#idk I had a lil breakdown a few weeks back and was like what if I did nothing for 6 months?

[linguenuvolose]

I applied for a new job today 😩

[emeraldbabygirl]

I feel like the only appropriate funeral attire is a black Victorian era dress. But I don’t have one and even if I could find one online it wouldn’t get here by the time the funeral happens. The only black dress I have is my maid dress but 1. It also has white on it and 2. that’s inappropriate unless I can cover up the part that gives it away that it’s a maid dress? Of course it’s pretty firm fitting without the apron and I do my have any overcoat long enough to put over it. And since it’ll be June it might be hot. Idk like I’ve only been to two funerals in my life and I can’t remember what I wore but I feel like anything other than black just ain’t right. I have a black skirt but since I were it up around my waist that’s too short for a funeral, and I have black pants but there’s a hole in it. I could cover the hole by wearing the skirt but that’s ridiculous and again it’ll prolly be hot. All I have is black graphic t shirts. And I have black shoes but one pair is boot heels and I am not walking around in boot heels again, the other pair are chunky flat heels? kinda but like sandals? I was thinking of just wearing my chucks but again who wears sneakers to a funeral. Idk I know that nowadays are different from back then but I don’t want to look bad for my grandma. I was originally thinking my blue dress I wore for my prom and graduation and either my chunky sandal heels or my chucks but I really don’t know now. Blue is my grandma’s favorite color, or was :( but the dress, although wonderfully made with pockets is like straps and I don’t feel comfortable with so much bare shoulders and such. I know at one point during prom I took off my lil black shawl..I suppose I could wear that but I don’t want people thinking I’m like over dressing I mean I want to..ugh I wish I had a plain king black dress cause my blue one is short and I don’t have black nylons I have half red and half black and I have nylons with cats on them and that’s goofy. Idk what to wear now. And I don’t want any family members to think I don’t know how to dress or something. I know a lot of older family isn’t coming. Idk what to do I’m not a funeral expert, the last one I went to was my uncle’s back in like 2010?? I don’t know what to do I can’t even wrap my head around the fact that I’m going to my grandma’s funeral. It’s been a week and it still doesn’t feel right, it’s odd in every way esp going to her house and she’s not there. I feel like I can’t feel anything even tho I’ve cried a few times already and I’m not working rn and I had an entire breakdown on the rug she bought us before she died like I think my brain is avoiding trying to process the situation. Idk it’s hard but I thought maybe I’d try to post here and see if anyone has any tips? I don’t have any dress pants either, like I thought I knew what I was going to wear but idk now :(

[superfluouskeys]

need to vent a lil bit

so this fall term is going to be really busy for me, I know this I have planned for this.  I have to do like an “experiential learning” thing that will amount to approx 25 hours of work per week and tends to be a whole thing.  BUT, a few weeks back my fave professor asked me if I was interested in interning for a judge which is like a really good thing to do and to have on your resume, and since I had her pushing for me specifically I had a much better chance of getting it bc she’s very well-known and well-respected.

so I had this whole crisis ALREADY of like oh no this would be a LOT this would perhaps be TOO MUCH am I sure I can handle this I do not want to accidentally overextend myself and FAIL MISERABLY at everything.  but I thought about it and I was like you know what.  this is fine.  it will be a lot but it will only be a lot for like 3 months, and it’s too good of an opportunity to pass up.  and I might not even GET the internship so.

but anyway I asked my experiential learning director professor if it was okay to apply, she said that’s fine good luck, the application process moved REALLY fast so as I was having 3 separate mental breakdowns it was literally like Wednesday evening fave prof told me to prepare my documents, Thursday morning I submitted, Friday morning I got an interview, 2 hours later I got the offer – and I was insanely excited like this is honestly a pretty big deal, I am both personally excited to do the work and excited in the sense that it will look amazing on my resume!

so I had to submit an application to get class credit for the internship, it was a whole thing but I assumed it would be fine since I had everything settled, it’s GETTING A LITTLE LATE since school starts in a week and a half so I was starting to feel like uhmmmmmmmmm hello.  I need to do admin things pls approve my thing.  but today I finally get an email and it’s like soooooooooo have you talked to your experiential learning prof about this?  have you talked to the judge about this?  we need to have a conversation about the time commitment here.

so I sent an email back like yes I’ve already done all that do you want me to send the email where the prof said it’s fine? and I have gotten NO RESPONSE and in the meantime I have become insane all over again LOL like you know how sometimes someone gently suggests to you like “hmmm that’s pretty hard what you’re trying to do are you sure you’re up to the task” and you’re like uhhhhhhhhhhhhh I was sURE BEFORE BUT NOW IM PANICKING AGAIN LOL

like I’ve literally been mentally preparing myself for this for months at this point, I knew it was going to be a busy term before I even got the internship and had to kind of re-evaluate/rearrange things to accommodate internship bc again, it’s an opportunity I cannot pass up, but UGH you know I’m just like having the crisis all over again sdjfnjkjnfkjfnf

I had some pretty serious depression/anxiety issues when I was in undergrad and just ZERO tools to deal with them, and so there were times when I really struggled to keep up with everything and completely failed to keep up with certain things, and like………..for the most part I have accepted that I was doing the best I could, that I am a completely different person now and generally do a VERY good job of managing everything, that like I had a pretty bad mental health incident(tm) my first year of law school and have had a few other minor hiccups and handled them all very well and didn’t have any serious problems with school or anything so like IF something were to go wrong like I do think I have the tools and fortitude to deal with it and not let anything vital slip.

but idk I’m just annoyed that I already went thru this whole thing multiple times and now I have the bad brain again LOL like pls just approve my application and let me worry about my terrible choices okay sorry just needed to get this off my chest as you were

[maliciousmalfeasance]

If I typed a live review of my spotify discover would you read it? Too late- (Indie-rock/pop, punk, ???, mid-west emo, math-rock,etc Be warned I am a hater about some petty shit lmao)

Carousel- CJ the X 

This song is beautifully produced, the melody of “everything will be alright” sounding just slightly off kilter and perfectly fits the teetering vibes of the song. I love the carnival vibe- lyrics flow so effortlessly. The RUNS BRO. Really perfect window into a probably fucked up breakdown. Hope things got better CJ <3 “I don’t blame anybody but me/ You’re too kind, I am a disease!” oof.

A big brown dog named bagel- Nep

“I kind of wanted to bite-” I love the incorporation of bossa grooves into this indie rock, gay as hell love song. “I feel like we’re gonna marry way too quickly” This feeling. Really cute. Vocals are so sweet- you just kind of want to scoop the vocalist up and hug her. 

PINEAPPLE UPSIDE DOWN - QUEEF JERKY, ethan is online

The best of the worst or the worst of the best? The beat switch up had me actually grooving- good shit. "Go to the zoo and see some fish."

Spirit Week- happy trendy

So cozy, comfy, fuzzy. Whenever I hear fuzzy vocals it feels like my ears are being hugged idk why. Sad but in a kind of melancholy optimist way? If that makes sense. Chords got a little tired by the end but I forgive all sins for fuzzzzzzzz

Glow- Alice Phoebe lou 

Aussie vocals perhaps? "When you were dreaming, I looked in. I saw everything." What a sweet, dizzy tune. Sounds like getting drunk in a carpeted room that looks like it’s from the 70s. “I’m a lover, just never knew how” Relatable. Vocalist has this really nice vibrato that reminds me of judy garland or ella fitzgerald, such a nice warm tone. Lots of hug songs in here. I’m a lover of this one. C:

Wasteland- wooded fang

Surf rock type of vibe? Feels like something I’d listen to as the sun sets on a long car trip- about to have a delirious few hours outside of time. I cannot fathom my man’s lyrics but he’s got such a relaxed delivery it’s real fun. Good vibe. "dododododododododo"

Feelin down- primrose

Drum good. Fr the production/recording on these drums is so nice. I feel like im sitting in the drummers lap but in a comfy way- like the rest of the song is absolutely great also but man.. I appreciate the work that went into getting these drums so nice. Also love the moments where the band stops. Love a stop. Satisfying. Ngl the vocals are nice but I wish he’d put a lil more OOmf in it y’know? Just like SEND IT.

 I Fade Away- Tulips Ballad, M.E, CAT DAD

The high vocals really made this for me, just came in and I was like aaah yeah. Then together?? Lovely. Such nice harmonies. Only wish there was a little less repetition but Idk that might just be me listening too hard rn lmao. I like the more subtle production bits but like, the main guitar loop doesn’t have much movement and it left me a lil like… what if you did more? Bass good. I like the piano but what if.. different chord?

Grade A- Spill Tab, JAWNY

I… might be getting fatigued from listening to all this stuff but these chords at the end feel like the same as the last song bro I’m a lil disappointed. It’s just so quick and so… clean? In a bad way? Lmao I think it feels overproduced to me. So many production decisions that don’t feel like they serve the song and only a couple that really feel earned. (cheated and gave it a second listen because I felt kind of bad about having mostly negative comments. Both the vocalists are great and the quality of production is real nice, I just think the producer needed to pull back a bit and let the vocalists do their thing, y'know?)

Only At Your Convenience- Graham Kartna

Big Jack Stauber energy.. Perhaps… too much Jack Stauber energy? I can’t tell if this was a deliberate attempt to emulate the style as an experiment or not. The drowned chords, the vocals that jump down suddenly, all the little cartoon samples. OK I had a look and he’s def got a voice and a sound this song just happens to REALLY sound like it’s going for a Jack Stauber vibe, most of his other stuff is similarly drowned and sample heavy but like… distinct enough that I wouldn’t think to associate the two- it’s literally just this song so he is forgiven in my eyes. Peace and love on planet earth. Honestly I’d forgive him emulating Jack really hard too I mean fuck it man do what satisfies ya. (gave this a second listen and idk why I thought it was so close actually this is good and fine.)

easy - waveform*

Oh! I’ve def heard this one before, love the big warm acoustic guitar+sad vocal. Gay and cute. “I’m on the stairs in a beautiful gown, and you look so stupid your teeth on the ground.” Love the imagery in these lyrics. 

Diane- Dad feels, Yelle 

Holy fuck I hate this man. I haven’t listened to the song yet I’m just like- before I make any comment you have to know I’m severely biased against him lmao He sucks he makes me incredibly uncomfortable to watch. ANYWAY presses play hm. Ok. wow. BAD. First song of his I’ve ever listened to and holy fuck. Worse than I thought. Nothing to like about this. It's so low effort. I’m just trying desperately to tune this trash out while I wait for the next song. Holy fuck. OH THANK GOD

Kill your radio- Heartsrevolution

Cute! Feels like something that would play in a scene while a stereotypical girly character beats the shit out of someone. Is that insane? Idk man. maybe I’m just thinking about violence because of dad. It’s fuzzy. The guitars and vocals got that sweet high fuzz on them. This toes the line for me of being like slightly over produced also but I think it’s just my taste. 

Becky- Be Your Own Pet

I’ve heard this one too! It’s just such an edgy teenage hatred song. Just real petty and fun to yell along to. Love the story and the little moments where the band all yells BECKY AAAAA. Good shit. 

Dark matter- Little Big League 

Oh such a sweet sleepy vocal with nostalgic guitars. Love the way the main vocal kind of leans around the notes, feels so effortless. The slight edge in the tone is used so sparingly but so well, such a cool voice. Oh man!! Sorry band you’re great too I just love these vocals!!! I want more growls but I’m feral for growls- the way that tone is used so sparingly to great effect is lovely. 

Better Go- Mel blum 

Familiar with this one too. Just a really catchy, chill tune. Love the stops and little rhythm guitar moments. “Guess I ain’t using my body anyway.” Yeah. Solid tune fr. Love the floaty vibe of the vocals.

Random Firl -Late Of The Pier

Glanced at the band bio and apparently the band formed when they were 16/17 which is cute. They haven’t released anything in a long while but I wanna believe they’re all still friends. Feels like a song I’d have played on repeat in 2015 when I was in a Smallpools phase. The vocal harmonies are very sweet, such a nice wall of sound. Left me wanting more!! AA

You Make me smile- Mamalarky

This squishy bass is fun. Another soft, floaty voice- I guess Spotify is recommending all of these because I listened to so much Stella Donnelly last year. Really like the structure of this song, the way that the synths swell and fall again to make room for the guitar and piano… Just really cool vibes. Love that blending of synth and ‘real’ instrument. Yeah. Just kind of vibing here. Adding this one to my likes for sure. I feel like what sets this apart from some of the others is that the instrumentation is interesting and thick without drowning or outshining the vocals which is hard as heck to do right!!

IDC- carpetgarden 

First few lines are like. Damn. Yeah. Lyrics are heavy but in a fuck this kind of way. Their vocals are so sweet and yet kind of bored sounding? Genuinely really like the vibes. There’s a great energy to the guitars that makes you wanna dance around, real sad but happy at the same time. Kind of song I’d listen to while on the way somewhere to get myself in a good mood lmao. “Worms in my brain and my eyes are full of daisies, My body’s melting and it feels a-fuckin’-mazing” 

Wicca Kids- Pacific Purgatory

This song is underwater! Pull it out!! AAA! Fr tho it’s so muffled it feels like I’m listening through a wall. Kind of a vibe? I do kind of want it a little less muddy tho. I really like the vocals- feels like they’re hiding I wanna drag them out to the front of the mix. This is prob intentional. It is nice, I’m just making grabby hands at all the high frequencies rn. Baby come back. 

Vampire- Lupin

The shades in that title and song name. Chefs kiss. These vocals are great, confident and straight shooting. They cut through really well. Oh no wonder I like this, he’s the vocalist from hippo campus. Solid song. Not super my current taste but it’s definitely hitting every ball it’s trying to hit… if you get me. Knows what it’s about. 

You’re Terrific - LoudFoxCult 

I love the way the two vocals play off each other. This came out in 2018, real cute highschool indie rock vibe and yet- like way better than you’d expect from a highschool indie band so like.. Yeah. Terrific, even.

