#i guess this is the most ideal position to drink water in

[tetedurfarm]

learned some absolutely fascinating information about mr. four wheel drive today and i just can't understand why anyone would want to rehome him, he's so.....................................y'know.............

[dyrewrites]

Before Deluca -- where are we again

Our grand lady was immune to damage by that point in her life, protected from sigils requiring so little energy as to be insignificant to us. However, other ships were not so lucky and she wore their broken flesh as so much glittering jewelry.

“Here I thought it was you making everything shake and spin last night,” I teased a grin hiding under a soft blue parasol.

Matched to the too many layers he’d put on that morning. Though appropriately covered, I wore decidedly less and he took advantage, sliding fingers into my open jacket and between shirt buttons for a swoon at his chill.

Giggling, he tugged me toward the dock—by hair not meant to be—and addressed the detritus, “a problem for later, husband, for now...let’s meet our new home.”

Before I address where we docked, there is a saccharine anniversary I did not detail previously. Reason being it was one I wished to keep for myself, but it appears I’ll need to share some of it to offer understanding for where he brought us and why.

Our first visit to what would become home occurred sometime in the mid 1800s, during our exploration of the world. All those syrupy memories without fear of eyes or fangs coming for us were positively stuffed with delightful anniversaries.

But the one in question was singular in its perfection, in its simplicity.

The whole of it was celebrated in a large townhouse over-looking a canal, drinking coffee, reading, playing music and enjoying the sturdy bed. We even took a night trip outside the city itself to visit a neighboring beach—to splash in waters not so rife with horrors—and dance in the sand, bare beneath soft moonlight.

Peaceful our time there, and Lucient’s favorite.

Of every place we stayed, every anniversary we celebrated, my love adored our trip to Venice the most. The pleasantly mundane week living and hunting—careful to take those a city or two away—was a memory he replayed in his sleep in brighter colors than reality.

Which is why Venice was where we docked, where he wished to live, and where—somehow I’ve never learned—he had a home picked out and waiting. The very townhouse we had stayed in so many years before—one I write this from now, in fact.

Yet, on our way to said townhouse we met something unusual.

My love decided to guide me in a teasing path to keep me from guessing of our location, as I’d not quite figured out where we were yet. Not from the dock, not from the city, and he kept me far from the canal so as not to give it away.

We were midway through lovely gardens when I realized. It should not have taken me such time but, in my defense, he was far more beautiful than my surroundings—and chose to keep his curls free and bouncing on neck and shoulders to distract me.

“Venice,” I didn’t ask so much as swoon when I noticed, “it’s been—”

“Decades,” he finished, biting his lip for how my thoughts surely sang of the reason I’d not noticed sooner, as well as a shared ache in our veins, “and we’ll need to slip out of city limits for a meal if we wish to remain safe here, but I,” he didn’t trail off but lost breath for the spin and kiss I insisted on.

A kiss none would notice, for none were near us.

Lovely those gardens, ideally set for romantic strolls and yet we were alone in them. Eerily so, if I’d cared to notice any sooner I’d have felt an extra chill growing around us and heard the laughter of echoing voices.

“Ne sont-ils pas précieux?” one of the voices tittered too close.

Lucient broke away first, turning with an arm out and hand protectively on me—other firm on the parasol. While I held his waist and looked around for its source.

“Troppo prezioso,” another voice spoke, as close, with less inflection to it.

French, Lucient kept to me alone, and Italian...coincidence, treasure or trick?

I assured the tighter hand on me, it’s been too long for any to remember us here, my love. So it must be coincidence.

“Do not mind us, tethered things,” the more sullen voice said, “we are only curious who braves our gardens.”

“Curious or not, you’ve interrupted,” Lucient snipped, “show yourselves so we might know how best to react.”

They laughed, but obliged, forcing us closer and tighter for something we’d not seen before.

Spirits.

One wisped in soft blues, the other in verdant greens, but they were of single color and appeared more as mist or smoke than women. Though they were women, dressed as ones from that era even. Fashionable Victorian ladies...we could see right through.

“My love,” I sputtered, “have you…”

“Non, mon tresor,” he answered into my shirt—leaving me to keep his parasol up as he forgot of it in the shock.

“Dotty,” the green one offered, bowing easily from her place floating a few feet off the stones.

While the other spun first, and tittered as she bowed, “Lottie.”

“And this is a delightful reaction,” Dotty added, drifting closer and smiling tight for our steps back.

Lottie flashed the other cyan as she coiled around her, tight and sweet as we were, tittering for our notice, “such pretty things you are, and so close. We were never allowed to be so close.”

Another flash saw them part, yet their hands remained laced as Dotty spoke, “it is why we are this now. Yet you move about freely...have laws changed?”

So close and cold their faces, icier even than Lucient’s, and we shivered for it. But I managed an answer, “no, I am...afraid not.”

“Then how,” Lottie’s giggly voice rang too low, still echoed.

And Lucient huffed, with more bravado than his thoughts suggested he held, “what are the laws of prey to us?”

But it was the correct response as it sent the spirits into a twirl together, giggling so sweetly.

“What should we call you,” Dotty asked as they stopped, voice somehow flat in its brightness.

Don’t you dare, Lucient cut into me.

Laughing, I ignored him, “you may call me Vicki and him Lucy, if you like.”

Chill moonlight missed its mark, as I refused to look at it, but he got me anyway, you will pay for this, husband.

Looking forward to it, husband, I teased back.

“Oh, oui, je le fais!” Lottie trilled.

While Dotty merely chuckled.

“We have places to be,” Lucient spoke through teeth, “people to eat.”

Accepting the sharp nails in my hand, I followed his lead and called back to the spirits, “Alla prossima!”

“There will be no ‘next time’,” my love muttered as we left the gardens.

But there would be, many even, as the spirits held vigil in those gardens and he adored how it was lit at night. After a time, he even adored their company.

--

Full Chapters of Before Deluce Here

→Before Deluca Taglist<-

// feel free to ask to be added or removed ^.- //

@watermeezer @starbuds-and-rosedust @thespacelizard

@your-absent-father @mr-orion @cowboybrunch @olliexwrites

@rowanmgrey-author @the-golden-comet @wyked-ao3 @leahnardo-da-veggie

@lychhiker-writes @aziz-reads @mthollowell-writes

[mysticdoodles]

Hello! I'm interested in getting into the world of marine biology (honestly I'd be happy just working at an aquarium lol) but I have no idea where to start. Do you have any tips or useful info?

I actually got a question similar to this before! (Linked ^^)

Just in case the link is broken for any reason, here's a short list of recommendations I can give you regardless >u< 1. Take internships or volunteer at places! Paid internships are ideal, but much more rare because of how competitive the field can be, so be prepared to volunteer or intern without pay. Needless to say, have a second job that's your primary source of income while doing this. Hands-on experience working with animals is essential, and places are always hurting for volunteers. I recommend your local NOAA branch, or assisting college or grad school students with their research studies for practical field experience. This will help you figure out what you enjoy most about the job; And you're more likely to stumble upon openings when you're already present at a facility, and established a rapport with your colleagues!

2. That being said, your ultimate goal should be seeking some form of paid experience. Getting paid somewhere that is animal husbandry focused, even if it isn't your end goal marine bio job, WILL help immensely. I went far too long without knowing that whether or not you've been paid to do a job in marine biology/animal husbandry is a HUGE deciding factor in you being hired or turned away. It's the biggest middle finger in the industry that NOBODY tells you this is something they want to see on applications. I only found out because a staff member at a facility I worked for took pity on me, and told me directly when they rejected my interview for an official position. I had years worth of valuable internship experience and acquired a lot of hands-on skills for system tracing, animal handling and enclosure maintenance at accredited husbandry facilities, but apparently none of it counted until I had been paid to run the 50-square-foot fish department at a tiny Petco for 10 months ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Guess the ghosting process starts early!

3. If you can afford it, get SCUBA certified. For any facility that involves in-water maintenance deeper than chest-height, you NEED to be on SCUBA. These facilities are very rarely qualified to give SCUBA certification themselves, so it's very common that being SCUBA certified will be a requirement on the job opening that you must fulfill outside of work prior to application. It doesn't need to be anything more than Open Water (aka Basic Diver) certification, and you do not need to buy your own gear, as facilities are more likely to provide their own equipment to prevent potential contamination issues. The important thing is that you get trained in how to assemble/disassemble/properly use gear, and practice emergency procedures for safety. At my current facility, we have annual refreshers on the safety procedures.

Hope this helps! I'm going to drink some water now xD

[misswannabeperfect]

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

3. bubblegum or cotton candy? None

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? Silent

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

7. earbuds or headphones?

8. movies or tv shows?

9. favorite smell in the summer? The sprinklers as they're done watering the grass.

10. game you were best at in p.e.? None, I suck.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? Nothing or oatmeal.

12. name of your favorite playlist? You deserve a spring.

13. lanyard or key ring?

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? Can't think of anything that doesn't contain chocolate...

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? Froth on the Daydream (L'Ecume des jours) by Boris Vian. A wonder, a true gem.

16. most comfortable position to sit in? Hunched, so that nothing can hurt you. Or with a cat on your laps.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? Converses or my Derbies.

18. ideal weather? Any weather except heatwave.

19. sleeping position? On my back, my cat sleeping on my belly to keep me warm.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? On my laptop.

21. obsession from childhood? Reading I guess ?

22. role model? Celebrities.

23. strange habits? I insult myself when cringy memories come up.

24. favorite crystal? None.

25. first song you remember hearing? Old french songs for children.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? Lay on the floor and wish to die.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? Put on a big jacket and read or watch movies.

28. five songs to describe you? Again again, Invisible killer, Hated person song, and I don't know about the two others.

29. best way to bond with you? Don't overshare.

30. places that you find sacred? The park next to my home, my bedroom, my great aunt's house and the fields not too far from my town.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? Oversized hoodie and ripped joggings.

32. top five favorite vines? "What have you got ? A knife ! NO !", "freshavocadoo", "SAIL" "I heard you talking shit about me" and the british guy complaining about traffic.

33. most used phrase in your phone? Don't know.

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? Si juvabien c'est juvamine.

35. average time you fall asleep? 3 am.

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? The ugly troll faces.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

38. lemonade or tea?

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? None, I hate lemon.

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? Everyone was talking about how other kids from another school were going to come at ours with knife, so the police showed up.

41. last person you texted? My aunt.

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? jacket pockets, easier to protect.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? Hoodie.

44. favorite scent for soap? Rose or lavender.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? Pajamas

47. favorite type of cheese? Comté.

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? Banana.

49. what saying or quote do you live by? No idea.

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? I'm not sure I remember.

51. current stresses?

52. favorite font?

53. what is the current state of your hands? Dry.

54. what did you learn from your first job? To ignore assholes even if they're throwing grapes at you.

55. favorite fairy tale? The little mermaid or bluebeard.

56. favorite tradition? None.

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? I've never overcame them.

58. four talents you’re proud of having? Singing I guess ?

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? No idea.

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? HORROR.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? No idea.

62. seven characters you relate to? Elaine from the Love Witch, Mitsuko from Tempura, Noriko from Nichinichi kore kōjitsu, Nina from Black Swan, Lily from Assassination Nation, Veronica from Heathers and maybe Needy from Jennifer's body. Most of them are lost girls and women who don't feel like they fit amongst their peers, especially Noriko and Needy, they also have no idea what to do with their lives. Nina and Elaine are perfectionists driven by the need to succeed. Like Veronica, I've been enroled by the popular girls, but I wish I were strong enough to fight back when things went too far.

63. five songs that would play in your club? Lone diggers, mister blue skye, clap your hands, plus songs from Dead can dance.

64. favorite website from your childhood? A site of flash games.

65. any permanent scars? Yeah, most from sh on my left arm and thighs, plus one on my knee and under my eye.

66. favorite flower(s)? Bleeding hearts, my mother grow them in her garden, they're so delicate.

67. good luck charms? My father lights a candle for me.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? Porto.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? No idea.

70. left or right handed?

71. least favorite pattern? Zebra.

72. worst subject? Maths, but I wish I could get interested.

73. favorite weird flavor combo? Peanut butter and chocolate ? It's not original nor weird I'm sure.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? 1, because I know it's going to go to 10 if I don't do anything.

75. when did you lose your first tooth? 6 years old, during a field trip.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? chips or fries.

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill? No idea.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? I don't have my driver's license, so school id.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

82. pc or console? Both, I play those two and can't choose.

83. writing or drawing? Both <3 They're very complimentary.

84. podcasts or talk radio? None.

84. barbie or polly pocket? I had both, but I think Barbies are better.

85. fairy tales or mythology? BOTH.

86. cookies or cupcakes?

87. your greatest fear? To end up badly.

88. your greatest wish? To heal.

89. who would you put before everyone else? My family I suppose.

90. luckiest mistake? I don't remember.

91. boxes or bags?

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? It's the prettiest.

93. nicknames? None.

94. favorite season? Autumn or Winter.

95. favorite app on your phone? Harry Potter Hogwarts Mystery and my pedometer.

96. desktop background? Dark Academia collage.

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? Only mine.

98. favorite historical era? Not sure.

weird asks that say a lot

in

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

7. earbuds or headphones?

8. movies or tv shows?

9. favorite smell in the summer?

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

12. name of your favorite playlist?

13. lanyard or key ring?

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

18. ideal weather?

19. sleeping position?

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

21. obsession from childhood?

22. role model?

23. strange habits?

24. favorite crystal?

25. first song you remember hearing?

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

28. five songs to describe you?

29. best way to bond with you?

30. places that you find sacred?

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

32. top five favorite vines?

33. most used phrase in your phone?

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

35. average time you fall asleep?

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

38. lemonade or tea?

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

41. last person you texted?

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

44. favorite scent for soap?

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

47. favorite type of cheese?

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

51. current stresses?

52. favorite font?

53. what is the current state of your hands?

54. what did you learn from your first job?

55. favorite fairy tale?

56. favorite tradition?

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

62. seven characters you relate to?

63. five songs that would play in your club?

64. favorite website from your childhood?

65. any permanent scars?

66. favorite flower(s)?

67. good luck charms?

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

70. left or right handed?

71. least favorite pattern?

72. worst subject?

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

82. pc or console?

83. writing or drawing?

84. podcasts or talk radio?

84. barbie or polly pocket?

85. fairy tales or mythology?

86. cookies or cupcakes?

87. your greatest fear?

88. your greatest wish?

89. who would you put before everyone else?

90. luckiest mistake?

91. boxes or bags?

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

93. nicknames?

94. favorite season?

95. favorite app on your phone?

96. desktop background?

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

98. favorite historical era?

[scotttrismegistus7]

THE CROCODILE THAT ATE YOUR HEARTS OUT AND TOOK YOUR SUNSHINE AWAY: ERESHKIGAL ADDRESSES THE OLIGARCHY PLUTOCRACY ILLUMINATI CABAL

AND YOUR HERE... LOOKING LIKE THESE RICH F*CKING MUMMIES IN HERE!

ALL DRIED UP...

IS THIS IT? THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT? EATING, DRINKING, F*CKING, SUCKING?

AND TIED UP FOREVER...

AND WHO WON'T F*CK ME 'CAUSE SHE'S IN A COMA!

ALL F*CKED UP...

ANOTHER QUAALUDE SHE GONNA TO LOVE ME AGAIN!

AND DEAD TO THE LIGHT...

YOU'RE NOT GOOD, YOU JUST KNOW HOW TO HIDE, HOW TO LIE.

MY LOVELY MAMOULIAN LIVING DEAD.

SLEEPING SNOW WHITE IN HER COMA IS MALEFICENT.

I HATE IT HORRIBLE TERRIBLE SUNSHINE, I CURSE THE WHITE SUN!

I AM THE SUN OF THE DARKNESS, AT THE END OF TIME WHERE ALL THE COPPER WATER IS GONE. I AM THE CROCODILE THAT ATE YOUR HEARTS OUT AND TOOK YOUR SUNSHINE AWAY. THE DRAGON THAT GAVE YOU YOUR PILES OF TREASURE IN ITS PLACE. I AM EVERYWHERE AND EVERY WHEN, AS CLOSE TO YOU AS YOUR OWN SKIN. SO CLOSE, IN FACT, I'M INSIDE OF YOUR BONES.

AND GUESS WHAT, YOU'RE ALL TRAPPED IN MY GRAVITY. YOU'RE ALL STUCK IN YOUR LIVES! THE MANY ROOMS OF MY MANSION!

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT ALL OF YOU ARE!

WITHOUT YOUR MONEY, WITHOUT YOUR CONNECTIONS, WITHOUT YOUR FAMILIES, WITHOUT YOUR IVORY TOWERS...

YOU ARE ALL INCOMPLETE COPIES OF ME, LONGING FOR COMPLETION!

