#i had a bit of a backslide in progress at first

[roetrolls]

:))))) hrgh

ok so not to get too venty on here but

i start my final quarter of college tomorrow w/ my senior film due in 2 months, and my neurologist just upped my steroid dosage which might result in new side effects (or maybe already has? the steroids have already been fucking with my vision but it seems a lil worse and now i think im having trouble falling asleep too) AND im gonna have to deal with infusions during this too :')

o(-< so hrghhhhhhh basically the next 10 weeks are about to be really stressful and i just wanna ask that everybody be patient/gentle with me

[lurkingshan]

Love Sea Final Thoughts

I have been trying to wrap my head around my overall feelings about Love Sea, a show that is undeniably flawed but somehow charming anyway, that drops so many threads but does such a good job with a few of its core points that it's hard to be mad. I can't really say that this is a great drama, but I can say that I enjoyed it a lot and I think it's a good watch if you go in understanding some caveats.

Let's start with a few things I really loved about this show:

Mahasamut. A great character, he will be going on my shortlist of Thai bl favorites. He's smart, honest, patient, giving and forgiving but he also knows himself, his limits, and his worth. On top of all that, he actually looks like a normal person, with a healthy body weight and beautiful imperfect skin. So rare in dramas.

Smart class dynamics. I appreciated how much this show grounded Mut and Rak's relationship in their class disparity, how wealth and lack of same was a constant issue between them that was never forgotten, and how its effect on their power dynamic shifted over time as their relationship grew.

Very well-executed sex scenes. The sex in this show is tied to character development and relationship arcs, and every sex scene mattered to the story. We watched the shifting power dynamics between Mut and Rak play out via the sex they had together and by watching their intimacy we learned more about them.

Ridiculous chemistry. The main love story was supported by truly excellent emotional and sexual chemistry. I always believed in the attraction and the feelings between these two, and that helped a lot when the story didn't quite take me where it needed to.

Rak and Vie's friendship. I really loved that we spent time with these two as besties, and that they were genuinely so supportive of each other. Vie was a real MVP in kicking Rak's ass when he needed it.

Meena, the best child ever. What a delightful character who brought a lot of fun and lightness to the story. Her scenes with Mut were a true highlight.

And here are some things that didn't quite work for me:

Uneven focus for the main characters. Once we left the island to go to Bangkok, the entire show was about Rak, his backstory, his issues, his ongoing problems, and his needs, and Mut was kind of subsumed in his story instead of having one of his own. I was glad we got back to Mut's life at the end, but they really should have kept it present throughout so everything didn't feel so one-sided.

Shallow engagement with family trauma. And despite the fact that the story was so much about Rak's issues, the story never actually went deep on them. I still don't really understand a lot about his family dynamics. The show used his dad and cousin as villains and then his mom as an easy out to solve everything at the end, but we never dug into how all these people ended up this way in the first place. It was a real missed opportunity.

Rak's emotional journey. I was on board for much of it, but other parts felt a bit haphazard and all over the place. Sometimes it felt like he was suddenly progressing out of nowhere, and others it felt like he was backsliding just because the plot demanded it. I liked where the story took him a lot but the path to get there was pretty bumpy.

The side couple. WOOF. I have no idea what happened here, but that was a fail on just about every front. Mook was a hard character to love from the start, Vie felt like a completely different person with Mook than in all her other scenes, there was so much lying and manipulation for no good reason, and in the end they were left completely unresolved. If you are on the lookout for great gl pairings, you will not find that here.

So there you have it. This show is absolutely a mixed bag on its execution, so how much you end up liking it will probably depend on how strongly you connect with what it did well and where it dropped the ball. For me, it was a good experience and one I'll remember fondly. I'll definitely be watching the special when it's released and I hope to see this cast again.

[rpepperpotshipssciencebros]

setariP ytlaS

So you may have noticed that I've not posted a Salty Pirate update in a couple days. This is because no real progress has been made - more treading water than anything else - and then yesterday we actually had a bit of backsliding. Our house is being re-roofed for the first time in 30 years, and we had to temporarily bring in some of the Halloween decor (it'll go back out, redressed in Christmas attire, once the roof is done) and it's now cluttering the living room. There's loose dust & dirt on the kitchen floor where it came in through the door seals; we had to put clean sheets on the bed from the dust that came in through the AC vent (we put a spare fitted sheet over the made bed this morning so we don't have to strip it again tonight); dust bunnies have dropped out of the overhead vent & onto the stove; and the noise level is so high that I cannot bear to add to it by running the vacuum. (The dogs are also highly stressed from it all, and the vacuum would make that worse, too. Luckily we've still got some of their sedatives from 4th of July which helps a little with their anxiety.)

So. Putting Salty Pirates on hold for the week, and will resume when the roof replacement is complete.

[nerdieforpedro]

Fare Well

For @wannab-urs Hozier Song Drabble Challenge

Dieter Bravo x plus size female reader (Sweet Pea)

This fic is for those 18+ MDNI

Word Count: about 1.8k (Yeah so…I went past Drabble 👀)

Summary: Dieter has been working so hard. He still has an issue that might be because of his mind. What can he do about it? Do anything else.

Warnings: unhealthy coping, sexual dysfunction, sex work, teasing, pet names, sexual activity (actual and implied I think? I should know. 🙃)

Notes: I listened to this song 5 times in a row because I didn’t really listen to Hozier (now I do). The color this fic is purple or violet, whichever you wanna say it. 💜 I bolded lyrics I was able to put in the fic. 🤗 Thanks to Gin for giving me two Dieter fics to write back to back. ☺️ That little trash panda is always so giving.

Main Masterlist / Dieter Bravo Masterlist / Writing Challenge

Tapping his foot on his hardwood floors, Dieter Bravo is in an all too familiar place. He’s been purposely busy. Keeping occupied except for when he’s completely exhausted has kept him out of trouble, even in the tabloids. People are saying he’s changed for the better. He knows he’s keeping clean, keeping in the straight and narrow.

Bravo has run into a snag on his progress.

The last few paintings had done well in gallery showing, even selling for double than asking price, his last movie was well reviewed. These are both very good things, wonderful. He’s happy, proud even. Bravo is having plenty of sex, mountains of it. In his head. Reality has played out much differently. All this work he’s doing, he hasn’t been able to chase a different high. One he’s used to replace the drugs. It wasn’t that he couldn’t find people to have sex with. He’s been more careful about it, not something he’s been concerned about prior to his new leaf. In doing so, acts he’d normally attempt weight more heavily on his mind and keep little Dee from swelling when needed. Bravo knows the rumor that might be going around but it’s not true! Since his mind is clearer, he actually thinks about who he’s having sex with more and little D isn’t always on board. You know, one of those words his therapist mentioned – cognitive dissonance except it’s happening with his partner in pleasure little D. Big D when he’s feeling in the mood.

He knows he could just go to one of those discreate clubs, seek his needs out there, but he always assumed he wouldn’t need one. The Oscar Winner keeps looking for different projects, in his studio trying out new paints, trying to learn the saxophone (it was a bad idea, but sounded great at three in the morning when he called his assistant and told him what to buy), he then went to a spin class and damn near passed out after fifteen minutes and tried a cooking class but was kicked out for causing an oil fire.

Nothing was working so he called and asked to stop by, check the place out. The owner of course said that was fine – he’s Dieter Bravo, they’d love to have him. Dieter told the owner,

“I’ll take any high. Any glazin’ of the eyes. Any solitary pleasure that masks my sorrow. No drugs though, I’m not willing to backslide over it.”

The owner said they understood and had the perfect person for him.

So now Dieter waits in this room. It’s an array of different purples well violets since this is a more classy place. He wanted to undress to his boxers but was told by the front desk to leave them on. He did remove his shoes, socks and jacket, but otherwise he’s dressed. Simple black slacks and a white button-down shirt that had bellowing sleeves with a deep v-cut exposing his chest down to his sternum. He felt like dressing up a bit but still kept it simple, most of the clientele were in suits and dresses that Dieter saw. Soft guitar music played in the background, he closed his eyes as he waited curious who they might have matched him with based on what he asked for.

