#i gotta go to the shower then bed but
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the other day @barack-fa and i were discussing garfield and growing up with it and such and then somehow one of us (barack, i think?) had the genius level idea of komahinanami garfield au. and i HAD to make it real
#martzipan#garfield#komahinanami#ok we have#hajime hinata#as garfield#nagito komaeda#as odie#and!#chiaki nanami#as arlene :)#all of these doodles (save for the trio one) are directly based on panels from comics i own!#they're my childhood comics. i love garfield so much#btw pooky is usami i think. we can say she was a gift from chiaki#i always loved how garfield and arlene would caterwaul together. i think it's cute if hinanami do it too#also had to get a doodle of chiaki whistling thru her teeth. FWEEEEEEET#also also garfield and odie translates. absurdly well onto kmhn#is it sillier? inherently. but it's also correct#ok as of my queuing this it is like 2 am. i gotta shower and go to bed#thanks barack for talking with me!! i love sending ideas back and forth with u it's a blast :)#friendship yaaayy yippee yahoo
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Dragon 181: Seasonal Dragon (Autumn) with their prize winning pumpkin!
#perhaps the nice green dragon across the way helped out. with life magic. maybee it's not cheating if the ground HAPPENED to b extra fertile#maudfs#dragon#dailydragon2024#dragcave#dragon cave#seasonal dragon#autumn#pumpkin#yeah I the anatomy is off and the colors a bit spotty but I did NOT want to redo this. I already gotta shower and go to bed aaaaaa#OH YEAH there's a hurricane heading our way. if I don't post for the rest of this week it's because the internet went out. hopefully not...
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skyglow:
(alternative title: photo dump of a midnight desert run)
#photography#Ford's Art#color says shit#it was either go on a twelve mile run or re-download grindr and get absolutely blasted so I went with the more responsible option.#b because damn I'm feeling it tonight. or at least I was before the run. I need to shower and then I'll cook dinner and go to bed satiated.#I did also jerk off under the bridge and then piss on someone's flowers on the way home. gotta get those animal instincts out somehow right?#anyway I've successfully vented most of my manic energy and a cold shower will finish it off and then we're good.#the mood meds have been helping a lot. last time I got hit with this kind of a mood I came out of it with huge bite marks and chlamydia.#and I haven't been feeling it nearly as bad this time so that's nice. more like a restless dog and less like a caged wolf thirsty for blood.#yes I'm making references to Call of the Wild again deal with it.#anyway sorry to anyone who sees this from the tags and not because you follow me. you didn't sign up for this lmao.#also. this is why I can't be a binary trans woman. this night photography shit is the most gay-man thing ever and I enjoy it.#I was doing it before my last boyfriend but he got me even more into it.#anyway bye I'm gonna go shower and then eat food. I've been hungrier more recently.#between the meds and the hrt my appetite is bigger and I'm gaining weight with the hrt fat redistribution which is cool and good.#I want to be a healthy weight and maybe even a lil chonky? we'll see we'll see.
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the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something
#WHAT AM I DOING!!!!#i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch#too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun#no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point#trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this#WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!!#there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time#my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me#my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job#i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time#i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again#and WHAT DO I WANT!#THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY!#I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!#anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed#delete later#i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious)#versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected)#i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want#ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you#i miss that i want that back#whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go
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<33333333333333333333333333333333333
honestly not writing something for @deetealeaf feels almost like a crime <333
#<3#i gotta go to the shower then bed but#THANK YOU AGAIN AND I LOVE YOUUUUU#thank youuuuu ivan<33#best ivan tag#ivan is wonderful and talented and sweet and they make me smile frrrrr hes the besttttttt#ivan makes me happyyy#ivan being the actual sweetest person rnnn#ivan is babey we love ivan#ivan is just ughhh /pos#lovely lovely person 💕💕#ivannnnnn<3333333333#ilyyyyyy ivan ivan ivy ivan babes ughhh#<333333#gn ivyyyy <33#ilyyyy <33333
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why do spiders exist and how can i get rid of them. permanently. with no damage to the ecosystem just cut and delete
#currently posting from the tenuous safety of my bathtub as it was by the door#and now its probably in my clean change of clothes#can i shower in peace??? hm??? can i? Can I?#big ass fucking harvestman. vanished in a blink#i turned away for One Second#fuck fuck fuck it was On the light switch#why is my life?#its always fuckin somethin smh....#if someone could just snipe me real quick thatd be great. dont wanna deal with this#i gotta start keeping my killing stick in the bathroom stg theres always a spider in here#absolutely unprompted#im gonna look down and its gonna by crawling up my towel#that is a valid fear its happened Before#and also yes i know harvestmen arent spiders. but they look like it so they count in my fear#NOW THERES A FUCKING SILVERFISH???? WHAT IS THIS? MINECRAFT?????#i am soooooo going to bed early tonight. hard reset. im done w today#gonna use my extra towel to whip the shit outta my surroundings#'take a shower' they said. 'youll feel better' they said#its always. fucking. Something.
