#i had so much fun writing both this and the bp one! thank you so much again sweet anon <333< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[silly-strawberries]

Hiii c:

Soo, this week's has been pretty busy since i did some trips around and also it passed really really fast for me?? So i completely forgot it has been like a week since my last post or something c':

But anyway, one thing about me is that i really like 'The Mandela Catalogue' and i thought it could have been fun to mix that and Resident Evil together. I also have some old drawings of some characters from TMC and i was planning to post them but then i forgot as usual </3

So yea, i personally don't think Resident evil fans really know much about Tmc, because they are practically completely different types of content but i still found it fun hihi

Maybe i should write some general explanation, but basically,

The Mandela Catalogue is a series on YouTube with currently 5 volumes and some other small videos, and it's a universe where there are these 'alternates' who are paranormal entities whose job is to bring to suicide their victims. The first ever alternate in history is The Archangel Gabriel (I've decided to put that as Albert Wesker since they are both the main antagonists). [And he also is the creator of the alternates]

Alternates can even be animals (as seen in vol.2 there's a cat alternate) and can copy the appearance of the victim or a friend or really anyone.

There are 4 main protagonists, and this time i only did the second 2, Adam and Jonah, who i interpreted as Leon and Luis.

These two protagonists are part of a paranormal society, for Adam and Jonah, 'BPS'. For Leon and Luis I'm thinking to do 'RPS' Racoon paranormal society, and the slogan to be 'you see, we act.' even tho i don't remember if Adam and Jonah had a slogan...

Either way, in the story, Adam and Jonah act in secret since it's illegal to deal or take care of alternates, because they are pretty much unstoppable, and even seeing one could cause it to just start haunting you.

(the last thing i want to say, the small thought of leon in the last drawing is correlated to what happens in the OG story, I'll maybe explain it in the future if i make more drawings but if anyone has some question I'm free to answer :> )

Thank you so so much for reading because this post so SO long, your attention is great & remember to be kind on yourself <33

[bp-zb1fics]

hi! i love how you write bp trainee!reader fics and i was like ‘omg imagine jay x g group trainee!reader’ so i came here to request something. i wanted to request jay chang confessing to g group!reader during the boys planet finale, or something a long the lines of that. i wanted to see your take on how he would confess to someone, you can always switch up the plot or even ignore this ask if you don’t want to write it! <3

If this was a movie

pairing: jay x g group reader

genre: canon, fluff

tw/tags: lots of pining, confessions, a kiss or two, some swears, jay kinda dramatic and very in denial, kamden, matthew, ricky best wingmen, a lil hui vs jay action but not really 

wc: 1731

summary: it’s the sleepover night before the finale and jay has something to tell you.

a/n Hi! First of all thank you so much for this lovely request, it was an utter pleasure to write and I really enjoyed it and I hope you will too! I'm always a sucker for canon fics because it's so fun to take the show we all know and love and hate sometimes bc mnet kinda shady and write about it. I've lifted lines directly from the sleepover segment from episode 12, just be citing my sources. I definitely would have included reader/ mc/ y/n's pov but ended up keeping it to jay's pov for some reason, idk maybe it's like writer brain. If anyone wants a "your pov" version, do let me know~ that would be a fun part 2

Check my pinned for more fics~

Italics mean it’s spoken in English.

Jay tips his head back and exaggerates his cringe, laughing along with everyone at Gunwook stealing Junhyeon’s aegyo. Only he can’t help but let his eyes linger back to you giggling quietly from where you’re leaning against Hoetaek, the elder playing with your hair. 

And even if he knows that Hoetaek is a little more familiar with the former Cube trainees like you and Matthew and Sung Hanbin, he can’t help but feel the smallest twinge of jealousy. He wanted to be close to you like that, to mess with your hair until you pout at him and he can’t help but-

“By all means, keep staring, we might as well get a neon sign that says I LIKE YOU and put it on your head.”

Kamden mumbles from beside him, effectively snapping him out of his maladaptive daydreaming. 

“Oh my god dude, shut up.”

He hisses, still keeping one eye on you as you lean into Hoetaek’s touch. Think positive, Jay. Even if you're also a fellow English speaker, at least you’re far away enough that you probably won’t overhear them. Ricky snickers from his other side.

“You’re so subtle, man.”

He levels them a look. It’s their last night, can’t he get a break?

“It’s our last night Jay, you know, you should tell them.”

Apparently not. 

He looks up and Kamden manages to look even more unimpressed than he usually does, head tilting a little more than 45° for emphasis.

“Nah, it’s cool, besides, they’re definitely not into me.”

Jay deflects, ignoring the sinking feeling that begins to take hold. 

“You don’t know that.”

“I’m pretty sure I do.”

“Just try.”

“You’re being very persistent today, Kam, I dunno, it’s kinda sus.”

Before Kamden can fire back, the whole conversation about memorable first impressions turns around and bites Jay in the ass because the universe loves messing with him.

“So who was your best first impression, Jay-ah?” 

Suddenly everyone’s looking at him expectantly. Kamden and Ricky look like they already know and Jay knows that they know that the answer sitting at the tip of his tongue is just across the room, Hoetaek’s arm around their shoulder. Still, Jay hesitates.

He’s had a crush on you ever since the Star Level test. You had immediately caught his attention walking in. Sure, there were perfect visuals like Jiwoong and Hanbin but you were the most attractive person he’s ever seen. And you were talented, Jay could swear your performance was one of the best but Kamden’s convinced that he’s just biased.

But even though you’re both from G-group, you’ve always ended up in different teams, leaving Jay with not that many opportunities to talk with you. When he does end up around you, he just can’t, defaulting to his usual over the top expressions for laughs. While he’s always thought of himself as a confident person, he just finds himself fumbling around you. It doesn’t help that you seem to stick to Hoetaek or Sung Hanbin or one of your team members. You’re friendly with each other, sure, but nothing more than that. 

Right, back to the question.

“The person I remember the most is Yujin.”

He immediately feels the collective disappointment that emanates from his corner of the room as the rest of the trainees react, Matthew even sitting up to hit him with some bombastic side-eye. He pretends he doesn’t hear Kamden sighs, doing an impression of Yujin which looks more like a possession honestly. The others laugh. Jongwoo’s comment is the crutch he needs to limp away as he holds Yujin in check as competition.

Of course, it wouldn’t be that easy.

“For me, as soon as I heard Jay sing, I felt like I was in trouble.” 

Hoetaek speaks up and Jay forces himself into another exaggerated look of surprise and shoves down the ugly feeling that jumps out at the way you hug one of Hoetaek’s arms. 

“Your competitor?” One of them jokes.

Not just in singing, Jay thinks.

“But you did watch Love Me Right, hyung?” Jongwoo asks. Jay really wants this conversation to move on.

“It was so hard to watch Love Me Right.” He watches as Hoetaek shifts so that you can lean more comfortably.

“That’s not the only thing that’s hard to watch right now.” Ricky breathes out. Now Kamden and Matthew are snickering.

Just smile, Jay. 

“Honestly, I wanted to give up when I saw you, hyung.” He manages to grit out without giving himself away, hopefully. 

Everyone laughs and Jay desperately sends a prayer to the universe to let his pain end. Ironically, it’s Kamden and Matthew who come to his rescue.

“Actually, I’m curious about something. Did I give off an American vibe?”

The conversation swerves towards Matthew’s imitation of Kamden, the apparently routine mispronunciation of Jiwoong’s name and Kamden’s impressive first impression of Ricky’s hair.

By the time they move on to Keita’s first meeting with Zhang Hao, Jay thinks he’s in the clear.

He's not.

Kamden proceeds to smack his arm and he meets eyes with Matthew whose usual bright smile was beginning to border on shit-eating grin territory.

“If you didn’t notice, they’ve been looking at you the whole time we were talking.” Kamden says lowly, Matthew nodding in agreement.

“Nah, you’re capping.”

“No, for real, Kam and I were literally right here giving some top-tier content and all they could see was you.” Matthew insisted.

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

“It definitely means something.” Ricky counters because he was apparently listening in on them the whole time while everyone else watched Jiwoong wax poetry over Hao’s violin playing. Jay shakes his head.

“It really doesn’t.”

Kamden looks like he wants to jump on him and start shaking some sense in. Matthew sighs. Ricky just shrugs and lies back down.

“Ah well, we’ll have to see then. I didn’t let Kam slander my hair and my catchphrase for nothing.”

After having to spectate the absolute trainwreck of awkwardness that is Zhang Hao and Kum Junhyeon, there’s the slightest chill that goes down Jay’s spine that he ignores, figuring it must be the weather.

It was definitely not the weather. He should have run while he still had a chance.

“Actually, there’s another pair I want to see.” Matthew speaks up. Suddenly he feels Kamden and Ricky both watching him like hawks as if he’s going to bolt any second now.

After Matthew names you and him, Jay actually wants to bolt. Kamden and Ricky are extremely helpful in explaining to the others the minimal interactions you two have had as the “least close trainees in G-group.” You look like a deer in headlights as Hoetaek gently shoves you towards the middle of the room, whispering something to you before he goes back to his spot. 

“Wah they’re both so red.” Jay becomes acutely aware of how much his cheeks are burning as he sits across you. You don’t seem to be any better, making eye contact before looking literally anywhere else.

Well, might as well get over it so he can go back and die of embarrassment.

“Uh, the first time I saw you was during the Star Level test. I thought you were very talented.”

Damn, when did Korean become so hard? Maybe it was the way your hands were holding his, can you feel how fast his pulse is racing? Okay Jay, you can do this, just speedrun it.

“And I really liked the song you performed, it really fit your voice. Your stage outfit was also very pr- very noticeable, it made you stand out. And I really wanted to get to know you more but we were in different groups all the time which really sucked and you don’t know how many times I wished you chose Home so we could perform together or the Star Creators would put us both in Over me and I understand, you’re really perfect for the concepts of your songs and it’s crazy how much I like you, seriously so crazy.”

Pin-drop silence. Three things, in order, that Jay realises.

Speedrunning this might not have been the best idea.

Switching to English midway through the conversation is a skill that he didn’t know he was capable of considering his level of Korean would definitely be more byelingual than actual, intelligent multilingual like Matthew.

He might have confessed his feelings to you. No actually, he did. Fuck, now would be a great time to get on the next plane and fly off to the States and cry to Beomhan for a month. Forget debuting, he’d settle for a nice normal life without the evil editing and the screen time robbing and the utter stress of eliminations.

But before Jay can actually bolt, you speak up.

“Uh- uhm…” You look so unsure that it freezes him there, seated in front of you, holding your hands like it’s his last lifeline.

“I really like you too.”

Everyone gasps and begins murmuring quietly.

“Wait, my English is bad, what are they saying?”

“Finally, they’ve confessed, I knew it.”

“Wait who confessed?”

“That was like an American romance movie, wow.”

Then the clapping starts. Jay tears his eyes away from you for one second to look at Kamden in utter disbelief. His co-conspirators don’t miss a beat.

“Congratulations, you finally did it! Thank fuck.”

“Be happy together, you two!”

And because Ricky apparently wasn’t satisfied with the slander he had put himself through.

“Now kiss.”

Which turned into a chant because even the trainees who didn’t speak English fluently knew what they were talking about. Someone even helpfully throws a blanket over Yujin to protect his eyes.

Jay turns back and finds you giggling. While it looks like embarrassment, now he could feel the way your fingers interlocked with his, your eyes flitting to his lips. The chanting becomes background noise as he leans in, pressing his lips against yours firmly.

Fireworks explode in the background as you pull away.

Everyone applauds with the occasional whistling, oohing as Jay tugs you to sit between his legs, Ricky graciously scooting over to make space.

Kamden claps him on the back and Matthew flashes both of you a thumbs up.

God, he loves hates these guys.

As the conversation settles back down and everyone decides to actually sleep, you sneak another kiss before cuddling up to his side.

Jay smiles. Maybe this is a movie.

[applejacks1552]

A brief rant on Rogue and Gambit volume 2, now that we are past issue 2.

Exactly WHO is this book for?

I honestly don't know.

I don't get the angle this book is taking and why anyone would think THIS is what fans of Rogue, Gambit or both characters would want.

They are both coming off as complete and utter assholes.

Rogue is a cold, mean, emotionally abusive bossy workaholic with no empathy or sense of fun.

Gambit is a hapless, charmless incompetent drunk with apparently no regard for the safety of innocent lives now ... so that's new I guess along with being a drunk.

This writer gives us almost nothing playful or cute between them, only biting words and very few of them at that. No thought bubbles either. So very little actual story.

Where is any of the banter or flirting or charm that has characterized them for nearly 30 years? Where is any sense of fun or emotional depth?

Then suddenly they go from being completely cold to each other to completely hot ... and we basically totally skip the hot part? WHY?!? On what planet is THAT the part you smash cut out?! So yes, sex in the desert and then right back to arguing. That's how that works ... said no one who has ever had sex. (And for those whining, desert sex would be better than freezing cold cave sex actually. )

Otherwise there is one more tiny awkward moment of connection when they dance, only to interrupt it for the stupid hero misunderstanding fight with BP that frankly we are all VERY sick of. It's a tired trope. Please stop it. It's illogical. It's dumb. No.

Honestly I could not care less about this plot with the kidnapped mutants. Really kind of a copy off the volume 1 plot tbh, but far less interesting.

Then the worst crime ... having Gambit put an innocent woman in harms way for a diversion. Something he has never done before nor that I can buy. It was so badly out of character that it's just plain character assasination at this point. Just what his character needed, more abuse by another writer. And honestly, Rogue goes along with it despite complaining so she's truly being an asshole too. She's not off the hook.

This is a relationship story that needed a chisel to smooth over the Excalibur/KoX damage and instead they came at it with an pickaxe. There is no nuance. No subtlety.

I really don't get when writers take the "let's make everyone terrible" angle for a story as if that's what would bring any fan of any character that they love enjoyment or lure in new fans. Yes ... it's just SO great to pay nearly $5 just to experience your favorite characters being truly their worst selves? Thanks, I guess? But I surely could have found a hate-fic for free, you know. It burns all the more after sitting through several years of similarly unenjoyable writing just prior to this. The Krakoan era has sucked big time for Romy fans.

Even if you compare this mini to the short piece from X-Men that Duggan wrote that supposedly inspired this series, that Rogue and Gambit were in synch and charming and fun together. Cracking jokes. Rogue in sunglasses and bringing cake. Fighting side-by-side. Not making snide comments at each other.

And this isn't even some slightly juvenile but charming trashy fun in the way that X-Terminators was or one of those classic loveable losers type stories, where sure ... the characters are all pretty flawed but they still have true heart.

This Rogue and Gambit don't have that heart.

At this point I'm past mad. I'm just disappointed. Especially after the abysmal last few years for them.

Put this characterization up against how they are being written in Captain Marvel or X-Treme X-Men right now and it's just night and day. Those writers treat them both with so much respect and show them respecting each other.

Can the editors and writer not tell the difference between normal marital strife and dangerously toxic, emotionally abusive behavior?

Where is the beautiful emotional intelligence of R&G volume 1 or MMX?

Also ... THREE "mon cheri" usages?! Just no. NO. Stop that. WHY?!?!

I have been reading these characters for decades and this was just ... 🤦‍♀️

It has to get better. It literally cannot get much worse.

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

Hello! I just finished reading your analysis on the recent le sserafim documentary, and I just wanted to say how well written it was! It captured every thought I had about the situation while also expanding upon certain things I'd initially glazed over. You worded it so constructively as well, and I was in awe at how invested I'd gotten in it.

I agree with all of your statements, especially when you reiterated the point that this was very much so a polished publicity stunt on Source Music's part. Everything felt so orchestrated and honestly uncomfortable with the way they flaunted around the girls' personal lives and what not. As you said, a serious documentary like this for a 2-year group is alarming and strange. I understand that many people like this inside view of the struggles the group experiences, but when you realize it's all just a means of addressing the hate le sserafim has received, redirecting the attention from the company and the girls to the haters and fans alike, it's rather disturbing how le sserafim aren't taken into consideration in the slightest.

I also wholly agree with your final statement about idols performing nowadays. I see it so often with 4th gen and 5th gen idols, but I never knew how to really word it until you said it. Everything feels so fabricated and rehearsed, like they receive a prompt and perform it based on prior knowledge of how an idol would usually perform it. It feels like the passion and actual spirit involved in performances and music as a whole has been drained. It's sad and boring, both hearing a song depleted of any genuine drive as well as watching performances that blend together in one big tapestry of modern day kpop. It's startling seeing the contrast between the older generations that would do their choreography and sing while also still finding that connection with the audience and the song, versus newer kpop performances that go on stage on autopilot without any real passion.

Anyways, to wrap up a long winded message, I really enjoyed your statement and I really appreciate the time and effort you took to write it out! There's a lot of discourse circulating, most people either immediately defending the girls and the company or immediately hating both parties. Seeing a reasonable and constructive analysis that serves as that much needed gray area is so refreshing.

Thank you so much for reading all of it and for your praise!! It made me really happy! "You worded it so constructively as well, and I was in awe at how invested I'd gotten in it." This, in particular, made me very happy! Thank you for getting sucked into my commentary haha!

I agree a lot with what you said about Source Music redirecting the hate and attention the girls are getting towards the fans and media. I feel like they wanted kpop fans to be held accountable to what they did to the girls. Of course, we have to take responsibility, but so does Source Music. It's pretty childish for the company to point fingers at us. It reminded me of James Corden redirecting the hate he received for his comments about Army towards Army for (wrongly) sending him death threats. Getting hate is sadly unavoidable in this industry. It's easier for the company to change than society :/

I feel like kpop companies, including BTS's own company, looked at BTS's success and interpreted it all wrong. BP and SKZ being so famous is proof that people care less about flawless performances and more about personality, authenticity, and vulnerability, which BTS have in spades. BP aren't perfect performers at all and they're super famous. SKZ aren't dance monsters and they eat up every other non-BTS bg. Like SKZ, Ateez are loved for being self-produced and enjoying the stage. Twice are pretty different from these groups, but their songs are easy listening, fun, and they all have very different charms. They're sweet and personable, and people like them. Idols are striving to be perfect, but people want quality and authenticity, vulnerability, inconsistency. It makes groups a lot more exciting.

