#i had the first asthma attack ive had in YEARS

[colby-jac-cheese]

Me the second I get a proper knee brace to help with my hyperextended knee pain: I wanna run down The Hill (the single big ass hill that we have to walk to get from dining hall to dorm)

Friend: nooooo you'll fall and hurt yourself

Me with zoomies: but I wanna

Him: no.

Me the second I'm out the door: *breaks into a sprint*

Friends: there he goes! He's got the zoomies!

Me: *starts running down the hill* I CANT STOP

Friend from up the hill: YOU DONT SAY

[daebaegod]

Kuroshitsuji Sebastian rant >>

okay just to get this off my chest bc ive been thinking about it-

I've noticed that Sebastian doesn't know the full extent of o!ciel's personality and knows about as much of him that we do in the beginning which is spoiled noble that lost his family and Seb is just prepping his meal by being emotionally abusive. But as we continue the story, we learn more about o!ciel and his asthma, his selflessness, etc.

Not sure if this will help characters like Sebastian "grow" or develop" in anyway, but i think its interesting that we continously get these little anecdotes where Seb's perception of o!ciel is altered in some way.

Some key moments that come to mind are

the asthma attack in which we learn that Sebastian never knew he had the first 3 years of getting to know o!ciel

o!ciel letting him rest after the book of the atlantic and Seb being astonished(?) Taken aback(?)

o!ciel apologizing after his cptsd/ptsd episode and the events that happen during the emerald witch arc to everyone and the phantomhive servants being genuinely shocked (besides tanaka, but my theory on homeboy is that he knew it was not r!ciel from the very beginning... more on that another time)

If there's any difference from then to where we are now, I think Sebastian at the very least has some respect for o!ciel and has gained a bit of genuine loyalty

[atimeofyourlife]

rated: t | wc: 564 | cw: asthma attack Steve has an asthma attack after the Upside Down, but he'd never told Robin that he was asthmatic. The inspiration for this came from the fact that I had my first asthma attack in like four years today (I'll be fine. It was a mild attack, and it settled down pretty quickly after using my reliever. My breathing is pretty much back to normal.) But I just wanted to project.

Steve didn't notice it right away when his breathing was starting to get difficult. His chest tightening and wheezing as he breathed. He was too preoccupied with dealing with all the Upside Down shit. And he brushed off the initial feeling of his breathing getting worse, thinking it was just a side effect of the injuries or being stuck in the Upside Down.

It wasn't until later, when they were all in the hospital waiting room that he realized it was much worse. In the chaos of the week, he couldn't remember the last time he'd taken his inhaler. And now, his chest was getting tighter and tighter, as if someone was pulling a belt around his chest, he felt breathless, trying to suck in as much air as possible, and loud wheezes coming with every breath. And he was feeling dizzy and disorientated. He knew that it could only be an asthma attack, his first in several years. He wanted to alert someone, but the breathlessness kept getting worse, and he felt unable to speak. His vision started to cloud over, and he knew he was in trouble.

When he came to, he was in a hospital bed. An oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, an IV in his arm. He turned his head to the side to see Robin in the chair next to his bed.

"Dingus, what the fuck? You just fainted out of nowhere. I thought your bites had gotten too bad or infected, which they have by the way. But then the nurse and doctor came over and were more concerned about your breathing, and said you were having a severe asthma attack. Like so bad you could have died. You never even told me you have asthma. And you need surgery to fix the bites, but the doctor said that won't be possible until your asthma is stable, because the anesthesia drugs could be dangerous." Robin rambled, obviously having pent up her anxiety and worry about Steve's health.

"I'm sorry." Steve mumbled. "I didn't mean to worry you. I didn't realize it had gotten so bad until it was so bad I couldn't talk."

"But why didn't you tell me you have asthma? And how long have you had it?" Robin asked.

"I didn't tell you because it's normally well controlled, I rarely have any problems. It's not been that bad for ages. I've not had an attack since '82, maybe? Early sophomore year at the latest. But with everything, I forgot to take my inhaler. And with everything else, like the bad air in the Upside Down, it triggered it. And I've had asthma since I was a baby." Steve explained, his chest still felt tight, but with the oxygen mask, it made it much easier to speak.

"I thought you were going to say it was some macho bullshit of not wanting to be seen as weak. But, Steve, I want to know these things about you. Because I never want to see you like that again. I don't want to think about what would have happened if we had been somewhere that wasn't a hospital." Robin said, quickly wiping her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Robin. I'll tell you everything from now on." Steve squeezed her hand, and they lapsed into silence. Steve taking the time to focus on each breath, willing himself to feel better.

[therealslimshakespeare]

my dearest darlingest marina i need you to know you have broken me quite thoroughly and i might never ever forgive you for it as long as we both shall live ! ❣️

to clarify- ive been saving "let's fall out of love" to read later ever since you posted it cuz i didn't feel ready- didn't think i was emotionally stable enough to read it then. well, tonight ive been clearing out my list of unread fics from last year aND GODDAMN WAS I EVER RIGHT ABOUT THAT.!!!

started getting all weepy and shaky before that first courthouse bathroom conversation and i didn't ever stop 😭 sobbed so hard and for so long at the unfairness of it all (for both of them !) i gave myself an asthma attack and had to stop reading.. what really broke me was e's bittersweet and somewhat detached realization on the courthouse steps that all their kids had flocked to laney during the divorce. couldn't stop thinking abt how badly i would've wanted to tell jesse off for being sharp to his daddy, and the knowledge that elaine COULDN'T, that it wasn't quite over yet and she still had to save face for a bit longer despite how much it killed them both, despite being the only person who could truly understand just how deep elvis was hurting right then and having been the one who'd made a whole life out of loving him hard.......... the idea of him resigning himself to having lost that forever (false) and her having to go against everything in her nature to let him ache a while longer,, oh it just shattered my spirit to bits right then and there. oh god im gonna start crying again just thinking about how lonely they both made each other 💔💔💔

im literally inconsolable, even with the reasoning behind it/ knowing how it ends beforehand, and having those future timeline fics to fall back on did nOT SAVE ME like . dear GOD woman how is that even possible?!?? if i had any shred of humanity left in my body id wax poetic for three more paragraphs abt how that speaks to your truly absolutely outstanding talent as an author and worldbuilder, but alas i think i cried out everything that was keeping me sane sometime in the last half hour and now i have to go lie facedown on the floor in my hallway and die abt it all instead 👍 fantastic work as always i love all your work so much forever etc etc 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

ps: it took me the better part of an hour to type all this out since ive lost the water content of approxinately a small ocean w my tears and am doing physically poorly in response 🫠🫠 so thanks for ur patience in this trying time 😔🙏

I spun around in circles upon reading this like my poor coon dog when she had a stroke -jovially of course. Like this is the stuff every writer dreams of getting for feedback but holy smokes, your talent for screaming? Beyond my wildest dreams. I’ve always told you how much I appreciate your time and enthusiasm to tell your thoughts Mary Hope, and now is no exception. My babe and co-author @elvisabutler deserves the pleasure of reading what we’ve wrought, as well. I’ll be halving all your medical and psychiatric expenses with her. 😏

Tbh, despite knowing both imminent and longterm reconciliation was to happen after this segment, we were just as cut up about tearing them apart as you were to read it. In fact, it was worse than all the lead up fics where the passive aggressive accumulation of grievances came across as hurts but ultimately only aggravations. This is just…PAIN. Funny how what was untenable before a tragedy suddenly appears to have been idyllic after it. Anyways.

Thank you for reading, here’s some Kleenex, albuterol and do know the sequel to this divorce is in drafts, so not finished AT ALL but it is in the works.

