#i had to describe what they were on a boat to my mom so she knew what i meant when i saif ''like a figurehead for a car''

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

As me and my mom left the pub today, there was a fancy ass car (that looked like a funeral car tbh) pulling up where the driver, who was dressed in a whole ass waistcoat, jumped out and opened the doors for the two passengers which like, genuinely what the fuck?

Like, this pub used to be half pub, half Wacky Warehouse and it's the Wacky Warehouse where the staff had to get bolt cutters out to get the door open when I got stuck in the toilet stall at my uncle's birthday meal. Like to give you a reference for how fancy it is round here.

Anyway, once we drive off, we end up behind him and as my mom's about to pull into a car park that's got a McDonald's and a B&M and like a Heron, like that kind of place, Mr Fancy-Funeral-Car indicates he's turning in there too.

Even more fascinating than outside the pub. As we were driving, we were talking about what the situation is. My mom reckons he works at a funeral home and he's dropping his mates off at the pub and that he has to open the door for them because the backdoors have child-locks because, to quote, "well, they don't want anyone getting out." Meanwhile, I'm working with the assumption that it's like a fancy version of Uber.

And so when he turns into the car park, we're both like "who the fuck could he be picking up here?", especially as he drives towards McDonald's. Like now our assumptions are: 1) someone fancy is sitting in McDonalds, 2) someone bad with money is sitting in McDonalds, or 3) he's going to McDonalds before picking his mates up again.

This is a mystery and we are hooked, but first we have to grab some stuff from B&M, which again, indicates the general income level of people round here. We're buying ravioli and noodles in B&M; this is not an area where people have personal drivers.

Once we're done in B&M, all thoughts of Funeral Car Fancypants have left my brain because I have been reminded of the whole Quite Disabled™ Thing.

But then as we're driving past, we see him leaving McDonalds with a coffee in his hand and suddenly I'm on tenterhooks again, and me and my mom are like cooking at this point, just making up this entire backstory for this guy.

And so by the time we get home, we've basically invented a blorbo who inherited a block paving business from his dad but by stroke of luck won the lottery and decided to hire a butler to cater for all of his wants and needs, but hasn't bought a new house with the money because he's a hustle grind bro who has either invested it all in the stock market and/or cryptocurrency which means he only has a butler (and doesn't really know what a butler is meant to do) and his butler lives in a spare room. He has had his house renovated though so he has an obnoxiously large conservatory, and one of those baths that's up like three or four steps. He also has like the car equivalent of a figurehead for his Tesla, which he never drives by the by, that he is constantly replacing because it's constantly being stolen because he is not going to park his Tesla in his garage, no sir, this is a status symbol, it is on the drive. Also he looks like Steve from across the road. No matter who you are, he looks like Steve from across the road to you.

[our-aroace-experience]

My mom is approaching 70 and is in what I can only describe as a Queer Platonic Relationship. My whole life my mom has been ambivalent about romance, and I suspect that if she were young today she’d describe herself as aro. She and my dad were happily married before he passed away, but even so, I don’t really have memories of them being over romantic. Their friends and and family didn’t believe them at first when they announced their marriage (when she was 36!) bc they “didn’t act like a couple”. They worked well as partners and both wanted kids, but there was always something different about their relationship compared to the relationships of my friends’ parents. Since my dad’s death she has shown zero interest in getting remarried and has been happily single for more than a decade.

My mom has an incredibly full life. She’s got lots of friends of all ages, fulfilling hobbies, and a shitty little dog that she loves to pieces. I never worry about her being bored and lonely.

She has this neighbor in her apartment building. They help each other out the way couples do with tasks like grocery shopping, attending family events together, and they co parent the shitty little dog, but she swears up and down that there’s nothing romantic between them. They help each other with medication, hospital visits, and navigating the scary changes of getting old together. She and my grandpa used to argue about her getting remarried to this neighbor bc he didn’t want her to be “lonely”. My mom insisted that she’s not lonely and the relationship was not romantic. There’s love and companionship, but it’s “not like that”.

Back when I started to show interest in dating as a teen my mom was so confused. “You actually want to go on dates? My mom used to force me to date and I hated it.” When I came out as gay as an adult she was like “That’s cool. I still don’t get why you wanna date people.”

My dad once told me a story about how early in their marriage, my mom once accidentally “dated” a different man without realizing that he was taking her out on dates. From her perspective she just was having fun outings with a friend. When the guy “came clean” and told my dad “I’m dating your wife” he just laughed because my mom had been excitedly telling him all about their “dates”. She missed every single clue that this guy had been laying down for her that he was interested. “He invited me to have breakfast on his boat! I’m so excited for the birdwatching that time of day!” (My mom also might be a little autistic but that’s neither here nor there). She just is not a romantically inclined thinker.

I love my mom very much and I’m so lucky to have her as a role model. She’s taught me that happiness is extremely versatile. You don’t have to follow a traditional set route for a complete life with meaningful relationships. Romance is a social construct as much as anything, and you are free to engage with it on your own terms. Don’t be afraid to live and love the way you want to. Your life will be fuller and happier for it.

I’m so happy you’ve had a positive experience, and your mum sounds lovely!

[writerofadream]

Fortune favors the Bold ⛓

TDI!Duncan x Juvie Bestfriend! Reader ⛓

Chapter Seventeen: The price is never right.

You were doing target practice. If the target was Heather? Oh well. Your arrow was launched on your bow and you were aiming at a fly on Heather’s nose from twenty feet. 

Suddenly you heard the sound of the boat docking and music and everything was forgotten, you dropped the equipment and you stood watching as the green-haired devil in black strode down the boardwalk with a smile on his face and a patch on his arm.

There was no wifi at camp over the weekend. You hadn’t seen your boyfriend in two days which was something you simply had never done before in your life. The fruit that had been forbidden all of your life was back. 

Duncan’s shiny hair, his crooked smile, and his almost never-ending energy was like food and water for you, but you were Tantalus, for so long Duncan hanged out of reach, he was the boy you had crushed on since crushing was a thing, but he was yours, all yours now.

The boy you had loved since you were both born in the same hospital.

The boy you had loved since his mother fed you after your mothers death.

The boy you had adored since the love letter he had given to you at fourteen.

The girl he had loved since his first memories was your mama showing his mom the new baby.

The girl he had loved since he was ten and you were nine and he gave you dancing lessons.

The girl he had adored since you gave up everything to protect him.

He bolted off that boardwalk before Trent could stop him. You reached him first, you leapt into his arms and you never wanted to leave them.

 It was like being home for the first time ever. He felt your legs wrap around him and he breathed in your smell, your hair smelled like sea salt and roses, your clothes smelled like grass and sweat, your body smelled like home to Duncan. 

—

Bridgette stared at the camera with what viewers described as a fond smile. “Those two have loved each other longer than I think even they know.” She laughed. “They hold each other like if they let go the other would fall.” Bridgette ran a hand down her face. 

“Duncan told me once, he was drunk out of his mind but he said ‘Why wouldn’t I love my best friend? All I think about is her, when I’m not with her all I wish was that I was with her, she is the other piece of my soul that I never thought someone like me could have filled. Bridge, I am a broken man and that woman, she puts me back together with each kiss, you ever met a devil, Bridge?’ and I laughed and told him no. ‘I have, she’s got the prettiest face, and she makes you do things no man ever should, I would give it all up, all my money, all my life, if it made her smile’ and oh my God the way he smiled, I want someone to smile at me like the way Duncan smiles at Y/N.” Bridgette laughed so hard.

—

The intercom came to life and Chris’s voice rang out. “Starting right now all teams are dissolved, which means it's every camper for themselves.” You smiled your lips in Duncan’s hair. 

“Alliance?” He said his lips attached to your neck before you could even speak. “Obviously.” You kissed his hair and he moaned into your arms. 

“I’d give it all up for you sweetheart.” He whispered and you smiled.

“Also, back by popular audience demand, Eva.” Duncan tensed as he saw the woman on her boat in the distance. 

“Easy, tiger.” You put a hand on his shoulder as you made him set you down. Eva stepped off her boat and suddenly you heard the speaker crackle again. “Also Izzy’s back.” that you brightened. She was a little crazy. But why should you ever shy away from a little fun?

As all the girls met back up in the cabin, Gwen and you were laying in the same bed as she tried to think of what the challenge could be. But when she looked at your eyes, what reflected back at her was a pure and utter desperation to be with someone.

Gwen was mildly confused, last week you and Duncan had been happy and alright, this week you both are like magnets. She saw on the calendar by your bed there was a date x’ed out.

She was very curious about what the date represented.

In five days it will be the day your mother died. In three days it will be the day Duncan’s father died. You had been in juvie for three years for what you had done. You had gotten out on the factor that it was in ‘self-defense’. Only that the self you were defending was your best friend who had been beaten within an inch of his life.

You smiled everytime you clicked that bullet into place and shot the devil dead. But you mourned the monster still. A parent dying, etches scars into your heart, no matter how evil they were.

Duncan always told you he was fine, but there were times when he stared at pictures of his father for too long, you realized he was very far from ‘fine’. 

Leshawna and Eva argued and when you heard Eva make a comment on the girl's weight is when you decided to step in. You jumped off the bed separating the two. Eva pushed you and in a second she was shoved against a wall with a knife embedding itself centimeters away from her head.

“Chill.” You warned her. “Whatever,” She spit in your face and you growled as she stalked off. “I’m still going to win.”

It was a trivia game, and it was like the ‘Price is Right’ but there were no prizes. Duncan sat above you and his hand was entangled in your ponytail. When Duncan had emotions he didn’t know what to do with he couldn’t take his hands off you. 

Age six

“My daddy is having me sing at his poker night in four days. It’s really scary, bunny. His friends make me nervous.” Duncan had his head in your lap as he held onto your hand as if for dear life. 

Age nine

Duncan had his battered, and bruised body wrapped around you. You had given up on trying to put him in a bed, he had fallen asleep with your limbs entangled. In five days his mom was leaving for a work trip and his father would be watching him, all alone.

