#i get that final seasons and especially finales must be pretty hard to write

[johnny-and-dora]

it’s truly wild how much sway a finale has in making or breaking a show’s legacy and the way it’s talked about FOREVER. i’ve never seen a single episode of how i met your mother i exclusively know it as the show with the really bad ending that pissed everyone off…same with got…maybe sometimes the unexpected twist ending…is worse

[buckrecs]

2023 𝙗𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙮 𝙗𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙨 𝙛𝙞𝙘 𝙧𝙚𝙘 2

masterlist | ✨- fav fics | status - complete

All of them are COMPLETE Series.

1. Chicken by @delusionalwriterr

Bucky x Reader

You and Bucky Barnes shared a strange relationship with each other and the team was getting tired of it. When a mission goes wrong, will you be forced to admit your feelings for each other or will they remain buried?

2. sweet reverie by @demxters

College!Bucky x Reader

bucky asks you to pretend to be his girlfriend for the weekend but after what you thought was sweeter than a dream has you facing a harsher reality.

3. The Time of the Prey by @subwaysurf45 ✨

Knight!Bucky x Princess!Reader

The younger sister of the most talked about princess in the kingdoms really can’t do much except smile and nod. When Natasha, your sister, finally goes to moves all of you to Shieldshire to marry her beloved Prince Steve you are left with your art, all alone. But one Knight took it upon himself to keep you company, and that company was all you needed to get through wedding season. Will that company last or will it be ripped away from the both of you? A war is starting and it seems targets are being made. 

4. super rich kids by @traitorjoelite

College!Bucky x Reader

kids with too much money, parties every night, and an incident with your best friend’s brother is just the norm on the upper east side.

5. Bring You Home by @sunflowersoldat ✨

Bucky x Reader

Y/N travels back in time to get Steve’s help for one last mission, but not everything goes as planned.

6. The Colour of Rain by @delaber

Bucky x Reader

On the run from his violent past, Bucky has sought refuge in a small town in Mexico where he enjoys the peace and quiet of not understanding a word of Spanish. A peace that is violently disturbed when he runs into the most annoying woman he has ever met.

7. All The King’s Men by @nastybuckybarnes ✨

Alpha!King!Bucky x Omega!Reader

Your father always said that if it weren’t for your presentation, he’d think you were an Alpha. There’s a reason for that. Growing up in a world where Omegas are treated like garbage, you’ve fought for the respect that you have. Until you’re sold off to an old King desperate for a bride. But you will not lay down and present for your new husband. No, you will fight back.

8. Peaches by @noctumbra

DBF!Bucky x Reader

what they were doing was wrong, both of them knew that. it had to be kept as a secret. not everyone would understand what they have, she knew that much. they’d look at them and see an older man misleading a girl so much younger than him. it wasn’t the thing, though. that had never been the thing. it wasn’t misleading, taking advantage ─whatever they called their situation. it was love. forbidden, not-society-friendly, but love. 

9. Sweet Dreams by @abovethesmokestacks ✨

Bucky x Baker!Reader

Sometimes you start talking with someone, and you realize you share an interest and a wish for a certain supersoldier to be cut som slack. Enter cupcakes.

10. Fuck Up The Friendship by @summerofsnowflakes

Bucky x Reader College AU

Fed up with having your feelings played with you decide to have some fun with a with your friend Steve.

11. A Sweet Old Fashioned Notion by @sidepartskinnyjeans

Bucky x Reader

As the dust settles on the second 'snap' Bucky has been getting to know Brooklyn again. His neighbourhood has changed a lot, but it's changed for you too since you got blipped back. Bucky is still pretty old fashiond at heart, there were things he expected from life, to get married, to have a family. Simple things that seem far away now especially when online dating is so hard. Maybe something more traditional would be good for both of you.

12. Soldier, My Soldier by @cryptidcasanova

Winter Soldier!Bucky x Reader

“I am the writing on the wall, the whisper in the air. Without these things I am nothing. So now, I must shed blood.” He lulled at the base of your throat. “Sweetheart, come with me.”

13. Homesick at space camp by @atlaese

Bucky x Avenger!Reader

dying on a cold spaceship lightyears away from home wasn't what you expected

14. Spirits in the House by @redgillan

Detective!Bucky x Reader

Reader is in a coma after a car accident. Bucky moves into your apartment and find your spirit still hanging around.

15. Sugary Sweet by @all1e23

Sugar Daddy!Bucky x Reader

Is it all just sugar or something more? 

16. Missing Piece by @likeahorribledream

Bucky x Reader

When Bucky first arrived to the compound, Steve was his only friend and the only person he trusted himself around. That is until Steve introduces him to you, his best friend. Bucky was fascinated by how often you and Steve would hug each other. It had been a very long time since anyone had touched him in such a loving way and it didn’t take long before Bucky found himself craving your touch, but whenever you’d get too close he would flinch as if someone had hit him. His trauma still too fresh a wound for him to be comfortable with someone touching him. Then one day, he finally fights his instincts and let you touch him. He hadn’t realized how truly touch starved he was until he feels the warmth of your skin against his. Something clicks for the both of you in that moment, you had found your missing piece. As long as you were with each other, you were home. You both tried to fool yourselves into thinking you were just friends, really close friends. Friends that needed to be together almost every minute of every day and who needed to hold each other to be able to sleep at night.

17. Metal Arm and Short Skirts by @buckyarchives

Bucky x Doctor!Reader

waltzing in as the new head of the Avenger's medical division, impressing everyone, and... scaring Bucky with your incredibly short skirts. Bucky's having a hard time looking at his arm as anything other than a deadly weapon, and you're more than happy to help him.

18. Scars by @chickenfics ✨

Bucky x Reader Western AU

Running from a past that haunts you and a future that is unsure, the last thing you wanted was to take up with a stranger. Strangers, you'd learned, are almost always more trouble than they're worth. But when dangers from the life you're trying to leave behind get too close for comfort, drastic times call for drastic measures, and the stranger you'd once feared becomes the only person you can trust -- and perhaps the only person you'd call your friend. Now you both just have to make it out alive... 

19. The Color of Blood by @theidiotwhowritesthings

Bucky x Agent!Reader Soulmate AU

In this world, a person didn’t discover color until they locked eyes with their soulmate. As an agent of SHIELD, finding your soulmate was hardly a priority. Especially since you were currently dealing with the shocking discovery that HYDRA had been pulling the strings behind SHIELD actions this entire time. Life was all about timing, and you were about to find out that your timing was absolute shit.

20. Everybody’s Watching Him (But He’s Looking At Her) by @writing-for-marvel

Actor!Bucky x Assistant!Reader

The entire world’s eyes are on movie star Bucky Barnes, what he’s wearing, who he’s dating, even the mystery behind why he needs a prosthetic arm - but Bucky doesn’t care about all that, he’s only got one thing on his mind, you.

21. 27 Dresses by @beccaanne814

Bucky x Reader Modern AU

You are the epitome of “always a bridesmaid, never a bride.” You think you know what love is, but sometimes you can’t see what’s right in front of you.

22. Heal by @chucksfavouriteprophet

Alpha!Bucky x Omega!Reader

For months you managed to distance yourself from Bucky Barnes, the alpha you long for. But one night you have no choice but to comfort him, something which brings out emotions in both of you. Except it also brings out emotions in the Winter Solider, which results in a devastating turn of events that neither of you might be able to come back from.

23. Dangerous Woman by @samthemarvelfan

Bucky x Reader

You know he blames you, but you never thought he’d hate you.

24. Witness Protection by @mymoonagedaydream

Bucky x Reader

You'd only been living in New York for a few weeks when Natasha introduced you to James Barnes, the man who’d change your life forever.