Scott Pilgrim- Plumtree

Omg I love Plumtree. Punk girls from the 90s kickin ass. I love this band. This is a great song, I like In The Sink better tho. The main lick is super catchy though I can see why this is their most listened to.  “I’ve liked you for a thousand years” Repeated over and over and over because yeah dude I’ve liked you FOREVER. 

WasteUrTime- Kevin Walkman

Bassline hits. Licking my fingers baby this shit tastes GOOOOOD am I going insane? Idk man this song just has a really satisfying groove going, vocalist has a great laidback tone. Feels perfect for the vibe of the lyrics. Horny songs gotta have a goood bass line and y’know. This one did it. 

brittle (wake up)- Meltycannon

I know this band but can't place them. Really love the grunge/hiphop vibes??

When You Are Not Around- The Band Ice Cream

Breakup song if ever I heard one, “I like you more, when you are not around.” Angry and mean in a satisfying way, feels like a diary entry I wrote about an ex. Just like- raw and unfair amounts of bitterness, you know? Kind of shit you’d never actually say. Well idk maybe you would. I’m only mean in my diary tho. Mostly. Cough. “I don’t fucking care if it hurts you” 

How Could You Ever Think I Hated You?- Cloning

HAHA opposite vibes completely and holy shit a band from perth!!! The aussie accent feels so comfy to me in music mwa. Feels lik the accent is almost going american in parts- maybe that’s just the Perth accent tho idk any perthians. Jumpscared by the stop in the middle of the song lmao i was like NOO. Guitars are lovely, feels like a real lived-in sound. Love the vibe

Meet me in Montauk- Retirement Party

“Had a head so big it sank into the ground.” The noodles in the guitar always make my heart happy- very midwest emo. Just a very cozy angsty song. This is the type of music that turns my brain to like nostalgic goo. “I’m not sure if i don’t believe in a God or if he doesn’t believe in me” - something my 11 year old self would cry about fr. I love how raw and unornamented the vocals are- it’s a mark of the genre for sure but it just makes the lyrics hit even harder. 

I Dropped Out- And The Kids

Feels like I’ve heard this one a thousand times and yet it’s not in my likes. The vocals are swimmin' in reverb and they’re just- asufghdsuigifih I Love The Dreamy-ness. The “I went to graduation" line coming back with altered timing/tone always hits so good idk it’s such a simple thing but with the force of the band crescendo behind it- it’s like. Fuck yeah, you did!

Been thinking- Fishing In japan

SO laid back, these lyrics flow so naturally- the vocals sound half asleep in the best way. Solid band. Nothing really stands out to me more than the silly sleepy vocals which are a very good vibe, kind of wish the guitars were played a little less straight to emphasise the drag of the vocals. It’d be different song. Better? Maybe? But this song is nice too. 

And that’s all wowweeeee

[seungkwansphd]

swept off his feet

pairing: jun x fem reader wordcount: 3.8k summary: when you show up one night with the clear intention of confronting your cheating boyfriend, jun knows that he shouldn’t let you in. but he has such a soft spot for you and he’s so much bigger than Dean that it wouldn’t even be an issue if it came to a physical altercation. genre/themes: size kink size kink size kink, smut (MDNI!), lil fluff, lil angst, cheating bf, girls supporting girls, bouncer!jun, secret crush, mentions of jun being larger than reader, manhandling them & things in that vein. some plot.

a/n: IDK WHAT IT IS ABOUT THIS MAN BUT...had a bit of a breakdown, bon appetit!

[dean]: ‘i’m so sorry babe, i’m going out with the boys on friday! i’ll make it up to you tho’

    You frowned at your phone. You’d known that Dean was going to turn down your date suggestion for Friday, but it didn’t make it any easier of a pill to swallow.

    A few weeks ago, one of your friends had mentioned that they’d seen Dean looking suspiciously cozy with another person at a bar. After some good old internet sleuthing, you’d DM-ed her and let her know that you were, unfortunately, dating the same guy. You had been very grateful that it hadn’t turned into a catfight and even more delighted when Ava suggested that you work together to surprise and confront Dean. She and Dean would be going out to The Nines on Friday and you planned to be there at the same time.

“Oh hi Jun!” you greeted the tall man at the door with surprise. “You don’t usually work Friday?” you half-stated, half-asked. You liked Jun, he was always willing to listen to your drunk musings when he happened to be working.

“No, but Mingyu needed the night off so I took his shift.”

“Ah, I see,” you nodded, “Well…can I share something with you if you promise to still let me in?”

“…Yes,” Jun responded, suspicious.

“Promise,” you insisted, extending your hand to him. Jun laughed and hooked his pinky into yours.

“I might cause a bit of a scene tonight,” you grimaced apologetically.

“Oh?” he furrowed his brow at you, “Should I be worried?”

    You thought for a second. You doubted that it would come to a physical altercation, but you never knew with men. Jun was taller and broader than Dean anyways, so you didn’t think it would really be an issue even then. You felt a little bad because you did intend to cause a bit of a scene, but Dean deserved it!

“No, I don’t think so,” you smiled, giving him a once over. Yeah, even if Dean could fight, Jun definitely had the size advantage on him.

“I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, but I will kick you out if I need to.”

“Fair’s fair,” you laughed before stepping into the bar.

    Jun knew he was being too lenient with you. If any other patron had told him they intended to cause trouble, he would’ve turned them away, but he had such a soft spot for you. You’d wander out every so often to bum a cigarette and chatter away about your day. You discussed all manner of topics and had gotten to know each other decently well. By the time he’d realized he was harboring a crush, you had already started seeing Dean.

    You took a seat at a table in the back and sipped on your drink while you waited for Dean and Ava to arrive. You couldn’t yet identify how you felt about the betrayal, that was still a tangled ball of feelings to unpack, but what you were sure about was that both you and Ava deserved better than a liar and cheater. You watched people curiously until you noticed Dean and Ava enter the building and take a couple of seats at the bar. You finished your drink, allowing them to settle in a bit, before you approached.

“Hi Ava!” you greeted her excitedly, pulling her in for a small hug, “I didn’t know you were going out! Oh…Dean?” you fixed him with a fake, confused look. “Oh? Do you two know each other?”

“We do! Do you two know each other?” Ava asked, acting similarly confused.

“I-, uh, yeah,” Dean stuttered. You were surprised at how satisfying it felt to see him flounder like this.

“Dean, baby, I thought you were going out with the boys tonight?” you wound your arm around his waist exaggeratedly.

“Baby?” Ava questioned, doing a great job of acting taken aback.

“I-, uh, no, it’s not-,” Dean was turning a wonderful shade of cranberry as he struggled, “Ava and I, we...”

“Oh cut the crap, Dean,” you finally decided to drop the act, starting to feel a little sick to your stomach. “We both know.”

“What?” his expression transitioned from confusion into anger, “Are you serious? You two set this whole little thing up? To what? Make a fool out of me?”

“I think you did that yourself, my guy,” Ava crossed her arms over her chest, looking him up and down with disgust.

“You fuckin’ bitch, you gotta be kidding me!” Dean stood up, furious.

“Whoa, hey,” the bartender, James, reached an arm out, signaling to Jun, who was already at your side.

“You gotta be a special kind of stupid to think that we wouldn’t find out,” you hissed at him. You were surprised at the venom in your voice, but all of the hurt that you’d been repressing decided to show up here and now.

    Dean stepped towards you and Ava, planning to do God knows what, so you instinctively stepped in front of Ava. He was circumvented, however, by Jun picking him completely off his feet.

“You must be pretty fuckin’ pleased, Wen,” Dean shouted as Jun carried him away. “You can finally shoot your shot.”

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Ava fussed over you, slightly in shock.

“Yes, are you?” you asked, giving her a once over.

“Yea?” she nodded as she patted herself a few times before giving you a thumbs up. “Yeah, I’m good!”

    You watched as Dean struggled against Jun, but again with the height advantage, it was light work for Jun to escort him out of the premises. It was a little funny to see Dean emasculated in this way, legs flailing. It was satisfying in a lot of ways.

“Am I crazy, or is that kind of hot?” she commented in disbelief, gesturing at Jun. 

“God, I don’t know,” you shook your head. You didn’t want to think about that right now.

“You alright?” Jun came to check on you two.

“Yeah, we’re good,” you nodded, slightly flushed across your cheeks. “Do we have to leave?”

“...Yes,” Jun finally replied after a long pause. You could tell that he didn’t want to do it, but you had indeed caused quite a stir.

“That’s okay,” you chuckled up at him, “I told you I was gonna make trouble tonight. You shouldn’t have even let me in. You’re too nice to me.”

“You’re easy to be nice to,” Jun murmured, lips pulled up into a crooked smile.

    Ava watched the way Jun looked at you and her eyes widened excitedly.

“We’re going!” she piped up helpfully, tugging you away from Jun before James banned both of you forever.

“YN!” Ava stomped her foot at you after she had gotten you fully outside.

“What?” you cocked your head at her.

“I think that bouncer in there likes you! Did you hear what Dean said?”

“No, what did he say?” you furrowed your brows. You hadn’t really been listening all that closely.

“He said ‘you can finally shoot your shot’. He had to have meant you.”

“I-, Jun?”

“Come on, let’s go to Felicia’s! We need to discuss!” Ava tugged you towards the cocktail lounge. She had really enjoyed getting to know you over the last weeks and she was hoping you could become friends. This was a good first step!

…

“Eee, I’m so excited, their cocktails look so good here!” Ava clapped her hands together happily as you walked into Longfellow with her. You’d been a little surprised at the way that Ava had continued to stay in touch with you after the showdown with Dean. It wasn’t as if you minded it. After this whole thing with Dean, you felt a little protective of her.

“Oh, isn’t that Jun?” her eyes lit up excitedly as she spotted the familiar man at the end of the bar.

“Is it?” you asked.

“It is!” she nodded, making a beeline towards him. You had no choice but to follow. He seemed a little surprised when Ava popped up at his side, which made you laugh. His eyes flicked to you at this sound and flicked back just as quickly.

“Hey,” he nodded, eyebrows raising slightly.

“So this is where you hang out on your days off?”

“Sometimes,” he shifted in his seat to face you fully.

“And who are these folks?” his companion turned to face you with a bright grin.

“A couple of troublemakers,” Jun grumbled affectionately.

“Rude,” Ava laughed, “But in this singular instance, true. I’m Ava.”

“Chan,” he smiled back at her.

“You two staying in touch, then?” Jun asked as Ava and Chan were drawn into their own conversation.

“Seems so,” you chuckled, feeling a bit nervous around him.

    Ava had passionately made her case about Jun liking you and it had really stuck in your mind. She had more or less forced you to contend with the fact that Jun was incredibly kind and attractive and you probably wouldn’t hate it if what Dean had alluded to was true.

“How are you doing since…you know,” Jun asked.

“Ah, well…,” you thought for a moment. “Was upset. Had a bit of a breakdown and…bon appetit,” you laughed nervously, unsure how much you really wanted to share with Jun.

    Jun sputtered, completely caught off guard by your response. Ava and Chan looked up from their conversation and a sort of soft warmth spread through you as you took pleasure in making Jun laugh.

“Pretty fuckin cozy,” an unfortunately familiar and grating voice cut through Jun’s laughter and your thoughts. You looked up to see Dean sneering at you. “Didn’t take you two too long to get busy, huh? If you wanted him so bad, you could have just broken up with me. You didn’t have to ruin things with me and Ava too!”

    Your brow furrowed, temper flaring at his persistent idiocy. “Are you hearing yourself?” you stepped towards him instinctively.

“Whoa, hey!” Jun jumped off of his stool and caught you in his left arm before you did something you would regret. You found yourself tucked into his side as he turned to dress Dean down himself. “You are wildly out of line, Dean. The only person who did anything wrong in this situation was you. You had a great thing going and you made the decision to go and fuck it up. What happens next is none of your business, so I really have to recommend that you make yourself scarce.”

    The intensity of Jun’s gaze and the ease with which he’d picked you up made your heart flip flop.

    Dean looked up at Jun defiantly before he assessed that this would not go in his favor. Throwing his hands up in the air, he played it off as if it wasn’t worth his time. Ava looked up at Jun with a sense of wonderment while you dangled off of his arm.

“Um, Jun?” you spoke up, wiggling slightly against him. He was warm and firm against your back in a way that you didn’t not enjoy, but you imagined he was tired of holding you up.

“Oh! Sorry, I forgot I still had ya,” he chuckled sheepishly, setting you down. The adrenaline had really kicked in while confronting Dean. His right hand came to your waist to steady you on your feet and his fingertips brushed against some of your exposed skin.

“Oh,” you couldn’t prevent the breathy exhale that escaped you at this touch. Your heart pounded wildly in your chest.

“You good?” he asked, voice low.

“I’m not sure,” you feeling unsteady on your feet, “You still got me?”

“Yeah, I got you,” he smiled in a way that made your breath catch.

“Will you two get out of here already?!” Ava exclaimed with frustration as she punched the air.

    Jun raised an eyebrow at you, an unspoken question. You inhaled sharply before you nodded and you felt yourself being picked back up and carried out of the bar. Your rational mind knew that this brutish, caveman-like display should have embarrassed you, turned you off, but your lizard brain was in strong disagreement.

“Did you drive?” he asked as his fingertips stroked at the small of your back.

“No, Ava did,” you shook your head.

“Okay,” he nodded curtly before moving towards his truck. With ease, he maneuvered you to open the passenger door and place you on the seat before he jumped into the driver side. “By the way I have no expectations. I’m happy to drop you off at home too, just give me an address.”

“I-,” your brows pinched together as you looked at him with surprise. He was so kind. “I don’t know your address, though?” you cocked your head at him playfully.

“Hah,” he tucked his head and let out a shy laugh, “Fair enough.”

    Jun maneuvered the truck deftly, his fingertips briefly brushing by your cheek when he hooked his arm around the passenger side headrest. You were surprised when that same hand found its way to yours, threading your fingers together. His thumb brushed against the back of your hand and forced you to register just how small your hand was in his. You’d never been a hand girly, but you could see the appeal when you looked at Jun’s. It was hard not to imagine him continuing to manhandle you, gripping and teasing, reducing you to a pile of mush.

