hope i fucking did evrything right hahhhhhhh
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i hate doing research i am never doing research again unless it's about bobby durango
#fuck this essay i hate evrything#i do not particularly care abt lesbian alcoholism that doesnt have jack shit 2 do w what this essays abt#and i do not particularly want 2 read abt other fags killing themselevs 4 this stupid fuckin essay#shit aint fuckin worth jt n i wanna go2 bed or smth
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I HAVE TO GO ON A LONG CAR TRIP WITH FRIENDS MY LOVED ONES AND I WOULD BE SO HAPPY EXCEPT THE VOICES AHHHHHHHHHHH
#i HATE having NO CONTROL i just need SOME just a SEMBLANCE even#or i will be MUUUCH MOOOORE. SELFISH#literally my beloved will be in the car with me and im still thinking horrible things like#I HATE ANCIETY OVER HORRIBLE THINGS I HATE BEING HORRIBLE ARGGHHHHHHHHH#I HATE NOT KNOWING BUT I ALSO HATE KNOWING I HATE EVRYTHING ARGGGHHHHHHH#literally staying up late rn bcs i dont have to drive so hopefully i can sleep thru most of the ride#and wake up happy for the rest and LALAALLALAAAA#IM SO FUCKING SCARED RN#it's ok#AAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHH#im like happy it happened right as i got off the MASSIVE tailend of one of my emotional down distraughts#BUT NOW I CAN FEEL SO MANY THINGS ALL AT ONCE AT FULL FORCE AND I DONT W#it just HAAAD to happen. a scenario that i cant control. right when i got my highcomplex back#IF THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE HUMBLING I DONT FUCKIN!!! WANT IT RN!!#BCS THIS IS A TIME WHERE I CAN BE VERY SELFISH BUT AT LEAST I CAN ACTUALLY BE HAPPY FOR A LITTLE W#wait thats selfish too UGH CAN I EVER JUST BE HA#whateverWTEVER WTEVER ANYWAYS lol ANYWAYS waateeverrr
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please fucking kill me
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i hated that because it seemed it was something she wanted
and thats okay and i was never gonna like anyways but i can do it
what upsets me its the hiding it behind concern for me, pretending it was for me, to make ME feel better
because its not at all whats id want
#i hate evrything i hate it all#i wish nothing bad had happenes evee and i had never fucked up#now its just gonna haunt me forever#because no matter what happens its gonna hurt like hell and i hate it#i dont want this#the staying#the starting iver and keep trying to become the worst and most painful#indont want it#if its like that#and its like everytime i have a moment of feeling secure#something happens again#and im so so so tired
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