#i got back to the rock disease (in which you get back to the rock) (i. i've been watching the reboot. augh)

[crispycreambacon]

I'd love to see some philo and gunge, they're my fave little guys!! :3

☆ They've turned into televsion stars! ☆

Fun fact that inspired this doodle: the puppet for Gunge (the gray rat) was reused in an episode of Dinosaurs, The Howling, where he narrowly avoided getting eaten by Roy Hess! Philo (the pink rat) was also reused in Mopatop’s Shop as Magic Teeny and Mabel.

I’m sure Philo and Gunge would be over the moon to appear on TV though perhaps Marjory would be a little less than thrilled 😅

[raeathnos]

.

[teddiesworldd]

could you do a pt2 of the zombie outbreak with ghost, maybe the zombie outbreak ends and they get used to being a normal couple? idk

after the world ends (p2)

this is part two of my ghost apocalypse au, you can read part one here!

a/n: thank you so much for all the love on part 1 and for this request which inspired part 2! i hope it's what you imagined <3 (1k words)

pairing: simon ghost riley x reader

tags/warnings: apocalypse au, fluffy, some descriptions similar to ptsd, starting a family, the ending they deserved ;')

day 154 of the apocalypse, 5 months after the first outbreak, 2 months after the second.

time creeped on slowly as the days melted into weeks, and then months. you’d become quite accustomed to life behind the fence, picking up various skills to make yourself useful in camp. the others had taught you everything you needed to know. you could now fish, hunt, cook - survival was something that came so naturally now, it was like your life before never happened. like it had always been this way. on your trips out of camp with soap, you had noticed shoots of grass and leaves sprouted up through the concrete over time and covered your city in an overwhelming green haze. 

other than the odd trip outside the safety of the fence, your days were calm and laid back. you often spent them laying out by the river with simon, watching the water flow past in the warm spring air. more recently though, you’d looked after the german shepherd you had found with soap in the city, which you had lovingly named riley after your love. there was always plenty to do - things needed fixing up, whether that be the equipment or each other. 

in the evenings, you no longer watched soap and ghost talking from your tent - you sat alongside them at the campfire, simon’s large hand holding yours. you shared stories of your lives before the outbreak, dreaming of what you’d do when the world turned the right way around again - if that would ever happen. and when your conversations died down, simon led you to his bed and you spent the night with your head on his chest, listening to his faint heartbeat to drown out the sounds of the infected who got too close to the fence.

it wasn’t all smooth sailing; some of the others in camp had fallen sick and the nearest pharmacy was completely stripped by other groups, leaving nothing to treat your own wounded campmates. illness spread like wildfire here and all you could do was nurse their wounds and cook hot meals to lift their spirits and provide warmth. a few lost their lives to disease or to the zombies, but most fought on, struggling through the days.

you’ll never forget the moment when you heard about the cure. 

head resting on simon’s shoulder, swaying gently to the faint crackle of the radio. his hands gently gripping to your waist, holding you close like he never wanted to let you go. it was a routine that you both had for a few weeks now, after your first night together in the tent. rocking gently to the music as the sun glowed shades of pink and orange in the late evening. "my girl, i'll marry you when this is over." he'd tell you every time you held each other like this. simon had never felt so enamoured with someone in his whole life. he couldn't wait for the day you shared his last name. it was what kept him going through all this - the thought of living a normal life with you on the other side. soap sat nearby, cleaning up whatever he’d found during the day, cheesing over the action figures he found in the house he raided, watching as you and simon fell utterly in love with each other.

the music cut off and the announcer said that a cure had been developed to treat the infected. and suddenly you remembered everything that you had left behind 5 months ago.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

four years later, you sat out on the porch of your home with a cold drink, watching simon play with your daughter in the backyard. he proposed to you as soon as you heard the radio broadcast and you married shortly after normality returned, falling pregnant and buying a house together. it never really got any easier - cuts turned into scars and memories of your days in camp turned sour, plaguing your dreams. often you’d wake up in a cold sweat, fear running through you like you were still there. but simon never failed to bring you back to earth again, stroking your hair and shushing you to sleep again. soap visited often, riley always jumping up at him madly as he stumbled through the front door. your daughter had grown accustomed to calling him “uncle johnny”, which he loved and it made him well up the first time he heard her say it.

nothing would really be the same again - you had lost most of your friends and family, and the world never quite got back to the way it was before.

but in a way, that was okay. because so much good came from it. 

“mommy, look!” you daughter giggled madly from the bottom of the garden. you snapped out of your thoughts, eyes landing on your 4-year-old daughter who was halfway up the tree at the bottom of the lawn.

“i- i did try to tell ‘er not to,” simon sighed, walking up to you and wrapping an arm around your shoulders, “but you know what she’s like... little adventurer.”

you couldn’t help but laugh. it definitely wasn’t the first time she’d gone up there - she climbed up it like she’d done it a thousand times before.

“reminds me of someone i know.” simon said, looking down at you in your chair, nothing but love in his eyes. he kissed you sweetly, reminding you of the first time your lips touched that night in your tent. 

“i’ll start making dinner, yeah?” he finished, hand gently squeezing your arm before heading into the kitchen. you really did get so lucky the day you crossed paths in the woodland.

“can someone help me down?!” your daughter shouted, riley barking up at her playfully as she clinged tightly to the branches.

“yeah, honey, i’m coming” you replied, placing down your drink and heading down the garden.

˚✧. thank you for reading!

˚✧.please reblog to support me <3

˚✧. dividers by @ saradika-graphics and @ si-eunnis

✎ masterlist

💌 send a request

[steddieas-shegoes]

98. “if we weren’t in public right now i’d have my head between your legs” 👀

READICUS. Okay. Alright. I've caught the context disease from you though.

Rated M | tags: language, flirting, dirty talk, so much discussion about sex they might as well be having it, getting together, FWB to lovers

😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉

It was just grocery shopping.

They were in a grocery store.

Eddie should not be getting hard watching Steve pick out the ripest bananas.

Like, genuinely, even he knew this was as ridiculous as it could get.

It's just that they'd been casually fucking for the last few weeks, letting off steam, just dudes helping dudes through their synchronous dry spells, and watching Steve pay so much attention to a fucking banana was a lot for Eddie to wrap his mind around.

Casually fucking might not even be the right term.

It was more like...fucking like rabbits.

Eddie spent more time at Steve's house than he spent at his own, and most of that time was spent either naked or trying to be.

He spent the night last night, and only agreed to come shopping with Steve after a very convincing blowjob against the kitchen counter.

It was working for them.

Except for how much Eddie loved Steve. Not like a friend, or a brother, or the way he loved his Hellfire minions. He loved Steve in the "would marry you in Vegas and have tons of babies with you if you wanted" way.

So embarrassing.

Especially taking into consideration that there was no way Steve saw their arrangement as anything more than convenient.

He watched as Steve finally settled on the perfect bunch of bananas and shuffled back to the cart that Eddie was leaning on.

Eddie leaned forward as Steve leaned over the cart, his lips brushing against his ear.

"If we weren't in public right now, I'd have my head between your legs," he whispered.

Which was bold of him considering the grocery store was packed with weekend shoppers.

Steve tensed, his body freezing completely as Eddie backed away, smiling and waving at an old lady glaring at him.

"What the fuck, Eds."

Steve's cheeks were fire engine red, his hands gripping the edge of the cart like it was the only thing holding him up.

"What? I just thought you should know how bad I want you," Eddie shrugged.

They flirted with each other all the time, that's what led to their situation in the first place: the flirting went a bit too far and Steve ended up on his lap, rocking his hips back and forth until he came in his jeans.

No big deal.

Just another day.

But never in public, barely even around someone they trusted.

"Here? Now?" Steve squeaked out, eyes widening comically.

"Why not? You're hot," Eddie's hand grazed his lower back, just enough of a touch to tease, not enough to really be noticed by anyone else.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Steve hissed. "You want people to see?"

"No, 'course not," Eddie smirked. "I just want you to feel."

Watching Steve struggle to find words, struggle to flirt, was possibly the biggest win in Eddie's book. If he could pat himself on the back for it, he would.

"We're in public."

"Stevie, I hate to say it, but being in public doesn't really stop me from wanting to get on my knees and suck your dick."

Steve's face got impossibly darker, only spurring Eddie on more.

"If I wasn't so worried about being walked in on, I'd drag you to the bathroom right now. Maybe fuck you in a stall. You'd probably like that, huh? You liked when I fucked you against the shower wall the other day," Eddie let his fingers trace along Steve's arm, subtle, easy to pull away if someone got too close to them.

