#i guess in some way i wanna be true to myself if that makes sense ...

[cherrylight]

i wanna try more in 2024 !!

even though im so socially awkward and i fear that id say something thats like... really strange or weird D:

but like !! i wanna take pictures of things i see! or interact & engage more !! or like get better at drawing !! and try to not fear so much on posting w/e i want !!

its baby steps to reach the point of confidence to do something like that but i want to try

[a-hazbin-reader]

OK ANOTHER IDEA

OK SO WE KNOW THAT ALASTOR IS A MAMAS BOY AND HAS AN AMAZING RELATIONSHIP WITH HER

SO WHAT IF ALASTOR HAD A FEM S/O BUT SHE HAS A TERRIBLE RELATIONSHIP WITH HER MOM, ITS JUST SO EMOTIONALLY TOXIC (especially with reader being an older sibling)

reader never tells him though because alastors relationship with his mom is good and she doesn’t wanna make him feel bad whenever he talks about her and one day readers mom comes to the hotel and reader DREADS it and becomes snappy but readers mom wins everyone over (of course alastor too). So when reader explains that she doesn’t want her mom around alastor can’t understand why and reader feels betrayed its only later when readers mom shows her true colors towards reader. And reader of course bites back (or at least tries too)

So basically angst to fluff and SORRY IF THATS SO MUCH😭😭

👀 Mommy issues??? 👀

Alastor X Reader Headcanons

✅️Romantic

❌️Platonic

TW: Emotionally Abusive mother, Reader suffering, Reader gets grabbed a few times, Ambiguous ending for mama

Description: ☝️⬆️

When it comes to mothers, it's safe to say you and Alastor had very different experiences

His mother was full of warmth and kindness towards him, doing her best to build him up into a great man

She loved him greatly and it shows whenever he talks about her

But your mother?? Your mother saw you as fucking competition and always found ways to put you down, to make herself better than you

Well maybe she should be the one who was cooking the meals, getting your younger siblings off to school on time or making sure everyone had clean clothes

Just the thought of her made your stomach flip and your legs shake

She would put you down all your life while claiming it was so that you could be a great woman just like her, but not too great, you have to remember who the better woman is

Well now you're both in hell so-

You put as much distance between her and yourself as you could, living your afterlife without her influence

You even got yourself a handsome powerful overlord boyfriend and new friends to share your life with

Even though you're supposed to be in hell, you couldn't be happier

At least you were until your mother showed up at the hotel, her face full of faux worry and tears

"Oh my precious girl! This is where you've been hiding? I was so worried!!"

Before Charlie can even shut the door, your mother has already shoved her way inside and literally dug her claws into you, hugging you

It's all you can do not to throw up, smothered by her familiar scent and grip, hearing her voice again after all this time

"Now let Mommy take a look at you-oh!!! And here I was worried that you were starving! Good to know you've put some weight on those bones!"

And it's already starting-

And now she's crying and rocking you in her arms, cooing about how much she's missed you and how she's never letting you go again

Charlie and the others are just staring at the two of you, completely enraptured by your mother, like everyone always is

She loved being the center of attention

When you finally come to your senses you push her away and create some distance, disturbed by the worried looks everyone is giving her

"Mom, why are you here?"

Oh don't everyone look at you like you're the bad guy!! She's the one who's only here because she wants something!!

"Maybe I wouldn't have to come track you down if you would just visit your poor mother every once in a while...she never even calls me, you know!"

And now she's crying again, Charlie immediately going to comfort her while Vaggie gives you a dirty look

Fucking mommy issues much? Don't fall for this crap

"I don't want to visit you, so just leave-"

"Well now, who is this~?"

Alastor! Yes! He can make her leave! You turn to give your boyfriend a pleading look but your mother catches his attention first

"Oh don't worry about who I am.. just a poor lonely mother who came to see her daughter...but I guess I'll show myself out.."

Alastor doesn't have to guess who she's talking about, even in death you always looked like your mother

His smile gets surprisingly warm and soft, taking your mother's hand in his own in a disgusting display of affection that used to only be for you

"You're Y/N's mother? My my, I should've guessed! You must have so many stories of her from her life! I simply must insist that you say."

ALASTOR NO

You feel sick but nobody notices, your mother already soaking up their attention and winning their hearts

So you turn and leave the hotel, unable to stand being in her presence any longer, you don't miss the smug look she gives you on your way out

You spend all day trying to avoid going back to the hotel until you're sure your mother is gone

You're more than disappointed to find her drinking tea with Alastor, the two of them laughing, her placing her hand on top of his

She always used to try and go after your boyfriends and that hasn't changed either

She hasn't changed

"Oh darling~! We hadn't realized you left! Alastor and I were simply having a moment~"

Alastor lights up when he sees you, only to be visibly confused by your troubled expression

"Y/N! Your mother was just telling me about her life before you! She was quite a wildcard back then!"

Your mother is practically drooling over him, rubbing his hand and winking

"I'm still wild if you ever care to find out!"

You've had it

You tug your mother's hand off of Alastor, forcing her to stand up and look you in the eyes

"You need to leave! Right now!"

And here come the waterworks again

"Y/N..! Darling, what did I do wrong? I'm your mother please don't throw me out like this!"

You just start pushing her towards the door and you slam it shut behind her, sighing in relief

That is until you look at Alastor's face, his smile seeming strained

"Y/N! You can't just throw her out like that, not only is that bad manners but that's no way to treat the woman who raised you!"

Raised you? You raised yourself!!

"Alastor, you don't know what you're talking about so please just stay out of it. You don't know what she's like-"

You're trying to stay calm-

"She's your mother, it's not like she's some evil creature-"

"SHE'S IN HELL OF COURSE SHE'S EVIL-"

"So are you and I, my dear."

You try to put your foot down, tell him that you don't want her here but he's already opening the door for her and letting her back in

She looks so pleased with herself

He invites her to stay the night because of course he does, he would do it for his own mother so why not yours

You try not to give her the satisfaction of seeing you cry but your eyes are already hot and watery

"I-I'm going to bed..!"

Alastor calls for you, trying to resolve things then and there but the only response he gets is your door slamming shut

He goes to go after you but your mother stops him with a gentle hand to the shoulder

"Now now...let her cool off for a bit then I'll go make sure she's alright, a mother always knows how to cheer up her child~"

It feels like you spend hours crying in your bed, feeling so hurt that Alastor took her side over yours

Your mom isn't like his, she doesn't nurture, she just takes from you and bullies you

Later, just when you've about cried yourself to sleep, you hear the bedroom door open

"Alastor..?"

"Not a chance, pet."

Now what does she want

"Why are you even here?"

Suddenly she pounces on you, grabbing your wrists tightly, eyes wild with fury she must've been containing this whole time

You don't even know why she's so mad at you, you haven't seen her in years-

"You think you're better than me now, is that it? Now that you're on your own, living in some fancy hotel, got some powerful boytoy, hiding behind hell's princess?"

As a kid, she seemed so strong but now you easily rip out of her grasp and manage to create some distance between you two

"I'm not hiding behind anyone! I'm just trying to get away from you!"

"Oh no no no, that's not how this works! I am your mother! If I have to be miserable and live in filth then so do you!"

"Why are you even here!?"

"Because it's not fair! I deserve to be here! Not some ungrateful little bitch who just happened to fall out of me!"

She lunges at you and you try to dodge her but she manages to grab you by your hair, yanking you back

You're about to start swinging when Alastor is suddenly there, watching the two of you in bewilderment

Then that bewilderment melts away into understanding, then anger

The radio sounds in the room are suddenly deafening, your mother letting go of you so she can cover her ears

You take the chance to kick her away, watching as she tumbles and loses consciousness from the impact

Alastor kneels beside you but you flinch away from him, still feeling hurt

"Y/N...I'm so sorry..." He does look properly ashamed, his smile a little watery

"Why didn't you just tell me that she was like this..?"

How could you even begin to start?? That you didn't want to somehow sour his opinion of mothers by telling him about your own?

That you didn't want him to feel guilty for having a mother who loved him while you grew up having to be a mother to your siblings because your own mom had none to give??

It's just word vomit at this point, but Alastor simply gathers you into his arms, tutting as he checks your scalp and fixes your hair

When he gets to your wrists where your mother grabbed than his smile turns positively venomous, giving your mother a deadly look

"What do you want me to do with her? Anything you ask..."

You're a little irritated that he brought her up, having been too relaxed by the feeling of his lips against your palm

"I just want her out of here..."

And that's all it takes, Alastor calls for Niffty and has her take out the trash, her scuttling out gleefully while dragging your mother

Niffty doesn't even care, she's just happy to have a new toy

You didn't realize how stressed out you were until it was just the two of you, Alastor rubbing your back soothingly

You don't know when you fall asleep but when you wake up Alastor is kissing the side of your face, looking as apologetic as he can be

You manage to convince him to apologize in morning snuggles and by the time you two come downstairs everyone else is awake

"Where is Y/N's mom?"

Not Niffty giggling and running out of the room

Alastor simply shakes his head and wraps an arm around your waist to hold you closer

"She is gone and won't ever be visiting again, I would like to ask that nobody brings her up again~"

Something about the way he says it manages to shut everyone up

Alastor takes you out to eat your favorite breakfast and spends the day spoiling you

He doesn't bring up the events of last night until the two of you are in bed, entangled in each other's arms

"You didn't ruin my opinion of mothers, you know."

"I didn't?"

"No, in fact, it sounds like you were quite the mother back in your day~"

Not his hand rubbing your belly

OH MAMA THIS ONE TOOK ALL DAY! I hope you liked it!!

[retroaria]

⊹₊⋆.˚ Confessions ⋆.˚₊ ⊹

summary: the bllk boys and their romantic confessions, some are love, some are not! all of them are pretty cute though, not gonna lie…

BLUE LOCK M.LIST | requests are open! | enjoy 💋

⊹₊⟡⋆ Isagi Yoichi ‹𝟹

isagi makes it a point to confess to you in person. he spends a few days thinking (and overthinking) exactly what words to use. he wants to make sure he can confess his true feelings and also let you know how lucky he would feel if you accepted him.

once he’s ready he’d send you a text or call you, asking you to meet him somewhere quiet, maybe just his house or yours. the two of you meet up and he’s immediately flushed. he’s nervous and excited all at the same time. he’s the kind of guy that would want to have built a strong friendship and bond before confronting his feelings for you, so he’s confident that you guys will be ok no matter what happens.

he’d take your hands in his and look you in the eyes while he confesses. his gaze would be warm and sweet, he’s just glad he could even get the opportunity to express himself to you.

