#i had no idea winter (was that her name?) was black、i imagined her as albums with long beachwavy hair

[unityrain24]

incorrect this is who should play prince kai

Guys. Look at these fancasts I found on pinterest. Phoebe Tonkin, Lily Collins, JENNIFER LAWERENCE AS CINDER??? Also Mackenzie Foy as Peony and Jessica Alba as Winter?

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[piratewithvigor]

My first thought in regard to every band that gets played on my radio station

ACDC: Every dad’s favourite band

Adams, Bryan: Every mom’s favourite singer until Michael Buble came along

Aerosmith: haha they thought Vince Neil was a lady

Alice Cooper: he’s a Game Of Thrones fanboy and I have proof

Alice In Chains: my sister doesn’t like them because she decided AC were Alice Cooper’s initials ONLY

Allman Brothers Band: good music for dropping acid to

Allman, Gregg: That’s too many Gs for one name

Animals: House Of The Rising Sun, or who even cares

Argent: Sometimes Hold Your Head Up is really catchy

Asia: Tuesdays

Autograph: one of the members went on to be a pharmacist

Bachman-Turner Overdrive: There are just so many pop culture jokes about Taking Care Of Business that whatever I say won’t be as funny

Bad Company: with their song; Bad Company, off their album; Bad Company

Benatar, Pat: Always getting her confused with Patti Smith

Black Crowes: I like them for Lickin, but it doesn’t seem to exist outside of one shoddy video on youtube and my old CD

Blackfoot: this band name feels kind of racy

Black Sabbath: Dio was not better or worse than Ozzy; just different

Blondie: I like Call Me, but Blondie confuses me stylistically

Blue Oyster Cult: MORE COWBELL

Bon Jovi: Hello, childhood trauma, I missed you

Boston: ONE GUY. ONE GUY DID IT ALL AND NO ONE KNOWS

Bowie, David: Don’t let your children watch The Man Who Fell To Earth, or David Bowie’s will end up being the third penis they see in life

Browne, Jackson: Another musician ruined by Supernatural

Buffalo Springfield: Jack Nicholson was at the riot they sing about

Burdon, Eric: no ideas, brain empty

Bush: ditto

Candlebox: ditto once more. Who are these people?

Cars: This band feels so gay and so straight at the same time, I can only assume they’re the poster children of bisexual panic

Cheap Trick: I played Dream Police on Guitar Hero so fucking much because it was the only song anyone who played with me could keep up with

Chicago: Chicago 30 exists, but they do not have 30 albums. Fucking riddle me that

Clapton, Eric: 6 discs in one Greatest Hits is too many. That’s called “re releasing your discography”

Cochrane, Tom: For some reason, everyone thinks Rascal Flats did it better

Cocker, Joe: Belushi did it right

Collective Soul: who?

Collins, Phil: If his biggest hits were done by MCR, they would be emo anthems, but because he’s 5′6″ and from the 80s, they’re not

Cream: *Vietnam flashbacks on the hippie side*

CCR: *Vietnam flashbacks on the war side*

CSNY: David Crosby; meh

Deep Purple: THEY’RE SO MUCH MORE THAN SMOKE ON THE WATER

Def Leppard: the only music for when you’re a heartbroken bitch but also a sexy one

Derek And The Dominos: Clapton and ‘Layla’ broke up

Derringer, Rick: Tom Petty if he was from the midwest

Dio: You thought it was an anime reference, but it was me, Dio

Dire Straits: You can tell how bigoted a radio station is based on how much of Money For Nothing they censor

Doobie Brothers: I have yet to smoke weed, but I listen to the Doobies, and I think that’s pretty close

Dylan, Bob: I take back everything I said about him in my youth

Eagles: Hotel California isn’t their best song, but the memes that come from it are second to none

Edgar Winter Group: @the--blackdahlia

Electric Light Orchestra: Actually an orchestra and sound a fuckton like George Harrison

ELO: I really hesitate to ask what happens with the 7 virgins and a mule

Essex, David: no prominent memories of him

Fabulous Thunderbirds: cannot spell

Faces: Who on earth thought that was a good album name?

Faith No More: I got nothing

Fixx: One Thing Leads To Another is a damn bop

Fleetwood Mac: I ain’t straight, but I’m simply not enough of a witch to enjoy them to full potential

Fogerty, John: He got sued cause he sounded like himself

Foghat: Slow Ride slowly becoming less coherent feels like a drug trip

Foo Fighters: He was just excited to buy a grill

Ford, Lita: deserved better

Foreigner: dramatically overplayed

Frampton, Peter: a masterful user of the talk box

Free: dramatically underplayed

Gabriel, Peter: leaving Genesis changed him a lot

Genesis: if someone likes Genesis, clarify the era, because yes, it does matter

Georgia Satellites: sing like you have a cactus in your ass

Golden Earring: Twilight Zone slaps, but it doesn’t slap as hard as this station thinks it does

Grand Funk Railroad: Funk

Grateful Dead: I like their aesthetic more than their music

Great White: there are so many fucking shark jokes

Greenbaum, Norman: makes me think of Subway for some reason

Green Day: the first of the emo revolution

Greg Kihn Band: RocKihnRoll is literally the most clever album name I’ve ever seen

Guns N Roses: They have more than three good songs, but radio stations never recognize that

Hagar, Sammy: I’m still trying to figure out where he lived to take 16 hours to get to LA driving 55 and how fucking fast was he driving beforehand?

Harrison, George: He went from religious to rock, and if he had continued rocking, he would have gotten too cool 

Head East: I respect people who use breakfast foods as album names

Heart: Magic Man and Barracuda are played at least once every goddamn day. They’re not even the best songs!

Hendrix, Jimi: I have both a cousin and a sibling named after Hendrix references

Henley, Don: Dirty Laundry gives me too much inspiration

Hollies: Somehow sound like they’re both from the 60s and the 80s at the same time

Idol, Billy: he’s doing well for himself

INXS: Terminator vibes

Iris, Donnie: knockoff Roy Orbison

James Gang: too many funks

Jane’s Addiction: if TMNT had a grunge band representative

Jefferson Airplane: *assorted cheers*

Jefferson Starship: *assorted boos*

Jethro Tull: The only band to make you feel not cool enough to play the flute

Jett, Joan: icon

J. Geils Band: I requested them on the radio once and it got played

Joel, Billy: he really did just air everybody’s business like that

John Cafferty And The Beaver Brown Band: literally wtf is that name

John, Elton: yarn Elton sits in my basement, unstaring. Please someone take him from me

Joplin, Janis: Queen

Journey: Stop overplaying Don’t Stop Believing. It takes away from the rest of the repetoire

Judas Priest: literally started the gay leather aesthetic

Kansas: another fucking band Supernatural stole

Kenny Wayne Shepherd: the man confuses me to the point where he isn’t in the right place alphabetically

Kiss: Mick Mars and I will simply have to disagree on the subject

Kravitz, Lenny: runaway vibes

Led Zeppelin: Fucking fight me if you don’t think they’re the most talented band (maybe not the most talented individually, but collectively, no one comes close)

Lennon, John: My least favourite Beatle for reasons

Live: I got nothin

Living Colour: slap a decent amount

Loverboy: do you not get TURNT the fuck up to the big Loverboy hits? Who hurt you??

Lynyrd Skynyrd: Sweet Home Alabama is a Neil Young diss track

Marshall Tucker Band: no opinion

Manfred Mann’s Earth Band: VERY STRONG OPINIONS THAT THEY AREN’T GOOD

McCartney, Paul/Wings: Power couple

Meatloaf: I have nothing but respect for a man who willingly named himself Meatloaf

Mellencamp, John: voted cutest lesbian of 1987

Metallica: I liked their appearance on Jimmy Fallon

Midnight Oil: I get them confused for Talking Heads a lot

Modern English: who?

Molly Hatchet: Hollies vibes, but also Georgia Satellites vibes

Money, Eddie: DAN AVIDAN, IF YOU SEE THIS, COVER TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT

Motley Crue: Stan Mick Mars and John Corabi. They’re the only ones who deserve it

Mott The Hoople: no one loves them except for David Bowie

Mountain: props for naming an album ‘Climbing’

Nazareth: I want to make a John Mulaney joke here, but I can never come up with one

Nicks, Stevie: witch queen

Night Ranger: I get them confused with Urge Overkill

Nirvana: Kurt Cobain was the ally grunge needed

Nova, Aldo: he’s Canadian, at least

Nugent, Ted: *serves a ghost as jerky*

Offspring: nothing here

Osbourne, Ozzy: this bitch crazy

Outfield: Your Love is kind of a sketchy song, but it slaps hard

Palmer, Robert: low quality Eddie Money

Pearl Jam: *grunts in Eddie Vedder*

Petty, Tom: I have so many feelings about Tom Petty and they are all good

Pink Floyd: which one is Pink?

Plant, Robert: solo career is a crapshoot, but his voice is unparalleled

Poison: I want them to write a song called ‘Alice Cooper’

Pretenders: I want to say good things, but I have nothing to say

Queen: A doctor of astrophysics, a screaming girl, a disco queen and a diva walk into a bar. It’s Queen; they’re there to play a gig

Queensryche: neutral opinion

Quiet Riot: they got big because of a song they hated. I love that

Rafferty, Gerry: the second-sexiest sax opening in all of music

Rainbow: Ritchie Blackmore created something very magnificent

Ram Jam: one good song and they didn’t even write it

Ratt: I’m sure they have more than Round And Round, but I don’t know it

RHCP: funky, but if you have paid money to hear them, you’re going to The Bad Place (I don’t make the rules)

Red Rider: basically Golden Earring

Reed, Lou: Walk On The Wild Side would be such a cool song if it wasn’t so dull

REM: American Tragically Hip

REO Speedwagon: Props for having a dad joke as an album title

Rolling Stones: Never in my life could I imagine the drummer being named anything but Charlie

Rush: How to make being uncool the coolest fucking shit

Santana: The world needs more Santana

Scandal: There’s something really funny about The Warrior being my brother’s “song” with his girlfriend

Scorpions: Was Wind Of Change written by the CIA? Only the spotify podcast I got an ad for once could say

Seger, Bob: A different variety of Eric Clapton (frankly a better variety, but that’s just me)

Simple Minds: we ALL forgot about you

Skid Row: Sebastian Bach is prettier than all of us

Soundgarden: music that makes you feel like you dunked your head underwater

Springsteen, Bruce: my arch-nemesis. Maybe someday, he’ll find out about it

Squeeze: according to my friends, the stupidest band name ever, but they’re theatre kids, so you know

Squier, Billy: If he can make it through 1984 alive, you can make it through whatever bad day you’re having

Stealers Wheel: Yet another band who I always mistake for George Harrison

Steely Dan: my house’s nickname for the Robber in Settlers Of Catan

Steppenwolf: Either makes me think of Jay & Silent Bob, Jack Nicholson, or that time I had to cut 6lbs of onions

Steve Miller Band: when you’re in the right mood, they slap hard

Stewart, Rod: my soundtrack to summer 2015

Stills, Stephen: Love The One You’re With Is Catchy, but the lyrics are questionable

Stone Temple Pilots: the only band to write a song about goo you smear on yourself

Stray Cats: an obscene amount of merch is available for them

Styx: Supernatural would have ruined them for me too if I hadn’t been into them previously. 

Supertramp: I hunted for Breakfast In America for two years and it was worth every hunt

Sweet: I will never understand my two-month obsession with Ballroom Blitz when I was 15, but it was legit all I listened to

Talking Heads: you may find yourself in a pizza hut. And you may find yourself in a taco bell. And you may find yourself at the combination pizza hut and taco bell. And you may ask yourself; ‘how did I get here?’

Temple Of The Dog: I keep confusing them for Nazareth

Ten Years After: somehow still relevant

Tesla: not the car or the dude

The Beatles: Evokes a lot of opinions from people. Mine is that I love them

The Clash: I showed my sister the ‘Lock The Taskbar’ vine ONCE and it still kills her

The Doors: evokes teenage terror from deep within my soul

The Guess Who: Canada’s answer to confusing question-themed band names

The Kinks: kinky

The Police: wrote the theme of 2020 and everyone somehow forgot it was about a teacher resisting becoming a pedophile

The Ramones: playing all of their songs in a row wouldn’t take more than 2 hours

The Romantics: you don’t think you know them, but if you’ve seen Shrek 2, you have

The Who: If someone can explain Tommy to me, I’d be glad to hear it

The Zombies: I think they happened because of the 60s

Thin Lizzy: Could the boys maybe leave town?

Thorogood, George: blues, but make it modern

Toto: the most memed song behind All Star

Townshend, Pete: just makes me think of the end of Mr. Deeds

T-Rex: Mark Bolan is an icon

Triumph: The no-name brand of Rush

Tubes: like the yogurt

Twisted Sister: they did a christmas album and my mom does NOT hate it

U2: U2 Movers; we move in mysterious ways

Van Halen: RIP Eddie

Van Morrison: honestly, who’s named Van?

Vaughn, Stevie Ray: Steamy Ray Vaughn

Walsh, Joe: The Smoker You Drink The Player You Get

War: Foghat, but even groovier

Whitesnake: the most successful band to be named after a penis

Wright, Gary: the 90s thanks him for writing the song every movie used for the “guy sees cute girl and it’s love at first sight” scene

Yes: To Be Continued

Young, Neil: The best part of CSNY

Zevon, Warren: the album cover of Excitable Boy makes me deeply uncomfortable for reasons I don’t understand

ZZ Top: has been the same three guys since 1969. Lineup unchanged. 

3 Doors Down: They feel a little modern to be on a classic rock station, but whatever

38 Special: Why 38?

[livingmybestfictionallife]

What If?

Request from @chanandlersstuff​: Hii, it's me, again. I want to request another Mgk imagine. Something like he goes to a new bar in the city and discovers that the owner is his childhood sweetheart or his first crush, the reader, and they can kiss or something like that. I love how you write and that's why I will ask you for a lots of requests

A/N: Thank you so much for your support! :) I hope you enjoy this one! Also, idk where Cassie and her mother reside. I assume it’s Cleveland, so that’s what it’s going to be in this story. ALSO, a bit of Pantera/Damageplan trivia is included as part of the plot of the story simply because I was listening to it and realized this takes place in Ohio--you’ll see why it’s important if you don’t already know. Hope you enjoy!

A/N part 2: If you ever want to be tagged in something, send me an ask or a message! :)

December 8th, 2004 was always a day that stood out to Colson, simply because it was the biggest ‘What if?’ in his life. He’d experienced too much heartache in his youth and would continue to face pain and anguish throughout his adolescence and early adulthood, and he had so many things that he would reflect back on and wonder what could have happened to make things go differently? What could he have done better? What kind of divine intervention would have been needed? What if he’d just gone home? What if he decided to hang out with someone else?

It seemed that as he reached thirty, he became more enamored with laying these what if questions to rest. He could spend the rest of his life wondering about what would happen had he not fucked something up or had something just gone a different direction, or he could accept that each of those mishaps had led him to the man he was today. He was happy with his life, and for the first time in a long time, he could admit that he was truly happy; he had a beautiful, happy, and healthy daughter that was the light of his world, a successful fifth studio album that blew away the punk and rock charts, and he was in what had to be the healthiest relationship in his life with a gorgeous woman that he loved. Yet still, there was one what if that refused to escape his mind: what if December 8th, 2004 went differently?

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Cassie had told her father over a thanksgiving dinner in Los Angeles about her school’s Winter Talent Show, and that she would be performing a song off her father’s album as a tribute to her late grandfather. Colson couldn’t refrain from tearing up as his daughter told him this and promised he wouldn’t miss it for the world. 

He’d shown up to Cassie’s talent show with a bouquet of flowers and a couple of friends he bothered to still talk to after all these years. His eyes glistened with proud, sorrow-ridden tears as he listened to the angel he had for a child sing his lyrics--with school appropriate revisions made--about the struggles he faced with his father since he was about her age. Of all the what ifs that passed through his mind, a lot had to do with his ability to be a good father for Cassie, and every second he spends with her reminds him that she is so much better of a person than he ever was at her age, and it was in that pride that he allowed a solitary tear to fall. He knew his father was proud of Cassie as well as she sang Lonely for her school, and when the show was over, he wrapped his daughter in the tightest hug he could, terrified of the fact that someday, he wouldn’t be around to hold her anymore.

It seemed death was always prevalent in his life; after all it was a death that caused the biggest what if in his mind to continue to pester him.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

(Y/N) paced around the densely populated room and watched not only the patrons, but the employees as well. She’d never even thought of opening a bar, in fact, she never considered being an entrepreneur of any sort, but when the opportunity came, she realized she’d have to be a fool to turn it down. Music had always been a passion of hers; she’d performed in small garage bands with friends, played local shows throughout high school and college, and she even got a degree in music production in hopes of working with a recording studio or record label. (Y/N) had followed this dream and worked at a Bad Racket Recording Studio since 2012, about three years after the studio opened.

It wasn’t until about a year ago that a friend got her in contact with someone who was looking to co-own a bar and turn it into a music venue for local bands. She loved the idea of promoting local bands and musicians, especially since she’d spent the past seven years watching people bring their dreams to life through recording. Maybe it was time to help them realize another dream, the dream of performance.

The reverberations of heavy guitar and drums pulsed through her heart and bones as the performing artist tonight began a cover of Damageplan’s ‘Breathing New Life’. Her heart skipped a beat inadvertently as her mind became lost in the music that electrified the air around her. As an early teen, she’d found solace in music of all genres, but her favorite had been the rock/grunge/metal scene. Pantera had been one of her father’s favorite bands, and so she grew up with a fondness of the musical stylings of the two Abbott brothers from Texas. A lot of kids her age couldn’t understand what was so appealing about Pantera to her--they assumed that just because her parents listened to it she was forced to as well and therefore didn’t know what good music was--but there was always one kid who understood. 

One blonde boy would always make sure to ask (y/n) what new music she’d found, if she’d heard of the drama that was going down between bands, and if she’d wanted to listen to CDs together after school. She always responded with a smile before any words left her mouth to continue the conversation, and over the course of middle school, that blonde kid, who she’d known only in passing before, became her closest friend.

As (y/n)’s eyes continued to drift over the crowd, images of her childhood friend’s face flashed through her mind as her gaze came to rest on a tall man dressed in all black, with unruly blonde hair. Had he not been wearing his jacket around his waist and a short sleeved shirt that revealed his tattoos, (y/n) would have glossed over the man’s presence without a second look, but the I-71 North tattoo that was half-visible beneath the rolled up sleeve had given away the man’s identity. With a smile on her face and confidence in her stride, (y/n) approached the bar.

Colson had been in town for a few nights before he’d had enough of his old buddies bugging him about trying out a new bar called Panther’s Den. They continued to swear up and down about it having a nineties feel, and how maybe he should see about setting up a small performance for old-time sakes there. After about three days of this continuing pestering, he gave in and agreed to go to the bar. Together, the small group sat huddled together as they waited to order drinks when a woman approached them with an unforgettable smile pulled across her face. 

“Didn’t expect to see you here,” she called out over the band as she shifted her weight from one foot to another and waited for the man to bring his eyes to hers. She half expected to see the bloodshot, sleep-deprived, almost hallowed out expression he had worn from time to time in his youth, but when those bright blue eyes turned to face her, (y/n)’s smile grew as she looked into the healthy face of her long time friend.

“(Y/N),” Colson was quick to exclaim as he stretched out his arms and pulled the woman into his chest. “What are you doing here?”

“Just running my business.”

“You manage this place?” Colson asked as he looked down into the woman’s eyes. She’d always been mesmerizing to him, although he could never put his finger on it. Maybe it had been how little she cared about what other people thought about her in school, or how badass her taste in music was to him. Maybe it was how supportive she was in him when he said he wanted to rap, or the way her eyes seemed to light up whenever a good riff stood out to her. Maybe it was the way she couldn’t help but nod her head to the beat of every song, the way she bit her lip when she was concentrating on a specific lyric, or the fact that she was his earliest supporter. Whatever it was that captivated him at thirteen was doing the same thing to him at thirty.

“I own it; well, co-own, technically, but I picked the name.” With a smirk, (y/n) lowered herself into the barstool beside Colson and watched as the posse that had surrounded him began to disappear.

“I definitely see the connection now,” he laughed as his eyes traced over the woman’s features. There was a lot that was different--she had less of a baby face that she had in school, seemed a bit more kind and lighthearted than when she was so doom and gloom back in the day, and wore a smile that used to take him what felt like hours of coercing to bring to her face. “How have you been?” Colson hated the question. Often he thought people would think he asked it just to compare his success to their current phase in life, but with (y/n) it came with a different kind of awkwardness that he would have to face.

“I’ve been doing well. My business partner and I got this place up and running last year and it’s been going pretty smoothly,” she admitted. “I was working with a recording studio for a long time before this, but nothing too exciting.” (Y/N) loved what she did and often didn’t have much to talk about with other people besides her work. Her personal life consisted of watched re-runs of TV shows that haven’t been on the air in years, entertaining herself and her pets at home, and not really making an attempt of finding new relationships--friendly or romantic.

“No guy in your life?” Colson found himself asking with an insecurity swelling in his chest that didn’t die down until she shook her head and dismissed whatever fears he didn’t realize he had.

“What about you? Dating Megan Fox must being something,” (y/n) said as she nudged Colson’s ribs with her elbow.

“Yeah,” Colson muttered as he tried to hide his face from (y/n) as he spoke. “She’s great, and I’m really happy.” His words were truthful in every sense of the matter, but that what if still tugged at his heart.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

At twelve and thirteen-years-old, there’s no way to know what love feels like, so Colson tried to ignore the knots that came into his stomach or the words that got caught in his throat whenever he would hang out with (y/n). He ignored the burning in his chest whenever their faces touched while sharing the cheap headphones they used to listen to (y/n)’s CD player with, and buried the jittery feeling he had whenever he knew he had plans with (y/n) and was counting down the hours until seeing her. The only thing that forced him to come to terms with how he felt towards (y/n) was another boy in her class that offered his headphones over to her one day before school to listen to the newly released, Volume 2 box set from Motley Crue, which had just announced they were reuniting. 

His blood boiled as he saw her hand brush against the other boy’s as she accepted the headphones and bobbed her head to the beat of whatever song was flooding her ears. It took Colson all of the courage his young self could muster to ask (y/n) to go on a date with him, and all of the money he had earned through small, odd-jobs to pay for the perfect date for this perfect girl.

He’d tried to ask two of his older friends who could drive to take him and (y/n) to Columbus, but wasn’t able to bribe them with enough money for them to agree. Eventually, he had to ask (y/n)’s father for help. His own dad was too busy working to be bothered with a middle school date, so he hoped the man who gave his daughter her love of music would be understanding. (Y/N)’s father found the young man’s idea heartwarming and fun, and agreed to take the pair to Columbus under the stipulation that he stayed to keep an eye on them. At that point, Colson was so relieved the date was panning out, that he didn’t care if her dad came along. 

Excitement had overwhelmed both (y/n) and Colson as they embarked on the two hour drive from Cleveland to Columbus, but the time passed quickly through their loud singing, enthusiastic conversation, and (y/n)’s wild anticipation as Colson revealed to her that they were going to Columbus to see Damageplan perform live. He remembered an early conversation he’d had with (y/n) about how she’d love to see Pantera live, as well as the disappointment she had a year ago when the band broke up. Although it wasn’t the exact same as seeing her all-time favorite band, he’d hoped Damageplan, which the founders of Pantera formed after their breakup, would be a close second.

Had they not been caught in traffic, they would have gotten to the show on time. To this day, Colson and (y/n) were both sure the traffic had been a blessing in disguise. They wanted to be front and center for the first song, but that came with the possibility of losing their lives.