"Eddie-"

"Or maybe you'd wanna fuck me. I know how much you like throwing me around and showing off sometimes. Think that would work for you?"

Eddie watched as Steve shivered, biting his lip and doing his best to hold back a whine.

"But we won't do that, right? Because only I get to see you like that. The way you fuck me, the way I fuck you, that's just for us, isn't it?"

Steve nodded.

Eddie looked around, confirmed no one was close enough to see, and settled a hand on the front of Steve's jeans.

"This is just for me."

"Yeah, just for you," Steve choked out, his hand grasping at Eddie's wrist to either pull it away or hold it in place. "Eds-"

"I know, Stevie. But we gotta shop. That's what you said when you were on your knees in the kitchen this morning."

"I can shop later," Steve gasped as Eddie's hand squeezed once before pulling away.

They were in public and there was only so much Eddie was willing to try to get away with, but Steve's reaction was everything.

He looked away, focusing on the apples in front of him as if he cared at all about apples when Steve Harrington was hard right next to him.

He froze.

He thought about everything he'd just said, how possessive he'd sounded, how he'd never quite crossed that line before.

How into it Steve was.

He looked back at Steve, who was still staring at him, face almost back to a normal shade, but lips bitten red and eyes glassy.

"Steve?"

"Hm?"

"Do you want that to be just for me?" Eddie should not be having this discussion in the grocery store.

"Do I what?"

"Do you want to be mine? Like, more than just...fucking?" Eddie should not be having this discussion in the grocery store.

"Is that...an option?" Steve was letting him have this discussion in the grocery store.

"If you want it to be."

Every once in a while, Eddie saw this look in Steve's eye, only ever when he was looking at Eddie doing something stupid or funny or when he was messing around with the kids.

He never let himself think that it was anything more than just Steve getting distracted while looking at him.

He could see it now, though, and he couldn't ignore what that look actually was.

"I want it. I want you."

Eddie was fucked. In more ways than one, it seemed.

"You do?"

"Why is that so hard to believe? You've practically been living with me for weeks, dude."

Eddie's lips curled down, disgusted.

"Don't call me dude, oh my God."

Steve laughed.

"I'll make it up to you when we get home," he winked, turning around and pretending that he didn't just make Eddie's brain short circuit.

"I- what-" Eddie sputtered.

"What? Can't handle my mouth? You handle it fine earlier."

God, Eddie loved this man.

"Stevie, how fast can you finish shopping?" Eddie started pushing the cart away, not even sure if he was going in the right direction.

"If you stop distracting me, ten minutes."

"I'll be in the car, then."

[biggest-geo-oogami-enjoyer]

Can you write how Geo would deal with a mc that is always sick? (Totally not cause I'm sick too)

My Remedy for your Malady. (All x Sick! MC/Reader)

Anon. First and foremost, I made you wait 5 1/2 days. I am truly, wholly sorry for this *humbly bows*. (▰︶︹︺▰)

Secondly, I decided that I'm gonna do this for all 7 of our characters, because Jess, Brit and Deryl deserve more attention. I hope you may forgive me for my lateness, and enjoy this fic nonetheless (btw get well soon if you're not already <33).

Also I know that Jess especially is shorter (literally teehee) than the others, but I'm gonna get the hang of her eventually. Same with Deryl. >:]

ALSO, you're in an established relationship with them, so that's why they have (very legal) access to your residence!

- Signed by biggest-geo-oogami-enjoyer

Remedy: a medicine or treatment for a disease or injury.

Malady: a disease or ailment.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Geo was concerned when he found out you were ill.

When you didn't show up to school for the last few days, he texted you to find out why; to which you bluntly told him you felt like utter shit.

He doesn't pick up on the fact you're sick until you straight-up tell him.

Depending on what type of sick you are, he'll get the appropriate medicines/remedies and speed his way towards your home, hell, he might even skip archery, and he *never* skips archery.

Would rock up with food he knows shouldn't cause any problems or nausea for you and will probably make soup.

And you better fucking eat it.

He will feed it to you (reluctantly, but if you seriously can't do it yourself, then he'll manage).

Will ask you how the hell you fell ill anyway, and depending on your answer, he'll be either: Pissed (if you caught it from someone else), Or exasperated (if you stopped taking care of yourself or didn't equip yourself well enough to deal with the weather).

Will take care of you either way.

Will read to you in Japanese to help you sleep.

Will try to not lie near you if possible, unless absolutely needed. He does not plan on catching shit.

Will remain at your residence until you recover; unless he has classes that are either critically important and/or ones you're also in.

Will lend you his notes.

Will also take them back after a few days.

Will also just probably talk to you while you're bedridden, unless you cannot, in which case he'll simply watch you sleep, occasionally stroking your head and hair to try and comfort you.

He's trying his best, okay?

Sol will freak when he finds out you're sick.

Doesn't care what he's got on next, he's gonna go take care of you.

Will probably feel bad for not telling Hyugo anything about suddenly vanishing

, but he'll understand right?

Will spawn outside your home with: - Medicine, - Your favourite comfort food (if you can eat it without the fear of vomiting), - Probably will bring poetry and art with him, so you both have something to do (that's not him) when you're bedridden.

Will try and hold you if possible, doesn't mind if he gets your blessed germs on him.

You'll have to tell him that you'd worry for him if he fell ill, so he'll respect that.

But he will feed you. You don't have a say in that.

You're being babied now.

He's gonna make sure everything you want (and can have when sick), you'll have.

Is honestly okay with not going to any class, he'll just ask Hyugo for notes if he hasn't been MIAing.

Covers you in blankets if you've got a cold.

If you have a fever? Ice cream. >:]

Essentially tries to uplift your mood as much as humanely possible.

This guy will do anything for you. <33

Crowe will ensure that when he arrives at your home, you'll have everything you'll need.

Will cook your favourite food.

Will make you eat soup and light foods that are easy on the stomach.

Won't touch you, he doesn't want to fall ill, but will read to you.

He's got a soothing voice I just know it.

And he's 110% going to put you in a coma from how tired you feel when his voice hits just right.

Or maybe you're just fatigued because of your body waging a war against god-knows what kind of virus.

Will make you all forms of beverages to suit your illness, will also go out of his way to purchase any, after all, he's got the funding.

Will still go to classes, and takes extensive notes for you.

Will also tutor you the content if you're up for it.

Will stroke your hair if it's not sweaty, as a form of comfort.

Will make you feel as loved as possible.

Because that's what you deserve.

Brittney will be appalled.

How did you get sick? More importantly...who got you sick?

She's gonna yell at them.

Or fight them.

Maybe both.

Will buy a bunch of goodies for the both of you.

She can't cook for shit, so she'll just get takeout as food and order a fuckton of cough drops and Panadol.

You're both gonna be painting each others' nails.

And spilling gossip. Oh my god, she always had gossip.

Will give you notes to subjects that are majors, or ones you share.

Other than that can't offer much.

Will sit away from you to not get sick, but she'll 110% be supporting you emotionally.

Will probably give you a massage when you get better.

Idk she gives the vibe that she would.

Is the most aggressively supportive girlfriend ever.

She only wants you to recover ASAP, and to feel as content as someone who's sick can be. <333

Jess will be focused solely on you recovering as swiftly as humanely possible.

Is upset when she finds out you're fallen ill.

She'll drive to her home, grab the best shit she has and drives to your home.

Stays with you for days on end.

You've become her priority now, after all.

Jess is a very devoted (and lonely) girl, what can I say.

Will try and comfort you via reading to you, or listening to you talk about literally anything.

She just loves your company and you. Poor girl's been neglected her whole life.

She'll try her hardest to take care of you, and she does a very good job. (Ask Brittney teehee)

You're more than glad to have her.

And she to have you.

Hyugo will be astounded.

You? Got sick?

Why?

Did someone make you sick???? (if so teehee someone's getting food poisoning~)

He's at your home, with everything.

Literally everything.

Blankets, movies, games, medicine, puns, your favourite food and whatever else he deems necessary.

Will hug you if you're not aggressively sneezing/coughing.

Will watch movies with you on the couch with you lying on his plush fucking thighs.

Says the most stupid shit in Japanese (such as teaching you how to hide a body) and making it sound like flirting.

Tells you jokes and puns to make you feel better, until you laugh too hard that is and almost die.

Will make food for you.

Will ramble on about random shit to you, or listen to you talk (if you can).

Literally just seeing you content is more than enough for him.

Deryl will be SHOOKETH.