“I’ve really love having you with me. You make me feel better, even when I thought I was fine before, being with you just feels better. The closer we’ve gotten, and the more I’ve seen of you and your world, the more I realize how badly I want to be a part of it.”

⊹₊⟡⋆ Bachira Meguru ‹𝟹

as soon as bachira realizes he has feelings for you, he feels immediately ready to tell you. he’ll let the feeling settle for a little and try to tell you in an indirect manner. he’ll swoop in with a surprise kiss on your cheek, giggling as he watches your flustered expression. or maybe he’ll leave little notes around for you, in your bag, in your car, in your pockets, in your books, etc. they’d say silly little things about how adorable you were that day or he’ll briefly write about something that reminded him of you, maybe some mediocre poetry he thought up in his love sick state. you’d catch on pretty easily that it was bachira, and he never intended to keep that a secret.

then after a few days of messing with you, he decided he’d tell you the next time he saw you. when the two of you met up he immediately sucked you into a bone crushing hug, like he was holding on for dear life. he’d pull away, “hey cutie~ guess what…” he’d coo at you.

“i like you! Like, I really like you. Maybe I even love you. actually, yeah, love sounds better. I love you! I wanna take you on a date and kiss your stupid face. I know you feel the same, I wish you could see how red you are right now.”

⊹₊⟡⋆ Nagi Seishiro ‹𝟹

Nagi realized he loved you when he began to notice how sad he would get when you leave. being sad is a serious pain for him. he doesn’t like the way it makes his brain and body feel all fried and stressed, he hates not wanting to do anything even more than he already does, yet simultaneously willing to do anything to get you back in his apartment. Nagi would beg you to sleepover every time you hung out at his place, he’d sometimes try to wrestle you into the bed. you were just so kind and warm and calming to him. he felt graced by you and your presence.

his confession would come out of him like a nice long sign of relief. he’s been having this strange internal battle between his love for you and his love for laziness. it’s a hassle to have to confess and then put in the effort to build up a romantic relationship, but in the end he decides it’s even more of a hassle to not tell you how he feels. plus, you’re so worth it.

“It just doesn’t feel right when you’re not with me. It’s like I don’t really know what to do with myself. You make me feel alive. That sounds cringe. I love you, is what im trying to say. I hope that makes sense.”

disclaimer: do not date a guy like nagi in real life you cannot gentle parent this man child lol

⊹₊⟡⋆ Reo Mikage ‹𝟹

Reo’s confession was a long time in the making. he clung to his feelings for as long as he could until it really felt like he was gonna explode if he didn’t tell you. he did that because he wanted to wait for the timing to be perfect. he wanted to find the perfect spot to do it, the perfect words to say, all at the perfect time in both of your lives. but of course, things rarely work out that way.

what actually happened is he blurted it out in the middle of you talking one day. you were telling him about something you were working on, something you loved and were really proud of. he was listening so intently, or at least trying to. his thoughts kept stringing him in a different direction and before he knew it, he dropped the L word on you like a nuclear bomb.

“I-uhh…Ok listen, I’m sorry I promise I was listening to you it’s just…you look so beautiful right now and you sound so cute and excited. It got me all frantic, I didn’t mean to drop that on you so out of nowhere…it’s true though, I do love you. I should’ve told you a long time ago.”

⊹₊⟡⋆ Michael Kaiser ‹𝟹

(unless you speak german) kaiser has already confessed to you a million times. “ich liebe dich~” he’d say to you upon every parting, telling you it was simply a term of endearment. if you did happen to know what that meant already, or if you took the time to search it up, he’d be like “yeah, I said that, so what?” this man would propose to you in the middle of times square in broad daylight he’s so confident but that’s a different hc for another time lmaoo.

his confession is charming and flattering. he truly worships the ground you walk on while also believing that he’s the only one who could appreciate you as you deserve. his hands cup your face and his eyes fall warmly on yours. his voice is direct and steady. not a twinge of nervousness can be seen, just pure love and admiration. he speaks to you with a calm and lulling voice, a tenderness he only lets linger when he’s with you.

“Liebe, don’t you see how soft you make me? I’d hate for you to not realize how I feel for you. I want you to be mine, if you’ll have me, that is.”

⊹₊⟡⋆ Rin Itoshi ‹𝟹 (i wrote so much for rin wtf)

Rin has walls that he has spent a lot of time and effort building up over the years. they’re forged to keep out anything and everything that may be a distraction from his goals, but if this is the guy you’re going for, i’m sure you’re a persistent little pest. you’d sneak your way into his life, just by being there, texting him, talking about him. soon enough you’d infested his mind as well, suddenly he’d find himself thinking of you when he least expects it.

one day he was on the pitch, just a practice game, but you were in the stands watching him. throughout your friendship you’ve done this quite a few times, so he has no reason to pay much mind to your presence in the middle of the match. today was different though, you were up close, eyes beaming at him in the center field, hands at the side of your head clutched together in a little cheer. he hadn’t done anything yet, the match just started, what were you even cheering for? it was cute, he decided. that’s why it broke his focus long enough for the other team to score. actually, it was adorable. so adorable it tugged the corners of his lips upward slightly, which he quickly moved to cover with his hand. he just threw a match and he was smiling? what were you doing to him?

after some time of thinking you might be employing psychological warfare against him, Rin decided it was time to really sit down and confront his feelings. he’d go a few days, maybe even a week or more without speaking to you. don’t worry, he was thinking about hardly anything but you the entire time.

“Sorry for ghosting you, I just needed to think about some things. It made me a little sad to be away from you too. I hate you a lot less than I hate everyone else, you know? Don’t get cocky about that. Also, don’t leave me ok? I’ll be nicer, yeah sure. Maybe I can walk you home…or something. Here, let’s hold hands.”

⊹₊⟡⋆ Sae Itoshi ‹𝟹

he’s way more flustered about it than you might think. he’s not embarrassed or nervous necessarily, he just hasn’t expected to feel this way about anyone. similar to kaiser, sae thinks he’s the only person who could truly love and appreciate you as much as you deserve. this typically stoic and selfish man finds himself smiling in your presence and wanting to give you everything you want and more.

your relationship until this point has been uhh… “transactional” we’ll say. the two of you liked going out and hanging out together, but no feelings attached. a few kisses were shared here and there, he’d take you back to his apartment to cuddle sometimes, but wouldn’t ever let you sleepover. eventually things started to get a little more *intense*. you did start staying over, a lot. so much so that you had a toothbrush on his bathroom sink and clothes in his closet. the first time he ever had the thought of being in love with you was when he realized his sheets always smelled like you now, and he wanted it to stay that way.

the fact that you were enough to turn his head, take over his thoughts, and make him fall in love with you feels like proof beyond the reasonable doubt that you are perfect.

“You can move in, if you want. I wouldn’t mind. We’re basically already dating, so I don’t see the point in denying it anymore. Yeah, I didn’t think it would go this far either. I like knowing you’re here at my place, with me and not with anyone else.”

HONORABLE MENTIONS

⊹₊⟡⋆ Oliver aiku ‹𝟹

“You know I love you, let’s stop pretending. Seriously, you could keep me on a tight leash if you really want. Promise, I’m not going anywhere, babe.”

⊹₊⟡⋆ Kunigami Rensuke ‹𝟹

“I love you, I want you to know that. It’s ok if you don’t feel the same. I want to care for you and keep you safe, you mean so much to me, you don’t even know.”

i love this post so much, the nagi disclaimer i had to put, the strange onion analogy for rin, the flustered reo moment. also just isagi being here, the man that you are, Isagi Yoichi. i had so much fun making this - aria

divider - @enchanthings

[rebouks]

Previous // Next

Hey Bird Boy!

I promised I’d write didn’t I? I’m missing you already, which is kinda stupid and cheesy, but true! There aren’t any other kids around now the holidays are over, so it’s just old people and super outdoorsy people who walk really fast with weird sticks and stuff, lame! Daddy lent me his crappy polaroid he uses for work so I can send you pictures and stuff so at least I’ve got something to do, they won’t be as good as yours but it’s better than nothing.

I tried to get a good picture but it’s hard to hold this huge thing with one hand and this is the best I could do but my teeth are totally starting to grow back so maybe I won’t look so dumb soon.. you can’t really see em but I can feel em poking through!!! It kinda hurts but I suppose we only have to grow em once so it’s not so bad. Growing teeth as a baby doesn’t count cos you can’t remember it.. how many teeth does your little sister have?!

I’m super looking forward to getting to know you properly since I can ask you stuff now! I’ll try n remember to ask you things instead of talking about myself the whole-time cos that’d be annoying to reply to, wouldn’t it?

By the way.. I took a bunch of pictures of my dad until I caught him laughing just to show you that he can be fun and nice, not always grumpy! He thinks he looks cool with his gold teeth but I think they make him look goofy, like a wannabe pirate haha!! YARRR!

I set Amber free cos I started to feel bad about keeping her cooped up in that tiny plastic box and I don’t think I’d like it if I were her, like how I’m starting to hate this stupid tower! I miss looking at her but I decided to start collecting fancy rocks instead since they’re not alive and don’t have any feelings. Dad digs up stuff for work sometimes so it makes total sense!! He said I’m not allowed to join him for that but we can do it on our own instead.. he bought me a big pretty one to start my collection, even though it’s kinda like cheating it still counts!

We found a birdwatching book stuffed in the back of the bookshelf looking for this notebook and dad said we should put some food out to see which ones we could spot.. they attacked him whilst he was putting the seeds out though so he said it was a stupid hobby and that he didn’t want to do it anymore. GET READY FOR THIS!!!

Ahahahahaahaaa I almost dropped his camera laughing at him and he took it off me for a couple days but it was totally worth it, please please pleaaaaase keep this picture cos I almost didn’t wanna send it to you so I could laugh at it forever and ever hahahaha!!!!

Oh, and I told daddy to take some pictures of me whilst I wasn’t looking like you do cos I thought it’d be neat, but I forgot I asked him to do it and got mad at him cos I was in my pj’s and my hair was all crazy.. it’s kinda funny I GUESS!! Plus, he said it made us even for me sending you the picture of him with the birds so here you go BUT DON’T KEEP THIS ONE!!