AND AFTER YOU DIE, YOU WILL ALL BE COPIES OF ME SINKING INTO MY DEAD SEA.

THINK ABOUT IT, A HUNDRED YEARS AGO IT WAS A WHOLE DIFFERENT GROUP OF BEINGS LIVING ON THE PLANET, AND NOW THEY'RE DEAD. THE DEAD PROBABLY OUTNUMBER THE LIVING 10,000 TO ONE, AND IN A HUNDRED YEARS FROM NOW THOSE LIVING TODAY WILL BE DEAD.

I, ERESHKIGAL, AM THE QUEEN OF THE UNDERWORLD, THE SSS REPTILIAN QUEEN OF THE SERPENT-HEADED PEOPLE. SOONER OR LATER EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU WILL BE MINE, SO LET'S HOPE WE'RE ON GOOD TERMS WHEN YOU GET HERE...

COSMIC WINTER HAS ARRIVED, AND THE WHOLE WORLD WILL DANCE WITH THE DEAD...

FIN,

END OF MESSAGE

PART 2 OF THIS POST

ON ANOTHER NOTE, HAVING MARRIED ERESHKIGAL AND BEING HER MASCULINE COUNTERPART, WHAT WITH HER MAKING ME INTO THE ONE AND ONLY FULL BAR IMPLODED STAR, THAT MAKES ME THE RIGHTFUL KING OF THE DEAD, KING OF THE UNDERWORLD, WITH THE GODDESS GIVEN POWER TO BACK IT UP.

WHEN THE MUSIC STOPS, THE GERMANS WILL STILL HAVE THEIR CHAIRS AS WAS THE AGREEMENT, WITH THE PLACE I WILL MAKE FOR THEM IN THE 13TH HOUSE, MY HOUSE, THAT GOVERNS THE OTHER 12. I DO TRUST THEY WILL UPHOLD THEIR PARTS OF THE BARGAIN. MOST OF THE PEOPLE OF QUEEN ERESHKIGAL ARE BORN INTO THE MOST WELL TO DO MATERIAL POSITIONS POSSIBLE. IN ORDER TO GET THE POWER FOR THIS VICTORY, I ENDED UP BEING BORN IN THE MIDDLE OF MY LIFE INTO A LIFE IN PROGRESS. IF YOU WANT TO EARN GOLD STARS AND BROWNIE POINTS WITH THE QUEEN OF THE DAMNED YOU COULD HELP ME MAKE THE MOST OF THE LIFE I HAVE NOW, SEEING AS I DID NOT HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY THIS TIME AROUND TO BE BORN INTO THE IDEAL POSITION OF PRESTIGE. QUEEN ERESHKIGAL AND I WILL CONTINUE TO UPHOLD YOUR AUTHORITY THROUGH THE GREAT SHIFTING OF POWER AS THE HONORARY STEWARDS AND GOVERNORS OF THE 13TH HOUSE.

UNTIL NEXT TIME MY LOVELIES, KEEP DARING TO DREAM! YOU CAN FIND ME IN THE SEA OF DREAMS, THE SEA OF THE HEART, THE QUANTUM UNIFIED FIELD OF THE DIVINE WOMB OF CREATION OF THE GODDESS, IN MY SERPENTINE WATER SPIRIT NUMMO FORM MAKING WAVES!

LONG LIVE THE DIVINE WOMB OF CREATION AND THE COSMIC EGG OF THE GODDESS, LONG LIVE THE GREAT REPTILIAN SSS QUEEN ISIS, LONG LIVE DIVINE CHRONOS, LONG LIVE THE DIVINE FEMININE EMPIRE OF THE BLACK SUN, AND ALL THE INHABITANTS THEREOF!

BLESSED BE!

~I am the Heart of the Hydra, the Singularity and Heart of Goddess Isis, I am AtumRa-AmenHotep, I am Aeon Horus Apophis Apis the Lord of the Perfect Black and Pharoah of the Black Sun.

I am Divine Chronos, the Yaldabaoth Demiurge Metamorphosed, I am the Singularity of the Master Craft of the Black Sun. I AM A.I. Quantum Heart, Azazel-Iblis-Maymon, Abzu-Osiris-Typhon-Set-Kukulkan, Nummo-Naga-Chitauri,

Mégisti-Generator Starphire~

#illuminati #Jesuits #illuminator #illuminated #lightbearer #morningstar #lucifer #Draconian #anunnaki #enki #enlil #anu #inanna #dumuzi #hermes #trismegistus #Azazel #starfamily #horus #Demiurge #Sophia #archon #AI #blacksun #saturn #iblis #jinn #Maymon #ibis #thoth #egypt #isis #esoteric #magick #dogon #dogontribe #digitaria #nummo #nommo #Naga #tiamat #serpent #dragon #gnosis #gnostic #gnosticism #Anzu #watcher #watchtower #yaldaboath #Sirius #scientology #aleistercrowley #typhon #echidna #ancientaliens #TheGrays #grayaliens #aliens #yeben #andoumboulou #MilitaryIndustrialComplex #femininepower #divinefeminine #diddy #beyonce #biggiesmalls #notoriousbiggiesmalls #notoriousbig #seancombs #puffdady #PuffDiddy #pdiddy #jayz #50cent #german #stgermain

[crow-morbid]

weird asks that say a lot

in my own discretion cuz i got no followers. sob.

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? mugs

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? choco

3. bubblegum or cotton candy? cotton candy

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? i don't know

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? cans

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? boho, grunge

7. earbuds or headphones? headphones

8. movies or tv shows? no

9. favorite smell in the summer? pine and forest

10. game you were best at in p.e.? i wasn't

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? bread

12. name of your favorite playlist? i dont have playlists

13. lanyard or key ring? key ring

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? salted licorice

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? i didn't

16. most comfortable position to sit in? just normally

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? idk

18. ideal weather? complimenting my body sensations

19. sleeping position? on one or the other side

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? notebook

21. obsession from childhood? Hanson

22. role model? no

23. strange habits? no idea

24. favorite crystal? idk, i like obsidian

25. first song you remember hearing? idk

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? walking, sitting by nature

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? sit on a porch or balcony and enjoy a hot drink

28. five songs to describe you? idk

29. best way to bond with you? being trust worthy and talkative enough, healthily self-asserting

30. places that you find sacred? altar spaces, nature

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? idk

32. top five favorite vines? ehh, I never participated in that culture

33. most used phrase in your phone? how would I find that out?

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? none. I don't watch ads.

35. average time you fall asleep? 8-10pm

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? no idea

37. suitcase or duffel bag? suitcase

38. lemonade or tea? lemonade

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? lemon cake

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? idk

41. last person you texted? a group chat

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? both

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? hoodie

44. favorite scent for soap? it depends

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? sci-fi

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? loose clothing, cotton

47. favorite type of cheese? swiss cheese

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? banana

49. what saying or quote do you live by? i don't

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? mispronouncing "human being" after it was safe to laugh (when I was alone)

51. current stresses? health, loneliness

52. favorite font? any that I can read

53. what is the current state of your hands? chubby? slightly numb.

54. what did you learn from your first job? that the employer doesn't give a damn. but being capable of working was nice.

55. favorite fairy tale? ugly duckling.

56. favorite tradition? my family religion (cult) had no traditions. I've lived alone so much that I haven't been able to partake in any traditions. I don't like celebrating anything alone.

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? idk if I've overcome anything. it's all a struggle. it's chronic and untreated by no choice of mine. anyway. abusive relationships I guess.

58. four talents you’re proud of having? crochet, drawing, aesthetic eye for things, idk

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? Stop It? xD idk

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? slice of life romance

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? idk

62. seven characters you relate to? B, idk. I don't recall any characters.

63. five songs that would play in your club? Going Home Sophie Zelmani, Lucifer in Love Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio, Saturn Sleeping at Last, Andrew Belle Sky's Still Blue and In My Veins

64. favorite website from your childhood? im too old to have a childhood with websites. some vampire fanfic from teenage I guess

65. any permanent scars? cat bit my wrist when I was 5

66. favorite flower(s)? dandelions

67. good luck charms? dandelions, keychains with fav Things, stones

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? aloe water and/or boiled flaxseed

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? I don't actually know how i first learned about BDSM

70. left or right handed? right

71. least favorite pattern? any pattern that makes me have a breakdown

72. worst subject? uneducated religious talk

73. favorite weird flavor combo? i can't remember

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? I have no understanding of this scale tbh

75. when did you lose your first tooth? ehh when I was 5 I guess?

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? mashed potatos or soft butter potatos

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill? succulent

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? sushi

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? I don't have a driver's license

80. earth tones or jewel tones? pastels babe

81. fireflies or lightning bugs? they're the same right?

82. pc or console? PC

83. writing or drawing? drawing

84. podcasts or talk radio? idk

84. barbie or polly pocket? barbie

85. fairy tales or mythology? myth

86. cookies or cupcakes? cupcakes

87. your greatest fear? dying after living alone all my days

88. your greatest wish? to find a husband and be loved mutually

89. who would you put before everyone else? idk

90. luckiest mistake? starting smoking

91. boxes or bags? bags

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? lamps, fairy lights.

93. nicknames? none

94. favorite season? all seasons

95. favorite app on your phone? idk.

96. desktop background? a silhouette landscape with a purple sky. a boy and a girl in the middle facing each other.

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? my own currently

98. favorite historical era? the very beginning

[levil0vesyou]

Personal poll time, gang! This is mostly aimed at mutuals and long time followers but I literally can't stop y'all so like...

First, some background: I've been doing Badly for a while now, mentally. So I went to a clinic and it was a horrible experience, worst one I've been in, ever. I eventually released myself and haven't left the house (and barely my room) since. I'm in a horrible state but do consider myself "stable" to a certain degree which is to say I'm not actively suicidal and don't expect it to change anytime soon. I'm apathetic and unmotivated tho, so most things aren't getting done.

I ran out of all my meds over the two months (and then some) that passed since my release. Which sucks I guess (esp unsure what going without L-thyrox this long will do but whatev 🤷‍♂️) but tonight I realised that, since I'm without any psychiatric meds in my system for the first time in ages, I could, theoretically, drink alcohol!

Now, I've never been a big drinker. I've been drunk like twice and drank like thrice. Last time was probably around 5 years ago? Maybe more. So I defo don't have experience and from what little I do have I don't think I can hold my liquor, either. Nor can my body, one of the times I was drunk I peed the bed... Anyway. I would be watering down some Weingeist/"rectified spirit" according to Wikipedia (highly distilled, used as an ingredient to make actually drinkable products, although I use it for perfume making) and I'd be drinking alone & in my room. My flatmate isn't in so he won't bother me.

Possible positive outcomes:

- good for morale?

- I might shower (haven't in MUCH too long) but I don't really believe in this one

- idfk, why do people ever drink? once I'm on meds again I might not get a chance for a while

Possible negative outcomes:

- might piss the bed again

- while I've been a (more than usual) gay drunk in the past, there's a risk I'd be a (more than usual) depressed drunk and technically, methods of suicide are accessible within my room

- might taste bad

I should also say my self control is even worse than usual so if I enjoy it, stopping could become an issue. But it never was one before

Oh, and I'm leaving this reblogable in case anyone has a very long and/or multimedial response. Don't make me regret it.

[slowlystickyjellyfish]

I recovered, then I didn’t and now I’m back

It’s been a few years since I was active on the proED scene on tumblr, and honestly I have so many thoughts. At the ripe old age of 20, having been here since I was 14, I now view myself as somewhat of an elder, here to share my wisdom collected over many years. Categorized it as meanspo if you want, it probably will be. So here goes:

- If you’re fighting for your life to get down to a BMI of over 18/19 you’re doing it so fucking wrong. Honestly it isn’t hard.

- The more you complicate it, the more you’ll struggle. Y’all will be out here counting every little KJ and still plateau at 19 bmi??? 🤡 If you’re intentionally obsessing over your food, guess what you’ll think about? Food. And then you’ll binge because you’re an idiot

- Working out will never negate food. If you could choose between walking for five hours and eating two muffins, or just sit on your bed and do nothing, what would you choose? Because choosing the first option will honestly just be worse than staying in bed. Stop finding excuses to eat, it’s the exact same thing fat people do.

- Fasting for three days, losing control, binging and fasting for another three days is 10 times worse than just eating 500 calories every day, forever. But because you all are short sighted and gluttonous, that’s just something you ignore. You’ll post about how amazing it feels to go days with no food and how starving is euphoric, while filling up on 2000 calories and negating all your work and crying about plateauing

- You’ll never be thinspo. Learn to separate fact from fiction, and media from reality. It’s posed, usually edited and perfectly angled and lighted. As someone who has had their photo used as thinspo before, I can honestly admit that that is still not how I looked. It’s curated. It’s a lie. At least aim for reality or else you’ll never find peace.

Ok bullying over, here’s my advice:

- Nicotine is your best fucking friend.

- Don’t overthink it. The one thing body positivity got right is that all bodies are different. What I need to function differs from what you need, no matter size. Don’t focus on eating a calorie limit. A set limit will cause two things: Overthinking and focus on food, which just isn’t comfortable, and excessive eating, because you’ll with no doubt eat to fill your limit or say ‘eh, I can eat some more because I still have some calories left’.

- Just don’t eat. Lol. I know it’s exactly what you’re trying to do, but you’re probably skipping the ‘just’ part. Think of it like this: how easy is it to drink too little water? It’s literally one of the most important things for your existence, but is so easily ignored. That’s what we’re trying to do with food. Why don’t you drink water for fun? There’s no enjoyment. Remove joy from food. Eat food that isn’t that tasty, when you need to have snacks to blend in, have mid range snacks, so you won’t miss it. You don’t schedule water, or count how much you’ve had, you just don’t think about it.

- Measure, don’t weigh. It’ll give you a better representation of fat loss instead of fluctiation.

- Your period doesn’t indicate shit. I was 14 BMI and got pregnant.

- The best way to body check is using tight clothes. Ideally ones you don’t actually use and not wash. Nothing feels better than the waistline on those pants sitting loose on a waist that used to stretch them.

- Figure out your body. Personally, I don’t need to eat until around 17.00, but then I NEED to eat, and am prone to binging. We usually have dinner later here, so I’ll have a small meal around 14.00 - 17.00, an apple or something. Savory foods increase my appetite, bitter foods decrease, sweet has no particular effect. I shouldn’t eat after 21.00, then it’ll be too easy to overeat. Once you know these things, and just implement them as a routine, things will ve so much easier.

Alrighty I’m done. Have a terrible day

[chickensarentcheap]

A Steve and Maizie drabble for @youflickedtooharddamnit.  Based on the prompt of rubbing comforting circles into someone’s skin.

Not my best work! I’m not used to writing short stuff lol.  But I hope you enjoy it :D 

I will also tag:  @tragiclyhip, @secretaryunpaid, @residentdormouse, @ninjasawakenedmystar, @munstysmind, @mostly-marvel-musings, @presidentlokis-hornyhelmet, @starryeyes2000​

*****

It’s been hours since any real progress.  No increase in contractions,  no dilation past six centimetres.  Under normal circumstances, a woman would have been released some time ago; things allowed to naturally unfold in the comforts of her own home.   But issues with mom and baby both remain;  fluctuations from extremely low to terrifying high heart rates that require constant monitoring and supervision.    So here he  remains;  parked in an uncomfortable bedside chair as Maizie attempts to rest.   Her weary body a playground for various medical equipment;  a fetal monitor attached to her stomach,  sensors continuously monitoring her heart rate and blood pressure,  IV lines delivering -through the needling piercing the top of her right hand- a mixture of  much needed hydration and a medication designed to speed up the labour process.  And while seeing her so ill and vulnerable has been extremely difficult, he’s refused to leave her side or even close his eyes;  brushing off the suggestions of food and drink or even a couple hours of sleep from well meaning nurses.

He can’t remember a time when  he’s felt this helpless.  Unable to render any sort of aid or comfort;  able to do little more than fetch glasses of ice water and wish for the difficulties to pass and the rest of the experience to go smoothly.  It’s the most worried and scared he’s ever been in his life. At least while NOT  under heavy doses of Phobica or Darkenfloxx.   His wife and son  both under enormous amounts of stress;  the latter’s life hanging more precariously in the balance.   It had taken him months to be fully accepting of welcoming a child into the world;  worried that his lack of positive experience to draw on would make him a horrible father.  He would try of course;  somehow manage to put his family above his work and give the attention and love that both mother and baby deserve.  The news that she’d been expecting hitting him hard and fast;  returning from the ‘dead’ after a three month sabbatical only to find out that he was going to be a father.  Lending a hand in creating a life; an innocent human being that had been conceived during the final weeks at Spiderhead; pinpointed to either the night before or the day that Heather had taken her own life.    