Age thirteen (The night)

Duncan dragged his body which had been bruised in a way it never had been before, over to your house, he army crawled across the street, and knocked on your door with whatever strength was left. You opened the door and a shriek left your mouth unwillingly. 

You were on your knees in an instant. But you didn’t touch him. He touched you as if your touch healed every broken bone. 

Your flashback made you miss Chris explaining the game. All you had heard was ‘Say Uncle.’ and then the competition began. Duncan tapped your head in morse code quickly explaining everything that was going on. 

Duncan was first up. He was playing goalie against a bunch of snapping turtles. Soooo fun. You loved snapping turtles. Reminds you of your first trip to the beach.

Duncan got through the first round but came back up to his chair limping. You gave him a worried glance but your attention was quickly rerouted when Chris called you up next. The large spinning wheel of death had chosen your torture to be…

You had gotten the ice cream one. 

Chris had you lay on your back and lift up your shirt just enough for it to be bare. Before the camera showed you Chris advised the audience.

“Just to be forewarned you're about to see her back so if you have children I suggest you tell them to look away.” and the camera pointed down. Your back was covered in old burns that never healed, self-inflicted cuts, and a few love bites from a few overexcited past lovers.

---

|Trending on X right now|

#sHUTUPTHEREUNION

#imsosingle

#bridgexduncanplatonically

#...herback-

#staneva

-----

This challenge seemed to be solely made to make your body hurt. Chris set ice cream cones deep into your burns, but not the ice cream part, the cone part. The cones broke inside your skin as Chris made his tower of ice cream on your body.

You didn’t say uncle, the only part where you thought you were about to scream uncle was when Chris pushed one of the cones as deep as he could go into your flesh.

But then the buzzer rang and Chef Hatchet removed the cones from your body, you pulled down your shirt even though Chris complained. “What if I want to see you all beautiful, babe?” He called out and you flipped him off with a wide smile.

You sat back down but holy hell did it hurt to lean back. 

The challenges seemed to fly by, one by one your teammates began dropping out. You dropped out at the bees, Duncan dropped out when it came to the ice cream, he simply refused because your back was nothing compared to his.

A lot of horrible crap happened in the Tarun household.

He didn’t even tell you half of it.

Leshawna won, which to be frank you weren’t exactly surprised about. There was not a day where you didn’t go with at least one mention of ‘If I hear that white-girl snore one more time in my face I will lose my absolute mind’ and by white-girl she of course means… Heather.

That night at the campfire Duncan was asleep, the nic patches always made him tired and after the day you both had, it was crazy that not everyone else had passed out.

You had been sitting on the ground, the first one to arrive at the campfire when he had stumbled in, fell to the floor, wrapped his arms around you, sleepily kissed your neck and passed out. Frankly, it was amazing.

 “We’re out of marshmallows.” Chris started the meeting off and you covered Duncan’s ears expecting Owen’s scream. Which happened, extremely loud.

Chris aired out your confessional videos and you paled as you came on. “I am all for anger, and I am all for lunatics. But if Eva spits in my face again I will be hiding a body. I vote for Eva.” You glared at the TV screen and Eva glared at you.

She was voted off by literally everybody.

“Y/N? Can you escort her out?” Chris asked a pleading lip out. You rolled your eyes knowing that you had no choice, Duncan and you were that man’s servants.

You kissed Duncan’s cheek and laid his body fully on the ground as you stepped up and leveled a look at Eva who growled. You smiled and suddenly you were on top of her, tying a rope around her hands and feet and carrying her onto the boat.

“You know in another lifetime we would’ve dated.” She muttered as you put her on the boat. “Oh for sure, would not be surprised if we had gotten married.” She shrugged and you waved goodbye as the boat launched off the dock everyone else gathered around you.

“So party at Leshawna’s new crib?” Izzy announced cutting off whatever Eva was trying to yell. She was too far away for you to even see her. 

“Of course!” You all yelled happily.

You all ran over to Leshawna’s new trailer and now even Duncan had a pep in his step, if there was one thing you both knew how to do by heart it was too party. 

“Yo, get your boyfriend to sing.” DJ whispered. The party was lame. It was just a bunch of food, not even a TV. “Oi, Leshawna, you got a speaker and a mic?” You yelled from your spot on the couch seeing as she was behind you. “I got a speaker.” Lindsay offered. “I got a mic.” Trent continued and you all smiled. 

—-

Gwen had set up strobe lights, Owen arrived late but came bearing alcohol. Duncan sat up at the front of the trailer and his voice rang as clear as a bell.

“Well you may go to college, you may go to school.” Duncan was alike to Elvis Presley in ways you adored. He had this energy as he sang, his entire body moved. 

“Just so you know, you are totally dating the reincarnation of Elvis Presley.” Gwen smiled knocking shoulders with you. 

“Mm, yeah I know I’m super lucky.” You smirked.

“You may drive a pink Cadillac but don’t you be nobody’s fool.” Duncan’s legs even did a little wiggle. “How does he do that?” Bridgette asked you. The party had moved outside. DJ had brought a picnic table out as a stage for Duncan.

“His dad wanted him to be prepared for every imaginable instance in his life.” You muttered staring at the boy who held your heart.

“That includes the possibility of becoming a singer.” You smirked, taking a sip of whiskey out of your cup.

In a blink of an eye Duncan was on his knees in front of you still singing.

“Come back baby, I wanna play house with you.” He begged and you smiled as you stepped on the picnic table, him following you. Gwen cheered and you smiled. Heather and Lindsay were both drunk and were sitting together, their noses almost touching with how close they were.

Leshawna and Owen were dancing and laughing their asses off. DJ and Trent were passed out on the cold ground. Gwen and Bridgette cheered you on while taking large sips of tequila. 

“Come back to me, little girl, so we can play some house.” Duncan jumped into the air landing on his knees as he almost begged you for something as he sang.

“Well this is one thing baby, that I want you to know.” You sang causing Duncan to rise. He twirled you around his voice booming on the mic. “Come back baby, I wanna play house with you.” Duncan’s lips smashed onto yours.

To this day he says that your lips tasted like vanilla ice cream, and all he wanted was seconds.

His lips tasted like whiskey and lucky for him you were an alcoholic.

“Come back baby, I wanna play house with you.” You sang against his lips and Gwen and DJ cheered. Duncan was messy, chaotic and he sure as hell wasn’t safe. Being in love with him meant surely being in love with death.

But you wouldn’t trade it.

Because you thrive in the darkest days.

—----

Bonus: Texts in the TDI GC, Duncan’s POV (He chooses the names on his phone)

Group chat: Island Idiots

The devil 🙆🏻‍♀️: Thanks for opening my message and not responding. 

Bridge 🍃🏄‍♀️: All good bro, any time. 

The devil 🙆🏻‍♀️: Fuck you.

My girl <3: Well Heather woke up very salty.

—-

Group chat: Island Idiots

My girl <3 : Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat? 

Ow-Man 🍔: >:O language 

Bridge 🍃: Yeah watch your fucking language 

Me: OKAY WHO TAUGHT BRIDGE 🍃 THE FUCK WORD? 

Goth-chic ☀ : 'The fuck word'. 

The devil 🙆🏻‍♀️ : Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time 

Bridge 🍃: Oh my god she censored it 

Goth-chic ☀ : Say fuck, bitch . 

Bridge 🍃: Do it, Heather . Say fuck.

—-

Group chat: Island Idiots

My girl <3 : Croissants: dropped 

Crazy Girl 🍊: Road: works ahead 

Bridge 🍃: BBQ sauce: on my titties 

Me: Shavacado: fre 

Geoff 🌊: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead 

DJ 🐰: DJ 🐰: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

—-

Group chat: Island Idiots

Lindsay 👠: I’ve never smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once at a party. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there was no pot in the brownie. It was just an insanely good brownie! :)

My girl <3: give me an hour

Bridge 🍃: DO NOT GIVE HER WEED

Me: damn

—--

Group chat: Island Idiots

Leshawna 💅: What state do you live in, duncan + y/n

Me: I live in a state of constant anxiety.

My girl <3: he’s lying.

My girl <3: …. I do not remember what state we live in. we were in juvie and out sentence was four years- holy fuck what state did we get arrested in.

Me: oh my god.

----

Tagged:

@lostsomewhereinthegarden

[kimbapisnotsushi]

I liked your pov Jay so much. Can you write Jay's pov during the experiments and arrival in the metropolis?

ooooh now THERE'S something to think about . . . it would def be way too long to fit in a tumblr post BUT i can def do some outlines for a potential fic right here and now ;))

(also please keep in mind my knowledge in gamorra itself is lacking so i'll have to do some reading on that first to properly come up with something, so these are just more general thoughts!!)

okay first things first we need to establish a timeline

i don't think we got a proper one???? i could be wrong and if i am feel free to point me in the right direction, but the only thing i can remember is that jay was experimented on for six months

jay is seventeen (THAT'S CRAZY WHAT) when we meet him, so let's rewind and say . . . he's twelve when bendix gets "voted in" and separates him from his mom

(i say "voted in" because i fully do not buy that he actually got elected. so he had money and promises and whatfuckingever. what could he do that sara couldn't??? what made him so much better??? how could sara nakamura be doing that much less of a job where people would vote for a foreigner who knew nothing about them??? what the fuck is up with that genuinely)

they probably don't waste any time running experiments on him. it was definitely painful and scary and let's not forget that bendix was forcing the gamorrans to work for him, too, so we have a couple of options for this: - gamorran scientists experimented on and hurt jay. people that jay had known and grown up with, maybe, running around their labs as sara discussed with them ways they could help better the people's lives. and you could say that bendix might not want the people he turned into prisoners working on something as important as his post-humans project, but we have seen that gamorran scientists were working in his labs when jay and jon went to free them, and that's the whole reason jay could pass through in the first place. because they were gamorran and proud. because they knew jay and believed in him. - the other option is that gamorrans had no fucking clue what happened to their former president and her son. jay talks a lot about not knowing whether his mom was dead or alive but the same applies to him, too!! he was a public figure just as much as she was!!! jay is someone who loves his home, his country, and his people!!! gamorrans probably knew him as the president's kid who helped where he could and was always on the frontlines with his mom!! and then he was gone!!! they never heard about him again!!! rumors abound that bendix murdered a child and they will NEVER forgive him for it, because jay was THEIRS

anyways

i will say that the way jay describes him escaping experimentation is fishy to me . . . bendix still had sara imprisoned. he should have had maximum security on jay. jay would have been leverage for him to use against her to do whatever he wants. but he escaped so easily???? just because he could phase???