25. Everything’s Better in Westview by @espinosaurusrexex ✨

Bucky x Reader

Bucky and Y/N sneak into Westview to have the perfect life. Away from late Steve and Tony, Vision and Natasha, they let themselves be consumed by suburban magic. To their surprise, however, some of these people aren’t so dead in the town. And there are some other weird things happening that make them question their sanity. But that’s okay, right? ‘Cause everything’s better in Westview.

26. Trying by @moonlight-prose

Bucky x Reader

Bucky Barnes was a new person. He survived a war with Thanos, finally getting rid of his triggers, and losing his best friend. He didn’t think there was anything else to survive. That is until he meets you in a bookstore and you become something he is scared of losing. An old villain has shown himself and suddenly you are the target of a new ploy to bring the Winter Soldier back.

27. unconventional methods by @marvelouslizzie

Bucky x Adult Content Creator!Reader

Bucky Barnes has a big problem: he is too anxious to date and too old school to enjoy porn. But he needs some kind of relief, and he needs it right now. After getting an accidental boner during a mission, Natasha suggests him an application that seems to be exactly what he needs. Will your content solve the problem for him? Or will it create new problems?

28. ephemeral by @aescapisms

Professor!Bucky x Reader

Bucky Barnes fell in love with you, but the universe isn’t all that forgiving.

29. Bulletproof by @amandaoftherosemire ✨

Bucky x Reader College AU

You, Steve Rogers, and Bucky Barnes have been the best of friends since middle school. On top of that, you’ve been in love with Bucky pretty much the whole time. Everything changed after the three of you got to college, however. Over the past couple of years you and Steve have become even closer but things between you and Bucky have been strained since the night he broke your heart. Can anything bring you back together?

30. The Heart is a Deep Ocean by @dreamlessinparis

Bucky x Reader Titanic AU

Titanic was known as the ship of dreams. For you, it was the dream of getting home, or so you thought. From the moment you locked eyes with James Buchanan Barnes, all those dreams changed and your life was never the same.

[jainydoe]

Simulacrum: Bird-Man meets Delinquent

a/n: finally finished the johanna/emmrich fic lmao i'm fucking exhausted.

Click here to read on ao3!

Summary:

She's destined for greatness and he's destined for goodness. Or, a study of what Johanna and Emmrich's relationship may have looked like in their youth.

Things are just like they were before, except this time she doesn’t have her room with her things that are hers and instead has a roommate ( Eve ) with medical-grade dandruff who farts in her sleep. She believes college is the time she’ll truly make the leap towards murder in the first degree. Father would be proud. Especially with her creativity. She’d spend the semester collecting every snowflake and fleck of dried scalp shaken and blown through their “shared space” and she’d stuff them in a bag. Something cheap and suffocating, like whatever fabric Eve chafes her fat snatch with. She’d pull it tight over her sleeping head, ignoring as she nervously passes gas through her slow and burning death. And once her thin, clammy, freezing limbs just finally gave up and kicked it, she would shake the bits all over her, a real earthy type of parmesan, some final seasoning, and see if the stench of her reeking corpse would outmatch the scent of her pre-mortem. And if anyone asked about precious Eve, she’d say she was well-done. Finally ready. A treat to live with. 

Father had warned that she’d have to keep her head down at the academy. Curls tight. Legs tighter. Before he was sent away, he’d spend each morning braiding her hair. Doing his best to separate her nest into three, thick, barely even but enough to go on strands, reminding her to keep it together. Be the eye in the storm. No one likes a messy girl who laughs too loud and plays too rough. It’s the first day of classes and he’s been gone for years, but she braids a tiny little strand by the nape of her neck for him. A reminder. A bridle. Something to tug when she feels like sticking out a leg and seeing how hard the mighty among her can fall. And there are those that are mighty among her. Eight a.m. Introductory Anatomy proves that. She recognizes faces from galas. Debutante balls. Girls and boys she hasn’t seen since the patriarch’s imprisonment - weirdly around the time the invitations stopped rolling in. She knows they recognize her. The Hezenkoss’ kin. At the first pair of pretty blue eyes staring her way, beginning a whisper, she wants to jam her thumbs into her retinas, scooping the back and sucking on the jammy residue, daring any and everyone to try their hand at Johanne’s only and greatest spawn. She thinks the way her lip must curl does the trick. Blue Eyes looks away, focused on her quill. Good. Be afraid. Be weakened. Be nothing. 

Someone, however, does not avert their gaze. He’s a prick, naturally, for being so tall and choosing one of the two seats available in the front row. It almost makes her laugh, the way he’s folded himself into this writing desk. Like a dodo bird in a fish bowl. What doesn’t make her laugh is how bird-like he truly is. His gaze isn’t accusatory, or clouded by anything other than true, unadulterated interest. A goodie two-shoes, of course. Virgin, no doubt. This place will eat him alive, if he doesn’t self-cannibalize first. There’s only one seat left and it’s next to him. Naturally. She’s not even late but these people are awful, arriving fifteen minutes ahead of schedule to get their perfect seating for their perfect rumps, all to support their perfect report cards. It’s day one and she’s gonna self-cannibalize. Bird-Man extends a hand. 

“Emmrich Volkarin.”

She nods. “Johanna.”

“That’s a lovely name. Cherubic.” 

That makes her turn her head. “Are you trying to fuck me?”

“What?”

“Why would you say that unless you were?”

“Um, I was trying to be-”

“What?” She smiles at him. She knows how her smile looks. Especially when she widens her eyes. Something possessed. Something manic. Red alert. Danger. Evacuate now. 

He may be uncomfortable, but he’s not frightened. Interesting. “Kind.” He opens his satchel, pulling out a scroll of parchment as their professor meanders into the classroom. “You looked like you could use some kindness.”

It turns out people are not kind to one Emmrich Volkarin. Not in the way he is. He offers girls spare quills and whispers answers to confused faces during exams. He beams in that vacant way and ignores the returned whispers about his battered uniform - used. When they get more cruel, though, in the way he should’ve expected after flaunting how much he pre-studied and pre-prepared and pre-became teacher’s pet, all in a room of try-hards and daddy-issues - he should’ve expected it but clearly didn’t and she watches this veneer of niceness crackle into desperation and it’s delicious. It’s gut wrenching. It makes her actually feel. Watching him swallow during the midterm, blinking back tears at a comment on how he’s probably blowing Professor Welch and sucking out all the knowledge he has to offer. Maybe she’s been looking for an excuse. But more than that, she’s looking for a friend. She might find one in the boy who’s kind and unafraid. Stupid in that way. But smart in the ways that are useful. She turns to the whisper, rises from her front-of-the-room chair and kicks her in the nose. A jackrabbit heel to her carefully-bred nose, and it’s bleeding out beautifully. This is a lesson in anatomy. Take notes. She grabs the girl’s hair, red and whorish, and promises she’ll revive her corpse one day and bring it to her family’s estate. Show them even princesses can mold and rot. Professor Welch is yanking her out of class before she can finish the job, but she’s ripped out some strands of that bloody red hair. Decides to keep it as a trophy. No. She’ll give it to the boy. Something nice to remember her by. She’ll be expelled for this, if not thrown into some cell for a while. Good riddance. College was for posers and idiots. People who needed the comfort of a cage. Those kinds of animals terrified her. Terrified Dad, too. Probably why he did what he did. And now look, a creature-caged, blah blah blah, the metaphor is an eye roll. It’s not something she thinks about much. 

She’s waiting outside the dean’s office for over an hour when he comes running from the end of the corridor. His legs are too long and his spirit is too free. He ought to braid his hair. Even just a strand. He’s taking deep breaths by the time he gets to her, but she doubts it’s from the run. 

“Why’d you attack Veronica?”

“She’s a cunt, why else?”

He places his bag on the ground, gently, (the tattered, used, ugly one) and takes a careful seat on the bench next to her. “There are plenty of those. Why this one?”

She snorts. “That may be the rudest thing I’ve ever heard you say.” The small grin that blooms on him is befitting. Secretive and minacious. “Veronica’s a twit. She’d make a better final rites assistant than Mourn Watcher.”

