#idk i wanna go back to study but like | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

telesodalite · 1 month ago

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Sort of a ramble, sort of me just writing my thoughts out while I'm stuck with writer's block, but I keep thinking about how Fulcrum was in stasis for roughly 3 million years??

Like, that's a long time, even for Cybertronians. Not a really long time, not an entire lifespan. But still, it's a large chunk of a normal lifespan just gone. Poof.

One second you're crawling across the pockmarked terrain of an alien planet, surrounded by the sound of gunfire, and the shouting and screaming before and after each earth shuddering impact of another k-con hitting the ground. And then it's quiet. You're not there anymore. You're drifting somewhere between not alive and just asleep. Preserved somewhere in the background of a doomed body, ignored by time and space, still here, but also not.

And then there's sound. Not gunfire. Not shouting or screaming. Not the sounds that'll haunt you till your dying days, your own death sentence pounding in your head. No. Just voices, talking, standing out against a silent, dead world. Wondering. Joking. Bickering. Familiar. Just, not familiar to you. And you're awake. Pulled back from the nothingness you've been frozen in, consciousness tugged forwards with the yank of a fuel pump and the nearness of life.

These two moments are roughly 3 million years apart, but only minutes, maybe even seconds, to him. From a hectic harrowing battlefield, to an old silent graveyard in one blink.

How long did it take to really sink in? I mean, he seems to just roll with it. He doesn't seem particularly bothered. But like, what happened outside of what we see? How did he really feel?

Also, his body aged without him. While his mind preserved itself, freezing him as he was right then, his body was left to weather Clemency for all those years. No wonder it crumbled to dust when he jumped off the world sweeper. It's probably a miracle of some kind that it didn't just fall apart each time someone leaned on him.

And even after they rebuild him, give him a better, newer body. His spark, it's casing, all the irreplaceable core bits that make up their inner bodies, it aged in the time without him. Does he feel it? Does it make his body even more foreign to him?

Then he's also a technician with information that's 3 million years out of date. Lucky him that the scavengers probably weren't working with top of the line material. But still it's gotta be weird when faced with anything brand new, because a lot can change and progress in 3 million years, and now some of the knowledge he once prided himself in is obsolete.

Besides those things, his view of the galaxy, of the war, of their kind, of other kinds, is one of the few things actually pointed out when it comes to him being stuck in the past. So, how often were his old views challenged? Facts of life he held close proved to no longer true? There's 3 million years worth of new science, new beliefs, new words, new terms, new views.

And sure, some of it can be familiar, because they're an ever evolving kind, and they have patterns, core beliefs, repeating behaviors, but a lot of it's gonna be unfamiliar at the same time, because it's 3 million years worth of catch up, it's not like missing last week's trend.

In a way, it makes him a living relic of a bygone era for Decepticons. It would've been really interesting to have had that explored a little more.