Not that it’ll hurt much less than this one. 😈

[kael-writ]

I want to know why this man thought he knew a total stranger'a asthma attack was not an emergency situation or that he knew better than someone in the ER what an emergency situation is / looks like.

I've experienced medical abuse, prejudice, and mistreatment including neglect due to biases, and very recently. It can happen. They make mistakes. Some individual medical professionals can even be bad people sometimes. Acknowledged.

but overall, the people in the ER know who needs a bed first.

Many people waiting feel like they're dying.

Everyone in there is anxious and want immediate treatment.

but the medical professionals working in the ER, the vast majority of the time, know who needs a bed immediately.

If they're giving you a bed immediately, there is a good reason for it.

They dont just give a bed immediately to someone who doesn't need it because they're a bunch of silly goofballs.

And again, Ive had bad experiences with the medical system. They can be prejudiced, they can be wrong.

And Heck, Ive even literally argued with them in denial about why I didnt think my symptoms were as serious as they did one of those times I got a bed right away from the ambulance (tachycardia). I didnt want to be freaked out and take it seriously, so I argued with them that they were overreacting.

but the thing is, I dont have medical training, I dont see emergency patients (nearly) every single day all day for 15 hour shifts for years, I havent saved any lives or had any patients die, I dont actually know better based on my feelings or desires alone if Im more or less in danger than they think.

And neither, 99%+ of the time, does anyone else in the waiting room, ESPECIALLY if they are judging *someone else* whose body and health and medical history they do not know.

Advocate for yourself in the ER, by all means. but do not judge another patient like that, you don't know their situation.

Listen, you should never film strangers in public without their consent, but I swear there need to be fines or something for people who do that shit in some spaces. For example: I had to go to the ER last night, and some jerk filmed a woman who just came in and was clearly having an asthma attack. She immediately got to go back, and he was unhappy about that. Believe me, I get that it sucks having to wait when you're in pain, but you don't get to pick who deserves care when. The medical system in the US is a nightmare, and the ER could be the worst moment of someone's life. No one deserves to be recorded because some jack ass believes someone doesn't look like they need care.

This is fine to reblog. People who film strangers should be shamed if nothing else.

[brushbuddys]

man im very glad ive got a primary care provider now. i had bronchitis earlier this year, and with the pollen being super bad right now i think it gave me my first non-exercise/non-chemical triggered asthma attack as i was literally just sitting in my home

[nv-alexander]

Gave myself an asthma attack this weekend when hanging lights. 🙃 its been a long time since ive had one that bad and apparently it can take like a week to fully recover from a moderate attack 🙃

Hello headaches, nausea, and exhaustion. Just what i needed. Its like I've inadvertently forced myself to slow the fuck down and rest for the first time in a year.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #197

What was the last bad thing that happened to your phone? I just got a new phone for Christmas, and I haven't had issues yet.

Have you ever been with someone while they were throwing up? No, I cannot be that form of support because I have severe emetophobia. If I hear vomiting, I'm gonna start.

Who was the last person you talked to on instant messenger? Tobey asked me if what she got me for Christmas fit.

Would you rather get pregnant at too young an age or never be able to reproduce? Quite honestly I'd love if I couldn't reproduce. I worry that with having the option to have a baby, I'll eventually go through with it and only regret it. I'd feel much calmer over the concept if I just didn't have the option.

Have you ever gotten alcohol poisoning? No.

Do you do your own laundry? I actually don't, but not because I'm unwilling or anything, my mom just finds it easier and financially reasonable to do our stuff together.

Do you currently have a hickey? No.

Ever had a near death experience? Well I suppose two, now that I've had an asthma attack that had the ER staff pretty hectic.

Have you ever kissed in the rain? Yeah.

What are you excited for? My birthday's in a few days.

Have you been to the beach this year? I haven't been in years.

Would you put your life on the line for anyone? There's honestly quite a few people whom I'd risk my life for.

Are there any bruises/cuts on your body? I have a few bruises from IVs and stuff at the ER.

What was the last app you downloaded on your phone? It was some photography sharing app with a name I can't remember. I uninstalled it because it was one of those with very specific dimensions and I hated it lmao

Have you ever been to any supposed haunted locations? Did you experience anything weird? No, but I would like to do this.

What breed was the last dog you saw? Cookie is a chihuahua.

Who was the last person to sleep in your bed? Besides myself, Girt.

What’s something you’re obsessed about right now? For the past year and a half my primary hyperfixation has been Rammstein. I'm also CONSTANTLY obsessed with meerkats (hyperfixations come and go, but I've been insane about meerkats since like age 9-10, that's no hyperfixation), and I will take any opportunity to talk about tarantulas, too.

Do you date outside your own race? I'm completely open to doing so, race means nothing to me. I technically did "date" a Hispanic for like, a day, but his race had nothing to do with how short-lived it was.

What are some of your turn-offs? Conservative, misogynistic, exceedingly raunchy, arrogant, not taking the relationship seriously and instead just wanting to "date around," etc.

Were you present at any major historical events (e.g. 9/11)? No.

How many chairs are in the room you’re currently in? Just this one desk chair.

Have you been craving any particular snack lately? Which? Yes actually, sour Skittles. Like crazy.

Can you recall the first film you ever saw at a cinema? I can't.

Who was the last person you had a good giggle with? I think Mom.

Have you had any news of any kind lately? Health stuff. Me having asthma being confirmed, learning my white blood cell count is severely elevated and I have no idea why (I'm assuming I'm going to be put on an antibiotic), and I'm getting a thyroid ultrasound.

How many times in your life would you say you've been in love? I once believed thrice, but now after having a proper, ultra-deep bond following relationship trauma, I learned I wasn't in love with Sara. I loved her, but it was absolutely not the same as what I once felt for Jason and how I feel about Girt now.

Do people hang up flyers around your neighborhood? Not really, unless it's a missing pet.

Are you an aunt/uncle? Would you like to be? I am. Only three of the kids are actively in my life, because my older half-siblings don't live here. I still love those not in NC, though.

Do you have raccoons where you live? Yeah, they're very common roadkill. Them and opossums.

Do you ever keep fresh flowers in the house? No, only if they're a gift for Mom or me. I keep WANTING to get into plants, I'm just pretty convinced it wouldn't go well.

Have you ever made graffiti? No.

Do you know anyone who has a hearing deficit? Yeah, at least one person; my sister's husband's grandmother is ancient and you have to speak up considerably for her. I'm pretty sure she does have a hearing aid, I just don't see her enough to have that memorized.

What makes a person physically beautiful to you? Smiles. I find a super vast field of people to be physically appealing, but someone's smile is always up there.

Would you miss winter if it never came back? Why or why not? Yeah; we don't get snow any other time of year here, so that means no snowy days. :( Visually, without snow, winter doesn't aesthetically appeal to me, however I also enjoy the chilly days it brings.

Does bad weather ruin your day? Why or why not? It won't RUIN a day for me, however cloudy/rainy weather CAN affect my depression.

How long has it been since you moved out of the house you grew up in? Oh jeez, almost two decades, maybe.

What color shirt are you wearing? It's a red tank top.

What was the last flavor of ice cream you ate? I actually had Ben & Jerry's Phish Food today, my favorite.

What is your favorite type of soup? I don't like soup.

What is your favorite board that you’ve made on Pinterest? I definitely don't have a folder of Rammstein pictures

What was the last thing you ate or drank that was blue raspberry-flavored? Mountain Dew Voltage a couple days ago.

What was the last flavor of tea you drank? I've hated any tea I've ever tried.

What type of fruit do you eat the most? Hmmm... probably apples?

Do you enjoy going to your local county fair? I don't go.

