#i had like less than 2 weeks to do this
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At the End of the Summer
Fic by @skylerlightingstrike | Art by @airu27-rkgk
Read it on AO3~
Summary:
In order to fulfill his obligations as a noble, Shinichi attends Natsu no Ame summer camp with the intent to earn a medal of honor. Between lessons and spending time with friends, it should be a normal summer.
Now if only someone could explain that to the dragon.
Oh, and the dead body.
Hi hi! I'm here with another project for @kaishinbigbang 💜💙 Sky writes absolutely fantastic fic about dragon!Kaito and political dispute in fantasy setting, there's Shinichi solving cases, wonderful banters (dates), I cannot stop gushing about it, please give it a read!
#ksbb24#kaishin#dcmk#kuroba kaito#kudou shinichi#dragon!kaito#draping kaito in jewels and gold and accessories#while drawing shinichi mostly fashion-bare#mhmm truly not biased what r u implying#i'm honored to pinch hit this fic#this one is done in record time tbh#i had like less than 2 weeks to do this#but i want to draw a lot of scenes from the fic#had to stop myself to add even more details lolol
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Charles Leclerc wins the Monaco Grand Prix (May 26, 2024)
#formula 1#f1edit#charles leclerc#charlesleclercedit#i've had less time to edit since sunday than i would've liked so this is 1. very late 2. just a small simple edit#i'd love to do something a bit more elaborate when i have more time in the next week or two#but the slow mo shots!!!!!! delicious#*mine: gif#monaco gp 2024
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like a regular bin, not even recycled or anything
#poll#okay so uh#dont read the tags ahead unless you care about my little vent#my mom got me a hoodie in December from shein#even tho i had two very similar hoodies already both from better brands#still fast fashion but not as fast#and one of them was modded by me#but the hoodie was fucking soft and comfy and good length so it quickly became my favourite hoodie#according to my mother tho after a month she started complaining that it's ugly.#it had those little balls idk what they're called but#1 i don't fucking care#2 they're removable#so anyway fot the past week or two shes been complaining every time i wore the hoodie and today she screamed at me and threw it in the trash#she also kicked me but thats unrelated#and like even if she bought me a new identical one that wouldn't help at all cause she still threw my stuff in the trasg#and bought from a company that goes against my values#and she keeps excusing it like “its cheaper”#im sorry but buying one good thing and wearing it too death is cheaper than buying a hundred things you throw away after less than 3 months#so fucking sick of this!!!!!!!!#i have more than enough clothes too and am currently trying to get rid of some#BUT NOT LIKE THAT WHAT THE FUCK#btw my vinted is dupiarz it's mostly stuff from 2017-2020 so not really trendy but maybe youd like something#the pnly clothing i dont bother repairing and just throw out is underwear#but i do fix socks because good socks are good socks
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so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh
#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr 2.2#hsr spoilers#hsr leaks#the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am#i just don’t know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game i’ve hardly blogged abt before#but i’m not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah y’all r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one#so anyways don’t mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days#it’s insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought i’d be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me#but i’m v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and#gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadn’t found it#and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story#not to discount everything that’s happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasn’t Loving it y’know#but that may be more a ‘me having to fight tooth n’ nail to force myself to consume new media’ thing than it is a matter of the actual game#anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since i’m not filming my HSR stuff i’m gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :)#and i’m probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but let’s not talk abt that dead dream#pun not intended lmao. Anyways let’s return to the subject at hand while there’s still room left in these tags shall we#i’m so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since he’s leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2… it was nice to see-#-him here at least 🥹 i’ll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out..#the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was ‘y’know DR RATIO once told me…’ like boy we get it ur in love with him 🙄 (/J!)#i love how they can’t go on these programs w/o talking abt each other it’s adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILL’S KIT!?#they can’t just fuel my crackship like this… god and his whole ‘muddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?’ thing had me wheezing#Aven mocking Boothill’s inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck i’m here for it#and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. ‘who /is/ he? … does he order milk at the bar?’ i’m crying she’s so sweet#also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYo’s version trailers go hard but like. still. wow.#that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!!#not complaining at all tho. we’ve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good#Seven.txt#viddy game stuff