He will sprint to your fucking house. He doesn't care.

You're his only priority now.

Will magically appear at your home, and immediately hugs you.

You can be fucking dying, he doesn't care.

You're getting squashed.

Will be asking if you're okay 24/7

Until he realises he forgot to bring food.

Then he runs to get it, along with tablets, Panadol, all that jazz.

Like RUNS.

HE WILL RUN.

HE IS A FAST MOTHERFUCKER.

FAST!!!!!

Then he gets tired, so by the time he gets to the store, gets the food (and the 'goods'), he's gonna just call a fucking cab and crash at your place. (he forgot takeout existed lol)

He doesn't mind, and frankly, neither do you. The food and snacks was awesome (well, what you could eat anyway).

Will try his absolute best to take care of you, but often gets carried away with his energy. Often talks and rambles to you while you happily lay in bed next to him and listen.

Will call Geo or Jess for how to make a warm soup to feed you.

Then it becomes 'we've got Masterchefs at home'.

Shit goes crazy when Deryl's around tbh.

And you're more than happy to enjoy the ride (in more ways than one ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)).

[chefkids]

Spoon Theory

This is arguably the single most important The Bear meta post I will ever make so please bear with me.

The first spoon we see in the entire series is when Carmy takes Sydney's spoon to try her stew. This is right after he cut his hand from not being able to find his sharp knife, and before he has to meet with Natalie to get Mikey's jacket, which was stressing him out. She "gave him a spoon" and a bit of positivity when he needed to calm down and get some energy by knowing at the very least Sydney can cook well.

Needing a spoon is needing help. When he hands over the brigade to Sydney he is waving around spoons the entire episode, when she really needed his help and his "spoons". Later on Sydney is not afraid to just ask him for his help.

With the risotto she gave him a "spoon" that would help the restaurant, that brought in a good review and customers, but he didn't have enough of his own "spoons" to deal with it as he was stressing out over the window that just got shot through and the IRS needing the missing tax returns. Right before trying the risotto Carmy had told Richie he is afraid of something good happening. He is afraid of Sydney and him doing well, because the better it gets the more it will hurt him when something goes wrong. That is why he keeps self sabotaging the restaurant and doubting Sydney.

After Sydney quit, she is still using her spoons for mental energy to make sure Marcus is okay and to try and figure out her next steps career wise. Carmy grabbed a spoon to open the tomato can lid, which he really didn't need because he could've just used the can opener, and then found the money. When he finds the money they both know they would be fine on their own, she could find another job, he could fix up The Beef. But they still need each others emotional spoons to achieve their passions, so he reaches out and she comes back.

In Season 2 she did need his "spoons" to help create the menu and decide on the details for the restaurant, but he barely gave her any because he was still so caught up in his past trauma and the literal and metaphorical forks in his life.

Fixing the table really didn't physically need more than one "spoon"/person. But he needed her there to work through his mental block. With the inspiration food tour, she did it on her own and she didn't physically need him for it, she needed his emotional spoons.

When they are not communicating well with each other and Carmy is trying to reach back and be involved again, he gets as close as he can to her spoon without actually using it.

And now the dark side of spoons.

The originator of spoon theory has lupus and first came up with this theory at a restaurant to explain what it was like living with the condition to a friend. They could've easily said Sydney's mom died of cancer or an accident or anything else. But this is all so intentional, out of all the things it is Lupus. I don't want Sydney to be sick as much as the next person, but Lupus is a chronic autoimmune disease that has higher likelihood of developing when you have a family member with it, and can be triggered by environmental factors such as stress. It is an invisible illness and Christine's own handle is butyoudontlooksick, which could really explain Sydney and what she has going on behind her walls that people can't see. She has been a rock to so many people and over exerting herself, but there might come a time soon when Sydney will genuinely need other peoples "spoons", especially Carmy's, because she's all out.

Now that Carmy said he is choosing to give Syd his focus aka his "spoons", will he actually be able to follow through?

Read The Fork Theory next

Read The Knife Theory

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Unpopular opinion about the Waleses:

I think that there's more going on with Kate than the cancer. I think that between this and all the attacks she's received, not only recently but for the past few years as well (out of everyone in the family, she's the one who's been the most attacked: H&M supporters constantly go after her looks, her marriage, her family, her kids, accusing her of racism, of bullying H&M out of the family), I think she might be mentally exhausted and needed a break from everything, including her royal duties. I get the criticism that she's received, saying that regular people don't have the luxury to stop working but I feel like there's also a case of mental exhaustion

Also, as someone who has deal with people with cancer and has been a caregiver, having cancer is one of these diseases that will make you reevaluate your life, think about what you want and what makes me happy. I don't know how Kate is doing but she's well enough to take the kids to a festival and go to Wimbledon.

As someone who has watched Kate grow since she started dating William to now, she never struck me as someone who is a social climber or desperate to be Queen, like so many people believe. She and William were in the same circle. She could've easily done a Pippa, married a rich aristocrat and lived a rich life without being in the public eye.

And even after she and William got married, she always gave me the vibes of someone who loves being a stay-at-home mum, living peacefully in the countryside. I never thought her (or William for that matter) really liked royal life. Look at how many years it took for them to start solo projects and even then, it looks like they're not really that involved (Heads Together is the perfect example)

Maybe, this health crisis and her finally taking the time to reflect on everything is making her realise that she doesn't really like this life, which is why she hasn't come back to doing engagements, unlike Charles (I know he's the monarch but he's always been very hard-working)

Could be. I know a lot of others that share your opinion.

Something I think is worthwhile to remember is that we’re in the middle of a huge paradigm shift as to what royalty is, what they do, and what they mean, moving from traditional monarchy (best embodied globally by the BRF and Queen Elizabeth) to modern monarchy (which no one really knows what that looks like because we all look to the BRF for that model, despite dozens of other monarchies around the world who have been able to make that transition somewhat successfully). Charles certainly has ideas of what modern monarchy can be, but he’s also a product of traditional monarchy and is still somewhat beholden to those ideals, though his own diagnosis seems to have made him realize there is some merit to a modern, scaled back approach.

To which I think is the “between a rock and a hard place” that William and Kate are in - as the face of “modern monarchy,” they’ve had to do a lot of work figuring out what that looks like, and what they seemed to have settled on is quality over quantity, and their focus is quality of everything - quality of life, quality of work, quality of health, quality of engagement. And I think we’re seeing that in their joint decision to let Kate have the time and space she needs to heal not just physically but mentally as well.

Which is an uncomfortable notion because we’re used to a royalty that “has to be seen to be believed.”

The flip side of your argument about Heads Together and how uninvolved they are today is “well, that’s totally the point.” It goes back to William’s approach to charity work; he wants to train, teach, help the locals to do this work. He gives them the seed money or the initial support to launch, but then he backs out of it, turning the reigns over to the locals or the experts, which has a far greater chance of long-term success because then you’re addressing systemic challenges. (Which is the opposite of Harry’s approach, which is that it needs to be fixed right now, so flood the system with everything and everyone you need to eradicate the immediate problem, take credit for that, then take your money and experts somewhere else and leave the locals unable to do anything except watch the problem redevelop or worsen, because you haven’t taught them what to do. The brothers have butted heads over this and it’s something often discussed by the Royal rota in their books.) So again, it’s a conscious choice by William to prioritize quality over quantity; making sure to invest in the people involved in his initiatives to address issues at the core root.

But at the end of the day, there is no right or wrong answer at what’s going on. It’s just change. And change is uncomfortable because it makes “what we’re used to” different. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that change and different is bad. We just don’t know. And we won’t know until William gets a chance to effect his plans.

As for Kate, she signed up to be William’s wife and accepted that the crown comes with it. She’ll show up when she needs to because that’s the woman she is; when it matters the most, she’ll be there. Yes, it matters somewhat now to a lot of people, but it’s doesn’t matter the most right now. It’ll be okay.

And if it isn’t, if things change and Kate doesn’t show up when she critically needs to, we’ll worry about it then. But for now, let’s take her at her own words that sometimes she has bad days and sometimes she has good days and when she’s having a good day, she wants to make the most of it. She had a good day this weekend and went out with her family and had a good time. Is she not allowed to do that? Are all cancer patients or all people with major health issues not allowed to enjoy their good days when they have them? Because if so, someone better let the Make A Wish Foundation, and all wish charities, know they need to shut down since sick people aren’t allowed to have fun.

