#i got some money from my family recently soooo

[aquariium-ediits]

u have lysithea fe & veronica fe energy. to me

I am not immune to fire emblem, it seems /vvlh

Anyways, totally did not skim through their wiki pages immediately upon seeing this and am totally not considering getting into fe now, why would I do that?

[callumsluvr]

How would Rafe react to one of his little girls telling him that she has a bf after school one day

I feel like mama would thinks his reaction is funny

omg i think he’d have a heart attack 😭

i can see vivi coming to him at like 7, claiming that she has a boyfriend at school and they’re having a play date soon and she’s soooo excited!

and rafe just 😧😧 and momma, of course, already knew about this little boy and she set up the play date with his mom, who she plays tennis with at the club.

momma would just laugh when rafe grills vivienne for questions about this “oliver” kid 🙄🙄🙄🙄 (he’s 7)

vivi is just so excited all week to see her “boyfriend” and rafe cannot cope because why is she interested in boys all of the sudden?????

momma definitely has to calm him down because again, they’re 7, and rafe cannot bully a child.

*

rafe is in his office, watching summer play with her baby doll under his desk, when he hears you, vivi, lottie, and “oliver”(🙄🙄🙄🙄) come home after school.

he can hear the giggles of his two girls, and so can summer, because she immediately barrels out of the room to see her older sisters.

he can hear you giving them snacks and asking them about their days, so he decides to walk into the kitchen.

“hello.” he says, looking at all the kids, sitting on barstools around the kitchen counter, watching you plate some chicken nuggets, fries, and some veggies for them.

“hi daddy!” vivienne and charlotte say in unison.

“hi, mr. cameron. i’m oliver trafford.” the little boy speaks up from his place next to vivienne. he reminds rafe oddly of himself, always wanting to seem mature, especially to his fathers business partners.

“hello, oliver. ‘s nice to meet you.” rafe nods, walking over to you and kissing your temple.

*

after the playdate, vivienne and oliver stayed best friends. until they were 13, which is when oliver came to get vivienne to take her on a first date. rafe and you stood at the door, talking to oliver’s mom while oliver stood awkwardly beside her, desperately waiting for vivienne.

although oliver had spent so much time with the cameron’s in all their years of being friends, rafe still scared the shit out of him and he was never afraid to admit that.

after vivienne and oliver’s arcade date, the two became “official”, for what you could consider official at 13.

*

when vivienne turned 16, she was so excited to finally get her car.

it made babysitting so much easier and she could stay later, which made her more money.

the night that rafe had decided that oliver could officially never leave the family was when vivienne was coming home from babysitting late one night, and rafe, who could never sleep until any of the girls got home, got a call from vivienne.

“dad.” vivienne trembles, panicked

rafe immediately gets out of bed and begins to put on clothes, “viv? what is it?”

“dad i wrecked my car- i was- i was driving- and then all of the sudden- a deer just jumped out- and i-“ she cries, with vivienne, rafe can’t tell if she’s crying because she’s hurt, or because she feels guilty about hitting a deer, or crashing the car.

“viv, are you okay? are you hurt?” he asks, throwing on his shoes and moving to wake you up.

“no, i’m fine- i just- i pulled over to the side, the deer ran away- but the front of my car is-“ he can tell she’s shaking, and he doesn’t bother to wake you up, he’ll call you when he’s on the way back.

after rafe tells vivienne that he’ll be right there, and he looks at her phone location, he speeds there, not wanting to leave her alone in the dark at 12 am.

it’s not until he sees another set of headlights by your car that he realizes you’re not alone.

as rafe pulls up, he realizes that it’s the black range rover that oliver had also recently gotten for his 16th birthday.

rafe rolls his eyes and slams his truck door, walking to vivienne, who had just gotten out of the passenger side of the black car.

“dad.”

“hey- vivi, are you okay?” rafe says, walking towards her, and holding her shoulders to inspect her for marks

she nods, “i’m so sorry about the car- i wasn’t even going that fast-“

rafe shakes his head, “i don’t care about the car, vivi, that’s an easy fix, i promise. are you okay?”

she nods again, hugging him. “i’m sorry-“

she’s cut off by oliver getting out of his car.

rafe and vivienne look over while he speaks,

“mr. cameron, do you need my help with anything? i um- i can stay as long i need to.”

vivienne speaks up, “when i got off the phone with you, i called oliver, he lives in the neighborhood i was babysitting in, so i knew he’d be close, and i knew you didn’t want me to stand out here alone.”

rafe’s eyes flutter between the both of them and he reaches out to shake oliver’s hand, “you’re a good man. thank you for taking care of her.”

oliver shakes his hand back with wide eyes. he had never been complimented by rafe, ever.

*

once they had gotten viviennes car figured out, you had yelled at him for not telling him about vivienne until they were on the way back to the house, and they had followed oliver back to his house to make sure he got home okay.

rafe sat in the car with vivienne at a red light, looking over at her in the passenger seat.

“you know i like the kid, right? he’s uh- he’s a good kid.”

[clawsdevour]

hi, i love ur fanfics and headcanons <3 i wanted to ask if u can write a fanfic in which reader is in love with Tsukishima, but he's still fictional. reader buys a Tsukishima plushie and one day we find out that the plushie can transform into real Tsukishima. kinda angst at the start but fluff at the end. (im sorry if i didn't explain it correctly, English isn't my first language) no pressure, have a good day/night ❤️

not an illusion

wc: 1.4k content warning: angst, fluff, reader x tsukishima, plushie tsukishima turns into real tsukishima, not proof read, shitty writing

note: thank you soooo much for reading my imagines and headcanons it means so much!! i kind of struggled trying to include a short storyline that included angst, so this may not suit your taste. nevertheless angst, and fluff are still included into this story !!

༉‧₊˚.

Recently you’ve been into this sports anime. Specifically an anime about volleyball, Haikyuu was the name. Your favorite character was no one else but Tsukishima Kei. He’s a tall blonde with glasses, whose position on Karasuno was a middle blocker. He’s a calm and intelligent character which you loved. Your liking towards him grew over time, collecting official merch of him, your profile pictures on social media were all a photo of him. 

Your family thought your interest in Tsukishima Kei to be.. quite odd. Almost like an obsession of this fictional character you loved so much. Whenever they walk into your room, you’re either laughing at a silly TikTok about him or scrolling through photos of him on Pinterest as your room had posters sprawled out on your walls with his drawn out face on it. Sometimes you’d hear your siblings taunt you and call you weird for this which you always brushed off.

“Why are you so obsessed over Tsukishima?? He’s not even real!” Your sibling would shout at you. Of course you ignored their tauntings and mockery.

Deep down you somewhat knew that your liking is a little out of hand, but his character is like a reflection of yourself growing up. Maybe that’s why Tsukishima’s my favorite. Sometimes you can’t help but ponder about why you’re so interested in him as a character throughout the show.

One day you were out at a mall with a friend, specifically in the arcade. A Haikyuu themed claw machine caught your eye. The slogan was kind of cheesy and made you walk up to it as it sparked your curiosity. It read, One chance to collect him! Peering at the plushies at the bottom of the machine, trying to seek out a Tsukishima one. When you spotted his crow with blonde hair and glasses you’re frantically pulling your friend, pointing and showing them Tsukishima out of excitement. There was one left and you needed it in your possession. 

Failure after failure, you’re watching the black bird fall out of your grasp multiple times. Your friend’s watching from the glass, trying to help you move the claw inch by inch to get it in the right position. On your last coin, you had to get him. Holding in your breath as the claw cages the blonde crow, you successfully were able to get it down the slot. Reaching out from under to grab him out, you can’t help but squeal out of joy.

“Oh my gosh!! We did it!! We got Tsukishima!” You’re holding up the crow as you jump up and down, showing your friend who’s beaming with happiness for you. 

“I’m gonna take the best care of this Tsukki plush.. overall I did spend a butt ton of money on coins just for this.” Your friend can’t help but laugh with you as you both headed to the cafeteria of the mall to grab some dinner.

You arrive back home late, trying to not let the door creak loudly while you slowly close it behind you. You’re holding onto the Tsukishima plush with all your might as if someone was gonna take him from you. The door didn’t creak, however the wooden floorboards did. Your loud steps echoed down the hallway all the way to your room, waking up your parents whose room is besides yours. Shit! They’re gonna know I was out late again. Hurriedly tippy toeing back in your bedroom, you let out a sigh of relief when you were able to softly shut your door. That was until you heard a sudden knock, making you jump.

“HEY! We know you just got back home. It’s so late, where did you go off this time??” Your parents were awake and heard the whole thing as they profusely pounded at the entryway of your bedroom. You’re blocking them from entering with your weight on the door, holding your Tsukishima plush tight against your chest wishing this wouldn’t go on longer. Unfortunately they were able to pry open the door using all their might, knocking you down to the floor. You’re absolutely horrified once they start to yell at you.

“What did you do that made you come back home so late? Have you gone insane, it’s basically time for bed! What- what is that..?” Your parents stopped their furious shouting to look at what you’re holding tightly onto. It was the blonde crow that was getting crushed alive by your overwhelming grasp.

“No.. don’t tell me you spent more money on your silly fictional character that you’re so obsessed with. You have to stop this, this fixation you have on a man who isn’t even real is too much, you hear me!?” Their words start to bring you to tears, your eyes were glazed with tears that quickly blurred your vision, creating blobs that fell off and onto your cheeks. Taking all their insults and nasty remarks, you can’t help but start crying hysterically after they left your room to head off to bed.

Setting aside Tsukishima on your bed, you can’t help but curl into a ball to sob for a good long minute. Your eyes felt so dried out the more you wept. Your nose was dripping, making you sniffle every second that passed. A slight shuffle was heard on your bed, you were too caught up in your ears to hear. That was until you felt this warmth radiating around your shoulders.

Looking down you realized, someone was in your room hugging you from behind. Long muscular arms were wrapped around you. W-Who is this? How’d they get into my room?? You’re in total shock and freaked out thinking someone broke in while you were busy letting out all your built up tears, immediately breaking out of the hug to turn behind you. 

It was no one else besides Tsukishima Kei, the tall blonde volleyball character from Haikyuu. Wiping your eyes to make sure you’re seeing things right. How did— How is he real.. is this another illusion? Surely not, his arms were warm and real. You’re backing away, trying to understand the situation that’s taking place, completely baffled.

“Y-You.. you’re. You’re Tsukishima Kei..” your voice was shaking due to all the crying, pointing at him with your quaking finger. You can’t tell if you’re going insane or if you just need to go to bed, or both. 

“Umm.. Hi, are you okay? I saw what your parents did there. Looked harsh.” His low monotone voice spoke at you, he was actually talking. He’s the plushie from the arcade.. this can’t be real, realizing when you looked back at your bed where the blonde crow was missing.

“Uh.. I—yeah. I’m okay. If I can ask.. um, what’s going on here?” Wiping your tears off your wet lashes, your hoarse voice croaks at him in confusion. So much was going on, you were so lost. Your face was hot and wet from crying.

“Well.. you can see that I’m real, erm.. I guess to put it that way” scratching his head, he’s kind of embarrassed to be seen like this. 