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I hate panic attacks
#rant#which is to say i hate the whirlwind of specifically bad times in my life that brought them on and kept them#i hate that they trigger when i feel strong Anything#ive been trying to Dissassociate less and feel more. because feeling stuff does HELP me notice whats helping or hurting me#but like. i WISH it was about feeling joy and pleasure and excitement. maybe ill feel those eventually#but right now Any strong emotion is still ridiculously close to triggering panic attacks#im still terrified to go watch a play. because i LOVE plays and the last times ive gone for the past decade#ive had awful panic attacks because my brain clicked Love them with Intense Feeling into Panic dont breathe chest hurts Hate Urself#turns out my brain didnt just attach the trigger to fear of loud noises or fear of asking for#trigger from self hating thiught loops#it alsp clicked the trigger into: particularly notiveable romantic feelings of any kind (lile someome? have a panic attack! thatll keep u#physically incapable of getting near them! like plays! lets have you unable to breathe sobbimg hysterical so ur terrified to be trapped in#the audiience for hours! fucking hate hate hate it)#neurofeedback and emdr certainly lowered the panic attack rate per day or week to a Lesser per month situation#but im still lucky if i get thru a pa without illogivally trying to Fix it the irrational way i did when young which is hit myself#in the illogical hope if im injured enough ill be able to think again (which doesnt work its dangerous and makes the panic attack last#longer a pa just does Not let u think rationally untol its over u CANNOT try and fix it while in it and dping that makes it much worse)#if i get thru a pa without a concussion ive done much better than usual :/ i dont want any more#im so tired man. i want to go see a play!#i dont want to Try and then end up hyperventilating and crying with my brain imsisting i Need To be Dead for 2 hours#im the parking lot because it triggers when i park. or worse it triggers when i drive and i have to pull over and im trapped x place for#hours. either way i miss the play i wanted to fucking see!#i hate how panic attacks feel like a trap. not even a trap i can fight. its my own limitation. goddamn ive been fatigued ive been dying#in a hospital a few times. panic attacks feel worse to me. at least dying i can do something (eventually) to stop#altho i guess dying for hours in hospital until i got helped was similar. but ill hopefully only go thru that 1-2 more times in life#and i had like 5 panic attacks during that hospital visit since a heart rate so high like 200 cant calm down anyway
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@soccerpunching you're genuinely one of the best people I've met here bc you like almost every media I like
Apropos fighting. Remember when Adora jumps on Catra at Prom. Just them rolling on the floor. I wanted to draw that but didn't get round to it. The scene had such an energy
#im so so glad you like those hah#but anyways catradora and feisaru are two v personal and important ships 2 me#would you believe me if I told you I've sorta felt like drawing them in suits again#a few weeks ago#both manspreading#the problem is my head is so full of ideas and i actually suck at drawing and am slow and so my brains fastness overwhelms me sometimes#oh also im sick AGAIN so efficiency goes put the window#i also have a song that i associate w the prom redraws in particular#if i do the manspreads ill bring it up#im a bit conflicted abt the prom redraws. i used to really like them#but theyre over a year old now and its showing#how my drawings looked back then doesn't really resonate w me but the dip stays iconic#BECAUSE#i didn't think about saru's n fei's bodies any different back then. but my brain has this thing#where it distorts my drawings and makes them look broader than they really are in my head? and#then i look at the drawings again after a month and it goes holy shit last time i looked you werent looking like stickmen#but im better than this now#my drawings cause me less eye cancer now#i wanna get that violet suit finally. have wanted it for years#also that one thing where saru gets manhandled. it originally had more blush#man im not rereading im going to sleep
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FUCK. I hate having to make adult financial decisions.
#the problem is. TECHNICALLY I've been saving to move out#but until my monthly pay is 1. stable and 2. a lil better that is simply not a sustainable achievable goal#and now . i have enough money to actually afford lasik.#which i want very badly bc i hate wearing glasses cause it inhibits me doing activities i love and enjoy#but equally i fucking HATE spending money like i cant comprehend things being more than like. £100#and this would be a 4 figure sum of money#thats. too many figures. and i feel like i shouldnt ever use it for something that isnt life threatening#but also it Would enable me to like... go to gigs. perform. work out. manage my migraines.#i just cant bring myself to spend money on a large scale. i remember not too long ago when i had less than £60 to my name in the world#having the ability to spend money on something just For Me thats more substantial than. say. a £30 gig ticket#is absolutely foreign to me#and it makes me sick with fear that if i ever spend it ill be two months from risking homelessness again even though#logically i know im in a stable home right now#anyway!!! poverty is traumatic as fuck and if jobs paid a real living wage for a weeks work maybe i would be able to be normal about this!!!