    By the time he had parked, you were slick. You hopped out of the truck and Jun resisted the urge to capture your lips in a brief kiss before leading you up to his apartment. He wasn’t interested in anything depthless with you. He’d waited patiently and there wasn’t any need to hurry now.

    You swallowed hard and you watched Jun unlock his door. You knew he was tall, but somehow it didn’t register all the time. Now when he drew himself up to full height in that jacket, you could say with confidence that it was doing something to you.

“Kiss me,” you requested, practically bowling him over.

    Jun was delighted. Your hands pushed the jacket off of his shoulders as he did just that, swallowing your delighted noises. He deposited you on the sofa in order to shrug the jacket completely off. Your eyes sparkled up at him and it made his pulse go haywire. He picked you up easily and finished the walk to his bedroom before setting you down again.

“So gorgeous,” he murmured as he tucked his face into your neck, kissing softly across your jaw. He was pleased when you gasped, shifting to allow him more access. His hands brushed up your thighs and you shuddered at his touch.

“Jun,” you whimpered as his palm slid up your inner thigh and you squeezed them together instinctively.

“YN,” Jun exhaled shakily, “You are making it so difficult to remain a gentleman,” he spoke in such a low register that you almost felt it more than you heard it.

“Don’t be,” your lips curled into a grin. “I want you.”

    Jun’s eyebrow raised and his hot gaze raked over you as he shifted the hand between your thighs to press against you through your pants. You let out a breathy sigh as your hips shifted, grinding against him eagerly. Jun’s pupils dilated as he watched you work yourself against him shamelessly.

“Look at yourself,” he remarked appreciatively. “So eager.”

“Jun,” your voice grew higher pitched, signaling your desperation.

“Come for me, angel,” he smiled, coaxing your first orgasm from you. “You are so incredibly sexy, I need you to know that.”

“Shut up,” you laughed shyly at his praise. Jun cut you off with another kiss as he tugged at your shirt. You took the opportunity to undress and the way Jun looked at you made your head spin.

“Look at you,” he groaned as he pushed you onto your back. He left warm, wet kisses up your inner thighs until he lapped at your glistening folds, tasting you fully. Your skin pebbled at the sensation as his tongue dragged across you again. Jun took a pace that was languid and leisurely. He licked and sucked noisily at your cunt, arms hooked around your thighs to keep you spread open for him.

“Juuuuuun!” you let out a fluttery whine when his nose pressed against your clit. When you looked down at him, you could tell that he was grinning mischievously. He ground tiny circles against you, working your breaths into shallow pants again.

“Fuck,” you breathed shakily as you came down from a second high, almost lightheaded at the intensity.

“You are so fun to make cum,” Jun half-smiled up at you, resting his cheek against your thigh.

“Thanks, as soon as I get my bearings I’ll return the favor,” you joked, leaning forward to look at him.

“We’ll see,” he grinned, getting up to undress. Your eyes widened with each piece of clothing that he shed. Jun was in almost unreal shape, but the thing that actually gobsmacked you was when he pulled his jeans off, unleashing his cock. So everything was to scale.

    You moved without thinking, hand grabbing it by the base. You couldn’t help but bask in the soft curses and grunts that left Jun’s lips as you stroked him. You enjoyed the weight and girth of it in your hand before Jun pulled you onto your side, spooning you from behind, and folding you forward. His hips met yours as his cock slid between your legs, fucking your slick thighs.

“So wet,” he sounded proud as his shaft dragged up and down your clit, driving you out of your mind.

“Jun, please,” you grabbed the arm that was hooked around your waist. “I want you in me,” you whimpered.

    Jun nodded, turning away for a moment to grab a condom out of his nightstand. He had slipped it on and lined himself up when you twisted towards, grabbing his free hand with yours.

“Let me? You’re huge,” you asked as your hips were already moving, your lips nuzzling around his tip. Jun laced his fingers in yours and watched as you worked yourself down to his hilt. You exhaled triumphantly as you took a moment to simply enjoy feeling full.

“Fucking fuck,” Jun cursed, hands coming up to squeeze your breasts as you just sat on his cock, wet and warm.

“Hm!” you giggled delightedly at the way he palmed your breasts, squeezing almost hard enough to hurt but only just. “Jun, I need you to fuck me now,” you finally confessed.

    Jun’s control snaps. He practically growls as he pulls his hips back and drives into you, deep. One arm snakes around your waist possessively, using it to stroke you down on his cock, increasing slightly in pace.

    You reach up to cover your mouth, an effort to muffle your own obscene noises for fear of disturbing his neighbors but Jun had other ideas.

“Let me hear you,” he grunts into your ear as he bucks up into you, turning you inside out. “Let them hear what I do to you,” he smirks, possessive side fully unleashed. He curled forward, teeth dragging across your shoulder as he stroked into you, deep and hard.

“Jun, I-!” you let out a strangled cry, walls fluttering around him as you cum.

“So good,” he pressed a kiss to the top of your head as he squeezed you tight.

    You reveled in the security of it before the thick feeling of him inside of you had you ready for more. You wiggled out of his grasp and climbed on top of him, straddling him as you peppered his face with kisses.

“You’re really sexy,” you pulled back to look at him as you teased yourself around his tip. Jun laughed shyly at the compliment, momentarily ignoring the urge to pull you down around him.

“Am I?” he grinned up at you, hands resting at your waist. You shivered when his thumbs brushed against your lowest ribs.

“Yes.”

“Why?” Jun probed. He knew he was fishing but he was curious.

“I,” your ears grew hot, “You’re so big!” you blurted out. Not your most eloquent moment, but it got the point across.

“Oh?” he queried, eyes darkening at you.

“You picked me up so easily, my mind just went blank,” you explained, despite feeling extremely shy.

“Ah,” Jun nodded with understanding, “You like when I manhandle you a little?” he teased, hands gripping tightly around your hips. You gasped when he lifted you up easily, a thin strand of your arousal stretching from your lips to his tip.

“Yes,” you squeaked, clutching his shoulders for support as he held you up, suspended mid-air.

“Hn,” he purred, lowering you until you were lined up with him again before jerking you back up just as quickly.

“Jun!” you gasped, “My god will you impale me already?” you asked impatiently, head empty, no thoughts.

    Jun smirks before pulling you down around him gently. He still wasn’t sure how accustomed you were to his size and he didn’t want to run the risk of hurting you. Your soft moans egged him until you looked up at him, eyes full of hunger.

“Jun, I need you to rail me. Please,” you begged, desperation clear in your voice. Jun’s eyebrows raised in surprise before he nodded, pulling you down against him, setting a near punishing pace. You let out a satisfied sigh as you worked yourself up and down his girth, your soft pants filling the room.

“You’re kidding,” Jun groans, feeling himself rapidly unravel. His hands grip your hips tightly as he strokes up into you. Your breath catches when he shifts slightly, somehow hitting impossibly deeper.

“Jun,” you squeak, eyes squeezed shut as you shudder around him. “Jun, I’m coming!”

    Jun exhaled sharply as his hips stuttered into you, finding his own release. He smiles when you fall onto him. The feel of your skin on his is addicting.

“You’ll stay the night?” Jun asked hopefully as he pulled himself out of you to clean up.

“If that’s okay?” you smiled at him.

“More than,” he smiled his boxy smile back at you.

He helped you clean up and dressed you in one of his shirts, which absolutely swallowed you.

“No! You look too adorable,” he grabbed you by the shoulders and shook jokingly. You chuckled at his antics, Jun had always been able to make you laugh. “Do you have plans tomorrow?” he asked suddenly after you’d laid back down.

“No, do you?” you shook your head.

“Let’s spend the day together,” he smiled at you, “Dean may be a moron, but he was right that I’ve liked you for a while. I just want to make it very clear that I’m not interested in just being a rebound.”

    You kicked your feet happily as you squeezed him around the waist. On this issue you were in total agreement.

[starshine-selfships]

1, 10, 11, and 12 for the ask game ? 😺🙏💟

Hi hi hi!! You're getting long answers to these bc any excuse to talk about this man makes me go crazy stupid 🙌🙌🙌💕

1) What's a Hot Take you have about your f/o?

HE👏IS👏NEURODIVERGENT!! I'm specifically talking adhd, but he checks a lot of boxes for something more ambiguous too. I'm actually rewriting my adhd sh.aiapouf post and I'm gonna put it here too, but the cut time version IS: noticeable hyperfixations/special interests in music and the monarchy, practically no empathy + has difficulty understanding the emotions of others, fast thinking + thinks a LOT, almost weirdly analytical + book smart with little to no interpersonal skills, extreme emotions all over the board, like there's a LOT here and it explains like 80% of why he's Like That 😤

10) How did you feel when you realized "oh of course I had to like That Character"?

Okay I have a lot to say on this one djnfkffk please bear with me as I write a whole novel

✌U_U ✌

Honestly,, , I wasn't happy LMAOOO, around the time I watched the anime for the first time i was actually still pretty into j.jba and unfortunately was really into dio U_U

I was fascinated by pouf as soon as I saw him in the opening, lots of neat ant designs and then this butterfly man?? I need to know everything about him 👀 His intro with the rainbows in the wings, the fairy chimes, the solo violin, all had me like 👁👁 Sir I Am Going To Study You Like The Insect You Are, and then I saw him actually play the violin and was sold lmao. He was funny as far as comic relief went and then? The giant improv ballet breakdown and antagonistic turn drew me in further and then I was invested in a no going back sorta way as soon as he went chibi for the first time, just watching the chaos of the entire scene with this ridiculous huge grin dhjdkxkf every single thing he did was in the extremes and it was like watching a train de-rail in real time, I saw him face down in the dirt at the end of the arc and didn't even feel anything, he was just so WILD

So I finish h.xh not too long after that and texted a friend and was like hmmm. I need to watch j.jba to return to my roots and also to forget that I think I might've accidentally given myself a lil crush on the butterfly man 😳 idk if that return ever happened but I DO remember being frustrated with how pretty he is,, I didn't really wanna shift hyperfixations at the time and also didn't know if it was attraction or gender envy bc. what I would give to simultaneously look so fem and so masc 👁 either way it was a 3 month struggle of "oh no oh my god I wanna kiss a bug so bad?? 😞" and then I caved at midnight in a denny's and was like okay. fine. I'm gay for a bug, I really really like him but *i* don't have to like that 😤

I did, in fact, proceed to like it, enough to make an entire separate blog for him. It was a slow progression of "I mean, I'd share a ballroom dance with him, like a waltz maybe", "hmm okay he's funny but whatever", "oh uh. he uh. I mean he's neat, a lot of people didn't like him but I just think he's an interesting character 😳" and. and then I finally caved and I never stopped talking sjdkfkf though to be fair, I was already talking about him a LOT on my main, I just decided that maybe it would be nice to have a space to just. contain 90% of my poufposting LMAOOO

Final note on this, but I think what really got me is how many characters are in this series and yet I gravitated towards the one no one could stand 😞✌ though to be fair the hatred for him has definitely gone down compared to what I can remember from a few years ago; absolutely does not change the fact that He Is The Way He Is, but I saw the war crimes, malice, potentially treason, and I won't name it but it's by far the most uncomfortable thing to sit through in the arc, I saw ALL of that and still went hmmmm yes I want that one U_U true love huh

11) Do you think it's better to have copious amounts of content for your f/o, even with the risk of finding a lot of ship art, or better to have a lot less?

The art situation with him is strange bc there's a decent enough to be notable amount of art of him captioned with some variation of "I hated him but he had a really cool character design", but it's still content. Surprisingly, I actually don't track the tag for him but take a look at it anyways almost every day and there's maybe one new thing there like once a week, minimal content bc so many people just didn't like him, which is fair!! But also, he was definitely there as a prominent character, I'd just like to see more of him U_U I would put more art here but I'm too conscious of the art ops seeing my bs over here jdkdkfkk

There actually are a handful of ship art drawings of him, which astounds me bc this man wasn't there to make friends, not even with his own siblings :/, but the errant art of him with morel or kite is honestly pretty cute, please just let this man be happy, I love to see him smile 🥺

12) Aren't you tired of being nice? This is an excuse to rant.