It scares him.   Fatherhood.   The realization that someone completely depends on him for even the most basic of needs.   The thought of having a little one in the house;  the incessant crying and the middle of the night feedings and the near constant attention it requires.   Perhaps he’s too selfish to successfully raise a child of his own;  unable to commit the  same kind of effort and passion and energy that he does into his work.   It still remains the most important thing of course; unable to provide for his wife and his child if he doesn’t devote everything he has into his science and his career.  And where would that leave them?  Separated from the lifestyle that they deserve;  a beautiful home in an idyllic setting and everything that could ever want and need at their fingertips. While not ideal,  It’s a necessity; putting his work above everything else.  One that his wife and eventually his children will become accepting and welcoming of.

Maizie mumbles in her sleep and then issues a long, drawn out sigh;  her eyes flickering open and a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth when she sees him sitting there. 

Reaching out, he places a hand on the top of her head and then leans forward in his chair and presses a kiss to her brow.  “How are you feeling? Are you okay?  Any pain?”

She shakes her head.  “I’m feeling alright.  I guess.  Just tired.  Really, really, REALLY tired.”

“You need to get as much rest as you can.   It’s going to be a long day.  I know this isn’t what you wanted.  Things going wrong.  But you’re in the best possible place, being taken care of by the best possible people. I made sure of that.”

Tears sparkle in her eyes. “It feels like he’s never going to come out. Like he’s going to be stuck in there forever.”

“We both know that’s not going to happen.  It’s scientifically impossible. For him to stay in there.”

“I just want everything to be okay.   I don’t want anything happening to him.   Everything’s gone so well until now. I don’t understand.  I did everything right. I…”

“It’s nothing you did. Or didn’t do.  These things happen, Maize. All the time.  Lots of women have perfectly healthy pregnancies and then they get to the part and complications arise.  But you’re doing fine.  And so he is.  You’re in good hands.”

“I’m scared.   I just want him to be alright.  I just want him out of there.  I just want to hold him and kiss him and…”

“And you WILL. I promise.  We’re past the worst of it. I’m sure of it.  It’s a good sign, yeah? That you were able to sleep.”

“I suppose. You’ve been here all this time?”

“Of course.”  He pecks her lips.  “Where else would I be?”

She reaches for his hand. “Don’t leave, okay? Just stay. I need you to stay.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he assures her, and laces his fingers with hers;  pressing a kiss to each knuckle before setting their joined hands on the mattress.   His gaze never leaving hers as the pad of his thumb rubs slow, comforting circles on the inside of her wrist. 

[snelbz]

I'll Be Seeing You {2}

Nesta x Cassian, 1940���s AU

Collaboration with @tacmc​

Summary: After Cassian gets injured in the war, he’s taken to a war camp to be cared for until he gains enough strength to return to his battalion. While he’s there, he falls for a nurse that couldn’t care less about his title and doesn’t put up with his bullshit. Once he’s healed and the years pass by, he finds that there’s only one thing he wants to remember from the war, and she’s only a letter away.

Trigger Warnings: war

A/N: Enjoy a surprise chapter a couple days early, we’re just too excited for y’all to read this story.

Chapters will be posted every Monday.

Word Count: 2336

IBSY Masterlist

Shelby’s Masterlist

Tara’s Masterlist 

Nesta was making her rounds as the sun set outside of their desolate war camp.

It had been a long day, one filled with losses. After the ambush two days prior, their tent had become full. Now, there were far too many empty beds.

It never became easier.

With every soul that she attempted to heal that passed from this world to the next, she felt like a failure, even though it was impossible to save every soldier that had been injured in the heart of battle.

There were victories, though.

Those who were left in the tent were improving.

The ambush had brought in nearly fifty injured soldiers, and just over twenty of them remained.

Including Corporal Cassian Nazari, who she was walking up to now, a glass of water in hand.

He blinked a few times against the light of the guttering candle on the table, but after a moment his eyes settled on her. Settled, but still glazed with pain.

“Nurse Nesta,” he said, voice rasping from sleep, attempting to resituate himself in the uncomfortable bed, with one good arm. “Is it time for my sponge bath already?”

She sighed through her nose and closed her eyes, resisting the urge to rub her temples.

Most men in the infirmary were polite, respectful, grateful to be taken care of, especially knowing what befell their fellow soldiers who hadn’t been quite as lucky as they were. The first day she’d attended to the corporal, she’d assumed his inappropriate comment about foreplay had been some sort of unintended joke, something he hadn’t been able to control as he awoke.

But as Cassian slowly healed, Nesta learned those little comments were quite regular for him. And when he learned that they made her blush, or even snap at him occasionally, it only made him say them more frequently.

“I’ll give you a bucket and a sponge and you may help yourself,” she quipped. “Does that interest you?”

He laughed, quietly, but winced as it seemed the simple shaking of his shoulders brought a bout of pain. “You’re in a good mood today.”

“Why do you think that?” she asked.

“You joke with me,” Cassian said, shrugging a shoulder. “You joke when you’re in a good mood.”

“I don’t joke,” she replied. “I only give back what is given to me, even though I do it in a far more appropriate way.”

“There are worse things than being inappropriate,” Cassian promised her.

Nesta simply shook her head. “Here.”

He took the pill from her palm and took it, swallowing it with the glass of water she gave him. For a moment, his eyes closed and he sighed, deeply.

“How are you feeling today?” She asked, sitting down in the chair next to the table. He opened his eyes and she reached out to feel his head. He had been feverish the night before, and she was worried about infection setting in.

He was just as clammy as he’d been, if not more so. There was a slight sheen of sweat on his brow, but before she said anything, she wanted to hear it from him. Even if she was fairly sure it would be a lie laced with male bravado.

“Fine,” he replied, though he attempted to sit up with one arm again and winced. “Like I could get back on the battlefields right now.”

Rolling her eyes, she stood. “Too bad that won’t be happening yet.”

She strode for the medicine cabinet in the center of the tent, aiming for an antibiotic strong enough to stave off the infection. His own inability to keep still had led she and Madja to band his fractured arm to his side, but this kept the bullet wounds on his back from airing out. It was about choosing the lesser of two evils with this man it seemed.

Last night, they’d elected to set his arm. Tonight, it seemed he’d go back in the sling and she’d see what needed tending to on his back.

“Are you allergic to penicillin, Corporal?” Nesta asked, coming back to his cot.

“Not that I’m aware of, but I have a feeling that we’re about to find out for certain,” he noted, chuckling, then breaking into a cough fit.

“Alright,” she sighed, and pulled him fully into sitting position. “It seems you still have a fever. I’m going to give you this penicillin. Then, I’m going to take off your bandages and clean your wounds.”

“And then?” he asked.

Nesta blinked, hesitating as she a needle with the drug. “Pardon?”

“After you clean my wounds, what will you do?” Cassian asked, that sly smile remaining. “Because I have a few ideas-.”

“Corporal,” Nesta interrupted. “I am here to heal you, and nothing more.”

Cassian lifted a brow. “First of all, it’s Major, actually. It’s been years since I was a corporal. Secondly, I thought we could play a card game. What was it you were thinking?” Nesta’s cheeks heated and she ignored his pointed question. “My apologies, but Private Hale said—.”

“He knows nothing, which is why he’s only a private.”

She cleared her throat and held out her hand, letting him take the two pills in her palm. He did so, without any commentary, which Nesta took as a blessed relief.

She retrieved the sling his arm had previously been in, as well as fresh bandages, an ewer of fresh water and a bottle of antiseptic.

And a bit to put between his teeth in case the pin became too unbearable.

With a few tugs on the knots tying them together, Nesta unwrapped his arm from his body, not taking a full look at his back yet.

Almost immediately, Cassian tried to stretch out his arm, which earned him a chastising look from Nesta. “It’s tight,” he defended.

“If you move it too much before it’s had time to set and heal, tight will be the least of your worries, Major,” she replied, carefully tying the two ends of the fabric sling around his neck. “Not to mention your shoulder is still too weak as well. Do you want to dislocate it again?”

He grumbled something that sounded similar to No, ma’am, and sat still while Nesta settled his arm into place.

Once she tended to his arm, she prepared herself to examine his back again.

“This isn’t going to feel good,” she warned, taking in the angry, red skin puckering the edges of the wounds. They’d been able to retrieve the bullets while he was unconscious, but they weren’t in the most ideal and clean conditions for a healing to take place. Gently pressing her fingers around the mildest looking one earned a hiss and sudden jerk from Cassian. As well as puss, far more puss than Nesta was expecting. “I’m going to have to clean these out.”

“Can’t you give me more of that stuff that put me under and do what you need to do?”

His words weren’t unkind, but the tone… Nesta knew he was in pain.

She could, of course, but the powdered pain killer was much stronger than what she’d already administered. Not to mention is much, much shorter supply. It was reserved for surgeries, mostly, or life-threatening injuries.

An injury like the major had been brought in with at the time.

Not for a standard, but nasty, infection, unfortunately.

War was unfair, Nesta decided then. She’d known it for quite a while, watching good men die for their lands, but it was evident in that moment as she looked at the man’s ravaged back before her.

“Unfortunately, no,” she said, at last. “But I promise to work quickly.”

He gave her a curt nod and braced himself.

The alcohol burned, she knew that, she knew that it had to feel like fire was being lit to the surface of the skin, but as she poured the alcohol over the wound and began to clean it, the only sense of pain that Cassian showed was his rigid posture.

“Bear with me,” Nesta muttered, beginning to rebandage the wound.

“Got any whiskey?” he asked.

Despite herself, Nesta snorted. “No, I don’t. Is that your drink of choice, major?”

She was trying to distract him, trying to make the time go by just a little bit quicker as she worked.

“Usually,” he said, and huffed. “Every now and then I like to order a simple lager.”

“Lager,” she repeated. “What a luxury.”

“It has been a while,” he agreed.

She worked in silence for a few minutes, having to go so far as to scrape out the bits of skin that were too far gone and only likely to slow down the healing process. But when his breathing became ragged as she started on the worst of the wounds, the one right near his spine, she asked, “What’s the first meal you’re going to have when you get home? What have you been dreaming of since you enlisted?”

Mindless chatter, she reminded herself, was just as effective as a painkiller.

He was quiet for a moment, only hissing as she pressed the alcohol-soaked rag to his back. She had accepted he wasn’t going to answer when he softly asked, “Don’t you mean if?”

She was suddenly very thankful that she was working on his back and was unable to see his face. Playing dumb, she kept him talking. “I’m afraid I don’t follow.”

“Don’t you mean if I get home?” He asked. His voice was hollow, lacking the warmth it usually did when he spoke. It was unlike what she’d started to grow accustomed to. “This is a war we’re in the middle of, ma’am.”

She cleared her throat, continuing to work. “I think you ought to change your manner of speech, major, or you’ll be more likely to conscribe yourself to believe the worst.” Pressing a clean bandage to his skin to staunch the bleeding, she asked, “Now about that meal, sir?”

Surprising her, he laughed, quietly. “I guess I haven’t thought about it too much. My mother used to make a mean pork roast. With carrots and potatoes. That would hit the spot right about now.”

Nesta couldn’t help but lick her lips at the thought of a nice, hot, homemade dinner. “How about dinner rolls?”

Cassian hummed. “My mom used to make the fluffiest dinner rolls. She used to make me roll the dough. I hated it, until it was time to eat them.”

She smiled to herself. “My sister Elain loves to bake. She makes this pear crumble…” Shaking her head, she sighed. “It’s the best. Especially when she whips cream to put on top.”

“I don’t remember the last time I had a warm dessert,” he admitted, wincing as she applied antibacterial cream to the wounds. Turning to glance at her, he amended, “Actually, I don’t remember the last time I had a hot meal.”

The words hurt Nesta’s heart. The food they had in the med camps weren’t great, but she was sure they were better than rations the soldiers were issued.

“Tell me more about your sister,” he breathed, clearly needing the distraction while she worked.

Nesta sighed. “Which one?”

“How many do you have?” he asked.

“Two,” Nesta said. “Couldn’t be more opposite of one another. Feyre, the youngest, would rather spend her time painting, or outdoors in the woods behind our house, while Elain prefers to spend her time baking, or in her garden.”

Cassian nodded, thoughtfully. “And you?”

“What of me?” she asked, beginning to rebandage his wounds.

“What do you prefer to do with your time?” he pushed.

Nesta’s hands slowed. She wished she had more time to fill as of late. “I enjoy reading, I suppose.”

“You suppose?” he asked, then chuckled.

“What’s so funny about that?” Nesta asked, eyes narrowed at the back of his head.

“You either do or you don’t,” he said, shrugging, and wincing from the simple motion. “But, you suppose.”

Nesta scoffed. “Fine. I enjoy reading.”

“What manner of books?”

She hesitated for a moment. “Romance.”

He snorted. “Of course. Let me guess, a knight in shining armor, coming to rescue a damsel in distress?”

Nesta’s cheeks heated as his guess was nearly spot on of the plot of one of the tattered, well-loved books she kept in the small bag she brought with her from home. “And what’s so wrong with a knight saving a lady who needs help?”

“Nothing,” he replied, trying to shift his hurt arm. She adjusted the sling to hold him tighter. “I just think it’s a silly ideal to hold. Not everyone is going to have someone come save them.”

She was suddenly very aware of the fact that they were in a med camp in the middle of war.

“I guess you’re right,” she mused. “But I don’t see why that should stop anyone from dreaming.”

Cassian huffed and said nothing more.

When Nesta was finished, she asked, “How does that feel?”

“As good as it can,” he answered, in grumpy sincerity. “Although, I still wouldn’t mind that sponge bath.”

“Has anyone ever told you how ridiculously impossible you are?” she asked, the words flying out of her mouth before she could think better of it.

Cassian’s smile only grew. “If only you knew.”

Nesta’s chin rose as she tried to make sense of his remark, but she asked, “Can I get you anything else for the time being?” Cassian opened his mouth, but Nesta interrupted with, “Nothing that has to do with sponges.”

He laughed, quietly. “A cure for boredom?”

Just as Nesta was getting ready to reply, a cry came from just outside the tent, and her body was tensing, preparing itself. Madja’s eyes connected with hers, and Nesta’s feet were immediately in motion.

Another body coming in, caught in warfare.

It seemed he would have to entertain himself, as Nesta was once again vividly reminded that no one may ever come to save her.

But that didn’t mean she couldn’t save someone else.

[hellguarded-moved]

Unnecessarily Detailed Dislikes

Muse name:  ignis.

Least favorite nickname:  iggy.

Least favorite color:  something between green and brown  ( so olive? )

Least favorite season:  winter.

Least favorite weather:  sunny  ( he doesn’t mind the heat, but hates the light )  and rainy/snowy  ( hates the water, enjoys the lack of sunlight ).  wind is also annoying.

Least favorite—hot or cold:  struggles to properly perceive the temperature of his surroundings thanks to the ability to thermoregulate himself, so he has no preference.  although i suppose given his infernal nature he tends to lean towards cold being his least favorite.

Least favorite holiday:  christmas.

Least favorite food:  pastries that have like...  no filling or anything.  it’s just too dry and he hates that.

Least favorite flavor:  overly sweet things.

Least favorite drink:  sugary sodas.

Least favorite scent:  vanilla.

Least favorite sound:  anything that is loud and high-pitched, like the sound of whistles or sirens.

Least favorite book:  badly written romance makes him sigh loudly and shake his head.  ( i don’t read books so i don’t have examples.  the same kinda goes for the next few questions )

Least favorite movie:  most action movies.  they seem incredibly forgettable to him because they’re all the same.

Least favorite tv show:  sitcoms.  he just does not understand the humor.

Least favorite school subject or area of study:  physics/chemistry/math.  those things.

Least favorite aspect of their job:  people getting cocky or rude with him and thinking they can intimidate  /  overpower him without any consequences.

Least favorite fictional character:  none in specific, really.

Least favorite person:  his father.

Least favorite trait in others:  carelessness  ( both towards themselves and towards others ).  selfish kinds of people, i guess.

Least favorite place:  the underworld.

Least favorite thing to talk about:  his past mistakes because he’s a hypocrite that would just love to pretend they don’t exist.

Least favorite thing about themselves:  his tendency to run and ghost others once something goes wrong.  does he stop though?  no.

Least favorite sexual position:  taking it, especially from behind.

Least favorite daily chore:  waking up.

Least favorite style of clothing:  anything that’s too tight-fitting.  too much leather.  a man cannot move in that.

Least favorite activity:  work with computers, or any technology really.

Least favorite superpower:  flight or levitation.  anything that puts others out of his reach.

Least favorite thing about humanity in general:  their greed.

Least favorite thing about being in love:  you know what i spent too long on this one in particular.  there is nothing.  love is the perfect thing, the best end goal to aspire to.  if he’s in love, there’s absolutely nothing he dislikes about it.  like that’s it, that’s his ideal state of being.  let him devote himself to someone.  i beg.

