#i had to get rid of a lot of stuff so it wouldnt be that long

[lokh]

slowly. but surely. cleaning out. my fucking room.

[enden-k]

remembering about trans!haitham headcanon, do you have any ideas you could share about it? (if that doesn't bother you) maybe about if his grandmother ever knew it, or if kaveh even knew alhaitham before the transition. maybe kaveh knows haitham's deadname? maybe kaveh actually helped haitham in his journey to affirm his gender? thinking about this makes me excited to do a fanfic about this AAAAAAAA-

ofc, i have quite a few (transhaitham just means a lot to me hhhsjdjk)

i like to imagine that his grandma knew and her love, care and support remained unchanged; all she wanted is for him to be content and comfortable, teaching him all that. she def helped him here and there; like seeing how he was bothered by his longer hair so she proposed to cut it short and seeing how his eyes lit up in his usual neutral face when he saw his reflection was prob one of her fav memories of little haitham. not only getting rid of the bothersome weight and heat of annoying hair but also seeing how he looked more boyish pleased him a lot (not that short hair = strictly masculine etc. you know what i mean there)

(dysphoria is not "required" or smth every trans person experience(d), saying this right away (and also as a note to anyone actually unaware of this) - he def didnt experience it, just felt sometimes a bit bothered by some stuff) he just simply knew who he is and wanted to find more comfort with himself by aligning his physical appearance more with his feeling and identity (by transitioning)

(idk if i explain it well in english what i want to say. also def projected there)

so, kaveh and haitham def knew each other in the early stages; when haithams grandma passed away, he attempted to cut his own hair (usually his grandma did) and it turned out cutely shaggy and sloppy (not that it bothered him much, as long as it doesnt look too awful to him) kaveh couldnt take it tho and in a quiet homoerotic charged moment took it on himself to do it right and save it. haitham already went by his name there but if someone knows of his deadname other than his grandma back then, its def only kaveh as his closest friend

years after their falling out, when they meet again in the tavern it nearly had kavehs eyes bulging out when he recognized the person seating down next to him as haitham - so much broader and bulkier than he used to be (back then he was already working out a little just to stay fit and healthy and gain more muscle, but still much slimmer in early stages of t. but now? def could snap kaveh in half and he wouldnt mind at all), his voice deep but still that same aggravatingly confident tone---

(i just love the image of kaveh always being so attracted to haitham and haitham alone, always loving him in every way, for being himself just like haitham loving him in every way, always and without a break despite their falling out)

this is turning more into me being sappy about them than transhaitham thoughts LMFAO SORRY anyway i think kaveh helped haitham a lot with things like cutting his hair properly short or picking clothes (mostly bc he liked dressing haitham since he deems his tastes as awful) or showing him how to shave when he first grew facial hair, all that kinda stuff

[w31ghtl0ss]

— Girlyy i heard that st4r^¡ng yourself can slow your metabolism (and when you eat the food turns to fat very quickly) sooo how exactly does it work. I’ve had @n@ for 2 years btw and i still question how tf does the body works sometimes…

— Btw how do yall fast? Cuz I js drink 8 of glasses water, I literally raw dog this d¡$0rd3r. I can’t standdd no sugar sodas they taste awful and are even worse than sugar sodas, no gums cuz the sugar in the gums can raise my glucose levels that leads to f@t, no fruit snacks cuz once i start to eat i can’t stop and start binging cuz my logic is, “as long as it’s healthy nothings wrong” but that clearly isn’t true cuz i tend to overdo it, no w33d, no cr@<k, no v@pe. Nothing.

— Anyways I managed to put on a tiny bit weight and i have 3 weeks to drop it ALL off, so we (me) gonna st4rv3 or water fast for the first 2 and do the ‘IU diet’ for the last week🩷

aaahh!! omg yes st@rv!ng can totally slow ur metabolism, but dont worry!! a great way to help with that is to very slowly decrease your c@lor!e limit + sometimes people like to set aside one day a week, sometimes every other week or twice a week (wtv u pref!), and do a metab0lism day, which is where you eat a significantly higher or lower amount of c@lories to “confuse” your body and potentially boost your metab0lism. Id also recommend fasting intermittently rather than for super long periods of time to keep your body from going into “survival mode” and slowing your metab0lism down a ton! basically keep those c@lor!es fluctuating and it should help!

alsoo working out and moving around a lot to burn c@ls and build up some muscle can help too! (but if that isnt your bag, go on walks! i hatee working out so i walk all the time)

also dude we r such twins omg ive had 4n4 for 2 years too! (i gave up for a while which is why it looks like i havent made much progress ;p )

and ohmygosh u will not believee how long it took me to figure out fasting- i swear for the longest time i couldnt go half a day without b!ng!ng like crazy!! and i totallyy feel u with the zero c@l sodas, they really arent the best . :( they taste almost bitter to me sometimes??

anyway, i usually start a fast before bed or in the middle of the night, just so in the morning it looks like ive already made progress and have less desire to quit so easily! and i know everyone says this and its super annoying to hear all the time but seriously, STAY HYDRATED!! if youre like me, water does not get rid of your desire to eat like everyone says :(( but when you arent eating, you dont get the extra h2o in your food which can dehydrate you without you even realizing!

for some reason gum just makes me more hungry?? so i avoid gum too, plus i dont have even super low c@l stuff during a fast because that makes me crave more!! i always have to remind myself that i am allowed to say no to food! when i am offered food i always tell myself to say no initially, just to make a habit out of it, even if i end up eating something later. starting with smaller fasting times and working your way up is something i did in the beginning, and it kind of worked! then i rewarded myself with something after, but i stopped craving things by then because i felt so accomplished!

i started with 10-13, then 15-16, and then 18-20, until 24+ and just kept trying! i wouldnt get angry if i broke the fast early, i would just wait a few hours and try again until it was practically a habit! i know sometimes it feels unachievable but it really does happen! i know i felt like i was missing something because i kept failing, but once i was able to get past 30 hours without feeling anything, it was like breathing!

if you want some more tips on fasting ill list them below, but i feel bad making you read so much! so, if you think you’ve already read enough of my yapping you can just end here, lol!!