He wasn't the worst guard!! All three had reasons for doing what they did and arguably, pouf's motives were the most complex. Yes he did some pretty awful things, but he considered them to be the right thing to do without a doubt in his mind, all his actions were selfish in that they were based off his own feelings, but he did things ultimately for the king, so his actions also had an edge of selflessness to them as well. He was just. so much more than annoying and while his character development wasn't positive, it was still some pretty astounding growth; as an antagonist, he's also fairly plausible 👀 sometimes people just are manipulative, sometimes feelings do get the better of you, pouf just has all those factors amped up to 11 at all times so they're magnified. I have. a lot of thoughts on him, he interests me very much 😞👀🤔👀

[patheticfrogarchive]

anyway tw for me talking abt my asshole 

ANYWAY update on my anxious breakdown re: my colon and asshole. my ass is bleeding like its BLEEDING for about a month now every 2-7 days ill go to either pee or poop, wipe, and then wipe again, and theres a tiny lil spot of blood. and i kNOW its not from my uterus bc 1) im not on my period every day of my life 2) i specifically like. pat my hole to see. like it was a TINY amount to begin with i mean i wouldnt even have noticed it if i wasnt specifically looking for it and it was always just one dot and thats it. never mixed in w my pee or poop that i could see, never randomly throughout the day, always jsut one lil dot

BUT OF COURSE im paranoid so i fucking ordered an at home lab test colon cancer screen so i shat in a box and mailed it in and SURPRISE they found no blood in my shit nothing wrong with me and youd THINK that combined w my 100% normal bloodwork would finally calm me down but NO im still worried

i dont actually know the human body anatomically but i remembver reading something that was like “ur colon is on ur left” so magically  a few weeks ago i started feeling like. a vague ache/twinge/whatever in my left side like up near my chest and like of course i go “fuck its my colon im dying” even tho my dad was like “you stupid thats not where ur colon is”. amazing that i only started feeling something after expecting to feel soemthing

anyway my parents are convinced its a hemorrhoid and my mom has a LOT of experience with those so like, she would know. anyway yesterday my asshole like, felt itchy and bad and uncomf and i felt like there was something like... slipping out of it??? anyway my mom says thats a hemorrhoid and sure whatever but im still freaked out. anyway today at work i went to drop a turd and my ass bled that little dot and i was like ‘ok thats a little more than usual’ and i patted AGAIN and there was more blood. and more. and like, ok it wasn’t actually a lot like its not like i was bleeding out  and it wasnt gushing or anything but compared to the previous times it was more, but also im finishing up my period so ??? but also i specifically only patted my butthole. and it happened every single time i went to the bathroom at work, even if i just pissed. and my asshole felt like, scraped raw and it was itchy and uncomf and i hated it. 

so during my lunch break i called my doctor and made an appointment to get examined in like 2 weeks which. im obviuously GONNA do it bc while this is prob just a combo of shitty retail rough toilet paper, me rubbing too hard, and me giving myself a hemorrhoid by straining too hard a month ago, id rather be safe than sorry. but also i am NOT looking forward to having a FUCKING FINGER up my ASSHOLE i barely managed to get thru my first vaginal exam a few months ago idk how im gonna get thru a fucking finger up my goddamn ass

and also when i got home i was like ‘ok im gonna check my asshole in the mirror and its gonna bleed i bet but at least ill see it’ fufcking nothing. no bleeding, magically not itchy and raw anymore, i even got some toilet paper and rubbed at it but??? nothing??? and like idk what an asshole is supposed to feel like but everything seems completely normal lmfao. tho sometimes it feels like. not liek my ass is gonna fall out but like. like theres a tiny thing in my ass thats ABOUT to come out but when i go to try and poop it out nothing will come and i dont actually feel like i need to do a whole poop. its like somethings stuck in my hole but there isnt anything??? anyway that feeling comes and goes like i had it a month ago and then it went away afte rlike 3 days but its back  now and ugh

anyway my current hypothesis is that its just shitty target sandpaper toilet paper ripping my asshole to shreds and also a hemorrhoid that i gave myself. but also i cant help but worry bc im fucking bleeding from my asshole and im terrified im gonna die at the ripe age of 23 of colon and/or asshole cancer.

i also have had like. not a headache not dizzyness but SLIGHT ever so slight like. lightheadedness? idk i feel off headwise so of course im like “oh my god im anemic bc im bleeding internally” even tho my bloodtests from like a month ago showed that if anything ihave MORE red blood cells compared to last time i got tested and im not in fact anemic. but also idk anything medical and so of course im like “BUT WHAT IF THINGS HAVE CHANGED” anyway in an ideal world i would probably be getting a blood test every week bc im fucking paranoid.

 i have also been sleeping horribly due to anxiety lately so im prob just tired but bASICALLY IM STRESSED LMFAO 

if anyone read all this. sorry. 

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 230: League of Thots

Previously on BnHA: We learned all about Twice’s past, which was a lot like Oliver Twist, if you’re like me and you never actually read Oliver Twist and only have extremely vague memories of watching one of the movie versions as a kid and seeing some poor wretched child asking for more oatmeal and falling in with some lovable scalawags. Although I’m pretty sure Oliver Twist never hit a dude with a motorcycle and made a bunch of clones of himself because he was lonely and then the clones all tried to kill each other. But like, other than that, I still kinda got that vibe, idk. Anyway so Twice is great and we all love him and feel sorry for him, and the Metahuman Liberation Army ripped his mask off because they’re dicks, and then they broke his arms because see re: the part where they’re dicks. But once his arms were broken, Twice, who’d been having an ongoing identity crisis due to not being sure whether he was one of his own clones, realized he couldn’t be a clone since he was still alive and hadn’t melted into a big blob after taking all that damage. So then he got all empowered, and he made like a dozen fresh new clones of himself, and now they’re gonna fuck up the MLA’s shit hopefully, and good riddance.

Today on BnHA: The League of Twices surges forth to do battle with the forces of evil and it’s my favorite thing ever. What started out as a dozen quickly multiplies exponentially -- we’re talking literal exponential growth here -- until Re-Destro’s Army of 116,000 people actually find themselves outnumbered. Up in his tower, Re-Destro is all “gee Skeptic you sure did fuck up spectacularly :)” and Skeptic quickly makes himself scarce, leaving Giran all on his own to antagonize RD about how royally screwed he is. Back in the thick of things, Dabi continues to attack The Night King, but it turns out he’s able to create new ice from just about any water source, so that complicates things a bit. Meanwhile Dabi is apparently starting to roast himself with his own quirk, which is very interesting and a huge clue as to how he came to be where he is, all scarred up and presumably Presumed Dead, and it’s all very intriguing. But before we can ponder that much, we cut to Ujiko, who’s getting tired of watching the League kick ass so effortlessly and decides to throw a Gigantomachia-shaped wrench into the mix just for the hell of it, waking the big guy early so he can join in on the fun. Well you won’t see me complaining omg.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added a couple of ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

oh my god

first of all, y’all know I love it when Horikoshi really gets into the nitty-gritty of how someone’s quirk works and hammers out all the little stipulations and provisions about what they can and can’t do, etc. but then to do it with this adorable little chibi Twice sketch is almost too much. we’re only on the first panel here; if this is an indicator of what the rest of the chapter is gonna be like, fair warning that I will probably have a number of little fangirling breakdowns

anyhoo, so this definitely clears some things up. the translation could be a little clearer, but I’m gonna take this to mean that he has a two-clone limit, period, and can’t make more than two of any person or object until the existing clones disappear. meaning that this can’t actually be used to create entire armies, which is a smart move on Horikoshi’s part in terms of keeping him from getting too op. this is especially important because we know his clones can use the same quirks as the original. so yeah, that could potentially get out of hand real fast without a few limiters in place

but! there is one exception to the “only two” rule, which we’re now seeing in action! a quirk hack, if you will. which is that if he clones himself, each of those clones is then capable of using the same Doubling quirk under the same rules. so each clone can make an additional two clones. which is dope. like, past a certain point, you actually have to start using math to keep up with him. and that part is in fact pretty motherflippin’ powerful, even if each duplicate is weaker than the last. it’s definitely not something you want to fuck with. I would sure hate to be a person, or army of people, who have done just that and are now going to have to feel his wrath. oh man

so because this is a Flashback Arc we are now cutting to another flashback, but this time a more recent one involving the Shigaraki Squad all hanging out in the ol’ Villain Shack

-- holy shit

okay but this is so fucking smart, though. these guys keep thinking of things that would never, ever occur to me because try as I might, I just can’t get on the same level of thinking outside the box that they’re at. obviously they’re a good deal more primed to think of creative applications of their own quirks, having lived with said quirks for most of their lives. but still

anyways, look at me, I’m practically beside myself being impressed even though Twice wasn’t actually able to do anything lol. but just, even the fact that they tried is impressive to me. leave no avenue unexplored. god this manga is so good

anyway so now we’re cutting back to the present, and Twice is thinking that he wants to repay his friends for accepting him. “that’s all I ever think about!”

weekly reminder that Twice is in fact the nicest guy in the series. and it’s all the more impressive since he lacked any kind of good influence when he was growing up. dude is a fucking saint if you think of it like that

lol. well no one ever said saints couldn’t be violent sometimes

so now the MLA goons who were formerly watching on the sidelines are all “oh shit” and they’re rushing in to try to help contain the situation

only to be confronted with this

you see?? math. Twice to the nth power. holy shit

also the title/attack name Sad Man’s Parade is so good and evocative that I assumed it must be a reference to something, but when I googled it just now all I got was links to articles and reviews of this very chapter. but I still think it must be a reference though. we’ve had a lot of them recently, including last week’s title, which as @herongale pointed out to me was a reference to The Killing Joke. so if any smart person can figure this one out, please let me know. it sounds like a song or something maybe

anyway I just clicked to the next page and it’s the most badass thing I’ve ever seen so let me just share that with y’all

things I like:

Twice’s face

that last panel. just. that

Twice holding Toga all protectively fffsdfasd

and did I mention that face though. holy hecking fuck my lovable lil LoV mascot is suddenly all grown up and making me feel things. going after all of my weak spots at once! protecting his friends: check. all scuffed up and covered in blood all sexy-like: double check. and last but not least, that look of utter, fearless determination: checkcheckmotherfuckincheck

jesus christ. first Giran and now you. more like League of Thirst, fml. what was that he was saying in the previous chapter about his scary looks?? you know what Twice, you can fuck right off with that noise. I can’t believe you were holding out on us this entire time

anyway so now here’s Re-Destro to chill me out before I completely lose my shit

ah, nothing like that arrogant pointy mug to bring me back down to reality right quick. really can’t wait until someone knocks this guy down off his high horse

and now he’s turning and casually remarking to Skeptic that it’s rare to see him fail. and holy shit though, there’s something about this scene that just sent a chill down my spine

and why did I get flashbacks to that poor lil dead mouse guy just now, though. the thing about Re-Destro is he’s the kind of guy who can and will be all smiles right up to and including the point where he happily snaps your neck for having displeased him. and that is scary as fuck. just look how quickly Skeptic noped the fuck out of there

look at him omg

he sure got the message right away, didn’t he? better go fix things right the fuck now if you enjoy being alive, dude

holy shit. he is genuinely scary. that one panel there may actually be scarier than anything AFO ever did. I suddenly had a rush of appreciation for Overhaul of all people, yes you heard me right, because at least he was just unabashedly Straight Up Evil. none of this pretending to be all nice with this cold dead look in your eyes bullshit

just, I really don’t like how it just seems like he could snap at any time and you’re never quite sure what the final trigger might actually be. it’s terrifying. but I guess that’s the kind of vibe you’ve got to have if you’re looking to be a villain so bad that the actual villains are fighting against you lol

now Giran is straight up not giving a fuck again, and acting like he’s not tied to a chair with one remaining hand and trapped in a room with this profoundly unsettling man, and as usual I love it

you just keep on being insolent and sarcastic you sexy piece of shit. you’re doing great

lol now Re-Destro says they’ll overcome quantity with quality, and wow. that may just be the most delusional thing this asshole has said thus far. have we even been reading the same arc?? are you really trying to say that your Metahuman Army of Jackasses is in any way even in the same league as Tomura’s merry band of ragtag prodigies? just go ahead and admit that they’re wiping the floor with you

and as if to prove my point

tbh I’m genuinely starting to feel like any one member of the League could singlehandedly take out Re-Destro’s entire force. and they haven’t even introduced you to Gigantomachia yet!! my god. RD’s horribly discomforting general vibe aside, this arc is like watching a horror movie play out where none of the victims realizes how screwed they are until it’s too late. and also you’re rooting for the killers because they’re likable and sexy

I do have to hand it to Parka here though because he’s somehow not dead yet in spite of all that, which is legitimately impressive

Dabi even says that his ice is almost gone. you’re living on borrowed time Baskin Robbins

ooh now we’re getting a quick panel of Compress doing his thing while Dabi carries on

Compress are we getting your flashbacks next. I can only begin to imagine what kind of tragic and relatable things you’ve been through and how hot you probably are too underneath that mask. how long until you’re my new favorite character. I’m onto this arc and its games by this point, Horikoshi. you and your motherfucking League of Thots ffff

Dabi is all “why do I have to help you?” lol. classic Dabi

eh what’s this

before I click to the next page, I’m just going to assume he’s talking about the twelve million Twices headed their way

yep

new favorite panel alert

oh my god. this is amazing. more of him to love

LMAO

FUCK YOU AND YOUR CAREFREE SELF-AWARE MANGA HORIKOSHI KOUHEI. I CAN’T LEGALLY MARRY A SHOUNEN MANGA SERIES SO WHY ARE YOU TORTURING ME LIKE THIS

and Compress is all “wow that sounds like something from a hero story,” and then we’re cutting to another Twice panel so that we can’t see him turning and winking at the audience

Twice says that the League are his only friends in the world and that they’re all precious to him. actually, he didn’t say it so much as he straight up yelled it. nicest guy in the fucking world I’m telling you. what a good egg. what a chaotic good little boy scout

lmao now he’s drunk on power and ambition

lmao go for it. THE WORLD IS YOUR OYSTER

(ETA: also I just realized what I said before about him not being able to make an army is clearly blatantly untrue, since even though he has the two-clone limit, that hardly matters if there are like 17,000 of him and each of them can clone two other people. he truly is a beast.)

oh my god

are you telling me that you guys are kicking so much ass that it’s actually backfiring on you. “that was such a good plan that we had, but unfortunately we didn’t take into account that we’re straight up gangstas who kick ass and take names”

hell, if the Army’s all gone by the time G-Man gets here, you can just sic all the clones on him and see if it finally gets you somewhere! I’m past the point of putting anything past you guys now. I’m pretty sure you can do anything. I’m glad you’re on our side. oh shit wait

anyway so Compress is checking his dandy pocket watch and says Giganto should be there in one hour and five minutes

are they taking travel time into account?? or wait, I guess Ujiko can just warp him over to their location once he finally wakes up. right

Twice is telling them all that Toga’s in trouble and needs help! yessss help her. I got so caught up in your tremendous badassery that I almost forgot

HEY WHAT THE

RUDE. WHO DID THIS

oh go figure

you know it really is incredible how quickly Horikoshi can get me back on that “so are we going to get any Dabi flashbacks” train though lol. I really should know better by this point. quash those hopes. this manga is not a charity; we don’t give out flashbacks for free just like that

and yet. my brain says no but my heart says “pleasepleaseplease”

so now Ben & Jerry’s is saying that he can also control the temperature of the ice. um, what? it’s already ice; how much colder can it possibly get? unless you’re talking about making it warmer, in which case I hate to break it to you but then it’s water and not ice, and you obviously can’t control water so

oh wait he just means that he can use his ice to freeze other stuff and make More Ice. oh

RIGHT, DABI??

and now Klondike here is launching into some kind of speech, oh joy

hoohhhhh boy

[sidles up to Dabi] hey there boy. that last part sound like anything you’ve heard before? jog any memories for you there bud? provoke any thoughts? spark any reveries??