I got carried away and forgot to ask you stuff so here’s a list!

How old are you?

When’s your birthday?

Do you have any pets?!

What’s your favourite food?

Do you have all your big teeth yet? (it totally looked like it but you never know!!)

I was gonna think of more stuff to ask you and now the back of this page looks really empty but my brain farted and I really wanna send you this so you can send one back! I’ll think of more I promise!! I’m looking forward to “talking” to you so I guess you can write about whatever you want.. and I wanna see your house!! I bet your pictures will be way better than mine!

Yours excitedly, Alex :]

[artist-issues]

You're my new favorite blog! You have no idea how I wish I could peck inside your brain like a chicken. 😭😂😂 I am a Catholic and a recovering agnostic. I struggle with letting go of my old way of life and philosophy constantly, I have been struggling with it since the day I decided to revert - that was back in 2017. (I think you would like to know my journey back to the Faith started after watching HBO's The Young Pope! 👌🏼) At this point I don't know if I'll ever be the person the Lord wants me to be, oh well, I'll die trying and I know that will mean something.

I just know I can't go back to being a non-believer, because as Carl Young said, now I don't just believe, I know. The irony is my struggle to believe in something I know to be objectively the Truth.

I have a question for you though, actually I hope for some advice from you. How do I reconcile with the reality that I haven't become who I dreamed to become (like career wise), but now that a new career has been shoved upon me (a career my parents wanted for me - and they valued safety and stability over "following my dreams" I suppose)? ...which isn't necessarily a bad thing, because it is an extremely noble profession and it pays quite well.

The thing is, as much as I try to accept my new career, I keep telling myself and to others that I'm doing this for my parents and not because I want to be here. I feel terrible about it. But, again, it's not like I am unfulfilled (I am unhappy though, but that comes with the work culture/environment, I feel like I am surrounded by 40+ year old teenagers); as a matter of fact, I do think I know - objectively - in my heart that this is exactly where the Lord wants me to be? But I keep fighting against it, keep struggling against this sense of vocational calling that I'm feeling towards my new job, instead I desperately wanna give into my want to go "live the life I want." Like throw this all away, get new training and start all over with the career I wanted all those years ago.

I want to be better, to be sacrificial like Christ on the Cross. I've always known I had a little depression (comes with my disability from a young age and this whole dream thing); I have been suicidal over this, I actually used to joke with myself that I'd kill myself if I don't achieve my professional goals by the time I turned 25. I will turn 30 this September and even though I haven't been literally dead, I feel like I've been in a vegetative state - mentally - ever since the day I turned 25. I hope that makes sense.

I started seeing a therapist 2 weeks ago since my mental health started affecting my new job - she did say I have depression and is trying to help me but I just don't know if I want to be helped at all, because I am unable to do the exercises she tells me (like create a routine, exercise well, write down good thoughts, etc.) I feel like I'm failing myself, my parents and, most importantly, my Heavenly Father.

I apologise if this is nonsensical, I apologise for dumping all of this on you - random stranger on the internet - but idk I felt like maybe you'd have something wise to tell me to knock some sense into me (without a bump to prove it hehe).

Thank you and God bless! 🥰

You’re very kind, and I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to share all this with me! I really never have anything good of my own to say, or any wisdom to offer, except what I “steal” from God…and I guess what I mean is, if I ever say anything helpful or good or true, I’m just the messenger. I didn’t come up with it. On my own I have zero wisdom or good things to offer.

Anyway, I was surprised reading this because I have gone through (been going through) a similar sort of mindset. I went to school for the career I dreamed about (still dream about) and I worked hard and I wanted it more than anybody around me (very Mike Wasowski in MU of me) and it hasn’t happened the way I planned, or in my timetable.

I mean, in all humility: I work with a studio making a tv show, but it hasn’t got off the ground yet, and I work for a company that writes movie reviews, but neither of those things pay my bills. I have a third job, working with therapists, that’s nothing like what I always wanted to do. That’s my “career,” but it’s not the career I’m passionate about and working toward. And I wonder if I’ll ever do anything “major” in the line of work I love and went to school for. And when I do, I have gotten into some really dark mental places.

Forgive me for not using the words “depression” or “suicidal.” I hate using those words because they’re overused and romanticized and flooding the culture. But more importantly I hate using them because the only thing I identify with is Christ, not any mental struggle I try to slither back into, like a snake trying to put back on old skin. I’m not my overthinking—I’m not my depression—I’m not my suicidal thoughts or emotions—I am one with Christ. Those are things inside me that are defeated and dead—the teeth have been knocked out of them. They just gum me from time to time. So I want you to know I empathize with you, but that’s my point and that’s how I want to answer you:

The only thing about you that really matters is Christ.

Who He says you are, what He has done and how He lived, which is applied to you because He said it is, by grace alone, through faith alone. No matter how you feel.

And I say that to you, as the answer, because I think you and I focus too much on what could be and what “should be” as if God has a set path for us, and if we don’t figure out what it is and walk it, we’ll have a less-fulfilling life. “If I stay at my therapy job and just work with teenagers and write on my blog for the rest of my life, I’ll be fine, but I won’t be as good as I could be.” Or for you. “If I stay in this career I’m in, the one my parents backed me into, I’ll make it, I’ll be fine, but I’ll never be as happy as I want to be.” We’re both thinking, every once in a while, “This is career is what God wants for me, and all my misery is coming from not submitting to it, and if I could just wrestle my contentment into place and give up the thing I want, and submit to what God wants, I’d be fulfilled.”

But how do we know any of those thoughts are true? How do we know God wants us in these boring old careers we wouldn’t have chosen—didn’t choose? Or, how do we know these boring old careers are what we’re stuck in because we didn’t take the plunge and work harder for our “dreams,” which were what He really wanted us to do? How do we know either of those things?

We don’t. We don’t get to know. That’s the point.

Because that’s not how God works. Not from what I can tell in the Bible.

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”. Colossians 3:17.

Whatever you do. Not “the one specific thing you figure out He wants you to do.”

My mom described it to me once when I was in a really dark place trying to figure out what He wanted me to do, paralyzed with indecision, afraid He wanted me to do something I just didn’t want to do, like this: “God doesn’t hold out one flower and say, ‘this is the one I want you to have, so you can either take it or take something worse.’ God makes a field of flowers, and He says, ‘Which one do you want? Pick one, and do it with excellence for Me.’ Then just trust Him to make it good.”

It sounds like you’re in a career, but you are wrestling with whether or not to pick it, now that you have some autonomy as an adult, or to pick starting over. Well. Pick one. Just pick one. And trust God to take care of you. Trusting God looks like thinking it through with excellence, then making the decision—and making the decision means letting go of worrying about the thing you didn’t pick. “Take every thought captive in obedience to Christ.” Once you make a choice, make it all the way, and don’t let your mind wander anymore to “what if this blows up in my face? What if I should’ve stayed back there at the crossroads, or gone down the other path?” It’s going to be hard and God is going to take care of you, no matter what you pick. So don’t let your mind go to those places where you worry; acknowledge the worry, and every time, ask God to help you remember that He’s got you.

Because here’s the point, here’s the thing: He does have you. Because ultimately, your career really doesn’t matter. It doesn’t, it doesn’t, it doesn’t. Neither does your dream. Not ultimately. And now I’ll say “our” because I need to hear it too. Our dreams and careers are not the point of us, and our dreams and careers are not what God means when He says “I’ll take care of you.”

What He means is, “I’ve already taken care of you.” Because the most important thing isn’t our job or our dream. The most important thing is, we’ve been rescued out of eternally being trapped in our broken desires, and now we get to live for Christ, Who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. That’s the major. And that truth is where our fulfillment is supposed to come from, what our lives are meant for, our purpose. As long as we pick one, and do it with excellence to make the name of Jesus famous, with that goal in mind, we’ll be emotionally fulfilled. We’ll be satisfied. Because that’s the goal. Not making movies, or whatever it is you want to do. Not having secure means of living. Just…living our lives to make who Jesus is famous. We can do that wherever.

So then the choice? It becomes a minor, not a major, and the pressure of “will I be happy?” is off, because happiness isn’t found in that stuff. And whenever I forget, and start looking for happiness in my dreams, goals, career, that’s when it all starts to feel dark and stressful and hard and crushing. Because it was never meant to give me happiness or fulfillment—that’s a need only Christ can fulfill.

Don’t misunderstand me. He cares what you do. He cared about every decision you make, and He does have a plan. But that’s going to happen anyway. So just pray, consider which option is a) wise to go for and takes care of the responsibilities God has entrusted you with, b) which option you genuinely want, when your wants are not influenced by fears, and then c) step out and do it in faith. And do it with the mindset of, “I’m doing this, and I’m not thinking about the alternative if I can help it, and I’m also not putting all my happiness-eggs in this basket, because even if it crashes and burns, hey, I’m still one with Christ and I can still make Him famous no matter what road my career goes down.”

I hope this helps. It’s a subject I’m hamster-wheeling around in my mind right now a lot—but when I just fix my eyes on Christ and think about how the most important things, the things that give real joy and happiness, are already and forever taken care of and I can’t mess them up—then can get off the hamster wheel and enjoy the life He’s given me, right now, today, without worrying about the future.

[the-s1lly-corner]

alright, so i completely understand if you don't wanna do this since you have been getting a lot of tadc requests, so feel free to leave this in your inbox for a while but its worth a shot i guess.

tadc x angel reader? but im not talking about the cute and adoring ones, moresore the bibical angel type. kind of like principalities angels if you know what that is. scary stuff.

thanks for all that you do btw, i love your writing and as a fanfiction writer myself im amazed at how quickly your able to pump out requests

thanks for reading

TADC cast x angel!reader !

took me a hot minute to find it but someone asked for the same/very similar request for zooble so!! that post is going to be linked in place of their segment! yahoo! uhuhuhuh!! admin must admit, he does not know much about actual angel lore so hes gonna be real loose with this </3 aaaand to the last part!! its the silliness... i cant contain it... sobs...