-june ;]

more fasting tips below the cut 👇(its a lot 😥😥)

(sorry if i didnt make a ton of sense lolz xp)

-Break a fast by eating raw fruits and veggies the first five-seven days after your fast. Go back to solids slowly.

-Do not b!nge or overeat after the fast (or during!). Try to discover the amount of food your body really needs.

-Meditate, go for a walk, take lots of naps, journal, listen to music, take long, warm bathes and relax. This is your time for healing, losing weight and gaining self-control!

-Try to get plenty of sleep. And if you can't stand your stomach growling the first few days, and are tired of downing the h2o, take a nap... listen to some soothing music and drift off.

-Get a massage. If you can afford it, or have your partner or a close friend give you a good rub down or deep tissue massage. This really soothes muscles and makes you calm and sleepy. It helps when you're having trouble sleeping due to hunger during your fast. Plus, it awakens your body, pushes the blood around, etc.

-You may feel weak during your fast so if this is the case, be careful of black outs and don't exercise until you've finished the fast... Stick to stretching, light walking and deep breathing.

-If you suffer from diabetes, hypoglycemia or other similar conditions, please be very, very careful fasting. I'd say don't fast at all but if you feel you can do it safely, you may need a slice of avocado or a banana... You could also add protein powder to your juices.

-Sometimes during a fast, the person will experience back pain. If so, a cold pack will help.

-If you are just too tired on your water fast, go to a juice fast and if you are already juicing, drink more carrot and melon juices for energy.

-Water fasts are always the hardest but fastest for weight loss and detox.

-Juice fast is next best and somewhat easier, especially for first time fasters.

-You'll lose pounds faster if you have a fast metabolism and slower if you have a slower metabolism. On average, fasts allow you to lose 1-2 lbs per day. Some experience more around 3-5 lbs per day. You'll lose the most and the quickest during the beginning of your fast.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!

Pleasee be safe and research more on your own if you plan on doing suuper long fasts, i am not a health specialist or anything like that, so if you have any kind of advice or anything i missed, please correct me so i dont give anyone false information! everyone is different and its important to know your body, i want everyone to be able to achieve their goals in the safest way possible, even if your goal isnt a healthy weight, i want u to be okay :))

lots of love!!!

[vivaladicamillo]

CELEBRATING DUNNS BIRTHDAY W/ THE CKY CREW

js a little blurb for ryans birthday! crazy how he would be 46 today :((, i miss him a lot everyday but hey at least today dico finally posted on the internet again! but hope u enjoy this little blurb abt u being ryans friend/partner and celebrating his birthday with him :))

WARNINGS: alcohol, drugs, thats it.

———————————————————

ryan when it comes to birthdays is kinda complicated

hes absolutely fine with spending his whole birthday comfy in bed, listening to music and relaxing

bc as we all know the man hates people

but he also loves his friends

so having a day were they all js hang out, talk, tell stories and maybe even have a few drinks together like old times is also just as good

hes not super complicated or would want any type of crazy over the top birthday

u could give him a jar of dirt for his birthday and he’d be like “thanks i was looking to start a in house jar garden anyways”

so when u and bam had to come together to plan a party for his 28th birthday

IT WAS ONN

u knowing ryan very well knew he wouldnt wanna do any big things involving strangers so probably no clubs

as u and bam talked it out yall decided to wake him up early. take him to breakfast, drive up to the country side and go camping in a field

bam knew a guy who knew a guy who had a field they can use, it was actually the same field that would become “state of bam” in viva la bam

so u call up the guys (minus ryan bc u and bam wanted it to be a surprise) and tell them the plan

everyones was so hyped

rake was bringing music, bam was bringing booze, raab was bringing the gear, dico was entertainment (yes he brought a whole ass speaker and mic to sing ryan happy birthday with) and u were in charge of the food

for food, once again u knew ryan like it simple, js some pizzas, wings, sandwiches, yk things that u could easily have at hand, but u also brought some things to cook over the fire like chicken and steak bc ITS A CAMPING TRIP!

u also brought cake and smoores stuff!

the plan was perfect!

early the next morning, u and bam get to ryans house, its abt 8:00 in the morning

the two of u find his spare key and sneak in, making ur way towards the basement where his room is

you and bam had stopped at the dollor tree to get hats and balloons and noise makers

so as u two snuck closer to his bed bam got the camera out and u counted

“ 3…2…1…”

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” the two of u screamed and blew into the noise makers making ryan almost fly outta bed

“come on ry get dressed and oack a bag its gonna be a long day” you say

“…… how did u guys get into my house??” ryan says

you immediately point towards bam like a child getting rid of the blame on their sibling

after ry gets dressed and gets a small bag the three of u hop in the car and drive to the local ihop