What was the last video game that you beat? It wasn't me that beat it, but I watched Girt finish another playthrough of Nier, his favorite game ever. It was the remake.

Do you like peaches? I like canned sliced peaches.

Have you ever had lice? No, let's keep it that way!

Do you believe in astrology? Not in the slightest.

Do you like Lady Gaga or does she try too hard? I like her and respect her as a creative.

Where did you last wear a bathing suit? At my family friend's pool this past summer.

Do you feel more comfortable with a male or female doctor/nurse? I am drastically more comfortable with a woman.

When’s the next time you’ll be drinking? I plan on ordering a sangria at my birthday dinner.

Did you know you wanted to be in a relationship with the person you are now when you first met him/her? I did consider the possibility of dating him, but then Jason and I got together and I no longer thought about it. If I wasn't with Jason though, I still could picture myself with him.

What if you found out your partner had a previous sex change? I'm pansexual, I literally would not care at all.

Have you ever dated someone in the military? No, I could never manage to do this. My anxiety would drive me entirely insane.

Do you know how to make origami? No.

How would you like to be proposed to one day? I'd prefer the traditional approach, but I definitely don't have this planned out. I don't want a large-scale proposal, though.

When was the last time you saw your brother? Years ago.

Do you like chocolate and mint together? Yeah!

Have you ever had chocolate-covered gummy bears? No, that doesn't sound good.

Think back to your most important relationship, was it all your fault it’s over? I don't like thinking about this. It doesn't matter.

Do you remember the meanest thing the last person you kissed ever said to you? He has honestly never said something truly mean to me.

What’s your favorite Coke product? Coke.

Which of the guys you’ve been interested in hurt you the most? Not everyone is into guys, but Jason.

Have you ever kissed someone who had a boyfriend/girlfriend? No, I would never do this.

How many presents do you usually receive on your birthday? ??????????? do people COUNT?????????????????

If you could change one thing about your appearance what would it be? I want to be a healthy weight.

If space were easier to travel, would you want to explore it? Absolutely, but only under the circumstances of it being a lot easier and quicker.

Describe the best thing about being inside. Temperature control. <<<< real

Describe the best thing about being outside. Animals and plants! The sounds!

Ever faked an orgasm? No.

Do you like the sound of birds chirping, or does it piss you off? I adore this, I completely cannot relate to people who don't like birdsong.

Ever wanted to be a vet? Yes, that was the second career I ever wanted.

Ever had an infection of any kind? Yeah, various.

Have you ever held a starfish? No. :( I've always wanted to find one on the beach. (I wouldn't keep it unless it was clearly deceased, btw.)

What’s your favorite thing from Olive Garden? It USED to be their spicy shrimp fritas, but they no longer have them, I believe. I'll be ordering something new for my birthday dinner there.

Do you use an instant messenger? If so, what is it? I use Discord, and I'll sometimes use Facebook Messenger.

Which of your exes is the best looking? Jason.

Where did your last ex ask you out? I asked her out over the phone because we live in different states.

[kquil]

thank you so much for tagging me, darling! i was more than happy to do this, it was quite fun as well!

Name (alias) : Kquil

Age : 21 years old (im turning 22 soon actually ٩( ^ᴗ^ )۶)

Country you live in : UK

Fandoms :

Marauders (obviously (≧▽≦)) ; BTS ; Anime (BNHA, Haikyuu, Tokyo Revengers, Jujutsu Kaisen, One Piece - there's more but too many and ones that i'm not too involved in for me to really specify) ; TUA

Why are you on tumblr(writer or reader or both) :

both! i was a reader first but eventually became a writer for my own selfish needs XD

Favourite thing about yourself :

i like that i value friendships highly and hold myself to a pretty high standard when it comes to being a good friend, i actually cried several times when i thought i wasn't being a good enough friend to someone (⌒_⌒;)

Something you think you are known for :

being meticulous and a perfectionist but also very caring and lighting up any room - i think my friends are all exaggerating though (´つ////⊂)

edit : oh! i just remembered, in secondary/high school, i remember people knowing me for always smelling really good around the time i became sort of a perfume enthusiast XD

Who are you in a friend group(partier, mom, talkative, etc) :

it depends on which group of friends im with, i lean towards being the mom sometimes and other times i lean towards being the talkative, excitable, very extroverted one

Who do you love the most :

my older brother, simply because he can understand me on a deeper level, we have fun and laugh together, he taught me a lot of good values and he doesn't let me get away with bullshit i try to pull

- but i dislike him just as equally so does this really count? (≧▽≦)

What brought you to tumblr in the first place :

reading fanfiction Ｏ(≧▽≦)Ｏ

Is there something you regret doing :

so many things, the main thing being that i put time and effort into something that wasn't actually worth my time in the long run - lesson learned but i really hated wasting my time

Top five songs :

in no particular order, it's currently...

i. Strawberry Soju by Jesse Barrera, Alberta Posis, Micheal Carreon ii. B.Y.S by Keshi iii. Umaasa by Skusta Clee iv. GEMINI by Ethan Low v. Seven by Jungkook (feat. Latto) (Explicit Ver.)

If you could go anywhere where would you go :

Philippines, i miss my family so much (┳Д┳)

What is your hobby :

writing, going on long walks by the river, baking, pretending im a protagonist while listening to tiktok audios, listening to horror stories/true crime content, discovering new music and artists, selfcare, skincare, planning/organising things, reading webtoons, watching anime

Any tv shows you're watching :

i'm not really someone who watches tv shows but my friend (who made me fall in love with Harry Potter and eventually the Marauders) also got me into watching The Umbrella Academy and Good Omens

What movie did you last watch :

don't judge me...it was Barbie: Swan Lake - i was craving some childhood nostalgia, okay?! (´つ////⊂)

Last thing you read(book, fanfic, etc) :

a marauders fanfic but i can't remember what, i did remember it made me feel sad and then fluffy

Last text message you got :

my mum telling me that it was okay that i used up the rest of her fancy hot chocolate powder and that she'll just buy more ₍₍ (ง ˙ω˙)ว ⁾⁾

Last text message you sent :

i told my mum that i was sorry for using up her fancy hot chocolate powder and that i was craving something sweet before bed so i had it with almond milk

Any pets :

no since my brother has asthma and pet dander could potentially trigger an attack, in the future i do want pets ٩( ^ᴗ^ )۶

in return, i want to get to know: @futurecorps3 @aastonishment @somewereinthegalaxi @loving-and-dreaming @diputy @prongsio @its-sappho-biotch @yrluvjane @neeezza101 @wicked-sprite-66 of course, please don't feel pressured to take part darlings, this is just for fun

I love my moots but I’m always scared of being annoying so I don’t interact as much as I want to. Feel free to answer and then tag someone you want to get to know. I’m doing this because I want y’all to know I see you and love you but I also want to get to know you!! But if you are like nah girl I don’t want to interact with you please ignore ☺️

Name(real or alias):

Age:

Country you live in:

Fandoms:

Why are you on tumblr(writer or reader or both):

Favorite thing about yourself:

Something you think you are known for:

Who are you in a friend group(partier, mom, talkative, etc):

Who do you love the most:

What brought you to tumblr in the first place:

Is there something you regret doing:

Top five songs:

If you could go anywhere where would you go:

What is your hobby:

Any tv shoes you watching:

What movie did you last watch:

Last thing you read(book, fanfic, etc):

Last text message you got:

Last text message you sent:

Any pets:

If you don’t want to do this I really don’t mind but just know that I love you dearly and not doing it will not change that 💕💕