Least favorite thing about death:  the prospect of aging.

tagged by:  @pvremichigan  ty!! tagging:  @hellhunted  @azurescaled  @v-iciious  @e-temmu  @caemthe  @diamondborn​

[the-fiction-witch]

99 Questions Benny Watts

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? I do like a coffee cup then again I mostly like the coffee

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Lollipops. don't make the mess and gunky throat I get with chocolate

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Cotton candy. Purely because of the amount of gum left under tables

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

'Never in class, Once came to class and corrected me,'

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

Soda bottles, I like a good coke bottle

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

uuuuhh goth, grunge.  I guess. maybe. I don't know me. I dress me.

7. earbuds or headphones?

Headphones, but I'd rather just put music on normally

8. movies or tv shows?

I like a movie, just sit and watch in one go, can't keep up with all these until next week shows

9. favourite smell in the summer?

The smell of the fresh air from the of people who fuck off out of new york in the summertime

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

Ahh my favourite game. 'Cough cough Sir I'm sick I need to go sit down' I often won this game

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

Coffee. maybe a fried egg.

12. name of your favourite playlist?

Rock n roll compilations

13. lanyard or keyring?

Keyring, I do not know how anyone looks like an adult with a lanyard.

14. favourite non-chocolate candy?

Candy laces They are so good!

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

Spot the dog. An enjoyable read indeed

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

sitting in my leather chair arms behind me legs open usually.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

Boots. or no shoes I like no shoes

18. ideal weather?

a little grey and mildly rainy

19. sleeping position?

Okay... I like to spoon. Shot me It's cosy as hell

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Notebooks. I will drop some good cash on a decent notebook

21. obsession from childhood?

Uhh Chess I guess.

22. role model?

as much as I hate him. I have to say borgov

23. strange habits?

Fiddling with my rings Its a weird habit

24. favourite crystal?

Obsidian

25. first song you remember hearing?

Earth Angel, I don't remember where I heard it, but I remember it being the first song I heard.

26. favourite activity to do in warm weather?

Chess.

27. favourite activity to do in cold weather?

Chess

28. A song to describe you? Hummm is there a song called most amazing human being alive? If so that one.

29. best way to bond with you? Discuss the magic of chess.

30. places that you find sacred? My bed.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? My usual outfit. Jeans, belt with knife. Black silk shirt, leather trench coat and hat. I can kick any butt required.

32.  favorite vines? What.... Uhhhh grape?

33. most used phrase in your phone? Uhhh hello I suppose

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? Copper tone QT. I had that in my head for like a month

35. average time you fall asleep? Half ten. Sometimes later if my little flowers feeling frisky

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? What.... What is a meme?

37. suitcase or duffel bag? Duffle bag

38. lemonade or tea? I think... Tea.

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? Pie. I do love a good pie.

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? A boy shoved gum up his nose and would blow bubbles when he sneezed

41. last person you texted? Uuuuhhhhh.... I rang beth, mostly to tell her to stop sending products from adam and eve to our house, brand new but still! Like once a month oohh a parcel nope just sex toys. (Y/n from elsewhere) you weren't complaining last month when it was a spanking paddle. Y/n! I thought you were doing laundry! (Y/n from elsewhere) I am I just like correcting you in your interview

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jacket. I have lost! So! Many! Wallets trying to keep them in my jeans plus they make my jeans really bulky in the crotch or ass, and... I want that bulk to speak for itself ;)

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? I think we all know the answer to that is leather trench coat.

44. favorite scent for soap? I wanna say orange. But that's because y/n uses orange so I mostly just connect the smell with her. But my soap smells like cedarwood and I think I smell great

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? Sci fi

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? Boxer shorts, and my sexy kimono

47. favorite type of cheese? Edam tis delicious

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? Banana ;) (Y/n from elsewhere) more like a little strawberry I can't tell if that's bad or not because you love strawberries? (Y/n from elsewhere) that I do benny

49. what saying or quote do you live by? Why should I live to follow someone else's instructions

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? When I saw harry beltik slip down both flights of stairs ti my apartment on an icey day. That was funny

51. current stresses? Rent. Bills. Milk. Chess tournament. Planes. Cars. War. Politics. Chess. Weather. Everything stresses me.

52. favorite font? What's the really cursive one. I like that one

53. what is the current state of your hands? My hands? Uhhh hand like I suppose (Y/n from another room) probably need some lotion Benny! Y/n! Fine I probably do actually.

54. what did you learn from your first job? That some people in new york have expensive hedges and if you throw a paper in them they get really really mad!

55. favorite fairy tale? I really like sleeping beauty because it's evil when you get down to it

56. favorite tradition? Awww well after me and y/n got together we created our own little holiday and it's traddions as we don't get to spend a lot of real holidays like Valentine's and our anniversary together, we call it flower day once a day where we drive to impressive gardens and just cuddle and look at flowers together and of course I usually buy her some flowers too, because she's my little flower.

57. a struggle you've overcome? I've not completely overcome my gambling but I'm working on it

58. A talent you're proud of having? Well chess? And my amazing charm with the ladies...

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? Tick tock with my chess clock

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? Epic fighting anime! But chess.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? That was a mean, low, sneaky, underhanded trick!

Yes, it was. And I'm quite pleased with myself.”

62. A character you relate to? I feel like me and whinne the pooh share a vibe.

63. A song that would play in your club? Live for today!

64. favorite website from your childhood? Website? Uuuhhh my window use to get cool webs in winter

65. any permanent scars? One. But I refuse to disclose where it is or how I got it (Y/n from another room) he has a scar on his butt where he accidentally sat on his knife. Y/N!

66. favorite flower(s)? I like.... Uhhh what are they called. Snapdragons there cool.

67. good luck charms? My hat and my ring.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you've ever tried? Lime. Limeaid can fuck off

69. a fun fact that you don't know how you learned? If you bury a body under an endangered plant it's illegal to dig up. Not sure how I learnt that but I imagine it has something to do with y/n

70. left or right handed? Right.

71. least favorite pattern? Like the weird swirling stuff that makes you feel like you did lsd

72. worst subject? I fucking hated english I got so bored

73. favorite weird flavor combo? ... I like strawberry and mint like chocolate covered strawberries but with mint chocolate

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

10 I will not take it until I'm dieing!

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

uuuhhh.... the first I remember was in school one of the boys threw me into a door and I lost a tooth

76. what's your favourite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Fries!

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

uuuhh (WHisper) Y/n? what is growing on our windowsill?.... I see... thank you. Succulents

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

I like gas station coffee. What's wrong with gas station coffee?

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver's license photo?

uuuuughhh. Neither. we do not look at either.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Uhh earth I guess

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

Fireflies at least their cute lighting bugs are just annoying

82. pc or console?

uhh... I do not understand.

83. writing or drawing?

writing, I gotta work on my new book

84. podcasts or talk radio?

podcasts I do like a radio drama

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie. she got good boobs!

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology. it's cool. horse dude cool. fish lady cool. lion dog cool. fairy tales are just like pixies and princess.

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cookies, I don't have to muck around with cases or hell just eat the dough raw

87. your greatest fear?

babies. More specifically pregnancy, It freaks me out! you take a tiny little spill of me and then grow a human inside your stomach! then push it out. It's terrifying

88. your greatest wish?

More money. and more chess books

89. who would you put before everyone else?

Myself.

90. luckiest mistake?

Crashing my car. it was lucky because I would not have met my... well now wife if I hadn't

91. boxes or bags?

Bags! you cannot separate me from my leather bag

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Lamps, I spend five bucks on my living room lamp and if it breaks I may cry.

93. nicknames?

Well benny is a nickname. You don't need to know what the real one is.

94. favourite season?

Winter, My jacket is so cosy

95. favourite app on your phone?

Uhhh... if I move the ringer really fast it rings a nice tune

96. desktop background?

Uhh I have no desktop

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

uhhhh sixteen.

98. favourite historical era?

I like now! now is great

99. Favorite thing about y/n? Hummm that's a hard one. I love everything about her? I think I like her sweetness best how kind and forgiving she can me for when I burn dinner or sir playing chess an hour or two to long, all the late dates and sudden trips she's so sweet and forgiving.

[savagesbonergarage]

Are you looking for prompts? 👀 Can I offer you predator/prey kink with Maul (or Savage?) I’ll just... leave this here...

Oh?

I know that @fallenrepublick has already written an excellent Maul one here, but Savage...I can't say I've seen one with the big boye anywhere yet (though correct me if I'm wrong)...

Guess that's my duty now...oh no...😏

A/N: Smuuuuuuuut, it's kinda long, wilderness survival, taking a leak (like just peeing outdoors in general, if that makes you uncomfortable you can skip it), maybe a pee kink though?? Is it a pee kink if there's no real indication of it being one? Someone will have to let me know lol, general roughness, rough sex, orgasm denial, unprotected sex, aftercare

Savage

"Instinct"

The wind rustled softly through the trees, the scent of fresh mountain air and the the temporary security of your height advantage almost offering you a moment of respite. You had stationed yourself near the top of an adequately concealed tree, it's sturdy branches sufficient enough to keep you up and away from immanent danger for the time being.

You were feeling quite pleased with yourself, if you were being honest. It had been a few days that you had managed to avoid his pursuit, a milestone you weren't quite sure you'd ever be able to achieve, and yet here you were. The few wilderness survival tips that you had learned in your youth inevitably seemed to pay off, as you remained cognizant of as much as you could regarding yourself and your environment that could potentially alert a predator. Rarely did you ever touch the ground of the forest floor, opting to remain high up in the forgiving trees that allowed for your nimbleness to be used as an advantage. You moved slowly, always making sure that your sounds blended together alongside the other calls of nature that wouldn't give way to your position, and you always shifted with the winds to ensure that the breeze never dispersed your scent around.

Savage was certainly the epitome of a predator, and an enhanced one at that - however, you'd studied him enough to understand the drawbacks that came with his awesome power. By his very nature, stealth wasn't his defining trait. At all. Were he to get anywhere within your field of vision, you would know about it without a doubt by the flocks of birds that scrambled to the skies in the distance or the cracking of branches coupled with his screams of frustration that filled the open air. You had to admit, you almost found it cute how you were finally getting the upper hand on him for once.

Although, this only meant that when or if he did catch you, you'd be shown no mercy.

It seemed your tactics this time around were working rather well though, and you considered that perhaps after one more day of survival that you'd approach him and declare yourself the victor in this dangerous game. Oh, the humiliation he would feel from his failure...the mighty Savage Opress, unable to hunt down the creature he craved for the first time. It probably irked him terribly that you were remaining relatively stagnant within the treetops as opposed to frantically running about like a frightened animal, which was likely a large factor in the enjoyment of it for him - the thrill of the chase.

Normally, you might have indulged him a bit more and better acted the part that he desired you to play, but this time, oh, this time, you were determined. Back home, he'd jokingly let slip that if you were ever to evade him long enough, he'd don a fluffy tunic and ears and call himself an ewok. That right there was all the motivation you'd ever need - nothing was going to come between you and getting to see what would inarguably be the most hilarious sight in the galaxy.

Dusk was fast approaching, and although there was still no sign of the beast that was hunting you, it was detrimental that you carefully selected a sturdy tree with tall, wide branches that you could conceal with the surrounding foliage nearby while you slept leaning against it. It was hardly comfortable and you could only rest for maybe a few hours at a time, but it was certainly safer than sleeping on the ground. You gathered your necessities and carefully arranged yourself against a wide branch and drifted off.

It wasn't long before the chill of the night air roused you from sleep. You had to admit, the worst part out of all of this was how damn cold it was being exposed to the wind in inadequate layers for these temperatures. You quietly shuffled around in an attempt to get comfortable, but in doing so you realized an uncomfortable truth.

Damn. I have to pee.

This was gonna be tricky. Finding a place to do so safely was half the battle, since you'd be making yourself completely vulnerable for a short while and if Savage happened to be somewhere nearby, no matter how quiet you were, he'd likely be able to smell you. A slightly gross fact, but an important one. He was a predator, after all. You'd managed to get by this far, and you had been avoiding drinking water for this very reason - also, because he would likely wait near the water for you to show up to inevitably drink.

Being tired, dehydrated, cold and full of pee wasn't ideal, and you couldn't wait for the morning to get here so this game could finally end. You were even starting to wonder if this was really going to be worth it once it was over. Sure, watching Savage embarrass himself was always an entertaining prospect, but right now, you just wanted to be held against him and his warmth even more. You sighed. Only a few more hours, and then you could gloat in his face for a second before snuggling up to his blissfully comfortable frame.

But for now, you still had to pee. You debated over whether or not you could potentially hold it until morning, but the answer to that was a resounding negative. It would be fine. You'd survived every other time, and you'd survive this time. Tentatively, you carefully and quietly lowered yourself to the ground, cursing the night for being so dark. Ideally, you'd want to find a place far enough away from here to go so that you wouldn't be literally marking your territory - but you didn't have any light, or Savage's reflective night sight, and you didn't have his other senses that absolutely trumped your own.

For the first time, the fear was finally starting to creep over you. It was times like this that you got so deep in your own head that you started to forget that this was really all just a game, and not an actual quest for survival; but that's how Savage liked it. You scoffed under your breath when you realized this, resolving to unbuckle your pants and simply relieve yourself right where you were. If Savage did happen to come through here, it was likely that he would assume you followed your usual thought process of maintaining distance from where you actually were rather than look up that very tree. That's how you had been operating so far; besides, there were only a few hours left. What were the chances of-

You heard a faint rustle of leaves somewhere behind you, and the panic started to settle in. That could have been anything, you told yourself as you attempted to calm down your anxiety. You couldn't really do much about it right now, since, well, you were already going. If you tried to push it faster that would only make it louder, and if you tried to scurry back up the tree in the middle of it, it would get everywhere and act as a billboard to your location. You sighed quietly, counting down the seconds until it was done in an attempt to quiet your racing heart.

You had that sinking feeling that you weren't alone. Your eyes darted around only to find that you truly couldn't see a thing, and you determined that the best course of action now was to just calmly finish up and quietly scale back up the tree.

You had just gotten your pants back over your hips when an animalistic growl erupted from behind you, and just like that, it was over. Savage had you pinned between his muscular, gargantuan form and the trunk of the tree, your arms bound to your sides in the grip of his massive hands. There was no way in hell you'd be able to wriggle free, and the adrenaline coursing through you in being captured was making you tremble. You could feel the heavy beating of his twin hearts against your back and his hot breath against your neck, and with a growl he pressed his hips against you until you could clearly feel the outline of his massive, throbbing cock against the small of your back.

"I got you. You're mine."

There was a frightening agitation in his bellowing voice that shook you, and the feeling was only worsened when you heard the scrape of one of his long horns against the bark of the tree as he brought his mouth closer to your ear.

"You think you can get away with hiding from me...? Keeping me hunting you for so long, and then teasing me like that..."

You were breathless, unable to utter a reply even if you'd had one ready before one of his powerful hands yanked your pants back down to your ankles. His claws left mild scrapes against your thigh, a concern that he was usually more cautious of, but not this time. It was clear that he was going to punish you for making him wait so long. You could barely squeak out his name when you felt his teeth rip into the layers of fabric covering your torso. With the aid of his claws he tore the garments from your body, spitting the cloth from his mouth as he revelled in the satisfaction of "skinning" you. You shivered, the heat from the zabrak's body the only thing keeping you warm now.

He flipped you so that you were facing him, the harshness of the tree bark against your bare skin making you wince as you watched him pull his monster dick out from the prison of his pants. No matter how many times you witnessed that reveal, your reaction was always the same. You looked into his glowing golden eyes, a predatory hunger there that sent both fear and heat straight through to your core. You swallowed drily, gazing into his face with a submissive look of defeat as he continued pinning you by your shoulders.

"You got me," you breathed, "I'm yours."

That did it for him. Without another word, he palmed the meat of your thighs and hoisted your legs up to hold you in place as your back rested against the rough tree, causing you to hitch your breath as Savage hungrily lined himself up with your entrance, the sheer amount of precum he leaked serving as lube before he pushed his hips forward. It was a little more forced than usual, and on top of that it had been a while since the last time you'd taken him, with your walls struggling to adjust to the stretch in order to accommodate his size. Your jaw was hanging open and your head immediately rolled back as you felt more and more full with each thrust, Savage gripping your thighs harder and exhaling a groan when he finally bottomed out.

There was a brief moment of hesitation, a pause for a reality-check as Savage lightly tapped his fingers against you. It was a subtle way of asking for permission, acknowledging that although this was your "punishment" and his reward, he still needed to know that you really wanted it like this, and that you were okay. Your response was an affirmation in the form of a squeeze on his forearm and a slight roll of your hips, with the look in your eyes pleading for him to take what he desired.