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you know what. i do not feel bad that family/friends delay telling me their dog acquiring news because they fear i'll be judgmental. 1.) like hmmm. why do we have something bad to judge i wonder?? 2.) i have never been incorrect in my judgements of people's backyard breeder buying habits being bad ideas for those individuals. and it's so clear that the family/friends of mine that delay their dog news know they are getting dogs from less than reputable sources just based on their behavior. like c'mon people. let's set you up for success instead.
#dogblr#relatives that got the lab puppy less than six months ago only had that puppy for like less than a week before they gave it back bc it was#'too much'#but are now getting a BYB boxer puppy instead.#can't even express how bad of an idea i feel that is#like i could have helped you find a nice show line lab but noooo#like why is questioning why the local byb malamute person around me has like 12-14 litters (combined sibe and mal) each year is me being#'too harsh'#people in my life need to have better standards honestly like#you feel like you'll be judged bc you will be#literally begging people to get a dog that is right for their lifestyle please#like fam do we feel a byb boxer puppy#with no health testing or temperament testing to its recent pedigree#is a good fit for a home with kids 2 and 6 and 8.#bc i kinda feel like this will be a bad idea#'it's their choice tho!' some people will say#yeah it's also my choice to judge them lol
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I applied for a new job today 😩
#don't even know if I want to/feel ready to leave my current job#kinda not honestly#idk I had a lil breakdown a few weeks back and was like what if I did nothing for 6 months?#yeah I was fed up with the rigidness of my job and so jealous of the flexibility of my boyfriend's job#I feel bad leaving my job for me because it's such a perfect fit for my Italian studies#like I managed to find a job where my ''''useless'''' language studies actually are 100% crucial#and idk it just feels ungrateful to myself to leave?#nah idk I don't think I'm done with this job just yet#good thing I think I botched the personal statement of this application jesus#oh well we'll see#like I kinda don't want to get called for an interview so I don't have to mention it to my boss or think about it at all#ughh it's like I know I can get better than what I have but I also do kinda like this job#but also it's probably going to change a lot within this next year for different reasons so that's also something to consider#at least a colleague of mine told me people usually only stay in my post for 1.5-2 years so I feel a bit less bad about wanting to leave#but like where else in Sweden am I going to find a job where I can use Italian as my main working language?#I only see a phd as another option#idk maybe I should start ponder about that instead?#idk man#snicksnack
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#I spend a lot less time every week at food service job than at lab (excluding june bc prof had a thing)#but I still feel like I care wayyy too much about doing it “right” ie following the rules satisfying the customers helping coworkers etc.#and that specific trifecta is pretty much impossible bc I can't chat with coworkers and talk to customers at the same time#nor can I give customers literally everything they want while following corporate/manager assigned rules to a tee#(while I've worked over a year at a different location prior to this one and know when I can bend rules it's not always enough)#nor follow rules perfectly while hanging out with coworkers. so it's impossible.#it's been a year and I can't really increase hours much even though ik I'd be more of “part of the team”#bc my schedule is a minefield subject to the domino effect and I refuse to be late to anything#plus my commute is wayyyy longer now and I can't cut lab hours or other stuff.#I really miss my old location so bad tbh the people here are cool#but there I was part of the old guard and I knew everyone and I really miss camaraderie(& the higher pay (ily california))#like yes closing took way longer bc we didn't close dining room while the store was still open#and there were a couple deep-cleaning occasions I'd get out at 2 am#but tbh I'd take it back immediately if I could. even the understaffedness and running out of stuff and lack of coin change.#also yes I am a lil pissed that the moment I left the state minimum wage increased to 20 bucks. could that have not passed 3 months earlier#os2.txt