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i’m feeling shitty all of a sudden??? i have things to do whyyy
#𓊆ྀི vent.txt 𓊇ྀི#i gotta pack#i gotta shower#i gotta pick out a concert fit for tmm#but all i wanna do is either disappear or lay in bed#the former sounds better tbh#i forgot to pick out a makeup look so i’m just gonna have to go with my everyday makeup because its too last minute#ughhhh#come to think of it this might be because i have not eaten much today
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I'm going through another character arc
I'm becoming worse
#speculation nation#negative/#im mostly just being dramatic. still very deeply unhappy n#*right now lol#not in breakdown territory at least. just. tired.#yes this still has to do with the damned tub. i need to be in bed in less than half an hour.#first round of drano did nothing. i prodded at it with the snake. nothing. then had to scoop drain the tub Again.#if there is still no progress after the next adminsitration of drano im just going to try to wipe the tub (to remove drano residue)#and just take another foot bath shower. :/#might try to eat smth while i wait rn. it's messing up my routine but#just gonna have to deal with it i guess. i dont want to stay up Too late.#sigh. whys this gotta happen to me man.#my curse for what. having ungodly thick hair???#mark my words. after this im buying a drain guard.
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Pea Brained Bounce House time. Was thinking about the earlier Mikey bit. Then I started thinking about Warm Coded. And then:
Raph’s got like. This thing, when you’re working out with him. He uses the cover of coaching you to stare.
It’s not until he’s got you doing chairs against the concrete wall, and you look up in pleading askance on how much longer you’ve gotta hold the position, that you finally catch the way his attention is trained on the swell of your stomach. The uncanny focus of his gaze on your thighs as the muscles start to tremble and seize up.
Raph likes to stare.
#……. hm. is this gonna be a blood orange fic?#are they gonna converge?#looks at the blurple fic I’m already planning. fuck. this might be a blood orange fic#but how would that even work?#Mikey is so much harder to set a boundary with than Leo and Donnie#and what about my head canon of Mikey sneaking into Raph’s bed during nightmares?#I could just see. raph wakes up and readers all against him all warm and cuddly#he goes for the sleepy morning action#but his hand knocks against Mikey’s shell and there’s like the awful dawning realization that his little bro is cock blocking him#cue Mikey waking up cuz you smell all warm and he wants action too#only for the same realization to have th both going >:[ at each other#raph gets up like fuck this I’ll be a good boyfriend I’ll go get breakfast. you want pastries doll? I'll get you fucking pastries#and Mikey’s like fuck that I’ll be a better boyfriend I’m gonna go make homemade juice#and then reader is like. wtf where are my cuddly buddies? Why is everyone so pissy this fine morning?#<- zero clue they are in the middle of a pissing contest#goes to take a morning shower and gets interrupted cuz Mikey doubles back#youngest sibling gotta take advantage of the older one being out and all that#I could just see him all annoyed halfway to the Kitchen before going *wtf am I doing* and backtracking to corner reader in the bathroom#raph drags reader back in his room and closes the door in mikey's face when he gets back with pastries#cuz personal space (nest) privileges and it was cold outside and damn it he's was a good boyfriend he deserves cuddle time#also he didn't get mikey any pastries#proceeds to show reader there's more than one way to enjoy a pastry#……… have to think about this one actually plot poly is hard#raccoon rambles
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our tree fell over merry christmas ! [Breakdances]
#knox rambles#my mom loves the smell of the pine trees so we do a real tree when we can#and you gotta water those suckers#so we just finished decorating it and watered it#and BLAMMO ITS ON THE FLOOR#cut to me running into the room with the towel i was using as an extra blanket#running back for my shower towel and my old towel that weve been using for the dog#catch me sliding across the floor and basicaly mopping up half the water with my pants and the other half with the towels#pine needles flying everywhere#ornaments in water#all the towels are in the sink now heck actualy i gotta move those so they can dry before i go to sleep actually#anyway i find this to be a highly entertaining adventure#my brothers tell me this is not the first time our tree has fallen over i have no recollection of jt however#so im counting this as my first tree falling over#we're going to bed now cautiously and i fully expect the tree to be back down by morning ngl#miraculously not a single ornament broke#anyway i gotta move those towels um happy december holidays folks#and to all a good night
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Anyways can i moral support you annoy you now?