They pulled up to the venue about fifteen minutes late. “The show is hours long! We won’t miss much in fifteen minutes,” (y/n)’s father had continued to reassure the teenagers that sat together in the back seat of his car throughout the drive. However, as they pulled up to see ambulances, fire trucks, and police cars flooding the scene, he realized that they may have missed everything. After her father got out and talked to a few people who had remained at the venue--either to give statements to officers or simply because they were in too much shock to drive--he returned to the car where Colson and (y/n) waited, put the vehicle into drive, and pulled away from the scene. It was about twenty long, agonizing minutes of silence before he pulled over through a fast food drive through to order the teens food. With his voice low as they waited for burgers and French fries, he delivered the news to the pair sitting in his backseat. Dimebag Darrell was dead, and their lives had been spared by some traffic on I-71.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

“Do you ever wonder what would have happened with us if we actually made it to the concert?” Colson found himself asking (y/n) as his fingertips picked at the label on his beer bottle.

“The possibility of getting shot crosses my mind,” (y/n) responded dryly as she leaned against the bar on her elbow.

“I mean, what if we made it to the venue and that guy didn’t show up--he never got on stage and killed all those people. What would have happened--with us?” Colson’s eyes never left (y/n). The question had plagued him since that night, followed by a million subsequent questions, such as, Why did I never ask her out again? Why did I see that as missing my shot?

“Well,” (y/n) began with a smile playing on her lips. “That would have been the best date of my entire life. Hands down, nothing could have ever topped it,” she said as her genuine smile curled even higher into a beaming grin that made Colson weak. “I would have probably found a way to give you a kiss whenever my dad wasn’t looking, just to show you how much I appreciated not only your plan for the date, but also you as a person, my best friend, and my biggest crush back then.”

“If I would have asked you out again would you have said ‘yes,’ even after what actually happened?” He was hesitant to receive her answer; he didn’t want to know he had wasted so much time wondering if he missed out on the relationship he was meant to be in by being too cowardly to ask. As his eyes met the soft smile of the woman that stood beside him, his heart sank into his stomach and his stomach turned to lead.

“Yeah, I would have,” she admitted. “You were always there for me, Colson, and I kind of anticipated you asking me out again. You were my favorite person to be around, and I’m so proud of you for chasing your dreams.”

“But how much different would my life be if you were beside me the whole time?” He seemed defiant in his question, as if his tone could change the past and alter the present so he could see the difference in his life like comparing two ‘find-the-difference’ pages from a Highlight’s book.

“You wouldn’t have Cassie,” (y/n) stated with a matter-of-fact tone, “and I know how much you love that child.” Colson smiled at the mention of his daughter, and knew her statement to be true. If (y/n) was around, he would have never met Emma and Cassie would have never been born. “You would have still gone off on your own and done what you wanted to. Having me as your girlfriend wouldn’t have changed you wanting to be with models, I couldn’t ever keep you from something you set your mind to, so the drugs would have pulled us apart. In your own opinion, would I still be your friend if I saw everything you’ve done?” With a smirk and a chuckle, Colson reached out for (y/n)’s arm and gentled rested his hand on her shoulder.

“I don’t know if I would still be my friend. But I’m turning around from a lot of the stupid shit I used to do. You know, mellowing out with age,” he laughed and earned a small smirk from the girl that got away. “What about who I am now? How do you feel about him?” 

The words came from his mouth with a solemn look on his face as he scanned the woman’s appearance. He still loved her, and a big part of him knew he would never stop loving her. After all, how could he? He never got the opportunity to see where he and (y/n) would have gone. Would they have a child of their own? Would he have listened to her if she pestered him or threatened to leave when it came to the drugs? Would he have even felt he needed them? All they could do was speculate, and speculation wasn’t enough for him. He wanted an ending on their relationship, one way or another, he needed to know. This open-ended bullshit was eating at him every waking second of his life since December 8th, 2004, and he needed to have her tell him it would have never worked, then he could move on.

“You’ve always been incredible to me,” (y/n)’s softened voice admitted as she gazed up at the man she’d loved since her youth. “And you always will be, but you have Megan, and I know you--you’re happy. Don’t ruin what is a great thing over something that could have been, regardless of how either of us feel.” (Y/N) could feel her heart sinking and her eyes ache as they threatened to fill with tears. 

All she’d ever wanted was for him to walk in here, admit his feelings for her, and live some fan-fiction reality of a happily ever after, but the real world was much more cruel. People move on, and even if they don’t fully move on emotionally, they don’t sit around waiting forever. Colson hadn’t remained single in the sixteen years between their first almost date, and she never expected him to. The least she could do was wish happiness onto him and be happy for him when he found it. “I think you may have had a bit too much to drink, Col,” she sighed as she pushed the glass of liquor that sat in front of him aside. Throughout their reminiscing and conversation, he continued to order drink after drink to drown the anxiety of seeing her, and (y/n) could tell it was getting to his head. “You don’t want to do something you’ll regret when you sober up.”

“I need to know, (y/n),” he stated in a firm and exasperated gasp as they pair disappeared into her office so that he could sober up while she collected his friends to take him back to wherever he was staying.

“Colson--”

“Please,” his gentle blue eyes were staring down intently at (y/n)’s soul, a soul filled with hope and warmth clouded with traumas of her own, a soul that always felt tethered to his. With a deep breath and gentle sigh, she pulled herself onto her toes, gently rested her hands against his chest and shoulder, and closed her eyes as her lips found his.

Their kiss was simple, something a pair of middle school kids would have become so giddy over having done, but as adults, it was damn near impossible to ignore her heart jumping into her throat, the way his hands felt on her hips, how soft her lips were against his, how desperate he was to deepen the kiss, to sweep his tongue across her lips and lean her against a wall to feel her pressed against him. (Y/N) had pulled away from Colson before he could find the courage to do what he’d always wanted, and the pair stood toe to toe with electricity buzzing in their heads as they continued to reflect back on the past few seconds. Neither had felt that way with another person before, and neither were certain they would ever feel that way again, because Colson was happy, and Megan didn’t deserve to be thrown aside over the possibility of all the what ifs he had in regards to (y/n).

She gently bit down on her lip and stared at the floor in a desperate attempt to avoid looking Colson in the eyes, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to contain herself if he decided he wanted more. Thankfully, he took the hint and pulled (y/n) into a gentle hug before he turned rather clumsily on his heel to catch up with his friends.

“You’re always welcome here, Colson,” (y/n) called out before he left her sight, hoping he would understand her on the deeper level they always were able to converse with one another on.

“Thanks, (y/n),” he said in return as he held the door to her office gently in his hands. “I’ll try to come back again when I’m not so busy.” A coy smile played on both of their faces once the door was placed between them, and hope continued to spring from both of their chests.

Colson left the Panther’s Den feeling even more confused by the what ifs than he had initially been, and the sensation of the kiss had left him feeling even more light-headed and puzzled than any alcohol or overthinking could cause. In their silences and stolen glances, in the touch of their lips and how each other felt beneath the other’s hands, Colson knew whatever electricity between them, whatever spiritual connection, or tethering of souls would never go away. It was a matter of timing for the pair, thirteen wasn’t the right time for them to get together and it was deflected in a gruesome way, but whatever the temptress of time was planning for Colson and (y/n), he knew he was ready to fall, so he placed their fate in the hands of life, and continued down the street with the gentle graze of her lips pressing like a phantom against his own.

[tangledstarlight]

julie’s ready for a year away from home, studying and trying to refind the magic in music. luke’s about to start on a summer tour around europe opening for a band. they meet one night, sparks fly and emotions run hight. now they’ve just got to try and see if they can maintain a long distance friendship.

days go by and seasons change (lets try again next winter)

trigger warnings!! alcohol and swearing and mentions of blood via food

also on ao3 –– [ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | extras 1 & 2 ]

spring

“I still can’t believe you didn’t kiss him,” Flynn’s voice echoes through her phone where it’s propped against a book of Shakespeare’s poems and being stopped from sliding down her desk by her half eaten sandwich. Which hadn't been her best plan, because she was starving and now her sandwich was employed elsewhere.

“I’m not just going to kiss a random guy a met once,” she can see Flynn opening her mouth with a retort so jumps in to add, “I like him, yes, but I’d rather have him as a friend then an awkward one night stand situation that’s made even more awkward when I eventually run into him again because one of his bandmates is Carrie’s cousin.”

It all seems perfectly logical to her. Luke was cute, yes. And sure, she’d wanted to kiss him, but if it came down to one kiss or a new friendship? She was going to choose friendship. They’d connected more in one night then she’d connected with anyone in years. They got each other.

(What Julie hadn’t told Flynn or Carrie or anyone, was about the deal they had made. About how if by December, when she was wrapping up her year in England and they were finishing with their album and they were still talking, still felt the same, they’d try.

Julie didn’t mention it to anyone, barely even liked to think about it herself because she didn’t want to jinx it, didn’t want to spend time wondering what might happen when they tried. What trying even meant.)

“So you’re going to be friends?”

It’s pretty impressive, Julie thinks, how Flynn can convey her utter disbelief and amusement via a single eyebrow raise on a slightly blurry and pixelated facetime call. Maybe it’s the years of friendship that means Julie knows what she’s not saying or maybe it’s just Flynn’s power. Either way it has her pushing her laptop away with a sigh and picking up her phone. Scooping her sandwich up with her other hand. 

“Yes, we’re going to be friends. We can be friends. Do you not think we can be friends?” Julie furrows her brows, both in concern and how many times she’s said the word ‘friends’ in one breath.

“Of course I think you can be friends! He’d be lucky to be your friend, you’re amazing,” Flynn is quick with her reassurance, but Julie can tell there’s a ‘but’ coming and braces herself for impact. “But. The two of you spent practically the whole night together and have spent pretty much every day since talking. Plus, you’d have to be pretty blind to miss the way he was looking at you in the least friend way possible.”

Julie really hoped that the wifi connection was bad enough to hide the blush she could feel heating her cheeks at the reminder of the way Luke had looked at her. She had never really understood what books meant by ���intensity of their stare’ before, but she was pretty sure it was whatever Luke was doing with his face and his eyes, somehow he could even do it through a facetime call. Personally, she thinks it should be illegal. His whole face. Banned. Fined every time he looked like he looked.

“Yeah, well,” Julie swallowed, tucking hair behind her ear for something to do while she tried to gather her thoughts and control her face. “We’re still going to be friends. And anyway, we’ll probably slowly stop talking before we ever meet again and he’ll find some extremely pretty girl on tour and fall madly in love and forget all about me.”

As long as she was telling herself that it meant she couldn’t be too disappointed when it came true. No point getting her hopes up.

“If you say so,” Flynn didn’t sound convinced and Julie rolled her eyes at her friend, sticking her tongue out childishly, to be rewarded with Flynn laughing.

“Now come on, enough about me and my awful love life. Tell me about this thing you're working on!”

// 

//

“Ow, crap.”

It’s not really the first thing you want to hear when you accept a phone call at 8am. Julie blinks at her phone as she pulls it away from her ear to double check the caller id and that she hadn’t imagined it ringing. But there’s Luke’s name and his slightly blurry photo staring back at her.

“Luke?” She asks, hears the sounds of a scuffle on the other end like someone juggling too many objects at once.

“Julie! Hey! Sorry, just spilt one of my coffees. Is black pudding made with blood?” Luke’s question catches her off guard. Her mind is still trying to process the mention of multiple coffees that it takes her a moment to register what he’s asking her. And it just causes more confusion to her half asleep mind.

“Are you really calling me at 8am to ask about black pudding? Why are you even awake?” She groans, collapsing back against her pillows and pulling the covers back up to her chin. It was Friday, she didn’t have class until 1pm, she was supposed to get to sleep late and he’d woken her up.

To talk about black pudding. Idly, she wondered if it was too early in their friendship to just hang up without it seeming too rude.

“Last night Reg said it was like haggis, but that doesn’t make sense, does it? Because I swear haggis is like, sheep. And you’d think blood pudding would be, y’know, blood. Given its name.” He kept talking away, apparently not at all discouraged by her lack of response.

Julie let her eyes fall shut as she listened to him talk, to his voice and not really what he was saying. He had a very nice voice, it was kind of soothing, letting his excitement and enthusiasm wash over her. How could someone be so enthused about a random food at 8am? Julie struggles to follow his train of thought and why she was his chosen person to call about the matter. But she doesn't think he really wants her input anyway. Just an excuse to call her.

She’d been guilty of a similar thing. Calling him for no real reason other than the fact she’d wanted to talk to him. At least when she’d called it had been at a reasonable hour and about something more interesting than a weird food dish.

“How long have you been up?” Julie cuts through his rant on weird British dishes, stifling a yawn against her covers.

“Er…” there’s a pause, phone line crackling as he seems to think, “Like an hour? I went out to get the boys coffee, because I’m super nice like that, but they were still asleep when I got back and I tried to wake ‘em up but Alex threatened to throw my guitar out the window so I wandered around the hotel for a while, drank my coffee, then I drank Alex’s as revenge, and then I got bored of walking around so now I’m sat in a park and talking to you. And drinking Reggie’s coffee. It’s the worst one. I hate oat milk.”

Julie can almost picture him, sitting on a random bench in a random park somewhere in Edinburgh, notebook and tangled headphones and three empty coffee cups next to him, all jittery caffeinated energy. It makes her smile and huff out a small laugh.

“You’re going to be so insufferable after all that coffee. They might kick you out of the band, abandon you somewhere in the highlands,” she teases.

“I’d just keep showing back up. Every time they tried to lose me I’d just show up again at the next venue with no explanation,” there’s a smile in his voice and Julie takes a moment to appreciate that she can tell. That they’ve talked enough now that she knows what he sounds like when he’s smiling, when he’s joking.

“Luke?”

“Yeah?”

“Go eat something with your fourth coffee please. I’m going back to sleep.”

“Shit, did I wake you up again? I thought you had a 9am on Thursdays.” He sounds so genuinely confused and concerned that Julie tries really hard not to laugh.

“I do. But it’s actually Friday, not Thursday.”

There’s a silence on the other end of the line and for a moment Julie thinks that maybe he’s hung up on her, but then he’s letting out a breathy laugh and she relaxes back against her mattress.

“Well fuck. That explains why they guys are still asleep and got pissed when I tried to wake ‘em up then.”

“Tour life is really messing with your days of the week, huh?”

“You’ve no idea,” There’s another pause and she hears rustling and footsteps and then, “I’ll let you go back to sleep. Talk later?”

There’s a note of hesitation in his voice and it makes Julie want to smile, so she does. “Yeah, talk later. Bye Luke.”

//

Julie spins around and around underneath a streetlight, her eyes locked above her as she watches the streams of light turn with her and make stars dance across her vision. A slight breeze blows her hair around her face and Julie lets out a laugh, light and airy like how she pictures all the bubbles in the drinks she's had tonight. 

She closes her eyes against a wave of dizziness and tries to imagine the stars.

There’s too many clouds in the sky for her to see the actual stars when she opens her eyes and it makes her pout, just a little. She likes to see the stars, to try and find constellations, and when she couldn’t do that, to make up her own.

Her phone makes a chiming sound in her hands and she whips her head down to look at it, Luke’s face filling her screen with a small frown, his eyebrows drawn together and a hair sticking up. A wide smile breaks out across her face and Julie raises her phone so it’s level with her face, even as she still spins around.

“Luke! Why are you on my phone?” Distantly, Julie knows she must be almost shouting, but she’s too happy and too drunk to really care.

“Er, you called me?” Luke sounds confused, but as Julie blows hair out of her face a small understanding smile tugs at Luke’s lips and Julie’s momentarily distracted by watching as the smile spreads across his face, reaching his eyes, one of his hands appearing in frame to push his hair out of his face. She stumbles to a stop, feeling a little dizzy from all her spinning and pounding heart.

“I did?” She doesn’t remember doing that, for a moment Julie frowns, lips pulling to the side as her eyes look at the ground before she blows out a breath and shrugs, looking back at Luke’s face on her phone. “Well, hi! We went out for drinks!"

Julie watches as Luke sits up in his bed, a light flicking on next to him and lighting up the room.

(In the morning, when she remembers this, she’ll probably feel bad about waking him, knowing his sleep schedule is already a mess. But right now, standing in the street halfway back to her dorm, two of her friends chatting a short distance away and a cute guy looking at her from her phone, she can’t really find it in her to feel bad. Just a giddy type of happiness.)

“You having a good night?” His voice is a little rough with sleep she notices, adds a gravely note to it that’s not normally there. Julie really wishes she could hear him talk like this all the time, first thing in the morning, in the middle of the night when one of them wakes up, after a nap in the middle of the day.

“The best! It would be more fun if you were here, though,” the words stumble past her lips without her even realising what she’s said. And she doesn’t notice the way Luke’s breath seems to catch through the speaker or the way his eyes widen a fraction or the way his smile turns more into a smirk. Whatever he’s about to respond with is cut off by Julie’s mind returning to her original disappointment of the night.

“You can’t see the stars here.”

Luke frowns a little and Julie tilts her phone so the camera is facing up and only the top of her head and her curls are in frame.

“See? No stars, only streetlights.” She pouts, tilting the phone back towards her with an exaggerated pout on her face that makes Luke laugh and Julie pout more. “Why are you laughing!? That’s mean! I miss the stars and you’re laughing!”

“Jules, it’s not like you can really see the stars all that much back home either,” he says it gently, but there’s still that teasing tone in his voice and hearing him call her ‘Jules’ makes butterflies form in her stomach.

“I still miss them.” She mutters, blowing out a breath and conceding the point. She’s honestly too drunk to even fight it and for a moment she sways slightly in place, her eyes staring just above her phone as she gets lost in her thoughts.

About stars and cute boys with calloused fingers and her friends who made her laugh and her mom who had taught her about constellations and how tired she suddenly feels.

“When we’re both back in LA I’ll take you somewhere you can see all the stars,” Luke says softly, so softly she almost misses it, but her eyes flicker down to the screen and lets a soft smile pull at her lips.

“I’d like that.”

[avmisworld]

When BTS meet you for the first time:

Kim Seokjin:

Jin runs a pale hand through his short black hair, nodding absentmindedly to the staff he sees on his way down the hallway, his familiar polite smile spread across his face.

He has a long and intense day of dance practice ahead of him, a day he couldn't start properly without his daily cup of coffee and a sweet pastry from the company's coffee shop.

Pushing the simple glass door with the palm of his hand, Jin steps into the small, cozy restaurant, the small golden bell above his head signaling his arrival with a tinkle.

"Good morning", Jin says, bowing lightly at the different staff members and workers sitting around the round oak tables filling the shop, the space soon filled with various greetings towards him.

The room is filled with a strong smell of coffee beans and melted chocolate and sweet baked treats, and the young man breaths in the delicious scent with satisfaction, looking around the softly lit room, with the dangling yellow lights shining like stars in the sky and the colorful pictures and motivational quotes hanging on the walls.

Seokjin had always found this place calming and homey, with the soft piano music playing in the background and the wide glass windows showing off the busy street mere metres away from the shop, adding to the other-wordly atmosphere.

Sitting down at his usual spot in the edge of the cafe, Seokjin slips off his black jacket, revealing the simple white t-shirt under it as he carelessly flings the piece of clothing across the empty chair beside him.

It was hot inside the coffee shop, nothing like the weather outside, with the winter starting and the winds blowing, causing the people on the street to cuddle even closer into their thin coats and sweaters.

"Hello and welcome to our coffee shop. How can I help you?", Jin is surprised at the sound of the soft, feminine voice coming from in front of him, his head snapping upwards to stare at the young waitress in front of him with wide eyes.

Jin was a hundred percent sure that this waitress was working here for less than a week, since he hasn't since her before, and everyone here knew who Jin was and what he orders by heart thanks to his frequent visits.

Also, judging by her skin color and slight accent, the girl in front of him was a foreigner. Seokjin couldn't help but let his eyes linger one second too long on the girl's shiny, long hair, twinkling dark orbs, and plump pink lips, before clearing his throat loudly and smiling slightly.

"Hello", he replies, trying to stay calm despite the increasing race of his heart the longer he looked at the beautiful young woman. "I'd like an Americano and a purple sweet potato cake, please".

The younger girl nods, bowing her head slightly before turning to walk back to the kitchen, Seokjin's eyes following her lithe figure until it disappears behind the simple white door.

Staring outside, Seokjin stares at the people rushing past the window, their eyes trained on the ground underneath them or locked on their phone screen. The image of the girl doesn't fade from Jin's mind, unfortunately, and he wonders why he can't stop repeating the image of the foreigner's stunning smile.

"Here you go, sir", Seokjin's startled out of his thoughts at the sound of the soft, quiet voice, a steaming mug of brown liquid placed in front of him, the froth on top drawn carefully into the shape of a heart, and a pretty porcelain plate, holding a small, bright purple muffin, wisps of steam still coming out of it.

"Thank you", the dark-haired man says, eyeing the petite girl for another second, before clearing his throat nervously, causing the girl to stop just as she was about to leave the table.

"I'm sorry, do you want anything else?", the girl's pretty face is sporting a soft pink blush now, and she's fiddling with her fingers nervously, placing them on top of her simple turquoise dress shirt.

Before he can think it over, Jin is shaking his head quickly, making sure to send the girl a genuine smile to calm her down, before saying: "No, no, I was just wondering… Are you new here?"

The young woman seems to blush even harder at that, laughing sweetly in something akin to relief, and Seokjin can feel his own smile widen at the sound of the twinkling giggle. "Is it that obvious?", she mumbles, tucking a strand of dark hair that managed to escape her tight ponytail.

"It is for someone who's here nearly every single day", Seokjin says with amusement, finally catching the waitress' gaze when she lifts her head up to meet his eyes.

"I'm Kim Seokjin", he introduces himself, reaching out one of his long hands to the other, watching as she sends one of her own tanned ones to shake his, her smile now looking shy and bashful, yet just as beautiful.

"I'm Y/L/N Y/N", she introduces herself, and Seokjin can't help but smile even wider at the other's name, happy to get one step closer to knowing more about the mystery girl.

"Nice to meet you, Y/N", Seokjin says, trying to ignore the warmth seeping through the girl's hand, tightening the hold on her hand just a little bit more. "I think we'll be seeing each other a lot more from now on".

Min Yoongi:

Yoongi enters the music bar, pulling his black snapback even lower on his head as he shuffles through the bustling entrance, trying to draw as least attention to himself as possible.

Going to a packed bar by yourself as an idol was in no means a good idea, but Suga was having a serious writer's block that was killing him, and sometimes the best way to deal with that is to just be a normal person.

Nobody should be able to recognize him, not with the hat covering his shiny silver hair, the mask drawn up to his nose, and the simple black clothes, yet the young man could still feel the buzz of anxiety in his body, mixed with an unexplainable excitement.

Honestly, Suga could already feel some of his inspiration coming back to him just by entering the small bar, his eyes immediately scanning the dark space, the colorful lights hanging above the drinking bar, the assortment of chattering men and women sitting around long black counters and smooth round tables, or swaying lightly to the jazz music playing on the large black speakers.

Walking over to the ginger-haired barista, Yoongi asks for a bottle of soju, bowing in thanks when the woman hands over the ice-cold green bottle with a smile, and heads for one of the empty tables at the back of the bar, facing the small stage built for amateur karaoke singers and the occasional guest artist.

Sitting on the hard wooden chair, Yoongi takes a long sip of his drink, sighing with satisfaction at the burn of the alcohol in his throat, filling his stomach with the familiar warmth he was seeking.

He examines the groups of friends, probably university students celebrating the start of the weekend, talking loudly and laughing boisterously. He watches lone people like himself, nursuring glasses of alcohol to their chest, and imagines why they are here, their story. He stares at sweet couples with envy, admiring the way the man tightens his hold around his girlfriend's waist possessively, proudly telling the world who she belongs to.

The sound of a sweet, honey-like voice snaps Yoongi out of his thoughts, and he thinks he never turned his head as fast as he did right now, his eyes catching the girl standing on the stage immediately.