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Should I end my tolerance break tonight or should I continue and see how long this can go on for
#full disclosure it’s only been two days#i’ll be honest kitten; daddy might have a fucking problem#look it’s not even… weed is not addictive. obviously#BUT i am not in the greatest mental state right now. i am not exactly a shining example of perfect mental health#i’m a 28 year old loser who peaked in undergrad and is a self employed freelancer BUT is too lazy to make decent money freelancing#i really need a manager breathing down my neck to get me to do the bare minimum or more consistently#i’m also super not doing well regarding 1) my dad’s deathiversary 2) my ongoing grief over mabel (yes she was a dog but if you say she was#‘just a dog’ i will come to your house and throw up in your walls DON’T DO IT. DON’T TRY IT. I LOVED HER)#and also just. the crushing weight of it all.#if i have edibles i don’t have to think about the fact i thought i’d either be dead or successful by now and instead i’m alive and mediocre#am i really supposed to freeball THIS reality. THIS ONE???#but then it’s like it creates a vicious cycle because is the weed making me unproductive or do i want the weed BECAUSE i’m unproductive#and it helps me forget that i’m a complete and utter loser. 🧐#listen i’ve gotten less done during this tolerance break than i did last week when i pretty much had a weed gummy every night#i’m not saying there’s a correlation but what i AM saying is it’s suspicious#i could continue the break until the weekend. that seems like the best plan#personal
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Took twice the max dose of melatonin before the final revision for tomorrow’s exam, I’m shitting my pants and I genuinely don’t know anything as thoroughly as I should but if I sleep less than 4 hrs before it I just know I’m gonna do even worse somehow
#don’t take twice the max dose of anything btw#genuinely don’t do the shit that I do#i only did it bc I know my limits and haven’t had any other substances in over 24 hrs but don’t ever try it#always talk to your gp before taking any meds and supplements at all#anyway psa aside#I want to revise for two hrs so until 1.30am circa but I genuinely hope I pass out sometime in the next hours and a half#godspeed ig#uni#melatonin#I have super high expectations but I genuinely prepared this exam in like 4 days and my brain has been all over the place#haven’t had the chance (economic too so please please consider sparing a couple of bucks for my ko-fi?) to meet my therapist in 2 weeks#been super suicidal super busy dealing with stuff and people and my family and uni and ah oh how I wish I had a brain able to focus#also the ‘visions of horror’ as I call them have lowkey turned into auditory hallucinations that never stop and it’s… tough#genuinely so tired of everything in general#I’d promised to hang with my uni friends after the exam bc I should be done my midday tops but I know im gonna be super sad and underwhelme#so I hope I can be at home by 4 pm tops with one excuse or the other#I love them all so much but I need a break. also bc I got another exam in less than a fucking week and I still haven’t started studying for#it because it’s objectively easier than tomorrow’s and because when was I supposed to study for it#I spent 3 good days working on a paper that isn’t even mine for a subject I don’t even take#a favor for a friend which turned into 3 more friends asking me if I could help them with theirs#and you know me#I never say no. unfortunately. but also I’m super glad they want my help bc they know I can write at least (one good thing)#but. that’s still -3 days available#then. the demons#wasted so many hours just pacing and biting my nails raw and being pathetic#so yeah. in a little under 15 hrs I want to be in bed again. resting until the 19th when the cycle will begin anew#also math ain’t mathing. my exam is in 12 hrs only now 13.
