#i had to really miss key points of emotional character arcs because I couldn’t take any of it

[navarice]

mxtx really writes the most violently disgusting body horror known in existence because some of her prime examples include the flesh-burrowing plants in svsss that literally climb into your bloodstream and take root to turn you into a literal conifer plant. like the blinding pain sq describes when he had to tear out the roots from his flesh almost made me black out and disassociate. and then in mdzs it was the descriptions of the endless corpses and gore. or in the xuanwu of slaughter and the soup of blood, flesh, guts, and stomach acid of the turtle that wwx had to crawl through. i hope the sects have very reliable doctors because just thinking about the diseases one can get from all that…yuck.

but nothing. absolutely NOTHING can compare to the events leading to the human faces disease in tgcf. first, the descriptions of the crushed child under his father's body when they fell from the wall…it was so casually described that I had to first let it sink in before the shock took over. then the actual disease. the unimaginable fear, raw disgust, and sheer horror of everything were so visceral that I couldn’t touch any dip or crevice in my body without wanting to rip it off. literal stuff of nightmares can’t compare to how i couldn’t look at a hole in the ground for too long because it made me think of the face chewing grass on that one man’s leg. and then…that’s not even the worst of it. if reading abt the disease made me want to rip off my skin, then reading the hundred swords part made me feel so hollow that i felt like I needed to squeeze my guts into my body so they don’t fall away. each word describing it was a piercing stab followed by an aching fire of wounds that will never heal.

it makes me really wonder how strong a person must be to endure all that and more because if only reading such things elicits this strong of a response, then what about living it?

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Costume Meta 6x13

Was that real - did that episode actually happen or was it all a collective fever dream?!! I”m still sat here with my jaw on the floor trying to process all of the epic goodies we got in that episode, and the costumes were no exception!!!

I’ve spent far too long trying to figure out how to assemble my meta this week, but I’ve just gone with the flow and seen where it take me! Also this beast did not want to be wrangled and my ADHD decided side quests were far more fun and so getting this written has been a real struggle (I came out victorious though which is all that matters) and why its a bit later than normal (we’re not going to talk about my laptop deciding to crash and rebooting to a document that was missing half of what I had written - I couldn’t get it back so sad times!)!!

its under the cut - because as always - its a loooonnnnggggg post!!

We’re starting with the Wilson family (and Chimneys first costume!) because they actually sit separately from the rest of the characters from a costuming perspective this week!

There are a couple of things to note for the opening Wilson family scene which are kind of overarching things. Firstly the fact that Chim and Denny are both dressed in black and grey - a really clever choice when you consider their topic of conversation - fathers and things that have happened that cannot be undone - the grey acts as a form of fade out - kind of like a greyed out button on a computer screen - preventing you from clicking on it. Both Chimneys semi resolved arc (the decision to make his peace with his father and he reality of the situation) and Denny’s current arc echo each other up to this point in time - Chim’s father came back into his life and he made peace with it, Denny’s father is currently (and unknown to everyone) back in his life. 

Both Chim and Denny are also wearing chack pattern - chims more hidden and Denny’s down the side - but Hen is also wearing a very loud and bright check pattern - she is the nly one in colour and the test card patterning of her jumper says so mcuh about both check theory and the fact that at this moment in time, she is not active in the plot - not in the conversation Denny and Chim have just had, and not in the Nathaniel of it all either. We know Denny is in danger later on so his check is also foreshadowing that, Hen is also in danger (emotional danger is just as vaild as physical danger) and Chimneys danger is more low key - its closer to his chest - his home being ‘invaded’.

However when Hen does come into play, we get a much more muted tones and we get these, whites, dusty pinks, lilacs and dusty purples, along with teal green trousers. Karen is in a black silk blouse with lilacs in a lilac colour on - this pairs her and Hen up in their respective styles and shows us they are on the same page. Lilacs are an interesting choice of floral and colour - it symbolises youth and innocence as well as love and purity. However Lilacs also mean old love and were often given to and worn by widows in the victorian era as a symbol of lost love and lost innocence! so the black paired with the prolifferation of lilacs (both colour and flowers) are telling that Hen and Karen are no longer ‘innocent’ (by which I mean they have gained knowledge) and they are also mourning the loss of the stable family life they thought they had created.

the choice to have Denny in army green continues a theme we’ve seen with him so far this season - the use of camouflage and army colour-ways to show him as sneaking around going undetected, and now the full on army green reads as an act of aggression - to the family life Hen and Karen have created, as well as to the agreement they had put into place with Nathaniel back in season 2.

I found the choice to have Karen in black with some yellow in her trousers and Hen in very bright emerald green (also with some yellow in her trousers) very interesting. Karens black is carrying on that theme of mourning, but its also a power colour - so its Karen still angry and grieving, but its also her pushing forward. the yellow is her communicating (on a low level) her anger and upset over what has happened.

Hen meanwhile is going full out into jealousy mode - we are seeing a Hen who is feeling threatened by Nathaniel and is jealous of the relationship her son has secretly been building with his bio father. THis is the culmination of all those little hints about the role Hen fills in Denny’s life - that she has been the one supporting and encouraging his sporting interests - thats why we saw Eddie and her throwing a baseball - so she could continue to share a sporting connection and interest wit her son. Hen feels threatened and jealous of Nathaniel’s stepping into that area she previously filled.

The wardrobe department just keep knocking it out of the park with the kids clothes this season. Denny’s mushroom shirt is amazing. Mushrooms are about duality - they represent both decay and deterioration, but also transformation and growth in the darkness. so Denny wearing this shirt here is perfect - he is going through puberty - a time of transformation and his acting out in his sneaking around etc is a symbol of that transformative time. His relationship with his mothers has deteriorated and decayed - they no longer feel like they can trust him, but his conversation with Toni brings him hope and the opportunity for all to grow through this dark time. its a really clever piece of costuming and I love it so much.

Karens dark teal green is interesting - there was actually quite a bit of teal at play in this episode. teal is a colour of clarity  the darkness of it here suggests that clarity is coming but not fully in place yet - that Karen is more aware, but not yet fully accepting of the new reality she lives in. 

Hens black and beige jumper is a wonderful choice as well - the beige representing neutrality and its being a soothing colour is important - accompanied by the black spots it has the affect of suggesting that the initial anger is passing and giving way to a more open time - one where calmness and the ability to see things more clearly come into play. the fact that this jumper has runs and frayed edges still maintains that idea that this has damaged Hen - that she is scared from this turn of events, even if she is more open to moving forward and accepting of Denny’s desire to have a relationship with his father. 

Here we have a Denny in navy blue shirt and a yellow and green palm frond pattern - I thought originally they were bird of paradise flowers when I was watching live, but they are more obvious in the stills! palm fronds are an iinteresting and perfect choice - they are a symbol of peace and triumph - exactly what Denny is experiencing here - triumph in being allowed to see and build a relationship with his father and the resulting peace in his family dynamic that will come as a result.

I know I talk a lot about yellow being a colour of communication - and that still holds - but it is also a colour of anxiety and that very much matches up wit the look on Hens face. Her patchwork camouflage trousers hint at her uncertainty about the situation - she is trying to mask her nervousness and misgivings. These trousers are the same ones she was wearing at her leaving the 118 party - a time when she was also feeling nervous and had misgivings about becoming a doctor. Karen being in a navy jumpsuit with a variety of headdresses on is, again, an interesting choice - headdresses like those depicted are ceremonial (for the most part) and are a symbol of leadership, strength and bravery - perfect for Karen in this moment (and in general).

Just a quick aside before we move onto the ret of the mains! I don’t normally focus on the side and guest characters, but the guy whose wife got a vibrator lodged inside her is wearing the shirt Buck was wearing in his coma dream and that has me both cackling and wide eyed! 

The scene in Bucks coma dream where he is wearing this shirt is one of mostly confusion and uncertainty for him - loosely speaking - its when he’s really trying to understand what exactly is going on in this world his mind has built for him - one where after that initial confusion we see him essentially embrace this new reality where he has what he thinks he wants - but what actually turns out to be something else - something that he doesn’t want/need. And here in this scene we have a guy going through the sexual version of the same thing - thinking that this different version of his sex life with his wife will be better - make things better and make her happy, when the reality is that if he’d had an actual conversation with her about it things would more than likely turned out differently. So major props to the wardrobe team for this little gem of a costume reuse!

Maddie rocking the layers here in Black, grey and red - very telling for this scene. layering is generally about protection - in an attempt to deflect something that is making you uncertain or causing anxiety. This is very much what is going on with Maddie here. the red top being the one closest to her skin - the bottom layer, shows that she is happy, in love and in a good place - the red of romance and passion, but it can also be a sign of danger and I think its is a combination of these two meanings here - the danger element coming from the fact that this new neighbour has got Maddie’s spidey senses tingling. The grey hoodie is a little bit of foreshadowing for her later silver top - the grey transforms into silver and becomes reflective (more on that in a moment). Then there is the black blazer - power and mystery. the mystery element is connected to who this woman is/ actually is while the power element is connected to Maddie having the power to control her own destiny in this moment - her returning the muffin tray is about her attempting to assert some authority over the situation. it is worth mentioning that aside from the Black blazer, they have Rhonda dressed in slightly darker versions of the the same colours when she gets caught - red high neck top with a darker grey jacket than Maddie’s hoodie!  

Maddie in silver and being reflective is actually kind of a jarring outfit for her -and thats rather the point. Its not a colour we see her in and she wears greys infrequently as well - she tends towards a warmer and brighter palette with the accompanying blacks, so this is out of place for her - it highlights her discomfort and actually there is something in the reflecting of that discomfort towards Athena - the one person who knows exactly what Maddie means about not feeling safe or comfortable in ones own home. The metallic top is also reminiscent of plate armour and suggests Maddie is arming her self - getting ready to protect herself iff needed. Its a top that represents her trauma response bubbling beneath the surface ready to reassert itself if needed.

Buck in yet another grey jumper! honestly I’m beginning to wonder how many more grey jumpers they can find for him to wear!! This one is a much lighter grey than we saw him wear in season 5, and its also lighter than any we’ve seen him in so far in season 6. It follows on nicely from the one we saw him in in 6x12 when he was sleeping on Eddies couch and having meaningful conversations in the kitchen late at night! but it is also tv static grey - it has that fuzzy appearance, which in Buck terms means uncertainty and confusion. This is such an interesting choice for this scene and its vitally important for it as well. 

This is Buck outright parenting Chris - completely on his own with no Eddie to be seen. The only other times we’ve seen this happen are during the shooting arc and in 4x08 when Chris runs to Buck after Eddie reveals to Chris he has a girlfriend. Before you all shout at me about the tsunami it doesn’t count because Eddie actively sets up that Buck and Chris time on screen, so his influence remains a part of the scene even if he isn’t present (It is also a trauma event and that means it sits separately). The shooting arc sits separately from this new scene and the 4x08 one by virtue of it being a trauma event - like the tsunami. We also know that Buck looking after Chris like this is a common thing from the canon text, however this is one of the few times we’ve seen it on screen and the first time we see it where Eddie is not even remotely present - making it a step up from the 4x08 scene where he is present via the tail end of a phone conversation. 

The grey fuzzy jacket Buck wears in the 4x08 scene is darker and the fact the cookie scene has lighter grey is telling about the level of uncertainty Buck is feeling. this scene is one fraught with potential danger for Buck - his choices could anger or alienate Eddie and erode their relationship if he gets it wrong - he could get accused of stepping in where he doesn’t belong. It could also land a critical blow to his relationship with Chris - what he says could upset him or make Chris feel like Buck isn’t supportive etc, it is a fine line Buck has to tread and he does it masterfully here - giving him the confidence going forward. WE see the results of that in the cookie kitchen scene - Buck bantering with Chris and successfully parenting him - and not being good cop! So here we have costume highlighting the development of Buck and Christophers father son relationship!

The Poker Game!!!!

This gets its own little section because there is a lot going on! to start with I’m going to link to this meta about Bucks costume and this one about Eddies costume, because they still, for the most part, ring true. getting the full scene hasn’t really altered my opinions on their costumes per-say. I’ll add a bit more to them once you get to the stills of them!

We have Chief Miranda Williams in a black sequin and slightly sheer waterfall front top with gold jewellery, and Captain Jeshan Mehta in all black with this dark plum striped tie. A very deliberate choice to have the both of them in full black (except the tie). All of the characters wear black in this scene (Julie only has black shoes so kind of doesn’t count and I’ll explain why when we get to her) Both Buck and Eddie are wearing black shirts/turtlenecks and they are the ones with the power in the game (thanks to Bucks new found math skills) while Chief W and Captain M both have seniority in the real world and therefore power of a different kind. I’d even argue that Chief W has the ultimate power because she wises up and allows the boys to have their fun and thus the power remains with her regardless! the use of a waterfall front top is just another subtle reference to the water theme. the purple tie is also a deliberate choice - purple is the combination of the two jackets Buck and Eddie are wearing - red and blue! Purple is a colour of mystery (much like the black they’re all wearing is) but it’s also a colour of enlightenment and understanding our inner most thoughts and feelings. It being worn by Mehta connects this concept to the shooting and Buck and Eddie finally coming to terms with the realities of it and what it means going forward - them acknowledging their feelings etc and what it means for them, both individually and together.

Julie Rosen in a dark teal asymmetric dress with a high front slit and silver jewellery. Ok so things to focus on with this costume are the asymmetry and the colour teal. Asymmetry represents unbalance (for obvious reasons) and there are a couple of ways to interpret that in this scene - obviously things are unbalanced because Buck has an advantage with his math skills. there is also the fact that Julie is in on the hustle (her comment about Buck being bad at math is deliberate and pointed!) which pits the 3 members of the 118 against Chief Williams and Captain Mehta so its 3v2. 

Then there is the teal - a colour of clarity, objectivity, support, earnestness and of being true to oneself. the other thing about teal is that it is a combination of blue and green - a combination of Buck and Eddie’s colours! As a side character and one who is in on the hustle, her costume is supposed to give us more information about our main characters and her dress is really doing that!

So here we have a scene centred on them where we have a connected character wearing a colour that is a combination of their individual colours and one which means clarity etc, the return of Captain Mehta whose name literally means crystal clear and Chief Williams - whose first name is Miranda - which means to be wondered at - can they make it any louder that Buddie is happening if they tried???

Well yes actually they can - because I seem to be doing nearly all of the non main characters tonight, lets talk about the croupier as well! Firstly we need to note her location at the table in relation to Buck and Eddie - she sits opposite them and directly in between them. She is wearing a black shirt with a rusty orangey brown rope pattern woven across it. 

I know its not red, but this is yet another example of the show making use of what it can to keep the red string of fate metaphor active. Here we have the rope/string twisted and looped, suggesting things are being tied together and because of her location and the implication is that this poker game is ting Buck and Eddie even more closely together (it really is a date even if neither of them actually realise it!!)

 We’ve had so many game, cards and fate metaphors thrown at us across the series, but especially this season, now we’re getting to the business end of things. We have all of the metaphors at play in this one scene - the universe screaming at you (as represented by Mehtas presence), the idea of playing a game to win - when you can’t lose, making the most of the hand you’ve been dealt, the gaining of knowledge and it all being tied up together by the red string of fate - represented by the croupier - who is, like I said, sat in front of and between Buck and Eddie - in front of being the operative point (the future)!

Do you want me to go on with all the subtext in this scene?!! 

Then we get to Buck and Eddie - Buck sticking to type and rolling up his long sleeves - taking off his jacket and dressing himself down (a nice touch to add to the mini dressing down he gets from Chief Williams!) but him removing the red jacket is symbolic of him stepping back into himself and his normal role - cracking dumb jokes, being a golden retriever and also reasserts his uncertainty about his future - his desire to become a captain - the theme that has been bubbling along all season. 

I will make a more full meta post specifically about Buck and Eddies watches, but for now - we get a better still to scream over! The watch that had been more or less hidden under Bucks sleeves for the duration of the poker game, is now revealed to us once Buck has won his steaks. black leather strap and a white face. black and white - things are black and white - time is black and white - its telling us that Buck is no longer in the dark (all his watches have been fully black up to now) and also that there are no grey areas!

Also they just look epically good so why wouldn’t I add in extra pictures of them for us all to appreciate!!

Everything I said about the choice to have Eddie in a turtleneck holds true - thanks to Joaquin Sedillio telling us that they were inspired by George Clooneys look in oceans 11 - a look that was inspired by golden age Hollywood.  

I do want to mention the use of texture in the poker scene and this connects into Bucks burgundy velvet jacket. the scene uses texture very deliberately, only Buck and Chief Williams are wearing anything textured - her texture is rough, while Bucks is soft and smooth (as long as you brush it the right way!) they also contrast each other in terms of look - velvet is a very flat texture - its matt and absorbs light, unlike the sequins which bounce light around and sparkle, drawing the eye and reflecting light. it is the absorbing/ reflection aspect that is the mist interesting because it lays into the idea of showy versus understated - and that is actually giving us hints of Bucks growth - before he was all about being showy - bright and bold and going through the whole fake it till you make it thing and seemingly lacking substance. Now though we see a Buck who is more considered - his brush with death has made him less flashy and more internalised. (I also love that this absorbing concept plays on the fact that he ‘absorbed’ a lightning bolt and lived to tell the tale!!). the other thing about the velvet being absorbing is that it places the focus onto Buck - this scene is all about him and he is absorbing the attention (and revealing in it!)

I’ve put the photo above where I have because of the Athena and Buck connection. Athena wearing a reverse of Bucks poker suit - burgundy top black jacket. The Burgundy has the same meaning that we get with Bucks jacket - the deep love and passion and romance - it is telling us that Bathena are very happy and very in love - that its a deep love. The black leather jacket contrasts with Buck as well - it has a more reflective surface - this scene isn’t about Athena, its about Madney. 

So we have a reverse parallel going on between Buck and Athena - something we’ve seen at play many times throughout the seasons combined with Bobby wearing a very Eddie shade of green - that khaki shirt is straight out of the Eddie Diaz playbook and isn’t a shade we see Bobby in that often - he’s often dressed in similarly muted shades to Eddie, but they are never that much of an army colour like this one is. In an episode that shows us Bobby and Athena being in love and happy and finding new things out about each other without any children being a part of the narrative. the show is being pretty on the nose about asking us to draw the parallel - especially when we’ve seen Christopher seeking his own independence.

The blue and green of it all 

Honestly the amount of blue and green paralleling going on in this episode was insane! I spent a long time uhming and ahhing about how to present this - to put all the green together followed by the blue, or to keep the coupes together! I’m going to keep this fairly brief as this post is already reaching epic proportions (I write in a very scattered manner so thats how its already super long!!)