i'm thinking maybe jay didn't have full control of his phasing back then because why would he??? he was an untrained twelve-year-old and was physically and emotionally weak. he didn't know what was going on. when he phased he probably thought that was IT for him. he was probably intangible for so long that everyone thought he genuinely couldn't be worked with anymore

can you imagine how scary that was?? how terrified jay must have been?? how he thought he wouldn't be able to touch another person, feel their warmth and solidness and the breath in their bodies??? how he had nothing to ground him???

jay nakamura woke up a living ghost and probably thought he would have been better off dead

he was so so relieved when he learned how to get it under control and become solid again

ANYWAYS. so. jay gets taken at twelve. experiments for six months. he fades away. they consider him useless and leave him alone. he breaks out. the revolutionaries find his boat, and he ends up in metropolis

okay i have some THOUGHTS about this

i already covered the fake-birthday thing in my other post but something i HAVE been thinking about is whether jay tells other people he's gamorran

he's trying to keep his identity hidden. he can't risk being caught. and if people DO know he's gamorran, what then??? he can't tell them about bendix publicly because who the fuck would even believe him. who would believe that gamorra has refugees.

thus i imagine for the most part jay lets people assume that he's japanese because it's easier that way. anything he really wants to say, he saves for the truth

anyways!! metropolis!!!

i'm assuming the revolutionaries have, like, less-than-legal contacts for helping people get settled and safe because, unlike jon, they are definitely not on friendly terms with both local and federal law enforcement

they get jay and the others all the papers and certificates and whatnot

so according to my timeline i would say jay would probably be thirteen by now (assuming his bday passed within those six months of experimentation) or at least close to being thirteen

i'm not entirely sure where he stays during this time? i can't imagine he'd get an apartment to himself starting now because there are a whole bunch of loopholes he'd have to jump through and he's probably lacking the money considering he just ran away with nothing from a dictatorship

maybe a safehouse that the aerie and wink have in metropolis, or maybe he gets placed with a foster family during this time? in any case he gets his living arrangements done and enrolls in high school

also i imagine he's pretty hyper-independent/self-sufficient (because he literally has nobody else to rely on) and thus holds any friends he makes at arm's length. he's guarded. he throws walls up. pretty ironic for someone who can pass through anything, no?

the thing about jay is that he's a former president's son through and through, so he's still perfectly charming and amicable to said friends who don't even realize that they don't know him all that well. jay is just THAT good

his first two years of high school are all about recovery and adjustment. and maybe he won't ever fully recover--a part of him will always ache for all that was ripped away from him, and a part of him will always be afraid of rumbling storms and boats and anything that sounds just as sharp as gunfire--but it's enough for him to maybe consider metropolis a place he could be happy in

i want to say something happens in junior or senior year of high school that makes jay realize that, no matter how little of it he has, he does have the power to do what he can, and that's how the truth begins

i guarantee you 100% jay started out with a basic face mask and shaky low-quality phone camera footage and zero editing. he had to build the truth from the ground up with what he had access to in metropolis, and i imagine that wasn't a whole lot

i'd probably end with his high school graduation and summer break and his acceptance into metropolis u?? oh and moving into his new apartment!!! a new beginning. one that jay is in more control of. one where he isn't afraid.

one where he wasn't expecting to fall in love and yet . . .

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Eyes and Ears

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam

Summary: An AU where Barbara finds Jason instead of Bruce.

It's March and Jason's fifteen in this chapter.

Chapters: 42/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Barbara Gordon, Jim Gordon, Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne, Sheila Haywood, Original Character(s)

Relationship(s): Jason Todd/Original Character(s), Past Barbara Gordon/Dick Grayson

Additional Tags: Canon Divergent AU, Older SIbling Barbara Gordon, Jason Todd-centric, Barbara Gordon is Oracle, Jason Todd is NOT Robin, Jason Todd Has Issues, Jason Todd Has a Crush, Adopted Siblings

Chapter Forty-Two: Growing Pains

Jason called Dick after Jim went to work and Reese went to school. “Hey, what’s up?” Dick asked. 

“How old were you when you—? Well… You know,” Jason blurted out. Dick cleared his throat. 

“Beg your pardon?” Dick asked. 

Jason hugged his knees. “You know,” Jason mumbled, “Did you wait until you moved out?” 

“Jason, I think this is something you should talk to your dad or Barbara—.”

“Dick, I’m not asking you for the gory details. I just—. How’d you know you were ready?” Jason interrupted. 

“Well, I wasn’t sure… It sort of—. We were two adults in the right place and time,” Dick answered, “Why? Is Reese pressuring—?”

“No,” Jason replied. “No… I just—. I’ve done all this growing up… And I wanna do something grown up.” Jason held a pillow to his face as soon as he said it aloud. 

Dick sighed. “Well, that’s not a good reason. When you’re dating, you gotta carefully consider everything. Is he ready? Are you doing this to fit in or distract yourself? Will you regret it later if you do it now? Do you have any idea what you’re doing? Do you want to because you’re in love, or is it something else?” Dick listed off questions that made Jason’s head spin. “And have you dealt with your feelings about meeting your mom?” 

“Barbara told you,” Jason mumbled. Dick made a clicking noise with his tongue. “I don’t—. Dick, I’m scared. There’s something I didn’t tell Barbara. I couldn’t tell her or Dad… Something about my mom.”

Dick knocked on Jason’s window. “Let me in so we can talk,” Dick replied. Jason obeyed, and Dick sat on the floor of Jason’s bedroom with an envelope in hand. “Jason, what could be so bad that you can’t talk to Barbara and J—.” 

“My mom’s making chemical weapons,” Jason confessed, “And someone was in the room with us. I could hear him, but my mom covered me up and told him I was harmless. Some other stuff happened, but I was unconscious. I know Barbara had my phone record it, but I don’t—. I haven’t listened to it yet. She promised she wouldn’t listen without my permission, but I’m not sure—.” 

“Jason, I feel like I’m crossing a line. Barbara’s your sister. She has a right to know—.” 

“I don’t want her to hear… I’ll tell her I told you if that’s what you want, but I don’t want her to know what’s on my phone from that night. Dick, it’s safer for me if someone knows, but I don’t want that someone to be my dad or sister,” Jason interrupted. Dick sighed and gestured for Jason to pass him an earbud. Jason softened and pulled up the encrypted recording on his phone. The recording started an hour after Sheila knocked him out.

“Who is that?” a man asked on the recording. 

“My son paid me an unexpected visit, but I’m handling him… If worse comes to worst, he’ll be my hostage,” Sheila replied, “We gotta get him on the boat with us.”

“He’ll scream the second—.” 

“I gave him a sedative. He can’t move… And when he wakes, he’ll be too disoriented to scream. It’ll give me time to explain to him,” Sheila explained. Dick stared at Jason as he listened. Jason refused to look up from his phone as he sped forward an hour. 

Sheila described the chemical makeup of a prototype gas weapon. Dick snapped his fingers and told Jason to grab a notepad. Jason went back five minutes while he wrote everything down. “Jason… I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I hit you too hard… I didn’t mean to,” Sheila whispered, “They’re coming back.” 

A familiar voice asked Sheila to explain the components of the gas. Jason wrote everything down. “Jason, that’s—.” 

“I know… And my sister would flip if she knew. Do you understand now?” Jason mumbled. Dick frowned and nodded. 

“He could’ve killed—.” 

“Shh… Listen,” Jason whispered. 

They listened to the audio for hours, and afterward, Dick lay on the floor, staring at the ceiling. “I need you to test my blood at the lab,” Jason whispered. Dick turned to him. 

“You want me to tell you what I find?” Dick questioned. Jason shrugged. “Hey, are you allowed to leave the apartment?” 

Jason nodded. “I’m here because I wanna be. My dad offered to let me go to work with him. I have to text him and let him know first,” Jason answered as he texted Jim. 

“Jason, are you—?”

“Please, don’t ask me if I’m okay. The answer is no, but I’m focused on other things,” Jason interrupted. 

“Get dressed, though. Alfred’s gonna have a heart attack if I bring you home with me looking like that,” Dick replied. Jason looked at the old faded GCPD issue sweatpants Jim gave him, and Barbara’s old high school sweatshirt. 

“Yeah, I’m gonna shower and change real quick,” Jason whispered. Dick nodded. 

“I’ll wait in the living room,” Dick replied. 

**

Jim called Jason while Dick took a sample of Jason’s blood. “Hi, Dad,” Jason replied. 

“Where are you?” Jim questioned. 

“I’m with Dick. I didn’t wanna be alone,” Jason answered, “Dick, say hi. It’s my dad.” 

“Hi, Mr. Gordon,” Dick replied. 

“Okay… Don’t stay out too late. I’m making lasagna. You can invite Dick over if you want,” Jim replied, “Love you.”

“Love you too, Dad… See you later,” Jason replied as he hung up. Dick gave Jason a soda. 

“Jason, what are you doing here?” Bruce asked. 

“Letting Dick take a sample of my blood. I didn’t get a sample taken in the ER,” Jason replied. Bruce felt the back of his head, and Jason winced. 

“What’d she hit you with?” Bruce asked. 

“I don’t know… She caught me off guard. Does everyone know I was kidnapped by my mom?” Jason questioned. 

Bruce didn’t answer. “What’s wrong with your blood?” Bruce questioned in reply. 