She's beautiful, magnificent even, and the bar seems to quiet down significantly when she starts to sing, as if the world itself was holding its breath. She's wearing a simple black mini dress, the sleeves hanging off her shoulders, and her hair is cascading down her shoulder like a waterfall of darkness, swallowing Yoongi whole.

Her stage presence is incredible, even the way she holds the small black microphone radiating some sort of silent power, and Suga can't help but stare with awe, letting the girl's soft voice sweep him away like the wind.

It feels like everything and nothing at all, and even though the song is English and he can't understand half of the words, the melodic voice of the mystery singer is enough to make Yoongi shake with emotion, his hands grabbing the bottom of the table to steady himself.

It seems like hours, or maybe seconds, before the girl is done, her sentimental expression changing into a beautiful smile as she bows to the cheering crowd bashfully, her aura nothing like the powerful, heartbroken one from seconds before.

Yoongi can't even stop himself from getting out of his seat, his feet unconsciously making their way after the young woman, his thoughts jumbled and he doesn't even know what he's going to say to her, for God's sakes. (Maybe, "you're my muse?")

Either way, he's walking, grabbing the other's hand before he can even think of the consequences, and she's turning around, even more bright up close, like a star in a sky full of clouds, and then he's saying: "I'm Min Yoongi".

The girl is smiling now once again, and it's a kind smile, even though it seems a bit confused, and she nods her head, Yoongi's eyes following her as if in trance. "Umm… Nice to meet you, Min Yoongi. I'm Y/L/N Y/N".

Somehow, even her name inspires him, and Suga can't help but break into a smile, pulling down his face mask to reveal the gummies peaking through his pink lips. "Y/L/N Y/N. It's nice to meet you, too".

Jung Hoseok:

Jung Hoseok strolls through the wide expanses of bright green grass, the white bucket hat on his head not doing much to hide the sunlight streaming through the tall oak trees in the park.

It's a nice day outside, the perfect day to take a walk around the lovely park next to the Bighit company building, and J-hope was enjoying the chirping of the birds and the warmth of the sun as he walks, letting his mind wander off his idol life and different responsibilities.

BTS was very busy lately, and being one of the writers and choreographers of their newest album, and an important member, J-hope could practically feel Bang PD breathing down his neck these days.

Humming softly to the song playing on the white airpods in his ears, "Make it Mine" by Jason Mraz, the brown-haired man matches his light steps to the upbeat tune, letting his eyes flutter shut when a refreshing wind brushes past him, ruffling his thin white t-shirt and loose gray knee-long pants.

A soft brush against his leg makes J-hope let out a shriek of surprise, his eyes opening at once as he jumps back, the hat on his head almost falling to the ground beneath him.

There's a small creature at the spot where Hoseok was a few moments ago, a cute white Pomeranian, tiny enough to fit in Hoseok's arms easily, looking like a female version of Yeontan.

The dog is looking at J-hope with interest, an almost confused expression on its face, like he can't imagine why the human in front of him would ever be scared of him, and J-hope lets out a sigh of relief, crouching down to the furry animal's height.

"Hey, buddy", he says with a gentle smile, running a warm hand through the dog's soft white coat, "Did I scare you? You scared me, too", he chuckles, examining the dog's well-kept appearance and light pink leather collar with a golden clasp. This dog obviously has an owner, and a good one at that.

"Where's your owner? Hmm?", Hoseok asks, raising his head to look around the mostly empty park and then back to the dog, who was still looking at him with intelligent black eyes, answering by licking the palm of J-hope's hand with his small pink tongue.

Before J-hope can check the collar, maybe look for a name or a phone number on the other side, there are footsteps approaching him quickly, and then a girl is crouching on the ground next to him, gathering the dog into her hands with mumbled apologies to J-hope and frantic kisses to her pet.

She's young, maybe a few years younger than J-hope, and a foreigner, if her appearance and accent were anything to go by. She was wearing a simple beige shirt tucked into faded mom jeans and mustard-colored sneakers, and her hair streamed down her back in dark waves, strands of it covering her face from her run a few moments ago.

"I'm so sorry", she repeats again, finally releasing the dog in her arms and turning to J-hope, her dark eyes wide with sincerity and a dark blush high on her cheeks as she bows her head multiple times, avoiding eye contact with the man in front of her.

"It's fine, really", Hoseok says with a laugh of reassurance, waving his hand to signal that he wasn't annoyed in any way. "Your dog is adorable. What's his name?"

The girl looks relieved, a deep sigh escaping her pink lips after seeing J-hope's gentle smile, and she smiles back, the shy gesture sending the young man's heart into a frenzy.

"It's a girl, actually.", she says with a grin, running a small hand through the dog's long fur, the pet purring in content at the feeling. "Her name is Bella".

"Nice name", J-hope says, blushing slightly before raising his head once again to look at the girl. "And what's yours?"

The girl seems flustered for a second, her eyes widening slightly before she smiles again, reaching her hand out towards J-hope's jittering figure. "I'm Y/L/N Y/N".

Breaking into a large grin at the sound of the answer, Hoseok doesn't hesitate to shake her hand back, feeling his body buzz with uncontained excitement at the feeling of girl's skin against his own. "Your name is even prettier. I'm J-hope."

Kim Namjoon:

Namjoon firmly believed that the best way to reduce stress was going book shopping, no matter how much teasing it earned him from the rest of the members.

Pushing his golden-rimmed glasses up his nose, RM runs his hand across the shelf of books, enjoying the feeling of the different covers against his skin, from old leather to fresh paper, the pages making a satisfying sound when they catch on his fingers.

Namjoon loves this. The smell of the wood shelves, the soft lamps washing the room in warm lighting, the flowery armchairs waiting to be sat on, the calming silence, the centuries of history and dreams this place is filled with.

He doesn't know what he's looking for, he never does, but he always finds it in the end, and right now his body is leading him deeper and deeper into the long aisles, where the books are older and thicker, the colorful book-covers fading into hues of black and brown.

As if on their own, his eyes are drawn to a particular book, bound in a thick leather cover, the words "Candide" engraved in the material in cursive writing, barely understood from RM's spot just a few metres away.

It didn't look any different from most of the novels in this section, yet Namjoon still finds himself fastening the pace of his walk, his hand reaching out to grab the worn out book before another hand appears in front of his own, a feminine hand with long, thin fingers and manicured nails colored a soft apricot.

Namjoon retracts his hand immediately from the warm touch before looking up, his eyes wide when he sees the pretty girl in front of him, smiling sheepishly.

Her hair is dark and long, falling over her shoulder in a simple braid. She's shorter than Namjoon, petite, with a small waist and baby face, and she's wearing a simple mint t-shirt with buttons, tucked into classy white dress pants and white sneakers.

"I'm sorry", she apologies with a kind smile, bowing at Namjoon quickly, "Take it. You were here first."

Namjoon is too fascinated by the girl to even answer, and he feels his face heat up when he realizes he's been staring at her dumbly for the past few seconds.

Laughing awkwardly, the tall man runs a hand through his chocolate brown hair, not even caring if he was messing it up, before gesturing towards the young woman. "No, no, it's fine. You can have it, I was just looking."

The young woman seems confused and slightly uncomfortable, staring at Namjoon with dark calculating eyes. "Are you sure? I've read this book already, so it's not a big deal."

'She's smart, too', Namjoon thinks, his heart racing even faster with the growing feeling that this girl was special.

"Me, too", he says with a dimpled smile, "But I get you. Masterpieces need to be read more than once", he jokes, enjoying the girl's gentle laughter in the quiet space.

"Exactly", she agrees, a comfortable silence falling between them before Namjoon clears his throat, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Can I ask… What's your name?", he questions hesitantly, hoping the girl can't see the blush on his cheeks in the dim light of the room.

The young woman smiles, and maybe it's just his imagination, but Namjoon swears the library seems less dusty and old, as if the girl revived the tired room with her joy. "Y/L/N Y/N. And you?".

"Kim Namjoon", the older man says, reaching his hand out to shake the girl's delicate one, the electricity he felt the first time he touched her changing into something warmer, like a pool of fire in his stomach, yet just as powerful. "It's nice to meet you."

Park Jimin:

Jimin stares at the mirror of the changing room, trying to resist the urge to run a hand through his currently pink hair, already set to perfection by his hair stylist, who would very much not appreciate her hard work being ruined.

He's already wearing the clothes for their "Boy with Love" performance on the BBMA's: an elegant black suit jacket with a metal flower attached to the dash, matching dress pants, a simple white shirt, an assortment of silver jewelry on his ears and hands, and a pair of pink-tinted sunglasses to top it all off.

The only thing that was missing was his makeup, which was usually done as close as possible to the actual show, to avoid smudges and so on. In fact, the makeup artist should be here any minute now.

Jimin turns away from the mirror when he hears the sound of conversation outside his room, looking at the door curiously just as it opens and foreign girl enters the changing room, a small smile on her face.

She's pretty, Jimin notices immediately, with her petite yet curvy frame, the glossy, dark hair tied into a tight ponytail on the top of her head, the subtle makeup on her face, highlighting her delicate facial features, and her tanned skin.

She's wearing a simple black t-shirt, the kind you can find in any closet basically, tucked into ripped skinny jeans, and worn out white sneakers, yet she still looks better than Jimin feels.

"Hello, you must be Jimin-ssi.", she says in perfect Korean, bowing respectfully at the coral-haired man, who was still shocked at the fact that this beautiful foreigner is here, and knows Korean.

"I'm your new makeup artist, Y/L/N Y/N", the young woman continues, seemingly not noticing the idol's flustered state. "Should we get started?"

Jimin finally seems to get back to his senses, bowing his head lightly back at the makeup artist. His heart was still racing a hundred miles an hour, and he can't believe this girl will be mere centimeters away from his face in a few seconds.

"Nice to meet you, Y/N-ssi. Feel free to start whenever you're ready.", he says softly, smiling at the girl sweetly and feeling a small smirk form on his lips when Y/N blushes lightly, her gaze flitting to the floor when Jimin stares at her for a second too long.

Y/N nods, letting Jimin sit down at the black leather chair, in front of the mirror where bright lights are facing the young man, illuminating his skin and making it easier for her to see what she is doing.

Jimin can't help but shiver when Y/N crouches beside him, her head almost touching his own, and he resists the urge to scream because her dark, warm eyes are staring at him with so much focus, and he feels as if she can see straight into his soul.

He decides not to talk to the beautiful makeup artist right now, not wanting to distract her from her work, but he's relieved at the thought that she'll be working with them the rest of the time they're in the USA, guaranteeing plenty of opportunities to talk with the girl.

Y/L/N Y/N. Jimin knows he won't forget that name.

Kim Taehyung:

Taehyung was tired, even though no one would ever notice it. Although he usually enjoyed fansigns, their latest comeback, "ON", left him more exhausted than usual, and he hated himself for hardly being able to keep his eyes open.

Another fan passes by in a blink of an eye, squeezing his hands in her own tightly while shouting 'I love you' as she leaves, and Taehyung responds with his own wink and finger heart, making the young girl squeal, and for a second the young man forgets the exhaustion seeping through his bones, the immense love he feels for his fans overcoming all the other emotions, yet the guilt doesn't disappear.

He puts a cute flower crown on his hair, made out of an assortment of white and pink daisies, the colorful accessory looking even brighter against his curly black locks and black leather jacket.

Taehyung smiles when he hears his fans yell various compliments at the sight of him with the cute accessory, waving them hello and causing the screams to strengthen even more.

He's so busy with entertaining the fans, he doesn't even notice the girl in front of him until she's letting out a quiet 'hello', causing Taehyung to turn his head and face the young woman in front of him.

She's pretty, with a petite body tucked into a thin, tight white long-sleeved shirt and a short denim skirt, showcasing toned legs and a small waist.

Her hair is long and dark, falling to her waist in luscious waves, but the shiny curls don't look styled, as if this was her natural hair. Her eyes are big and dark, her face small and cute-looking, with a button nose and plump lips, and she's hugging BTS' newest album to her chest tightly, as if treasuring it.

It wasn't the first time Taehyung saw a beautiful fan at one of their fansigns. In fact, all of their fans looked gorgeous to him, but even when one catches his eye more than the rest, he was usually really good at hiding it, making sure to give everyone his equal attention.

But this girl, something about the look in her eyes, the way she tucks a dark strand behind her ear, the pink blush on her round cheeks, the way her hands shake when she hands the album over to Taehyung, eyes widening slightly when their fingers brush.

Taehyung was a professional, yet he finds himself smiling warmly at the girl, reaching out to her and intertwining their fingers, a feeling of euphoria rushing through his body when he feels the fan's soft skin against his own.

"Hello", he finally answers, tilting his head down slightly to try and catch the girl's eyes, which were continuously fleeting away from him. "Why are you hiding from me?"

The girl seems bewildered at the question, and Taehyung can't help but thinks it's adorable, the way her doe eyes widen slightly, pink lips opening in surprise to reveal a row of perfect white teeth, but he resists the urge to smile towards the girl, instead keeping a small pout on his face, pretending to be disappointed.

"I'm sorry, I'm just shy", the girl mumbles then, lifting her eyes up almost forcefully to meet Taehyung's, before they fall back to their locked hands after a second, making Taehyung finally let out a deep chuckle, his acting long forgotten.

"You'll regret it later if you won't look at me now. Plus, I want to see your face, too", Taehyung explains, smiling in satisfaction when the fangirl lifts her head once again after a moment of hesitation, keeping her eyes on the idol's determinantly, despite the darkening blush on her cheeks.

"Woo-hoo", Taehyung cheers, releasing their joined hands to clap them together loudly, and the young woman laughs, covering her mouth with the back of her hand, but V can still hear the giggles escaping her mouth, sweet and melodic, and he thinks how much he'd love to hear it again.

"Now that I can see your pretty face, I should probably ask for your name.", Taehyung says with a grin, and the girl bows her head respectfully before saying, "I'm Y/L/N Y/N".

Taehyung still doesn't quite know what he's going to do, but knowing the fan's name, knowing she loves him, lights a spark of hope in his chest. "To, Y/L/N Y/N…"

Jeon Jungkook:

Jungkook likes practicing at 5 a.m in the morning, even if it means waking up before the sun is awake, when it's still dark outside, stumbling into the elevator of Bighit and pressing blindly on all the buttons until he reaches the right floor.

But there is also some good in working out so early in the morning. On days like this, when Jungkook was practicing for BTS' upcoming album until 3 in the morning, it's pretty pointless going back to his apartment, only to come back a few hours later. It's a lot easier to stay in the building, sleep on the comfortable blue sofa, and wake up two hours later to do his daily workout, without any disturbances.

Pushing open the opaque glass door with the palm of his hand, Jungkook muffles another yawn in the sleeve of his oversized black t-shirt. He's still wearing his sweat-filled clothes from practice, with the black Nike sneakers and gray sweatpants, but it doesn't really matter if he's going to sweat again.

His eyesight is still blurry and filled with tears of sleep-loss when he hops on the treadmill, but after a few minutes of jogging with his mind in haze, Jungkook starts to come back to his senses, the familiar adrenaline pumping in his veins.

It's when Jungkook is doing his deadlift workout routine, the muscles in his arms and thighs straining and his black long hair matted to his forehead with sweat, that the door to the gym opens suddenly, and Jungkook almost drops the weights he was holding from the surprise.

Standing in the entrance is a young woman, around Jungkook's age or maybe even younger. Judging by the black leggings she's wearing, the white crop top and the matching white sneakers, all Nike, the girl came to workout, just like the maknae of BTS.

Her dark hair is pulled into a messy bun on the top of her head, strands of it framing her small face, and her eyes are wide with shock at the sight of the young, sweaty man in front of her.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you", she says quickly, before Jungkook can even think what to say, the dark-haired man too busy admiring the girl's obvious curves and now, the honey-like sound of her voice.

"I thought the gym would be empty at this hour… I'll go now, sir.", the girl exclaims, bowing to Jungkook deeply before she's turning around, and that's when Jungkook comes back to reality, placing the weights on the ground and ignoring the screaming pain in his whole body.

"Wait, don't go.", He shouts just as the girl steps outside of the gym, and she turns around, her eyebrows raised slightly in confusion when Jungkook blushes, scratching the back of his sheepishly.

"You work here, don't you?", he inquires, relief seeping through his veins when the young woman nods, responding: "I'm actually new here. I work as one of the producers for BTS."

"Well, lucky for you, I'm Jungkook from BTS", Jungkook says, a small smile appearing at his face at the display of horror on the girl's face, "And this gym is for the use of the staff too, so…", he gestures to the vast space around vaguely, hoping he doesn't sound too hopeful when he waits for the producer to answer.

To his slight surprise, the woman steps into the room after a moment of hesitation, shouldering off her black Nike duffle bag and letting it fall to the ground. "Thank you, Jungkook-ssi", she says politely, bowing once again, a cute blush covering her cheeks like fairy dust.

Jungkook can feel himself blushing as well, the need to turn his head when he sees the young woman start to stretch overwhelming, so he clears his throat, taking a long gulp of water before saying. "It's no problem, Producer…?", his voice trails off slightly, and the woman smiles at him through the mirrors lining the walls, her bright grin and sparkly eyes forcing Jungkook to look away, his ears burning.

"Y/L/N Y/N, sir", she responds, and Jungkook hums in understanding, putting the cap back on the water bottle and examining the slight shake in his hand in distaste. So much for being a worldwide famous idol, when he couldn't even talk to a girl.

"Well… Welcome to Bighit, Y/L/N Y/N. I hope we'll be together for a long time.", Jungkook congratulates with a sincere smile. 'In more ways than one', he thinks.

[padfootagain]

Girl Crush (XV)

Chapter 15 : A Time for Christmas Roses

 Here we go with a new chapter!! Lots of cuteness!!! London in winter will settle for the next few chapters! Next update in 48 hours, as I've finished the next couple of chapters too!

I hope you like this new part, please, tell me what you think!

Word Count: 5326

Spending New Year's Eve in London ought to be a dream.

If you had imagined only a few months before that you would travel to Europe for the holidays, you would have shaken your head at yourself and your crazy imagination.

And yet there you were, incredibly jetlagged, pulling your suitcase behind you as you walked out of your terminal in Heathrow Airport, looking for your friend across the estranged faces that filled the cold halls.

The little crowd that had gathered in the centre of the building did give you a hint of where Harry was though. You had told him that it wasn't a good idea for him to come and pick you up. But as usual, he didn't listen. It was kind of him to come, of course. Still, it was pretty stupid considering how famous he was.

It seemed to be a rather calm crowd though, and when you spotted Harry in the middle of the group, he seemed relaxed enough, taking pictures with everyone who had gathered around him. You headed for the exit and sent him a text to tell him you were waiting for him outside.

It was terribly cold in London, and you missed the Californian sun already as you stepped outside of the airport and under a grey sky. People were hurrying to and fro in a busy waltz, dragging their luggage behind them, but you settled a few meters away from the door in a quieter corner, leaning against a wall. You watched the cars passing by and strangers rushing in and out, wondering where they were coming from and where they were going. What exotic destination would they go to? Where they coming to London to see a friend, family, a lover, or was London an exotic destination to them as well?

"Sorry about that."

Harry's deep voice tore you away from your thoughts, and you didn't miss a second to lean in his open arms to hug him close.

"Oh, I've missed you so much," he breathed into your hair.

He breathed in the smell of your shampoo, the fragrance making him feel light-headed. It was almost painful to have you back when he had missed you so much. A good kind of pain. The ache that made a heart beat a little faster as one's longing is over. The stinging sensation that settles in to replace what had been wanted.

"I've missed you too," you answered, burying your face a little deeper against his shoulder. "It's so good to see you."

He tightened his hold on you before letting go.

"I'm parked close, let's go."

He took your suitcase and guided you across the parking lot to his car, his warm breath creating strange shapes into the cold air.

"God, it's so cold," you squealed as you climbed on the passenger's seat.

"It's winter, what did you expect?" Harry laughed at you, turning on the engines.

"Thanks again for inviting me over, this is amazing! I couldn't stay long enough to really visit anything when I came for your first show, so I'm glad I have a second chance to discover London."

"I'm sure you have an entire list of places where you want to go…"

"Of course!"

You grinned, reaching in the pocket on the inside of your warm coat for a little piece of paper where you had written the name of all the places you wanted to visit during the week.

Harry couldn't help but laugh, but his eyes and smile were tender, filled with fondness. Because it was just so you… and you were too adorable for his heart to handle.

"I also count on your expertise, obviously," you went on, ignoring his laughter. "Maybe you can show me around a few places?"

He frowned.

"Well, we'll be together for two weeks, I don't think you've really got a choice in terms of who's going to be your guide around London…"

"I… I don't know… don't you have things to do while I'm here?"

"No, I've cleared my schedule because you were coming."

"Oh…"

"Are you… disappointed that I'll be around?"

You rolled your eyes.

"Don't be silly. I've just travelled across the globe just to see you, remember? I just thought that you would be busy. But I'm glad you aren't. I'm gonna drag you to all the tourists' favourite spots!"

"I didn't expect anything less coming from you."

You seemed to think for a moment, which was always a moment to be dreaded, for all your craziest and cutest ideas emerged from these reflective times.

"What's going in there? I can see the smoke coming out of your ears," Harry commented, stopping at a red light.

"Will it be okay for you to come with me to all these places? I mean… people recognized you at the airport."

His hold on the steering wheel tightened, but his voice was calm when he replied.

"It's winter: coats, hats, scarves… I should be alright. But if you're worried it'll be a problem, you can go on your own, it's okay."

But you shook your head.

"If you're okay with taking the risk, then so am I. And you're right, even I could barely recognize you with that gigantic scarf of yours," you added, pointing at Harry's brown knitted scarf.

He exploded with laughter, and relaxed.

"I'm more than ready to take the risk. I've missed spending time with you."

"I've missed you too."

"I'll come back to L.A. for a while after the holidays."

"Really?" you asked, excited.

"Yeah… I have some time off in the tour, much needed time off. So… would like to try to escape the cold of London in winter."

"I'm sure you would!" you playfully laughed at him. "Well, I won't complain. L.A isn't the same without my best friend."

If your words still made him smile, there was also a string being bitterly pulled at his heart.

Best friend… no need to remind him of that.

"How is work, by the way?"

"Everything's fine. I got a raise before Christmas!"

"Wow! Congrats! Mary really can't do anything without you anymore, huh?"

You became a little shy, but wore a proud smile on your lips still.

"Well, I'm good at my job, apparently."

"You are amazing at your job, Y/N."

You wanted to nudge him playfully and tell him to shut up, but his voice sounded too earnest for you to react this way. You lowered your gaze to your shoes instead and let out a shy thank you.

"What about Gareth?" Harry asked in a casual tone, resting his elbow at the base of the window to hold the wheel.

"He's fine. He's spending the holidays with his family, so he couldn't come, but thank you for inviting him too, it means a lot to me."

I know it does. I wouldn't have done so otherwise.

"You'll have him again soon."

You shrugged.

"It's okay. It's just for a couple of weeks. Oh, which reminds me, he asked me to text him after I landed.""

"Everything's fine between you two?" Harry wondered while you texted your boyfriend, letting him know that you were in safe hands and that all had gone well.

"Yeah… it's going fine. Nothing new. He gave me a nice book about plants for Christmas… that I had already, but it was kind," you laughed fondly.

"I'm glad you've found someone nice. Someone who treats you right," Harry earnestly said. "And for his defence… you have almost all possible books that one can find about plants so…"

"I know, it was cute. But what about you?"

"Me and Gareth? We're over the moon together."

"Not you and Gareth, you silly!" you joined his laughter. "I mean, do you have someone these days?"

But Harry shook his head.

"Nope. No one."

"No one serious or no one no one?"

"Uhm… no one… no one… What…?"

"I don't know, I mean… you never talk to me about this stuff."

"Because there is nothing to say?"