Thank you so so much for the ask!!! You worded it beautifully!

[shinehyuk]

Since I see that you don't have any requests for itzy right now (unless you haven't updated your rules post recently!) Could I request itzy as yandere moms? I read the blackpink one on your old blog and really liked it!!

Yandere!ITZY as moms

‣ Genre : yandere

tw/cw : abuse, toxic relationships, violence, obsession, overprotectiveness,

> a/n : thank you so so much! it's always so nice to hear that someone enjoys my works! :( <33 i hope you'll like this as much as you liked the blackpink one! <3

Yeji :

· She'll homeschool you whether you want it or not – you're strictly banned from going out unless it's necessary and with her. You're too fragile to be exposed to the outside world

· Honestly, the only person you need is her. Who cares about toxic, fake friends that will betray you sooner or later? She can be your friend if you want it; a true friend.

· Although she may scold and ground you often, she truly cares for your well-being and happiness. Do you wish for new clothes? Snacks? Just say the word and she'll be more than happy to spoil you rotten

· "Only danger and pure evil await in the outside world. Here, you're entirely sięafe under my care. If I'll need to, I'll care for you until the very end."

Lia :

· Get ready to get spoiled. A whole lot. She'll give you so much love that you'll be sick of it in a blink of an eye

· She's both overcaring and overprotective – she'll be beside you 24/7 to ensure that you're safe, and don't you dare try to escape from her sight

· She won't be letting you near anyone. She'll be teaching you about just how horrible people are, making you grow into not trusting anyone other than her

· "Unlike everyone else, I would never do anything to hurt you. Other people are selfish.. egotistical. They only want to cause you pain."

Ryujin :

· She cares for you more than for anything else in the entire world – you're her everything, her whole life, hence she has to protect you well

· You're prohibited from leaving the house, especially without her to assist you. If you're in dire need of leaving, it has to be with her, and you're practically dressed in winter attire; not even a single inch of your skin showing

· She does not let you close to anyone other than her, not even the rest of your family. In her eyes, everyone will hurt you, and she cannot let that happen, can she?

· "It's all for your safety, love. Surely you'll understand me when you grow up, sweetheart. You cannot trust anyone in this world."

Chaeryeong :

· She'll be the sweetest mom ever, caring for you like there's no tomorrow. Her love for you has no limits whatsoever

· Like the others, she'll be doing her best to try to keep you away from the outside world, but if you're lonely, she might get you a friend your age that she'll trust. She just wants you to be happy

· That being said, she's extremely anxious that you can hurt yourself, therefore she'll be keeping an eye on you 24/7 with cameras put around the house. Before she leaves, she double-checkes every single thing just to make sure that you'll be safe

· "No, don't touch that! You could hurt yourself, dear! Let me take care of this, okay? Don't worry, I'll make everything alright."

✧ ೃ༄*ੈ✩ a/n ✧ ೃ༄*ੈ✩

thank you for requesting, i hope you liked it! <33 i'm sorry for not including yuna, but it just felt weird to make her a mother at such a young age. i know that she's practically legal in korea, but i'd just be a bit uncomfortable writing it. i hope you can understand! :( <3

✧ ೃ༄*ੈ✩

None of the gifs are mine!

‣ Taglist :

@atiny-chocolate-chip @lmaoskz @sunoo-bby @dreamtonin

[correctdangerousfellows]

Hi! Do you mind writing hcs about the boys playing genshin impact?

a/n: anon i am in love with you thank you so so much for requesting this

the dangerous fellows play genshin headcanons

ethan

- a VERY casual player. played up to ar 25 and when he saw he had to do something called ascension he dipped immediately

- still logs on to do commissions tho

- and forgets to collect the rewards for it every time

- has no idea how ANYTHING in genshin works. he unironically builds barbara dps and it somehow works out?? good for him!

- THE LUCKIEST PULLS. EVER. he pulled diluc, qiqi, and mona on his first ten pull on the standard banner and zion hasn’t spoken to him since

- accepts co-op requests but never talks in chat. couldn’t figure out how to use the chat function so he jumps to communicate

- he lets people raid him because he never figured out how to ascend his characters either :’)

harry

- an absolute angel

- has an emotional attachment to traveler and refuses to take them off his team no matter how many good pulls he gets

- the only person who actually doesn’t kill timmie’s birds

- if he comes across hilichurls sleeping or dancing he leaves them alone. it doesn’t matter if it’s a commission he’ll just pass it for the day

- LOVES co-oping with people who are a lower world lvl than them. he helps them do their world quests and commissions, and even sticks around to kill bosses and unlock domains

- everybody is in love with him

- lets people steal resources from his world

- a very very friendly guy in chat

- plays healers in domains

zion

- thought genshin would be lame but downloaded it anyways

- ended up developing a gambling addiction

- cannot save for the life of him. the moment he gets 160 primogems he pulls IMMEDIATELY

- didn’t know he was supposed to wish on the promotional banner until eugene clowned him for it

- buys the battle pass every time

- HAS THE WORST LUCK. he’s sitting at a c6 amber and lisa rn

- had no idea he could offer the anemoculus and geoculus to the statues until ar 35

- doesn’t have any idea on what the fuck artifacts are. he slaps on random shit on his characters and prays

- let eugene into his world once and afk’d for a bit. came back to see all his violetgrass and cor lapis was gone

eugene

- hides the fact he plays genshin

- ar 55 lookin ass

- VENTI MAIN

- all his supporting characters’ builds are absolute DOGSHIT venti is the only one he actually cares about building

- trolls people in co-op

- not in an obnoxious way tho he just screws around a lot

- says he’s a f2p but has all the bp weapons

- his venti does so much dmg u don’t understand. he one shot level 90 stormterror with a charged basic attack

- goes into worlds just to raid them, but he does still help with some stuff if the person he’s stealing from wants

- flexes his 5 star characters

lawrence

- the only smart one who knows how everything in genshin works. mid luck on both artifacts and pulls, but he saves up accordingly

- has notifications on for genshin leaks. usually gets his leaks like 2-3 days earlier bc he has his ways

- unintentionally became a very famous genshin player because his builds and commentary are absolute insane. he's hitting 1 million crit easily

- uses all his brain power to estimate his primogems and when to roll 😭 fucking nerd

- judges everyone secretly for their builds secretly. if he's feeling like an asshole that day he'll join their world and give very passive aggressive advice that’s not advice

- speaking of which he takes advantage of EVERYONE'S world. he secretly steals their resources and dips immediately afterwards after promising to help them :^)

- even though a lot of his characters, weapons, and artifacts are leveled up he still has like 15 million mora wtf

the day i stop torturing zion in my headcanons is the day i die. thank you so much once again anon! this was super fun and i'm sorry this was super late. i’m still recovering from covid so i spend around 20 hours a day just playing genshin to pass time :’)

> lychee

[spookybreadstick]

Toby’s relationships with the other pastas 💞🪓

please note that i write the pastas as i see fit but this is just something i fall back on and is generally how i write them. 

🌲Slender🌲

🌲He views Slender like the mostly positive father figure he never had.

🌲 They have played catch together before, like in the old movies where the father and son throw around a baseball. 

🌲  But, he’s also Toby's boss. 

🌲 Sometimes, when Toby is feeling really really low, he resents Slender for that. 

🌲 Toby craves normalcy, but he knows he may never get it thanks to his “job”. 

🌲 But he also knows that Slender saved his life. (sometimes he wishes Slender hadn’t saved him). 

🍬LJ🍬

🍬 He doesn't like LJ too much. 

🍬 He was never fond of clowns as a kid, and it still kind of carries over. 

🍬 LJ also has a bad habit of making fun of or making jokes out of Toby’s tics. 

🍬 It’s not all LJ’s fault. 

🍬 I mean, he is a clown after all whose job it is to crack jokes. And he was “born” in such a different time. 

🍬 But still, it isn’t great. Toby kind of avoids LJ tbh. 

🧵Puppeteer🧵

🧵 They don't get along at all. 

🧵 They have only met a handful of times, for business purposes only. 

🧵 Each time, Puppeteer made fun of Toby’s tics. 

🧵 Obviously, this does not sit well with Toby and the two don’t get along as a result. 

🎮BEN🎮

🎮 They are friends! 

🎮 It’s a good thing that BEN has such an easy going personality. 

🎮 The boys can be chaotic together, or they can just be chill. 

🎮 The one drawback is that Toby can’t play video games all that well (tics), but he’s happy to watch BEN and participate when he can! :) 

🔪Jeff🔪

🔪   Jeff can be a major asshole to Toby, and their "friendship" is constantly on the rocks.

🔪 Jeff loves to tease and antagonize Toby. :( 

🔪 He’ll make fun of Toby’s tics and his scar, which are real sore spots for him (obviously). 

🔪 But on good days, they be chaotic together! 

🎨Bloody Painter/Helen🎨

🎨  He tries to keep clear of BP because he knows how BP feels about him (thinks he's annoying). 

🧣Liu🧣

🧣 He doesn’t mind Liu. 

🧣 It’s Sully that he minds. 

🧣 Sully has an aggressive personality with anybody, but he especially clashes with Toby. 

🧣Sully makes all kinds of snide remarks about Toby’s tics (Liu would never, though).

🧣 It really frustrates Toby because it makes him want to hate Liu for being so mean to him, but he knows it’s not really him that’s doing it, it’s Sully. 

🤍EJ🤍

🤍 They're friends, (once Toby got over his initial fear of EJ).

🤍 Toby thinks that EJ is surprisingly chill, and he appreciates that about him.

🤍 He is also grateful that EJ never says anything about his tics because a) EJ can’t even see them that well (if its motor) and b) EJ is a big freakin’ demon thing. He has no room to judge anybody lol

🤍 okay but sometimes if Toby has a vocal tic that like came out of nowhere and EJ doesn’t recognize it as a regular tic, he’ll go like “brrrr?” as like a questioning noise and it’s super cute tbh

🖤Jane🖤

🖤 They are close! 

🖤 He looks up to her as like a sister/mother figure.

🖤 Makes him think of Lyra (but in a good way). 

⏰Clockwork⏰

⏰ They're acquaintances. 

⏰ They don't get along the best, but it's whatever. 

💄Nina💄

💄 They don't know each other. 

💄They've met like twice?

❓Hoodie❓

❓ Toby really likes and looks up to Hoodie, but is afraid that Hoodie thinks he's annoying. 

❓ Hoodie doesn’t think that, but Toby doesn’t know that for sure.  

🎭Masky🎭

🎭 They have an odd sort of relationship, and it changes frequently. 

🎭 Masky is endlessly annoyed by Toby, but also fiercely protective. 

🎭 Toby thinks Masky can be kind of an ass, but he also looks up to him.

 🎭 They’re both weird like that. It’s like one of those sibling-type relationships where Masky would be the older one like: “omg Toby is SO annoying!!” and somebody would be like: “yeah lol he’s so obnoxious.” and Masky would be like “what the fuck did you just say? how dare you!?” 

🧸Sally🧸

🧸Toby really enjoys playing the role of big brother to Sally.

🧸It brings him joy

🧸 It reminds him of Lyra in a way. She was a great big sis, and he wants to be a great big bro for Sally.

🧸 He was the little brother all his life (but he enjoyed it!) and now is his chance to be somebody’s big brother.

🧸 He can be kind of chaotic and silly, but he genuinely loves to play with her and have fun.

🧸 He puts in extra effort when playing and he even dresses up for tea parties

[jaerie]

Fic Writer Questions

I was tagged by @allwaswell16​ and @becomeawendybird​

1) How many works do you have on AO3? 125 not counting anons

2) What’s your total AO3 word count? 1,311,423

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? 

3 fandoms. One Direction, Hanson, Thor.  Wait.  The Moffatts as well.  So 4 I guess..... maybe a few others sprinkled in WAY back in the day.  

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Where Do We Go Now

Just Jump

come on over, we've got something to share

Woke Up Feeling Knotty 

The Post-War BP 

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

ummmmm angstiest ENDING?   ummmm maybe the dexter AU?  because it doesn’t really explain much, just gives you an illusion of how things are

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Ummmmmmm pretty much all of them because I get mean comments if it doesnt end the way people want it to.  

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Not much.  I did write a Dexter AU... and I’ve wanted to write a bunch, but I just really haven’t.  I guess my wordplay fic this year is technically one!  I don’t know about anything crazy though

8) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Absolutely.  Dirty, graphic smut.  The kind of smut that will introduce you to new kinks and make you question your whole life up to that point.  

9) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

It’s like new years resolutions.  I always say I’m going to... and then............ My intention is to answer comments but it just becomes A LOT.  And I never know what to say other than “thank you for reading!” unless its something specific I can comment on.  Soooo I guess my anxiety says it’s better not to comment than to just say generic thank yous.  I miss the LJ days when you’d write novel comments for each chapter and then have a long thread back and forth with the author fangirling over specific scenes or wording or plot point or a particular line that struck you... but Ao3 just isn’t that kind of community really.  

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Sure have!  I’ve had some of the nastiest things thrown at me both directly and indirectly.  Mainly by entitled people sitting behind computer screens sending me pissy comments on anon because I didn’t write the fic the way they wanted it to be written tailored to their preferences and fantasies.  Or people who are all WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN type hate comments.  

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes.  They used to pop up on Wattpad a lot.  I even had someone repost on Ao3.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

I’ve found translations up on Wattpad before... but the above reason is exactly why I don’t allow translations.  That and because (and this is no offense to ANYONE who is multilingual, that is impressive!) I don’t trust that the story and feelings and emotions would be translated correctly. 

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Kind of?  But not in a serious cowriting situation.  It was moreso just for fun in the past but I think I’m too much of a control freak over where I want plots and characters to go.  

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

Harry and Louis probably.  I’ve never written so many fics for any other fandom nor was I ever so consistent on reading a specific pairing before.  They just fit.  I don’t really have another explanation.  

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I’m going to get tomatoes thrown at me if I say which one I’m really thinking of :-x but I have plenty of half finished fics in my google docs that I want to but will never finish because of hate comments or things people have said about it that stomped all over my excitement.  Like this one fic I won’t be too specific on because certain people will know what I’m talking about and I’m not out here to call out the person who did this... but it was a hybrid fic and in a group chat we were explaining hybrids and I shared artwork I found explaining how I envisioned hybrids in my head and someone in the chat said “that’s not a hybrid, that’s a furry” and the way it happened basically made me want to delete every hybrid fic I’ve ever posted and made me abandon the whole thing even though I’d already written 30k of it and it was GRAND.  God I loved that idea so fucking much.  A certain someone asks about it now and then... but yea.  That’s the real reason I abandoned it and will never finish it even if I sometimes want to.  Actually I might have deleted it during one of the #darktimes a few months ago.  RIP to all the fic beginnings and fragments and nearly finished masterpieces that fell victim to the massacre.  

16) What are your writing strengths?

World building?  Smut?  Emotion?  This is hard because the things people probably think I do well are probably things I think I suck at.  

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

English.  And double spaces.  I will take those to my fucking grave.  Fight me.  

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I.... don’t.  Because of above.  Someone will tell me I’m wrong which my brain will translate as you’re dumb and should never attempt to write words in anyt language again LOL but for real.  The fear of messing it up is too strong.  

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Hanson

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Hard one... All of my favourite fics are also fics that I know could have been better had I dedicated more time to them or been more patient before rushing to post.  Doing that sort by kudos thing above really shocked me that some of my least favourite or meh fics are the most popular

In no particular order, here are some of my favourites through the years:

Old Photographs & Times I'll Remember 

Sisterwives

High Heels, Red Dress 

Tonight's the Night 

As We Were, As We Are 

The Wilds 

OmegaVision

Captain Jack 

Saving's What I Need 

Stay Close, Hold Steady

[dweetwise]

Jeff ADOPTING THE LEGION! Like the glitch of 4 killers spawning and 1 survivor. The legion gets to have races and be stupid(er) for a match. Frank shows off how to totally do a gen!

[anon gets it. this was super fun to write, hope you enjoy!]

just legion being brats and jeff being a dad. some references to this ask!

Jeff babysits the Legion: ficlet

Jeff is in the middle of rolling up some bandages for his med-kit, waiting for the others to arrive at the pre-trial campfire. When the familiar smoky tendrils start creeping up his legs, he looks around with a frown on his face; nope, still just him. He’s reminded of the last time the Entity decided to start a trial with less than four survivors, and he groans in annoyance, hoping he doesn’t have to put up with three grizzlys this time.

When Jeff opens his eyes, he’s in the middle of Mt. Ormond's snowy grounds and predictably, he’s alone; not the most promising start. He reluctantly makes his way to the lodge, keeping a lookout for angry bears. With no heartbeat in earshot, Jeff crouches by the generator and gets to work, but as soon as the first piston starts moving, he realizes he has company.

“Well, well, well, look what we have here!” one of the Legion, he thinks Julie, sneers at him from the second floor, leaning cockily against the railing. “Man oh man, you came to the wrooong place,” a man in a skull mask comes up beside her, spinning his knife in a threatening manner. That must be Joey. “We’re gonna gut you like a pig,” Julie says, spitting out the word as she starts making her way down the stairs, sliding down the banister like an unruly child.

Jeff sighs and gets up on his feet. One of the Legion brats he can deal with, but two? Better to just get this over with.

“How are you both here?” Jeff asks, undisturbed by Julie getting right up in his face. “Not a very fair match, if you ask me.” “'Both’? You don’t know the half of it,” Joey snickers, probably sharing a knowing look with Julie; it’s hard to tell with the masks. Jeff is about to ask him to elaborate, when a sharp pain flares up his shoulder. “Oops, sorry!” a third member of the Legion--Susie, the one with braces, says from behind him, retracting the knife from his shoulder. “What’s a little stabby-stab between old friends, huh?” “I preferred when you paid me with beer, not stabs,” Jeff grits out through the pain, glancing at the faded mural he made for the group’s hangout what feels like a lifetime ago. “Ooh, he’s funny!” Julie mocks, gripping her knife better. “Don’t worry, you’ll scream soon enough,” she says, raising her hand. “That’s enough,” a familiar voice interrupts them and Julie lowers her hand without hesitation. Jeff sees Frank walk down the stairs with an annoying cocky swagger, Joey not far behind him. “How nice of you to intervene,” Jeff says to the group’s leader, trying to tone down his sarcasm. 