“Do you need a hug or something? You look like you could really use it.. from you know, your parents’ shouting,” Tsukishima’s sitting on your bed with his arms slightly open. Seeing you get yelled at for a while made him take pity on your situation. Overall, you just wanted to support the show he was in but purchasing official Haikyuu merchandise and he could tell by the looks of the way you decorated your room. Eyes still glossy, you shuffle towards him, accepting his nice gesture of comfort. 

“This is embarrassing and probably really strange for you too. But thank you. It’s weird to know that I’m hugging a fictional character that I somewhat.. maybe, have a slight obsession with. Thanks.. I-I guess.” You’re speaking into his chest, face buried into his scent. Absorbing his warm embrace he so graciously provided you. Looking up at him, still in disbelief that he’s real. He’s looking down at you with a faint smile.

“I-It’s nothing,” Tsukishima mutters out, looking away with a shy look on his face.

masterlist here

[majorbaby]

i was going to make a video compilation but actually i think that would give MASH too much credit or make it seem like I really think this show did generally well by race and racism, plus I can't go back and edit a video if I change my mind at any point. so here's my text-based list of race moments that actually land for me, whether intentional or based on my personal interpretation.

s01e05 The Moose - which is mostly a white saviour episode but actually does do a few things right:

this moment of solidarity between Oliver and Young-Hi

in response to the Swamp Rats' indignation that anyone would sell their child into servitude, Ho-Jon explains very frankly "Well some of the locals sell their kids for money Hawkeye, they have no other means." - not to say that it's right that Young-Hi's parents did that to her, but like, they didn't sell her to get rich, they did it because they're likely living in poverty and they have other younger children to support

Young-Hi cheekily explaining in her letter to Hawkeye "heehee the nuns have no idea I'm Buddhist" she's taking them for a ride, it's great

and Young-Hi's "I am also very beautiful!"

s02e15 Officers Only

Hawkeye introducing a black enlisted man as his brother-in-law - soooo very recently, like I argued this at the mic at my last convention, we've started to rethink the use of"brother" and "sister" to refer to your union comrades has start. if your boss caught you organizing with a friend after work, you would say "oh that's just my brother/sister". arguments against this are gaining traction now because of growing awareness of non-binary people but tbh it should have never been a thing it only protects white people who can reasonably pass as siblings, if you're black or brown you're SOL (as you usually were anyway). so anyway. this is a long ass paragraph just to say that Hawkeye saying " brother-in-law" in the union episode of MASH makes me feel ways. someone was thinking about intersectionality way back then.

s02e19 The Chosen People

Sam Pak in OR at the beginning of the episode, thanking America for saving Korea "from the bottom of our bomb craters." and also just generally making jokes that actually land about the Korean language because he's the one making them, "Pish-posh? That's my mother's family name"

tbh Sam walking around like he owns the base is pretty great in general

s05e08 Dear Sigmund

Klinger: Smaha! Smaha! Potter: [to Private Habib] What'd he say? Habib: He said "Smaha! Smaha!"

If it is Arabic it's funny because Potter assumes Habib will translate and he just repeats the words in Arabic because that is what Klinger literally said. If it is gibberish it's funny because Potter assumes its Arabic and Habib gives him the gibberish. This is one of my favourite gags in the whole show and fun fact also the moment I realized Jamie Farr must be a native speaker because his accent is so natural. It's pretty cool he got to flex that.

s05e11 Hawk's Nightmare

this is just me, but I love that Hawkeye describes the people of Crabapple Cove as never changing colour, always the same "off-white" - this was a time you almost never heard white people acknowledge their whiteness, except when speaking about racism. really struck me the first time i heard it. probably my favourite thing from Hawkeye re: race and it's not intentional. I definitely prefer it to his white saviourism

s06e08 In Love and War

the exchange between Kyungsoon and Hawkeye where the extent of his naiveté is put on display, "You're being awfully practical about this" "I thought you liked that about me [list of things she had to do for survival that Hawkeye initially admired in her but is now throwing in her face]"

episode ends in Hawkeye having to accept that sometimes love is irrelevant, the circumstances are what they are (the love was there and it didn't matter, but it was there) - this imo is the only episode of MASH that even begins to touch on the realities of being a Korean civilian in the war

s08e03 Guerilla My Dreams

the gang fails to save a woman from being taken away and she will likely die, as would've probably happened irl. sometimes being on a sitcom isn't enough to save you from your fate as a prisoner of war and it was good to be reminded of that for once. it's the white saviour trope averted.

s08e08 Private Finance

I can at least appreciate that this time when someone is explaining how all sides of the war are to blame for the scourge of war, it's a young Korean girl in her own words. rest of the episode is questionable but normally such a line would go to Hawkeye.

s08e15 Yessir that's Our Baby

the Korean official biting back when Hawkeye tries to accuse him (on behalf of the country) for not recognizing mixed-race babies as Korean, stating that neither does America recognize mixed-race babies with American fathers as Americans, unlike France and the UK

s11e01 Hey Look Me Over

this episode is textually about the very specific and not uncommon experience of being desexualized as a fat, Asian-American woman - it deserves a proper episode recap/analysis with that lens and I'm planning on take a stab at it if/when I ever get around to that ep in my rewatch. these stories were not being told in mainstream media until like, five years ago. there are some the hypersexualized or fetishized Asian woman in media and usually the movie/show/comic is doing that as a selling point rather than commentary. it's unfortunate we haven't progressed much since that moment 40 years ago.

[citation needed, cannot remember the name of the episode]

while admitted a Korean doctor tells Hawkeye he wishes things were different and that he could work alongside Hawkeye and BJ and Hawkeye asks with perfect American ignorance (paraphrase), "You'd want to do that?" and he responds, "You treat the enemy, why can't I?"

And finally, Soon-Lee and Klinger in GFA, a little bit in As Time Goes By. I started writing an essay on Klinger as the romantic lead of GFA but I think I'm going to try to make it a video essay so I can include clips from the show without having to make a bunch of gifs.

But in a nutshell, Klinger gets to do stuff in GFA that the often emasculated brown man still doesn't get to do much on television. As MASH progressed we did occasionally get to see Klinger take on a more serious role, Alan Alda has spoken on trying to do that for the character rather than rehash dramatic plotlines for Hawkeye or BJ who got plenty of their own.

Having Klinger represented that way gives audiences a chance to see him more three-dimensionally. As someone who is capable of romantic love, attraction, courage and someone who might be sexually desirable to others - in a less direct way than Kellye demands of Hawkeye in Hey Look Me Over. I think the lack of subtlety in Hey Look Me Over is great because there can be no question about what that episode is supposed to do and also because it drives home that Hawkeye is so blinded by his preconceived notions of what a "desirable woman" looks and sounds like that Kellye has to scream it in his face before he realizes what he's been doing. But it's also nice to have an example that's woven into the writing and cinematography.

Normally I don't like to add these kinds of disclaimers because I value open conversation but if you're rb'ing, please be mindful of your tags. I intentionally excluded a lot of the moments where I know I'm supposed to give this show an A+ for its progressivism when it has a white person demonstrating basic human decency. That bar is just too low for me.

[nfumbewalk]

Busy Critter! 💀

Three aspects of Santa Muerte, taken some time ago.

I'm a busy critter today. And I found out wonderful news! The steelhead fishies are coming back! The Native Americans told folks long ago to bust up a dam that was killing the steelhead population and they finally listened!! Yay! 😊 I love fish and hate ppl who mess with them. Still wanna be a fish doctor. Lol! Well, seriously, I would totally be an Ichthyologist and yes, I knew how to spell it. Geek! I'm a Chinook salmon lover. 💖 Yes, I eat them. Its the cycle of life.

Anyway, writing stuff today. I'm coming up with my own card set for divination. Very very simple. A kid could draw the images for me cos I cannot. The meanings are soooo easy. I've come up with 32 cards, well, there's numbers 1-10, then 22 picture cards. Reminds me of Lenormand cards but I'm trying not to mimic them. When ready, I'll get the blank cards from Amazon.

I don't know where the idea came from, but come to think of it, I was thinking of Rodolfo and he fluttered in recognition. So I think he inspired me. Especially because there's two "Muerto" cards. His presence has been really strong lately. He says this is the time of year that he had his accident. When he was In the military - he mangled his right hand. Guess it was bad enough to get discharged because he couldn't work his job. He says he nearly lost two fingers. I haven't seen his hand yet. Scared to! I'm not weak, I just hate to think or see that he got hurt. My empathy goes nutters.

Today i saw a real good edge of *white* freaking hair on my head! I wasn't quite ready for that. Who is? 😅 Gen X getting old! Though my husband has an almost white beard and tendrils of white in his dirty blonde hair. All MY fault!! Lol! He's five years my senior but fuck, I know that dealing with my shit aged him. Funny thing is that it took my dad forever to go grey and even at the time of his death, he still had a lot of black hair and under his beard??!!

He barely aged!! He looked like a much younger man, not a 74 year old. I really was floored. My family ages pretty good but we don't live that long. Its my dad's side, I think the Native American genes, because they age quite well. Ojibwe or Cree, not sure, but I lean toward Ojibwe more. Some ppl say I look Native, but I don't know. When i part my hair and put two braids in, yeah, I do. But I thought I heard Grandpa Ben say we were Cree. I'd love to know, but my family doesn't talk. We just don't. Its the generational gap.

Anyway, its just funny how all of this stuff I'm doing is coming together and I don't need a soul to teach me anything or initiate me! Ha! I think this is what my old Tata Antonio was alluding to years ago. He did tell me that I didn't need anyone. That I already had it in me. And he came to me recently and said he was really proud of what I was doing with Muerteria. Hmm. Yep, its all making sense now. Think I've been in the dark for a bit! 😂 Antonio said that I didn't need initiation. OMG. I'm so dumb.

I have been torturing myself for years. Don't need any of it! I don't need to ever wear white again!!! Yes! Woot! I'll only put it on my head for cleansings, that's it! I love white, just not clothing. ��� i exclusively use white candles. Lol.

Sooo...I'm working on my Etsy shop. Not plugging it. I'm not even putting a link. Trying to figure out what sells. I put up a special Muerteria tarot reading. Hope it gets views. I updated all of my ads. I'm really just charging the most for the rituals because they are expensive to do and maintain for a month, some are shorter.

My Mama Chola Wealth ritual is the most money because I have to go to the river weekly and float an offering upstream. Plus her other offering is not appealing, and I also have to go outdoors for it and leave it by a tree. Palo "deities" or rather mpungo, like their offerings in nature. I remember going to the Siuslaw Nat'l Forest and leaving a steak for Zarabanda. That was definitely received! Even my husband Tom could feel it. It was like Zarabanda "shook" the land, almost felt like an earthquake.

I'm just trying to offer things that ppl are going to be interested in and can benefit from. I'm not into offering outlandish shit for a thousand dollars and then give no physical item? What's up with that? WTF is a chi ball anyway???!! That sounds New Age and fake. Ppl "give" those "chi balls" out a lot. How fucking dumb. I would want a real tactile item. I've done just digital rituals and I felt terrible. I'm no longer doing those. Readings, yes. Rituals, no. There are TONS of frauds on Etsy. Its Snake Oil version 2024! Utter fakes on Etsy - the lot of them. If someone says they can spiritually cleanse you without being WITH you - fraud! Run away!