"I mean… Sandra tells me about her one-night stands all the time, Jasmine tells me everything about her and her boyfriend. So… I hope you don't avoid telling me things because you feel like you can't. Cause you can. I mean… you get it, right?"

He chuckled.

"I don't have any one-night stands to talk about either."

"No?"

He shook his head.

"Nothing since…"

He frowned hard, going through memories. But then, his expression changed from focused to surprised.

"Since… before my album came out. Wow… perhaps I should work on a one-night stand after all… that… that is a long time without sex…"

"Just a few months," you rolled your eyes.

"Almost a year."

"Almost a year?"

"Almost ten months," he nodded.

"Maybe you should try to find a one-night stand," you admitted with a teasing smile.

"Good resolutions for the new year: getting laid," he joked, making you laugh as well.

It wasn't that late in London, barely the beginning of the evening, and yet by the time you needed to drive from the airport to Harry's house the sun had set, turning the clouds from grey to a deep shade of brown, almost black. The yellowish light of the lampposts helped the moon to light the world. But London was a busy city, and even with the low light and the cold, the streets were filled with strangers walking around. Despite the early time in the evening, your journey had greatly tired you, and you asked Harry to stay in for the first night. He didn't protest, it meant getting some quality time with you after all.

You were surprised though when you entered Harry's home when you found no Christmas decorations whatsoever.

Yes, it was the 27th, and Christmas was theoretically over, but you reckoned that Christmas time ought to last at least until the second week of January, or else it wasn't worth it.

What about the aftermath? Eating all the chocolate you got for Christmas? All the extra cookies? Keeping the lights on for New Year's Eve?

The most surprising fact was that there was a tree in his living room, it was simply…bare.

"You've already put all your decorations away?" you asked, taking in your surroundings, not being surprised to find the place looking exactly like Harry's personality.

A little old and a little new. Soft and warm and full of chairs and couches to gather a lot of people at once. Tasteful and personal, the kind of home that made you feel like it could become yours if he agreed to let you stay for a little longer than a few hours. The plants you had helped him nurture were thriving.

You loved the place already…

"Huh… no, I didn't put them on actually," Harry answered, taking his warm coat off and pushing your suitcase down the hallway and towards the stairs. "I was at my mom's for Christmas, and didn't have time to decorate before leaving."

"But you have a tree!"

"I just had time to pick it up, and then something came up, and I didn't decorate it."

You pouted, seeming a little disappointed.

Harry heaved a sigh as he knew perfectly what that meant…

"Do you want us to decorate it tonight?"

You gave him a grin and nodded enthusiastically.

"Even if Christmas is over?" he asked, but you shrugged his remark away.

"I haven't given you your present, yet."

"You got me a present?"

"Of course!"

"Good, because I got you one too."

Your grin only widened, burning through the room.

"I can't wait to see what it is."

"Alright, what about I get your suitcase upstairs and get the decorations while you make us some hot cocoa, huh? Feel free to open all the drawers in the kitchen, my home is yours. I also bought the cookies you like, they're next to the sink."

You got to work, humming to the Christmas song stuck in your head while Harry fumbled through boxes he had put away upstairs and the warm scent of sugar and chocolate filled the entire house.

When he finally walked back downstairs with a box filled with decorations and he saw you standing there, humming in his kitchen in your warm woollen pullover, your pair of old jeans and your colourful socks, busy making the most comforting drink in the world, he couldn't help but feel like this was right. You, there, in his kitchen, relaxed and happy and making cocoa… that was how things were meant to be. It felt so right. It felt so real.

His throat tightened and jaw clenched, his hold tightening around the box.

He wished that it could be meant to be, at least. A shame you didn't seem to feel this way too.

He shook himself, pushing these thoughts away, because for now you weren't with Gareth, you were with him, in his kitchen and he intended to enjoy every moment he could spend with you.

"Found them!" he told you as he entered the kitchen, right when you were pouring the hot beverage into two large mugs.

"Great! Let's take a look! Here you go, be careful, it's very hot."

You handed him his cocoa and he put the box on the kitchen table so you could inspect what it contained.

And you were far from impressed.

A few lights, but there were barely any garlands and other goodies…

Now, that wouldn't do.

"Okay, no. No, we can't decorate this grandiose tree with only these!" you admonished, shaking your head. "Is there a supermarket close?"

"Huh… yeah, down the street. Why?"

"We're gonna make some decorations."

"Make?"

"If we find a few cute things we can buy them too, but I reckon that as Christmas is technically over we're gonna have to do the hard work ourselves. Come on! Get your coat and your keys, and there we go!"

"But… the cocoa…"

"I'll make more when we come back, come on!"

You did take the time though to grab one of the cookies Harry had bought for you - chocolate chips, your favourite, as usual – and then dragged him out again.

At the store down the street, you filled Harry's arms with glitter, and paint, and glue, and an awful lot of paper and pencils and even more glitter. Your friend didn't really dare to question your actions, he had seen you in this kind of creative mood before, and was well aware that you were an unstoppable force then. You were way too stubborn, all he could do was nod and accept that his evening would be spent creating adorable Christmas decorations with you. And as the thought crossed his mind while you were both waiting to pay for your items, he didn't really want to complain about it after all. There was a dreamy smile on his lips, tender and happy, because when given a little bit of thought, making Christmas decoration with you was a lovely way to spend an evening.

That's how you soon found yourself sitting on Harry's white carpet, before his tall Christmas tree, surrounded with scissors, paper and pencils, your fingers covered in glue and glitter all over your face, laughing with Harry while Ella Fitzgerald sang Christmas Carols in the background.

"I think you're missing some pink glitter on your left cheek," you stated, disregarding the little paper star you were folding in yellow paper, examining Harry.

He had some silver glitter on the bridge of his nose, and a little bit of gold on his forehead, some blue and green on his chin and his cheeks adorned each a line of a bright orange glitter.

"Okay, go ahead," he accepted his fate with an amused smile and leaned forward to allow you to apply some pink glitter over his cheeks.

"Better!"

"You need more red."

"Red?"

"Yes, on your cheeks."

It was your turn to lean forward, presenting your face to him and closing your eyes, waiting for him to paint glittery shapes all over your skin. And as he applied some glitter on his finger and then onto the soft skin of your cheek, Harry couldn't manage to prevent his heart from beating too fast.

God… how he wanted to run his fingers across your cheek for hours…

Instead, it lasted less than a minute, but that was more than enough for him to blush and feel like his heart was ready to explode, and how was that humanly possible to get so many butterflies in one's stomach?

You got back to your tiny star with a smile on your face, singing along to the Christmas songs Harry had put on. It was a mess, the whole room was messy by now, but the tree looked more and more psychedelic, which was all Harry's home deserved.

But you had made a mess of his house already, when you had landed only a few hours before in London. And a comment that Gareth once made about you echoed in your mind once again as your eyes roamed the space around you.

I love that you're passionate about things, but sometimes you get carried away and you don't even realize it, and you kinda make a mess of things. You're… you're a bit childish sometimes.

As you took a look around the room, at all the pieces of paper and the glue, and all the mess, and even Harry's face covered with glitter, and some shiny pieces stuck in his brown curls too… you had to admit that Gareth was right. You did make a mess of things sometimes, even if you had the best of intentions, the result was the same.

Harry was inviting you to his house for the holidays, and you had decided to decorate his home for Christmas, dragged him to a shop to buy some stuff he would never use again, and then moved on to make a mess of his living room to make some childish Christmas decorations.

Gareth was right. Maybe sometimes you forgot that you had to stop behaving like that… you were too old for these things, too old for making your own Christmas decorations, too old for spending your rainy afternoons in pyjamas…

"You're alright, Y/N?"

Harry's deep voice shook you out of your own head.

"Hmm… Yeah, yeah… all good."

"You don't look like you are. What's wrong? You don't like my decoration?"

"I love it, it's very cute."

"What's wrong then?"

You shrugged, but asked the question that tore your heart and burnt your tongue anyway.

"Harry… do you think that… I'm sorry for tonight."

"Sorry? For what?"

"You… Don't you think I'm a bit too much sometimes?"

"Too much? What do you mean?"

"I… I mean… Like right now? You've invited me to stay at your place and now look… it's all a mess."

Harry laughed.

"Yeah, it's kind of a mess. But… that's alright."

"I shouldn't have asked you to decorate the tree, it's not my house. I'm sorry."

You seemed sad now, and really, Harry couldn't have that. For the next two weeks, he would work at making you the happiest woman on Earth. He couldn't start failing in the first evening.

"Don't apologize, I love decorating the tree with you."

"Really?"

"I've been laughing almost non-stop ever since we've started, in case you hadn't noticed. Thought it would give me away…"

"I… I don't… it feels like intruding."

"Intruding? No, you're not. You're… you're just being you."

"What do you mean?"

He shrugged.

"I don't know, you're just… always finding nice things to do. Things that we used to do as children and have kinda forgotten when we shouldn't have, cause they're fun to do. You're… you make simple things more valuable. You give value to simple moments, and I think it's important to do that, to know how to appreciate simple things that money can't buy. And I think that… in our society right now, it's easy to forget about those things, but you don't. And it's nice. But why are you thinking about things like that?"

"Gareth told me that sometimes… I get a bit carried away with things… like tonight, for example. And that I should tune that down."

Harry's jaw clenched, but he struggled to only reveal his emotions through a raise of his eyebrows.

"Well, I think he's wrong, don't listen to him."

"I mean… he is right."

"How did he tell you that? What were the circumstances?"

"I wanted to play to a boardgame with him. But it was more of a… like… long-line-of-similar-things kind of stuff, I guess."

"He… he isn't talking down on you, is he?"

You could see now, despite Harry's best efforts at hiding his emotions, that he was getting angry. You shook your head and gave him a reassuring smile.

"No, he's very nice. He didn't say that to be mean. It was just a remark. Nothing mean intended. Still, it made me think and… he is right… sometimes I get overexcited and have silly ideas."

"Well, I love your silly ideas."

"You do?"

"Yeah… Do you really think that I would be making all of these if I didn't like making them with you?"

"I… I don't know, you're very nice. You could have said yes just to make me happy."

"Well, I didn't. I love that about you. I love that you're earnest and silly in an adorable way. I love that you've made a mess of my living room tonight. It's fun, and sweet, and it's who you are. And I don't think you should change for anybody, especially not a boyfriend."

"I thought that the people we love were supposed to make us be better."

"I think that… we want to change to be better for the people we love. But I don't think that if you truly, unconditionally love someone you would ask them to change. I want to change to be worthy of the people who love me. But I don't want the people I love to change for me, nor for anyone else, for that matter. If you're to change something about yourself, it should be because you want to do it, not because someone else told you to. Besides, what you're talking about changing is you being absolutely adorable all the damn time, that's not the worst trait of character a human can have."

You gave him a warm smile, before he reached for your hand.

"Promise me you won't change that about you," Harry whispered, his thumb dancing over your knuckles, making your heart trip behind your ribcage. "It's a good thing. Don't change… don't change for him. He's not worth you changing for him. No one on this Earth is worth that much."

His hand left yours and despite his house being warm and comfortable, your fingers felt cold without his to cover them.

You gave him a small but earnest smile, the gesture reaching the corners of your eyes.

You had been right, Harry wouldn't want you to change that about yourself… he wouldn't want you to change at all…

"Alright, I won't."

You resumed your activity, but it wasn't long before Harry spoke again, his deep voice covering the tune of White Christmas.

"So… what do you want us to do while you're here?" your friend asked while drawing little flowers over a ball of paper.

"I guess… the usual tourists spots. Kensington Gardens, St James's Park, Buckingham Palace, the National Gallery, Big Ben, the Tower Bridge, St Paul's Cathedral…"

"The clichés then…"

"Yeah, the clichés! And for the cute little places that I don't know about, you're gonna help me!"

"Alright… But tomorrow, I have something planned for you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's Sunday and… I know about a place you'll like."

You grinned, making Harry's heart miss a beat or two.

You really were a ray of sunshine every time you smiled…

"What is it?"

"Nope! Not telling! It's a surprise!" he shook his head, and despite your pout, he would not waver. "I'm sure you're going to love it though."

"I trust you."

"It won't take the whole day though. I guess, we could go there in the morning, eat something there, and then move on to another part of town."

"Sure."

"It's about… I'd say it's about a thirty-minutes-walk from the Tower of London, we could spend the rest of the afternoon there."

"Perfect!" you frantically nodded, your grin never leaving your lips.

"Alright, let's do that then."

You got up to place your star on the tree, and Harry handed you his decoration so you could choose a spot for it too. And you reckoned that this tree looked absolutely fabulous.

"I think we're done," you announced proudly. "What do you think?"

"I think this is the weirdest Christmas tree I've ever seen, but I love it."

"It looks amazing."

"It looks unapologetically bizarre, it's great!"

"Should we clean up?" you asked, but Harry shook his head.

"Let's exchange gifts first, then we'll clean up. I can't wait to give you your present any longer."

A moment later, and you were eating a cookie, both of you sitting before the illuminated tree, with a little pile of gifts in front of each of you.

"Alright, you start," Harry nodded towards the two boxes in front of you, one rather large but thin, and the other a tiny squared one.

You didn't need any more encouragement to excitedly grab the little box and tear the paper apart. Your action revealed a dark velvety box, that you slowly opened as well, wondering what could be inside.

Your eyes opened wide at the sight of a beautiful pendant in the shape of a delicate peony, shades of silver and copper making the patterns of petals and leaves.

"Wow…" you let out in a breath.

You took the jewel out of its box and ran your fingers across the delicate shapes. You noticed that something was engraved under the two petals, and when you took a closer look, you realized that it was yours and Harry's initials.

"So… do you like it?" Harry asked anxiously, trying to read through your expression, but your silence confused him. You usually were overjoyed when you received a gift, but you were barely reacting now, only studying the piece of jewellery he had chosen for you. "I know you don't like… diamonds and stuff, so I thought that this was more discreet… do you like it?"

"It's… it's gorgeous, Harry," you whispered. "It's so beautiful."

You finally looked up at him again with withheld tears in your eyes.

"I… I don't think anyone's ever offered me something that looks this precious before," you admitted in a weak voice.

"Well, you only deserve precious things."

You stared at each other for a moment, none of you truly breathing, none of you able to look away, as if there was an invisible string connecting the two of you and pulling to make you lean closer to each other.

But you looked away first, finally able to draw a full breath of air for your shouting lungs, and Harry looked down at his laps, trying to hide how he was blushing.

"I love it, it's gorgeous," you reassured him. "Can you help me put it on?"

"Sure, come here."

You scooted closer to him, turning your back to him so he could close the silver chain around your neck. His fingers struggled a little, shaking because of the scent of your shampoo overloading his senses, and he was grateful for being seated on the floor, because he could feel his legs weakening against the floor. His eyes weren't focused on the chain at all, but instead on the back of your neck, and it took everything in him to not lean down and kiss the soft skin that was revealed to him. Instead, he closed the clasp and let go of the chain.

"Done," he whispered, his voice too out of breath, but there was nothing he could do to hide how shaky his tone had turned.

"Thank you!"

You sat back behind your second gift, running your fingers across the delicate flower falling perfectly around your neck, a smile glued to your lips.

"Okay, open the other one!" Harry urged you, and you happily complied.

Tearing the wrapping paper apart, you revealed a beautiful scarf, a purple velvet embroidered with golden threads.

Once again, you were left speechless. Instead, you traced your fingers across the soft fabric and the embroidered flowers that ran across it.

"Wow… that's beautiful, Harry. But you… you shouldn't have bought me all that…"

"Why not? You love scarves. You have too many of those already, I know, but I thought that this one would suit you. And you don't have so many purple ones, you keep on saying that you need to find new ones in that colour."

"I know but… it's… it's too nice."

"Too nice?"

But you shook your head. You were being silly. Harry really was the best… these gifts were so right for you.

"It's perfect, Harry," you grinned, wrapping the scarf around your neck. It was soft and warm.

Harry shot you a cheeky grin.

"Yeah, I know, I'm good at giving gifts."

You wanted to retaliate with a clever word to wipe that annoying expression off his face, but you reckoned that he deserved to wear it this time. So instead, you leaned forward to hug him and kiss his cheek, unaware of the butterflies that had invaded Harry's stomach at your gesture, or the shot of electricity that ran through his spine as your lips touched his skin.

He was excellent at hiding all his symptoms, indeed.

"Thank you, Harry."

"Merry Christmas, Y/N."

"Alright, your turn!"

"Hang on, hang on… I'm admiring how good my gifts look on you!" he replied, slowly taking the wrapped object you had placed in front of him

"Open it!"

Harry laughed at you, shaking his head at how excited you were, but he tore the paper of his gift anyway.

It was a notebook, bound together by a black leather cover, upon which were written in silver Future hits. Harry couldn't help but laugh at the message. He guessed that you had customized it for him, and he ran his thumb across the words in a tender stroke.

He opened it, and found that you had written a little note on the front page.

So you can keep on making everyone's life better thanks to your music.

With all the love,

Y/N

PS: don't forget to be careful on the road.

He remained silent for a moment, his throat too tight to speak, feeling tears threaten to escape from his eyes.

But when he looked up at you again, he was wearing a touched smile on his features.

"Thank you," he breathed in a voice deeper than his usual tone, and you could hear the emotion in the way he sounded as he wrapped an arm around you to pull you into a tight hug.

"Do you like it?" you shyly asked while you wrapped your arms around his neck.

"I love it. Thank you. Thank you for everything."

"Merry Christmas, Harry."

Harry's smile widened as he let his forehead fall to rest on your shoulder.

"Merry Christmas, Y/N."

There was a mess around you waiting to be cleaned. And you hadn't eaten dinner yet. And you were exhausted and dreamt of a comfortable bed.

Yet, none of you had any intention to move. In fact, you remained for a long time like this, holding on each other, enjoying being together, probably for too long for a mere hug between friends, but none of you were ready to admit that fact. It was so much easier to push the thought away for now and simply be together, even if for just a little while…

***********************************

Tag list :   @ponycake27 @horsesreign @xinyourdreamsx @jbluevelvet@notkeppeki @daynigt-dreamer-stuff @fudgeflyss @stuckupstucky@snek-shit @suchatinyinfinity@i-padfootblack-things  @buckybsarmy @heyohheyitsgabi@jigsawlover10 @emyyjemyy @addictedtofictionalcharacters​ @staringmoony​@madamrogers​​​ @cronias13​​​ @stylesfics-xx​​​ @mellamolayla​

[lucysuniverse]

Camellia

Isn’t Adachi Yuto just the purest and cutest boy alive? Just like a Camellia. This story was inspired by the song Camellia on Pentagon’s first full album The Black Hall. Since Yuto wrote the lyrics I immediately thought that this is a story which belongs to him. 

Hope you’ll like it :)

Pairing: Yuto x OC/reader

Genre: cute, fluff, romance, angst

Word count: 5,046 _________________________________

‘I noticed that you are always drawing this flower.’

              ‘Huh?’

And he stopped for a second when I said this. Like a child, like he didn’t even know what he was doing until this point, he started to analyze his own drawing like he has never seen something like this before.

              ‘Sorry, I didn’t want to disturb you. Just go on. I’ll be going then.’

And I wanted to leave the class. It was always like this. I wanted to approach him, but he was shy or maybe he didn’t want to talk to me, I don’t know what the reason was, but it never worked out. It was impossible to get close to him. I gave up.

              ‘It’s a camellia. Queen of winter flowers.’

              ‘I see. It’s beautiful.’

And I didn’t want more. I was already satisfied with this short answer. It meant literally everything. Ever since he joined our class I was hoping for a little interaction. I was hoping for a secret glance, for a little sign of interest. Not only towards me. He was always alone, he was always wearing black, he was always listening to music. And he always seemed sad. I just wanted to hug him. To see him smile. Once, only once. That was all I wanted. But now as he was talking about his drawing, for the first time he seemed comfortable and relaxed. He was totally different. I just hoped other people could see this side of him too.

              ‘If you are interested, I can tell you the legend of camellia.’

He was again shy, but he made the first step. And I wanted to get to know this Yuto more than everything.

              ‘I am all ears.’

***

              ‘Class! Can I have your attention please? I would like to introduce you your new classmate, Adachi Yuto. He and his family has just recently moved to Korea, please make sure to help him, and involve him in our everyday life so that he can adapt fast and comfortably to this new situation. Yuto-ya do you want to tell something about yourself? Why don’t you introduce yourself?’

              ‘Hi my name is Yuto. Nice to meet you.’

That was the very first time I heard him talking. He was insecure and quiet, but something about his looks and voice made me go insane. These two short sentences made me so awake like I was never before. Usually I was bored during classes. Either sleeping or talking with others, these were my top activities. Classes were usually boring, or at least I already knew what was about to happen. American Civil War? Boring. Colonization? Been discussed hundred times before. Maths? Will we draw triangles in real life just to prove that Pythagoras was right? Duh, no. BORING.

But he was something else. He was mysterious, and I wanted to know everything about him. Where has he lived in Japan, what are his parents like? Does he have siblings? Are they also gifted by these genes? Suddenly school became the most interesting thing in my life.

In the class I was the tallest girl. I didn’t really hate my height but I was used to sit in the last row, have only shorter friends than me, and of course I was always the one asked to turn on the projector, or lift down the boxes from the shelves. It wasn’t bad but sometimes it gave me hard times. The prom was nearing as we were in our last year of school and there was literally no one who would want to dance with me. And this was only based on height. Most of the boys didn’t like tall girls. If a girl is same height as them then how can they show their manly side? Bullshit.

But for the first time on that lovely October Monday I was proud to be tall. It was good to sit in the last row, and I didn’t mind that I haven’t had a partner for the prom. Once he stepped in our class, everything has changed. He was my hope. He was handsome, tall and seemingly a good person. What gave me this feeling? I can’t really describe I just looked at him and couldn’t imagine him being anything else.

              ‘Are you really two years older than us?’

One of the cool guys asked. There was a complete squad of them. They would bully you for everything possible and I already felt like this question is not leading us in the right way.

              ‘Yes, I was born in the Year of Ox*.’  

              ‘What? Is that 3 years then? HAHA. What a loser. Did you fail 3 times?’

              ‘No it’s just…’

              ‘Why do you think you’ll pass in Korea if you failed already 3 times. Are you looking down on             our country? Just because you are a foreigner it won’t be easier for you.’

*Year of Ox: February 7, 1997 - January 27 (yes Kino too), 1998

              ’Kim Jae Hyun that will be enough. Yuto please sit down, there is an empty place for you in the last row. Huh, okay we are done with the introduction and now let’s move on with our topic…’

And Ms. Choi stopped for a second before she said it out loud.

              ‘Japanese invasion of Korea.’

              ‘Teacher I thought this is history class, why are we talking about our present.’

And they were looking all at Yuto. Challengingly like they have to fight for privileges, like they were afraid the new kid will take their position. How could he? It could be seen that Yuto wasn’t the type of guy who was eager to be the cool guy in class. He would never show off or throw a fit just to be popular. I was getting angry.

              ‘Kim Jae Hyun. Shut your mouth finally, will you?’ I said tempered.

              ‘Oh Lady Protector. Why don’t you mind your own business? Do you have to interfere all the time? Did you fall for Mr. Japan so easily? What a basic-‘

‘ENOUGH. Kim Jae Hyun you go to the director’s office. NOW.’

‘Conversation. Teacher this is what I wanted to say. Basic conversation. Nothing else why should I ?’

              ‘I said NOW. Don’t make me tell you once again.’

And seemingly Ms. Choi hoped that introducing a new classmate won’t be so hard, but her predictions might have fooled her. Now she turned to me.

              ‘You. I’ll let it slip for now. But I don’t want you to raise your voice in my class anymore, understood?’

              ‘Yes, Ms. Choi. I am sorry.’               ‘I’ll go with Jaehyun will be back in 5 mins. I don’t wanna hear any noise.’

