#but it was just very fun

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

As me and my mom left the pub today, there was a fancy ass car (that looked like a funeral car tbh) pulling up where the driver, who was dressed in a whole ass waistcoat, jumped out and opened the doors for the two passengers which like, genuinely what the fuck?

Like, this pub used to be half pub, half Wacky Warehouse and it's the Wacky Warehouse where the staff had to get bolt cutters out to get the door open when I got stuck in the toilet stall at my uncle's birthday meal. Like to give you a reference for how fancy it is round here.

Anyway, once we drive off, we end up behind him and as my mom's about to pull into a car park that's got a McDonald's and a B&M and like a Heron, like that kind of place, Mr Fancy-Funeral-Car indicates he's turning in there too.

Even more fascinating than outside the pub. As we were driving, we were talking about what the situation is. My mom reckons he works at a funeral home and he's dropping his mates off at the pub and that he has to open the door for them because the backdoors have child-locks because, to quote, "well, they don't want anyone getting out." Meanwhile, I'm working with the assumption that it's like a fancy version of Uber.

And so when he turns into the car park, we're both like "who the fuck could he be picking up here?", especially as he drives towards McDonald's. Like now our assumptions are: 1) someone fancy is sitting in McDonalds, 2) someone bad with money is sitting in McDonalds, or 3) he's going to McDonalds before picking his mates up again.

This is a mystery and we are hooked, but first we have to grab some stuff from B&M, which again, indicates the general income level of people round here. We're buying ravioli and noodles in B&M; this is not an area where people have personal drivers.

Once we're done in B&M, all thoughts of Funeral Car Fancypants have left my brain because I have been reminded of the whole Quite Disabled™ Thing.

But then as we're driving past, we see him leaving McDonalds with a coffee in his hand and suddenly I'm on tenterhooks again, and me and my mom are like cooking at this point, just making up this entire backstory for this guy.

And so by the time we get home, we've basically invented a blorbo who inherited a block paving business from his dad but by stroke of luck won the lottery and decided to hire a butler to cater for all of his wants and needs, but hasn't bought a new house with the money because he's a hustle grind bro who has either invested it all in the stock market and/or cryptocurrency which means he only has a butler (and doesn't really know what a butler is meant to do) and his butler lives in a spare room. He has had his house renovated though so he has an obnoxiously large conservatory, and one of those baths that's up like three or four steps. He also has like the car equivalent of a figurehead for his Tesla, which he never drives by the by, that he is constantly replacing because it's constantly being stolen because he is not going to park his Tesla in his garage, no sir, this is a status symbol, it is on the drive. Also he looks like Steve from across the road. No matter who you are, he looks like Steve from across the road to you.

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[symphonyofsilence]

Let the poor man rest.

[rittzart]

a fat fluffy femme and her scrawny little butch <3

[egophiliac]

gargoyle Mal is everything I've ever dreamed of and more. his little raincoat! his umbrella! I hope he really does have big ol' stompy rainboots to splash around in puddles in. I hope they have little faces on them.

(Twst please give me Malleus having a rainy day adventure, this is everything I need right now)

[eydilily]

gem n joel the strongest duo (family) that you are

and of course. her

[anna-scribbles]

adrien in my outfit from a few days ago✨ feat. my claws out converse

bonus:

[o0kawaii0o]

ROMANCE DAWN TRIO

[areyouscaredyet]

im not particularly religious but i think it’s very cute that Trans Day of Visibility and Easter are on the same day this year :)

its no question that something like this could be triggering or upsetting to a number of queer ppl given the current sociopolitical climate, so i want everyone to remember that u are loved! Regardless of what u or others believe, there are ppl who will love and support you always. Give yourself patience and treat yourself with care!!!

happy and peaceful TDOV everyone!! And Easter to those who celebrate :D

[hinamie]

I'll rip in hands and teeth and take a bite

[stiffyck]

Good luck during pride month to all the aroaces who are gonna be blasted with "love is love" everywhere

Edit:

This post includes aplatonic people, loveless aros and any other people who fall anywhere on the aro and ace spectrum.

Stop saying "but theres platonic love and familial love-"

[chloesimaginationthings]

Toy chica and Abby are gonna be besties in FNAF 2

[kwadlayns]

talk to me in french, talk to me in spanish 🍒

[redsray]

I love the idea of the Wayne kids dropping extremely vague and disturbing comments during galas. Especially when in uncomfortable situations or if they're just bored. They pull out things from their nightlife too. Other times they just make shit up.

Socialite: Oh, dear, your cheeks look so sullen! Who sucked the life out of you?

Tim, dead serious: An old man with a goatee.

Socialite: Uh... what?

Dick: Once I broke my knee so badly that I swear I could see part of the bone sticking out.

Socialite: Good lord. How on earth did that happen?

Dick: Just clumsy gymnast things ^^

Socialite: The white streak is certainly a bold fashion choice.

Jason: I saw someone get decapitated once, so I could be doing worse in terms of what's on my head, yknow? At least I have one.

Socialite: What's your favourite colour, sweetie?

Damian: Red.

Socialite: Oh that's lovely!

Damian: Like the blood of my enemies.

Socialite: Oh.

Socialite: You must be new to these kind of events.

Duke: Uh, yeah, they're kind of scary. But I've had worse.

Socialite: Worse.

Duke: Well I've been left on top of a skyscraper before with no way down just to 'get over my fear of heights' so, yes.

Socialite: You don't talk very loud, do you? I can barely hear you.

Cass, with a straight face: If I spoke any louder every glass in the room would shatter.

Tim, behind her: I can vouch.

[bruciemilf]

Bruce being so smiley and happy around Robin! Jason shatters me so intimately. Soft as hell if this continues when Jason’s red hood, too.

“Robin,” Bruce calls him that out of habit and isn’t at all surprised when Jason swiftly punches his arm, only to rub the place a moment later, even if Bruce barely notices. “This is not the time for jokes.”

“ Three o’clock is always the time for jokes. You scheduled it.”

“Nightwing was turned into a rabbit. And you’re laughing.”

“Have you seen the guy’s Tik Toks? This is as dignified as he’ll ever be.”

Jason is very sure Dick can understand them, because he’s biting hard through his boots. Even harder when Bruce snorts and presses his lips in a white line.

Don’t get me wrong, thought, it’s vice versa.

“I think we’re gonna have to kill this guy, B.” Talking about a guy who cut the line in Batburger while Cass was trying to order.

Bruce, in his Batman voice, “fuck!”

Jason has one of those laughing fits where you get on the floor, breathless and limp. “This brings up memories.”

“ROBIN.”

[wormspoodle]

my turn to draw cowboy fiddleford 🫵

(changed the image so he wasn't looking into the camera bc it was stressing me out)