#i fucking hate evrything

[vaguelyhumanshaped]

Dear (Sir or Madam,)

After (careful) consideration,

We (regret) to inform you that you have not been (selected,)

We have decided to (pursue other candidates,)

We carefully regret your application,

(Honestly, you should have known,)

We regret (your decision,)

(You chose this life, no?)

(Why did you fail again?)

(The fear? The anxiety? The dread?)

(You dared to deign yourself worthy?)

(You decided to not plan ahead,)

(You were never able to plan ahead)

(You didn't plan to live past 12)

(Your career was a stillborn)

(It was never gonna hatch)

We have decided to leave you,

No paths, no forwards, no advance

Do not pass go, you will receive nothing,

You never put effort to anything,

We regret (you,)

(Were you not informed that you'll never be enough?)

(Careful, dear.)

(You can't fall from the sky icarus,)

(Your father never had the time to build the wings for either of you,)

(Never had the tools, the knowledge,)

(By your lazy, overworked hands, you are condemned,)

(By your ragged breath, the sweat filled brow, and the dirt under your nails,)

(By the rough in your gut, the grit under your tongue, and the grease in your veins,)

(You are to be your own minotaur,)

(Trapped, cannibalistic, vile)

(You can rot yourself away,)

(Pursuing anything that crosses your path,)

(Chewing through lives that could've been yours,)

(Hoping for answers in the marrow of their bones)

Dear(est),

(That wasn't a very good choice, was it?)

We do hope you understand.

Regards,

(A life not made for you)

[lesbianbanban]

the . umm yea !!! :3

[im-still-watching-anime]

…..i forgot to block bsd’s spoiler tags this month

[swagging-back-to]

i hate dog owners actually

[eric-the-bmo]

Anyone else feel like they're just a goddamn mimic

[blowflyfag]

Finished… at what cost (2 panic attacks)

[lonelyplanetfag]

i hate doing research i am never doing research again unless it's about bobby durango

[jrueships]

I HAVE TO GO ON A LONG CAR TRIP WITH FRIENDS MY LOVED ONES AND I WOULD BE SO HAPPY EXCEPT THE VOICES AHHHHHHHHHHH

[callilouv]

ONE THING I DONT LIKE ABT DARWING IKEMEN IS THAT I CANT DO MY USUAL BLUSH THAT MAKES THEM LOOK LIEK A PRETTY BOY

[sharkmelon3flower]

i hated that because it seemed it was something she wanted

and thats okay and i was never gonna like anyways but i can do it

what upsets me its the hiding it behind concern for me, pretending it was for me, to make ME feel better

because its not at all whats id want

[zorkaya-moved]

❛   you vanished from my life before i ever told you my feelings. and i’ve chased your shadow ever since then.  ❜  :^)

@al-hazen

warning: spoilers for act II of luna gelida story quest. tw: self-harm, ending one's own life in the finale, mentions of blood.

-Oh no, dear judges, I fully admit my guilt. For my sins, I must pay the ultimate price.

You've brought a weapon without their knowledge; they lacked the information of what abilities you possessed and had control over. Your blood dripped down when you brought a blade to your neck, smiling softly yet coldly at them without any fear. You are the lunatic, you are the sinner, you are the traitor, and you are the beast. The shock in their eyes and the scream of fear, of shock, of concern, would echo in the hall. They acted fast as expected, but it was already too late. You've cut your wrists and neck to prove your demise; move along with your plan. You bled onto the floor of the judgment hall. You've heard the voices; you've seen them run to you. You've tried this several times by then. You knew the touch of death and the way it engulfed you.

You wondered if the last one to hold you in the judgment hall was your beloved. You told him that he could execute her with his own hands, but he did not do it, nor did he open the diary given to him? You knew it

You acted like the lunatic they believed you to be. You painted yourself as the villain that made others' blood boil or run cold. You saw fear, and you saw betrayal. You saw pain, and you saw the anger. You've played your role perfectly; you did not wish for them to follow you into the abyssal void. If you must become the biggest sinner to protect the one you care about, the world never mattered anyway.