Green

First thing to note is that the greens get darker as the episode goes on - we start with Eddie in his khaki olive green, only this one is a much lighter shade and tonally has a lot more yellow going on which actually helps connect him to the first dining table scene and his yellow shirt. Its also important to note that he has his blue face watch on - which I’ve started calling his Christopher watch

This henley is the same one we see him wearing when he is at the Grant Nash house talking to Athena about his Abeula and her being taken advantage of - such a choice by the wardrobe team - foreshadowing the poker game hustle as well as playing on the theme of being taken advantage of and of cards (tarot cards!) they really are going to town with very deliberate repeat costumes since 5b! 

We should remember that Hen is also sporting green in this episode - a very bright emerald green as well as Denny in army green and Karen in teal green at various points - they all darken within their own separate arc as well as fitting into the wider arc of the episode (see the Wilson family section at the beginning if you want a reminder).

Chimney wearing army green is showing us that he is ready to fight for his family - for Maddie - so that she can feel safe in her home. 

And Bobby rounds out the green in a bottle green tee and jacket combo which is verdant and shows that his relationship with Athena is in full bloom.

This use of green getting increasingly darker is something we’ve been seeing at play throughout the season - we’ve had it with Buck, particularly in relation to the sperm donor storyline, but also in connection with Hen as well as its abundance in the coma dream. Like I’ve said a million times  green is generally symbolic of growth and what we’re getting with its use in this episode and more widely this season is a deliberate choice to make that growth even more explicit - whatever story arc its connected to - Buck adn the sperm Donor, Hen and her attempts to connect with Denny so she can be a good parent to him and be supportive, or Bobby and his relationship with Athena and how he is getting a better understanding of her and how that is growing his love for her even more.

Blue

The blue doesn’t follow the same linear trajectory as the green - the colour starts dark, lightens up and then heads dark again in the most general sense, but it also brightens as the episode progresses, .

Athena is in both light blue and dark blue here 

while in the same scene Bobby is also in dark blue - they are matching and complimenting each other. Dressing them both in blue at the same time is an indicator of shared trust and loyalty.

Chimney has on a blue jumper here,

which he is wearing over this blue check shirt that we see him in later on, so again dark heading slightly lighter. Check theory was working over time with Chimney in this episode - the only time we see him without check is when he’s in green. That is interesting to me - its making me think that the check is telling us that Chimneys home life is stable and happy, but that his work life might be less so - the blue and the fact that we’ve seen him in check in connection with various members of the firefam in the last couple of episodes - Buck post coma, Hen in this episode, and now Bobby when He and Athena come over for dinner.

Bobby is wearing this dusty blue polo after Rhonda has been caught. 

I should point out here that Maddie is wearing a dark khaki green tee underneath her bright blue shirt which is a clever hint at the fact that this playdate she has set up is a trap - Maddie is waging war - fighting for her home and the ability to live in it without fear. The bright cobalt blue indicates ingenuity and enlightenment - playing into the trap that has been set for Rhonda. It is also a happy shade of blue - bright and cheerful it ties into the idea of comfort and contentment and indicates Maddie being able to return to feeling happy and secure in her home.

And finally we have Athena in this cobalt blue running tee and gilet - its a brighter blue than the cobalt of Maddie’s shirt, almost royal blue - it still shares the meaning though - enlightenment and happiness. Its telling us that Athena is finding joy in discovering both her enjoyment of running and her enjoyment of haring an activity with her husband. The otehr thing to note is a contniation of Buck and Athena being paralleled - here we have her in a blue gilet when she flirts and insitgates shower sexy times shortly after we’ve seen Buck attend the sex gone wrong call - wearing a gilet - with him then checking in on his previous relationships and hook ups to see if they were satisfied sexually with him - the loudness is getting louder! 

Blue is a colour that has been slowly increasing in frequency for Buck and I have a theory about it - bear with me here because we need to look at when he wears the colour - I’m not going to include them all or I’d be her all day - the ones i’ve excluded are either denim shirts/jackets or where blue is one of the colours rather than the only colour of a top!!

Season 1 - Buck and Abby go on a date - the only time we see Buck wear blue in season 1 and its his blue suit (with a white shirt) Season 2 - Buck wears blue 7 times in season 2 but the two key moments we need to look at come early on in the season 2x01 - the blue henley he’s wearing when he finds Maddie in his apartment - its the first non uniform outfit we see him post Abby leaving and comes after Eddie has been introduced (coincidentally this is the same henley we know we’re going to see Eddie wearing later in the season!). the second one comes in 2x04, when Buck talks to Maddie about Eddie struggling with paperwork to get Chris the help and support he needs (its the boy crush conversation!) Season 3 - Buck also wears blue 7 times in season 3. The 3 we need to focus on are; 3x04 Bucky talks to Chase Mackey and sues the city, 3x06 Bucks return to the 118 post lawsuit and 3x16 - Buck goes to a bar and meets Red. Season 4 - the number of blue shirts goes up dramatically to 10 (especially as its a short season) and we’re interested in 6 of them. 4x03 - games night at he Diaz house when Eddie is dismantling technology and Buck has to do some parenting. 4x05 we have 2 - Peru Buck and the blue jacket he wears when Maddie gives him the postcards he sent her over the years. 4x07 Buck tries dating Veronica. 4x12 Buck, Eddie and Taylor discuss the treasure hunt at Bucks loft (petty Eddie drinking beer scene). 4x14 Buck sleeps on Eddies couch and parents Chris after the shooting. Season 5 Buck wears blue 9 times in season 5 and we’re looking at 5 of them, 5x09 Buck washing up in the loft while Taylor is being distant (pink marigolds scene). 5x11 Buck and Taylor have dinner at the Diaz house - Buck and Eddie argue. 5x13 Maddie’s return from Boston and also Buck breaks down Eddies door and was in the room! 5x18 the blue suit he wears to HenRen’s vow renewal. Season 6, we’re just over half way through and are already up to 19 blue buck outfits!! the key ones are 6x01 - the lasagne kitchen scene. 6x02 post convention locker room talk with Hen, 6x04 Madney apartment Buck tells Maddie about the year of yes, a second one is the navy top he wears when getting drunk with Hen and then the blue striped shirt when he tells C&K he’ll be their donor. 6x07 there are 3 blue shirts when he fails to donate sperm, 6x09 when he tells the firefam that his sperm has helped C&K get pregnant. 6x11 when he comes home from the hospital post lightning strike. 6x12 while he’s trying to recover at his loft and then a second one when he has is appointment with Dr Salazar. 6x13 the superpowers scene.

Eddie also wears Blue at some key moments

Season 3 - 3x03 post tsunami ‘theres no one in the world I trust more with my son than you’ scene. 3x4 - chris wakes from a nightmare. 3x09 therapy with frank. 3x12 Chris has his skateboarding accident and Eddie shouts at Ana.  Season 4 - 4x08 Eddie introduces Ana to Chris as his girlfriend. 4x14 - the will reveal. Season 5 - 5x10 Chris has a nightmare. 5x14 dream Eddie in the kitchen serving Chris breakfast. 5x17 talks to Buck about his family - while in Christophers bedroom. 5x18 the suit he wears to HenRen’s vow renewal. Season 6 - 6x08 dressing Chris for his school dance. 6x09, sleeping on the sofa. 6x13 poker night.

Why have I written all of this out you ask - well because I want to show you how all of these scenes (and the ones I’ve not included in the list also fit the theme) are water finding its level related. They are all very key moments when either Buck or Eddie are finding a new level or at turning points - not only in their relationship with each other, but also with Christopher. 

All of Eddies wearing of blue connects to Christopher, until the one from this episode - the first time we see Eddie wearing blue while doing something not related to Christopher. I included the dream sequence Eddie in the list because he literally starts coughing up water. 

As for Buck - again most of the scenes (even the ones with Maddie) are connected to Eddie and Chris in some way, even if indirectly (lawsuit I’m looking at you) There are a few exceptions - such as Maddies return from Boston, the vow renewal suit, Buck washing up or the sperm donor ones and obviously the one from season 1! I included the Abby date one because Buck chokes on water in that scene and the Taylor washing up scene - Buck literally has his hands in water. The vow renewal is Buck breaking freed of his bad relationship. As for the sperm donor arc, while not directly connected to Eddie or Chris, the parenting connection is a key one - after all much of Bucks journey to finding his level is connected to the idea of parenthood and dad not donor v donor not dad.

As for the lighter blue specifically - which is a post Taylor exclusive colour for Buck and ties into the theme of deepening ones understanding of self and the growth that comes from that - the idea of choosing to be happy. Buck choosing to break free of his depressing relationship was him choosing himself, choosing to be happy. The post Lev dying conversation Buck has with hen in the locker room is about Bucks search for happiness - about him wanting to be happy for himself. The phone call where he reveals that C&K are pregnant - that is him being happy for his friends, but also him feeling the glow of happiness from being able to help them achieve that pregnancy. The blue top we had him wearing in MacArthur park in last weeks episode is showing him choosing to move on from his brush with death - accepting it for what it is and choosing to be happy (whether that s just happy to be alive - something he was clearly grappling with, or a more generalised happiness remains to be seen) that is why we see him looking contemplative - he is choosing to put that life changing event away and accept it for what it is and the chance it has given him to be happy going forward. This theming holds true for other characters too - Athena in light blue is about her happiness - getting her parents sorted in the aftermath of her fathers stroke is making her happy.

So this new light blue top we have Buck wearing (which is the most reminiscent of the one Lev is wearing) is very much about him being happy - we see the joy he feels at being good at something, the happiness he gets from being with his Diaz boys and sharing in happy banter with them and basking in the glow of being part of a family.

Christopher 

I’ve saved Christopher for last this week because he also plays into the Blue and green theming - in fact he straddles across the two colours and that makes him interesting. 

Firstly we have this seafoam green tee with a pineapple on the pocket. Not only do we have a pineapple though - no we have a pineapple with a sunset scene in the fruit section. Yes you read that right - it is an actual sunset!!! So here we have a physical embodiment of the sunset theme that has been in play since season 4 - a theme that Christopher has always been connected to indirectly - construction on sunset or Bucks heart drawing with sunset colouring and misunderstanding the assignment - both times when Buck has been babysitting and both in some way connected to Christophers homework -  Ana teaching Eddie Math in connection to the first one - making the whole Ana being construction on the way to Buck metaphor even more obvious, especially now in light of this new homework scene with a sunset incorporated in it!

The pineapple itself is also interesting - there are a couple of meaning we can attach to its use here. Historically, pineapples were status symbols - they were a show of wealth due to the difficulty in growing them. those who could afford them would display them prominently at dinner parties and the like to show their wealth. Here Christopher is the wealth - he is the thing both Buck and Eddie place most highly. and the scene we see this top in proves that - Christopher being an active part of their conversation about Bucks newfound superpowers - his opinions and comments are a valuable pat of the conversation to both Eddie and Buck. Christophers inclusion, comfort and confidence in this dynamic is being highlighted here - showing the difference to how he was treated in the dynamic between Eddie Chris and Ana. 

The modern pineapple meaning is as an emoji - where it is an indicator of relationship status - meaning ‘its complicated’ Need I say more!!!!

Then we have the blue tee from the kitchen cookie scene. A tee with little surfing skeletons on! I’ve said it many times before and I’ll say it again. This show is just so so good at using the kids costumes to tell us things. first up the blue - Bucks colour and its important that Chris is wearing it in this scene where he is alone with Buck. I talked about the buck in grey in both the two scenes where he is parenting with out Eddie, well the same rings true for Chris here - he is in blue for both of the scenes (a pale blue long sleeve tee with the dinosaur wearing sunglasses which show space ships in their reflection). then there is the fact that we have surfboards reappearing on Christophers clothing - the surfing thing has always been connected to Buck in some way - both overtly and covertly. Chris was wearing a shirt with surfers on at Bucks recertification party and the last time he wore something surf related (for definite) was in 4x13 - when Carla returned to the Diaz’s and told Eddie to make sure he was following his heart and not Christophers. The other thing to note is that both of those incidents proceeded a major event - the Tsunami and the shooting. this one has skeletons on and thats making me both nervous and excited. We’ve been saying all season that Chris is due some sort of trauma or incident and I’m now very much expecting it to happen in the next two episodes and for it to be something that pushes Buddie even closer together. those Skeletons are (to me at least) suggesting that the current set up of Bucks relationship with Christopher is about to change - that it will become the old version - a dead version and that post event they will have a new and different form of relationship (as in the father-son thing will become more concrete in the same way that Buck and Bobbys has this season) because all of the surfing theming has been used at moments that have really pushed Buck and Christophers dynamic forward and increased the parent-child bond! 

The thing with these to colours is that this season especially, we’ve seen Chris wearing shirts that contain both colours a couple of times - both in and out of dream sequences and both connected to parenting. 

We have Chris breaking his punishment and Eddie being an amazing dad. This one is especially close in terms of colours to the two shades from this episode and now I have more context for it, the smashing and merging of the two colours would appear to be foreshadowing the merging of Buck and Eddie as coparents.

And coma Chris - who Buck has to chose to ignore/ leave behind. leaving him feeling guilty, but actually showing that he is a good parent to Chris because he recognises that he can only get back to the real one if he abandons this Chris (a chris who is a representation of Bucks own childhood abandonment issues - and therefore it is showing us Buck breaking the cycle)

In summation - the use of costume and colour was so much more out there in terms of helping with the storytelling and ensuring the Buck and Eddie as a couple message was made loud and clear - more than we’ve ever seen before - its been slowly ramping up and now they’ve taken the breaks off!!

Thank you as always for reading  - it really does mean the world to me that you're interested in the costuming of our wee woo show!! I’ll shut up now and let you have your lives back. If you’ve made it through the whole thing then you are my MVP and you get this trophy! 🏆 I’m off to rock in the corner now I’ve finished this epic. 

I would tag below but it won’t let me (maybe i wrote too many words 😂 so I’ll be reblogging with the tag list!

Until the next episode! 💜💜💜

[impostoradult]

I finally figured out why it feels like Supernatural murdered a unicorn (AKA why you need to STOP telling me to watch Black Sails)

I’ll start by saying, everything everyone else has been saying CERTAINLY bothers me: 

- the queer-baiting - the bury your queers - the undermining of Dean’s character arc  - the wasted opportunity for a certain kind of overall narrative closure - the flat out disrespect to Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles

 All of that bothers me tremendously. 

But there has been something else rather ineffable about this that has left a horrible taste in my mouth that I couldn’t quite pin down until last night. Bear with me, if you will, because this will require some set-up. 

*** This is not the first show to ever disappoint me in a spectacular fashion, nor will it be the last, I suspect. And one of the ways I’ve always coped with that disappointment was to remind myself that there will be other stories, other characters, other chances to get it right. (”It” being any number of things from just pure narrative emotional coherence to not burying your queers to not stringing along your queer audience and then yelling fuck you to them on the way out) 

But somehow that assurance -- that there will be other stories, other characters, other chances to get it right -- has rung particularly hollow in this instance, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why until yesterday. 

I kept asking myself, why do I still have this feeling, deep in the pit of my stomach, like something was lost here that can never be recovered? 

Because something was lost here that I am doubtful can ever be recovered, and I don’t think I’ve seen anyone else talking about this aspect of it at all. 

***

A few months ago, TV critic Maureen Ryan did a great interview piece with Mike Schur (of Parks & Rec/The Good Place) discussing the death of long-form TV in the streaming era. They explore how the longer seasons and longer runs of traditional broadcast/cable TV provided an opportunity to tell particular kinds of stories that you simply can’t when seasons are 8-10 episodes and series typically run 2-4 seasons (thanks Netflix).

One key thing we’ve all lost in this new era of highly condensed TV storytelling (and of prestige TV narrative styles)? The traditional (several season’s long) slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance. Not only is there simply no longer the time or space to write such romances, it has also come to be seen as hacky, manipulative, cheap, artistically impoverished, low-brow, a embarrassing vestige of the era before TV became art™. 

Everybody is trying to be Fleabag now. No one wants to be Frasier. (”It’s really more like a 10 hour movie” they all like to brag)

Obviously TV still has romances, even ‘drawn out’ romances. But ‘drawn out’ in 2020 is like 2-3 seasons, maybe. More commonly it’s like half a season. Take Schitt’s Creek. The number of episodes between when David and Patrick first meet and when they first kiss? Seven. Seven episodes. Half a season. If you watched it live, it took less than 2 months for them to move from introducing that dynamic to consummating it. And I’m not bagging on Schitt’s Creek; I think the David/Patrick’s story is very lovely and well-written. 

But Niles & Daphne (Fraiser) had to wait 7 years and over 150 episodes before they finally got there. Josh & Donna (The West Wing) had to wait 6+ years, and 145 episodes. Mulder & Scully (The X-Files) had to wait 7 seasons and 143 episodes. Booth & Bones had to wait...you see where I am going with this. 

And my point is (and I can’t believe I never realized this explicitly until now): there has NEVER been a queer slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance of that type on TV ever. EVER. 

I’m going to say that again, because I think it bares repeating:

There has never been a queer, slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance that fits the 100-150 episode paradigm of delayed gratification on TV. 

Not ever.  

I can’t think of ONE example  Not a single, solitary one. And I know queer TV pretty well. Arguably the closest we’ve ever come is Legend of Korra, and that ran 50 episodes, a THIRD of the length of old school will-they-won’t-theys like Booth & Bones or Josh & Donna. 

Queer people have had a fair number of canonical romances on TV by now, even fairly long running ones. But we never got a primary/front-and-center romance that you had to root for for 100+ episodes before you got any kind of canonical consummation.

That is a particular kind of TV experience that queer people and queer characters were just 100% shut out of until it was too late. And because of how the TV landscape has changed in the last 10 years, I don’t know that that opportunity will ever come back around in our lifetimes. 

***

Dean and Castiel are/were a legacy of an earlier era of TV, an era that still contained the possibility for a will-they-won’t-they of that particular mold. There were other shows that could have also filled this gap at one time - Rizzoli & Isles, OUAT, House MD, etc. But one by one all of them were killed off, their queer romances unrequited, until Supernatural was the only one of its’ generation left standing. 

And they should have acknowledged that they were a species about to become extinct. 

There are plenty of other valid and compelling reasons Supernatural should have gone full Destiel, don’t get me wrong.

A) It would have been the most emotionally satisfying ending to the series and to those characters (and that would have been reason enough). 

