#i got writing and didn't stop for a bit

[jadewritesficshere]

Steddie x female!reader thought 18+ only

Eddie blinks his eyes a couple of times to make sure he is actually seeing what he is seeing. He must be living in a nightmare.

You're laying back on one of the pool loungers. One leg dangling over the edge keeping your foot on the warm cement ground, the other spread over Steve's lap as he absently rubs his hand up and down it while he bitches to you about something from work. Your hand rubs up and down Steve's back in comfort. But that isn't the nightmare.

Your bright red bikini bottoms covering enough, but with your legs spread a bit more skin is shown then intended. Spread in such a way that makes Eddie want to just dive in. Get on his knees and worship you, rub his face over your mound as he licks and nips and sucks. Moan as the curly thatch of hair brushes against his face.

Except the curls of hair he is expecting to see peeking around your bikini are gone. Just smooth bare skin. And that isn't the only nightmare. Steve's chest is smooth like when he was in school on the swim team. Not a speck of that beautiful chest hair Eddie would curl into after getting hot and heavy. Not a single curl of the "love rug" he jokingly called it.

Eddie wants to weep. To throw himself down like a little kid and thrash his arms and legs around. Yeah, it's your body and you can do what you want, but he still is sad its gone. Eddie doesn't like change, and suddenly walking in to see both of his partners change something without any warning? Uncomfortable. It makes Eddie feel itchy.

Eddie can barely speak as he walks over and sits next to Steve. He doesn't respond to Steve's warm greeting. Doesn't respond to you asking how the day is. Just stares with big wet eyes at the sight in front of him. A pout on his lips.

A warm hand lands on his shoulder, gently squeezing. Steve's brow furrowed in concern, your wide eyes blinking at him.

"Shaved?" Eddie asks in a quiet voice, eyes darting to Steve's chest and then your clothed pussy. Steve lets out a huff of laughter, "Fuck, thought something was wrong man." Eddie glares," It is."

[sillygoofyqueer]

THIS IS GOING ON MY MAIN BECAUSE I JUST HAVE TO LET EVERYONE KNOW THAT THIS FANFICTION BROKE ME. I'M CURRENTLY VIBRATING. UNABLE TO THINK OR PROCESS ANYTHING. I HAVE SO MUCH ENERGY AND NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. LORD ALMIGHTY. @vinelark, YOU HAVE SINGLE HANDEDLY GRIPPED ME INTO THIS PLOT AND I'M THIS CLOSE TO SOBBING AND THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH FOR WRITING IT AND I HATE YOU SO MUCH AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I WOULD WHIP OUT A RING FOR YOU AND I'D LEAVE YOU AT THE ALTER AND AND AND

[ancha-aus]

RealAgeAU drabble - Moving

Hello I am back and I got another idea for this little silly au that I have @spotaus to thank for for the original idea :3 Though I think this may be officially becoming one of my AUs hahahaha

First part Prev Part Next part

Also yes. I know it would work better to number these uploads but also i am not writing these in any set order so it will become miserable for all of us if i number them because either they will be out of order or I will have to rework all the names and I am already editing links I don't need that extra energy in my life.

ANYWAY! :D

Next part! The one I lovingly clal in my head - The one where the gang finds a more permanent temporary home. (also yes. Before this they all speed-run the whole Parental bonding and emotional bonding to the idea of having a babybones. Which honestly can and probably will make four different drabbles)

-------

Horror stares at the door and wonders once again how he got to this point.

Well, no. That is a lie. He knows exactly how he got to his point.

He glances over his shoulder where the other four at hiding off to the side. Out of view from the doorway but still visable for Horror if he looks just right. Seems like Dust won the discussion, again, and is holding Nightmare, again.

Horror wants to say it is surprising how quickly they all just... accepted the situation they got into but he really isn't. Monsters are weird like that. Forced adoption is not that wild all things considered when you are talking about beings made of magic and emotions.

Horror stares at the door and raises his hand before knocking twice.

He really hadn't wanted to do this but they have no other choice. As he waits he can't help but think back to what made them decide this.

Cross walks from side to side "That was way to close! That was the third time we came across the Stars with Nightmare out. Third!"

Killer nods from where he is sitting wiht the sleeping Nightmare in his lap "Yeah no kidding. It is annoying as shit that they are hunting us."

Dust shrugs "Not surprising. Nightmare 'disappeared' after all. We are their only lead."

Killer grins "We were lucky Cross managed to lie his way out of the last one." and he shoots Cross a wink.

Cross sputters "I panicked!"

Killer grins and winks "Sure sure daddy crossy."

Horror holds up his hands between his two... co-parents "This is not the time. We need to figure out where we can go." and he thinks things over.

Cross sighs "I don't get how they keep finding us!"

Dust huffs as he packs their bags "We go to too little universes. Makes it easy for Ink and Dream to pick us out because they recognise us personally."

Killer frowns "Meaning. we need a big universe?" he taps his chin "But also mostly positive as we still don't know how obvious Nightmare would be otherwise."

Cross frowns "I think it will be fine. He can't feel the balance anymore right? And no one seems to have a reaction to him like they had before nor how people have a reaction to Dream's aura thing. Maybe with the corruption gone he really is just... ex-guardian now?"

Killer groans "I hope so. I am not a fan of child labor."

That is when it hits him. Horror sits up "I think I know a place."

All of them turn to him and he immediantly regrets saying anything. See? This is why he normally tries to limit what he says.

Either way. Here they are now and Horror prays this works. Please. They need one thing to work in their favor.

The door opens and a gasp "Horror! It has been ages! It is great to see you. How have you been?" Crop smiles at him.

Horror steels his nerves. Come on. Too much hangs on this moment "Hey Crop. Nice to see you. I am... okay. How are you?"

Crop frowns at him instantly "You sure? You don't sound okay. Trouble at home?"

Horror chuckles "Kinda? Not exactly. Euh... Can't go back to that place now?"

Crop frowns "Why? Need a place to stay? I got a spare room."

Okay yes! this is going great! just... gotta make sure he knows.

Horror nods "I do need a room. Not just for me though..." Crop starts to frown and Horror raises his hands "Just temporarily!"

Crop frowns "Did... something go wrong?"

Horror pauses and thinks this through once more. He trusts Crop. Crop has never been anything but kind even when Horror had been an ass. Even when he had to once drag Dust here to get healing before they could make the jump back home.

Horror looks to the side and he sees the others just beyond the treeline, hidden in shadows and waiting. Crop takes a look as well but he can't quite spot them. Crop looks back up at him.

Horror takes a deep breath "You need... to promise me, no not just promise you need to swear. That what you are about to learn will not leave this universe."

Crop frowns as he immediantly looks uncomfortable. It is the reaction a promise gets from most of them. But Crop also shoots him a considering look before he nods. He holds out a hand "I swear and promise I will not share the about to be giving information. UNLESS! It endangers anyone." and he waits.

Horror stares at the hand and thinks. That... That is fine right? That should be fine. Nightmare being a child doesn't endanger anyone. Only them and Nightmare. Horror nods and shakes the hand.

Crop nods and steps aside "Come inside. I bet you will be more comfortable explaining there." he glances at the forest "Do your... friends? Want to come in too?" a guess clearly. probably on multiple fronts.

Horror shakes his skull "Not yet. Need to know your answer and reaction first." He turns to the forest and makes a signal to wait a bit longer. He sees a thumbs up shot his way back. Probably Killer. He never bothered with the signals they had learned together.

Crop nods as he steps aside and Horror walks in, having to duck slightly for the door. The door closes behind him and Horror sees the small living room with fireplace.

Crop leads him to the kitchen "Lets talk there. I will get some tea."

A few minutes later they are both seated and with a cup of tea. Crop looks at him expectingly.

Horror takes a deep breath and takes out their most valuable resourch. The Dreamtale book. And places it on the table. Crop frowns at it before looking at Horror.

Horror nods to it "It will help explain... Very long story short... Nightmare was never an adult. He was a child with a magical shield of some type. That magic has ran out."

Crop stares at him for a moment, then he pulls the book closer and starts reading it. He pauses at the title before opening it.

And now he waits.

---------

Crop sits wiht his skull in his hands. Horror just sits across from him, with his empty cup of tea. Crop's own cup has grown cold a long time ago. Horror just waits for anymore questions but Crop hasn't said anyhting in the last ten minutes.

Horror looks back at the book and sees that Crop has turned the pages back to the one with the drawing of Nightmare's head being cracked open. The image makes a very clear show on how small Nightmare was compared to the ones attacking him.

Horror still thinks the book doesn't do it justice. Nightmare is much smaller in person than the picture makes him seem. The cracks had been much worse than the picture showed. But it is the closest they got.

Crop finally sighs and speaks. He doesn't look away from the picture "I don't... Know a lot about this whole... multiverse stuff. It isn't my place at all. And that is fine." he pauses for a moment "But this... You are telling me... That the one being that had everyone afraid. That everyone saw as a demon. Is a child... is this child?"

Horror nods before he explains more "Nightmare... gained a lot of magic and powers when he ate those apples. At least that is what the story implied. We haven't managed to get him to tell us yet, mostly because well... he is six again." Crops pulls a face as well, yeah. Horror agrees. A PTSD filled six year old is not easy. But they are managing.

Horror nods "so... What Cross nad Dust think what happened is that... The magic and negativity of the apples bond itself to Nightmare. Which game him the magic and powers he would use. The connection to the balance because the apples were part of the balance. and more importantly, an adult form and mind to fit all the magic. There was just no way all that magic and energy would have fit a babybones. Especially one that hadn't shown much magic beforehand." an assumption on their end as Nightmare was never said to use magic in the book.

"We think... We think that this magic of the apples just. ran out. We had been in battle at the time and Nightmare had been hit but it shouldn't have had that much of an effect. it was the same type of attack he had been hit by before. Dust thinks it was just the last bit of magic that the apples had having run out. Meaning that with the magic and energy so went the form." all a theory of course. But it is the only thing they have.

Crop nods as he clearly thinks "And as he was suddenly an adult. instead of just being afraid and scared. all that pain and emotions took a more violent turn. As he was an adult and was suddenly able to realise that it was unfair which made him angry..." Crop pauses.

Crop glares back at the table and shakes his skull "It is... It is a whole story about victim blaming. A victim is blamed for the abuse they suffered. They are made to believe they deserve it and should be abused. Then as soon as they fight back and defend themselves they are seen as guilty." Crop takes adeep breath as he leans back "What I don't get... Why come here? I can't help with any of this."

Horror shakes his skull "This isn't about any of the big stuff. We don't even care about it. We just... Nightmare is himself again. His real self." he taps the page lightly "Not his aged-up self that the corruption enabled him to be."

Crop stares before his face changes to shock "You are trying to hide him." Then a frown "Why not go to your own home? Has it been compromised?"

Horror snorts "At this point? probably." a confused look and Horror continues "Nightmare used his magic to shield off an universe and make a castle." he shrugs at the glance "Nightmare likes to read. I imagine he liked to read back then too. He may have been an adult technically but he was still a child at soul. Child him wanted a home and wanted that to be a castle and adult him made it happen... probably... that is Killer's theory at the moment."

Crop laughs and nods "Suonds reasonable- oh... and with his magic disappearing."

Horror sighs "When I left his universe the castle had already been decaying..."

Crop frowns "Left? The five of you you mean?"

Horror looks to the side and feels the shame return "We.... we did not react well... when we saw the changes at first... we... we obviously dind't know what was going on and well." he looks down "We abandoned him. I know it was wrong and stupid and we all regret it. We came back but we still did it." shame.

shame shame shame shame shame shame shame-

A hand on his shoulder. Horror glances up and Crop smiles at him "It is okay. You are trying to fix it now right? obviously. Not cool that you abandoned a child... but it can be nerve wrecking. Suddenly going from a position where a person is mostly guiding you, to going to a position where you suddenly are responsible over that same person."

Horror looks to the side "We still left." he can't believe they just left!

Crop nods "But you returned." he grins "And you are trying to fix it."

Horror nods again "We are..." he chuckles "Not that we have been doing a good job at it. Jumping from place to place."

Crop hums "So you are looking to settle, at least for a little bit, while also hidding. Why this universe?"

Horror nods "Yeah..." He looks to the side "We... we don't know how everyone will react. To him being like this. Maybe they will react well. Maybe not. We don't want to risk it. Risk him."

Crop stares at him for a long time and nods "There must be better places?"

Horror shakes his skull "The Stars kept finding us. Dust figured out we needed a big universe that leans towards positive. Yours is one of those. It is one of the wider and bigger ones. And overall leaning towards positive."

Crop frowns "It can't be the best one..."

Horror shrugs but continues "True... there are bigger and more positive ones. But those are busy. Many people. many places. Yours is quieter. more empty. Gives peace and room to work from."

Crop frowns as he taps his chin. He thinks deeply before sighing "You guys got any type of backstory we can use? The multiverse thing isn't a known thing here and the only reason my brother and I know is because you crash landed here."

Horror blinks "You will let us stay?"

Crop nods "Sure." and he grins "Can't kick out four parents with a babybones." and he gets up.

Horrro shakes his skull "That isn't... Well I mean technically." He knows that Killer has come close to killing quite a few people with how protective he has grown over Nightmare and that isn't even including the motherhenning of Cross nor the clinginess that Dust has.

Crop chuckles as he nods towards the stairs "The attic is messy and should be cleaned but can be used by you four, well five. There is an old bed and an old lounge chair up there." more thoughtful "How big is he exactly? we will need some clothes. Probably also get a healer to check him if he is developing okay after all those magical shenanigans."

Horror stares for a moment before smiling "Thank you... I know it is a lot."

Crop shrugs as he opens the linnen closet "Horror. Taking care of milking all the cows on your own is a lot. Having to fix your roof in the middle of a thunderstorm is a lot." He straightens his spine with blankets in his arms "Helping a friend and his friends who have somehow aqcuired a babybones, while strange, does not compare to either of those. Now get your friends out of those woods. They will make the animals nervous." he grins "I am excited to be one of the first ones to meet the real Nightmare."

Horror smiles as he packs his book and goes towards the door. "Thanks again Crop."

Crop waves it off as he moves the piles upstairs.

-------

Boom! and they are staying in FarmTale for now! Horror and Crop are homies and Dust is more of an acquaintance of Crop but it works. Aged-up Nightmare knew that Horror had an universe he liked to visit but never demanded details. *shrugs* Nightmare didn't see the point. as long as horror wasn't going to betray him what did it matter he didn't tell him?

Surprise Nightmare, this is your temporary home now. For a bit. or maybe longer? They are still figuring it out.

First part Prev Part Next part

[odo-apologist]

Smegtober #4: Virtual Reality

The room is sterile, perfectly white walls unbroken by any unnecessary patterns or pictures or posters, the overhead lights blinding in their pure brightness, minimalist metal chairs sleek, hard, and cold, leaving one anxious to stand up and stretch once the session is over, and the wireless suits ready to use and laid out upon tables that are free of any useless clutter. The lifeless atmosphere is even clearer now, with the space emptied of its usual occupants and quiet except for the low hum of electricity.

     It unnerved Kris the first time she was in the room alone, the only student left, but over time, she's grown used to it. It seems you can grow used to any environment if given long enough, even one that feels like it's trying to shut you out, doing its best to make you feel unwelcome.

     Besides, this is the closest Kris has come to what might be called a home.