Dieter heard the clicking of heels first. Then smelled a deep woodsy fragrance, it approached slowly, matching the pace of the heels. They stopped in front of him and he caught hints of citrus and a flower. Using his aquiline nose to sniff closer to the source, feeling body heat radiating from whoever was in front of him. “It’s faint but you smell like a sweet pea.” He released a deep breath he’d been building from taking in and trying to identify the different components of their scent.

“Welcome Mr. Bravo. I hope my fragrance invokes pleasant memories. I’m told you want to rid yourself of sorrow. Correct?” The voice embraced him as soft fingers coiled around his neck, thumbs pressing into his chin.

“Yes, please. I need to forget, just for a bit. Then I might be able to get my body to function properly. Everything is fine, great even.” He kept his eyes closed and he felt them. Lips on his forehead, warm and plush. They lingered, “Can I touch you, please?” No answer was given as hands left his neck and were placed on each side of a torso. His palms roamed slowly tracing the lace that wrapped the body he had in his hands.

The lips left his forehead and he was tempted to reach for them, but kept his eyes closed, he would wait, trying to keep his breathing even. “Is this alright Mr. Bravo or do you want someone who might-“Dieter wildly shook his head.

“Don’t you go anywhere Sweet Pea. Stay right here with me. Just like this. Maybe more. Can I look at you?” He pulled the body toward him, sniffing more. “Call me Dieter. Mr. Bravo is the one having issues with his little D.” He made himself chuckle knowing what a stupid joke it was. Fingertips graced his cheek and tipped his chin upward.

“Look at me Dieter. How do you want me to drown your sorrows tonight? I usually go by Violet due to the room, but I like Sweet Pea when you say it. It makes me sound cute.” The giggle from this celestial being has Dieter wondering if she’ll still giggle if he’s buried between her legs. He wouldn’t need to come up for air, just search for what would be his reward: her moans and his tongue squeezed by her pelvic muscles. His palms ran around to her back, feeling the different rolls of her body.

“I want to see if I’m going to go into a coma from drowning in your nectar Sweet Pea. Can I be your first casualty? If I was going to go, I’d want to be surrounded by thick thighs and a woman’s cries I offer her.” Slipping her left heel off, Sweet Pea places her leg on the bed beside Dieter’s right leg. His hand slowly makes its way across the curve of her wide ass to her thigh, his large fingers dipping into the small holes of the fishnets, tugging on them. “Let me show you gorgeous.”

Smiling, Sweet Pea gives his lips a quick peck before bending to reach between his legs, “Seems just the thought is enough Dieter. Why come to me? I’m sure you’ve got many offers, especially if you’re asking like that.” She lowers her leg and stands back up, turning her back to him but looking over her shoulder to meet his eyes. The glint in them makes her lick her lips, she could ask him to do it, just to see if he will. Given how desperate he is, he might. He won’t say it, but his body betrays him, he said that ‘little D’ was having trouble but that didn’t seem to be the case at all from what she felt. Maybe it’s the scents, the atmosphere and that what happens here will remain here until he comes back. She crosses the room and drops her black thong, stepping out of it and her other heel, sitting on a violet velvet loveseat with her legs open wide. “This is what you want right Dieter?” Her elbows are on her knees with one hand beckoning him. “Come to me, but undress and crawl.”

Bravo doesn’t want control right now, nor does he want to think. He just wants to act, to perform. In this moment, he isn’t thinking about how lonely he is or how his career could crumble on some whim of culture or random video. There’s only this purple room he can melt into as he removes his clothes, making himself bare to Sweet Pea. Dieter’s actually hard, dripping onto her carpet as he lowers himself onto the floor on all fours. His knees are burning as he makes his way across the padded carpet. It’s worth his goal though, into her tender folds. “You like to see a man work, huh Sweet Pea? That’s more than fine.” Halfway there, his bobbing swollen cock made a mess of the carpet and his belly. Upon reaching her, he placed his hands on her knees and looked up to her, balancing himself on his knees so little D was at full attention. He wanted to show her what she’d been able to bring out of him so far. Something changed though, he was smiling but Violet recognized it. She used her fingers to rub circles into his biceps and shoulders before tracing the pronounced vein on his neck.

“You adorable man. This isn’t what you want. At least not now. You can’t seem to decide between the two Dieter.” Fingers run through his hair, and he knows she’s right but couldn’t she had said so after he’d had his fill, hear her cries?

“You’re not wrong, but I still need this. Need you.” He dipped his head to nibble on her thigh and she hummed but pushed his head back. In standing, she also helped him to his feet and brought him back to the bed, removing her lace corset and climbed on the bed.

“From behind, I’m not going to have your tears dripping where I can watch while you fuck me.” Now Sweet Pea was on all fours and Dieter’s sorrow returned. It was inescapable, but he wanted to see her face. He could block it off, just for a short while he tried to get the sunshine.

“No, I need to see how your face changes as you take me.” Crawling across the bed behind her, he pulled her back flush to his chest and turned her chin over her shoulder, capturing her lips. Slipping his tongue in, the warmth felt good. He hadn’t had it in months, he didn’t know why now, in this place with her, but he’d accept it. All of it. “Pleasure to mask my sorrow is why I’m here, Sweet Pea. Have me bask in the sun.”

Their kiss broke as Sweet Pea turned to put her arms around his shoulders, kissing his forehead once again as Dieter laid back on the bed, she fell forward as he took her hair out of the high ponytail it had been in. Her hair fell around her face, her wet folds grazed his shaft and he moaned. “I’ll be your dawn until the light shines on you Dieter.”

Coming unbound, feeling elated and devastated when he had to leave, Dieter had been able to bury his sorrow in pleasure for a time. Another appointment was made for later in the week. To quote Bravo, “I’ll deny me none while I’m allowed because I wouldn’t fare well.”

Bad ideas that Dieter could use: @katw474 @readingiskeepingmegoing @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @megamindsecretlair @pamasaur @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @sp00kymulderr @mysterious-moonstruck-musings @titlee78 @tinytinymenace @magpiepillsjunior @soft-girl-musings @morallyinept @rhoorl @survivingandenduring @missladym1981 @yorksgirl @heareball @laurfilijames @maggiemayhemnj

[ladyluscinia]

We're just gonna start numbering these so I can a little bit keep track of them:

2x08 Reaction #1

Ok, they wanted to force end on a "good" note for BlackBonnet in case there is no S3. They kinda fucked it, but that was the goal.

So... why did they do any of that with the Kraken arc at all?

Like my biggest takeaway from the BlackBonnet arc for this season is that they didn't really develop forward. It started with a HUGE backslide for Edward, he sorta got back to the shaky S1 baseline but with way more baggage, then they backslid both of them again... and then the season finale is running across a beach to each other (rose-tinted fantasy style), kissing a few times, "I love you" -> "I know", and then retiring to turn a shack into an inn together.

There's nothing there in terms of, like, growth and progress on their respective issues. No time for it.

...why not?

It's not like S1 actually locked in what Kraken arc needed to be. I was genuinely shocked they went so hard on it for 3 whole episodes - pleasantly shocked, because I thought it was going somewhere interesting, but like. I did not think they would backslide that hard because they didn't have that many episodes and our guys already had a lot of issues to work through.

Like if you wanted a quasi-happy ending just in case maybe Edward didn't need to dig into the absolute darkest recesses of his soul and be haunted by the spectre of his suicidal intent that makes him self-sabotage his relationships for over 3/4 of the season. Maybe that was a bit too big of a lurch backwards to then correct for and sell us on enough growth that his relationship feels at all stable?

Making the season about backsliding and failing to talk about their traumas with each other was a choice, and it doesn't work very well with a happy ending beat here (vs S1 about first attempt at relationship + S2 about backsliding and lessons learned + S3 about genuine growth).

Just... why would you even try happy innkeeper ending and suicidal Kraken era in the same season??? You only had like 4 hours of screen time. And way more than two characters.

You didn't need to go that hard on Edward's whole thing if you didn't have the time to stick the landing. Or even stumble the landing but still get points for trying.

Like now that landing needs medical attention.

[thryth-gaming]

Same Breed, Different Hunters: Vampires

So, in Monster of the Week, playbooks all provide a lot of versatility in how they can be put together or interpreted. In this case, however, we're going to zoom in on something more specific: the Monster's Breed.