@beastofbrden @goob0o @leguink @reysdriver @beachylupin @mortensharket @thewulf @pretty-little-candid-blurbs @mooniethesimp31 @dwindlinghaze @callsignwidow @desikudisworld @whatsmymeme @marvel-98s-blog @leahs-existentialcrisis @hyperfixationgirl @omgrachwrites @kmc1989 @band--psycho @magicmadnes @jessmaybank @my-beloved-fandoms @xcastawayherosx @hamptonsgirly @olives-and-sunshine @tiny-bird-of-sunshine @kquil @ughgclden @liseenle @fieldofsecretss @abridgertonfantasy @pappydaddy @adventuresinobx @e-munson666 @jadeylovesmarvelxo @sub-text @maddipoof @whoahoney @purple-storm @punk-in-docs @myobmaya @lolahasmoxie @ashes-and-inks @starkeyba3 @theroseunblown @sllooney @oceanblueeyesoul @claryfrayed @remusslove @duruxoxo

[llazyneiph]

just wanted some bunkbeds :/

[pdfbabe]

"could this strange feeling be.. love?" girl you are having an asthma attack. Put your hands behind your head and get your albuterol

[queerautism]

TW medical abuse; TW needles

Staying at a competent hospital for the first time after years of traumatic experiences is wild. Apparently nurses who actually care give you weird looks when you ask them questions like "Could you please tell me when my partner has to pick me up so I don't get thrown out of the hospital on my own after surgery?", "Is it ok if I bring my crutch to the hospital or will the doctors yell at me if I do so?", "Could you please use the small needle for my IV because that one (points at what apparently is a wildly inappropriate size of needle for an IV) didn't fit last time (points at scar)", "Should I fill in all foods that make me sick or only the ones I have paperwork for to prove I'm allergic to them on my pre-intake documents?", "Could you please tell me what medications you're administering to me when you do?", "Could you please leave my current panic attack out of my file so it doesn't override my asthma diagnosis again?", or "Could you be more specific about what you consider an emergency?".

Apparently they also look confused when you thank them for being kind to you.

Im so sorry you've had such bad experiences, but very glad you're somewhere better now.

[philipkindreddickhead]

I often seen critiques of make up from an existential/philosophical perspective, but I rarely see criticism of cosmetics from a stand point of the very physical bodily harm it does. I think this is because the number of dangerous ingredients is so massive, and overlapping its an absolutely daunting task. So I've compiled the information I've found and bear with me its a lot. (This is from an American perspective. Sorry, thats what I know. However I would love it if people from other countries had things to add.)

First I want to get the "simple" stuff out of the way. I think almost everyone has heard about bacteria and fungi in makeup and that makeup causes acne from clogging pores. Makeup has a pretty strict shelf life, yet consumers are entirely supposed to self-police as Ive never seen a single expiration date on any cosmetic packaging. (I guess consumers are meant to pull this knowledge out of the ether or something. I only found out about it in a tumblr PSA. I did read that expirys are on products in Europe.) Beauty blenders are the worst offender because theyre almost always moist. When I was taught makeup I was told to wet my sponge so it would soak up less product. If you apply makeup daily your sponge is likely constantly damp. USA Today had an article which said that 96% of sponges had fungi and over 60% had E. Coli in them. But I think what people talk about less is the complication of problems from using other products in conjunction with dirty beauty blenders. USA Today warns its especially dangerous to use beauty blenders if you have damage to your skin like acne, cuts, or dry skin. However the most popular beauty products for washing your face contain walnut pieces for literally scrubbing your skin and creating microabrasions. If youre a frequent makeup user you probably know about the cyclical nature of applying foundation, breaking out, and then applying more foundation to cover the breakout. You may even be using scrubbing cleansers more frequently to combat the acne creating more tears. This can lead to "blood poisoning" and, though neither USA today or Forbes mentions this, blood poisoning (not a medical term btw. Its sepsis.) according to numerous medical sites has the potential to be extremely lethal. The symptoms are so similar to a regular flu its nearly impossible to self-diagnose.

The very first thing I was told when a friend handed me a jar of finishing powder- popular with many beauty gurus for the "baking" technique and considered a must have- was a joke about "clown lung." This was a reference to the main ingredient talc. Talc causes lung problems including cancer and respiratory illness. If anyone remembers the large Johnson and Johnson lawsuit from 2019 it was because theyd been putting talc into baby powder. Talc is dangerous because it's impossible to mine and seperate from ASBESTOS. Some high-end finishing powders will try to sell you on safe talc-free formulas but all the products I looked into contained mica instead which causes pneumoconiosis, colloquially known as "black lung disease." Like fucking coal miners get. Its not just present in finishing powder either. In my research it turned out that talc/asbestos are also present in many eyeshadows and other powder products. [Googleable, evidenced in J&J lawsuit]

Another industry to examine is nail salons. Toluene, Formaldehyde, Dibutyl Phthalate, and Methacrylate compounds are all dangerous ingredients and present in various salon products. These ingredients cause a range of problems from dizziness, drowsiness, birth defects, slow fetal growth, future intellectual disabilities in the fetus, eye skin and throat irritation, coughing, allergic reactions, asthma-like attacks, short-term memory loss, nausea, dermatitis, cancer, and misscarriage. Some nail products advertise that they are 3-free meaning that toluene, formaldehyde, and DP should be absent but often the labels are found to be completely inaccurate. It should be noted that the risk is mainly to salon workers and not patrons but ask yourself if it is right to place other people at serious risk for your aesthetic. OSHA does make an attempt to mitigate these risks however not once in my years of makeup queen did I see a salon following these directives which include constant air monitoring, half mask respirators with chemical cartridges, gloves, long sleeves, and safety glasses. (And Im not even going to touch issues of human trafficking/slave labour out of nail salons one case of which occured 5 days ago two hours away from me) It should also be noted that formaldehyde can also be found in hair relaxers and hair dyes. [Found articles in Scientific American and NYT]

I also found on the FDAs website that many cosmetics include heavy metals like arsenic, mercury, and lead. (Usually accompainied by a picture of lipstick so I assume that is the product most likely to contain it, however campaign for safe cosmetics lists foundation as containing heavy metals, and The Guardian has an article about skin lighteners from Asia and Africa containing mercury.) The website stated that the amount of these heavy metals in cosmetics is "safe" if used as intended. (and I'm going to come back to the concept of "intended use" later because thats a can of worms too) However, when searching for info on heavy metal safety I found this quote in regards to metals in food:

"Certain metals, such as arsenic, lead and mercury, have no established health benefit, and have been shown to lead to illness, impairment, and in high doses, death. Understanding the risk that harmful metals pose in our food supply is complicated by the fact that no single food source accounts for most people’s exposure to metals in foods. People’s exposure comes from many different foods containing these metals. Combining all of the foods we eat, even low levels of harmful metals from individual food sources, can sometimes add up to a level of concern"

So like, which is it? Is it a "safe amount" or is no amount of metal safe? I understand that in the case of certain foods like fish some amount of mercury poisoning is always expected but fish is also something you feed yourself and nourish your body with while cosmetics are completely unecessary to your survival. The mercury problem in fish is also mitigated by health warnings when mercury levels are particularly high but cosmetics have no such warning. Another warning on the site indicated that children should ingest NO amount of lead AT ALL because it is particularly harmful for kids yet theres no effort to stop children from using lead-containing cosmetics. I worked next to a Five Below where I was shocked to find they sold Jeffree Star and Anastasia eyeshadow dupes for five dollars which amounts to fucking pocket change for a lot of kids and kids do buy that stuff. I also think its ironic the FDA would have anything to say regarding cosmetics because in the very same article about heavy metals in cosmetics the FDA says that they DO NOT REGULATE cosmetics beyond the color additives.