     She grabs her suit and slips it on. Approaching one of the desks, she pulls out its chair; the squeak of its legs against the tiled floor interrupts the ambiance and echoes through the nearly silent place. Seated, Kris places the headset on and adjusts it so it rests snuggly over her eyes. She brings her hand up to a small switch on the device, near her temple, flips it–

     “Welcome home, Krissy!” Her mother's arms envelope her within a tight, warm hug. She catches a whiff of perfume: a strong scent of jasmine. As she's released from the embrace, she smells the dinner the cook has prepared; it is Christmas Eve and she's in her family home.

     Her father stands in the doorway to the dining room, a mug in hand. “Kristine,” he smiles, “How was this last term?”

      “Well, we got to talk with Shakespeare again after reading Antony and Cleopatra. We saw a recreation of its first performance in The Globe, then we even discussed its accuracy with Antony and Cleopatra themselves! I wrote about it during finals and got an ‘A’ in the course.” She beams with pride as she speaks of her paper. Miss Brody had really praised her for that one.

     “That's lovely, dear,” her mother replies. One of their maids had brought mugs for her and Kris, so she hands one to the latter. “And not at all surprising. You've always been our straight-A scholar.”

     “That's right, Krissy. We're so proud of you!”

     Kris beams brighter. The words make her feel warm in a way the short, hurried messages from home fail to do. Later, laying in bed in her dorm that's been vacated of its other residents for the holidays, this moment will ring as false as it is; she'll feel a faint shame at her indulgence. But that's then and this is now, and dinner is ready to be served. Her father will talk about his latest excavation, her mother will talk about the ads she's working on for a pharmaceutical company or a new energy drink or the most recent model of hoppers, and Kris will enjoy every moment, basking in the glow of honey-yellow candlelight.

     In the classroom, Kris unconsciously shifts in her chair.

[syndrossi]

@cloud-harasser you don't know what you've unleashed in asking this question! (Also I love you for asking it!) This one might take some time to answer...

[bagelvangr]

Randivor AU where Eivor never leaves Heillboer after the attack and Styrbjorn never gained the influence that he did.

Bear with me, this one needs quite a bit of exposition, I think!

(omfg 6k words, I am SO sorry, I am putting it under a cut. I'M SORRY I posted this at 4:30am and I was definitely already more than half-asleep!!)

–

After the attack, Gunnar speaks up for the clan and is extremely disappointed at how little Styrbjorn’s forces were able to help in a small, nighttime raid. Sure, it was a surprise and they were in the middle of a feast; but it seemed like something a jarl of Styrbjorn’s supposed caliber could have easily fought back against. They are thankful for the help and remain allies, but the trust and the allegiance had been forever fractured.

Gunnar takes guardianship of Eivor and rallied what remained of the bear clan to rebuild their homes.

They gladly do so; healing together as a community. Bound together in helping the remaining heir of their jarl recover from her vicious wounds; swearing to become stronger and self-reliant and never being taken by surprise ever again.

Eivor grows up learning the harsh truth of the world around her; the realities that faced their clan and the turmoil that grew all around Norway. She never bid for the jarl’s seat, she never had ambition to play as a leader in a seat.

Unspoken, everyone in Heillboer had no doubt that the seat was all Eivor’s. They don’t contest her claim at any point, nor do they force her to be the central ruler. Neither Gunnar nor Svala or anyone else that survived that night ever tried to place that burden upon the Wolf-Kissed. They were far too busy taking care of each other and building up what was lost.

When she was old enough to understand all that a longhouse and a jarl and the lineage of her birth implied; Eivor made the final decision to keep Heillboer to be defined as the clan. The bears at the north of Rygjafylke; rebuilt and strengthened by the trials put upon them in a treacherous world.

The scar of the wolves remain, but the call of the Allfather never truly awakens within her. The need for vengeance ran deep, and in her darkest moments, she faltered and thought of how to grant justice for all the wrongs done at the hands of others. She often found solace at the peak of Fannaraki Summit, a place she visited often to look upon their small settlement and to the seas just beyond their docks. She loved to climb and meditate for hours. To look all around and see the craggy fjords and how the snow remained undisturbed inland.

She knew that just eastward were where wolves had started to settle. She knew that Kjotve had built up a fortress right where their lands and Egdafylke bordered. She knew that the wolves were weakening with each season and harsh winter that went by, and if she so wished; she could end the lineage of an entire clan with a single night of battle by herself.

Eivor knew all of this and thought of it often when she sat at the top of the world. But with plenty of sighs and hours of stacking cairns in the memory of her parents – with the patience of her mother and the strength of her father; she always found herself climbing down and making her way back to Heillboer more resolute to never shed blood when there was home to go back to.

Patience and strength were what her parents imparted upon her.

Gunnar raised her to be dutiful, loyal, to build her own merit in the world. Svala had raised her to be tactful, wise, and kind.

A selfish need for vengeance endangered all of the core values that she built for herself and would have brought nothing but misery to the clan she sought to protect, and one that cared for and cultivated her unique strengths in return.

She had given up the longhouse for the whole of the clan, having settled in a small dwelling for herself close to the cave where she used to explore and play with her father and train with her mother.

Her efforts were focused on securing the safety of her people as Rygjafylke and Hordafylke grew more and more unstable; avoiding conflict in an increasingly bloodthirsty world and keeping a low profile as to not draw the attention of those seeking glory in or out of Norway. Their position at the border meant that she was able to intercept trade routes and secure exotic goods in trade for their artisan wares and rare cures, courtesy of Gunnar’s forge and the unmatched, sagacious knowledge of their young seer; inherited from the all-knowing Svala.

Slowly, more and more settlements and travelers learned of Heillboer. More and more sought a formal alliance with the clan of bears; once unable to do so for the lack of offering to secure such an alliance, many started to realize that there was no such fealty or lavish offering needed in return.

The bears had found wealth in forging their bonds amongst their clan and power in truly sharing what gave them strength: a community at the heart of Norway, driven by impressive frith and unburdened with ambition.

Eivor was their center, their beacon, their strength; but she was not the sole pillar they relied on. She strengthened them in every way, and they strengthened her in a way not easily emulated by others in a fundamentally different mindset.

*

Randvi had never really liked politics either.

Being the daughter of a jarl, however, it was something she could not easily avoid. Her father would plead with her and make her sit and study the long sessions he held with his advisors in the war room of their grand longhouse.

The reindeers were not a clan that could boast strength; but cunning and strategy led them to accumulate riches that afforded them more stability and power that a small clan could dream of.

Randvi, at any point in these political discussions would have gladly rather been practicing with her bow, fishing, hunting, sparring with her sister, her brother, the many vikingr training and preparing for their expeditions.

They enjoyed their fairly quiet life at Tromøya, taking advantage of their position between the Danes and Geats to diversify their economy despite their small seat in the larger picture of Egdafylke.

At one point; Randvi’s father had been more concerned about seeking alliances. In the great era of Ragnar’s travels, it became apparent that the divide in Norway meant that there were two paths to the survival of a clan: Those who wielded brute strength and sought glory turned vikingr to follow in Ragnar’s path; seeking other lands across the sea to settle as their own. Those that remained saw the opportunity in a fractured Norway, taking up the void in power to absorb clans and lands into their own. To survive was to find and secure strong alliances.

When Randvi was just about to be of age to be involved in these talks was when she started rebelling against her father’s wishes. She was the youngest and the most cherished out of her siblings, and her father had a particular weakness to her wishes. Whenever she happened to have been requested to accompany her father in so-called innocent travels to meet other jarls, Randvi would conveniently end up in a multi-day hunt or a week-long fishing trip on her boat. Her siblings would join and her mother encouraged her – though she did it to escape having to sit through politics and hearing men who barely cared to understand her or her family barter her future and potential away, she always came back with plenty of spoils. Whether it was hunted game, an abundance of fish, securing new trade routes or finding new cultures to send over to their island, Randvi still made sure her actions benefitted her family and her clan.

It was a habit that persisted into her adulthood. The conflicts in Rygjafylke had calmed and the vikingr came about less often, but her father still kept on meeting with those in the seats around them to better their relations. It shouldn’t have surprised her to hear that in one of these travels, her father had actually come quite close to securing an alliance with a jarl in Rygjafylke; the ravens of Fornburg were quite receptive to her father’s proposals. In particular, the jarl’s son had shown a hefty interest in the diversity of the travelers her father had told them frequented their harbours. The ravens did not have as much strength as they did before; the turmoil of the previous years getting to them too; in particular, they had trouble with the wolves and lost the alliance of most of the northern part of their border. But they were still a potential ally that held strong ties to the seat in Stavanger.

Randvi disappeared for almost two moons after learning the news.

She had taken to travel inland, seeking isolation from the circumstances of her birth, seeking connection with others in the smaller settlements leading up to the mountains. At one point, she saw a grand peak and took it upon herself to climb up there; not really caring for the harshness of the winter causing the snow to pile up and ignoring the constant burning in her limbs as she made her way up the steep, jagged rocks.

At the peak, she found serenity and silence. An impressive array of cairns were balanced right at the perfect flat surface; facing a small village at the end of the endless valley below.

She was not the only one to find this place and take a refreshing breath away from the turmoil of everything else.

It was almost nighttime when she decided to finally descend. The sky had been lit by a fantastic river of greens and blues, specked by the occasional purples and reds. The gods would light her way down.

She had told no one but Kiarr where she was going; which meant that if anyone else knew of her whereabouts, it would be Thora, who would encourage her to find her own way instead of be bound to the wills of their father.

So when Randvi returned to Tromøya, it was with great surprise she could not suppress when she heard that Thora had agreed to an alliance that her father had secured.

And not to the ravens, but to the wolves close to the region she had just spent her time sulking away at the prospect of being tied to a man – to politics, to strategize, advise, to build and protect and not be thanked.

Thora only smiled at her and reassured her that it was completely her choice; that she had wanted to bring stability and power to their seat too, and that perhaps this was what would stabilize and give respect to the reindeer once and for all.

So in the following years when Kiarr had ended up leaving Tromøya; when Thora had suddenly reappeared in their longhouse again; when their father spent nights apologizing to his children and their mother giving comfort and promising them they would never need to fulfill any duties to their clan ever again; Randvi steeled herself and swore that she would not play the game of politics.

The fragile jarls of Norway could have their power grabs and petty wars; the reindeers and her family would find stability in ventures not involving strife and blood.

She doubled her efforts in listening more to what happened around the harbour; to the tales being regaled in the taverns, to the fleeting conversations of key movements of armies and traders all around the Nordic world.

Thankfully, it seemed that their only threat would be if the Danes decided to launch an attack onto them; but it seemed as if they were more preoccupied with exploring new lands beyond the seas to think of invading and attacking their neighbours.

Slowly, they grew more stable, but she was also aware of the growing influence of Harald in the north and how he was making his intent to rule all of Norway by allying or absorbing each clan he came across.

The reindeer found themselves in a strange position of safety; her father being a cousin of Harald’s own father, thereby related to a degree. There was a small sense of comfort that the Yngling’s first target would not necessarily be the reindeers.

They weren’t fools though, and Randvi had grown to be quite the tactician with all of the information she was able to gather. Her rebellious streak and desire to partake in activities that other nobles cared little for made her popular with the other clan members and she carried an easy, charismatic relationship with almost all of the merchants that frequented their island with trade.

She knew that even if they didn’t seek any official alliances and even if they were willing to let Harald take official rule of their land; they had no guarantees under the new rule and far too much ambiguity about resolving disputes between clans to not at least attempt to bolster their connections with the borders they held.

To the east was already Harald’s territory, and to the west was Rygjafylke; so to the west it was.

The wolves were no longer an option, having quite a history with her siblings. There were the ravens which never officially denied or absolved the possibility of an alliance; but from what she heard, Fornburg had less influence over their region now, especially with the son of the jarl perpetually away in other lands. It was more likely that the ravens would be enthusiastically absorbed into Harald’s plan than be interested in allying with another smaller clan in a unified Norway.

That left really one clan within their borders, and it was definitely one that intrigued her.

Just beyond the summit she remembered so clearly in her mind was the settlement of the bear clan.

Randvi had heard frequent tales of the bears and of Heillboer. They came off more as fantastical sagas; myths that could not possibly be. The bear clan held stability and influence and were able to fend off attempts of absorption by far more powerful clans without a jarl to lead them through it all.

But Randvi knew. She listened. She observed and made the connections. She knew of the Wolf-kissed. She knew about the tragedy that befell and nearly wiped the small settlement. She knew that although the bears claimed no jarl, that they would follow the Wolf-kissed to the ends of the earth, but that they would never be asked to carry such a burden.

The Wolf-kissed held a soft power that was far more impressive than any amount of bannermen could ever rally.

It was an unbreakable claim of frith; a community that truly held each other together.

If there was to be stability within the reindeers in the change to come in Norway, they had to approach it with as little visibility and as much subtlety as possible. They didn’t need a show of strength or to hold a large region. No, they needed alliance and true connections with a clan that understood and fundamentally operated in much the same as their own.

Randvi would approach her father and suggest they seek an alliance, much to the jarl’s (and the rest of her family’s) surprise. They were all left stunned when she further explained that she sought to approach the bear clan without a show of force.

The jarl would consider Randvi's suggestion. He was skeptical of the benefits and the truth of the myths. Surely a clan so well known as being without a leader would have been overtaken by another and forcibly absorbed into their own. He would be careful.

Four fine warriors and two of their most knowledgeable ledgers would make journey into the mountainous path. They would bring rare metals found in the exotic trades made between Rus and the Celts. They would bring fine herbs and crops only found in climates far warmer than their own. Surely the winters had been harsh on them as well.

He expected them to come back with new information, but he was not prepared for them to return in jovial spirits, regaling the longhouse with tales of a lone warrior that hunted and fended for their clan. The same warrior was mentioned again and again as the ones to assess the new party and introduce them to the variety of trade that existed there.

The same warrior that caught the favour of Ran and Njord, the abundance of fish they caught despite the frigid waters almost mythical in the way they told it.

It was not said explicitly, but the jarl already knew that this warrior was the one who took the seat of leader with the bears. Why they never took the title of jarl was a mystery he wanted to find out.

Randvi, ever the observant one, caught and analyzed every word. She was pleased to have her suspicions confirmed.

The crew that were sent to Heillboer were a fine bunch, but she had also heard of small raids and attacks in the villages in-between; the wolves in turmoil with their own and with others that passed through. Many were desperate and a decorated yet minimal crew from a clan known for their rich trade should not have passed so effortlessly.... would not have passed so effortlessly. She had heard of a lone warrior patrolling the mountains and the borders, allowing for the safe passage of those on the trade routes without their knowledge.

Putting it together, she concluded that it must be the same person. The one that refused the official title of jarl ensured the prolonged safety of their people, and assured the safe passage of the members of her clan.

For the next stage of her plan, she surprised her father yet again by offering to go by herself.

She did not surprise Thora or her mother when they learned that she had not even waited for the permission of the jarl; having immediately set out the night before with the help of someone that looked suspiciously like Kiarr.

*

It started off slow.

Randvi allowed herself to be selfish in her lone trek. The weather had been fair, and while there had been storms in the moons before, the sun was more forgiving on her way to Heillboer.

She had indulged herself and made her way up beyond a lake and onto the same peak she had been at years before. She knew that the trek down into the settlement in the distance would not take her more than half a day, but she felt strangely empty handed as she finally saw the longhouse in her line of sight.

When she made her way down from the summit, she prepared her bow as she approached the tree line, keeping an eye on any game that might be small enough for her to carry alone and present as a gift. Actual reindeer had been abundant in the area, grazing on the new green exposed by a small patch of sunlight melting the snow away.