“It takes a special heart to assist final rites.” They sit in silence. Then he whispers, “She’s better off just moving to Orlais . Better fit for her, uh, particular intellect.”

She feels like she’s glittering. “Why’d you come here, Volkarin?”

He looks at her. Eyes green and grey and a little bit sad. Dry moss that makes his hair all the more pitch and skin all the more pearly-moondrop. He really is quite pretty. Like roadkill. Like a wilting lily. Like something preserved just for her. “What you did was awful. Truly. I’ll never get the image or the sounds of that poor girl screaming out of my head.” He grins. “Thanks.” With that, he grabs his bag and leaves, tossing a final wave over his shoulder.  If nothing else, she’s glad she got the few weeks of this place for him. To watch this loser blossom into someone crackling with energy. Primed. Understanding that everyone around is wishing for his downfall and he doesn’t have to stand for it. In that moment, they are equals. They are alike. Replicas. She’s buzzing and wants to ruin Veronica all over again. Just so he can smile at her like that.

“Miss Hezenkoss?”

The dean is a fat bastard, sure, but he’s also a fat cat who doesn’t much care for the aristocracy. Maybe it’s why he offers her a lemon cookie and asks how her father’s doing. “You’d have to ask him. I hear the guards at Aeonar are quite hospitable.” 

At that, his face softens. “You haven’t visited?”

“Grandmother wasn’t too keen on the prospect.”

“Speaking of, you know I’ll have to tell her about your little outburst , yes?”

“Yup.”

“And while I’m sure she’ll offer to donate a wing to your dormitory or open up some sort of scholarship for wayward girls, I’m wondering what you’ll do for the college.” 

She can bullshit an answer. Doesn’t want to. But figures somewhere between a lie and uncaring jab rests the truth. “I’ll make friends and be great one day.”

“Some might consider those opposing ideals. Which matters more to you?”

She doesn’t see Dean Merriweather anymore. She sees her father. Collar stained with blood she can’t recall the source of and eyes cold and deep with mysteries she knows she’ll never solve. Never wants to. Never hopes to. She answers for him. “Greatness, of course.”

“Good.”

She’s required to get a campus job (to Help Out!) and see the school therapist biweekly. The good news is once Eve’s Mama and Papa heard their baby angel sweetie-pie was rooming with a delinquent, they had her transferred to an apartment off-campus for her wellbeing and mental health. Good thing, too. Johanna had finally found the perfect, chafing bag. 

The second half of the semester means lab work and no one’s gonna partner with Little Miss Anger Management. Or with her new pet. She’s surprised that A) they let her back in the class and B) Volkarin isn’t nearly as put off by the whole ordeal as he should be. If anything, he welcomes her to their table with a touch of warmth that wasn’t there before. He gives her a quill. She says she has one.

“That one’s just for you. Consider it a token of my gratitude.” It’s red. A griffon feather. She knows he can’t afford it. Shouldn’t be able to. Not on a campus job salary. “I got it as payment for a tutoring session to some upper-crust teenager. You don’t need to look so surprised.”

At that, she’s almost flustered. But not as much as he is. “Thank you.” 

He ruffles in pride and hands her a scalpel. “Fifty silver we get to the corpus callosum before the other teams.”

She looks at him, toothy and primed, itching to slice. This will always be him. She knows it. It’s an envy that stretches in her throat, choking. She doesn’t think she’ll ever feel as much joy in her life as he does in a passing minute. She hates him for it. She admires him for it. But she mostly just hates him. “Fifty silver Donovan confuses the frontal lobe for the cerebellum.” His laugh is ugly, which is a relief. She won’t acknowledge he’s handsome in this light. The ash-struck age of his canvas scrubs, buttoned along the shoulders in a flattering taper, make him all the more saturated. And his leathers, worn and used but oiled and cared for were exemplary of his character. Someone who gave a shit, no matter the condition or circumstances. She looked down at her boots, scuffed and muddied, the ink splotches along her cuffs, and refused to admit he made her doubtful. On edge. Electric. They finish the lab before the rest of the class and he asks her if she wants to study in the library. He knows a spot that no one ever visits. 

“Are you trying to fuck me?”

This time, he doesn’t answer. 

Spring break used to mean tagging along on business trips to Orlais. Sipping teenie coffees on a rooftop in Treviso. Making eyes at some Crow initiate who didn’t know what he was getting himself into. She’d come back to campus refreshed and jazzed, wearing something new and hot and ready to regale some of the girls in class about the Mysterious Marco and his casino exploits. His fast hands. His faster sprint. His endurance. His stamina. His accent. His inheritance. How it felt fucking on a bed of poker chips. This year she’s on campus and suicidal. 

“Of course you’re still here.” There are worse jobs than being a lab tech. Cleaning flasks and updating logs is mindless work, but some poor bastard has to clean dishes, so. She doesn’t complain as much as she wants. She should’ve been more surprised to stroll into her shift on Monday morning to find Volkarin posted in front of something bubbling, the room faintly filling with the stench of sulfur and mead. 

“Johanna! Hello! I’m a bit shocked you’re not away for the holiday.” He’s happy to see her. He doesn’t think to hide that sort of thing. She turns before he can see her grin, but she’s sure he can sense it. Like he has some barometer for joy. Perhaps they sell them in those discount stores with the cheap pottery and pilling sweaters. Does he like that sort of thing? Would he want to go with her and laugh at the kind of crap people accumulate? Pick out something hideous for each other and point at the peons who actually think they look good? No. He wouldn’t laugh. Probably. But there’s a part of him that would enjoy it. Being able to look down, for a change. She switches gears. “Have you ever even been on a proper holiday, Volkarin?”

He crosses his arms and leans back, as if thinking about it will change the answer. “Afraid not. But I’ve always wanted to visit far off places. Arlathan. Or Tevinter, maybe!” 

“Dream bigger.” She makes a show of dropping the test tube she was about to clean, pointing a bony finger at his chest. “You and I are going out. Come along.”

“My reagent hasn’t catalyzed the reaction yet. I still have way too much substrate.”

“It’s never gonna react, idiot. Elfroot’s a base, not an acid. We’re losing daylight.”

She yanks his elbow and enjoys how his barstool goes clattering. He doesn’t resist even a bit or at all. He’s a damsel. A petal in the wind. Hers to catch and squish for preservation. She has an inward giggle over the scene they’ve left, shattered glass and abandoned experiments. Crime-like. Not that there will be anyone to solve their mystery. They’d never quite get it, anyhow. 

It’s no Treviso, but it’ll do. He’s not used to what good coffee is supposed to taste like and it shows. “This is delicious! I didn’t know coffee could be thick like this. Even when I’ve tried making something new in the dining hall, it never quite ends up this tasty! Do you usually take it with cream?” 

There’s a bit of it clinging to a patch of facial hair he didn’t quite catch while shaving. ��No. I don’t. But you’re not used to espresso, so we’re starting you off with a variation on a hot chocolate.”

“Is that what this is?”

“You’re quicker than they give you credit for.”

He smiles down at his drink, thumb grazing the rim. “I should hope. I’d hate to disappoint.”

“I’m sure.” She takes the moment to lean in, placing a hand on the crook of his elbow. He’s delightfully surprised yet un-blushed. “Be honest. Are you really as much of a wide-eyed lamb as you pretend to be?”

He considers her, then rolls his gaze to their right, eyes landing on a barista with rusty hair and charming pimples. The kind you can pull off when you’re that handsome. Red feels the stare and looks up, completely missing Johanna and locked on Emmrich with something that says My-shift-ends-at-five-but-I-can-get-off-sooner-if-it-means-getting-you-off. In a display of casual disinterest, he waves a few fingers then turns back to Johanna, letting the boy linger in their missed opportunity. “I’m no scoundrel. Yet.” He looks at her lips. Determined. Unafraid. Resigned. Hopeful. Bated. “But someday I will be.” There’s no sun, not really, in Nevarra. But she pretends there is. It’s easy with him. Their day is spent reclined and lively, trading secrets and tips and theories and recommendations, all under the guise of scholarly advancement. The next morning, when he arrives at his lab station, there’s a black box with a big, green bow tied tightly. Inside is a straight razor and some imported shaving cream. Best start practicing now for your scoundrel years. 