Sorry but I'm old school. Before the internet. I learned magic from paper. Something called a book. The internet is full of trash information. Learn discernment before attempting to learn online. It doesn't hurt to read a book. Try a book more than 30 years old. Most of my good books are more than 50-60 years old. Old info? Not really because modern books just steal from my favorite old books! 😂 And flagrantly, without citing their sources.

There is a great book with tons of information. Its not horribly rare. Amazon can hook you up. "A Treasury of Witchcraft," by Harry Wedeck. Fun book if you really know what you are doing. Really useless if you don't. Hardcovers are spendy. My hardcover was under $10. This book is my go to for old effective spells.

You will find with old books that they are not politically correct, not inclusive and not sensitive to a lot of our issues of today. If that bothers you, avoid all books before 1980. Not saying that the 80's were good. But there were vast improvements. I know. Because. I've. Read. A LOT. Of books. 😉 I can give horrid examples of insensitive language that ppl used to use. But I just don't care myself. I care for others though, and that counts.

To end this old wind bags post? No beer until after noon o'clock. My mom's rule. Grandma popped her cap off at 10 AM. 😂 Sad but true.

M.M. 💖💀💖

[ohmotherwhereartthou-if]

what would the Ros be like in a modern Au?

also take your precious time, college is certainly not merciful !

Hello,

Thanks for the kind words, college really sucks. 🥲

I still have a bunch of older asks I still need to answer but your ask seems fun and I think I can answer it shortly. So, let's do it!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hmm in a modern AU I think the world of OMWAT would follow very closely to ours since the world is just sort of a world with altered history and geography.

So with that in mind, Cassandra would still be a daughter of a military man, she would have been raised in a strict household setting but with the caveat that she would have been sent to a private school instead of just having been taught at home by hired instructors. She would have made more friends and have been less lonely as a result. She would still feel the need to carry herself a certain way as to not disgrace her father so she would not be that wild rich kid but the one that got into an ivy league school by her own merit and not just by her daddy's money.

She would be a Political Science major with a minor in business as she has her eyes set on a political career path. She would be super intimidating to talk to because she just has that commanding aura about her and her clothes just scream 'money'. She is more confindate in her own skin as the feeling of being pushed aside because she is a woman is no longer an issue here. She would struggle making real connections with however, due to her mistrust that anybody would want to be around her if they could not gain something from it.

Hobbies would include going shooting/hunting, riding, and playing chess on a professional level.

I think Valeria would still work in a mom and pop sort of family owned bakery with her brothers. She would have finished high school with decent grades and as a popular girl since she is very social and friendly. I don't think she would attend college since her family needs her at the bakery but I think she would of liked to go.

She would work full time at the store and make her own special menus and inventing new treats that unintentionally bring more popularity to her families store. She would definitely still be a church girl and attend with her family to every sunday service.

Would spend her free time volunteering to charity projects or going hiking/nature watching.

Now Tomás would be a bit different, I envision his family as old movie star celebrities that caused a huge scandal recently due to his father's infidelity to his wife.

His dad is soooo canceled all over twitter 😭

He would have paparazzi and other invasive reporters follow him everywhere, constantly harassing him and never giving him any privacy. His siblings and mother have condemned his father publicly online and he is the only one that has been silent on how he feels about it. Which is exactly why he gets hounded the most, a lot of women only have claimed that he is a dog just like his father and that is why he is quiet. He is still super broody and while he was going to college as a Spanish major he took a break after news of the scandal got out.

Spends a lot of time online gaming and drinking.

-

My poor baby Ludovica would have been from a decently well off immigrant family that held on to some less than healthy family traditions. Including viewing their daughter as a bargaining chip as soon as she turned 15. Really grimy people, truly. She still would of been married off to some way older dude for her families benefit but at least this time they would wait until she was 18 to officially do it. She would still be miserable and quiet about it due to how she was raised. This time when her husband died the media and police where all over it and it was broadcasted to an unbelievable scale. Headlines and news broadcasts would paint the picture of the young girl who was probably groomed and turned into a fem-fatale. She would be horrified that the whole world thinks she did it and she would feel even worse that her parents are playing into it, trying to capitalize on the media coverage.

She would still shut herself away and break down as a result of all of this. The police would follow her every move and never really leave her alone after her husband's death was ruled death by mysterious circumstance. She would consider taking her life multiple times and by the advice of her trusted housekeeper she would self check herself in to be institutionalized.

Things that would bring her peace would be reading, painting and gardening is she knew how to take care of plants.

Now unto Aurelio, this man is commonly known online for his wild parties and scandalous flings. But in the business world he is both a wild card and golden goose as he came way out of left field and surprised everyone with how a clean shaven newly graduated business major who grew up poor, took over his father's failing winery business and grew it into the empire it is today. His wine and restaurants are loved by all for their delicious taste, excellent service, high quality and shockingly affordable prices. His dream is still making high end restaurants a place where people of different status can come and enjoy food together.

This man is on TMZ every day of the damn week with the stupid shit he gets recorded doing. Has been offered to appear in a few hollywood productions but he turns them down as he knows it would distract him from his business. Still lives in the middle class neighborhood he came from and all of the residents love him because of just how much he gives back to the community. The area used to be very poor but once he made it big he opened one of his restaurants in the area and economy boomed there. He made an announcement that anyone who needed a job and lived in that area would have one working for him with great pay and benefits. Needless to say he has dedicated workers and staff who will throw hands if you bad mouth him in their presence. They are all very proud of him and defend him no matter what he does, including when he is caught doing stupid shit.

Freetime includes golfing, partying, going to art museums, throwing charity/community events and doing unrecommended activities.

Finally unto my favorite little bastard, Elio. This little shit is a one of those people that gets paid to just go to school indefinitely. He likes learning so it works for him but he contributes absolutely nothing back to society. Lives in a college paid dorm alone and reads in his freetime.

...and yeah that's about it for him, the useless bastard.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

AN: ok so maybe this didn't end up as short as I thought it would be but I already finished it so might as well and post it. lol thank you very much for the fun ask! 💙

[happi-tree]

scary for the character headcanons ask! and uhhh sasha from amphibia :] i think i got that name right

ACK! Hihihiiiii Travis ily/p 💗💗💗 Hope you're doing well!!!

So I just answered Scary's (which you can find here) but I think it's soooo fun that you also req'd Sasha bc personally I think they're soooo similar to each other. Girllosers with emotional repression level 100 they would kill each other on fucking SIGHT. Honestly I'd pay good money to see it!

Sexuality Headcanon: CANONICALLY BISEXUAL GIRLIE love that for him

Gender Headcanon: Bigender. I wish I could be a girl in the way you wish I could be your boyfriend girlfriend or however the fuck Will Wood said it. Uses she/her and he/him interchangeably! :D

A ship I have with said character: Literally in polyamorous gay love with Anne Savisa Boonchuy and Marcy Regina Wu like you can't tell me they're not all dating they are sooooooo in love fr!!!

A BROTP I have with said character: Sasha and Grime! Sometimes a family is a spoiled brat blonde recently booted from her universe and the grumpy talking toad warlord who captured her and subsequently promoted him to lieutenant after she broke out and killed some megafauna. They're both such losers and they're perfect for each other and every time I remember that they can never see each other again I get so fucking sad 😭😭😭

A NOTP I have with said character: Um. There aren't many repeat characters his age other than Anne and Marcy sooooo N/A I guess?

A random headcanon: She makes/retrofits her own armor in the Resistance arc. Most of the armor available is toad-proportioned and Sasha is NOT built at all like that. The closest thing would be newt armor but he would not be able to get her hands on that for multiple reasons. There's accents of both blue and green in his s3b design and I choose to believe that she put those there deliberately to remind him of her girls <333

General Opinion over said character: Cringefail bisexual loser who I adore with all my heart. Joan of Arc girlfailure edition. But he's dating god and a webcomic artist so I suppose she's winning at some things!

[sneakydoor]

In Canada, it’s absolute insanity how funding for trans-affirming care can vary so much depending on what province you live in… I’m from Manitoba, but I live in BC 11 months out of the year now. Here’s what I did: I finally switched over to BC healthcare which FULLY covers surgery and there is WAY less medical gatekeeping involved under Trans Care BC. I remember being younger and looking into the process of getting a radical chest reduction in Manitoba because I hated my chest so much (even before I realized I was nonbinary) and there were so many financial/physical barriers to have it covered by the provincial government (diagnosis of gender dysphoria by a psychiatrist amongst other things, only able to be done in Winnipeg but I live in a smaller city a few hours away) but here in BC all you need is your doctor or a counsellor involved to just say “yeah, they want the surgery”.

I recently got in contact with the Catherine Holman White Wellness Centre, an organization based out of Vancouver that does surgery readiness assessments and I am SOOOO extremely grateful for the help I’ve received so far. I had my assessment with someone from that organization yesterday and it was a lovely 30 something year-old nonbinary transmasc person who was so affirming and understanding. They’re putting me in contact with a trans-affirming doctor at my university and if all goes to plan I should have the surgery before the end of next year once I get all my ducks in a row.

I’m also on a waitlist with the same organization for a proper ADHD assessment that would cost me no money! I fit the criteria and have been taking ADHD medication prescribed by my family doctor in MB since June and it’s been extremely helpful for me but I don’t have an official diagnosis due to MORE financial/physical barriers in Manitoba ($3k for an assessment that would take place, once again, in Winnipeg — or wait for years on the public waitlist) so hopefully having a diagnosis will make it easier for me to go to any doctor in BC and get an updated prescription (while I am on the waitlist to get a primary care provider).

So, although there is some huge discrepancies from province to province, I’m very lucky that I live in one where it is easy to access transitionary medical procedures and I hope to see other provinces follow suit ASAP!!!

[vaguelyprophetic]

Am I being annoying if I ask for a PT2 on Stewy hc’s? The lack of Stewy content actually hurts me to my core and You Just Get Him 💗 most of the content I come across he’s always just an extension of another person like he isn’t his own man. Just any thoughts on Stewy!! (Also just found out Arian said his full name was Sadegh SCREAMING. He never fails to deliver on Stewy content. My heart is still beating from “tender as hell”)

NOT ANNOYING IN THE SLIGHTEST! I LOVE talking about my boy

arian is such a fucking icon and I love him so much for how invested he is in this show and this character ❤️ like you can really really tell he's absolutely loved being a part of succession

stewy's full name being sadegh is soooo important to me for two main reasons. 1) it literally means "honest" or "sincere" like his parents really had some foresight on that one huh! and 2) his family using his real name <3 like stewy has not gone by sadegh since he was like 10 years old but of course his parents and sisters are still gonna call him that!

in a recent interview arian said that he leans towards stewy's family having immigrated to the US in the 80s, since that's what his own family did and what he's familiar with. obviously arian is the expert but I could still see it being very plausible that stewy's parents and sister came first and that he was born in new york.