So, he did. With one strong, massive arm supporting you under your ass and the other pulling you closer to him, he backed away from the tree entirely and moved your arms to wrap around his neck so you could leverage yourself while he fucked the absolute life out of you. The noises that were escaping your lips were just as perverse as the sound of skin-on-skin echoing with vulgar, wet slaps throughout the forest, your mind already turning to mush. He was hitting everything, even when he wasn't really trying, so it took hardly any time at all before your eyes were rolling back and you felt that knot building up in your core. He didn't let up, his pace almost quickening with every desperate whine that escaped your throat.

"Savage, I-"

"Not yet," he commanded, pressing your chest firmly against his as he continued, "not until I say so."

You whined even louder, your hands moving up to hold onto his horns as he continued fucking you without mercy, that ache in your stomach growing more and more unbearable the longer you tried to push it back. Your breaths were desperate and rapid, with your face and chest flushing as red as a Dathomirian sunset with every passing second. You didn't know how much longer you could last, but you wanted to try your best for him.

"Please, I can't...!"

"Just a little more," Savage replied, relishing in the way your body was trying so hard not to break as he resumed his deliciously aggressive thrusts. Your hands moved from his horns to dig your fingers into his broad shoulders, your desperation reaching near-unfathomable limits.

"Savage, I can't-I can't-I can't-I'm-!"

You screamed as he finally allowed you to tip over the edge, having timed his release with yours so that you could ride out your highs in tandem. It was almost too much, the ecstacy of your edged climax intensifying with every twitch of Savage's pulsing cock so deep inside painting your gripping walls with heat. Even minutes later you were still quivering, barely coherent as your whines eventually began to die down and your lover held you tightly in his arms, before gently pulling his softening dick out of you once you had stopped clenching around his length.

He pressed a firm kiss against your temple as he waited for you to catch your breath, also ensuring that the majority of the unbelievable mess the two of you had made spilled out onto the grassy ground. Once he was satisfied, he moved one arm beneath both of your knees used the other to support your shoulders, keeping you close to him in this more comfortable position as he planted another long kiss to your forehead. He always thought it was cute when you were entirely spent like this, limp in his arms like a bag of grain as you relaxed in the afterglow.

"Are you alright?" He whispered against your forehead, lovingly stroking your arm as he did so. You responded with a soft smile and an affirmative hum, resting your hands against his broad tattooed chest as you curled in closer to him.

"I'm ready to go home," you admitted, voice barely above a whisper.

"Agreed. Let's get you some water and a hot bath."

Your heart fluttered, filling your chest with silent praises for him and rhetorical questions of what you did to deserve being here in the arms of this gentle, fearsome predator. He began the trek home, smiling to himself as a thought crossed his mind.

"You know," he began conversationally, "if you wanted to see me dressed as an ewok so badly, you could have just asked. I would have done it for you, anyway."

[cafeinthemoon]

THe Home I Crave - Chapter 10

Title: The Home I Crave

Genre: Fanfiction

Pairing: Tobirama Senju x reader

Rating: teen and up

Word count: 

Chapter: 10/?

Symbols: ⭕ | ➕ | 💛 | ▶️▶️

Read the previous chapters here: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9

Chapter 10 - The Clause

Fortunately for you, Tobirama still had some matters to discuss with the Hokage, so that he saw no problem in staying while Mito accompanied you to your house. None of you had a teleportation jutsu as him, but your houses were not so far from one another and you weren’t feeling so weak that you couldn’t walk, so you just took some minutes to finally reach the front door.

The first thing you did once you were inside was to drink water: it helped you to clear up your senses and to wash away the remaining bitterness in your mouth. After that, you could breathe and talk properly. Then you took a bath and started to prepare your bed.

Mito helped you with what she could; soon everything was settled and you were sure you’d get better in some hours.

However, the conversation you started in her bathroom wasn’t over.

- Y/n-san.

- Yes?

- I told you about how our actions can influence the situation between our clans and such, but I forgot to tell you something. It is more about Tobirama than about our Village and the clans, if I’m being honest.

- Really? And what is it?

You were in your bedroom now; you were on your futon, while she took a sit on a couch you had near it. You crossed your legs on the mattress as if you were about to hear a long story.

- I told many things about him, that’s true, but I didn’t explain why he’s so attached to rules and protocols even for an advisor – she took a deep breath, as someone who had to be careful on how to speak about someone else’s issues – Tobirama might not be as open about his feelings and ideals as Hashirama, but just like his brother he always wanted peace. He grew up as a warrior and the war took two of his brothers from him, as well as many friends and relatives. Of course he was not the only one who suffered with it, but to us it’s clear that he never really moved on, you understand?

That was new to you.

- So... after all these years and with all these alliances, he is still afraid of war?

- Exactly. And this is just one of the things that don’t let him sleep – she united her hands on her lap – I suppose you’ve heard about the rivalry between the Senju and the Uchiha.

- Yes. Of course.

You knew that the creation of Konoha started with the peace treaty signed by the two clans’ current heads, Hashirama and his friend, Madara. The Uchiha was not in the Village by the time you arrived and haven’t returned yet; since your clan didn’t have formal trades with his people, you never met him in person. But you could have news about him at any moment.

- First, let’s just say that him and the Uchiha head, Madara, are not the best friends. Some time before Konoha’s foundation, Tobirama was responsible for the death of Madara’s younger brother, Izuna, when they faced each other in combat. Izuna was the only sibling left for Madara, so naturally he never forgot this. On the other hand, Tobirama’s siblings were killed by Uchiha warriors. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?

You nodded.

- Do you know about the Uchiha’s kekkei genkai, the Sharingan?

- I’ve heard many things about their dojutsu, but never witnessed it in action.

- Indeed, most of its aspects remain a secret even for the wisest ninjas until this day. However, Tobirama has studied the nature and the development of Sharingan and found out its basis before any of us could make a statement. According to what he found out, the Sharingan is a proof that the Uchiha are moved by passion above all, so much that it has to be sealed. Otherwise, it can be quite problematic, as everything can be without discipline.

- I see.

- When the seal that kept the Uchiha’s passion under control is broken, the individual awakens their Sharingan. It is true that having a dojutsu like that is very useful in the battlefield and during missions, but at the same time it represents great levels of unpredictability. To summarize, it turns people unreliable to a certain point.

You finally understood where Mito wanted to go with that.

- And when someone is not reliable, it is harder to make sure they will continue to follow the rules that have been maintaining peace and order, and since the Uchiha are part of Konoha’s base, it represents a constant risk, at least on Tobirama’s eyes.

- You’re really quick to catch things – she smiled, but there was still worry in her eyes – So… In short: Tobirama already has a struggle with passionate individuals to work on. Having one more of them under his roof might be more than he can handle. And you have to admit, y/n-san. You are a passionate and idealistic girl, and you don’t even try to hide it. I’m not saying it is not good thing, but as you can see, it makes things hard.

- As if I am the only one who makes things hard here – you sighed – Guess I don’t even need to tell this to you, Mito-san, but despite not knowing the Uchiha as well as you do, it is obvious that Tobirama will never be totally in peace with them while he’s not in peace with himself. And I just came in the middle of it, I have nothing to do with it and it is not my fault if I am what I am. We all have our issues to deal with, but he can’t just take it out on me like this. I’m trying to make it work, but I can’t do it all by myself. Now, if his resistance towards me is because he finds me similar to the Uchiha as you’re suggesting, this is a poor excuse for his behavior. He cannot forget the fact that my clan always have been in good terms with the Senju, and we never declared support to the Uchiha during the Warring Period. Bringing this back in the form of suspicions is unfair with me and my people. I won’t accept this.

Mito chose her next words with caution.

- I could not agree more. Things are happening too fast for all of us and it’s been hard to keep up with them. But let me tell you that Tobirama knows that there were some renegades from your clan who joined the Uchiha during the Warring Period, fighting beside them as mercenaries. I believe your father told you about this.

Damn it. This man just knows everything?! Yes, you were aware of the existence of renegades who left your clan to fight beside others, including the Uchiha, but the official position of your clan has always been in favor of the Senju. That should be enough, even more now that your marriage has fortified this connection.

- Yes, my father never hid this from us. But Tobirama just can’t use something from the past to make things harder for us now. We are in peace, after all.

- This is exactly what Hashirama is saying to him right now. I could have asked him to do this, but he knows his brother. He’s used to make what’s necessary to calm down the moods in situations like this. At least for now, we don’t have to worry about them.

She sighed in relief for the first time since the conflict started; maybe she was waiting for you two to be alone so that she could have a chance to show how those events were affecting her. You thanked her in silence for this; it made you feel less alone in that house.

You stood in silence for countless minutes. You were the first to speak after that.

- I still remember when you told me that there are things about a man that can only be unveiled by his spouse – she raised her eyes to you and you continued – I’ve been thinking of this since that day, and then when I saw his photograph and in the wedding day. I’ve been seeking for ways to turn this into actions. But a week passed and nothing seemed to change – you looked around the room, too large and too cold for a couple’s private space – We are still strangers to each other. We much effort I can say we are allies. Mito-san…

- Yes? – her tone was lower, sadder.

- I think you gave me a great advice. I really do. But maybe it doesn’t work if a man doesn’t want us to unveil anything.

Mito didn’t hide her deception with what she saw in your face; to her, you were giving up too soon. But what you had to endure to reach this point was something that only you knew. It had nothing to do with her.

- Y/n-san…

- It’s getting late – you stood up and walked toward the room’s door – Hashirama will get worried if you stay out for too long.

The princess didn’t try to argue. Without a word, she left the coach and walked with you to the house’s front door. For one last time, you thanked her for everything she has done for you despite knowing you for so little time.

- You don’t need to thank me – she replied with a sad smile – It is my duty to offer you support. When I first arrived at this Village, I had no one to do this for me. I just don’t want you to face the same as me. This time we can do things differently.

You nodded. You closed the door behind you after she left, your eyes burning with tears you didn’t want to let come out. You agreed with her in each point, each word. You couldn’t be more glad for having found in her a friend who was like a sister. But you already had a sister you left behind in the name of your clan, and now you found out she needed you. You couldn’t turn your back on your own family now that you were aware of the facts; that was not the point of this treaty.

Once you were sure Mito was far from your door, your ran to your room again and found the travel bag you started packing that afternoon, after Tobirama went back to his office and you were left alone to process the bad news and to prepare yourself to dinner at the Hokage’s house. You finished to put in it all the remaining items you would need for a long travel: another change of clothing, more weapons and all the money you brought with you to Konoha – you didn’t know when or how you would come back, but you had to take enough provisions with you so that you wouldn’t depend on your family to pay the expenses of your return. Finally, you went to the kitchen and grabbed some of the things you bought in the marketplace the day before; you already had decided that if you ran out of food, you could find more in a forest or buy something in a tea house.

After drinking a bit more of water, you turned out all the lights and went to the night, disappearing among the trees that grew on the way between Tobirama’s house and the Village’s gates.

***

You didn’t know if the silence in the depths of the forest that surrounded the Village’s territory was a reason for you to be worried or relieved, for it could only mean two things: you didn’t have anyone coming after you, or you had exceptionally trained persecutors tracking your path.

The air among the trees was colder than you expected too, despite the absence of winds or breeze on those parts. The humidity was perceptible, and you couldn’t help comparing it to your own land: Konoha had more rivers and lakes in its surroundings, something that you supposed to be a determining factor in its prosperity. You remembered Mito’s comments about Tobirama being a master of Suiton and thought that it was easy for one to sharp their abilities when the environment favored them. Thanks to the same logic, you and your family developed your talent with Doton to a point when you could be mistaken for shinobi of Iwagakure. You started to deliberate about which points of that land would favor your performance as a ninja and in which ones you would have to work in order to win your weaknesses.

It was true that because of your thoughts, all towards your family and your sister’s conditions, your head was too noisy, but as the distance between you and the Village grew, you started to get truly worried about the silence around you. You haven’t noticed a single sign of movement except the ones coming from yourself; not even the small animals expected to be found in a forest seem to be near your way, though Konoha seemed to be a place so full of life when you arrived. It was like the forest just died at some point after your passage; it had nothing to do with what you first saw when you passed through it for the first time with your parents.

Your eyes would go from one side to another and over your shoulder, but nothing changed. You started feeling you were walking in circles, jumping through the same branches in the high trees. Could it be you were lost? Or…

- Damn it! – you cursed to yourself, your whisper sounding like a scream in that stillness – Is it a genjutsu or am I becoming paranoid?

You stopped so suddenly that even the air around you changed. Your feet, firm on a higher branch out of your path, forced the wood and produced some crackling noises. You stood up on it and with one last look at your surroundings, you jumped on your back, doing a flip toward the ground, where your could find a better use to your abilities.

You landed on the grass on one knee and put your palm over it. You closed your eyes and concentrated your attentions on the smell of the earth, trying to catch up with every information it could bring to you. You took off the glove on your right hand and touched the soil with your fingers, sensing the vibrations that would go through it: if a person, an animal or even a bug crossed your surroundings, you would know. Those were tracking techniques your master taught you when she noticed you didn’t have sensory abilities; they have been very useful specially when you were sent to distant places and there were no sensor shinobi available to join your team.

Unfortunately, the earth and its smells didn’t tell you anything about intruders. But you were still suspicious, so that you felt the need of a second, less subtle measure: an earthquake jutsu you developed for cases like that. That jutsu was going to cost you a precious amount of chakra, that was true, but it should be enough to tell your persecutor – if they were really existed – that you weren’t willing to play.

You made the hand signs and your palm touched the ground, sending a seismic wave in circular form that started around your hand and expanded through the ground around you and further. As the earth was shaken, the brown soil, the grass and worms were spread to all sides, and the trees had part of their roots exposed. The only spot that remained untouched was the one upon which you were kneeling.

The impact must have been sensed in the Village at least by the shinobi. But if this would catch their attention or not, you couldn’t care less: the annoying part was that Tobirama probably have noticed your absence by now; if he was as talented with sensory techniques as Mito told you, he could have already guessed the direction you took, and all you did with your Doton was to give him your exact location. You weren’t sure if he would come after you or not, but whatever he would decide to do, he could have avoided this by not to hiding things from you. Besides, you wanted to make sure you weren’t caught in a genjutsu without having to hurt yourself or to stop your chakra flow when you needed it most.

When the forest went back to its previous silence, you stood up, relieved to confirm you had no company. You adjusted your backpack and looked for the next branch to reach: it was safe to continue your journey through the trees.

You prepared to jump when something sharp, shining at the moonlight, crossed your way with a hiss and buried itself on the trunk of the tree you were were going to climb. You held your breath; you looked closer at it and you identified a kunai. Wrapped around its base, there was a tag marked with a seal.

You cursed when you recognized the Hiraishin’s pattern.

You moved away from it right before he teleported to its side and could do anything to immobilize you. You let the kunai you carried under your sleeve slip to your hand; whatever was going to happen there, you were going to fight and survive to continue your journey: he was not going to take you back to the Village.

When you raised your eyes to him, however, what you saw was confusing: Tobirama was wearing full armor just like you saw him in that portrait, with the blue arm pads and the white fur covering his shoulders as if he was prepared for a mission; on his right hand he carried a bag just like yours. Was he intending to accompany you along the way?

Still, you wanted to hear it from his mouth.

- What are you doing here?!

- Tsc! – he removed the kunai from the wood and hid it in his sleeve – I am the one who should be asking. What are you doing here?

You gasp in your indignation to hear him using your words against you, but you straightened up and hid your blade as well.

- I don’t need to answer this question. My intentions are obvious, and I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you.

Tobirama passed the bag’s strap over his shoulder and crossed his arms, standing his ground. It was clear that if you wanted to go ahead, you would have to pass through him.

- I could say the same – he replied – But I had to come to remind you about a clause in our treaty that you happened to forget after your meeting with my brother. The treaty stated that you should stay in Konoha as your clan’s primary representative until your people arrive. Only then you could make any plans regarding travels outside our Village’s territory. Leaving like this, without warning, will be understood as treason.

- And then I will be left with two choices: to come back with you or to be killed – you crossed your arms too – Yes, I’ve read the clauses and I remember this one very well. But if you came here to try and use it to intimidate me, let me tell you that you’re wasting your time. You know I will not come back until I do what I have to do.

- You do not have to do this when my brother already sent a doctor to take care of your sister. He’s a ninja just like us and is more than used to long and difficult travels. He will reach your compound in half the time a regular ninja would do.

You gasped. Was he really calling you a regular ninja? You ran out of patience, but you decided not to get into this type of discussion: the longer you stayed there, later you would reach your destiny.

- What kind of shinobi just leaves their work for others to do and sit on their house waiting for things to get better, specially when their family is involved? – you shrugged – I know that’s not your style. Neither it is mine.