“dont worry guys bills on me” bam says

“no way free ihop, thanks guys this is actually sick” ryan says not even being sarcastic

the three of yall sit down and get to talking, ryan ends up getting strawberry pancakes with a side of bacon bam gets some crazy fucking waffle that also has a face for some odd reason and u just get [whatever u want from ihop idk ur preference]

after breakfast and a lot of talking and story telling the three of u leave, with bam paying lol, and head to the final destination

ryan was fully convinced that u guys were hiring a hitman to take him out or something when bam started driving to the country side

it was always out of character for bam to PAY for something that didnt have to benefit him in some way

but u assured him from the backseat that nobody was gonna take him out

after a long ride of listening to rys fav bands you guys arrive and see raab and rake sitting on chairs around a fire pit while dico is up waving his arms around probably doing a skit to pass the time while waiting for u guys to arrive

“SURPRISE RYAN!” bam and u say

ryan was kinda in shock, growing up he lived in the country side (ohio) and used to go camping with his dad and brother a lot

“wow guys…i havent been camping since i was like ten, let alone with friends, thanks guys!” he gives the bpth of u a warm smile

the three of u meet with the rest of the group, all of them ready to give ryan their gifts

rake had gotten ryan these sick new glasses, the were similar to the ones he usually wears but in gold and black

raab got him a drawing of himself, painted from a guy he new and it looks sick, ryan was in shades of blue with a yellow background

dico got him a few graphic tees, some with just text on it (one saying mustang girl in glittery font) to shirts of his favorite bands

bam got ryan a bunch of cool mod decals for his cars, he also got him some things to mod his cars with, tools and such

and you got ryan 2 plane tickets to go to iceland, and a tour package thing to sight see and go to some new places the crew and him had never seen before, u told him he could pick anyone to go with him, from the crew, family, anyone it was his choice

he was so happy with all his gifts, they were all perfect but he liked urs the best, he ended up picking u to go on the trip with leaving bam to in the future by his own ticket so he could go with u (hes not missing a trip to iceland ofc)

after the gift opening the party begins

the night consisted drinking, dancing to music rake brought, telling jokes and stories, smoking a bit of weed and bran freestyling his heart out

it was a perfect night

the rest of the crew went to bed at 3:00am, dico being first then raab then rake then bam

u and ryan had stayed up still talking, watching the sky and reminiscing on early days

the two of u ended up falling asleep on a blanket in front of the first while star gazing

u had ur head on ryans shoulder as u was talking it made u fall asleep bc his voice was so calming

when he looked over u and were sleeping he wasnt mad

he pulled u closed and started to doze off himself

“thank you, so much, for the perfect birthday y/n.” he whispered as u slept

you really knew him well, he was so glad to have u in his life

the next morning the guys found the two of u put there, surrounded by red cups

but even tho u guys got woken up to the crew poking fun at u two

it didnt matter

because ryan was happy, his birthday went beautifully

and thats all that mattered to u

ryan being happy

—————————————

hope yall enjoyed the little drabble i decided to write out of nowhere. i promise u guys a pt 2 to the bams sister story will be coming soon, also a bam/reader/ryan will DEF be coming soon i js have been studying for finals week so ive been hella busy, with this story i tried my hardest to add some actual facts into it, like ryan living in ohio, the gifts he got, the things they did, etc,. sorry if its not exactly accurate i tried lol, see ya guys!

[mamadarama]

your madarei textposts r so good they are like my life support and honestly i have almost all of yours saved in my laptop's gallery and i open them every time i am down. thankyou for them. for real. also may i ask what made you like them?? (like for example what you like from their interactions or stuff like that)

YAAY thank you im happy you like them !!!!!!!!

a lot of why i like them is that rei and madara two of my top favs , but also cuz theyre so similar but so different . its like theyre different species that diverged from a common ancestor only 300 generations ago . theyre noticeably the same thing but just as noticeably different at the same time , so much so that when keito had to get rid of them during the war he used the same methods for both of them . also the successor thing ????? sorta gay if you ask me. and madara explicitly stating he would kill a man if rei asked him to immediately after walking through the door even though rei didnt even say anything .... also after madara got back on his feet after being disowned he still visited rei a lot for "successor business" which sounds to me like a thinly veiled way of saying they were fucking without actually saying it outright . also theyre best friends and on madaras relationship chart it says rei is somewhat scared of him which i find hilarious considering who rei is and what hes capable of . its very "i wouldnt want to meet the animal that wolverines would run from" if that makes sense. both of them are too stubborn to ask each other for help when they need it but having the option available makes it easier for them to tackle problems on their own more confidently , because they know they have backup . unfortunately them being together is also the worst thing for almost everyone else because theyre both a monumental headache to deal with individually , let alone together .

[itslilacokay]

I was looking through your NS?AU stuff because im invested and i think i remember you saying that scn got flung into the trees

So may I ask, how the FUCK did the mercs manage to fling a stickfigure, who knows full well they have powers, AND CAN USE THEM???? SCN WHAT HAPPENED????