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im rereading asunder and keep having to remind myself that all these characters have french accents fml
#well. most not all. but yknow#personal#da#im only skimming tbf im working on something that has me going through Everything#hopefully i can get through it all in one go. hopefully before the stream in less than 5 hrs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#im not that excited for it actually. im keen for the dav announcement and that's it. it had better be near the start#anyway. i rewatched redemption yesterday and idk why i had in my mind that it sucked#like it's not *good* but it wasnt as bad as id made it out to be since first watching it. it's just kinda *ok*#but it was a relief after spending the last week reading through talktables. god almighty im glad im done with that#i think when i get up to dai im gonna go through it in frosty#it's gonna take probably 2-3x as long as if i read the talktable. maybe even longer. but i wont lose my mind quite so much#weirdly the dao and dai talktables are about the same length (all dlc included for both) which always really surprises me#but i didnt read the full dao talktable. only for the dlc (and awakening was a CHORE). i read everything in the toolset#and i was able to do most of da2 using those spreadsheets i made of plots and conversations a few months ago. i knew those'd come in handy#the only time ive ever been glad da2 doesnt have item descriptions#ANYWAY. back to asunder. the start is interesting but rhys goes through like. anti-character development and i hate him by the end#obv that's still character development. i just really prefer when a character becomes better or at least doesnt become frustrating to read
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going to a comedy open mic tomorrow mostly to watch my friends (it's at a cool venue that my improv troupe performs at once a month and a few improv troupe friends are doing standup there) but when these friends were asking if i'd be interested in coming they were like "btw there's usually a ton of open spots on show days if YOU want to do something... and they're not strict about it only being standup either, people have done character pieces and sketches etc like they embrace the weirdness... and they're not strict about time limits you could probably do anything between three and eight minutes... sometimes if there's not enough people signed up they'll even let you go twice..." and i'm like god damn it i thought i was gonna take a break from aubrey but this setup is like tailor made for an aubrey appearance lmao
#still on the fence about it bc the burnout i experienced at the beginning of may extended to aubrey#especially bc so much of my aubrey stuff is comedy about gender and my brain was more in ''set everything on fire'' mode#and i think i've gotten to a good place with that burnout but i still haven't worked on any aubrey stuff since i got home from college#but even still even tho my mental health is better than it was a few weeks ago#recently i have had this horrible insomnia where i haven't been able to fall asleep at night in over a week#(i've made up for it with naps but still i am not mentally 100% rn. i've tried so many things and nothing has worked.)#so that's my justification for *not* doing aubrey tomorrow. however.#i reeeally need to get more performance experience bc there's only so much you can develop a sketch character without performing them#and this venue is so good. it's an art gallery like an hour away that's designed to be part gallery and part performance venue#especially for comedy. like the venue owner is this veteran comedian who used to work with bobcat goldthwait and a lot of other big names#and it's a low-pressure environment bc everyone there has seen me do comedy before with my improv troupe#but they still haven't seen me do aubrey at all so it's bringing a new side of my comedy to some of my main collaborators#like this is so much better than my previous aubrey performances bc they were all either#1. shows in CLASSROOMS with a bunch of my classmates who generally don't get my comedy (very clique-ish)#or 2. a guest spot on a show at a coffee shop where everyone knew each other except me#plus the biggest thing for me is the lack of a strict time limit. like as much as having a good 3-minute monologue can be#i think aubrey is a character you need to get to know a bit longer than 3 minutes. and a lot of my stuff is long while also being very tigh#like not every monologue is like this but my best aubrey monologues are almost like aubrey is telling you a sitcom storyline#and removing too many lines makes the whole narrative jenga tower fall over#and as much as i want to figure out how to make every monologue a good starting point#having the chance to perform multiple monologues if i get to go twice so that they can build off each other would be perfect#idk i'm not sure how often the open mics are there. at least monthly tho i might be missing next month's depending on when i'm in toronto#so like this wouldn't really be my only chance. but yeah i'm on the fence about whether to bring aubrey back for a performance tomorrow#i probably wouldn't do new material. i'd do the 5 minute version of my uncle reg monologue bc it's the one that's worked best so far#and if i get to do multiple. maybe i'd do the ''nom de plum'' monologue bc i think it's also very strong#and it has a good callback to uncle reg#but idk i also think doing the song would be very fun and on-theme since it's pride month and the song is a satire of rainbow capitalism#tho i'd probably have to rework the monologue that leads into the song bc even tho i loved the concept i don't think i articulated it well#or i could write an entirely different lead-in and make the previous monologue (''C/H/M'') a separate thing to revise later#which would probably go better and somehow be less work to write. but even so i don't know what the venue's sound setup is