[rainbow-femme]

Rewatching the animated Beauty and the Beast

-Right off the bat the thing in the opening that gets me is not the possible age implication but the fact that this prince is opening his own doors and to people he’s not expecting. You’re lucky it was just an enchantress looking to test the purity of your heart and not an assassin. Just power posing with the door fully open, no guards, going “Oh hey it’s someone I don’t know! I’m going to have a conversation with them alone” before god and everybody. Of course you got cursed, your guards should have rugby tackled her before she could get her wand out

-I never liked Maurice as a kid and I still don’t. Like he’s not bad he’s just annoying to me every time he’s on screen. The wind blows and he’s dying on the side of a cliff somewhere

-It is never not funny to me that Belle promises to stay in the castle forever and then just leaves three hours later

-I love Gaston having his whole “I’m going to get Belle’s father locked up so she marries me” scheme and then she’s fully just not remotely near the town. He’s living in a high stakes drama and she’s clapping along to dancing tea cups

-Hey when Maurice goes to look for Belle he grabs a bunch of rolled up pieces of paper and protractor. Is the idea that he’s just gonna invent and build something while actively walking? Sir you spent 6 hours in a dungeon and nearly died of being in a dungeon disease, you can’t help yourself out of a wet paper bag much less get your daughter out of anywhere with an invention you made out of rocks and sticks while clawing your way through the woods because you’re dying again

-But it is funny to imagine this revolving door of Maurice and Belle trading themselves for the other until the beast is just like “hey if I let you both leave will you promise to never come back”

-Belle is such a dick at the beginning it’s so funny. “Oh there’s one place in this giant castle I can’t go? I bet he’s hiding all the really cool stuff in there and I’m going to ignore his wishes and that of the staff. Oh no, consequences, the guy who said not to come here is upset I came here! Who could have foreseen this!”

-Like it’s not bad writing, it’s her character arc that she was mainly focused on herself and her interests and pretty judgemental of people who weren’t like her, so her disrespecting someone’s boundaries because she want to sets up something she grows from, and she learns to connect with someone else on their level even if that person is different from her and she learns that people are more than their surface appearance and even an angry beast has depths if you actually get to know them and see their view of the world, and connecting with people who are different from you enriches your life. Which is why when the townsfolk later try to kill the beast because he’s different we see she’s now understood the danger of that way of thinking and is horrified

-But that’s such a funny thing to do just immediately upon entering a castle owned by a big scary beast. Day one hour one she’s like “oh boy I know where I wanna go!”

-I don’t want to be a CinemaSins and point out how improbable it is that Belle got a giant unconscious beast onto her horse when he would be hundreds of pounds. But I do want to see the scene of her doing it. I’m picturing the horse sorta laying down and the beast is on the ground like a sack of potatoes and Belle has her back against him and is pushing with her legs to try and roll him over. Or she’s got her shoulder against him and is trying to push that way but her feet keep slipping in the snow

-Oh my god I forgot they told her about the library before the beast “gives” it to her. She was already allowed to go in there and knew it existed, “giving” someone a room they had full knowledge of and access to is very funny

-But you know what if he’s the kind of guy who thinks that will work and she’s the kind of girl it works on then they’re perfect for each other. Just two people with zero social skills bumbling around a castle together, making weird decisions and the other is like “wow they’re so cute and normal”

-I love the sweeping faux crane shot during the ballroom dance. Over 30 years later and that shit still slaps, more animated movies need to act like they’re being shot and edited like live action

-Maurice really can find a way to immediately die in any situation. When he’s at home he’s fine but the second he leaves the town border he develops tuberculosis and begins losing all function in his limbs

-I’m going to be honest with you guys, I’ve seen various versions of Beauty and the Beast and every time it’s the letting Belle go scene I have the same thought: I absolutely would not have read that social interaction correctly, I would have been fully under the impression we were all aware I was running an errand and coming back later. Because if I’m Belle, and I can live in the cool castle with a friend and people who are nice to me or a town I specifically stated not liking filled with a guy who is pushy and makes me uncomfortable and people who are mean to me and zero friends, I would not have been like “oh thank god I can finally go back!”

-“You should go to him. I release you, you are no longer my prisoner” See to me that reads “We are friends and I am removing this technicality between us so you can go run out and do something that is clearly important to you.” I would not have picked up on everyone in the castle thinking I was leaving forever. I’d just show up two hours later like “boy, it’s been a day, huh?” and the beast is just laying face down on the floor in his room listening to a sad boy playlist

-But the beast is clearly part dog so I guess it’s a normal reaction for him to have

-I don’t want to victim blame, but if you have a sick dad and are equidistant between “castle where everyone likes you” and “town where everyone is mean to you” and your dying father can be cured by a nap, I feel like it’s a bit on you if bad things continue to happen in the Bad Things Happen To Me town

-Not saying she should have anticipated a mob coming to incarcerate her father but I do feel like it would be expected that the people who have been mean to you and your dad would continue to be mean to you and your dad in the Everyone Is Mean To You and Your Dad town

-Because if the forced incarceration hadn’t been an issue, they would have gone to town the next day and someone would go “Hey Belle, your dad said you were kidnapped by a beast.” And everyone would point and laugh and he’d start waving his arms and going “It was the biggest beast you ever saw! 18 feet tall and claws bigger than my head!” and people would probably suggest that the guy they all call Crazy Old Maurice may be crazy and Belle would need to prove he wasn’t. I just don’t think we would have ended up with much of a different situation in any timeline that involves going back to the town

-Ok. So. If I live in a town. And I find out there is a beast within walking distance that is sentient enough to take villagers prisoner. And this guy is like “yeah he took me and my daughter prisoner, he’s terrifying!” I’m not saying I would have been part of the mob but I do think I would be worried about there being a beast and two people he previously kept prisoner living next door. And her saying “no he’s actually very sweet” would sound like those people with exotic pets who get their faces eaten by their pet tiger. Like yes they’re wrong but Belle also thought he was scary and violent until she’d been there a number of hours. I feel like if instead of giving herself up she went to town and asked for help and they created a mob to get her father back she would not have been against the idea so it’s not wholly their fault for having the same idea

-“Is it dangerous?” “No, no, he’d never hurt anyone” Every owner of a dog who wants to bite you so so bad

-So when Belle and her father are alone she is clearly telling him that the beast let her go and is kind. When asked about the beast by the town, Maurice starts yelling about how he’s the most terrifying monster in the world. Belle has to show the beast to back up her father’s claims to try and save him for the second? third? time. And then they’re locked up and she says “this is all my fault” and this man does not for a second contradict her or take blame at all. “Yeah I can’t believe you specifically caused this mess.”

“We won’t rest until he’s good and deceased.” I know there are only so many words that rhyme with beast but that’s such a funny line in a bloodlust song. I will not rest until this animal has been declared legally dead by the state

-“We will fight even though the danger just increased” I’m obsessed with all the words they had to use to rhyme with beast

-It’s so funny that this is canonically France and he is canonically a prince. They didn’t make him a duke or a lord he is directly related to the royal family and in the line of succession. Likely not the dauphin because they wouldn’t have sent him to run a castle in the countryside away from the center of politics so probably a younger son but still, this guy is part of the royal family. They didn’t have to explicitly state this is France but they do, and they reference the baroque period so it’s after the construction of Versailles. The beast is actively being stabbed to death while sentient furniture watches and at the same time his family are canonically pissing on the walls and floors of their own home

-Oh my god the beast is brooding on a chaise. Did he drag it over to the window just so he could dramatically sit on his chaise and stare longingly out at the rain? Absolute break up mood

-He’s also in a different outfit that isn’t the fancy one or his every day one, he went and changed into a breakup outfit. Important to note the breakup outfit includes a cape and what he was previously wearing did not. He chose to put on a cape as part of his breakup outfit

-So Gaston points his arrow at the beast. The beast acknowledges it then looks away. Gaston then fires and hits him and he reacts all surprised and angry that it hurt like my dude you let him shoot you with an arrow, what did you think that experience would be

-It is so wild that Gaston assumes the beast is in love with Belle. Like yeah he’s right but what a wild assumption to make when you’re not even sure this thing comprehends human speech. Again my thought would be he’s attached to her like a dog is attached to its owner, I would not see a big furry animal and be like “this thing is fully sentient and feels romantic attraction to human women”. Yeah he’s wearing clothes but still that feels like a leap. Pointing at a dog in a sweater following its owner and yelling “You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”

-The beast’s arc is partly him controlling his temper, and we see him want to kill Gaston but controls himself and lets him go, immediately resulting in his own death. Gotta be honest I feel like less self control would have been helpful in that specific scenario