Also did they all fling him into the trees (<- as in they all somehow contributed to him being flung) or was it just one of them who got him flung

ALRIGHTY!!! THATS ALL THANKS SM!!!

lets just saaay, it was an accident

scn went to distract the mercs while tr would escape with tcl to hide, though green noticed that and started readying an attack to stop them

then scn noticed that and flew over in hopes of dragging them out of the way so the attack didnt hit them

luckily it did, but scn got hit in its place instead

it seemed the attack was more powerful than green thought and sent scn FLYING across lots of trees, the moment he landed he passed out, NOT DEAD I NEED TO SPECIFY HES NOT DEA

tr would have ran to try and get him but noticed the mercs were using the fact he was distracted to capture tcl

they wouldve left too if it wasnt for tr using the paintbrush tool once again in retaliation

cloak guy had enough though, pausing him as a result

up until this point same thing happens like in wanted, tcl manages to get rid of the dart and gets reallllly upset, flies over to cloak guy and then the pause yeahyeaaah yadda

the thing is, the mercs could have unpaused tr and left him there the moment they were about to use their hoverbikes, but by how they acted during the whole fight, he sure as hell arent gonna be quiet about it. he would definitely try telling someone about it, sure its a high chance they wouldnt believe him and wouldnt know what he was talking about but it felt best that he doesnt tell anyone at all

plus, that tool he used seems like an intrigue for researching and since tr used it and definitely knows what he's doing with it, they'll need him for additional information about this, so they took him with them back to illustratiocorp

offtopic but co. doesnt directly find out about tr and tcl getting kidnapped, while they were running over to get to scn and tr, they heard a loud commotion among the trees and they went to check it out thinking they could be near to where the two are

turns out its just scn passed out whoops

at least they found one of them though!

[violentviolette]

Hi, can you talk a little on ASPD and dopamine? And also, I guess, dealing with addictions as they form, in context if this disorder?

Thanks!

theres actually a lot of research into the chemical aspects of personality disorders and it all really does boil down to trauma and genetics causing lots and lots of dysfunction with nuerochemicals, transmittors, and receptors. so ppl with any personality disorder are going to struggle a lot with things like dopamine, seratonin, and other chemicals

the dysfunctions fall under two main catagories, either a lack of ability to produce dopamine and seratonin, or a lack of ability to absorb them. i had some genetic testing done about 6 or 7 years ago because i was having no luck with antidepressants and struggling to find medication and it turns out my brain lacks key seratonin receptors. so things like ssri's which help u produce more seratonin and dopamine were useless for me because my brain *is* producing those chemicals properly, but i lack the receptors to be able to absorb any of them, which is why my issues are so persistent and resistent to treatment. i can absolutely flood my brain with seratonin and it wont do shit, cause i have no way to take it in

the hilarious other side of that is that u can absolutely have too much dopamine and seratonin in ur brain, and if too much builds up with no way to process or flush it, u can get things like seratonin sickness/syndrome which can cause anything from fever, chills, diarrhea and other flu like symptoms to seizures and death. as well as dopamine overloads, which result in things like anxiety, mania, hyper impulsivity, insomnia, psychosis and hallucinations, aggression, and more. which are all absolutely symptoms of cluster b personality disorders

because of this there's been speculation and theorizing (that does have supported research but more is still needed) that a key component of cluster b pds is an excess of dopamine in the brain without the ability to process it. so we end up with all of the negative side effects of having our brains swimming in dopamine all the time but dont get any of the actual positive effects of that that we're seeking. which like. love that for us /sarcasm. but it does very much explain a lot of the reasons that cluster b pds are so difficult to treat with medication and why our problems are so persistent

which then plays into addiction, and could explain why we seek out dopamine in such high quantities and are prone to such risk taking behavior to get it. if we're lacking in receptors, it makes sense that our brains would then require HUGE hits of dopamine to feel anything, because our brains need to be swimming in the stuff in order for us to feel the positive effects but that then leaves us with a huge excess that we cant get rid of which then causes problems. whereas a normal person would need only a tenth of the dopamine we do to absorb it and wouldnt be left with the overflow.

this also then makes treating and dealing with addiction much more complicated. because the problem is no longer finding healthier ways to get dopamine, because the amount of dopamine we need to be effective is actually the problem, not how we're obtaining it. which means the problem is figuring out how to either grow new neuroreceptors (which is possible, but difficult and i admit im not as well read on how the science works there because brains complicated), or how to retrain our brains to rely less on dopamine for satisfaction. which is also doable but sucks big ass.

[inoriemiko]

My ultra specific autistic traits you may relate with~

PART 1

Needing someone trusted to carry conversations for me and ask questions for me in a group setting (more than 4 people).

Bright white/orange light being too loud

Mirroring Nikky Maxwell from Dork diaries so hard as a kid I litterally became her. Instances include; Getting her hair styles(I outgrew that phase tho cause the style was too tight), forcing myself to learn her 'happy sappy snoopy dance', saying 'SQUEEEE' all the time, forcing myself to start writing diaries (Which got me brutally bullied in my year 7 btw), mirroring her manner of speech, writing my diaries the exact same ways she did, mirroring the way she talked, thought, stood, etc

Not being able to sleep at night because my legs wouldnt stop shaking

Always separating every component of my food before eating and never mixing said components

Eating powder and litteral dust (3 course meal style) as a child because the smell of powder was so good I believed the taste would be better

Getting mad or distressed when someone uses my stuff the wrong way, ie the way that isn't my way

Having my first mini identity crisis before I was 4 years old

Having less than 10 real friends in each school I've been to till now and hanging out with only those friends because I couldn't seem to make new friends no matter how hard I tried. I end up idolising said friends...