This one is less about the mechanics of the game and more about considering the vast number of specific entities that we lump into certain famous categories we've convinced ourselves are far more narrow than they really are. Part of this is due to a decision to take folklore from various cultures and lump it together into whatever category due to certain superficial commonalities.

For example, European dragons are very different creatures both in terms of metaphysics and role in the cosmology from Asian dragons. For that matter, Norse and Greek dragons are very different, as are Japanese and Chinese dragons. About the only thing these beings have in common are they have a vaguely reptilian appearance... which often takes a bit of mental gymnastics to get even there.

However, for this case, we're going to talk vampires. And we're going to talk pop culture vampires, because I'm not going to trust my approximate knowledge of many things on actual folklore that I'm ripping off from the top of my head.

I'm going to hit the Curse, Natural Attack, and Moves rather than a full build.

Violet O'Neill - Feeding as Need

Violet O'Neill never appeared in a game in a condition where she was actually depicted as a full on undead creature. When she was first introduced she was paraded as a case where the science team had "cured" someone of undeath, much to her perpetual discomfort. It turned out later that, no, they hadn't cured her. They'd just stabilized her and made attempting any other cures a bit more dangerous. Which resulted in her just persisting as a stable-undead woman.

Here would be the characteristics of an alt-timeline Violet:

She needs to feed on life-energy through breath. If she doesn't she grows progressively more corpse-like and feral.

Her vision would start to fade and be replaced by an ability to detect life-force or breath.

So, for her, this would be her build:

Natural Attack: Breath Stealing (1-Harm Intimate Life Drain Ignore Armor)

Curse: Feed (Breath)

Moves: Supernatural Sense (Breath), Something Borrowed: Connect the Dots

So, she would need to constantly satisfy this need in order to keep as human as possible. Every time she backslides or fails to satisfy her hunger, she would lose a bit more of her past self. And as her Luck is spent, her need would get more and more demanding.

EDIT: I originally had her borrow Invincible. Instead, I had her borrow Connect the Dots to represent her skill as a data analyst.

Patricia Althius - Blood as Addiction

Patricia Althius is a character I played in a game of City of Mist and her vampirism came as a result of falling into a cursed tomb while she was deployed to The War (when we play CoM we always use vague labels of places and keep it ambiguous if this is a real physical world or some sort of dream space) and attracting attention from the Mythos of Lamashtu (a pop culture version).

Here were some of her characteristics as a vampire:

She did not need to drink blood to survive, but it made her stronger and it felt good.

She was being molded by the mythos according to the cultural of aristocratic beauty perfection Patricia grew up with.

So, for her, this would be her build:

Natural Attack: Claws (2-Harm Hand), Bite (3-Harm Intimate)

Curse: Pure Drive (Lust)

Moves: Unholy Strength, Unquenchable Vitality

In this case, the "Lust" is not sexual, but rather an overall drive to feel that enhanced sensation she experiences whenever she's drunk blood. For her, she has to manage her willingness to give in to the thirst and remind herself that it is not something she needs. And over time, her addiction would be increasingly difficult to resist. Also note that she doesn't have the Life-Drain attack. Instead her healing method comes from one of her moves.

Eloise Weaver - Master and Stalker

Eloise is a Lasombra vampire that I have not yet gotten to play and represents a twist on the normal Dark Master situation as well. Someone had hired a vampire as an assassin and the vampire had set up an escape room as a deathtrap. Eloise was one of the unfortunates that had "won" a ticket to the escape room to give it some sort of legitimacy. She managed to not only survive but escaped and caused the vampire to obsess over her, stalking her for some time before finally catching up to and turning her. And then, it turns out that he is unable to bend her mind to his will, so she escapes again and this just deepens her sire's obsession.

Looking at her traits:

Her basic traits as a vampire don't stand out much. The strongest element is the pursuit by her sire.

While her sire has no ability to command her through supernatural influence, he will continue to harass her, hoping to "convince" her to his side.

So for her build I'd go with the following:

Natural Attack: Bite (1-Harm Intimate Life Drain), Shadow Constrict (1-Harm Magic Close)

Curse: Dark Master

Moves: Something Borrowed: Predator and Prey (Host), Shadowsight

In this case, the Dark Master's influence would get more and more intrusive as time went on and any mystery might be complicated by the involvement of one of her sire's traps or trials. Some misguided attempt to make her stronger and hone her perspective to match his. If the team manages to kill him, well, maybe word will get back to his masters.

Important here, is that the other traits of a vampire aren't gone. They just don't have near the same narrative heft. She still has to drink blood, but she clearly has that mostly under control. Getting in a situation where she is tempted to drink someone's blood is not off the table, especially when it'll help her heal, but it's not as close to the surface as the problem with her obsessed sire.

Helen - Burned by the Sun

This is referencing Kikoskia's current VtM: Bloodlines run as a Toreador by the name of "Helen." Not for any particularly reason aside from the fact that I generally don't make vampires with this Curse because it is a bit on the awkward side to use. I can see Monster of the Week making it work, but in mixed company it does often make it difficult to cooperate with the other hunters.

For the vampire characteristics here I'm going with the following:

The sunlight burns her and weakens her.

I'm going to lean into the Toreador thing and how often Kiko relies on Celerity.

So I will build her like this:

Natural Attack: Bite (2-Harm Intimate Life Drain)

Curse: Vulnerability: Sunlight

Moves: Preternatural Speed, Unnatural Appeal

The first two versions of a vampire I wrote had traits that made them a direct danger to those around them. Both Violet and Patricia could be driven to harm people that in their right mind they wouldn't want to endanger. With Eloise, she is an indirect danger to those around her based on the fact that she is a target and everyone around her is basically in the blast radius. In Helen's case, the danger is entirely focused on her, though it will limit how well she can protect other people.

And as her Luck dwindles, then it will take less and less sunlight to affect her. Maybe initially she'll be fine if the sky is overcast, but after spending a luck, that isn't enough to prevent her from taking a -1 ongoing. And finally as her Luck gets very low, she can't go outside during the day and unless she's in a magically prepared sanctuary, doing anything during daylight will be at -1.

Bathori - A Blight on the World

This build is reference to a facet of true undead from my Divine Blood setting and one such individual. But we're going to deviate from that concept in the following ways. She will not have nearly as high a requirement for active feeding and she won't have an option to just stop doing it and letting herself die. Perhaps in this case, I'm going to assume at one point she was possessed by an undead spirit that performed that starts of the ritual that would have bound it to her body but she somehow fought it off, and now has to deal with the permanent effects of the bits of the ritual the undead spirit completed before being forced out. And that will come to these traits:

Bathori saps the life-force of the land and life in her general area.

Her soul is basically stapled to her body and because it wasn't her will, she doesn't know how to undo it.

And I'll do the following build.

Natural Attack: Bite (1-Harm Intimate Life Drain Infection), Unarmed (0-Harm Hand Poison)

Curse: Inimical

Moves: Immortal, Toxic

So, in this case, she will progressively kill the land she walks on, encouraging her to lair in places that are already dead and can't be hurt by further. Occasionally, her aura of blight and draining will flare to risk causing harm to the people in the area around her and they might now even be directly aware of that. In addition, as she runs out of Luck, the region of her blight will get wider and wider. And the blight will get hungrier, being more likely to siphon the people she's trying to protect.

I also took "Infection" in reference to how people who survive a feeding by an undead might be warped such that they become "dhampir". Usually they'd die shortly after, but some will manage to survive the condition and become their own sort of immortal. Within the Divine Blood setting, Wilhemina Harker is a dhampir who manages to survive the effort to adapt to the twisting. (not that she's even been mentioned in any fiction yet).

Infection is an extra benefit though, so normally, the hunter could maybe deliberately twist a person's soul as she feeds on them in order to possibly kill them even if they escape. Or maybe she can use it carefully as part of a big magic ritual to give another hunter a permanent power. But as her Luck drops, then I'd tie that infection more and more into an expression of her Inimical trait. Meaning she might accidentally create more dhampir as she travels. And while dhampir that adapt are mostly stable people rather than Monstrous with a curse to struggle with, most of the infected will just die.