Oh, I think I missed out something important. I am the president of class. So most of the times I was in charge of keeping the class organized or even making sure they won’t cause a complete disaster when there is no teacher around.  Anyone can tell my life is full of happiness and unexpected surprises. Thankfully after they’ve left nobody dared to talk. Jaehyun’s bad guy squad was powerless without him. If the leader was not around, they were just shy bunnies.

Yuto’s table was on my right side but I was afraid to look in his direction. What could he feel, what could he think about our class? I was so ashamed. Those stupid idiots ruined everything.

 ***

Thanks to that idiot flower boy Kim Jae Hyun, Yuto became a ghost in our class. He was always present, but always somewhere far away. He always arrived in the last second and left as soon as the classes were over. After that terrible introduction day nobody was nagging him, and even if they tried, he would just ignore them. He was always alone, he had always his headphones on and he seemed lonely.

As we were sitting next to each other I was always cautiously glancing over his table during the classes wondering what he is up to. And most of the times he was drawing. It was always the same. A flower. I was not really familiar with the types, but it was always the same flower. Seemingly it could have a special meaning to him.

After the class ended, he was about to go but I gathered all my courage to ask him about the drawing. Previously I tried to talk to him, but seemingly he wasn’t the type to like small talks. He always replied but would never ask back. He kept it short and simply. I couldn’t build up a conversation. But that afternoon everything has changed.

              ‘I noticed that you are always drawing this flower.’

              ‘Huh?’

              ‘Sorry, I didn’t want to disturb you. Just go on. I’ll be going then.’

But after a little hesitation he continued.

              ‘It’s a camellia. Queen of winter flowers.’

              ‘I see. It’s beautiful.’

              ‘If you are interested, I can tell you the legend of camellia.’

              ‘I am all ears.’

And after 23 days of silence and no contact we were talking like we’ve always known each other. Actually, we were so immersed in our conversation that we even forgot about the drawing. Yuto was actually a cool guy. If you got to know him, he was so much different from the first predictions. He still wasn’t egoistic or rude, but he had great goals and plans in life, he was honest and on top of that talented. When I got to know he raps, sings, and dances I was taken a back.

              ‘Why didn’t you tell anyone in the class? They would love it I am sure.’

              ‘Well, I don’t think it is a good idea.’ He said shyly.

And then I realized. He didn’t want to show his true colors because others would criticize him, they would nag and bully. And what he had was already more than enough.

              ‘Anyways thank you for sharing. Even if the others seem to be distant, they are, I mean most of them, are good people. They just need time to welcome you in the class. But you’ll become               the part of this class. I’ll make sure. Until then you can count on me. The class president is        always here for you. ‘

And I couldn’t believe my eyes, but he was smiling. SMILING. And it was the most beautiful and purest smile I’ve ever seen. I wish I could tell him how beautiful it was, how that smile made my heart skip a beat. How much I needed it in my life. Definitely he should have smiled more.

Starting from that afternoon our relationship was slowly but surely becoming a friendship. We got closer and closer. And I fell in love with him. I always adored his looks but this time it was different. First, he was just a good-looking guy. Objectively looking at him nobody could tell otherwise. He was indeed handsome. But as soon as we started sharing stories, spending more and more time together I saw him more and more beautiful. For others he might not be the most amazing guy, but for me, he was. He is.

Others have also noticed this because my friends started nagging me. ‘When will you finally ask him to dance with you?’ ‘Is he such a coward that he will not ask you out?’ And I was always politely telling everyone that there is no such thing that we are becoming a couple. But inside it did hurt. Because I wanted to be together with him. I wanted it more than anything.

***

As the prom was just around the corner a lot of things happened to our class. We were preparing a lot of things. Decorations, a little campaign, a dance performance even. Yuto tried to hide the fact that he could dance but once he was chosen to be the center he couldn’t run away. Slowly but after passed he got accepted in our class. My friends really loved him (of course they might have seen how I was head over heels for him), other girls had a crush on him, and the guys respected him. Most of them. But not the cool gang. Kim Jae Hyun and his squad has been turned down. They no longer had power. They’ve been dethroned. I was so happy about Yuto finally becoming the part of our class. He fought his war, but he did succeed. And others had to accept it. Seemingly they did. But it was not yet over.

                    The representative election was one of the most important events before the prom. Every class should vote for two class representatives, usually for a boy and a girl. The chosen ones would have the honor to give a speech at the prom and at the graduation ceremony. There was literally no one who wouldn’t want to do it. Not because they were so grateful towards each other. But it looked nice in university applications.

Even though everyone was interested there were requirements which you should meet for the applications. You should have had good marks, a recommendation letter from one of our teachers and of course the votes from the class. And that was the hardest to get.

I knew I had higher chances since I had good grades and I was the class president but still I didn’t want to take it for granted. I wanted to work hard, and honestly wanted to have a fair election. My friends were so cute they kept on telling me that I will be chosen but I ignored all these comments. I didn’t want to have high hopes.

Out of the boys I didn’t know who the candidates could be. Yuto was becoming more and more popular but still he didn’t have these kinds of ambitions. Jae Hyun had these ambitions though, but he was losing his popularity recently. Therefore, on the day when they announced the results, I was extremely nervous. I couldn’t stand the idea of working together with Jae Hyun. And I was already way to excited to give a graduation speech alongside Yuto. But then something unexpected happen like it never did before.

              ‘Congratulations you are the class representative of Year 2019/2020.’

I was so shocked. I mean deep inside I was hoping for this, but I never knew that my whole class would choose me. I had friends and nobody hated me, still it was surprising I was moved by this. But still there was a question without an answer.

              ‘Ohm sorry but, who is the other representative?’ I asked with a slight hesitation.

              ‘This year you are the only one chosen. Congrats you are the classes favorite, still you can choose someone to give the speech with, if you want to.’

Of course, I wanted to. There was no doubt. I thought it is happening finally. Yuto might be shy but maybe I can convince him. It worked out great previously and he became loved and popular in our class. I wanted to help him. The other day when we were talking, he told me why he could not graduate earlier. And once I realized and knew the background, I just wanted to help him more to achieve his dreams.

After the class I wanted to ask him to be the other representative with me but seemingly he had to go. I was running out of the school when I found him standing next to two other guys. Both of them were smaller than him. But they looked around his age. When I saw them, I stopped running; I didn’t want to disturb them. It was so easy to see that they were his teammates.

              ‘Yutoooo.’ The smaller guy said with a childlike excitement. He seemed super hyper. But had such a positive vibe. It seemed he truly liked Yuto. Looking at him once again he might have                been older than Yuto and the third guy.

              ‘How was it?’ The third guy asked. He was such a fashionista. Cool clothes with accessories and even his presence was shouting for attention. But when I looked at his face, I realized how sensitive he could be.

              ‘It was okay. Huh?’ And in that moment, he noticed me. I didn’t want to be uncovered, but it was so satisfying to meet idols I couldn’t help but stay there watching them. I guess I even blushed.

              ‘Oh, hi!’ I said quietly. And even though I was loud person in that situation I felt so small for some reason.

              ‘What are you doing here? Is something wrong?’ Yuto asked worriedly.

              ‘Oh… oh no… nothing specific I just…’ and then I stopped.

I looked at the two other guys and the timing didn’t seem perfect. Should I really ask him in front of his teammates?

              ‘Are you sure you are okay?’ He asked again.

              ‘Oh yeah, uhm there is something I want to ask from you. Can we talk tomorrow afternoon? I’ll be waiting next to the library.’

              ‘Okay. Ohm sorry but we gotta go now.’

              ‘Sure, sure. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

              ‘See ya.’

And I turned around and realized how my pulse was in the heights. I was literally dying. And it was getting worse when I heard them leaving.

              ‘Is she your girlfriend? She is cute.’ The older guy said. And then added with his playful voice a bit like nagging. ‘Yuto has a girlfriend, Yuto has a girlfriend.’ And then returned to his original self. ‘Next time you should introduce us.’

              ‘Okay hyung.’

              ‘Does she know where you are going now?’ The other guy asked now.

              ‘Uhm, yeah I think she does.’

              ‘So, you talked about becoming an idol but you didn’t introduce us?’

              ‘No need for nagging. Yuto had a though day.’ The smallest guy said.

              ‘Thank you hyung.’ Yuto said appreciatively.

But he hasn’t finished.

              ‘But even on though days you should have introduced the leader of your group.’

              ‘What and what about the dancing machine then? Hyung aren’t you a bit too much?’

              ‘Okay, okay. I am just joking.’

And that was the last I could hear. They’ve left. It was so good to see that there were people like them around Yuto. It seemed like they were a good team.

I was slowly going home, and I was still thinking about him. How he could practice at 8. How he is joking with those two. How he is immersed in their music. It was a lovely thought. But someone had to ruin it again. It was Kim Jae Hyun. When I opened the text message, I couldn’t really understand what was going on.

              ‘Hey, can we meet tomorrow after class? I have something to tell you.’

And I was hesitating to answer him, but usually even to those Kim Jae Hyun types I couldn’t say so I answered:

              ‘Please keep it short I have already had plans, for the afternoon.’

              ‘Okay, I’ll be straightforward.’

Straightforward? What is wrong with this guy? Anyhow I didn’t bother to analyse this conversation I could finally return to my original thoughts. I was daydreaming and had all the possible scenarios and answers in my head, what Yuto could answer on the next day. While playing with the thoughts I didn’t even realise that it was already 7.20 and I was late for school.

In the end I was just on time and managed to arrive before the class started. Yuto was also arriving in the same time. We were always nice with each other but today he seemed nicer and more polite than usual.

The whole day I was freaking nervous I couldn’t concentrate. I wanted to finally just tell him that freaking question. Let out of my chest and just move on. I was so nervous I was kind of reconsidering the whole thing and deciding to give the speech alone.

After the last class ended, I was heading to the library directly. I didn’t see Yuto that much on this day, and even our last class was separated so I was so much waiting to finally see him. When a tall guy in our uniform has finally appeared on the corner, I was already so happy. But it wasn’t him unfortunately.

              ‘Where were you?’ Kim Jae Hyun asked.

Shit. I completely forgot about it.

              ‘Oh sorry. What did you wanted to share?’

              ‘I like you.’

              ‘Pffff. HAHAHAHA. Come on Jae Hyun I have better things to do.’

              ‘No, I am serious. I like you. I was rude and distant because I liked you. But I realized it is not working on you. So now I am confessing my feelings. Also, can you please be my partner for the prom?’

What the actual heck? I was so shocked I couldn’t give him an answer or even react. And as I didn’t do anything, I saw him reaching out to my hands. And in that second, I heard a small noise from the right side. It was Yuto. He was staring at us, while holding a paper in his hands. His eyes were the saddest things I saw in my life. Betrayal. Disappointment. Sorrow. It was all over written in his eyes. In the end he just turned around and the paper just slowly falling out of his hands reaching the floor.

              ‘Yuto, wait.’ And I wanted to go after him but Jae Hyun was grabbing my wrist tighter than before.

              ‘Mr. Japan will not comeback.’

              ‘What?’

              ‘I made sure that he will see us like this today.’

              ‘How could you?’

              ‘It is so obvious that you fell for him and I even heard yesterday when you told him to meet you here. But I must be the other representative.’

              ‘You are so disgusting. I’ll never choose you as a partner.’

              ‘Oh, you will, otherwise I’ll make sure your precious Mr. Japan will not be able to graduate this year.’

And suddenly I was getting scared of him. He was grabbing my stronger, it hurt. He pushed me to the wall and was leaning closer. I didn’t know what he wanted to do but my tears were already flowing on my cheeks.

              ‘Oh a little crying won’t work on me, I’ll not let you go until you promise me to nominate as the other representative.’

And I was just about to agree and promise him, but in that second finally my wrist was free and I was no longer captured by his suffocating presence.

              ‘Don’t you dare put your hands on her.’ Yuto said.

              ‘Oh lovely Mr. Japan came back as a savior.’

But he couldn’t finish his sentence cause in that second Yuto punched him in his face. I was so shocked. It was too much going on in that past 10 minutes.

              ‘How dare you frighten her? Don’t you ever come near her. Understood?’

And this was the very first time I saw this part of Yuto. I couldn’t find words. Does he also have a side like this? A protective bit aggressive side?

Jae Hyun must have understood but unfortunately Ms. Choi has just appeared on the scene and I knew this is not going to bring anything good.

              ‘What is going on?’ She asked angrily.

              ‘Teacher, I just…’ Yuto started. He was again back to his usual calm and shy self.

              ‘This jerk hit me. He needs to be punished.’ Jae Hyun added.

I was so pissed. How can he even now pretend that he is the victim?

              ‘Yuto is it true?’

              ‘Yes, teacher.’ He answered calmly.

              ‘Oh, and what are you doing here?’ She asked me.

              ‘I-I’ And I couldn’t find the words. It was just too much.

              ‘Jae Hyun was threatening her, teacher.’ Yuto answered.

              ‘Really?’

And instead of answering I just nodded. Ms. Choi just sighed.

              ‘Are you okay?’

              ‘Yes, Ms. Choi.’ I answered still a bit dizzy from nervousness.

              ‘Alright. You two are coming with me.’ And the boys and the teacher were leaving.

I was still unconscious due to the sudden happenings. I was hoping that Yuto will not get in big trouble because of me, but I just couldn’t wait for him I wanted to leave school as soon as possible. As I was leaving, I saw that paper on the floor which Yuto was holding earlier. I slowly picked it up and actually didn’t want to read it but once I saw my name on it I couldn’t stop myself.

Do you still remember how it started? You asked about the camellia. And I promised to tell you the story. But as time passed, we had so many things to share with each other the flower and its story faded away. I finally gathered some courage to write this letter. I am sorry to make you wait. You must have had a hard time. We both knew what was going on, but I wasn’t ready to tell you. I am so sorry about that.

Why always camellia? It reminds me of a lot of special memories. It is one of the most common flowers in our country. It made me feel like I was home. The legend says the camellia blossoms only in special circumstances in given times but once it blooms it is the most beautiful one of them all. In the past months you were the one ensuring the special circumstances for me. Without you I couldn’t become popular and loved. You made me feel like a camellia. You made me feel at home. You don’t know how much grateful I am for that.

We are working on our album now, and I was thinking about how I could tell you all the feelings I feel right now. I am usually not a very talkative type, so I chose my own way. I hope you’ll like it.

‘The times spent with you, became beautiful memories’ ‘Collecting our beautiful stories, When the camellia blossoms, I want to call you’

What do you think? How about spending more beautiful times together creating many more beautiful memories?

Yuto

I couldn’t stop myself anymore. This whole day was just too much to process. My tears started to flow. I couldn’t really describe why I was crying. Happiness? Relief? Being moved? Maybe all of these and more. It was such an overwhelming feeling. And finally, I had my answers. Why he was not making any steps. He still needed time. But in his own way he was continuously telling me how he cherished our relationship.

Without even realizing a half hour passed and I heard steps from the end of the corner. I hoped nobody would notice me, but it didn’t work out unfortunately. With my still teary eyes I tried to recognize the silhouette of the nearing person. But once I heard his voice, I felt an oddly calm feeling getting over my body.

              ‘Are you okay?’ He asked.

              ‘Yuto. I am … He is…’

              ‘I know. I heard it. I am sorry I left I should have protected you and avoid this to happen.’

              ‘No. You did all you could.’

And suddenly there was a silence between us. I was scared to bring it up, but I need it to hear it with my own ears.

              ‘Is this really have you feel?’

And I was still holding on to that sheet of paper like it was the most precious thing in my life. (Most likely it was).

And instead of answering he just looked at me shyly and nodded. And at that point I couldn’t hold it back I hugged him as tight as possible. He wrapped his arms around me, and I was drowning in that feeling. It felt like homecoming. I was leaning my head on his and once I felt his hands stroking my hair, I knew he was my safe place, my secret hideaway.

It was dreamlike, we were just standing in the empty school, but we were in our own universe. Like he wanted to calm me down he placed a soft kiss on my forehead, and I was already blushing. But just as I said Yuto was a mystery. After so many times passed, I would never think, he would show me his passionate side. The romantic side of him which was longing for an honest talk, for a hug, for a kiss.

It was so insane. How could he be so powerful and strong when it comes to protecting me, and how can he be so gentle when I am in his arms? Why do I forget everything when I am with him? Why do I want to give up on everything for him? His every touch was like a spell. My lips were tingling, and my body was trembling from amazement. I had a lot of plans and goals, but in that moment when I was with him, when I felt him, suddenly I could forget about the university applications and everything. Only we existed.

              ‘I’ll protect you from now on.’ He whispered in my ears. ‘Shall we go now?’

And he was reaching out for my hands. So, we were walking out hand in hand.

              ‘There is something I should tell you. And you won’t be happy most likely.’ He said suddenly.

              ‘Why are you starting like this?’

              ‘Those two boys from yesterday. They are waiting for me, so I will have to leave. I am sorry.’

I was disappointed but it couldn’t be helped. I knew how talented he was and I wanted to support him no matter what.

              ‘I’ll make it up somehow.’ He promised.

Once we left school the two boys just as previously. They were standing outside waiting for Yuto.

              ‘Yuto-ya. Can we go now?’ The smaller guy asked.

              ‘Yeah, just a sec. So, let me introduce you my bandmates. This is Lee Hoetaek our Leader. He nags me all the times, but he does it out of love. Right? And this is Kang Hyunggu our dancing machine.’

              ‘Nice to meet you.’ I said quietly.

              ‘Oh, and most importantly. She is my girlfriend.’ And he was holding my hand tighter than before. He gave me a small kiss on my cheek.

              ‘Okay so everyone knows everyone now. We can go now.’ He said with satisfaction.

He waved goodbye and winked. Well Adachi Yuto seemingly you exactly now how to make it up.

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

“Why” tags are going here because Tumblr’s a baby who can’t handle all these words at once. :P

Why:

#but i spent my whole life absolutely CONVINCED that wings belonged on my body. it just... tok me a good long while to figure out Why.

#Oh THAT'S why everyone's freaking out over that post.

#at first I was like ''Wow this is Srentha to the core!'' And then I read ''why this unreasonable answer at the sight

#honestly this is why i'm basically addicted to empty-mind meditation?

#??? why do people do these awful things to Good People though

#i don't know how or why and i don't remember ever having Learned about That Letter? but my mind automatically knew it was 'hath' somehow

#Of course that DOES beg the question of why a LORd of CHAOS doesn't... you know. CHANGE it? ??

#first of all: REM WHY ARE YOU COMING to OHIO of all places???

#okay but. randy how did they MEET what's the STORY why are they HATING on TEXAS

#or like. a Sarcastic Joke because cyborg was once like ''why aren't you miss mary sunshine''?

#''What are you DOING. You RUN. ALWAYS RUN.'' and i was like. ''why bother getting into adventures if you're gonna RUN though..''

#I don't know why but I always score better on Customer Service Questionaires when I choose responses like ''I'm sorry

#i've never seen that still before and I CAN;T FATHOM WHY because that is FANTASTIC!

#I don't know why but ''novice suddenly ends up with super incredibly powerful abilities'' is one of my FAVORITE TROPES!

#I have no idea how/why but these just gave me Massive Leyla and Srentha Feels.

#my usual turnaround time for Dreams to Real Life is about two weeks. not sure why but it happens to like 7 people in my immediate family

#Especially with the bells. I don't know why but bells always remind me of that place. ~<3

#Nobody intrinsically knows how to solve problems that hurt another person. That's why COMMUNICATION is so important!

#also: Good Post re: Why Danny is So Actually-Great

#why does everyone spell ''bear with me' like that?

#i know right? Why did I never think of that??

#why do i love this so much

#that's basically why Evanescence became my favorite band. it's not all romo-/sexually-centric

#i've always read it the same way and didn't notice Why Everyone Stopped Liking Her but that also brought that particular Change to light...

#groans eternally in Tumblr's direction. why even bother with all these updates.

#Oh THAT'S why Eda could do glyphs! /joke

#thaaaat's probably why Fancie Word Choice has always been a strength in my writing.... {lD;;;;;

#velvet and sheer... why have I never seen that combination before? It's GLORIOUS

#That's probably why he's so good at spontaneous Travelling too. Lots of practice when trying to find her... /owo

#This is why House and Senate votes count though! The President may have a lot of control over the military but a strong H+S

#I know MC Escher was a master of this (whatever This is) and that's why he's one of my favorite artists.

#okay but I'm intensely curious why he didn't have a plan to take HIMSELF out and thought he'd have to rely on THEM dsfndsgmfhdgj

#I wonder why he'd need to attack/defend while shifted? Can he also use such magic when he's not shifted?

#but I think that variety is why her every new album is so refreshingly Different.  Her singing ALONE improves so MUCH with every album!

#the only difference is that I imagined the fire came with smoke and that's why her gasp was so strangled and she grabbed her throa

#honestly this is why i'm basically addicted to empty-mind meditation?

#i'm cleaning my room and i misplaced it. badfnmkngjf;lk this is why i hate cleaning

#but scenes like this are why i love DC's latest gen of animated movies

#that Friends As Family theme was super important to why i love the 80's comics too..........

#this is why i read fanfic

#i think she feels slighted in some way but i can't pinpoint Exactly Why let alone HOW.

#and it's like.. Halfo f why lapis's characterization is so Shaky for me? Because the girl barely talks??? And she has like 7 Speech Modes

#^^^^ GUYS THIS WAS ALERINA. This is the environment Dove was raised in! This is why losing her mother tore her apart! ^^^^^

#This is so so SO important and delves deeply into why language is so important for learners and general humanity alike. ~<333

#that's why my tag for Old People Stories isn't specific to any generation. it's just Shitty Adults Being Shitty

#I write primarily about OCs and I know that's why my readership is so low. I write stories for a Dead Fandom that has declined sharply.

#you know? so that's why my Affirmations Tag is like 60% Steven UniversE Content at this point. 8F It's Helping Me Learn!

#It's a CIRCADIAN THING not an INSOMNIA THING. I don't know why my doctors don't believe it's NOT the same as INSOMNIA

#oh is THAT why my love language is ''all of them''?

#and i hardcore headcanon ry ouwearing glasses when he gets older. so why not?

#i Suck at the aCTUAL DRAWING art but i'm i na bit of a fallow period with the org and personal life. so why not?

#i'm already planning an aviary for the doves. so why not? (they'd be Very Separate from teh raven though. for obvious reasons)

#let's add to the Emotional Whiplash of Today pile. sure! why not!!

#but i got the dvd and i have vlc so why not use them i guess? i already had it in the drive for the extras and this way there's .....

#She can hop dimensions so why on Earth-- ALL the Earths-- hasn't she Been Relevant to ANY multi-timeline crisis yet???

#yes of fucking COURSE Dove and the rest are in Team Transition too!! Why on Earth-- on ANY earth! wouldn't I transition them too?!

#so why on earth did danny chase get shafted so hard?????

#about WHY or if she's GONNA be OKAY or HOW or--

#So gentle and soft and concerned and really quite quiet and subtle... which might be why others didn't pick up on the Love Vibe

#but the last one I reblogged didn't have that specified! 8O i don't know why one of my special interests is Unusual Instruments

#why WOULDN'T you snog a snitch if it could bring your dead loved ones back though? Why on Earth WOULDN'T you???

#but it's about ''they're very different. but they're friends!'' It just never talks about why or how that's important.

#(i think that's her full name for some reason but i don't know why or when i heard/saw it. somebody please correct me if i'm wrong!)

#I must be an Asker. I've never understood why people are so convinced they Can't Say No if someone asks?

#i also think PTSD makes you react to fear Differently from Pure Adrenaline Responses... but i can't unravel Why right now

#And also at the time I couldn't fathom why someone would think she was autistic. because i didn't know myself

#god this foreshadowing was just. so sincere and heart-rending and when this episode came out I *DID* wonder why she'd say that...