CAINE:

now i dont know what kind of personality the reader has, but imagine your wings stick out and fluff up when he decides hes bold enough to compliment, or even flirt with you... has probably led to him getting smacked by your wings and being sent flying... the price of being small, sadly... though he did kind of have it coming for standing where he was/j

sometimes, you guys fly together, since caine very rarely walks around on the ground and kind of just glides around... its nice having someone who can accompany him around... doesnt think your intimidating, if anything he thinks you look interesting... hes probably unphased by most of the forms circus members may take, though its rare you get someone who does look unsettling... shrugs

POMNI:

honestly probably a little intimidated, and perhaps even unnerved in the beginning. like not in the "im deeply uncomfortable" way but more like "oh. so thats a thing" if that makes sense? does try to be nice and kind to you, though, since she does understand that this isnt what you really look like and you cant really... control it... probably has sneezed from the feathers of your wings, if you have any.. in fact you might have accidentally smacked her with them, since shes so small.. you didnt mean to..! honest! caine and pomni just got cursed with the shortness... no thoughts, only angel reader protectively shielding someone with their wings, this can apply to any of the characters... probably one of my favorite tropes for characters with large wings tbh

RAGATHA:

if you can swap out your clothes or have clothes that are detachable (since clothes are canonically stuck to the bodies) shes definitely going to make you some clothing that you can easily slip over your wings, and still have them out! plus spending time with you making the measurements and trying out patterns and fabric is nice! thinks your wings are soft... probably a little put off by your appearance and vibe at first, but ragatha being ragatha shes not going to let it bother her for long, and she makes sure youre welcomed to the circus with open arms... i mean its not like you have a choice to leave... may as well be as inviting as possible..!

JAX:

drum roll please! its the admins favorite jax headcannon that always rears its head in whenever the admin writes a reader who has some extra body part or fluff or accessories or a combination! the fidget/fiddle headcannon! this man is likely going to stroke and mess with your wings, a lot. congrats, youre his new fidget toy/j. has probably accidentally, or perhaps no so accidentally, pulled a feather out. granted im not sure how much it would hurt, i think it would be akin to plucking hair with a tweezer, but the point still stands..! has probably asked you to fly him up somewhere... totally not so he can do some mischief... probably doesnt know much about angels (like the admin LMAO) and probably labels you as like. sterotypical cartoon angel personality (forgiving, kind, good, ect. basically everything that isnt jax/j) but whether or not thats true its up to you... though it would be a little funny for the person who looks like an angel being a trickster... shrugs

KINGER:

FEAR!!! okay... well i think thats a given when theres a new circus member around, since kinger is a little... eh... you know? probably takes some time to warm up to you, but given how he speaks to pomni in the pilot within the first few minutes of her being there, i dont think it would take long for him to approach you. definitely polite, probably even more so thanks to your angelic appearance. mmngh.. soft feathers... shares the jax fidget headcannon with the silly chess piece... bonus if you actually are really kind and protective, this man would be hovering around you since you kind of represent comfort to him... thinks...

ZOOBLE:

right here!

GANGLE:

while most of the others are a little intimidated i think gangle actually likes the aesthetics of angels. maybe thats just the artist in her; like every artist ive met either has a soft spot for angel or demon characters... sometimes both.. admins no exception, its like. mandatory artist trait/j

i had a winged reader request somewhere, where gangle puts the readers fallen feathers into art work and gifts it to them. kind of like how people used to put the hair of their loved ones in jewelry... i think that would also apply to an angel reader! similar to kinger, if youre protective shes going to gravitate towards you... given that shes made of ribbon and fragile... and because of SOOOOOMEONE (glares at jax)... very nice dynamic/relationship material here, me thinks

[webslingingslasher]

oohh i just thought of science guy peter x astrology girlie trouble dynamic 🤓 trouble tries to convince peter that astrology is real and it makes sense, or like she tells him about horoscopes and he argues with her telling her it's nonsense, as a science guy. i can imagine they banter over it once in a while it's just funny.

then one day when trouble tells him abt someone she doesn't like, he surprisingly ends up guessing their sign as a diss and trouble is just ECSTATIC

-🧚🏼‍♀️

‘did you know there’s a thirteenth zodiac?’

‘ophiuchus, right?’

‘oh my god, yes! have you been looking into this? that’s so sexy of you.’

‘i could lie for brownie points, but i wont. no, i haven’t been looking into your fortune cookie books-‘

‘horoscope.’

‘-but i do know the constellation’s. plus i find that one cool, it disappears for a month.’

‘it’s frustrating how you can be so annoying and cute at the same time.’

‘ditto, trouble.’

‘wanna hear todays horoscope?’

‘you’re gonna tell me it no matter what.’

‘okay, for mister handsome leo, today says “you’re born romantic by nature, but today you’re likely to think more in terms of physical passion than idealized romance,” is that true?’

‘if you’re asking if i want to have sex with you, the answer is yes. it’s always yes.’

‘you’re greedy. okay, wait, this is actually kind of good. “the color blue might seem especially appealing right now, but don’t forget to add some red for passion. phone your romantic interest and have fun tonight.”’

‘there’s no fucking way. let me see that.’

‘that’s weird. i don’t like it.’

‘it’s okay, you just have to give in. be spiritual, peter. the universe is begging you.’

‘your delusions are tough but i fight through them for you.’

‘oh my god, you know who’s delusional? fucking jack. you don’t know him but he’s that one guy in the lecture who always has something to say and it’s always some woe is me shit! we could be talking about the german bomb dogs and he’d say it’s not as sad as his blind dog falling into the pool.’

‘let me guess, he’s a cancer?’

‘what did you just say?’

‘his zodiac. he’s a cancer?’

‘why… why would you say that?’

‘because you tell me all the time about how cancer men are the absolute worst humans alive.’

‘because they are! and guess what, nonbeliever? you’re right!’

‘i don’t wanna be right about this one. this will make you think there might be some validity to your claims and i can’t have that happen. no, no.’

‘you were right.’

‘i was making fun of you.’

‘and you happened to be right. because you knew he was a self pitying person and only one sign does that.’

‘wrong. i pity myself for entertaining you with this nonsense.’

‘understandable. i’ll see you later tonight… in your blue and red.’

‘that was a lucky guess!’

[joedirtymadre]

Feelings

RYUSUI X READER Fluff story. It’s ok. (Taking requests 📲)

“(Y/N) don’t you ever get jealous whenever Ryusui talks about loving and wanting every girl he sees?” Minami asks. “Yeah, it is quite strange for your partner to do that…” Ruri added. “Oh come on, you all know that Ryusui doesn’t mean it like that,” Kohaku said. “Well you never know, maybe (Y/N) does feel jealous, she just doesn’t wanna say,” Minami said, trying to push me to talk. “Uhh… well I don’t know. I don’t really get jealous, because I know he means different types of love or want with people,” I said. “Hmm… well I guess you have a point, but if my man said he wanted every girl in the world I’d leave him. Why put up with that?” Minami scoffed. “I guess that is true. Doesn’t it get annoying?” Kohaku asked. “Not really… well…” I started. “Ooh! Do share!” Minami said with stars in her eyes. I laughed awkwardly, it makes sense that a reporter wants all the details. “Well…” I repeated. I watched as the 3 blondes squeezed in closer to hear clearly. “I just wished that we would go on real dates. Where he doesn’t have Francois tag along, not like there’s anything wrong with Francois!… but I wish that we have normal just us time. Where…” I sighed. “Where he just pays attention to me and nothing else…” I ended and looked up to the speechless group. “Selfish isn’t it?” I asked nervously. “No!” The 3 said and hugged me. “That is not selfish, and even if it is, you have a right to be selfish!” Minami shouted. “She’s right, your partner should treat you with respect! They should show you how much they care about you,” Ruri explained. “Man that dumb pirate! I should knock some sense into him,” Kohaku frowned. “No! No… it’ll be fine I swear! Plus, he’s busy trying to help Senku rebuild the world. So it’s obvious he doesn’t have time… for his girlfriend,” I said the last part softly. “Oh (Y/N)…” Ruri frowned and patted my shoulder. “Trust me you guys, everything is fine,” I smiled. “If you say so…” Minami said. “Hmph, I could still beat a thing or two inside of him,” Kohaku said. I laughed and walked away from the 3 to begin tending the garden.

I finished watering and planting some more vegetables that prosper during this season. “(Y/N)! My beloved!” I heard and quickly turned to see Ryusui… and Francois. “Hi Ryusui, hello Francois,” I smiled and wiped my hands before walking over to the two. “Hello (Y/N), you vegetables look beautiful. I hope to use them in my cooking,” Francois bowed. “Well of course you will, Francois! (Y/N)’s vegetables mixed with your superb cooking will surely make an excellent dish. For the world’s greediest man!” He laughed. I smiled and then remembered the conversation I had earlier. I shook my head and noticed the looks on Ryusui and Francois' faces. “Something wrong my beloved?” He asked. “No… nothing!” I said. “Hmm…” I caught Francois' stare for a bit. “Well, I must excuse myself, as I need to begin dinner,” Francois said, and quickly bowed and turned to walk off. “Huh? Hmm… even Francois is acting strange…” Ryusui said as he began to think. “Who knows?” I shrugged. “Hey, are you sure you’re alright?” He asked again. “Uhh… yeah, I am,” I said. “Hmm… well alright then!” He smiled. “Now I have to go find Senku, he said he needs some last minute ship checking, to ensure that we are able to set sail by the end of the month,” he said. I nodded, “I’ll see you later,” I smiled and gave him a peck on the cheek, and we both went our separate ways.

Sun was setting and I decided to head to bed. I slowly walked home, “Hey! (Y/N)!” I heard and turned to see Ryusui running after me. “Oh, hi Ryusui. How are you? Did you finish checking the ship?” I asked. “Yes! But forget about that, are you free right now?” He asked. “Yes?” I said, confused. “Good, follow me!” He said and grabbed my hand, pulling me to wherever he was taking me.