Not knowing the difference between acquaintances and friends up until recently leading me to believe I had lots of friends

Having horrible stomach aches in year 11 for up to a month but the doctors telling me I was fine

My sensory overloads/overstimulations making me faint/tired/dissociative and not having outbursts like the stereotypes

Not being able to understand tones of voice or of writing

Not being able to spell for my age (I'm 19 and spell like a 10 year old)

💫Stimming 💫, by; shaking my legs, rocking, spinning and swinging (as a child), feeling of hot sand on my legs, chewing water and drinks, other common stims

Being so hyper empathetic to animals, in school and at home, I'm the designated pest control. My job is to get rid of insects/small animals because I'm the only one that can touch them without cumbusting or that's fascinated by them

Having hyperfixiations/special interests so different from my female peers it was and still is basically impossible for me to fit in or make friends. Bonus points for me cause I had absolutely no intrest in what my set girs/peers were interested in :,)...

[friendbreakfast]

i feel battles against evil team members in Pokémon should give the player an HP bar and the rival Pokémon should be able to target them.

i always thought that the reason Pokémon dont target the trainer is because theyre well, trained for the league/gym competition rules (which is also why Pokémon only have a very limited amount of moves), so why would the evil teams actually care about those rules? why couldnt they attack trainers as well as their Pokémon? why WOULDNT they wanna get rid of the 10 year old thats singlehandedly ruining their evil plans of world destruction (like most of the evil teams' plans end up being)?

i feel it would also make lots of sense because it makes the battles against evil team members more special and tense, carrying a similar yet distinct gameplay from normal battles as your Pokémon doubles as attack AND defense, having to defend you from the attacks of the rival team and stuff. i dunno i think it would be a fun gameplay distinction while still feeling Pokémon-ey

i had this idea when someone was talking about a "Pókemon for adults" and said "what if Pokémon wanted to kill you" and while that of course seemed overly edgy and bad, i do think the base idea of "Pokémon being able to target the trainer" has merit in a more child-friendly tone while characterizing the evil teams as people willing to break the rules every other trainer follows because well, theyre evil teams for a reason, right?

[mothiidae]

Rain code thoughts/theories/headcanons as of the start of chapter 5

this is literally just an unorganized list of anything i went 'omg what if??!?' during the game and i NEED to get this out somewhere

spoilers of course ;P

i am gonna sound like a maniac but THE MEAT BUNS?? i feel that there is something of with them. Its been stated multiple times that everyone in kanai ward LOVES the meat buns there, kurumi stating that she has one at least every other day and feels instinctively drawn to them?? whats up with that?

makoto and yuma are totally connected in some way, not completely sure how: are they blood related?, is one a humonculus of the other? idk but there is definitely something between them. Makotos been acting VERY familiar with yuma and in the first meeting said 'hmm, so thats my...' WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT SIR

on the theme of makoto - hes extremely suspect, yes a lukewarm take i know. but he has stated multiple times that he loves this city and he loves the people. this is important because of course if the homonculi are made from/using the people of kanai ward he wouldnt think of them as immortal monsters. He only said that there were no immortal monsters in the city, never explicitly stated no homnoculi

in addition what happened three years ago?? its when the rain started, makoto became ceo, huesca was moved from his previous project onto another one and alot of other things. At this point i think makoto has something to do with this. I cant remember what exactly happened but i believe he said he came to kanai ward three years ago as well and then shit got real. relating to this i think the 'small achievement' that makoto mentioned was totally relating to the rain

the restricted area is totally where the homonculous stuff is happening. the body depository definitely is where they do experiments for it. Though i think there is some truth in the whole 'the rain and humidity makes the bodies rot quick' i do also believe its a way for whoever is making the homonculos experiments [totally makoto in someway] to gain access to a lot of corpses

if makoto is the evil evil guy he most likely is he is helping the detectives, specially yuma, and stringing them along cause he wants to see if they can solve al these mysteries that kanai ward has.

i also have a hunch that makoto set up yomi to be the unhinged monster that he became so he can postision himself as the sane alternative, and solidify his status as the ceo and leader of amaterasu corp - getting rid of all competition [specially since martina has also stepped down]. This is mainly because yomi always referred to makoto as looking down on the people from up high - yomi probably feels as if makoto got handed the ceo position whilst he had to work his way up and makoto probably manipulated those feelings.

[rainecloud020604]

RAINE idk where you want to say it but can you tell me more about Universo's Holy Sinners AU 🥺I was thinking about it lots today and I wanna hear your Thoughts

oh my god this post ended up a mile long under the cut with ye!!

okay SO :3c Holy sinners is actually an AU that @flowerrose14 came up with by going "hehe wouldnt it be funny if Anthony was a demon and Universo was a priest and they had a thing going on" and well yea how could I not go wild with an idea like that? In Aus i do like to do things like change ocs species if need be, as for this au Universo instead of being a god is in fact an angel disguised as a priest on earth

Now the reason they are disguised is because he has been walking on the earth since like the late late 1800s and has grasped this is an area mortals tend to well use this position for power and manipulate people and Universo wanted to find a way to eliminate that, as well as get away from the role of a warrior angel as slaying demons constantly gets tiring and boring after a few hundred years :( finding a way to work themself into being a priest and also finding a specific church to work on and rid it of corruption and rebuild it to be more open and safe to all people of hell even different religions too