She gauged that the settlement had to be fairly close; she was nearly level with the sea where she was at. Feeling like she had quite a bit of energy still, she set her ambition a little higher and tracked a juvenile reindeer – one that she would likely have a little trouble carrying by herself, but not so much that it would encumber her and prevent her from presenting the kill as a gift as she arrived into the town.

Carefully moving through the rocks and avoiding making too much noise in the crunching snow, Randvi took aim and shot an arrow straight into the neck of her prey. Unfortunate timing meant that the animal had turned its head slightly before the arrow pierced, so it was not a clean kill. Randvi would quickly fire off another arrow, but as good of a shot as she was, she couldn’t predict the movements of a thrashing, panicked animal.

The second arrow dug itself into the back of the reindeer and it ran off into the crag away from her view.

Having scared off all the others, Randvi knew she had to track it and at the very least not prolong its suffering. It seemed to have gone uphill, but at least it went in the general direction of Heillboer instead of away. Perhaps she had a chance still of arriving with a gift.

*

Eivor had found it all quite amusing. She had been sat at the hill close to Valka's when she noticed someone she had never seen before passing through the eastern crag. They had their bow held the ready, eyes scanning the grazing herds. She assumed she was looking for a target that would be easy to carry. She didn't see a horse or any companions with the woman.

When she had crouched low by the rocks, Eivor was skeptical that her shot would land. The reindeer she had set her eyes on were quite far and slightly uphill from where this hunter was.

It surprised her that when she fired an arrow, it not only connected solidly into the animal's neck, but the hunter was also able to quickly adjust her aim when the reindeer started to move.

Even though it was not a swift one shot kill, she would have expected any other hunter to have completely miss when the reindeer started to move.

She kept watching, the skill displayed fully catching her attention. She witnessed a second shot swiftly sent off as the reindeer rounded the rocks; and though she expected yet another miss here, she raised an impressed eyebrow when the second arrow pierced the back of the prey.

The animal had escaped the hunter's line of sight, but she had shown great skill already. Whoever this was had years of experience with a bow and was not someone to be underestimated.

From her vantage, she tracked the staggering animal as it made its way around the rough hills, all the while tracking and observing the hunter getting closer and closer to Heillboer.

It was hard to fully assess her from the distance, but Eivor could note fine, thick furs, an embroidered caplet and a subdued but tastefully decorated overtunic that did not bother to hide status to those who knew.

The spark of fire in her hair made it easy for Eivor to spot her in the backdrop of the white snow and black rocks; and as she made her way to the injured animal, she made a mental note to get to know the hunter a bit more if their paths crossed.

If they were half a good of a tracker as they were an archer, then Eivor was convinced they'd cross paths.

*

And so they did.

When Eivor first turned around, she had been in the middle of digging out the arrowhead in the reindeer's spine.

She expected to have to explain herself and say that she had no intent on stealing the hunter's kill, but she was surprised to observe that the hunter had no malice or wariness in their voice or demeanour.

The hunter stood relaxed, watching Eivor as she spoke. The hunter's clothes definitely did tell her that this was someone born into wealth, not necessarily someone she'd expect to have such prowess with a bow.

Curious of all, the way she spoke almost made it seem like she had planned for Eivor to have seen her to begin with.

Of course, to Randvi, that would have been the ideal situation. She made no attempts at concealing herself on her path to Heillboer. She made no attempts at hiding her status or her skills. She had expected to arrive into the settlement without any fanfare, but her ideal situation was actually close to unfolding right in front of her.

Randvi wanted Eivor to see her. She wanted Eivor be able to have enough time to be aware of her and gauge her skills as she hunted. She wanted to make the Wolf-kissed curious about her, and if she was being honest, there was a part of her that wishes she had found herself in danger with either bandits or with predators in the area just so she could see how the Wolf-kissed would react. Would she be left to her own devices? Would she be assessed in her ability to fend off danger? Would the Wolf-kissed jump in and help her without context on who she was? She knew she would be safe, but she wanted to experience the tales of the Wolf-kissed first hand.

How much would Eivor actually be able to tell about her just from these observations alone?

Eivor, to her credit, was able to tell quite a bit. She confirmed the details she noticed from afar.

Thick, clean furs. A fine capelet and finer embroidery on her over tunic. A small hatchet on her side, holstered in artisan leatherwork. The hunter's hands were exposed to the air, a handful of cloudberries in her palm. Braided red hair framed her face; the warm sun and the glow of the mostly undisturbed snow around them giving Eivor a brilliant chance to get captured in blue-green eyes that showed confidence and relaxed amusement. This woman was not threatened by their interaction, but clearly did not underestimate Eivor's capabilities.The hand that remained at her side playing at another holstered weapon Eivor had not yet had a chance to identify.

When their gaze met, Eivor found an equally analytic warrior looking straight at her with no attempt to hide what she had been doing.

There was a sense of knowing and familiarity there.

To both of them, they didn't feel like strangers meeting for the first time. It didn't feel like they needed to guard or hide themselves to each other or feel like they had to leverage status or make small talk about politics a d trade.

Eivor launched immediately into asking why Randvi had been travelling alone when their clan's party had just departed the settlement not a fortnight past. Randvi asked how Eivor knew she was in the same clan as them and Eivor could only respond with a genuine smile and the reply of, "They spoke rather highly of you".

Randvi smiled at that and replied right back, "I'm sure it's nothing compared to what I hear of you".

*

Randvi's expedition was well received in Heillboer. She would find all of her doubts about the myth surrounding the settlement and the bear clan to be cleared away. They thrived without a show of force because they made no claims to what was not theirs and because they relied on each other in times of hardship.

Eivor had ended up carrying the reindeer back into the settlement upon her own insistence and the clan members at the longhouse happily received it.

Randvi noted the lack of throne and grand chambers and let herself truly understand the implication of a self-ruling community.

She would spend the rest of winter in Heillboer, at first happily staying in the longhouse to observe all of the comings and goings of the clan and how they resolved their issues amongst their peers.

She would go on hunts and fishing trips with Eivor, who frequently invited her along for any and all activity.

It should have alarmed her how easily she felt she slotted into their community and into the companionship of Eivor, but she realized that this was exactly how a clan without a jarl would be able to survive so long.

The genuine connection had multiplied into magnitudes she did not even realize until she found herself hiking with Eivor one day to Fannaraki Summit.

She had learned that Eivor, much like herself, found no value in ambitious glory and making alliances with clans that would be as eager to drive a blade into your gut as they are to forge so-called bonds in a single night.

Randvi had understood all of a sudden as she sat next to Eivor carefully stacking stones and talking about what she remembered of her mother that she truly had no need to propose an alliance to Eivor or the bear clan. She realized that Eivor and the rest of Heillboer had been measuring her merit as a person from the moment they met her.

As she handed a rock over to Eivor to slowly and carefully balance on the stack, Randvi truly understood that she had been accepted before she even knew many in the clan. She knew that Eivor had assessed her from a distance and decided to befriend her before taking her to the rest of the bears. Randvi realized that perhaps she wanted to come alone because she wanted to know how she would be perceived if she presented herself as genuinely as possible instead of someone that had something beneficial to obviously offer the clan.

She knew that Eivor had accepted her. Knew that if they ran into trouble, she would protect her. Knew that she met everyone that she did because Eivor's company calmed any anxiety around a stranger walking in their community. She knew that they would all treat her with the same respect they did now no matter if Eivor was around or not, but it certainly was in her favour that Eivor took a liking to her so early. Randvi knew that an alliance would not need to be made official here.

Still, as Randvi listened to Eivor's retelling of her memories, of her parents, of a Heillboer from before, the more Randvi wanted to hear even more of the Wolf-kissed's history. At some point in her stay, she became less concerned about joining their clans together and what that could imply and found herself wanting to hear Eivor talk about anything and everything.

Randvi wanted to share herself too; to let Eivor know of her past and her family and her way of viewing the world around them. She hoped Eivor mirrored her want to know of each other and craved to listen as she did; even to spend time quietly alone together as she did.

Later on, when Randvi asks if she could stay anywhere else in Heillboer that wasn't the longhouse, Eivor would not hesitate to invite her to her home and Randvi was eager to accept.

*

When Thora arrived at the dock a moon later, she felt no surprise to see Randvi and Eivor approach together.

What did surprise her and what she pressed her sister on was the fact that they came out of Eivor's single room dwelling together. That they retired for the day at the same time as each other and went back at the same dwelling. That when one or the other went out to sail or fish or even go for a small walk, it was nearly always with each other.

It seems that relations between their clans had successfully been secured and her baby sister was enjoying the time in freedom of doing what she wanted with the security of not having to sneak around or feel as is she was being improper or endangering her family and the clan.

Thora was perceptive in her own right and while she was relieved she didn't have to protect her baby sister; she saw clear as day how subtly protective Eivor was of Randvi. She did feel slightly neglected when it was clear that Randvi preferred to spend her time with Eivor instead of her. She understood, of course, and the implications filled her heart with warmth and joy, she couldn't help but call out and tease Randvi about her new found passion.

To both of the reindeer women's surprise, Eivor did not shy away or get flustered by the topic; confirming without a doubt how she felt and what she wished for their clans and for her own personal relationship with a certain hunter that caught her attention so many months before.

Though she had yet to meet the rest of their clan and they had yet to come up with a plan on how to take on the dangers that faced them in the future of their country and beyond, Eivor made it very clear that her intent was for both of their clans to be intertwined and prosper, grow and expand together in more ways than one and on levels from personal to the dreaded political.

They would face the hardships of relentless winter storms, of social turmoil with their neighbours, with attempted raids on their lands keeping their physical prowess sharp and ready. They would face decisions they couldn't been to anticipate at where they stood then, but it was very clear.

The reindeer of Tromøya had found unity, solidarity, and an unbelievable match in values with the bears of Heillboer.

The future of Norway remained uncertain, but their two clans would find stability, peace, and safety in the years to come.

[welcometogrouchland]

Also in the replies of the Steph concept art on twitter announcing she was gonna be in a new project at DC (posted by Travis Mercer), there were at least 3 comments saying "will Tim be there?" I don't care how hard you ship timsteph I'm exploding you with my eyeballs if you do that on my girls post again

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I don't have a lot of energy these days [because of The Horrors] so I'm looking at my day and my priorities and trying to plan how I'm going to spend what energy I have, because I do need to be able to rest and relax but there are also things that need doing and that is a careful balance for me.

I managed to [mostly] clean the kitchen last night so I've kicked it out of the priority list until next weekend. Unfortunately the living room, bathroom, bedroom, and my office all need cleaning too. I think of the priorities, my office and the bedroom are the most important to me, so I'll probably push the living room and bathroom until at least Friday.

There's also the laundry. I don't have any clean clothes and as we're moving into winter I need to be more rigid about getting that done because days where the clothes can be dried on the line will be more limited. So I definitely need to wash an outfit or two and hang them up in the next hour.

That's already a really busy day, so I'll probably cut it there. But it's definitely going to still leave me a lot of work this week. Half my cleaning, at least one more round of laundry, settling dog food for the next couple of weeks, planting the fall/winter greens, doing some set up work on my computer, work on some writing projects, cleaning out the fridge, and patching some worn clothes. My work week isn't insane atm, but it is definitely limiting. Right now I have 6+4+0+4+2+5+5= 25 non work/non-survival needs (sleep, food, shower, etc) hours available each week. I need to figure out a regukar distribution of these that means everything is getting done and I still have an hour a day to myself as often as possible. I think it's probably not realistic to give myself more than an hour a day for free time/fun, which is a bit unfortunate because I've found in the past that my floor tends to be getting 2-3hrs of free time most days because of how I deal with transition and decision-making.

25-7 [1hr per day] is 18 hrs, so I just need to decide where and how to distribute those in order to keep pace with things.

Lets say the garden needs 3hrs per week, the laundry needs 4 hours (specifically 2 sets of 2 morning/early afternoon hours), the cleaning needs an hour a day to get through a maintenance clean of the house, and 3 hours once a week to work down any deep cleaning that's built up. Which is....already three more hours than I actually have each week. So I guess I'll make a plan to work in the garden for 20-40min of 4 of my free hours each week.

It really doesn't leave me any wiggle room. Only about 4 hours a week that isn't explicitly allotted to something that needs doing, which means there will probably me a lot of weeks where I only get an hour or so at best across the whole thing for free time. I guess I've had a hard time accepting that at this point, having actual time for myself or a time-intensive project is only available if I've taken a day off work. I love my job, but it's ... not comfortable to realize that it's the only love in my life I actually have time for anymore.

I think that's probably why I end up here so much. It's this mindless little way of zoning out into my own head, dissociating away from the exhaustion, for a few minutes at a time. I keep thinking I want to use this space differently, make it more if the things I enjoy. But I think what I really want is just to actually have the time and energy to do things I love that take work. I keep crying a few times every day and I couldn't figure out why, but like

I dunno

Why **wouldn't** I cry a little every day? It's the closest I'm getting to actual emotional release or relaxation in my life. We'd probably all cry. Heck. A lot of us probably DO, capitalism being what it is.

I guess I'm starting to wonder why I'm doing what I'm doing. What is there left for me to sacrifice to this life? What is actually serving me about not just letting myself go up like a fireball and take my surroundings with me? What in the ever loving fuck am I fighting this hard for?

All I ever want, all I want now, is to be able to live. To really, actually live. How does wanting to live bring you this close to killing yourself, whether on accident or on purpose? What am I actually doing that is LIVING and what am I doing that is FACILITATION of living? It can't all be facilitation, or I'm not actually facilitating fuck all.

I'm 30 goddamn years old and I need to figure out what it looks like to actually love my life. I fundamentally refuse to zombify myself like this for everyone else around me forever.

[kanene-yaaay]

Bad Days and Good Nights

Warnings: This tickle fic contains angst, hurt/comfort, family tickles, fluff, family fluff, usual siblings shenanigans and cheer up tickles. (It happens after a few years of Mari’s accident. The story itself doesn’t focus on that but there are a few hints of how everything affected them). It has Lee!Kel and Ler!Hero with a quick Ler!Kel and Lee!Hero. Around 6.000 words.

Kanene’s notes: I am once again losing myself in scenarios w siblings being good bros and cheering each other up. So!! This one is for two of my faves boyos: Kel and Hero!!! yeshhh!!!

Tbh I don’t think that this is one of my best works but it still deserves its time under the spotlight. I hope you all enjoy the story!! Thank you for your attention <3

[~*~]

Today was not a good day.

Kel knew that. Deep down he was aware that his hands were more twitchy than normal, that his brain was really, really trying but all the words his teacher said simply stopped having meaning a long time ago and only felt like senseless background sounds being dropped in the room. 

He knew that when he took a sip of his usually tasty and favorite energetic orange drink and it tasted just like always but today the citrus felt almost unbearable on his tongue. He also knew that when he remembered that he was going to meet with his basketball group after school and how that usually would have him bouncing on his feet and smiling like crazy but that today it didn’t even make the bad heavy feeling on his stomach go away.

However, it was fine! That was no problem at all because everyone feels under the weather most of the time. It’s pretty normal and all you can do is just keep going with your life, act normally and anxiously wait for the moment when all the bad feelings will just disappear, right?

It must be. After all, it really did work! Even if sometimes (more often than not) the sadness would sneak back and cling on his back like a parasite, pushing memories inside his mind and making his chest ache about the moments that he would never be able to get back to and tremble with what that could possibly mean. But that doesn’t mean that the plan didn’t work in the first place! Just that… sometimes stuff takes effort to work. And it did work. It did. 