Dabi you’re really one hell of a closed book, you know that? fuck my life

(ETA: but also! so the real colors of the MLA finally come out, huh. for all their talk of freeing people from oppression, they’re no different from the people they want to overthrow; it’s just that they want to oppress the people who don’t have quirks, or whose quirks are “weak.” no doubt the original Destro had a similar philosophy. can’t imagine quirkless people making out too well in this brave new world of theirs. in fact I wouldn’t be surprised if there was eventually a mass genocide of anyone quirkless. it would get real dark real fast.)

oh shit

everybody sHUT UP, WE’RE GETTING DETAILS ABOUT DABI’S QUIRK AND ABOUT HIS SCARS AHSLDFJASLK

okay first of all, !!!@KLK!L!!!LK!”!!!GGKK

and second, Horikoshi continues the trend of putting the brakes on the League’s powers getting out of control, even as he shows how much they can still kick ass when unleashed to their fullest potential. that’s a hell of a balance to strike

and third, !LJ!L!!!!”!”“!DSFLSDIW for reals though because this is the first we’ve ever gotten as far as actual details regarding those scars and their possible origins, and holy shit but I can’t. finally some more info on the mysterious house elf

and meanwhile Compress is sitting in a mess of melted and frozen Twices, and thinking that it would be great if they could have Haagen-Dazs face off against Gigantomachia. but like, the way he says that kind of implies that he doesn’t think he’s gonna last that long lol. which I’m in agreement with. Dabi you can go ahead and take this popsicle fucker out now

-- !!?!!

okay Horikoshi you can’t just CUT TO UJIKO LIKE THAT WITHOUT WARNING you ass. give me a sec to brace myself first would ya

and poor little John standing there in the corner. John-kun ;_; god that’s so fucked up to just draw him chilling there all but forgotten until he’s actually needed

and what do you mean “if you were to die here.” underestimating them much? but if you want to toss them a bone though sure go ahead

so does this mean he’s going to unleash another High End?? because I’m all out of puns for those, so I’ll have to come up with a new shtick and I can’t just do that off the cuff you know

oh, nope. even better!

yooooooo things about to get lit up in the club omgggggggg

YESSSSSSS

okay first of all is he literally uprooting fucking trees just by waking up from his nap slkjdlfffff how many more ways can Horikoshi come up with to show us how much of a fucking beast this guy is. holy fuck

and second, YESSSSSSSSS. THAT’S RIGHT YOU ARMY MOTHERFUCKERS! PREPARE TO TASTE SOME PAIN. JUST LOOK AT THAT. HE’S GONNA STIR UP SOME CALAMITIES AND SHIT. ALL YOU FUCKERS GONNA DIE, AND I’LL BE RIGHT HERE, WATCHING CONTENTEDLY AND CAPSLOCKING ABOUT IT

hahaha this arc is making me want to be a villain. I can’t help it. they make it look like so much fun. shit

[kpoptionate]

shy first date/kiss w mina !

[masterlist in bio] 03.03.19 [reposted 03.13.19] pairing: myoui mina {twice} x reader {female} genre: fluffyyy word count: 1.213k a/n: aghdsgc this was a cute ass request so i had to do it asap uwu warning: i’m terrible at kiss scenes and ending stories so ignore the dumbness; undedited

uM OKA Y SOFT UWU HOURS ARE O P E N N

alright so you and mina have been dating for a good two weeks now

u guise are the cutest couple i swear

like u’re always giggling n smiling n blushing n looking away when u hold hands or brush the hair out of the other’s eyes

but,,,

neither of y’all have had the guts to kiss the other person yet !!

or go on a date !!

shyness just completely envelops both of you whenever the thought pops up in ur heads

so mina decides it’s time for that to change !!

she just wants to be a cute ass pair of bitches walking hand in hand down the sidewalk in cute ass outfits n cute ass smiles n cute ass energy radiating off of u two

n being the romantic ass hoe she is, what cuter date could two girlfriends have than at a café ! i live for café dates omg

so she arranges plans w u for the little one by the park near all the other shops

and the next three days it’s the only thing she can think of oml

finally ur seventeen (17) day anniversary arrives

aka the day of ur first date

n this poor bby is all over the place

what does she wear ? how early does she show up ? does she bring u flowers ? how does she greet u ?

little stuff like that, but obv she just wants everything to be perfect

after a good hour and a half and with the help of momo’s boujee ass mina finally finds an outfit

like a little black pleated skirt w a beige sweater n a brown mini purse crossed over her body w her hair lightly curled

idk what it is but she looks cute as hell ok

n she wants to be sweet n shit too so she leaves a lil early to stop by the flower shop to get u one (1) pink n white tulip bc she thinks it’s super cute

she ends up getting to the café ten minutes early but that’s okay !! she just waits by the door outside for u to arrive

u, on the other hand,,,

are an abSOLUTE MESS TOO

LITERALLY

U’RE GOING ON A DATE W MYOUI MINA

WHAT I S N’T THERE TO BE NERVOUS ABOUT

so after spending ur hour figuring out to wear n get ur hair n makeup or wtvr done

u set off on ur way to ur date !

u figured being five minutes early was reasonable, it gave mina time to get there if she hadn’t yet n if she had then she wouldn’t be waiting too long

so now when u walk up n she’s standing there lookin like a cute ass mf ur heart e x p l o d e s in the middle of the sidewalk

like bby pls don’t look so good u’re giving people heart attacks

she gives u a bright ass smile as she walks over to hug u

n her perfume is the prettiest thing u’ve ever smelled in ur life

then she remembers !! she brought u smth !!

“here u go !! i got this for u (／≧ω＼)”

like it’s just a single flower but the thought is so cute

n the color matches her face rn too which is adORABLE

so u shyly take it n look down (or confidently w a wink n blowing a kiss, idk whatever fits ur personality i guess) n u guise finally walk in n take a seat by the window

since u didn’t bring her anything but she did u decide to pay for the meal (i don’t know what it’s called ? order ? service ? i—)

n u guise just sit n chat for a good forty-five minutes about everything

still smiling n giggling n being cute gays as always

but,,,,bbygirl's havin a hard time paying attention to what u’re saying

u’re just,,,so mesmerizing to her,,,,

ur voice,,,the way ur eyes sparkle in the sun,,,the way u take a sip of ur drink every time u giggle,,,

n eventually she finds herself being focused on ur lips

!! cliché warning here !!

they’re just so ?? kissable ??

how has she not felt their kissability yet ???

after a few moments of wondering,,,,how u’d smooch,,,,

she makes it her goal to have ur first kiss during this first date !!

“mina, are u ok ? u’ve been zoning out on me :((”

,,,(˵ ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o˵)

“no, no !! i-i just,,,,”

n she just sits there ?? moving her lips n hands ?? as if she’s talking ?? but nothing’s coming out ??

u caught her off guard with a question that’s difficuLT TO ANSWER

“if u’re not enjoying this we can go do smth else,,,it rly doesn’t bother me”

lmao fucK u’re scaring her now

how ?? does one just tell their girlfriend ?? they haven’t been paying attention to her ?? bc they want to kiss tf out of her ??

one can’t

so

one does the next best thing

mina moves her purse so she can go over to the other side of the booth to sit beside u

reallllllllllll close to u

n just kinda,,,,looks at u ??

but right before u can ask what’s up she takes ur face in her hands n gives u a cute loving smile

n leans forward to connect her lips to urs

whoop whoop ! ur heart’s beating a million miles an hour but hers is going a million n one

it’s ?? so soft n gentle

almost as if u’re a china doll n she’s scared she’ll brake u

there’s not much movement, but she slowly pulls away only after a few seconds

when she does, u can taste the coffee from her lips lingering on urs

she looks at u again for a few seconds before she br e a ks

not like a crying breakdown

more of a hiding-her-face-n-laughing-bc-she-can’t-believe-she-actually-did-that type breakdown

also bc of the old lady at the table across from u clapping at the cute lesbos getting shy after a kiss

she shoots her head back up n stutters apologies n u’re like ??

lmao why r u apologizing ?? it was great ?? totally would do it again ??

n mina sits there like u shot an arrow thru her chest

great ?? her ?? again ?? rly ?? (´༎ຶ ͜ʖ ༎ຶ `)♡

she composes herself n flips her hair w a confident smile like lmao ikr

causing u to giggle at her

n her to giggle at ur giggle

u confirm that it was indeed cute n sweet but the baristas have been staring at y’all for the past ten minutes bc u’ve been here so long

so she’s like “o ok”

n as u leave the café hand-in-hand, u turn to her n place another lil peck on her lips as u let go of her hand n continue walking w a wink

she stands there for a good moment before coming back to reality n hurrying up to u, hitting u for teasing her in front of so many ppl ᕕ( ཀ ʖ̯ ཀ)ᕗ

[hepataetis]

right here (.jungkook)

✧ pairing; jungkook x female!reader

✧ summary; tensions are running higher than ever after [y/n] is revealed to be the girlfriend of jeon jungkook, resulting in her receiving constant hate. a heated argument between the two allows emotions to pour and tears to be spilled.

✧ genre; angst, fluff (?)

✧ words ; 2k (2057)

✧ song inspiration; lil peep ft. horsehead - right here +

✧ ji’s a/n; not requested, but idk i felt like i needed it haha. a type of comfort, i guess? enjoy~ i hope i made you emotional!

* spell checked once. finished @ 2:39 AM EST

..

tell me that i'm dumb, i love to get numb

i know that i’m young but i'm still right here

i don't give a fuck, i love who i love

and girl you're that one so i'll wait right here

       The worst part of it all is that he's never there.

       (Y/N) dragged her feet down the hallways of her small complex, her eyelids heavy as she was drowsy with exhaustion. Her entire body ached due to yet another tiresome day at work. It was a relief to arrive at her sanctuary.

       That's what she'd like to believe.

       She froze at the sight of multiple letters strewn across her doormat, and she gulped at the knawing feeling growing at the pits of her stomach. She prayed it wasn't what she thought it was. Crouching down, she rested her keys and purse to the ground before lazily grasping onto an envelope, easily tearing it open to read its content. Her eyes scanned the paper and as she reached the end, the trembling of her fingers grew stronger and her grip onto the flimsy hate letter loosened. She pushed her tongue out to lick her dry lips before pursing them tightly.

      The letter softly fell to the ground, and (Y/N) could only remain in place, her body shaking at the emotions sending her into a small breakdown. It had only been a week since she revealed herself to society as Jeon Jungkook's girlfriend, and the hate has already reached past social media to her front step. How long would they continue to torture her? The question lingered in her head as she stared at the pile, her body unhinging, yet the growing lump in her throat suffocating her.  Finally, after what felt like hours, she rose to her feet with her belongings in one hand.

       Inserting a key into the doorknob, (Y/N) stepped over the pile and weakly pushed herself inside the dark apartment. It smelt of stale air due to her being away all day. She threw her shoes and other things to the side, closing the door behind her and making a beeline for the couch. She could care less about anything at the moment. She collapsed into its soft pillows and released a long sigh. 

      At least Jungkook promised to visit. It was the small things that counted, right? Sliding a hand into her pocket, she slipped out her phone and she couldn't help but allow a small smile to curl onto her pink lips. Jungkook's bright face was across her screen, making a silly expression with her beside him, poking at his cheeks. He made her heart swell. Even as life becomes more overwhelming, he still manages to remain perfect in every way possible. His smile, his personality, his laugh, and his unending love for her.

       She loved him so much.

       Yet she couldn't help but wonder how long would she be able to handle this?

       Unlocking her phone, she quickly tapped onto Jungkook's contact and allowed the phone to ring for a few moments.

      "Babe?" Jungkook muttered into the phone, and immediately (Y/N) felt her chest squeeze in worry.

      He sounded so exhausted, his tired voice was evident and she couldn't help but furrow her brows. "Kookie, you sound terrible..." (Y/N) murmured, and received a chuckle in response. "I'm okay, don't worry. I just finished practicing so that's why." He explained, his tone becoming lighthearted, most likely to prevent her from worrying anymore. "Well, it's okay! You're coming over so I can give you my signature massage. I'll cook, too. And we can watch a movie. I'm off tomorrow, thank goodness." As she rambled on about her hopeful plans, she abruptly halted. He wasn't responding. "Jungkook...?" She trailed off, and once again her stomach twisted and turned with a sick feeling. "(Y/N), I'm... I'm so sorry. I can't make it today."

       Her heart dropped so fast that she couldn't even control herself. "Why not?" (Y/N) questioned, unable to hide the frustration lacing her tone. "I have to record this song. You'll love it, babe. I'll make sure to show you later." Jungkook let out a dry chuckle, in a poor attempt to relieve her from any negative emotion, but (Y/N) couldn't find any of this funny.

      Maybe it had been the exhausting day at work, the death threat she had received, or the bottled feelings inside of her, but his words finally set her off. "Later? When? Next month? Because that's probably gonna be the last time I ever see you, isn't it?!" She exclaimed, yet couldn't stop her voice from trembling. "I- What? (Y/N), please don't be mad. I'm just so busy, but we'll see each other soon." He pleaded softly, but it failed to reach her current state. "I...I need you right now and you can't even be here for me..." Forcing these words out caused her eyes to sting, blinking her tears away. "Did something happen? Talk to me, (Y/N). What happened?"

       "Everything. But you wouldn't know that." Scoffing, (Y/N) pressed the hang up button; she didn't have the energy to explain herself. In fact, she didn't even know herself. She didn't know why she snapped. But all she wanted was to be beside him, and he isn't even here to do that. He won't ever be, wouldn't he? A few tears slipped across her rosy cheeks and dripped from her chin. She sniffled, digging her face into her arm to wipe away her sorrows. Once again, she'd have to cook dinner alone, wash her dishes alone, and fall asleep alone. At least she could roll over in bed to the cold spot where Jungkook was supposed to be.