“I think I’m—. Do I have to talk about it?” Jason mumbled. Bruce shook his head. Dick let the computer run tests, while he looked on. The room went icy as Jason’s phone rang again. 

“Who is that?” Bruce asked. 

“Take a breath. It’s not Barbara. It’s my boyfriend,” Jason mumbled. 

“Are you going to answer that?” Dick questioned. Jason frowned and answered. 

“Hi, Reese,” Jason whispered. 

“Hey, do you want me to spend the night again? I know last night was kind of weird, but—.” 

“Dad’s making lasagna tonight… Is AJ there?” Jason questioned. 

“ No… ” Jason sensed the lie. 

“Okay… Well, tell him I said hi. I um—.” 

“Are you by yourself? It sounds quiet over there,” Reese interrupted. 

“No, I’m not alone. One of Barbara’s friends came over to sit with me—.” The printer spat out results that Dick quickly retrieved and all the color drained from Jason’s face. “I gotta go. I’ll see you later.” 

“Okay, love—.” 

“Love you too. Sorry,” Jason whispered before he hung up. He grabbed Dick’s wrist and dragged him upstairs and out of the manor. “Do you think he saw—?”

“He’s gonna find out anyway. Bruce doesn’t like secrets, Jason… And we used his computer. Here,” Dick muttered as he gave Jason the results. 

“You ran my blood against a control sample and something else… What’s the something else ?” Jason questioned. 

“I figured it was a longshot, but I wanted to test a theory—.” 

“What did you test my blood against, Dick?” Jason asked. Dick waited until they got to a stop light to look Jason over. 

“What’s wrong?” Dick asked. 

“It matches in a lot of places, Dick,” Jason replied. He swallowed hard. “What is it? Why won’t you tell me what it—?”

“I tested your blood against mine and someone who’s taken a dip in a Lazarus Pit… More specifically I used a sample of the isolated changes the pit made to their blood. Are you sure your mom didn’t—?”

“She didn’t explain the chemical makeup of whatever she tested on me as a kid, but I doubt it’s—. God, I wish I could talk to her one more time. There’s so much I don’t understand… Dick, what if I never die? What if I start outliving all my friends and—?” 

“Jason, stop. Okay, let’s go to Barbara’s. Let’s see what she’s up to and try to talk to her. Let’s deal with this one step at a time. Deal with it like—.”

Jason rolled the window down and ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t ask for any of this. Dick, I can’t—. I can’t calm down. I know you think it’s not helping, but you have no idea what this feels like. Oh god.

"Am I just gonna—? What if I stop aging? And when? Am I supposed to keep relocating and living different lives, hoping no one notices? Watching people I love die? I don’t wanna live like that, Dick. Do you know how it feels to not have the choice to live and die like a normal person?

"I just got used to being a Gordon. I finally felt like I fit in and now I—. I—. Dick, it’s not fair,” Jason stammered. He broke down, leaning forward as he wept into his open hands. Dick couldn’t say anything to make him feel better.

[4rainynite]

EAH Dorm Rooms Headcanon pt 14

Sparrow

He's an obnoxious rockstar with a bad boy streak.

Unlike the other students at Ever After High School, Sparrow lives by himself in a treehouse in the Enchanted Forest.

My headcanon is that during Freedom Year (Freshmen Year) Sparrow annoyed his roommate and the entire boys and girls dorm so much Headmaster Grimm got many complaints about Sparrow. I can see Sparrow complaining to his mom about not having any space and the roommate problem, so before the last day of school Maid Marian and Sparrow had a talk with Headmaster Grimm. Maid Marian suggested that Sparrow should have his own dorm room for Legacy Year, only from Headmaster Grimm to counter that Sparrow rooming alone won't stop the noise problem. As Maid Marian and Headmaster Grimm discuss Sparrow's arrangement, Sparrow stares out of a window to see the Enchanted Forest and gets an idea- he can live in the Enchanted Forest during the school year. Headmaster Grimm was reluctant to allow a student to live off-campus until they made a deal that Sparrow had to arrive on campus every day before breakfast.

It was actually stated in 'Truth or Hair' that:

Like the other Ever After High students, Sparrow Hood had a dormitory room on campus, but he mostly hung out in his special tree house, on the outskirts of campus. Sometimes he even crashed there. Holly guessed that the headmaster had approved this living arrangement because it fit with Sparrow’s destiny to be an outsider, living in the woods, just as it fit with her destiny to sleep in a tower. Most everyone was happy that Sparrow spent a lot of time out there. If he’d been in the dorm, his late-night practice sessions would have kept most of the students awake.

Despite being the son of two heroic figures (yes, Maid Marian is heroic) Sparrow has more of a - I don't want to say villainous- more of an annoying conman. Sparrow would rather be a musician than a hero, the only thing he has in common with his father is that they are thieves.

The only time we get to see Sparrow's treehouse is in 'True Hearts Day Part 3', and we get a good description of the treehouse in 'Next Top Villian' & 'Truth or Hair'.

In the books Sparrow’s treehouse is described as:

And there it was, a tree house like no other she’d seen, perched at the tops of two massive fir trees. It had been built from a hodgepodge of materials—old doors and window frames, leftover siding from barns and cabins. There was even a hull from an old boat. Duchess began to climb the wooden staircase that wound around and around one of the trunks. Sparrow didn’t live in the dormitory with the other boy students. He’d claimed this space as his own. He was an outsider who didn’t seem to care about fitting in. A bow and a quiver of arrows hung from a hook at the entry.

Sparrow was standing on a small stage, a microphone perched on a stand. His guitar was plugged into an amp.

The decor was what some might call rocker. She would never want to live in such a mess. The beanbag chairs were patched and faded, and the old couch leaked stuffing. Soda cans and latte cups lay everywhere, as did a thick coat of dust. Sparrow desperately needed an army of cleaning fairies.

The interior wasn’t as delightful, and was badly in need of a professional decorator. A faded rug covered some of the patchwork floor. The furniture consisted of beanbag chairs, an old stained couch, and a bunch of mismatched pillows. A stage had been set up in the back half of the room, with all the Merry Men’s equipment. Soda cans and chips bags littered almost every surface.

From the descriptions Sparrow is a messy person (bet he gives the Wonderlanders' rooms a run for their money).

In the books Sparrow has a kitchen in the treehouse to feed himself and his bandmates. He would also have a bathroom with a toilet and shower, and for some weird reason it's covered in bathroom graffiti that he and his bandmates did for the rocker look.

Sparrow said that students can download his songs so he must have an audio studio to produce his music.

Sparrow has a huge collection of guitars and bows and arrows on one of his walls.

Sparrow's Merry Men not only practice in his treehouse, but sometimes crash there during late night sessions.

I believe like Holly & Poppy's dorm, Sparrow's treehouse is divided in two: the bottom half is where he practices and chills with friends and upstairs is his sleeping quarters.

I can see his bedroom just as littered as his downstairs section. With a mattress in the middle of the floor or a hammock, posters all over the walls & ceiling, and a special case for his guitar.

There was an artist on Tumblr who was a huge Duchess/Sparrow shipper and actual drew Sparrow's tree house. Sadly, they left Tumblr and after looking through multiple EAH accounts I can't find it. If someone knows where to find it, please send me a link.

Images from EAHWIKI & ROYALREBELWIKI

[moonmoon-ren]

REUNION

PART 2: The Map Room

Late is the hour when a Warrior of Light finds his way to my study.

Good evening Ren, G'raha said while placing down his books on the desk already wondering what the WoL might be up to.

Evenin' G'raha. Quite late for studying ?

Could say the same about you, a cheeky laugh escaped G'raha's mouth. I ran into Erenville on my way here. He mentioned he saw you at Thaliak's Arcade all alone and was worried about you. So I will ask: are you alright? Lately you have been a bit absent and reserved.

Deep sigh

Ren let out a deep sigh when he heard G'raha say this. As if these words were just the drop that were needed to crack and shatter into pieces.

No G'raha, I'm not okay. But I'm going to change that.

By staring at the world map ?

Hahaha, cheeky catboy, Ren could not help grinning.

Come on, you know you can tell me Ren. What is suddenly so interesting about this map ?

Dalmasca.

Dalmasca?

But, but ... Thats so far away from here and not really easy to reach. Not to mention that it might or might not be a war ravaged land. If I recall correct then The Garlean Empire also invaded the Kingdom of Dalmasca and by extend also your homeland, the Skatay Range.

While G'raha meant well, and only mentioned this in scholarly excitement, it made Ren's stomach turn upside down. All he kept thinking was: "I should never have left, Sequoia, Mom, Dad ... my sisters, the Treehouse Club, are they safe?"

I once travelled from the Range to Kugane - no - I only travelled from the Range to Kugane. By boat. The journey across the seas is not so difficult, if the Navigator allows us safe passage. Apart from that, I know that The Range borders to the Fringes in the West, be it a small border. Travelling trough the Fringes is not a problem, I have been there not long ago. The Range might be much trickier. My other option would be sailing to Othard and going via Golmore. But that would also mean i have to cross Rava territory. Our peoples never had any trouble with each other, but I also know that neither Rava nor Veena likes intruderers in their respective lands.

So this is what you are brooding about? Going home ?

Yes.

Why ? Why now ?

Oh Raha ... (silence)

Ren tried finding his composure and trying not to burst out in tears, maybe he could tell Raha his story?

I grew up like any other Viera, in a tribe, in the vast woods of the Skatay Range. My father however bears a foreign family name: Kimura. A family from Hingashi.

Wait. That's why you have so much affinity with Hingan Culture? How ? I tought that Viera tribes are generally averse against outsiders?

Yes, but according to my father we Kimuras are explorers, so being an "adventurer" is kind of in my blood. The first Kimuras wanted to leave the Range and explore more of the world outside. Tough, they did not bear that family name in those days. It is the people of Hingashi who gave these curious "rabbit people" the name Kimura. It means "from the tree village" I guess that was the best way to describe our home.

Fascinating, please continue Ren.