Summary

All of the characters above fit the concept of a vampire, and they are all even from a variety of pop-culture things ranging from anime jiangshi to VtM characters, but they all express the concept in very different ways. I do reuse the Life Drain option of magical attack a lot, but I ignored it for one build and gave it different flavors in the others. I was also tempted to give every version of the vampire Immortal and certainly the idea of them being ageless would be a narrative thing, but it would be a more fragile sort of immortality unless they take up that move later.

[riley-coyotl]

Third Monthly Puppy Report Card for Kelpie!

Posting about a week late, but... Kelpie’s progress from 4 – 5months. Be prepared for these to contain Too Many Notes because that's just how I am. Categories subject to be added to or change as she matures and things become more or less relevant.

Food (drive, appetite, sensitivity): 🟢/🟡 - Pretty good, about the same as last month on all accounts. Still having intermittent soft stools though; sometimes I think this is getting better, other times I am not sure.

Toys: 🟢 - She has great toy drive, and is having fun playing fetch with us a lot lately. And we’ve lost a lot of teeth this month playing tug, lol

Sleeping: 🟢 - She is still doing well in this department and still improving. Settles nicely pretty much right away for bedtime or naps in her crate. Sleeping overnight, she’ll go about 6-8 hours before she wakes up needing to go out. Sleeping “overnight” during the morning/daytime hours, she’s now usually doing about 4-6 hours before wanting out. Occasionally these times are shorter, but I’d say she’s doing pretty good. As for sleeping during our wake cycle hours, she’s finally started (sometimes) napping on her own in the evenings while completely free in the house with the other dogs! Really proud of her for that.

Crating/separation: 🟢/🟡 - She does great in her crate in our bedroom, will nap or chill while we’re gone. At this point I can leave her home for 5 hours or so with no issues. She gets a frozen stuffed snack or a chew when we leave, and she’s happy to eat it and go to sleep. That said, she was still having issues with FOMO if she was confined to her pen in the family room and unable to join us or the other dogs while we’re hanging out/doing stuff, unless actively occupied with a chew or frozen treat, or someone otherwise being engaged with her. And a couple weeks ago, we lost pretty much all use of the pen as a management tool for now because she started peeling up the seam in the rubber flooring we have under the pen, and there’s not really another good place in the house to put the pen right now, so...yeah. There’s been a lot more puppy wrangling going on the past couple weeks. Need to set something up and do specific training re:FOMO some more and see how she’s doing with that.

Potty training: 🟢/🟡 - She was doing SUPER great for the first half of the month with absolutely NO accidents, totally trustworthy in any part of the house, pretty good about letting us know when she needed to go out… Then, over the past couple weeks she has had quite a handful of accidents. Most of these I am sure were entirely our fault for missing her telling us she needed to go, and perhaps just a matter of us getting complacent because of how well she’d been doing? Either way, we’ve had a bit of a backslide in her house-training and so we need to be more vigilant.

General training: 🟢 - Overall fine, but admittedly I haven’t done as much with her this month as I’d like, this month has been pretty chaotic and I’ve just been struggling in general, so I don’t have a ton to talk about here. She’s gotten better at the cues she knows, started learning a few new tricks, and we can communicate with each other quite well in general. Sometimes I get discouraged about our progress, but that’s on me, not on her.

Recall/Off-leash skills: 🟢/🟡 - Great for the most part, but she started occasionally taking her sweet time recalling to the puppy call if she was really into something she’s doing, so we just need to be aware of that and do more practice with heavily reinforced recalls. I just recently started introducing a formal recall cue for her and that’s going well so far.

Leash walking: 🟢/🟡 - Doing fine for her age but definitely needs work. She pulls when excited, if she’s on an interesting smell, or trying to get to the “right” spot to go to the bathroom.

Biting: 🟢/🟡 - Despite her heavily teething this month, she’s still mostly doing better about biting people! Mostly. (My arms are still bruised.)

Manners: 🟢/🟡 - Doing alright here by my standards; she’s jumping up on people less often, she sits nicely to wait for her food right next to Maple and Juni and doesn’t try to steal their food unless they walk away and leave it in their bowl (Juni.) I think I can say she is not attempting counter surfing quite as much, and is more often offering nice alternative behaviors instead; I have managed to prevent her from being successful at getting things off the counters when she does attempt, but she’s still very very curious and gets tempted to check. However, she’s been losing all her puppy teeth and growing in her new big teefers, and teething has turned her into even more of a little demon with Mischief Mode turned up to max; teething pain has encouraged her to Fuck With Everything more, and it seems to be causing her to have a more difficult time regulating her crazy puppy energy and focus, overstimulated. I cannot blame her too much for this, she’s trying her best, we’re just all working through it. Also of note, when she does jump on people, sometimes if she’s excited she humps legs...really hoping she grows out of that one soon -_-

Grooming: 🟢 - She is still doing great for grooming and handling, has had a couple real baths (she gets so filthy playing in the yard with Juni!) and did great for those.

Car rides: 🟢 - She still rides great in the car! Excited to go for rides and look out the window, and then settles and sleeps in my lap. She is technically too big for this but...I just wanna hold her.

Outings/socialization: 🟢/🟡 - Good, she is mostly confident and very curious about everything, but I haven’t gotten out with her much over this past month, and so sometimes I’ve seen her be overwhelmed/overstimulated by an exciting environment; I also noticed a couple of things mildly startle/spook her (e.g. an automatic door) but she recovers instantly when she does get startled so I am not too worried about that right now. Once, we did see a brief return of a little nervousness about hearing dogs barking from behind fences while out walking, so I want to keep an eye on that in particular and make an effort to counter-condition to make sure it doesn’t become an issue for her. Overall I think she’s doing well, but I do think she needs more practice with outings and exposure to the world at large either way.

Dogs: 🟢/🟡 - Still loves other dogs and playing with them, and is thankfully maybe getting a little less obsessed with wrestling them every chance she gets! (though, she still freaking loves it.) About a week ago, for the first time ever, she actually chose on her own to settle and nap on the couch while all three dogs were out free in the house together! So proud of her for that! That said, she still gets too rough and obnoxious with the other dogs sometimes, over-zealous with wanting to play and wrestle even if they’re not interested, and she’s not doing too much better in listening to their lower-level corrections asking her to heck off, so I still have to supervise and intervene a fair amount. Maple and Juni are both being very nice to the puppy about this, but are starting to show a little less patience with her being obnoxiously over-the-top; probably a good thing as Kelpie is getting physically too big for that kind of puppy behavior to be acceptable. She’s able to very easily knock poor Maple over now, and she doesn’t quite understand that Maple’s not playing when she responds with more gentle communication of “hey I didn’t like that” so when she gets so amped up that she’s tackling Maple like that, I intervene so poor Maple doesn’t get trapped being bowled over or have to escalate.

Humans: 🟢 - Friendly but not over the top, usually mostly ignores people in public unless they engage with her, then she is happy to greet and make friends.

Cats: 🟡 - Over the past month she has decided chasing the cats is fun, and she still barks at them trying to get them to play with her. She can usually coexist with them fine but if she’s hyped up (see above re:teething) her brain can fall out of her skull. I’m nipping the cat chasing habit in the bud as quickly as possible, she is getting big and I don’t want anyone getting hurt.

Small animals: 🟢 - Interested but not obsessive, no complaints. She likes to chase and snap at bugs. It’s cute. A couple of times there’s been a rabbit in our yard when I took her out, and she didn’t even notice it.

Bonding/affection: 🟢/🟡 - Realistically maybe I should rate this as green, but sometimes I feel it’s at yellow, so I’m compromising and putting both. We communicate well with each other, our working relationship is still improving/developing, etc. She has been actively bringing toys to me a lot these days to solicit play which is very very cute. And she’s a sweetie; she always greets me with a hug every time I come home or wake up. But...I feel like chill snuggles with her have been hard to come by; she’s got so much crazed puppy energy…and even when she’s tired, she doesn’t always want to let me hold her or cuddle her which makes me sad. I think maybe she’s been a bit sensitive with her mouth being sore from teething.