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#Seven’s Public Diary#vent post#vent#cw vent post#cw vent#cw health#cw medical#cw medication#cw death#death mention#after nearly 2 weeks of unexplained pain and Symptoms and working myself up into the worst panic attack of my life#i finally caved and went to urgent care :)#it’s not lost on me that the same thing happened a little over a year ago. not bc of the same symptoms but it’s the same fear of dying#smthn smthn if i had a nickel smthn smthn weird that it happened twice. i rlly hope this doesn’t become a pattern#i can picture it now. every spring i walk in and they’re like ‘ugh it’s the neurotic hypochondriac with 4 anxiety disorders again 🙄#wonder what they think they’re dying of this time!’#sigh. anyways i’m fine. probably.#the consensus was ‘no you’re Probably not gonna have a stroke and die. you’re just Very stressed and in a lot of pain.’#got diagnosed with Stressed Guy Syndrome so now i take ✨painkillers✨ and ✨muscle relaxers✨ 🙃#they wanted me to take a steroid shot too but that felt like overkill. it’s also a big step for me to be willing to take anything at all#not bc i’m scared of getting a shot in the neck i’m just. scared of medication in general. the side effects. the potential for dependency.#it’s only for a week but i’m still uncomfy with it. but it Is nice to be in less pain. tho i have my doubts that it’ll help long term#time will tell. but i still can’t shake the fear of the tiny chance that it Could be more serious. but it’s not big enough for them to test#for it so. just gotta live with the fear. which in turn is making it hard to relax. which is what i’m supposed to be doing. so.#anyways. i Hope the meds work and i don’t end up back there next week spending More money and seeking more treatment#sighhhh i just can’t catch a break these days. it’s Always Something#at least the electricity and internet are back on after the tornado last week. and at least i’m not in much pain for now. silver linings.#sorry to everyone i’ve unintentionally ghosted but it’s been hard to think through the pain and now the meds are making me eepy#hopefully i’ll recover and recharge my social battery sooner than later. bc i do feel v bad abt it#and it’s So nice to sleep without much pain so i’m. taking advantage of that this week. Seven Try To Relax Challenge 2024
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oh so now the birds are eating the <25 cherries i've got growing on my tiny tree
literally everything i've planted in this fucking garden has either died on its own or has been killed by birds/bugs
#my garden is a microcosm of my whole life right now#my life has been on a downward spiral since last july and bestie i am starting to reach my fucking limit#defaulting to thinking ''i wish i were dead'' at every little inconvenience is BAD!!!! i know!!!! but it's true!!!#the mint from trader joe's was infested with aphids and i've been cleaning it off every day for 2 weeks and it's STILL got them#like... this plant is 1 foot tall with two little stalks and less than 30 leaves. it hasn't grown in the 2 months i've had it#the money plant still reeks of mold and has to live outside because of its smell and the fungus gnats#the golden sage just fuckin.... burned to death????? it turned gray and DIED#the one and only bean plant that sprouted just ejected the only 2 true leaves it bothered growing#the originally robust blackberry cane is withering. the other two did get better but started from the ground up. there's 1 blackberry total#the rosemary hasn't gotten any bigger in the 3 months i've had it#the scotch brooms don't look so good. the salvia haven't gotten any bigger in 3 months and the creeping phlox bleached and died#the thyme is doing okay and the culinary sage is hanging in there but i don't have high hopes#not a single fucking wildflower sprouted in the yard. i used 2 bags of seed+mulch that was supposed to cover 600sq ft (the yard is 400)#the mourning doves ate a bunch of the seeds and the rest never sprouted#there's a few puny sunflower sprouts but the cottontail came and ate some of those leaves#the cottontail also ate an entire stalk of the potted mystery flowers#the huge plant i moved in November... the one that surprisingly survived frost/freeze... can't handle the heat and is now dead#i just...#the job market is awful. the salaries are worse. the neighborhood is in the middle of nowhere and inhabited by paranoid cops#everyone has big dogs who go apeshit when they hear ppl walking#and the fences are short and the dogs are big so i'm scared to go walking because EVERY. DAY. on the nextdoor app are people#announcing that they found a dog wandering the neighborhood. or ppl saying ''omgggg my dog got out of the yard! have u seen it?''#spring was all wind/gusty and it battered the blackberries and sucked all the moisture out of the yard#so the 2 tons of compost that we rototilled into the dirt? it's just dust now. there's nothing living in that soil#and now summer is here and it's too hot and these plants don't have a chance#i hate everything
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