I've also had a headcanon for a very long time that stewy plays the piano. and we actually got arian to confirm that too!!! I can't find the tweet atm unfortunately. but I did work that idea into a fic because it just seems like it fits so well that stewy would be a pianist. he's got the hands for it for sure.

stewy was a really good student. his family definitely didn't have the kind of money or influence to buy his way into harvard (unlike kendall), so he actually had to put in the effort in high school to get there. I do think he probably slacked off a bit once he was actually in college, but regardless of his GPA he graduated with a degree from harvard, so he's fine lol

I think he has a late december birthday, in between christmas and new year's. I don't know anything about astrology so I can't say that it makes any sense if you assign a star sign to him, but I just go based off vibes and I'm very sure he was born like december 29th.

stewy loves food. there was a great post about the roys' relationships with food that I reblogged a while back and it also included stewy. he's one of the only characters who we see actually engaging with and enjoying food (looking at the menu at argestes, ordering a meal when he meets with kendall and logan in 2x10, "is this delicious fucking goo?", etc.). I think he really appreciates a good meal, especially a home-cooked one, particularly because his parents brought family recipes with them when they immigrated. he definitely learned to cook when he was like 12 and is still very good at it. I think he'd rather cook for himself than get takeout, and he also is the type of guy to cook meals as a way of showing love <3

the man works out. not anything hardcore, but he enjoys running and going to the gym on a regular basis. I think it's more for the routine than anything else.

[gldenhrs]

                               (—) ★ spotted !!   luciana  “ luna “  santiago  on the cover of this week’s most recent tabloid ! many say that the 22 year old looks like cindy kimberly , but i don’t really see it. while the model / socialite  is known for being  passionate  my inside sources say that they have a tendency to be  irresponsible i swear, every time i think of them, i hear the song crazy by aerosmith .

*   ◞  ╰   general   .

full name :   luciana kristiyana santiago .  nicknames :   goes prominently by  luna  , only her dad calls her  moon  . birthdate / zodiac sign :   april 12th / aries .  birthplace :  madrid , spain . sexual orientation :  bisexual / heteroromantic .  family :   victor “ vic “  santiago (  lead singer in Aerosmith )  &  indah prasetya  ( band’s groupie )  languages spoken :   fluent in english  &  spanish , conversational in indonesian . pets :   two cats named freddie purrcury  &   madam meow  occupation :  model / socialite . love language :  physical touch . + traits  :  passionate , adventurous , enchanting , valiant , energetic , optimistic , affectionate  &   honest . - traits  :  dramatic , stubborn , querulous , insecure , irresponsible , impulsive , impatient   &  moody .   aesthetic :  red lipstick on plump lips , freshly baked coffee , spontaneous dance parties , strawberry lemonade on hot summer nights , heart shaped sunglasses , pigmented eyelids , european music festivals , setting off firecrackers at midnight , laughter floating through a room , missed calls at 2am , ripped bralettes , bare chest in the mornings .   muse inspo :   fran fine ( the nanny ) , francesca farago ( too hot to handle ) , kelly taylor ( 90210 ) , rachel green ( friends ) , jackie buckhart ( that 70s show  ) , hanna marin  ( pretty little liars ) ,  phoebe halliwell ( charmed ) , kiara ( outer banks ) , gabrielle solis ( desperate housewives ) , caroline forbes ( the vampire diaries ) , stassi schroder ( vanderpump rules ) ,  maddie perez ( euphoria ) .

*   ◞  ╰   quick history   .

victor  “ vic “   santiago  (  aka luna’s dad  )  is a  famous lead singer in a rock band .  think steven tyler from aerosmith ! !  so basically , growing up she’s been constantly surrounded by  GOOD  80s rock music  &  being on the road which definitely shaped her personality .

luna’s mother  ,  a groupie  ,  is someone who followed the band around on the road for numerous years , but vic never took her seriously  (  only took them to bed )   &  the only reason she even got pregnant with luna is because vic wanted a child , knowing he would most likely never marry .

soooo , incomes luciana “ luna “ santiago ,  his pride  &  joy  , his  MOON .  yes , he actually calls her that bc he’s always had an obsession with the stars   &  constellations .  tbh luna’s been the love / light of vic’s life from the moment she was born , adored by not only her dad , but the band , team  &  fans too !

as for her mother * cough *  , who knows where she is now , she doesn’t stay in touch tbh , only comes in town every couple of years to  “  see her “  aka  “  ask for money “ .  

with the better part of early years where she was home schooled due to her dad’s insane tour schedule , luna was always an insanely energetic  &  menace of a child , constantly running around , causing trouble , etc !  

at some point , she realized just how much she  LOVES  traveling , nature  &  being barefoot .  yes , kind of a wanderer but who can blame her when she grew up with 80s rock legends ? ?  so , she spend almost every waking moment traveling to exotic places , going to music festivals , walking bare chested in the mornings , painting landscapes  (  SHE’S V TALENTED ) , having spontaneous dance parties at 3am , etc !

as far as doing things outside of being a socialite / a nepo baby go ,  she’s been in her dad’s music videos since she was 15  (  think liv tyler in crazy  )  ,  and in many others , which naturally resulted in a numerous calls for modeling gigs , tv shows …. she took some modeling jobs out of fun  &  recently also out of pure fun , went to a famous tv show called  “ too hot to handle “   (  think francesca farago here’s inspo hehe :  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rUY_xAF0T0  )  .  in a way , the only reason she went to that show was to show the world she can be something other than vic santiago’s daughter , so here she is ! !

*   ◞  ╰   personality & dating life   .

luna’s a bit of a spoiled brat which is a given ,  &  while she does come across a textbook example of a nepo baby with no real world problems , she’s really not bc she never cared much about the fame she just likes having  FUN  .

v v enchanting  &  can charm her way out of any bad situation  &  make u swoon .  tbh 10/10  she’ll annoy the living shit out of u or u’ll find her irresistible lol .

given her spanish roots , she can be hella’ dramatic just like her fav characters in telenovelas , but beside that she’s a truly good person with a good heart ok ! !   she just has a flair for dramatics , throwing fits , pouting   &   making puppy eyed faces whenever things don’t go her way .

can be hella hella flirtatious to a point she doesn’t even realize the effect she has on other people  &  more often than not she leads people on ? ?   she regrets it later but eh .

loves to party , drink , dance , wear skimpy outfits  &  kiss on the lips but also wear mickey mouse pajamas while someone softly combs through her hair ? ?   yeah , she needs to grow up . also kind of  LIVES  for summer  &  music festivals where she can just dress in glitter  &  fall in love with a different person every night !

v fun to be around bc she hates being bored  &  is impatient af !  she can’t stand being in one place for too long soooo catch her doing v dumb , impulsive decisions while bored like jumping on her father’s private jet to pet a koala in australia , go bungee jumping or snapping u a nude bc she’s bored at home jfnerjfgjsrgf .

some cute headcanons ? ?  ok , here we go ! !   to this day loves watching telenovelas  &  she might cancel her plans with u to binge watch them (  like rebelde , rubí ,  pasion de gavilanes , la reina del sur … ) , still cries like a baby when mufada dies or miguel  &  mia break up ,  very childish  &  dumb at times but will also surprise u with some random wisdom at 2am , will react if someone offends her or her friends best believe she’ll throw a dramatic telenovela shit in public  &  call u  “ un desgraciado “ lmao .

*   ◞  ╰   connections  .

she could use a squad  ?  like PLS .  i want her to have a squad of friends she can party with and overall do dumb shit lmao . 

also her  BFFS .  the thelma to her louise , the cassie to her maddie ! !   overall just two muses who are her family  &  they’re always tagging along w her , like vic probably treats them like his children too ! 

someone she’s  dating  atm but it’s nothing too serious , maybe he’ll end up breaking up with her or she’ll break up with him we’ll see but main thing is they WON’t last bc they’re messy af   &   luna’s heart isn’t 100% in this .

a  close friend  who party  &   hookup with other people when they’re out but always end up going home together  &  having this super open friendship where they have no problem hooking up with each other 6/7 days of the week ? ?

also gimme  caleb fuck buddies  that everyone ships  &  one of them is in love with the other while the other seems them just as a good time ?  ewfjwesbf.

also also gimme  a messy ex  plot where they are constantly on / off  &  the fans love em but they’re just so fucking toxic ? ?  maybe bc they’re too alike  &  won’t admit it’s love   &  just won’t settle down  (  like imagine cheating scandals , public fights caught by tmz ... but also cute ass insta posts when they’re in a good place )  just think of nate  &  maddie from euphoria or  francesca  &  harry ! ! 

a plot where luna  uses them  to make someone jealous but they don’t know  &  actually think it’s a  legit  relationship ? ?   then obvi they find out luna was just using them  &  y’know  :  drama .  

family friends ! !  someone who could know  EVERYTHING  about her life n be there for her like pls .

someone who is her  HOME .  it doesn’t have to be potentially romantic just someone who makes her feel completely safe , warm  &  protected  ? ?    they can also just…talk, and make each other laugh  &   smile, because they feel comfortable enough in themselves  &   with each other to be vulnerable in that way ? ?  some fluff never hurt nobody .  

someone who’s using her bc of her dad ? ?   YES .  gimme fake friends .

tbh exes she cheated on , exes that cheated on her , fwb of all kinds , crushes , childhood friends , good / bad influence on her dumb ass would be good , gossip queens n kings , party friends , enemies for whatever reason , etc ! !  

[wndaswife]

Oh my glob, I love Stardew Valley so much. I wish it was cross-platform compatible though cause I need to get a better pc eventually to buy/download it on Steam 😭

Abigail was my first love, then Leah and Hailey in future farms.

I can't wait till me and M eventually start playing Stardew Valley with another friend on ps4. All gonna be platonic wives on the farm. I'm always nicknamed as the housewife cause I love to gather/horde all ingredients and cook as many recipes as possible lmao

- 🦐

ugh i feel u i haven’t played overwatch in like a year cuz i don’t have a pc, im lucky it works on my laptop

waaaaw u r lucky i never felt like i rly liked any of the villagers very very much tho i do like them all except for sam but ofc i would’ve rather married a woman LOL

if i ever rly wanna divorce i might invite krobus i love him

but i also rly like the whole family thing haley and i have

playing stardew together is soooo cute it’s so nice i wish i had some ppl to play with! i love making money LNFJSNFKSMF and designing things, i’ve recently been designing my slime hutch n the quarry

i just got mango sticky rice from leo 🫶🏼🫶🏼✨

[handelplayssims]

It’s another snowy day in Windenburg. Should have expected that honestly for their winters. Hopefully it won’t blizzard because I gotta send Lara around to the neighbors and asking for signatures. Shame one of them moved out! First up is Izzy though…just as the weather decided to kick into blizzarding. -grumble- Lara’s also awake. Her only moods are to cry out her sad emotions she isn’t feeling because she is always focused thanks to that overclocked computer. The other is to become enemies with Blossom Greenburg. ...sure but first we gotta go talk to the neighbors.

There’s only two neighborhood families in this area to ask for repeal signatures. First up, the Bjgergsens. Home to Sofia, Elsa and Bjorn, with wife Clara having been taken by Neighborhood Stories. Only Sofia and Bjorn count for the NAP repeal so let’s go ask them for signatures! Sofia refuses so onto Bjorn. Turns out, Lara finds out the Bjorn is like her. Gloomy! So I decided to make them actual friends! It also helps that they are both in the Garden Gnomes so I feel they really should be friends already. Bjorn was receptive to the NAP at least! And with asking “hey do you want to try to find a job” the two became good friends. This is mostly because I didn’t notice when they became friends because I was waiting for the happy moodlet and I had the neutral fine moodlet for a People Person getting another friend. Ah well! OFF TO THE VILLAREALS! Also ran into some pear trees along the way and how they survive the winter blizzards, I do not know.