He’s always thought the Legion kids were nice enough on their own, becoming sort of an annoying hive mind when together, but Frank is by far the worst offender, turning into an insufferable asshole when he is with his little gang.

“Fatty,” Frank acknowledges him, making Julie snort. Jeff rolls his eyes at the juvenile humor. “Dude, what are you doing?” Joey questions. “Just kill him.” “One,” Frank begins, lifting his index finger. “This one’s the least dipshit survivor--not that that’s saying much. Two, as long as he’s alive, we can keep hanging out in the trial. And three--” Frank surges towards Joey, slamming him against a pillar and holding his knife against the other’s throat. “Don’t you dare fucking question me again or I’ll throw you on a hook and leave you to rot.”

Joey holds up his arms in surrender and Frank eventually lowers the knife, still leaning over the other teen menacingly. The air is tense with the threat of violence, and even Julie shifts awkwardly on her feet.

“Oooh!” Susie suddenly exclaims. “Was he the one who helped you when you were a baby survivor?” she asks cheerily, pointing at Jeff and innocently cocking her head.

As Frank sputters something unintelligible, clearly embarrassed, and Julie and Joey snicker to themselves, Jeff feels the tension fade and he can’t help but let out an amused huff of his own.

“I saved him! From a--from a fucking bear!” Frank eventually manages to stammer out. Jeff just smiles knowingly, and feels Frank’s stare digging holes into him as if daring him to bring up the events of their last trial together.

As it turns out, the Legion aren’t too bothered by keeping Jeff around so they can stay in the trial to fuck around. At first, they have a race along the long wall of the cabin, with Joey winning each one, until Jeff comes up with an idea.

“Why don’t I throw down some pallets and mark a couple windows, make an obstacle course for you guys?” “That sounds like fun!” Susie beams, bouncing on her feet and clapping her hands in excitement. “Whatever, I’ll still kick all your asses!” Joey boasts.

Jeff throws together a makeshift obstacle track around the shack side of the map, before giving a countdown to the bunch of unusually focused teens standing in a neat row. On his command, they take off in a frenzy, sprinting to the first window. It takes approximately five seconds for the fighting to start.

“You’re blocking me, asshole!” “Frank broke the pallet!” “Cheater!” “JUUDGE!!” Julie’s annoyed whine has Jeff make his way over to the commotion. He sees Frank on the ground, laughing hysterically while Susie is on top of him and is slapping him with his own mask, with Joey standing next to them, sulking. Julie turns to Jeff and angrily points at the remains of a pallet and Frank’s iridescent button on his jacket. “Frank, you’re disqualified,” Jeff says. “It was just a prank, bro!” Frank laughs while shielding himself from Susie’s wrath.

The three remaining Legion members redo the race, with Julie winning by a landslide. She’s in the middle of boasting to an annoyed Joey, when Frank’s face, now maskless, lights up.

“Bet you guys don’t know how to repair a gen!” “Uhh, yeah, ‘cause we’re not a bunch of pussy survivors?” Joey says, not eager at the idea. “I think someone’s scared of losing. Again,” Frank eggs on. “Oh you’re on.”

Jeff ends up teaching the other three how to repair the machine while Frank just shows off and gives obnoxious comments at the others’ failures. Surprisingly, Susie eventually comes out on top, seeming to be the best mechanic out of the four.

“How are you so good at this?” Julie asks, zapping herself on the wires again. “It’s like a puzzle! Super easy!” Susie beams. “Yeah?? Well try to do it when a bear is on its way to eat you!” Frank argues, clearly annoyed at having been bested.

When the group leaves the generator, the four teens stop dead in their tracks and turn to look at something between two rocks. Jeff hears the familiar sound of echoing winds before he sees the hatch. Huh, he hadn’t even considered the fact it would have been open from the very start of the trial, seeing as he’s the only survivor. He could jump in right now and leave, or one of the killers could kick it shut, starting the two-minute endgame timer. Either way, the Legion’s time together (and his time with them, he reluctantly admits) would be cut short.

“You guys want to make a bonfire?” Jeff suggests, pretending not to notice the collective relief in the kids’ postures at his suggestion. “I doubt the hatch is going anywhere for a while.” “I saw some marshmallows in the lodge!” Susie exclaims.

Frank gathers some rubble for the fire, while Joey helps Jeff carry two couches up on a small hill and Susie and Julie find some marshmallows and blankets in the lodge.

“This is nice,” Susie says later, huddled up in a blanket, sitting between Joey and Jeff and looking up dreamily at the starry sky, fire crackling in front of her with four discarded masks next to it. “These taste like shit and the stars are fake as fuck,” Frank says, spitting out the roasted marshmallow and leaning back on the couch in annoyance. “Well, it’s the nicest we’ve had since we got here,” Susie says quietly, nibbling on her own marshmallow and pulling the blanket tighter around herself. “Susie’s right, lighten up,” Julie says, seemingly elbowing Frank under their shared blanket. “It’s been a fun day.” “Yeah, uh. Thanks, man,” Joey mumbles, and it takes Jeff a second to realize the man is addressing him. “Yess! Thanks for this awesome day Jeff!” Susie says, smile back on her face and actually leaning over to give Jeff a cute half-hug. “And, uh... sorry for stabbing you.” “Nothing a few bandages couldn’t fix,” Jeff says and gives the girl an encouraging pat on her back. “Feel free to come hang out whenever,” Julie says. “Yeah, Frank was right. You’re pretty cool,” Joey says. “I never said that!” Frank, predictably, denies. “But. You know. What she said. About hanging out,” he mutters, awkwardly looking away and gesturing at Julie. “Sure. This has been a nice change of pace. Maybe next time we can spray paint more of the lodge,” Jeff suggests with a small smile. “That would be so cool!” Susie beams. “You do realize we’re still gonna kill you in trials though?” Joey points out. “I wouldn’t expect any less.”

When Jeff finally, and a little reluctantly, makes his way out through the hatch, he finds an obscene amount of bloodpoints waiting for him outside of the trial. There’s also a note, with messy symbols scrawled in an unintelligible language that he can inexplicably read--ah, a note from the Entity. He barks out a hearty laugh as he makes out the contents of the note: “Babysitting bonus: +100 000 BP”.

[angelsswirl]

Been Through

Chapter 4: Must be confused about me

Get ya, get ya, get ya shit together. Girl, I got 20/20 vision, and that's the reason I'ma keep my distance.

"I'm on my way to work now. Just dropped Lily off at preschool......Yes, Mom. I vetted the school extensively. She was on the waiting list since she was 2, so it better be worth it.....Okay. I have to go. Yes....I love you too."

You sighed heavily as you removed the phone from your ear.

Your mother, bless her heart, had a affinity for calling you at inopportune times, such as this one.

You were running late for a meeting. You don't like to blame your problems on your daughter, but this one was definitely her fault. After only two and half hours she had gotten attached to both Lisa and Jennie (you wish she would have just picked one and made this easier for you) and proceeded to have a mental breakdown when they eventually had to leave.

That mental break had caused the both of you to lose sleep, which meant you slept right through your alarm, causing Lily to be late for the one day a week that she went to preschool, and making you late for work.

And you hated being late for anything.

So, This was all your daughter's fault.

"Howdy, Boss." Your assistant, Max, greeted you as you trudged into your office. He handed you a warm cup of coffee. You took a sip, letting out a satisfied noise.

"Thanks, Max. I needed this."

He smiled, happy to be of service, "No problem, Boss."

You rolled your eyes, "Didn't I tell you to stop calling me 'Boss'? I'm a publisher who works for a publishing firm, I'm not the owner of this building. I don't sign your checks. That's the boss."

Max just shrugged happily. The beta was always infuriatingly happy.

"And stop saying 'howdy'. It makes me upset."

"You got it, Bos-Mrs. Y/LN."

You sat at your desk with another eye roll, "Maxwell. You know I'm not married. Just call me Y/N."

"But-"

"Aht! Call me Y/N."

You glared at the poor boy until he nodded back. You could feel a migraine sneaking up the back of your skull. After mumbling something unladylike in Korean, you set about turning on your computer.

"So, what's on the agenda today, Max-a-million?"

The twenty year old perked up at the question. The weirdo loved organizing and things of the sort. You're pretty sure his favorite part of the work day was when you asked him what you were supposed to be doing.

"Today is Tuesday. You've got a meeting with the boss in twenty minutes. Then, you have a manuscript in your email that I forwarded you. It needs to be approved by lunch. And by then it will be time to pick up Lily, and you can leave for the day."

You nodded slowly, "If a full manuscript needs to be approved in three hours why did you just now send it to me today?"

Max gulped, you watched his Adam's apple bobble in his throat. You felt bad at the look of pure fear on his face.

"I um...I'm sorry. It was only sent to me this morning. I was told that you already knew about it."

You wracked your brain for any mention of a manuscript approval by absolutely anyone you had ever had a conversation with.

You turned to Max, the headache was shifting forward towards your eyes, "No one told me anything. Ugh! Fine. I'll just have to skim. You can go back to your desk. Thanks, Maximus."

The boy scurried out of your office.

You sighed, then opened your email to locate the manuscript.

It was the last email you had been sent, you hurried to click it open and download it onto your computer.

It looked like a normal manuscript. No frilly font. No decorative cover. Just bare and unblemished. Just how you liked it.

Rosès Are Pink

Though, it had an absolutely shit title. That was an easy fix as long as the author didn't get attached.

Speaking of the author. You could tell it was a pen name. C.R. Park. There was no telling who that could be. But if you approved this manuscript then you'd probably be getting to know them a whole lot more.

You read the first line and frowned. Then you read the next. And the next. And the next. And soon your were through the first five chapters. The frown soon turned into an angry glare.

You dug into your cardigan pocket for your phone. You pulled it out and dialed a increasingly familiar number.

"Hel-"

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

"Good morning to you too, Y/N. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE WRITING A BOOK?!"

"I didn't think I needed to?"

"Of course you fucking needed to. I'M IN IT."

"How do you even know that?"

"YOU FUCKING SENT IT TO ME!"

"You can stop yelling now."

"Boss? Are you okay?"

"GET. OUT. MAXIMUM."

"Yes, ma'am."

"I would like to reiterate that I didn't send anything to you. My managers probably did."

"What's the difference? You know I'm a publisher. I was bound to hear of it eventually." You wiped a frustrated hand down your face.

"What's the big deal, Y/N? Did you even read the manuscript?"

"Not all of it."

"Did you like it?"

"Chae, it's magnificent."

"So, what's the problem?

A heavy sigh left your mouth, and with it, your shoulders sag, "I-do you really want to put all of BP's business out there like that?" 'Do you really want to put all of BP's business with me out there like that' is what was really being asked.

"Yeah. The girls and I talked about it for weeks. The group is slowing down and we haven't liked the idea of lying by omission to our fans for awhile now. And I like to write. You don't have to worry anymore. " You could practically hear Chaeyoung's shrug.

"Okay. If you're sure. I hate the title."

Chaeyoung giggled, "So does Lisa. I'll let you fix it. Besides, it's not finished yet."

"You sent me an unfinished manuscript?"

"It doesn't have its happy ending yet."

"And what will that be?"