“Where are we going?” I asked. “You’ll see,” he said. Then suddenly he stopped, quickly turning around to face me. “Close your eyes,” he said. “O-Ok,” I stuttered and covered my eyes with my hands. I then felt Ryusui step behind me and place his arm around my lower back. He then guided me to wherever it was he was taking me. A few more steps and Ryusui stopped. “Alright, open your eyes,” he said. I finally uncovered my eyes and stood in shock by the scene in front of me. It was a small picnic! “R-Ryusui did you do this?” I asked in amazement. “I did, as well as these,” he said, and handed me a small bouquet of wildflowers. “Oh, they’re beautiful, thank you!” I said and jumped towards him for a hug. “Of course, but I’m sorry that everything isn’t as top quality as usual,” he said. “Huh?” I asked. “Well… you didn’t look so happy earlier. So I asked Francois ways that may make you happy and they suggested a nice date, so I decided to put something small together,” he said. “Thank you, I love it. Everything is perfect!” I smiled. We sat down and ate the sandwiches Ryusui made. “Ha ha! I guess you could call this date a success!” He said proudly. “Mm-hmm!” I nodded. “Good, then I hope this means you can tell me what was bothering you earlier. I just want you to know that you can tell me anything,” he said softly and placed his hand on top of mine. “Oh, well…” I started. “Ryusui, sometimes when we hangout you usually start talking about other stuff, but sometimes I wish… that you would just pay attention to me. Plus have more dates like this, just the two of us… without Francois,” I said softly. “I see,” he said firmly. “Sorry, I’m being so selfish,” I said. “It’s alright, plus there’s something else isn’t there?” He asked. “Ha ha… I just wish that whenever we have times like this you don’t talk about wanting other people or things,” I said nervously. “That sounds weird now that I said it out loud! I take it-“ I was interrupted by Ryusui suddenly pulling me into a hug. “I’m sorry,” he said. “No it’s fine!” I said. “Stop doing that! Stop acting like it’s no big deal, it’s ok for you to share these feelings with me,” he said firmly. “You’re right! I tend to bring up other people or things that I want too much when we’re together. I didn’t realize how annoying it was for you, especially when you want to just enjoy the little time we have together before I travel out to sea,” he said, tightening his hug. “I just didn’t want to bother you. I know you have your mind on other things, especially when trying to rebuild humanization,” I smiled. Ryusui shook his head, “Yes, but I need to have time and mind set aside for you,” he said. I leaned up and pulled him in for a kiss. “Thank you for understanding, I was nervous you’d get angry or annoyed by my feelings,” I said softly before pulling him in for another kiss. “So tell me beautiful, would you want to spend the night at my place tonight? You’ll have all my attention tonight,” he said as he kissed my hand. “That sounds lovely,” I said and followed him back to his hut.

[isthisclever]

Plaintext version of 39 Days thread

Post-episode Reddit threat on r/Survivor

blowmytorch23143: dude claire skaaaaaaated by that tribal. my heart was pounding omg

/ chrissydontwakeup: Well no way was Jeff gonna let her walk. C+J is  *the* drama this season. They’re not gonna wanna lose that. 

/ / blowmytorch23143: yeah ive beeen convinced for ages that the idols are prolly fixed to keep the faves around. some of these people its like, oh honey you did NOT find that on your own lol

/ / / ReadySurvivorOne [Top Fan]: If not purposefully, then accidentally for sure. Wentworth did a whole video after her second season about paying attention to the cameras to find hidden idols bc they always pan to the hiding spots for the ep. WILD.

damp_dreams69999: Glad they didn’t vote out claire. WHo cares if she’s a hoe shes hot

/ chipper_pippa: Misogynistic much? Do better. 

/ / damp_dreams69999: is it sxist if its true

/ GoldN_Ours: um hello did we even watch the same epp? it showed that she CLEARLY was telling the truth. old dude was creepy af

/ / damp_dreams69999: lmfao chill out its not that serious

/ / / GoldN_Ours: Claire’s convo with the bf was basically proof that she has been telling teh truth. He was dismissive and condescending, and he was WAYYY to excited that gillian and her sister were drooling all over him. mega douche and honestly, perv vibes all the way.

user1930188401: WOWOWOWOWOWWWWWW. Hate to see Phaedre leave but I’m super glad Claire survived tribal. She clearly needed to chat with her alliance tho. She wasted an idol when they had the votes already.

/ hrd2bsft: Yeahhhh that’s gonna cost her with the jury. Guess the important thing is she made it through to day 33. 

Silvvver_ lyon [Top Fan]: am I the only one who was super uncomfortable with that pre-vote convo? like…why did they have to drag her over the coals like that? 

/ user1012912318: for the views dawg

/ / Silvvver_lyon: kinda gross still idk. survivor has a misogyny problem anyway and this reeeeeally didn’t help 

yesimawitch: These suckers dont watch out, Jillian’s gonna win this game. 

/ Outplayaaaa: Right?!?! She is ALWAYS on the right side of the numbers. How???

/ whatsmyrageagain: Wonder if she knew Claire had found the idol. She was like *right there* when Claire snagged it at the challenge. That would make sense why she worked w Jamie and joe to protect her. 

/ / Outplayaaaa: I want her to win for the snark alone. 12/10 comedy.

/ / / yesimawitch: Gillian to Claire: “Fantasies aside, I don’t think the game would be a pleasant one with your two men at my back.” I C O N I C. 

justhereforthekarma12313: Am I the only one who hates J & C not talking?? God I know its all tv and its probably fake anyway but the way that man looks at her…

/ Heiiiidiiiii_isonreddit [Top Fan]: I want it to be real so bad. If they come back after the show and it was all an act imma riot

/ / user12334481: I’ll bring the pitchforks, you bring the torches

/ / / Tooney___lunes: I’ll bring snacks. all good riots needs snacks.

/ Levi_not_the_jeans: The way *he* looks at *her*??? If I had a woman who looked at me the way Claire does to Jamey…well…I’d still be gay af but I’d feel very good about myself ok?

angels__wear_red: *sigh* these two idiots make me believe in love. please for the loVE OF ALL THAT IS BEAUTIFUL AND JOYFUL DON’T CRUSH MY DREAMS!!!1

Read the newest update to 39 Days here.

[punsmaster69]

12/JAN/20XX

"......."

".........."

"Okay, but it's not past my bedtime technically."

"it is definitely-"

"wait, friday."

"Midnight bedtime, babeyy!!!"

i glanced at the time.

"alright, you've got about thirty minutes before i hang up."

"Thirty five."

"ok. thirty five. but do you wanna spend that five minutes arguing about what time it is?"

"No."

"anything specific you called for this time?"

"Uhh..."

"Wellness check."

".....𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘤𝘬."

"Wellness check."

"like they do for the elderly?"

"You ARE the elderly."

"nuh uh."

"As far as I'm concerned, you are."

"is there a level past elderly? 'cuz both your parents surely hit that one."

"..Both my-?"

"......"

"hm?"

"I guess he kind of is.."

"old?"

"My parent."

"Visiting him feels almost the same as seeing, like, Undyne and Alphys though."

"And I usually call him Asgore."

"you referred to him as 'dad guy' for a little bit."

"Then stopped."

"Every time I would, Mom would..."

"make 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 face."

"Yeah."

"Someone else comes to mind when I think of who my 'dad' is, anyway."

"he sounds cool."

"Yeah."

"great, even?"

"............."

"he'd be a better influence, y'know."

"He's more like my awesome uncle."

"true."

"Plus, it doesn't make sense to call him 'dad'. He doesn't have the hots for my mom."

"wow."

"those thirty five minutes went by so fast."

" 'night."

"NO-"

it didn't last long.

my phone started buzzing once again.

"Sans."

"frisk."

"You can't hang up on me for that."

"i did."

"Was I wrong?"

"i will again."

"Fine, okay, we don't have to talk about it."

"Eventhoughit'sdefinitelytrue-"

"Just don't hang up on me again."

"we'll see."

"You never did answer the wellness check."

"Are you well... Ness?"

i gave them a long stare.

"Come on."

"It was right there."

"a n y w a y."

"sure. i'm of the wellness. having much well."

"The best answer you can give is 'sure'?"

"you want me to list every symptom, dr. frisk?"

they pretended to hold an imaginary clipboard.

"Yeees."

"Tell me everything, patient."

"is that your impression of a doctor?"

"Yes it is. Now, are you good or not?"

"i'm good."

imaginary pen scribbling.

"Noticed one of your eyes has been back on."

"indeed."

"That's good, but why just the one?"

"𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 supposed to tell 𝘮𝘦 that, doc."

"Oh."

"Uh."

"..Well."

"It was the left one that does the magic glowy stuff, right?"

"yep."

"And that's the one that blew up."

"mhm."

"Whatever Papyrus said happened when you did your special attack... probably worsened that."

"So that's why. I think."

"thanks for the diagnosis."

"what do you suggest?"

"Hmmmmm."

putting their fingers together in thought.

"Nighttime phone calls where you spill all your weird skeleton secrets..."

"at really abhorrent times, got it."

"And a big fat kiss from Mama Goat."

"goodnight."

"AAA-"

they called again.

i rolled over the other way.

——

at least twice a week, usually about three in the morning or so...

i'll wake up.

for seemingly no reason.

sometimes i can get back to sleep if i lay there for long enough, but tonight was not one of those times.

while in there for some cold water and likely a light refrigerator raid, something surprising met me in the kitchen.

actually, met 𝘮𝘦 isn't quite the right wording, considering 𝗶 scared 𝗵𝗶𝗺.

sitting on our kitchen floor, cradling the basically empty milk jug, was my brother; long limbs folded criss-cross on the tile.

his troubled gaze focused on nothing in particular, almost trance-like.

"hey."

he snapped out of it.

if not for being a skeleton, i'd say papyrus jumped out of his skin.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP AT THIS TIME??"

"wonderin' the same of you."

"I ASKED FIRST."

"i'm gonna raid the fridge. get some water."

proceeding to do just that, light from the refrigerator spilled into the darkened room. papyrus narrowed his sockets slightly and turned away from it.

"you?"

"....."

tapping his fingers on the side of the milk jug for a moment.

"I DON'T KNOW."

his glance to the side, followed by slight tensing.. it was all too familiar.

i parked myself next to him on the cold floor.

unable to be bothered with washing up an actual fork, i grabbed a plastic one and opened a container of leftover pasta.

"what was it about this time?"

"......"

"puzzle mishap?"

"underground again?"

"mtt's show cancelled?"

"NO..."

"I BARELY REMEMBER ANY OF IT."

"but you remember a little?"

"THERE WERE-"

"AROUND ME, I WAS..."

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING EXACTLY, BUT I KNOW I DIDN'T ENJOY WHATEVER I WAS BEING MADE TO DO. I'M NOT SURE WHY IT WOULD BE..."