#rq i wanna say i love seeing others thoughts on these if you have them. esp those that have thought about it longer than i lol #like. im still just starting to sink my teeth into the lore and put things together. so your thoughts are much appreciated #sometimes i wish that i could turn these rambles into those really well worded. slightly pretentious. but in a fun way. character metas?#but i dont think i can organize my thoughts that well. so. rambles it is lol #not to say rambling is lesser or smth tho. i love a good ramble. love to read them. i support ramblers #speaking of rambling-#idk why it fascinates me so. but theres just something rlly interesting about fulcrum being somewhat stuck in the past #i think it could've played interestingly into his and kroks dynamic had it been explored more?#like. the past and history play big parts in their lives. krok having studied it. and fulcrum having been fast forwarded thru it #it would've been interesting to see them talk more about it? since logically fulcrum wouldve gone to krok for more of the 3mill year rundow #and its like. krok is shown to be really knowledgeable on not only history. but cultures as well. theres and others.#so certain eras of their own culture would probably be a slight interest of his. esp decepticon ones.#and then theres fulcrum. who pretty much got plucked from the empire era only to land in kroks lap (metaphorically) ((...unless?))#so heres this walking talking piece of history. and a dude that has a sort of passion for history. why not explore it more?#and like. yeah. the ''history'' krok has studied is all mostly shit he lived through. but people study the times they lived through-#-because while they may have lived through it. theirs is only one perspective. a good historian takes into account multiple perspectives #idk where i'm going with this now. smth smth fulcrum relying on krok for future stuff and krok having someone to talk history stuff with #i just. augh. i wanna know what their dynamic is more. what we see in the comics is so back and forth at times #like. they seem to hit it off pretty well. but then fulcrum fucks it up ig by being oblivious and a little too ''i can fix him'' vibey #and his taste in comedy is bad. to say the least. which is apparently grounds for messy divorce #also krok is sometimes cool with selling a whole dude. at least when the dude is their befriended giant killer autobot buddy :/#that is also grounds for divorce. obviously #sorry. this is derailing the more i start thinking about how messy fulkrok could be. like. ough <3 #they're a little ''i hate my wife'' coded. but in a greater scav codependent poly way. and it's more krok being annoyed with fulcrum #its like. fulcrum: ''i can fix him bcs i need to feel validated'' vs krok: ''wtf is wrong with this guy?! who does he think he is??''#i think they'd want to pick each other apart intellectually. maybe emotionally. smth smth two officers. both disgraced. and power dynamics #its fun. they're both hypocrites. they'd need couples therapy. its also 4am. shit. ok goodnight

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faaun · 3 months ago

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ok let's catch up quickly

#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth #(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian #like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told #him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive #fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research #(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux #to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him #my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept #insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them #and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating #apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they #keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading #this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY #JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT #NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn #this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore #i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt #himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure #even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin #right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love #her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her #its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking #kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD #i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society #feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO #WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best #its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good #one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much

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artsy-cup · 6 months ago

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hmmm theres something about her....

#quick little character study..? is that what i should call this? idk i just wanna know how i could draw her #<- literally only thing i do tbh #big L to lilith games for not making all maulers full furries but whatever #anyways has anyone like made a transcript of journey yet?#or is there a way to go back to watch / read past cutscenes that i missed cause i just have all dialogue on auto for whatever reason #fan art #afk arena #afk journey #afk satrana #yeah im back to playing hi hello i am a casual do not ask to add me on anything

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cerealmonster15 · 7 months ago

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ALSO when im re reading fics i wrote i explode when i notice i repeated the same phrase over and over and over again kfdlsjfklsd. why did i say a variation of "left as quickly as it came" three times in this one fic that im not even halfway through rereading.... #girl get new words

#oughghghgghghhghg #taking a break from python to transfer my fic notes from my sketchbook onto google doc in one spot and to just plan the next parts out #rereading some of my older jamiazu fics for brain assist but. skfjdsklfjks #meet me in the middle has some similar story elements that i was maybe going to borrow from #and overall i like that fic but god why do i repeat myself so much LOL AUGHHH #i also started that trey/cater fic a lil bit ago but that might take me a while to write bc #oughh i care them so much i NEED it to come out decently #anyway um. brainstorming a lil to get it out of my system then back to studying python and ougghgh applying 4 jobbies #i almost had a new portfolio piece ready #but then when my partner went to pull my changes to implement with his new code #uhhh he did some mistakes and he lost a ton of his recent work.............#so like my stuff is fine. but the code he wrote to implement that was just gonna take a few min is gone #so he has to mourn the loss of his work and then rewrite it and i dont wanna pressure him #but houghhghgh i was ready to record and upload it #actually i kinda can cheat it since im just demoing the effects #but it would probs look better with what he made specifically for it?#idk we'll see

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saeshiraw · 1 year ago

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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

#tw rant #studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not #its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels #so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday #i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me #n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone #yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my #friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep #of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle #but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today #i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts #and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics #just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people #im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier #im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk #and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know #but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac #h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe #ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch #people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and #seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want #are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to #spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was #i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next #“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes #me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good #but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im #intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout #but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone

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brown-little-robin · 8 months ago

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Sometimes I enjoy my history of rhetoric class, and other times I want to scream WHY DO WE ONLY CARE ABOUT THE MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE SPEAKING TO THE LARGEST POSSIBLE AUDIENCE?!?!