This is just a small but big goal universo has been working on for a WHILE, and in the mean time having a job got them a little too much money than he needed so in the 1950s they had a huge house built, several rooms and they planned it out perfectly so it could have several people living there as Uni wanted another place for people to be able to come to and live for a bit or a while if needed, the roof is high enough for them to get through and the smallest room is theirs as he doesnt really need that much and wants any people who he takes in to feel comfortable and get the room they prefer and not have to have the smallest one

though all of this is background stuff on this universo <33 it is minor things but it leads up to current uni who is a priest, and has a few kids hes taken custody of living in their house of all sorts of traumatized origins that well what can they do other than make sure they are comfortable and have a place the feel safe <3 Though there is Artsy who hates them because of Anthony's influence on her which leads to a lot of spite fueled actions where uni sits there going "okay good luck be safe" and her getting pissy ahfdkjhsfash

All while duel wielding this universo has to deal with Anthony. Who honestly just pisses off universo SO much because its just constant fighting and exorcisms and dealing with his bullshit that is flirting????? fucked up flirting???? Anthony just annoys Universo to hell and back and gets under their skin often enough that Uni has almost almost considered wiping Anthony off of this plane of existence because of this demons bullshit, but they havent so its fine! It's only like Anthony ripped off Universos brothers wings at some point and thats when universo finally snapped to let anthony get a small taste of what they are hiding underneath that guise of a priest <3 After all universo puts a lot of energy into concealing their aura of how powerful of an angel they are because well that can draw a lot of attention from demons he doesnt want at all! Though Anthony isn't helping at all :/

A lot of universos life is private though part of it is dragged into the public eye against their will, after all you house a cult victim and the news wants to be in your face constantly about it when shes out and about with you as you are trying to help her through exposure therapy to get out of the house a little more. A lot of this bullshit just annoys Universo but they do their best to appear relaxed and unbothered by it constantly, after all its just stupid stuff no need to give the public some entertainment while you are trying to help someone out >:( especially recovering from something traumatic, though his home life otherwise is rather chaotic in other means, got two ghosts in the house who were guardians of one kid who uni has decided to make sure their graves were proper and also the documentary about them and their criminal past before death didnt misgender either of them, its all a little chaotic but thats okay! after all Universo did in fact kinda welcome this into the house <3

theres so much going on with him and it makes me ghjekrgkehgerhgjk because they choose to juggle so much and its fine, he can handle being a holy man on top of this and making sure people of all practices have a place to do so <3 Universo rebuilt a catholic church for this purpose and he'll be damn sure this is a safe place as it took a lot of work

[golbrocklovely]

you keep mentioning the malishka thing as a turning point but i dont think that was it, she did a loooot of shady shit and keeps doing so, she is still heavily benefitting from being around him which is why she keeps liking stuff about just them (also why im over her and dont trust her shes a mlp part 2). what im saying is if the malishka thing WAS in fact a turning point, wouldnt that be the first thing he deletes off his snap high lights? He actually added it after he cut her off and moved too. he has atleast 6 snaps of her and someone made a funny point on twitter saying hes trying to balance stuff out by adding more mlp to his second ig account instead of cutting everyone off. I know he doesnt like conflict but the simple gesture of deleting those, or achieving the tiktok, or NOT participating in another tiktok with her would send a big message. he confuses himself, why delete dating comments or shipping comments and then films another tiktok with her? That just brought them back.

obviously i don't know everything, so there's probably a lot of key details that we are missing to really know the full story. this is just my assumption.

the reason why i think the malishka thing was the turning point was how almost immediately after coming home from the europe trip, he stopped being around her. he hung out with her one more time before they moved to vegas and then borderline ignored her for a couple months. that's also when she started up her poetry, did some subtweeting about him when he may or may not have went on a date, and that's when he also deleted comments about him and her.

also that was at the same time kat and sam stopped paying attention to her too, and she talked about feeling abandoned.

but, i think the thing to remember is that colby is extremely sentimental and doesn't want to end a friendship, even if it would be better for him. he still hung out with corey and jake even tho both of them bad mouthed him and sam. clearly colby doesn't know how to let go lol

personally, while ms. snapchat may have done some questionable shit, i don't think (in his eyes) she did anything that was worth ending their friendship over. which i think is also why he hasn't deleted any old stories/snaps or still comments on her stuff. he is still her friend, regardless of what happened. i think he just kept his distance for a while, probably bc he was uncomfortable that she had feelings for him.

and i think the main reason why he deleted shipping comments off of tiktok was bc he doesn't want to be shipped with her. even when they were on good terms, he deleted comments. all colby has ever asked of this fandom is to not be shipped with his girl friends, and no one listens to him. so, he went out of his way to get rid of those comments. and i think her having feelings for him also played a huge part in him deleting them as well.

and he continues to hang out with the ppl he is shipped with, film content with them, bc he is their friend. he can't just… cut every girl out of his life bc he's gonna get shipped with them - which is what always happens. so i think he took matters into his own hands and deleted top shipping comments.

i'm not saying this makes perfect, logical sense. i just think this is how he did it, somewhat lol

also, this is a slight side tangent, but also not really. personally, i don't think she has done anything super shady or weird in a while. not saying this to you in particular, anon; but some anons i have gotten are so stuck on her that they can't accept that not everything she does is to either get attention or weirdly relate back to snc/colby. like her wearing merch…. like, that's not her drawing attention. it's clothes that she owns. what do you want her to do? not wear snc's merch?? lol

if she starts up with the poetry or other weird stuff, then we can talk about her. but otherwise…. let it go.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

i feel like this about izaya but i cant put it into words, i guess like because. i see him as a guy with aspd who doesnt know how to manage a disorder he doesnt know he has, or he's learned somewhat but the alternative was less miserable?