Most of the time. 

Sometimes.

…Often enough.

Still, he just had to smile, push forward and wait for it!

The bell rang, an ear splitting tune that always made Sunny flinch and grimace (Kel wondered how he was doing) ringing all across the classes and signaling the end of the period. The boy felt a relieved sigh leave his lips, a bounce taking over his movements. See? Waiting really did work! He began shoveling all his textbooks and stray papers (eh, they would end up with wrinkles and tears but that was an inevitable fate of every piece of paper in the world), a pep on his step as he got up.

“Kel, please have a little more patience and wait for me to give you your test back before dashing through the door.”

Astonished blink. The rest of the classroom suddenly came back to focus as his classmates’ snickers filled the space. Everyone was still sitting down except for him and the girl with green strands of hair and a cool tattoo on her arm (she knew some very good shows and always carried a kind of game around. What was her name again?) folding a paper (her tests) and putting on her bag before heading to the door. His teacher looked at him with an arched eyebrow and an amused stare, lightly shaking his head when Kel chuckled and scratched the back of his head, a bit of embarrassment running hot on his face.

“Sorry, teacher.”

“Patience is a virtue, but we all take some time to conquer it. I know that I didn’t find mine yet.” The adult winked and went back to calling his classmates names, handing them their grades and saying one or two things that Kel couldn’t really - nor wanted - listen to, still feeling a flaming kind of hotness racing through his veins. 

(Usually it wasn’t so bad. Usually he didn’t mind any poke of fun. Usually he would even make one or two jokes to follow it. But today was a bad day. Today everything felt too sharp around the edges. Like just the tiniest push would make everything explode.)

It didn’t take too long before the classroom cleaned and he was the last one there. It was kind of predictable when his name was called.

“Here it is, Kel.” A C+?? That is not bad at all! It wasn’t any five stars grade or anything worth a celebration but it really wasn’t bad. 

“Cool. Thanks, teach!”

He tried to open his bag, failing. The zip was stuck.

“You know, Kel. I also was your brother’s science teacher.” Kel hummed in agreement, that was the case with most of his teachers since he and Hero had very close ages, just partially listening to the words while fighting with the zip of his bag that probably got stuck with one of the crumbled papers inside it. Ick. “Henry was a very good student. He is now studying to apply for medical college, right? I hope he gets in.” 

Kel tried again to open and close the zip without damaging the paper inside the bag. It got stuck again. Yep. At least he tried to be gentle. Now the paper had to go down. It was its inevitable fate since the beginning of the times.

“I think you also have a great potential, Kel. The points you bring on your presentations are really good and while grading this test I can’t help but feel like…” Finally! Kel managed to fully open his bag and then place the science test inside. His teacher seemed almost done talking to him anyway, which was good. He was kind of hungry.

“I expected more from you, Kel.”

Ah.

Kel froze.

That was… fine. Normal. Teachers, parents, people in general weren’t ever very impressed at Kel’s grades. Or even happy. Or had any positive feelings about them in general.

“Hehe, sorry, teach.” The words came tumbling from his mouth before he realized what he was saying. Filling the air with a halfhearted laughter before the silence could get awkward. “I will try my best on the next one!”

(He had tried his best on this one.)

Yeah. He… he would. Science was one of his favorite subjects. He definitely could try better. Not that what the teacher said got into him or anything. It was fine! It…

It kind of stung.

Actually, it kind of stung a lot.

He said something else to which the adult replied, but once again it felt like the words tumbling right out from his mouth had no connection with his brain. He headed to the basketball court in the park, way too much feelings cutting and bubbling deep in his soul.

Irritation had always been normal to him, like a bug nipping at the corner of his brain and flaring its wings at any small kind of frustration or mean commentary thrown in his way. Now, however, it felt different. A hot, thick and slick kind of anger numbed his hands and filled his lungs, making him want to scream or do something stupid.

Today was not a good day.

(...)

Two hours had passed. He played basketball and it helped. The concentration, the methodic throws, constant running, sounds of sneakers hitting the concrete, mindless shouts and encouragement screams were good to push his thoughts away and let the adrenaline and feelings boiling in him explode all at once and gradually slow down until only a tired kind of exhaustion clung to his frame.

Kel arrived home, sighing in relief when he discovered that both mom and dad were out, probably buying groceries and having ice cream when mom complains that dad hasn't taken her out for a date in forever and how nowadays no husband tries to be caring and romantic anymore. Kel was just glad that he doesn’t have to show anyone his test to anyone right now.

His room was empty. Right. Hero was probably still out studying.

He hopes his brother remembers to take breaks and have a snack while he is there. He has been working too hard these last months. 

(It was great to know that at least one of them was trying their best.)

It’s nice to see him up and about again, the determined shine in his eyes subdued, but not completely erased, even if it took a too dark tunes sometimes. 

For all that Hero was smart and caring, he often forgot the simplest things, like that he is a human with basic needs.

His bag went to somewhere on the floor as Kel threw himself on the bed with a little too much force. He was tired. And should probably take a bath if he didn’t want to have a lecture about hygiene in some hours.

Oh well, sounds like a problem for future Kel, if he ever heard one.

The younger one fell into a dreamless sleep.

(…)

There were fingers caressing his hair, slowly pulling him back to consciousness and unfairly stopping the heavenly petting and beginning to mess the strand as soon as Kel showed signals of opening his eyes.

“Wakey wakey, Kel. It’s time for dinner.” Hero’s voice rang in a light tune and Kel incoherently grumbled in protest, mechanically sitting on the mattress with one swift movement. Not pushing the offending hand away only because he knew that doing so would just fuel the older to try to “show his giant brotherly love” further and Kel wasn’t quite in the mood for that right now.

He was feeling a bit slow. 

Better, but still slow.

Kel yawned, getting up and heading downstairs to the kitchen, missing the look Hero gave him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and a slight tint of a worried something else.

The good thing about family dinners was that his mother was always more than happy to fill the silence with stories about the past, about her childhood, their childhoods or events that happened earlier on the day. His dad prodded him about his day and Kel mentioned the basketball practice before letting Hero take over with his talk about his studies and the clubs he was in. So he was free to just concentrate on chewing and thinking about what more he could do to fill the evening so he wouldn’t take another hour long nap and ended up waking up full of energy in the middle of the night. 

(Maybe he should try calling Sunny ag-)

Heading upstairs was uneventful and the shorter one stopped in front of the television in his room with a thoughtful pose. He could watch his comfort movie but…

Kel shook his head and marched with determination to get the already old DVD case. It’s been years since Hero last played the game they always did when that movie was passing on TV. He probably wouldn’t even remember about it nowadays. Even if he did, he would be too busy studying to-

“Is that Cosmic Boy? Wow, it’s been a long time since I watched it!” Kel yelped, jumping in the air with how the sudden voice of his brother cut the air.

“Hero! Don’t sneak on me like this. I almost dropped the case.”

The older one winced apologetically. “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to do that.” His features, however, quickly changed to a watchful gaze that ping ponged across Kel expression and body language, trying to find any hint about the reason of the quietness that washed over him during the whole dinner. “You are just very distracted today, Kel. Did something happen? You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Please don’t be about her, please don’t be about her I don’t think I am ready for this yet-

Kel shook his head with force, as if he could physically throw his thoughts from his brain with just this action, a habit both of them had, although it was unclear who copied it from who.

“It’s nothing.” 

There was a slight pause between the words. Hero never told Kel that but this was his biggest tell during his lies. Usually he was just so used to spilling anything in full honesty that when he tried to lie he always second guessed what he was going to say.

Besides, it wasn’t a ‘there isn’t anything’, but ‘it’s nothing’, so he was right, there was something that was really bothering his little brother.

While Kel moved his attention back to the TV, putting the DVD on the device, Hero subtly bit his lower lip, looking at his desk filled with books and papers scattered all across the place. The usual guilt of not studying at every single available moment in his life was already beginning to chew his brain.

However… 

Kel sat a few meters away from the screen, his orange basketball in hands, being clung to his chest in a shadow of a hug. He always looked so… small, sitting like that.

All the doubts vanished from his mind at this moment. There was just no subject or college in his world that could be more important than his brother.

He was not going to fail him again.

“I am going to get popcorn.” He smiled when Kel turned at him, pleased and surprised with the promise of a snack and company. “Mom is in a good mood today so I am going to try to convince her to open the box of chocolate she is holding on for the holidays.”

“I want the one with caramelized peanuts, the orange one and the big milk chocolate candy or also the one that taste like bananas-”

“That is dad’s favorite, there is no way for me to convince him to give it to us.” He chuckled as Kel whined as he fell on the floor, an annoyed pout blossoming in his face.

“It’s always dad's favorite. I wanted to try it.”

“That is the thing about favorites, Kel. they usually don’t change.” The younger one pouted more and rolled on his side to look at the TV, giving Hero his back in a grump style. “We can buy it the next time we go to the grocery store, you know? Just give me a reminder.”

Kel hummed, still looking at the screen, already uninterested in keeping their banter going. 

Yep, a very special cheering up and good ol’ brotherly bonding time was in order, then.

It didn’t take long, just a few charms, lots of puppy eyes and promises of buying another box and a nice something before he was sitting right next to the shorter one with a big bowl of popcorn and lightly nudging the boy to a more comfortable position to eat.

The movie started. Hero couldn’t lie, especially as he got older, but the film was nothing but just a simple animation with an even simpler plot too full of fond memories to be forgotten. Three friends being lost in space and finding - after years of their childhood being filled with rules, boredom and routines - a world with a colorful circus where they finally discovered what it was like truly being a kid and having fun.

When he was little, it had been one of his favorites and his love for it quickly spread to Kel, who were more than happy to weekly bother his older brother to watch it again and again, usually getting so excited about it that it was almost impossible to get him to actually watch the movie instead of just continue to jump around with his giddy energy, basically screaming the lines with the characters.

Most of the time it would take a while to get him to calm down and sit to enjoy the movie with him, especially because the little boy kept doing all the stuff to get him in his nerves. 

The older one glanced at his brother. It was almost unnerving how quiet and… not-moving he was now when he looked back at those memories.

… What did he even do to stop Kel from causing a ruckus and actually sit down to watch the movie?

There was a game, wasn’t it? How did it go, again…?

Mindlessly and lost in his thoughts, Hero stretched his arm to get more popcorn, which would be a totally fine and normal move if it wasn’t that movie and it wasn’t for that scene getting close, which meant that Kel had his eyes glued on him and his actions, knowing very well that if his brother remembered The Game, this usually would be the moment that he would start it.

That is why such yelp left his lips when Hero’s hand got closer, nerves buzzing and body throwing himself on his side while a hint of a smile grazed his mouth.

Hero only looked at him confused. 

“Kel? What wa-”

But before he could say anything else, the circus’ showman - one of the best characters of the movie - laughed and his excited announcement filled the space, taking, just like he always did when showed on the screen, all the attention to himself:

“A ride? Of course! We can visit any planet in the Universe! The planet of the infinite tickles, the planet of snickering elbows, the planet of the hilarious beetroots!”

The rest of the sentence disappeared as suddenly Hero’s brain was filled with plenty of giggling and squirming memories.

The planet of infinite…

Oh.

Hero remembered, now.

Kel, who was busy squinting and watching his brother with suspicion, trying to discover if he was truly confused or pulling his leg, squeaked, immediately recognizing the gleam that appeared in his eyes and the predatory turn of his smirk, fastly making his limbs turn around and kicking his legs to run away.

“Nonono! Hero! Think about what you're about to do!!” 

And Kel may be the most athletic of the two, but Hero always was good at reading his movements. While the younger one had the anticipation and stamina on his side, which made him successfully scramble away in wobbly dodges and quick jumps,  the taller ran to put himself in between him and the door, knees bended and arms spread wide, ready to catch any giggling younger one that tried to pass through him in the only true way to escape from his fate.

“You can’t camp at the door! This is against the rules!” Kel jumped on his bed, spinning around to point at him accusingly.

“Is it, now?” Hero blinked in the personification of innocence.

“Yeah!! It is and you know it.”

“I don’t think I remember the rules very well, dear little brother of mine.” Kel groaned at the affectionate nickname and would have let himself fall on the bed and complain about how embarrassing Hero was if it wasn’t for his non-laughing-safety being at stake. “Why don’t you come closer and explain them to me again?”

Kel raspberried at him, not moving a single finger in his direction.

They stared at each other.

Well, Hero internally shrugged. He tried. 

Showtime.

“Oh no!” He hugged his stomach, making a show of groaning and squirming around. “Kel, I was visiting one of your favorite planets and I think something is wrong with me now.”

He had to lower his face and press it on his chest to stop the snickering that bubbled from him when Kel basically shouted that “The planet of infinite tickles is not my favorite!!” so he wouldn’t break his character

“I think I am sick.”

“No, you’re not!”

“Owwww. I am terribly sick, Kel, I don’t think I can fight it any longer.”

“Hero!” Kel tried to not let his smile show on his tune too much, but he wasn’t successful, especially when Hero lifted his head and grinned at him, making a tickly kind of electricity run on his spine. “This is dumb. I am not a kid anymore. I can say that you’re lying.” 

“Sick! So sick. SO so sick. There is nothing we can do now. I am infected with the Need-To-Tickle-Tickle-Tickle-My-Little-Brother-Immediately disease and it’s only getting stronger as the seconds tick by.”

Silence. Kel seemed stuck between laughing in disbelief and groaning at his dramatics. Yet he didn’t step any closer to him. 

“Kel, you need to escape.”

“Then, get AWAY from the door.”

Hm. Maybe Hero would have to jump to plan B.

He pretended to not listen. “You must run away and save your life. I can feel it getting stronger, making my fingers wiggle and asking for your squeaky giggles in my mind.”

As he gave a quick glance upwards, he saw Kel looking at the window with squinted eyes and a thoughtful face, considering. 

No. Definitely not. Time for plan B.

“There is just - urg- only one thing that can save me.” He made a show of pulling something out of his pocket. The chocolate wrapping glinted in the light. “The forbidden banana chocolate that I got for Kel but now it will have to be used for the greater good.”

A gasp.

Kel knew it was a trap. For real, he knew it.

But he also really, really wanted to know why his dad had been obsessed with this chocolate since his early memories. Besides, Hero was distracted with his theatrics. If he tried to zig zag his way to his brother he could get it, he was sure of that. There was a reason he was feared at basketball and it wasn’t only for his deathly aim, but also for how fast he could be when he really wanted.

He could do that. He definitely could do that. Just dash, grab the snack and immediately bolt back to his bed. 

 Easy Peasy.

Hero wouldn't even notice him before it was too late.

He took a deep breath, eyes full of determination. Hero didn’t move, still dangling the chocolate in the air and slowly bringing it closer to his open mouth.

One, two, three and… RUN!

(...)

Today is a great day, Hero thought, as he whistled and sat in front of the TV, grabbing the remote and going back to the part of the film that they lost because of all the shenanigans. 

It was a little bit hard, but with some struggles he managed to not be hit in the face by a kick.

Today was a really good day.

“Hero!!! Hero you can’t do this with your own brother! Hero!!”

The sun was already setting and that let a dance of orange, yellow and red fill the room. Such beautiful and calm scenery. 

The taller one adjusted the bundle in his arms, eyes still glued on the screen, a satisfied smile grazing his mouth.

Peace.

“We can watch another movie! The popcorn will get cold and taste horrible and munchy and wither and then you’ll have to make another bowl and- No! Hero!”