#I'm STILL trying to figure out why Srentha thought Dove was confessing that she has heartworm. (i know she Does Not in fact

#at first I was like ''Wow this is Srentha to the core!'' And then I read ''why this unreasonable answer at the sight

#i can't figure out why though

#If my Harmony Core theory is correct: it would explain why they're playing their music So Hard.

#the fact that my first reaction was ''why though'' is..... concerning?

#raven's like How? Why The HELL. and dove doesn't have a good answer besides ''it felt like i needed it.''

#fun fact: i misread this as ''zatana zatara / MICHIGAN '' and i was like... ''why the fUCK--''

#i don't know why there's all this fanart of

#and also sugar skulls are delightful but you should really know what they MEAN and REPRESENT and WHY they're sweet and flamboyant

#if someone is passionate; angry; or distressed over a topic: She doesn't always understand WHY until they EXPLAIN it. If they do at all.)

#oh hey why was THAT line never a meme

#this is why we need

#but that doesn't make it any less FRUSTRATING because I've been wORKING THROUGH the pptsd and why won't it STOP?

#(because that's why we have to pay for everything from movies to individual channels now. let's be real)

#i've never understood why winter and fall were the only ~fashionable~ seasons for wearing black.

#I mean to be FAIR some of the government DID mobilize and that's why we got the Stimulus Bill.

#But DC... this bullshit is why we can't have nice things

#and as soon as I looked it up: y first thought was ''Oh is that why we call them Abner?'' My second was ''Is that what *I* am?''

#also if you're as powerful as zee it probably comes second-nature so why WOULDN'T you throw it around to stop an argument?

#okay but if SPINEL doesn't know then how/why would BLUE know

#what? no i didn't just stare at this for a solid two minutes and read it over five times. no.. why would I do that?

#that's because it's not ''cool'' to hate on it so why would it be ''cool'' to like it ironically?

#why WOULDN'T you snog a snitch if it could bring your dead loved ones back though? Why on Earth WOULDN'T you???

#but it's not like a ragey angry thing. it's like........ war of attrition? why yes i think i WILL sign the 47th petition for the same thing

#over and over again and rewound and replayed until i got the whole spell written down. why YES I'm a little hyperfixated! why do you ask!!!

[stokan]

Top 20 Things of 2018

1.) Beychella How do you make a long awaited surprise album between two of the biggest names in music that is also one of the year’s best feel like complete afterthought? Set the bar as high as Beyonce’s Coachella appearance.

First awards show performances, then music videos, now music festival gigs: is there anything that Beyonce CAN’T turn into high art?

2.) Explained by Vox The most exciting development in the world of television in 2018 was radically breaking the rules on episodes length. We saw 30 minute dramas, and hour long comedies. We got shows like Maniac where episodes were as long as 49 minutes and as short as 27 minutes. Now television creators can tell exactly the stories they want to tell in however much time they want to tell them in. And perhaps nowhere were these loosened restrictions taken better advantage than Explained, Vox’s documentary series for Netflix. Many topics cant sustain a full length documentary, but, say, 14 minutes explaining cryptocurrency to me? Sure! 17 minutes on designer DNA? Sounds great! 20 minutes on the origins of K-Pop? How do you say “yes please” in Korean? Every episode has a different narrator, a different look, a different feel, and varies wildly in subject matter. Yet they are all exactly the length they need to be. The only thing left I really need explained to me is why no one thought to make this series before.

3.) Serial Season 3 If Explained was a great example of the latest evolution in television, then the new season of Serial is at the front line of the evolution of our newest artistic medium: podcasts. Serial’s third season was nothing like its second, which was in turn nothing like its first. It’s a series still figuring out what it CAN be, while now defining forever what it NEEDS to be. Serial this year explained a deeply important topic in a way that wouldn’t have been possible through any other medium. They always say if you’re a writer you have to ask yourself what form of writing your idea needs to be. Don’t write a play that’s really a TV show, or a movie that should be a book. And now we can add to that don’t make a TV series that’s really a podcast. As Homecoming proved this year, the two mediums are very different and better equipped to tell different stories. And after hearing Serial Season Three I can’t imagine there will ever be a better way to explore the current American criminal justice system. It was 2018’s version of Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle. It may not change national food safety standards, but it hopefully will do something perhaps even more important: it will make us never again take lightly the election of local judges and sheriffs. It was a podcast for the heart, the head, and the time capsule.

4.) Black Mirror - “Hang the DJ” I know this technically came out December 29th 2017 but I’m counting it here because nothing was more 2018 than this. The sadness, the isolation, the uncertainty, the living in a world you don’t understand the rules of anymore, the unfairness of modern life, but the ultimate perseverance of hope and love: it’s all there in the best episode of Black Mirror’s third season. It made me cry out of sadness and happiness in equal measure. Could anything be more 2018 than that?

5.) Kesha at the Grammys Ok so maybe one thing was more 2018.

The Grammys, an organization led by Neil Portnow, a man who said this year that “women need to step up”, and an organization that didn’t offer its one female Album of the Year nominee a solo performance spot, also offered us 2018’s most powerful show of female solidarity and one of the most moving moments of the Me Too era. It all amounted to the perfect encapsulation of this year. Kesha scream crying and then collapsing into a sea of strong supportive women WAS 2018.

6.) Eighth Grade My favorite movie of the year was also the year’s best horror movie. It was so real, and visceral, and intense, and frightening that at times I literally had to remind myself to breathe. I watched at least half the movie through my fingers and on the edge of my seat. Proving what everyone who has lived through it already knows: there’s nothing in the world more terrifying than being in junior high.

7.) Big Mouth Speaking of junior high, the other side of the pain and trauma of growing up is humor, so why it took this long for someone to make a comedy series explicitly about puberty is beyond me. I guess, of course, making a show like this work is a fine needle to thread. It wouldn’t work without being animated and being on a streaming service that lets them go as far as they did. It wouldn’t work without writing that is both laugh out loud funny and deeply compassionate and human in equal measure. And it wouldn’t work without one of the best voice casts on TV, including a true tour de force from Maya Rudolph. But work does it ever. In a just world junior high health class homework would be simply watching this show.

8.) Emma Gonzalez speech Here’s how long 2018 was: this was from 2018.

Finishing off my personal 2018 Growing Up Trifecta is the most powerful 12 minutes of the year. That high school students could be more inspiring, articulate, and better leaders than the President of the United States is sadly, at this point, a given. But that they are now more effective and efficient than him at starting genuine political movements still feels revolutionary. The kids are our future, and our future has never looked brighter.

9.) Childish Gambino - “This is America” video 100 years from now if theres only one cultural artifact that still exists and is still remembered from 2018 this will be it. A “you know where you were the first time you saw it” level cultural event. No song will ever be more closely associated with its music video, and no music video will ever be more of an avatar for an entire cultural moment than this. THIS is, of course, a truly shocking and horrifying (in a good way) music video from the former fifth lead of the TV show Community. A profound and brilliant piece of art underscored by a fun-sounding dance song. The year’s most complex and important social-political message delivered in 4 minutes via YouTube. This is America indeed.

10.) Drake - “God’s Plan” video While Donald Glover may have perfected the music video as art form, it goes without saying that long ago Drake mastered the music video as promotional tool. And in that sense the music video for “God’s Plan” seems like minor failure. It seemed to sort of come and go from the culture, especially in light of the success of the In My Feelings Challenge. But for me, there was nothing more heartwarming and human this year than watching Drake give away almost a million dollars to strangers. It was an idea so simple it’s shocking no one had ever done it before. And so affecting I was shocked it didn’t seem to penetrate the public consciousness more. There’s so much going on at all times now it’s hard for anything to truly break through all the noise, but this really deserved to. It’s impossible to watch this without smiling, and is there anything 2018 needed more than that?

11.) Nanette The dumbest debate this year was whether or not Nanette was stand up. Form and genre aren’t delineators still worth discussing in 2018. It’s now only about the message and the messenger, everything else is just details. An important fresh voice, the most timely, and sadly, timeless message imaginable, delivered in a way that reached and deeply affected seemingly every person you knew? What is there to debate? Nanette may or may not be stand up comedy, but it’s definitely RISE UP comedy. And in the end, that’s all that matters.

12.) Amber Says What Please click on the link above. The final two minutes are by far the best comedy of 2018. It still makes me laugh so hard that it causes me physical pain. You’ve been warned.

13.) A Star is Born trailers A Star is Born is maybe a perfect film. The performances, the songs, the direction, the fact that there’s literally no human being on earth who could have played her part and made the movie work like it did other than Lady Gaga. It was all perfect. But there was actually something better than watching A Star is Born: anticipating watching a A Star is Born. Before the first A Star is Born trailer came out I thought the whole project sounded dumb and unnecessary. After I finished watching the first trailer I knew I was going to see A Star is Born opening night. True story: I was at a movie where the same A Star is Born trailer got played three times in a row for some reason. And it was riveting every time. There was no grumbling at all in the audience, and I for one was sad when it didn’t replay a fourth time. So as much as I loved A Star is Born what I would really love is be able to still want to see A Star is Born for the first time.

14.) Ariana Grande - “thank u, next” It’s genuinely impressive that a song released in November could be the song I listened to by far the most this year. Somehow it took less than two months for this song to feel completely ubiquitous. Hell, even the PHRASE “thank u, next” is omnipresent now. Forget Song of the Summer, this was maybe our first Song of the Winter. Which is perfect because has a hit pop song ever sounded more winter? It’s cold, but it keeps you warm. It’s the sadness of the holidays with the life reaffirming joy of the holiday season. It’s a sweater for you to wear on the dance floor. And it’s clearly exactly the song so many of us needed. No matter how many times I’ve heard it (and as I said, I’ve listened to it, uh, A LOT) its existence feels like a holiday miracle. Having a new and fresh take on the breakup song in the year 2018? That shit IS amazing.

15.) The proposal at the Emmys This is literally the only thing anyone remembers about this year’s Emmys. It was amazing, and special, and made anyone who watched it believe in true love. But for me it still cant touch the most heart-melting awards show moment of all time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCJrku4fSxk

(Was this whole entry just an excuse to link to one of my absolute favorite YouTube clips? Perhaps.)

16.) Succession When I saw the promos for Succession I literally made the sound UGH out loud. The last thing the world needs is another show about rich white people behaving badly, I thought. How could there possibly be anything original left to say on that topic? Who on earth is still greenlighting shows like this in The Year of our Lord 2018?

People much smarter than I am clearly, that’s who.

Because from writing, acting, production design, direction - whatever element you want to focus on - this was the best and most exciting new show of 2018 by a wide margin. People have been saying for years that TV is the new movies; this show made movies look like the old TV. It was the most vibrant and perfectly crafted big budget feature film of 2018, stretched out over 8 episodes on HBO. Did it have anything new and important to say about the world? Probably not. And turns out, I couldn’t have cared less. The phrase compulsively watchable might have been invented just to describe the world these actors and writers created. I would watch the team involved with this show dry paint. 

17.) Angels in America on Broadway Angels in America is the best play of the past 30 years and its not even close. So the fact that it would get a production that’s this good is just unfair for everyone else on this planet who makes theater. It was so good it made all other plays I’ve seen since seem small and cheap and unimportant. It was such a towering achievement that it has made the entire rest of theater as an art form seem insignificant by comparison. When you hear old people talk about seeing Brando in Streetcar or watching the original production of Death of Salesman I now can relate to what they are talking about. I’ll be thinking about Andrew Garfield’s final monologue for the rest of my life. It was unfair that we the audience had to all leave the theater when the lights finally came up and that we couldn’t all just live in that feeling forever. The eight hours I spent watching this play are what art is all about.

18.) Jesse Plemons in Game Night If dying is easy, and comedy is hard, then they should cancel the Oscars and give Jesse Plemmons Best Supporting Actor right now for his work in Game Night. And ok, maybe it wasn’t the BEST performance of 2018, but it was DEFINITELY the best performance relative to what it needed to be. It should have been a dumb throwaway part in a big-budget mainstream ensemble comedy. But Jesse Plemmons crafted a performance so strange and singular and memorable that it elevated the entire movie into something way better than I’m sure even its creators expected. I legitimately don’t know how everyone didn’t break in every one of his scenes. It’s a master class in the comedic power of silence. It should be studied in acting classes everywhere. And 20 years from now when Game Night is considered a comedy classic, Jesse Plemmons will be the main reason why. You heard it here first.

19.) The 1975 - A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships Saxophones? Electric guitar solos? Backing choirs? A concept album about being uncomfortable with the internet? Dumb pretentious song titles? This album couldn’t be any more in my wheelhouse if I made it myself. Its best song is basically a modern reimagining of “We Didn’t Start the Fire” for God’s sake!

For me this wasn’t just an album, it was an experience. It was big music to get lost inside of. And I did. At age 36 it’s nice to know that sometimes I can still feel 16. And it’s fitting that a band named The 1975 would be the ones to make music that’s so transporting.

20.) Emma Stone Ok so as someone who once argued in this very space that Emma Stone deserved an Oscar nomination for Easy A, it’s clear I’m pretty deep in the tank for Emma Stone. But even an Emma Stone hater would have to admit than this was a banner year for Emma Stone. Signing up for the insane acting challenge that was Maniac and completely acing it while totally exposing two-time Oscar nominee Jonah Hill in the process? Going toe to toe with Olivia Colman in the battle of the best acting performances of the year in The Favourite? Coming across as more charming than Jennifer freaking Lawrence ?!?

2018 was Emma Stone’s year, we were all just living in it.

[prodigaldaughteralice]

“Ten Songs I’m Obsessed With”

Tagged by @yourfavouritedoll for what is possibly the best tag meme ever. I just get to... rant about music. This is amazing.

1) Way Down Hadestown, Anaïs Mitchell (ft. Justin Vernon, Ani DiFranco, and Ben Knox Miller) “Winter’s nigh and summer’s o’er, I hear that high and lonesome sound of my husband coming for to take me home to Hadestown.” This entire concept album is stellar-- and I’m hoping to go to New York this year to see the Broadway staging, if I can swing it-- but Way Down Hadestown is kind of the perfect microcosm of the show as a whole. One of those massive multiplayer numbers where everybody’s passing each other in their own stories which the audience knows will collide. It’s beautiful.

2) Humpty Dumpty, Aimee Mann. “Baby, I’ll grant you’ve been more than patient saying it’s not a catastrophe, but I’m not the girl you once put your faith in-- just someone who looks like me.” One of the most accurate windows on self-loathing depression I’ve ever heard, delivered in Aimee Mann’s gorgeous, low, smooth voice. The idea that you’ve become someone else, or just a fragment of the person you were, with no way to go back, and people around you are just humouring you-- it stings, but it’s good to hear fantastic art made from that same pain.

3) Planetary (Go!), My Chemical Romance. “You keep eternity, give us the radio!” It’s a little hard to pick a single song, because different MCR songs have grabbed my soul at different times, but this one’s really got me lately. This is a perfect fist-pumping anthem of trying to make something real and I adore it. (side note: Three Cheers is my favourite aesthetically, The Black Parade is my favourite conceptually, Danger Days is my favourite musically.)

4) Play Me Backwards, Joan Baez. “As the night begins, there’s a pop of skin and a sudden rush of scarlet. There’s a little boy riding on a goat’s head and a little girl playing the harlot...” This one has been with me since I was a wee girl-- the album it’s on, also called Play Me Backwards, was one of the first CDs I had. It’s a heartbreaking little slice of childhood horror, based on imagining the 80s daycare satanic cult panic was true. Joan Baez’s voice absolutely slays me, and that bass line is amazing. This is one of the songs that comes out of my mouth if I start singing without deciding what I’m gonna sing first.

5) Belispeak, Purity Ring. “Drill little holes into my eyelids that I might see you, that I might see you when I sleep.” In contrast, I only got into Purity Ring this past year, and their strange, dreamy, atmospheric sound really works for me. This one is an unsettling portrait of the relationship between a growing child and her possessive grandmother, and it gives me intense Red Riding Hood feelings. Red Riding Hood feelings go a long way with me.

6) The Point of it All, Amanda Palmer. “And you’re learning that just ‘cos they call themselves friends doesn’t mean they’ll call.” Another one of the songs that pops out of my mouth if I haven’t decided what to sing, it’s an aching plea to a depressed friend-- or possibly parent-- to come out of their dark place, with a heavy dose of metaphor and sarcasm and sadness. I adore Amanda Palmer, her songwriting and her voice and her piano, and this song-- off her first solo album, which was produced by Ben Folds and showcases all of the above-- is one of her best.

7) This Side of the Blue, Joanna Newsom. “And the signifieds butt heads with the signifiers, and we all fall down slack-jawed to marvel at words as across the sky sheet the impossible birds on a steady, illiterate movement homewards.” Joanna Newsom enchants me always, but this was the first of hers I really fell in love with and it’s still my favourite. A beautiful, sparse meditation on what we do and don’t know and what’s even possible in this life. I named two of my middle school OCs after this song. (No, neither of them was Gabriel. I should have named one Gabriel. Instead they were Jaime and Reyloo.)

8) I Know Places, Taylor Swift. “You stand with your hand on my waistline, it’s a scene, and we’re out here in plain sight. I can hear them whisper as they pass by-- it’s a bad sign.” I’ve been told that I “don’t fit the profile” for someone who listens to her, which is both kinda insulting and flat-out incorrect, since at least part of “the profile” is just... musicians. She is an absolutely tight songwriter who knows all the rules, knows when to break them and when not to, and it results in these very perfectly crafted pieces of music. This one not only shows that off, it tells a very relatable story about queer anxiety-- even if that wasn’t the only intention. Plus the contrast between patter in the prechorus and drawn-out melismas in the chorus is really fun to sing.

9) Oceania, The Birthday Massacre. “A sleight of hand, a flash of light, our seasick days and homesick nights. When tomorrow comes, there’ll be no end in sight.” A gorgeous tale about three siblings wandering the earth, seeking atonement for their past lives. My tinfoil-hat theory is that it’s a sequel to Divide, the first song on the album, in which mortals stole the eye of the Graeae and were punished for their hubris. (both songs have prominent mentions of “the world below”! “The fates will divide in three a sight that we can’t unsee” implies there were three mortals, as there are in Oceania!) The gothy synth-metal-rock-dance sound that TBM has honed over the years is absolutely fantastic. I wish they’d tour around here.

10) Deep Red Bells, Neko Case. “When speckled fronds raise round your bones, who took the time to fold your clothes and shook the valley of the shadow?” Neko Case is one of my absolute musical idols, and this sweeping piece about victims of the Green River Killer just slays me (ha) every time. Just abstract enough to really pack in the eerie, laden with weird visual details that hammer in how Neko was a teen at the time, giving you the feeling of hearing about this horribly real bogeyman in whispers at school.

Thank you so much for tagging me for this, the most fun tag game EVER. It’s also a good bit of work, though, picking, so nobody feel obliged. I would like to tag @poisonforpigeons, @melloproductions, @ds-litee, @starsailorstories, and @kienansidhe!

[galaxystiel]

Dean doesn’t have a soulmate, but if he did, he swears it would be Castiel Novak. [AO3]

Requested by @stardustsam [requests?]

With a heavy sigh, Dean lifts up his head and signals the bartender to pour him another.

He glances around while he’s waiting, and instantly regrets his decision. Couples, everywhere. Wrapped in each other’s arms, engrossed in their conversations, even making out in one particular case. Gross. Dean’s tempted to tell them to get a room, but even he can’t muster up the bitterness over someone else’s happiness. He’s just bitter he’ll never get his own.

As if to taunt him further, the bartender’s sleeve rides up as she pours the whiskey bottle, displaying her timer.

00:05:32.

Less than six minutes to go until she meets her soulmate.

Nobody is really sure how the timers work. They’re etched into the skin from birth, small black digits on the wrist that count down until the moment that person meets their soulmate.

“Five minutes, huh?” Dean comments, draining the glass in one and gesturing for another. “You excited?”

The bartender colours and little bit, but shoots a nervous smile in Dean’s direction. “More like cautiously optimistic. I mean, we’re supposed to be made for each other, right? That can only be a good thing.”

“Sure,” Dean agrees easily, throwing back the second drink, shooting her a sideways smirk. “One more for the road, so I don’t take your attention away from your soulmate? I better get home.”

“Got your soulmate at home waiting for you?” The bartender smiles, gesturing to Dean’s arm, which is covered by the sleeves of his jacket.

A flicker of pain crosses Dean’s face, but it’s smoothed out almost immediately, to be replaced by his regular charming smile. “Something like that,” he says. “Good luck with your soulmate. I hope they’re everything you want them to be.”

He ducks out of the bar before she can reply, closing his eyes for a brief moment and trying to fight down the ache in his chest. After all this time it shouldn’t hurt anymore, but he can’t help it. He tries to fight it, but he can’t help but check his wrist as if the timer would change from sheer willpower.

00:00:00.

It’s been that way for as long as he can remember. His parents had assured him it had been that way since birth, that there’s nothing wrong with him, but Dean doesn’t feel that way. Seven billion people on earth, all with soulmates.

All except Dean. His fist clenches and his eyes sting with the familiar pain that there’s nobody on earth that is meant for him.

His shoulders tensed, Dean walks down the street, ignoring the bitter winter chill. He hadn’t planned on stopping for a few drinks, but a crappy day at work meant he now had to walk home and that wasn’t filling him with any joy.

He gets to the end of the street before his phone rings. With a sad smile at the caller ID, Dean is reminded that there is at least one other person of earth that has no soulmate either.

Cas is calling…

“Hey, buddy,” he greets softly. “What’s up? I thought you were sorting through your family albums tonight?”

“Dean,” Castiel’s voice is warm, affectionate, and it tugs at Dean’s heart. He’d met Castiel a year or so ago, and knows that if there was anyone he would ever choose to be his soulmate, it would be Cas. He likes all of Dean’s music and movies and puts up with his drinking. He’s always there when Dean needs him.

Sometimes Dean swears that Cas was made for him and then he remembers the stupid broken timers on their wrist that means they both weren’t made for anyone.

“Are you busy? Gabriel cancelled on me to hang out with Kali and I… I have whiskey.”

Dean barks out a bitter laugh. They’re even commiserating at the same time, for the same reason. Freakin’ soulmates, man. “That sounds perfect, Cas, but I don’t have my car. I started the party early today.”

“Lucky for you, I haven’t started yet. Where are you? I’ll come and get you.”

“Ah, you’re one in a million, Cas.” He tells Castiel the street name and hangs up. In no time at all, Castiel pulls up in his crappy gold Lincoln Continental, and Dean smirks. The car is godawful, but there’d been no talking Cas out of buying it. He loves the damn thing.

He slides into the car and buckles himself in. “So was it that your brother ditched you or why he ditched you that’s driving you to drink?”

Castiel shrugs, keeping his eyes fixed on the road as he pulls away. “It just reminded me that I’ll never have a reason to cancel plans with him. Is that bitter?” He sighs, suddenly looking very weary. “I dunno, it just really got to me today.”

Dean thinks of the bartender and wonders what she’s doing right now. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

They’re silent until they get back to Castiel’s, and it’s a few whiskeys before their tongues loosen again.. Dean realises belatedly that this is the first time they’ve gotten drunk together, and he raises his glass to new experiences.

“Will you tell me about it?” Castiel asks, quietly. “About when you found out? What your family said?”

It’s the first time he’s asked. They’ve both discussed their broken timers a handful of times, but they’ve never talked about this. About when they’d first realised they were different to every other person alive.

Dean’s silent for a long moment. “I always knew. My mom told me from the beginning that it was unusual, that I was special and different from Sammy. I don’t think I realised how different it was… how different I was until I got to school and all of the other kids made fun of me.” He didn’t say how he’d kept his tears in all day, pretended to his mom and Sammy that everything was fine. How he’d cried himself to sleep every night for the first six months of school because nobody wanted to be friends with a freak without a soulmate.

Castiel’s hand on his arm is warm, an unconditional gesture of friendship and affection. Dean is torn between shrugging it off and covering it with his own. In the end, he does neither and just leaves it there, giving a shaky nod.