Chaeyoung paused for a second, "...You tell me."

~~~

"Mommy!" Lily bounded into your arms as soon as she saw you.

You brushed the brunette locks from her eyes and kissed her on the forehead, "Hello, my beautiful baby girl. How was your day today?"

"Good. Miss Taylor let us paint." She bounced in your arms, a semi damp peice of paper in her hands that she wouldn't let you see.

"That sounds like fun. What did you paint?"

"Families."

"Oh?"

"We see Lisa and Jennie today?"

I hope not.

"Not today, sweetheart."

"Oh."

You thought back to the previous day. Lisa was bonding with your kid while you were making out with Jennie on your bed....yep, sounds like you. You had been fine with that turn of events until you stopped kissing Jennie. Well, she stopped kissing you.

She stopped kissing you like she had suddenly remembered she left the stove on at home. You shared a very weird look before she pretty much ran out of your room like a terrified puppy. Or probably, more accurately, someone who just realized they made a mistake.

So, yeah. Now, you weren't so fine with the kiss and you could deal without seeing either of them for a good month.

"Mommy? Why don't I have a daddy or other mommy like the other kids?"

Your kid is trying to kill you. Hmm. What an ironic way to go out.

"Sometimes, kids only have one daddy, or one mommy. Some don't have either at all. But that doesn't make them different or any less special."

"Oh. Okay, " Lily laid her head down softly on your chest. "But I want another mommy. I don't like daddies."

"And you're absolutely valid for that. Mommy doesn't like daddies either."

"I want Jennie or Lisa to be my other mommy."

You had been so close to dodging the fattest bullet in parenting history, but no, your kid really did want you dead.

"We'll see, Dancing Queen. We'll see."

[wonwoonlight]

Ult group question game

Rules: answer question based on your ult group 》 seventeen

(I’d also answer blackpink bc they’re both my ult but this is literally a blog I made for seventeen so--)

Sooo a few days ago @wonunuu​ tagged me to do this and I finally got around to doing this. Thank you for always tagging me pj 🥺 this was so fun to do 🥰

1. Who was your first bias?

 This is so cheesy but… it’s always been him T-T to be fair, ive always had sth for guys who are quiet and cool and… glasses. and if these aren’t wonu then who.

 2. Who is your bias now?

It’s kinda weird, tbh, that it’s still him. Bc I know me and usually I change my bias once I get to know everyone in the group but I am now an unapologetic 24/7 wonwoo simp

 3. what is the first mv you watched by them?

I actually have known abt svt since predebut bc my friend was a huge pledis stan but I was just indifferent I guess??? I rmb watching aju nice bc it was SO big at the time and I got curious. I rmb thinking: hahahh this group is so not my style (bc I was so into YG and their hip-hopish style and aju nice is so bright and cheerful) ((guess who’s laughing now))

 4. what's your favourite mv?

Home. Like. So much. I am borderline obsessed with it. Except for wonwoo’s lack of lines it’s just… pure perfection; makes me so warm.

 5. if you could listen to one song for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Probably all my love or campfire? Or home… I am a sucker for songs like these T-T

6. who would you want to see them collab with?

Uhh… blackpink? HAHA or maybe got7. Tho idk about seeing 20 men on stage at the same time lol. Tell u what PLEASE just give me bp x svt x got7 97line. Please D:

7. what mv concept do you want to see them do?

I’d like another Getting Closer tbh. So… rough. Leathers. All black. I am: weak. Either that or full blown happy and easy vibe where they just fool around like Snapshoot and Holiday lol

 8. have you ever had a dream with any of the members in it?

I… have. Tho nothing that I can remember. But I’ve had Jeonghan, Seungcheol, Gyu, Kwan Wonwoo, and Vernon visit me in my dreams T-T some by themselves and some in a group consisting of these people.

Kinda hate myself for not remembering what was it about :]

 9. if i could spend a day with one member, who would it be and what would you do?

I’d like to say Wonwoo… but knowing me and knowing him… no one will talk and the awkwardness will be through the roof lol. So, Choi Seungcheol it is. I feel like I just wanna sit down over coffees and talk about a lot of stuff with him? Thank him for being a very good leader and being, well, him. I feel like Seungcheol is the type of person that gets you to open up?? But anyway, I just want him to know I’m always thankful of him and I love him so much

But also I’d like to play in jihoon’s studio please let’s do a karaoke session

10. Which member do you think you'd get on best with?

This is hard :/ but maybe wonu? Bc tbh personality wise we’re kinda alike, but based on my experience, it’ll be quite hard to start getting closer. Like, we’re the type of person who’s closed off to people we dont know but clingy around those we’re comfortable with? Also, I love playing games and reading stuffs. remember when wonwoo said he only thinks about what to do but not actually do it? that is Me.

 11. Which member do you think you would argue with?

Probably Chan? Since the beginning I feel like his vibe is the opposite of mine. As in he’s very passionate and he has this will to prove himself?? And I’m someone who’s very… lowkey and I feel like his passion would burden me? there’s nothing bad with being passionate, though. I am always proud of my bby dino.

 12. if you had to choose one member to scroll through your tumblr, who would it be?

i—have no idea. I don’t even let my best friend know my tumblr bc I’m embarrassed by the stuffs that I write even tho theyre so important to me? it doesn’t make sense I know HAHA but if I really have to the maybe hao?? I feel like hao would just kinda get amused and be done with it.

 Phew! This was fun!!! Idk anyone here bc I suck at socializing... please talk to me lol but dont hesitate to do it if you want to <3

[theravenclawmonster]

I thought getting diagnosed would be able to get me help...(post 1 of dunno how many)

Trigger warning: This post (and the later continuation posts after it titled the same) may contain mentions of abuse, mental illness, suicidal thoughts and many more things which i will try to edit in it after writing the post(s) (hopefully i’ll remember to)

Disclaimer: this is just a written account of events that happened in my life in the past few weeks and my emotional/ physical response to those events. I am writing this here so that it stays here as help for people to read and maybe see what certain things feel like, and as proof or diary for when i forget what really happened and start to believe her words. Also, this is going to be a long post... a very long post.

So, i thought getting diagnosed would maybe help me... A couple of weeks ago, i realized that my heart has been beating a bit faster than what i remembered it used to and my blood pressure would get low. Of course like every other pain or issue ever, i tried to first ignore it and act it out (trying to look fine) but you see, with low BP i really couldn’t act okay. My brain would go numb, i would feel like my brain was pushing me (the consciousness or me in my brain) towards the top of my forehead forcing me into my skull from inside; everything else felt numb. I couldn’t really speak or even think, all words were slurred if i tried my hardest. My body moved very slowly, i couldn’t even raise a finger in the normal speed (even in front of my parents, in front of who i never ever show if i am in pain or ill. but until then i had hid it pretty well by going to my room or just not letting them see me that much). By this time i didn’t know what was happening and episodes like this continued for 3 or 4 days, until one day i remembered that i should check my blood pressure as my heart feels like drowning (it was around 90 and 65 and pulse more than 110). Now, as someone whose blood pressure has always been around 110/70, i got a bit scared; i didn’t know if it was okay to have it this low or not and i wasn’t feeling okay at all. Anyway, it dropped a bit more and my mother noticed me (until then i was completely wiped out, had no strength to even be present in my body let alone act okay. i continuously felt like if i closed my eyes i’d slip away and never come back.

My mother told me to get up and have some ORS (some sort of salts and electrolytes thingy used in dehydration etc) and eat bananas. after some time my heart felt a bit fine and my BP rose up to 105 and something. But i felt exhausted, as if i had fought a war with my bare hands. I couldn’t even ask them to take me to a doctor and after this episode was over she suggested it very ummm... very angrily... so i stayed quiet. Later my sister (married) texted me and said that Mom will get an appointment for her general physician tomorrow for you. She obviously had talked to my mother on the phone and knew all about it (or at least as much as my mother decided to tell her). The next day she took the appointment which was for almost 2 weeks later (only time available). throughout the days leading up to that she told me that i’d feel fine and we’d not even need to go to the doc.

finally, the day arrived. My mother had been telling me to write things to show the doc, my symptoms and stuff, but i couldn’t write anything. I wrote this on a paper 9in a slow child-like handwriting:

1. Pain everywhere

    Tired

    Breathe (referring to difficulty in breathing but i couldn’t write the whole sentence)

the day i went to the doctor i added “ fog/ Quick sand” to the list wanting to say that i feel like i am in a fog/ quick sand as everything including my body and my brain function becomes very slow and delayed.

I didn’t take that paper to the doctor (well, that exquisitely written note wasn’t very helpful). I had decided beforehand that i’d somehow send my mother out and talk to the doctor in private as my emotionally abusive and controlling mother makes me unable to function like a normal human being. It took me days to prepare myself to say that. I also took all my history with me from the beginning of the year. Below is the brief history:

[ I had a very bad chest infection right after chicken pox (at the start of this year, yes great start to a great year 2020), I had to get a chest x-ray in which Scoliosis (bending of spine) showed up. According to the doctors and my family, as it was an incidental finding, it was asymptomatic and therefore needed no treatment or even a brace. No one cared to pay attention to what i said or how i felt as the fucking patient who actually dealt with a lot of back and shoulder and literally almost every kind of bone pain, and for whom the discovery of scoliosis was an answer to a lot.] Anyway, back to the regular rant.

so we went to the doctor. As i sat outside waiting for my turn, i practised again and again about how to ask to be diagnosed in private and not making my mother mad. first, my mother’s turn arrived and she told me to go in with her and remember what doctor tells her for her diabetes and acidity issues. After she was done... (i am getting a bit hazy here) i think the doctor brought up my scoliosis (i went to him in the beginning of the year and he referred me to an osteopath or someone) he talked about how he discussed my case with his colleague and he advised me to go to another hospital in another city for they have a specific department for things like scoliosis. After he said it all and looked at me expectantly to start telling him why i was there, i told my, mother if she can leave, she laughed embarrassed and acted like ha ha sweety i won’t disturb you go on ahead. but i repeated it a couple more times ( i think my tone was pretty dry, but i am not sure as i couldn’t really regulate anything at that time).

She left. then the doctor asked me about my health and i started to explain, except i couldn’t find the right words and forgot everything and just burst into tears. he patiently offered me tissues and waited for my answer. I explained somewhat. i don’t really remember the symptoms i explained, just that i felt fake and weird as if it all wasn’t really happening or i was faking everything and don’t know why the hell i kept bawling my eyes out, i was fine!! stop crying and making a scene. I was also inwardly thankful that my mother wasn’t in the room as i have had a similar experience of crying in front of a doctor and she taunted me about it for months calling me fake and attention seeking and a liar. Anyway, here is a list of what i told the doctor (from what i can remember):

- i feel like i am always holding myself up tightly, if i let go i’d fall. My muscles all feel seized up

-I have difficulty in breathing, i can’t breathe deeply for years. and before it was connected to emotional issues but now its almost all day everyday.

-As because of scoliosis my ribcage is a bit twisted so if i bent over my left ribs dig into my stomach area and it is quite painful if my stomach is full, if i have gained weight or if i have gas.

-my ankles feel swollen on the inside and walking is painful, my heels hurt and the top of my foot and the pain goes all the way up to my pelvic bone and back. My back hurts all the fucking time.

-My knees hurt so much that i have not been able to put my weight on my left knee for more than a week now (it has been hurting in the past as well) and now my body had developed a weird habit of walking up the stairs without putting pressure on left knee at all, which has in turn made my right knee tired and painful.

- I can’t really feel hungry. like if i don’t eat for a long time i’d feel that painful hunger in my stomach but i have no desire to eat and i keep forgetting about it. even when i try to eat i look at food and recoil in a little, i can’t eat it usually or at least like i use to ( I loved food more than almost anything ever, with only some foods that i couldn’t eat). and even after i eat (usually only when i eat something with wheat in it) my stomach swells up a round and painful (which is even more painful when the ribs dig into it.

-My jaw feels stiff and my teeth and gums hurt as if i have been clenching my jaw (which i do catch myself doing quite often)

-oh! i actually started out with saying that i can’t really hold up my neck some of the time (like a baby), and it keep falling around if i relax, it was happening right then too. then i cried. i also mentioned something about my bones painfully feeling like they’ll fuse into each other (if i lie on my side sometimes i feel like both sides of my ribcage will collapse into each other

This was all i could remember then and i think there might be more that i told him but i don’t remember it rn

The doctor asked me things in return. he asked me about my sleep which i told him i can’t sleep. I have been a person who’d sleep 7- 8 hours a night and then also take a nap in the day. I love to sleep, i could always sleep, no matter what happened. If i had cramps, migraine, back pain, emotional abuse, my favorite character died, tired, bored anything; I’d sleep it off. But now, no matter when o lie down, firstly, i am in too much pain to be comfortable in any position, it takes hours to fall asleep and no more fun daydreaming before sleep too. and then i wake up even more exhausted somehow.

He checked my BP and breathing ( i couldn’t breathe properly maybe because of crying) and stomach softness. My BP was 135/95 which i contributed to the car ride (i have car anxiety... dunno what it is but i get super anxious and panicky in a car especially with my family) but he said it could be because you just cried so much.

so, then he said that you are too stressed and your neurons are constantly firing cuz pain both emotional and physical. (he was talking for quite some time but i don’t remember what he said) he said most of it seems to be mental but upon my request he did give a few tests (one in particular expensive one for some muscle disease or something) then he referred me to a psychiatrist. he also asked me to write down my symptoms as the more i tell the doctor the better they can diagnose. then i got out and told my mother the diagnosis and referral. she went in to the office herself and talked to him for some time.

So, we had the tests done (with my father making it a point to say loudly how expensive was one of them in particular) and got an appointment for the psychiatrist. Also said that i have some stomach acidity and gave medicine for that

this seems like a huge post so i am thinking about making another one for that session and the later drama, hopefully before i forget

part two can be found here

[minijenn]

Universe Falls Chapter 77, Part 3

Oh thank god we’re finally out of Chapter 77 fuck we’ve been in this miniarc for 3 fucking months now basically the entire duration of this stupid quarantine I wish I was dead anyway enjoy this pretty good chapter that i had a fun time writing: 

Previous: https://minijenn.tumblr.com/post/615069126396870656/universe-falls-chapter-77-part-2

***

Chapter 77: Adventures in the Multiverse

Part 3: Home Away from Homeworld

FCZU OSH GOWZZS VP XHP DPAQQAS EZ LINOSNOD OLVUXEYTVG BP LIRS WNR VLIYR BHNV RO RPU KAQAS TD BHR FICPABIIG HEXZV WUQ'W NTRP

After my departure from the parallel dimension, I had hoped, but not necessarily expected, to arrive back where I’d started, in the Nightmare Realm itself. While traveling between worlds, the trajectory of my next destination was never certain, even with the heavy modifications I’d made to my wormhole stabilizer over the years. However, if there was one place I could have never expected to see in my lifetime, it was the place I fatefully happened to end up next. 

It was an alien planet, about as alien as any other dimension Ford had found himself in over the past 30 years. The atmosphere was breathable, painted an almost mystical shade of starry lavender filling in the sparse space between the dense cityscape this dimension seemed to largely be composed of. Every structure seemed to be almost crystalline, angular in design as they towered into the air in an intentionally uniform, orderly sort of way. Ford had emerged into one of the narrow alleyways between two of these windowless buildings, immediately on guard, just as he always was whenever he found himself venturing out into a new, unfamiliar setting. Just beyond that alleyway lay what seemed to be a street that was bustling with noise and activity, though the kind of creatures that inhabited it took the author completely by surprise. 

By many accounts, they seemed to be humanoid, most of them strangely femenine in appearance as they wandered about the roadway, each of them intent on performing certain tasks or heading to specific destinations. A group of sturdy, muscular orange women marched by in a clean formation, a flock of tiny, teal, aquatic-winged girls flittered past a patrol of green, single-eyed women rushing for what seemed to be a nearby airfield. And yet, for as colorful and contrasting as the residents of this world seemed to be, one pair among them in particular instantly caught Ford’s eye, even from afar. 

Both of them were small in stature, around the same height as one dutifully led the way in front of the other. And yet, what shocked the author the most was the mere sight of them; one red, one blue, but so incredibly familiar that it had to be them, it had to be. Even if it made no sense for them to be in a place like this, Ford would know that iconic couple anywhere, whether they were together or apart like they were now. Which was why he largely,if not foolishly, threw all sense of stealth right out the window in favor of reuniting with, at the very least, who he hoped actually were two of his former friends this time around. 

“Ruby! Sapphire!” Ford called, rushing out from the alley. The moment he did, the rush of activity in the street he heedlessly ran straight out into came to a complete standstill, with everyone in the immediate vicinity practically freezing in place as soon as they spotted or heard the author. Clearly, none of them knew what to make of him or what to do as he merely ran past them all, not regarding any of them as he instead kept his sights on the Gems he believed to be Ruby and Sapphire on the other side of the thoroughfare. Said pair of Gems spun around as he approached them, one of them startled while the other seemed to be expecting his arrival. Still that didn’t stop “Ruby” from rushing to leap in front of “Sapphire”, aggressively standing her ground against the much taller human before her. 

“You there!” she shouted, glaring up at Ford furiously, though her expression also betrayed her clear bewilderment as well. “Uh… you...  w-whatever you are!”

“That is a human.” “Sapphire” noted calmly. 

“Oh! Uh… o-ok!” “Ruby” nodded, taking her word for it. “Human! I order you to stand down and, uh… leave my Sapphire in peace! Or else!”

“...What?” Ford raised a confused eyebrow as he looked down at the pair. “Ruby, what in the multiverse are you talking about? You know me! Both of you do!”

“We don’t know any human!” Suddenly, from just behind “Sapphire” another Ruby entirely emerged, with another one following her right after to flank the blue Gem protectively. 

“Y-yeah!” the other Ruby exclaimed, feigning toughness before she muttered obliviously to her companions. “Uh… what’s a human?”

Ford started at this, completely dumbfounded by the trio of Rubies and the single Sapphire before him. And yet, as he took another look at the group before him, he quickly realized exactly what made them all stand apart from the Gems he knew. Namely, the fact that the Sapphire’s gemstone rested on her chest, while the Rubies had theirs on their cheek, shoulder, and forehead respectively. Each an obvious difference from the palm placements of the Ruby and Sapphire he was familiar with. “W-wait…” he faltered, taking a stumbling step away from the group. “Y-you… you’re not-”

“You must have us confused with someone else,” the Sapphire noted evenly, her stoic expression unchanged. “Also, you might want to run.”

It didn’t take long for Ford to understand the reason for this advice as a sudden clamor arose on the far side of the roadway. While most of the other women, or rather, likely Gems, the author inferred, could really only stare at him in baffled shock, one faction among them had rallied themselves into action. They were all strongly-built, soldier types, and Ford briefly thought a few of them might have even looked like Amethyst if not for their larger bodies and longer hair. All the same, the entire crowd of them had their curious, yet confounded sights set solely on the author as they erupted into a rowdy ruckus amongst themselves. 

“Hey! What is that thing?”

“It’s not some kinda new Gem is it?”

“Of course, it’s not a Gem, stupid!”

“Who you calling stupid, stupid!”

“Enough!” A loud, impatient shout broke through the argument, stalling the group as they made their heated approach toward Ford. The crowd of Gems quickly parted ways for their superior, each of them greeting her with respectful cross-armed salutes as she regarded them bitterly. As for that superior herself, she was every bit as intimidating as the Amethysts both in stature and in pallor given her dark orange coloration and severe, yet stately manner. “What in the name of the Diamonds are you Amethysts causing such a fuss about?!”

“F-forgive us, Fire Agate!” one of the Amethysts stammered nervously. “B-but we think we might have just found an Off Color and we-”