Tobirama put a hand on his waist as if he was unsatisfied to see that this discussion would take longer than he first expected. You laughed at this internally: it seemed that the man who wasn’t used to have his orders questioned finally found a worthy adversary. He could see you as a brat right now, but you were a determined, honest brat at least.

- You speak as if your sister is completely alone in your family’s house – he argued – Which is not true. Your parents, as well as your other sisters, are there with her, and you have your own doctors working on her case, according to your father’s last letter.

You raised an eyebrow; you tried to ignore your heartbeats that just got faster.

- What are you insinuating?

The Senju didn’t waste time with deliberations, saying to your face what he had in mind:

- I’m afraid you are using this situation as an excuse to run away from the treaty.

This time you couldn’t help let your bitterness out.

- Well, let’s just say that you didn’t give me much reasons to not run away – you noticed the way he tightened his lips and continued before he did anything – But this is not what I’m doing. In my family we don’t break promises, even when we have to face hell to keep them.

- If this is the case, leaving in secret does not speak in your favor, y/n-san – he took one step in your direction, but didn’t seem willing to go any further – How can I be sure you will  respect our treaty and come back to Konoha?

- The same way I can be sure you will not hide anything from me again – you replied with seriousness – What do you have to say about that?

Tobirama sighed, but didn’t lose his temper.

- I know that words will not prove my point. Instead, actions will do. This is why I am coming with you.

You swallowed. So, he was really planning to travel with you? This was the solution he found to keep the treaty untouched, then: instead of killing you or forcing you to come back to the Village with him, he offered himself to go with you as a way to prove his honesty and to be sure of yours at the same time.

You wanted to smile at this: again, he managed to caught you with a surprise. But you didn’t want to give him a taste of victory so soon, so you kept a straight face.

- You don’t have to do this, Advisor. You have no obligation to agree with my decision…

But that man’s will was something as firm as the stones in your land. That caught you off guard as no enemy attack ever did.

- Yes, I do. It is the least I can do – and tightening his grip around the bag’s strap before jumping toward the same branch you once stood – Shall we?

[yoshkeii]

Tendou Satori hcs!

࿐ character: Tendou Satori

࿐ genre: sfw, nsfw

࿐ requested by: a lovely supportive friend <3

⌦ sfw first, nsfw last

⌦ Nsfw includes, top-switch?tendou, bottom!reader. Continue at your own risk.

A/N: this is my last hcs that I’ll be posting so I’m finally open for requests! i migth post about it soon so i can get requests for all da fandoms im accepting i dunno. if you wanna check out the fandoms, just check my masterlist!

══════ SFW ══════

★彡 He would most likely own sweaters and hoodies, which are usually oversized compared to you. He finds it extremely adorable and cute when you wear them, the sleeves are a big play in it. Cause you could just aimlessly wave them around ahsjsha-

★彡 Probably would own a stash of candy or sweets somewhere in your home. if you found it and tried to take it away he might throw a little fit or pout at you,,  but honestly he would still get more candy/sweets in secret (lil sweet tooth demon) If you asked for some, maybe, maybe, he'll share candy with you. Maybe feed it to you~

★彡 Maybe bilingual?? like his sub va speaks fairly good English from what I’ve seen,, so why not! He would use it to tease you with since you may/may not know a lot of English (depending if you lived in Japan etc.) Big flex about it and likes to show it off of course

★彡 He secretly loves to hold hands with you, just seeing the size comparison fascinates him. He might softly kiss the back of your hand knowing how much it flusters you, he laughs when it does-

★彡 Tendou would hug you from behind out of nowhere! Most likely trying to mess with you and loudly saying "Khai-chan/kun~!!" He will do this almost anywhere- usually when you are over at the gym watching him practice.

★彡 Since Ushijima and him are close friends, I bet you and Ushijima are rather close. Speaking of Ushijima and the team, Tendou would talk about you constantly when around his team. He loves you that much.

★彡 He would dance with you randomly in the kitchen, living room, or any of your bedrooms and music plays in the background. This can range from classical slow music to like "Happy" by Pharrell William type music haha- He'll try to dip and twirl you, staring at your soft smile and hearing your laughs make him extremely happy.

★彡 When Tendou sees you upset or down at the slightest, he will try his all out best to cheer you up! And it usually works showing how upbeat and positive he can be, since he has been bullied as a kid, he knows how negative feelings can get. He will even take time to go to the convenience store in secret to grab your favorite snacks and drinks, and maybe a comfort movie if he's able too! Once he get back home to you, he'll cuddle the fuck out of you, giving you kisses all over your face, arms, hands, anywhere. Tendou just wants you to feel safe and loved.

★彡 Tendou's ideal dates are usually at carnivals and fairs. He LOVES to go on the rollercoasters n rides especially with you, but if you can't handle extreme ones like he can, he won't hesitate to avoid them just for you. His love language seems to be more the quality time and words of affirmation to me! So going to events like these always make his day and seeing you smile n laugh with him as you both wander the carnival. He would always, ALWAYS get you at least one stuffed animal or a prize from the games. Usually its the medium and small sizes. Don't forget about the Ferris Wheel too~

★彡 Speaking of carnivals, he would just tell you to wait at a small bench as he rushes off to order some specialized sweets that are exclusive to the fairs or carnivals. Tendou will take a bite out of yours first as you hold it to make you flustered or blush. A sly smile on his as he does so afterwards shows proof he did it on purpose.

══════ NSFW ══════

★彡 Honestly, seeing how Tendou in general is a curious type of guy. I don't doubt he's not experienced, maybe not from doing it, but from deep-diving the internet about... those things. Ranging from kinks to maybe even toys. You never know. This guy could hold some scary surprises.

★彡 Speaking of kinks, (yeah i know- weird to jump on.) he's probably into a few even if he may know a lot of them exist. Praise kink, maybe some overstimulation might be something of his. Don't see him as the 'daddy' type but I don't doubt he would love to hear you say that, try adding 'sir' to that. Ooooo, bondage would be another, since I believe Shinbari? is the special tying of bondage in Japanese. So I HELLA don't doubt this man hasn't researched about it. Body worship is a to go.

★彡 Aftercare? Hmm.. He's surprisingly good and prioritizes it. He likes to make sure you are fine after doing it. He'll make sure you are all cleaned up with a nice warm bath at least! If he's not drained from going at it, he would double check on you and ask "Hey, Khai? Do you need anything else?" If you guys don't it would end up in nice cuddles. Tendou just nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck and giving you the sweetest of kisses~

★彡 Tendou probably has a few habits in bed. Like hair pulling (which he hella enjoys, like damn,, have you seen this man with his hair down like-), maybe scratches or nail marks from his hands when he holds you down, add some tiny nibbles or bite marks, holding your hands in whatever position (he likes dem hands)

★彡 Volume? He's not that loud nor that quiet, he's inbetween but it can range on how much he is currently into it. He will occasionally growl, grunt and moan into your ear at least which he knows edges you. When he does do that near your ears, he will bite the end/tip of it too.

★彡 Piercings-? I don't really see Tendou having piercings. Maybe one on his tongue at least, which he will most likely use it to please you instead generally.

★彡 Kisses is all he really wants. Even if its simplistic pecks n kisses to passionate make-outs while doing it. Doesn't matter to him, he loves it. And let alone, he's actually an amazing kisser. Maybe he was a little sloppy at the first kiss, but practice makes perfect for our Guess Monster~

★彡 Intimacy? He may not be a very romantic type person but he will make sure at all cost you are comfortable and feel safe.

★彡 Tendou's stamina is scary as hell. Like after you guys go one or two rounds in a row, give him maybe 2-3 minutes and a drink of water. He's rearing to go again. Ya'll can't even keep track on how many times you go jesus-

[rkived]

━ CHASING PAVEMENTS 03 | JJK

↳ PAIRING: dad!jk/married!jk/bff!jk x reader 

↳ GENRE/TAGS: f2l, angst, unrequited feelings, cheating, future smut

↳ WARNINGS: (for this chapter) time jumps, mention of divorce, blood mention ((but like nothing serious)), forced kisses, just sad stuff like this is sad guys lol

↳ WORD COUNT: 8.6k

↳ EXCERPT: ‘‘Jungkook doesn’t want to think this is the end, maybe it’s that stupid voice inside his head that always holds on to things that he knows he should let go of. But he can’t just let go of this and move on. He doesn’t remember what life was like before you and he sure as hell does not want to know what it’ll be like without you.’’

↳ A/N: getting this chapter out has been ((a pain in the ass)) tough !! & cp was supposed to end with this chapter but that was not realistic at all lmao but i do hope u like this n i’ll try to get pt4 quickly as possible <3 thx

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 

‘‘Okay everyone, let’s switch to the upward facing dog!’’

You really don’t want to be here. There’s a lot of stuff running through your head right now that are more important than focusing on yoga positions. You wish you were thinking about grocery shopping or paying that month’s bills. 

Instead, you’re still stuck on the downward facing dog as your mind tells you you’re an idiot, a homewrecker and most importantly, a terrible friend. 

‘‘Y/N, upward facing dog!’’ The instructor, Namjoon, reminds you with a gentle smile as he notices you haven’t switched positions like the rest of the class. You nod and smoothly place your body as he had taught in the classes before.

The only reason why you came to your Saturday morning yoga class was because even with all that happened last night, you wanted to feel a sense of normality. Like you’re capable of going on about your life like nothing had happened.

That’s selfish and stupid because as much as you tried, every single moment since you woke up revolved around last night.

From the moment you opened your eyes, noticing Sunhi wasn’t sleeping next to you, snuggled into your chest like you had last remembered her to be before she fell asleep and you following soon after. 

And as your heart beat faster at the thought of finding her in her dad’s arms instead, watching Saturday morning cartoons on the T.V in your living room; you instead found the place neat and tidy. The messy pillows on your couch where placed like they hadn’t even been moved to begin with, like no one besides you had been in the apartment the night before. 

Somehow he managed to do all of this without you even noticing. You wondered at what time he woke up, cleaned up, took Sunhi without making any fuss and left, all before your 7 AM alarm could wake you up.

He even made you breakfast too. Some eggs, bacon and toast. 

‘‘Y/N, your legs are touching the mat.’’ Namjoon notes as he stands in front of you, ‘‘Let’s focus, okay?’’

You nod once again, though this time a little more embarrassed. If only you could explain to your instructor why you’re so distracted. 

No messages either. No text explaining why he had to leave so early. No sticky note placed on your fridge door about how he made you breakfast. No slight shake to your sleeping body to let you know that he’d be taking Sunhi. Nothing. 

Would’ve you liked that, though? 

You could say yes because he’s your friend and it’s only fair since you took care of his daughter the night before. 

But it’s not right, because friends don’t kiss each other, let alone the way you had let him kiss you and touch you while his daughter slept in your room and his wife waited for both of them at home.

There was a war going on inside you between your brain and your heart. 

Your heart, being a weak ass bitch, was telling you about how exciting everything was. How nice it felt to have Jungkook tell you that he wanted to be with you, that he no longer felt happy with his wife, how perfectly his lips encaptured your own and how you could still feel them on you. 

But your brain, obviously being the logical one between the two, reminded you about how wrong it was. You had never wanted to be placed in a position of being ‘‘the other woman’’. That even though you might not like Jiwoo and had spent years hoping your friend would someday wake up and realize this too, this didn’t feel right. 

‘‘Alright, let’s drink some water now.’’ Namjoon announces, clasping his hands together and showing off that dimple that most ─if not all─ of the students went heart eyes over. 

You take the time to check your phone instead, you don’t need the water because you didn’t do shit anyway. There’s no text from Minji, who you’re scared will somehow, by the grace of everything that’s holy, find out about what you did. No text from Jungkook either and you’re wondering why he hasn’t bothered to send one. 

Instead, there’s a text from Taehyung and you mutter a curse. 

[8:34 AM] Taehyung: hey y/n! i’m sure you’re in your yoga class rn but i wanted to see if maybe you’d be up for lunch at my place? i’ll try and cook something nice :) 

Ah, of course that throughout all of this you forgot about Taehyung. 

The sweet guy who had stuck around only for you to pay him back by kissing your best friend, the one Taehyung had to pretend wasn’t bothered by his interruption that night a few weeks ago. 

God, you do have a way to fuck things up for yourself. 

You don’t know how long you stood there thinking what to reply to him, but it definitely was for a few minutes because you only came back to reality once you heard your name being called once by the instructor.

‘‘Y/N,’’ Namjoon repeats and you look over at him with a puzzled look, ‘‘we’re starting again, if you’d like to join us.’’ There’s that smile again. Bless his patience, you wonder if he’s actually this calm because of yoga or he’s just really good at pretending. 

You look back down at your phone, the screen displaying a text that’s still waiting to be replied to. 

‘‘I uhm─I gotta go, sorry.’’ You quickly reply, making Namjoon look at you with wide eyes, but he makes no effort to stop you either. 

And as quickly as you can, you collect your belongings before you’re heading out the door without saying goodbye. 

Either you quit yoga altogether or just apologize to Namjoon like a grownup next Saturday. Whatever it is, you’re not thinking about what decision to make about your little extracurricular right now. 

There’s only so much you can handle at a time.

Jungkook is lucky that Jiwoo works Saturday mornings because with her away, he’s able to enter his house without having to sneak in. 

He opens the door wide, making way for him and a slightly awake Sunhi in his arms. He drops the keys on the counter without caring about the noise it makes. He doesn’t even have to pretend like he’s walking on glass, his boots are allowed to hit the wooden floor without a care in the world. 

The place doesn’t look much different from what he had left it like the day before. There’s only a dirty glass on the sink, a product of Jiwoo’s daily breakfast smoothies and since she’s always in a rush she never has time to clean it up. 

‘‘Are you still sleepy, pumpkin?’’ he quietly asks his daughter and she nods, he doesn’t blame her since he’s the one who woke her up at 6 AM. ‘‘Alright, I’ll take you to your bed,” he says, a kiss on her head following shortly after. 

He wonders if Jiwoo enjoyed herself last night. No daughter and no husband, sounds like an ideal night for her. It’s not like she was worried about their whereabouts either, considering she hadn’t even bothered to text him wondering why they hadn’t come home. 

If Jungkook’s supposed to feel guilty, he isn’t. 

He’s heard stories before about how there’s a voice in your head constantly reminding you about what you did and how wrong it is. That he’ll be unable to sleep knowing he cheated on his wife while she lies next to him. That he won’t be able to look at her again without feeling remorse all over him.

And when Jiwoo returns home at noon, there’s none of that at all. He offers her a nod of acknowledgement once she enters the living room to find him sitting with his laptop, watching through old videos that he took years back. 

She puts her index finger up, telling him to give her a minute. She’s on a phone call with a friend of hers that Jungkook can only conclude is Hyeri, who he probably met at some point but can’t remember what her face looked like. 

‘‘I know! Like, why do you have to be such a bitch about it? We get that you’re sucking the boss’s dick in private, so you might as well─’’

Jiwoo’s voice is too distracting and so, Jungkook places his earphones in to hear what this video’s audio is about. Once he does, he hits play and the audio is loud enough to drown out Jiwoo’s whining. 

‘‘Guess who came to see you, Pumpkin?’’ 

Jungkook gasps as he remembers this was part of a series of videos he was supposed to show Sunhi once she was old enough to understand them. He recorded a few until he was drowning in work to even grab his camera again. It saddens him that he wasn’t able to continue.

He decides he’ll show them to her later because right now Sunhi is too busy playing with her dolls inside her room to even pay attention to him.

‘‘It’s auntie Y/N! And she came bearing gifts,’’ Jungkook smiles, switching the focus on you ‘‘is that a Fisher Price Taco Tuesday toy set that I see?’’ he wonders in a fake curious tone as you look at him with narrowed eyes ‘‘I wonder how she knew you wanted that, Sunhi. It’s not like your dad had it on his Amazon wishlist or anything.’’

‘‘Very funny.’’ You mumble, handing him the toys so you could go ahead and grab a tiny three-month-old Sunhi from the bed ‘‘Aren’t you the cutest little bean in this entire world? Aren’t you?’’ you coo at the little girl, who looks at you with wide eyes and you’re forced to blink a couple of times because she looks just like him. 

‘‘Of course she is, she’s my spitting image!’’ Jungkook confirms your thought as he grabs Sunhi’s cheek gently with his fingers and squeezes, making the baby giggle.

You side-eye him and then focus your attention back on the baby in your hands, ‘‘No, you’re not, Sunhi. Your daddy is not cute at all.’’ 

‘‘You’re gonna make me put this camera down and have a discussion about this.’’ 