“I didn’t know at all. My mom… she was ashamed. She covered my wrists, never mentioned the word soulmate in front of me. The first time I heard it was at school and nobody could understand how I’d never heard of soulmates. My teacher made me roll up my sleeve for the demonstration and gave this almost horrified gasp. I was so humiliated.” Castiel’s cheeks burned. “I think I was almost eight, and there was this big thing that I didn’t know about.”

Dean gritted his teeth and silently wished every kind of pain on Mrs. Novak. As far as he knew, Castiel had nothing to do with her anymore, but to be ashamed of her own son because he didn’t have a soulmate? Dean couldn’t imagine something like that. He pulled Castiel into a hug, burying his face in his neck.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Cas,” he whispers, pulling back to meet Castiel’s eyes. “If you ask me, someone out there is missing out on someone real special.”

Castiel’s gaze drops to his mouth, and Dean swallows, realising where this is going. He leans in to meet the kiss halfway, brushing their lips together lightly. Once, twice, feather-light brushes that quickly turn hungry. He seals his mouth over Castiel’s, winding his fingers into his hair and guiding him back. He feels Castiel’s hand slide around his neck, crushing their mouths closer together as he nips at Dean’s lower lips.

The jolt of pain brings clarity and he pulls back, eyes wide. “Cas…”

“I… I can’t say I’m sorry,” Castiel shakes his head, averting his eyes. “Because I’m not. I’ve felt like this from the moment we met. We might not be soulmates, Dean, but there’s nobody else out there that I could love more than I love you.”

“Cas,” Dean repeats, taking his hand. “I don’t regret it. I just think this is something we need to do sober. I want this, but I want it to be because we feel like this about each other. Not because there’s nobody else. You know?”

Castiel wipes the back of his hand across his mouth, smoothing down his hair and giving a jerky nod. “I understand,” he rasps out, clearing his throat. “I do understand. We can… we can see where things go when we’re both sober.”

Dean desperately wants to pull him in for a kiss again, hands itching to feel the soft, dark locks of Castiel’s hair between his fingers, so he stands up abruptly to quell the urge. Glancing wildly around the room, his eyes fall on the picture albums, two thick tomes laid out on the table.

“Let’s sort out your albums. Gabriel bailed, right? I can help. Just tell me what to do.”

Castiel nods, pouring them both another drink and grabbing a thick envelope of pictures. “Gabriel found these among my dad’s old things. He said it was better I kept them in case he lost them. Just slide them in the right places, they should all have dates written on the back.”

Dean agrees and they work in silence except for the turning of pages and an occasional question from Dean. The pictures show more of Castiel’s childhood than Dean had expected. It’s like he can see the change from a happy, excited child to one that just had his world ended when he turned eight. Even when he’s smiling, there’s a sadness in his eyes that Dean recognises from his own family pictures.

“What’s this one?”

Castiel hums distractedly, before leaning over for a look. “That’s my tenth birthday. Gabriel took me to the carnival. We had lot of cotton candy and then went on the big rollercoaster and I threw up everywhere. My mom was so mad, but we had so much fun.” He smiles, wistfully.

Dean smiles and slides the pictures into the album. He loves hearing more about Castiel’s life. The tedious task quickly turns to fun as Castiel occasionally tells a story of a photograph, and the heated atmosphere between them slowly fizzles out.

“Hey, what’s this one?” Dean frowns at a picture. “You’re just a baby, but you look… sick? There are tubes everywhere?”

Holding his hand out, Castiel takes the photograph and squints at it for a long moment. “Huh. I had no idea there was even a picture of this. I was a few months premature, I was hooked up to machines for like… maybe two months? I was in and out of the hospital a dozen times before I was six months old.”

He passes the picture back and Dean slides it into the front of the album, feeling a little out of sorts. Sammy had been a little premature but he’d had no idea it could be so dangerous. Or that a baby could be so small.

His hand stills on the next photograph and his mind goes blank with dates and calculations. Wait. Was it possible? He pulls out the previous photograph and flips it, swallowing as he looks for a caption.

Lawrence Memorial Hospital, 01/24/79.

Dean drops the photograph. “Cas,” he chokes out, tears swimming in his eyes. “Cas, fuck… look.” He doesn’t know how to react, how to feel with the wave after wave of relief and happiness and regret of a life of pain washing over him.

Castiel reaches for the dropped photograph and reads the caption with a frown. It doesn’t seem to have registered, although he seems to recognise the date as Dean’s birthday.

“Dean, I don’t…”

“I was born in Lawrence Memorial, on January 24th. We were both in that hospital on the day I was born. We were probably in the same freaking room. This is why our timers have never worked, Cas, because we met before we could even read them.”

He can see when the realisation dawns on Castiel’s face, although it’s marred by wariness, the tentative hope shines brightly beneath the surface. “We don’t know that…”

“Yes, we do,” Dean tells him, his voice cracking. “Yeah, we do, Cas. I know I’ve always felt like you were mine, but I never had the slightest hope that you were my soulmate. We’ll find out for sure if you like, but I know. How I feel about you is all the proof I need.”

He barely finishes his sentence before he gets a lap full of Castiel. The table tips over behind them with a crash, but neither of them notice. They’re too busy clinging to each other, pressing kiss after kiss amidst tears of joy.

“Soulmate,” Castiel whispers, against his lips.

“Soulmate,” he whispers back.

Masterpost

[lizzybeth1986]

Music Ask - Queen Edition

@callmetippytumbles tagged me on this, stating that she was sure there would be a Queen song for every question on this ask. Well Ima prove her right! 😂

So since they’re all going to be Queen (unless otherwise specified), I’m going to replace band name with album name instead.

1: A song you like with a color in the title:

🎶 White Man🎶 from A Day At The Races

“What is left of your dream?

Just the words on your stone

A man who learned how to teach

Then forgot how to learn"

Part of me loves this song, but part of me is also is uneasy about it. The song is supposed to be from the PoV of an unspecified Native American tribe, speaking of how colonization has destroyed everything they have stood and lived for - but it’s written by a British white man, Brian May - and we have no idea whether he consulted a Native American for this or not. If he hadn’t, or hadn’t gotten consent, it would be him speaking in the voice of the oppressed while still holding the privilege of being White…and that’s a little disturbing. I love the song, and Brian May is my favourite Queen member, but I can’t ignore that this song has problems.

2: A song you like with a number in the title

🎶'39🎶 from A Night At The Opera

For the earth is old and grey, little darling we’ll away

But my love this cannot be

For so many years have gone though I’m older but a year

Your mother’s eyes from your eyes cry to me.

Besides being an ace guitarist, Brian May is also an Astrophysicist with a Doctorate!! xD And this song really shows us his background in that area: it’s fashioned in the song tradition of a sea shanty, but is about outer space and time relativity. I called this "the plot of Interstellar, 39 years before Interstellar”.

3: A song that reminds you of summertime:

🎶Seaside Rendezvous🎶 from A Night At The Opera

One of Queen’s few vaudeville tracks xD

4: A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about:

Thankfully I got into Queen loooong after I broke up with my ex. BUT “More than Words” by Extreme and Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing” hit very particular sore spots coz he dedicated them to me AFTER dedicating them to a girl he always had a thing for (long story gah).

5: A song that needs to be played LOUD:

🎶March of the Black Queen🎶 from Queen II

6: A song that makes want to dance:

🎶Don’t Stop Me Now🎶 from The Game

This one was the very first Queen song I actually listened to, and every time I hear it I wind up doing Hana’s happy dance in my seat 😂

7: A song to drive to:

HAHA there are two! One by Roger Taylor and the other from Brian’s first solo album:

🎶I’m In Love With My Car🎶 from A Night At The Opera

This is a song by Roger Taylor, and it’s not really his best (he’s capable of far superior tracks: Tenement Funster, Radio Gaga, These Are The Days of Our Lives, Small), but it garnered a lot of money and royalties by virtue of being the B-Side of Bohemian Rhapsody.

🎶Driven by You🎶 from Back to the Light

This song ended up being used as a theme for commercials for Ford cars in the early nineties, as I recall.

8: A song about drugs or alcohol:

Drugs: 🎶Don’t Stop Me Now🎶 from The Game

I mean, just listen to some of the lyrics! “Floating around in ecstasy”? “Tiger leaping through the sky defying the laws of gravity”? “Travelling at the speed of light”? I personally think the songs about a whole lot more, but you can’t deny the narrator sounds very trippy lol.

Alcohol: 🎶Killer Queen🎶 from Sheer Heart Attack

She keeps Moet et Chandon in a pretty cabinet

Let them eat cake, she says, just like Marie Antoinette…

Not about alcohol really, but it does mention it.

9: A song that makes you happy:

🎶You’re My Best Friend🎶 from A Night At The Opera

So John Deacon wrote this lovely sweet song for his wife, and it’s got the most adorable lyrics ever.

Ooh I’ve been wandering round

But I still come back to you

In rain or shine

You’ve stood by me girl

I’m happy at home

You’re my best friend

10: A song that makes you sad:

🎶Mother Love🎶 from Made in Heaven.

This is spoken of as being the last song Freddie ever recorded before he died, and his vocals are OFF-THE-ROOF powerful here. Two verses are sung by Freddie, and the last is sung by Brian May, who co-wrote the song (because Freddie felt too worn and weak and tired to continue recording, and told Brian he would return and do the rest. He never did). To hear Brian complete the song because Freddie has gone…is quite heartbreaking, actually. I’d definitely recommend everyone listen to this gem.

11: A song that you never get tired of:

🎶Teo Torriatte🎶 from A Day at the Races.

What I love about Queen is how appreciative they are of their overseas fans, esp those who loved them at the very start of their career. Way before Bohemian Rhapsody placed Queen on the map, they had a very devoted fanbase in Japan, and I believe this song was written specially for them. It also appeals to me as a super mushy romantic xD

12: A song from your preteen years:

EVERYTHING PRECEEDS MY PRETEEN YEARS. Okay but definitely this one we heard a lot:

🎶We are the Champions🎶 from News of the World

13: One of your favorite 80’s songs:

🎶Who Wants To Live Forever🎶 from A Kind of Magic

Another Brian May gem. I tend to associate this a lot with my Liam MC, Esther - esp for most of Book 2. It’s a beautiful track and was used as part of the Highlander movie OST.

14: A song that you would love played at your wedding:

We never had wedding dances at our weddings, and Queen is usually not wedding material haha but here’s some songs that would go well!

🎶You’re My Best Friend🎶 from A Night At The Opera

🎶Teo Torriatte🎶 from A Day At The Races

🎶Bijou🎶 from Innuendo

Bijou is very interesting because it was structured as an “inside-out” version of the usual song - there would be instrumental (guitar, in this case) where lyrics would be and lyrics where you would typically find a guitar solo. Haunting.

15: A song that is a cover by another artist:

🎶Goin’ Back🎶 by Larry Lurex

This was the first ever recording we have of Freddie Mercury, under the name of Larry Lurex. The original was written by Carole King and Gerry Goffin. A sampling of it is used at the very end of Mother Love, as a way of rewinding to the beginning…a symbolic goodbye to Freddie by going back to the first words that sparked his career.

Damn. I’m emotional now. 😭😭

16: One of your favorite classic songs:

Most people would go for 🎶Bohemian Rhapsody🎶 - and for good reason - but I think 🎶Prophet’s Song🎶 from the same album is equally deserving of this. It’s beautiful, has a lot of echoes that make it surreal and ethereal to me, and very power-packed vocals and lyrics.

17: A song that you’d sing a duet to on karaoke:

🎶Love of My Life🎶 from A Night At The Opera.

The fun thing about any Queen concert is that the audience has always been as much participant as spectator. LoML is one of the few ballads that the band used to interact with the audience, who were always ready to sing along. Freddie started this tradition in his live concerts, and Brian carried it on when he and Roger went back to touring as Queen +. To this day, you will always find a Queen audience being as involved in this song as the people on stage. It’s beautiful to watch. No Queen concert is complete without the audience crooning this ballad.

18: A song from the year that you were born:

🎶A Kind of Magic🎶 from the album of the same name (released 1986)

19: A song that makes you think about life:

🎶A Winter’s Tale🎶 from Made in Heaven

This happens to be one of Freddie’s last written compositions, and it’s unbelievably beautiful and dreamy. He had very few months left to live when he wrote this gem of a song, and there’s so much joy and hope and tranquility in it, and the moment you listen you will inevitably feel a sense of peace washing over you. I can imagine sitting by a lake alone in Switzerland, looking out at the sky and the snow, just listening to the song and basking in all it has to offer.

🎶Miracle🎶 from The Miracle

This is also a very hope-filled song, composed by Freddie shortly after he was diagnosed and told he had very little time left. It’s a very idealistic view of the world, but yeah I really like this one too. Just not as much as I like A Winter’s Tale. 😂

20: A song that has many meanings to you:

🎶White Queen (As It Began)🎶 from Queen II

On one level it’s about a girl who cannot see and the boy who loves her. On another I feel like it can also be about the sadness of unrequited love in general, and of an almost-relationship.

21: A favorite song with a person’s name in the title:

🎶Delilah🎶 from Innuendo

This song was about Freddie’s cat. It’s fun xD

22: A song that moves you forward:

🎶Death On Two Legs🎶 from A Night At the Opera

I can be a spectacularly petty bitch sometimes, and this number can be so vicious it satisfies those vengeful, bitchy parts of me lol. A lot of the lines in this song are particularly cutting, and it should be because it was written for someone who was fleecing the band dry in their early days.

23: A song that you think everybody should listen to:

🎶Track 13/Untitled🎶 from Made in Heaven.

Most people might be put off by this track because it’s 22:33 whopping minutes long, and it’s an endless loop of sounds but OMG is it trippy. Mostly a lot of synthetic, loops, Freddie saying words, and this overall ethereal, otherworldly vibe. Most Queen fans interpret this piece as a depiction of Freddie’s journey to heaven, and call it “Ascension”. Kind of like a requiem, a fitting goodbye to Freddie. I can see why. I mean I can always lie down, close my eyes and immerse myself in the tranquility of this track. All 22.33 minutes of it. It’s a strange recommendation, but in my mind a fitting one.

24: A song by a band/group you wish were still together:

🎶The Show Must Go On🎶 from Innuendo.

Queen aren’t together because their frontman passed away, not entirely out of choice 😟 (okay and John Deacon didn’t want to be involved anymore later on). This was written and composed by Brian May, but Freddie really makes this song his own in the singing. The way he hits some of those notes - at that stage in his life - is spine tingling.

25: A song by an artist no longer living:

🎶Lily of the Valley🎶, written by Freddie Mercury from Sheer Heart Attack.

[kayliemusing]

19: Valentine’s Day!

do you have a crush on anyone? - No, I’m a lonely sack :(

what’s your favorite candy? - Maltesers! Sweet, but crunchy too.

favorite love song? - There’s a few. Can’t Help Falling In Love With You by Elvis Presley,  Lover by Taylor Swift, Tenerife Sea by Ed Sheeran, and Cowboy Like Me by Taylor Swift. 

what was your first kiss like? - I’ve never had one because I’m boring

what was your last kiss like? - Once again, never had one of these but you should listen to Last Kiss by Taylor Swift

sexual/romantic orientation? - Heterosexual

do you prefer poems or love letters? - BOTH PLEASE. Even better, poems that are written like love letters OR love letters written like poems. Anyway, if no one in the world writes me a love letter or a poem, I will die sad.

favorite fanfic trope? - Enemies To Lovers

have you ever been in love? - No and it shows.

favorite milkshake flavor? - Vanilla. Don’t criticize me.

dinner dates or brunch dates? - Brunch!

favorite flowers? - Water lily’s, but I also love sunflowers and daisies. 

favorite perfume/cologne? - Her by Burberry

favorite candle scent? - Apple Cinnamon in the fall and winter and Black Cherry Merlot in the spring and summer. I also like anything vanilla-y.

what’s your ideal first date? - Something that’s fun or relaxing. i.e. a walk, picnic, going to some kind of museum and then afterwards a late night drive. Something really laid back. Not super into dinner dates because I generally can’t relax in restaurants because I have a lot of stomach issues so I’d hate to be on a date and be nervous the entire time.

favorite love story? - The Hating Game by Sally Thorne. Also: I low key find the bonnie and clyde love story romantic.

what’s the most attractive thing a person could wear? - Confidence. See also: dress shirts with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows.

chocolate, vanilla, or red velvet? - Vanilla.

snow, rain, or sun? - Rain

sweetest romantic memory? - I don’t have one because I don’t really have a social life of any kind. But one time I was leaning with my back against the wall in class and I felt someone on the other side of the wall in the other room sit against the same wall so it was kind of like we were sitting back to back and I think that’s beautiful.

favorite dating sim (and favorite character)? - I don’t totally know what this means, but if it means what I ~think~ it does, my favourite dating sim game is Doki Doki Literature Club which I technically didn’t play but I watched the Game Grumps play it, and my favourite character was Natsuki

fictional crushes? - Oh where do I start: Gansey from The Raven Cycle, when I was 12 it was also Fang from Maximum Ride so I’ll give him a shoutout, Cassian from ACOTAR series by Sarah J Maas, Josh Templeman from The Hating Game, Tom Valeska from 99 Percent Mine, Cardan Black from The Folk of the Air series, Jake Connelly from The Risk, Tristan Rosier from a Crown of Bitter Orange, Hawke/Casteel Da’Neer from the From Blood and Ash series, Luc from The Origin series, Daemon Black from the Lux series, Reid Diggory from Serpent & Dove, and Arcturus from The Bone Season series. There’s more but-

what’s your dream wedding like? - I want it to be fall or winter-ish wedding (i.e in november or december). I’d like for the service to be in a rustic setting, like a barn or something like that. Then I’d like the reception to be in a fancy little hall with cute little christmas trees or lanterns as centerpieces on the table. I want my dress to be super whimsical looking with long sleeves that are kind of see-through but have a lacy-like pattern and a cute puffy skirt, and then my bridesmaids will have red dresses. A cute idea I saw on Pinterest (yes I’m that person) is a gingerbread-esque cake. Then there be other things like fairy lights and candles and maybe a photobooth. I also want their to be music playing the entire time and it’ll be entire love-song playlist. There will be a dance floor too!

what makes you blush? - Being put on the spot/feeling embarrassed

do you believe in love at first sight? - No

do you believe in soulmates? - Yes because I’m a sap

denim jackets, leather jackets, or bomber jackets? - ALL DA JACKETS. Right now I’m really into oversized denim jackets though.

what’s your sign? - Pisces

are you single? - Always and forever <3

do you prefer to charm, or be charmed? - Be charmed

guitar or piano? - Guitar

favorite romcom (or any romantic movie)? - Clueless, I think. There’s tons but that’s my feel good movie.

do you fall in love easily? - I’m not sure because I’ve never had the opportunity to fall in love. I feel like I probably do.

valentine’s decorations: yay or nay? - Nay

would you prefer to propose or be proposed to? what’s your dream proposal? - Be proposed to. I don’t mind how I get proposed to as long as it’s not in a restaurant where everyone is watching. I feel like I’d want it something cute and for it to be a story to tell.

cloud gazing or star gazing? - Star gazing

do you like to dance? - If I knew how to dance then yeah, but all I know how to do currently is a little jig.

what’s your OTP? - Cassian and Nesta Archeron from ACOTAR series (a court of silver flames if we’re being technical) by Sarah J Maas.

kittens or puppies? - Kittens, but pups are cute too

coffee, hot chocolate, or tea? - Hot cocoa!!

favorite soda? -  Rootbeer or Diet Coke

do you prefer gazing wistfully out the window or lying dramatically over the sofa? - Gazing wistfully is my talent.

favorite ABBA song? - Dancing Queen. It’s a crime that I don’t know more.

fuck/marry/kill? (anons name 3 people of your choice) - I’m not doing this but I’ll do Taylor Swift albums. Okay so I’d marry Evermore, I’d f Red, and I’d kill Reputation.

favorite pajamas? - My long sleeved pink shirt with my hella fuzzy pink pj pants

favorite liquor? - I’m not super into drinking, but I really liked this Boone’s berry dessert wine my sister’s best friend brought over once. 

do you think about love a lot? - Too much if we’re being honest

a walk in the park or a walk on the beach? - Park, but a walk on the beach at dusk is *chefs kiss*

hand kisses or nose kisses? - Nose kisses!!!!!!!! (i’m screaming internally) 

what’s your dreamhouse? - Okay this is the best question anyone can ask me. Let me get my pinterest board for reference. My dream house is literally a farm-style house with a wrap around porch and lots of yard. Then in the backyard there would be a patio with fairy lights strung up around a Pergola and a firepit for the summers. Also: a big glass deck. Interior wise, again I love farmstyle and I especially love really soft neutral colours like soft browns, tans, whites, creams, etc. I also really like brick feature walls (bonus points if it’s in the kitchen). I’d have a writing room that’s built specifically for my writing time with big cozy chairs/couches, and I’d love a library room too. I want a big kitchen too with a massive island and white cupboards, and barndoor style sliding pantry doors. In the bathroom, I like white tile and then a glass shower and a clawfoot bathtub because I’m bougie. I also want a spiral staircase because my imagination can’t be stopped. I really like ceilings with wooden beams too! Anyway, that’s the basics of my dream home lol. (But if you’re asking if I was absolutely filthy rich I would want the most bizarre glass floor (just like a little section) by the spiral staircase with a koi pond in it so I could walk over the fish. Idk I love the idea of that.) 

[airadam]

Episode 139 : Safe & Sound

"Give your mama enough money to bury ya."

- E-40

We've just about dragged ourselves to the end of the year whose name shall not be spoken, and we're not out of the woods just yet. The winter is drawing in, and so we have not a festive selection, but one which in many parts sonically fits the season. There are some deep album cuts, B-sides, and mixtape tracks here, making it one of those months where pretty much everyone is going to learn at least one new tune! Get those headphones connected and let's go...

Twitter : @airadam13

Twitch : @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

E-40 : I'ma Teach Ya How To Sell Dope

The title of this track from "Revenue Retrievin' : Day Shift" wrong-foots you, because this is A-grade "B-side of the game" material, as Ice-T would say. If you ever thought the drug game was glamourous, E-40 lets you know that it's a dangerous, paranoid, and depressing dead-end - even for the few who live long enough to make a bit of money. 

The Cool Kids : Tires (Instrumental)

This had just the right slow pace, boom, and space to form a bridge between the tracks on either side. The vocal version appropriately comes from the 2009 "Merry Christmas" EP and features Boldy James, but this instrumental is available as part of the "Gone Fishing : Instrumentals" mixtape (despite not being on the "Gone Fishing" album, so far as I'm aware!)

Jane Child : Loot$ville

Take the rhythm section alone and you could imagine someone like Above The Law or The Dogg Pound getting busy on this track. It's been a very long time since the release of the "Surge" LP, the last from Jane Child, but it still stands up! Child's production and playing skills, alongside those of Cat Gray have this instrumental growling along at the low end, and then her vocal elevates the whole package into a quality song.

Jay-Z : Where I'm From

A clear standout from "In My Lifetime, Vol.1", this is one of the tracks for the streets, and a stark contrast to the many songs on the album that were obviously aiming for mass appeal. Jay lays down the facts of life in Brooklyn's Marcy Projects over a menacing beat from D-Dot and Amen-Ra, with DJ Premier contributing the cuts.

Scarface : The Fix / Fixed

I decided to blend the opening and closing tracks from Scarface's "The Fix" LP here, since both are excellent, but also very short. Scarface and Mike Dean handle the production, and it would surprise many to know that Scarface is also the singer here! This musical motif was re-used by the great Pimp C for UGK's "Still Ridin' Dirty", which also featured Scarface - another track to check out.