-I didn’t remember the blood spray after the beast is stabbed followed by the stab wound bleeding a good amount of blood. Are there other Disney princess movies with onscreen blood? I think in Mulan we see blood oozing out through clothes from an injury but that’s the only other one I can think of. Eugene gets pretty bloodlessly stabbed

-Best scene in the movie: The beast floats up in the air, actively transforms into a human in front of Belle, stands up, says “Belle, it’s me!” She then squints at him, touches his hair a bit, squints at his face, and when she recognizes his eyes she goes “It is you!” Ma’am what the hell else did you think was happening. If you didn’t recognize his eyes would you have just been like “Hmmm I dunno…”

-Ok so at the end there is an entire royal court watching them dance. Again I don’t want to be a CinemaSins I just want to see the missing scene. Like did he explain what happened to him? If yes then again I want to see that conversation of him explaining to his family how he was literally transformed into a literal beast for the last ten years and they had no idea this was happening to their family member. If no, imagine just going back to being a prince after 10 years as a beast and you just have to pretend like everything has been normal this whole time. I want a sequel that’s just the human beast reintegrating not only back into society but French royal society, which was notorious for having some of the most intricate and complicated social etiquette in all of Europe

-The final shot is a stained glass window of them with a prominent rose. Now in the original he had a whole rose garden he was very attached to, so that makes sense. But I feel like this beast specifically would have only negative connotations with roses and that window would probably be seen as a little tasteless given the circumstances. “It’s a rose! You know, the physical manifestation of a curse that was clearly quite upsetting for you for nine years and roughly 360 days, reminding you daily of your flaws! Isn’t that fun?”

“Original score by Alan Menken” Look up his IMDB, if you live in at least the US this man has written the score to your entire life

[sumirexxxx]

— Treat Me Like A Slut

cw: trans!scara , gn!reader , degrading kink , belly bulge , overstimulation , fingering , sub!scara , dom!reader , rough sex , cursing , mentions of cock/dick

summary: scara is a exclusive slut who only fcks rich people

“This is all you got?” Scara stares blankly, his tone laced with annoyance. “Look, i’m not some cheap whore just anyone can buy for a night..” Scara sighs while rolling his eyes, his patience running low.

“B-But this is all i have! Please, i’ll pay you back once i get enough cash-“

“Listen..,” Scara stands up from his seat whilst unwrapping a lollipop from a glass jar before popping it into his mouth. “I don’t know if the program told you this, but i don’t fuck with limp dick men. You either have the money or you go to some local motel and catch some deadly disease from their smelly vaginas and die.”

“B-But please.. i beg of you!” The man shouted as he dropped to his hands and knees, tears welling up in his eyes.

Scara was eating this shit up. He adored when men would beg and gravel at his feet. Unfortunately, this occurrence didn’t last long when his manger ( aka you ) showed up and escorted the man out of the building.

“Scara…” You sigh in defeat after closing the establishment doors. “Was it necessary to cause such a ruckus?”

Scara rolls his eyes before walking on over towards you and gently gazes his hand against your abs. “Wanna fuck me big boy~?”

“Don’t you’d think it be inappropriate for a manger to have intercourse with their client?” You teased, edging Scara on until he throws himself at you.

“Oh please.” Scara scoffed. “Spare me the formalities and just fuck me already.” Scara whines as he wraps his arms around your neck and brings you into a heated kiss.

The both of your tongues intertwine with each other as a string of saliva was left behind after the both of you needed a breather. “How about we finish the rest of this in my office..” Scara nods his head in agreement and wraps his legs around your waist. You carried him to your office and placed him on your desk before going back to kissing him passionately.

“W-What.. about t-the door..” Scara moaned between the wet kiss, drool escaping from the side of his mouth as he looks at you with half lidded eyes. “What if someone w-walks in on us..”

“Guess you’ll have to be quite then.” You chuckled as you slowly moved your kisses down to his neck and then his torso before reaching his clothed cunt. It was adorable seeing Scara worry about you, but you knew deep down he didn’t give two shits. He just didn’t want to share you with anyone else. Scara moaned and arches his back as you bite and suck his inner thigh, causing him to spread his legs even wider till you could see a damp spot in the middle of his panties. “You’re already this soaking wet for me?” You teased as you pinched Scara’s clothed clit.

“Y-Yes!~” Scara gasps as you slide his lavender panties to the side and already slid a finger into his silk entrance. “Nghhh-! N-Need more~” He groaned as he rocked his hips against your hand. You ignored Scara’s request as you continue to fuck him with one finger only, which eventually brings Scara to tears as he continues to beg for more of your fingers. “P-Please my cunt aches… hmmp~ pl-please- i’m so close..!”

“You look so beautiful when you’re begging like a desperate bitch.” You sigh teasingly before shoving three more fingers into his sloppy wet cunt. Scara in advance covers his mouth with his hand as he yelps from the sudden intrusion. His body goes limp as his back arches off from the wooden office desk.

Scara wishes he could protest when he suddenly felt the coil in his lower abdomen snap. “I-I’m coming! Nghhhh~ ah-“ Scara squirts all over your fingers and wrist, wetting the desk below him. His body trembles as he comes down from his orgasm. “M-More.. n-not enough..”

You tilt your head to the side as you pull your slick fingers out from Scara’s entrance. “Isn’t someone being a little too greedy..” You sigh. “I’ve already done so much for you..”

Scara scoffs as he attempts to sit up, only for his strength to deny him as he helplessly falls back down on the desk. “Y-You haven’t done jackshit..”

“Oh dear…” You ruffled Scara’s hair before standing up and removing your dress pants and boxers. “Was my fingers not enough for you?” You ask mockingly as you rubbed your tip against his wet folds.

“O-Obviously.” Scara stutters as he attempts to remain obnoxious as usual but the build up after the orgasm seeps in. Scara let’s out a soft whimper when he feels your tip pressing against his entrance, slowly but surely going inside him. Your gaze is fixated on Scara’s expressions, making sure he is completely comfortable at all times. You’re well aware that majority of your customers don’t treat your clients with the up most of care. Unintentionally whilst you were thinking of Scara well being he roughly rubbed his heel into your ass. “M-Move already!” He sneered as Scara bucks his hips against your thick cock.

In response to Scara’s disobedience, you pulled your cock all the way out till only the tip was in until slamming all of it back into him. Scara screamed as tears flooded his eyes and his jaw hanged low, leaving him speechless. “F-Fuck… you’re squeezing me..” You groaned as you threw your head back.

“S-Soo full.. nghh~!” Scara moaned as he chanted this line like a curse. His gaze shifted towards his lower abdomen as he can see the outline of your cock bulging in and out of his hypogastric. “N-Nghh… i-i’m gonna cum.. hmmp.. ahh- i’m coming-!” Scara squirted all over you again like the whore he is, spraying your belly with his clear fluids as well as your dick. “C-Cum inside me! I-I wanna feel you hot seed inside… nghh~ m-my cunt~”

You nod your head in agreement as you continue to fuck him vigorously. Thrusting your hips a few more times against Scara fat pussy has you coming instantly. Your white fluids were quickly milked away by Scara gooey walls. The feeling of fullness sent Scara into overstimulation causing him to squirt one last time, his clear fluids mixed with your white ones seeped out of his swollen red cunt. Scara pants as you slide out of him before pressing a kiss to his temple as the both of you clean up and head home.

[electrozeistyking]

hey you know what. when I think about the in rot and infection au sometimes i give myself psychic damage. like i'll apply it to a concept where one of the other party members are looping, and realize, on account how siffrin starts the first loop in irai, he's kinda just doomed no matter which angle you take it from. which is a major ouch, especially for me.

like oh he got crushed by rock? yeah you have to save him from getting crushed next time. by the way turns out he's also infected. whoops. full of pourirr disease now.

irai!odile specifically is the only one who has the nerve to bash their head in and make them loop back, so if it's an odile looping au, she has to deal with having to do that every loop. and if it's anybody else they have to deal with potentially watching her do that.

AHAHA IT WOULD ESPECIALLY BE BAD IF IT WAS A BONNIE LOOPING AU. y'all that is an entire preteen right there, and odile does what she does without taking that into consideration. like first they're in a time loop, and frin got crushed. now it turns out frin has pourrir disease, and is dangerous. then dile runs up and bashes his head in, effectively killing him in however many strikes it would take her.