The Villareal’s contain Jacques, Luna, Hugo and Max Villareal. Still one of my first npc households I played. But sadly, I haven’t been back to them in ages. Also Jacques did get a wife but Neighborhood Stories took her away. Very rude like that. They won the lottery so I got them a proper home with sprawling gardens! Also looks to be a heated pool, not that I think they’d go for a dip in this weather. BLIZZARDS! Anyway, three chances for a repeal signature. Jacques is a no. Luna’s a no. Hugo is a no. ALAS! It’s time to find other people to bring home. It’s time to find...co-workers.

Closest one by location is Fuuka Yamagishi in Newcrest. So I say hello to her and her wife and then bring them back to Lara’s home. And then go, “heeeey, can I get these signatures from you two? I only need one!” Thankfully, Accord gave me what I wanted. Amusingly, I had to send Cameron to bed because work was soon and he needed sleep and it was almost 10PM so I also needed to send Izzy to bed soon after! This was a day focused entirely on the NAPs and the socializing of Lara! Until Cameron needed to head off to work. Anyway, Cameron’s at work all night soooo-

Neighborhood Watch!

Brindleton Bay: The Moran household moved in.

And will soon accept their new pet into their life!

Henford-on-Bagley: The Baumgartner household recently moved in.

We need another day. And OH MY GOD THE SUN HAS PEAKED OUT! AAAAH! HALLELUJAH! Praise be the gods on high! Also Cameron came back from work with a super-tense moodlet of “oh my god please give me a vacation” despite the fact that he was on vacation already. For both Winterfest and New Years! Man needs more vacations. Naturally by 8AM, at just the time I was thinking for Lara to go and actually have a club meeting for once, the blizzards kick in. Again. Well hey, at least this time, I can actually do the cry it out want for Lara. Lara still wants to make that money and I don’t believe hacking goes well when sad. So instead it’s time to pour that sadness into writing a book.

I have just the title. Also Charity decided to drop on in.

Eh, Izzy is more of a science nerd. Not a music nerd. Anyway, the result was the kid had the play the bongos and Izzy got the rainstick. Oooo, rainsticks are fun! I had one of those. A great noise maker. Sad moodlet cleared off of Lara by the power of sitting down at a computer! And bills rolled in. Again. Anyway, it’s back to a hack and then working on a video game! Oh and Izzy fulfilled her resolution by simply improving her grades a lot. Nicely done. But hopefully the true end goal comes soon. Annnd she does! Childhood aspiration complete! Now, it’s Monday so she’s coming home with a school project. And she’s bringing a friend home from school, very convenient for school projects. Liana Leone, mean girl and daughter to a family that turned into vampires. Also she’s angry. So she’s just yelling at Izzy while doing this work. Yeesh. Got the hurt sentiment and everything. Welp.

Cameron’s finally awake from his post-work slumber! Both he and Izzy get some leftovers and take a bath. Now to see what Cameron wants to do...he wishes to pull a prank on Baako Jang! Well, it’s been far too long since I’ve left this house. Let’s drop by Baako’s! ...naturally, he is behind a door that is locked. I wait until evidently he decided to try to go to bed to go and prank him. I’m totally a criminal! Yes, be tense about it!

It’s here that I decided to check the calender. And what do you know it, GeekCon is tomorrow! That’s basically a holiday for this bunch of nerds! When I get back home, I’m calling holidays for everyone! And so I did! Both go home and called the holidays. Because Cameron’s next whim is to gain handiness level, which is related to his aspiration, which wants five upgrades around the home. Which hey! That I can do! So many things to upgrade and I just stick with the bathtub. I say and then I add on an upgrade to the observatory nearby. And then I head everyone to bed, so they can all be well-rested for the upcoming GeekCon!

Neighborhood Watch!

Brindleton Bay: The Crouse household recently moved in.

Haruto Kobayashi in the Kobayashi household has started a job as a Freelancer Writer in the Freelance Writer career.

Brindleton Bay: A dog was adopted by the Moran household.

[writingforatwistedworld]

Yay! 🎆Congratulations for the 500 !🎆 I'm so glad you're getting more popular ! Okay so here's my letter, I imagine it's when Reader has just recently arrived in the yandere world.

Dear and esteemed Leona,

I write to you to apologize for my previous behaviour. First I'm sorry I stepped on your tail when you were napping and rather than excuse myself I shrieked and ran away. Then I pretended to not notice you for a week only for you to caught me staring at your face when we were in class. I'm truly sorry, I swear ! It's just that- Well I know this sound crazy but back in my world I knew you. And you were the person I liked the most, I loved your determination and cleverness. You were never afraid to go after what you wanted using whatever means suited the situation. Some may find it devious but I found that admirable and pragmatic and beside I always found more handsome than anyone in this school-Seriously I do not understand the deal with Malleus, why does everyone admire him so much when you are here?- I love your voice the most ! It's so deep and alluring ! And also your cards were the prettiest ! I still have that one where you were dressed in white ! It suited you soooo well. And- oh ahem uh.

Sorry I got carry away but I don't have enough ink to do another letter. Will you please forgive me? I want to make it up to you for suffering because of my earlier shyness. Can I invite you for lunch ? I'm sorry it probably won't be as good as you're used too-I have very little money- but I be over the moon if you accepted.

Sincerely,

Ramshackle's Prefect

Self-aware au

I do not take any responsibility for you reading this no matter which age group you are from!

WARNINGS: Yandere themes, possessive behavior, family problems

Leona Kingscholar-Eating dinner

One day Ruggie came running up to you, a letter in his hand. Your name was messily written on it and the paper was also crumpled. Opening it up you were surprised about the neat handwriting but what else did you expect?

Herbivore,

why apologize to me now? It was done. If you plan to use me for anything then go away. I've had enough of people coming up to me pretending to be all cute and nice just do a 180 when they got what they wanted. Don't you even dare to try such a thing.

But I will accept your apology. At least you do that instead of avoiding me as most would do. You know, I hate it when they do that. It reminds me of the servants back home that act like I am important but talk behind my back. My father isn't better in any way. He is just smiling, ignoring the problems. How can such a person be a former king?

I am not used to people telling me that they like me. They fear me because of my magic. If you decide to get close to me you will also experience many problems ranging from fear in their eyes to downright hatred. The royal court isn't a nice place whether we are talking about my home or that of Malleus. Don't you even dare to look in his direction. His mere presence is annoyance enough.

If you really wish to eat a meal with me do what you want. As long as there is the meat I am happy. It also doesn't have to be some fancy place. Just make sure there aren't too many people there.

Just give Ruggie your answer or me if you see me. Should do the trick.

Leona Kingscholar

[chattahoochiecoochie]

Listen y’all. I haven’t watched Volume 2 but I’ve seen bits here and there. It doesn’t end well, that much I know for sure. Soooo, this is how it should have fucking gone for them. No debates. 

- Prom came and went. They weren’t official then, and she went alone, but by graduation they had a label, and he swung her around his room to some stupid pop song she liked.

- School ended and he crossed the stage with a smile on his face, rewarded only by the sight of her cheering for him in the crowd.

- She took up her job as a lifeguard again to make money before college started, and he picked up a few hours at Thatcher tire–not because he wanted to work, but because spoiling Chrissy was running up a tab.

- They spent every night together, in his van, whispering in her bedroom, partying in his.

- June rolled by and July followed, before long, August was upon them, its hand outstretched to take her away.

- Eddie didn’t get a class ring, a diploma was more than enough. So instead, he drops her at the airport with a suitcase full of band tees, and his favorite ring on a chain.

- “You don’t have to wear it.” He says. “I’ll wear it every day.” She says back.

- He spends the next week on the phone with her, laying on the floor of his room in quiet misery.

- She’s excited, cheerful every time they talk, and it takes everything inside him to sound happy for her.

- Her classes start August 31st. September 1st, he takes a job at the plant with Uncle Wayne. Thatchers is fun, but it doesn’t pay like he needs it too.

- She’s gone now, making something of herself. He’s going to do the same. He’ll be ready when she comes back to him.

- Six months later, every penny saved, he buys a ring. When she comes for Christmas that year, he hides it in Wayne’s room. It’s been in his top drawer, but she’s planning to go through that for more of his tshirts.

- “Maybe I could send them back to you, when they stop smelling like you. And you can send me some more?”

- They spend the holiday apart. It will be the last time he lets that happen, he swears.

- When she comes for Spring Break, he introduces himself to her parents, and makes it over for Easter.

- His hair is too long, her dad says, he has no manners, her mom says.

- Sending her away the second summer is harder than the first. They have something now. He cries in his van outside the airport, and watches through red eyes as her plane takes off.

- It’s the spring of her junior year when he finally has the money to fly out.

- She shows him off like a trophy, parading him through the sorority house like a show pony. Everyone has heard of him.

- “This is my boyfriend, Eddie.” She blushes down to her toes every time she introduces him and it makes his heart ache. The ring is back in Hawkins, and with every word, it burns a deeper hole in his dresser.

- He flies out with her parents for graduation. They buy his ticket, a graduation gift to her. The three of them have conspired to surprise her, she thinks he can’t get the time off work, and bursts into tears at the sight of him at the airport.

- That June, summer of ‘91, he finally digs the ring out of his room, and on a late night walk to their old table in the forest, he pops the question.

- “Oh Eddie, of course.”

- They are married in July.

- It’s a quiet affair, close friends and family only. The kids, recently graduated themselves show up, teeth finally straight, nerves settled. A few old cheer friends come over for the reception, but a sorority sister fills in as maid of honor. Gareth, now used to this new version of Eddie, grins when asked to be best man.

- August, they take back the month, wrenching it free from the clock to make it their own.

- There’s an apartment in Chicago waiting for them. She’s got a graduate degree to get, and he’s transferred to a plant inside the city limits.

- “Nintety one baby. It’s our year. It’s our life.”

- He’s got a new car now, a Honda Accord that just barely fit the budget, and on the drive out of town, he lets her pick the radio station. They’ve hit the city range when a new band comes on. Nirvana. His world is rocked, and they stop at a record store just outside of town.

- The bleach album plays over their move, the soundtrack to the beginning of their new life.

- “I can get a job down the street, before school starts, at that bakery we saw? They had a sign in the window, for a counter girl!”

- “I’ve got a friend at a bar across town, said he’ll let me play a few nights as backup to start out.”

- The year is 1991, they are alive and married and fresh eyed. It will be their year. It will be their life.

I’ll be back to write this fic, in due time. It’s the story they fucking deserved. 

[lavenderbardley]

Cannibal Pizza Party

Diiiiiiiiing Dooooooooong!

“Pizza’s here!” Calls the collective voice of many girls who sit in the room. Each announces with this declaration that they do not intend to get up and answer the door themselves.

“Why don’t you get it Billie?” Devona calls from her spot on the worn leather loveseat, where she’s perched like a feline, ready to pounce.

Bileam, known to her friends and family as Billie, rises from her spot on the floor. She brushes the dust and debris from her scandalously short skirt before ambling to the door. She smooths a stray piece of hair behind her ear, chewing on the inside of her cheek as she reaches for the doorknob.

The sounds of the living room waft through the hallway. Billie can hear the distant drone of the TV, where some newswoman talks about the recent attacks in a robotic monotone.