“The mustache suits you.” 

He touches a hand to it. “You think so?”

“Oh, yes. Gives you a foxy grin. Very fetching.” Her shift is over and she’s leaned over his cauldron, warm and damp from the berry steam. 

He takes a step further. “Your hair looks nice. Up.” He says it like it’s an unfortunate fact of the matter. Which is true. She knows he wants her. It’s not a secret. But this will be. She grabs the back of his head, curls her talons into the silk of his hair and sinks into him, teeth unyielding and tongue unforgiving. His breath is soft and high pitched. As if he’d never done this before. 

“That wasn’t your first kiss, was it?”

“No.” 

“You’re not a virgin, are you?”

“N-” he looks away quickly. She’s quicker.

“You’re a bad liar.”

“I’ve read a lot.”

“Shocking.”

“I know what to do.”

“Impressive.”

“You could try believing me.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” Her eyes widen as he hoists her onto the tabletop, hands on her thighs. He wears a ring on his marriage finger. Delusionally. “Do you really want your first time to be in this fucking laboratory?”

“What, are you gonna take me on a bed of roses? Light me any candles?” It’s almost spiteful when he says it, but she’s comforted by the fact he knows her well enough. 

“This is me doing you a solid. As a friend.”

He smiles as he lowers onto his stool, beginning to unzip her trousers. “Good. I’d hate for you to get the wrong idea.” His breath is hot on her as he kisses the striped cotton of her underwear. They’re unsexy but clean. Comfortable and worn. He looks at them as if they were glowing. Closes his eyes as he leans forward to kiss them. She doesn’t let herself breathe in the underlying fear she’d let on how very much she’d been looking forward to this. Perhaps her stilled breath is proof enough. Things get hotter and wetter without the help of the steaming potion he’s cast a stasis on. She asks, mid-moan, “How’d you figure out that charm? Keeping the sample perfect?”

He looks up from between her, rosy. “I’d tell you, but I’m already doing you a favor.”

He doesn’t fuck her that afternoon. Instead, he leans over her as she’s breathless and seeing black stars and whispers the incantation he discovered. He doesn’t help her clean up. She can see he debates it, though. She watches as their eyes meet and something within him hardens. Knowing she’d think less of him for offering a moment of warmth. So he grins that grin, says thanks and tosses a wave over his shoulder. Cheeky. Tempting. It’s the moment she realizes she might not have the upper hand. 

“What do you want more than anything?”

“To join the Mourn Watch.”

“Boring.” 

He huffs a laugh, staring up at her. He’s made a home of her lap, resting his head there whenever allowed. A lap cat, demanding and too easy to oblige. She combs his hair and runs a finger up the bridge of his nose, tracking its ridges and path. Mapping. “If I tell you a secret, can you keep it?”

“Who have I to tell,” she asks, earnestly.

At that, he rolls up and is preening, pulling a pin from his inner coat pocket. “The Lich Society sent me a letter.” He lets her hold it, clearly itching to snatch it back and stare at it, himself. “Apparently they’ve never reached out to a first year, before.”

“We’re basically second years.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m the youngest ever. I think the Wyvern Club caught wind. Van Markham actually stopped me in the dining hall to compliment my cufflinks. ” Cufflinks she bought him. “Isn’t that incredible?”

“I bought you those cufflinks.”

His grin grows warmer. “Thank you, again.” He lays back on her lap, looking up at her with shimmer eyes and an aching brow. “If I joined the Wyverns, would you come, too? I could have a word with Reese.”

“Oh, it’s Reese now, is it?” 

“Well, Van Markham’s a bit of a mouthful.”

“You’re not even in the club, isn’t it a little gauche to be vying for my entry?”

He’s uncomfortable and embarrassed, judging by how quickly his complexion rouges, but he holds her gaze. “I just.” He doesn’t lift his head. That feels significant. “Things are only. Things are.” There’s something ooey-gooey tight and great at the top of her chest at the way he grasps and fumbles, words slipping out of his grasp before he can finish his thought. Mr. Wyvern Lich Club Wunderkind, a fool at her feet. She kisses the tips of her fingers, the index and middle, a wonderful mirror of them both. He, pointing, examining, useful, an “in-fact” sort of guy, and her. Abrasive and fucking. Bigger. She kisses them both and lays them on his lips, lets her fingers run along his chapped, fleshy pink. “Things aren’t enjoyable without you. Life isn’t fun.”

It’s enough to make her cough out a smile. She won’t join the Wyvern Club. It’s a playpen for the docile elite. Those that relish in the comfortability of their station, no interest in becoming more. For that , she’ll reach a hand into his shirt pocket, thumbing the pin from the Lich Society. 

“You tell the mysterious bone people I’ll be in-touch.”

He’s sated and hungry all at once. They rest easy in the understanding they will always be identical. 

He gets an invitation to the Wyvern Club’s Summer Pudding Social and he takes Johanna. She parks herself in a chaise by the pool and ignores the way Missy and Toddy and Quinn whisper amongst themselves about her summer in rehab.

Her winter in the hospital.

Her lifetime of institutions awaiting.

She sips her champagne and whispers a curse, something that’ll take effect next time Missy bleeds. And it won’t stop. She won’t die. But she’ll wish she could. And Quinn. Poor Quinn with her poor grandmother, dead and buried. It’ll be a shame when she starts seeing her everywhere. Maybe she’ll drop out. Maybe she’ll go insane and start smearing shit on her vanity. Maybe Johanna will see her in the winter. She doesn’t curse Toddy. Toddy’s cursed enough, with that nose. She feels a hand on her shoulder. 

“Are you having an alright time?” He’s wearing a new ring. It fits, perfectly. 

“Swimming.”

“I told Reese and the others about your work in Holt’s class this semester. They said they’d love to hear more about it in the smoking room later, if you’re interested?”

It’s impressive of him. To turn a leper, like her, into someone mysterious. A mad genius, she’s sure he’s painted her. A girl too focused on her craft to care about things like smiling and white lies. She wishes she were her, if just to let him fantasize a bit longer. Instead, she puts on a sad grin, peering up through her sunnies and shaking her glass. “I’m afraid I’m already engaged. I need to see how many of these it takes before I can stand these people.” She gives in. “Maybe another time.”

He pretends she’s telling the truth and kisses her cheek. “Don’t meddle too much with the other dates. If anyone at this party is bald within the week, I’m holding you personally responsible.” She laughs as he walks away, motioning that he’s keeping his eyes on her. She makes him look dangerous and sweet all at once. Gentle enough to tame the snarling beast of her moods, but there’s something in there wild that can speak her language. She makes him roguish. She makes him ready. He keeps her sedated. 

He laughs when he says it, but is hurt all the same. “You don’t need to mock me, you know. It’s actually hurtful when you do. I know you think you’re being funny, but-”

“I’m not mocking you.”

His eyebrows lower but he’s twitching. “You mean. You mean you actually wanted this? To do this.”

“I thought the roses and candles conveyed the message pretty clearly.”

He’s not twitching anymore. “You didn’t have to. It-” He stares at the ceiling. “It would’ve been special, either way. Without the dramatics.”

She knows that. But tonight, she’s made a pact with herself. As an exercise, she’ll be a vision. An angel. His wide-eyed lamb. “I want you to feel special.” It’s true. Because he may one day be a lich. His name will live on without her. But in him, in this memory, a playful, spiteful, hateful and adoring version of his dreams, she will be immortalized. Johanna Hezenkoss, the Woman to Take Down Emmrich Volkarin. She bottles up every second of the evening. His moonlit chest. The hands covering his face as his voice rips apart her name. His thighs are shaking and he’s smelling her hair and neck. He tells her how madly he loves her. How he always will. He holds her hand when he comes. She grips it right back. She’s the one who doesn’t let go. 