-alz
I mean go for it
#i wont be online for much longer#gotta shower and go to bed early#we're trying me back at school tomorrow because we havent gotten any word#so i have to go in and ask about it#im worried sick lol
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had an awesome day but also so sad... went to a bangin ramen place then saw a really good but heartwrenching stage play in my old city w my roomie n then straight to the gym from the train station bc its my mates last day in the uk so we wanted to get in one final climb together I'm gonna miss him sm..... many tears have been shed this afternoon/evening fr!! 💔💔💔💔
#hes moving back to australia so probably wont get to see him again for many years if ever..... wahhhhh#we r organising a group trip to visit him by 2032 if it kills us hes the heart and soul of our little club he better bloody know it!!!#dw we spent a solid chunk of the sesh telling him.. and everyone who knows him wrote a longass paragraph in a leaving book for him :'^)#so gutted i didnt meet him earlier we couldve been friends for a whole extra year if id joined when i moved here!!!!! ik the club existed#ahhhh well. we had many a good time and we'll keep in touchhhhh and hopefully cross paths again someday 😭#anyway gotta shower rl quick and go to bed im Shattered.... work tmr.......#.diaries
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ugghhh wintertime sucks!! I'm sad and tired and sad all the time.. I need a nap.. and f/o cuddles.. and another nap..
#ash rambles 💚#negative#part of it is definitely the weather#it's so dark and dreary and i never wanna leave my bed#but also just. my mood akdjajs I'm kinda down in the dumps today#im recovering from being sick which always fucks me up#and i just cant shake this feeling of anxiety..? and i feel kinda a lot like my f/os wouldnt like me or would fall out of love or never see#me as more than a friend and other stuff like that#i.. actually got broken up with yesterday irl!#it wasnt messy. he said that this isnt what he wanted and it was fine and we're back to being pals. i wasnt sad at all in the moment and#i dont think i am now..? it's weird. we were laughing like always literal minutes after having the chat. when we got together we said that#if things domt work out we wanna keep being friends. and we're doing just that. honestly i saw it coming and idek if i LOVE him anymore#what even does love feel like..? regardless I'm not upset or sad at my breakup since i saw it coming and I'm honestly happy he just. Talked#to me about it. we communicated and then three minutes later went back to talking about x.enoblade LMAAOO it was fun!#but it is ridiculous for me to expect to feel NOTHING at no longer being in a relationship. i cant just feel nothing. i dont feel sad per s#just... in my thoughts i guess? I don't think the feeling of my f/os not liking me stems from me being dumped though. i think thats just me#being me sjdjaksj I'm very insecure a lot of the time. i dont think being dumped helpd very much though LMAAAOO#I'm doing okay i promise. and I'll be alright. theres just both a lot and nothing going on at the same time and i feel... idk what i feel.#i hope my f/os love me 😭 i hope that a lot#and honestly i know this community is ass and I'm more than happy in my own corner with my couple of followers but. ngl I've really felt as#though I'm not valued here and all that junk as of late. yeah just.. i think everything is happening at the same time and I'm tired and#i feel like I'm a confused kiddo who doesnt know anything anymore BAHAHAHA#holy shit it just sounds like i need a shower and a nap huh- I'll be alright I'm just. dealing with stuff akdjsks but i also hate to always#bring the mood down like this! i always try my best to be haha silly and all that shit. I'm just gonna try to daydream about f/o cuddles#(and try to convince myself they dont hate me ofc)#oh and. i know i mentioned this but. i hate the weather. so much. I'm sad all the time. November is actually my least favorite month too 😭#I've gotta study a lot today and I'll try to sneak in some k.urohyou and hopefully start watching monster too but yeah i apolgize if#I'm acting off these days ajdjajs I'm very stuck in my own mind these days. not exactly the most fun place to be 😭#delete later#i mean akdjajs i literally started crying the other day because my friend said that my husband (k.yohei) loves me ajdkahdb come on ash..