Yes. My father has always been a merchant working for the Kugane Markets and trade networks there. He often travelled from Kugane to Dalmasca. One day he got an offer where he had to travel to the Skatay Range for rare goods that are only made by the Greenleaf Tribe. My father succeeded in finding the tribe and ran into a woman whom he later married. My mom. She captured him and brought him back to the tribe. Our chief back in that day was relentless and ordered my father to be executed. The chief was of the opinion that my father was a traitor and spy. My mom however found this a harsh verdict. She pleaded the Council of Elders to spare his life but force my father to stay among the tribe. Her influence as the tribe healer proved useful and they decided that he could stay, on one condition. He had to keep the Kimura name, which was a punishment worse then death because with this everyone knew he was an outsider making it difficult to interact with out members of the tribe, let alone get food. But yes, long story short; they got closer to each other, married (surprsingly !) and they got three kits: Natsumi, Yumi and me.

As kits we often got bullied by the others, my sisters not so much. They were quite fierce and sort of earned the respect.

Me on the other hand ... I, always was a little bit a strange duck. At my 13th, like other kits i turned out to be boy* and was sent to live and train with the other boys. I was a failure at most things but i survived. most days i spent alone, hiding, exploring on my own, and spending time with my sister Yumi who tried to help me with archery. Our chief had lack of respecting the tradition of keeping boys and girls apart and we often trained together.

Its also at this time that i met Sequoia.

(*Viera kits have till their 13th no visible gender. )

(flashback to that day)

Hey, you're Ren right ?

Go away.

Hmm, what ? you think i'm one of those bullies? Yeah, i saw them. I saw you. No one deserves that, and you look really kind and sweet Ren.

I said, go away, leave me alone ...

Sorry Ren, but can't do. You look like you could use a friend. Why don't you stand up and walk a bit with me?

Feeling that this Viera might not give up, Ren slowly gave in to his questions.

I'm Sequoia by the way.

I know. You ... a-are the chief s-

Son ... yes but please, don't remind me too much of that. I rather am just Sequoia.

From this day you will come with me, okay ? I see you way too often being alone, and sad and that how a Viera should live.

That day, I did not realise I just met the most wonderful person ever in my life so far.

The blink in your eyes when you tell about him, betrays your feelings for him, Ren. (G'raha could not help but giggle)

I ... how ?

Just a wild guess, but that blink in your eyes thats something; alright.

This is why I am here G'raha. I want to go home and try find my tribe, my family, my friends, Sequoia. Him most of all. There is something i must tell him.

I think your best bet would be going via The Fringes.

As G'raha said this, Ren smiled and they stared a little moment at the map again.

I'm running home to you...

Will continue in Part 3: The Fringes.

[cordycepsfem]

Pageboy Readthrough, Part Three

Previously

EP goes on a date (that she does not describe fully which irritated me because it's lazy writing)

during said date she's asked "when did you know" which means "when did you start liking things traditionally done/enjoyed by boys/men but can also definitely totally be done by girls/women as well"

EP says "four" which is not a thing

this leads to a very long and trying chapter about how EP did things that again, you can do if you are a girl, or if you are actually just a child of either sex

EP tries to make friends

EP has a boyfriend; they get called "f slurs" by teenagers and EP revels in being thought of as a boy (note: she just has a short haircut)(also second note: who revels in being called a slur? Jesus)

there is a lengthy discourse about a boat explosion in 1917 Halifax which is tangentially related to things being discussed in the chapter but interested me enough to go learn more about it today

EP refers to Halifax's gay community in 1917 as "queer" and your reviewer ended the night before she put her fist through the wall of her very, very hot apartment

You can now find previous parts of this readthrough here.

Now

Chapter Four

EP and her mom move to a new home

it is nice; people do normal people things there

Not a boy.

EP talks about playing in the bathtub with action figures; again, this is a thing that all kids did

her mom supports her imaginative play

EP has a crush on the girl in Honey I Shrunk the Kids

EP's mom is a good teacher

together they watch hockey and eat Canadian food (ketchup chips burned my tongue off last year when I visited but hey nobody's perfect)

There is a three-paragraph stint here that got me in the chest.

So let's talk this one through. A female child didn't like wearing restrictive clothing that female children are made to wear. Tights are awful no matter if you think you're a boy or not. No one should wear them. (I am correct on this and I do not take notes.) Dresses are confining and most girls are told to not do certain things when you're in them. Your humble reviewer wore dresses almost every single day throughout her childhood so she climbed trees, rode her bicycle, went wading, performed science experiments, jumped rope, hid during hide and seek, went sledding, and played any number of other games and sports in them. Was I told to stop, to be more feminine, to be a young lady, to be more "modest"? Yes. Would it have been easier in pants? Fuck yes. But I wasn't going to stop doing the things I wanted because I was wearing dresses and tights.

"Boy as friends should have been over"? What? Is there an age where one cannot be friends with a boy? It must be older than 36, because I am younger than 36 and still friends with many boys. They are now called men, of course, but I have had friends who were boys for all of my childhood and teenage years and my Catholic mother didn't find that strange. (After all, Jesus had many friends who were boys, and many friends who were girls.)

Mothers sometimes want things for you that you don't want but they want. It is okay to let go of those things. It is okay to start to forge your own path. Wear dresses when they want, once a year or whatever. Play nice. Take it off as soon as you can. Learn to negotiate "nice pants and a sweater" into the equation as soon as you can. It doesn't mean you're a boy.

And EP's Mom - who sounds a lot like my mom on this topic - was right - being someone who is GNC or who is even a bit different (for instance, someone who might be a closeted lesbian) is going to make your life more difficult, because kids are assholes who believe strongly in pattern recognition so any outlier is going to be attacked. My huge imaginary world was built to protect me from all of the bullying I received. I was happiest alone because no one bullied me there. I still wasn't a boy. I was just a weird kid who would one day realize she was a lesbian.

EP says she has never doubted her mom's love for her

but she feels like her mom didn't know how to say "no" to things that were harmful and her mom made her conform because she didn't know what else to do

EP tells a story about trips she and her mom would take to a beach where they did things like enjoy the natural scenery and pretend they had walkie talkies

it leads to this

This is why thirty-somethings have no business writing memoirs, and it's only half-because of the sappy dramatic writing. EP, you are still free. You can still have any kind of relationship with your mom you want. You can even make your relationship better.

EP liked snow days

she and her mom went to Tim Hortons and got hot beverages

sledding was also nice and leads to further fanciful writing

I'm getting to a point in this book where I'm honestly wondering how it's going to end. And I don't mean that in a a negative way (although there are times when I'm reading that I have to physically push on my lips because I feel like I'm wading through molasses trying to make sense of it all), but in the way that EP and I come from not dissimilar backgrounds, had not dissimilar childhoods, and - so far - have similar feelings about those things, and I need to know how it gets from Point A to Point B. We both came out as lesbians, we both have gender dysphoria. I want to know what the justification was for the massive body modification and a trans identity over therapy, or if EP's going to talk about therapy at all. I want to know how she settled on leaving her wife. I want to know if she thinks of herself as straight.

I can honestly only read one or two chapters a night because some of this hurts - it feels too close to home. I am understanding how someone like EP, like me, like a lot of weird and maybe undiagnosed girls, gets to a point where "not being a girl" is the best choice. I want to know what the tipping point is.

[cjbolan]

 Just finished Chapter 1 of Emily Windsnap and the Tides of Time. My thoughts so far...

I feel you, Emily. I’m sad too that your adventures are probably over.

Liz Kessler throws MAJOR shade at teachers XD. Perhaps she’s writing from personal experience. I literally laughed at some of the descriptions of Emily’s teacher. Particularly this line:

“’Succinctly as always, Aiden,’ Mrs. Porter said, in that special sarcastic way that teachers must learn at college, as they all do it.”

As a former student teacher, I can confirm she’s absolutely right.

This opening is like a clever inverse version of the first book’s opening. Both open with Emily at home in Brightport having a conversation with her mom, before going to school.Except where the first book opened with them having an argument, this last book opens with them being much friendlier with each other. Shows how far their relationship has come. I love that!

There’s also shades of Book 3 that I liked. It again opens with Emily going to school, and Emily afraid of a relationship ending. In Book 3 it was her parents’ marriage, here it’s her renewed friendship with Mandy. I do like the idea that for once, maybe it’s Emily’s own fault that she feels alone, for not being a good listener to her friend. 

I love the emphasis that being yourself is much easier said than done. IRL people say all the time that they don’t care what people think or that they’ll do whatever they want, then quickly give up doing exactly that. This isn’t always a bad thing, and heavily dependent on your situation. It makes perfect sense in Emily’s case where she now has 0 friends in school and possible enemies.  (SIDE NOTE: I do relate hard to Emily in this case. At her age, for a time I had only 1 real friend. We’re still friends now ^_^. )

YAAAAAY MORE RETCONNING *sarcasm*. Seems like Emily is attending only human school. What happened to her splitting her time between human and mermaid school? Wasn’t her school situation a huge looming conflict for about half the series? It was a huge point of conflict for her parents who fought each other about where she should spend more time, to the point it made Emily fear they would split up. If she were still attending Shiprock School, she probably  wouldn’t miss the sea and Shona so much because she could still enjoy those every day. I know Emily's feeling lonely because of Aaron and Mandy, but still...either Emily’s being overdramatic, or she really did quit mermaid school for some reason.

Jake again raises so many questions. We know he eats human food, so can all merpeople eat human food? Or is Jake the only one because he’s lived with humans and got used to it? What do you think his first time tasting human food would’ve been like? That breakfast table is way above water level so... does her ever eat with his family?  It’d be really sad if he couldn’t. Does he have a floating pool table? Does he eat off the floor? Would his family ever eat off the floor with him? Is there any way he could have a wheelchair or kiddie pool for him at the table?  For a mixed human-merperson family who actively brought together the two species, how on earth would they host both species in a place designed by and for humans only? Trap door aside, the merpeople who do visit are just trapped in that tiny bit of water, and the humans make 0 attempt to bring their activities closer to the water for merpeople to join them. And Jake is often described looking upward at people in that boat...he must have the worst neck pain ever. He deserves a nice neck pillow. Or maybe a neck massage XD.