Mascara, eyeliner, lipstick, and brow tint often contain carbon black. This is a color additive that is an incomplete combustion of carbon-based products. It can cause lung disease, cancer, and organ system toxicity, and eye, nose, throat irritation. The effects are mainly studied in rats and those at biggest risk are industrial workers but why do other workers have to endure lung problems for something so unecessary? [Easily googleable, NIH, CDC, WHO Europe]

This next bit I only want to mention briefly because I didnt find any particularly reputable sources about it, but its a claim that cropped up repeatedly and I think its an interesting one. Parabens, estrogen, phthalates (again), and pesticides in cosmetics are apparently linked to endocrine disorders and hormone dysregulation. Im not entirely sure what is meant by this accusation. Endocrine disorders include female diseases like PCOS and possibly endometriosis. None of these diseases is very well studied and the female endocrine system itself is not well studied either. Im not saying "cosmetics cause PCOS" because we dont know if PCOS or these other endocrine/hormonal disorders are genetic or environmental or both (it appears that PCOS is largely genetic and Endometriosis is likely autoimmune related) AND we dont appear to know for sure that cosmetic ingredients cause endocrine disorder. But I include anyway for a number of reasons:

If you happen to struggle with hormonal problems you may want to know cosmetics is a potential environment factor.

These conditions are incredibly painful. It will be a battle getting your doctor to even acknowledge that pain for diagnosis. PCOS is linked to diabetes, and heart disease. [Thanks @mother-of-pearl ] There is no cure and the treatments are often throwing hormonal birth control at it and hoping for the best.

I dont anticipate the link between cosmetics and endocrine disorders being studied any time soon or any endocrine disorders studied at all because the medical/scientific field is sexist. I dont want women to suffer in the mean time.

Now again, take this with a grain of salt because I couldnt find scientific or news sources for it. Dont fucking come for me. Im not gonna respond to you. [Most reputable source was a paper from the library of medicine at the national institutes of health but it was behind a paywall and I dont have 39 dollars to be right on tumblrdotcom]

Avoiding these ingredients is not as simple as scanning the label for them. As many beautubers and the community are no doubt aware considering multiple scandals over veganism. Products advertised as vegan or cruelty free but contain non-vegan carmine or are sold in China which legally requires the products to be animal tested. Cosmetic companies will hide ingredients claiming they are "trade secrets" or they will be placed under "fragrance." Many ingredients will be known by six or seven different names and asking consumers to be aware of seven different names for multiple ingredients requires consumers to be aware of innumerable different, often complicated ingredient names. I shouldnt have to point out that's a ridiculous burden to place on women. The EU banned 1,300 hazardous ingredients that the US did not. Cosmetic companies rely on women being unwilling/unable to bring in a list of 1,300 ingredients- with multiple names- every time they pop in to the drug store, sephora, or wherever. Buying "natural" products will not help you either. Theres no established criteria for natural/organic in costmetics, the FDA doesnt test these products, and "natural"=/= safe anyway. Plenty of plants and minerals are poisonous. One good example is traditional kohl products which advertise their natural status but also naturally contain lead and reiterating that natural powders contain mica. US courts are rarely on the side of consumers either. I found an interesting lawsuit against St. Ives for their apricot scrub taken to court for their "dermatologist tested" label despite it causing breakouts and cuts to the skin. The courts ruled that this label was fine because it only indicated that the product was TESTED not APPROVED by dermatologists. However I think any rational consumer would look at this label and assume the tests concluded it was safe for use or else why put the label on there?

[Googlable XMONDO drama, googlable laws wrt china and eu, already stated about FDA, FDA website about Kohl. Googled St. Ives lawsuit.]

I want to return to the idea of "intended use." This is sort of a fucky concept a lot of companies have ways of getting around. My "last straw" with makeup had to do with a run-in I had with Anastasia over their "Riviera" eyeshadow palette. In this pallette they had two colors that were the real feature of the palette, an electric neon purple and a radioactive pink I mean every photo, every promotion has these two colors swirled together around the eye. Because again, its an eyeshadow palette. When I buy the eyeshadow palette of course there's a little insert warning in the package that says these two shades are not intended on the eye area. In an eyeshadow palette. Contacting their customer service they told me that these two shades were meant to be used as a blush. neon purple blush. Not only that, but their website and instagram featured NO models wearing the shades as blush while EVERY model one or more of the shades as eyeshadow. When asked about this discrepancy ABH stopped responding. What I find egregious about this is the amount of people who dont know, and then more staggeringly; dont care. The sephora clerks didnt know, the in store abh representative didnt know, their customers didnt know, and when I told them they would respond with "oh, [brand] did the same thing with their [shade]." Sure enough, when I demanded that store clerks open the packaging to look for warnings nearly every product had an "eyeshadow" that was not intended for use on the eyes. Relegating dark, red-toned teal to "contour" and neon grean to "highlighter" US-based cosmetic junkies will say that these pigments have been approved for use by the EU however I found absolutely NO evidence of that. I googled it a thousand ways but all I ever found were blog posts, reddit comments, and one quote from an apparently nonEuropean layman in an Insider article. I even changed my location to France on ABH's website and the Norvina palette still contains the same warnings (not to harp on ABH in particular. I just know which shades in particular are the problem there). The Insider article noted that brands who were selling pressed pigments declined to comment. If the pressed pigments were EU friendly, I would think companies would be clamouring to say so. It also still makes their market as eyeshadow colors illegal in the US. (If any Europeans would like to chime in I'd love that.) Another problem I find with cosmetics companies and their reps is the claim that the worst thing that could happen is eye irritation for those with sensitive eyes and staining. How could they possibly know? The FDA doesnt test, or approve these cosmetics in the eye area, so ostensibly no one should be using it that way.

The next one is a bit of a "duh" but I'm going to talk about it anyway. Counterfeit cosmetics are a booming market full of untold dangers. Untold primarily because these products could contain literally anything. Ive read about glue, arsenic, lead, feces, staph, and horse urine to name a few. The labels and ingredient list on these products are fake. Legitimate brands often unintentionally play into the counterfeit market. They create artificial scarcity by making less of the product than is actually needed for consumer demand to create an even higher demand. If consumers miss out often their only chance at getting the product is to turn to counterfeits. I found examples of women who had their lips superglued, lips "turned to goo" and burned to blistering, throat closures, women with stys, contact dermatitis, eye infections. I think we as a society turn a blind eye to this problem because we think "hey, if youre buying counterfeits for a discount and you get hurt you deserve it." We imagine idiots buying products for 4 dollars from ebay or perusing Canal street for FEИTY beauty. But these counterfeits can be really convincing. I myself received a gift of a huda palette that I only recognized something was weird about it because I'd swatched it at sephora about five times earlier that month. The person who bought it for me actually paid MORE than the usual cost for the palette because it was advertised as a newer, better edition. The websites can be disturbingly similar. For instance Kylie Jenner's legitimate website is KylieCosmetics.com but you can find fakes at kyliecosmeticsshop.co.uk. These fakes can buy ad space and be one of the first sites that populate when you google the products instead of typing the legitimate site into the address bar. Counterfeits can also be bought and sold through third parties on websites like ebay, wish, and amazon. (My gift actually came from Amazon.)

[Netflix doc "Broken" ep "Makeup Mayhem" Corroborated by personal experience and google]

[chronic-resus-needed]

Going Home

Highschool romances rarely led to a lifetime partner, but that was the case for Hugo and Simon. Coming out to his conservative parents in high school wasn't easy for Hugo, but Simon was worth it and it was Simon and his family who took him after he own parents kicked him out. For the first time in four years Hugo was going to see his parents. He had been against it, but Simon was encouraging. He said Hugo deserved all the love in the world. So off the went. It was spring break, their last spring break before they finished college, so the two twenty-two year-olds decided to make a small road trip from their University in Chicago back to their hometown in Owensboro.