"VINES, OF ALL THINGS."

".........."

a part of me flickered with anger, but it fizzled out just as soon.

i sighed.

"just a weird metaphor, probably."

"you know how dreams are."

"I GUESS."

"..gotta ask."

"what's with the milk?"

"OH- UH."

"WELL IT.. THERE WASN'T THAT MUCH LEFT, AND I FIGURED I WOULD FINISH IT OFF, SINCE I WANTED SOME ANYWAY-"

"too much effort for a glass, huh?"

"IT'S NOT A LACK OF EFFORT!!"

"IT'S MORE EFFICIENT LIKE THIS. I DON'T NEED TO WASTE TIME WASHING A PERFECTLY GOOD CUP WHEN IT IS ALREADY CONTAINED WITHIN THE JUG."

"i dunno. sounds like you were being lazy to me. not wantin' to wash a cup, drinking straight from the jug..."

"IT'S 𝘕𝘖𝘛 LAZY."

"if you say so."

"think i could get a swig of that before you finish it off?"

"HERE."

"thanks."

"alright, you can have your comfort milk back."

"SO LONG AS MY BONES ARE ASSURED TO BE STRONG, I WILL BE AS WELL!"

"you're always strong."

"AND HOW DO YOU THINK IT GOT TO BE THAT WAY?"

"daily training."

"....YES, THAT. BUT HAVING PLENTY OF MILK FALLS INTO THE REGIMEN AS WELL!"

"including the rest of the jug."

"THIS IS A ONE-TIME THING!!"

"so this where its been disappearing to at random all this time.."

"NO."

raising the jug to his mouth.

"LIKE I SAID, ONE-TIME THING."

"uhuh."

"I HEARD YOU SPEAKING A WHILE AGO."

"i was on the phone."

"WITH WHOM?"

"frisk."

"AGAIN?"

"yep."

"ISN'T IT PAST THEIR BEDTIME?"

"nah, it's friday."

"AH, RIGHT."

"suppose it's technically saturday now."

"REALLY? WHAT TIME IS IT?"

"uhh, let's see..."

after being in the dark for so long, we 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 turned away from my phone screen light.

dimming the brightness, i showed him the time.

"IT'S FOUR ALREADY??"

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE DOWN HERE SO LONG."

"me either."

"let's get back to bed, huh?"

papyrus silently leaned against me.

"...ok. sleeping bags?"

"JUST THE COUCH."

"i'll grab our pillows."

[perspectivestarters]

Perspective's Sentence Starters; I'M DOING IT AGAIN BABY! by girl in red (Part II)

A NIGHT TO REMEMBER

Nothin' ever felt like the moment I met her.

What if I didn't go out that night?

What could have been?

Can you feel the chemical reaction?

You triggered my desire and attraction.

Everything in me wants this to happen.

Maybe we should just get goin'.

This is our window to be alone.

I wonder why sometimes you just know.

I don't believe things are meant to be.

You and I are like stars aligned.

It could only lead to one thing tonight.

So alluring by the bar, with those eyes and that charm.

You're the only thing I had on my mind.

I met the rest of my life.

Let's get outta here.

I've never been so light on my feet.

She had me wrapped around her finger.

I knew I had to have her.

She was everything I've seen in my dreams.

It was a night to remember.

PICK ME

Pick me over him.

Let the loser win.

I have so many things I wanna say, but don't know how to communicate.

I'm always waitin' for you to say my insecurities drove you away.

I'm worried about it.

Of course I'm embarrassed.

I'm hiding the madness.

I'm hiding it all from you.

Yeah, how could I ever be true?

There's no amount of validation that would make this go away.

You're leaving with him?

I guess he's got something I can't give.

I might be falling apart.

I think you know I havе been from the start.

Where have you been?

Can't stop my mind and the way that it spins.

There's no reason for me to be acting up the way that I am.

Jealousy has gotten to me again.

It doesn't make any sense.

UGLY SIDE

I'm not my best today.

I'd be lying if I said it's probably a phase.

I was born with a case of imperfections and a whole lot of mental disarray,

I need to know why I'm Jekyll and Hyde,

I need to know why I have these ugly sides.

I get despicable for sure.

Does that make me unlovable?

I feel it creeping up on me when I'm not watching.

If I could make them all go quiet, that'd be something.

I'm likely doing it all wrong.

If I don't get it my way, next thing you know, the storm is on.

I need to know why I'm boiling inside.

I am the worst of me sometimes.

I can be cute and loveable.

I think I allow myself to be rude and mean to the people I love the most and the people I love the most are the ones who get the worst of me.

I don't like that, why is it like that?

NEW LOVE

I don't wanna know about your new love.

Quitting you was harder than I ever thought it'd be.

I've been in denial, but now it's hitting me.

Nothing makes more sense than to be in your arms again.

Some things never end.

Will I learn to love again?

Something 'bout it makes me want to chop my own ears off

Do you really think I can't tell you're not yourself when she's there?

How am I supposed to believe you're head over heels for someone like her?

You break and bend my heart because you can.

★★★★★

Six out of six, is it a miss?

Five-star rating and I'm writing a hit.

You gotta be delusional to be in the biz..

Lookin' for a stranger with a story to tell

I'm readin' up on history.

The fact to me is I do amazingly bad.

I make magnificent trash.

It's evеrything I have.

Can I do it again?

I said I would do it again.

[twilightmalachite]

Hinata Aoi - Immersing in the Reverberations 2

Author: Kanata Haruka

Characters: Hinata, Sora, Anzu

Translator: Mika Enstars

"Umm, really, why are you here, Anzu-san? If you need something with Game Research, I can leave…"

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Winter

Location: Yumenosaki Academy Game Research Club Room

Hinata: Whoa, just what is this crazy barrage?! I’m not sure if I can dodge it!

Oh no oh no oh no! Sorry Sora, I can’t do this anymore~!

Sora: It’s okay! Leave the rest to Sora! There’s a safe spot here from the boss~. Hang around the area, and attack when there’s an opening, and…

HaHa~! Sora and Hina-chan were able to beat it in co-op!

Hinata: Amazing! The boss was defeated so quickly… Was I dragging you down then, Sora-kun?

Sora: Nothing of the sort! There were times Hina-chan drew the enemy’s attention and really helped Sora out!

Hinata: I’m glad, then, but… Since you’re so good at this, I’m worried I’m making things boring for you.

Sora: No need to worry, then~! It’s a lot of fun to play games with Hina-chan!

Besides, Sora’s always playing this game over and over again with Shisho~ and Anzu, so it makes sense he’s good at it~. ♪

Hinata: A-ahaha… I see, so you’ve been playing it with Sakasaki-senpai and Anzu-san~…

…So, does that mean that the reason Anzu-san came here was also to play games~…?

Sora: HiHi~! Sora’s very happy when Anzu comes to play too~! ♪

Hinata: (I feel awkward. And it was really a great help to have Sora-kun here with me too…)

(But I can only distract myself with games so much. Maybe it’s because Anzu-san keeps glancing over at me…)

Umm, really, why are you here, Anzu-san? If you need something with Game Research, I can leave…

Huh? I’m the one you need something with?

Yuuta-kun contacted you through HoldHands to tell you I was struggling with the Feature Live?

I’m so touched by Yuuta-kun’s consideration! He didn’t abandon his Onii-chan after all that, huh!

(Though, I feel it was pretty mean-spirited of Yuuta-kun to reach out to Anzu-san, but…)

(In reality, the easiest way through all this really is to consult Anzu-san~.)

(I couldn’t bring myself to reach out to her, so honestly, I think I really am grateful for Yuuta-kun’s consideration.)

Sora: Anzu wants to play the game too? Wanna try a bit after watching huh!

Hinata: Ahaha, well, it’s hard not to wanna play after watching other people play, right~?

Huh? Anzu-san, you’re surprisingly good at this, aren’t you? You’re easily getting through the part I struggled with!?

Sora: Sora plays this game a lot with Anzu~! ♪ It’s a game that brings back lots of memories!

Hinata: Really~? Just listening to the game’s BGM brings back memories of playing the game with your friends?

It’s true, I often feel nostalgic listening to things like the BGM of games I used to play~.

And listening to nostalgic music in the Light Music Club room makes me wanna play instruments.

Speaking of which, maybe I’ll take a quick peek around the club room…

Sora: Does Hina-chan wanna go to the Light Music Club room?

Hinata: …Yeah, I was thinking maybe I could come up with some good ideas for a candid shot.

Sorry, since you went through the trouble of inviting me over to play!

Sora: It’s okay! It’s for Hina-chan’s Feature Live, so Sora’s rooting for Hina-chan too~! ♪

Location: Yumenosaki Academy Light Music Club Room

Hinata: S’cuse me~. Ahaha, there really isn’t anyone here, huh?

(Shoot. Now I’m alone with Anzu-san. No, I shouldn’t be surprised, I’m here to ask for advice…)

(Uu, so awkward. I wish Sora-kun came along.)

(But then I’d feel bad for dragging Sora-kun into such a delicate atmosphere…)

I-I thought Oogami-senpai might’ve been here, but he’s graduating soon, so guess he’s busy.

Ahaha, Oogami-senpai will be graduating soon too, huh~? That means after that, it’ll be just Yuuta-kun and I left using this club room, huh~.

You’re going to miss it? Nahh, you say that, but it’s not like you really care about the Light Music Club, don’t you, Anzu-san?

I mean, it’s not like you come around too often since you’ve moved to the Production Department.

Hinata: Sob, sob… It was so lonely, you wouldn’t come to see me at all!

I’m gonna miss you? Well, I’ve worked with you for quite a long time, Anzu-san…

It was this place where you and 2wink’s first encounter, when we kidnapped you over here.

Well~, I do feel bad about the trouble I caused you back then. But Sakuma-senpai ordered me to, so I didn’t have any choice. ♪

…Strange~. I thought I didn’t have many memories with you here in the clubroom, Anzu-san, but now I can remember them all so easily.

Hm? Oh, now this is a nostalgic music score~. I’m pretty sure I still have the original sound on my smartphone… Here it is!

Hinata: ♪~♪~♪

Ahh, sorry! I forgot you were there and put on my headphones.

You wonder if you can recognize the song? Fufu, curious about what song it is?