“Wait...” Fire Agate swiftly silenced her as she finally spared a glance over at Ford. For his part, the author was far too startled by the unfolding situation to really try to make too much sense of it, much less react to it like he should have. Even so, he couldn’t help but feel rather anxious under the incredibly scrutinizing gaze Fire Agate was sending his way. “You complete and utter clods!” she snapped suddenly, smacking the pair of Amethyst’s closest to her upside their heads harshly. “That’s not an Off Color! It’s something far worse; that’s human!”

“Ooooh, a human,” one of the Amethysts nodded, feigning understanding before she whispered to her companion. “What’s a human?”

“It’s one of those things from Earth, dummy.”

“I’m not a dummy, dummy!”

“Quiet!” Fire Agate shouted at them before she turned back to Ford. “And as for you--I don’t know how you managed to get here from that disgusting mudball of a planet you call home, but here on Homeworld we do not take kindly to you lowly organic lifeforms.”

“H-Homeworld!?” Ford exclaimed, genuinely shocked. 

Yet despite that shock, Fire Agate largely ignored him as she addressed the pack of Amethysts once more. “Yellow Diamond will certainly want to see this… interloping creature,” she stole another disdainful glance at the dumbfounded author before her. “Amethysts! Let’s take this… thing to her and see what she has to say about it…”

“Yes, Fire Agate!” the Amethysts dutifully saluted once more before moving forward. Ford didn’t even have enough of a chance to shake himself out of his bewilderment and grab the blaster he always kept tucked away within his coat before the muscular Gems were upon him, overpowering and apprehending him in a matter of seconds, despite the struggle he tried to put up. 

“I told you that you should have ran,” the Sapphire noted as they began to drag him away. 

As soon as they saw that the “invading” human had been restrained, the other Gems in the thoroughfare were quick to get back to their business as usual. At the same time, Ford was somewhere between a dumbfounded daze and resilient resistance as two Amethysts tightly held his arms on both sides, trudging along as Fire Agate led the way. Still, Ford was never one to go down without a fight as he continued struggling against their secure grip, throwing out threats and profanities until Fire Agate finally formed a bubble around his head to largely silence him out of sheer annoyance alone. Yet that bubble hardly kept the full weight of where he was from hitting him in full force. 

The Gem Homeworld… a place I’d only ever known from vague mentions of it from Rose and the other Crystal Gems. And yet, through some cruel twist of fate, there I was, on the hostile world my friends had once called home eons ago. A world where there was no place for humans such as myself whatsoever. 

Yet as those Gems carried me through its gilded corridors against my will, a sobering thought soon crossed my mind. For as far as it was from Earth, Homeworld was still in the same dimension. Which meant that I was in the same dimension. Which meant that--the distant planet I had ended up on notwithstanding--I was about as close to home as I’d been in 30 years. 

Part of me dared to wonder if this could be just another parallel dimensions with glaring similarities to my own. While I had no way of knowing for sure at the time, now I can say with certainty that this was in fact not the case. I had indeed made it back to my own dimension… Which made everything that happened next all the more incredible and infuriating. 

Following a series of lengthy straightaways and a trip over a warp pad or two, Fire Agate and the Amethysts had carried him to a massive, elegantly designed golden structure, with a doorway that rose high above the group approaching it. In front of that doorway, another pair of identical Gems, yellow and almost brick-like in appearance, stood guard, though much like the Amethysts, they regarded Fire Agate with clear respect as she approached them. 

“Step aside, Topazes,” she commanded haughtily. “I come seeking an urgent audience with our Diamond.”

The two Topazes said nothing, merely exchanging a glance and a nod before they obediently moved to let Fire Agate and her entourage inside. The doors parted to reveal a large, lofy, yet mostly empty chamber, one that sparkled yellow every bit as much as its exterior. Countless bubbles containing misshapen congregates of Gem shards floated still and silent throughout it, and sitting at the far end of the room was by far the most imposing Gem Ford had encountered in his relatively short time on Homeworld so far. 

The Gem who had to be none other than Yellow Diamond herself. 

Currently, the matriarch was preoccupied by her work on a series of holographic screens hovering before her. She was accompanied by a much smaller Gem who, aside from her pale lemon coloration, bore a striking semblance to Pearl, at least in Ford’s opinion. Even so, the author mostly kept his sights on Yellow Diamond herself, immediately distrusting her before she even so much as looked his way. Because after years of traversing countless dimensions and squaring off against conquerors and kings, he knew a tyrant when he saw one. 

“Hello, my Diamond!” Fire Agate greeted her superior, throwing on a sacrine grin. “Might I say you’re looking positively radiant today?”

“What do you want, Agate?” Yellow Diamond asked bluntly, not bothering to glance up from from her screens whatsoever. 

“A-ah, yes, well,” Fire Agate cleared her throat awkwardly. “We--I was just out near the square, keeping an eye on this rowdy batch of Amethysts that just came in from your newest colony, when all of the sudden, everything came to a complete standstill! Naturally, my Diamond, it’s my duty to investigate such matters, so I-”

“Get to the point, already,” the matriarch huffed with an impatient wave of her hand. “I’m very busy and I do not have to waste any unimportant, unwanted intrusions.”

Fire Agate let out a small, anxious squeak as she straightened up her posture somewhat. “Y-yes, of course, my Diamond! A-all this is to say that… I’ve brought you a human!”

“A human…” Yellow Diamond repeated, initially disinterested. 

“F-from Earth!”

The matriarch suddenly froze, her eyes growing wide as she at last tore them away from her holo-screens. Her sights quickly settled on Ford, and as they did, he swore could feel the palpable hatred she automatically beared toward him just from her diamond-pupiled gaze alone. “Agate,” she began, her tone surprisingly calm and quiet when compared to the tranquil fury her expression otherwise betrayed. 

“Yes, my Diamond?” Fire Agate grinned eagerly, expecting some sort of praise or perhaps even a reward. 

Though what she actually ended up getting from her Diamond was nothing more than a harsh dismissal instead. “Take your Amethysts and go. The human stays here with me.”

“Oh, of course, my-” Fire Agate stopped short, her eyes wide as she looked to her superior, dumbfounded and dismayed. “Wait, w-what? A-are you certain, my Diamond? After all, it is armed…” She glowered as she nodded back to the author, or more specifically the quantum destabilizer strapped to his back. 

“I said go,” Yellow Diamond reiterated coldly as she rose to stand at her full, towering height. 

Fire Agate flinched fearfully, cowering under her Diamond’s severe stare just as much as her accompanying Amethysts did as they swiftly released their hold on Ford. “Y-yes! Right away, my Diamond!” she readily nodded, abruptly turning on her heel. “Amethysts, come! Let us leave our Diamond to her very important devices!”

None of the Amethysts argued as they rushed out right after Fire Agate, the large chamber doors sliding shut behind them to leave Ford alone (mostly alone, aside from her Pearl) with one of the very rulers of Homeworld itself. And as soon as they were gone, the author didn’t hesitate to immediately pull one of his several blasters out of his coat before taking aim directly at the matriarch. “She was right, you know,” he said, boldly glaring up at her. “I am armed--heavily so.”

Yellow Diamond said nothing in response to this, instead just raising an eyebrow, almost as if she was challenging him to attack her. Though somewhat confused by this, Ford did so, firing a powerful plasma blast straight for her head. The matriarch barely even had to move to deflect it however, merely swatting it right out of existence with a simple wave of her hand. Alarmed, Ford tried again with a different gun, only to meet similar results when the matriarch effortlessly blocked the blasts yet again. Still, the author kept on trying, using the vast variety of the arsenal he’d gathered over the years to so much as land a single scratch on her, but to no avail. All the while, her Pearl fearfully cowered behind her Diamond’s throne, watching the one-sided battle with wide eyes, at least until she realized her superior was clearly winning it. Ford eventually came to that conclusion too as he finally lowered just about the last of his weapons as he looked to Yellow Diamond incredulously. 

“W-what…?” he stammered, baffled that his blasters that could destroy other creatures in mere seconds didn’t phase the matriarch at all. “How-”

“I wouldn’t expect a creature as lowly as a human to know this,” Yellow Diamond began haughtily. “But all of your meager, primitive weapons are nothing to the strength and fortitude of a Diamond.”

Ford stilled at this, briefly taking a glance back at the now-finished quantum destabilizer on his back. A weapon that was powerful enough to take even a being as mighty as a Diamond down when nothing else could, certainly. Yet, as much as he might have wanted to, he knew the destabilizer was only good for a single shot, lest its precious power be depleted and diminished entirely. And that was a shot Ford knew he was saving for Bill and Bill alone the next time he faced him. 

“Now,” Yellow Diamond continued as she sat upon her throne once more, her Pearl quickly returning to stand by her side. “Before I obliterate your pathetic form for even daring to stand in my presence, tell me: how did you end up here in the first place? The last I saw of your kind, they were still playing around with stones and simple spears and could barely even ignite a flame on their own, much less build spacecraft that can travel across multiple star systems to get to a planet light years away.”

“Well, you must not have been to Earth in quite some time then,” Ford countered crossly. “You’d be surprised at what we humans are capable of now.”

“I don’t care what you’re capable of,” the matriarch glowered coldly. “I want to know how you managed to infiltrate my domain and why.”

The author crossed his arms, turning his nose up at her. “I’m not obligated to tell you anything.”

A bout of fierce fury flashed through Yellow Diamond’s expression at this, though her temper managed to even itself out again as she kept up her relatively calm composure. “Hmph, well that’s one thing that hasn’t changed over the past 6,000 years. Your kind is still just as infuriatingly stubborn; now I see where those ridiculous ‘Crystal Gems’ got it from…”

“T-the Crystal Gems?!” Ford exclaimed, a sharp gasp escaping him at the mere mention of his friends. “You know them?”

Yellow Diamond sent him a rather curious look at this. “You know them? Funny, I didn’t think human memory lasted that long, especially when it comes to a group of despicable traitors that were rightfully wiped from existence centuries ago…”

“Wiped from…” Ford trailed off in a whisper, still completely stunned as he happened to recall something Rose had told him about the other Crystal Gems years ago. 

“Back then there were more than just four of us,” she had said softly, sadly. “But… well, what happened to the others is… a very long story in and of itself.”

But now, with this new context, that story suddenly made sense. The Crystal Gems had indeed stood up to their former Homeworld, just as Rose had said, and they had paid a grave price for their resistance and their bravery. All except for the four that still somehow managed to survive it all back on Earth. 

By now, Yellow Diamond’s manner had turned thoughtful as she glanced away from him, opening one of her holo-screens back up to look over something. “I recently stationed one of my engineers on Earth to check on a certain… project of mine. She has been frequently sending back reports of her progress being repeatedly impeded by, in her own words, “a group of persistently aggravating clods who call themselves the ‘Crystal Gems’”.” The matriarch turned her piercing gaze back on the author. “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that… would you, human?”

Of course, Ford did know about that group, and while the fact that they were still just as active as ever when it came to protecting the Earth was something of a comfort, the realization that Homeworld was aware of that fact too was anything but. “N-no, I don’t know anything,” he quickly denied as firmly as he could. “A-after all, I haven’t even been to Earth myself in 30 years, s-so even if I did know these so-called Crystal Gems--w-which I don’t--it’s not like I’ve been able to keep tabs on what they’ve been up to all that time.”

The author tried playing off his feigned innocence with a nervous chuckle, one that Yellow Diamond unfortunately didn’t seem to buy. “Why do I get the impression that you know much more than you’re letting on…?” she asked, narrowing her eyes at him. 

“I-I can assure you I don’t,” Ford reiterated his previous lie, desperately wishing the matriarch would just leave the matter at that. But of course, it was just his luck that she didn’t.

“Well, if you know nothing of this resurgent pack of rebel Gems, then how are you seemingly familiar with the concept of the Crystal Gems in general?” Yellow Diamond persisted, leaning forward on her throne a bit. “Furthermore, if you’re as unaware as you claim to be, then why would you come here, to Homeworld of all places? If these rebel Gems really do exist, then are you perhaps one of their expendable human spies? That is a tactic they often tried to utilize back during the war, you know. Though if you are, you should know… almost none of those spies ever made it back to them alive…”

“I’m not a spy!” Ford protested, though he knew that if Rose or any of the other Gems had ever asked him to act as such, he gladly would have done so. “I didn’t come here intentionally; I wound up here completely by random, and I-”

“Silence!” Yellow Diamond snapped with a fearsome glare. “Believe me when I say that I am far more clever than your meager human mind is. Clever enough to see through your ill-conceived ruse. Unfortunately,” She brought up another holo-screen, tapping away at it until the chamber doors behind the author slid open and the pair of Topazes that had been guarding it filed in. “I’m far too busy with much more important matters to attend to than to waste my valuable time interrogating a human that’s far too stubborn for its own good. So I’ll just leave that task to someone else instead.” The matriarch addressed the Topazes as they both got a secure grip on either side of Ford before he could even try to pull any of his weapons out again. “Get that thing out of my sight. Take it to one of the holding cells and notify one of the commanders--I don’t care which one--that it is to be questioned as soon as possible. And do not let it escape.”

The Topazes answered in a silent set of nods as they began to forcefully drag Ford away against his will. Yet even as he fought back against their unflinching hold, he glared back at the matriarch fiercely, refusing to let her win this victory over him so easily. “You better believe me when I say that I will escape,” he said bravely, rigidly. “And when and if I ever do get back to Earth, I’ll do whatever I can to help keep it safe from you.”

“Not if you manage to doom it even more than it already is first…” Yellow Diamond said coldly just before the chamber doors slammed shut between them. And yet, as soon as the author was gone, the matriarch quickly turned to her holo-screens once more as she began to open up a communication channel through it. 

“M-My Diamond?” her Pearl spoke up, somewhat anxiously. 

Yet her superior didn’t regard her, instead focusing on the call she was making until an all-too familiar, all-too cheery greeting rang out on the other end of the line. “Y-ello again, Yellow! What can I do ya for this time?”

“Cipher,” she began, her icy expression not changing as her thoughts turned toward a newfound long-term plan. “I believe I’ve come into possession of something that may just pique your interest… for the right price of course…”

After my harrowing meeting with Yellow Diamond, I was hauled off (quite awkwardly, I might add; turns out Topazes can trap people within their combined form when they fuse, it’s NOT something I’d particularly like to experience again!) to another part of Homeworld entirely. But even as I was thrown into a seemingly impenetrable prison cell, I could hardly claim this was the most dire straits I had ever been in. My main concern at the time still lied with keeping the secrets Yellow Diamond had tried to get me to divulge. After all, I had once placed a great deal of my trust in Rose and the Crystal Gems, and a large part of me still did even then. It was only fair that I maintained the trust they had for me, even now when my life was likely on the line if I maintained my silence. 

Still, despite my predicament, I couldn’t help but find myself somewhat lucky at the same time. With everything I’d seen and heard since my arrival, the evidence really was adding up to the idea that I was in fact back in my own dimension. Which meant that if I could manage to break out of this cell and make it to some sort of ship or other such spacefaring vessel, then maybe, just maybe, I might finally be able to make it home after all. 

And as it turned out, I wasn’t the only one trying to escape from Homeworld either. 

Time wasn’t exactly the easiest thing to keep in a cell that had no windows to the outside, and even beyond that, Ford wasn’t sure if time even worked the same way on Homeworld at all. Still, he did make an attempt at tracking how long he’d been left waiting in his holding cell through the ever-increasing number of tally marks he’d notched onto the wall. His weapons had been confiscated in short order as soon as he arrived at what he assumed was the Gem equivalent of a federal prison, though it was a surprisingly small structure with hardly any “prisoners” to speak of locked within it. The author’s best guess was that most insubordinate Gems were punished in a different, much more severe sort of way than merely being imprisoned behind stone walls many of them could just as easily break out of. Yet as Ford was about to discover, that wasn’t necessarily the case for every arrested Gem on the planet. 

The author had been sitting on the cold floor of his cell for at least several hours now, absently snacking on some of the rations he’d fortunately brought with him from the last dimension. He paused, however, as the door to the cell block slid open for the mighty orange Gem entering through it. A scowl rested on her face alongside the small, triangular stone that was in place of her nose as she marched forward, stopping at the otherwise empty cell directly across from Ford’s. 

“There,” she placed a teardrop-shaped blue gemstone on the floor of the cell before sealing it off with a sturdy sort of force field. “That should hold you until it’s time to go.” The orange Gem turned to leave, spotting Ford in his cell in the process, though she only regarded him with a single huff of bitter annoyance. “Ugh… humans…” she rolled her eyes, saying nothing more to him before she walked out altogether. 

As confused by that Gem’s brief appearance as Ford was, his attention was quickly drawn to the blue gemstone lying in the cell across from him. A bright light had enveloped it as it hovered into the air, the Gem’s slight, lithe body forming around it as a skirt furled out over her legs and her gemstone took up its spot upon her back. As soon as she had fully reemerged, the blue Gem collapsed to the ground on all fours, her breathing harsh and panicked as she looked around her cell frantically. “W-what? Where-” she stopped short as she suddenly glanced over her shoulder, a small, startled gasp escaping her as she caught sight of Ford, who was watching her curiously, even from a distance. “W-who are you?”

“Uh, I-I’m-”

“Wait!” the blue Gem swiftly interrupted him, her shaken shock increasing tenfold as she quickly looked him over. “Y-you’re a human!”

Ford resisted the urge to let out something of an annoyed sigh at this, mostly out of being generically identified as a human for what had to be the umpteenth time now. “Why, yes,” he nodded. “Yes, I am.”

“H-how did you get here?” the blue Gem asked, incredulous. “A-are you… did you come from… Earth?”

“Well, technically speaking, yes,” the author shrugged. “Though I haven’t actually been there for quite some time, to say the least.”

“S-so they’ve had you locked up here for a long time?” the blue Gem inferred. “But why? Wait, no, that’s a dumb question. Of course they’d lock you up. I guess that’s what they do to everyone who comes here from Earth now….”

“What do you mean?” Ford inquired, naturally curious. 

The blue Gem gripped her arms tightly as she knelt on the floor of her cell, looking down forlornly. “I was trapped on Earth for thousands of years, unable to escape,” she explained. “But then, just a few weeks ago, I was set free by three young humans. All I’d ever wanted was to get back here, to come home… but now that I’m here… it’s nothing like I remembered…”

Though he scarcely knew this Gem at all, Ford couldn’t help but feel a steady burst of sympathy upon hearing her tragic tale. Because he’d also wondered whether or not his own home would be the same as the one he’d been forced to leave behind 30 years ago. But whatever might have changed back on Earth certainly would pale in comparison to just how different things must have gotten here on Homeworld over the course of thousands of years of long lost time. “I’m… sorry to hear that,” he said earnestly. “To be perfectly candid, you don’t seem to be anywhere near as much of a menace as most of the other Gem’s I’ve had the misfortune of running into on my time on this planet so far.”

The blue Gem finally managed a small, albeit somewhat bittersweet smile at this. “Thanks. You don’t seem that bad either. For a human, that is.”

“Huh. That’s the first positive thing I’ve heard anyone around here say about humans,” Ford noted with a small smirk. 

“Gee, I wonder why that might be…” the blue Gem chuckled, though her levity soon faded. “Still, I don’t really get why they’re keeping you around. After what happened there, I thought they’d just as well destroy anything from Earth instead of just locking it up in some cell.”

“Well, apparently one of your leaders believes I possess ‘valuable information’,” Ford said, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

“That makes two of us,” the blue Gem sighed tiredly as she leaned against the wall of her cell. “What do you wanna bet as soon as they get that information, they’ll get rid of us both?”

“Not if we escape we don’t,” the author said resiliently. 

“Escape?” the blue Gem looked to him, dumbfounded. “I don’t know how this works back on Earth, but you don’t just escape from detainment here. The only time they let you out is when they need you… or want to shatter you…”