B) It would have stopped the manipulative queer-baiting of the (disproportionately queer) fanbase (and that would have been reason enough). 

C) It would have been queer representation of middle-aged men, of bi men, of queers who came to their queerness later in life (and any/all of those would have been reason enough). 

D) It could have been a glorious subversion of the bury your queers trope, considering how often they’ve died and been resurrected (and that would have been reason enough). 

But point E) on this list is the reason this one hurts in a singular way that no one even appears to be acknowledging. 

Almost all of the other wrongs and missed opportunities contained in this Supernatural debacle have the possibility of being rectified (at least to a degree) elsewhere. I can and I likely will get more bi male characters from TV as time goes on. I can and likely will get more middle-aged queer characters. I can and likely will get more queer characters coming to their queerness later in life, and starting queer romances later in life. I can and likely will get more queer characters who aren’t killed cheaply and prematurely. I can and likely will get more genre TV shows with sprawling myth arc plots that are resolved in a coherent, satisfying way. I can and likely will get Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles involved in other projects that value their work and their talents. 

All of those other things are at the very least POSSIBLE, and many are even likely. 

But a queer 100-150 episode slow-burn romance a la Mulder & Scully or Niles & Daphne or Booth & Bones? That is the one baton Supernatural dropped spectacularly that no one else even has the possibility of picking up again for the foreseeable future. (They don’t even write those types of romances for heterosexuals anymore!) 

Seriously. It was a TV unicorn. And rather than letting it run wild and free, they stabbed it with a rusty nail. 

***

Given the monumental shifts in the TV landscape that have occurred in the last decade, I don’t know that TV will ever go back to the slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance spanning 100-150 episodes. Today it is a miracle if you can get ANY show to last longer than 50 episodes in the first place. 

And that is the piece of this that makes it feel (to me) like they murdered a unicorn.  

Because queer people have gotten a lot of things from TV, and they will get a lot more as time goes on. But that one? That one could very well be a totally extinct species.

That is the larger missed opportunity here that has left this feeling especially hollow and destructive. That is the thing that makes me balk when people tell me to go watch Black Sails or Pose or whatever other prestige TV show is doing this representation ‘better.’ Because that’s not really the loss I am mourning here. I KNOW there is ‘better’ representation elsewhere.  

But the will-they-won’t-they/slow-burn romance is a qualitatively unique thing that queer people literally just never got. Ever. There is no substitute, no alternate, no other show I can turn to with that kind of build-up and pay-off for a queer couple, and there probably won’t be in my lifetime. Not unless the TV industry undergoes another monumental evolution similar to the streaming revolution that shifts the incentives back to telling those types of stories again. 

All those shows you want me to displace Supernatural with? None of them can give me the one thing I uniquely wanted (and could have gotten) from Supernatural. THAT ALTERNATE SHOW DOESN’T EXIST. It doesn’t exist. And I have no reason to hope it will ever exist in my lifetime. 

So stop telling me to look somewhere else; you don’t understand what made this one a unicorn. 

***

Addendum: The only other possible show that could perhaps fill this gap is It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (re: Mac/Dennis). But I’m hesitant to say it exactly meets that criteria, for a number of reasons:

1 - It’s far less serialized relative to Supernatural and (except for a handful of stand-alone episodes) very little of the story is grounded specifically in Dennis/Mac’s romantic dynamic (unlike SPN, where it is absolutely central to much of the narrative)

2 - IASIP is fundamentally satirically in nature/tone which makes it much harder to have genuine romantic pathos (not impossible, but harder) 

3 - All the characters on IASIP are fundamentally crummy people who you aren’t exactly supposed to root for. Which doesn’t mean a romance between two of them can’t have its value/charm/worth but it’s not the same as when it is between characters who unequivocally deserve nice things/happy endings

[zeta-in-de-walls]

Analysis on Tommy’s character’s mental state as a result of the exile arc.

Hey guys, I often makes posts discussing Tommy’s character and one thing that absolutely can’t be ignored is how his character has been traumatised by his experiences during exile. So, I thought I’d discuss in depth and how it’s impacted his behaviour.

In exile Tommy usually described himself as lonely. This is somewhat true but it’s actually a little misleading if you take it at face value. It’s not really loneliness that was his main issue, that was just the easiest one to express. Indeed, people did visit, they just didn’t really help with the issues that were really plaguing him. And there were a few.

-Tommy felt powerless. He was weak and attempting to get stronger himself only lead his hard work to be wasted. Therefore, he was reliant on others for help, and was utterly unable to give them anything back for any help offered. 

He also felt trapped, he had to stay on the island so people could find him and visit him but he was not allowed to choose to send time with others himself. He was completely reliant on others deciding to visit him. (Him building not one but two bridges to make it easier for others to visit was all he could do to increase the odds of someone coming to see him.) It wasn’t just loneliness so much as it being something out of his control. 

-Tommy felt worthless. He felt like L’Manburg had just seen him as a liability and was increasingly feeling like they were better off without him. No one really cared about him. He didn’t feel like he had value anymore as a person. 

He didn’t want someone to visit him, he wanted someone to stay with him - he wanted to feel accepted, validated. That’s why he spent time making a guest tent, so people could spend the night. And was so ecstatic at Mexican Dream agreeing to live with him. 

-Tommy is a very clingy person. He’s extremely sociable and becomes attached really easily. He has a hard time letting go too. In exile he constantly missed Tubbo and obsessed over the fact that he hadn’t visited. Leaving on bad terms hurt him. He couldn’t resolve anything and instead his frustration and bitterness grew and grew. He was put into such an awful and dark mindset! Its during this that he lets himself grow attached to Dream instead, who subtly encourages him to believe Tubbo didn’t care. 

So, Tommy said he was lonely, but he was way more troubled than he let on. 

...

Dream also took advantage of Tommy and performed abusive actions that both confused and traumatised him. 

Dream forced him to drop his items, hitting him if he refused and threatening to kill him if he continued to resist. He then acted nice, protecting him, keeping him company and joking around with him.

He lent Tommy his pickaxe and trident. He helped Tommy get primes. He repeatedly blew up Tommy’s armour. He regularly destroyed any diamond tools Tommy got and talked about ‘letting’ him keep some things, like he was being generous. Dream talked about how L’Manburg was prospering with Tommy there, suggesting everyone had moved on while he was the one responsible for sabotaging Tommy’s relationships.

Dream acted like an authority figure, dressing up all his actions as reasonable and Tommy was at fault for making his actions necessary. He lied about Tubbo not caring about his compass. He promised to invite people to his party and then didn’t, letting Tommy believe they chose not to come. Dream’s actions left Tommy increasingly dependent on him, as he was both physically and emotionally very vulnerable (as Dream had induced) and Dream took advantage of it. Finally, when Tommy did a relatively minor act of rebellion, Dream blew up everything. He killed Mushroom Henry and destroyed anything else Tommy was attached to - his tent, the campsite Wilbur built, the prime log.

Now, one of Tommy’s key character flaws is that he is rather irrational. While he can be perceptive, he often gets driven by his emotions rather than logic. (Its part of why he gets attached to things so easily). Usually he doesn’t actually let his feelings control him, but the exile put him under huge emotional turmoil.

-Logically, he always knew that Dream was responsible. He never forgot anything, he was just struggling to process it.

Dream was acting like he cared and Tommy clung on to that. Even once with Techno he described his confusion at his exile and noted that he recalled all the events perfectly but was confused emotionally and basically wasn’t able to deal with his feelings on Dream at all. He knew he ought to hate Dream but wanted to trust him still. 

Thinking more on emotions is also why he took Tubbo exiling him so personally - just before Doomsday he apologised and said he understood why Tubbo did it (I think he said it was the right decision even) but at the time he was hurt and felt like Tubbo didn’t care about him. Tommy often acts in the heat of the moment but fixes things afterwards. The issue with his fight with Tubbo was that they were unable to see each other and therefore resolve things, causing it instead to fester and get worse. 

So, that’s basically what happened to him throughout exile, but how did this affect his actions? A few different ways.

-He became extremely depressed and almost ended his life. Though he ultimately chose against this, his sense of self-preservation is notably lower. He didn’t seem to be afraid at the possibility of dying during Doomsday. And he was also prepared to confront Dream again over his discs - he had nothing left to lose as far as he was concerned. Once Tommy realised that Dream didn’t want to kill him, he took full advantage of it. He walked up to Dream completely unarmoured while Dream was in full netherite and confidently ordered him around. He was not afraid of dying. And again, he threatened to kill himself if Dream didn’t return after already killing Dream twice. Tommy’s only slowly gaining back his zeal for living. 

-He became angry and lashed out. Jack visited him at one point and Tommy spleefed him into lava, killing him absolutely ruthlessly. This is not a nice anger, its a cold destructive one, a result of all his bitterness from his unjust suffering. A minute later, he can only ask, why did he do that? Sometimes, Tommy might seem meeker, but it’s just hiding pain and rage that comes out in the worst of ways.

When no one turns up to his party, Tommy destroys part of the bridge he built for people to visit as he’s angry and has no real way to lash out - it’s not logical but as Tommy expresses: if they really want to visit then they’ll have to make an effort. A few days later he builds another, not because he’s better but because he’s so desperate for company he doesn’t even care if they don’t really care as long as they show up. 

His actions while with Techno have him torturing Fundy and Connor, interrogating Ranboo and helping Techno release a wither on L’Manberg. This is not the normal Tommy. This is him releasing his bitterness and rage in a destructive way, with his twisted mindset being vaguely approved of by Technoblade (though even he thought Tommy was going too far!) 

-He grew unhealthily attached to anything that gave him any stability in his warped, messed up world. That’s why he started fixating on his music discs so hard. And why he clung to Dream so hard for a while. And why he clung so much to Technoblade, quickly growing dependent on him, desperate for any sort of care and validation.

It’s why he even agreed to help Techno destroy L’Manburg at all. He was in such a warped mindset and wanted to trust Techno even if part of him was appalled by the idea, but his anger at L’Manberg was also clouding his judgement, and he wanted to agree with Techno because Techno cared about him. It’s not Techno or Tommy’s fault but their relationship was messed up thanks to Tommy’s trauma. Tommy was so dependent on Techno and was not able to function properly alone and he was very driven by his emotions, which were in a mess. He could barely sort out his feelings on Dream, let alone L’Manburg or Tubbo. He even let himself believe that all they were doing was minor terrorism, when Techno hadn’t hid his intentions that much at all. 

-Tommy blames himself for all that occurred. When the anger faded, and he was a little less powerless, Tommy began to get back his own sense of agency, which he’d been lacking for so long. With more clarity, he realised that of course he wanted to forgive Tubbo and make amends. His experiences lead to Tommy feeling like it was up to him to apologise - and he did. 

In some respects, there’s some excellent development here - it’s amazing to see him put feelings to one side and realise that his anger and bitterness were hurting him. And he held himself responsible - that his actions, traumatised or not, didn’t justify hurting others. He had been becoming the person he didn’t want to be - and rejected it. 

But there’s some worrying signs too - his experiences left him in some ways too apologetic. His sense of self-worth is still low. He didn’t blow up the community house but at one point said he wouldn’t bother defending himself anymore as there was no point, nothing to be gained from arguing about it. He apologised to Sapnap for releasing Mars - wonderful but it was never really necessary. When interacting with the egg, he said he didn’t want to cause yet another war, having internalised the idea that he’s responsible for most conflicts. At one point he even said he blames himself for Doomsday. It’s not healthy to have such a low sense of self-worth. He no longer blames others for not caring about him - but he does blame himself. 

....

Well this has been a long post. I hope that better expresses how Tommy’s been affected from his exile. I feel like I’ve seen posts complaining about apologists using trauma to excuse his actions. Not at all! Merely to explain. You cannot discuss Tommy’s current character without discussing his trauma. Likewise, it has been treated seriously by the narrative and Tommy continues to have it affect his character. It’s ongoing. He is improving but it has had a long-lasting impact. Indeed his mental state still feels fragile enough that us fans have been very sensitive to anything that might impact him. Tommy should be handled with care, and few of the characters on the server realise this. 

[inkperch]

Linked Universe Zeldas:

My takes on LU style- Zelda’s. Note: I don’t really follow Linked Universe, and I don’t like a lot of their takes on the Links, so uh, don’t assume these Zelda’s dealt with the LU versions of the Links.

SS: goes by Hylia, she jokingly suggests it when they’re picking nicknames, and everyone else just pauses for a second then realises who exactly she is and freaks the fuck out, so it kinda sticks as a combination of an in-joke and just... well, she’s Hylia reborn, can’t argue with that! The others are all low-key taken aback by how not-leadery she is, she tends to be the most hands-off when it comes to planning because well- she just guards the triforce, Link is the one who earned all 3 pieces and used it’s full power. Meanwhile her descendants picked up Wisdom sometime in the intervening centuries, so she’s pretty happy to leave the plans to them and stick to being a mediator. Third most likely Zelda to pick a fight she can’t win, most likely to win despite that.

Minish Cap: goes by Shortie, bc these beanpoles tried that with Tetra and she threatened to stab them, but Minish just found it hilarious so it stuck. Surprisingly quick to pick up how to fight, occasionally gets the other Zelda’s into trouble by running off, but they usually agree with her that whatever caught her eye was actually pretty worth it, because deep down they’re all massive nerds, no matter how functional they appear. Also tends to randomly grab gifts for the other Zeldas.

Four Swords: just goes by Four, jokes about how much her Hero(es) would be annoyed by that. Usually the first to notice encroaching danger, and always the first to investigate it. At first the more combat-experienced Zelda’s were Concerned(tm) that she is the one sticking herself into unknown dangers, until she pointed out that A) she is considerably less likely to get herself caught unless Sheik wants to go, bc she knows she has less leeway to get caught than they are and B) they won’t be down a fighter for the rescue if she’s the one who gets caught, which they reluctantly concede.

OoT: goes by Regrets, which like, the other Zelda’s just hear her bitterly pick as soon as the topic comes up and immediately decide they aren’t touching that emotional baggage. It’s an mix of Child and Adult timeline Zelda, which kinda fucks her up when she thinks about it- especially seeing as she remebers both Ganondorf breaking free and killing one of the Seven Sages in the child timeline, and what became of the Hero of Time... who she remembers clinging to the thought he got to have the childhood he rightfully should’ve in the Adult Timeline, as the waves climbed up over Hyrule to seal the awakened and unchallenged Ganondorf. So yeah, she tries not to. She also remembers the start of the Defeat Timeline, where she was too late to save the Hero and was forced to lead the exhausted and scattered remains of her people to war to kill the Demon King.

Wind Waker: literally just Tetra, she also is the first to look at the less murder-happy Zeldas and give them a knife. She’s currently working on getting them all up to basic pirate crew levels of fighting without magic, just in case, and she’s constantly pestering the fight-y Zelda’s to a spar. Regrets goes along because she’s had three slightly different Zelda’s merged in her head so her skills are a little rusty, Hylia likes to do it just because people keep forgetting she learned to fight at the same school Link did, and their responses when she reminds them are funny to her. Tetra is picked up from after establishing New Hyrule, and she looks up to Hylia more than she’s willing to admit, often going to her for advice on the whole ‘founding a nation in peaceful cohabitation with the locals’ thing. Second most likely to start a fight she can’t win.

Spirit Tracks: goes by Ghost, refuses to explain the joke to any of the others and thinks she’s hilarious for it. She is, but she doesn’t need the ego stoke. They find out about the ghost thing when she accidently astral projects in her sleep at one point and wakes up to them freaking out over her corpse, which is implied to happen often. Tetra notices that she’s really really weird to train as a fighter, because she already fights pretty well but she also fights like she’s a giant fuck-off suit of armour with a sword as big as she is. She finds it amazing to get to meet Tetra, and is constantly asking her if various stories she heard as a child are actually true or if her mother just made them up or exaggerated. They were not, and Ghost thinks Tetra is the coolest person on the planet for it.

Twilight Princess: goes by Twilight, out of tribute to Midna’s nickname for her. Absolutely misses Midna, respects Regrets more than Regrets thinks she should, but she still angsts a lot about how she just surrendered to the unkillable army its implied she’s the only one who could even see properly who could turn them all into ghos- ahem. I may or may not have opinions about people thinking it’s the wrong decision from out of universe. But yeah, she absolutely angsts about it, and really looks up to Tetra and Regrets bc at least they acted, she just sat in her tower and waited for the hero she knew would be coming. Saying that though, she indulged Tetra’s pestering to fite exactly once (1), and promptly kicked her ass and went back to her book. Because really, what else was she going to do with all that free time while Link was fishing to win a Heart Container and she couldn’t leave her room? Ganondorf had to get the idea to have her use a sword somewhere.

FSA: Even among Zelda's, she stands out for how friendly she is- more than once she brought a ‘new friend’ back to camp who’d been trying to kill them seconds earlier. This got her the nickname Torch, because she shines light into even the darkest of creatures- although, Hylia would like it if she never interacted with any of the mini-Imprisoned from HW ever again please and thank you, that was a step too far for exotic pets.

(I’ll do a followup post for the Defeat Timeline, it has a lot of the older games I haven’t played and need to familiarise myself with the characters in, and it’s already getting late)

Hyrule Warriors: goes by Sheik, was unironically ready to fight her ancestor for the name, but Regrets doesn’t really care. Speaking of regrets, upon learning that Regrets did the exact same disguise in the Adult timeline, Sheik immediately wants to go stab Cia (and maybe Lana too) for letting her think she was getting away with the disguise when Cia had literally seen the exact same trick just one timeline over. (post post-game definitive edition, so Cia has her redemption arc) She also was never meant to be the bearer of the Triforce of Wisdom, and views it as a burden- without Cia’s interference, the Triforce of Wisdom and it’s visions would’ve been passively sitting in the royal vaults instead of etched into her hand, but fate got confused when the Triforce had been split, but the one who should inherit Wisdom was much better suited to Courage. This leads to a bit of a disconnect sometimes, where fate has changed her into a suitable host for the Triforce of Wisdom, but she just kinda isn’t one. She’s also a MASSIVE nerd (I saw those TP references in Linkle’s Twilight stage Nintendo! She literally started dropping random history quotes after almost dying, the nerd) so she’s constantly fangirling over all her famous ancestors, because if anyone had managed to hear legends from all 3 timelines, it would be HW Zelda. The most likely to pick a fight she can’t win, she literally only pretends to be functional and have impulse control when they’re in her Hyrule and her people can see her.