Here’s a hint; it’s definitely a song you should recognize, Anzu-san. It’d be really embarrassing if you couldn’t. Think you can answer~?

♪~♪~♪

Hinata: Oh, that’s correct! Amazing as always, Anzu-san. The song really takes you back, doesn’t it?

It’s the unreleased Light Music Club song for Trickstar back when the unit was getting its start… Well, that’s a weird way to put it, since it’s released now.

But back then, it was 2wink’s opening act for Trickstar. It wasn’t even that long ago, but it feels waaay back.

…Hey, Anzu-san. Thinking about it, a lot sure has changed since then, hasn’t it?

You overcame a lot at the academy, and now you’re earnestly working in the world of idols at ES…

In order to survive in the idol industry, I’ve changed a lot too.

But it’s not just me. The same goes for Yuuta-kun and Sora-kun too, you know.

And we’re going to have to keep changing if we want to keep on fighting in this world.

And I’m fine with that. I know it’s something that needs to be done.

Hinata: But… That’s also why it’s nice to have moments like this to reminisce every once in a while, right? Immersing yourself in a memory-filled place, listening to memory-filled songs…

*camera snap*

Eh, when did you have that camera, Anzu-san? Did you just take a photo just now?!

I’m embarrassed, you just took a photo of me being somewhat sentimental!

Wow, you have a huge smile on your face, Anzu-san. Are you that glad over how I was?

…I see. Well if you say so, then I’ll believe you.

But, I kinda feel like I was just pranked by you~.

Ahaha, guess it’s not too bad getting pranked on every once in a while. ♪

(I kinda feel things are less awkward, somehow? Do I have Anzu-san to thank for that?)

Alright, time to get serious about figuring out what to do for my Feature Live!

‘Course, you’ll be accompanying me, won’t you, Anzu-san?

[ ☆ ]

← prev | story directory

[nogenderbee]

Hihi I saw that requests are open and I have an idea in mind sooo just wanna leave suggestions here! (I'm too lazy to write it myself www)

May I request the pjsk boys(Toya, Akito, Rui, Tsukasa) x vtuber!reader, and after a few months of them dating, the reader confesses to the boys that they have their own sekai, which is filled with electronic appliances for vtuber streaming, and invites the boys to pay a visit to the sekai to see how they would react(respectively)?

It's okay if you don't wanna write it lol, bye and have a good day/noon/night!

Omg yes! I swear it was so fun to write! Maybe I don't watch a lot of vtubers but I certainly know couple of things about them so... yeah, hope you enjoy, darling <3

Akito, Toya, Tsukasa, Rui discovering vtuber!reader SEKAI

TagList: @yulikesminori @bleachtheidiot @miya-akane @vodka-glrl @alicewinterway18 @indi-has-fallen

⊱ Akito never really minded that you were a vtuber, in fact he kinda didn't cared

⊱ he definitely won't admit it but he most likely watches your videos/streams whenever he can

⊱ if it's about saying something on your stream or video, he really won't mind but don't expect him to be affectionate, he's already flustered when he does that in private and showing it in public is 10 times worse

⊱ he probably spilled out that he has SEKAI sooner or later but hey, he can't take back what he said and he doesn't want to make idiot out of you so he just went with it

⊱ but once you tell him about your SEKAI and that it has to do something with you being vtuber, he's pretty interested but there's no way he'll show how interested he is

⊱ he definitely was interested in all of this especially if you stream or record from your SEKAI thanks to your equipment

⊱ if it's about electronic equipment, he'd definitely stare at it for long trying to figure out what they do but if you suggest you show him he'll agree but also add that he doesn care which is a lie

"Yeah whatever you can show what it does if you're really that excited about it. Wow- ehem, yeah it's cool I guess."

⊱ Toya also didn't mind you being a vtuber, but unlike the ginger, he's not against being heard in the background

⊱ sure, he probably will get slightly emberrassed if you or someone else points out the nickname he called you or if he said something romantic without even realizing it

⊱ he also won't be afraid to admit that he watches your streams/videos, in fact he even admits it with so serious face that you sometimes can't even tell if he enjoyed your stream/video or not

⊱ he probably didn't told you that he has a SEKAI for a long time... don't get him wrong, it's not like he doesn't trust you, he just simply never saw the reason for it

⊱ but once you tell him, he tells you that he's interested and asks if he can see it with his own eyes

⊱ so of course you show him and he's absolutely amazed by it

⊱ he'll try to make sense out if some electronics but he'll most likely ask you about most of them since he wants to be sure

"I like the look of it. I can see that it symbolizes your passion and I'm glad you found something that brings you such happiness."

⊱ Tsukasa was interested in you being vtuber probably just as much as you're passionate in being one

⊱ he's never emberrassed about being heard by others even if he said something romantic, sure it brings a blush to his face but he will say it's true what he said

⊱ he may or may not sometimes say romantic lines on purpose so others will know that this amazing person is taken by no one else then a future star!

⊱ he definitely rambled to you a lot about his SEKAI, be it it's overall design or what has been happening there lately

⊱ so it's only natural that you also tell him about your SEKAI once you get comfortable

⊱ and when he enters your SEKAI, he's amazed! But hear me out, you better watch out because he's probably the type to touch everything

⊱ so whenever he tries to touch something gentle or precious, just tell him to not do that and explain what it does

"Aooh, this one looks interesting! Let me see what it does- huh? No touching? Why? ... Aoooh, I see. Well, this star is really sorry for barely ruining your precious decor!"

⊱ Rui was the one on more curious and exited side, obviously he knows how hard vtuber model is to make so he has even more questions if you made it yourself

⊱ but don't worry, he won't go too far and you can hear genuine curiosity in his voice almost sounding as passionate as if he's a vtuber himself

⊱ but he won't try to be heard in the background, if something he'll try to avoid it but if someday he will be catched saying something romantic, he'll only tease you about it and act like it's normal

⊱ he mentioned his SEKAI couple of times but never rambled to to about it unless you asked him yourself

⊱ so when you tell him about your SEKAI, he's excited to see it and even more excited when he discovers it's electronic or vtuber themed

⊱ when he enters, he'll ask about functions of every single electronic mahine and if you don't know then he'll make it his goal to discover that

⊱ he's really just about to upgrade everything in your SEKAI but despite you knowing it's gonna be something crazy, it's hard to stop him when he act like a child who just got his favorite candy

"Oh my~ well this is definitely something! You wouldn't mind if I'd... take a quick look at them and maybe make them slightly better, now would you?"

❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉

[rviner]

@ofwrxth

Take three? Seriously? I don't even fuck my girl this often

It's been a while, ain't it? I don't know what I expected. I shoulda known your face would show up again. Damn, I guess this means I gotta scope up again. Put a lyrical AK on my shoulder, fuck around and aim those sights right on ya.

I'll be honest, I wasn't gonna bother 'cause I'll be honest, I'm getting real bored of ya. Dumbass, I didn't talk shit about your mama, I was askin' you why you never called her. You're lucky my sister got a good sense of humor, she was laughing at the shit you said about her. I'm not. There's a lot of shit that I can take as a joke, your career, your beats, the fact I heard you've gone broke. I know you did this for a reaction and honestly, I didn't wanna drop myself to your standards. But how you gonna rap about my sister when you ain't even met her. Don't even have the decency to spit on a hard beat about her. Didn't even have any hard bars about her. Real original, calling a woman a bitch but I guess you got a lot of shit in common with 'em, huh?

I guess you really want me to talk about the shit you keep buried. The way you search soundcloud for low view artists, your lil notepad and pen so you can scribble down their lyrics. Did you forget that night we got high you couldn't handle your liquor? One sip of vodka and you started cryin' on my shoulder, Said Ri I wish I could be just like ya, how do you make it look so easy?

Well, bitch, you should learn some music theory.

Jesus, man. We need to be careful, you should try and be better 'cause this is startin' to get a lil gay, it's like you're writing me love letters. I'm flattered that you got a crush on me. Next to your stolen lyrics you probably got a heart around "Lil Ri."

Remember the time you had to pay to get your face on a talk show? Shit, man. I get so many invites, I can't even go. Or maybe we need to talk about you payin' for a song on the radio. I'm just getting started man, let's go. Maybe now you're gonna see that I've been real nice to ya. I didn't bring up the girls waitin' to come speak up about ya. You keep those pop punk stereotypes true, huh? Your favorite note is A Minor.

That's why I stopped fuckin' with you, you piece of shit. Heard about the shit you did and knew if I stuck around, I was gonna commit. Murder. I hate ya. I hope you go into hiding after this. I think the world deserves some peace after this. and I'll be honest, I don't think you'll be missed 'cause if we need to listen to some trash, all your songs still exist.

Guess this still won't be enough for you. Guess you can't get enough of...me.

I'll probably see you next time You can stop holdin' your breath now 'cause I said it.

[hazelfoureyes]

To add onto the ace conversation, I wanna add my journey!

TW it gets kinda heavy at the end-

My journey was literally SO messy omg and this is gonna sound so silly but

My mom and I used to watch this show called rupauls drag race when I was little. I used to think the men were pretty and all when they were out of drag but WHEN THEY WERE IN DRAG??? omg I was in love, I thought they were so pretty 😭. NOW YOU CAN SEE WHY THIS IS CONFUSING. Technically, they are men, but they look like women, and you only like them when they look like women. I was scared and confused with this newfound information so I repressed it 💀

During my teen years, ig I was just like everyone else, a lil sex obsessed freak (idk how to put it but YKNO HOW PEOPLE ACTED IN HIGH SCHOOL 😭 ). Watch porn, reading smut, the whole shebang. I eventually found out I like both girls and boys (with a preference for girls). BUT one day I sat down and realized I haven’t had a real crush with a real life person since like elementary school 🧍‍♀️

Everyone was losing their virginity’s and talking about how great sex was and blah blah blah. It’s embarrassing but I thought sex was gonna be AWESOME and I COULD NOT WAIT to just GET RID of mine 💀. Like if I lost my virginity it would put everything in place.

Jump forward to when I’m 19-20 and I get my first “real” boyfriend. I was kinda out? I was telling my friends what I was bisexual. I told my boyfriend when we were in the “talking stage” and he was really supportive, or so I thought, long story short he was just like, THE WORST PERSON EVER. He was sexually/emotionally abusive, 0/10 person.