One of the older's hands was lifted, his fingers clawing the air and chasing the squirming torso with a skill and tranquility of someone who played the same game a handful of times before and would keep playing it for plenty of times more.

He attacked.

Kel squealed, laughter immediately spilling freely from his lips as the wiggly, playful hands squeezed his sides non stop, fingers spidering and teasing the skin for a few seconds before chasing the lovely high pitched snickers that always appeared when Hero wormed his hands under his torso and tickled the base of his spine, prodding and poking his way to there and going back to attack his sides every time the younger tried to wiggle away.

As the clawing hands got bored, their curious fingers began hiking the sinuous patch to his armpits - being careful to scratch on each one of his ribs in the way, of course. What kind of a brother would he be if he denied their necessary dose of tickles? - which automatically made Kel titter non stop and his arms trash and skip around, in failed attempts to push such an unfair, horrible, tickly and silly attack away. 

However, everytime he tried to do that it was only to have the skittering fingers jumping away to dance on his belly, making his hands get out of the way and go back to clamping on his mouth to hide the traitor snorts away. This was the same technique Hero did everytime he tickled him and the fact that it still worked even after all those years only made his reactions grow stronger and giggli-er. Hero chuckled, starting, once again, the whole cycle of climbing and going back and then clawing up, up, up, getting higher every time the loop was repeated.

Uncontrollable laughter, tittering squeals, loud squeaks and high pitched yelps stumbled in the room in flocks and waves, stumbling right out of his mouth and spreading a funny kind of warmth all across his face and chest. A warmth that fought with the creeping cold that clued in his bones since the beginning of the day and scared away with a giddy, electric kind of energy the exhaustion on his moves, replacing them with kicks, wiggles and plentiful of squirms that always got him almost tumbling out of the lap and the trap he was in only for Hero to playful complain something about “running away from their brotherly quality time” and pull him right back at his previous blushy and giggly predicament.

And Kel remembered why this was one of his favorite movies. Because there wasn’t any Cosmic Boy without Hero, and there wasn’t any Hero without fun, without the sensation that he wasn’t alone, of a hand extended in his direction and attentive eyes that found and smiled at him on his quietest days. There wasn’t a Hero without the certainty that there wasn’t anything in this world that he couldn’t fix make it better by just being embarrassingly charming or a dork or an annoying older brother that would still try to get him to play his favorite game even if Kel was complaining about being too old and being insufferable the whole way.

So, Kel couldn’t really bring himself, even between his crackles because Hero kept focusing on this horrible, awful, terrific, unfair spot right in the middle of his ribcage and nononono! That is too ticklish! Very, very ticklish!! Get away, gehet away, stohohohop- , to mind the whole playful and honestly childish attack. 

That was when Hero got to his armpits, positioned his thumbs on the sensitive flesh and began drumming.

The resulting screeching was so loud that it made their windows shake.

Nevermind. Forget everything Kel said before, his older brother was evil and mean and this is the most horrible game to ever exist.

“Oh my god, I forgot how bad your armpits were.” Hero’s chuckles evolved to wheezes as he stopped his tickle attack to try to gather himself together and not fall in peals of laughter after such a loud reaction. 

Kel was still squirming, rolling from one side to another in an attempt to dislodge the offending hands out of his armpits and body instinctively jumping away when his own movements made the fingers graze and tickle the spot unintentionally, even if they stopped moving a few seconds ago. Yet, the knowledge that they were still there and that they could attack at any moment made tiny, buzzy shocks run across his torso and tickle his nerves and smile. 

Tears gathered on the corner of his eyes while airy chuckles intertwined freely with his protesting squeaky, fast laughter.

“Let me gohohoho!” But, his sentences couldn’t summon a single drop of true irritation or heat to fill them, especially when accompanied by such a gigantic, tittering grin and half hearted pushes. “Shuhuhut up!”

“Sorry, sohohorry! I swear I didn’t mean to laugh.” Hero said, laughing. “But your face was just-”

And he fell in a sea of sniggers again.

A sudden idea made Kel’s eyes sparkle and a teasy tune take over the corners of his smirk.

“Yeah? Bet it wasn’t as funny as this!”

And then his hands flew to Hero's sides, kneading there like there was no tomorrow.

Hero, in his turn, gasped in surprise at the feeling, his laughter getting stronger and quieter as the taller one tried to become a defensive ball, only to have his plans ruined by the younger boy laying still on his lap, his entire torso shaking with the force of his snickers and crackles.

"See? Pretty funny, huh? You can't even stop laughing!" 

Hero shook his head, the tip of his ears getting red.

"No?" Kel began crawling his hands downwards on the sensitive flesh until… there it was! Hero's head shot backwards, hiccups and snorts falling freely when Kel focused on delivering pinches on the hip bones with joy. "For someone who doesn't think this is funny, I think you're laughing a lot, huh, don't you think, Hero? Huh? Huh? Don't you think that this is funnyyyy~"

With an enormous force Hero managed to pull a whole sentence between his laughter. "I-I was supposed to snrk- to be the one cheering you uP!"

"And it's working!! Look how much happy I am for WINNING this fight and obliterating you with tickles right now! Ha!" Kel shouted triumphantly, letting the hips go in order to tease the unprotected neck of his brother.

However, he miscalculated Hero's stamina, and such a mistake couldn’t be left forgotten as two hands glued on his wrists with a firm grip and pulled them away. Shiny brown eyes found his.

"Oops." Suddenly, Kel’s voice got a much wobblier tune.

"W-winning the tickle fight, you say?" The way Hero's smile - even between breathless gasps and tiny hiccups - got shark-like made every siren scream in alert inside the younger's brain. "Lehehet me assist you, then."

"No! Wait!" But the other did not, in fact, wait, pulling the arms until they were pinned above his head, palms facing upwards. "Hero, I am already cheered up! I promise!"

“I don’t think so, Kel.” Hero positioned one of his hands on the other’s wrist, the tip of his fingers scratching the skin with soft and unbearable scribbles that made goosebumps run across his arms. Then, because Hero was an unfair meanie with no heart, he began walking the playful, tickly digits to the inside of his forearm. “Besides, the planet of the snickering elbows came all the way from the other side of the universe just to see you.”

“That doesn’t make sense. Planets can’t get people!!” Kel tried with all his will to pull his trembling ticklish arms from their torment only to feel a series of squeaky giggles climb up his throat, obliging him to concentrate all his efforts in not combusting in a mess of titters and giggles. 

“Do you think so? Because I think that the planet of the snickering elbows is getting closer and closer to someone’s very ticklish and very snickery arms…”

“I-I-I am nohot” He gave up, letting the uncontrollable and high pitched snickers wash them as his squirms grew stronger with all the giddiness filling his muscles and shooting like electricity across his nerves. “Tihihihihihicklish!! I am not ticklish!”

Hero’s expression got amused. “You’re not ticklish?”

His fingers focused in teasing and dancing happily on every inch inside his elbow, blunt nails creating and senseless doodles with every scribble and a couple or two of soft pinches that never failed to make the younger’s laughter get even higher and faster.

And still, Kel stubbornly shook his head. “Ihihi am not!”

“So, all these hilarious tickly-tickles aren’t affecting you at all?” Kel just continued to shake his head vehemently, laughing and smiling like nothing else mattered in his life, wrinkles on the corner of his eyes and nose scrunched up. “Not even a little bit? A silly-billy bit? A coochie coochie coo?” 

Kel’s kicks were renewed, the words falling between his lips being too much lost in between titters and squeals to be understood. If this was a protest against Hero’s embarrassing teases or the fact that his fingers were slowly and carefully crawling across his upperarms to his armpits was impossible to say.

Being the good, lovely brother who cared about his little bro’s wellbeing above everything else, Hero decided to keep doing both.

“Great!” Digging under his arms, Hero had to elevate his voice so he could be heard above the hysteric crackles of Kel. “Because the game just started. Do you know who else came to pay a visit to their favorite giggly boy? The planet of the hilarious beetroots…~”

Hands suddenly free, Kel only had a second before he felt his feet being held in a headlock. “And they would loooove to play This Little Pig with you again!”

And, of course, Kel should know that, in the position that he was, maybe it wouldn’t be the wisest idea to provoke the tickle monster that he called brother anymore.

But, the movie was still playing in the background, and soon enough they would be getting to the middle of it, which means that they probably would have to rewind all the way back to the beginning to watch it properly. And Hero had those dangerously joyful shine in his eyes that he hadn’t seen for a long time and Kel felt it would be a long time until he would be able to stop the chuckles and giggles that played run and catch in the room.

So, yeah, maybe if he stayed quiet, they would just go back to the game and soon everything would be over.

But he wasn’t much of the whole ‘being a quiet guy’ now, was he?

“Yohou’re sohohoho pfffft- hehe stupid!”

Hero’s smirk got wider.

And then, once again, he attacked.

(...)

“Hey, Hero?”

His brother hummed from his desk, showing that he was paying attention. It was night but the younger knew his brother would still pull one or two hours of study before following his lead and going to sleep. The lights of the room were still on but that was fine, Kel never had problems to fall asleep with them anyway. Especially after such an eventful day. He could already feel his eyelids droping close as he adjusted his blanket.

“Do you think that one day I will be as good as you?”

He didn’t look up, but by the sound of their old, badly lubricated office chair being moved, he knew that Hero was now staring at him.

This time, he waited in silence, not filling it with whatever word came to rest on the tip of his tongue.

Hero’s voice was soft as it floated in the night. “I think that I would be a very lucky guy… if someday I got to be half as cool as you.”

Kel snorted.

“Still,” he continued, “we’re both doing a good job at being just ourselves, don’t you think? It wouldn’t be very interesting if we just became like each other or you became like me. Your basketball group would certainly start a mutiny, and the fabric of orange joe would go bankrupt.”

“But… more than anything” and then Kel looked up, because that was Hero’s emotional voice and he could count in the fingers of one hand the moments he got like that (most of them weren’t good ones). “I would miss you a lot, Kel.” 

Ah.

Kel smiled and it soon evolved to a fun kind of chuckle.

“Heh. Thank you, Hero. You’re not going to start crying over me, are you?”

“Maybe.”

“Old man.”

“Old and taller than you.~”

A calm sort of silence poured in gentle drops over them.

Kel took a deep breath.

“I got a C on my test today.”

“Really?” Hero’s frown quickly eased when he saw the conflicted gaze in his brother’s face. “And how was it?”

“I tried very hard and it was biology! I love biology. And it was not even a bad grade! I could have gotten a D or even a F and failed the subject.” As quick as it came, his irritation went away, body too light and too sleepy to cling to it for too long, anyway. “I got more than half of the questions right.”

“That is great.” Hero replied, sincerely, not having a single idea of how that only sentence washed over the younger one like a breeze of relief. “Hey, when your tests are all over, we should have some ice cream to celebrate, what do you think?”

Happier, Kel could already feel the dream realm reclaiming him, so, before he fell asleep, a quick, glad answer was pushed from his mouth.

“Yeah. We totally should.”

For a second, he could almost hear a fond sigh and a faint “good night”.

The day hadn’t started great, but Kel couldn’t really deny that last sentence.

This was a good night. Indeed.

[keeps-ache]

ouhhh i'm turning into my grandmother [chewing on wriggley's gum]

[plantenjoyer]

I SWEAR I KEEP TRYING TO DO ART BUT THEN SOMETHING GETS IN THE WAY AND THEN I PROCRASTINATE AND THEN SIX MONTHS PASS

[sysig]

Everything day

[piratetheon]

you know what, amc iwtv makes no damn sense... compels me, though.

[ancha-aus]

Gifted Drabble - NewAgeAU - The Eclipse

I am back again and I got a big boy drabble for you today @spotaus

After the amazing drabble they did about Nightmare losing the magic. I decided it was about time I tried my hands at the event that brought forth the magic!

Also we are back to Ccino POV. I don't know what it is about him in this series I just love him dearly and adore his POV. Once we move more into the story I will probably do other people's POVs haha.

Warnings! We are in for a rough time because Ccino never has it easy and that is like 90% my fault. There is past abuse, past starvation, victim blaming (kinda), there is gaslighting, there is manipulation. Implied future abuse.

There is a lot and I need you to be aware of this.

Also... It... may be a bit long? As in 10K words long. So... just so you know it is long. With that out of the way! Lets Go!

*--------------------------------------*

Ccino isn’t sure what to feel. He knows he should be proud and feel excited. Today was the twin’s birthdays. They were finally turning thirteen. Something everyone in the kingdom has been excited for for the last few years as this day grow closer.

Ccino sighs as he feels his body shake. Even as he makes sure that Nightmare’s outfit is spotless. It is a beautiful light yellow. It will fit in perfectly amongst the golden and yellow decorations but Ccino can only assume it is on purpose. To show Nightmare’s rank and position as prince as Dream ascends. To see they belong together and are connected by their bond as twins.

Nightmare frows as he tugs on his shelves. Ccino gently takes his hand and removes it from the soft fabric “Hey. It is okay my prince.” He puts the sleeves back in place and is happy to note there are no ruffles.

Nightmare frowns as he turns his skull away. Ccino frowns as he makes sure the outfit is perfect.

Nightmare mutters “Still think they are stupid for making you wear pink…”

Ccino blinks and looks down at his undershirt. It is a very soft light pink and there are yellow accents. He smiles as he twists his skull a bit to enable himself to look better at Nightmare “Really? Why is that my prince?”

Nightmare shrugs and mutters “Pink doesn’t suit you… beige is better.”

Ccino smiles “I do love the neutral and nature colours… But your brother was allowed to pick everything for his big day.” And it was only fitting that the new king’s gift was exactly as he wanted-

Ccino shakes his skull. He needs to stop thinking about it like that. He isn’t the one who matters here.

Nightmare is anxious. Nightmare’s twin is about to be crowned and become king. Complete this mysterious ritual. Ccino had to be there for him. Nightmare had found information and mentions about this great sacrifice and pain. Something that Dream had to do or experience to ascend to godhood.

Nightmare had come to him near tears. Terrified his brother would be hurt by this ritual that was going to happen no matter what. Nightmare had said he had tried to warn Dream but Dream just told him he was nervous and that everything would be okay. That Dream would become a god like their mother and Dream would rule their kingdom.

Nightmare had spoken about how he had gone to his mother with his worries but Nim just dismissed him. That Nim had just told him he was seeing things wrong again and that he was letting silly ideas get the better of him again.

Ccino isn’t surprised she was like that. Nim is just like that. A terrible and horrible-

Ccino stops himself. He can never be sure what she knows and what she doesn’t.

Instead, even back when Nightmare came to him, he concentrated on helping Nightmare. Helping him calm down before looking at what he had found.

Ccino wasn’t even sure what it was but he knew… he knew that Nightmare was correct. This magic, this ritual it is dangerous.

But there is nothing Ccino could do to help him. Ccino doesn’t know magic. He can’t even do magic. He knows nothing about magic or what it all means. He was only able to hold Nightmare close until he fell asleep for the night. Ccino letting him sleep in his room with him to help him feel safe.

Ccino doesn’t know magic…

But Ccino remembers… He thinks he remembers at least… He believes that his mother used to sing… That she could do magical things with music. Ccino thinks their little house used to be filled with music.

His father had these... magical kisses? Ccino thinks so at least… That his father could give kisses when you were hurt or sad and everything felt better… Something about his magic only working because of Ccino and his mom…

Ccino thinks so at least…

He can’t really remember what his father looked like…

He just knows he is supposed to look like his mom… but he isn’t sure as he can’t remember her well either… It has been so long

Nightmare shifts before him and Ccino pulls himself out of his mindless thinking. Ccino turns Nightmare around and hums “The yellow looks nice on you…”

Nightmare pulls on his shirt anxiously “You think so? I think it looks weird… yellow fits Dream. Not me.”