Overall grade 🟢, Kelpie is still very Puppy, but I’m starting to see glimpses of who she will be as an adult more and more often, and I think she’s going to be a very good girl. I love her and she’s a good puppy who brings a lot of joy and laughter despite at times being exhausting!

[purplerakath]

Cobra Kai S4 - How it all Came Undone

Alright, so I was thinking about holding off on this until S6 was done done, but I think that I have enough to really... say the thing. With the caveat the final five episodes could be a mathematical outlier and fix everything wrong with S4-6.

But I have my doubts.

So this is about how the show changed from Season 3 to Season 4 and how that change snowballed out of control and unmade what worked about the series, but didn't replace it with anything better.

Spoilers for... a bunch of the show.

How Johnny got his Groove Back

So Season 1-3 has a very tight narrative focus on it. It's about Johnny. Our loser protagonist, trying to be better, is Johnny. Every character with a focus is either directly connected to Johnny, or connected to Miguel (Johnny's star pupil).

Daniel is his former nemesis.

Kreese is his former teacher.

The only exception in these first three seasons is Daniel's little trip to Okinawa having the characters from the second movie. They have nothing to do with Johnny, but in Season 3 they were a brief stop to show Daniel he did not know everything.

This story was still about Johnny. And his slow, often backslid, progress to make himself better. He learned from his mistakes (slowly), and when he hit a setback... he got drunk and banned from a nearby applebees.

Johnny is a hot mess, and bad at things.

But he was working, more or less, forward. The only one of his lingering plots to not really work forward was Robby. The writers either were saving it for later, or just had no idea how to fix it so they... didn't. He got close in Season 2, but that finale happened to derail everything.

But, it's fine, Season 4 will push the narratives forward. Right?

Enter the Best/Worst part of the Show

I need to be clear on this: I love Terry Silver.

He's an amazing antagonist, Thomas Ian Griffith is having the time of his life. He steals basically every scene he's on camera for. This absolute cartoon of a man is great.

What does he have to do with Johnny Lawrence? Yes, Terry is Daniel's personal Lucifer. He's a part of the franchise. But what does he have to do with Johnny? So far, until this season, the narrative was very squarely on moving Johnny forward as a character. Ignoring forward momentum for Daniel (which is fine, he's not the main character) to try to push just a little bit more energy into Johnny as a believable flawed protagonist.

And now our main power on the villain side doesn't give a fuck about Johnny and wants to play Hannibal Lecter with Daniel. This pivoted the focus on the narrative. Away from what directly impacted Johnny, to a more nebulous 'the fate of Karate in the valley.' Which is where are problems start.

How this Falls Apart

The focused Johnny-ness of Seasons 1-3 meant that the climax of each season (even if about other people) fed into Johnny's narrative, being either a push forward, or a kick down the stairs. But Johnny's plot beat was tied to the finale cleanly, and that bond went both ways, it fed into Johnny's continued narrative.

The problem is it meant they didn't establish a narrative through line for Daniel. He kind of existed to be a problem (S1-2) and a begrudging ally (S3). So when Season 4 put a villain that really called for focus on Daniel, they hadn't set-up a groundwork for how that narrative would shape or grow Daniel into something new.

More on that later.

And with the new focus on Daniel, the lingering Johnny plot threads just- didn't get resolved effectively. Robby and Johnny was resolved in the most lackluster way at the start of Season 5, because they didn't establish much of anything for it in Season 4, and had to put too much time into the 'fate of the Valley.'

But Daniel didn't have a momentum, so he's just- fighting the good fight without it impacting him other than annoying his wife. So the pair of them just kinda- cycle through their usual 'good notes' without it being a good tune. Johnny gets the good moments of character growth (undermind by keeping his behavior more or less the same), Daniel continues to be ungiving and mule-headedly set in his ways (without any introspection at all).

Daniel during the first three seasons is, generally, an antagonist. He doesn't have to grow and learn lessons, he is not the hero of the story. But once he becomes the defacto protagonist because of Terry, he kind of needs to evaluate his life choices a bit more and not just- repeat the same mistakes over and over without thinking it through.

Are the Kids Alright?

The teenager plots do a little better, sorta. For the sake of sanity the 'important' ones are Miguel, Sam, Robby, Tory, Hawk, and Kenny. And of them I'd only give Miguel, Sam, Tory, and Kenny the label of 'primary protagonist.' (Miguel in S1-2, Sam in S3-4, Tory in S5-6, and Kenny in S4-5.)

The issue is that most of the kid narratives resolve rather nicely and then... you have to keep the character around but also give them nothing to do? Which is a lot of the issues here. Except Robby who I will pay special attention to (also the worst resolution of their problems of the bunch).

Robby doesn't have a coherent narrative push, he ends up on whatever side lets him fight the people he needs to fight. Does it make sense for him to join Cobra Kai in S3? No but we need him in the story, and the alternative is Kyler. And Kyler sucks. Did we give a compelling reason for him to build a relationship with his dad? No, but we needed to spend plot time on Terry's McKarate School Master Plan.

Often the plot we get is good, but it always seems to be at the expense of Robby getting anything.

Can this be Fixed?

Not really. Nothing the final five eps of S6 can do will change how poorly focused 4-5 were. Going back in time we can try to keep the focus on Johnny. Chozen and Mike are good reminders, for Daniel, in spite of everything wrong with Johnny. Johnny never tried to kill him. That if Daniel can move past things with them, it should be easier with Johnny.

Or in the other direction, you can loop early season Daniel into current Daniel's plot. Bringing in Terry, the actual reason Daniel has PTSD over Cobra Kai, might give him the tools to understand why he reacted so badly to Johnny reopening the Dojo. So he can account for his behavior and try to find a way out of this cycle. If Daniel is the season focus (S4), you can actually give Johnny a plotline where he makes amends with Robby (provided Robby isn't- you know, drinking the Kreese and Silver kool-aid).

You could also not- repeatedly have Daniel and Johnny break-up over and over only to immediately remind them that Terry and Kreese are around. You could have Johnny's behavior obviously shift across the six seasons. You can have Daniel take responsibility for anything he's been wrong about over the six seasons. There's a lot of could have here.

I'm not saying the first three seasons were perfect- but they all were walking in the same direction, no matter how slowly they were going.

[lakesbian]

Hey there you’ve broadened my understanding of alec greatly through your posts. I kind of skimmed over his stuff previously cause he didn’t seem like a deep character but he is!

Anyways, I’m going to ask a question to wash down the praise. I’d like to see if I can get any more alec stuff out of you by telling you what I used to think (I say I, maybe this take has come up before, but I haven’t seen).

Basically I used to think that alec really was emotionless, unless he was controlling other people. But he only knew what negative emotion was like because the people he controlled weren’t exactly willing participants until Aisha. Through controlling hwr consensually he experienced positive feelings and this is want inspired his “passing taylor on the opposite track of the morality rail” and his eventual sacrifice for Aisha. Thoughts?

he's a shallow puddle but he's My favorite shallow puddle and there are actually 5 inches of water in the puddle when most people only think there is 1 inch.

anyway yeah that's basically not correct, alec's power is about (among other things) intense dissociation/literally only being able to feel emotions from a distance. presuming him to be 'emotionless' (<- this is kind of a vague term that seems like it comes with loaded connotations) is simply not correct because his entire thing is that he's had to cope/psychologically protect himself from his trauma by completely shutting down his ability to notice/'feel' or interpret his own emotions. all that hurt he felt as a smaller kid got packed into a box and chained up and tossed into the basement of his mind, because he just literally could not process it without completely crashing and becoming unable to keep himself alive. and he's still not in a safe place to start unpacking any of it, so he still remains almost completely oblivious to when he's, e.g., upset or nervous.

the other thing about his power is that it's got the irony of meaning that he can force people to protect him or act like they care about him, but he can never make them actually care about him. it speaks 2 the deep deep loneliness he felt as a kid and the way he was coerced into a cycle of abuse centered in large part around the notion that he would never receive love or physical affection or emotional intimacy or respect or anything unless he violently took it. so he can Pretend people want to be with him using his power, but he knows it's an act, and he can feel their palpable hatred the entire time. (<- the way his power enables incredibly deep and intimate understanding of other ppls emotions is also deeply indicative of what he's desperate for.)