⚠️TW: S*XUAL ASSAULT, DR*GS, R*PE⚠️

⚠️ I wanna say that I’m only laughing about this because it’s my coping mechanism ig but I just wanna say that there was multiple instances that he used to take advantage of me while I was under the influence and then gaslight me into thinking it was ok the day after.

If they’re is ANYONE reading this that is in a situation like I was in, please for the love of god leave them. NO it’s NOT normal. They don’t love you. The abuse will only get worse the longer you stay. ⚠️

And on top of all that HE OUTED ME 🧍‍♀️ so that was fun. Anyways back to the sex, it was bad. I thought men not knowing where the clit is was a meme but it’s true 😭 mans would rub my left lip for 5 minutes and act if I came. Losing my virginity DID NOT “put everything in place”. Well i guess maybe it did in a sense. I never wanted to do it again.

But on the other hand, I’ve read that sex is a beautiful thing. Deep down, some parts of me yearn to have that special connection with someone. I want to feel what real love is. What it’s really like to make love. And not just have someone tell me they love me while they selfishly use me. Words are just words but I know there has to be more to it.

Anyways that’s where my journey is right now, I’ve been doing some real soul searching these past few months. Tumblr has really helped me in trying to figure this whole thing out. Am I ace? Idk. But it’s what I closely resonate with for the time being.

God labels are confusing as hell 😭 why can’t I just be me

I’m me-sexual 🥳

I was a little worried at first sharing this as it is heavy! But, the fact is, sometimes we are waiting for someone to bring up a heavy topic so we can share/vent our own story. Certain heavy topics just...don't come up often or organically. So I hope if someone needs it they can use this as a reason to start a conversation they've been waiting for a chance to have!

What happened to you was beyond unacceptable treatment and I am so so sorry you had to suffer through that literal abuse. I suffered through quite a bit myself and it really skewed and damaged my relationship to sex for a long time in ways I couldn’t perceive so I absolutely hear you! It sounds like you’re doing the heavy lifting of trying to heal and be a fully formed you and I’m so proud of you! The hardest part is acknowledging that hey, maybe there’s some shit still left to figure out about myself.

As you continue in life you may find your awful experiences had some effect on how you view and enjoy (or not enjoy) sex.

I am a huge advocate for sexual health, in knowing yourself intimately for your own pleasure but also for safety and comfort!

I really hope you’ve taken time to learn about yourself and what things you like and don’t like when it comes to physical pleasure. If that’s something you have an interest in!

Personally I’ve thought I hated things and later realized nooo I just experienced it first with someone terrible at it. 😅 but when I did it I found it kicked ass. (**cough** anal **cough cough*)

There is more to sex, I hear! I’ve never made love and the idea is so unattractive to me, but! Darling, sex does exist thats full of love and connection and meaning that serves so many more purposes than getting off. So I’m adamantly told! If it’s something you want I hope you find someone or someones who can provide it. 🥺

It’s so funny you mention horny teenagers because in middle school and into high school everyone was pairing up. And I thought, “Relationships are what you do when you want sex. And I don’t need sex. I’m still young. So… why would I get a boyfriend? My friends fulfill my needs otherwise.” (Still….so closeted 😂)

Because I was aromantic and the term just like—- didn’t exist in my world so I didn’t know, I didn’t realize people were dating for non-sex reasons 💀 but then I got a boyfriend and had sex in high school and was like “OH SHIT THIS IS THE BEST?? AM I A NYMPHO NOW. MY HAND COULD NEVER?”

The beautiful thing about still being here is that you have the freedom and the time to decide or not decide anything! Research, talk to people and read in forums of people learning to find their place. Question everything— are there parts of people you find sexually attractive? If yes, okay let’s start there! I realized I was pansexual first because of my attraction to androgyny. “I’m not a lesbian—- dick good. But also… pussy good??? Tits good??? That person could have any of those things and.. I don’t care? I still want them carnally?!”

If no sexual attraction to people at all (pretty standard definition Ace in that case!), then okie dokie, totally can still want to enjoy sex! It’s more than about sexual attraction as we are cerebral creatures. That’s still valid! If you did want to be physically intimate are there things you’d be okay with doing and not doing? Or things you’d want to do that maybe you couldn’t with certain people? Is your idea of what sex is being really narrowed down being of the culture you’re in? Just some questions for yourself. So many things to consider if you haven’t already! Not for finding a label but making sure you can express what you want and need when you’re in a situation to receive it. 💝

I didn’t know anything about Asexuality until hazbin and that made me look at my partner and be like “yoooooo I know you’re an older Japanese man but I have a new English word for you to learn.”

Before I knew pansexuality existed I told people who asked my sexuality, “I’ve never been disappointed when someone got naked.” Because I didn’t identify with the “women and men” definition of bisexuality, the gender didn’t matter and the sexual organs were all just bonuses for me. But I didn’t know a word existed for how I felt.

And hey, it got the point across! I lacked a community to feel welcomed in but I was still able to love and be loved how I wanted to be and that’s the most important part of this. As long as you can still articulate what you want and need in this stage of your life then baby cakes you’re doing perfectly fine in your journey! Which it sounds like you already know very well 💖🥹

[crown-of-roses-thsc]

How did you created CoR? Did you ever have any idea about this au that you discarded? If yes can you tell us? I really would like to hear!

Also, do you have new other au from another fandom? I really wish to check since you do such a good job creating this here that I also wanna to see more of your own works!

HEHEHE~ oh, prepare to learn some very silly things!

I don’t know if I’ve shared this before, but the story behind Crown of Roses delights me to this day. I was a young soul, obsessed with Henry Stickmin, and had taken it upon myself to come up with the funniest possible character to ship Ellie with. Mind you, I wasn’t a Henry Stickmin nerd yet, so I didn’t know many of the background characters.

It suddenly dawned on me that it would be absolutely hilarious to ship Ellie with Reginald…two characters who would hate each others guts if they’d ever met in any significant way in canon.

At the time, I was also blasting “Satisfied” from Hamilton- and in my head, I formulated this little story following the Toppat King ending, where Ellie and Reginald had been in love long ago, but Ellie was with Henry now- and she had to abandon her love for Reginald because she didn’t want to hurt poor Henry. I was an angsty teenager with a love for mellowdrama, so I thought this idea was delightful.

As time went on, I played more and more with the idea of Ellie and Reginald being exes- and came up with the possibility that perhaps Ellie was briefly leader before Reginald viciously betrayed her and took the role for himself. At first, I wanted to consider this a fan-theory, and scoured the game for any hint that it could be true (I actually think I still have a crappy google doc full of “evidence” for it, haha!), but I eventually had to concede that it was highly improbable.

I actually didn’t discover the scrapped side-game for Ellie until later on, so imagine my THRILL when I discovered that. I took quite a few aspects from it, since the differences between the ideas were almost entirely better on the scrapped side-game’s part.

The story was originally just that, until I discovered the song RÄT by Penelope Scott…and began to imagine a continuation of the betrayal story based around the song. (The ideas that came from this can be seen in THIS animatic, which is actually what “blew up” this AU!) From there I returned to the Toppat King idea, and that grew into…well, I guess you’ll have to see ;)

And oh, so many ideas from this AU had to be discarded (or were altered into things I preferred!)

Originally, Reginald was written to be more cold-and-calculating, with a bit of care for Ellie that was entirely drowned out by his thirst for power. Now he’s become my pathetic wet-cat, who makes mistakes more out of fear than any malicious intent. It makes a bit of sense, as my characterization of him is based strongly off of Aaron Burr (as portrayed in the musical Hamilton.)

That’s the least interesting one, though.

For example:

In this AU, Earrings is Sven’s sister! But originally, in the Toppat King ending, she was going to be the villain- wanting to kill Sven in revenge for…well, you’ll find out in two chapters! But here’s the kicker: I had her being haunted by Randy! His characterization was similar to how I portray him now, just a little more evil- the inspiration from Beetlejuice: The Musical was much, much stronger!

I’ve mentioned “scrapped endings” many times, so I won’t bore you all with that again- but a stranger aspect is that I originally had all of them being canon, and a reveal that Crown of Roses was an actual alternate universe to the main game; Henry had briefly decided to lend Ellie his multiverse powers, and so the world shifted to focus more on her- and she got to experience many endings before ultimately being able to get to a world where Reginald didn’t betray her, and the audience was left to imagine what different endings would look like from there once things were focused back on Henry! Like, Infiltrating the Airship with Ellie in charge…a neat thought, in my opinion!

On a darker note, Suave and Jessica’s relationship initially had much…darker implications. The emotional abuse remains canon, as well as implications of potential physical abuse, but…let’s just say that I briefly toyed with the idea that Suave had grown to abuse her in another way, too. I never planned on explicitly mentioning or showing it, so one could argue that it wasn’t scrapped- but I decided not to really go that far. I have no intentions of confirming or denying it as a possibility, but I wanted to back off of the subject.

On a lighter note, Ellie’s rogue-gang originally included Stu Pendles, a man whose voice claim was TheOdd1sOut and was in gambling debt to Carol. I actually think I originally had intentions of shipping them, too!

Wilting Darkrose was also originally meant to be a parody of emo edgelord characters, hence his goth appearance and edgy name- but I lost confidence in my ability to satirize that well, and grew attached to the idea of a character who saw himself as an important noble leader but was actually a college student with too much hair-dye. (Bonus fun fact!: Ed Zhaust is named that because it’s meant to sound like “exhaust(ed)”- which is what he is.)

Ho ho ho, what a ramble that was! As for the second part of your question:

I’ve worked on a few! I like to imagine Warrior Cats AUs, but I never do much with those. I usually focus on my own stories (I’m making progress in a book I’ve wanted to write for quite some time!) buuut I do have some published stuff!

For example, I’m the director of Wordgirl: Rewired! It was originally meant to be a fan-comic, but now we have two fully illustrated and voice acted episodes of an aged-up Wordgirl series! It’s mostly meant to be a continuation, but due to some slight changes to certain characters one could argue it’s an AU!

I also wrote a fan fiction called “The Night The Moons Collapsed” for Wings of Fire. I never finished it, but I do plan to rewrite it eventually! I’d been reading too many My Little Pony Infection AUs at the time, haha!

Any other things would likely be in my Ao3, and from there it’s mostly Wordgirl stuffs!