BOTW:

Both BoTW Zeldas avoid each other like the plague because yeah, that’s a physical manifestation of my failures. They’re not consolidated like OoT was for bonus angst- because just merging them would show her there’s a happier timeline where all of her friends survived and Hyrule didn’t fall and crumble to ruins while she and Link took a 100 year nap.

AoC: goes by Terrako, because why the hell not. Has Terrako with her, which gets confusing, but he’s an adorable Eggy Boi, and basically team mascot. Is using her Master Cycle+Sheikah Slate movesets, bc she tried to use her Goddess bow moveset and reality just kinda glitched bc there were two Zelda’s using the exact same power, and they both agreed to never try that again. 

BoTW: goes by Architect, because that’s what she spends half her time doing these days. Regularly nerds out with Sheik. Low-key dying inside from self-worth issues rearing up again now that she’s hanging out with all these legendary queens, but tries not to let it show and keep with a positive attitude, too mixed results.

[grimsonchin]

My Take on The Last of Us Part II: (SPOILERS)

If you were just like me who just finished the game and are unsure about the outcome and story plz take the time to read this:

If I’m being honest af right now, playing The Last of Us Part 2 for the first time made me low key filled with anger and sadness. I really enjoyed playing as Ellie in Seattle with Dina and Jessie. After switching off to Abby for a few hours, I wanted to just speed run through her arc because I hated for what she did to Joel. I was starting to miss Ellie. However, after Day 1 and I started Day 2, for some reason, that hate was replaced with being intrigued with the story progression to Abby meeting Yara and Lev (I was still mad at Abby at this point, but not as much). I was glad that I stopped speed running through her story and I actually got to be in Abby’s shoes about her relationships with others and being a caring individual towards Lev and Yara. It just shows that ND is trying to make you see another point of view of Abby’s revenge being similar to Ellie’s revenge: both are in an endless cycle of vengeance that must be broken. They might try to make you sympathize with Abby, but it’s okay if you don’t. It’s okay to hate her for what she has done. However, ND wanted to show you her story and where she comes from the end of the stick does matter. Both characters have experienced loss; Ellie losing Joel, Jessie, and nearly Dina. Abby loses her father and her friends (Manny, Owen, Mel, Nora, Yara and others). So I see from both sides that they want to avenge those they have lost.

Even though TLOU is mainly focused on Ellie and Joel, you don’t realize that the TLOU universe has no heroes/villians. It’s mostly just human beings out her trying to survive an apocalypse; even if it’s defending yourself from other people who want to hurt you or murdering others in order to survive and gather supplies for others. The first game had Marlene, Tess, Sarah, Riley, David, Sam, and Henry; characters that impacted the first story for both characters, good or bad. For the second game, there’s WLFs, people of Jackson, and Scars/Seraphites. Different groups with different purposes in order to strive into the apocalyptic world.

After the depressing ending we got, I literally crumbled. A game like that has NEVER made me feel things that I had to take a pause from it and recollect my thoughts. That’s some extraordinary work. However, the ending was so impactful to me that I couldn’t process what just happened. So I thought that the game was good but not that great.

That’s when I started to replay it again with a collective mind and paid more attention to detail. (Still cried every time over losing Joel). That’s when my mind started to change about the overall message and tone about the game. Naughty Dog even stated that the first game was about LOVE and the second game was aimed towards HATE. They wanted to make the player feel uncomfortable and feel a rollercoaster of emotions as a human being (anger, sadness, and happiness). This was a game about consequences from both sides of characters: the people of Jackson and the WLF. Both sides had human beings murdered in order to survive (as well as the Seraphites).

My favorite gut-wrenching part about the game (besides gameplay and character arcs) is that it honors the first game with foreshadowing. In the first game, Sam asks Ellie what she was afraid of. Ellie says that she was afraid of being alone. Revenge has unfortunately blinded Ellie and she suffered that consequence: she was all alone in the end. She lost Joel, Dina, her son were no longer home (the farmhouse they built their love and long lasting relationship together), and she lost her two fingers and couldn’t play the guitar anymore to bring her peace (the two fingers were referenced near the end of the first game when Ellie confronts Joel about the Fireflys). As Ellie leaves the guitar behind, it symbolizes that she has let go of Joel (not completely as she still loves Joel but her anger towards his death has been replaced with peace as she realizes that killing more people in order to avenge him won’t bring him back).

After witnessing the ending for a second time, I started to realize that instead of my past self wanting Abby to be killed by Ellie, this present me was glad that Ellie spared Abby. Before Ellie threatened Abby, she had a flashback of bloody Joel, suffering. This caused Ellie to feel the need to “finish what she started” in order to avenge Joel and to fulfill her quest. However, after attempting to drown Abby, she slowly started to get a flashback of Joel; not bloody Joel, but Joel playing the guitar, happy to see Ellie on the night of the dance. Ellie at that point started to realize that she needed to start forgiving herself. Not Abby or anyone else. Herself. It wouldn’t bring back Joel, but she thought to herself that it wasn’t right. She needed to save herself in order to break the cycle of violence (Lev would’ve gone after Ellie if Abby was killed). If it weren’t for Ellie finding closure, Abby and Lev would’ve died on the pillars and never make it to Catalina Island.

I praise Naughty Dog for this type of direction they were going with. They’ve warned people might not like it and it’s understandable. However, that does not mean that it gives people an excuse to make it look bad for others and sending death threats/ harsh comments to others. Part II WAS something I was not expecting at all. But I’d say that if you understand the messages in the game and take the time to understand the story and characters, it makes the gaming experience phenomenal.

I know that the biggest problem people have about the second game was Joel’s death being unexpected and too early. I agree; it was too soon. However, I felt that the story with flashbacks made that up for the most part. Also, it occurred to me (my own opinion) that Joel did not put much of a fight with the WLF because I felt that he knew deep down that the people who want to hurt him were somehow connected to the Fireflys from the hospital where he killed many people in order to save Ellie. He just didn’t have enough fight in him no longer after his confrontation with Ellie the night of the dance. He probably had to live with that guilt for all those years, even though Ellie would offer to try to forgive him for making her life actually matter. We have to keep in mind that Joel is a bad person (not to us the player, but to someone else). We love Joel, I love Joel dearly, but again, there are no heroes in this story.

Overall, I really really enjoyed Part 2. Lil bit more than the first one, even tho the first game has room in my heart. I’ll be honest; there are just a few few flaws it may have for story wise but overall was an amazing experience. I wish I could experience it again. Everything from gameplay, to story progression, to amazing acting. Congrats to Naughty Dog for an amazing masterpiece :D

*** Also, we all know that Ellie does go back to Jackson to be with Dina and their son and y’all can’t tell me otherwise :) ***

[livlepretre]

can you explain your drafting process & how you planned fairytale ending? that fic is huge

absolutely! 

usually, some spark of an idea or a scene will be the first thing that inspires me to write a fic-- in FE’s case, I woke up the morning after The Reckoning aired and immediately wondered, but what if Klaus had actually kidnapped Elena? 

So, with that initial spark in mind, I’ll usually go ahead and write that first bit that initially jumps out at me-- just to get the ball rolling, and to take advantage of that first bright burst of creative energy. In FE’s case, that’s pretty much the first chapter. This is when I’m just focused on setting the mood of things, setting the atmosphere, throwing in little snippets of conversation-- whatever first jumps out at me about an idea, and whatever excites me the most. (In SWBS the first scene I wrote was actually the scene in chapter 9 or 10 when the nurse asks her if she could be pregnant and she’s like, no waayyyyy.) 

Eventually there comes a point where I run out of steam, usually somewhere between 500 and a few thousand words in, and that’s when I turn to outlining. 

I’m one of those people who really can’t write at all without an outline. Like, yes, I can meander for a few thousand words, but I just can’t go forward unless I have an idea of where I’m going. Sometimes that changes-- it’s certainly changed in FE plenty of times-- because the story will go in unexpected directions, but having an idea of where the story is heading is key. 

I’ve discussed my outlining in strenuous detail here, with actual screenshots of my outlines, but basically, I have three levels of outlining: 

1) The overall outline-- this is just a bullet pointed list of the general arc of the fic-- my original idea for FE was pretty simple-- it was literally just a bullet pointed list of where I wanted the relationships to go, and didn’t even really include any of the big plot or action points. That all came later-- which makes sense, because the main thing that motivated me to write and excited me was exploring the relationships. 

Here’s a screenshot of the original outline from like 2011 (I cropped out the last few bullet points because believe it or not they’re still relevant for where I want the fic to go) -- obviously some of the plot points never happened, and it’s just an incredibly loose outline 

2) The next step is to divide the fic into general arcs or parts-- and to figure out what items from the general outline go in which part, and to start fleshing them out. This is when I start thinking about things like: who are the antagonists? what are the big action sequences? what are the big events that will actually shift things? the really exciting scenes that I daydream about while doing the dishes or in the shower or whatever? 

I would say my original idea for FE’s parts were: 

I. The manor stuff with Klaus/Rebekah/Stefan vs. Elena getting very lonely 

II. Elena has her affair with Tyler 

III. The Miscarriage 

IV. The part we’re on now, which I actually refer to in my mind as the Chicago arc, even though we’re not in Chicago hahaha -- but, Elena/Rebekah vs. Klaus/Stefan 

V. The ending 

As I was writing certain things came up-- 

Daggergate occurred to me during the hiatus between chapters 6 & 7 (Tyler was originally slated to die in chapter 41 but I found out he died on the show and I decided I couldn’t kill him, and then I had the idea that if Elena could save him, that could be a major victory for her, and I realized I could sort of invert that scene when Klaus kills Zoe and instead have Elena run and be the one to slay him), which led to the Exile arc, and inserting the miscarriage into that arc. I think the idea that Rebekah would be the one to break Elena out of her exile came to me pretty early on into thinking about that?? Unclear though because it took me like two more years of writing to get that far. 

I impulsively added in the first Nola arc literally at the point when I was publishing it, because I wanted to write about Nola and because Klaus and Elena had become unexpectedly close in the fic (in my original idea I don’t think they ever hook up or kiss and Elena certainly doesn’t fall in love with him-- I’m so glad we got this FE and not my original idea). Oh! And also I wanted to do the gold dagger but at some point I realized that the only feasible way to get a hold of it would be to actually go to Nola so off we went. 

2nd Nola arc was based on a comment asking me about the bloodstone, which made me realize that 1) I really did want to go back to Nola to tie those things up, especially with Marcel and Davina 2) the bloodstone would be a great diversion from that gold dagger, and 3) it had occurred to me at some point that Mikael would be undaggered if this is a 3x05 divergence and I wanted an opportunity to introduce him as a Big Bad for the last part of the fic 

So, the arc outline developed into: 

I. The first manor arc, ending with Elena breaking things off with Stefan (and therefore moving on) 

II. The first Nola arc, ending with Elena creating the bloodstone and attempting to recurse Klaus 

III. The second manor arc, with her affair with Tyler, discovery of Klaus compelling her, rising out of her depression through art, ending with Klaus inevitably calling her back to Nola

IV. The second Nola arc, with bloodstone 2.0, plus the Abattoir battle with Mikael and Team Mystic Falls, plus Daggergate (I’m sorry I’m probably never going to top this...) 

V. The Exile-- the miscarriage, the years in solitude, and the slow rise from the depths-- ending first with Rebekah coming for her, and secondly with Mikael and burning the mansion down and daggering him 

VI. What I think of as the Chicago arc, but could easily be the Coven arc or the Family Four arc or whatever... this whole weird false detente we’re in 

VII. The Rest of the Story 

This is also the point in outlining, when I’m developing the next arc, where I like to write a list of all of the characters, and write a little blurb about what their motives are. It’s really helpful for me to come up with what’s going to happen if I have a really clear idea of what everyone’s goals are-- so, for example, in the 2nd Nola arc, it was something like: 

Klaus wants to free the loup garous from the curse and turn them, and he wants Elena (and maybe to recruit Davina to him) 

Marcel wants to reobtain the bloodstone with Elena’s help, and use it to finish the spell to rebind Klaus’s werewolf side and ultimately kick him out of New Orleans

Stefan wants to protect Elena from the scheming, and potentially run away with her if necessary to get her free of it all 

etc. 

This is especially helpful because it can point out where the conflict-- and therefore the interest-- is going to come from in the story. If I notice too many people are in agreement on their goals, I think about who might actually disagree with the others, and what their reasons are for doing that. This is a big help, and whenever I feel stuck writing, it’s usually because I haven’t clarified to myself well enough what everyone’s goals are. (You can imagine that this is a huge mess right now with all of my notes on what Elijah wants and Klaus wants and Rebekah wants and etc and etc heading into FE 59!) 

3) Finally, after the arcs are sort of outlined, THAT’S when I draft the actual chapters, chapter by chapter-- I literally go through and write “Chapter 59″ and then put a bunch of bullet points under it with what I want to happen in the chapter, as well as all the other chapters in the arc-- all the while, knowing things will get added or shifted or deleted, as things occur to me or as things move away from the direction I expected. I often assign a color to each chapter outline so I don’t get confused. 

The advantage of writing a story like FE is that it’s serially published-- I can think about things and brainstorm as I’m going, and if I’m daydreaming sufficiently far ahead, I can feather things in early-- like, all the stuff about the dagger was planted like in chapters 22-24, or the stuff about Elena having a history of missing her periods was because I knew she would miscarry without having realized she was pregnant. 

Also, I reread the story once or twice a year and take notes every time I do it. A lot of times there will be totally random lines that I just wrote for atmosphere or whatever that can be construed as foreshadowing if I add something in later-- I honestly can’t remember at this point whether or not I had already decided to have Elena burn down the manor when I wrote the scene during the 2nd manor arc when Tyler warns Elena about catching the house on fire-- maybe I had, but I definitely latched onto that later when I made that decision to go ahead and do it (or it’s possible that that line actually gave me the idea?). I’m a very slow reader so this is usually a fairly painful process for me, as I’m always impatient to actually write, but since the project has taken me so long, I feel this is a really important aspect-- just, becoming intimately familiar with what I’ve said, and what the exact emotional arcs are, taking notes on who knows what, and looking through the old writing with fresh eyes/my mind focused on where I’m going now to see if I unintentionally said something that could build on what I want to write about going forward. 

I guess my last note is that if you can, it’s good to let your stories marinate. Like, yes, work on them when you get that ZOOM rushing creative energy and excitement that lights a fire under you... but if you don’t have it right away... that’s okay. Daydream about your work. Flesh the story out in your mind. 

I ran out of steam on FE like three hours into working on it back in 2011, and I somehow knew myself well enough to know that I didn’t have the attention span or the ability to juggle 2 wips at once. So, naïve college student that I was, I decided I would finish After the Fire, But Before the Flood and then focus on FE. I ended up having a lot of RL stuff for years and years taking the bulk of my attention, and it took me years to write and publish the last couple of chapters of ATFBBTF, and then I only ended up publishing FE because a fandom friend kept asking about it, and that finally encouraged me enough to dust off my notes and work on it again in March 2016. But the thing is, during all that time I wasn’t working on it, I was daydreaming about it. I was building this whole story and thinking about all of the wild arcs I wanted to include and letting it flourish in my thoughts... so it was ready to go when I had the time and the chance to work on it again. 

And it’s grown a ton since then, and become a much richer and fuller story than I ever thought I could possibly write, and a lot of that is just realizing that stories take time. I’ve been lucky to work on this serially and be able to continuously build on what I have and try to always think about how I can incorporate the happy accidents of the early writing into current writing decisions. And also lucky that I’m relatively slow to update, so ideas often occur to me years before I’m able to get to them so I can start hinting at them relatively early. But, a lot of that really is just happy accidents and taking my time. So, one of my main pieces of advice is to take advantage of the fact that fic inherently gives you an indefinite window of time to build the story. 

I hope this has been helpful to anyone interested in writing a long fic. I’ve had no idea what I was doing most of the time, but it’s been a great deal of fun. 

[bombshellsandbluebells]

Why do you stan Emori so much? I’m someone who has never really grown to like her, so I genuinely just want to know. I find a lot of her characteristics already done in other characters, or wholly unlikeable. I truly can’t see how taking her out of the story would change much of anything - Murphy’s arc could be aided along by someone else easily. So: This is your chance to use CANON (a lot of pro-Emori stuff I see is headcanon) to explain to my why I should like Emori.

Hey, anon! Alright, just letting you know, you ASKED for a long answer haha. :)

First, I just want to say that Emori clicks with me, but if you don’t find her interesting or don’t connect with her, really no matter what I say, it’s probably not going to change your opinion and that’s totally fine! Some characters REALLY click with you and others just don’t for whatever reason. So I’m not necessarily going at this like “here’s why you SHOULD like Emori” but more “here is why I personally like Emori, whether you vibe with that or not”

I agree that you can take her out of the story without it changing much, but I’d also argue that’s really the case for MOST of The 100 cast, the Griffins and Blakes and some other key players aside. At its heart, The 100 really is an ensemble show. It’s about how this particular world and the societies and the fight for survival affects different people and how they respond to it and the struggle between different groups and different beliefs and different people. 

The point of MOST of the characters existing in this series isn’t that they fulfill an important role in the plot, but that they each show a new perspective of what it means to live in the harsh, cruel world of the show. Obviously plot points are developed around these characters, but the truth is you could remove most of the supporting cast and rewrite plot points to work without them. 

So the biggest thing that Emori does for the show isn’t that it can’t function on a plot level without her, but she adds a new, unique perspective of what it means to live in this world and society and be affected by it. Emori’s perspective IS unique to this show (aside from the smaller other mutated characters who introduce the concept of societal prejudices but don’t really get the room to develop or connect with the audience). She’s on the lowest ring of society. She’s an outcast not because of anything she’s done, but because of societal prejudices and hatred. She’s part of just yet another group out there fighting for survival in this world. Her mutation is also a direct result of the bombs and the lingering radiation, giving another example of how that setup has affected this world and the people in it. So while, yes, she could ultimately be removed from the show without breaking the plot, you lose that perspective and worldbuilding. You lose that additional example of how this world affects the people in it. You lose that story. 

I like Emori because she’s interesting.

That’s really it. She’s a unique character. She has a unique backstory within the show compared to the other supporting characters. It was just FUN to get to know more about her and her life and how she has survived in this world.

Emori was born into a cruel world and immediately shown cruelty and hatred for something she couldn’t control. Her world labeled her worthless, her society rejected her, and Emori turned harsh and selfish and ruthless and mean in response. Emori has to fight, steal, and kill for every single scrap of survival because on one else thinks she deserves anything - even the right to live. The only reason Emori lived as long as she did was because SHE fought for herself and did anything she had to to survive.