Ccino smiles as he knows how to handle this easily “Really? I think it looks nice.” he gently takes Nightmare’s hands as Ccino ignores the scars on those small bones from his practise cuts “Yellow compliments purple after all. Makes your eye lights stand out more.”

Nightmare looks deeply embarrassed but has a shy smile “Really?”

Ccino smiles “Have I ever lied to you?”

Nightmare shakes his skull and looks a bit more relaxed as he looks back into the mirror. Ccino looks him over and smiles. Nightmare, and Dream, has grown into a fine young teen.

Ccino can’t help but be proud of both the twins. Ccino has always been closer to Nightmare as Dream had many others who seemed to want to answer his every request. Which meant that Ccino just focused on Nightmare when he could. Make sure the younger twin didn’t feel left behind.

Ccino is proud to say that he managed it. Nightmare is happy and never mentioned feeling alone. He mentioned missing his twin when he went to his classes but aside from that Nightmare was happy and healthy. Dream was too.

The twins adore each other and are the closest friends. Both are happy and healthy.

All in all. Ccino thinks he has been doing a great job with helping and raising them.

Ccino hums as he moves to Nightmare’s front and starts putting up the little golden and sun jewellery. Careful all in the right spots. Decorating his thin neck and the fragile wrists.

Last Ccino picks up the small silver crown and places it on Nightmare’s skull “Almost done my prince.”

Nightmare stares at him “We are alone.” And he waits.

Ccino blinks and smiles softly “My prince-” Nightmare frowns more. Ccino sighs but can’t stop smiling “Nightmare. You know I have to address you properly.” He can’t stop himself as he rubs the smaller skull and Nightmare leans into it happily “I am just a servant. People can’t see me disrespecting you like that.”

Nightmare frowns again “I don’t care.” And he glares more “and you are not just a servant. You are you.”

Ccino smiles and nuzzles him softly “I know you don’t care Nightmare. And I would like to not care either. But… it isn’t right or how it works…” he gives him a sad smile.

Nightmare frowns and mutters “Maybe… When Dream is king he can change that?” he looks a bit more hopeful.

Anxiety returns to his soul. Ccino doesn’t want to be important and known… He forces it back down as he gives a gentle smile “As king he won’t get the chance to do such things until much later Nightmare. He can’t risk being seen as weak or someone who is easy to disrespect. Once things calm down we can maybe ask him. Okay?” much later.

Nightmare frowns and mutters “Who would disrespect him? He would be a king and a god!” and he looks at Ccino.

Ccino feels bad. Seeing as he doesn’t respect Nim at all. And Nim is like that. Ccino instead gives him a tiny grin “Some people will just be like that. Even if they don’t have a good reason. And no matter how much you want them to you can’t change their minds.” He rubs his cheek “Which means you can only focus on what matters to you and the country.”

Nightmare frowns before nodding “I can do that for him. Help him.” He rubs his arm and whispers “Do… do you think the… the bad thing will happen?”

Ccino frowns “I am not sure Nightmare. I am so sorry…” he can’t help him when it matters… Ccino wasn’t even sure why he thought he could help either of them in a way that matters.

Nightmare leans into his touch and mutters “At least you believe me.”

Ccino feels a bit better as he speaks softly “And I always will. Even if no one else believes you. I will. I will be there for you. I swear.” It is an easy promise to make to him.

Nightmare actually smiles this time.

Ccino relaxes as he slowly gets the paint and make up out “Ready for the last finishing touches?”

Nightmare nods and takes a seat. Ccino gets the paint and gets to work. Ccino had to do these very early on for both the twins. Dream would want to get up and move around while Nightmare would patiently wait for Ccino to finish and for the make up to dry. Ccino never minded it of course. It was fun! It reminded him of finger painting and practising make up with his mom. It are dear memories.

Ccino starts with a bit of paint by Nightmare’s cheeks and his chin. To make sure the edges look softer and a bit rounder. Next he adds a very small line of golden yellow around the very edge of his sockets. Ccino hadn’t been lying after all, yellow did help make purple stand out more and with this is made the purple pop. Ccino then took the silver and with the utmost care he painted the phases of the moon from one temple to the other across the forehead. Making sure the full moon was at the very center. Ccino didn’t even need to redo it today.

Ccino smiles as he takes a step back “All ready.” He washes the paint and make up from his phalanges.

Nightmare hops off his chair and looks into the mirror “Will you have to also do Dream’s paints?”

Ccino shakes his skull “Not today. I believe the king is helping your twin prepare.” He finishes cleaning himself up and puts everything back to its spot.

Nightmare nods as he looks into the mirror anxiously “It is okay… it is fine… Dream will be fine…” he tugs on his shirt again.

Ccino joins his side and frees the shirt from the tight hold. After it he tugs it all back in place before stepping back “There. You are ready my prince.” And he gives a small bow “Very soon. Crown prince.”

Nightmare rubs his arm. Luckily the material the shirt is made of doesn’t crumble easily and it remains looking nice and puffy. Ccino needs to make sure Nightmare looks fine and no one can say anything rude to Nightmare about it.

Ccino joins his side and smiles “Hey… Nighty?” Nightmare immediately looks at him. Ccino keeps smiling. Praying it helps relax him “You are going to do amazing. You will look stunning together with your twin and you two have bright futures ahead of you.”

Nightmare gives a very slow nod before he mutters “Will you be nearby? I know it is private and only for the inner circle until the real crowning but… Will you please be near?”

Ccino smiles “Yeah. I will be close by.” For completely different reasons…

Nightmare relaxes and smiles brightly “Thank you… I need you there to feel brave.”

Ccino feels like his soul is gripped as he gives him a gentle hug. Making sure not to mess up Nightmare’s outfit or make up “You don’t need me for that Nightmare. You are the bravest monster I know. But I will be there okay? You will see me right there okay? And if you start feeling scared or unsure you can look at me and know that there will always be people who believe in you and are there for you. Okay?” He rubs the cheek.

Nightmare pushes his face more into it and lets out a soft purr “Thank you.”

Ccino smiles “I am happy to be there for you. Both of you.” He hears footsteps in the distance and quickly takes his hand back as he steps back. Nightmare looks confused for a moment before the door behind him opens.

Ccino bows to the captain entering “Captain.”

The captain, a bird monster by the name of Falks, dismisses him but that is alright. Ccino doesn’t mind at all. He knows that most of the higher ups kind of know the deal that is about to happen.

Captain Falks bows to Nightmare “Hello my prince. I am here to lead you to the king and the future king.”

Nightmare nods before looking back at Ccino “See you soon Ccino.” And he follows the captain out.

Ccino makes sure to remain in his spot until the door closes. When it closes he feels all the tension return as the need to hide in one of the tunnels returns. He doesn’t want to go there.

He doesn’t want to be at the ritual.

Because… That will be the moment that he…

That his…

He is right now the king’s after all. Nim just only had use for him as babysitter and servant. Ccino knows… he knows what the little apple patterns on his clothes mean after all.

Ccino feels his breath quicken as he grabs a hold on the vanity and gasps as his breath gets shorter and shorter. He stares at himself for a moment before looking away. He can’t stand the sight of himself. Seeing himself hurts… Seeing himself brings back memories he can’t quite remember and pain and fear from long ago. He can’t deal with that. He can’t.

Ccino gasps as he takes a seat on the ground and curls up more. This is it… today… he will be… he won’t…

He… he is never going to see Nightmare ever again? Is he?

He doesn’t know what the ritual does. Not exactly.

But Nim had pulled him aside and given him an idea. How it changes the person. How it increases their power and that with it came the knowledge that they were more important than any mortals. That their power and their ability to hold and manage that power is the proof.

That once Dream gets the power he will finally get the power he deserves. He will have the power and knowledge that will make him the god among people.

That Ccino will be there for him in any way he wishes. For anything he wants.

Any. Thing.

Ccino feels gross just thinking about it.

Footsteps in the hallway and Ccino has to pull himself together. He forces himself back to his feet even if his whole body shakes. Even if he can’t stand the sight of everything around him.

He just manages to pull his face into a more neutral look and slow his panicked breathing when the door opens. Some guards stand ready and mutter about bringing Ccino to the room to prepare him for the ritual.

Ccino follows the guards. His soul pulsing fast enough that Ccino is starting to feal dizzy. He keeps his breaths short as he follows the familiar path.

They end by the healing bay and he is left by the door. The door opens and two medics are there already. They rush Ccino in and comment about him being later than expected. Ccino apologises as he stands in the room.

He hears the two healers talk as he stares ahead of himself. Trying so hard not to hear. He doesn’t want to hear it.

Ccino stares ahead of himself. The other wall has shelves which hold a lot of different items and potions. Ccino knows that some of those are against exhaustion and to give more energy. There are health boosters and even a few that will just knock you out. All different colours.

The scents are making his already dizzy skull spin and pound. He may be starting to get migraine.

The doctor snaps “Ccino!”

Ccino blinks and turns slightly “Yes sir?”

The doctor, Nigel, looks annoyed while the other healer, Mar, giggles “Don’t be mad at him. Can you blame him? He will be the future King’s first mate.” They sigh wishfully “I am so jealous… I wish I could be the one who helped Dream like that.”

They disgust Ccino. Ccino doesn’t care that technically Dream is about to magically become an adult. He is a child! One who barely started puberty! How could they think about him like that? Like they are just waiting for him to grow up so they can… so they can think and do those things to him?!

Doctor Nigel sighs annoyed as he stares at Ccino “When did you last eat and what?”

Ccino needs to think. He hadn’t eaten that morning… He hasn’t had dinners in ages much like lunches. His last breakfast was… “Day before yesterday.” If he is correct.

The doctor looks annoyed “Seriously? You pigging out again? You know that you need to look your best.” He sighs as he shakes his head.

Ccino just looks down. He just had been so hungry. He had felt so empty and tired. He had thought… Maybe a little wouldn’t be bad? Just to get a bit of energy.

Nigel looks at him expecting “What did you eat?”

Ccino looks to the side. Feeling guilty “Had some toast… and some yogurt and milk.” It had been so good. He had felt full after it and sighed happily.

The doctor huffs “Pigging. Out.”

The other giggles “Oh let him pig out. Maybe then King Dream will see that he is not that much anyway. Let someone who is actually pretty get a chance to please our new lord.” They sigh wishfully again.

Nigel shoots his colleague a look “Stop it. You can try to get in his harem once he is established.” He turns back to side as he grabs a step stool “The first mate always dies quickly anyone. They are there for the king to test their power and magic after all. Rather painful from what I understand.” He points towards the step stool “Undress and on the step stool.”

Ccino feels sick and feels his soul pulse anxiously but his body does as ordered. He feels beyond exposed as he stands there. Staring downwards as the two doctors circle him and comment on things. He can hardly hear it. His skull hurts.

Doctor Nigel hums “Luckily none of the lashes gave permanent marks after all. It would be unsightly for our future king to see marks of disobedience.” He makes a note as he moves on and checks his ribs and spine. Touching it and Ccino tries to ignore how invasive it feels. “Age?”

Ccino needs a moment to think “Twenty.”

He hums and makes a note “That should fertile then. Good. Summon your ecto.”

Ccino really doesn’t want to. His soul is filled with anxiety but he tries.

Nothing happens.

The doctor looks annoyed “I said. Summon the ecto.”

Ccino doesn’t look up “I can’t… I don’t have enough energy or magic.” Maybe he can’t summon it at all anymore. Maybe it is broken? Would that mean he doesn’t have to worry about this whole thing anymore? If he is unable to summon the parts needed… If he is too broken to serve his purpose…

The doctor grumbles as he walks to the cabinet and searches through the bottles before pulling one out “Here. Drink it.”

Ccino looks at the bright orange liquid and feels sick just looking at it. It smells gross. It looks disgusting. It is much too solid to be a normal drink.

Mar laughs as they smirk at him “What is wrong? Suddenly not a glutton anymore?”

Ccino doesn’t want to… But he remembers the pain of the lashes. The way each one burned. They way they would wait between the hits. Until his back was fully healed before giving the next one. Healing it magically, fast and aggressive which left his back tender and hurting of pains that weren’t there anymore. Then the next lash would hit.

He still feels the pain sometimes. Which is dumb. Ccino knows he isn’t hurt anymore. It got healed years ago and it doesn’t hurt. There is nothing there that could hurt. Everyone told him as much. To stop acting as if he is hurt when he was fine.

Ccino downs the potion as ordered. It is gross and sticks to his throat and it feels unpleasant. The unknown and different magic in the potion makes him sick but he stands there.

Nigel nods “Now. That should give you enough magic and mana to at least last through the night for our new King. Now summon so I can inspect your ecto.”

Ccino feels sick but does as ordered. He focusses on his soul. Even if the pulsing of it is uneven and anxious it is better than to think about the hands touching his ecto. Hands he doesn’t want to touch him anywhere.

He stares ahead. Staring at the different coloured bottles. Two are purple. One is blue. There is a green one on the side. Most of them don’t have a colour and three are yellow. All on different shelves. None of them have labels.

Doctor Nigel steps back as he takes notes “Seems fine and stable enough. A bit too round but that is too be expected from your gluttonous nature.” The doctor makes notes.

The other giggles “Best hope the king likes them heavier.” And Mar giggle again.

Ccino hates it here.

The doctor shoots his colleague a look “Behave. It will not look good for you if the first mate doesn’t like your behaviour.” And he shoots Ccino a look “You can get dressed again. Others will come pick you up soon to get ready.” And he turns to his desk. The other doctor huffs and shoots Ccino a jealous look.

Ccino would willingly and gladly trade places. Do it. Take his place. He doesn’t want to be some offering to placate a newly ascended god. Ccino knows what everyone implies he will do to do that. He feels sick.

Either way he gets dressed in the much too soft cotton with the almost silky feel to it. It is soft as he tugs on it. His soul feels like it has permanently moved to his throat. He still feels dizzy, the other magic in his body makes him feel sick.

Everything about this makes him ill. He wants to hide. Just not go. Fuck it. Stay in the hidden tunnels and just keep hiding there until they give up on searching for him. No one ever found him in those tunnels anyway.

The image of Nightmare looking hopefully into the crowd when he feels nervous. Ccino not being there.

He can’t… He can’t break his promise to Nightmare.

The door opens and a few maids walk in. They all seem excited and happily tug Ccino with them. They talk about how lucky he is and how he doesn’t need to worry! That people will make sure he looks pretty and then the new King will not be able to keep his hands to himself!

Ccino just smiles and nods. Not sure if he can keep himself from throwing up if he starts talking.

They get to the large dressing room. Normally used for making and fabricating outfits for the royals and nobles. Ccino feels his anxiety returns as the maids leave him with the seamstress Sasha. Sasha looks beyond excited as she looks at different outfits.

She hums happily “I am so excited! It is the greatest honour to have been allowed to make your outfit. I made a few options and the current king and future king already expressed their preference!” she smiles brightly as she holds up different outfits “I have a few that were approved upon and I made sure they will fit the decorations!”

Ccino nods as he lets her talk. Everywhere there are flags and banners with little suns on them. The symbol of Dream. A small sun for the golden prince. Dream had been so excited when they picked his symbol when the twins turned ten. Nightmare had been excited about his own symbol in the form of the moon.

Ccino watches as the seamstress pulls out this beautiful dress. Lower back and cuts by the lower part and legs to enable easy movement.