CAN YOU??? FREAKING??? IMAGINE THAT??? HOW BONNIE WOULD FEEL??? OR EVEN MIRABELLE OR ISABEAU IF THEY'RE THE LOOPER INSTEAD FOR THAT MATTER??? LIKE AT LEAST SIFFRIN LOOPS BACK FROM THAT, BUT EVERYONE ELSE HAS TO DEAL WITH THE AFTERMATH.

also pretty messed up of me to take Siffrin, notorious disliker of change, and then drop a weird sickness that forces drastic changes to his body (in a remarkably short span of time all things considered) on him. and he has to loop back from that every time he's infected.

he'll reset, sure. but now he also has to deal with knowing he might change like that again every time he loops. the effect that might have on him. seriously.

anyway yeah irai's running around in circles in my brain, the thoughts this thing provokes my god. highly recommend applying it to different concepts to see what emotional damage you can get out of it, especially with bonnie or isabeau. I didn't talk about isabeau here but him dealing with infected siffrin is. oough. ouch.

[kandisheek]

Cap-Ironman Rec Week 2024

Early Canon Wednesday: July 24th

Prompt: Bring on all those fanworks set in those heady early days of canon where Steve and Tony have just met and are starting to work together.

Aaaah yes, the good old 2012 tower era. We all remember it fondly. (Well, if you're like me and joined the fandom late, you don't, but - whatever. The point stands.) Here are some of my favorite early canon fics:

-- Bond Has It Covered by sara_holmes

Tony thought they had trouble getting along when they were dealing with a major global crisis. Apparently that had nothing on how they fell apart when they weren't distracted by smashing aliens.

-- All These Things I've Said by Dr_Amuly

When Tony starts talking in a language Steve can't understand--the language of science--Steve figures he'll retaliate with a little foreign language knowledge of his own. Only once he starts speaking French around Tony, Steve finds that sometimes it's easier to say what he really wants to say to Tony in a language he can't understand. Good thing Tony doesn't know French.

-- (First Impressions Are) A Work in Progress by ras_elased

Tony has a point system for the times he can get Steve to be less than perfect.

MORE RECS BELOW THE CUT:

-- Drinking Games by kahn

"Okay, house rules,” Clint said, leaning back against the backrest of the booth they were seated at. “It can't be a random celebrity, or something. It has to be someone you actually know. Someone you'd go to if you suddenly found yourself gay and then had to have sex right away." Steve thinks drinking with the team will be a good bonding session for their newest Avenger, but, as usually happens with his people and alcohol, things go kinda sideways.

-- Some Things Shouldn't Be a Chore by scifigrl47

Steve takes things like personal responsibility and respect seriously. Tony's got people he pays to take care of that kind of thing, and anyway, he's pretty sure that he's going to die of some exotic disease in his workshop, because Dummy's still a little spotty about what is 'clean' enough to put on an open wound. The rest of the Avengers are in this for personal gain, except for Clint, he just enjoys being a dick. And some things shouldn't be a chore.

-- Theory of Mind by seventymilestobabylon

Or, five things Steve didn't let Tony buy him, and one thing he did.

-- This is Not a Drill by sabrecmc

“Can I—can I see him? I mean meet him. Uh…welcome him to the team?” Tony clarified, probably not very well, he knew.  “Well…there’s a bit of an issue with that,” Fury said, and Tony figured this was where Fury got to whatever it was that had really forced his hand and made him call Tony in, knowing how much the man detested having to do so. “You see, well. He was suspended in the ice for nearly seventy years,” Fury began. Tony nodded along, because he could do math.  “I’m sure he has a lot of adjusting to do—“ Tony started. “Seventy years,” Fury repeated, cutting Tony off and leaning back in his chair and making it rock slightly. “Of no suppressants.” “Oh,” Tony managed to choke out past the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. “Oh.”

-- i stole the keys to this guy by kellifer_fic

Where it was Nick Fury's idea, but he didn't mean it like that.

And two of my own fics:

-- Cozy

Tony seems to have a propensity to hug Steve whenever he's sleep-deprived. Which would be all well and good, if Steve had any idea why Tony chose him of all people to be his personal teddybear.

-- What You Don't Know Can't Hurt You

Steve and Tony are good friends. Very good friends. The kind of friends that go out to eat every other day, cuddle on the couch and are all up in each others' space. They're not dating though. No matter what the team says. Right?

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

I think we as a society really need to get over the idea that 'natural' automatically = 'good'.

And I don't just mean in a 'use actual disinfectant instead of cobwebs and wishful thinking!' kinda way, although that is part of it.

I mean in the way that so many people seem to fucking valorise the neolithic period as some sort of Pure and True Garden of Eden where everything was Perfect and humans got it Right.

Obviously we all know conservatives do it. The whole evolutionary psychology 'pink is for ladies because they evolved to see berries better, while blue is for boys because they evolved to hunt under the sky and we're going to ignore that these trends are less than a century old' thing. Yeah, we all get that that sucks.

But for some reason the Left Wing response is so often to just pull out the Uno Reverse card and be like "well actually the Neolithic era was a socialist utopia because-" which is surely a much less revolutionary argument than people seem to think it is.

Firstly, because it encourages historical revisionism. Like, if everything people learn about the lives of Early Humans ends up getting twisted into some political argument about the Right Way To Live in the modern day, then people are obviously going to be motivated to interpret the facts in a way that supports their own personal values.

To give an example: suppose one day we somehow found incontrovertible evidence that Stone Age autistic people were not actually valued for our ability to sort animal bones or stay awake all night or whatever, but were rather beaten to death with rocks the moment we started showing symptoms.

What would we do with that information? Given that 'autistic people were valued members of society in Stone Age times!' is currently being used as a key argument for our right to exist?

Ignore it? Refuse to believe it? Shrug our shoulders say "well, guess we were wrong" and start beating people to death with rocks as an expression of the wills of our Pure Divine Ancestors?

Which brings me to my second point of: while I don't think stone age societies actually did beat autistic people to death with rocks for no reason, they almost certainly did a fuckload of stuff that we would consider immoral today.

I mean, they definitely didn't vaccinate their kids. If you went back in time and told somebody from the Neolithic era "poke your kid with the Magic Needle and they will be Protected From Disease" they'd probably go for it, but if we're going for natural = good then technically the anti-vaxxers have it right.

There's also a fair amount of evidence for cannibalism. And massacres. And infanticide as a method of birth control. The natural state of humanity is pretty shitty by most modern standards.

And like, I'm not saying that stone age cultures were cruel and inhuman either. They were very human.

The nature of humanity isn't inherently brutal or inherently pure… it's mostly, in fact, the desire to build something for ourselves and our communities that is better than what we have. Medicine. Shelter. Warmth. Clean sources of water. Consistent sources of food.

Humans didn't Get It Right in the stone age, and we sure as hell haven't Got It Right yet. But billions of people didn't spend their whole lives working to make things better for future generations, only for us today to decide that the only way to Get Things Right is to go all the way back to the beginning.

[ceilingfan5]

make it count

"problem" for @taznovembercelebration

Kravitz thought he was already having a weird night, but the guy tumbling out of his closet was, honestly, a real surprise. 

“AUGH, FUCK,” Kravitz says, flawlessy parried by closet guy’s “FUCK, AUGH.”

Kravitz steps back. Too far. The bed catches his ass, which hopefully looks like he sat down intentionally and didn’t reverse kneecap himself. Closet guy straightens up, long, gorgeous hair all over the place, and he spits hair out of his mouth and eyes Kravitz, steely, but also nervous, like Kravitz might be angling to kick his ass. 

Kravitz might. He hasn’t decided yet. He’s a little panicked, and he doesn’t like, WANT to call the cops, obviously, but there’s a fuckin’ dude in his closet and he’s been home for like three hours now. He’s played dad rock as high as his phone could go and danced in his boxers, and showered, and changed into pajamas, and eaten popcorn like both a horse and the tender but misunderstood delinquent girl feeding that horse and maybe that’s not necessarily something he wanted some kind of malignant fucknugget to witness.

“Who the fuck are you and how did you get in my apartment??” he demands, grabbing the nearest heavy object and brandishing his shitty lamp that makes an annoying noise when it’s on like it’s some kind of newfangled glaive-mace. 

“Who the fuck are you and where am I?” closet guy retorts aggressively, in a funny accent Kravitz can’t really place. Maybe it’s fake. Is this guy fucking with him? He’s too tired to be fucked with. He won’t allow it. 

“My apartment, asshole, keep up!” 

“Answer the first question!”

“You first!” Kravitz juts with the lamp, which is unfortunately a little flaccid, what with its flexible spine and all. He should have grabbed a shoe and just chucked it. 