       Tomorrow, she'd feel good enough to apologize and continue to endure this pain.

       Once again, she wondered how long would she be able to handle this?

       Rising to her feet, (Y/N) glanced towards her front door, her mind drifting onto the pile outside. She found herself opening the door again, using both arms to hold the batch of letters and used her feet to close it once more. She plopped onto the couch, setting the envelopes beside her and released a small huff. It felt like it was staring back at her. Taunting her. Fuck it. She grabbed onto one, ripping it open and read the hateful comments. It still baffles me that Jungkook oppa is with you. You're not even an idol. You're not a performer. You're normal. Why is he with you? (Y/N) snorted, wondering the exact same question herself. What did he see in her? Why did he choose her? Maybe if he didn't, she'd be happier. Sniffling, (Y/N) already felt herself becoming emotional once more. Yet she tossed the letter onto the ground, and instead of burning the rest, she continued to read another one. And another one. And another one.

       It wasn't until the sound of the doorbell ringing snapped her from her obsessive reading, but she ignored it. It wasn't anyone important. She glanced at the letters. They wanted her to die. They wanted her to disappear. Was it a mistake to fall in love with him? Sobs racked her body weak as she dropped the final letter, allowing her head to fall back. Her crying came to an abrupt halt when the sound of her door unlocking echoed in the empty apartment. "(Y/N)?" Suddenly hearing his voice sent her into practical hysteria. "Why are you here, Jungkook?!" She quickly looked at the ground, messily wiping her face to hide her previous tears. "I was worried about you. Could you please talk to me?" He asked softly, but glanced at the pile of opened envelopes. "What are these...?" His question trailed off as he slightly leaned forward to grip onto a letter, quickly scanning it. Immediately, a sinking feeling hung to his chest and he quickly snapped his head towards his sniffling girlfriend.

       "(Y/N), this is... this is terrible... Babe..." Jungkook rushed to her side, swiftly taking a seat beside (Y/N)'s shaking body. "Don't touch me. Leave me alone!" She snapped, turning her body towards the opposite side. "Babe, just look at me. Can't you just do that?" He gripped onto her shoulders, an action he would regret in the next few moments. "I said don't fucking touch me!" She screeched, finally snapping her head upwards to reveal her tear stricken face. Her eyes were red and puffy as snot leaked messily from her nose. She pushed her hands into his chest, forcing him to back away. "Just go away." Standing on her feet, (Y/N) stomped towards the door and pointed a strong index finger towards it. "Leave! I don't even remember telling you where the damned key was." She grumbled.

       "I'm not leaving you," Jungkook stated, rising from the couch and taking long strides towards her. "Go away!" She yelled once more, gulping. Her breathing became heavy as her anger increased. "No." He said with firmness, raising his voice slightly. "You're so annoying! Just leave me be!" As soon as he was too close for comfort, (Y/N) violently shoved him once more. He stumbled backward. "Please leave me alone!" Her frustration quickly turned into desperation as she pleaded for her solitude. She almost felt embarrassed for seeming so pitiful. He stood before her, earning him another rough shove. Yet each time he was pushed away, he only came back with his arms wide open.

       (Y/N) stood before him, her body numb yet her heart raced. "Why are you still here..." She muttered. Jungkook tugged onto the corners of his lips. "Because I love you." His arms wrapped around her small frame, allowing her face to drop into his chest. His shirt smelt of sweat and laundry detergent because of practice. "I love you. And I'm always going to be right here." His words sent her into an erratic state of emotions. Sobs erupted from the deepest pits of her stomach as it echoed through the still apartment. She practically screamed, but it came out muffled as she began to bury herself in his chest. Tears leaked from her puffy eyes nonstop, dampening his shirt quite easily. Her sobs had become so violent that noise stopped escaping her lips, and instead, there were gasps of air.

       "I'm just so tired of feeling not good enough!" (Y/N) cried, her heart constricting as her feelings began to pour out. "I love you so much because you're so amazing." Her throat throbbed with each word she spoke, trying to emphasize her sincerity. "And I'm afraid that one day, you're going to realize that you deserve better. Not a shitty girlfriend who gets mad at you for doing your fucking job!" Her statement sliced through Jungkook's chest, and soon tears had also escaped from his eyes. He gripped onto her body, his nose settling into the crook of her neck. Her chest heaved as she choked and sputtered while sniffling, depending on Jungkook's lean body to keep her from collapsing.

       "You're everything I need. You're so perfect, and I truly appreciate you for not leaving me yet. I..." Jungkook sniffled, gulping his need to cry out. "I know I'm not the best boyfriend. I can't be there for you one hundred percent of the time."  He spoke, his voice unsteady, yet he managed to firmly grip onto her shoulders. He pulled away to stare into her bloodshot eyes, saddened at her face still coated in snot and tears. "But I will never stop loving you. You... complete me." (Y/N)'s bottom lip quivered as his emotional statement settled in her mind. She'd never forget his expression; the small tears running down his face as he held onto her for dear life. "And I could care less about what anyone says. I love who I love. I'll always be right here. We can talk tonight, you know? We could work on some stuff-"

       Before Jungkook could finish, (Y/N) had already pressed her lips against his. His entire body melted. He could taste the saltiness of her tears on her soft lips faintly, yet this only caused him to deepen the kiss. His muscles relaxed as he slid his arms around her waist instead. "I'm sorry..." She mumbled. "Don't ever apologize. I know I'm young, but that doesn't change how I feel about you." His sweet words only urged her to cry even more, but she decided to hold back.

       "I know. You'll always be right here."

[somekindofgutterrat]

Hey kids are you ready for my monthly depression rant until I can afford a proper therapist? No? Great

So update from the last one, I ditched those cunts and now I have new friends so that’s all good BUT my mental health is back in the shitter

I’m pretty sure I mentioned last time I was off school for 2 months because my anxiety was crippling? Yeah guess what’s back. I haven’t gone to school in 2 weeks which I’m panicking bcus like what if I can’t get back in. It’s 2am and I should be asleep because I’m meant to go to school in the morning but like I’m having 800 mental breakdowns and panic attacks. I can’t do school tomorrow and my mum said it’s fine and so did my doctor but I still feel like I’m letting everyone down. And I know the sooner I go back to school the better. I stopped going to school again because my teachers assumed that because I’d been back for a while I was ok and my triggers were gone. No obviously not so I kept getting called on in class which caused panic attacks. So I went to office area thing to ask to go home because like walls closing in, felt like I was dying. They said no which if you read my last rant is the biggest trigger (being trapped) and I also had the flu so like I was ill and it was all shit. This happened a few more times but I didn’t let it phase me. Until my maths teacher got angry, he was yelling at the entire class, slamming desks and shit. Which isn’t necessarily bad for most people except that’s exactly what my abusive father did all my life up until mere 2 1/2 years ago. So uhh instant triggers and flashbacks. Almost had a panic attack but I held it in. Until I got home and had a massive mental breakdown YEET

And uhhhh that’s not even the biggest thing. My father obviously doesn’t live with me because ya know he was a piece of shit (but he’s getting better, he still trying to fix his homophobia and racism, I made him buy me Bianca tickets and that made him a lil uncomfortable but If he wants to get better he gotta deal with it). My siblings are all in their 20s so they’ve moved out, and are either married with jobs and houses or in uni. So that leave just me and my mum right? No. She has a really high paying and good job that she loved like 300 miles away and she’s been working there for like 17 years so she doesn’t want to quit obviously. So she travels there every Monday and back every Thursday. This used to be fine when I lived with my dad because he’d look after me. But when we stopped seeing him it still wasn’t a problem because my sister was still at school so she looked after me. But in September she went to uni leaving me. Just me. I’m 15 years old and I live alone. Now obviously that would be illegal so every night I sleep at my neighbours house making it legal because I have an adult with me over night. But shit when I tell you this gets lonely. I cry on the daily about this bull. Like I’ve never felt something as painful as this. My best friend dating the only person I ever liked and had liked for 4 years and he even liked me back and then having to go on holiday with them? It was nothing in comparison to how lonely I feel, day in day out. My mum could take a job here but it wouldn’t pay nearly as high and she doesn’t have a degree so she can’t get into a good job very easily. Meaning we’d have to rent an even smaller home (and this place it tiny) and I’d have to give up my pets but I couldn’t, they’re my world. We’d just about be able to eat. Which yes is much better than some people’s situations.

I just don’t know how long I can go on like this, my mum keeps saying the loneliness will get better but each week it just gets more and more painful. Ik I sound like a privileged little white girl but I gotta let this stuff out. I tried writing it on my notes just to get it out but it still felt pent up? So idk I just need to release it into the wilds of tumblr. Well done if you made it this far, have a sticker. Sorry for being super depressing YEET

[dreammutual-remade]

idol!you and lucas

request: please do a bullet scenario about lucas and his gf both being sm idols - anon

word count: 2.6k 

a/n: first of all,,,, this gif hurts me badly, seCOND OF ALL im so sorry for the inactivity !!  I have finals this week and I graduate really soon n ive just been v busy !!! also I had hella writers block trying to finish this ish up but I hope u like it anon !!!!its a lil hard for me to write as an idol just because thats such a Wildt lifestyle but I did my best ily

warnings: cursing n also some crying because god knows all of our boys prolly have during their idol days :(((((((

what’s up butter cup

let’s dive tf in

as a pre-warning thingy i’m making you a singer so i’m very sorry if you can’t sing i can’t either bby

alright so this story begins when you’re not even 16 years old and you audition for a bunch of companies

tbh you didn’t think you were /that/ good at singing or dancing but ???

all the companies wanted you??? you got offers from JYP and SM and Pledis ????? go off queen

we stan

anyways

you decide to go with SM since they produced leGENDS SHINEE

FUCK I LOVE THOSE GUYS

(binch if u went to JYP u literally could have been in TWICE ?!?/&.&. ABSOLUTE LEGENDS UR LOSS THOT)

also because you just think that’ll be best for you ?? idk we don’t judge here (i already did though i’m So Sorry)

on your first day as a trainee you’re in search of the female dorms and you just can’t find them

eventually you run into this,,,, Gang Of Adolescent Boys

they’re wearing dorky ass muscle tees and keep saying shit about “foreign swaggers”

(.... y’all already know who it is sjdkdkd)

and you’re Meek and New and Small so you’re like um, hellowherearethegirlsdormsplease

okay there’s four of them and they’re all fckin huge except for one

the Biggest One with the american accent points you in the right direction and you try to scurry away but end up smacking into the Second Biggest One’s arm because he moved in your way on accident ouchie

“god lucas why don’t you just run the poor girl over”

“hYUNG PLEASE”

“hehehhehe i’m just kiddin”

and you just kind of mumble that it’s fine and go on your way

okay so you train for three yEARS before your debut

and you def come out of your shell alright like you’re Extroverted and whatnot

you still see those boys and even make friends with mark and donghyuck and the Foreign Members

but the entirety of the group you met has debuted except Lucas

you’re not close but you wave and say hi when you see each other

you turn pink everytime from Emotions and also Holding Your Breathe Due To Anxiety

and he was cute years ago but he’s only gotten prettier with age dude

they recently dyed his hair to give him some Blonde Stuff and he looks reaLLY GOOD

LIKE TO THE POINT WHERE U HAVE TROUBLE LOOKING HIM IN THE EYE

but eventually you’re like hey now i’m a grown woman i can handle this giant childish man !!! quit that @ emotions

alright so you debut like, days before him no lie

you’re a solo artist bc idk

red velvet was full 😔🤟

anyways you’ve been filming the video for the past couple weeks and the concept is sort of filmy and shimmery like old sparkly anime water u kno ?

and you’re wearing similar stuff to what ten was wearing in the new heroes mv (BIG OOF) except less warm toned ?

like swishy sort of see through white shirts and spandex underneath

you’re a Beautiful and Skilled dancer so they have u all over the place with this choreo

on the FLOOR on the WALL in the AIR

no joke they had you in a harness doing cool swirly shit in the air this is the stuff of legends my g

but like the inside of SM ? is very cold

if you’re not filming you’re bundled up in a blanket and trying to rub the goosebumps out of your arms and legs

because you have to look all smooth and flawless for filming and those are two things goosies are not

luckily the song wasn’t a huge ballad because it’s rather hard to belt out long ass notes when you’re upside down lmao

anyways, the song is a bop and the mv is beautiful and you are wearing minimal clothing and although these are all nice things but also

RECIPE FOR DISASTER

the filming is almost done thank GOD

you’re taking a break from filming and you go out in the hall in your costume to go get another water bottle because ain’t nobody around to give a pre debut thot a water bottle 🤧🤧

your arms are wrapped around yourself when lucas jogs up behind you and throws his jacket around you??

literally throws it like you made an oof noise

“um ,? thank you that was aggressive”

“i knOw i’m sorry it’s just you are practically naked and it’s Cold in here and also walking behind you i noticed you were Very Exposed sO”

you turn bright red because that means everyone has seen your ass prolly and you duck your head and pull the jacket tighter around yourself

“oh! i’m sorry i mean you look uhh? really good ?? yeah you look good nOT that i was looking super hard or anything or that i uH saw aNything BUt if i did it would look good i’m sure nOT THAT I thInK about that ?$/&/“

and now you’re both blushing very hard but you feel a little better when you see he’s just as flustered as you

you brush your fingers on his forearm to get him to stop staring at the floor and tell him thanks and ask about when he’s debuting

he tells you the mv filming is done since they had to go Real Far Away to do it and get it done ahead of time and that the teasers will be out in three weeks and then the mv release and then its Show Time Baby

you’re excited for him and he’s excited and you debut really soon as well and he’s excited for you and !!!!!

there’s excitement all over the place

he’s smiling so big and his eyes are cute and crinkly and :(((((

you still got a crush on him /sigh/

one of the staff literally yells your name down the hall and you’re like aw shit that’s my cue lol

you leave him with with a lil squeeze of his bicep and you’re BOTH shook

him because ?? was that fLIRTING

you because ?? THAT WAS FLIRTING

also because his biceps are thicc i’m gonna cry

big baby stands there for like 3 mins just shook and with uwus oozing from his pores

you skrt very quickly to avoid the consequences of your actions and get back to filming

okay TIME SKIP

your mv was released and did GOOD AS FUCK

you didn’t hear it from me but lucas + nct boys were seen on vlive jamming the fuck out to your song

you’re backstage like 10 mins from going on and having an absolute panic attack

what if you trip ??? or your voice breaks !!:&::

what if all the reviews say you’re Trash live and that the mv was better since they edited

what if you FLOP AND HAVE NO FANS

NO ONE DOES THE FANCHANTS

FUCK FUXKFUCKFUXKCUDJ

so you do call the king of debuts

mark lee

and you’re like mARK FUCK IM GOING TO CRASH AND BURN PLEAS LLSSE DHELPD ME

he tells you to Calm The Fuck Down and assures you it’ll be fine but it’s not working and mark is but a young boy he don’t know how to deal with FEMALES

you hear some deep ass voice on the other side ask who’s on the phone and mark says your name and then the voice is closer and deMANDING to be given the phone

u already kno it’s our boy yukhei

he can hear you gasping through the phone and having a mental breakdown and immediately makes his voice all low and soft

wow i’m , affected writing this shit

“hey, y/n, listen to me, you’re okay, you’re fine. i promise it’ll be okay.”