They join the Mourn Watch and he proposes. She tells him to wear the ring in her stead. But they kiss in the mausoleum and it’s symbolic. 

She’s not invited to Friday night drinks or Saturday night cocktail parties. It gives her more time to work and gives him enough space to schmooze. She doesn’t think of it for what it really is: his time to stretch his legs and her opportunity to play years of catch-up.

When he’s promoted, there are gaggles rubbing elbows, grasping for flecks of glitter-gold to sprinkle from his laugh onto their cheeks. Something that’ll better them. Cure the their chronic ineptitude. When she’s promoted, they spell her name wrong on her office door. 

Her father dies the same year she’s fired. There’s no correlation.

“So you’ll have me follow you into things, but won’t leave with me when I’m not wanted anymore?”

It’s four in the morning and they’ve been having this argument since sundown. His head is in his hands and she’s ripping him apart. “I told you countless times your proposal was gonna get refused. When you started the experiments, I reminded you of our protocols. You stopped toeing the line a long time ago. So long you’re at an entirely different one.”

“Are you gonna say the finish line?”

“I wasn’t.”

“‘Cause you’d be wrong.” She tears her hair from its ties, bunching it up again and pacing. “This is just the beginning. I’m not gonna let some turnkeys decide my fate.”

“You sound like your father.”

The air is stale and silent. He dodges the plaque she’s thrown just barely. It’s his award for being an exceptional Watcher. She’ll let herself appreciate that it broke later. “You’re just like the rest of them. Satisfied with your mediocrity. Undaring and too caring. I can’t fucking stew in this, this nest any more. I’m gonna, I’m,” there’s not enough air in the room and it’s his fault. “You’re not gonna come with me, are you.”

His eyes are wide and there are tear tracks. “Go where, honey? Where do you want me to go?” 

He doesn’t understand and that’s what kills her. She tries to remember the last time they held hands. Probably that morning. She takes in every inch of their home, mapping. Memorizing. It’ll be a place she visits when things are awful or wonderful. Somewhere she can close her eyes and be in. And he’ll be there, too. But not him now. Not this titan of industry. Pseudo-trailblazer and eye-rolling prodigy. He’ll sit in this apartment as the boy he was, annoying and green. Eager and meek. When he was hers. 

“It can’t be.”

“But what else would one expect from Nevarra’s most eminent meddler?”

She wants to scream that he wouldn’t recognize her from the start. She’ll grab something stifling and take his breath away. Carve him up and kick his nose and sob. But then she notices the harpy on his shoulder and wants to laugh so hard she pukes. It’s like she’s a wisp of Johanna in the beta stage of development, except she’s young and dumb and looks at Emmrich like he’s hung. It’s as amusing as it is hurtful. At least her name is fucking stupid.

She knows a lifetime of him continuing to look down on her from his pedestal should hurt worse than taking over her father's former cell. It's a sick shock to find she's a bit comforted by the way things shake out. Thankfully, there's no one to confide in. Not anymore.

“Nice set up you got here, Volkarin. You really know how to make a place dusty and goddamn kitschy.” She notices the blood red feather on his desk. He must've looted her office. How humiliating, to have one's sentimentality exposed so overtly. She's sure he did it on purpose. Makes it easier to remember falling in love with him. To picture this man in that apartment when they were young. How things might've changed. He still lives there, you know. She checked. He's always been a sucker for a tomb.  

“That’s funny, coming from the woman who just had to have that toad teapot from that market by the Rivaini coast.”

“You loved that teapot.”

His arms are crossed and he’s on the opposite side of the room, by the fire. When he crosses to her, he whispers, “I still have that teapot.”

She tries not to let herself care about that. “Really? You’re telling me you don’t have some Orlesian porcelain in whatever stuffed up hole you drag yourself back to after hours of puffing yourself up for your pupils? That’s right, I know you have pupils now. Pervert.”

“Of course I have Orlesian porcelain.” His shoulders are tense and he’s staring at his shoes. He’s so much older and so much wiser. It’s awful. “I still use the shaving kit you gave me. Every day.”

His girl bursts in and the moment is gone. But it was there. Watching their burgeoning courtship is a price paid every waking moment. She’s a jungle cat who was always bound to be shot, caged and stared at for the wonder of her vanquishment. She learns, now, the poacher’s name turned out to be Rook. But Emmrich - he’s a bird who will always fly back in. Able to leave wherever and whenever. A songbird tweeting, his nest balancing on the bars of her cell. He looks at Rook, toothy and primed, and the joy of it chokes Johanna's throat. She’s sure she’ll find Rook an absolute treat to live with. She wonders if Emmrich will thank her on the day she splits the bitch in two. Maybe, then, they’ll be on the same page again. Some part of him must want it, after all. They’re replicas. 

[skijumpingf1]

The End (D.Prevc X D.Tande)

This was my way of coping with Daniels retirement. So this oneshot is about the whole situation around the retirement (Domiel´s version). I was on a field trip from uni these past weeks so had to write this on my phone, and it is probably not as good because I hate to write on my phone. But I had like an urge to do this. So enjoy! This is set in my interconnected oneshot series (last part is here) and it is from Domens perspective just to let you know.

Wordcount: 3984

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I am a bit nervous as I stand in the arrival hall at the airport in Ljubljana. Daniel was just training over in Norway and seeing his family. Judging by his mood over the phone at least one of those didn’t go so well. He seemed a bit stressed, but he wouldn’t tell me why. Maybe he hasn’t figured it out yet. I hope it has nothing to do with the fact that he officially moved to Slovenia a few months ago. He seemed happy with it but maybe he got homesick.

After planica it was pretty clear that Daniel would move and not me. Still, I gave it a bit of thought and he spoke to his family. His mom was hesitant, but she loves us together (and me too) and she knew that we were ready for the next step. Our national teams were pretty open about it too. So, we went apartment hunting in the area of the airport. The commute from our home to the airport shouldn’t be high when he would fly that much. To be honest, the first few weeks were a bit like heaven and hell at the same time. Heaven in the way that we could finally spent as much time together as we want. Hell because we went public at the same time and we may have underestimated the attention we would get. Especially here.

We were recognized almost every time we went outside. That lead to us not going anywhere which wasn’t good for Daniels acclimatization here in Slovenia. Eventually the attention got less and less, and we could move on.

Now that Daniel lives with me, it is my regular duty to collect him at the airport. I still love seeing him again. But today I am not just thrilled that my boyfriend is back.

His flight has landed about fifteen minutes ago and customs and stuff is always quick here so he should be out any minute. The door between the secluded area and the world outside opens and a few people in suits step out. I peak behind them. Daniel is coming out next. Automatically I form a smile at him. I spot him first and I get a moment of just looking at him when he doesn’t feel seen. He looks worried. Or stressed. Maybe unsure even. I swallow hard. So, it wasn’t my imagination that something was up. Then he notices me and his face lights up. His steps are getting faster and then he is back with me. I open my arms and pull him into a tight hug. “I missed you so much.”, I greet him.

“I have been gone for just six days.” “Yes, and? I still missed you.” The apartment was painful quiet without him. I even went to my parent’s house for a night. Officially to hang out with my sisters but I was there because I couldn’t stand the emptiness.

“I missed you too.” He presses a small kiss to my lips and takes my hand. I grab his suitcase but not without him complaining that he could do it himself. On the drive back home, he updates me on his family who are planning on visiting in a few months. This makes me think that something on the ski jumping side is up. Which is kinda scary. His from isn’t the best right now but he never acted this down. Something must have happened. Did he fall again and not told me? Or the team? After last season the whole dynamic changed. It wouldn’t surprise me if there would be still tensions inside team Norway after that.