“I don’t remember what you said!” the guy admits, which, okay, Kravitz kind of gets it, and it’s sort of hard to stay serious, even with his hackles up as they are. “Why are you dressed like that?”

“I’m in my pajamas!” Kravitz says, defensive. He knows the old, old Death Note t-shirt and Jack Skellington pants, which he got from the defunct K-mart mumble years ago, are not like. Flattering. BUT!! Listen. His vintage monogrammed pjs are in the dirty pile. And the dirty pile has gotten a little big, cause things have been nuts at work, and he’s worn out and exhausted and other words for fuckin’ wiped. What is it people say now. Eepy? Baby you’d best believe he’s eepy to the core like some kind of fucking blood disease. 

Man. Maybe he should get his vitamins checked. 

But also fuck you, closet guy, he’s in his own home, and no one was supposed to witness him tonight. He’s done being seen and perceived. You hear him? Done!

“Is that…so.” The guy squints at him. Kravitz would be assuming what the fuck he’s judging Kravitz on, but he kind of got lost in the attractive freckles and his long elegant fingers, and the gap in his teeth. And the hair, despite the fact that it is still all over the place, isn’t a minus. “I am Taako, prince of the elves.” 

“Oh, okay, and we’re back to zero,” Kravitz says, cheerfully realizing he’s going to have to fucking call 911 because he truly cannot figure out what the better option is. Except. He’s going to get strangled in his fucking Death Note t-shirt from 2013 because his goddamn Jack Skellington pants don’t have pockets and his phone is in the kitchen, actually, and they may not put that in his eulogy but everyone is going to know anyway, because of cringe osmosis. 

He doesn’t usually believe in cringe. Funny what imminent death does to your philosophy. 

“Why is that?” Taako squints at him, tucking hair behind his ears. And, shit, maybe he’s done costume work for whatever the fuck this is, maybe he’s had some insane plastic surgery, but his ears truly are crazy pointy. Not even elf in a movie pointy, like ten, twelve inches long, and they flick when Taako touches them. Kravitz reorients some facts, none of which add up, and he struggles.

“I’m Kravitz,” he says, against both his good judgement and his judgement he uses when his good judgement is dirty. 

Taako squints at him harder. Kravitz wonders if he should put the lamp down, especially considering it knocked over his wifi router which is blinking frantically like some kind of crying electric beast, but honestly whatever at this point. Like, is he going to die? Shit, then at least he doesn’t have to work tomorrow, you know? Sorry mama, he promises he cares, mostly. 

“Assistant head of sales,” he adds. Taako considers this at length. 

“I think I took the wrong portal,” he decides. He turns back to the closet, which reveals that he has a tail, actually, for real, as far as Kravitz can gather, and puts his hands on his enticing hips in frustration when he finds Kravitz’s bullshit mess of Work clothes, Dress Up clothes, Play clothes, and Nobody Can See Me Fuck Off clothes. And also four wigs, his heated blanket, the printer he’s mad at, an embarrassing amount of hangers,  and two paper boxes full of dumb garbage he can’t let go of from two moves ago. And some glitter. Shut up is why. 

"What the fuck is going on?" Kravitz demands. 

"Well," Taako says, with deep conviction, and doesn't finish. He turns back to face Kravitz. That tail flicks dismissively, still somehow incredibly appearing to be legitimate. Kravitz eyes him over, takes in his elaborate and scrumbled suit-gown of purple and gold gossamer and his thighs high boots and his golden eye makeup and also the way he keeps glancing at Kravitz's pajama pants. 

"Well?" Kravitz prompts. "You realize you're in Austin, Texas?" 

"Nah, uh," Taako looks a little pale now. "Chaboi was in Phandolin, in uh, Faerun, the fuck is a Texas?" 

So true. 

"Don't you dare tell me you hopped through a portal in my closet like reverse Narnia." 

"Narnia?" 

Man. Maybe Kravitz will hit him with the lamp. Shame he's so pretty. 

"I don't have time for this," he mutters. "You always watch those fantasy movies and they just handle it, but I don't have- what am I supposed to do, call in an elf prince personal day? If I'm going to take an elf prince personal day you can bet- sorry, I…" Kravitz winces. Just because he wants this to be fake doesn't mean there isn't a situation at hand. 

"I mean, Taako is all for an elf prince personal day if it means what I think it means." Taako grins, showing surprisingly sharp teeth, which Kravitz feels totally regular about, no details thanks. "I was running from some assholes who wanted to murder me. I mean, I don't necessarily think monarchy is the way of the future either, but you don't see me assassing about it." 

"Well, no monarchy here." Kravitz can't help but be glib. He finally puts the stupid lamp down. Just on the bed. No way he's sleeping anytime soon. This makes the cord pull taut. His sad router just slumps onto the floor. Taako jumps and inspects its flashing lights, alarmed but also kind of fascinated. 

"No?" He glances at Kravitz, and back at the lights. "Sick. That sounds easier."

"Well, it's not like there's no- we don't have to do politics. Hey, Taako, if I take this as nonfiction, which I am not committed to, and do not faint, which I am also not committed to, what the fuck am I meant to do next?"

"I mean either we take that elf prince personal day, really make it count, or uh, you magic me back home, mister?" 

"Magic isn't real!" Kravitz runs his hands down his face, excruciatingly aware of the comedy of the situation. 

"Ah," Taako says, really tasting the gravity here. "Guess there's no option but to fuck me." 

"Now hang on," Kravitz says, struggling not to laugh. 

"No, I'm right, probably." 

[shock]

This one is definitely my favorite so far in my collage solar system, so I wanted to post it. Hopefully I'll get some nice scans once all the pieces are done, but here's a spotlight on Neptune Side 1, "MEMORY".

The photos on the left are all pictures I took as a kid with film my gammaw got me before she died, and most of them are from the same day we took a walk together. The photos on the right all include her except for one. I can't remember HOW I managed to get ahold of the time they hired a stripper for her birthday, but I've always found that set of photos to be really evocative and I feel like I found the perfect use for them! 🤣

The text reads:

One fine day in 2006, a wild deer wandered into a Target store. When animals are traumatized, we make careful, logical calculations. Which is what the deer did.

After falling down the stairs, skidded around for a half hour, like when Odysseus opened a bag of captive winds, would surrender for a second, then dash from one event to the next. Until out of sheer frustration, I threw a bucket. But it made the deer race right through the window.

"F---ed up beyond all recognition."

If I had known what that maneuver would cost, I would probably have let the deer go.

A couple of days before she died, she took me to the ocean.

My log adds, I had some nice things to eat. I have never seen a being, human or animal, always so full of joy. Talking to her filled me with the power of the sun.

I wanted to hug her, but I didn't. I literally forgot to put my arms around her. We talked again that night on a ship-to-ship radio frequency. You weren't supposed to talk long on that because others might need it.

The next day, she died. I went into the woods, trying to clear my head. I could hear the deer breathing in the darkness. It was weird.

The day after she died, I called and cried. I don't like to yell or scream, but a bad storm brings something out of me. Not until I knew there's be no response did I realize how much pleasure I had taken in calling her. I bellowed up at the approaching storm: All right, you have the power of life and death! Love's no good! I know it! I had so many meetings with different people, I forgot! I'm sorry! So deafen me with your thunder! Go on, then! Scorch up my brains! I defy you! I'll defy you to my last breath!

Who was I defying? God? The deer? The storm? It didn't do any good to make noises of my own.

Sleeping helps. In dreams, I reach out my hand and grab the disease with my fist, drive that f---ed cancer back across an entire wavelength, refuse to contemplate the distant future, have a great talk with her held safely inside my arms.

I think It's worst than a nightmare. It's slow torture, it will drive you crazy, cunningly spooled and folded scenarios spin out in your mind.

Two years ago, I watched tapes of her that only reminded me of how I wanted to hear live people. It took me years to learn how to use them.

It is always interesting to see how situations change and people move from one to the other. Then you walk around a rock, and there it is: names and drawings, graffiti, all of one trade— MEMORIES carved in the rock:

Her life was a gift to me. She'd given me a greater one.

She sounded good.

I got the message. Follow the noise.

Retrace my route between the images of a continuous narrative. I went to the spot where she took her last breath. By then I could hear the deer running through the brush. I called again. This time, with a smile.

It worked. I made contact again.

Of course I knew this time she couldn't come, so my approach changed:

All right, REFLECTIONS can't support life.

That's okay. Keep moving.

GO AHEAD AND FREAK OUT.