“bUT WHAT IF I-“

“you won’t. you’ve worked too hard and practiced too much. i know you i saw you do it. do NOT let all of that go down the drain. you can do this. now get your cute ass out there and take NO SHIT”

“i know but i am, scared”

“don’t be! this is what you love isnt it?”

“i mean,,,, yeah”

“and you want to do this more than anything don’t you?”

“well , yeah”

“then for gods sake don’t be a wimp and do it”

“hey i miss the part of this conversation where you were being nice to me”

“that part’s over babe you need some TOUGH LOVE now please for me and for yourSELF get out there”

“okay.. thanks lucas”

“anything for you, angel”

yOU HANG UP SO QUICK

how dare he

you were all Comforted but then he went on with that angel bullshit

okay long story short you ended the industry dude

all solo artists BOW BEFORE YOU

VOCAL QUEEN

DANCE QUEEN

lucas: shaking because His Angel did so well and you were wearing white and actually looked like an angel

but you don’t see him for the next like twO MONTHS because he’s promoting boss and you’re promoting your single and neither of you are home ever

when you do get a second to yourself you try to send him an encouraging text but

you seldom get a second to yourself :(((

he does the same thing and they’re so sweet :(

“good morning i hope u slept well !!”

“princess don’t forget 2 hydrate”

“i saw ur mnet performance u looked beautiful <333”

this man is practically begging you to wife him up i mean

he’s cute

he’s BIG and WARM

very sweet to you :(

talented and lovely

absolute dweeb

supportive of you even from great distances

BEST BOY UWU

you try to be just as encouraging back because he deserves it UGH

“bub don’t forget to eat i know ur hungry rn”

“!!!!!! you came foR MY LUNGS WITH THAT CENTER DANCE AT THE END BOI”

“why are u sending me messages u need to rest bby :((“

when things calm down though you,, see each other

he doesn’t formally ask you out and you don’t say anything but, youre dating sort of kind of

as idols you’re both still so so busy and you JUST debuted so neither of you are really allowed to date anyways

you settle for little bits of cuddling and secret touches as you pass each other in the hall

you both stand outside of your respective dorms at night to facetime without waking your dorm mates

he desperately wants to go on dates and do Normal Couple things but there’s no time :(

the most affectionate you’ve ever been is when the girl group who shares a dorm with you was out promoting and you had him over and you took a nap together :((((

he Insisted upon being the big spoon and basically wrapped your whole body up with his limbs

pressed a few lil kisses to the back of your neck and your shoulder when he thought you were asleep

you weren’t though and you turned around to kiss him on the cheek and then tuck your face into his neck and pass tf out

he has to leave though because mark texts him and is like YO I KNO UR WITH Y/N AND HER ROOMMATES ARE ON THE WAY HOME

ABORT MISSION DUDE

and that’s pretty much it :(

months pass without much between you even though you’re trying your best

and even though you live in dorms you’re still so lonely especially when you’re traveling because you don’t have any group members

you don’t want to annoy or worry lucas though so you don’t complain

he notices though and late at night he’ll call you while you’re in bed and talk about his day and how he misses you and wishes you were there

and when you get all emo he says he’ll be waiting for you at the airport

(he really does he goes and hides in the bathroom and texts you so you can go in there and TACKLE HIM)

he still calls you angel all the time :((((

god that’s another weakness of mine ??? IM SUCH A WUSS

but it has specifically changed to “my angel”

uwu

your first kiss and first Real Confession happens on the Worst Day Of Your Life

you’re about to go on stage (you’ve released an album since your debut so this is new stuff) when you get a call from your mom ??

she’s crying and tells you your grandma is sick and in the hospital and it’s really bad

immediately you’re barely holding yourself together because that woman half raised you and was the reason you stayed in dance and worked so hard to become who you are today

there are tears streaming down your face already and the makeup team is fluttering around you trying to fix what you’re messing up and it’s bad

you still have to go on though so you go and perform with tears in your eyes and your manager yells at you after for not pulling it together

you go home in tears and then you’re not looking where you’re going and ran straight into a staff who yells at you some more for being some entitled idol brat

originally you weren’t gonna say anything to lucas but, the staff pushed you over the edge and you call him in tears and are incoherent and can barely tell him where you are before you hang up

our boy BURSTS into your room and sees you sitting on the floor with your face buried in your knees and 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨 !!

he gathers you in his arms and sits on the bed with you curled up on his lap

he holds you close and rubs a comforting hand up and down your back at the same time as he frantically tries to figure out what’s wrong

“y/n?? baby what’s wrong? angel, please you gotta tell me or i cant help”

“i jjJJUST Got a cALL and my grandMA IS SICK AND THEN I DI D BAD AND DISAPPOINTED EVERYONE AND My mManageR yeYELLED at me and theN I RAN iNtO a staffF meMbEr and he yELled at me too and I JSUT .$:&:&;& i’m sO SORRY u doNT need to deAL WIYH ME you have problems of YouR own and-“

“shhh listen to me i always care about you okay? angel, i want to help you no matter what you know that. also, if you weren’t so distraught i would go beat some SM ass you didn’t deserve to be yelled at :(((( how about we call your mom and check for updates with your grandma and i’ll stay here with you for the night?”

you nod and then reach for your phone while keeping as much physical contact with lucas as possible

he’s the only reason you haven’t reached the Depression Point Of No Return so

we stayin close

you put your mom on speaker and set your phone down before squishing yourself back into his chest and sniffling while the phone rings

your mom answers and you shakily ask for any updates and she tells you not much but your grandma has improved and they think that within a couple weeks she’ll be better

you cry some more and tell her you love them both and you’re so relieved and lucas kisses the crown of your head and is just There For Comforting

once you hang up and you’ve calmed down a little more you back up a little and turn to face him

“hey thank you so much, you didn’t have to come and help me so much but you’ve always been there to make me stop Freaking Out and laugh and i just, love you. yeah that’s what it is. I LOVE YOU I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU, WONG YUKHE-“

he cuts you off by snatching your face in his big warm hands and kissing you right on the lips

he then kisses your nose and your forehead and pulls you back into his lap to tuck you under his chin

“it’s all for you, angel ;)))) i love you more”

[obsessedwithbadasswomen]

I’m about to lead you all through my hair transformation that ends in one very important question.

Let’s start September 2017. This is my natural hair. My natural hair is pretty. Long, wavy, blonde with natural highlights. I miss it everyday. This is just the baseline establishment.

Then we just take a short little walk to October. I was in Bye Bye Birdie playing Rosie and I needed brown hair. My mom told me to get a wig but I refused. I said I would dye my hair. I wanted to dye it so freakin bad and I got this. (Unfortunately it ended up looking more red on stage)

November same dye just faded.

THEN January. I liked the dark hair enough and my dad bought more dye but he got dye that was darker than he realized (yes all this dying was done at home by my dad) he said he could buy more that was lighter but I was like nahhh let’s do it. So here I am. Everyone was shook.

It took me less than a week to decide that I wanted to cut it short. I was like ‘must cut hair now’ and then I did. My best friend really liked it short. I think I did. It was like that for a lil while.

Then about March my roots were really obvious and I decided I really wanted to be blonde again. So I started that journey that I did not know would almost kill me (lmao that sounds so dramatic. I gotta chill every once in a while).

The first lady I went to messed up my hair so bad. She just gave me horrible yellow chunky highlights. I’m not even going to post a picture. Then I had my friends mom squeeze me in right before I left for spring break and she just tried to tone it and she added a little more color so it wasn’t so chunky. She couldn’t completely fix it bc we were trying not to fry my hair. When I went on break my hair looked ok but it definitely looked fake.

Honestly by the time I got back from break tho the sun had helped the colors to blend and it looked a lil better even

Still I had it colored one more time and now it’s pretty much back to normal (still short obviously) and the sun this summer is helping my hair to blend into what was dyed.

But the question I have, if any of you actually read all this, is why did none of my friends ever go “bitch are you ok” bc I was not. I was in the middle of my 5ish month mental breakdown during most of this. So why did no one ever say “hey maybe put the dye away and start facing why you are actually changing yourself every few weeks” idk. It’s just been something I’ve been thinking about. I was clearly showing signs of an issue larger than not really liking my hair and no one thought to even ask me about it.

[starry-kfics]

Hello!! So, I've recently taken an interest in ASTRO? And I was wondering if y'all knew of any performances/comeback stages/ whatever that would be good to watch to get a good feel of the group? You know? Lol, anyway, thank you for your time!!

i legitimately got so excited when i saw this ask bc one of my favorite things abt astro is their live stages and i have an entire playlist of my favorite live stages (from all my groups) so i’m hype to rec some for you!! literally any astro performance is good, they have such an incredible energy on stage and unique stage presence that they blow me away in every single one. i’ll go from debut up through crazy sexy cool [under the cut]

sorry if this is like way too much for you; if it is, feel free to watch just one from each era or something!!

cat’s eye

- quick breakdown of this song, it was like their predebut debut; it was the featured song in their predebut webdrama ‘to be continued’, and so the mv was released before they debuted

- mv - show champion live stage (cat’s eye + their other Fantastic Song polaris) (polaris is the origin of eunwoo’s iconic ‘gachi gallae?’)

hide & seek

- okay so now we’re officially at debut; their concept for their first four mini albums was to make one for every season, and hide & seek is the title track of the first one, spring up; also has the Most Iconic astro dance move imo (the lil pyramid thing they do @ the beginning w bin on top)

- performance m/v - showchampion live stage (i’m partial to the green outfits whoops) - dance practice (always watch to the very end of astro dance practices)

breathless

- first comeback!! this mini album is titled summer vibes and features literally one of the most catchy astro songs ever i get it stuck in my head once a week; another Iconic astro dance move is born with eunwoo holding mj and moving him like a lil airplane

- dance practice - inkigayo live stage (the orange outfits were the cutest fight me) - special stage (they’re wearing cute animal hats what more could u want; also, skip to 2:15 for the actual performance)

growl

- this isn’t astro’s song nor is it even all of astro lmao; it’s a rookie special stage of knk, snuper, and astro covering exo’s growl. the astro members that participated are rocky, moonbin, and sanha!!

- link

can’t help myself

- this also isn’t the entirety of astro, just jinjin; it’s actually an eric nam live stage where jinjin was featured for the rap part!! he absolutely kills it, and he’s like bffs w eric now (fun fact: vernon from svt was featured in another performance of this song and did the rap)

- link

fireworks

- this is another song from summer vibes that they were able to do a live stage of and it’s super cute!!!

- link

confession

- boy oh boy autumn story was The Era for so many reasons but mainly bc confession is just such a damn good song (R-O-C-K-Y) and they promoted it really well too!!

- performance @ the 26th seoul music awards (not typical stage outfits for this era: RED AND BLACK SUITS) - mnet presents performance (filmed during baby era!!) - music core stage (red outfits were superior dont even @ me) - relay dance

replay

- astro did special stage cover of shinee’s replay where rocky and jinjin sing (aka the birth of vocalist rocky, the best thing to grace the earth in 2016)

- link

winter dream

- i didn’t put a specific song, i just did the mini album title bc they didn’t really promote normally during this era with a bunch of live stages on music shows of a title track, they have some stages where they sing should’ve held on (also called again), and they also did some stuff with you&me, which is their song to aroha (their fans) saying thank you for everything and its real cute

should’ve held on/again

- dance practice - kcon la performance - kcon mexico performance - kcon japan performance (intro + again) - kstar live power music (again + baby)

you&me

- special ddoca (this isnt a performance its just them being dorky and cute;; basically a self mv of m&y) - astroad to dc (fancam)

don’t look back

- this is their first time on immortal songs 2 (i cant tell you much abt the premise of the show but from what i can tell they have to prepare a medley or cover or special performance of stuff and astro kills it every time)

- link

baby

- the truly ‘refreshing idol’ era with dream part 01 and it’s also the one that made me fall in love with astro; their stage outfits are literally the best thing ever the aesthetically pleasing ergonomic lines and colorblocking makes literally every baby stage my favorite whoops

- performance mv - dance practice - mcountdown stage - 2x faster vers (from when they went on weekly idol) - relay dance

la bamba

- they were in mexico for kcon mexico and these kings of language did a wonderful cover of la bamba 12/10 would recommed

- link

with you

- their second time on immortal songs 2 and they killed it yet again

- link

because it’s you

- they had a couple short stages of it and its one of my favorite songs so

- link (short) - another link (short) - one more link (full; mwave meet&greet)

crazy sexy cool

- their most recent comeback song in dream part 02 (as of march 2018 when i’m writing this) and they finally have completely dropped the super cutesy stuff; this one was a much more mature comeback but they maintained their refreshing imagine somehow being ‘refreshing sexy’ idk what that entails but they did it

- simply kpop (leather jackets lord have mercy) - dance practice - special dance practice (they goof off and they’re six entire dorks that i love so much) - relay dance - music bank (red!!suits!!) - mbc music (arohas are in the background making shapes and words with little white papers or smth its so cute!!)

run

- they also did full and short stages of this upbeat ballad (is that even a thing) from dream part 02 and its real cute; vocalist rocky has returned to murder us all and jinjin gets to sing again (he’s rlly improved since the last time im proud of my sweet rap boy)

- show champion (short) - simply kpop (full) - mwave meet&greet (full)

beautiful lady

- their third time on immortal songs 2 and this is by far my favorite its funny and well done and just some hq astro content

- link

to you

- they went on a show called sugarman 2 (again, idk much abt the premise of the show but they were on the same ep w red velvet which was cute) and im p sure this is a song cover but anyway i love it a lot (and there’s a pro recording of it available on apple music)

- link

christmas songs

- they had a couple christmas special stages this season that were absolutely adorable

- carol medley - must have love

so that was my list of astro live stages that i hope will help you!! i’m sorry if its too much, i kinda went overboard bc i love pretty much each and every performance they do

i went back to look @ the original ask and i realized that u wanted just a few to get a feel of the group but instead i spent 1.5 hrs making an exhaustive list of quality astro live stages my bad my true trashy aroha self is showing again

if there’s other arohas who have some more good live stages to add, feel free to reblog with those links!!