#it's the Americanism #we're doing rhetoric of the middle ages right now and I KNOW why we're studying Rhetoric that's the name of the Class after all #but I'm just like. I want to know about every individual person I don't Wanna study this through the lens of political influence #idk it's this irrational thing that keeps coming up for me #where I suddenly get the urge to go WHY ARE WE EVEN STUDYING THIS TELL ME ABOUT THE PEOPLE'S LIVES #ANYWAY #ok back to being logged out

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silverselfshippingchaos · 6 days ago

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ugghhh wintertime sucks!! I'm sad and tired and sad all the time.. I need a nap.. and f/o cuddles.. and another nap..

#ash rambles 💚#negative #part of it is definitely the weather #it's so dark and dreary and i never wanna leave my bed #but also just. my mood akdjajs I'm kinda down in the dumps today #im recovering from being sick which always fucks me up #and i just cant shake this feeling of anxiety..? and i feel kinda a lot like my f/os wouldnt like me or would fall out of love or never see #me as more than a friend and other stuff like that #i.. actually got broken up with yesterday irl!#it wasnt messy. he said that this isnt what he wanted and it was fine and we're back to being pals. i wasnt sad at all in the moment and #i dont think i am now..? it's weird. we were laughing like always literal minutes after having the chat. when we got together we said that #if things domt work out we wanna keep being friends. and we're doing just that. honestly i saw it coming and idek if i LOVE him anymore #what even does love feel like..? regardless I'm not upset or sad at my breakup since i saw it coming and I'm honestly happy he just. Talked #to me about it. we communicated and then three minutes later went back to talking about x.enoblade LMAAOO it was fun!#but it is ridiculous for me to expect to feel NOTHING at no longer being in a relationship. i cant just feel nothing. i dont feel sad per s #just... in my thoughts i guess? I don't think the feeling of my f/os not liking me stems from me being dumped though. i think thats just me #being me sjdjaksj I'm very insecure a lot of the time. i dont think being dumped helpd very much though LMAAAOO #I'm doing okay i promise. and I'll be alright. theres just both a lot and nothing going on at the same time and i feel... idk what i feel.#i hope my f/os love me 😭 i hope that a lot #and honestly i know this community is ass and I'm more than happy in my own corner with my couple of followers but. ngl I've really felt as #though I'm not valued here and all that junk as of late. yeah just.. i think everything is happening at the same time and I'm tired and #i feel like I'm a confused kiddo who doesnt know anything anymore BAHAHAHA #holy shit it just sounds like i need a shower and a nap huh- I'll be alright I'm just. dealing with stuff akdjsks but i also hate to always #bring the mood down like this! i always try my best to be haha silly and all that shit. I'm just gonna try to daydream about f/o cuddles #(and try to convince myself they dont hate me ofc)#oh and. i know i mentioned this but. i hate the weather. so much. I'm sad all the time. November is actually my least favorite month too 😭#I've gotta study a lot today and I'll try to sneak in some k.urohyou and hopefully start watching monster too but yeah i apolgize if #I'm acting off these days ajdjajs I'm very stuck in my own mind these days. not exactly the most fun place to be 😭#delete later #i mean akdjajs i literally started crying the other day because my friend said that my husband (k.yohei) loves me ajdkahdb come on ash..

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stormyrainyday · 5 months ago

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this entire year has been flop after flop why am i losing so bad your honor i am literally just some guy