“Don’t forget to give him a huuuuuge tip Billie!” Diane calls in a sing-songy voice that somehow sounds like a tone-deaf bird.

Of course, Billie knows what she means, though she is unsure if she can do it. The other girls are much more confident than her, but she knows she cannot back out of it. It is her turn, after all.

A sharp knock sounds at the door, pounding in a quick and irritated fashion. Whoever is standing outside is tired of waiting for one of them to open the door. Billie throws open the dinky front door and is stricken dumb by the image of a handsome pizza delivery boy-No! Man…definitely a man.

“Did you order three large veggie pizzas with extra cheese?” asks the man in a dull and uninterested tone that says he’s been on shift for a while.

The air is overtaken by the savory smells of baked bread and melted cheese. It should leave her drooling and hungry, but it doesn't. The smell appalls her, but she tries to keep a straight face so he does not notice.

“Yes, that was us.” She eyes Annabeth, who has moved to be seen from the entryway. Billie notes the slight nod of her chin before proceeding. “The truth is things have been hard for us lately. We don’t have a lot of money and-” She bats her eyelashes and bites her lip, selling herself for everything she is worth. She can taste the warm metallic flavor of her own blood as she bites down a little too hard, praying he cannot tell.

“I was wondering if me and my friends could pay you another way?” She grips her plaid skirt with her hands, bunching it up as if it were a nervous habit. She knows he will notice her bright lingerie under it soon. She watches his eyes dart down and then away, repeating this sequence several times before he swallows, turning his head away from Billie altogether.

“Well. Gee miss.” He runs a hand over his head, smoothing down any cowlicks and unruly pieces. “I’m not supposed to do things like that. I-“

Annabeth materializes behind Billie. She rests her hands on Billie's arms and nestles her head between her neck and shoulder. Her warmth is both inviting and terrifying.

“Ooooh is that sooooo.” She laments, her face taking on a pouting quality that always gets men hot for her. Billie had to admit that she was probably the most beautiful girl in the world with her soft, smooth, almond-colored skin and gorgeous shimmery black hair. She smells like cardamom, nutmeg, and all things spicy and sweet.

Billie watches as the man visibly gulps, like a cartoon character, which might have been comical under different circumstances.

“You see, it’s just a dozen or so of us girls in there, and we soooo would love to pay you back. If you know what I mean.” Annabeth winks, sliding out to circle around the man, coming up behind him. She towers over him, bending down to plant kisses along his neck. Her breath washes over his skin like a warm mist. “I know we could make it worth your while,” she purrs.

Billie averts her gaze. Each of the girls has their own method of seduction. Billie took a more shy and passive approach, but Annabeth was hands-on. She wasn’t sure if she should be admiring Annabeth for this, but secretly she did. Annabeth got what she wanted, and she had enough confidence to take it if need be.

“Well. I guess this one time, it wouldn’t be so bad.” The man says, following the seductively gorgeous Annabeth inside. In the living room, he finds a menagerie of girls of different ages, styles, and cliques.

They all get up from their spots on the couch and loveseats, on the armrests, on the floor, and move towards the man, engulfing him in a sea of hormones and lust before leading him into the bedroom.

Only Billie and Annabeth stand alone in the emptied living room now.

“These recent attacks have made many people afraid to travel in these neighborhoods.” Says the newswoman in the newfound silence of the room.

“Are you joining us?” asks Annabeth, reaching for the doorknob.

“I-”

“You know you want to. Why should you fight it?” She smiles in a way that is both motherly and predatory, and Billie wonders how she manages to be both so effortlessly.

Billie glances at the coffee table, where the discarded veggie pizzas lie, unwanted. “I’ll be in in a sec. I just feel a little queasy.”

“Is it the pizza?” Annabeth grimaces, showing her own distaste for the smell.

“Yeah. That’s it.”

Annabeth strolls over to the table, picks up the pizzas, and walks out the front door to throw them in the outside garbage. “There,” she says with a tone of finality.

“Seems like a waste,” Billie mumbles to herself.

“I wasn’t going to eat it. And I know you weren’t either.” She opens the bedroom door. “Just don’t take too long.” She says with a wink and closes the door behind her, silencing the noises of ecstasy within.

Billie leans against the back of the couch, wondering how she came to be here. How her life has become what it is.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It all started about a year ago when Billie moved with her family to this strange town.

She had gone into the new school year a junior, completely isolated from her peers who were already in well-established cliques. It was difficult for anyone to move to a new school, but it was harder for Billie because of…well…who she was.

Iblis Public Highschool was by far the strangest place she had ever been to. Not because of the school itself, it was pretty standard for a public high school, but because of the mysterious cult that was rumored to have been founded by some of its students.

It seemed like it was just another one of those dumb fake satanic cults that kids start so they can feel edgy and cool. They never do much, and most rituals are uninspired and based on Hollywood stereotypes rather than actual satanic texts and sources. But what made this particular cult different was that it only invited females to join and did not discriminate by age, race, sexual orientation, clique, or popularity.

The girls participating varied from the most preppy stereotypical cheerleader to the most outcasted nerd.

Billie had never had an interest in cults or any of that edgy, mysterious bullshit that most teenagers seemed to like at some point or another.

Still, she was thrilled when she received an invitation to join because the cult only invited girls. It meant that the cult recognized her as one of them, a girl, which meant a lot since most people in town used the wrong pronouns for her, and many insisted that she was a boy.

When she received that letter in her locker, delicately decorated with red lace and elegant loopy writing, she nearly wept. Every one of the girls in the cult always referred to her in the way she wanted, making her feel like she belonged.

It had started out small. Sleepovers, coffee dates, and the occasional night in the woods circling a bonfire and chanting about their Goddess Khosteus, the devourer, dressed in their silly red robes.

You know, girl stuff.

To Billie, the whole thing seemed kind of stupid and silly. She didn’t think they were worshipping a real Goddess or doing anything that mattered. It was just a quirky way to pass the time and feel important.

That was, until about a month after she joined. It was on the night of the new moon when Annabeth, the eldest of the group, and the official leader, insisted Khosteus was most powerful. Per usual, the girls gathered in the woods, dressed in crimson velvet robes, ready to begin their monthly ritual.

Billie was a little late due to her parents going out for the night and asking her to stay home while they were gone. She had to wait until they left to sneak out and join her fellow cult members in the woods, tugging on her own red robe as she raced across town.

When she arrived at the circle of stones they had set up, she noticed the fire in the middle was already lit and burning brightly, a large cast iron pot hung on a tripod heating over the flames. There was an intoxicating smell, a strong, savory, almost gamey smell like they had killed and cooked a wild boar.

She quickly joined the formation, forming the missing link of the circle of girls. Near the middle, facing the pot, was Annabeth, holding an old worn leather book with its yellowed pages, thin and crinkly like wax paper. She was reading out one of the passages in a deep, toady voice. Billie imagined she would have a sore throat later because of it.

“Oh, great devourer Khosteus! The Goddess who devours the Gods! Call us unto your purpose; make our bellies an extension of yours as we feast tonight!” She bellowed into the still night. She then grabbed a stack of wooden bowls from a flat rock near the fire. She filled each one, handing it to her second in command, Devona, who then passed it to her left, who then passed it to her left, and so on, until each person in the circle and Annabeth in the middle had a bowl of the strange stew.

The food looked unappetizing, with very little vegetable matter and large chunks of meat floating in the reddish stock, like half of the liquid had been replaced with blood. Billie had been a vegetarian for three years, and her stomach churned at the idea of consuming animal flesh, but she didn’t want to lose her place in the cult and her newfound friends with it.

She leaned over to the girl on her right, Diane, and asked, “What kind of meat is this?”

Diane merely smiled and ignored the question saying, “Don’t worry, it’s very symbolic. You’ll like it.”

“Let us eat the flesh of man! And thereby, may Khosteus eat of man too! Through our stomachs, may she be full! Through our tongues, may she taste the delights of flesh! Through our noses, may she smell the wonders of this feast! And thereby bless us!” Annabeth chanted, stopping after each sentence for the rest to repeat.

Then they lifted their bowls to the moonless sky, brought them to their lips, and ate.

Billie’s tongue exploded with rich, savory flavor as she consumed the stew. The meat was a little gamey but had the texture of soft, tender beef with a hint of sweetness. After eating, she wondered how she had ever managed to go vegetarian with such excellent meat in the world. Although the talk of eating the flesh of man scared her a little, she remembered Diane saying that the meal was symbolic. They were probably eating some great beast like a deer or a boar and calling it the flesh of man, like Jesus called the bread his body and the wine his blood.

She devoured the entire bowl, scraping desperately at the sides with her spoon as if she could extract the trace amounts that had soaked into the wood. She was incredibly disappointed when Annabeth did not offer them seconds.

It wasn’t until a couple of days later that Billie noticed the difference in her body. Her skin was softer, more supple, and had become void of any blemishes or dirty pores. Her hair was shinier, glinting a honey blonde that seemed to turn golden when hit just right by light, and was full of such volume and shape. Upon looking in the mirror, she thought she was looking more feminine than normal, and this pleased her greatly. On top of that, she felt full of energy and bounced her way through school that day, feeling happier than she ever had. She was pleased to see the boys were looking at her differently. Before, they had looked with disgust or disproval of who she was, but now they couldn’t hide their sudden interest in her enticing new form.

A week or so after that, the hunger set in. Nothing she ate would satiate it, and she could not think of anything but that stew they had eaten during the ritual.

She found Annabeth outside the school after classes that day and begged her to tell her what was in the stew they had eaten.

“I keep daydreaming about that night. I find myself sooo hungry, but nothing I eat will make it stop! I even dreamed about that stew last night. You have to give me the recipe! What kind of meat was that anyways?”

“Oh! You didn’t know? I’m so sorry I thought I made It very clear.” Annabeth placed a hand on her cheek. She looked genuinely concerned.

“Huh?”

“Why, it’s the flesh of man! I was pretty sure that was part of the ritual hymn.”

“Yeah, I get that it was symbolic of human flesh, but like what animal was it really?”

Annabeth furrowed her eyebrows and gave Billie a look like she had just asked who George Washington was or something else equally ignorant. “No. The meat was human. Don’t you remember hearing about Preda? The guy who went missing from school last week?”

“Yeah…” Billie hesitated as the truth began to sprout in her mind, its vines unfurling throughout her body in tingles, growing the dark fruits of fear inside her stomach which ached with hunger and dread.

“Well, that’s who we ate! Preda! I’m afraid you can’t copy the recipe entirely, Preda was a rare treat, I must admit. Not too much fat, but the muscles weren’t too tough either. The perfect meat. Oh, you should have seen the marbling!”

Billie pulled Annabeth quickly and a little violently behind the dumpsters, checking to make sure no couples were making out back there before whisper screaming, “You’re saying we actually ate someone?! Like an actual person?!”

Annabeth waved her hand in a dismissive gesture. “You don’t have to worry. We only eat men. And it’s purely ritualistic and very safe! Me and Devona prepare the meat ourselves!”