“What’s up?”, I ask when I put a glass of wine in front of his face. We reheated the Lasagne that I made this morning for us (Yes, I actually can do a proper lasagne.) Now he is already sitting down waiting for me to do the same. “Nothing is up. Should be something up?” I take a sip from my glass and sit down. “I don’t know. Tell me.” He frowns a bit. His beautiful face is making a grimace. “I hope it is nothing major, so I didn’t want to tell you. You know the rule. I don’t know if I am really serious yet.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Oh god. He is thinking about retirement. That’s out rule. No talk about retiring if you are not serious.

I know him. The way he acts, the way he talked. He really thinks about it. “But you are serious considering it, aren’t you?” “I mean, it crossed my mind a few times. Especially this past week.” He doesn’t look at me. Daniel studies the tablecloth. I reach over the table and take his hand. “It is okay, Daniel. If you are considering it, talk it through with me.”  He finally looks up and I can spot a few tears in his eyes. I squeeze his hand tighter. “I know how hard Peros retirement was for you. I don’t want to burden you with another potential hard hit.” “You know the worst part was that he didn’t spoke to me, right? So, talk to me. Why are you considering it?” I can’t believe we are actually having this conversation now. In a few years for sure but it is so soon. Obviously, I would respect his decision either way, but I would miss him greatly in world cup.

“After Planica I hoped that every time, I would jump the fear would be getting less overwhelming and at the beginning it was like that. I don’t know what changed but now it feels like the opposite. Every time I am at the gate the fear is getting stronger and stronger again. Maybe it has to do with my bad form and that I am not trusting myself a hundred percent. Maybe it is me getting older.” Gosh sometimes I hate him. Why doesn’t he tell me stuff like this? It must be overwhelming to fear the thing he loves. Conflicting and hurtful. I know how much he loves it. I have seen it first hand. It is a passion we share. I couldn’t even imagine how hard it is to start losing it.

Daniel takes a sip from his wine. The Lasagne is long forgotten. “Do you think it could change again when you get into shape?” He raises his shoulders and sighs. “That’s what I am trying to find out.” I run my hand through my hair. That is a lot to be honest. “Ok.  If you want to talk it through, let me know. And I mean it. If you can’t sleep because of it wake me up.” He raises an eyebrow and puts a hand on my cheek. “I will try but I know that topic is hard for you too.” “Obviously I want you to continue with ski jumping. It means that we can spent so much more time together. Especially since it would be the first season since we are out. But if you just torture yourself with it, let it be. I can understand it. Ultimately ski jumping should bring you more joy than fear.”

Ziga stares worriedly at me when lift my weights. There is really no reason for it. I am doing everything like I do usually. Same weight, same posture. “What?”, I ask my teammate as soon as I set the weights down. “You just look emotional. That is rare.” “Very rare.”, adds Lovro who just finished his rotation on the weights too. I sigh and let myself sit down at the bench. “A lot on my mind recently.”, is my vague answer to the unasked question. “Care to elaborate?” I actually would but it is not my thing to share. So, I couldn’t. Also, it wasn’t like Daniel made up his mind in the last two days. Even though I think I know in which direction he will decide. Subconsciously he knows he can’t continue. But he needs to figure it out himself.

“Nope. I don’t want to elaborate.” “Ah, it is Daniel. Do you want to propose? I mean I think you guys are endgame, but you just moved in together. Maybe wait at least half a year.”, Timi chimes in. My eyes widen. Proposing and marriage can wait a few more years. Until we are comfortable living together. “No, I am not proposing. It just complicated stuff. Stuff that I can’t really talk about now.”  My teammates look not sacrificed but that is not my problem. “Don’t you think Daniel would be okay with you talking about it with your friends? I mean he knows how teams work. He probably talks about you with his teammates as well.” Normally I would agree but this is a sensitive topic. Daniel isn’t sure yet. And I don’t want him to get pressure from the guys since he trains with us quite often. “Maybe I just don’t want to talk about it with you guys.” I wink at them and stand back up. Lovro rolls his eyes. “Idiot.”

When I come home a few hours later. Another car is parked in front of the house. A car that I am pretty familiar with. What is Peter doing here? Did I forget that we were supposed to babysat today? Normally Peter would remind me twice before he brings his kids to our home. Slowly I enter the airy apartment that always reminds me of Daniels flat in Oslo. “I know it is a hard decision, but I don’t think it is a decision anymore.”, I hear my brother speaking. Oh. Seems like Danny invited my brother to talk about his potential retirement. Judging by Peros last sentence he also thinks that Daniel already made up his mind.

“I am home.”, I call out loudly to make my presence know. It was only fair, and I don’t want to spy on boyfriend. I take off my jacket while I hear rumbling in the living room. Seconds later Daniel is standing in the small hallway. A half smile on his lips. He is wearing jeans. Probably because Peter is over. Normally he prefers sweats at home. Or just boxers, my favourite choice. He closes the distance between us and puts an arm around my torso to pull me in. “Hei.”, he whispers. We are so close that I can feel his breath on my lips. I lean in and kiss him softly. As soon as I wrap my arms around him, I can hear a mumbled noise. Peter. I almost forgot he is here too. Reluctant, I let go of my boyfriend.

“Hello Peter.” My brother is standing in the doorway and has a smile on his lips. He is always so weird about Danny and me. He still looks so ... proud, I guess. As if he still couldn’t believe it. “I don’t want to annoy you guys any longer. Daniel if you want to talk again, I am free most of the time.” Peter pats me on the shoulder when he passes us on the way to wardrobe. “Or you could stay for dinner. If Mina doesn’t mind of course. Daniel made Kjøttboller.” Both of them look at me in surprise. It was not typical for me at all to spend more time with Peter than I needed. Especially outside of our childhood home. Mum hosts a Dinner once a week since I moved out. Whenever we could, Tuesdays were spent there. Recently I used this to speak with Peter more. It is weird but I miss him around. Apart from the dinner I only see him at hand overs for babysitting.

“If it wouldn’t burden you, I would love to try whatever Daniel made.”, Peter replies. “Don’t expect too much. There just meatballs.”, says Daniel and than he presses as short kiss to my lips.

“Do you have time to fly to Norway soon?” We are both not sleeping that night. He didn’t tell me that he is going to retire yet. But I know he knows that I know. If that makes sense. Daniel probably hasn’t said it out loud yet. Not even to himself. Saying something makes something more official. It is like when you say I love you for the first time. It is a big step that can’t be taken back. Nevertheless, the unspoken words are hanging between us. Both too restless to sleep because of it.

“I am going to Wisla. But I could fly to Norway before or after that.”, I answer his question. His hand is running over my chest. It is dark so I can’t really see him, but I think he is sitting a bit up. “I need you there when I tell people. Without you I can’t do it.” “Of course. Tell me when to book flights and I will do the rest.” I swallow hard. Just don’t start to cry, Domen. Daniel is now living here. I will see him more often now since he doesn’t need to go back to Norway that often. And Danny will probably come to a few competitions at least. I close my eyes. “I am proud of you.”, I say and try to hide my trembling voice. “Don’t you think it is cowardly to just give up? To just retire?” There it is. Retire. Fully officially spoken. I turn to my side to face him. I trace his hand on my chest and take it into my hand. “I think it is brave that you know when to stop and to leave the world you have known forever.” It is quiet on the other side of the bed for a few moments. “Thanks, I needed to hear this.” “I love you, Daniel. Of course, I know what you need and now you need a big cuddle session.” As I speak, I wrap my arms around him and pull him into my side. “I love you too.”

The whole flight to Oslo, Daniel squeezed my hand so bad that I almost asked him if he changed his mind. But the look of relief on his face when he realized that he wouldn’t need to jump this time he was back in Norway, made me realize that he was just scared. Scared of what his family and team will say.