But seriously, this is one reason Jake is one of my favorite characters. He  raises so many fascinating questions about the worldbuilding.

Funny I have a rock that looks just like Emily’s! Minus 2 stripes...

Well, gonna keep on reading!

[thewickerking]

sorry for the essay in your asks I’m just studying child development/psych and I Have Thoughts

nonono ur so fine! i enjoy conversing abt it :] im a psych major so were in similar boats! i keep being disappointed in my fellow students ways of talking about children, especially in childhood development focused classes, and there was a particular instance i will never forget of describing a a case study of a young child who was being violent to others, and the first and only question another student asked being "is this disorder often found in serial killers? cause this sounds like what ive heard abt serial killers" and my jaw fucking dropped. I was wearing a mask so no one really noticed but MY first reaction to the case study was "hey a lot of these behaviors were present in MY BROTHER and while he's doing a lot better i wonder if there's anything i can learn from this study that might help him" and we didn't get even close to that. i didn't need psych classes to be appalled at the way adults think of and treat children, but it was certainly not fun. these things are also deeply personal to me because of my own violent behavior as a child due to an amount of trauma that would easily quadruple the length of this post. luckily for me, my mother had similar experiences and reactions to them, and was able to meet me where I was at and found outlets for energy and stress even before she knew about all of the things that were happening to me. getting into martial arts (and later therapy) was not a cure all but was incredibly effective in stopping me from attacking other children and feel more capable of expressing what i was feeling. I was still a kid so its not like i became perfect lmao but it helped a lot. my mom didn't have the same treatment and to this day will get comments about people who knew her as a child that are "just glad she's not a serial killer" and it very much affects her to this day. i know friends who have been told BY TEACHERS that they seem like they could be a serial killer when they grow up. my uncle, who died by suicide, was the son of a serial killer and his family refused to raise or help him because they were afraid he'd "turn out like his father" of whom he never met due to being born in prison. in turn he was extremely abused by the foster care system and relied on intensely unhealthy coping mechanisms and struggled to raise his children and died as their sole provider and leaving them behind. My brother has also displayed violent behavior and made violent threats to other people and struggled with a lot of things because of that. people frequently express they're glad he's not in prison. i may have clung to specifically the serial killer comments a bit longer than necessary because of personal association, but while it's something i study, it's also deeply close to home, and i know how awful long terms affects can be. while that context is not necessary to know why i care so heavily about this, it does make insensitive off hand comments from my alleged peers cut deep.

SORRY this got tangenty and heavy and complaining abt psych majors is not targeted towards u anon lol its just exhausting to have been around unforgiving teachers and adults and seeing its negative affects on me, my family, and my friends, and then seeing similar mindsets in my generation that claims to want to be better than our predecessors. psych is genuinely interesting to me, and due to my early intervention and good luck with therapists, ive seen what benefits people can glean from experiences with the psychiatric field. unfortunately, ive also seen countless ways its failed countless people, and being able to see the start of harmful thinking in my peers makes it incredibly difficult to be optimistic and also pisses me off lmao. as much as this is my choice of career and it matters to me, there are extremely harmful ideas that make up the foundation of modern (and obviously past) psych and seeing people take this at face value makes me spectacularly miserable. 🫠🫠 but its very nice (and refreshing) to talk to other ppl abt these topics from a shared pov that kids aren't evil. Which sounds so much simpler and more common than it actually is 😮‍💨

[daughter-of-fire-and-dreams]

#2 Bark

“All that bark, and this is all you can do?...”

The words barely sizzle if at all. An irony given how deep cutting they are. Every night is the same. I’m ‘alone’ in this white room, writing binary codes that more often than not become unreadable even to myself. I’m not a super computer after all, there is a limit to a Spoken mind. 

But for some reason, her words still don’t cut me. All I could attribute it to after some thought, would be because they don’t sound personal words aimed at me. But the detached reading of a script as she peers over my shoulder rather than looking at me. 

Why are you even here tonight?... Wasn’t our agreement that you’d entertain whoever tried to spy on me?...

But asking doesn’t give me an answer at all. Just silence. 

To be honest, she’s a mystery. But we’ve been together for as long as I remember since I was little. Sometimes I’d call her ‘mom’ to show that she was the closest thing to a second one in that category. Now that I’m older though, I still don’t know what to make of it. 

Her visits are just as ambiguous. Sometimes she’d be all smiles, tease me, or act as whimsically as possible while I minded my own business. And others, she’d be quiet and serious, staring off elsewhere as if being here wasn’t of her own accord. 

“I don’t want your help.” I stated flat out. And the answer feels as if I’m a little kid that just hit a bullseye on today’s classroom lesson. That’s the best way I can describe the expression she has when staring at me. 

Pride? For being refused? I’ll never get it. And a light thought inside my head whispers that I hate it. I hate being small. I hate being powerless. I hate everything. 

Why are you here? It’s not as if you can do anything either. You and your… golden stupid…

And then it clicks. The image of my companion in this shitty white space with just a patch of green for a tea party is blurred. So blurred that nothing stands out to me. 

“Who are you?” the words come out almost out of instinct despite knowing I won’t get an answer. 

But all she did was smile lowly again and, despite how ambiguous the colors and features are, I can sense a bit of guilt in it. 

“We already had our introductions long ago you know..” she told me, closing away a book I hadn’t noticed she’d been holding over her lap. 

It doesn’t make sense. Nothing ever does. Delaying my thoughts by thinking of her isn’t going to get me far. So I turn back to the blank space that I’ve adamantly tried to fill with 1’s and 0’s for what feels like a lifetime. And yet… I don’t think I’ve made any significant progress. The realization doesn’t bring despair to me for once, but a rush of exhaustion. 

“All this bark… And I still can’t get shit done..” I whispered under my breath, almost feeling as if my knees were ready to buckle after so long. 

“Want a hint?” she asked, showing some concern for once rather than her deadpan tone of a script. 

“You’re using anger as the only fuel… The moment you hesitate for a single second at your finish line, if you ever get to it. That’s when you’re going to lose everything.”

Beautiful. The best advice I could get that I’d spit at if I could… But I know she’s right… And I don’t know what to do to reach where I have to go. For once… I wish I could talk to someone about this outside of this room. But I can’t. 

I’m alone in this. Because it’s a boat meant to sink by smashing into the ice on purpose. 

[decks-writing-blog]

Escape

Summary: Neither Kiwi nor Miriam enjoy winter.

~

In theory Kiwi should love the Winter Solstice. It was supposed to be a time in which everyone was merry and bright, things Kiwi always tried to be year-round. The decorations were always so pretty. And people went door to door or gathered in the center of town to sing carols, another one of Kiwi’s favorite things and for sure the best part of the season.

But… the snow and cold killed or made dormant all the normally vibrant plants that grew around Langtree. The leaves, oh so gorgeous in autumn fell, leaving bare spindly branches behind. The days were shorter and during what little daylight remained, the sky was often overcast and gray. All that was even worse back at Chismest when they inevitably ended up going to spend the Solstice with Mom.

Always before Kiwi had faked their way through it. Plastering on a smile and acting merry right along side everyone else because that was what was expected of them, to do otherwise would make them a downer and a bad person. Such was their instinct now as the stared through their window at the drab colourless snow falling heavily to the ground outside – the first real one of the season – snuffing out what little colour remained. But… it had only been a few months since they’d saved the world. During that adventure they’d learned some things about themself and how sometimes it was okay to be unhappy.

Did that hold true for the Solstice celebrations though? Were they allowed to be…

A rhythmic knocking sounded on the door. Probably Miriam; she’d adopted their habit of tapping out a small tune whenever knocking on a door.

Kiwi hopped over to let her in. “Hi, Miriam!” No matter what, it was always good to see her.

“Hello Kiwi.” She shook off some snow and tapped her boots on the welcome mat before stepping inside. Despite her best efforts some snow still inevitably ended up on the floor. She sighed down at it, shaking her head before looking back up at Kiwi. “I hate the snow.”

“‘Hate’s a strong word but… me too. I know some people think its pretty and I guess it is sometimes but…” They trailed off. How were they supposed to describe the way it made them feel? … “I don’t like it. That’s okay, right? It’s okay that I don’t like the snow or winter or… the Winter Solstice?”

Miriam’s eyes widened. “Well yeah, it’s okay but… I didn’t expect you of all people not to like the Solstice? Doesn’t everyone like to sing and be merry for it?”

Kiwi shrugged. “Yeah but… it’s hard in the winter. I try not to be a downer though.”

“No, no, you be a downer if you want to. Anyone who doesn’t like it can just suck it up.” She of course would hold such a view and maybe she wasn’t entirely wrong. “But anyway, hating winter is why I’m here. I wanted to tell you that I was leaving for… I don’t know where yet but somewhere warmer and sunnier. The coffee pirates are supposed to dock in Delphi sometime in the next week. I was planning on hopping aboard if they’d let me and hope they’re headed somewhere warmer. Which they have to be, right? Since they sell coffee and coffee only grows in warm places… I think anyway. But, if you don’t like winter either, you want to come with me instead?”

Kiwi took a breath to say ‘yes’, that sounded like a grand idea; another adventure with the pirates in warmer climates instead of staying here and dealing with drab winter before going to Chismest where the winter was even drabber sounded amazing! But… “What about my mom? I’m supposed to celebrate the Solstice with her. And everyone’s expecting me to carol with them here and… stuff.”

“Forget them... or I guess send them a letter, telling them you’re going on vacation. Surely if anyone’s earned a vacation, it’s us, right? We saved the world so if we want to hop on a boat to escape winter we should be allowed to.”

Kiwi should perhaps come up with some kind of rebuttal to that but… the town would do just fine without them and Mom had plenty of friends in town and thus wouldn’t be alone for the Solstice. And… they’d been wanting to go on another adventure with the pirates pretty much since they’d finished saving the world. So… “Let me think about it?”