 Hugo was nervous, he didn’t want to face a second rejection, but that wasn't why he kept stealing glances at Simon as he drove. Simon had been up half the night dealing with what seemed like the longest asthma attack in history. He had waved Hugo to bed each time he came out to check on his boyfriend who sat behind a nebulizer. Eventually they had both fallen asleep on the cheap futon in their tiny living room. Simon swore he was fine and up to the trip, but he still looked tired, his bright eyes duller than usual and when Hugo had awoken with his ear pressed to Simon's chest he could still hear a faint rattling with each breath. "What, do you want me to take over?" Simon joked as Hugo glanced over for the umpteenth time, "I'm fine. You're fine. This is going to be a good day." Hugo only mumbled under his breath making Simon laugh. He reached over from the passenger seat to rub Hugo's muscular back. "Everything is good."

 They were almost two hours into their five our trip when Simon first coughed, there was nothing but endless highway before them. This was the dullest part of the drive. Simon reached behind into the back seat to grab his duffle bag, his chin length blond hair shielding his face as he did so. When he sat back up he brushed it behind his ears and began digging through the duffle bag. "You really should keep you rescue inhaler where you can find it," Hugo chided. Simon held up the yellow inhaler with a triumphant smirk, "I knew exactly where it was." Hugo shook his head, "Sure, under all the other crap you shoved in there because no one ever taught you how to pack."

 "Don't make me laugh when I'm  trying to breath," it was a joke, but his small chuckle did lead to coughing. Simon brought the yellow inhaler to his lips and took a deep lung filling breath of the medication. The affect was immediate and he felt his heart rate pick up from the albuterol. "See? Everything is fine." He leaned over and exhaled playfully into Hugo's face, "But I do need to pee." Hugo gently pushed Simon's face away, "You do realize we have like two hours of nothing ahead of us. I can pull over?" Simon scrunched up his nose, "If I get desperate." Hugo rolled his eyes, "You're such princess sometimes." The bickered good naturedly about Hugo's 'brutish' nature and Simon's 'princess qualities' for a bit.

 Hugo was large, six foot three, broad chest, and a gym rat. In contrast, Simon was only five foot eleven. Like Hugo (because of Hugo dragging him to the gym), he was fit, but he lacked Hugo's bulk. Where Hugo was built, Simon was toned, slender. They fit perfectly together, complimented each other. Hugo was practical, organized, reliable. Simon was more care-free, spontaneous. Simon reached across the car to run his hand through Hugo's dark hair as they fell into silence.

 Silence was unusual when Simon was around, but Hugo had a lot to think about. When he got like this words just weren't enough so Simon just reminded his boyfriend that he was there, that he wasn't alone. The silence also didn’t bother Simon today, his chest was still tight. He flicked on the radio to add some background noise.

 The tightness didn’t go away and the inhaler was pulled back out. It was harder this time, hard to draw in a full breath, and the full dose of medication never made it through. He rubbed at his chest and coughed in an attempt to open his airways. Now Hugo looked away from the road, "Still?"  Simon nodded, he was beginning to wheeze. "Might be," he paused to breath, "a problem."

 Hugo may be anxious in nature, but he was good in a crisis. "Alright, hang on." With one hand still on the wheel he pulled out his phone and opened GoogleMaps. The nearest hospital was just under an hour away. He mad an illegal U-turn to switch sides on the highway, he would cut that time in half.

 Ten minutes passed and the wheezing could be heard over the radio and Simon was beginning to sweat from the effort of sucking air into his swelling airways. He tried the inhaler again, bringing it to lips, but his breaths were too shallow for the medication to do its job. "Hugh" This was the point where Hugo knew his fear was valid. Simon was scared. "Hey," he reached over and grabbed Simon's hand, bringing it to his own chest. "Just breath with me," he took slow deep breath. Simon could feel as Hugo's chest expanded and contracted, so steady, so strong. He tried to match, he did, but couldn't. Although he was beginning to heave with effort his rate of respiration increased, becoming rapid and shallow. By twenty minutes Simon's shoulder's were hunched. He had a vicelike grip on Hugo's right hand, his free hand was  at the collar of is shirt, the fingers curled around the fabric as if he dragged it downward as if exposing his neck would make breathing easier.

 Thirty minutes and the color was gone from his face, his lips were taking on a bluish tint. His breaths had turned into strained painful gasps with pauses in-between as he tried and failed to draw in more air. All the while Hugo kept talking, his voice soothing and encouraging, "You're doing good, one breath at a time." Hugo glanced at his phone, they were still fifteen minutes away, the endless highway had turned into a town. His foot pressed heavily against the accelerator. "Simon," he looked at his boyfriend whose eyes were closed, "Simon!" He shook their joined hands and Simon's blue eyes opened, he sucked in a shallow breath. "Simon if you die in this car I swear to god I am breaking up with you." Simon smiled weakly, but couldn’t speak. Their wasn’t enough air to waste on words.

 Thirty-eight minutes, they were so close. Horns honked as Hugo ran through a red light. Simon's wheezing as stopped, his eyes were half open, his head slumped against the passenger door window. The grip on Hugo's hand had gone slack. "Simon!" His chest was so still, so unnaturally still.

 The next few minutes were the longest of Hugo's life, but as he pulled into the ambulance bay he couldn’t even recall how he had goten them there. All he could see was Simon, Simon not breathing, Simon dying right beside him. The palm of his handed pounded on the car horn as he pulled in to catch the attention of anyone, anyone could help. He didn’t even bother to turn off the car before he was out and opening Simon's door.

 His boyfriend's lips were blue, his face grey, and his body was dead weight as Hugo scooped his smaller frames into his arms, carrying him bridal style inside. "He isn't breathing!" It was a small hospital, only a level four trauma center, but the staff reacted quickly. Simon was pulled from his arms and whisked away, they wouldn't let Hugo follow.

 They took Simon's now lifeless form into a trauma room, Simon would have been shocked at the number of the people in the room. One person placed an IV, one began cutting off his clothes as a third hooked him to various monitors, a fourth had an ambu bag pressed against his face trying to force oxygen into lungs, but met resistance. "He's not moving any air," a fifth person began chest compressions as the EKG he was attached to showed asystole.  With each compression on his slim frame his chest caved inward, his belly extended, again and again. "Push a round of epi and atropine." He was already at Simon's head ready to intubate, "He's swollen shut." The would have to trach him.

 As compressions continued as betadine was spread across Simon's neck and the doctor then made an incision into his trachea. A clear tube was placed into the incision forcing his windpipe open and an ambu bag attached. They had bypassed his swollen airways to get precious oxygen into his lungs. With the trach established they began to breath for him, forcing air into his oxygen starved lungs. Now with his airway secured Simon's chest rose with each artificial breath.

 Despite the fresh oxygen his heart remained still in his chest and a fresh set of arms took over compressions. When they paused for a pulse check there was no change, another round of drugs were pushed. It had been eleven minutes since he arrived.  Seventeen since he had drawn his last breath. Another pulse check and the drugs had forced his heart into a shockable rhythm. Compressions resumed while the defibrillator charged. "Clear!"

 In the hall Hugo was forced away from the trauma room. His car was still idling outside and security was forced to take his keys to move it when Hugo refused to leave the waiting area. How could he just wait? He needed to do something, needed to help. The only thing he could do was to call Simon's parents, to let them know, but doing that, it felt like a bad sign. He would call them after Simon was awake, when things were okay. Because they would be, Simon would be fine, Simon had to be fine because Hugo couldn’t live without him.