I just think that makes such an interesting character and story. I just love watching how she approaches what happens to her and how she responds. I love that her world told her she’s worthless and deserved to die and Emori said fuck you, no I’m not, and fought to live anyways. 

I feel like a lot of people who don’t like her say it’s because she’s mean or does bad things or isn’t a perfect saint or is a bad influence or whatever and I just want to be like YES, EXACTLY. I like that she’s flawed. I like that she’s so mistrusting of the world because she’s been burned that she looks out for herself and her two people and would screw over anyone she had to. It’s way more fun to have a character like that - who has believable, understandable reasons to be like that - than a character who only exists to be the Moral Voice of Reason or isn’t allowed to actually have flaws. (Like there is a reason that Rubicon and Gimme Shelter will forever be my favorite Emori episodes. She is ruthless!!! And brilliant!!! And she will kill a man to survive.)

I think broken characters who have painful pasts and unhealed emotional wounds and fears and make questionable or outright bad choices are so much more interesting to watch and so much easier to connect to because THAT’S the human experience, baby. I might not be killing and stealing and conning people, but I sure have insecurities and fears caused by past experiences and can understand that.

I love, love, love that Emori is a con artist! Like that’s the coolest thing ever!!! She’s a brilliant manipulator and she knows how to play people. In Rubicon, she takes advantage of the fact that she looks weak and pretty and small and plays the damsel in distress to con a group of men. In Gimme Shelter, she uses the fact that her past experiences and Clarke’s contrasting privilege make her feel guilty. She’s BRILLIANT! She can use a knife and she can fight, but the way she’s made it this far in the world is by using her brain. I love that!!

I love that she manipulates and cons the audience alongside Jaha’s Merry Band of Men in Rubicon. Like she gets introduced to both the audience and the characters as this damsel in distress victim who needs help and is so harmless and then just flips the switch on us!!! Pysch!!! It was a TRAP the whole time!! Like, that’s just so fun and badass?? I love it. I love her introduction into this series so much. 

I love her early aesthetic. The blue dresses are nice but she comes into this series looking like a desert pirate bandit and that’s fucking fantastic and fun! I love it so much! I kind of miss it to be honest.

I love that she’s sassy and has a sense of humor despite how cruel the world has been to her. I love that she manages to find joy in things still. I love that she is loyal as HELL to the people she’s decided to care about and that finding acceptance and a place to belong in Spacekru allowed her to grow enough to care for an entire group of people and want to protect them. 

Which speaking of, I love her journey through this series as a whole so much. She starts off so untrusting of other people and so unwilling to try to join community (she’s so against going to try and join Skaikru at first) and eventually she finds her place and learns to love her family so MUCH. She grows so much more open with people and so much more trusting and kind as the series goes on because she finds a place that accepts her for what she is and lets her belong and she cherishes it and it changes her so much. I loved her growth through s5 and later seasons, going from someone who trusted ONE PERSON in the world and would let everyone else burned because she was scared of them hurting her to being willing to give up immortality to save her family AND others.

And I relate so much to her story of self esteem and dealing with society’s views of you. I don’t have a disability, but that feeling of being told some part of you is flawed or undesirable is relatable, and it means SO MUCH to me that Emori was given the option to make her hand normal and she said, actually, I have no flaws. I am HAPPY with how I am and it is SOCIETY’S problem that they can’t accept it, not mine. That’s a POWERFUL moment.

Anyways, this started somewhat organized and devolved into me just listing all the things I love about Emori, but really the answer is just I think she’s interesting. I think she’s complicated and real and flawed and unique and relatable and she grows and changes in interesting ways. I think she offers a unique new perspective and story to the show. And I also just think Luisa is a fantastic actress who is so fun to watch.

If you don’t feel the same way, then, like I said, seeing why I find her a fascinating, fun character probably isn’t going to change your mind, but I love her so much and I’m so glad she got added to the show. Thanks for asking for my opinion though!

[reeeyachi]

Repeat

Year written: 2013 Characters: Gon, Killua Summary:  Gon and Killua see each other after 2 years of being apart. Will they stay together again? Post Chimera Ant Arc. A/N: I think I wrote all of these after reading the manga. The impact it had on me was indescribable. I am still breaking, as we speak. Note: Killua’s narrating. Reference song was “For The First Time” by The Script

--

Yes, it was one hell of a rollercoaster ride for me—like I’ve been thrown down the darkest abyss, but I would find some sort of heaven in there. I did not know what and where it had led me, but making that decision is one of the huge steps I knew I had to take to go on with my life, to grow as a person, as a man, as a brother, and as a friend. It was hard, probably the hardest decision I needed to make in my lifetime. Regrets? Sometimes, yes, but looking at that blissful smile on my sister’s face, the heavy load of sorrow and rue somehow fades—little by little. But the pain of two years ago still stings.

Letting go; I found out that I’m not used to that kind of thing, especially if it’s on something I wanted to own forever—something that I wanted to own… but was not even mine to begin with. What a lame excuse for never wanting to cut a thick well-knotted rope with a person you deeply have a connection with. But it’s true. Gon…

Meeting Gon in the Hunter Exam was strange and new. It was the first time I ever spoke with a person my age that long. I don’t know, I just felt… comfortable at that time. That was maybe because he’s the same age as me? I don’t think so. He was like this never ending ray of sunshine, you know. Whenever I see him, whenever I’m with him, whenever he’s just there, I feel this sudden boost of energy. He’s like a huge pill of energy. Gon led me from my solitude. He was my light, a very stubborn one, and he will remain as that until forever.

And I couldn’t believe it. I know I was happy. Me being with Alluka, I was happy, certainly. But I couldn’t believe it. It came back—that feeling like when Milluki had told me that Gon, Kurapika, and Leorio came to see me, that feeling I had, though I was inside my cold and numb self, when my chest started choking me to death because of the warm rush of excitement that came tickling my dead emotionless nerves all of a sudden, when I suddenly had the urge to smile without me even knowing it. It was completely different from the joy I feel whenever I was with Alluka.

Did I hear it right?

“Onii-chan…!”

Yeah, it was Alluka. I may have mistaken that to something I was thinking about. But my ears never lie. Alluka was calling me, I know, but her voice was somehow faint. All of the other noises were also faint. Being a trained professional in the art of assassination, I have known to detect a distinct sound even in the largest mob of talking people, and I was sure I heard something at that time. I looked around, quite desperately, and searched. The rush of excitement was still there—that same feeling…

The people around the market were a blur. Alluka’s silhouette was distinct in my vision, but I wasn’t in full attendance to her. I subconsciously grabbed her wrist and pulled her close while I was doing a little parameter check around the town. The familiar sound of running footsteps made the corners of my lips curve on its own. Ah… And as I turned around, my sunrays shined on me again, and I felt my heart sinking deeply into my chest in awe. It was beating fast with excitement—like a drum was planted on every part of my body. It was as though I drank that huge pill of energy again. And I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe that my happiness was locked away in a dark room inside my emotions, and I couldn’t believe that the key to that room is still hidden inside those pure bright hazel eyes.

“Killua!”

I smiled, quite dumbly, but I didn’t care. I didn’t see anyone at that time but that boy—that man—my best friend, running towards me, looking at nothing else but me, calling my name. I chuckled while watching him stumble upon an old lady. That same innocent apologetic sheepish laugh remained in him after all these years. I chuckled more, feeling my heart punching my lungs even wilder than before. Finishing with the apologies, he looked at me and gave me same wide candid smile he had. I did the same. He ran, and paused in front of me.

We stood there for a while, staring at each other, familiarizing ourselves with the new developments in our faces with each sharing a quirky smile. I took a deep breath and nodded once, trying to pull up a straight face. He did the same thing.

“Gon.”

“Killua.”

A staring contest began. I did not know the point of it but we were seriously just staring at each other while holding back a huge smile. And after a few seconds, we laughed, like the old times, while pointing at each other. The memories I had with Gon were suddenly lit vividly inside my head and it played there for a while.

“I’m Killua.”

“I’m Gon!”

“Then let’s stay together!”

“Thank you, Killua. Coming here with you, no, meeting you… was a really fortunate thing.”

“Killua. It has to be Killua!”

. . .

“See you later!”

We both took a deep breath and now looked at each other formally. There wasn’t any awkwardness at all between us. It’s just like before, like when we see each other during the Hunter Exam, like when we meet after each fight in Heaven’s Arena, like just… seeing each other again after a few seconds of separation—only now we’re taller, and older, and stronger.

“It’s been a long time, ne!” Gon started, talking with that familiar energetic tone of his voice, only lower tuned, while glancing at me and smiling at Alluka with his beaming bright eyes.

I looked at my sister. She was smiling and seemed really happy to see Gon again. This made that feeling in my chest turn from pure excitement into awe. “Yeah,” I said, looking back at Gon and giving him the most candid smile my excited facial muscles could ever manage. “And wow, you actually grew taller.”

He gave me a candid smile in exchange. “Hehe~ I could surpass you in height.”

I gave a playful sneer. “Nope, no, not a chance.”

He pouted. Ah yes, that’s Gon for you, alright. “So, what are you doing here?” He smiled again.

I pulled Alluka closer. “What do you think we’re doing? Touring the world, of course.”

Gon laughed. “You still talk like Killua, Killua.”

Normally, this would piss me off for some unknown reason. But Gon’s laugh and the moment was too precious to ruin. “Well, you still act like Gon, Gon.”

He stopped with a smile and stared me in the eyes again. It would look like he wanted to tell me something, but was hesitating, or rather at lost for words. I just knew, because I was feeling the same.

I took another deep breath as I thought it was necessary. “Well, what are you doing here?”

“We’re on a mission.”

We… That piercing pain in the chest replaced the joyous one, and the feeling of sorrow and rue came back, hitting me with its best shot. I sort of wanted to be in that ‘we’—be that someone again, his partner in battle, his partner in everything. I smiled to show how proud I was of him at the same time smiled to help heal my fractured ego.

“I also wanted you to meet Ging but he ran off from me again.” Gon frowned a little.

My eyes grew wide. “Again!?”

He nodded then gave that same bright smile. “Yeah, but it’s all fine because he’s actually in the next region we’ll fly to. Our mission is awesome, Killua! We get to fight cool monsters with strange looking faces and be in different new places and all. Do you want to—”

“Gon! We’re leaving!”

I snapped my head towards a group of strange looking people by one corner then shifted my gaze back at Gon who was looking at them too with a slight frown on his face. How I wish I could say ‘Let’s go, Gon!’ at that time. I batted my eyes and gave a huge smile on the face.

Gon turned his gaze on me again. He smiled. “Killua, do you want—”

“Go, Gon,” I ushered, grasping Alluka’s wrist and pulling her close again. I smiled at him with reassurance.

A frown was visible on his face but it was obvious he was trying to not let his lips fall into a concave curve. He smiled and looked at me straight in the eyes, his irises gleaming like crystals soaked in water. He took a deep breath. “I miss you, Killua.”

I flashed a smile. It wasn’t forced, it wasn’t from instinct, it came from deep within me, but my chest felt heavier than before. “Yeah, me too. I miss you too, Gon.”

Something was pricking my chest as I watch Gon run off while shouting ‘See you later!’ and waving a hand at us. He was fading again, but the pricking and the piercing was overshadowed by a greater entity—a new and bright one. It was like me breaking out of my assassin ways by taking the Hunter Exam; there was that pricking and piercing feeling in my chest at that time, but it disappeared because of Gon. When I met him that time; today, it felt like meeting him for the first time… again.

[reversemoon255]

1t's Never 0ver

Hot take: Brain is the first Reiwa Rider. Still, for the first Reiwa series, Kamen Rider Zero-One was a great start. I've seen a surprising amount of kids shows tackle the idea of treating robots like people, and this show handles it pretty decently.

The Good: Aruto was surprisingly funny and competent. I was optimistic when they presented him as an unfunny comedian turned CEO in the preview material, but I'm impressed by how well he turned out, with full credit to the actor for nailing most of his deliveries. One of my big problems with both Build and Zi-O was that I couldn't always get behind the characters, but Aruto was definitely a step up, being the first Rider since Drive to really grab me.

Considering we just came off Zi-O, with a large cast of stoic characters, it's amazing how much Izu, the emotionless robot, pulled it off better. (Actually, credit to all the Humagear actors for outstanding mono-emotional performances. They all did very well.) I think a big part of that was the fact that they allowed her to make jokes and do silly things with a straight face, instead of being purely dour. And it was an excellent payoff, seeing her slow progression from a very basic personality to a much more lively one as the series progressed.

I really liked Fuwa, and his was another character that underwent several shifts during the run of the story, those the moments where he started turning are more evident than Izu's (but he's also not portrayed as very bright, so that makes sense). His entire arc is him overcoming his hatred for Humagears, eventually reaching the point where he wants to help them, with the final expression of this being him declaring his will to carry on Naki's dream and using his Progrise Key to transform. And he was just pretty fun, being the serious character who likes bad jokes, and often ends up the butt of them himself.

Yua is a troublesome character. There was a lot of untapped potential there that I feel wasn't reached, but there was some good, too. Her arc was seeing Humagear as people rather than tools, which isn't as well executed as Izu or Fuwa as she took a back seat for about two show arcs, but is ultimately satisfying. Most of her development in this department seems to comes from her interactions with Izu, but her experiences during the Fire Fighter training were also a big push. And her resignation was amazing. I feel most of her issues could have been solved if they didn’t push her so hard in promotional material at the beginning.

I disliked Gai for most of this show, which I think was the point. He was a total butt for the majority of the runtime, but it's also amazing how quickly I 180'd on him after his dog showed up. He was very functional, and I wasn't really interested in him as a character until, again, Dog Thouser showed up.

Jin was definitely the villain I had the most investment in throughout the show, even if that started waning near the end when he was just sitting around and letting Horobi do whatever he wanted. Still, he was very similar to Izu, being a Humagear that we see slowly obtain his own singularity and ideals, but taken from a different perspective. He was also a lot of fun. I've found my favorite characters are usually the ones with positive attitudes and outlooks, even if he was aiming for mankind's extinction.

I know a lot of people like Horobi, but it took me a while to warm up to him, and even then I wasn't the biggest fan until his changes in the final episodes. When Gai replaced him as the main antagonist of the series, I wasn't sad to see him go, but I am glad he eventually came back because they did good things with him. It's also cool how he sparks Jin's first major development with his death, and Jin sparks his final changes with his own.

I found myself very invested in the story, especially since this series was very good at not letting a status quo settle for very long. As soon as the Aruto VS A.I.M.S dynamic was set up, he reveals himself to them. As soon as Metsuboujinrai.Net is defeated, Gai shows up. After 4 "nice" contests between humans and Humagear where the humans learn something through the competition, we get one where the villains win and Aruto is ousted as CEO. And I think that was to the show's benefit. A lot of Rider shows will wait half the show before a shakeup, but Zero-One was constantly keeping the viewer interested with new story lines and revelations.

Oh, and every belt chant was amazing.

The Bad: Going in the same order, Yua had a lot of unused potential. I remember how much hype her character had out the gate, being the first female Rider to start a series. She even got a form change, which is a first. However, she only got one form change, and as I mentioned when discussing LupinRanger and Ryusoulger, power-ups in Tokusatsu shows are often used as physical representations of a character's growth. Yua's second form showed up before episode 10. Yes, she also had Fighting Jackal later in the show, but that was a monster form; it's made to represent her fully giving in to Gai’s will, which is why we don't see it after she quits ZAIA. I would have loved if she had used Fighting Jackal in the ShotRiser and had gotten a new form as a representation of her moving on from those painful memories, or forgiving Gai. It sucks, because we got a ton of short-use Riders and forms in this series, so you'd think they could swing it. Just in the last few episodes, we got Arc-One, Arc-Scorpion, Vulcan Japanese Wolf, and Eden. At this point, I think Toei's just not sure what to do with a female Rider. At least they treated her better than Poppy and Nico.

I really didn't like Gai. And I know that's the point, but there's a difference between there being a character you're supposed to hate for the whole show and a character you're supposed to come around on. You can have a despicable character become a good guy, but there has to be something about them that makes you want them to become one in the first place, otherwise it's just jarring. Dan Kuroto is a great example of this. He was also a despicable character, but he had this humorous over-the-top attitude to him that made him fun to watch, and you want him to join the main cast to see how that persona bounces off everyone else. Gai didn't have anything like that; he was just dislikable. If they had hinted at all to his past, it would have worked, but they waited until the episode where he face turns to do it. And that just doesn't work.

This is also a personal nitpick, but when they were teasing stuff for the finalé, I thought Aruto was going to use Rocking Hopper, not Realizing Hopper. Thematically, that would have been awesome, but I'm ok with what we got.

There were also quite a few episodic plots I'd wished they'd covered in regards to the Humagears. We covered quite a broad range of topics with them, but there were a few big things they missed. One of them is about Humagear choosing new careers. It's cool that Humagear have dreams, but they're all in regard to their predisposed profession. The manga assistant wants to write a manga, the coaches want to teach the best athletes, etc. But no one wants to change jobs. We don't get a farmer Humagear that suddenly wants to become an artist or anything, and I would have liked to see how Aruto would handle that. And what about love? It was briefly brought up, but what happens when a Humagear falls in love with a human? Or when two Humagear fall in love? How did they have sentient robots and not talk about love!?

I also can't help but wonder what the show would have been like if we hadn't lost 4 episodes due to current events. I have a feeling we might have had a Gaim Finalé situation with Eden and that's why they had the costume on hand. Who knows; maybe we'll get some interviews down the road that will give us some insight.

And lastly, spoilers, I want top talk about the death of Izu, because that's the one thing I see the most that people disliked about the ending. It's not that she died at all, because we've had that before with characters like Ankh, but because Aruto created a new, identical Izu, with the same name, and proclaimed he was going to retrain her.

I had to think on this for quite a while, but I'm ok with this. Don't get me wrong, I would have preferred an ending where Izu was restored like Jin, or where Horobi becomes Aruto's new assistant, but the thing is this was foreshadowed. In the early episodes, every time Metsubojinrai.Net corrupts a Humagear, and Aruto or Fuwa or Yua has to destroy it, what happens? The owner gets a new Humagear of the same model and retrains it. Aruto is following his company’s policy. And yes, it’s painful. You can see him well up as he’s reminded of the first Izu, but he smiles and moves forward.