“Yeah, okay. Just be quick. I was planning on flying down there tomorrow.”

Kiwi nodded. “I’ll decide sometime today then.” Though really, didn’t they already know they were going to go? They just wanted to pretend to think about it, pretend as if the idea to run away to somewhere warmer and sunnier didn’t appeal to them as much as it did. Hopefully everyone would, if not understand at least be okay with it.

[skzooaboo]

Dumpy the Adventure Ferret

Hello Dear Readers:

Over the past weekend, I got the chance to sit down with one of the non- “skzoo_in_training” accounts that we tolerate as they prepare to go on a trip with their mom- dramaticdumpling.  

The SKZoo behind Dramatic Dumpling is Dumpy, a beautiful ferret with a pension for adventure.  She and her mother are about to embark on a 6 month long trip where they will be staying on a boat while her mother acts as part of the crew.  

Dumpy was a lovely host, treating JinniBoo and I to a round of bowling before the interview.  Also in attendance was one of the members of Skzoo In Training, Foxie.  We were completely normal the whole time and didn’t freak out at all.  This also, was not an excuse to get close to someone whom we knew was friends with Skzoo In training at all, that would be against everything we believe in journalism. (But it was really cool to meet Foxie!  Look at our instagram reels for a peak at our time there)

The interview began with the normal getting to know you questions and pleasantries.  Dumpy, while mainly using she/her pronouns, does feel comfortable with any pronouns being used for them. Also, since this interview, I have decided to dub Dumpy “The Adventure Ferret.” Please help it to catch on. 

Dumpy’s mother has been excitedly waiting for this opportunity for a while now, but she officially decided to take Dumpy on November 29th 2022, when her mother first discovered she was adopting the little adventure ferret.  Dumpy is now going to be heading out to the western Caribbean, the Bahamas and Cozumel for daily adventures.  Fans of the Dramatic Dumpling instagram page have nice tropical pictures to look forward too as Dumpy embarks.  On this trip, Dumpy is hoping to find a lot of jewelry, like necklaces and rings, to purchase as well as trying to discover the answer to the age old question: “Can a ferret get a tan?”   

One of Dumpys biggest fears heading on this trip is one familiar to many Skzoos:their human’s whims.  She is worried that her mom will try just a little too hard to get a nice photo of her and end up dropping her off the boat.  I also asked Dumpy if she would have any suggestions for our readers to help keep their humans in check, and she recommended making sure you are pointing out all the bad/dangerous ideas they may have.  Wise words that I feel all of us could live by. 

Now, dear readers, we here at SkzooaBoo are at the heart of it all, a truth seeking blog; while it was all fun and games for a while, I realized it was time to get to the TRUTH about certain developments.  

Dumpy has recently been seen canoodling with another Ferret that is rather close to our hearts here at SkzooaBoo and I wanted to get to the bottom of it.  When asked where they intended to leave things with our sweet JinniBoo, Dumpy was quoted saying: “I recently had my heart broken, my dreams crushed but when I finally met JinniBoo, sparks flew! … I’m guarded, so I’m looking for someone who is going to fight to bring the guard down.”  Do we feel this could describe our favorite truth seeking ferret?  I guess we will have to keep an eye on the pages to find out.  

Dumpy gave us a good tip off to keep an eye on CollegeQuokka and BigBroChannie for more developments.  While I can’t go into details here, since we have yet to get all the FACTS, keep an eye on our pages dear readers as we bring you more TRUTH and EXPOSE those trying to conceal it..  

Lastly, I wanted to know from Dumpy what she would like to see from fans of her page as she is off galavanting on this beautiful adventure. Her one wish: to see some of her fans recreate her photos so she might not feel so lonely on the adventure.  Is that something we feel we can do?  I know a certain ferret who will certainly try!  Be sure to tag @dramaticdumpling on instagram with any sort of photo recreations and use the hashtag #adventureferretdumpy just for me.  

I will catch you next time as I bring you more FACTS and TRUTH that begs to be released. 

[arrow-dodger]

My dad's mom died on Saturday. I called her Nanny.

I can't put what I feel into words. I can barely sit down and think about it at all. But I can try to write it just to get it out of my head.

I haven't seen her in years. I've been estranged from that side of my family since I was maybe 22 or 23. To paraphrase, they're bad people. They were emotionally abusive, purposefully cruel, manipulative, selfish and volatile my entire childhood. I don't think either of my grandparents loved me, or even knew how to feel or show love in a way that I would recognize. I don't think they know me or anything about me, nor have they ever tried. The concept of "family" on my dad's side is just an endless loop of people possessing other people.

My mom always told me that since Nanny wasn't a loving person and Pawpaw (her husband) was a serial philanderer, my dad grew up in a household where not only did he have emotionally absent parents, but parents who fucking hated each other. And that's true. My entire life they had separate bedrooms and seemed to loathe one another entirely, but were just together because they had already been together that long, so they might as well ride it out. I know my dad is an adult and a father himself so he should have some kind of blame in his own actions. I just think I resent my grandparents a bit for growing him to be as emotionally absent as they are. My dad is still a little boy hiding under a bed in many ways.

As a person, I would say Nanny was best described as "unhappy." She barely smiled and always had something to fret about. She was always affronted by everything other people did, even if it had nothing to do with her. My mom has many stories of her throwing fits about things as an adult woman. She was critical and high-strung. At the same time, I know she was good natured in some ways. She gave a lot of gifts. She was always there to offer food or do laundry with a particularly challenging stain on it. She watched us as kids often enough and I know she watched her great-grandson (my cousin's kid) a lot too. I wasn't afraid of her as a child and I didn't dislike her, I mostly felt such a distance from her, especially compared to my mom's mom who I have always been very close to.

Every good memory I have with Nanny or that was set in her house ties directly back to some other weird or bad one in my head. I remember decorating Easter eggs with her, using dyes and stickers with crosses and other religious symbols on them, and her snapping at me for putting the stickers on my body because it was sacrilegious. I remember that day we ate Dairy Queen. I assume my sister was there, but we might have been so small that my brother wasn't even born yet. That would be over 20 years ago now. That story is funny because she was by far the most religious person in my family. She collected ceramic angels and claimed that once after she had some kind of surgery, Jesus himself visited her room and she kissed his feet.

I remember breaking one of her glass birds and cutting my hand on it. I remember climbing through her bedroom window because we locked ourselves out. I remember my sister and I playing with our Palm Beach Barbies in the fishing boat in the backyard. I remember mixing "potions" in her second bathroom. I remember her big black dog Magic, who seemed like he was the size of a horse to me because I was so small. I remember watching The Last Unicorn on VHS countless times in her bedroom, with an out-of-order treadmill in front of the bed and images of Christian angels decorating every surface. At her house we had the most random collection of toys, and books about dinosaurs. I always played with the toys in the sink of the big bathroom, the one with the poem about the color purple on the wall, and rummaged the drawers for her lipstick. Her feet were so small I could wear her little gold lamé slippers.

I remember her walking with us to Dollar General and buying us random little toys sometimes. Once I went there with her by myself when I was probably about nine and I remember her going on about how I was prettier than my sister and not to tell her. When I got older and my brother decided he didn't want to come visit my dad anymore because my dad was always drunk and terrifying, I remember Nanny and my aunts talking about how selfish that was of him. My brother, not my dad. And my brother was eleven years old.

I remember getting catalogues and catalogues of childrens' toys to pick from for Christmas. My grandparents and aunts always viewed buying us things as their way of expressing love, and even then it was barely that because it was always held over our heads later. I don't remember my grandparents ever asking me questions about myself or getting to know me. I don't remember them ever hugging me or being physically affectionate besides when we'd say goodbye. I don't remember ever feeling close to them in any way other than by proximity. In fact, most of my memories of going to their house involve them being in other rooms (or Pawpaw being in his shed in the back yard) ignoring us while we made our own fun, playing in the sink or watching a movie in the bedroom alone or playing Harry Potter in the front yard. In those memories everything is extremely quiet and empty.

When I'd go to her house as an adult she'd always give me random bits of food. Once she gave me a whole bunch of bananas. Then she'd spend the entire time guilt tripping me about how I didn't chat or visit often enough (I can't think of one time my grandparents have ever called me on the phone or invited me to their house) and talking about what things in her house I'd inherit when she died. It was always a pretty grim time.

When I got old enough and realized I was allowed to not be around my family anymore, I just... wasn't. There's no talking to them or reasoning with them, so I just fucked off. Nanny wasn't ever the reason for my estrangement honestly, it was my aunts (her daughters) who have both said and done way nastier shit, though she did join in things like enabling my dad to be an abusive drunk and actively sabotaging my parents' relationship. If I told every story about my aunts being awful throughout my life, I would be stuck here for days. Nanny might not have been as bad but she didn't separate herself from them in my mind, as she was always quieter than them but definitely on their side. We were never close. I never felt like she cared much about me or whether I was around or not. If she did she certainly never said anything about it to me, nor did anyone ever convey the message.

Not very long after I distanced myself, both of my dad's parents got pretty deep into dementia. My sister still visited every now and again but they didn't really know who she was. So even if I had still been around it wouldn't have made a difference, I think.

I've been distancing myself from my dad a lot lately already, so her death comes at an extremely weird time. I also can't attend her funeral tomorrow because there's a massive winter storm headed this way and I would risk being stranded. I wanted to go, too. I wavered on it because I'd have to see my goddamn aunts and their families and I know I'd be accosted and chastised and harangued by many different people. It would have been an emotionally exhausting experience for everyone, but it would have at least functioned as some kind of closure for me.

I can barely mourn my Nanny. There wasn't a loving relationship there to mourn. But I'm mourning some other things instead, like how my dad lost a parent, and my other family lost a loved one, and as weird and self-centered as it sounds, how I never had a relationship with my grandparents. The only relationship I've had with that side of the family the majority of my life has been manipulation, verbal abuse, them viewing my siblings and I as possessions and bargaining chips and using us as weapons, never being truly loved or truly known but existing as a concept and told to fit into a specific mold and to sit down and shut up and pretend along with the rest of them that we like each other. And that sucks shit.