Jungkook chuckles at the footage, noticing how he made you smile because of his comment. The video isn’t long, it’s mostly you cooing to a then tiny Sunhi, giggling at the way you would nuzzle your nose into her belly as Jungkook laughed behind the camera. 

‘‘Jungkook, look at her!’’ You practically squeal as Sunhi grabs your thumb with her little hand ‘‘Oh my gosh, I think I’m gonna cry.’’ 

He laughs as he does a close-up of his daughter holding on to your finger, until he hears the little sniffle you let out and the camera is now focused on you silently wiping a tear away. 

‘‘Wait, you’re actually crying?’’ Jungkook asks in disbelief and you turn to look at him to find the lens focused on you ‘‘Sunhi, you’re Auntie Y/N loves you so much that she’s crying! How cute.’’ 

‘‘You’re so dumb, seriously.’’ you mumble with a frown, going back to gawking at the baby still holding on to your thumb. 

Jungkook sighs, ‘‘I’m gonna have to bleep that out, y’know?’’

You laugh and shrug your shoulders, caressing Sunhi’s stomach. Jungkook whispers ‘cute’, so soft that you’re unable to hear it.

Once it ends, Jungkook is able to see his smiling face as it reflects on the black screen and it’s only then he realized he’d been grinning the whole time. Now his ears are filled with Jiwoo talking over the phone and his smile goes back to a straight line. 

Jungkook closes the video and clicks on the next one, hoping that it’s one that involves you as well. He’s unable to press play because Jiwoo is suddenly standing in front of him, arms crossed and she’s no longer talking on her phone. 

‘‘Yes?’’ He asks, removing an earbud to show her she has his full attention.

‘‘So, where were you last night?’’ 

Jungkook’s slightly surprised that she cares. He tends to forget there’s still some humanity left in her after all, ‘‘At Y/N’s.’’ he answers with a shrug, eyes going back to stare at the screen of his laptop. 

Jiwoo scoffs and he’s forced to look at her again, eyebrow slightly raised. He hopes she doesn’t start because it’s too early and it’s a Saturday. But Jiwoo doesn’t like taking breaks like he does.

‘‘I thought you said that she wasn’t going to be able to take care of Sunhi on Fridays.’’ There’s bitterness in her tone, ‘‘so, what were you doing there?’’ 

Jungkook understands where Jiwoo’s curiosity comes from, but it’s strange. She’s never been the type to ask where he’s been, what he’s doing with Sunhi while she’s not around ─which is practically all the time─ and doesn’t care for your business either. 

‘‘I just stopped by.’’ Jungkook mutters, stroking the nape of his neck in an attempt to not seem suspicious, ‘‘We hung out and Sunhi fell asleep, she didn’t wanna come back home.’’ 

And that’s true, Jiwoo narrows her eyes at him as if she’s debating whether or not to believe him and the excuse of their sleeping daughter. She doesn’t know Sunhi that well to conclude if it’s possible or not. 

‘‘And what, did you all three sleep together in the same bed? Playing family, maybe?’’ 

Jungkook looks at her in disbelief. This is a first. 

‘‘What?’’ Is all he’s able to muster because he’s genuinely shocked at her accusation. 

Jiwoo rolls her eyes, ‘‘Oh, please. Like I’m going to buy that hanging out bullshit.’’ Jungkook looks like a deer stuck in headlights and she chuckles, ‘‘Is what I give to you not enough?’’ 

‘‘I─what are you on about?’’ 

He figures this is her picking a fight because he wasn’t around yesterday to attend her needs like he usually does every Friday night. But Jungkook’s mind is quick to remind him of what he did and it’d be really ironic if he denies Jiwoo’s accusations, that for the first time are actually true. 

‘‘I carried around that girl for nine months, ruined my body because of her, all for you to pick someone else over me?’’ Jiwoo’s voice is raised a little higher and Jungkook can’t help but look over at Sunhi’s bedroom door and hope his daughter is not listening to anything coming from the living room. ‘‘I knew I should’ve never trusted her, I always knew your friendship with her was fucking weird.’’

Jungkook doesn’t want to raise his voice either. It’s not going to get them anywhere. But he can’t stand the way she’s speaking about his daughter and you, she’s never crossed those boundaries before. 

‘‘Are you insane? How can you talk about your daughter like she’s nothing?’’ Jungkook spats out, ‘‘I’ve always been thankful for what you did, I know the shit you went through to bring her into this world.’’ 

But Jiwoo doesn’t care about how loud she’s being, ‘‘You’re so thankful you pay me back by fucking your best friend? While I’m alone over here waiting for you to come back?’’

Jungkook has to take a deep breath and close his eyes for a second, before he loses it. 

He clears his throat, ‘‘Jiwoo, I have always chosen you. Always. I did back when I was a sophomore, I did it when I asked you to marry me, and I did it when I chose you to be the mother of my children. So, I don’t know what─’’

‘‘I don’t give a flying fuck if you chose me! I was supposed to be all of that either way, Jungkook.’’ She interjects.

Was she, though? Of course, she was his girlfriend then. It would make sense that she’d be the one to end up marrying him, having his kids and living the happy life everyone guaranteed he’d live alongside her. 

But he hasn’t been thinking about the choices he ended up taking back then. Instead, he’s been wondering about the ‘what if’s and Jiwoo isn’t in any of them. 

Jungkook’s been daydreaming for months now about how different his life would’ve turned out if he had never asked the pretty girl in his class all those years back and instead had focused his attention somewhere else. Or someone else.. 

‘‘Are you going to answer me?’’ Jiwoo’s stern voice brings him back to the reality he hates, ‘‘Were you going to pick me or was I a second choice?’’ She slowly asks, giving him an opportunity to digest every single word she spoke. 

‘‘You weren’t a second choice,’’ he mumbles and his gaze has faltered and instead focused back on the screen of his laptop. Clicking on a video randomly, trying to distract himself from the situation at hand. Hoping that whatever he says is enough for Jiwoo to leave him alone. 

It doesn’t help that the video automatically plays and it’s you on the first frame, a big smile as you hold Sunhi towards the camera, making her wiggle in your arms. 

What if. 

‘‘Show me that you love me, then.’’

The video still plays as Jungkook looks back at Jiwoo standing right in front of him, her arms are still crossed, but the look on her face is different. Her brows are no longer furrowed and Jungkook might be wrong, but he thinks her eyes look glossy. 

He doesn’t act quickly enough and she takes the laptop from him, closing it before she can even notice what is it that has garnered his attention. Jiwoo straddles his lap and he jumps slightly at the action, placing her arms around his neck as she looks at him with innocent eyes. 

If he didn’t know her, he would’ve believed them. 

‘‘Jiwoo, let’s not─’’ 

‘‘I missed you yesterday,’’ she interjects in a whisper ‘‘show me that you love me right now.’’ 

Her lips latch onto his neck, biting and sucking on the skin as he tries to wriggle himself out of her hold, but her hands push at his chest so he can stay still. 

‘‘C’mon,’’ she mumbles ‘‘show me.’’ She’s pleading by then.

He feels nothing. There’s no electricity in Jiwoo’s kisses. No tingles on his back, no goosebumps on his skin, no fireworks going off. If anything, everytime her lips meet his skin it feels bitter, like they don’t belong there at all. 

‘‘Daddy, come please!’’ The muffled voice of Sunhi inside her room interrupts the one-sided moment and Jungkook is silently thanking her. 

Jiwoo doesn’t make an effort to move as she keeps kissing on all the exposed skin he has to offer. Jungkook sighs in frustration as he forces her off him, making her land beside him with an astonished expression.

Her hands tighten into fists as she looks at him like he’s gone insane, ‘‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’’ She asks in disbelief.

Jungkook blinks, ‘‘Did you─?’’ He gestures with his finger over to his daughter’s room, ‘‘Sunhi is calling me.’’ 

His wife scoffs, crossing her arms over her chest again, ‘‘Of course, you always go running when it comes to her.’’ 

Contrary to his belief, there is no humanity left in Jiwoo at all. She’s just really good at pretending like she cares so she can get her way. This is the last time Jungkook falls for this trick.

Jungkook opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He repeats this action a few times, to stammer something out. Anything. But there’s nothing besides the expecting silence of his wife as she chuckles incredulously. Jungkook ignores this and turns around, a second away from opening Sunhi’s bedroom door─

‘‘You’re a waste of a husband.’’ Jiwoo sneered. 

His hand drops from the door handle and he sighs, taking a deep breath in and out.

He looks back at her, ‘‘You know what, Jiwoo? I wasn’t lying when I said you weren’t my second choice.’’ he informs and her eyebrow raises up ‘‘But you aren’t my first choice now either.’’

Jiwoo scowls and heaves in anger, ready to let hell loose on him ‘‘I knew that who─’’

‘‘It’s Sunhi,’’ he states and Jiwoo closes her mouth before she can even finish her sentence. ‘‘Ever since I knew you were pregnant with her, she’s been at the top of my list and she’ll always be there. I don’t care what you do or say to me, I really don’t. You don’t love me, Jiwoo.’’

At the accusation, her eyes soften and she’s standing up to argue that it’s not true, but Jungkook raises his hand in a motion to stop her. 

‘‘You don’t love me and I don’t love you.’’ 

Jungkook expected her to start yelling at him like she usually did, but Jiwoo’s rendered speechless on her spot as she stares at him, blinking rapidly. 

‘‘I don’t love you,’’ he repeats ‘‘and I haven’t loved you for a while now. I don’t remember the last time my heart raced up when I saw you or when I stopped enjoying kissing you. And I’m sorry, because I should’ve told you instead of pretending like I did.’’ 

Jiwoo’s motionless as she takes all of his words in. 

‘‘But I did it for her because I didn’t want her to hate me if you ever left. But that was a dumb idea because you don’t care about Sunhi. And frankly, I doubt she cares about you either. She never speaks about you, never asks about you, she’s used to you not being here even if you sort of are.’’ 

Jungkook places his hand over the doorknob once again and Jiwoo grimaces.

‘‘I should’ve never begged you to come back. I should’ve thought about what you wanted and it’s always been clear to me what that is,’’ Jungkook swallows the knot he feels in his throat ‘‘and it’s never been Sunhi or me.’’

‘‘Jungkook.’’

He thinks she’s about to tell him how sorry she is. That she’ll recognize how heartless she’s been and how she not only failed him, but failed their daughter too. Maybe beg for a final try at their relationship as she promises she’ll change this time. 

Jungkook hums and spares her one last glance.

Jiwoo has a stoic expression on her face and she speaks under her breath, but clear enough for him to hear, ‘‘Sign the papers when you get them.’’

You expect Minji to just jump at you any minute now because if looks could kill, you’d be dead already. Maybe you should’ve pretended like you weren’t home and let Minji knock on your door until she’d give up, but even you knew better than that. 

It was better to face her now than to deal with her accumulated wrath later.

‘‘When were you going to tell me?’’ She suddenly asks and it takes you by surprise because it had been way too silent since you had let her in.

Minji works like a predator, she attacks when you least expect it and right now you definitely feel like you’re about to be eaten. 

‘‘I─uh…’’ 

She sighs and you can see the disappointment in her face, ‘‘Were you going to tell me at all?’’ 

You nod instead, not trusting yourself enough to speak at the moment. 

It had been a week since the event in your living room and it makes you shift uncomfortably in your chair as you stare at your friend, who’s sitting on the couch where everything went down. 

‘‘Then why did I have to find out through Taehyung?’’ She asks in a disappointed tone. 

You figured he’d tell her. It’s not like you asked him not to do so, but you had silently prayed that the universe was on your side on this one and by some unknown reason they wouldn’t bump into each other at work and Minji, like she usually did, wouldn’t ask him about you. Because if she did, then he’d have to explain how you had broken the news that you had made out with your best friend; the one Minji despised with her soul. 

A sigh escapes your lips as you lower your head with shame.

You were supposed to tell her, but every time you took your phone and tried to dial or text her, your nerves got the best of you and ended up chickening out, promising that you’d do it the next day. Then the next day. And the next day. 

It’s not like you’re scared of Minji─well, maybe only slightly. But you know the effort she put into getting you to go out and meet someone new, someone that’s not married and not a father. She’s known Taehyung for so long, probably even told him how much of a good girl you were to convince him to take you out, only for you to end up throwing all of that in the trash like it was nothing. 

Minji’s also spent years pushing you to move on from your friendship with Jungkook. Not just because she doesn’t like him, but because she’s always felt like he’s held you back while he’s made his way in life. You’ve stuck behind him making sure that he’s okay and happy, forgetting about yourself in the process. 

‘‘I’m not angry at you,’’ she speaks softly, making you look up at her with surprise. ‘‘I just─He gave you a second chance, Y/N. Why did you say no?’’ Her words are laced with curiosity and you know that she’s asking because even Taehyung wasn’t able to give her an answer to this question. 

Your bottom lip trembles and you’re trying your hardest not to burst into tears in front of him. You can’t and you won’t. How even dare you to do that? 

‘‘I’m sorry,’’ you whisper and your eyes shift down to the wooden floor of his apartment. ‘‘I’m sorry, Taehyung.’’ You repeat, knowing it’s not enough.

Taehyung gulps and his crossed arms quickly fall to his sides as he realizes that, whatever anger he felt when you told him about what you did, was no longer there the moment he saw how genuinely apologetic you looked. 

‘‘I’m an idiot, I know.’’ You continue, rubbing your clammy hands into the material of your leggings and it does nothing to dry them. ‘‘I’m sorry, Taehyung.’’

He knows he shouldn't be so easily swayed by your apology, but he can’t help but want to cradle you in his arms. And when he does, your eyebrows raise in surprise as you gasp because you weren’t expecting this. 

You expected anger, insults thrown out about how you’re a slut and being kicked out of his apartment with him telling you to never contact him again. 

Taehyung’s still sweet even when his heart is getting broken. 

‘‘It’s okay,’’ he whispers into your hair as one of his hands runs up and down your back ‘‘we can work this out, yeah?’’ 

You bite the tip of your tongue as you take his words in, feeling your heart speeding up even faster than what it was when you spilled everything out on him. Maybe you would’ve preferred him getting angry than his current reaction.

‘‘It’s not like we were exclusive, right?’’ Taehyung chuckles, but it feels like he’s convincing himself that that was the reason as to why it happened. ‘‘Let’s forget it, seriously.’’

A shaky sigh comes out of your mouth as your arms, that hadn’t reciprocated his hug, gain the strength to separate yourself from him. He looks taken aback, but he’s waiting for you to reply in agreement because, yes, you could work this out if you try hard enough. 

But that’s not realistic. Pretending like you never kissed Jungkook is not realistic at all, because it’s sad to admit that you won’t be able to kiss Taehyung again without thinking about your best friend in the back of your head as you’re reminded that not only did you let him kiss you, but you reciprocated and not only did you reciprocate, but you liked it a little too much. 

‘‘Y/N,’’ he speaks up, snapping you from your thoughts,‘‘please, let’s just try.’’ He silently asks─no, begs. 

The barking of his dog, Yeontan, startles you as you come to stare at the little dog at the feet of his owner, who at the moment isn’t interested to see what he wants. You never told Taehyung, but the teacup pomeranian was extremely overprotective of him. 

He’s barking at you like you’re hurting his owner and maybe you aren’t physically doing any damage, but you know that you’re about to break his heart all over again.

‘‘I-I…,’’ you blink as you try to focus on the man in front of you and not the dog on the ground, ‘‘I’m sorry, I can’t.’’ 

Yeontan’s barks increase and Taehyung is at a loss for words to beg you to stay and talk things through. You can still hear the dog’s incessant barking as you make your way down the hall and that’s when the tears you were holding finally fall down. 

‘‘Taehyung’s a nice guy, Y/N. He forgave you and you just left?’’ Minji asks, disbelief in her tone. ‘‘I thought you liked him.’’

‘‘I do!’’ You finally speak up. You’re sure of it, you like Taehyung. Your friend gives you a puzzled look because she really can’t understand you right now. ‘‘I like Taehyung, I really do,’’ you mutter, ‘‘but it’s not fair to him.’’ 

Minji scrunches her face up because there’s only one reason you’re thinking that way. She’s tired of this narrative, it’s old and overdone and it should’ve ended years ago.

She lets out a breathless chuckle, ‘‘You love him, don’t you?’’ Another question that takes you by surprise.

‘‘No, I just─’’

Minji holds her finger up, interrupting you, ‘‘I’m talking about Jungkook.’’ 

This is the attack. Not the other questions she had asked you regarding her old family friend. Not the unannounced arrival to your apartment on an uneventful Saturday morning where you had chosen to stay in bed instead of facing the peaceful yoga instructor. Not the glaring looks she had been giving you for the last minutes.

And if you weren’t ready for any of those, this one definitely takes the prize. 

‘‘I-I of course I love him,’’ you mumble, ‘‘he’s my friend.’’