When they declared your death inside the judgment hall, your body would become too cold to touch to those who cared. And yet, oh, and yet, the shadows engulfed you when they left you alone in the room where it happened to rush towards the house where you lived, someone set it on fire. Your scars disappeared, your wounds disappeared, and your body returned to its original shape. Everything went according to your plan. No one would look at discarded chess pieces.

And you left. The deceased were not supposed to walk; they were supposed to remain. The last light of life left your body in the trial's hall, yet they were rekindled. As the eyes of gold would open, so would the last stage of the plan begin. Death will never accept you. You are Death itself.

Did it make him feel better that she was alive? Did it make him feel worse than she was standing before him? He was smart, smart beyond any measure. His story and his life made it all quite understandable. When others didn't know, she knew. That's why it was almost hard to put on a mask before him once more when she knew how intimately he understood her, knew her, and even loved her. If Akademiya did not dive into the Abyss for the protection of mankind, she would do it only for the sake of one man.

A man with sharp eyes and an even sharper tongue. A man with intelligence and a man with secrets. A man with scars and an ability to move forward. He'd be fine, he had Nahida back, and it meant that she could ask the Dendro Archon to look after him. The talk within the prison walls with Buer was earnest yet quiet, serene yet strict. No promises were made, but Nahida was a kinder soul, an Archon who Akademiya did not deserve for the mistreatment of their god.

Zarina loved Al-Haytham; it was not a lie. If there was anything she would not allow to be sullied, it would be her love for him and her family. There were no excuses made. She did what she had to, and that was it. Progress did not move fast in peace and morality. What she witnessed in the Abyss caused her to rush, to move forward, to reach for anything that'll bring humanity closer to sealing away the Abyss. It must not leak into Teyvat; it must not continue. Her nightmares changed from her own torture to thinking of what would happen if she would not follow through with her plans. Haytham had already lost too much. She would not handle losing him; she knew it all too well.

He wouldn't have accepted what she was doing; she didn't think he would. Not only was it going against Akademiya's rules, but it would also mean that she would not be allowed to continue her studies. Blackmailing Azar worked all too well, but none knew that, nor would anyone ever speak of it. It was an erased knowledge.

Sokolova sighed softly before turning to face the Scribe. The Acting Grand Sage looked as ethereal and mesmerizing in her eyes as he always did. The very man she fell in love with and the very man who she'd allow to take her life without a second guess. It's not time yet; the cycle of life was not re-established yet. Her plan did not yet come to fruition. However, if he spoke to her like this, did he open the diary? The knowledge of everything she'd witnessed in the Abyss, the curse, the knowledge of Khaenri'ah, the detailed descriptions of what she learned about the curse alongside Abyssal power, hierarchy, Abyss Order's establishment... and her farewell letter. A farewell letter of love, not asking for forgiveness but thanking for memories of light and warmth. The very memories that'll keep her from allowing the shadows to eat her alive.

It hurt to put up that distant and soft smile; it hurt to not be in his arms anymore and not wake up next to him. The talk in the jail cell made her think it was done; he cut the ties between them and fully locked her out. So why... Why did he say this? It wasn't supposed to be like this. She'd take all of his hatred and anger, but Al-Haytham's words did not represent resentment or hatred. They were not cold.

Don't say that. She pleads, internally. Don't look at me like this. You're supposed to keep me away. Speak my words with venom, and let me know you'll walk forward.

"Why? That sounds oddly illogical for you, Al-Haytham," she masks her shatters with a chuckle to her tone. There is only a silent prayer he won't notice, he won't push, he won't see the truth. She can lie to the world but hiding from him once already proved to be difficult. She never lied to him, only did not speak the full extent of her truth. She hid, but never lied. Let her sink into the depths of the Abyss to return you to Light. "I thought you made your feelings quite clear in the cell, did you not?"

The mean gleam in her eyes was a lie. The twisted expression as if she would laugh at him was a lie. The hand that was brought up to cover her mouth hid away her trembling lips. She could fool him and make him hate her more... if only he did come to hate her. However, her heart longed for him. Her everything longed to go back to those warm mornings and sweet evenings. He was her dream, her was her everything, he was her heart. But if she would go with him, then it'd be all for naught. All of this play, all of this planning, all of this pain. Who knew that if he were to ask her for a reason with those same eyes, grasping her hand, and tapping into her bottomless love for him... he'd make her stay, make her drop the plans during the trial, and even assist in opening the book of forbidden knowledge. But it didn't happen. It simply did not. As expected.