because, see the thing about aspd is. when you're first learning how to manage it, it's miserable! aspd is kind of like, an addiction to dopamine. in aspd your brain produces like. 4x the amount it should. and a lot of times, aspd and adhd are both there, and with adhd the dopamine is very very low. see? these two work in tandem! you don't WANT to recover, because being ill feels better. you're happier, you're entertained, you get rushes of dopamine all the time... but you're horrible, probably. like izaya says, in order to be entertained you have to keep evolving. you have to do worse and worse things to satisfy yourself. that's when it changes from acceptable to A Problem. because one day you're a writer satisfied by making their friends squirm and cry from angst, and the next you're actively triggering people for a reaction. and its hard to stop because the dopamine, there's just so much of it.

what i'm saying is, it's a mental disorder that feels very good to have. like the mania of bipolar- like when you're manic, you suddenly feel invincible and so so so so good, until you crash? like that feeling. it doesn't WANT you to recover, and you also don't want to recover, it feels so good to have. but it also doesnt because youre lonely on account of the aforementioned Sucking. studies show that theres a correlation between "people with aspd who recovered" and "people with aspd who are married," but did the marriage fix them or is them attracting a partner indicative of their aspd being "less severe?" and therefore more likely to recover? ah if only we had a person with aspd here we could ask them-

PSYCHE MOTHAFUCKAAAA THATS ME!!!! it's probably the first one. lol. i started improving symptomatically once someone came into my life and actually STAYED there. he didn't "fix me" but he did help! and i wouldnt say i'm "recovered" wrt the aspd- it still is a disorder that feels very good to have.

but what i'm saying is- izaya. if he has all this. this, "inescapable negative outcome" is. yeah. he either "recovers" and regresses back into a depressed ball of boredom, surpressing every single impulse or emotion because "what if it's the one that makes me lose control?" and being terrified of becoming a monster like everyone says People Like Him should be.... OR he leans more into the behaviors and urges he knows suck, spiraling into a domapine-addiction that slowly makes him into a worse and worse person and remaining lonely? like. he's already lonely!!! neither outcome actually promises real happiness, so at some point you;d be tempted to lose control, just to get SOMETHING. and i think that's what happened to izaya. and this isnt to be like "oooooo baby nothing is his fault," we can talk about how all this IS his fault like, mental illness and addiction do not excempt someone from consequece and douchebaggery. but it IS something to think about- like, those suicidal girls fell down a spiral of mental illness, and so did izaya. like, he sucks, but also, you can kinda see how him being neglected all his life means there was no other way this couldve gone, especially with knowing shinra. like, he sucks now, but he never really had an oppurtunity to be anything other that that. there was nothing else that would've happened, because of every other inevitable thing.

and how do i know that someone w aspd would eventually choose the willing mental spiral? i am ACTIVELY developing a drug problem right now, i know my chance of becoming addicted is VERY high and possibly am showing early signs like cravings and stuff. i know. but i'm still taking the drug because it's doing exactly what drugs do to people- make them trmporarily happy and get rid of the boredom and sadness of repression. i know what's going to happen to me but i was eventually tempted into it. you would be too if you had my life.

People think "gray morality" in fiction is about Both Sides Are Partly Right Actually but so much more often it's about choices having inescapable negative outcomes that have to be weighed against the benefits, or it's about having to choose between a series of bad options, or it's about making hard decisions about what you are willing to sacrifice to achieve the outcome you believe is good.

So often, I seem to see people angry that a story in a video game didn't present a Good Option with no collateral damage and no negative outcomes whatsoever, and if there are any downsides it's seen as the writers punishing you for the decision, because they see the primary purpose of stories to be moralizing rather than exploring the complexities of human experience. Or they argue that the collateral damage didn't really happen, or that the negative outcomes weren't really that bad actually, and thus miss the point altogether.

And I feel like it's important to remember that a narrative telling you a decision is difficult is not the same thing as the narrative telling you it is wrong.

[itsalwaysdark]

so close to being done with one step in the larger step in the larger step of the spreadsheet.

i ran out of space in the tags so im continuing them under the cut bc i wasnt finished... and if you let me finish i would of finshed my santance

anyways i have some countries like. the borders r pretty close to irl countries and i have them in my notes as x country but other ones i split them into like. just smaller subregions of the continent based on irl like. regions. like i split africa into . Madagascar + East Africa + Central Africa + Southern Africa + Western Africa + Northern Africa and its referenced off of maps where those r like. the recognized regions (well. madagascar is usually just counted as either east or southern africa but yk). but idk... im worried its a shitty thing 2 do i just dont know what else 2 do with it. maybe i should just use an actual world map instead since im going more realistic with like. the time periods and stuff. IDK i just rly wanna avoid the shit the sims does so much where it lumps a bunch of cultures together like. the chinese world in ts3 world adventures having a torii gate for the icon. -_- yk. the map was kinda superfluous anyway and more judt a way to visualize where the worlds we have were distributed + also was mostly influenced by that one ts4 mod which takes that more simplistic approach but maybe i can just step away from that and just go more realism based Its just hard bc i dont wanna like. lose the more like. silly isnt quite the word (itis kind of but not fully) ig i mean i dont wanna lose the abstraction kind of thing the sims has. but like. I am auite literally making a spreadsheet to get rid of some of the abstraction the sims has so what am i on about. IDK i just have been thinking abt it a lot basically... like sims im already making shit up and locking the sims to like real world history stuff it only makes sense to like. do the same thing with The world and not have it be abstracted. so yes that was a lot of words to say i think im just gonna move to thinking of the sims as living on Basically earth. In my personal the sims palace that ive made up. this is not to say i personally think of the sims as tkaing place on earth or anything ive just decided to do like. Bc this whole thing is basically an au im making anyway like. taking ts3 sims and making them be from the 1950s thats already Not what the game is like. so ill just make it a Realworld sims au. ok yay 👍 thats all sorry for talking sm abt something so pointless and also for not using a SINGLE paragraph break im basically just writing in this like i write in the tags (stream of consciousness) but the tags have the benefit of being naturally split up so yes i dont think anybody is reading this far. when i was little and playing skyward sword for the first time roughly 7-8 years old i got to the like trial on skyloft and i got so scared i smashed the cd so that i wouldnt have to do it . and then i blamed my dog for it. and i did this even tho lamp had JUST started a skyward sword playthru which idk if i knew at the time but i do feel rly guilty abt it. but i was rly scared. ok thats all