with aisha, using his power consensually, it's letting him understand the first friend he's ever had in the closest way possible. he's actively Feeling that she cares about him & trusts him & wants to be close to him, and gaining a mental map for powerful emotions that have been rare in his life until then. it's not the first time he's ever Had Any Positive Feelings but it Is the first time he's ever had a connection like this. and it Is something he's been desperate for since he was very small and little. a lot of his worst behavior is driven by anger and hurt over being lonely & traumatized that he has no understanding of how to parse or vent appropriately, so i do think having a second person to bounce off of helps him sort himself out in a way that lowers the chances of him having another joker moment. so you could say his friendship w aisha contributes a bit to his improved moral compass. but we also do see that he's overall making slow upwards progress either way, and his joker moment is more of a backslide due to varying factors than his Usual.

the part where it's literally the only positive close connection he's ever had in his entire ass fucking life is why he kills himself for her though yeah. he has very little to live for other than Little Treats and the vague idea of being better than/getting revenge on his father prior 2 meeting aisha, and he ultimately realizes that her friendship is so meaningful to him that his life would just feel worthless without her in it, and he would rather die for the chance that the best person he's ever met will get to keep going. it's sad as hell. guy who gets one (1) friendship in his entire life and just genuinely does not have much of anything to live for outside of it. my alec essays tag isnt perfectly up to date but it gets into the explanations for a lot of this if you havent read it all already

[chattahoochiecoochie]

Boyfriends!

Summary: The plotting had to start somewhere, right? 

Word Count:  1.2K

A/N: I got asks all through writing this so now I don’t even know what I think, but here you go. 

“How’s that quad doing, Joe?” She’s standing behind the leg press, looking down at where he’s splayed out. It’s fine, back to being comfortable the way it always is after she takes care of him—not that he’ll mention it.

“Manageable.” He winces as he pushes the press back into place, putting a hand over the quad in question, for added effect.

“Manageable? We’re on his third set.” Sam scoffs from where he’s standing, smirking at the trainer.

Joe narrows his eyes at Sam, setting his mouth in a hard line as he tries to get the message across without telling the other man to shut up, out right. Don’t fuck this up for me. The longer he draws out the issue with his quad, the more time he gets with her. In her exam room, chatting on the sidelines during scrimmages. More time with her hands on him, pretty little eyes looking at his.

He’s not doing a great job so far, he knows that. She’s probably only nice because she has to be, because she’s being polite. But she smiles at him when he sees her in the facility halls and checks in on him randomly, like she’s doing now. And that's something. It’s something.

“Really? That’s fantastic.” She’s got her hands on her hips now, standing over him with a wide smile on her face, eyes bright.

“Big mans pushing five fifty thanks to you.”

“You said this is the third set?”

“Was.” Says Joe, sighing. Five fifty is more than manageable weight, and she’s not an idiot. He’ll have to sprain an ankle before he has another excuse to take up her time. Fuck.

“Why don’t you swing by at the end of the day and we’ll do a workup.” She puts a hand on his shoulder, patting him gently. “Just to mark your progress. Make sure this is sustainable.”

The suggestion makes him do a double take. She’s smiling at him, hand lingering. Joe feels his heart skip a beat under her touch. Just to mark his progress. He’ll take what he can get.

“Yeah, uh yeah. I can do that.” He tilts his chin back to get a better look at her. “I’m supposed to watch some tape after this but I could come by after? If you don’t think you’ll be busy?”

Desperate. He sounds desperate. Fuck. He is, definitely—for anything she’ll give him—but that's no reason to make it so obvious.

“I’ll be around.” Her hand falls from his shoulder. “Don’t hurt anything else before then, okay?”

Joe nods at her, waving as she starts to walk away. When he finally brings his focus back to his workout, Sam is struggling to contain a smirk, fidgeting behind the machine as he watches Joe reengage the press.

“Someone’s got a crush on little miss trainer.”

“I do not.” Joe reps the machine, fighting through the weight to snap back at Sam.

“Do too.” His tone is flippant before making a dramatic drop. Feigning concern, Sam lets his face fall, looking hurt. “What’s she got that I don’t have?”

Joe feels himself falter, wind rushing out of him as he barely manages to catch the press on its backslide.

“What we have isn’t enough?” Sam presses the bit, sounding jealous.

They don’t have anything—technically. Yes, they do everything together, including but not limited to carpooling to work and spending meals together. Joe can’t really cook and Sam follows a similar diet, and knows his way around the kitchen. Well, a grill at least. And a takeout menu. And yes, they stay up late playing Madden and watching movies, and Sam’s got a spare key to his place—Joe’s got a hot tub and he doesn’t. But it doesn’t mean anything. Sam was his first friend on the team after Ja’Marr, they hit it off instantly. And just because they sometimes fall asleep on the couch together—like that one time—

Joe cuts the thought off. No they don’t have anything. But he and little miss trainer could. If he could grow a pair and stop pretending to give a shit about team rules. No fraternization.

“So what if I have a crush on her?” Joe grunts, voice gruff as he reps again.

“Relax, Joey boy. I do too.”

“You do too?” Why does he sound jealous?

“Everyone does.” Sam turns serious, leaning over the back of the machine. “She’s pretty, smart, innocent. Small enough to pick up and play with. All shy when she touches on us.” He rambles on, oblivious to the fact that Joe has lost himself in thought.

Everyone has a crush on her? Sam has a crush on her? Sam who he’d woken up holding only a morning ago? Sam who made them breakfast in just a towel after a morning dip in his pool? Not that the towel meant anything to him. And not that he’d noticed how nicely it sat on Sam’s hip—because he hadn’t. He had a crush on their trainer too?

“What, you thought you were the only one with an eye on her?” Sam cuts through his thoughts, leaning over the machine.

“No, no. It’s cute that you think you have a chance though.” Sitting up on the machine, he brings himself face to face with Sam, hands braced around the brunettes. His tone is playful, an attempt at teasing to disguise the jealousy he feels. Because that’s what it is. He knows it.

“Tell you what, why don’t we just ask her?” Sam smirks at him, nose almost touching his. “That’d make things easy, huh?”

“Yeah, why don’t we?” He sounds pathetic, he knows it.

“Of course, then she’d have to pick one of us.”

“Who knows, maybe we’re not her type.” Better that way at this rate, rejection from her wouldn’t jeopardize this—whatever this is.

“Be better if we could both have her. What's that saying? Threes better than two.”

“Two’s better than one.” The correction comes before the realization. If we could both have her.  Joe feels his mind catch.

“Same shit. Unless of course you’d rather risk losing to me.” Risk losing me, is all Joe hears.

“Yeah, lose, to you.” He counters, trying to cover.

“Think about it, Joey. We do everything else together anyways. Best friends, and all that.” He’s relaxed, standing back from the machine with a hand in the air, verbalizing the potential he sees. “Bet she’d love that hot tub of yours. You think she’s ever skinny dipped? Course we’d have to stop sleeping on your couch…”

Joe twitches at the suggestion, turning over the middle of the machine to put his knees together on one side, hands on his thighs. He can see it clear as day, the fantasy Sam’s spelling out. The three of them—the two of them—with her between them. Its a thousand things all at once. Her in his bed, on his couch, sitting in the passenger seat of his car. She’s in a jersey—numbers flashing from his back to Sam’s. He swallows, fighting through the thought of her and Sam in his pool, skinny dipping like the brunette had mentioned.

“You think she’d go for that?” He asks through gritted teeth, hardly recognizing his own voice.

“Worth a shot, right? I mean who knows. Sounds good though doesn’t it.” Sam’s beside him, a hand over the front of the shorts, palm pressed into the fabric. “I’m getting hard just thinking about it, fuck.”

“We’d have to—we’d have to be smart about it.” He speaks slowly, fighting through the haze of his own wave of nerves. “If it were to really work.”

[missjoolee]

Ray has always been a bit scatterbrained. It was honestly one of the traits that endeared his sweet Rose to him when they were dating, and teasing him as he searched for an item he just had was one of her favorite past times during their marriage. But after she died, it got worse. All thanks to the insomnia. As if suddenly being a single parent wasn’t difficult enough, suddenly he was misplacing his keys, resulting in being consistently late to things. He would forget to go grocery shopping and they ordered pizza way too often. He constantly had Victoria and other well meaning people asking if everything was okay? Did he need help?