“Well, if I can escape the Drysenthium mines of the barren wastes of Olhomnom, then I can certainly break out of a Homeworld prison,” Ford grinned as he stood. 

“Uh… what’s that supposed to mean?” the blue Gem asked, confused. 

“It means I’m not giving up,” the author offered her a confident smile. “And you shouldn’t either.”

The blue Gem shook her head, clearly awash in doubt. “How can you say that when you don’t even have a way out of your cell?”

“Hm…” Ford paused to think, placing a hand against the relatively tangible, yet transparent field covering the opening to his cell. The blue Gem gasped, sitting up in shock as she watched him. 

“T-that… doesn’t hurt you?” she asked, more bewildered than ever before.

“No…?” the author frowned. “Should it?”

The blue Gem didn’t answer, instead anxiously reaching her hand out to the own field keeping her trapped, only to retract it back with a sharp hiss as it disrupted its form completely. “I-it’s a destabilizer…” she growled in apparent pain as she nursed her now reformed hand. “But I guess yours isn’t? O-or it doesn’t work on you. I-I don’t really know that much about how humans work…”

“Well, all the same, this field doesn’t appear to be something I can penetrate without one of my… weapons!” Ford exclaimed, balking in realization as he looked to the blue Gem sitting across from him. “You’re a Gem! You can summon a weapon, right?”

“No?” the blue Gem raised an eyebrow. “I mean, I guess if you’re not counting these.” Suddenly, a wide pair of wings, composed entirely of crystal clear water, unfurled behind her. “But… I don’t see how they’d do me much good since I can’t really fly past the destabilizer…”

“Well, certainly, you have other powers too, yes?”

“Uh… I can control water?” she ventured, taking a bit of water out from her wings and easily morphing its shape into various forms as it hovered above her open hand. 

“That’s perfect!” Ford exclaimed excitedly. “Why don’t you try manipulating some of that water toward the control panel right outside of your cell? It just might be able to short the circuit out and knock the destabilizer offline!”

“Mm… I guess I can try...” the blue Gem began her attempt, maneuvering her small bout of water to move it toward the field in front of her. And yet, as soon as it made contact with the destabilizer, the water was completely dispelled, practically vaporized almost instantly, much to her immense disappointment. “Of course… I knew it was too good to be true…”

“Hm, so that destabilizer also blocks your hydrokinesis from within…” Ford mused thoughtfully, a new idea forming in his mind. “But maybe… it could pass through the force field on my cell!”

“Huh?” the blue Gem watched in clear confusion as the author reached into his coat, pulling out the canteen he always tried to keep as full as possible.

“There’s water in here,” he told her, holding the canteen up. “If you can control it from a distance, then you can use it to short out my field so I can take yours down manually once I’m free.”

The blue Gem shuddered at this plan, her expression turning distrustful as she kept her sights trained on him. “You mean you’ll actually let me out?” she asked tensely. “For all I know, you could just be lying to me to get yourself out of here. How do I know I can trust you?”

“Well, I… suppose you can’t really,” Ford answered honestly. “In the same way, I don’t particularly know if I can trust you not to try to kill me or beat me senseless like most other Gems on this planet readily would. I guess in that sense, it all comes down to a two-way gamble, wouldn’t you say?”

The blue Gem hesitated, staring at the author intently as she tried to make up her mind about him. Ultimately though, she let out a relenting sigh as she rose to stand herself. “I must be crazy…” she shook her head as she let her aquatic wings disappear. “But… I’d much rather take a gamble that could get me out of here instead of just sitting around waiting to be shattered so... let’s do this.”

Ford nodded in sold agreement, holding his canteen out toward her. The blue Gem was able to connect with the water inside of it easily, raising a swath of it before slowly, carefully guiding it toward the field in front of the author. However, unlike what had happened with the destabilizer field, the energy it was made of did nothing to prevent her powers from passing through it. The blue Gem gasped at this, but she kept her hand steady, focusing on leading the water to the control panel on the wall beside Ford’s cell. Then, taking careful aim at the panel, she poured the water down upon it in a heavy torrent, one that was more than enough to not only damage it, but disable it altogether. 

Ford could scarcely hold back a relieved sigh as the force field in front of him fell, allowing him freedom once more. Briefly, the blue Gem looked to him skeptically, almost as if she didn’t think he would hold up the end of their bargain. But true to his word, the very first thing the author did was march over to her cell and, with a few mere taps on the panel beside it, cleared the destabilizing field that had been keeping her trapped. 

“Y-you… you really…” she trailed off, shaking her head as if to clear it as she offered him a genuine smile. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Ford said. “But we’re not out of the woods yet. This place is likely crawling with plenty of Gems and I need to get the weapons they took from me back before we go.”

“Can’t you just get new weapons?” the blue Gem inquired, not fond of the idea of lingering in this prison any longer than necessary. 

“Normally, I’d say yes,” the author admitted. “But one of them is irreplaceable. And if I leave it behind, then everything I’ve ever worked for will be all for nothing. You’re welcome to go ahead on your own if you-”

“N-no,” the blue Gem interrupted, though her tone was apprehensive all the same. “You’ll never make it out of here on your own. B-besides, you… you set me free, when you really didn’t have to; I’ve only ever known a handful of humans who were willing to do the same. It’s the least I can do to repay the favor.”

“Then I’ll be more than happy to accept your help,” Ford grinned, knowing that help would be invaluable, especially given the blue Gem’s unique set of powers. “First, we’ll get my weapons. Then, we’ll get out of this structure. Then, we’ll find or commandeer a ship and use it to get off this planet once and for all. Sound like a plan to you?”

“...I guess at this point I don’t have too many other options…” the blue Gem sighed, almost strangely sad at the idea of leaving the planet she used to call home. Even so, she didn’t bother returning the hand Ford was extending out to her to shake as she simply nodded in agreement with his daring scheme instead. “But… yeah, sounds like a plan.”

And so we set out on their escape attempt, however risky and perilous as it might have been. Thanks to my companion’s skillful control over basically any liquid substance, we were able to disable any door that stood in our path. Navigating around the patrolling bulky Gems--or as my companion called them--Quartz soldiers, to be more precise, was a bit more of a challenge, however. With me defenseless and my companion not particularly combatant, we mostly had to rely on stealth when it came to getting around them. 

It took some doing, and a few close calls, but eventually we managed to make it to the makeshift armory they had stockpiled my stash of weapons within. Unfortunately, there was a Gem that was stationed guard there to prevent anyone from getting their hands on them. That Gem nearly alerted the entire base to our escape, until my companion quickly dispatched (and dispelled her form) with a powerful, yet contained wave of rushing water. 

To regain my quantum destabilizer alone was a massive relief, yet it was one that didn’t last long. Because though we did manage to clear the rest of the base easily enough, once we stepped out of it, we just so happened to find ourselves amidst one of Homeworld’s busiest sectors by far. And the moment so much as a single Quartz soldier spotted us, our plan fell apart at the seams. 

“Hey! Isn’t that the human that our Diamond ordered us to lock up?” one of the Amethysts from earlier shouted as she noticed the author and the blue Gem haphazardly tried to slip into the sizable crowd of Gems before them. 

“Yeah! And I think it’s with-” Ford couldn’t quite make out what the other Amethyst was saying, but he assumed she was referring to the blue Gem hurrying alongside him. 

“They escaped! Let’s get ‘em!”

“W-what now?” the blue Gem asked, panicking as the bustling crowd began to part to let the gathering horde of Quartz soldiers through. 

Ford took the briefest of moments to weigh their options, namely the sheer number of Gems that were angrily rushing their way. With his weapons in hand, fighting them off was a possibility, but it was one he’d rather not risk with victory being so close to being within reach. Which meant that there was really only one other thing they could do at a moment like this. “Run!”

The blue Gem didn’t need to be told twice. Without hesitation, she called upon her powerful watery wings and came to a hover, flying just a bit ahead of Ford as he ran after her. “Grab my hands!” she called, holding both of them out to him. The author tried to do so, though as he reached for her, a sudden spear tore across the back of his hand, landing a heavy cut. Ford hissed in pain as he gripped his injured hand, glancing back to see that several more of the Quartz soldiers were just as ready to toss their weapons right at him. The soldiers themselves were practically upon him, the short distance of just a few mere feet between them being far too little for comfort. On impulse, the author pulled out one of his blasters and took aim at the group, and briefly, he expected the blue Gem to be just as ready to do the same when it came to taking up opposition against their oppressors. 

“Come on! We can take them!” he exclaimed brazenly, though his courage was something the blue Gem didn’t quite share.

“N-no,” she shook her head, terrified as she glanced between him and the horde of soldiers. “I-I… I can’t…”

“What are you talking about?” Ford looked back to her incredulously. “Your powers are more than enough to-”

“I-I just… I can’t be trapped all over again!” she exclaimed, desperate as she flew a bit higher into the air. “I just can’t!”

“W-wait!” Ford exclaimed, realizing her intention just as she started to slip out of his reach. And with her, any chances of him finally getting back to Earth slipping away too. 

Pain and guilt welled up in the blue Gem’s eyes, but it was clear that she’d made her choice as she offered him one final, fleeting farewell. “I-I’m sorry…” she whispered in the last seconds before her wings propelled her upward in a single, powerful flap. And just like that, she had taken to the skies, flying high out of reach of the soldiers’ weapons as she made her escape… and leaving Ford behind in the process. 

That Gem… who I now know to be Lapis Lazuli, did eventually make it back to Earth, much like myself. Yet I hardly hold her hasty actions against her (not that I ever really did to begin with). Her greatest desire was freedom, and based on what Dipper has told me of her lengthy tale of repeated imprisonment and woe, blaming her for what happened next would be just plain coldhearted of me. I thought I had suffered plenty during my thirty years of wandering the multiverse, but compared to everything Lapis has been through, all of my many hardships feel as though they amount to nothing at all. 

In a way, Lapis’ timely flight actually ended up giving me just the opening I needed. Because as the Quartz soldiers were distracted with their futile attempts at apprehending her, I managed to find enough time to continue my own escape attempt. It didn’t take long for the soldiers to give chase as I hurried through Homeworld’s crystalline corridors, firing a blast or two back at them every so often to try and shake them off my trail. Yet for every one of them I managed to hit, it seemed like two more would take their place, all of them intent on taking me back into custody or killing me, whichever came first. Along the way, I tried to locate any sort of ship I could, one that could hopefully get me off of this totalitarian nightmare of a planet altogether. Though much like everything else, those hopes were quickly dashed as soon as I happened to catch the attention of just about the last Gem I ever wanted to see again. 

Ford could feel fatigue starting to weigh upon him as he sprinted through another of Homeworld’s seemingly endless thoroughfares. The planet must have been massive, he assumed, to have their airfields spread out so thin to the point that he hadn’t so much as spotted a single sign of one. The army of Quartz soldiers had been tailing him essentially the entire time, and try as he might to throw them by slipping into an alley or climbing onto a building, he was always discovered again by at least one of them. Yet at the same time, he always managed to evade the rather dull-witted Gems, making for an arduous, if not frustrating chase on both sides. At least until that chase was put to a very abrupt end. 

Ford was all but completely consumed by adrenaline as he ran under a towering bridge that he’d been dragged along not so long ago. He hardly recognized the landmark though, much less the glittering golden structure it led to, even as its lofty doors slid open and one of the matriarchs of Homeworld itself stepped out from them. But as soon as Yellow Diamond so much as heard the noisy chaos erupting hundreds of feet on the ground below her bridge, she wasted no time in intervening. 

The matriarch landed hard, yet solidly just a few feet in front of Ford. The author, as well as all of the Quartz soldiers who had been chasing him, slid to an abrupt stop, all of them equally terrified as Yellow Diamond rose to her full, momentous height. “Now, what in Homeworld is all this fuss-” she stopped short as soon as she caught sight of Ford, unspeakable fury filling her expression as bright sparks of golden electricity began to ripple across her entire form. “You,” she hissed hatefully before turning her ire toward the army of Quartz soldiers behind him instead. “Idiots!” she shouted, lashing out an electrified hand at them. As soon as her incredible power surged through them, their forms were destabilized instantly, leaving only their prone gemstones behind as Yellow Diamond continued her rampage. “Imbeciles! I’ve never seen such incompetence before! How much does it take to keep a measy, weak, insignificant HUMAN restrained?!” 

Ford flinched, watching as the last of the soldiers were temporarily disposed of before Yellow Diamond turned her vengeful sights back on him. “Well, to be perfectly fair,” the author spoke up as nonchalantly as he could manage. “I did warn you I would escape. And I’ve always prided myself on being a man of my word.”

“QUIET!” the matriarch yelled, absolutely outraged by his insolence. “My patience with you has run out, human. Information or no information, I am not going to let you simply run free causing all kinds of chaos and making a mockery out of my court! It’s time for me to do what I should have done from the beginning, and since I’m the only one around here with any intelligence to speak of, it looks like I’ll just have to do it myself…”

Bright electricity sparked around both of Yellow Diamond’s hands as she glared down at him with nothing less than the most hostile, practically murderous intent. Though Ford knew he didn’t really have anything that could be used to protect him from the brutal attack she planned on unleashing upon him, he still boldly stood his ground against her anyway. After all, if there was one thing he refused to do, it was meet his end in fear instead of bravery. 

Yet for as impending as the matriarch's vicious assault seemed, it never reached the author. For just as she fired off her heavy torrent of destructive lightning, the ground directly under Ford’s feet suddenly split open as none other than a dimensional wormhole tore itself into existence below him. The author only had time to let out a startled gasp before he fell into it completely, catching Yellow Diamond off guard as her electric attack missed its mark entirely. 

“W-what?!” she exclaimed, dumbfounded and infuriated as the portal slammed shut just as quickly as it had appeared. “W-where-”

“Don’t worry about ‘ol Sixer, Yellow!” a bright, irritatingly familiar voice echoed out, one that only Yellow Diamond could hear as her immense rage seemed to spike tenfold. “I’ll take care of him from here…”

The suddenness of being sucked out of one dimension and into a new one wasn’t something I was exactly unfamiliar with. And yet, the stark contrast of the orderly yet oppressive Homeworld to the incredible chaos I found myself abruptly hurled into was a shock to say the least. Especially when I realized exactly where this chaos was. 

My return to the Nightmare Realm was something that I had planned in my head for so long that it was difficult to believe it was actually happening. Plus, there are dimensions where everything happens in your head, so it can get confusing. But there was no mistaking the Nightmare Realm for another dimension. The constantly shifting kaleidoscope of color, lack of gravity, and persistent smell of burnt hair were all signs that I was in the right place. And of course, there was also the fact that Bill Cipher’s goons spotted me almost as soon as I arrived. 

Ford barely had time to acclimate himself to being off of Homeworld and out of Yellow Diamond’s reach before he found himself in incredible danger once again. Bill’s rowdy pack of monsters and demons didn’t hesitate to incite a chase against the author, one that was much more harrowing than his flight from the Quartz soldiers only mere moments ago. And yet, despite how unexpected the entire situation was, this was something Ford felt far more ready for than anything he had been through on Homeworld. He had faced these same bizarre creatures 30 years prior, and though he was a good bit older now than he was then, he had the advantage of being much more fit and agile thanks to the trials of the travels he’d experienced during that time. And having at least 10 different death rays at his disposal didn’t hurt either. 

Bereft of any of the blind, panicked terror he felt the last time he’d been lost within the Nightmare Realm, Ford charged his way through the horde of henchmonsters, blasting as many of them as he could aside in short order. After all, he wasn’t here for any of these second-rate cronies; he had only one target in mind and as he heard Bill’s sadistic laughter echoing through the vast twisting space before him, he knew he was closer to annihilating that target than he had ever been. 

“Long time, no see, huh, Sixer?!” Bill called from wherever he was. Between the monsters he had just dispatched, Ford thought he briefly caught a glimpse of his foe’s triangular form afar in the distance. And it was enough of a glimpse for the author to readily give chase instead of wasting his time with the underlings. “Looks like you’ve got a few new fancy toys since the last time you were here! Why don’t we test ‘em out?”

“Gladly…” Ford growled rigidly, the mere sound of the demon’s grating voice alone sparking white hot rage within him. Knowing it was finally time, he pulled his quantum destabilizer forward, gripping it like his life depended on it (which it very much did) as he continued soldiering on ever deeper into the unknown. 

With his henchmen in disarray, I had what would probably be my only chance to attack Bill directly. Cipher sensed that, for once, momentum was not on his side, so he retreated to something called the “Quadrangle of Qonfusion”.

The Quardrangle of Qonfusion was a twisted mess of stairs, halls, and corridors, each of them clashing heavily against each other and all of them having their own strange sort of gravity. None of it made any sort of sense to the author as he emerged into it, caught up on an upside down staircase as he noticed Bill casually gliding through the hallway just below him. “Cipher!” he shouted, taking aim with his destabilizer as Bill gleefully waved at him. 

“Aw, what’s the matter, Fordsy? All twisted up?” the demon chuckled just as he disappeared from sight. 

Ford let out a disappointed huff at this, but even so he kept going as he tried to untangle the unreal architecture of Bill’s massive fortress. And of course, all the while the demon made sure to continue his barrage of callous taunts, occasionally popping into the author’s line of sight, but never long enough for him to land a successful blast or blow. 

“I don’t get why you’re so upset, Sixer,” Bill remarked from somewhere Ford couldn’t quite place as he wandered across a sideways bridge. “After all, I did save you from your dear old Diamond friend that you managed to royally piss off just before she could roast you into a human-scented crisp. After all, I couldn’t just let her have all the fun when it came to finishing you off! I mean, she doesn’t have half the history with you that I do!”

“A history of treachery and deceit, you mean?” Ford accused coldly. 

“You got it! Nothing but precious memories for the past several decades!” the demon quipped with a twisted laugh. “Oh, but speaking of Diamonds… since you aren’t exactly making it out of here alive, I figured I might as well share a fun fact with you,sort of as one last hurrah before it’s all over.”

“Whatever it is, I don’t care to hear it,” the author staunchly rejected. By now, Ford had spotted an opening as Bill had come to take a seat atop one of the Quadrangle’s many askew pillars. The demon’s back was turned to him and the author had the advantage of a well-placed wall to conceal himself behind. All he’d need is just one clean shot straight through the demon’s center with his quantum destabilizer and it would all be over. 

“You sure?” Bill asked, his tone calm and easy. “Not even if it’s a fun fact about… Oh, I dunno, your old pal Quartzy? Something she never bothered to tell you before you wound up here…?”

Briefly, Ford started at this, but then shook his head to clear it of any such morbid curiosity. “There are a great many things Rose never told me about herself or her species,” the author replied honestly as he positioned the quantum destabilizer just right. “I’ve come to accept that and respect her privacy. Something you should learn how to do for a change.”

“Aw, but where’s the fun in that?” the demon countered. “Besides, what I’ve got for ya is a real doozy, something that she’s never told anyone--well, outside of Bird Brain, I guess, but she’s not telling anytime soon. And Quartzy’s definitely not telling anyone anything lately--you know what they say, dead Gems don’t talk!”

“Dead--what?” Ford took pause at this, staring at the demon incredulously. At the same time, he had just lined up the destabilizer’s crosshairs--which he’d specifically designed to be in the shape of a triangle--right up with Bill, who still seemed to be none the wiser. The moment he had worked and struggled for all these years had finally come. It was time. All he had to do was pull the trigger and end this once and for all.

And yet, for whatever reason, he still hesitated all the same. 

“Eh, that part’s not important right now,” Bill said with a dismissive wave of his hand as he finally got to the point. “What is important is that you never even knew that all this time, Quartzy was really-”