 Back in the trauma room Simon's back arched as 200 joules shot through him, his toes scrunched and then unfurled as body fell back to the gurney with a soft thumb. V-Fib still showed on the monitors. "Clear!" A second shock and again the paddles pulled his chest into the air, lifting the base of his neck clear off the gurney as his whole body jolted. His left arm slipped off the gurney and banged against the side of the gurney as chest compressions were resumed. He had fallen out of V-fib into pulseless electrical activity.

 There was tension in the air his team discussed their next steps. The doctor shone a light into his unseeing eyes, his pupils were reactive. Resuscitation efforts continued and another round of drugs were pushed. No changes were observed at the next pulse check and a fourth round of drugs as administered. His pale chest was bruised from their efforts and there a crunch with each compression. At least one rib was fractured if not broken but the nurse currently beating his heart between his sternum and his spine didn't let up her efforts. Finally, V-fib was restored and everyone stepped, but the doctor wielding the defibrillator backed away from Simon's prone body. The doctor pressed the paddles to his pale chest, "Clear!" No change. There a few beats of chest compressions as the machine charged as a fourth shock was delivered.  The heart monitor showed a spike as the charge coursed through Simon, followed by another, and another as normal sinus rhythm was returned.

 Once stable, Simon was left in a critical care room, hooked to a ventilator which continued to breath for him. Hugo wasn't permitted to see him until he was being transported to the ICU. Their reunion was brief. The site of his unconscious boyfriend lying so still and frail on the gurney, a respiratory therapist pumping an ambu bag to mechanically breath for him was frightening, but Hugo still leaned over and planted a kiss to Simon's forehead. "You scared the shit out of me," his hand found Simon's and gave it a squeeze that wasn’t returned. "I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."

[sultry-lows]

Is it Wrong to Want to Leave?

Cw: police brutality, racism, sexual assault, medical trauma, chronic illness, near death experience, PTSD, America’s general awfulness.

2020 has ripped up nearly all of the ‘stakes’ I had in America.

I’m a lesbian and my partner is a black woman. One of the black women shot this year shares her name. We hit the streets in protest, as safely as we could, and ive watched her crumble more and more under the weight of every new murder. Two nights ago a black man was shot in the street by a cop in her hometown, 30 minutes away. She went silent all night.

Three nights ago she was followed home by a mysterious blacked out vehicle that tailed her for 10 minutes until she floored it and sped away. When she came home she was shaking, told me about waiting in the parking lot with her seat down praying no one followed her through the gate. When she told me she hadn’t called 911, I breathed a sigh of relief and thought “Thank God.”

Three months ago her car was broken into outside of our apartment. Two months ago we caught a peeping tom staring through the gaps in our fence at me as I was sunbathing on our tiny ‘patio’ in a two-piece bathing suit. it brought me back. Four years ago a man broke into my apartment when I was home alone and attempted to rape me when I was in the shower. It was my next door neighbor. He had been stalking me. The cops made a big show of bringing out helicopters and dusting every surface for fingerprints, and then I never heard from them again. That man had to die of a heart attack for me to be able to sleep at night. I still shower and sleep with a knife sometimes.

There are gunshots, street racing, and fireworks outside of our apartment every night now.

Five months ago we both lost our jobs on the same day because the company we both worked for for 5 years suddenly laid off 1,500 employees. We have been at the mercy of the unemployment system ever since.

In less than two weeks, the high school and middle school where she is interning is reopening in person learning. She has no choice but to be back in the schools, or she will not graduate. She does not have medical insurance because we lost our jobs and can not afford medical insurance. She has chronic asthma. If she god covid, it could kill her, and certainly would financially destroy us.

Two months ago I got sick, really sick. More sick than I’ve ever been in my life. I get to be on my parents health insurance for one more year. Despite having pretty much the best PPO health insurance you can have through my fathers work, trying to get medical care was a literal nightmare. I was chasing down specialists that wouldn’t see me anywhere but telehealth even though I’d lost over 20 pounds in one month. Fighting a specialist who told me to eat a massive amount of garlic, then later learning that garlic is a diuretic that likely exacerbated my condition. I got sent home from the hospital after coming in with both a GI bleed AND an 8cm ovarian cyst. I was not treated. 12 hours later I was back at the hospital because my cyst had ruptured in my sleep and I was in the worst pain of my life. I was given morphine snd sent home again. 6 hours later I was back at the hospital again with a 102.1 degree fever, shaking so hard that I couldn’t stand up or speak. I was severely septic. I was diagnosed with c diff. I was told that night that the huge amount of antibiotics they were pushing would stabilize me, or that I was about to go into multi-organ failure. I was told I was borderline. I was told I could die. I spent the next 3 days in the ICU. The next 4 in the general hospital. I couldn’t see my girlfriend or my family the entire time. You cant have visitors in the hospital because of covid. The bill just for the first 2 (two hour) visits is already $1,500. I can’t imagine what it’s going to be for the week long ICU and hospital stay. I can’t breathe when I think about it. I just got out of the hospital 4 days ago, and my body is broken from this illness. My heart pounds from sitting or standing up. My girlfriend is my caretaker. No one else can come over and help because I’m now immunocompromised and can’t be exposed to covid. None of this would have happened if the doctors had listened to me beg and had taken care of me in the first place. I have to talk myself down from panic attacks almost daily because I almost died. I really almost died.

There are riots in the streets. The president will not commit to a peaceful transfer of power. I’m watching the right wing people on my fb get more and more comfortable saying some terrifying things about “the blacks” and “the gays”.

My girlfriend and I have always been fighters at heart. Always at protests, always speaking up, always ‘fighting the good fight’. But we are both exhausted. My birthday is in a couple weeks and I feel like I’ve fully lost a year of my life. We have been passionately studying French together for the last 3 months. She has family in France. She has family in England. We are pushing to get our passports as quickly as possible. Is it wrong??? Is it wrong that I don’t want to fight the fight anymore? That I want to run away with her and find peace somewhere else in the world?? Is it wrong that if we left tomorrow, the only thing that would hurt is leaving behind 3 very close friends and 3 very close family members? I don’t feel safe here anymore. I don’t feel SHE is safe here anymore. For the first time ever it’s not just a daydream, my heart is set on getting out, and never looking back.

[fedgovwhistleblower]

Global Alert: Hydrogen Peroxide, Humidifier and Water mixed 50 Percent used indoors will "Kill Covid 19". Fact that will save your "Life, Family and Friends". US President's, Vice and Congressman attack my integrity for attempting to save lives globally. Unbelievable, Honorable Discharged US Army Sgt not afraid to "Stand and Tell Truth's". Oath to "GOD" matters.

Hydrogen peroxide nebulizer are humidifier to treat Covid-19 infection The following is from Thomas Levy, M.D, J.D., a board certified cardiolosit and a prolific medical writer of 13 books and a international speaker.  Thomas is a good friend of mine and I trust him.  Dr. Frank Shallenberger is also an internationally well known doctor whom I trust as well.  Although I have not personally tested this, I will recommend to you just in case you need it.  This method makes scientific sense and is safe, most definitely worth trying, especially now at this global covid-19 crisis. -Richard Cheng, M.D., Ph.D.An At-Home Treatment That Can Cure Any Virus, Including CoronavirusOriginally Conceptualized, circa 1990, by Charles Farr, MD Subsequently Researched and Prescribed by Frank Shallenberger, MD Current Protocol Created by Thomas Levy, MD, JDAlthough COVID-19, aka coronavirus, is deadly in some select cases, and it can spread rapidly, there is a simple, very inexpensive, and highly effective treatment that can treat and rapidly resolve coronavirus and virtually any other respiratory virus. While different individuals can be expected to have variable degrees of positive response, this intervention can be anticipated to eliminate eventual fatal disease outcomes in all but the most advanced cases.