[himbos-hotline]

hey! while it’s disheartening and sucks to get hate comments, you should try to remember that the fics you write should be purely for your enjoyment. it’s stuff you like and want to share with the world, and some people find it and end up liking it a lot! you’d be surprised how many people probably read your fics and love it but don’t say anything bc they’re shy. unfortunately, there are a lot of hateful people on the internet and they will do anything to try and bring you down. you should try your best to ignore it (i know you probably don’t wanna hear this but it’s true). another way to get rid of hate is turn off anon on tumblr, if anyone sends you hate after then you can block them. you can also restrict comments on ao3. if you ever get a hate comment on ao3, you can also block or remove (i think) the comment. trust me, there are a lot of people who LOVE your work. just continue doing what you love. if you have haters, they’re most likely just jealous or miserable people. sorry for the long note, hope your day is good!

anon this is gonna sound really mean and I am PROMISING that it isnt, but I kinda just, need to reply to little bits of this message like were having a convo and im not arguing, im just..tired of being told the same thing [again not mad, clarifying stuff]

you should try to remember that the fics you write should be purely for your enjoyment

yes I know that, so is people baking or drawing. but if someone gets told "this cake kinda sucks." or "your drawing is wrong." they seem to be allowed to get upset but with writing its just "well youre writing for yourself!" Yeah, I know that and I am. But if I was writing for myself, I wouldnt be sharing it. People wouldnt be requesting it. if it was just for me. I wouldnt have an ao3 account. im writing for ME but im posting and sharing for other people, the people who ask for said fics, people who are my friends, people who like the ships, the fandom cuz fandoms simply do not exist without fanworks, not creations. were not getting paid for this. AT ALL! Like you cant do fic commissions cuz youre just sitting fanfic and fandom culture back YEARS AND YEAR.

I am writing for me, why do writers always get that? why is it never "but youre editing for yourself" or "youre making gifs for yourself" or "well you are drawing for you."

and end up liking it a lot! you’d be surprised how many people probably read your fics and love it but don’t say anything bc they’re shy.

Please get over that shyness. Thats what anons are for, thats for like guest comments are for on ao3. thats what reblogs and nice tags are for. thats for recommending fics on PUBLIC spaces, not discord servers youve made privately. Please tell fanfic authors that you like their fics, please leave comments and draw fanart or whatever you want to do just share it with us! because otherwise writers are going to feel unloved and lost and NOT write anymore and then fandom spaces will, im sorry die cuz the whole point of fandom is we inspire each other, we lift each other up!

im sorry for ranting back at you anon, this ask was really sweet but there was just points that I had to put out, things I had to say because it gets kinda draining being treated differently as a writer than say an artist. Its just like if I drew, like really instead of once or twice a year. People wouldnt be going "youre drawing for yourself." also just the weird diconnect between like, people who write and other people who are making things in fandoms is upsetting because it takes so much work, so much dedication.

like sometimes it feels like people forget that me personally, am disabled and chronically ill. Im currently fighting off pheumonia, ive just gotten out of a very abusive and manipulative relationship where him not liking my writing was a big way he would control what I would do. writing is harder than what it should be right now. But I do love writing, I adore getting requests and every nice comment I get I reguarly go back to read and it means so so so much

[queenferretofthewoods]

Idk what kind of flag this falls into, but when i was a young girl i was like into a lot of sport and ussually didnt wanted to shower, 1) cuz it was late and i wanted to see my favorite cartoon on the tv, 2) water is cold... and so i develop a

S H R O O M, fUKING FUNGUS

and so at first i was like yeah im getting rid of this asap, but my mom never had enough money for either the needed shampoo or food, so i couldnt really get rid of it, so polls and everything that was taking clothes off or revealing skin made me uncomfortable, that was till i got bored and tried to look at a mirror and see the spots

There was one in a heart shape close to the center of my chest, a couple of them just semed to arange to my hips like a kinda hand mark and in the back they lined up perfectly with my spine and extended to where my scapula giving me the impression they where wings.

And so i never could get rid of them, they even changed places over time, most of them are now around my hips, and in my back but i like them for some reason, thou this is may seem gross to tell i see it as like talking of skin aflictions, like those whom fell ashamed of scars or burns, or like me with weird markings around them.

just saying like yeah ive tried to get them off me, but at this point i love the way they make me be unique but wouldnt recommend people trying to get this stuff, as it is emotionaly distresing for a young person