Other people talk about these great relationships they have with their families. Other people have stories about grandparents who have always been there for them and supported them. Support is the last thing I ever got from any of those people. They have always actively resented me. They all wish I was someone else. I was the first niece and granddaughter born on that side and I know they all wanted a do-over. Luckily for them they have my sister instead, who barely remembers our childhood and lived far away for most of hers and also has some kind of infinite bandwidth for people who are cruel to her.

I wish to god I could say I was sad and hurt and missing something important from my life. Instead I never had it to begin with, and that hurts in a different way.

Editing this to say: I know it may come across harsh to anyone who doesn't know the full story of my childhood, my parents' divorce, my dad's alcoholism, etc. etc. and the roles my family played in all of those things. I will never be telling the full story so just know the nothing I've said here is harsh.

[suckitsurveys]

Do you think you could handle a job in the medical field? Why or why not? Nope.

Would you rather edit photos on your phone or computer? Phone.

What is one electronic device you own that you have not used in a long time? Our Wii.

What is one thing you are currently behind on? Blah.

When was the last time you wore a dress or a skirt? I wore a dress as a swim suit cover up a couple weeks ago.

When was the last time you had a migraine? Last month.

What is your favorite thing about Instagram? I don’t know.

When was the last time you wore a flower in your hair? I’m sure when I was a kid I put flowers in my hair or my mom did.

List three words to describe yourself using the first letter of your middle name. Merry, marvelous, mentally-unstable.

Have you ever had a friend with the same middle name as you? Nope. It’s not a very common name.

What color was your locker in high school? Blue, if I remember correctly.

How many framed pictures of you and a family member or friend can you see from where you’re sitting right now? I  have a bunch printed out as magnets from my instax printer on my cabinet, and I also have a framed one of my older niece holding my younger niec right after she was born and one of me and Mark on my desk.

What is the first thing you think of when you see the rainbow emoji? 🌈? Gay shit.

When was the last time you got a new pair of glasses? Last month. I got new regular glasses and prescription sunglasses

Do you prefer to play chess or checkers? Neither.

What color was your first cell phone? It was a navy blue fucking Nokia.

Do you remember when smartphones were a new thing that had just come out, and only rich people had them? Yes.

If you could choose to have been born in a different month, which month would you choose to be born in, and why? I like my birthday.

….and which month were you actually born in? September.

Does your first name rhyme with anything? (If so, what?) Banana and Montana are the two most common things people tend to rhyme with my name.

Have you ever met anyone who didn’t like the color blue? Not that I know of.

What color was the last pill you took? A lighter shade of blue.

How often do you use emojis? Pretty often.

When was the last time you took a selfie? It’s been a bit.

How many E’s are in your full name? Two.

What is the first letter of the name of the street you grew up on? K.

Which decade were you born in? Technically the 80s, but at the very very end of it.

Who was the last friend of yours to have a birthday? My sister’s was Tuesday.

Are you looking forward to your next birthday? Why or why not? 🥳 I’m excitedd to be celebrating it early with two of my friends in a couple weeks while the outdoor water parks are still opened, but I am dreading my actual birthday.

When was the last time you blew up a balloon? In May for my niece’s birthday party.

If you had to go an entire week without using any technology, what do you think you would spend most of your time doing instead? I have no idea.

What is the first thing you think of when you hear the word “mast”? Boats.

Where is the weirdest place you’ve ever slept? I guess at a rest stop in Ohio?.

Would you rather travel to Asia or France? France.

What is something new that you’ve learned recently, that you didn’t know before? I don’t know.

[phawareglobal]

Karen Martinez - phaware® interview 466

Karen Martinez, a mother from Eastvale, California, shares her experience with Camp del Corazon, a camp for children with congenital heart defects and lung disease. Her daughter attended camp for the first time at the age of seven and has been going every summer since. The camp offers events throughout the year and fosters lifelong connections among the campers.  My name is Karen Martinez. I'm from Eastvale, California. When I was pregnant, I was diagnosed with a child with a congenital heart defect. Now, I'm the mother of a child who attends Camp del Corazon every summer. I remember getting a flyer when we were at the cardiologist's office. I took it and put it away in my desk. A few years later, I came across it and I reached out on their website. They were having one of their first annual family get togethers over at UCLA. I had missed the deadline to RSVP for the potluck. They were so kind and open to having us still join. We went out there. We met with them. They were completely amazing, welcoming, loving from day one. After that, my daughter shortly turned seven years old when we sent her off to her first camp experience.

Camp del Corazon is a camp for kids that are born with congenital heart defects, but campers may also have other accompanying medical ailments. So it encompasses a lot of different medical issues, but primarily cardiology related diagnosis. The best way to describe it's a summer camp for kids between the ages of 7 to 17, but Camp del Corazon also offers events throughout the entire year so that you can build a community with other families, other children that have congenital heart defects. When you're first diagnosed with this, I personally felt lost, completely overwhelmed. It was something that we didn't understand. I had nobody to turn to. To have a community that not just embraced you, welcomed you, but also gave you the support in a desperate time of need, it's just amazing. Sending her off our first year at seven years old, oh boy, many tears involved because we kept her safe, in our opinion. At seven years old we made the decision, okay, we're going to send her off for five days. Let's hope and pray for the best. But let me tell you, the first three days I cried, the next two days my husband cried. Finally, when we went to the dock to pick her up, when we saw her get off that boat, a huge smile from ear to ear. The first words out of her mouth were "Mom, in 365 days, I get to go back!" She just lit up as bright as can be. It set our hearts at ease. We just knew this is where she needed to be. She started at the age of seven, and this will be her last year. In August, she'll be turning 17, so she'll complete 10 years total that she's been going. It was only one year she missed because of COVID, but they did online camp. For us, we look forward to it every single year because we know this is the five days that she gets to disconnect from the world completely, technology, all that good stuff. She gets to be in a place where she feels "normal". She doesn't have any limitations, any restrictions. She's with people who understand her, who love her, who accept her for who she is. She doesn't feel like she has to have limitations or she's different because of her scar. We look forward to it because we've seen this little girl grow up from the age of seven to now have this confidence, this independence that we know is hugely in part because of Camp del Corazon. There's definitely a difference when I see her with her regular school friends versus her camp friends. It's lifelong connections that she has with the kids, staff, volunteers at camp. I think it's a unique bond that they have in what they experience, in what they have in common, that drives her to have a different connection with them. Yes, she has school friends, but there's a unique connection that she has with her people from camp. Just to give you a quick little scenario. I remember her growing up she would never show her scar. It was this thing where she always was covered up. One year, coming back from camp, I noticed that she started showing the scar a little bit. It wasn't until maybe a year ago we had a discussion and she said one of her camp friends helped her understand that the scar is who she is, who makes her understand where she comes from, how she's fought to live. It makes her unique. She embraced the scar. Even though as parents, we were telling her till we were blue in the face, right, exactly what the friend told her. But hearing it from somebody else who's her age and from camp made her understand, wow, it does make me special. It does make me who I am. It's something to embrace and look as beautiful and not ugly. How other people might incorporate it when they see her.

Coming across different families and different people that I've connected with throughout the years, I will for sure, for sure describe my faith as one of the most important things that have gotten us through. Initially, like I said, it was overwhelming getting the diagnosis, not knowing where we were headed. By far, it's been our faith above everything else, because of God she is here. The second thing that always automatically comes out of my mouth is talking about the greatness of Camp del Corazon, because like I said, it's not just a community, but the events and the opportunities that they allow these kids, they're overwhelmingly beautiful. They're things that I can never do for my child. I can try. I advocate for her, but in all reality, it's events, it's speaking to other kids that are going through the same things that she's going through that help her at the end of the day. So by far, it is one of the best things that I could always introduce another family to. I always carry flyers with me to share with people the greatness of Camp del Corazon.

In order to find Camp del Corazon, you could obviously Google search them. Their website has all the information needed for registration for camp, which is now open. If for example, you live out of state, you're far and financially, you can't have your child travel to attend summer camp with Camp del Corazon, they have a virtual camp set up where familes are able to participate with activities. They get a beautiful special box mailed to them prior to the event. They'll be doing all of the activities online via Zoom. It's just a wonderful opportunity so that if you can't be there in person, you could do it virtually. It's just amazing as you see everybody's faces light up when you are doing the activities, engaging with the different groups, the breakout groups. It’s just overall fun. We sign up for it as well.

One of the things I do want to emphasize is when I sit down and imagine the cost of camp, what would it cost me to send my child to camp? I have to take into account not just the fact that there's cardiologists there, nurses there, the feeding, the shelter, everything. It would be a crazy amount of money that would be spent sending my child here. But thank God this organization makes it where it's free for me to send my child to summer camp. And for me as a camp mom, what I feel, and I've never been told I need to, but out of my heart, every single year, I fundraise in whatever way I can to turn around and be able to give back to camp. In my heart of hearts, I feel it's important not just to spread the word, but to keep this organization going. So we've gone from selling World's Finest Chocolates to now hosting Queen Bingo Nights at Hamburger Mary's, because we've made it a priority for our family to fundraise and put the name out there for Camp del Corazon. Not because it's an obligation, but because we choose to. We truly believe in what they do and what they provide for our child. From the bottom of my heart, I will never be able to express the gratitude I feel towards Camp del Corazon, every staff member, every volunteer, every counselor, every cardiologist, nurse, etc. Ultimately, they give to my child something I could never, as a parent as I wish I could. I'm lost for words when it comes to this, because genuinely I am so grateful. I can speak days and days of how wonderful they are, and I truly appreciate every single thing they do. They are a reason my child has become who she is. This is Karen Martinez, and I am aware that my daughter is rare.

Learn more about pulmonary hypertension trials at www.phaware.global/clinicaltrials. Follow us on social @phaware Engage for a cure: www.phaware.global/donate #phaware Share your story: info@phaware.com

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