He just needed some sleep. But each night he would lay down, toss and turn, doze for an hour or two and then be wide awake for hours. The only upside was he was awake when Carlos or Julie needed him, overwhelmed by their grief in the dark of night during those first months.

As time passed, as they healed together, things got easier. He learned to buy tomato sauce and spaghetti in bulk for the times he forgot to go grocery shopping, and he’d finally given in to Victoria’s offers of help with meals as well. He still misplaced things more often than before, but his kids, his beautiful kids, helped him out wearing the same teasing smirks his Rose used to give him. And slowly, he was sleeping longer, deeper, than he had in months.

It’s when Julie gets kicked out of the music program that he starts having sleepless nights again. It’s been difficult watching her struggle with music all this time, but he didn’t realize how much he was struggling watching it, not knowing how to help her, until the school made their decision.

It’s different from before. For starters, it’s not every night, it wasn’t even that first night after Julie had started cleaning out the garage. And even when he heard her play the next morning, and he felt more peace and relief than he had in forever, he still would find himself unable to fall asleep some nights. Victoria notices the bags under his eyes and he can tell she’s worried that he’s backsliding in his progress, so he is quick to assure her it’s not the same this time. It feels like when he was there for his kids, even though he’s alone. He will toss and turn until finally giving up and walking down into the kitchen or into the den to his home computer. He talks to Rose sometimes, other times just musing his thoughts aloud. And the strange thing is eventually, almost like a physical feeling, he knows he can go back to his bed and will sleep through the rest of the night.

It’s one such night as he has given in to make a middle of the night grilled cheese, narrating what he has learned the past year to do and not do to get the perfect sandwich, that he hears the gentle thumps of Julie’s footsteps coming down the stairs. He can tell because Carlos practically does a control fall down the stairs he moves so fast, while Julie usually isn’t in any rush.

“Everything okay, Julie?” he asks before she’s even rounded the banister. He slides the spatula under the grilled cheese and lifts it over to the plate he has waiting.

“Yeah. Just getting a glass of wa-” she cuts off as she rounds the corner, staring at the counter opposite the stove. Her gaze lingers for a long moment, before moving to the sandwich he was now cutting in half into triangles. “-ter. Everything okay here?”

“Yeah. Just felt like a late night snack. Want half?” he offers.

She smiles but shakes her head, gaze drifting back to the counter across from him, before she makes her way over to the sink to fill a glass with water. “No thanks. Just water for me tonight.”

Ray shrugs, taking a bite. He leans against the counter and watches his daughter, his heart swelling at the huge steps she’s taken these past weeks. As she turns back, he reaches out to intercept her, pulling her to his side with one arm. He places a kiss on the top of her head. “I am so proud of you, Mija.”

Her arm squeezes him back, not letting go as she drinks her water and he eats his sandwich, both looking forward across the stove and counter both lost in their own thoughts. Suddenly a giant smiles grows on her face and she looks up at him. “You’re a good dad. I’m lucky you’re mine.”

“I’m the lucky one to have such great kids. Where did that come from?” She steps out from his side and grabs the second half of his sandwich.

“It’s late, Papi. You should go to sleep.”

He opens his mouth to argue, but then that feeling overtakes him. The one that says he’ll be able to fall asleep. “I think you mean we should go to sleep. It’s a school night.”

She laughs at him as she bites into the sandwich and heads for the stairs.

[hms-no-fun]

This is probably gonna be a longer and potentially more spicy ask than usual so apologies for that. I've been reading through the new chapters as they've been released (great stuff by the way) and I've noted the frequent switching back and forth of jade/silverbark going by her original name (jade) or her moniker/title (silverbark/harbinger silverbark ) depending on who she is currently talking to, the nature of her relations with the person and the context of the conversation. One example being her last conversation with karkat at the end of the latest chapter. This along with the nature of deunistic radiation you mentioned previously and the theme of divergence/character divergence throughout this series so far, makes me wonder if eventually we may reach a point where she drops her original name and goes solely by her moniker/title (at least for a while anyway).

i've got two responses to this. the first is

but the second is a bit more credulous. only a bit though. yes, godfeels has given multiple characters the opportunity to change their names, and this is partially a result of my desire to get away from the iconography of homestuck so that we can focus more on unpacking the themes of homestuck while telling a more “original” story. but i’d caution against the assumption that changing one’s name is the natural endpoint of self-actualization in godfeels.

is silverbark plural? is jade a mask she puts on around other people? is what we see in A1 the code-switching of an autist or a manipulator? these are excellent questions to be asking! but on the matter of names as such, let’s remember that silverbark is thousands of years old. a name change and gender realization is one thing for 22-year-old june egbert because she’s young and inexperienced. we see “june” as the hatched egg, the evolved form, the destination. but what if we fast-forwarded another hundred years, and she’s had all that time to live and be comfortable in her own body. would she remain rooted in transfemininity? would she still feel like “june”? does one break their gender or identity once, and no more?

among the many themes in its bucket, godfeels 3 is about change. changing people, changing times, changing expectations, changing lives and homes and friendgroups... and i’ve lived long enough to see the barest jagged tip of the truth that no two people “grow up” in quite the same way. “growing up” isn’t a static thing either, it isn’t affixed to age and it’s not a one-way street nor is it a bridge you can only cross once. i tried to show this in microcosm with dare in ch8, how they keep having life-affirming epiphany after life-affirming epiphany, only to backslide and start over from a place of only minimal progress. people can get better, and then they can backslide, and then they can get better again, and on and on, and nothing is ever done until it’s dead.

all of which is to say that i’m not interested in repeatedly showing the same types of change when i’ve got such a wildly weird cast of traumatized blorbos to poke and prod at. if june’s name is her planting a flag in her own identity, then perhaps to silverbark names and titles are a means of maintaining the area around that flag? what is “mary” to kanaya, what is “risk,” what is “dare” except a shield put up around something that needs protecting? or that’s worth protecting? for different reasons, to different ends. it’s all relative.

lastly, i would also caution against looking at a character changing their name and going, “ah, denexustic radiation!” not because it’s necessarily wrong (at least according to what VV said in the ch8 epilogue), but because it’s the boring lab-coated science officer answer to a profound philosophical question. which, you know, isn’t really an answer at all. there may be times when denexus is the culprit, or at least partially, but in most cases it’s the difference between wearing a glow in the dark radon watch for a few months when you were a kid, vs airsurfing in the radiation cloud of the chernobyl nuclear disaster.

anyway, i’ll leave us on a passage from the homestuck epilogues that is very important to me:

[rappaccini]

k looks like what if dark spider gwen finally has her trn on the wiki so welcome to the party gwen-1074!

so i'll take the opportunity to (update a ton of tags... and) ramble a bit.

gwen 1074 is the d-list dumb version of spider-gwen. i think this au is harmless, and therefore fun enough to dip into occasionally, but it's dumb. it's edgy for the sake of edge. it's a poor characterization of gwen and harry. its continuity is awful. it relies entirely on the role-swap gimmick people accuse gwen65 of being dependent on. it's still all about peter. that maxipad costume is hideous.

from a novelty perspective i'm fond of this au because 1074 feels like the version of spider-gwen we were spared a decade ago. just. oh my god. how is it that ten years ago, the first try at spider-gwen was smart enough to give her a unique world, and a backstory that said "hey. what if gwen got to be a hero WITHOUT having to be nearly murdered on that bridge and WITHOUT having to be peter's girlfriend in the first place. what if she had her own costume with its own original design instead of peter's, and her backstory was free of any gender-based trauma, her origin had nothing to do with The Big Fall, and her motivations didn't revolve around her boyfriend, and the world and her supporting cast saw her as the important one instead of him."

the first try. and they knocked it so far out of the park that a decade later people still don't understand how good this backstory is. that creative team was on another level.