Billie wanted to throw up. Her stomach was churning with a mixture of hungry desire and disgust. On the one hand, she felt happy knowing she was seen as a girl and wasn’t lumped in with men in Annabeth’s eyes. On the other hand, despite knowing herself to be a woman in her heart and soul, she couldn’t shake the sort of defensive kinship she felt with her birth sex, hearing the girl speak of men in such a way. “This is wrong! We can’t just-“

“Billie.” Annabeth towered over her like a tree does a shrub and reached a hand down to place it on her cheek. “We are in service of the lady Khosteus, and she has blessed us for our tribute. Blessed you.” She stroked the girl’s face with her hand. Such warm and steady hands they were.

“How soft your skin has become. It’s no coincidence. It’s the meat. It’s the blessing.” She reached for Billie’s hair, running her fingers through it. So smooth and shiny, like honey spun into silken threads. “And your hair. How lovely you look now, Billie. I know you love it. It makes you feel happy, doesn’t it? What is the world going to miss a few men here and there?”

Billie shuddered with every touch, but her stomach was in such pain. The hunger didn’t feel like hunger anymore. It felt like a fire burning and singeing her inside out like her stomach acid was dissolving her insides.

“I can see you’re craving.” Annabeth sympathized, rubbing circles into the girl’s back with a gentle hand and reaching into her purse with the other. She pulled out a small pink thermos and handed it over like a mother would hand a child their lunch. Such a normal gesture. Such a kind and loving gesture. “This is all I have left over. But in a few weeks, we’ll be holding another ritual. So, you need not fear.”

She offered a smile that seemed so genuine that Billie couldn’t help but think, She really loves me. She is so kind. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe this is…ok.

And that was that.

After that day, Billie was a full-fledged member.

It had started out as a purely ritualistic activity, occurring only on the new moon each month. The girls would find a victim, someone who both seemed to be appetizing and had little friends or family to really notice their absence, and then they would kill him, butcher up his body into meat in Devona’s shed, and eat his remains in honor of the devourer Goddess.

It turned out that many of the girls in the cult were a lot older than they let on. Some were not even really students at school, just loitering around. Diane was 27, yet still looked like she was in high school, Devona was 31, and Annabeth, the eldest of the group, was 36. None of the girls looked like they were aging, and they all shared perfect complexions, perfect shapely hair, and an overall glow that left them desired by many.

Billie couldn’t deny how much she loved her own transformation. Her body which had seemed to fight her for so much of her life, was finally starting to change into something she wanted, something she felt comfortable in, and men were taking notice. It would have been great if not for the fact that the cult looked down upon men and thought them only useful for two things, the first of which made Billie blush and hide her face, and the second was food.

It wasn’t long, however, before the hunger became an addiction. Many of the girls, including Billie, began to be unable to stomach normal foods, finding the smell and taste of them repulsive. It made home life very difficult for those living with their parents. The school counselor was called on several occasions by worried parents about anorexia concerns.

The formal monthly rituals turned into biweekly and then into casual weekly gorgings. They would gather each week at one of the older members’ apartments or houses and order takeout for delivery. Some weeks it was pizza. Some weeks it was Chinese. They tried to diversify as best as possible, trying not to “overfish the waters” of one particular restaurant.

The girls would purposefully meet in different places, so they wouldn’t draw suspicion to a specific neighborhood. They always ordered for the house next door, knowing the neighbor would answer and say they had not ordered anything. Then the delivery man would check the other houses next to it before going home to see if there had been a mistype in the address. This was a great way to keep suspicion off them because if the police talked to the restaurant about the attacks, the receipt would direct them to a different house or apartment.

It seemed the devouring was no longer about their Goddess. It was now simply a primal need, an addiction that would not lessen its hold on the girls.

Despite the wonderful things this new habit of consumption had instilled in Billie and the other girl’s lives, she had started to notice that there were drawbacks. When she had first entered the covenant of the devourer and had first partaken in the flesh of man, her hunger was manageable, and she was able to last the month in between rituals. But very soon, as they consumed more and more, forgetting about their Goddess, she noticed she could scarce suffer a day without some sort of meat or blood of man. Her hunger was incredible, like a sponge that had been introduced to more and more water, expanding to reaches not thought possible.

Right after feeding, she would feel that glow and that rush of energy she enjoyed, but now, soon after, she would find an equally strong wave of nausea and fatigue take hold of her. Once, during a longer stretch of time between feedings, due to the police beginning to take notice of the trends, she had found her hair falling out in sizable clumps.

Was this punishment from Khosteus? Was she angered because they had forgotten their devotion to her? Billie had never supposed she was even real. Now she wondered If they had been cursed.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“If you know anything about these recent attacks on delivery men or have seen anything suspicious in one of the listed neighborhoods, please call the number below,” says the newswoman, shaking Billie back to the present.

She hears screaming, muffled, and panicked from the bedroom, and she knows they are already digging in. No butchering and preparing of the meat these days. The hunger was too strong for anyone to wait.

She glances around, making sure none of the girls are left in the room, and quickly enters the number from the Television into her phone and backs out onto the front stoop.

“NC DPS. How can I help you?”

“I’d like to report suspicious activity, I think it has to do with the attacks they’re talking about on TV. Having to do with delivery men?”

“Alright,” says the voice, obviously interested. Shifting can be heard on their end, making it clear they are getting ready to take notes.

“I saw a delivery person, male, get dragged into one of the apartments on Anderson Street. Bubsy village apartments. Apartment 1667. I’m not sure if it was anything…”

“Alright, thank you for the information. I will be sending someone over right away. get somewhere safe if you aren’t already.”

“Alright, ma’am,” Billie says, putting the phone back in her jacket pocket before going back inside.

They can’t keep living like this. She knows they might not live at all if they stop. But still.

She brushes a few stray tears from her cheeks and dabs gently under her eyes before putting on her best poker face. She opens the bedroom door, where she can see a modern art piece painted with red over the canvass of the room, blood soaking into the bedsheets and carpet. The girls are hunched over what remains of the body, pieces of flesh in their crimson hands, their teeth gnawing on bones.

“What took you so long?” Asks one of the girls, her mouth full of flesh, blood gushing out of the corners of her mouth with each bite.

“I just needed some air.” She lies, closing the door and taking her place among the others. She grabs a piece of meat and smears the blood over her face and hands. She shutters, but the hunger wins out, and she begins to devour it, tears mixing with the blood and flesh as sirens can be heard softly, getting louder, in the background.

[goddessjynx]

Any parent please answer?

Idk if anyone will see this, but right now I need just anyone to tell me I'm not crazy.

Am I a bad friend for wanting to hang out with my ex-bestie (eb for short) while she has her kids or she's busy and can't hang, so I offer to come over, to help watch, to help clean? Anything just to be there for her, why? Oh because she was on her third child, at this time I literally went over to her house to play dnd with her husband and brother and her sometimes. So I would try and say "hi" or talk, but instead we stayed doing something else or barely said hi. Ok, fine, hormones, got it. It got to the point of she wouldn't want to hang out with me for reasons she stopped telling me decent sounding excuses. Fine, That's fine, I have other friends who I can hang with or find other things to stay inside and not get out of the house to do. I don't need to leave the house, to get away from the suffocating inside the house with a mentally and verbally abusive, controlling husband. That's. Just. Fine.

So you know, time goes on. we find out that the reason she won't hang out with me, but will hang out with the other girl who she hates (Mind you the other chick literally broke into their house, tried to start drama all the time, and be hazardous to her already two children But who am I to judge about the person you rant to me about how you hate them so much?) But the other chick was also pregnant after divorcing her wife. It's honestly such a mess. So "anyways, I get excluded now because I "Don't understand what she's going through" or "I won't have the same experience" or I'm "not a good source of help" Lol, Okay? I still can't help? Be happy for you? Cool. So things go on, and just things have gotten worse on my end. I'm over here with such a mind debilitating baby fever, that I'm having to pull my car over watching children get off the school bus because I'm in such a crying fit that I can't breathe or see straight. So who the hell would I go to about what do I do? My Bestie right? (There's a reason we are eb rn) I tell her, well try, Idk how much she actually listened. But I tell her how I just can't think about anything else right now. I did everything right, and the world keeps slapping me back.

I own a 4 bedroom house. we have two cars, we even have decently everything working out in our favor, But all of a sudden, I'm not good enough for anyone. My own husband two months after getting married said he hasn't found me attractive for the last two years. THAnks. That's a real boost. This didn't start the fights, but that's a whole other set of rants. about a year before my eb got pregnant, around or right before July 4th, I strictly remember, I was in the walmart fucking bathroom. I had felt so sick the weeks beforehand. Like, My menstrual cycle hates me. She's savage af. Not to mention she likes to disappear randomly and appear with just cramps or a whole flood. I never know. But I remember calling my husband in a panic because I don't know what to do while I had to go to the bathroom so bad it hurt, and all I have is half dollar sized clots. Just something my medical brain, and senior year of AP biology says, "Fuck!" I have him figure something out because I'm really needing someone to just hold me in the bathroom I feel so sick to my stomach. I'm dizzy and all these symptoms I tell him to tell the doctor or whoever he calls.. So he calls, they say whatever to him. I don't either remember or he never told me what they said, (this is a normal of hiding information from me, A LOT) They said (What he told me) to just wipe things up and clean up then if it persists in the next 24 hours to go into the hospital. But I will have to see an ob-gyn.

So, Okay. Nothing bad. but they are in charge of everything along those lines. But those were including two words, that I now know were the two words this man didn't want to hear despite, DESPITE all the teasing and jokes about having kids with me when I was younger with him and literally just dating. That was because I had to see a family planning doctor. I was told by HIM that it was nothing, and we will be fine. I just blamed it on my cramps that are horrible and never put thought to it because I had believed that's what he was told. So that's a trauma my brain locked away until recently as I'm going through my divorce right now. But, I was thinking about how shortly after that, I got a call from my eb about how they were all waiting on me because I'm making us late for bringing stuff to the grill out and bonfire later. Fine, mask all the pain and keep fucking going. right?

She seemed genuinely not worried, saying it was probably just a bad cycle. She gets them all the time too. Its whatever. My now bestie's sister has gone through the same thing I described multiple times, enough that she looked at me and was like, "No, You possibly miscarried." even her mom went on about, "they should've never NEVER brushed that off like they did. If they cared then they would've made sure you were ok. My husband denied me from going to the doctor to see anything about it. Even after when I knew my hormones and emotions were just soooo off. But that's in my mind now, when before maybe around the same time my eb came out saying to all of us even her own husband one time saying she's been feeling crummy because she went in and she found out she had miscarried. It was so short after my stuff that she disregarded then took and made attention for herself that upset her own husband because she never told him until she told a bunch of us at a bar. I mean I felt bad for her, but Now thinking back, my gut says it was a ploy to make her husband to feel bad for her and to try for another one. Where as I'm over here waiting patiently because I jumped through Hoops to get where I'm at now.

My husband promised me children. Lots, its a fucking dream to be a mum. I care for everyone else, and their kids, why not have some kind of mini me to show of what I did. That I did good. That I can be useful to this world too. That I'm not just a lump of no good nothing to this world. But first, he needed a better paying job than a gas station.

Did that, he worked at a metal parts production place. But we then gave the fact that we still live in the apartment I got after moving out from high school. We rented a house. It worked, and it was nice. But now he needs a car, but he cant do that until he learns how to drive. 3 years older than me and I taught him how to drive. AND I helped him buy his first car, a truck. Oh but now, we still can't start a family. We are only renting. I have enough good credit that I could get a house alone, but I needed a higher pay. Bam with his income together we got a house.