#im yapping u can move on if u dont wanna hear my life story #first i get nuked by stomach pains when i go to visit my friends #something that had been ongoing for years but #my best friend convinces me to see a doctor that year #my condition deteriorates no matter what meds they put me on #i finally get a more invasive exam that shows my intestines were inflamed #i get put on fucking steroids that fuck me up physically and emotionally #i go through multiple med school exams after spending months in crippling pain #pain so bad id be bedridden for hours #got 6 weeks of migraines near daily #sometimes multiple in a day #stressed out of my mind by the time my finals came around to the point that i could no longer bring myself to care #bc i was sure id fail no matter how hard i studied #visit my friends again bc somehow its already winter again #am a nervous wreck all the time and retreat into my phone #but also hate myself for not spending what little time i had fully present #constantly worn out and exhausted bc my meds are barely working #and id found out i was allergic to a lot of things so i was cutting a lot of things out of my diet #lmfao it was so bad my weight still hasnt recovered but yeah i come back i start 3rd year #the toll the last year had taken on my mental health finally registers #i become too depressed to study for my hardest module yet #UGH THATS SO CRINGE JUST SIT DOWN AND STUDY??#but nothing was sticking on god #anyway im sure ive failed #and la salud mental no es bien or soemthing idk i havent taken spanish in 3 years #anyway deep sigh i just stay losing #i cant believe im in like four fucking research projects and classes and trying to work on myself this shit sucks balls #and clinical rotations...#lord just strike me down

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waluijoe · 10 months ago

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the way i browse ao3 should be studied literally i pick One thing i wanna read abt (a pairing, a kink, a tag, a genre, whatever) and i literally start from page1 to the last page reading every single thing that seemed interesting. it can go for 6months idc i Will get to the page 179 of the specific tag having read almost everything. friends think its scary i think i just wanna know everything pple couldve possibly thought of and written abt smthg i find interesting..

#like. i wanna study all the angles that pple couldve seen this from #this is the best logical and ordered way to do it #i used to go in the fandom tag but thats too messy idk #it needs to be Specific #also idc that much abt fandoms i like or not if smthg looks interesting i wanna see it #anyways #alright #im bored taking my shit thats why i talk abt this lmao #i finished 3 entire tags already i dont remember what they were but page1 to the last like 180 i finished them fjfjf #what a high #currently through page79 of zolu not so far from the end but i got distracted by hannibal #so.#might never be back there

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look-at-the-stars-tonight · 2 months ago

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Called my aunt to wish her a happy birthday and we spent an hour discussing what I was doing with my life 😭

#my uncle wants me to go get a PhD in quant or finance or information systems and then become a professor #OR #be a lawyer or a dentist #the PhD thing was very specifically catered when I was like 👉🏽👈🏽 I wanna teach #none of those things sound all that appealing..#space law Has Potential #but I think it would make me want to rip my hair out #they were both like. you have two years but then figure your life out by then #and then they were like. what is ur cousin doing. has he proposed yet #and I was like ??? it hasn’t even bee n a year?? I think they’re going to Japan #and oopsies apparently he had not told them they were going to Japan #my bad #after I. very reasonably said it makes sense to wait 2-3 years #he went ‘what is there going to be left to talk about then. life is all downhill from there. might as well get married now’#and. I’ve never ever ever heard that from a human being before #WHAT DO U MEAN YOULL RUN OUT OF THINGS TO TALK ABOUT #I could never #anyways love having my existential crises exacerbated by familial interactions #they just Say Things #I need to study. I’m gonna go do that maybe #actually no I want to complain more. my uncle keeps saying that the problem with space is that there’s only a few cities that work on it.#and that’s gonna limit my choice of partner #(so funny how they say partner. they are very homophobic and have no idea or they’d go THE MAN YOU MARRY like my mother does)#I feel like space is growing…#altho I’m sure that’s what people thought in the 60s and 70s and 80s and 90s #idk some of these bitches have been around since like the 70s and 80s and 90s #so it’s not like they all got fired immediately #my dental hygienist was telling me space was great until Obama slashed the budget #I didn’t have anything to say back considering I was 8 when he was elected and know v little about his policies #anyways. this is a psa to not call ur relatives even to wish them happy bday because then they’ll trap u in conversation and make u question

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vogelmeister · 5 months ago

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I was always under the impression that you are Dutch.... Succesful dutchification

ah huh! i have fooled another one (jk jk).

i am not, i am very much still a humble australian, last time i checked. and unless this ancestry dna test on my desk proves anything otherwise, i remain very much Not Dutch.