There is a form of Japanese pottery called kintsukuroi. In it, you take a piece of broken pottery, and along the cracks you piece everything back together with gold. It's not an easy process, it takes time, and the cracks are still there, but the end result is far more beautiful that what you started with. Aruto is always going to remember the first Izu, and living with the second Izu is going to be painful, but there’s the potential for this new relationship to be even greater than the one he started with. Or at least that’s me reading too much into it.

The Next: (At the time of writing this,) Saber premieres this weekend. Love the designs, as I'm big on the knight motif. I think the belt gimmick is cool, and might get it if they reveal some interesting power-up books. I think a story about story is very fun, very meta, could be great, but could also go horribly wrong if not given to the right writer. We'll have to see. After how well Zero-One was handled, I'm excited to see how the rest of Reiwa will go. They probably won't all be winners, but I enjoyed most of Neo Heisei, with only the last few entries being bad-to-ok in my book, so here's to hoping we'll get a repeat of that trend, without repeating their themes.

Overall, this was a good season. Not my favorite, but certainly in the upper half of the show's library. Looking forward to the movie, whenever that happens. Looking forward to Saber, too.

"A Rider Kick to the sky turns to take off toward a dream!"

[jade-marie]

GG 2x04 Rewatch

Not gonna lie, this is probably going to be the only episode I rewatch. The rest has been kinda tainted by 2x13 and s3.

Generally, my opinions tend not to line up with the majority of the fandom - sorry, not sorry. 

1. What was your favourite scene of the episode? Tell us why!

It’s a tie between the bathroom break and the vette smash. Bathroom break - for obvious reasons - I’m a hoe and I live for that shit. The vette smash - I just vibe with Rio’s petty energy and the way you could see how much he was enjoying himself, Dean being metaphorically castrated by the guy who just fucked his wife... chef’s kiss. 

2. Was there any scene that missed the mark for you? And if so, how?

I WISH beth would’ve bit back when Dean brought up the shooting. It irks me so much that she contnually rolls over for him. She spitefully gets payback, but rarely puts him in his place (if it were up to me, his place would be by boomer-jeff’s side in the dumpster)

3. This episode starts with each of the girls trying to make amends in their own way – Beth through her family, Ruby through charity and Annie through Marion. What do you think this tells us about each of them?

I feel like Beth and Ruby’s attempts at making amends always feel incredibly shallow and I can never tell if it’s down to shitty writing or if its because they genuinely don’t feel guilty. If’it’s the former - I’m not surprised. If it’s the latter - I hope the girls own their lack of remorse, in future. 

Annie strikes me as the one who feels genuine guilt over a lot of this, and it’s been pretty consistent - even when Lucy died in S3. I think it makes sense for her to be the most cut up about it because she always struck me as someone who’s ruled by her emotions - she doesn’t exactly think before she acts, and is typically pretty impulsive.

4. Rio offers Beth the keys to the kingdom! This scene is always hotly debated in the fandom! What do you think he meant in the moment of it? Do you think he ever actually saw or even wanted Beth as a partner?

Straying from the general consensus, as usual - I don’t think he was playing her and I don’t think he planned to take a cut of whatever Beth came up with. 

Personally, I don’t think it makes much sense. He’s already learnt that he gets further with Beth through praise and reward, as opposed to intimidation - more flies with honey, yada yada yada. 

If the whole thing was just a manipulation it would have made more sense for him to convince her that he had faith in her and offer her a 25% cut of any cash washing operation she could come up with. She would’ve bit his hand off at the opportunity.  

I think he was telling the truth when he said that he was done, I think he was genuinely flipping his game from cash to pills. At this point, Turner was looking closely and so it would make sense for Rio to want to distance himself from the counterfeit operation. He literally explained back in season one that it’s how he avoids being caught, he flips his game before the feds get too close. 

I get the feeling that he probably didn’t intend to have much contact with Beth going forward and was going to leave her to do whatever she wanted with the rest of the money. It’s not that I think he wouldn’t manipulate her, he absolutely would. I just don’t really think it makes sense in this context. 

5. Do you think Marion had any idea that Boomer was taking advantage of her?

I think it was probably similar to the situation with Beth, regarding Dean’s cheating: the thought was there, but she never really confronted the idea and lived in a comfy little denial bubble.

6. Dean’s attachment to the corvette is played in many different ways in s2! How do you interpret this?

I think it’s the perfect display of his narcissism and toxic masculinity. The car is as grandiose as his ego and he thinks it’s going to save the dealership, much like he thinks he’s going to be the one to save his family from ruin.

7. Why do you think Beth kept the money from Ruby and Annie?

I think she’s hugely manipulative and likes to be the be the one holding the cards. She only wanted to rob the store when she had her own problems to worry about and then convinced the girls to go along with it, she went to Rio to ask for more work back in season 1, she asked him to up their drops, the list goes on.

She tends to call the shots and drag them along for the ride, so it seems consistent with her personality that she’d keep the money to herself until she needed it, and then inform the girls. 

8. The birth of the cars for cash business! Is this Beth’s best idea? Her worst? How do you rank it, both in general and among the girls’ other schemes? And do you think it could’ve worked longterm if Turner wasn’t so fixated on Beth?

Probably the best idea she came up with tbh. The others were pretty poorly thought through, as far as long term strategising goes. It could’ve worked really well if they had an accountant keeping the books looking kosher. 

9. The Beth and Dean arc this episode is perhaps one of their most frustrating (in spite of the extremely cathartic resolution, haha). Do you think Dean’s belittling of Beth and his feelings of Beth emasculating him are new to their relationship or have been around for a long time? How do you think they really see each other?

I think they lived in a state of blissful ignorance and their initial interaction (love you, tunafish) was really indicative of that. Him belittling her was probably prevalent in the beginning of the relationship, but I think she probably just placated him and got on with her life. Now she’s clearly growing tired of his shit, just not. fast. enough.

I don’t think they’re in love though. I think Dean’s feelings for her are fuelled by narcissim. She’s obviously good looking and from the outside, he has it all. The house in the burbs, kids, hot wife, family business etc. That’s what he cares about - the image. I don’t think Beth is too dissimilar. I think she probably looked up to Judith as a teenager and idiolised that life, which Dean could provide. I don’t think she ever had deep, romantic, feelings for him. But she probaly does care for him, to an extent.

10. The Annie and Beth arc is also pretty telling of the characters’ history. It’s also one of the few times we’ve deliberately seen Beth seek out Annie for comfort (often it’s incidental that Annie’s there). What do you think this tells us about their relationship, both historically, and where they are at this point in the series?

I think it’s one of the few moments that their sibling bond is believable. It’s pretty accurate that, as Annie is maturing, she becomes less of a fuckup baby sister who needs everyone to clean up after her and grows into someone that beth can turn to for comfort/advice. Makes sense that this happens later in life, considering the significant age gap.

11. Ruby’s scene at the Quick Cash with JT is really significant – both in terms of it being a generally delightful scene, but also as a touchstone demonstration of Ruby’s increasing unwillingness to swallow her pride. Do you think Ruby prior to the series commencing would’ve reacted to JT’s goading in this way? And how do you think this scene compliments the scene earlier in the episode with Stan admitting he’s taken another loan too?

I thinks she would’ve wanted to, but literally couldn’t afford to. She had the means and opportunity to give him a dose of karma. But it’s always been in her nature to talk shit - diner dickweed in season 1. She refused to swallow her pride and apologise.

That, along with Stan taking another loan, seems to fit in well with the Hill’s entire arc of trying to be good people and being consistently shit on for it.

12. THE. BATHROOM. BREAK. That’s it. That’s the question. Please elaborate on your thoughts and feelings.

Am i supposed to be able to form thoughts or sentences that adequately express my feelings?

Petty king is also king of consent, he let beth take the lead - love it.

Judging from the papertowel dispenser, stroke game was strong.

Penis levitation is now a part of my vocab, thank you for your service, Rio.

10/10 - would definitely recommend being railed in a bathroom by this man.

13. Greg and Annie have what’s their last break-up in this episode (at least up until now). Why do you think this particular one stuck? And do you see any sort of future for them?  

I feel like the key difference was Annie putting her foot down and saying “no”. Idk if I can see them getting back together, becasue I don’t think she’d have another affair when there’s a child in the mix and he’s too much of a pussy to divorce Nancy unless he has a guaranteed backup plan aka Annie. Still kinda ship it though.

14. Annnnd lastly, what do you make of the final scene at Boland Motors? What do you think Rio thought following both the bathroom break and this moment?

I think that Rio was genuinely flipping his game and moving away from cash and, in turn, Beth. But the bathroom break changed his mind, so he got curious and wanted to know what she came up with for the money, only to find out that she gave it to Dean. Given how possessive Rio is of his money, in combination with the feelings for Beth which had just been stirred up, I think his jealous side came out and he took back the money. 

Up until this point, the entire Brio dynamic was him holding the power and exerting it whenever he saw fit. The second he followed her into that bathroom, he gave up whatever semblance of control or power he had left. The man is a very obvious control freak and so I don’t think he does well or feels secure in those situations. Him smashing up the car was basically an attempt to re-establish dominance and convince himself (and Beth) that he was still in control; with the added bonus of emasculating dean and making money.

And daaaayyyyyyyuuuuuuummmmm if I don’t enjoy watching that scene. The emasculation of Dean, Rio being petty, Beth malfunctioning at the possibility of Dean finding out she got dicked down in the bathroom, while he sat outside trying (and failing) to get the waiter’s attention. I DIE

[kierongillen]

Writer Notes: The Wicked + the Divine 44

Spoilers, obv.

I'm aware that this is either going to be a relatively short one or an epic one. The risk of the latter is that rather than just talking about the issue, for the first time I'm free to talk about the series as a whole, and so talk about some of those other choices. There'll be some of that, but it would warp the nature of the notes, and give some false perspective. I can talk about it being over now, sure, but talking about it all means I'm not talking about this element. Not least because I can't talk about it all – there's still the question of issue 45.

But still. There's a lot to talk about, and a lot of hard things in here to do. We knew where we going, but the devil is in the details. The devil's everywhere.

Jamie/Matt's Cover

Minerva finally gets her head-shot. I was a little worried that people would realise exactly what was happening to Minerva here, but I didn't see anyone realise she's falling, and speculate why. Of course, I knew what it was and couldn't not see it. That's how it works.

It's a striking last image though – this is an especially blank glance, in the middle of all the motion. Matt's pink/white nimbus is really powerful too.

Emma Rios/Miquel Muerto

Emma's one of our favourite artists, and we were so glad that we managed to get her before the end. Emma's always someone who gets this evocative drama of it all – this is obviously a momentous cover, but you don't know the moment until reading. Laura and Lucifer being a core relationship, and the hint of leaving. Miquel does strong, atmospheric things with the colours as well. It's a great cover to end the story on. On - Pretty Deadly is back on the same day as 45, and I can't wait. Gets!

IFC

In terms of minor things we did which have a big emotional effect, changing the gods' names to their human names was certainly one. It sits there and stings.

Page 1

This issue is particularly tightly wound, so we set the clock on the issue in this one page.

I had a couple of people wonder where the cops came from. I presume it's because the delay in publication – the "we have to go now because of woden's tape has revealed we're almost all complicit" is the only reason why they went for Minerva immediately.

For a page that's so tightly wound, Jamie does some great establishing here. Opening panel with the fire in top of Valhalla, to link to last issue. A shot with all these people in it – a character beat, and three extremely dialogue low panels.

Page 2

Riff on Better The Devil You Know.

The weird rhythm in WicDiv is the arcs-which-take-place-in-a-very-short-time and arcs-which-take-place-over-months.  Faust act, Rising Action, Imperial Phase II, "Okay" are the over-a-short time. Fandemonium, Commercial Suicide, Imperial Phase I and Mothering Invention are the extended ones. The closest to one which does both is Faust Act, which spreads its action over a week or two.

Page 3

Lovely stuff in here with Jamie, in terms of character work – obviously this is Lucifer hamming it up, but seeing individual responses around the room is a hell of a thing. Minerva's a total mess here.

Valentine giving up clever insults at this point is probably a thing.

Page 4-5 "Bothersome" is a very Lucifer word. The expression in panel 2 is also key Lucifer – that eye-roll of it.

Laura's captions also arrive mid way through – key, as they're clearly going to be key. I was thinking of having them at the start of page 3 as well, but we can let us live in the moment.

Laura's performance tentacles is a lovely panel – seeing how Matt works the colours on the space. The blues fading to white, the reds. Honestly, this is making me miss working with Matt already, and seeing how good he and Jamie are together.

Callbacks here to Lucifer in the first arc – the cycle of it all.

"There were two girls in hell" makes me well up. |It's one of my favourite Jamie expressions in the issue.

Page 6-7

When planning the larger structure of WicDiv, I was aware that I made certain calls in hope I would be able to save people. The early "death" of the Heads was actually a way to protect them. I was aware that characters who were in play were far more likely to die, as they had more chances to do so. I knew I could likely save the heads, so by making them heads, I made it more likely.

I originally planned for Dionysus to die, but I couldn't bear it. His hubris was real, but the idea that someone could give so much without anyone really caring or doing something for him was too heart breaking, even for me. I realised during Rising Action that I could actually save him – the pieces were already in play, and I just had to lean into those relationships to lead to Baph's choices. At the start, I wasn't sure where Baphomet ended in year 4 – part of me thought he'd survive, as I didn't have that final beat for him at the start. That I didn't have a hard end for Baphomet always made him open to the story finding another purpose for him – which is an end which I can't imagine any other way now. WicDiv is an awful necessary machine.

That applied to Lucifer too. She was a darling, obviously, but she was always going to be trouble. Part of me was aware that she could come back and almost immediately get killed again. I'd like her to make it out, but it was possible she wouldn't.

So, as I said last time, when I realised she was the final opposition I was pleased – that was perfect to the themes and the structure.

I wrote in my synopsis that Laura uses a performance to touch Lucifer and convince her into renouncing her godhood, and left it at that.

There it sat until I came to script it.

Because, in all honesty, I had no idea how Laura was going to convince Lucifer to give up her godhood. I just trusted that there would be some way Laura could reach her. Or, really, I hoped there was – because I knew if I wrote something that didn't feel convincing to me, I wouldn't do the scene. Lucifer would have died instead.

So, the day came when I was scripting this sequence, and I started writing, and wondered what the performance would be, and I just wrote "Laura descends the Ananke head sequence and drags Luci back."

Then I leaned back, a little shocked, because that was clearly right, and so clearly fit with what the series does – a final deconstruction of one of our core visual icons, giving a new way to look at the sequence and think about it. It was just there. As if it was there all along. Or just the sort of thought that emerges when you've been obsessed over this fucking thing for five years.

I'm aware of the weird resonance as well – Laura's finding a performance to save a friend is me finding a performance to save a character. WicDiv was a weird book.

Jamie and Matt go to town, of course – the melting faces are just painful, and wonderfully done. The fleshy reds, the fires. How Clayton uses the captions across the page to play with pacing...

I originally suggested we do it completely as the WicDiv spread, with Laura crawling across the centre spread and making her way up – that it would be treating what is meant to be two columns as a space was decided to be too much, so instead we went with flipping to a subjective perspective on a space that we've only experienced from a single objective outside viewpoint. That's got magic too.

Page 8

A long time to get to this kiss, right?

We moved the dialogue around a little to nail some moments – we had the magic effect on the final panel so the transition to the next page wasn't too much.

The annoyance of Eleanor in the last panel is just my everything. I described it to Jamie by using a metaphor of me in my early thirties, having split up with an Ex, and torn between various places, including seriously wondering whether, after everything, the simple answer to my sexuality stuff was that I was just gay. How annoyed I would have been, after all those years, if it was that. Just a "Oh, FFS. I'm just gay! Why didn't I get that earlier? Why have I wasted all this time? What a fucking fool I am."

That.

Page 9

Repeat of core WicDivian imagery, turned to a different purpose. After these magificent godly reveals, we do this very normal world.

Yeah. This would have been a happy place to end the series.

Page 10

Laura wants to be better, of course. It's easy to say you want to do better.

A+ Cassandra-ing in the background there.

Page 11

Now, Minerva is dead in a few pages time, and she is a genuine monster, trapped in a system of her own making. But I didn't want to send her into the void thinking she had that horror awaiting her. I can't forgive her, but I can give her a little peace.

Title drop, of course, with a wonderful expression by Jamie. There's a lot here.

Okay, let's do this.

"Okay" is a phrase that's haunted WicDiv. We've come back to it multiple times – it's a fascinating word in the English language, and has caused problems for people translating it, in the mixture of ambivalence and optimism in it is really tricky. Clearly, we use everything inside the word.

It wasn't my Dad's last words, but it's the last exchange I remember with him. Everyone else was out, and I was helping him back to his seat. He says to me.

"Son, I know this is strange, but I can't help but think it's going to be okay."

And I can almost imagine my eyes bulging out of my head, as I wanted to howl at him: no, Dad. It really fucking isn't.

This comes up almost verbatim in the first arc, with the exchange between Laura and Lucifer before she breaks out. The series is about many things, but my Father's death was the core inspiration for it, and that "It's going to be okay" haunted me and it.

I don't think this is what my Dad meant, clearly, but it's how I've ended up metabolising it. I've been signing "It's going to be okay" when I sign Faust Acts, partially as it's the WicDiv phrase, partially as a secret-promise-that-they-won't-all-die-and-there-is-hope and partially because "When death comes, it's okay" is that buried in it. If I had to boil the book down to a sentence, it'd be it. It means different things depending how you look at it. That's all I've got.

Page 12

I talk about Solving The Equation of the third year, and Dio being in play for this section is absolutely part of it.

That first panel. I said that the cast were all people I'd have killed to be at various stages of my life. Umar is someone I try to be now. I don't succeed, but he's a worthy goal. Kind is not soft and all that.

While the silent panel is something you've all seen before, it's worth highlighting how good Jamie is. The favourite gesture of the scene is the eyes upwards of Cassandra – I don’t remember Jamie using this angle before, and it's really striking. I suddenly miss that I won't be working with Jamie again for a while. Have fun, Jamie. You were the best.

And now, this.

Page 13-14-15

"It would take a real monster to kill a kid" is one of those lines that have been sitting in the files since the beginning.

There was a fan artist in the WicDiv community early on who kept on doing these totally charming portraits of Baal and Minerva playing around in a big brother and little sister way. Every time I saw them, I felt both love for the art, and a sadness. "In four years time, you are going to have a terrible day."

That's one of the weirdest things of the last four years – that. Knowing that stuff is out there.