Sasha smiles as she holds it up “I know I know. A dress is the go to but I wanted to try just in case! Please put it on.”

Ccino takes the clothing item and gets dressed. Feeling numb to the exposed feeling by now. He waits on the verdict.

She beams “Oh you are so pretty!” she looks excited as she rushes to the other outfits she laid out “But I think the dress isn’t your fit after all. Don’t get me wrong you look gorgeous but it just doesn’t seem right! It doesn’t show off your best sides well as it is designed to look good on people with more curves.”

Ccino is never sure what people want from him. Some say he is too fat and a glutton. Others say he doesn’t have enough curves. He really tried to do as ordered and only eat and drink what he is supposed to. He doesn’t understand why his body isn’t like they want by now. He swears he tried.

He is so tired.

Sasha brings out this pants and shirt set which feels a bit more comfortable. Ccino doesn’t like how open the back is as it gives him bad memories. The only times his back was uncovered was when they… they…

The shirt itself is very tight around his neck. And shows off most of his spine. The pants themselves hang low on his hip bones. Barely staying up as it is while the pants legs are long and cover him to the ankles.

The seamstress hums as she looks considered “This shows off your skeleton nature much better than the dress did! Your spine is so clean and pretty! I am sure the king would love to be able to see it easily! I will have to make a note of that for any future outfits!” she makes a note as she grabs the next outfit.

The shirt has shoulder pads this time and covers his spine a lot better. The sides are mostly open but it isn’t as short as the other one and it only shows a bit of his lower spine.

Instead of pants this outfit has more of a skirt to it. It still hangs low on his hips but there is a very short tight pants under the skirt to keep it in place. The sides of his legs are almost completely uncovered aside from the tight pants but the skirt part gives him at least the illusion of modesty.

Sasha hums as she looks between the outfits “I think that one is best.” She smiles a t him “Feeling pretty and ready to rock the new king’s world?” she is trying to hype him up.

Ccino gives a small smile and speaks softly “Mostly nervous.” Which is the most truthful and honest thing he can safely say.

She gasps “What? You don’t need to be nervous! He is going to be so happy to see you! You are so pretty he is going to be blown away!”

Ccino doesn’t feel pretty. He just feels sick and uncomfortable. It is so close now. Before he could mostly ignore it but now it is really going to happen. He is going to be promoted from babysitter to sex slave. And there is not a single thing he can do about it. Yet Ccino is the idiot and weird one for not being excited.

He wants to cry.

He takes his seat as the seamstress talks about his make up and what she picked out. It is mostly just some touch up. She mentions that putting much more on would just make him look fake and make him lose his natural beauty.

She disappears to the corner where she opens a locked box. There are golden chains in there. Well, not actually chains but necklaces and bracelets apparently, they may as well be chains though. Ccino watches as the other puts them on him. By his arms. His ribs. One as a choker. She coos and praises how pretty he looks. Ccino doesn’t feel like he is all there anymore.

Heavy steps and moments later the door opens.

The seamstress bows deeply and Ccino looks down as well. Making a bow as far as he can without disrupting any of the work done on him.

A moment of silence before a pleased hum “Good. You got cleaned up and made yourself look presentable. Come. We are about to start.”

As they walk Nim reminds him once more of what his role will be and what he will do. Ccino echoes the instructions back to her when prompted.

He is lead into the throne room and there is a silence. Ccino feels his arm start to shake as he makes his way towards his spot. Ccino tries not to panic.

This is it. There is no turning back now.

Ccino just stands in his spot. Near enough to step forwards when it is his time. Ccino tries not to think about what will happen to him after today. What his life will be after this. Ccino glances around.

There aren’t as many people as he would expect. The only people are the king’s advisors. The captain of the guard and a few extra guards. And Ccino of course.

None of the maids or servants are actually here with them.

Ccino glances around and sees people all getting ready. A priest as well. To perform the crowning of Dream as Nim will be unavailable.

Ccino… Ccino doesn’t like this ritual or what he knows about it.

From what he understand… the king will give up her magic. Make it form something for Dream to take and consume. Consuming the magic will give him powers and magic and the ability to ascend. Then. Once it is time. Something of great emotional importance is supposed to happen. That the magic will guide Dream to do what is needed for him to finish ascending.

Once ascended. Dream will be first crowned to the small select group here and then to the kingdom as a whole.

Ccino is supposed to step forwards when Dream finishes his ritual but before he is crowned. Ccino will join his side and remain there through everything.

Ccino still doesn’t understand how it will affect Dream. All the king ever told him was that Dream would within seconds grow from teen to an adult and all the feelings, knowledge and emotions that came with it would happen all at once. That it would make Dream ready to rule. The ritual would give him the understanding for what happened and how so he can perform it himself when the time is right.

Ccino thinks it isn’t right.

But maybe that is just him. He doesn’t like the magic in this place. His memories still see magic as the voice of his mother singing and some stuff moving on their own to help her with chores. Of his father holding him close and giving a kiss to his little bruises and them feeling better. They told him magic was about joy and love.

Here… they always spoke about rituals and blood and sacrifices. Ccino had seen them sacrifice animals before.

He doesn’t like it.

He hates it.

Ccino had had to clean up cuts on Nightmare’s hands from past rituals. All in preparation. Nightmare had been near tears as it hurt. Ccino remembers telling him that it can’t be actually that good of magic if it hurts him.

Ccino isn’t sure if he was even helping at this point…

Not that it matters… He probably won’t see Nightmare much after this… As he will just… be wherever and whatever Dream wants him to be and do and-

No. Stop. Don’t think about it.

Ccino tries to distract himself.

The hall is decorated with large banners. All with pictures and images of the sun and light. Gold in colour and making the room seem lighter.

Ccino suddenly understands his outfit colour choice. It seems to mirror the colours of a sunrise.

Nim steps out of the side door and walks towards her throne, her mask on her face. She stands before it as the hall is immediately quiet. Moments later Dream and Nightmare walk out together and stand on both of her sides, both wearing their own masks.

Nightmare looks anxious and Ccino manages to catch his eye through the tiny openings of the owl mask. Nightmare seems to relax a little.

That is good.

That is much better.

The King speaks up and her voice sounds out “We are here today. For the next step in our glorious kingdom. As I will ascend to take my rightful place among the stars. As my son will take his own rightful place. A god on this world. Like myself.”

Excitement rises in the room as Nim raises her arms and hands to her chest. And It lights up.

It is scorching hot. It is burning.

The light is bright as Nim holds out the light. It slowly condenses into a single form. A glowing apple. She turns slowly. Her body already starting to fall apart as she starts to dust. Her hand holds out the glowing apple to Dream.

Dream wiggles slightly in place before raising his mask to the top of his face to reveal the big smile before looking serious again as he steps forwards. He holds out his arms and hands.

Nim stands still for a moment before she places the apple in his hands but keeps holding on.

Dream looks determined and nods “Thank you. Mother. May you rise to be above the other gods.”

Nim nods and lets go of the apple. As soon as the contact is gone. She is gone. She falls apart and her mask falls on top of the pile of dust.

The apple is a perfect golden colour. It isn’t shining anymore but it reflects the light beautifully.

Dream steps forwards and smiles “Hello everyone. For this glorious day. As the old king and my mother takes her rightful place among the stars and gods. As I stand before you to claim my own place in the growing history of our family. To make them proud and do as they hava done before me.”

Ccino notices Nightmare looks nervous as he shoots him looks. Ccino gives him a tiny smile and Nightmare seems to relax before he gains a look of focus in those eye lights.

Dream smiles as he raises his arms up high.

Which is when Nightmare rushes him and tackles his brothers. The two twins struggle for a moment before Nightmare manages to grab the apple and take a few steps away.

Dream stares from his spot on the ground in shock “Nightmare?!”

Nightmare doesn’t say anything. He is shaking lightly before Nightmare finds his eye sight again. Nightmare raises his own owl mask to the top of his skull, he takes a deep breath and bites into the apple.

Something in his body changes. Ccino can see an almost hazed look on Nightmare’s face as he bites. And bites. And bites. Eating the apple even if he seems to almost choke on the mouthfuls.

And then the apple is gone. Core and all.

Nightmare stands there for a moment before starting to lean to one side before leaning towards the other. His body shaking. He starts to shake more and more as Nightmare rolls up as he hugs his own form. Then Nightmare starts screaming and sobbing as he falls to his knees.

Ccino feels his own body shake. Ccino feels himself take a step closer.

He is hurt… He needs to…

A guard stops him.

Ccino can’t look away from Nightmare. Nightmare is just shaking and sobbing as he stays on his knees.

A cracking of bones. The ripping of clothing. And large limbs burst out of Nightmare’s back. Ccino sees them move and wriggling around dripping of Nightmare’s blood. But Ccino watches as the red colour darkens little by little until it is a solid black instead. It continues to drip on the ground as Nightmare shudders.

Then he stops. Everything stops. The screaming, the shaking, the sobbing.

Silence.

Nightmare slowly rises to his feet. The goop moving and dripping slowly off his form to drip on the ground. Nightmare looks around the room. His clothes ripped in many places as parts of it remain on the ground covered with that same sticky black goop that used to be red and liquid and his blood.

“How could you!?”

Nightmare blinks and turns to stare at Dream. Dream glares at him as he shakes with pure rage.

Dream screams “How could you?!”

Nightmare however doesn’t react. He just keeps staring at his brother. Ccino… Ccino doesn’t like the look on his face. It is the same look as with the apple… Ccino also doesn’t like the look on Dream’s face. The open rage and anger.

Dream knows magic. Nightmare does not.

Ccino doesn’t think and rushes away from his spot. The guard who had a hold on him before had let go in shock. Ccino side steps any hands as he rushes to the raised platform and thrones. He rushes up the stairs and gets between the twins. Holding hands up to both of them as he gives them both a strict look “No fighting.” He would have wanted his voice to be louder. But he can’t. Even now he can’t shout at either of them. He never could.

Dream looks away with angry tears in his eyes. Nightmare freezes as he stares at him. Ccino looks back at him.

His face isn’t the same anymore. The sockets are all wrong and the eye lights aren’t right either. Nightmare is much taller and doesn’t look in anyway like he did. The magic that he emits is even different.

But… the angle of those shoulders… Nightmare is scared and confused.

Ccino needs to get them somewhere else. He needs to get them out of view of others. They need to calm down and they need to figure out what is next. Was… Was Nightmare instructed by Nim to eat the apple after all? But… that doesn’t make sense?

No. Focus. No use trying to figure stuff out when it isn’t the priority. Get the twins to the back. Get them situated.

Ccino takes a deep breath before turning towards the waiting crowd with a smile on his face. He makes sure to tugs his hands behind the small of his back as he speaks with his cheerful people pleasing voice “We will be in the back to clean up before we continue. Please excuse our new king and the crown prince for just a moment.” And he bows deeply before shooting Dream a look and motioning towards the back.

Dream still looks angry but does as told as he moves towards the back. Ccino rises and gives a deep bow to Nightmare “My lord?” Nightmare is king now… right? so he should do this?

Nightmare looks bothered. It isn’t the same face he pulls but it is the same reaction as before. At least that look from the apple is gone. He just looks confused and overwhelmed. Nightmare moves towards the back without a single glance into anyone’s direction. Ccino uses the general confusion to rush into the room after them.

Okay. Okay.

What now?

The room is quiet as Dream continues to glare at Nightmare. Nightmare frowns at him as he raises a hand “Dream… I…” he shakes his skull as that glint in his eye lights returns before he manages to shake it.

Dream glares as he shakes “How could you! I trusted you! Everyone always said you just wanted the throne! I defended you! Said you would never betray me! Yet you do?!” angry tears appear in his sockets as he glares.

Nightmare shakes his skull again. “I didn’t… I didn’t want to. I…” He frowns. So confused.

The door slams open and Ccino notices Nightmare flinch at the sound before Ccino is grabbed and turned around. Captain Falks is there glaring “What the fuck did you do?!”

Ccino blinks as two more guards join them. Ccino looks back at Nightmare and Dream “I… I got them out of sight? Stopped them from fighting.”

Falks groans “Yes! That is the problem! You stopped the ritual!”

Ccino feels any insecurity and nerves leave him as it replaces him with rage “Of course I did?! In case you didn’t notice! It went terrible! Of course I got them out of sight and calm before they could hurt each other!”

Captain Falks glares “The leftover prince was never supposed to take the apple! This is a disaster! He was supposed to just be there for the future King of Light Dream!” Falks glares at the twins before glaring at Ccino again “This is a mess and you made it worse.”

Ccino flinches as he looks to the side “What is done is done… We need to be quick…” he glances back and can’t help but notice that Nightmare is very much barely dressed at this point as he ripped out of his clothing and Dream is overdressed with the too large clothing. Swimming in the bright orange cape and the softer coloured dress pants and shirt. Ccino nods to himself “We will need to get them both ready quickly. A new outfit for King Nightmare is a must. He can’t be crowned when he is barely dressed. Dream will need cloths that are form fitted for him now instead of how he could have been.” His mind is racing as he looks over to the two guards behind Falks.

It are cadet Rogers and Cadet Miles. Okay. Ccino has seen them before and they are both ambitious but are loyal to the crown. Ccino looks at Miles “Miss Miles. Can you get back to the hall and keep the people calm? We may need more refreshments for them.” Miles gives a nod and Ccino focuses on Rogers “Cadet Rogers. We need to make sure we aren’t bothered. Can you make sure to stand guard?” Cadet Rogers nods with a salute and moves to the door together with cadet Miles. Ccino looks at Falks “Captain. We need the priest to remain here and remain ready to crown Nightmare and vow him in. While I get the prince and king ready you need to go to the priest and give him a small update that Nightmare will be sworn in instead-”

Falks glares “Who do you think you are to order me and my guards around?”

Ccino freezes before giving him a look “We need to act quickly and adapt to the change.”

Falks huffs as he looks disgusted  “I will not serve a fake king.”

A moment of silence and shock goes through Ccino. He also feels… rejected? Dejected? It doesn’t make sense. Ccino instead focusses on the moment “How is he a fake king?”

Falks huffs “You are an idiot. He was never meant to be king. He was there to make sure that Dream would rise to his rightful place. Not be a useless and jealous brat and take it for himself! He didn’t even finish the ritual!”

Ccino glares “He did.”

Falks smirks “Oh believe me. He did not.”

Ccino glares as he starts to recount what he knows “He ate the apple. Legends speak that anyone unworthy of absorbing the magic would perish. Nightmare survived and was able to gain the power it gave. Meaning the magic decided him worthy.” Falks blinks but Ccino continues “Nightmare is a son of the old king Nim just like Dream. Are you really disrespecting the royal bloodline?” Falks looks a lot more worried. Ccino goes for the finishing blow “Not to forget. The ritual spoke of a large betrayal. I do believe. That eating the apple and betraying his twin would count as such.”

Ccino may not agree with any of these thought and believes followed by these people. But he knows how to speak their language and play their game. “That means. That our new king is Nightmare. Who completed the ritual.”

Falks suddenly looks a lot more unsure before he hisses to Ccino “You best remember your place slave. And if I had it my way I would show it to your personally. Your pretty face can’t save you from all the consequences.”

Ccino doesn’t feel fear. He just feels rage. “Oh I remember my place just fine. My duty, as ordered by the old king, is to be by the new king’s side and help him in any way I can. I am doing exactly as I was instructed. I think it is time you remember your own oaths and vows Captain. As you are supposed to protect, guard and serve the ruling king yourself.”