Before the demon could get so much as another word out, the entirety of the Nightmare Realm seemed to erupt into violent tremors out of seemingly nowhere. The heavy shaking was enough to completely throw Bill off his perch as well as send Ford falling to the ground, his destabilizer nearly falling out of his grip in the process. The source of the resounding quake soon became clear, however, as the chaos that was natural to the Nightmare Realm only seemed to multiply astronomically when it’s constantly-shifting atmosphere was torn asunder. The sky was overtaken by a wormhole, one that grew ever wider with each passing second as it flooded the entire dimension in its nearly blinding light. 

“W-what is that!?” Ford asked, more to himself than anyone else as he gaped up at the massive wormhole. 

His question was met with a heavy gale of intense, elated laughter from Bill as he came to hover just above the Quadrangle. “That, Sixer, is our ticket outta this dump!” he exclaimed with genuine excitement. “Finally, after all these years of waiting, it’s FINALLY happening! Some nimrod was finally smart enough--or dumb enough depending on who you ask--to get that portal of yours working again! Which means it’s time for your dimension to finally see what fun REALLY means!”

“The portal!” Ford gasped, the full realization of what was happening hitting him hard and fast. “No!”

“C’mon, boys!” Bill called to his horde of hench-monsters as they all rose up to the occasion, every bit as eager as he was to get going. “It’s moving day! We’ve got ourselves a whole planet to conquer, governments to topple, people to kill, the whole nine yards! So let’s get there and get the party started!”

As the hench-monsters exploded into a cacophony of wild cheers and shouts, Ford raced to pick himself up off the ground, sliding his destabilizer back over his shoulder as he slid his protective goggles on. At that moment, nothing else mattered, not even his longstanding vendetta against Bill. Nothing possibly could matter other than rescuing his home from the gruesome fate Bill and his cronies had in store for it. 

There was no time to question why or to curse my luck. Bill was incapacitated with laughter, but I needed to beat the rest of his hench-monsters to the portal, or my home would be invaded by his forces. So I ran along the length of the Quadrangle, and as I approached the edge, I jumped in the air while simultaneously tossing a concussion grenade behind me. The force of the blast was enough to catapult me past the demonic gang and through the portal just as Bill realized what was happening. 

As the passage between the two dimensions collapsed behind me, the last I heard of the Nightmare Realm was Bill’s outraged shout following after me: “STANFORD PINES!” 

And just like that, my one and only chance to put a much-needed end to Bill and his wicked ways disappeared, just like I did through the portal. I reentered the world of my youth to find my closest friends didn’t even remember me, and the one I trusted most among them didn’t even exist anymore at all. And to face a brother I had not seen in 30 years. My frustration was indescribable--once again, my brother’s actions had sabotaged everything I had ever worked toward! 

Ford sighed, disgruntled as he finally pulled his pen away from the journal. Several pages had been filled with his recollections of the multiverse by now, recollections that had just about reached their end. He’d been at it all night, reliving his adventures, both good and bad, as he chronicled them in full. And yet, despite his thoroughness, the story still wasn’t complete. It wouldn’t be until the one who had caused so much of his strife, so much strife for so many, including his friends and his family, was no more. 

Yet, the author couldn’t exactly say that being back in his home dimension after all this time was more of a curse than a blessing. True, things had changed drastically over the course of thirty years--society had shifted, technology had progressed. And on an even more personal level, his house had been turned into a tourist attraction, Stan was just as irresponsible and unreasonable as ever, Fiddleford had been driven to madness (even if he had fortunately been driven back into some sense of sanity), Homeworld still sought to threaten the earth just as much as Bill was (their mysterious, alarming alliance notwithstanding), and most painful of all, Rose was gone. Still, for every point of pain or contention, there were still plenty of silver linings. His friendships with Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and miraculously, even Lapis had been restored, and the bonds he’d formed with his newfound friends and family members, with Peridot and Stan’s two young employees, with Steven and Mabel and Dipper were invaluable. All bonds, all people that he knew were worth protecting. People that he vowed to protect as he wrote one final line in his journal for the night, ending his 30-year tale not on a note of resigned defeat, but of determined hope instead. 

My resolve to defeat Bill has never been stronger.

[ailuronymy]

Book Club: Tallstar’s Revenge, chpt. 1-9 overview.

Thoughts on the new Windclan, courtesy of famed Erin Hunter impersonators: 

“DIRT BOYS!! LET'S MAKE THEM ALL DIRT BOYS!” -- K. 

"I understand we've stressed extensively that ALL Windclan love running and are skinny binches and need to be under the sky or they're sad, BUT half the clan has always been buff as fuck and live like moles :) :) we just didn't mention it before because it wasn't important to Harry's journey :) :) :)” -- S.

For this first share, we’ll keep to the questions posted earlier in the week so that there’s some kind of structure to what we’re doing! Please feel welcome to do the same and @ailuronymy + use the tag #ailuronymy writing challenge. Happy reading and I’m looking forward to seeing your feelings about this book. 

1. First impressions? 

S. better than Bluestar's Prophecy.   K.  Not as bad as BP but also hoo boy, you peel back the onion and it only gets uglier the more you think about it huh K.  Me, reading the book initially: Wow I actually kind of enjoyed this! Me now: I See. I See The Truth.

2. How did you feel reading this section?

S.  mostly the usual amount of exasperation! But it was also fun and I like Tallpaw K.  About the same! Not as bored as BP, and I do like Tallpaw, so that's a blessing in disguise.

3. What chapter did you find most interesting/moving/effective, and why?

S. probably the one where Heatherstar causes a ruckus and acknowledges Tallpaw's best interests. There was genuinely tension and it was refreshing to have a character in authority actually act reasonably towards Tallpaw.  K.  I agree, that one had me really excited to read.

4. What chapter did you find least interesting/effective/most frustrating, and why?

S.  I honestly struggled with chapter eight. If I have to read too much action being described, I black out. I just find it so boring. That's not actually a criticism at Erin Hunter. I just have a short attention span for people Doing Things that aren't talking, sword-fights, having big emotions, sex, or any combination. And even then, the sword-fights and/or sex still have to keep to a reasonable word limit or I wander away. I'm the worst. I'm literally like a child who only wants to eat sweets, but in written form.  S. I forgot basically all of chapter eight for the above reason of being terrible, so that's on me.

K. I have nothing written at all about Chapter 7. I liked seeing the apprentice training being like, at least marginally different than Thunderclan's but also It Sucked Bad Chapter Moving On.

5. Is there a passage that stuck in your mind–for good, or not-so-good reasons? What is it, and why did it stand out? Try breaking it down and analysing what this passage does and how.

S. I actually had a nice time reading about Plumclaw and Tallkit interacting. She was talking him through having his first mouse, I think, and it was genuinely sweet and moving in a way that Erin Hunter's writing almost never is. There was a legit connection and for a moment, I actually believed in these characters as people who lived together and actually have relationships and care. That’s really what I’m about, so it was a pleasant surprise to find in this book. 

K. I have two brief passages for different reasons:  “He’s my son,” Sandgorse snarled. “I’ll decide his future.” Heatherstar  stiffened.  “I decide  the  future  of my warriors.” LOVE Heatherstar showing the fuck up. Absolute legend. K. “Tallkit heard worry in her mew. “Is that why we tunnel under the moor?” he asked. “To hide from the dead warriors in other Clans?” — First tunnelling mention! The idea of Windclan taking shelter from/expertly evading the ghosts of their enemies because of their speed is honestly pretty fun, but I don’t trust the Erins with it one bit. K. This kind of legend is something I think I'd much prefer in like, a Watership Down style myth or story? K. But not if Erin's touching it. S. I was like, "oh this is the sickest thing you've ever--no no no no no" K. (oh, and just for fun, one of my other fave quotes was Dawnstripe saying "We guard the edge of the world." That felt cool.)

6. What themes did you notice in these chapters? What motifs or repeated symbolism/description appeared to you?

K.  Love is a big one, obvs. K.  Also, lots of stories and storytelling? Which feels just like Erin slapping more bullshit in here but like, that feels kinda relevant.

S. I struggled to find cohesive themes in this chunk, except I think division? The division between the tunnellers and moor runners, between Tallpaw and his mum, between Heatherstar and her clan. That's really what popped for me.

K.  Oh, and like... expectations. The clan's expectations of Heatherstar, Sandgorse's of Tallpaw, Tallpaw's expectations for himself.

7. How do you feel about the characters, their motivation, their choices?

K.  They're like. Not the worst? Lots of them fucking suck, as usual. But I'm at least very happy that I actually want to see Tallpaw succeed and grow. Also Heatherstar and Dawnstripe and Barkpaw are great.

S. I like Tallpaw! That's a lot of projection on my part, but I've found him a lot less grating than Bluepaw (who I also wanted to love). S. One of my first major aggravations in the early chapters is Shrewpaw. He's unbearable, and what makes him so is the one-note bullying. It's the equivalent of reading someone go, "I'm not touching you," in an annoying voice for nine chapters, which I feel is another example of Erin Hunter's habit of repetition.  There was less of that in this book than BP, but I still counted a few instances of cats having the same conversation a few times. S. The other cat I can't stand is Sandgorse. My god. That moment when he tells his literal infant son to go cheer up his depressed mother made me just about scream. S. “Go cheer up your mother, child” GO CHEER UP YOUR WIFE, HUSBAND

K.  This is where it's gonna get interesting, because I think my fucking senses were dulled by how much Erin fucked up dads last time, because I didn't hate him off the hop!

S. To me, he smacks of a lowkey toxic masculinity. And the kind of emotional manipulation he does makes me [narrow eyes]. S. (I didn't take very good notes about this bit, because I forgot. I only have "Sandgorse is such a loser" but I trust past me's judgement).

K.  I strongly do think that my impression of Sandgorse is different if only because I think I was so tired at seeing all the non-existent dads in Bluestar's Prophecy that the fact that he actually has conversations with his son and wife for more than like, a sentence, made me go "Oh thank god" And maybe this too is a bit of a projection, but I sort of initially saw him as like... that well-meaning dad who tries to be nice but still manages to fuck up and not actually listen to what people need at all. Like, the classic stupid dad in a bad TV movie who has A Dream for his kid. Where he doesn't mean to be an asshole, he just thinks he's right and that his kid agrees with him because Why Wouldn't He. So I think I took a lot of his dialogue and actions to be a bit more well-meaning-but-still-not-great rather than fully toxic. Obviously it doesn't end well for anyone, but I guess I've just seen too many father figures go around with nice intentions who have absolutely Zero ability at reading a room let alone their kids

S. I think for me, that is the problem. And I think I am less forgiving towards it.

K. Stormtail [Bluestar’s father, Bluestar’s Prophecy] feels like more of the asshole dad, to me, but like. They're both different brands of Not Good.

S. Stormtail is super just a complete prick, no doubt. I think Sandgorse is more engaged with his kid, for sure. But I think it's a very hollow engagement, because he denies everything about Tallpaw's actual personality and desires and just sees him as an extension of himself to control. Which is sort of parental abuse 101.

K. Oh, and while we're discussing them: Palebird huh. Again, Erins, can't write a woman, but like. I don't know, I think that like... she felt like a neat character for the first chapter and now they're doing their Bad Things with her by making her boring and Just Sad and kind of useless in the background for them to mess with and probably kill off later. Like, she doesn't have a whole lot of personality, but she could. S. I think I'd like all the characters more if I spent less time with them. Like, I think for me, the pace is too slow, the dialogue is too long, and because of that, I get bored and annoyed with the characters. Whereas I think if it was only a couple of chapters, forcing the dialogue to be more punchy and illuminating of their character, and less mired in sadness (Palebird) or digging stupid holes (Sandgorse) or bullying (Shrewpaw), I'd have a lot more fun. But as it stands, Palebird starts talking and I start zoning out because they've really done her so dirty in this.

8. If you could ask any character in this section a question, what question would you ask them?

K. Heatherstar: How does it feel to be the baddest bitch in the room at any given moment K. Palebird: Why the FUCK are you with this bastard K. Sandgorse: WHY are you LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME

S. Barkpaw: what is it about learning medicine that you love? Or.... Barkpaw: how did you decide to give up your future with others, for a future in medicine? What was that decision like?

K.  A more serious question from me, hehe: Tallpaw - If no one was watching, what would make you happiest to do or say? K.  Shrewpaw: What about yourself do you feel most inadequate about? What part of that drives you to act towards others like you do?

S. Shrewpaw: what's your fucking damage, buddy?

9. In your opinion, what is “world-building” and how important is it to you as a reader (or writer)? How do you feel about the world-building of these chapters so far? If you could, would you change anything, and what would you change?

S. Oh, I hate it. S.  What's hilarious is that for maybe the first time ever Erin Hunter is putting effort in. You can see how hard they're working to make tunnelling sound "cool" or relevant, how they're describing all these tunnel-related skills and techniques the way they do with fighting or whatever. S. And the irony is it's such a wasted effort because personally? Could not care less. This world-building enraptures me none amount and I spend the whole time scoffing like, sure Jan. 

K. One of my notes off the hop is: "I know that Erin’s trying to like… make Windclan look unique by adding these new positions, but just labelling some warriors as “moor runners” doesn’t cut it. Their job is: “hunting and patrolling the borders”. That’s just? An average warrior thing to do? It’s not special, and naming it something fancy doesn’t make me feel like you’re actually adding anything to Windclan’s mythology here." Which is really just tunnel adjacent, but it's still relevant.

K.  Other choice tunneling notes:  "...Listen, I get it, inter-clan conflict is wonderful. But WHY do the moor runners and tunnellers hate each other? If the tunnels are so important to Windclan’s way of life, SURELY the above-ground warriors would feel respect for them? And if Windclan holds such value in their tunnels (Palebird literally just said that the tunnels mean they’re “stronger and cleverer” than the other clans), then WHY would Windclan cats hate them for it?? To have this weird seemingly generational distrust between the two castes is just. Fucking bananas." k. "Hey Erin: Why introduce the tunnellers at all if you keep putting them down and saying how much worse it would be to be one. What’s the point."

S. “I'm still not over the fact they're [Erin Hunter] like... "what can we do to make Windclan, the clan who famous won't even build nests because they like to live under the stars, special and different from the rest... oh I fucking know."

K. "Why is no one in charge in this clan that’s been a tunneller?? Heatherstar and Reedfeather just… fully don’t understand tunnelling and tunnellers needs?? If I were making this system, I’d have it be mandatory that the leader and deputy have to be one from either caste." S. Why not just ban it already. S. I mean, the book tries so hard to convince us tunnelling is useful. I believe none of it.

K. ALSO why don't the tunnelers b a t h e K. "They're permanently soiled with dirt and soot" DO THEY BATHE??? DO THEY?? WHY DO YOU HATE THIS NEW CASTE THAT YOU SEEM TO LOVE? K. Erin Hunter: look at my cool new worldbuilding set! I'm going to shit on it for an entire book

K.  Like. I'm having a hard time pinpointing what I would do better, but like...  I think I want it to feel 1) more cohesive and believable. 2) It needs to be useful and cement this clan as a group of living, working people. It has to make some kind of sense (to an extent) but also have a purpose! 3) sometimes worldbuilding doesn't need to be "uhh they need more jobs" sometimes it can be "we have this myth about running faster than the ghosts of our enemies" and that's just as successful if you do it right. Like, Erin thought you needed to entirely overhaul Windclan and make them Different to make them better. Instead of working with what's already there!

S. I personally feel it doesn't take much to make the clans really different from each other, and it's more the subtle things that make huge differences, not--like you said--more jobs or anything.  Really don't want to blow my own horn, but like, to use the chapter I just wrote as an example: just by making elders vote to make major decisions alters the clan significantly. That's just one thing, that's putting different emphasis and a new swing on a preexisting facet of every clan.  But immediately you get the effect and it has run-on effects too, which is what good world-building should do. It should be hard to remove any one piece without the whole castle crashing down. And this book is basically about how removing one “major” piece (tunnelling) effectively didn’t change anything, really.  K.  It just doesn't feel right to me! It's too big a change to feel natural, let alone how fucking bad it is.

K. And like, honestly, the Erins even did okay with just highlighting the territory and environmental differences! I've read all the different fucking ways they can write a forest after 30 books and they really have written them all. Even just making THAT a focal point helped to make this book feel somewhat distinct and fresh! 

S. One of my long-standing gripes with Erin Hunter is that their environments are boring and basic and they need way more close detail on plants and whatnot but that is a personal preference, and not actually a flaw. Although admittedly, if you do spend time making an environment interesting, it turns out that becomes a reason to read and a pleasure, instead of something you have to trudge through to get to the Actually Good Bits. But that's not what they're about and I can acknowledge that, if not respect it. 

Extra notes:

S. [Sandgorse’s] basically the dad equivalent of a pageant mum? K. Yeah! K. Sports Dads are just Pageant Mom Regional Variants. S. Oh my god. 

K. The story isn't about [Palebird] and at this point it just feels kind of sad to have her onscreen. S. Yeah, I get the feeling she exists to make Tallstar feels unloved, basically. K. Which sucks! S. "Your mum likes your dead sibling more" is uhh a brutal way to tell a story, Erin.

K. For one: Barkpaw is... the best cat S. YES S. My boy.  K. The Erins only know three medicine cats: Softe, Don't Fucking Touch Me, or The Only Reasonable Gay

K.  1) “Tallpaw swallowed a purr. “No racing, I promise. No having fun whatsoever on the dawn patrol.” I Love Him. 2) Dawnstripe seems nice and I think she and Stonepelt need to be friends. 3) I loved Tallpaw's little chase sequence and how clever he is :>

S. I just can't get over how much it breaks my suspension of disbelief to imagine cats digging. S. Of all things.  S. I can tolerate the bullshit fighting better than I can believe cats digging with any efficiency whatsoever. K. They remind me of the Meerkats from Lion King 1/2. K. And I. K. Despise. K. That film. S. Windclan: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U76zyUFg3Xo K. PLEASE END MY SUFFERING

K. I think what pisses me off about [Shrewpaw] the most, sidebar, is that he's like this from the start. Who is teaching him this??? Who is raising this little monster boy???? Who in Windclan is just? rearing xenophobes???? S. Like, he's newly born and walking around being a little fascist. S. And no-one is doing anything about it! All the adults are like, "huh, yeah, kids, am I right?" K. He isn't even as cool as Thistleclaw! He's just a little mean weasel boy! S. Sandgorse is literally like, "yeah that little weak moor runner punk child, what a coward, scared of getting sand in his eyes." Like, that's not the right response At All. K. EVERYONE IS SO RACIST ALL THE TIME SEND TWEET S. And none of the moor runners are being like, "hey stop calling him wormcat, his name is Tallpaw and he's your clanmate." S. Additional sidebar: Shrewpaw calling Tallpaw "wormcat" is my favourite thing in the book. S. It's like if I walked up to a nerd I didn't like and was just like, "lol wormboy." S. Devastating. K. RIGHT S. It's so funny. I was literally there like, "okay this is bad behaviour, Shrewpaw, that's not the right way to act, but also? fucking hilarious." K. It was funny at the start and now that it's his Thing it's even more funny. Like you can't think of anything better to say that you keep invoking the "Wouldn't you like to know, weather boy?" goof at all hours. S. It kind of reminded me of the time I was teaching and I had to put a ban on the word "Elmo" because the kids kept basically making it a slur on each other, but it was also the funniest thing and it was SO HARD not to fucking lose it. S. Me, being a good teacher: "All right, that's enough, no-one is allowed to call anyone else 'Elmo' anymore." S. Me on the inside: [dying]

[izzy-b-hands]

Quarantine Tag Game

Tagged by @dabitchisback thank you!! I needed something to get me through this very slow morning of work!

Under a cut because y’all know I’m a wordy motherfucker lol.

Are you staying at home from school/work? 

Yes I am! I actually requested to be moved to work from home in part due to the COVID-19 stuff and due to some coworkers behaving like high schoolers and flat out bullying me (and I had had enough of that shit once it started making it hard to do my job lmao.) 