Looking at this at a little distance, I see the elements in – the standing on the edge, the "Please Don't" and all that. I sigh. This is awful and upsetting and that page turn is one of the hardest in the series. I wish Valentine would forgive himself, but he couldn't.

This is the sort of thing I want to write a lot about, and want to write nothing. I think I'll keep it as just the facts, in terms of trying to plot this.

Occasionally you get to a knot – I knew Valentine had to kill Minerva, that Valentine couldn't bear to live after that was done and that Minerva had to die after Baal gave up his powers. How to you put those three together, without introducing something else.

C asked "Where does it happen? Could it happen somewhere high?" and the rest was there. Falling being the repeating WicDiv image as well.

I think I pictures this actually side on, without the drop. Jamie's choice is better, just because of the eyes.

The three panels is something we're returned too, but choosing the distance was key. You know it's there, but I didn't want to revel in the dead bodies. This is a different kind of death to many of the ones in the book, and has to be treated as such. Any more blood than shows they're dead would be obscene.

I sigh again. I note that Matt does the lights on the guns perfectly, but I want to highlight craft. The shot of eveyrone waiting is a huge thing – Inanna's grief, Dio stepping in, and the crossed arms of Cassandra...

16

I think it was when I was plotting the second year at WicDiv that I realised that I couldn't see a way out of this which didn't involve the majority of the cast ending up in jail for a while. I was okay with that, as it made some sense. It's thematically resonant for a few ways – it's a choice which shows their acceptance of their acts, and their actual humanity as well as an understanding of their power, and lots more.

However, due to all the straight, white characters being dead, it does mean that a all-queer all-PoC-minus-Lucifer cast going to jail, in the current jail system. That said, while far from perfect, the UK is not the US. I don't think I could have written this ending in the US. Even in the UK, I safety-proof it conceptually as much as I can.

They are all queer, and almost all PoC... but they are also superhumans (and mostly rich.) They have a degree of power, and options which are not open to other people... and it is their one chance to try and navigate this space with no-one else (either them or other humans) getting killed. It's their last chance to act in good faith to the rest of the species.

I wouldn't trust the system if they were people without their resources. They're not. And this is the least-worst choice I can see.

I'm sure some of you will disagree with me on that.

17

More safety-proofing – Voluntuaryism is an anarchist idea. "The only true order is voluntary order" basically.

18-19-20

This is a lot of space for a sequence which is relatively minor dramatic weight, but as we segue towards the end, we want it to breathe a little. Plus there's the matter of the page turns – the previous interstitial was about pushing that as well, so both the "surrender" and Laura's final headshot are on a turn.

Matt's lighting in this sequence is wonderful – I said to Jamie that I was thinking of almost suggesting we're changing genre before Laura steps in. It's a "The special forces go after Batman" sort of sequence. I was thinking of the one from Batman: Year Zero, which is some top class special forces entering darkened environments.

Another moment of the weird-colouring-in-a-balloon, and the actually living in the moment.

Taking the guns is more safety-proofing, showing they are not acting in blind faith of the system. That Laura can take the guns also shows that Laura likely could walk out of prison any time she wants, and the rest will be able to do the same too.

(Not that the people in power know they don't presently have access to their big ones, of course.)

We originally has Cass shouting that final line, but had it much more matter of fact. This is kind of past shouting.

21-22

Yeah, this is calling back all manner of stuff. Back to the courtroom.

Jamie asked me a lot about the final expression, as is only right. This is a story where we've used head shots a lot, normally with pose. This is something else.

23

Worth noting that Laura couldn't be sentenced to life imprisonment. She's 18 so would be sentenced for "custody for life". Not that the story actually says what she's been sentenced to that either – we cut before the sentence is given. Don’t expect a firm answer to that in next issue either.

But they all have been sentenced to life, in the obvious metaphorical way. Laura has been depressed and self-destructive to the point of a death wish throughout. At the end, she's decided to try to live.

I count that as bitter sweet, and I count that as a win. I'm proud of her. I'm proud of them all.

I'm in tears now.

24-28

And we were when compiling the letters page. Thanks you lot.

29

Jamie and I both had really intense feelings about the final cover. It's clear why we've kept it secret (it gives away Laura survives) but to see this young woman we've been writing about older was incredibly moving.

Laura was 20 years younger than me at the start of WicDiv, and she's 20 years older than me at the end. Feeling suspended between the two poles, identically. The duality of it, one more time.

I love this cover so much, and I loved these characters, this book, you lot.

Thanks for reading.

[bigskydreaming]

What if dick is de aged just like you said some time ago (back to when he left the manor and he thought anyone would be robin anymore, in robin year one) and Boone find him just like the other guy who id remember his name did. BUT Boone knows Dick, He knows how to control him, and he cares about Dick, so he is in the assasins league, and he has dick... Imagine the batfam fighting back, without even know Dick is a kid again

Its an interesting idea. I’m assuming you’re referring to the original Shrike when you say ‘just like the other guy’ in R: YO. If he was around in the vicinity or keeping tabs on Dick when Dick was de-aged to his YO age, Boone certainly would recognize Dick, of course, I agree - and I could definitely see the scenario you’re describing happening. 

It fits his character, and while I don’t know I’d use the term ‘control him’ as being the right fit, lol, mostly because I think many have tried to control Dick and yet it always takes actual brainwashing in order to succeed, Boone would have the advantage of knowing Dick and his mindset from that time and thus how to at least influence him.

One of the things that makes R:YO so compelling to me and why I return to it so often is because its such a fascinating ‘sweet spot’ in terms of where Dick is character wise at the time. Like, he’s only so distraught and runs away because of how much he’s grown to care for Bruce and rely on him and his opinion of him in just the couple of years since his parents died….but at the same time, it is still only a couple of years since his parents died and despite working well with Bruce by the time that story starts, I think he’s still very wary and suspicious of people in general. Still bruised by his experiences and upheaval in the wake of his parents’ death…..and another thing that’s interesting to me about that story is it takes place before Dick’s really even had a chance to form other attachments within the hero community. 

As far as I can tell, it was set before he ever met or became friends with Roy, Wally and the other original Titans, and he didn’t even meet Babs until the literal last page of that story arc……so I just mean, he’s still at that time a fair ways away from having recovered enough to become the lynchpin of the hero community he’s often cited as being - trusted and trusting of so many others in turn.

So that makes this scenario interesting to me in the sense that like….time travel or de-aging or in some other way regressing Dick to this specific place and time in his life would inevitably make him a lot more vulnerable to a lot of his enemies, or Bruce’s or villains in general….but it wouldn’t IMO inherently make him more….malleable, or easily manipulated by any of the many, many villains who have tried to turn him to their side in the past. The core root of the conflict between Dick and Boone was always that Boone saw the original Shrike’s interest in them (well, in Boone specifically) as proof that he cared about him….whereas Dick never had any such illusions about Shrike and was always cynical in regard to him and his intentions for them. He stayed at the Vengeance Academy not because he felt he was wanted or respected there, the way Boone did, but simply because Dick felt he didn’t have anywhere else to go.

Which I see as likely to play out similarly should most villains happen across a de-aged Dick Grayson and think it was the perfect opportunity to get their hooks into him. He was emotionally wounded, distrusting and cynical at that point in time - even without knowing who say, Slade or Cobb or any of the Court or various other villains were….he’d be wary and resistant to trusting them, or trusting that they had his best interests at heart - because he’d heard that a lot, from a lot of people, by that point, and only Bruce had ever seemed to mean it….and, at this present time, he felt even Bruce had shown that he couldn’t actually be trusted in that regard either….so even with master manipulators who knew his future self well, like Slade….this younger Dick would be waiting for the other shoe to drop, perhaps playing along but far from actually being sold on whatever lies they were telling him.

The part of this ask that really has my wheels spinning, actually, isn’t just Boone himself, but rather all the other villains who might see this de-aged Dick as an opportunity…and totally fuck it up….because I talk a lot about how most of his friends and family members would be thrown by meeting a Dick Grayson of this time, given that their impressions of him based on who he became would not really match up too well with him back then…..but one thing I’ve never really extended that to, is how many villains could be similarly thrown and shoot themselves in the foot by believing that they know his future self well….but that doesn’t mean they know THIS boy, at this particular time. This is before Dick ever even knew the other Titans, which means its yeeeeeeeears before Slade had the opportunity to observe him in person and form his own views of him and his strengths and weaknesses, same with many other villains….

So now I’m picturing various other villains trying to play this de-aged version of Dick Grayson and ending up played by him instead….because all their plans hinge on him being as trusting and optimistic and committed to believing the best of even strangers….that they view his older self as being. Not realizing how much he’s changed between then and now.

Actually, a really interesting thought that just struck me is other than Boone himself, having been friends with Dick at this time, the one and only other antagonist I could see truly having enough knowledge of Dick to take full advantage of his de-aging here, and capitalize on knowing his true state of mind and personality of the time…..is Talia. Given that Talia was the direct contact for the original Shrike, when he was training his students to vet them as potential recruits for the League….so even though Robin: Year One was literally years before Dick and Talia ever interacted in person, or before Dick knew anything about her…..Talia already knew a lot about Dick, just from whatever Shrike told her about his student “Freddy Lloyd” during Dick’s time at VA. Even if it wasn’t until after Shrike’s death and Dick’s return to Bruce that even she connected that Freddy and Bruce’s ward Dick Grayson were one and the same.

LOL sorry to go off on a tangent from your actual ask, was just exploring where that train of thought took me. But yeah, I could see what you’re describing, especially if Dick was de-aged specifically to a time right smack in the middle of his time at VA, so that Boone would have some way of getting Dick to believe that he was the kid Dick knew from that place….but without Dick being aware yet of how things had ended between them or at the Academy as a whole. Because even back then, as much as Dick and Boone were ‘friend-ish’ rivals, depending on your read of things, I wouldn’t actually describe them as like….I don’t think Dick ever actually fully trusted Boone, or vice versa, like, they both had a ‘its a dog eat dog world, and we’re both looking out for number one’ view of things and each other at the time. 

So they could get along, and I think there was enough commonality that I use this as the basis for my headcanons about them later in life, where looking back on it, both of them have potential for more….’fondness’ for each other, or at least regrets, because they’ve both experienced enough since then to know how rare it is for anyone to even be able to understand each other at least as much as I think they could……so the key thing to me about Dick and Boone, is most of their potential to me is in them coming to view each other as missed opportunities - both for someone who was really ‘like them/how they’d been then’ to grow into an actual ally or brother-in-arms….and more in Dick’s case, as viewing the other as someone they could have persuaded down a different path than they ultimately ended up on.

Which to me suggests that Boone would have more of a chance of manipulating a de-aged Dick here than most anyone else….but it still wouldn’t be a given, because most of the leeway and emotions I headcanon Dick having towards Boone as an adult are more of an after-the-fact thing…born of nostalgia and regret, rather than because at the time, as kids, Dick fully trusted Boone and vice versa. But again…if Boone played it right, by virtue of being the only one of them who actually knows in this scenario how that all ultimately played out….he could feasibly ‘rewrite history’ when catching Dick up to speed on what their lives had been like since then, and plausibly feed Dick an alternative take on how things ended between them (or didn’t).

Because the other thing here is that I mean, obviously so much of anything to do with Dick and Boone is just headcanoning your ass off, as I’m wont to do, lol, given that Boone is hardly used in canon - but if you’re basing it enough on canon as I like to do….another key thing is that Boone DOESN’T associate with the League of Shadows as an adult….he goes solo before he and Dick ever meet up again in Bludhaven, and is a lone operative/mercenary-for-hire. For some reason or another, even though he went with Talia for training with the League as a kid, by adulthood he’d broken away from them himself, even if we never got the full story on when or how or why. Sooooo….my take on this scenario wouldn’t be Boone manipulating Dick in order to get him on the side of the League….if that were the goal, I would use Talia instead. Boone, IMO, would be more likely to try and convince Dick that its just them against the world, ‘misunderstood’ by both Batman and his later allies and family, as well as by the League and various supervillains. Smack in the middle, only looking out for themselves and each other.

And either way, yeah, Bruce and the rest of the family would have their work cut out for them getting Dick back, because without any memory of Bruce ever coming for him back then and repairing the bond between them, to Dick, all these many successors - many of them having worn the Robin mantle themselves - would give a LOT of credence to whatever Boone told Dick, and make it very easy to spin as ‘proof that Bruce moved on/didn’t care about you/replaced you.’

Thanks for the ask, there’s a lot of food for thought here and a ton of different ways this could be taken and played out! Very interesting to contemplate.

[aspoonofsugar]

I don't understand why everyone is shitting on Eren , Okay his plan is definitely crazy but i really feel like there is more to it than meets the eye ,And even if his plan does kill innocent people I don't think it's that bad, Those people would've lived their entire lives as slaves and in injustice So killing them in a way is freeing them , Also Eren doesn't seem like he expects to live after all the cruelty he s going to commit. What do you think ?

Hello anon!

I do not hate Eren and I am actually full of feelings for him after this chapter, but I do think that he is wrong and that the manga is making it very clear in how it frames the whole situation.

First of all, there is the very basic argument that you can not really justify genocide and that defending a character who is basically going to commit one can be very triggering to people as @hamliet explains here (the post also has a link to another post by @momtaku which can be useful).

Secondly, I think that the way the story is currently being told really frames Eren as an antagonist.

Let’s begin with the fact that he has stopped being a POV character hence we are given very little access to his interiority, while we are given a lot of insights in how other characters feel about him and the whole situation. We know how Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie, Hange, Levi and Zeke feel and we also know how Reiner, Gabi and Falco feel and why they are doing what they are doing. In short, both sides are given a lot of space, but Eren’s interiority is not explored at all. He has been the character moving the plot the most recently, but his POV has yet to be seen. This in itself makes him a less sympathetic character, not because it is inherently impossible to sympathize with him (by the way sympathizing or feeling for a character is different from excusing or justifying his actions), but simply because the narration doesn’t give us the chance to do so. We as readers are meant to empathize with the other characters and to wonder together with them what happened to Eren and why he is doing what he is doing.

In a sense, the way Eren is currently framed in relation to others reminds me of how Johan is framed in Monster. Both Monster and Snk are stories which explore the idea of what is a monster and why monsters are born. The point of Johan is to be for the other characters a mystery they have to solve and in order to solve it their empathy is challenged because every easy answer is promptly discarded. When it comes to why Johan became who he is there are not reassuring answers and explanations people can use. I think that Isayama is doing something similar with Eren with the twist that Johan is presented as a negative character since the beginning, while Eren is introduced as the protagonist and so seeing him turned into one of the monsters he despised in the beginning is even more heartbreaking.

Apart from this, the reason why I think Eren is the final antagonist is simply that by this point all the other characters having a conflict with him is what makes the most sense for the plot and which could make the whole cast shine. The SC have literally no one else left to fight because the way Eren currently is he can annihilate all the enemies of Paradis on his own. Why should we have a final conflict where we basically have the Warriors and Marley as the underdogs (and they are going to be the underdogs because they are going to be the major POV characters since we are not given Eren’s POV) while all the members of our original cast are simply there watching what happens? Sure, they can have some conflict with Zeke and Yelena, but let’s be real the stakes would be nothing compared to the Warriors fighting Eren to save the world and I do not even know why Yelena and Zeke should fight them by this point. In short, a final battle where the whole cast is involved and which has the final goal to stop Eren seems like the most plausible solution for me. As usual, I am ready to be surprised and I do think that some minor conflicts will arise (for example conflicts with the Jeagersists, Floch and Yelena), but I also think that everyone will take part in the major one involving Eren.

As far as your second point goes i.e. Eren’s plan being more than just the destruction of the world, I think that there are still two POVs which could give us additional information and they are Historia’s and Eren’s. Up until the moment we are given them, everyone can still be hopeful there is something we are ignoring. That said, the only revelation which could partially change things and which comes to my mind is that Eren is playing the part of the villain, so that everyone can unite to bring him down and that he is acting this way because he has seen Armin, Mikasa or someone else stopping him. This could also explain why he has been pushing Armin and Mikasa away. However, even if that were the case, I would say that, without anything more, Eren would have still gone at it in the worst way possible. Why couldn’t he simply be honest with at least his closer friends? If he is playing the villain, why couldn’t he let Armin and Mikasa know? In the best case scenario they might have been able to avert such a future and in the worst case scenario they could have still helped him in his plan in a more efficient way. A lot of victims could have been avoided if at least a small group of the SC had known of Eren’s plan. They could have let him and Zeke touch each other immediately for example and in this way Zeke would not have transformed all those people in titans and Levi would not have been wounded. Mikasa, Armin and the rest of the 104th would not have felt betrayed and they could have acted without having to process a lot of contradicting emotions.

Finally, I strongly disagree with your last point.

By your reasoning, then why shouldn’t they have gone with Zeke’s plan? Zeke’s plan would have ensured the deaths of all the Eldians and (if death=freedom) it would have freed all of them. What is more, this freedom would have come after easy and peaceful lives and not in a violent way like in Eren’s plan.

Or even better, why should Marley’s solution to kill all the Eldians be so wrong? Aren’t the Eldians living as slaves and in an unjust world? Then why should it be wrong to “free” them from this world?

The point is obviously that taking someone else’s life away against the person’s will is something which negates freedom. People are free because they are born into this world and they can make their own choices.

It is true that the manga has presented some characters’ deaths (Erwin’s and Kenny’s to be precise) as the characters finding freedom, but they are a minority. Most of the deaths we are shown are cruel and painful. Marlow regretted joining the SC just before dying, Sasha died wishing to eat her favourite food, Bertholdt screamed for help. What is more, we have characters like Mikasa or Historia whose arc is about living despite it all. They have both shone when they refused to give up on their lives.

Let me also highlight that Eren himself does not think of what he is about to do as he himself freeing the world. The last chapter makes it very clear:

He remembers that it was violence what took his freedom away to begin with and he is planning to use that same violence against people (like the kid and his family) whose freedom has already been compromised by another war.

Eren knows that what he is about to do is something terrible. He knows that he is no different from Marley or from Reiner, but he has still chosen to keep going.

These are my current thoughts on Eren. As usual, I am open to be surprised in a positive way and as stated above it is true that we are still missing some key POV, but as for now this is what I think.

Thank you for the ask!

[sobi-fans]

Thoughts on TROS

So I’ve received a few asks asking about my thoughts on The Rise of Skywalker, and I haven’t replied because I have many thoughts and I’m still processing stuff. But yesterday @riselioness messaged me to ask the same, so I thought it was time to try and organise them on a page.Yes, I am very, very late to this party. 