"The Acting Grand Sage chasing shadows, the most rational and logical man chasing shadows of someone whose death was supposed to seal the deal," she opens her arms, shrugging nonchalantly. If he did read the diary, it could all be such an easy ploy to call out and dissect. All of this play can be destroyed and shattered with a simple quote from the very last page of the diary: Aeterrno amora. One quote and this farce would expose the girl chanting that she must be stronger to protect those she cared about. Stronger than anyone else, stronger than the beast within the Abyss. "Don't chase the shadows, Al-Haytham... But I shall listen to your curses and your sharp tongue. I've lied to the Akademiya for years, so let's hear it. Let me hear the verdict of the final judge. What final punishment do I deserve for the sins committed? I promise that at the end of my journey, I'll come back to bear the consequences."

How thick she laid down the wish to hear the negativity and hatred. Perhaps, his initial words shook her enough to make it sound too obvious. Too obvious that she wanted to hear his venom-laced tongue instead of hearing anything else. If she saw the flame of anger within his eyes like she did in the jail cell, it'd be enough. It'd make her happy. Because he'd be able to move forward and erase such tenderness about her.

But if he didn't... Perhaps, even the apex predator could flee in fear. Or attempt to flee.

[charlesemersonwinchesteriii]

Things that I have learned about A Stitch In Time after finishing Part II of the audiobook:

Ohhhhhh you are all heartless bastards I cannot BELIEVE none of you thought to tell me about goalkeeper Garak. When I tell you I lost my fucking mind!!!!!!!

HANS JORTS I OWE YOU MY LIFE FOR THAT ONE FR

The Tain reveal. The Tolan interactions. The Mila interactions. The final Tolan reveal. The way this book will not let me rest for a single god damn second.

SHE MARRIED HER OWN BROTHER TO HIDE THE FACT HER EMPLOYER GOT HER PREGNANT??????? NASTY YUCKY TRASHY PLANET <3<3<3<3<3<3

I recently read in an article how Mr. Robinson said the Bamarren bits were his favorite to write and imo you can really tell cause the plot seemed much less tight in Part II but it was still sooooooo good and soooooo much fun precisely because I had no fucking idea what was going to happen from sentence to sentence. I love this book I love this book I love this book I love this book--

PALANTIR X CINNABON 1 CRINGEFAIL MARRIAGE REAL >:3 HUGE WIN FOR ME PERSONALLY even if at least one of them IS still dead and it IS Garak's "fault" (he was sooo right to do that though <3) so I did not get everything I wished for. but still.

Oh hey speaking of weird threesomes Garak gets inadvertently sucked into, remember the judge and his "lady friend" who let Garak live in their house for free and sat there openly leering at their new handsome young tenant doing manual labor out in the hot sunshine? Elim babygirl it was NOT the orchids that got you that living arrangement.........

Ok this isn't funny or relatable to anyone else but as a queer religious person the Oralius storyline makes me so excited and happy I love it I love it I love it it's so much more and better than anything I was expecting I love the Hebitian lore I love Palandine and Tolan being the ones to encourage this in him I love his visions and his nightmares I love him talking to Julian about it I love him singing in church I love Oralius and I love you Mr. Robinson

The way Pythas has been Garak's foil each step of the way, succeeding every time he fails and taking everything that was meant for him. And every time Garak is just like [nodding approvingly] That's my bestie and he deserves nothing less! <3

The Pythas situation and the Palandine situation combined are both adorable and insane to me. Garak really said if you showed me even one single shred of kindness in highschool I am ride or die for you for life. Cinnabon 1 really was the dumbest bitch ever huh

[Dukat Sr. voice] the same people who want us to KISS THE FEDERATION'S ASS!!!!!!

greatest book I have ever read. one trillion out of ten. no notes.