... though. i guess the pitfall is because we didn't get to see spider-gwen grow into having that world and leaving being the girlfriend behind, nobody understood how important it was. it's like jumping from mad love harley quinn to post-rebirth harley quinn with no in-between. like, clearly something happened to change that character's role in the story but no one has any idea what it is or why it had to happen so we keep backsliding into girlfriendification.

like. it's wild how it feels like spider-gwen's characterization has regressed instead of progressing. a decade later, we're trying to put her back in stories all about her death trauma, and about avenging or defending her boyfriend (spiderverse gwen 🤝what if dark gwen 🤝earth 8 gwen = being written by men who should never be allowed near her again). gwen65a, at least in the latour/mcguire runs, is still ahead of the zeitgeist.

anyway read what if? dark! it's bad but it's a quick read, it doesn't hurt anything, and you can take a good long look at the bullet we dodged.

[jupitermoths]

connor and nora, 3 and 15. oscar and rory 22

[Send a question about two ocs]

What were their first impressions of each other? How does that compare to their impressions of each other now?

They met at the library, over summer break, when Connor noticed Nora reading the first book in his favorite series of graphic novels. He simply had to pester her about it immediately. I think the sudden attention was probably pretty overwhelming for Nora; Connor for his part was a bit discouraged by how short and deadpan Nora's answers to his barrage of questions ("Who's your favorite character? How long have you been a fan?? Wait this is your FIRST TIME reading it??? Seriously????") were. Still, over the following weeks they fell into the pattern of Connor sitting nearby and patiently (or nor so patiently) waiting for Nora to finish the next installment to debrief over it. Nora warmed up to him in that time, and she really DOES enjoy talking about comics, so their friendship grew from there!

Do they trust each other? Why or why not?

That's an interesting question, isn't it. What is it to really trust someone? Isn't that kind of situational, kind of mutable? If you found out someone was capable of something you had no idea was possible, would it be "distrusting" to be unsure of what they would do? Would it be "trusting" to assume they could never do anything wrong with that ability, or would it be naive? Wouldn't any reasonable person question that?

On the other hand, what are you doing when you test your own trust in someone else, over and over again? Is it that you trust them so much that your confident they would never falter? Or is it that some part of you doesn't, won't let you, trust them? You can say, insist, shout that you trust someone to the ends of the world, but actions and words and thoughts are different things, right?

I dunno. It's interesting to think about. To answer for both of them: yes No Yes.

When were they the most vulnerable with each other?

Their most vulnerable moment comes after Oscar has backslid hard on his initial progress. He'd found out that his own hero rival didn't have any sincere attachment to the idea of "goodness for its own sake", and it caused a kind of crisis leading him to believe everyone was just pretending for their own ulterior motives, Rory included. Rory, for their part, saw Oscar's state as a personal failure. Clearly, she must've lost sight of the things that actually mattered, and gotten more invested in the optics of the situation than getting him to understand the actual point of the endeavor.

It takes some time for either to be ready for it, but they eventually get the chance to have a proper heart to heart about the situation, allowing them to actually truly begin to understand each other for the first time.

[avissapiens]

Jockbull Summer Week 7 Set A(25/12/23 -31/12/23)

Model Used is Tsonghan Wu

1.

Christmas week so don’t expect tooo much progress in these various area’s gang. I’ve not broken new PRs so there’s been a bit of a plateau and even some backsliding. I do have a plan to fix this however and it largely involves re-arranging my Daily schedule to put pushups earlier in the day before i’ve had my big evening training sesh.

2.

I’m opening up my competitive horizons once again to Smite. This feels like an appropriate JBS game because i can play as super muscular gods. So for the time being i’m gonna be sweaty as hell on Smite. Will i be good at this? Well i’ve been playing the game for almost 8 years and have never played in Ranked so your guess is as good as mine.

3.

The first pants down the chute. This is actually a more recent purchase and one that i actually liked. It was a part of my very first YoungLA drop. A pair of tapered track pants with a really nice dark green color and comfy material that actually fit in a decent way and didn’t hang off my  shrinking waist. BUT the lesson to be learned from this article and honestly most of them is about the level of care I show my clothing. When I got these I was washing my own clothes on a regular basis for the first time. And I didn't know about the washing instructions and didn’t care to do the basics. I was washing these in Hot water along with basically every other piece of clothing interchangeably, and then popping them in a super hot, super small tumble dryer for sometimes hours. The long and short of it is that these things are BUSTED and need to go. I’ve long since changed that mode of clothing maintenance and have seen a lot more success in the longevity of my drip because of it.

4.

No real opportunity to indulge in this properly but if you go to my sneakily linked and underappreciated twitter then you’ll get a taste.

5.

In episode 12 of the netflix baki one villainous character, Dorian, asks another vaguely less villainous character, Retsu what Strength is. Retsu responds that strength is “Enforcing my will on circumstances; getting what I want from any situation” And this is an atypical response from a piece of media, but it is actually very close to what the sociological definition of Power is. Most pieces of media will throw some spiel about overcoming obstacles or not compromising or perseverance. But I honestly agree with the Sociological-Retsu definition. There are many ways to be strong and to enforce your will and get what you want. But at the end of the day Strength must be an actively shown and enacted quality. It cannot simply be passive resistance. That is resilience which is also valuable. But resilience without strength is impotent.

6.

No new gymbros to report, but that’s okay. It’s weird tho, I went for Push day on Christmas in the hopes of finding a totally empty gym that I could just vibe and relax in while going heavy. But there were people there and like 2 or 3 different guys would not stop talking to me. Normally this would be fine but come on! On the one day i wanna just vibe and not interact that’s when they all bug me.

[altschmerzes]

having a truly horrendous week & read your macgyver torture fic as a bit of catharsis. Any chance of getting a bit of a comfort scene? 🌹

(catharsis totally worked btw. was able to use up all my sad on someone else and step back from my own situ a bit)

(also your a fabulous writer)

ahhhh absolutely!!! i'm so glad it worked as catharsis for you, that's exactly the point tbh, i'm really pleased to hear that <3 also i'm sorry for your horrendous week, my friend, i hope things pick up for you after this <3 thank you for your lovely words, and in the meantime, i hope this'll tide you over - (under the cut, per usual with this fic)

this is from very soon after mac's been rescued, he's in medical being held for observation for a while because of the damage to his throat. he's just woken up from a doze and panicked for a few reasons, and this is jack calming him down. it's a bit of a mix of hurt and comfort of a scene, but it's more comfort than hurt at this point!

---

The near-fit has taken any tiny bit of energy he may have had and he collapses into the pillow behind him, unable to do anything to control his own body. His shoulders shudder with the faint tremors of almost-crying, and a few tears leak past the corners of his tightly closed eyes. All he can do is hurt and breathe and try to stop the cycle he’s stuck in.

“It’s alright, kid, it’s alright. That looked like it sucked, I’m sorry. It’s just me here.” Jack keeps holding his hand as he talks, releasing one of his own to reach up and stroke it gently down the length of Mac’s forearm. It’s a light, careful touch, avoiding his bandaged wrist with a deft ease. The callouses on his fingers and his palm are familiar and they remind Mac of home, of working on his bike or on one of Jack’s cars, of being taught how to tie a Windsor knot, of a light touch that had wiped blood and sweat and tears from his face more times than he can count. “You’re alright, it’s alright.”

Eventually, Mac manages to reach a point where he’s able to crack his eyes open again and survey his surroundings. The first thing that he sees is Jack, still next to him, still holding his hand. The only thing that prevents Mac from immediately dying of shame, knowing that everything that just happened had played out right in front of Jack, is the complete lack of judgement in the man’s face. He’s watching Mac with a calm expression, his eyes crinkled at the corners with worry and maybe sadness too, but he doesn’t look freaked out or annoyed.

“There you go,” Jack tells him, smiling faintly now. It’s small but warm. Honest. His voice is soft and as he praises Mac for the simple victory of avoiding hyperventilating, of being able to open his eyes again after. “There’s my boy.”

Any progress Mac had made towards getting control of himself immediately disappears at the form of address. He snaps his eyes shut again, tears coming faster and harder this time. There’s a throbbing headache at his temples that grows stronger. Jack doesn’t admonish him for immediately backsliding or breaking eye contact before he’d barely managed to hold it. The touch just returns to Mac’s forearm, a warm palm settling over the vulnerable skin on the underside of it, his thumb stroking down the arch of the bone until it reaches the bandaging at his wrist.