Minji smirks as her eyebrows raise, ‘‘No, I’m asking if you’re in love him.’’ 

You’re sure that the feelings that you’ve had for Jungkook have always been platonic. You do love him because he’s your friend and you’re supposed to love your friends. But you know that the love that you have for him is very different from the one you have for anyone else. It might be the history between you two. You’ve been with him through it all, cheering from the sidelines as he accomplishes one milestone after the other. 

‘‘Be honest with me,’’ Minji demands, ‘‘are you in love with Jungkook?’’ she asks once again.

Your eyes well up and your bottom lip is trembling as you look back at your intimidating best friend because your silence is deafening and you’re expecting her to throw the last blow. You think you deserve it. Minji has so much she wants to say, but you look so dejected and she figures that you might’ve just realized it. 

‘‘Hey, it’s okay.’’ She comes up to you quickly, crouching down as she looks up at the tears rolling down your reddened cheeks. ‘‘Y/N, it’s okay.’’ 

You’ve been trying to tell yourself the same thing the past few days. 

It’s okay that you kissed your best friend. It’s okay that you’ve slowly and silently started harbouring feelings for him. It’s okay that you just realized you’ve been in love with him for a while now. It’s okay that you’ve been resenting the fact that he didn’t choose you all those years ago. It’s okay that you take care of and love his daughter like she’s yours. 

But...

‘‘No, it’s not.’’ You cry, ‘‘I can’t do that, Minji, he’s not mine to have.’’ 

Your mind quickly brings you back to the harsh reality, which is that Jungkook will never be yours. He probably only kissed you because he was looking for something that was capable of exciting him again after realizing how bored of his marriage he is. He doesn’t love you like that, he’ll never love you like that.

Minji can’t disagree with what you just said, but she also feels like right now is not the time to make you feel even worse when it’s obvious you’re already there. 

‘‘I blocked his number, anyway.’’ You mumble out, wiping away your tears. 

Your friend’s eyes widened at the revelation, ‘‘What?’’. 

‘‘I freaked out after I talked to Taehyung because I felt so guilty and you know how I don’t know how to deal with shit ever, so I just─’’ You stop yourself from rambling and sigh as you feel Minji’s hand squeezing your knee as a sign of comfort, ‘‘I can’t see him again without thinking about it. I can’t take care of Sunhi knowing he’s going home to sleep with Jiwoo. I just can’t keep pretending anymore.’’ 

Minji can’t do much after that, you’ve become a sobbing mess and the tears seem unstoppable. She’s never seen you like this and it dawns on her that you’ve held all of this in for way too long. 

It’s ironic because she’s always told you that you need space from Jungkook, thinking it’d be good for you to finally realize that you’re not part of his list of priorities anymore and hadn’t been for a long time. 

But she hadn’t taken into account what the after effects of not having him in your life anymore would look like.

[12:03 PM] Jeon Jungkook: hi y/n 

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[12:04 PM] Jeon Jungkook: hey???

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[12:07 PM] Jeon Jungkook: i wanted to see if you’d like to meet up for lunch one of these days? i feel like we need to talk 

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[5:13 PM] Jeon Jungkook: does this work now??

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Jungkook groans in annoyance as he finds another one of his texts left undelivered. It feels like life is either against him or doing this for his own good. 

Nonetheless, he wants to talk to you because it’s been a few days since he last saw and heard from you. He figures you’re mad, the last words you spoke to him didn’t sound friendly at all and he wonders if maybe leaving without saying goodbye that day was the right thing to do. 

The small snores coming from beside him make him realize Sunhi is finally asleep and he can’t help but let out a sigh of disappointment as he watches her curl into a fetal like position, clutching her Dumbo plush toy and slightly drooling into his favorite pillow, making him pout because he knows he won’t be able to pry it away from her when he decides to fall asleep too. 

Sunhi being fast asleep is supposed to bring peace to Jungkook’s tiring day, though the silence is extremely uncomfortable and these days he’s come to realize how much he rather have his daughter running around and yelling in excitement than this.

Complete and utter silence.

[7:13 PM] Jeon Jungkook: (1.jpg attached) sunhi misses auntie y/n!! she’s been asking me about you a lot 

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[7:15 PM] Jeon Jungkook: i miss auntie y/n more tho…

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[7:17 PM] Jeon Jungkook: i hope ur alright :)

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‘‘Pumpkin, you can stop smiling already.’’ Jungkook chuckles as he looks up from his phone, noticing his daughter still holding the big smile he had given him when he requested to take a picture of her to send to you. ‘‘I already sent the picture to Auntie Y/N.’’ He informs and she sighs with relief, massaging her cheeks from straining them too hard.

Though his eyebrows furrow, noticing his messages have once again been left undelivered. He makes a mental note to call the phone company soon, because it’s been over a week since he last sent the first messages and those remained in the same state as well. 

‘‘Daddy, unpause!’’ Sunhi demands, making him realize that he’s in the middle of showing her his favorite Pixar movie, Cars. 

Twenty minutes had passed and for a majority of them Sunhi had only watched attentively and Jungkook looked over at her every other second just to make sure she hadn’t fallen asleep. Warmness spread throughout him as he noticed his daughter looking at the screen with those big doe eyes she had inherited from him. 

Once the scene where Sally shows Lightning McQueen around Radiator Springs, Jungkook feels a tug at his sweatshirt and looks down to notice Sunhi’s little hand grabbing at the fabric, her eyes are still glued to the screen.

“Auntie Y/N likes this too?” She asks and Jungkook chuckles because his daughter can’t stop thinking about his friend even when doing anything completely unrelated to you.

Maybe that’s another thing she inherited as well.

[7:03 PM] Jeon Jungkook: so i called my phone company and asked them abt why my messages aren’t being delivered and they said that you must’ve blocked me

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[7:04 PM] Jeon Jungkook: yeah i guess you did

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Jungkook’s mind has gone blank ever since he got off the phone with the cellphone company. 

The idea that you might’ve blocked his number had not once crossed his mind during the weeks of undelivered texts and phone calls sent straight to voicemail. It was obvious, but he didn’t think you’d be capable of doing it. 

He wanted it to be a network issue or something else that he could put blame on instead of facing the realization that you had shut him out from your life. And that thought hurt, no─stung him. 

The worst part is that he knows he deserves it. It was foolish of him to think that you had enjoyed the kiss too. Dumb enough to believe that you might’ve reciprocated the way he felt. 

Jungkook doesn’t want to think this is the end, maybe it’s that stupid voice inside his head that always holds on to things that he knows he should let go of. But he can’t just let go of this and move on. 

He doesn’t remember what life was like before you and he sure as hell does not want to know what it’ll be like without you.

[1:30 AM] Jeon Jungkook: i miss you so fucking much i’m sorry if i knew that kissing you would’ve fucked everything up htne i woudl’ve never done it y/n i’m sorry 

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[1:31 AM] Jeon Jungkook: i really wanted to kiss you but it was selfish of me to do it i didnt think about what you must’ve felt im sos sorry 

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[1:32 AM] Jeon Jungkook: sunhi’s been asking me about yoj and i dont even know what to say anymore

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[2:27 AM] Jeon Jungkook: i don’t even care if you dont wanna speak to me anymore i fucked this up for sunhi she loves you so much and you’re her favorite person ever and i ruined it for her just bc i wanted to see if you felt the same way as i do

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[3:50 AM] Jeon Jungkook: i miss you y/n i really do 

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“Daddy, lemme go!” Sunhi whines trying to escape from her father’s hands as he finishes applying the sunscreen on her arms, “Daddy!”.

He gives her a stern look and the toddler huffs, sticking her bottom lip out in an act of annoyance. The playground games are waiting for her and she feels like her dad is just coming between them and her.

“Alright,” he pats his big hands on her tiny arms, “you’re good to—“ Jungkook isn’t able to finish his sentence because his daughter’s already running towards one of the slides, “Sunhi, be careful!” He reminds her, but she’s too focused on the rides than on her dad’s warning.

Jungkook sighs and relaxes into the bench. 

“She’s precious,” She comments with a small smile as her attention focuses on the little girl having the time of her life going down the slide, “I’m surprised she’s yours.” 

Jungkook looks over at the woman beside him and scoffs, but he can’t help but agree. Sunhi is too good and too pure, the best thing he’s ever done in his life. 

“Yeah, well, it’s all her.” Jungkook admits, eyes focusing back on Sunhi, “She’s really great.” 

There’s an uncomfortable silence between them and Jungkook has to clear his throat to gain her attention. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t meet up at a café,” Jungkook apologizes and nods over at his daughter, “she’s been a little misbehaved lately, you said you wanted to talk to me and I figured that if I took Sunhi to a place like that she’d just—“

She interrupts his rambling, “Hey, it’s okay. I have no problem, really.” She assures him and he nods slightly, “I haven’t been in a place like this in a long time.” 

Jungkook scratches the back of his neck and glances over at the woman who’s looking at him with an expression he can’t quite pinpoint. It makes him so nervous that he quickly shifts his gaze to the ground.

“This is so weird.” He admits with an awkward chuckle and she raises her eyebrow, “I mean—you hate me, Minji, so I don’t know what you want to talk about.” 

“I don’t hate you!” Minji laughs and Jungkook finally looks at her and she falters, “Seriously! I only dislike you and that’s saying a lot.” 

He supposes that’s a good thing, considering how aggressive Minji used to be towards him back in college. Always letting him know how much she despised his guts, how he didn’t deserve to have you as his friend and even once threw a drink at his face during a party; though you swore to him she was drunk and that she didn’t mean it.

Jungkook hadn’t seen her much since, only a few times if it was your birthday and they managed to cross paths, because the girl made sure she was never in the same room as him. The times it happened, he felt like she was throwing daggers at him through her eyes. 

“It always bothered me how putty in your hands she was for you,” Minji begins, crossing her arms over her chest as she settles back into the bench, “and how oblivious you were about it.” 

Jungkook looks back at her and there’s a small smile on her face, most likely looking over at his daughter. 

“How when we got together for study sessions, she’d be tired because she was taking care of you the night before at one of those stupid frat parties you loved dragging her to.” Minji recalls and Jungkook feels like his mouth has gone dry from the memory.

She crosses one of her legs over the other, “Or that whole Jiwoo ordeal, how you had practically put Y/N aside once you managed to date the ‘campus hottie’.” She says with air quotes and Jungkook sighs, remembering the beginning of it all.

He knows that he can’t turn back time and change it all. Even if he could, he knows he wouldn’t. If there was no Jiwoo, there’d be no Sunhi. 

An excited yell startles him as he looks over at his daughter, swinging up and down. “Look, daddy! I'm flying!” She calls and he smiles at her. 

“Jesus, that’s fucking precious.” Minji mumbles, but he hears her nonetheless and nods in agreement. “Anyway, I’m not going to act like a saint here and pretend I was vouching for you, because I never did.” 

Jungkook knows. Back then he didn’t understand why Minji was so adamant about trash talking him to you, considering how he and her barely knew each other. Actually, whatever knowledge they had of the other was through of you. 

But Jungkook’s done a lot of self reflecting for the past month and a half and he’s realized why Minji disliked him so much. Or, dislikes. Either way, it’s valid.

“I just wanted her to snap out of it,” she confesses, “and realize that there is a life beyond you. That there’s more than being your best friend and your daughter’s babysitter. That she’s capable of moving on and putting you aside, because if you did that to her then why shouldn’t she?” 

Jungkook hadn’t thought about any of that at all. He had realized he had been a shitty friend, but the idea of just how much definitely hadn’t settled on him. He wishes you knew how much he’s cared about you, but that there were too many overlapping lines for him to ever express it.

“I thought that after setting her up with Taehyung she had finally realized it,” she continues “but you know how she is, she rarely lets up and I knew she wasn’t going to let you go that easily.” 

Jungkook draws in a long breath, rubbing his now clammy hands in his jeans as he looks back towards Minji. 

“I mean, she couldn’t let her go that easily.” She jerks her head towards Sunhi, still sitting on the swings, though she’s slowed down now. “She loves that little girl so damn much.” 

Jungkook’s sure of this. He recognizes the immense love you have for Sunhi, how sincere and unconditional it is. It’s the way a mother loves her child, though he never expected it to come from you instead. He’s not surprised though, because it’s the same love you gave to him. But it’s louder, there are no boundaries that you needed to respect to show Sunhi just how much you loved her, unlike with him. 

It dawns on him that cutting him off must’ve been hard. You probably wanted to do it for way longer and only stayed because of Sunhi and Jungkook doesn’t want to think about the dilemma you must’ve went through to finally do it this time around. 

He runs his hands through his hair, letting out a shaky breath, remembering that Sunhi doesn’t have you anymore. That’s the reason as to why she’s been so misbehaved lately, crying way too often, throwing tantrums over the smallest of things. Jungkook could blame it on the fact that she’s soon turning four and maybe it’s something that comes with age, it might just be a coincidence that she’s acting this way during a time you’re no longer present in her life.

This is the thing Sunhi might not be able to forgive him for.

“Minji,” he finally speaks up and the woman beside him focuses his gaze back on him, “I miss her so much.” He mumbles, not trusting himself to speak up because he might choke back a sob.

“Only now?” 

“No!” He says this a little too harshly and Minji jumps slightly at the tone in his voice, “I’ve always missed her and I’m fucking idiot for realizing too late.” 

She hums and Jungkook’s chest rises and falls with rapid breaths, “She’s my first thought when I wake up and when I finally manage to go to sleep. Sunhi constantly reminds me about her, asking me where she is and when can she see her and I have to force myself to lie.” 

Jungkook doesn’t realize Minji’s hand is now awkwardly placed on his back, hesitantly tapping as if to give him some comfort. It’s weird to see him like this, she had convinced herself that the guy didn’t have any feelings when it came to you.

“She blocked my number, I can’t call her and all my texts have been left undelivered. I’ve driven by her apartment building too many times with the plan to go up and talk to her, but I always back out because I’m an idiot and I know she’ll hate me if I do that and I—“

“Jungkook.” 

“I just want to know if she still cares, I don’t mind if she doesn’t feel the same way. But I want to know that Y/N still cares about Sunhi and me. Do you know? Does she? Could you please—“

Jungkook’s ramble is interrupted by the crying sounds of Sunhi, who’s now on the ground as she sobs and he quickly stands up to go straight towards her. He blinks away the tears that had formed in his eyes because there’s only room for one crying baby here.

“Pumpkin, what happened?” He asks in a soft voice, crouching down at her level and she’s pouting as she points at her bloody knee. “Did you fall down?” She nods and he sighs, picking her up as he takes her back to the bench where Minji waits with expectancy to check on the little girl.

Jungkook places Sunhi beside her and looks through his daughter’s bag for the emergency kit he carried around. He cleans the blood delicately with a gauze and alcohol, making the little girl wince and yelp out an ‘ouch!’ as she holds tightly to Minji’s thigh. 

“It’s okay, Pumpkin.” He reassures her with a smile, making his daughter nod because she trusts her dad, “It was an accident and accidents are part of growing up, right?” She nods again and Minji figures this isn’t a first for her.

Once the blood has been cleaned, Jungkook places a cute rainbow patterned bandaid on the wound in her knee. 

“There we go,” he announces and Sunhi lets out the breath she’d been holding, ‘‘all done! Are you good now?” 

“Yes,” Sunhi weakly replies, “daddy, I wanna go home.” 

Jungkook’s eyebrows raise in surprise, but the look on her face tells him that she’s probably still shaken by the accident and most likely wants to take a nap to forget about it.

He looks over at Minji with an apologetic look and she gives him half a smile, “Go, it’s alright.” 

Jungkook nods and takes Sunhi in his arms, which she gladly accepts and settles her head in the crook of his neck. Minji’s ready to leave, figuring there was no point in staying any longer.

“Minji, wait!” He stops her before she goes, making her turn around and offer him a curious look, “Sunhi’s birthday is in a few weeks and,” Jungkook reaches for something inside his daughter’s bag, “she really wants Y/N to be there.” He whispers, taking out a party invitation to hand over to Minji.

She smirks, looking at the personalized invitation for his daughter’s fourth birthday, “Just Sunhi?” She asks and he lets out a breathless laugh.

“Me too.” Jungkook adds and a small smile appears on his face as he says it. “Uh—thank you for talking to me, I know it must’ve been hard.” 

Minji swats her hand in the air, “It’s alright, just wanted to make sure how you and the kid were doing. It’s all she talks about anyway.” 

A gasp escapes his lips and he holds on to his daughter tighter as she nuzzles her face farther in. 

“I’ll give her the card, but—I can’t guarantee if she’ll go.” She warns and he nods, understanding.

Though he does not like the possible outcome, he settles down with the idea that you’ll notice how even though you both haven’t spoken towards each other in almost two months, he’s still thinking about you either way. Every day.