Obviously spoilers, so I’ll put it under a cut. Also, I’ve only seen the movie once, and that was back in December, so my memory might be a little hazy. I probably need to see it again.

For the sake of context, I have no OTP for the sequel trilogy, but I have been known to read Reylo and Damerey on occasion. (And randomly Gingerflower – aka Hux/Rose – purely because of that TLJ deleted scene where she bites him!) Let me tell you, being on the outside of the shipping wars has been very interesting, and it seems abundantly clear to me that your enjoyment of TROS depends greatly on who you ship, or whether you ship at all. I would have been happy if Finnrose endured or Stormpilot became a thing, but ah well. Onwards!

I’ll try and keep this somewhat cohesive, but I feel like it’s going to be all over the place. Apologies.

Let’s start simple. Stuff I liked that doesn’t have a ‘but’ attached:

- Lando (where’s he been all this time?)

- Wedge (where’s he been all this time?)

- Finn being able to show his individuality with clothing and hair that’s his choice

- Purely for shallow reasons, Poe’s outfit

- Poe and Rey channelling Han and Leia with their bickering at the start

- The Force bond stuff was visually stunning with the dual locations

- Luke’s expression after he raises the X-wing, like ‘Yeah, finally nailed it!’

- Ben Solo channelling his father – also Adam Driver in general for making Ben so very different from Kylo with just body language and facial expressions alone. He literally moved like a huge weight had been lifted from him, and it was pretty amazing to watch

- The fact that Rey’s mother is Villanelle from Killing Eve

- Kaydel looking like Endor Leia at the end

- LGBTQ representation!

- Seeing young Luke and Leia

The stuff with Leia was very poignant and emotional, but I can’t exactly say it was good. It’s tricky. I don’t feel like I’ve separated Leia from Carrie in my mind, so it’s really hard to look at it objectively. I do know that when Chewie howled after Leia’s death, I teared up pretty much immediately!

I have mixed feelings about the trio interaction. Don’t get me wrong, it was nice to see them together, and I love their banter, BUT it felt incredibly forced. Shoving them together for the sake of them being together does a disservice to all three characters. This was the last movie. They should all have been developing their individual stories at that point. Rey with her Jedi stuff, (which she does get to go off and do, but not without Finn traipsing after her like a lost puppy), Poe finding his feet as a leader of the Resistance, and Finn doing literally anything else other than running after Rey yelling her name all the time.

There was a lot of stuff that I wanted to like, but mostly it came across as missed opportunities. Such as:

- Jannah and the other former stormtroopers – this would have been such an interesting idea to develop, and would have given Finn a cool storyline of his own that didn’t involve Rey. I would have liked to see Finn reaching out to current stormtroopers, persuading them that they had other options. That would have been cool. A stormtrooper revolution turning the tide of the final battle!

- Finn’s Force sensitivity – where did this come from? Okay, so maybe it was hinted at in TFA, but it wasn’t carried over to TLJ, and JJ should have respected that in the interest of cohesive storytelling. And as interesting as it could have been to see, it doesn’t take any strength away from Finn to have him not be Force sensitive.

- Hux being the spy – this is such an interesting idea, and it’s hilarious to me that he would go to such lengths to be petty towards Kylo, but it was executed in a rush, much like a lot of other stuff in this movie. They could have made Rose his handler, which would have been a nice change in their dynamic after TLJ.

Stuff I did not like: (warning, rants ahead)

- Completely unnecessary new characters – elaborated below

- Pryde – what was the point of him? Hux could have easily fulfilled that role if they didn’t want to develop his spy storyline.

- Zorri – could have been cool, but seemed shoehorned in to remind us that Poe Dameron is straight, thank you very much!

- Poe being a former spice runner – just why? Poe already had a perfectly good back story.

- Palpatine being back – I know opinions vary on this, but I’m not a fan. Doesn’t it just cheapen Anakin’s entire story arc? (This is not to take anything away from Ian McDiarmid’s performance, which was amazing as always.) Also the complete lack of a reasonable explanation for how he returned. In fact, doesn’t someone even use the word ‘somehow’ at some point?

- Rey Palpatine – again, I know opinions vary, but I hated this so much. I’ve been team Rey No One since the beginning! This is our first female protagonist, and in my opinion the thought that she came from completely humble beginnings was fascinating. To link her to a powerful name – a powerful male name, at that – and for it to be literally stated that her power comes from him was just kind of deflating, to be honest. Also, it makes no sense. Are we expected to believe that Luke there-is-good-in-Vader Skywalker writes off his own nephew because of his potential darkness but is A-OK being a mentor to Rey Palpatine?

- Leia knowing that Rey is a Palpatine – this makes no sense either to me. Leia accepts and nurtures Rey despite her bloodline, sensing that there is good in her, yet thinks that her own son is irredeemable? The sense of ‘we had a bad child, but we found a better one’ is just…ugh. And this happens throughout the ST, even with all the Jedi standing behind Rey having abandoned Ben for years. Even if you believe that Rey is more deserving of that attention, the callousness just doesn’t seem very Jedi-like to me.

- Leia’s reasons for giving up her Jedi training made no sense.

- The sidelining of Rose – it seems painfully clear that JJ had no idea what to do with her character, so she’s just kind of…there. I refuse to believe that they couldn’t have come up with something, even if it was just her accompanying Finn or Poe on their storylines. That wouldn’t have given her a whole lot of agency, but it would have been something.

- Rey ending up alone on a desert planet, exactly where she started. Yes, I know she’s likely not going to live there, but visually the movie is showing us that nothing has really changed. We know Rey wants a family, and the hug with Finn and Poe was lovely to see, but to have the last image of her be her alone on a desert planet is actually kind of depressing.

- Rey calling herself a Skywalker – like the Palpatine thing, it’s linking her to someone else’s legacy. I think it would have been more powerful for her to declare herself ‘Just Rey’. No one’s on at Finn to declare his surname, are they?

Now on to the big one. Bendemption and Reylo.

I have been hoping for Bendemption from the beginning, because redemption, compassion and forgiveness were key themes of the OT for me. But I had a feeling that if Kylo did get redeemed, he’d be doomed to die, because as we know, JJ likes to follow the exact same patterns that we’ve already seen before. I have issues with Vader’s ‘redemption’ on the grounds of it being a ridiculously quick turnaround, (quicker than Kylo’s, even), plus he gets an easy way out just returning to the Light and then dying straight after. Lo and behold, the exact same thing happens here. What would have been really interesting to see, in my opinion, is Ben living to atone for what he’s done. That would have been true redemption, and I think the same is true for Anakin too.

Now, as we know, Kylo is much worse than Vader, even though Vader spent literally half his life on the Dark Side, murdered thousands of people, including children, chopped off his son’s hand, tortured his daughter and her future husband. We know this because Kylo killed Han Solo, the fanboys’ favourite. Therefore, he is much worse, despite only having been on the Dark Side for about six years after being mentally manipulated from birth by the most evil man in existence. Don’t get me wrong, I am not apologising for Kylo. I’m aware he did terrible things, hence why Ben should have lived to atone, but I do believe that he gets an unfair level of hatred, largely stemming from killing Han.

As mentioned above, I have occasionally delved into Reylo fics to see what was out there. I’ve always been a supporter of watching their story play out, because enemies to lovers was something new for a Star Wars movie, and it’s a cool idea to explore. We’d previously seen it with Luke and Mara in Legends. (Mara, incidentally, being someone who was redeemed and lived to make up for her bad deeds.) I loved Ben Solo for the short amount of time we got to see him. The interactions between him and Rey over the bond were so cool to watch. Ultimately, though, I don’t feel like their story was particularly well handled in this movie. I buy it because Adam and Daisy were so brilliant, but I can’t help but feel that Ben’s death was a giant cop-out.

I have mixed feelings about Rey facing Palpatine alone. I can see that there’s some kind of strength to her battling alone there. (Except she wasn’t, because she had every Jedi standing metaphorically behind her.) That said, to have Ben out of the fight felt…weird. Since TFA certain people have said that Rey and Ben/Kylo were two halves of one protagonist, which makes me think that he should have been present there instead of tossed into a pit. Also, after the mental mind games that Palpatine has been playing for his entire life, he pretty much deserved to be. But I don’t know. I think I need to watch it again and see how I feel.

This ended up being super long and ranty, sorry. I’ve probably missed a lot. Maybe I’ll change my mind on a few things when I see it again. I thought writing this out might help to organise my thoughts, but I’m not sure it has!

[naruhearts]

14x13 First-Watch Thoughts: Dean Winchester, John Winchester and Destiel

Before I write a full proper review this weekend (and I plan to write a separate Sam post) (I’ll be missing other key details for sure) let me SCREAM about:

JOHN WINCHESTER FADING AWAY AT THE END OF THE EPISODE LIKE A GHOST INTO THE ETHER as the Winchesters said goodbye to him --> TPTB visually/narratively textualized his ghostly presence like we’ve seen in S13/S14 -- Ghost-Monster-Yeager-Michael epitomized figure. He loomed over Sam and Dean's lives (especially Dean's) as the core toxic remnant of their past that they internalized and which subsequently influenced them to live out their toxic life courses and crippled their healthy self-processes, yet John Winchester’s narrative cathartic (and redemptive) role was fulfilled during Season Who Am I 14.

DEAN: For the longest time I blamed Dad. I blamed Mom too. I was angry. [...]  But to be honest I don't know who that Dean Winchester is [re: letting ‘some other poor sons of bitches’ take Sam and Dean’s place if they were normal].

DEAN: I'm good with who I am.

x

Dean ACTUALLY used his words and disclosed the sources of his trauma and parental neglect *screams* He self-introspected during the dishwashing scene in the kitchen -- the Heart and Home -- by precisely doing what we expected/hoped for him (and Sam) to do: reflecting on their current lives in response to 2003!John Winchester’s resurrection and determining what really holds true value and worth...what holds more fulfilling love and true heart’s desires than a pearl ever could --> Found Family. DEAN, recalling that life is short, accepted his current respective life with Cas and Jack and stressed the self-fulfilling importance of why their lives turned out as such. What they went through since Mary died in 1983 moulded them into who they are today. HE ACCEPTS WHO HE IS!! Dean accepts who Sam is. Sam and Dean, as grown men, become the optimum versions of themselves where their physical, emotional and mental suffering was, of course, undeserved, but also ultimate self-cathartic blessings in disguise: it contributed to their both their psychological resistance and individual journeys towards self-actualization as they create interpersonal bonds with others outside themselves. THEY LET GO.

JOHN: I'm so proud of you boys. I love you both...so much.

x

THE LONG-WANTED AND LONG-OVERDUE PRIDE AND VERBALIZED LOVE FROM A FATHER WHO ABUSED HIS SONS FOR YEARS. He finally told Sam and Dean that he loved them. He asked for forgiveness, and they freely chose to give it, additionally permitting themselves to embrace cathartic closure. Now THAT is how you transform trauma into your self-motivational strength!! In particular, we knew *points at all the extensive John vs Dean meta* that Dean yearned to hear those direct words from John. He yearned for years. For Dean to hear it spill out of John’s actual lips -- to hear John verbalize how much he loves Dean, how he’s proud of the man he has become -- after everything Dean has done for him -- is sheer meta fulfillment executed in the most emotive way. Instead of watching his son die without fostering altruism e.g. 2x01 In My Time of Dying, we see John watching his son LIVE and grow -- exercising his agency, formulating decisions for himself, and finally discovering SELF-WORTHINESS. SELF-LOVE. SELF-ACCEPTANCE. John also told Dean that he “never meant for this. I guess I hoped that eventually you'll get yourself a normal life. A peaceful life. A family.” Well--

Dean told John he does in fact have a family, topped off with the smile of utter happiness on his face. 

He chose his own timeline in which Cas and Jack exist. He chose his Found Family.

x

It’s intriguing to note that, in the context of John hoping Dean would have “eventually” obtained a “normal life” --  a “family” -- for himself, if we go off SPN’s constantly-reiterated narrative differentiations between familial family (brothers) and intimate family (husbands, boyfriends, girlfriend) aka Love and...Love, the unsaid connotation of ROMANTIC family applies here, as @thetwistedwillow​ and I discussed. Sam is Dean’s family, but John isn’t referring to him.

John is referring to Dean getting himself an Apple Pie Life™ -- one that Dean initially tried with Lisa and Ben Braeden but couldn’t sustain; Dean seeking marital happiness outside The Life™ was NOT personally/characteristically feasible. It entailed burying vital truths about himself -- imprisoning his non-performativity -- as a broken man within a broad illusion of Want vs Need whom Lisa also tried and failed to fix...failed to make whole despite Dean once telling her that she comprised his happiness long ago.

Indeed, the present era of Season Cyclic 14 ushers in truth. 

Dean has a family with “someone who understands The Life™.”

This aforementioned Life™ -- regardless of it being full of pain, horror, and death -- offers Dean joy, security, and new beginnings. 

Cas and Jack, willingly choosing to incorporate themselves into The Life™, are the mirrors of freedom to Lisa and Ben’s jagged misfortunes. 

They accept who Dean is wholeheartedly. They lend him purpose, zeal, and love -- buckets of love. They are aware of his faults. They encourage his strengths. They represent his faith and his hope.

(Cas, more than anyone, is indelibly aware of Dean’s capabilities.)

In terms of communication, Dean told his brother Sam that he loves him in 14x11 [for attempting to find another way re: Michael]. He directly told his mother Mary that he loves her in 12x22. Tonight he finally told his father John that he loves him, too. ALL the emotional honesty and transparency, my friends!!

Who else is left for Dean to say such significant words to? WE JUST DON’T KNOW!

- - - - 

14x13 practically crossed off most of this + my entire SPN300 checklist!!!

- CHOSEN FAMILY VS FOUND FAMILY themes - S14 Dean encountering/hearing about the Castiel of Old—the Angel of the Lord who hasn’t yet built a trustful and ever-complex ten-year relationship with him - Sam finally rectifying and clarifying things with John as a grown man!! TPTB know what 14x13’s premise means for Mary Winchester and TFW’s characteristic arcs aka EMOTIONAL CHARACTER-DRIVEN NARRATIVES. They are facing their pasts and must subsequently introspect and FINALLY act upon their WANTS vs NEEDS. Bros (Dean the Emotional Hero of SPN in particular) may have wished John was alive, but is it worth losing Cas and Jack? - Is it worth losing the real Cas Dean knows? Worth replacing the angel who executed his own choice to Fall, embodied his newfound humanized principles and willingly became part of Dean’s life? - (And here the focal point of the Destiel-adjacent 14x13 narrative comes in) If John didn’t die, Dean’s life course progression towards self-actualization (with Cas as a key aspect of his psychological realizations; Dean and Cas as both each other’s offsets to healthy self-process) wouldn’t have happened. Losing Mary—losing John—ALLOWED Dean to, despite all the unfortunate circumstances, endure necessary pain in order to heal…to: A. release himself from the shackles of predeterminism, Brodependency, parental absenteeism, repression, toxic misemotionality, and trauma + eliminating the old perceptions of himself as a blunt tool: his father’s hammer and society’s hammer and B. embrace his reflection that he sees in the mirror of his identity - Is alive!John truly what Dean WANTS? What he NEEDS? Dean and Sam, confronted by personal ultimatum in terms of their individual relationships with John and the psychological states/growth stages his death left him in, must decide! - TL;DR character development - And, of course, proliferation of endgame Destiel in some way (not a BIG way yet, but building blocks) from this point onwards and subtext moving into its final pre-text phase as I hope/expect Dean to choose his reality with Cas

(I’m expanding on the last point in a bit!!)

I have LOTS of additional thoughts (tbh they’re all an incoherent jumble lol), but as of now I’d like to say that nothing else can surpass the heartwarming satisfaction that bloomed in my chest over the way Dabb and Glynn beautifully interweaved the narrative’s Family/Love/Forgiveness/Self themes into an episode full of amusing callbacks e.g. Plucky Pennywhistle’s Magical Menagerie (there were a LOT of easter eggs I tell you) and heavy-weighing characteristic ones e.g. Goodbye Stranger Destiel redux -- and oh my gosh, the Dean and Cas narrative callbacks we received tonight, where Dean couldn’t believe that OG Cas had NO recollection of him?!

I don’t know about you, but the romantic subtext smacked me in the face; the negative spaces and unsaid verbalizations were glaring. I was, quite frankly, thumping the table in excitement, because alongside the explicit and gorgeously done Lazarus Rising redux scene -- in a PIZZERIA no less *gestures at Cas = Pizza D/C bonding meta and romantic connotations* -- Sam and Dean confronting OG Cas depicted Dean and Cas' current relationship and dual growth reverting to zero in this AU.

It was a painful encapsulation of the unstable past vs healthy present. 

Castiel the Angel of the Lord was non-humanized and never saved Dean from Hell. Emotional detachment and warrior-obedient violence resurfaced as his characteristic markers.

x

Dean, whom Cas --  from the point of first contact in realtime canon -- forged a profound bond with (the bond that proliferated into an intrinsically complex underlying romance narrative which worldwide audiences have been devoutly privy to) was struck by harrowing shock here, and TPTB took intentional liberties to visually fixate on Dean. Sam, on the other hand, reacted via wariness, and he was placed in the periphery -- blurred out to juxtapose their varied emotions of brother and husband; one of these is, as per usual, not like the other.

x

Dean realizes the integral role Cas currently holds in his life -- how far they’ve come together, in that the Goodbye Stranger parallel scene between him and Cas has him begging for Cas to stop -- to no avail -- and my heart lurched awfully when Cas made no move to do so. Dean fails in breaking his personal Naomi bred-reminiscent Soldier coding because we all know this certain iteration of Cas never freely chose Humanity. 

He never Fell, never embodied the human principles of free will/autonomy and self-identity, never found kinship, and never fell in love with Dean. 

Keeping the above in mind, when the real Cas comes back to the bunker after the ever-palpable and necessary self-catharsis that occurred during his absence, TPTB’s narrative brings the episode’s thematic premise of WANT vs NEED full circle as Mary, Sam, and Dean witness his entrance.

Sam and Mary are awed after the temporal fracture ordeal they just experienced, but there lies, once again, a certain cinematographic focus on (12x19-reminiscent) Dean.

x

x

We observe Dean’s onscreen expression of raw appreciation and self-conviction in that he has realized, amongst the throes of meta-laden cathartic self-acceptance, that everything he encountered since childhood -- the good, bad, in-between -- was worth it. This current canon reality is his heart’s deepest desire. He accepts it. He WANTS it.

For Dean Winchester, a life without Cas is no life at all.

RATING: 10/10