Things that I know about A Stitch In Time prior to listening to it:

Garak goes to spy school, which is for spies (for some reason the idea of this is amusing to me. like I get it duh of course the Order must have some sort of training system but also. fanfic ass trope. Spy School! For Spies! it's even a boarding school and everything. DARKEST ACADEMIA)

Garak performs a classic bisexual rite of passage by falling in love with both members of an older(?) married couple (or well textually probably only the wife. I feel like I'd have heard about it if he were Betacanonically Queer (TM) in this book. but here's hoping I'll be astonished while listening!)

I can't remember if I read anything specific about it or not but just based on vibes alone I do not have high hopes for this couple's like. life expectancy.

Based on vibes alone I do not have high hopes for ANY character's life expectancy in this book tbh. If it involves Cardassians in general and Garak in specific I usually just assume everyone involved is doomed. This is going to be a FUN 12 hours and 28 minutes!

There was a post somewhere that mentioned that some supernatural magical stuff happens in this book and I'm SO FUCKING STOKED. HERE'S HOW GARAK ORB EXPERIENCE CAN STILL WIN!!!!

The entire concept of this book is so funny to me. Garak goes 7 years being ohhh so mysterious to Julian about himself or his past and then just spills his whole life story to him in a letter as soon as they're separated. Babygirl is going through Bashir Withdrawal Syndrome.

Most importantly KELAS MY BEST FRIEND KELAS FROM ONE (1) LINE OF CANON!!!!! I have no actual evidence that he ever shows up in this book but like he has to right. right. he's absolutely everywhere on ao3 y'all had to have gotten him from somewhere. I assume.

[azsazz]

Do you support gwnriel? I hate elriel because i hate elain and i love Lucien i kinda hope that lucien ends up with vassa or someone else and az with gwn cause i love her and elain becomes evil. Hear me out, 1. Elain is always victimized- She is the middle sister she too watched Feyre suffer and hunt and struggle to survive for her family and herself. 2. She didnt go looking for feyre like nesta did or did not even care or ask about her 3. She repeatedly insults Nesta in acosf even though nesta was a victim too and that she did evrything in her power to protect her and so did feyre.

like the fact that elain is always displayed as the victim even though she could have proven or fought for herself but instead she didnt and thus she can't complain that she never had that oppurtunity . People always compare elain to elide in tog and that is so unfair because elide is a million times better than her

Honestly, i kinda actually want az and eris together 😅it started and a joke but the more I think about it there’s so much potential and the enemies to lovers would be so fucking 🔥🔥🔥plus, I love me some eris so why not 🤷🏼‍♀️

I used to dislike elain, but now that I’ve processed im…jealous of her 🥲 like not one but TWO fine ass men are pining after you?! Please sister, when is it my turn?!

[snowspirits]

im so tired every day from the meds but they haven't had any positive effect yet

maybe the voices have been less

but im still dealing with the paranoia and evrything else

im scared because i don't want to hurt anyone but everyone scares me and i always feel like theyre gonna hurt me first if i don't do something to defend myself

i dont want to tell him because i don't want to end up in the er again

i just hate this so much it fucking sucks

i wouldn't wish this upon anyone

[sillywillygrahamcracker]

I HATE EVRYTHING I FUCKING HATE EVERYTHING. IM IN ORLANDA THIS WEEKEND WHHHYYYYYYYYAAAHHHH

[cid-plcd]

I'm going crazy. i wish i could stop the time to do all my stuff and also UNDERSTAND THIS. i only have 1 more month to learn this shite governmentality and i wanna learn it right yk, i genuinely wanna learn but its complex and overwhelming.

I'm afraid i won't be able to do all my personal things, be safe and mentally healthy and at the same time progress and do well at university :(

I'm afraid i'll never GET RID of this ""feeling""; self-pressure, self-demand, 'be better', 'be more productive', know more things, understand more... i dont need other people or the government to tell me that, i already did and do it for them. what the fuck its happening?

and you know what's worse?

ALL OF THIS IS LITERALLY THE NEOLIBERAL GOVERNMENTALITY OF MODERN CAPITALISM.

The need to be more than you can only to keep this great machine of capitalism running. I cant take it anymore, i need a rest from living.

and i still writing this in english. fuck.

governmentality is corrupting me