Sean Price ft. Buckshot and General Steele : Apartheid

This tune from "Imperius Rex" is the exact kind of darkness and coldness that matches the current season, especially in a year like this. Crummie Beats provides the score, and Sean is accompanied by two of the absolute foundation BCC members to go all the way grimy with it. Check the video - as well as all the artist guests, Sean's wife Bernadette and daughter Shaun both make appearances.

Mad Cobra ft. The Geto Boys : Dead End Street (Instrumental)

From the early 90s, when all sorts of Hip-Hop groups were trying to add a little Jamaican flavour (to wildly varying effect), there were a few artists from JA with the budget to cross over the other way. This 12" had multiple versions of the GB-featuring gun tune headed by dancehall don Cobra, and this is the thumping instrumental to the main mix.

Bronx Slang : Copy That

Jerry Beeks and Ollie Miggs are back with a new single, which just had to be shared here. Beeks has been doing his thing for a long time and continues to tweak and refine his approach - his flow here is alternately conversational and then more dense, and shows a real level of comfort expounding on serious subject matter on the mic. Grab this either as a single or on the "Bronx Kill" mixtape!

Ghostface Killah ft. Trife : Be Easy

The horns on "Copy That" brought this track to mind, and it's a worthy follow-up. One of the big singles from "Fishscale", it's a triumphant Pete Rock blast flipping "Stay Away From Me" by The Sylvers (this info is already out there), and Ghost leading the charge over the top with an assist from Trife in the hypeman role.

Phat Kat ft. T3 and Black Milk : Danger

All the Detroit on this cut, which has appeared in a few places - Phat Kat's "Carte Blanche" LP, Black Milk's "Sound Of The City", and even the "Saint's Row" soundtrack. As "SOTC" was released two years before the Phat Kat album came out in 2007, I guess that kind of makes it Black Milk's track and may explain why he's on the first verse - although Phat Kat is a beast on the third verse cleanup. Black Milk is on the beat, of course.

Dilated Peoples : Clockwork

I'd somehow forgotten that DJ Premier had done this beat for Dilated, but it's a great bi-coastal collaboration between him and this LA crew! The "Expansion Team" LP, their second, is full of heavyweight production, with Alchemist, Da Beatminerz, and JuJu from The Beatnuts among the boardsmen on the project. This track bumps but has a kind of thriller film soundtrack energy at the same time, and Rakaa and Evidence do it justice on the mic.

Fingathing : You Fly Me

The pairing of bassist Sneaky and world-class turntablist DJ Peter Parker was not the kind of thing that was at all common when they started out, but their original concept went from sensational live performances to quality recorded output. This number comes from the first full album, "The Main Event" (which was preceded by the "2 Player EP"), and is a glorious mix of bass and strings with some jazzy drumming action.

Zo! ft. Phonte : Everything She Wants

Now this is how you do a cover version! The last track recorded for "...just visiting three", this was a left-field idea from Zo that Phonte loved, as he'd always loved the original Wham track and wanted to remake it himself! It's much slower than the original, and as Zo points out, it helps to maintain the focus on the lyrics, which were some of George Michael's best from that era. The multi-talented Phonte kills it on the lead vocal (as well as some choice ad-libs), and Zo has the beat sliding and slumping, with a great switch-up at the end if you go and get the full version... 

Freeway & Jake One : The Product

I hadn't played "The Stimulus Package" for ages, but it's still really good. When this was released, it seemed like an idea from a bygone era to pair one MC with one producer for a whole album, but one that was very welcome. Philadelphia's Freeway's addiction-themed lyrics are pretty much timeless, and as is usually the case, Jake One's beat nods to tradition while not being bound by it.

Sadat X & El Da Sensei ft. Bumpy Knuckles : 3 Rounds To Spar

Wall-to-wall rugged MCs right here, with the pairing of Sadat and El joined by the king of the third verse, Bumpy Knuckles for a pure mic workout over some heavy boom-bap (which is never a perjorative round here) by Divine Drummah - a producer I could only find this one credit for, but who definitely cooked up a track with the appropriate weight for the MCs on it. If you check the full version from the "XL" album, you can enjoy the intro where you hear the main sample in a more open form before the chops and drums come in.

Boot Camp Clik ft. Twanie Ranks : Smile In Heaven

This one probably snuck past most of you, as it was buried on the end of the Black Moon "Rush" 12" and didn't appear anywhere else except the "Collect Dis Edition" compilation in 2003. It turned up when I was digitising vinyl and I thought it was a fitting one to play mood-wise, with the contemplative street lyrics and the sombre vibes of the Beatminerz' instrumental underscoring it all. Twanie Ranks adds to the whole with his reggae-styled vocals at the end of the hook sections.

K-Def : The Final Thrill

One of those guys you could describe as a producer's producer, New Jersey's K-Def quietly has an amazing discography! I went back to his "Willie Boo Boo" album for this one, which is so short I had to loop it up a bit to make it long enough to work here - that said, there's no downside to hearing a beat like this for a little longer :)

Tribeca : Charlie Hustle (Pony Express)

With a sample that almost everyone will recognise, even if you can't name it, Tribeca does double duty as MC and producer on this 2003 12". On the mic, he takes on the persona/viewpoint of the former baseball player Pete Rose, who was banned from the major leagues for gambling, and as such is also excluded from the Baseball Hall of Fame (the "Cooperstown" you hear mentioned). When it comes to the production, he pounds the MPC in his characteristic fashion to supply the low end to complement the piano track. 

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!

[neverisalongtime-ja-blog]

Chapter 41: keeping distance

Hello everyone! Here we are once again with another #JoshAN chapter, tho the name of the fic is Never Is A Long Time I don’t use it as muchas I use JoshAn.

Before we go into this crazy love story I want to force you all to follow my girl Zara on Instagram because the author of Be My Getaway revamped her story and now is on whattpad 

♥ Zara IG ♥ Whattpad Story 

Read chapter 40

-          I thought we were done with the whole dating-musicians thing after Josh – Barbara told Anastasia at her house in Malibu.

-          He took you to Palm Springs at two in the morning?! – Mandy screamed. She was there too.

-          Do you have any idea how dangerous that was? – Barbara spoke to Anastasia.

-          How was sex? – Mandy asked and Barbara gave her a hard look – Oh come on! You want to know too.

-          It was elegant – Anastasia answered. That was the first word she thought of.

-          WHAT?! – Barbara and Mandy said at the same time.

-          Yeah… it was nice and sweet and gentle. It was elegant.

-          It was dreamy – Mandy talked supporting her face with her hands and smiling.  

-          What about Josh? – Barbara asked suddenly.

 At that moment, Anastasia realized she hadn’t thought about Josh for days.

-          I hope his thing with Lauren works out – Anastasia answered.

-          Really? – Barbara was shocked.

-          Yeah, I don’t really care. I haven’t talked to him in like a week.

-          My girl just made all her sixteen year old wet dreams true, Barb, give her a break! – Mandy was now hugging Anastasia and Barbara was laughing.

 The ultimate test was to see Josh again and keep her feelings at bay. And it was that time again… to go back on the road. She was tired, and she could see the rest of her band was tired too but something good was starting to happen, she had a bunch of songs ready and the guys in Dead Curse were so inspired to put music to those lyrics.

-          I’m excited. For real, these lyrics are different and I want to make an album that doesn’t sound like any we have done before – Anastasia said in a luxurious hotel in Rome. They were waiting for the Peppers there since they were performing in festivals in Portugal and Spain without Dead Curse. Now Anastasia and company had a week off to spend in the Italian city.

-          A real rock album – Eric said.

-          I feel that we’ve been touring for so long that we need to finally put a stadium-anthem record together – Mandy said.

-          Yeah! I want the same – Anastasia said.

-          I got a bunch of hard guitar riffs to dust off in my pantry – Nick smiled.

-          I feel like a mini Chad Smith and I wanna blast some drums – Eric was laughing now.

 Anastasia loved those moments when the band got together and just talked about their music, each one of them were so talented individually. They brought a lot of equipment and set it up on An and Mandy’s bathroom, it was the place with the best acoustics to record and as soon as each one got their instruments in hand the melodies started flowing in the most natural way.

 By the end of the week, they had five songs ready.

-          I think we should go to the studio on August and finish this thing – Anastasia said while the band was having lunch at a restaurant near the hotel in Rome.

-          Man! Are we going to launch another record this year? – Mandy said smiling.

-          It wasn’t planned but we are in such an inspirational rush! – Anastasia said.

-          We need to take advantage of it – Eric said drinking some wine.

-          I’m so happy! – Anastasia said. Things were going good for her, as long as she had the band and a place to make music she was pleased.

-          The Peppers arrive today here – Nick said after eating a pizza slide.

-          Have you talked to Josh? – Eric asked.

-          Nope – Anastasia said – But I’ve been talking to Richard almost every day – He was well aware of Anastasia while she was away. She smiled and kept looking at her phone.

-          Uh! Look at that smile – Eric said laughing – Your love life is a mess – Everyone laughed.

-          You know, last week I found out that the Hanson guys are still making music and they are all married with a bunch of kids each one. That made me realize that it is possible to have a stable love life while being in this business, so I’m pretty sure that the problem here is me.

-          Don’t say that – Nick said – Things with this Richard guy are going good so far.

-          I know, but… - Anastasia said.

-          But he’s not Josh – Mandy talked looking straight to Anastasia’s eyes. She knew her so well.

-          But I need to move on. Josh is not ready and Richard just makes me feel so good – Anastasia talked and saw Nick smiling.

-          You look happy. You look better and you have improved on your songwriting skills – He said.

-          But none of the songs are about Richard – She laughed.

-          Instead, there are a couple about Josh – Mandy talked again.

-          Well, cut it out with the Josh subject – Mandy’s tone was starting to annoy Anastasia.

 When they came back to the hotel, there he was, at the lobby. Josh. Wearing his Yankees cap with a matching Yankees tee shirt and huge black pants. He wasn’t wearing any outerwear, it was a really hot Italian summer, it kind of shocked Anastasia since Josh was always seen wearing a jacket. It hasn’t been that long since she saw him for last time but she could swear his hair was longer. He turned his head and crossed his eyes with An’s, looked at her for a few seconds and then turned his head away and walked to the elevator with his back to her. She knew what that meant; it meant he was angry, she knew him so well. She thought about going after him but some invisible force stopped her from doing it.

 That leg of the tour felt weird for Anastasia and her band. Live shows didn’t go well, the vibes were weird, the air was heavy and the lack of communication with Josh was driving her insane. Instead, she focused on recording some vocals for the new songs and changing the lyrics for others.

 The only show that was amazing was Lollapalooza in Paris. Dead Curse had always been a festival band so they felt comfortable playing in such stage. But after all, they were happy to play in places they never been before like Riga in Latvia and Reykjavik in Iceland. The tour was practically over at that point. They still had to play in some festivals but not together. By the last day in Reykjavik, everyone was so tired. Anastasia was at the hotel restaurant talking to Richard on the phone, she was having dinner with Mandy but her friend was already on her way to her room. Conversations with Richard were deeper every time and the relationship was definitely growing, she was so comfortable with the situation, she just didn’t have any doubts, it was so different than when she started with Josh and all the things that filled her head at that time. This was the opposite of that, so easy.

 Richard hung up the phone and then An started to walk to her room. On the hallway she saw Josh closing his door, he saw her too and a knot appeared on her stomach, so strong it hurt.

-          Hey – An managed to say and he gave her a half smile – Going out? – Josh nodded – I thought that maybe you wanted to talk. We haven’t talked much these past weeks.

-          I don’t feel like it. I’m going for a walk – He said passing by her on the way to the elevator.

-          Don’t you want me to join you? – She asked.

-          No. I prefer going alone – He answered and the elevator door closed on Anastasia’s face.

 Now he was rejecting her, and for some strange reason that made her feel worse.

-          He doesn’t know anything about my date with Richard in Palm Springs – Anastasia told Mandy when they were both in bed before sleeping.

-          Maybe he just knows that you are better with Richard and he wants to keep distance, for his own sake – Mandy answered – Last time you two talked you had this huge fight – Mandy looked at her friend – What do you wanna do?

-          What do you mean? – Anastasia knew perfectly what Mandy meant with her question.

-          What do you wanna do? – Mandy asked again.

-          I want to be with Richard – Anastasia answered – I feel is the right thing to do right now – Mandy smiled.

-          You didn’t even think about it.

-          I just feel it. I like him… a lot. He is growing on me and it’s like… it’s meant to be – Mandy hugged her friend with a smile – Do you remember all the doubts I had when this thing with Josh started?

-          How can I forget that? I feel so guilty.

-          No! It’s not your fault. But I don’t have any of those feelings with Richard – Mandy smiled again.

-          Richard is so different from Josh – Mandy said.

-          How?

-          Even though Richard is younger than Josh in age, he is such a man – The pink haired friend pronounced “Man” elongating the “a” – You know, like an actual adult man – Anastasia laughed – He even has a kid and all!

-          Yeah Richard is so much more mature that Josh, but what I like about Josh is just that, the youth in his heart, because he is pretty mature too if you think about it, his creativity, his art is mature enough.

-          Yeah, but… Richard is a man – Mandy elongated the “a” again - I know that we’ll be in the studio next month but we need to focus on the wedding planning. I’m going to get married in December.

-          So, has it been decided?

-          Peyton decided it and I love that month so I’ll have a winter wedding in Malibu. I have the first dress fitting in mid-August. I’m so nervous.

-          Can I go with you?

-          I would be offended if you didn’t.

-          I’ll cry.

-          I’ll cry if you cry – Both friends laughed.

 Josh didn’t speak to Anastasia even on the flight back. Truth was, she was stocked to see Richard again. He was traveling to London in a few days to do some promotion for his record so she wanted to spend those days with him.

-          I can stay in LA until Friday because I want to be with Elijah a couple of days before I leave – Richard told An when she called him from LAX to let him know she was in town.

-          Sounds cool! – She replied, getting in the van with the rest of her band.

-          Guess I’ll see you tomorrow – He said.

-          Sure! Let me know when you arrive.

-          Can’t wait – He said and she just could imagine him smiling and his dimples appearing on his face.

 They only spent three days together but they were so special. They had dates, he took her to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery where a company was showing movies from the 80s and 90s at open sky, they had a picnic and watched “The Craft” one of Anastasia’s ultimate favorites. They had wine and ate cheese and ended the night at Anastasia’s bed. Sex with Richard was great, but it wasn’t as wild as with Josh.

-          I don’t want to leave – Richard said in the morning, resting his head on Anastasia’s shoulder while they were still in bed.

-          Go and see your son – Anastasia said stroking her hands through his hair, which was a little bit longer and it wasn’t combed back with gel as he used to have it. It was wild bed hair and it made him look incredible sexy.

-          I know. I’m going to miss you – He moved his head to be at Anastasia’s face level. He smiled. The gold chain he always wear shone when it was hit by sunlight – What are you doing to me, Anastasia Truman?

-          I’m just being cute and lovely for you – She smiled too looking straight to his eyes.

-          You are an expert. This is so strange for me. After being with the same woman since I was a teenager… - He still mentioned his ex-wife now and then and that bothered Anastasia but she could understand that they had a very long relationship.

 An didn’t answer; instead she kissed Richard, with passion, hard, trying to make him not forget her.

-          What are you going to do this month here in LA? – He answered trying to contain himself after that kiss.

-          I’m going to make a new record – She answered.

-          A new record! Already?! – She nodded – Wow, talk about efficiency.

-          We’ve been having a good inspirational rush. We don’t want to wait to put these songs out.

-          Can’t wait to hear them – Richard kissed Anastasia again – I’m going to leave.

 He got up of the bed and started to gather his clothes scattered around the room, he looked so funny doing it and Anastasia smiled. She got up from the bed too, grabbed an oversized sweater over a chair near to her and put it on.

-          I’ll call you – He said at the door of the house.

-          And I will answer – That was probably the cheesiest moment she ever had but he smiled.

-          I love you – He said, sound and clear without stopping to think about it.

-          I love you too – She didn’t even take a second to answer. Richard looked relieved by her answer and kissed her goodbye.

 She went next day to the studio in Hollywood with the biggest smile on her face.

-          Someone is happy today! – Mandy told her when she entered the recording room.

-          I just spent three days with Richard and it was magical – Anastasia was still smiling.

-          Well, Eric is about to destroy that smile – Nick said and Eric laughed.

-          Listen, I was thinking that we need help for the finishing touches on some songs and we need somebody outside this band that can give us an honest and different view – Eric said sitting behind his drum set. Anastasia knew what he was about to say next – I thought that Josh would be the right person for that job.

-          Do you want Josh to produce our album? – An asked.

-          Yes – Eric said.

-          But Josh is not speaking to me. He won’t agree.

-          He already said yes – Eric said and Anastasia’s chin went to the floor – He is going to be in New York for about two weeks, which will give us time to record so he can come and just adjust everything.

-          Wait, wait, wait… He said yes? – Anastasia couldn’t believe it. Josh’s sudden change of heart was making her ill.

-          If you don’t want to, I’m sure we can find someone else – Nick said.

-          No, no! I want to; I would like it to be Josh. It’s fine by me – It was going to be a strange situation but luckily with all the vocals recorded she wouldn’t have to spend a lot of time with him in the studio, she thought.

 They were trying hard to make the songs work, but nothing was going well for the band that day. Anastasia’s mind was blocked and so was the rest of the band.

-          What if we change studios? – Eric said at night after not accomplishing anything that day.

-          What do you mean? – Anastasia asked.

-          We can go to Rancho de Luna and do some recording there – Eric talked again. The idea of the dessert just made its way to Anastasia’s mind.

-          Richard told me about a studio in Las Vegas – An said.

-          The Battle Born Studios?

-          Yeah, that one! We can try it out too.

-          Yes! Let’s do a trip to Vegas. If we want to make this powerful show-inspired record what better place for big shows than Vegas?

 All Dead Curse members agreed and the little experiment began. 

[thedoctorvie]

Another questionnaire

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

Pffft, more milk of course. What kind of uncivilized barbarian uses more cereal than milk?

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

Depends on the coldness of air. Sometimes, if the winter mood is right.

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

Toilet paper; other, smaller books.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

Coffee: Milk and a bit sugar. Tea: Nothing besides tea.

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

Don't know. Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

6: do you keep plants?

Yes, artificial ones. Those never fail me.

7: do you name your plants?

Nope. I'm not THAT crazy... yet...

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

I don't have enough mastery over any artistic medium to adequately express anything inside me.

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

Yep.

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

Left/right side alternating, most of the time.

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

Wait, what? Which friends?

12: what’s your favorite planet?

Venus. 460 degrees celsius, sulfuric acid rain, active volcanism, a hundred times higher atmospheric pressure than earth... exactly my kind of planet.

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

The astonishing and heartwarming reactions to an important facebook post of mine.

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

Since my girlfriend is my best friend and we live in a (somewhat) old flat in a big city... not very different than now ;)

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

One from google: Neptune radiates more heat than it gets from the sun. One from me: Alcohol has been found in some galactic nebulae.

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

Penne carbonara.

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

Something appropriately futuristic. Don't know what the cyberfashion of our future looks like.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

Again, which friends? But i once didn't remember the appropriate name of a wire whisk and called it something very funny (which, unfortunately, can't be translated to english)

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

Nope.

20: what’s your favorite eye color? Green.

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

My bags from the medical university of vienna.

22: are you a morning person?

Ahahahahahahaha, no.

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

Coding, reading, playing computer games.

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

No, and i guess there never will be.

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

Broken into? I'm not that type of criminal ;)

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

Currently cheap brown synthetic leather boots from a discount store.

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

Apple.

28: sunrise or sunset?

Sunset.

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

My girlfriend, when her brain just quits and does something very irrational.

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

Oh yes.

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

I like socks, but not white ones. I like my socks systematically ordered. Socks are life to me, since they guard my feet from unwelcome encounters with... *shudder*... nature.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

Why all those "friends"-questions? Seriously, i can't think of any interesting story with above parameters.

33: what’s your fave pastry?

I am no big fan of pastry. Maybe buns?

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

It is a very old teddy bear. His name is teddy bear. It looks a bit like Mr. Beans' teddy.

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

Whats a stationary pen? I mostly write with boring black stabilos.

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

Good question. Kai Tracid?

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

Both.

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

I could write a book about it. But one of the most important is when people hurt other people.

39: what color do you wear the most?

Pitch black like my heart.

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

I don't own much jewelry except of my engagement ring. You can imagine its story and meaning.

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

The one i am currently reading, roughly translated: "Manual of chip cards"

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

No, i don't.

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

My girlfriend, while smoking in the courtyard of our residential building.

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

That was... well... the last time... lets say... ehm... wait...

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

Depends on the situation.

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

Unfortunately, i can't translate it into english, but i will give it in german: "Haben Sie Milch?" - "Ja, fettarme." - "Das sehe ich, aber haben Sie auch Milch?"

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

Insects.

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

It was being abducted by aliens (seriously!). I don't know what my biggest fear today is.

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

I didn't buy any CDs or records in the last few years. The last one i bought a long time ago was some album from The Vision Bleak.

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

Books.

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

I usually don't have strong connections between persons and music, but one of the strongest is between a friend of mine and Ashbury Heights - Spiders.

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

I... don't know. I don't remember any in particular.

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

Rocky horror picture show: Yes, i liked it and its crazyness. Pulp fiction: Yes, its ok, but very overrated.

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

My girlfriend.

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

Er... don't know, argue it?

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

Intelligence, kindness, individualism, openness, tolerance, very broad interests, insatiable curiosity

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

It made me feel bored (sorry!). I didn't dramatically reenact anything.

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

The what and who? What the heck are you talking (writing?) about?

59: what’s your favorite myth?

The one of diarrhea god of some tropical island (i am NOT kidding, it really is a myth! It is from some book about world mythology)

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

I never read any good poetry.

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

The stupidest i ever received where non-fitting (but expensive) clothes. The stupidest i've ever given? No idea.

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

Nope, through my veins runs coca cola.

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

Well, it's kind of a mess, but i try to organize them.

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

Black (because it is night)

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

Yeah, but i don't know if i get along with her as good as back then.

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

Wild and untamed.

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

Like i am in the right place where i can feel good (strange, i know).

68: what’s winter like where you live?

Chaotic. Sometimes warm, sometimes cold, often in-between.

69: what are your favorite board games?

Monopoly, chess.

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

No.

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

Black tea.

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

No, i just forget it.

73: what are some of your worst habits?

Good question... smoking?

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

A red-headed, smart, wild cat.

75: tell us about your pets!

You think cats are strange and crazy? You don't know mine.

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

God, yes... too much.

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

Yellow.

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

FANclub! I LOVE em!!!

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

Being there for me.

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

Greyish, my girlfriend made me a portal bedroom for my birthday. Wait, can i revise question 79?

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

Re-emission of electromagnetic field waves, outside the thermal spectrum of usual chemical reactions.

82: are/were you good in school?

No, i didn't want to be.

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

I liked the one on Monolith - Subsystem, don't know why.

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

Yes, an aesculapian staff.

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

Yes, i especially like star wars comics.

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

What the fuck is a concept album?

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

Good question. All Star Wars-movies. 2001 - a space odyssey.

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

3D-generated arts (see for example https://blendpolis.de/forum/kunst/galerie)

89: are you close to your parents?

Yes, kinda. But i am more adult then they are.

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

Well i like Berlin very much. People there seem to be much more open and uncomplicated than in vienna.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

I don't know, i don't plan anything at the moment.

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

Drown it in ALL the cheese!!

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

Long, open and flowing.

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

A fellow student of mine.

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

Preparing the silvester party at our home.

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

I have activated automatic updates.

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

ISTJ or INTJ, gemini, slytherin.

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

A loooooong time ago, and yes, i enjoyed it.

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

Schalldruck - Turntable Junky (The Crow Remix) ASP - Krabat Weird Al Yankovic - White & Nerdy Zeromancer - Doctor Online Robert Palmer - Bad Case Of Loving You Eluviete - Omnos Crazy Town - Butterfly Faun - Tanz mit mir