So just as they were setting it up for me, the clinic suddenly started realizing how serious this was and all of a sudden, they could find all the money for all the work from home equipment for a bunch of us in the non-direct patient contact side of things (funny, considering I’d begged to work from home over a year ago due to how bad my anxiety was getting with coworkers and patients when I was still in the direct patient contact part of it all, even offered to pay for the equipment, and was told it would always be too expensive and never be in the cards, even after my therapist recommended it for the sake of my mental health and blood pressure. Funny. that. Real funny.) 

If you’re staying home, who’s there with you?

Mostly my cat, Nisha. My mum works at the same clinic, but is front desk, so they’re rotating who goes in to the clinic and then who gets days off “to keep the financial health of the clinic” aka begging anyone who stays home for a day off (or in my sector who takes a day off due to reduced call volume) to take that time unpaid and not use PTO or EST...but we both have that time to use, so it is Being Used or we won’t be able to keep the lights on or the condo lmao. However, she does have assigned days off coming up, so on the weekend and those days off, my mum is here too. 

Are you a homebody?

Ohmygod yeah. The older I get, the more I dislike going out in general like. I work a full time job, I barely have time for chores or relaxation after, even now being work from home because scared patients asking you questions you can’t answer or don’t have an answer to (because no one has answers right now) just...idk how to explain it. But it gets weirdly exhausting, even though it sounds like it shouldn’t, and by the end of my 8 hours I just wanna lie on the floor and nap usually. So going out has never been my thing too much, because then my writing/chores/nap time gets neglected lol. I don’t mind the occasional appetizers and drinks night with mum and her friend, back when we could go out, but tbh it’s just nicer still to drink at home. Even on vacation, I go out more than usual, but also if there’s a night we can drink in the hotel with the mini bar, and just enjoy being somewhere other than home...I will take that night in a heartbeat. 

My anxiety also doesn’t love going out, but I’ve been working and getting better at dealing with that. Of course, current times might mean a bit of a setback, but I’m going to work really hard for it not to be too bad. I haven’t been in six years of therapy for nothing lol.

An event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

Um...does my root canal count? And I wasn’t really looking forward to it per se, I just am afraid of the tooth getting worse and starting to have worse pain. 

Other than that, it hasn’t been cancelled yet because we’re playing it all by ear (but I admit I’m afraid it probably won’t happen due to the virus stuff, even if it’s over by the time this thing was supposed to happen), but I have a trip to New York City planned with a good friend in August. Even if things have calmed down, I know New York has gotten hit extremely hard, and if they’re still fighting with the aftereffects of it all...might not be fully open for business by August so to speak. And besides, with everything as it is right now, and the talk of a vaccine being at minimum over a year away, with periods of possible social distancing needed even if this calms down but possibly goes through flare ups until a vaccine is ready...travel might not be back to normal for awhile, I can’t say more than anyone else on that I suppose. I’d really like it to be, by August, I admit that as selfish as it is. I was just really looking forward to it, kind of living for it even, and now...yeah. 

But, better to be at home and healthy in the end, travel insurance exists for a reason, and trips can always be rescheduled. 

What movies have you watched recently?

Haunt (Mum and I never got to see it when it was in theaters), Queen Rock Montreal (my go to oh no I’m sad movie), Tammy (a fave of mum’s, and we both just like Melissa McCarthy in general), and Jojo Rabbit. I’ve got a bunch I bought and rented just last night too (maybe not a smart financial decision, but I’ll deal with that when I have to lmao), since it feels smart of have a backlog of stuff to watch right now.

What shows are you watching?

Mostly rewatching the IT Crowd, the Office, Travel Man, and other tried and true faves. It helps mum to relax since she loves all those too (including any episodes of 8 out of 9 Cats Does Countdown I can find, I finally got her hooked on that!) Basically if it has a chance of Richard Ayoade or enough episodes to keep us going for a bit, then it’s on the list to watch.

What music are you listening to?

So many. No, but legit, I’ve been all over on Spotify as of late, especially searching for music to help the fic writing. A lot of Queen, Elton, Clams Casino, The Weeknd, Kendrick Lamar, David Byrne, Childish Gambino, St. Vincent, and Moses Sumney especially.

What are you reading?

Fanfic, trusted news sources like AP, Reuters, updates from WHO, wanting to reread Mercury and Me and Elton John’s Me, and really need to get back into reading And The Band Played on by Randy Shilts (started it right as shit started to get wild, so it got put to the side, but I want to finish it asap.) 

What are you doing for self-care?

Trying to enjoy that this is also the trial time to see if I want to make work from permanent (work is making me make it a trial, I’ve wanted to work from home for years so...yes is the answer to that lol) and what I can do now that I’m home, like work more on my writing and music. Not to mention, eating foods that normally upset my stomach/I have sensitivities to like meat and dairy (I might be developing straight up allergies to them, but we all know I can’t afford to see an allergist lmao) but that since I’m safe at home where I be sick and still work...I can indulge. I can also play music more and movies so long as I pause them if I get a phone call during work hours, so overall I’ve been a lot more relaxed and my BP is down during work as a result, which is something I’ve never really felt before in my life, and I’m rather enjoying. 

Aside from that, video games have also made a resurgence in my life, especially Saints Row, and that’s been fun as well. 

All of this in between taking care of Mum of course, who worries and panics, and tends to believe everything she hears and reads and watches without thinking critically or carefully, so...that’s been a thing. 

Actual therapy appointments would be my best self care of course, but the last few have been cancelled due to everything going on. This week, however, my appointment is supposed to be done via telecommute and I should finally get to catch up with my doctor, which I admit I need pretty desperately right now. It’s getting hard feeling like I’m on my own, helping soothe others but struggling to soothe myself most of the time. But, c’est la vie, right?

Tagging (if y’all feel up to it and wanna!): @skylinepigeon, @freebooter4ever, @bearkare, @rathernotmyname, @galaxy-starheart, and @youdontrememberthesomme

[fortheheavenssake]

Nanny Anon 2

Nanny Anon 2

Sept. 17

———————

Sept. 18

NANNY ANON, well’ I’ve packed and ready to go ,himself came to say goodbye and thank me for being in the wee-ones early development, It was quite touching. The mistress had the maid drop off a card reference last night and left this morning without a word. ( no surprise there). M and her mistress are looking forward to next week when I move in to the P. And I can’t wait to start a new chapter with a loving family. It sounds wonderful and never again will I have to utter the words ‘ all too…………”

———————-

Sept. 22

NANNY ANON, hello darlings ‘ I’m having a wonderful day with little C&L , M is taking G to see Star Wars so I have the the wee-one and little C. This afternoon we’re going to bake fairy cakes , although little C wants to make Unicorn cookies and take them to school tomorrow … it’s a privilege to be in a loving home with such a wonderful mistress and adorable children, last night I cried with joy. And M and I have such a history of professional duty together. What a joy for a white Lady TTFN 😌😌

———————-

Oct. 3

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, we have been Sooooo busy with the little ones while the mistress and W have been engaged on royal duties. The mistress is such an understanding and compassionate woman she insists on the nannies as being part of the family and treats M and I the same. We have such fun with the little ones , there’s a tree house in the gardens which C seems to have turned into a Unicorn palace with daily visits from her school chums ‘ it’s a hoot ‘life is good for a white Lady TTFN.

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Oct. 5

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, both M and I are getting a program together while the mistress and W are away, we both want to take them on a scavenger hunt at high grove with C&C. Unicorns will probably be involved and G is into Star Wars. So it’s going to be a full itinerary. Little C is platting her hair at the moment and loves the tree house playing with her school chums. It’s a wonderful life for a white Lady. TTFN.

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Oct. 6

NANNY ANON, Hello Darlings, Little G came back from the match with a football signed by the team , and C had a book explaining the women’s World Cup. G is now officially a fully fledged supporter, such a fun day, the children are so exited I can see bed time will be fun. M and I are getting ready for an outing with the little ones as soon as the mistress and W depart for the tour. There off to the in-laws today so M and I are go into F&M for tea …… TTFN.

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Oct. 15

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, M and I have just returned with G&C from Thorpe Park ‘ I’m exhausted!! We went on all the rides, Little C wanted to have another ride on the Big Dipper ‘ o dear I nearly lost my breakfast ……… they had toffee apples and candy floss and G had to have tree rides on the water Shute ‘ I came over all emotional remembering Diana doing the same ride with W&H. O DEAR ‘ all too much for a white Lady 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢 TTFN 😢😢😢😢

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Oct. 19

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, The mistress and himself returned to a rapturous welcome from the children ‘ lizards ,Unicorn costumes and hugs lasted for over an hour , it was a joy, I think the first stop was BP so we waited a while but it was an exiting evening. This weekend M&I have the time to ourselves as the whole family are going to the country. We shall have a spa weekend in Bath and indulge in a lot of R&R. All To much for a white Lady. TTFN

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October 20

NANNY ANON, hello darlings,” O joy and jolly japes”Tonight we all trip over to the in-laws to watch the“ Docudramarama” the mistress has asked her sister to come and himself is off to pick up C&C ! M and myself are busy making savoury and sweet popcorn 🍿 boss baby is having fun strapped in the Bouncer and G&C are playing 🦎and🦄 , it’s a joy to be part of a loving family ‘can’t wait for the fun to begin. God bless the future monarchy. TTFN.

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Oct 27

NANNY ANON … hello darlings, still about ,things are hotting up for Halloween 🤡👹👻 the children are expected to wear their creepy costumes and my darling mistress is taking them and other little ones around the the village with the parents. M and I are going as the Markle Sisters 👯‍♀️ So don’t expect to return without egg 🍳 on my face 🤣🤣🤣all too much for a white Lady TTFN

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Oct 28

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, WELL, WELL, WELL, I’m flabbergasted absolutely stunned darlings, I’ve just received an invitation from my previous mistress and himself to a private meeting in SH London for the opportunity of returning to her employ. Apparently the wee one is missing his nanny!!! and this is causing a lot of headaches for the mistress as she wants to be able to leave the wee one with a nanny she knows will be a bonding influence. I’ll keep you all updated as to my decision darling.

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Oct 29

NANNY ANON, hello darlings ‘ salutations to all who grace the blog of our beloved Skippy. 🐼. WELL , I’ve made the decision I was debating on yesterday. I’ve decided to remain at KP in the employment of the present mistress ( god bless her and himself) because I ‘ much like M have fallen in love with little 🦄🦎And 👶. It’s a constant privileged challenge to be part of this family, The Sunday night gatherings looking at the social media laughing at the ageing train wreck. Love to all. TTFN. 🤣🤣

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Nov. 1

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, Little C is refusing to change out of her Halloween costume 🦄, and we’re all going down to Sainsbury’s to buy some giant marshmallows to roast for the rugby match. When C digs her little feet in there’s no movement. The mistress is having quite a debate with the little one trying to see reason. In the end the RPO got her to change by promising her he’d find a police helmet as a substitute. All too much for a white Lady. TTFN

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Nov 4

NANNY ANON, hello darlings ‘ O joy!! Today M&myself take little C and G (with their poppies) to RP zoo with RPO. ( one of the zoo keepers are going to fix a Unicorn to a zebra 🦄for little C.) and G will gain access to the reptile house to look at all the 🦎🦎 “ what larks pip old chap” the mistress is having some down time back at KP with little L. Afterwards we’re all of to Harrods for 🍨🍦. So much joy for a white Lady. TTFN.

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Nov 9

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Nov 11

NANNY ANON , hello darlings, my day off with M. We are exhausted darlings, absolutely knackered. Little C had a sleepover with four friends (fiendish demons) , OMG it was the sleepover from hell , first’ we put them all in the nursery, made up beds and lots of 🦄🧸🛴🏓🍪🍿🧁🍕👧👧👧👧stuff to play with and favourite eats. Only problem they didn’t want to sleep, himself had a few words to Little C at one in the morning because of the screams. All too much for a white Lady. TTFN. Bless.

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Nov 18 (Royal Variety)

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, tonight M and I had too draw lots as to who went to the RVP. I lost , so I’m looking after the little ones. The mistress spent the afternoon getting ready as the dresser fitted the last tucks to the bodice. My goodness she looked magnificent when she walked down the stairs all the little ones cheered and clapped. Tonight it’s a treat, we’ve ordered 🍕 PIZZA and knickerbocker glory’s such a joy. All too much for a white Lady. TTFN.

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Nov 19

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, a wonderful evening was had by all at the the RVP. The mistress and himself stunned all who met them with there relaxed countenance, early that evening the little ones started to write a present list to Santa. Little C was the most vocal inquiring how Santa arrives on his sled and parks his reindeer on the roof of KP and shimmy’s down the chimney ( she’s now asking to sleep near the fireplace to meet Santa ???? ) all too much for a white Lady,TTFN. 🎄🎄🎄🎅🎅🎅

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Nov 21

NANNY ANON, M and I went to see “ The sound of music “ tonight, we both love the film. We spent the day with the little ones and C had somehow got hold of one of the mistresses cameras 📸 and was ( would you believe it) taking photos of M G boss baby and me. I asked her to give me the camera as it was mummies and all I got was , NO !! later I saw the snaps she took and was surprised. I returned the camera to the mistress who looked amused. Little C been watching mummy. TTFN. 📸📸📸

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Nov 22

NANNY ANON, haddow darlig 😷🤧🤧 I dink I got vlue, my node I’d all blogged up , god a rodden hed and snoddy node. The lidda wonds is so fuddy, lidda C broughd be up bregvast od a tray. Bledd, da midredd called he dogta ad he gave be sum pawasetamol , M Id doig grate. Ib dink I’ll ged sub shudii , ord doo buch for a wide Lady, DDFN.

Ohhhh flu has hit KP! Hope you have a quick recovery 😔❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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Nov 23

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, still a bid bunggd up, but I’m sure I’ll be ok within the week, M and I are looking after little G and boss baby today,the mistress has gone to a shopping mall outside London with little C for Christmas shopping. Things are hotting up for the holidays and this weekend they bring the Christmas 🎄. Then we can have real fun dressing it. Back to wee boss baby 👶. TTFN.

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Dec 3

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, M&I very exited,tonight is the school nativity play and the mistress and himself has invited us. G is a wise king and little C is an “angel on high” …… M wickedly suggested boss baby could be baby Jesus 😱😱, But I don’t think the school is ready just yet. Little C has to say “and behold ‘ the three wise Kings” can’t wait, it’s going to be a hoot!! We all helped to make the costumes , G wore his this evening and looked very regal ( prophetic), and little C with wings.

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Dec 7

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, is the mistress pregnant ‘ all I can say is little Lottie wants a pony for Christmas and himself has quite rightly affirmed that she’s much to young. I think in a couple of years great auntie Anne would be the first to help her into the saddle. We’re all looking forward to the forthcoming banquet ( I wonder if the mistress will wear the emeralds)’ enough gossip, all too much for a white Lady, TTFN.

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Dec 8

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, Lottie has just returned from a visit to the “stables” at the royal mews. (Enough said) , himself has retired to the lounge after breakfast 🥞, pancakes and crispy bacon 🥓 with maple syrup to laugh at the Sunday tabloids. The mistress is having a “late morning” so M and myself are busy with boss and George who is finishing his homework 📚. Another Sunday joy. TTFN.

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Dec 10

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, it’s manic at KP , in a good way !! the mistress is becoming enthusiastically involved in her tennis lessons, ( several professional players lining up to coach her) my lips are sealed, Little Lottie is on a mission … it’s a day long mantra from the darling girl , anyone who she thinks will have sway with W&K is propositioned about the “pony”. I think some of her older school chums ride out. I bet Gan Gan soon enters the equation. All too much for a white Lady. TTFN.

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Dec 11

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, busy this morning ,decision to choose what C&G will wear for the Christmas walk to the service , winter coats and warm socks are the key. It’s going to be a joy seeing them for the first time at the Sandringham service with W&K. M and I are going home for Christmas M has invited me to Spain with her family, wonderful and the food darlings, I’m in for a real treat. Little Lottie will certainly have a pony ride for Christmas I’m sure, Such joy!! TTFN.

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Dec 13

NANNY ANON, hello darlings , we have cancelled our holiday In Spain 🇪🇸, duty calls darlings, we had a chat with the mistress and himself last night and decided we’re going to accompany the family for Christmas, it’s our love for the children and to help the mistress, a joy really. Also the BP PR are briefing the DOD of C about forthcoming commitments. On a lighter note, tonight’s Blog night 😂😂😂 skippy,pg,and troll the colonial Banshee. All too much for a white Lady. TTFN.

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Dec 16

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, Little Charlotte is Bewildered as to why there are no unicorn pony’s. The answer Zara gave was Unicorns are different , pony’s are special, clever Zara!! Lottie is full of questions, ( that age) it’s a daily challenge of wits. Last night was blog night, such fun ,all the usual suspects, where is @printskylie ? Never miss pg and her interpretations, so clever , the mistress loves skippy and Hunnymae , duty calls!, all too much for a white Lady, TTFN.

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Dec 16

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, O’thank you all so for your messages, the unicorn presents 🎁 look fab. I’ll pass on your message, but I’m sure the the mistress has all information directed to her MPC. ( amazing device). W&K are both very high Tech. My life is full of love and joy, I’ve got Lottie a picture edition of “ The night before Christmas”

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Dec 17

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, the children all sat watching TV, and watching mummy and daddy make cup cakes and roulades. EPIC . The kitchen is now centre of the universe, Lottie and George M and I making cup cakes and roly poly Christmas chocolate logs. Lots of mess and icing sugar. 👦🏼👧👶🧁🍰🍪🎂🍩 it’s boss baby, “ Mary Mary” Christmas 🎄 we are blessed, TTFN

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Dec 18

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, himself is taking C&G ice skating this afternoon, I think this is another diversion from pony’s. It’s a dismal afternoon,raining in London so I think the little ones will enjoy the outing , the mistress is off to play a few sets of tennis with her coach. M and I are going to check online for some new clothes for boss baby, he seems to grow by the day!! This is a busy time leading up to a family Christmas, I think it’s Sandringham this year but arrangements are 

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Dec 29

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, such a busy Christmas, the little ones were so exited with presents and gifts from the public. The mistress had a clearinghouse Of presents 🎁. A large amount of them go to local hospitals. Believe me they are talking thousands!! There’s a pink Flamingo in Little Lotties bedroom though.M and I are going to have a wee holiday over the new year, it’s been a wonderful Christmas. All too much for a white Lady,TTFN. ( sorry for no posts) been V. busy with the little ones.

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Dec 31

NANNY ANON, hello darlings, M&I and a bottle of celebrity plonk, our night off so it’s on with a movie,feet up and relax. All the i are crossed and the Ts are dotted , o dear the drink 🥤 has taken effect ………… we both wish shoo a happy new year and prosperoush , prosperoust, positives, O you get it , we never normally celibate like this , o dear, all too much for a white Lady ,TTFN. 🍹🍷🍾🍸🥂……………☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️

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