The first stop of our list is his family. Trude Tande breaks out in tears as soon as her son announces his retirement. Tears of relief, I should add. Daniel told me once that she always is nervous watching him jump but after Planica it got worse. After we left his family home, we get to his trainer. The only time Daniel said it makes more sense to be alone when he tells someone. So, I wait in the car. He is already in there for half an hour. I don’t know if it’s long or short for this kind off conversation. I never had one myself and I never occurred to me to ask my brothers about their talks with our coaches. I run my hand through my hair while I text Nika to ask how she has been doing. Our schedules didn’t really align the past couple of weeks, so I just saw her once. I would probably have to wait a few hours for a reply since she is in the gym right now.

I look at the watch in the car. Now it has been 40 minutes. At what point should I go in and storm into the office? An hour? Just as I open the car door, Daniel comes out of the building. His eyes puffy and cheeks red. I slam the car door behind me and take a step towards him. He wraps his arms immediately around me when I reach him and buries his face in my neck. “Everything will be alright.”, I say because I don’t know what else to say. Daniel is clinging onto me, and I brush lightly over his back. “It was just so hard seeing the petty look on his face.”

We stand there for a while. I don’t know for how long exactly. At some point his cries get less and less. “Are you okay getting in the car?”, I ask him. He nods quietly and I let him go but without really letting him go. I still hold his hand until he is sitting in the passenger seat. Before I close the door, I give him a small kiss. I take a deep breath outside the car. It hurts so much seeing him like this. We both know it is the right decision, but ski jumping was such a big part in his life. Of course it hurts.

“Should I call the guys and cancel?”, I speak when we finally reached Daniels flat. He invited his teammates and a few old friends to his apartment in Oslo, which he kept until now. It is time to tell them about the retirement as well but after the conversation with his trainer I don’t know if it is the right thing to do today. Some of his teammates are on the way to Wisla as well and booked their flights over Oslo to be here. But I am sure they would understand if he would cancel. “No. I think I have to do this today and I want them to know.” While I nod, I wrap my arms around his torso. He is too restless to sit down, but I trap him near the couch where I sit. He puts his hands over mine and breaths in. Finally, the nervous energy leaves. “Do you want a shot maybe? Or a glass of wine? Beer?” My boyfriend turns inside my arms until he faces me. I open my legs for him and invite him to take a step closer to me. He runs a hand through my hair. “I have a better idea to get the energy out.”, he smirks. “You know the guys are coming in an hour, right? And we need to do the food.” I know logically that it isn’t a good idea, but I let my hand run down his spine until I reach his ass. “Strong words for someone who is practically forcing me onto his lap.” “Force of habit.”, I reply while I put more force in to get him on top of me. He chuckles. “We make it quick.”

 Daniel looks so much relaxed when the doorbell rings. While I put the last mini pizzas in the oven, he opens the door. Andres Fannemel is the first to arrive. He is already retired and not much around in the ski jumping community at the moment. I probably haven’t seen him in at least two years. But Daniel and him kept close contact. “If you want something to drink, Domen is in the kitchen and will get you something. I just put some music on.”, speaks Daniel and the hallway.

I can hear the steps of the Norwegian and swiftly put the last utensils in the cupboard. “Domen.”, nods Anders when he enters the kitchen. “Hey Anders. How is it going?” The retired ski jumper shrugs. I don’t think he is particularly fond of me. Maybe he thinks it was my fault that we took so long to make our relationship public or maybe he just doesn’t like me. But it has gotten better of the years. “Good actually. How are things with you?” “Still trying to figure my form out. Apart from that everything is relatively fine.” Apart from the fact that all my close people in world cup chose to retire. First Cene, then Mac (who just took a break but somehow hasn’t been back), of course Peter and now Daniel. “Are you coping without Peter in training?” “It has been harder than I thought but it is okay. I am a bit closer to my other teammates now.” I take a glass out and give it to Anders. He looks suspicious at it. “Behind you are the drinks.” “And how are you coping with this?” He pours himself a coke into the glass and leans against the table. “With what?”, I reply hesitantly. A smirk is building on Anders face. “It is kind of obvious. Never have I ever seen that Daniel hosts a team dinner and the way he spoke about ski jumping the last few weeks. You forgot that I am already retired. I know what leads to this decision. So, how are you coping with Daniels retirement?”  

Daniel pops into the kitchen. “Rob just texted that he and the others are almost there. The flight from Trondheim was delayed.” Just as he speaks the doorbell rings, and he is out of the door again. Anders still looks awaiting at me. “For him it is the best decision, and I am happy for him. Personally, I would want him to continue but not under those circumstances. Luckily, we live together now. Without that I would be way more stressed about this.”

Daniels flat is packed with ski jumpers and ex ski jumpers. I get a few surprised glances when Dannys teammates realize that I am also here. It is uncommon that I would join a team get together from team Norway. I mean I have done it from time to time but not regularly. But this one is a Daniels place, so I don’t think it is too strange. But it raises suspicions. Robert takes one look at Daniel when he arrives, and I know that he could tell like Anders. It is the way his gaze softens when he picks up on the energy of Daniel and me.

“So, Daniel, why are we here? What’s up?”, says Marius once everyone is settled in with drinks. My gaze shoots up my boyfriend who is already looking at me. I give him a warm smile and lean a bit against him. Again, I am sitting on the couch, and he is standing. This is our thing now apparently. He sets his hand on my shoulder and holds himself steady. Daniel looks up at his friends. I do the same. Some look worried, some look curios. Anders looks proud. “Ehm, I invited you guys over to officially tell you that I am retiring.” I can feel the way he tenses through his hand on my shoulder. I lay my hand on top his and wait on the reaction of his teammates. Robert is the first to speak. “Daniel it was a pleasure.”, he stands up and gives my boyfriend a hug. “I don’t know what to say. My god, Danny.”, Halvor follows. A few seconds later Daniel is surrounded by his teammates in a big group hug.

Next day is the day of the official public announcement. The team thought it would be fitting to shoot the video at the holmenkollen hill. I must agree that the location is perfect. It still is the last place where Daniel won. I am standing behind the camera and watch my boyfriend prepare. The whole night he was up to find words. “Okay Daniel. When ever you are ready.” And then he begins. He is more pulled together than I thought. A proud smile appears on my face. When our gazes meet, he nods barely visible. “I have given this decision a lot of thought. There is a mental barrier that remains after my fall in Planica, the fear has grown bigger than the joy of jumping.” I smirk when I hear a version of my words from when he told me.

When he is done, he takes a few steps in the direction of the hill. I follow him. Daniel looks up the hill with a smile laugh. “I can’t believe this is it. This is really the end.”

[speaker-of-the-void-cats]

"You must learn to tease apart the hues of your own heart." —Parables of the Allspring.

Hey all! I'm a Warlock main named Matt and I've been posting my scattershot Destiny musings, ramblings, and theories since Lightfall's release. In that time, I've really enjoyed exploring the mysteries of the lore and honing my thoughts on Destiny's story through various posting styles. Particularly, I've loved exploring topics like the nature of the Darkness and the Veil, and their place in the story, as well as the generally rhyming, looping, spiraling structure of the game's narrative. I also love Eris, Drifter, Savathûn, and Osiris!

Sometimes I get a little all over, especially in those early posts, with big leaps and a lot of my own writing connecting the dots in an attempt to see a bit into the future. You'll have to pardon some of them, as I'm sure a few have aged pretty poorly or are just straight up bad. But as we've gone through the seasons and learned more, I've tried a sort of variation on web-weaving and assemblage by using lore entries, images, video, and sometimes song lyrics and poetry in a particular order and context to evoke specific moods or convey big, hard to articulate ideas and speculation. Sometimes, I just explore a theme or specific lore nook that fascinates me. It's a weird little practice in meaning-making I really like and the process has helped me unearth possible connections between things I've never considered in my many years following the lore.