As I hope you will eventually experience, the treatment works for all acute viral infections, and especially well for flu viruses of any variety. In fact, although we are constantly conditioned to not believe in anything “too good to be true,” you will never have to worry about getting a cold or the flu again because you can cure it on your own.The key ingredient in this treatment is common household 3% hydrogen peroxide, and this is the same substance that can be purchased in a 32-ounce plastic bottle at Walmart, for 88 cents, or at Walgreens for under a $1.00. Perhaps you have never heard of hydrogen peroxide therapy, but since the treatment was first championed by Dr. Charles Farr in about 1990, thousands of doctors have used this therapy for decades to conquer infections in many thousands of patients throughout the world.

How and Why Hydrogen Peroxide WorksBecause hydrogen peroxide consists of a water molecule (H2O) with an extra oxygen atom (H2O2), it is this extra oxygen atom that makes it so deadly for viruses. In order to comprehend why H2O2 therapy works so well, you must first understand that viral infections are eradicated from the body not by killing the virus itself, but rather by killing the cells that produce them.Technically, viruses are not alive, and so it is not possible to kill them. But some agents can physically break down the viral structure and render them inactive. Viruses are actually pieces of genetic code that, in and of themselves, can neither survive nor reproduce. Therefore, in order to replicate, viruses need to infect cells, which means that in the interior of cell, a virus uses the cell’s own DNA and RNA in order to effectively reproduce. Essentially, therefore, the virus controls an infected cell and uses the cell to manufacture new viruses. Then, the new virus can exit the cell and proceed to infect other cells. As a result, the way to control any viral infection is not to kill the virus; rather, the infected cells that have been turned into viral factories must be killed.

This is the role of the extra oxygen atom in hydrogen peroxide.Under normal circumstances with a healthy immune system, one’s immune cells produce their own hydrogen peroxide to kill the infected cells that propagate viruses. When one’s immune cells are overwhelmed, such as the case with COVID-19, hydrogen peroxide therapy merely assists the immune cells in doing the job for which they were originally created.One Disadvantage of Dr. Farr’s Original H2O2 TherapyFrom a patient and consumer perspective, the single main drawback to Dr. Farr’s original therapy is/was that it is primarily an intravenous (IV) therapy. Under most circumstances, this means that you must either administer the IV needle yourself or depend upon another person to assist you. Unfortunately, this is beyond the logistical (and perhaps financial) capacity of most people, and it may be one reason why the original hydrogen peroxide therapy is not more widespread.

Nevertheless, it should be realized that the proper intravenous application of hydrogen peroxide exerts a powerful anti-viral and general anti-pathogen effect.Dr. Shallenberger’s Ingenious Use of a NebulizerThe great news is that there is a safe and simple way to avoid doctors and IV needles. This method developed by Dr. Frank Shallenberger is almost as effective as IV, can be performed at home, and is much less costly than IV.The treatment is known as nebulized hydrogen peroxide, and Dr. Shallenberger began using the technique some years ago when he had a patient who was taking asthma medication that her doctor had been administering in a nebulizer.

For those who are unfamiliar, a nebulizer is a device that is able to convert a liquid into tiny, microscopic bubbles. As a result, these extremely small bubbles, which appear as smoke escaping from the nebulizer, can be inhaled into the deepest regions of the lungs without any discomfort or irritation. Such a device has long been utilized for asthmatics to get medication to open their lungs, but Shallenberger further noticed that nebulizers have a systemic effect, which is delivery far beyond the lungs only. According to one of Dr. Shallenberger’s patients, the inhalation of her prescribed drug in the nebulizer was “unbelievably strong,” and “affected her entire body.”What Was Taking PlaceIt turns out that the tiny bubbles were not only providing medication to the patient’s lungs, but the drug was being delivered to her entire body through her lungs.

Based on Dr. Farr’s prior research, Shallenberger reasoned that perhaps H2O2 could be delivered to the entire body with a nebulizer. Dr. Shallenberger tried the nebulizer delivery system on himself, and he was delighted to discover that the treatment was extremely easy to administer, very comfortable like breathing extremely pure air, and the treatment was in no way irritating. Shallenberger’s first actually ill test subject was his wife who had developed the initial symptoms of flu. She immediately began 10-minute treatments every waking hour, and within 72 hours, (three days), the flu was fully cured. Shallenberger was predictably amazed in that even IV hydrogen peroxide cannot resolve flu in much less time.

Since Mrs. Shallenberger’s rapid recovery, Dr. Shallenberger has treated hundreds of cases of colds, flus, sinusitis, and bronchitis all with the same results. Indeed, Shallenberger has discovered that nebulizer treatments actually have an advantage over the IV therapy. Not only is the hydrogen peroxide disseminated into the entire body through the lungs, it is also going directly to the areas of the body that are most affected by viruses: the sinuses, throat, bronchial tract, and lungs. This is especially important since colds and flu viruses replicate to very high titers in these areas, serving to supply a continuous feed of virus to the rest of the body.

Effective hydrogen peroxide nebulization quite literally, “chops the head off of the snake,” and the virus present elsewhere in the body can then readily be mopped up when the new virus influx has been terminated.It should be kept in mind that hydrogen peroxide kills all pathogens very readily upon contact in an open wound. It should, therefore, be understandable why putting a fine mist of hydrogen peroxide in all the areas of maximal viral replication promptly puts the body on a pathway to rapid healing. Dr. Levy’s Simple, Inexpensive, and Extremely Effective H2O2 ProtocolEarly Onset and Treatment of VirusRegular off-the shelf 3% hydrogen peroxide can be utilized. Preparations of greater pharmacological purity can be obtained if desired.For most adults, the 3% concentration can be utilized in the nebulization chamber undiluted. This optimizes the degree and rapidity of anti-viral and anti-pathogen effect.When a runny nose or slightly sore throat is already present, it is recommended that 10-to 15-minute nebulization sessions be undertaken roughly four times daily or until a symptomatic relief is realized.

Many individuals report significant improvement only a few hours after the first one or two treatments. But it would be advisable to persist in these treatments several times daily for at least 24 to 48 hours after you feel everything is completely normal in your sinuses, nose, and throat.For some, the 3% concentration results in too much stinging/burning in the nose. Such individuals can dilute with water until they find their highest tolerable concentration. Nearly everybody can tolerate a 50/50 combination of the 3% hydrogen peroxide and water. However, still lower concentrations can be utilized with clearly beneficial effect.Prevention/MaintenanceAs it is a completely non-toxic therapy, nebulization can be administered as often as desired.

If done on a daily basis at least once, a very positive impact on bowel and gut function will often be realized as killing the chronic pathogen colonization present in most noses and throats stops the 24/7 swallowing of these pathogens and their associated toxins.If daily prevention is not a practical option, the effectiveness of this treatment is optimized when somebody sneezes in your face or you finally get off of the plane after a trans-Atlantic flight. Don’t wait for initial symptoms. Just nebulize at your first opportunity.

Final Note: This fact and protocol sheet does not contain a copyright, and a patent has not been applied for. Therefore, I encourage the reader to disseminate the contents far and wide to as many people as possible. Because you now have a simple, inexpensive, and effective way to conquer virtually all viral infections, you do not have to live in fear of COVID-19 or any other pandemic. "Please share as a Public Safety Alert" step 1. mix water and hydrogen peroxide 50/50 percent step 2. Pour mixture into a humidifier step 3. Turn humidifier on and breath in mist being released in any room in your home. Try to do this every day, be well. Hope this helps everyone, friend always. mlh.

Yours in good health,Thomas E. Levy, MD, JD www.PeakEnergy.com March 18, 2020