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How’s life? No pressure question ofc, but if you want to share please feel free to do so with this ask :3
Eh, it doesn't feel all that great right now. I'm tired and hungry a lot, but I just have to get a routine together. My sleep has been wonky, I've been waking up too early, but I feel fine then but it also feels like I can't rest completely- I have dreamless nights mostly. And I also just get annoyed a lot, but it feels better being around people I like.
#my father is upset today too cause I couldn't hang out with him#I talked to a social worker at school a few days ago just for check in and in my opinion I still feel bad even talking to her#it's been a rough week and I'm not sure what to do except deal with it and move on#I like to draw still#I dont want to get tired of it#I mean at least I'm doing productive things like laundry and showering#I'm gonna have spaghetti today that's a good thing#I'll have clean sheets for my bed that's good too#I got presents a day earlier and that's good#I like listing the positives#It kinda gives me ideas for writing#I really wanna eat all these positive things i mean the feeling it gives me in itself#I really love the good things I don't ever want to lose them#I'm actually gonna try to make a doll bunny today#I got dug up old fabrics in my room so I can experiment with something new#I'd list more good things but I'd sound kinda weird doing that in the tags#I should probably journal again but my mind blanks when I try but I'll figure it out#I mean poetry and fanfiction is always an outlet#I gotta practice that more often#There still a ways to go in life so obviously it'll change eventually it always does#And it's only one of many weeks so I can't be too doubtful#It can't always be the worst#Feeling the same feels awful#No matter the emotion it kinda turns numb if you feel it long enough#Days are always changing though since everybody is doing different things everyday all the time#Like most say 'it gets better' eventually#I guess I can wait for a good day#I have no choice sooo I'll let whatever happen#Well technically I can make it happen#I'll feel better when I made myself dinner and cleaned my bed and put away my laundry and put on fuzzy socks and go to sleep
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#im going to make it a good day and im writing it here for accountability#im going to get out of bed as soon as i finish writing this#im going to shower#then get dressed in cute comfy clothes#then get something to eat. maybe not the healthiest but something that i like#then im taking my laptop and going to the nice coffee shop#im gonna get the really pretty tasty drink that ive been loving lately#its like green apple flavored energy drink with caramel syrup. its delicious and always imoroves a day#and im going to write or work on a different creative project#something to get me out of my head and give me something creative to work on#then ill come home and clean my room. i deserve a nice clean space to live in#and then tonight is the weekly ttrpg session. the big finale#and i am not letting anything ruin that for me#im going to enjoy myself and have fun with friends#and im going to do what i can to be okay#gotta stay healthy and mentally well if i intend to outlive him (which i do)#okay it felt good to write it out. im gonna do this today. as soon as i finish writing this im gonna take a shower. a good start to the day
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it's hard to have a good day like, mentally and emotionally but a bad day physically.
it's REALLY hard to do that twice in a row but we're going to try.
#i'm not doing the bit this time sorry#the POTS has been POTSing all over the place and i had to take a shower#so what *wasn't* THAT bad before is now VERY BAD and i'm like...#i'm nauseous i don't want to eat anything i can feel the pain starting so i do need to eat SOMETHING so i can take meds#but the concept of both making AND eating food is daunting and also gross feeling simultaneously#my heart is just constantly pounding and i haven't had any caffeine yet today#so my concerns that it was the monster making my shower reactions worse is absolutely not the case#because i'm fucking sitting here shaking like i just survived a car crash all due to having#*checks notes*#woken up made my bed and taken a shower. that's IT. that is ALL i have done so far#and i am trembling and shaking and weak and nauseous like i'm in shock or something this is BULLSHIT#i think i'm hungry too is the other problme i don't know for sure due ot the aforementioned other factors#so i bet eating would help a lot here#god i hate this so much right now i'm so mad#i had to dream about my family and being ignored and there were WILD swings between feeling horrible and feeling like things were improving#and i wouldn't be shocked if the symptoms i was having in my dream were happening in real time in my actual body too#i hate htis i hate htis i hate this#water salt compression socks WHAT ABOUT WHEN THAT'S NOT ENOUGH HUH? WHAT THEN??? DO I JUST GOTTA LIVE LIKE THIS?????#*fuck* i'm so angry rn. and sad. i think i'm going to let myself cry and see what happens
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