- mel

[lylabnt]

hello hello i’m moose (she/her) comin at u from cst. i’m 20, a piece of shit, and idk what i’m doing with my life !! just tryna have a good time without having to worry abt school but that bitch is coming. anywayyyy this is lyla, i’ll have some info about her under the cut !! i want to plot w everyone so pls.....HMU or LIKE THIS and i’ll come to you !! u can also catch her pinterest board HERE if u wanna check it out !! it’s got some semi-nsfw content as well as a lil blood and knives !!

there are mentions of miscarriage, abortion, alcohol & drug addiction, abuse, sexual assault, violence, drug use, overdose, death, and sex work. it’s a lot i’m so sorry y’all. if i missed something pls let me know !! i’ll also put lil warnings before i mention them just to be safe. 

「 ELLE FANNING 」—  have you heard from 「 LYLA BENNETT 」 lately? the 「 NINETEEN 」 year old has been living in greystone for 「 TWO YEARS 」, and 「 SHE’S 」 known as 「 THE AMARANTH 」. i heard that they identify as 「 BISEXUAL 」 and 「 CISGENDERED 」. if you ask anyone around town, they’d say 「 LYLA 」 reminds them of 「ALL GLITTER EVERYTHING, MENTAL BREAKDOWN HAIRCUTS AT 3AM & HELLO KITTY BAND-AIDS ON SCRAPED KNEES 」. they live in 「 BELLA RIDGE APARTMENTS 」, currently 「 DOESN’T ATTEND SCHOOL 」, and 「 works FULL-TIME 」 at 「 MASQUERADE 」. a fact about them that not many people know is 「 SHE CHANGED HER NAME TO AID IN HER ESCAPE FROM HER FAMILY 」.

okay so!!! my baby lyla is kind of a sad story but man is she a fighteR

she was born elizabeth hopkins in a small town in georgia. lil lizzie always tried her best to be a happy go lucky kid but she the hand she was dealt wasn’t all that great. she grew up on the shitty side of a trailer park with a mother that didn’t want her and quite frankly it was a miracle she was even born, let alone as perfectly healthy as she was

tw: alcoholism & drug addiction & miscarriage & abortion !! her mother was a drug addict & an alcoholic. her daughter definitely wasn’t her first (or her last) pregnancy, but she was the only one that didn’t end in fetal death or termination.

her father was her mother’s drug dealer and was entirely absent, more of a sperm donor than anything else. she likely has a ton of other siblings running around that she doesn’t know about tbh.

anyway. she learned pretty quickly as a kid how to take care of herself and how harsh the world was. she got herself up and got to school on her own, cooked her own meals, washed her own clothes, did everything on her own while her mother went on week long benders and disappeared for days at a time.

tw: abuse & sexual assault & violence !! her mom was also quite abusive and this only got worse as she grew older. it wasn’t rare for any of her mother’s various and seemingly random boyfriends to look her way and obviously she hated it. she didn’t like them flirting with her and saying suggestive things to her. she just wanted to be left alone and kept out of her mother’s life. but skeevy boyfriends and jealous mother’s don’t mix and lizzie’s mom would accuse her of flirting back or trying to steal her man or whatever it was that particular day and she’d go to bed that night with a black eye or a busted lip. she was sixteen when her mother’s current boyfriend took something that didn’t belong to him. it was the first and the last time she let a man lay their hands on her without her consent. the next time he tried, she stabbed him through the hand, went on the run, and never looked back.

she left everything behind except the clothes on her back and what little money she had saved up, went to her best friend’s place, and the two took off in his pickup truck without a word to anyone. she never told him (or anyone else) for that matter what happened, but the two had been planning their escape for years, waiting for the right moment to take the leap.

they both changed their names, leaving their old identities and their pasts behind them. elizabeth hopkins didn’t exist anymore. she was lyla bennett and her companion, elliott o’connell. they traveled until they ran out of gas, taking whatever shitty jobs they could find in whatever city they ended up, staying in motels or sleeping in the truck when they needed cash. they both did things they weren’t proud of and relied on the kindness of strangers to get them by. their nomadic lifestyle was not glamorous. they would go for days without eating, a week without a shower, doing anything they could just to scrape by. 

tw: cocaine use & heroin use & overdose & death !! it wasn’t long before they found themselves in bad company. wolves dressed as sheep bet a club heard their story offered them a place to stay as long as they liked. the offer was eventually accepted and after months on the move they finally had a real bed to sleep in and real food to eat. but soon enough sleeping turned into parties that lasted all night and breakfast turned into a couple of snorted lines or a shot of heroin. a few months later lyla awoke after a party to find her best friend and life companion cold and lifeless next to her, a little too much of a deadly cocktail doing him in

before she even had time to let it sink it, she was out the door with all of the money she could gather, never to be seen or heard from again.

she eventually found herself greystone, a little over a year after she kissed the trailer park goodbye. she stayed in a motel until she could get herself on her feet, picking up odd jobs here and there until she got a job working as a dancer at masquerade at the age of 17 (although every piece of i.d. she owned said otherwise) with the stage name honey.

tw: sex work !! now at 19 years old, she finally has a real place to herself. and her roommate, but at least it’s a place she can finally call home. she’s a sex worker on the side as well, just to bring in extra cash to help her make rent and have food on the table.

okaY i think that’s it for her bg ?? it’s....a lot im sorrY but i will talk a bit abt her personality now bc.....i gotta.

she is v soft-spoken and honestly a lil mysterious ?? like....she’s a quiet girl n rarely speaks unless spoken to basically. and even then she doesn’t talk much

her label is the amaranth which basically means she is someone who isn’t very easily forgotten. she’s got this v magnetic way about her and she can be quite charming when she wants to be

she is soft, don’t get me wrong. she’s sensitive and sometimes she just needs to cry but don’t mistake her kindness and her generosity for weakness. she’s been used and taken advantage of too many times. she’s been thru too much to left people walk all over her now. she’s capable of pretty terrible things if that’s what she has to do to survive. don’t think she won’t snap just because she’s soft. 

she’s quite dreamy. always in her head & never really seems to be paying attention. she’s always somewhere else in her mind where things r quiet and everything is peaceful and perfect.

clumsy af but also graceful ?? she was so luckily given free ballet lessons as a child which she used as an excuse to get away from home so when she’s dancing she’s a graceful bih and she’s rly always wanted to be a ballet dancer but just in real life ?? catch her trippin over herself and scraping her knees on the daily. always has random bruises she cant remember getting

very girly. wears a lot of pink all the time & loves anything sparkly or glittery or fluffy or anything girly and cute basically. 

tw: cocaine addiction !! she also has many addictions. cigarettes & nicotine being one, candy & sweets being another, and cocaine being the last. also disney movies tbh

she never rly got the chance to be a kid so she;s like....kind of catching up on that now while she feels free & safe

idk waht else to say this is trash and i rambled the whole time im sorRY but plot with me pls i luv u all already 

my wanted connections are honestly open ?? idK i’m bad at thinking stuff up so y’all let me know if any ideas jump out at u or let’s brainstorm something dope ok lets d O IT

[deputymcnuggets]

Asks; all ✨ or at least the ones you want to do 💖

WELL AITE HERE WE GO

0: Height180cm

1: Age22

2: Shoe sizeUS male 12

3: Do you smoke?I dooooo

4: Do you drink?Yesssiirr

5: Do you take drugs?I used to experiment a decent amount, these days I only smoke a lil bud and am still interested in psychedelics/a few others but it has been a long time since I done any of em

6: Age you get mistaken forWithout the beard - 19With the beard - A lil older than I am

7: Have tattoos?Nope

8: Want any tattoos?Yep! Having a v hard time deciding what though and committing

9: Got any piercings?Nope

10: Want any piercings?Possiblyyyyy, more interested in tattoos though

11: Best friend?A guy named Lawrence that does not have tumblr

12: Relationship statusSingle

13: Biggest turn onsAnything control related. anger, violence, dom stuff. Alternatively romance and smooshy lovey stuff turns me on too, feeling cared about and safe. All bout them extremes boi it’s one end of the scale or the other.

14: Biggest turn offsAnything that comes outta your body lmao, except spit….and a little blood

15: Favorite movieUP!

16: I’ll love you if…You actually care about me and make me feel safe and comfortable being myself

17: Someone you missCouple of my ex’s. Not in a relationshippy way but just in a “you were a massive massive part of my life and now we have literally 0 contact and I don’t even know how you’re doing” way.

18: Most traumatic experienceEhhhhh either my Dad’s massive breakdown from being bullied at work which triggered bipolar that was like sitting dormant in his brain or whatever, having a knife pulled on me or being sexually assaulted

19: A fact about your personalityI do not know what my real personality is and what is me trying to cope with fear/trauma. I thought I was a massive introvert all my life but now that I’m getting over a lot of my issues, myself and my therapist both think I’m actually pretty extroverted, I just hold back because of anxiety or whatever.

20: What I hate most about myselfProbably the mental illnesses hey, mainly the PTSD, but things have been the best this year that they have been in like 6-8 years, so here’s hoping this answer will change sometime in the future :)

21: What I love most about myselfI like how genuine I am

22: What I want to be when I get olderRich (I really have no idea, probably something related to psychology)

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)Well my sister is autistic and my lil brother is constantly getting in trouble with the law and giving our family shit related to drugs, weapons, graffiti etc. and is very depressed and disrespectful.Sooooo not great but we manage, my sister has been getting a lot better over the past few years actually, so we talk a little now.

24: My relationship with my parent(s)Mum - great, I love her, wouldn’t be here without her.Dad - bipolar, he disappears for years at a time, sometimes see him semi-regularly. The relationship itself is okay, as good as it could be I guess.

25: My idea of a perfect dateCute and quiet. Anything that gives us something to do while we can talk and get to know each other. The beach, museums, cute cafes, walking through parks, camping, sitting around a fire, getting drunk.

26: My biggest pet peevesI hate it when people are not aware how their actions affect others and are not willing to listen and always have to be right. Probably stems from my sister not understanding other people or their emotions and constantly annoying people and making them angry because of it.

27: A description of the girl/boy I likeThere’s a nice girl who’s interested in a lot of similar stuff to me like psychology, she’s lovely and relatively quiet and chill like I am. She just finished uni and started a full time job last week so go her! She’s real pretty too and has a v cute smile

28: A description of the person I dislike the mostPlays a lot of that car soccer game I play. Has long ass hair, gets mistaken for a girl often. Has gender and sexuality issues. Drinks too much. Tries to harm himself often. Has mental issues such as BPD.Did a v bad thing to me. For some reason I am still very protective over him when people speak badly about him.

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friendBecause I couldn’t be fucked leaving my depression hole to come hang out

30: What I hate the most about work/schoolGetting up before 2pm

31: What my last text message saysHeyo I’m busy today sorry but if you have any more free days coming up we should do something, its been a while!

32: What words upset me the mostSingular words do not really upset me unless you’re attacking my insecurities.

33: What words make me feel the best about myselfAnything positive about my personality or physical appearance. Cute, lovely, genuine, understanding, idk.

34: What I find attractive in womenOpenness, being genuine, collar bones/shoulders/necks, specific dress styles, overly affectionate. I also really really unintentionally attract and am attracted to/get along with people with a lot of insecurities and possible trauma. I have been told this is because I’m patient and understanding. Also having been through a lot of shit myself, nothing makes my heart warmer than being able to make someone feel comfortable and putting a smile on their face when they’re usually very reserved and worried and scared. I guess doing for people what I really desperately needed during some of the worst parts of my life is nice.

35: What I find attractive in menAbout the same, also tanned hairy masculine looking motherfuckers with nice forearms :)))))

36: Where I would like to liveThis is a great question. I think there’s a lot of places I’d rather live than Australia, but I won’t be going anywhere for my families sake.America, Nepal, anywhere in Scandinavia, Germany.

37: One of my insecuritiesMy body

38: My childhood career choiceAccountant lmao cos me mums was one

39: My favorite ice cream flavorMANGO!

40: Who I wish I could beCole Sprouse cos he the cutest motherfucker ever

41: Where I want to be right nowIf I could teleport anywhere right now I’d go back to the monastery I went to in Nepal that’s up on a giant hill/mountain and I’d take a fat fuckin blunt with me and smoke it while looking over Kathmandu.

42: The last thing I ateA mango :^)

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediatelyAlexis Ren pre all the surgeries and shit that she had.

44: A random fact about anything

do it! I’m boredSalmon rely on the gravitational pull of the moon to know where they’re going and they can swim from country to country and still know where they are.THAT WAS A LOT OF WRITINGTHANK U KITTEN!