Falks glares harshly at him “When this is over. I will take great pleasure in punishing you and your bratty mouth. Seems like the last twenty I gave you did not make much of an impression. Maybe with fifty lashes you will learn your place.”

Ccino raises a brow “Ask our king when it is calm. We both have our duties. Yours should be to make sure everything in the hall is still fine so we can move on to the coronation.” Ccino glares at him “The priest needs to be informed as I prepare our king.”

There is a silence in the room. The two cadets stare at Ccino and their captain but Ccino doesn’t care. He knows he will be in trouble for this. A lot of trouble and he does not enjoy knowing he will be punished later for ignoring the hierarchy and rules.

But Nightmare needs him now. Even if Nightmare doesn’t seem the same. It is still Nighty. Ccino used to tug him into bed with a  bedtime story. Ccino used to cut both Nightmare’s and Dream’s food into tiny pieces to make eating easier for them.

Ccino is not going to fail them now because some stupid birdbrain decided he wanted to try a powerplay when there is a crisis.

Falks breaks their eye contact first. He huffs as he walks to the door and hisses “Do what he says. We need to serve our king.” And he leaves the room. The two cadets follow.

Ccino glances back at the twins and is happy to note both seem too distracted to have noticed the captain trying his silly powerplay. The twins are just staring at each other and seemingly lost in their own world.

Ccino nods as he rushes to the wall. He finds the servants pathway and sneaks a look inside. Okay! Perfect! A sewing kit! He grabs it and takes it back inside before ringing the bell and leaving a message that he needs cloths in the colours of deep purple, dark blue, cyan or black stat. He goes back inside and looks around.

Now. What can he use to fix this mess? He searches the room and pulls out any tools he can find. Ccino knows that his fellow servants and maids all stash items all around the castle. To use when in need without having to travel far.

He manages to pull one of the large sun banners down and starts sewing it into a more casual tunic dress fit before managing to find a brown belt  to help give it shape. He goes to Dream’s side and checks the cape and clothes he is wearing. Okay he can let Dream still wear the large cape as it will go well.

Ccino pushes the clothes into his arms “Here. I am sorry it is rushed work. This will fit better.”

Dream stares before glaring as his sockets fill with tears “No! This… this isn’t supposed to be like this!” Dream glares at Nightmare “How could you?!”

Oh no not again.

Nightmare looks at Dream and that slight edge is back again “I just… I needed… I just wanted…” Each time Nightmare tries to speak he seems to stop as soon as he hears his own voice. Shock obvious on his face.

Dream glares “I can’t believe you would betray me! I trusted you! I thought we were a team!”

Nightmare looks so sad “We are…”

Dream shakes his skull.

Which is when Sera walks in. Great. This day just went from bad to horrible. And that is impressive as Ccino had believed he would become a sex slave.

Sera glares at him “Why are you making orders and what is going on?!”

Ccino just takes the fabric she brought and gets to work sewing quickly. He can’t make it complex or too detailed but anything fitting will be better than Nightmare being crowned while naked “Prince Nightmare ate the apple. I am preparing him for his coronation as quickly as I can.”

Sera looks shocked before frowning “You should not be this involved! Step aside as I will do so instead.”

Ccino shoots her a look “And what role gives you this right?”

Sera glares “I am the head of the servants! Including you!”

Ccino can’t help but smile brightly as he answers “Actually. As you very often told me. I am not a part of the servants. I am one of the king’s loyals.” He smiles brightly as he enjoys the shock on her face “And as you often told me. I don’t belong in your group.”

She sputters and glares “You have some nerve! You are nothing but a toy! Something to throw aside when the king is done with you!”

Ccino nods “Of course. But that is the king’s decision.” He makes sure to smile pleasantly “And you wouldn’t go against the king’s will… would you?”

Sera is seething but nods “I wouldn’t.”

Ccino nods “Good. Now. The guests will be forced to wait a little longer. I am sure they would appreciate some extra refreshments and food.” This time he downright smirks as he shoots her a look “After all. Your performance will reflect on all of us.”

Sera is furious. Ccino knows why of course. She must not enjoy Ccino echoing her own words back at her.

Sera nods before leaving the room.

Ccino checks his hands and is happy to note he got the basics done. This will sadly have to do. He walks over to Nightmare “My lord? May I help you?”

Nightmare blinks slowly at him before nodding “Yes.” He remains still as Ccino puts the newly made shirt over his head and carefully moves the slits he made in place. The tendrils move easily through it and seem to brush against his side and Ccino shudders. The goop is cool and sticks slightly. Still. He moves  with purpose as he gets Nightmare into his new shirt. It is a bit too tight for the other and Nightmare frowns as he looks down at it. Ccino starts messing with the seams as he tries to gain a bit more room for Nightmare to move around in.

Ccino eventually needs to abandon that as he has to focus on the other parts. The cloak he made is easy in design and has a hood attached for Nightmare to use if needed. He quickly stitches in the familiar pattern of the moon phases at the button and around the neck before putting it over his shoulders.

Shit. The normal strings would just not be impressive enough.

Come on think. Think. Think.

Ccino sees a glimmer of gold and looks down. His jewellery!

Ccino quickly undoes the chain around his neck and clips each end on the cape. It works and gives it a nice shine. Mmh.

Ccino is quick to remove all his bracelets and other gold items as he moves around Nightmare. Putting some on the tendrils, which seem to really like wrapping around his arm or leaning against him. Ccino gives them gentle pats each time he needs to move or he removes them.

At the end his own clothes are much darker thanks to all the goop but Nightmare looks at least a little bit like a king. Ccino hopes that the distance from the others will be large enough that it isn’t obvious that this is a very bad patch job but he did what he could.

Ccino nods as he grabs a spare outfit for himself and quickly changes. No longer the very clear offering but at this point Ccino thinks the best thing to do is to get the whole day over with before trying to pull everything back together.

Ccino nods to the twins as he speaks “Okay! That is all I can do. If we take much longer they will become impatient and we don’t need them to be mad.” It is scary how easy it is for him to fall back into this role. How natural it always felt to speak to them as babysitter, caretaker and, he only dares to think it, older brother. Even with Nightmare now being a deity it still feels natural. It feels easy.

“We will go out to the throne room and the guards will open the doors. More people will watch as the priest crowns Nightmare. After that they will party but it is fine if you two retire for the night at that point.”

Dream glares “Nightmare shouldn’t be crowned! I should be!”

Ccino flinches as he looks between the twins. Making sure to keep his voice calm as he speaks “I know Dream. But I don’t think anyone will accept that. Not while the ritual and powers accepted Nightmare…” because that is what happened. Even if people seem to refuse to see it. According to all the rules known of the ritual. Nightmare completed each step. He has a new form and new power. He was accepted and ascended. Both to king and to be a god.

Ccino doesn’t know if there are private rules he doesn’t know but he wouldn’t even know who would know. So this is the situation they have at the moment.

Dream shakes his skull and slaps Ccino’s hand away. Yeah he figured. Ccino doesn’t take it personally. “It is wrong!” Dream glares at Nightmare.

Nightmare still has this glint in his sockets but each time he stares for too long at Dream, Ccino can see that Nightmare also focusses on him and the glint disappears.

Ccino focusses on Dream as he tries to calm the other down “I know you are angry Dream. But please. We don’t have time to discuss this and-”

Dream shakes his skull “I don’t care!” he glares at Nightmare “How could you!”

Nightmare’s tendrils slowly rise “I don’t…”

Dream doesn’t listen and his hand finds an old bust and he swings it right against Nightmare’s skull. A loud crack of stone and bones as the bust falls to pieces.

Silence before shock overtakes any emotion Ccino feels. Ccino rushes over as Nightmare slowly rises to his full height. His new tendrils sharpening and rising themselves.

Ccino gets to them and stands between them again “No! Both of you stop that. Dream! You know better than attacking your brother.” He shoots Dream a look.

Dream shakes as tears run down his angry face “He stole my future!”

Ccino shoots him a disapproving look “And you just hit him with a stone bust.” He sighs as turns towards the door to see it slightly open. Of course this guy is listening in. Whatever! Ccino speaks loudly “Cadet Rogers. Bring Dream to his room and stand guard. Make sure no one can bother the prince as the prince remains inside the room.”

Dream sputters “You can’t! You can’t do that!”

Ccino gives him a disapproving look “You are hurting. I know that. But you hurting is not an excuse to hurt others. You know your brother better than anyone and you should know that he would never hurt you unless he had a very good reason for it or had to. Instead of trying to communicate you attacked him. For this reason it is best to separate you two while we move on with the coronation.”

Dream shakes in rage as he looks down “I was supposed to be king.”

Ccino doesn’t feel good about this. But too much is counting on this. They can work on mending their relationship when Nightmare has the crown and people remain loyal. Than they can talk and relax. Cadet Rogers takes the prince away to his room and Ccino turns to Nightmare.

He only now realises that he had his back to Nightmare the whole time. That he had his back to someone who had his tendrils sharpened moments ago. But Nightmare looks calm and… he is leaning against the hand Ccino had held out to signal Nightmare to stay back. Ccino hadn’t even noticed as he tried to manage Dream.

Ccino checks his outfit once more before checking the skull. He can’t see anything. The goop is all liquid and hiding everything and Ccino isn’t sure if he can wipe it away safely “Nightmare? Does it hurt?” They are alone now. Ccino is too distraught to bother with titles unless he has to. Which he will have to in a few minutes.

Nightmare keeps staring at his hand “He… attacked me…”

Ccino frowns and nods “I know…  I am sorry…” he should have expected something like this. He should have made sure they were both safe. He just… he hadn’t thought… He should have considered this a possibility as Dream had been hurt by this.

Nightmare shakes slightly.

Ccino feels so bad for this “Nightmare. I know this is a lot but we can’t wait. People are waiting and have high expectations. You need to be crowned. Do you understand?”

Nightmare is quiet for a moment before nodding.

Ccino sighs “Good… good.” He makes sure to stand tall “Let’s get to work.” And he leads Nightmare out.

-----

Ccino is exhausted. The whole day had been exhausting and Ccino isn’t even sure if he can still recall everything that happened. Ccino just…

He just wants to sleep.

He rolls up in his bed. Now dressed in PJs as he tugs his blanket around. It is much too late for him. But he will need to be up early tomorrow to help Night- their king get ready for his first official day as king. Not to forget he needs to visit prince Dream and make sure he is okay.

Ccino is so tired and-

A knock on his door.

Ccino frowns. That is unusual. He walks towards his door and glances through the keyhole. He stares in shock before opening the door wide and bowing “My king. What do I own you this visit?”

His king stands there. A frown on his face “My… My mother’s room feels… wrong… I can’t sleep there. Dream hates me and does not wish to share his room. I wanted to sleep with you.” He still struggles with his sentences.

Ccino feels his soul freeze for a moment with the last part but he can see Nightmare means it literally. He doesn’t want to be alone.

Ccino isn’t sure why he can still read Nightmare just like he used to. You would think that Ccino lost that skill when Nightmare gained a new body. But even if the body is different. Even with his face being different. Ccino can still read him like he always does.

Ccino nods “Of course. Please come in.” he holds the door open and Nightmare walks in. He stands in the middle of the room seemingly lost.

Right. He doesn’t have any clothes in his new size. Ccino adds that to the mental to do list for tomorrow as well. Making sure their king has clothes that actually fit him. For now Ccino opens his drawer and searches it. He has a few oversized dress shirts and hopes it is big enough. He hands one over to Nightmare.

Nightmare looks at it before undressing and dressing in the clothing item. Ccino grabbed a spare pillow from the cabinet in the hall before throwing that on his bed as well.

It takes a moment but then they are both in Ccino’s bed. Nightmare gives a full body shudder and tugs his face and skull right by Ccino’s neck and shoulder.

Ccino has the strongest sense of déjà vu. Of when Nightmare was much smaller and he had night terrors. How Nightmare would use the servants tunnels to get to his room and climb into his bed at night. How they would make little blanket forts on days when everyone told Nightmare he wasn’t good enough. How Nightmare would climb into his bed when he was sad.

Nightmare… Nightmare may not look or feel or sound like the Nightmare Ccino knows. But it is still Nightmare. It is still his little Nighty.

Ccino hugs the large being closer “Sshh… it is okay… I am here.”

Nightmare shakes and shudders “Please… Please stay… I am so scared…”

Ccino tightens his hold on the other and holds him close “I am here Nighty. I swear on my soul.”

That seems to do it as Nightmare just holds unto him tightly. Tight enough that Ccino can feel his nails grip into his back. Ccino can feel those new tendrils circle him and hold him closely. Ccino just keeps holding unto Nightmare, keeps him in an embrace.

Eventually Nightmare falls asleep. Ccino can’t even find it in himself to care about the rumours this will cause. About the rumours that will follow after Nightmare leaves Ccino’s room.

Ccino doesn’t care. He will help and assist Nightmare. Everything will be alright.

[arctic-hands]

I learned what a bullet journal was by watching a few YouTube artists set theirs up and my algorithm spiraled out of control from there so I guess I have all the bujo influencers to thank for getting into it because it has been a godsend so far on my third attempt, but damn if the over emphasis on aesthetic over the actual practical organizational aspect of it doesn't rankle me a bit

[thirty rambling tags later] huh. I didn't know there was a thirty tag limit in all the years I've been on tumblr. Whatevs I can't copy paste the tags onto the main body because I'm on mobile and I don't want to write it out again so I'll just summarize the last bit here:

If you are browsing the bujo tag because you feel bullet journaling will help you but you feel intimated because you don't think you can make it look pretty, or that the bullet journal method could never help you because it looks exhausting or the inspo you see doesn't cover what you need, I am pleading with you to ignore all the pretty inspiration, take the most common and even original Ryder Carroll formats and spreads with a grain of salt and eliminate or change them as needed, and talk to people who have similar needs than you even if they don't bujo and suss out what's important to keep track of. My bujo is eighty percent important medical bullshit, because that's what I need more than a book tracker. You prolly have your own unique needs. And hell, if you want a book tracker then add a booktracker. It's your bujo to format and plan out.

So like if you want to start bullet journaling, go to Michaels and get a seven dollar Artist's Loft dot grid journal. Or a binder you have left over from school years past and print out your own dot grid paper if you have enough ink and paper and printer that can do double sided (Kevin McLeod's site I forget the name of has free adjustable dot and other grids I've used), or buy a pack of 8.5x11 dot grid paper, and grab a crappy hole punch that just barely does the job. Get yourself a nice pen you think looks and feels nice in your hand and on the paper–or if that doesn't matter to you go get pack of Bics or even pencil if that's what you prefer (I use a pencil for things I can't have be permanent, like temporary meds or the dates of yearly vaccines). If you're twitchy about messing up then get the cheapest wite out they have (but don't worry about messing up especially if you're not even showing it off to anybody). A cheap yellow highlighter if you think it'll help. And a ruler if straight lines are important to you. I lost mine so I just wobble my lines now I don't care (and it's marginally easier to get a line adjacent to straight with a dot grid)

Anyway. If you want to bullet journal but don't know where to start or how to make it pretty or how to make it work for your needs, just try it in the cheapest way possible and rearrange the guts of the bujo as you see fit. And don't worry about the optics as long as you can make sense of your methods and writing.

(and for the love of God if you're bipolar don't make an hourly mood tracker yes our moods can and will fluctuate throughout the day but goddamn was that a bitch to log and abandoned a few weeks after inking it out)

[penrose-quinn]

I hope my three day trip with my friends will finally put my mind at peace. I just feel so lonely...