Bam, I'm hit with baby fever and what not. NOW I get told, we aren't ready for anything like that yet, so wait two years. Alright, I'll wait. I can do that. We were going to go on trips together and do many things together and all of a sudden, the walmart thing happened, and it just got worse from there. It got to a point I got a job paying BETTER than him and I was the laughing stock to him and his buddies. THANKS. But I'm fine, everything is fine. The walmart thing was about two years after, so I mean, it was actually in the time frame and whatnot. Things just kept going on getting worse at home, I just kept listening. For reasons, I had to quit my high paying job, and then everything got absolutely horrible at home. Had to put everything I had control over money wise into his account for he worried it would take too long to find an new job and make money to suffice for bills. It was argument after argument, but I went to my eb explaining things, asking what the hell do I do? Her advice? To just do what he wants. The thing I had to quit about? She basically never cared about it. Everything just went on being a mess. I went on just letting people walk over me because that was the advice I was given.

I voiced my feelings that I have been following lies and how I feel hurt that I'm told dreams and having them be taken away. We never went on trips much. Instead we would buy a crap ton of ammo or new guns that I'm not allowed to use, yet I'm helping fund so you can get them, but when it was my own that I BOUGHT, all of a sudden, my things went missing and he would be out using and letting his buddies use my new guns and using up the ammo I had purchased on my own. I mean, fine, but let me at LEAST take yours out if you're going to use mine without asking. It got to be so annoying that we would be asked when we would get married or when we would have kids. He would be hugging me and smiling all cocky saying "Oh well we haven't stopped trying." every time. He would start that tell people this and I finally had enough. I stopped him and told him to put his money where his mouth was. He always said shit but never actually did it or acted on what he said. He would just lie to everyone. Tell people lies because it sounded nice. Best part? I had bought a ring for him. I proposed to him because he would joke about things like that. So I basically said, "bet" and did it. I have never received a damn ring! He wouldn't even want to look at them with me. Because they were expensive. Not all of them are. I don't care what price it is, but something to say, "Hey, I love you and Don't want the odd peeps at the bar to keep hitting on you so take this with you, its dangerous out there." (Shut up. I'm a nerd) But like.... I just would make notions about, I wanted a ring. He would beg me to pool together money and buy new guns, I mean I"m not against, but I would bring up that I will want a ring. Or even something else would be you know, amazing right now because I'm in a lost place wanting kids still and my eb just announced they were having their third. (which her own family was so upset about it that they ranted to me and my mom, her own brother said that its just another kid that they will end up taking care of instead of her so she can go to the bars again. Yep) So next we talked about getting a gun safe because, before we can have kids, we need to be SAFE. Ight, we bought it. Nice matte black 33 capacity, fire and water proof, best part the front had a reallly pretty engraved waving American flag imprinted on it. It was just so smooth. (Guess who has that right now btw) So oddly enough in the middle of me not being enough for my eb, My cycle kind of returned to being semi regular, and all of a sudden disappeared. Well that whole month beforehand we went from never wanting to touch me unless it was my birthday to every night he was angry after work and took it out on me instead. I mean, whatever. But when it came to me not feeling well, I told him.

Instantly it wasn't mine. I was fooling with other guys. Like instant psycho. His childhood friend came and moved up with us, she saw this for a good few months and had to move out because he was trying to control her as if she were a child. She told me that it was not right for him to be that way and that she will never talk to him for how he treated her. (which was exactly how he was always with me too) I'm not sure if he was trying to get my jealous because his bff was a girl? Idk we worked out like literally sisters. Sooo much in common and she told me, She believes he's never wanted kids. And she watched how I broke down after he told me he wanted nothing to do with me until I took a test. He DEMANDED that I took a test right away. If it was positive, it wasn't his until proven so. And if it was negative he would be fine. this was ridiculous. He wasn't at all happy or excited. Purely upset. I felt so shitty that after the test was negative I told him and he threatened about it happening again he was leaving back to Kansas. He threatened this every damn fight, it got to the point that I gave up, I said leave then. And instantly he shut up. I got him out of gangs, crime, jail, living on the street or with his mum, and being a maaajor drug addict. Yet I'M THE BAD PERSON.

Back to recently when my eb is getting closer to having her kid, I just go through finding out I'm not and my husband is freaking out at me, nonstop yelling at me that I'm not good enough and all this shit. Yes, lil ol me trying to keep the peace in the house is a cunt and a whore. Wow. Name calling, but hitting where it hurts? I told him before, how my mother in an argument said I would be a horrible mother. And that shit sticks. IT STICKS. So what does the smart ass pull out? He repeats it. He says he's glad I'm not pregnant because I'd be a horrible mother in the end.

That. That just kills a person. That kills dreams and the feeling of wanting to keep living. Who the FUCK says that to their partner? Am I wrong for thinking that's not right? Well my eb thought I was. I told her my feelings. How I don't want to be jealous of her, but I am. That she's more beautiful, she's always had guys hitting on her in school inviting her to do things and hang out, I was the nerd in whatever class that got invited only if it was mandatory. She will be having three kids and a loving husband that can never take his hands or eyes from her, where as I have to act like a clown to get my husband to look up from his damn phone. To say something nice. To

be acknowledged while in the house. I've left and came back the next morning because I hung out at my now besties house. He didn't say a word until I came home the next morning and he looked at me like "when the fuck did you leave" No care, no love. I was stuck being a burden. Anything I ever did around the house was in vain. Everything I helped with I got shoved away because I didn't do it right. EVERYTHING I did was not good enough. I would tell him this that is how I felt and he would deny it. One day, I caught him yelling at me saying that what I did wasn't ever good enough. Calle him out right away. Bitch... He tried to change the wording to go around what he said. I HEARD IT. it was so bad I had to have my bestie on the phone to listen to how he talked to me behind closed doors. Away from public view. HER MOM HEARD IT. Thought she was watching some kind of dramatic show, until she realized it was me on the phone. She's listened to so many calls its unheard of. There was a day, I had enough of it. (Ok A lot actually) but I grabbed my laptop and my charger and left the house. I sat in the park drawing on my laptop. Texted every person I could think of that I cared so deeply for that they would care for me back. I was in a dark ass place asking for Advice. My eb shrugged off what my husband was doing and scolded me for leaving. For sitting in a park drawing out my feelings instead of being with him because he's being dramatic to her husband upset that I started an argument. I didn't understand what I started when it was over me telling him not to throw the controller when he loses a COD game because that's how it breaks. Why he threw it? Because I distracted him by playing with my cat while he was playing the damn game and made him lose! yep. Exactly that. So I was yelled at to quit. So I did. I went back to my drawing and then with my headphones on I was humming to my music. It distracted him and he lost. So I flipped out because I can't do anything in my own house without being scolded for it. So I stormed off to the bedroom to draw some more. I'm upstairs and away from him. Didn't want to eat now I'm stressed and upset. So I didn't cook anything and now he's hungry and upset at me for not making food yet. YES. That's how it started and I again was the bad person in the story for safely removing myself from an environment where all my mind was telling me to do was dark things that hurt to say. To give up on everything I have worked for and all my dreams.

That was the last time I spoke to her for a while because everything started to be only about baby and about doing this for baby. Doing that for baby. But then she would never answer me back. I was done trying to fit time to hang out. To do something, I made new friends who didn't have kids and hung out more with them. It got horrible. the sound of a child crying made my stomach hurt. I had non stop dreams of the same thing happening. It was just awful. I looked it up and it was just meaning I had something and lost it. Whatever is missing in the dream what what I had lost.

In this dream I was dressed in all black, lace and long dress covering every inch of skin on my body. I had a hat with a veil and I was rocking a bundle in my arms in an old decrepit room with peeling paint and broken toys. It was a nursery. An old ruined nursery. I was rocking just a black blanket swaddled with a hole that emptied to the void. It gives me chills, I get this dream so much that me explaining just makes my skin crawl and my body ache. It hurts to think of but I just cannot understand it. Makes sense now that I looked into it.

But me going through all of this, I can't talk to my husband about my feelings because I'm too needy and being selfish for not taking his feelings into an account. That he's not ready that we are not ready and that I'm not ready because I'm going to be a horrible mom. Cool.

I have tried so much. I couldn't be around kids. It made me so sick and I jus would have to find somewhere to hide and cry for hours. I would cry myself to sleep. Never getting comfort by him because I'm throwing a pity party. I was so hurt. Still am. I'm broken hearted. Thinking that if I had a kid, at least I would have something that needed me and would love the care I gave and would love me back. I wanted to feel loved for how much I put out in the world. I wanted to have something to ground me to this world before I did something stupid. I was in such a dark place that I drove an hour to go see my bestie because I was scared that I was going to do it. That I was going to be the big disappointment he told me I would always be. Three months later, baby is here and I go back to playing dnd with my friends and its at their house. My husband is rubbing it in my face. He's holding baby and talking to baby and doing all these things making my mind break. He asks if I want to hold her. If i if iififififi NO.

I can't I cannot. I'm trying to be respectful. I missed out on other games because I had to hype myself up. I procrastinated because I didn't know how I would be or if I could handle it. I got to the point that my eb's husband told me that he doesn't want me playing anymore because I sent a text trying to apologize to my now eb that I feel so bad but I can't see her right now since seeing her kids just sends me into a panic attack and I can't stop thinking horrible things. So she takes that as I have a problem with HER kids and not just the KIDS situation. Doesn't hear me out. blames me for everything and has me banned from coming over. in which her husband says he doesn't want me over anymore. Which my rebuttal is because she's telling him only. But he said it was his choice. I don't know don't care. It just hurt that THATS the reason I got kicked out. Not because I was good, but that I couldn't handle their kids. And I would not pay attention by drawing the whole time. I was distracting myself because I'm trying to drown out the noises of cooing making my gut rot and my mouth dry. So by all means I'm selfish for wanting a dream that I was being promised for the last 6 years of physically being with my soon to be ex. I've know for actually 12 years. And that I drove 15 hours to bring you to me since you couldn't drive.

So I need to know from real parents, was I out of line for telling my eb that I had feelings and that them not being heard or just cast to the side hurt? Am I crazy for feeling that I've been robbed? For being upset when my husband comes home drunk and abuses me? For being hurt when I'm called all sorts of names and told I'm worthless by the man I should trust the most? Please. I need to know.

I know I'm ranting, but I need to get it out. I need to find some sort of something to figure out why I'm feeling this way, or why I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm fighting for the divorce since i haven't been to my owned house in the last 5 months since he changed the locks on me. I moved an hour away from my home and my family and still to this day, I hurt to hear or watch children around me. I'm happy, but inside something aches and just feels empty. Not to mention that I got told by people that know me that he's been caught buying condoms. We are still technically married, and he can't be doing those things right now. Am I jealous? Upset? Hurt? All of the above? It just sucks and I'm drowning in debt a bit trying to work my ass off to get where I want in life again since all of everything has been ripped from me. I'm trying. Please let me know if I'm crazy or out of line? I want to be heard. I'm going to start to save up. I have a plan for my 27th birthday. If it doesn't work in time for my 28th birthday, I'm not sure what else I can do but join the 27 club.