Keeping busy helps, too— She lived every moment as though it were her last. It was wonderful.

I love her very much.

Do you want to know a secret?

I transformed into something grown for the pure happiness it brings me.

I feel really good now.

My attention most days is on the here and now.

It's the only real escape there is.

[autisticrosewilson]

Hiii!! Do you have any Jason & Catherine, Jason & Willis headcanons to spare?? Alsoo, permission to use on fics? 👀

Thank YOU FOR THE ASK!! And of course I love when people use my headcanons!!

For Jason and Catherine I think he gets his love of theatre, especially musicals, from Cathy. She seems like the type to study classics or work at an antique shop or something and a lot of their apartment used to be decorated with assorted knickknacks. It was a little bit of push back against her Catholic upbringing which demonized earthly pleasures and material goods.

Admittedly she used to have hoarder tendencies, she would get very attached to her collections, they became a crutch for her while caring for her mother and after her mother's death, and I think this is what inspired Jason's tendency to keep as little on him at all times. He couldn't stand the clutter for the first few months after Willis was arrested.

I've mentioned it before but I think a big part of why they never had a kid of their own after taking in Jason is because Catherine was scared of passing down her hereditary disease, especially because in my version she originally comes back to Gotham to take care of her sick mom. In this way she spares Jason from dying like her and her mother, but she ultimately fails to save him the pain of watching his mom deteriorate right in front of him.

Jason comes by his autism honestly, from both parents. Neither Catherine or Willis were particularly aware of it but they totally understood all of Jason's interests and his insistence on rigid routines. Neighbors and teachers would be like "don't you find how isolated he is odd?" And they would be like "Nope :) kneeling on the playground collecting rocks and organizing the classroom bookshelf during recess are perfectly normal. And so is him crying when the lights are too bright and eating his food section by section."

I know that Jason was the CHUNKIEST baby, I know it I was there. Catherine and Willis dressed him as a pumpkin as often as they could and he made all the girls and old people in the apartment SWOON and fawn over him. He didn't even have teeth and he was raking in candy.

Catherine and Willis had VERY different parenting techniques, Cathy grew up on a farm going to church every Sunday in Virginia while Willis grew up running Gotham's streets with little to no reliable supervision. So Catherine was kind of a helicopter mom because Jason was her miracle kid, while Willis was a lot more laid back. Which isn't to say that Willis loved him less, but Willis prefers to teach Jason to be self sufficient because he knows exactly what it takes to survive in Gotham.

Willis always wanted to take Jason fishing but due to it being Gotham...that never happened. Regardless, he tries to hit as many of the typical father-son milestones as he could because he never really got to do those things with his own father. Jason wasn't particularly sporty, but he was canonically a baseball fan and I also think he's a hockey fan, so that's something him and Willis bonded over. They definitely found their favorite bonding activity working on cars together though (can someone say shared special interest).

I actually think Jason gets his love of cooking from Willis! I imagine he worked with a lot of street food vendors and at a lot of different mom and pop restaurants, he seems like the type who bounced from a lot of different jobs throughout his teen and college years so he's kind of a jack of all trades and has a bunch of niche skills from his EXTENSIVE career. Willis Todd is much like Barbie to me. But anyway he passed down a lot of those recipes and his love for food and different cultures to Jason. Catherine can cook but after growing up being told it would always be her responsibility, something she was obligated to do as a wife, Willis's delight in doing domestic tasks like that is part of what drew her to him.

Willis had a picture of Jason in his wallet and he bragged about Jason to anyone who would listen so a lot of people recognized Jason on the streets, which put a target on his back but also so many of Willis's friends (exes) knew Jason that part of why Jason survived so long is that people were a lot more willing to help him. There was a not insignificant community of Crime Alley who were delighted as well as suspicious when Jason was adopted. There was a candlelight vigil held for him after he died since no one got to attend the funeral.

Jason has always had Catherine's smile, and he still does. It's amazing how easy it was for her to pass as his bio mom, if you raise someone long enough they'll eventually start to emulate you. No one ever denied that Jason was Cathy's. No one knew Catherine was pregnant? Some of Jay's traits are... unaccounted for? Nope Jason has the same speech patterns and gets the same look when he's judging someone and has that same light in his eyes when he's reading a particularly good book.

In tribute to them he has a tattoo of a shield surrounded by lilies. The shield is for Willis because in some languages his name means resolute protector, and the lilies are for Catherine because like her name they mean purity.

After moving in with Bruce after finding out Willis died he asked to hold funerals for both of them and they have matching headstones at Gotham cemetery. For Catherine's he chose a Bible quote (Timothy 1:7) and for Willis's he chose a dedication to the only version of Willis he knew (loving father, devoted husband, friend of many, brave till the end). The ceremony was public and the venue was overflowing with people who had known Willis, Jason learned more about his dad than he'd ever known before listening to their memories of him. Ma Gunn was still in jail but when word got back to her she sent a letter to Wayne Manor thanking him, because she might be a hateful old bitch but that was still her son.

[sol-consort]

Wait until the other species find out that the only thing preventing Earth from being pummeled to death by the asteroid belt is the gravitational pull and orbit of Jupiter holding the belt and other space rocks back. (Sometimes Jupiter lets one slip tho and flings it right at us or the other inner planets. The dinosaurs got the last rock that Jupiter threw at Earth.)

that's just Jupi being in a silly goofy mood <3 such a diva sometimes i swear

I know there is this trope of "Earth is actually a deathworld" in the human space orcs prompts, but Earth is genuinely the closest to a heaven you can get naturally from a planet.

The other species would envy the humans for getting such a starting advantage. Turians had to adapt to a radioactive planet after their ozone layer fizzled out, quarians became the disease carriers in their world for the lack of bugs to spread pollen around which completely shattered any resemblance of immune system they could've had.

Compare it to our Earth that's impossibly diverse, the rich evolution history it gave humans. It's not normal for an animal to have such a varied diet as us! So many of the stuff we are able to eat would kill them. Our bodies have biological clocks that sync with the day and night cycle. Our hands have fully articulated 5 fingers, and one of them is a thumb! Having a thumb is so vital to creating/using tools that it's a miracle species without it even managed to get through the stone age. So many of the aliens have fewer fingers, paws, or claws.

Our hands are insanely complex, not even counting the unique per-person fingerprints. Each finger has 4 joints, totalling 20 joints per hand. Allowing us extremely precise movements and the perfect limb to grab any shape whatsoever with. We wouldn't have had any of that wasn't it for the long line of ancestry we hold, we would've probably ended up as another aquatic species wasn't it for Earth developing the ozone layer and allowing us to go on land + plants and actually liveable wide areas of land.

So back to earth—Not only is the ozone layer and the Earth magnetic field constantly protecting us, but so is the moon! So is Jupiter! So are the remaining planets in the outer rings that filter out all the large asteroids. Jupiter flinging one asteroid at us once a couple millennias is so much more preferable to the shower of asteroids we would've been heralded in every single day.

Or how convenient Mars' existence is to us. So close by, mineral rich and ready to be explored, the perfect test planet to attempt to integrate into. A clear set goal for the future. How humans in Mass Effect got handed all the advanced space travel technology from the remains of Prothean bases there, ones previously used to observe us. Did the other species get the same? Asari, sure, yeah, but salarians and turians had to actually work to master space travel.

9 planets and 181 moons. Our solar system is even located at the outer edge of the Milky Way, where it's nice and less crowded. We're literally living in the suburban housing equivalent of planetary systems.

Earth is genuinely a haven, the perfect cradle to nurture sustainable life. All the other species have problems and mutations caused by their less than ideal planet environments, which they had to overcome with science—even the asari, don't forget the glaring problem of how reproducing with each other can results in Ardat Yakshi— Meanwhile, humans can be suited up and ready to go.

Our faulty expiring spines and only two sets of teeth pale in comparison to salarian bodies needing extreme support for each joint, drell breathing diseases, and hanar inability to carry their own bodyweight. Humans' bodies are very adapt, even in space, your brain starts adjusting the blood flow and regulating it's own pressure.

We might not have 4 eyes or other advantages like the protheans, but we definitely can get a passing grade in space survival with little to no modifications, only regular exercise.

That's why the theory of "unique earth" is so popular. Even when we do find an earth-like planet, it's rarely in a suitable star system. It's bare and defenceless with nothing to protect it. It's only a matter of time before it's flattened by asteroids or melted by radiation.

The sharks on earth are older than the forming of the literal north star. If that's not proof enough of Earth being perfect for propagating and maintaining life, then I don't know what is.