As we move through The Final Shape, I wanted to finally compile a list of links to all my posts. Pardon the amount of repetition and, probably, off-the-wall speculation, but I hope you find something interesting if you decide to check them out! Also, keep an eye out for links. Sometimes it's simply the source text on Ishtar, other times.... something more. Please keep in mind that all these are products of the moment in time they were posted in, so topics I explored in early ones may have questions answered in the seasons since, or theories may have been proven unequivocally wrong. The list will largely go from earliest to most recent, and I'll put a * next to my favorites!

The Veil, Nezarec, and Jakob Bohme

Seeing the murals above the Veil enclosure

EMBRACE THE DARKNESS

Thank You, Verse 154i:4 - Call the Thrall

MCXLLII-I, forthcoming.

The EDZ saw paracausal conflict long before the Collapse

Pattern is system and system is sequence, but what is sequence?

Forsaken Lightfall

Deterministic Chaos

Eight

SALVAGE THE TRUTH

Aren't they beautiful?

"What is this feeling? I do not want it."

"They desired meaning. A Winnower to shape the garden."*

"How many legends of katabasis do we have, Ikora?"*

The Sundial

The Dreaming Cities

Not Light, not Dark: Power.*

Chiasmus*

Conspiracy Theory-D

The Truth in the Darkness...

Have you ever been afraid of your own Shadow?*

[I could be wrong. Is it possible the Black Heart will beat again?]*

©0RrUptIôN.*

Prismatic Hearts*

"We are unique emanations of the same shared Light."

Kugelblitz

Final attempts to understand before the Shape is unveiled*

[The following posts contain entries, imagery, and spoilers for the Final Shape and Echoes]

Paradrome

Speaker's Sight �� Study the voice. Gaze into the heart.

"Focus. The Pyramid distracts. Nothing more."

It all means one thing

DECRYPTION KEY: 3136664202-777

Ruinous Effigy

There is only SUFFERING

SPOILER ALERT

Hope for the Future

It's not over

Echoing

Echoes of Deep Hidden Truth

Solipsism

Anima Mundi

Caught up in a web

II. Theory**

Gardener|ɿɘwonniW**

Cipher**

Eclipse**

"What is 'OXA,' and who was 'MSund12'?"

I know you're not afraid of a little dark...

How do I live?

Half-Truths**

!lettinggo*

Abyssus abyssum invocat***

THE POINT***

Eyes up, Guardian

"The road ahead is unknown, but time tells us many things. The moments that become past in turn become blueprints for the future. In this space, there is no right or wrong. "We find a contemporaneous merging of what is known and what is unknown here. Somewhere between the knowns and unknowns lies the real. The tangible. "There is a weight to it; a feeling that tells you what you hold is true. "But what if the truth hasn't been told? What if the truth is a lie? "New paths present themselves. Blueprints change. We walk the line of truth every day. "But now, the line that holds the gentle balance has been crossed. "The truth is, this won't be the last time."

—Excerpt from the Symmetry pamphlet, "A Place Between"

Reading for world-building is a skill. I have seen brilliant people, laureates, inventors, Ph.D.s, try to read fiction with deep world-building and fail completely, looping back, rereading, never following events, trapped in a sense of muddled wandering. Reading for world-building requires retaining information without context: a term, a place, a coin, a category comes up once and we know what that is—a puzzle piece—and that our task is to gather up these pieces as the author drops them, and to slowly assemble the whole. This is not easy. Human memory needs hooks for facts: a mnemonic, a story, context, something; grueling textbook rote-learning fades quickly, but a story of the statesman or the king, that's what makes knowledge stay. To retain puzzle pieces that don't connect, dropped without context, is a skill that not all have. All had it once: it is how children read, every book, poster, and headline a stream of unknown terms, far too many to ask about them all, but the child retains them, trusting that they will connect to something someday. Kids collect Earth's puzzle pieces every time they read, but as we move to grown-up books they all use the same picture, and define immediately those terms they fear a reader may not know. Thus the skill of keeping puzzle pieces fades, unless we read books set in other worlds, new puzzle pictures which make us retain the skill, as frogs sometimes retain their tadpole tails into adulthood. This—many have observed—is why most F&SF readers come to the genre young, it's hard to start in adulthood when one's puzzle memory skill has sat atrophied. We find dozens of other puzzle pieces—creatures, buried engines, monstrous plants—but they don't connect either, no explanations, no recurrences. We trust. We ponder. We wade through the clutter of clashing technologies, tales of degeneration, glories lost, but there's no fall-of-space-Rome story to connect it up. We can guess at one, as we can guess the missing end of the story of the strange plants, as we can guess at several ways rats could gain language if time passed and—click—we see it. These puzzle pieces do not fit together—rather this puzzle-maker trusts that we are puzzle-masters and know the archetypes that must fill in between (a rise, an age, a destined king.) So we spread our disconnected puzzle pieces out, not assuming that the strange creatures come from one origin, the ruins from one era, and as we spread out, looking not for direct connections but for fragments of arcs and colors, our 100 puzzle pieces let us glimpse an image so vast it would take 100,000—an image large enough to capture true Deep Future, years numbered in millions, where contours that do connect do so at scales which make the layers of Freud's Rome appear shallow as coats of paint.

—Excerpts from The Path of the New Sun by Ada Palmer, introduction to The Book of the New Sun by Gene Wolfe

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 3x9 Thoughts

This one might be tied for favorite episode of the season for me. While I’ve been mostly willing to vibe with the jam-packed episodes, I approached 3x9 with a bit of concern; if it felt like the story was getting bigger instead of smaller here in the final third of the season, I was going to start to lose my patience. (To translate: I am an impatient person but I'm also a pretty long-fused person, and me starting to lose my patience would be akin to someone with a short fuse going fucking ham on someone.) Luckily, I felt like each thread here spoke to the other threads really neatly, like watching a cohesive conversation take place in multiple rooms. Magically. 

For this one, I'm gonna attempt some bullets that cover 3x9 itself, then I need to attempt to process this weird experience of MISSING TED (while also basically appreciating what he's doing, but missing him, but appreciating him, lawjefpawoijfapweoijafwepklajwef) that has me very :eyesemoji: about the next three weeks of my life.

Nate’s desire for connection and camaraderie didn’t overshadow his ability to recognize that Rupert was trying to manipulate him into a toxic night out! There will be consequences for pulling away, and he knows it, but he did the right thing anyway. I’ve seen some discussions and arguments re: Jade’s influence on Nate and whether we should attribute Nate’s backbone and ability to make better choices to the love of a woman, and whether that’s disappointing and belittling to both characters, but I think a lot of those positions (on either side) are too hard-and-fast. Nate has always valued the things he values, and his relationship with Jade hasn’t changed his values or the fundamental truth of who he is. At the same time, being physically and emotionally close to a person you trust feels really, really good. Why shouldn’t those good feelings have a positive impact on the reserves of strength you must draw on to do things like stand up to an evil asshole you hadn’t entirely let yourself notice is an evil asshole? Nate in all his multitudes has always been Nate; Nate who is in love is able to see himself more clearly. If we were all only allowed in our real lives to experience character growth purely independently, we wouldn’t get very far.

I’ve been thinking a lot about influence and obligation when it comes to Rebecca’s storyline, too. I was a little afraid, after 3x3 and the way she initially responds to Tish’s prophecies, that Rebecca would end up a lone actor, in a sense, tracking down clues and answers at the expense of fostering her actual existing relationships. While I’m still curious and nervous and excited about what all of it means, I really appreciate that Rebecca has shown up for people this season, especially here in the latter half. Rebecca is almost certainly being driven a little crazy by the unfinished parts of what Tish told her, but she isn’t isolating herself. In calling Roy out for his avoidant behaviors and lack of accountability for the press conference (and, of course, the way his work performance mirrors his decision to leave his relationship with Keeley), she demonstrates accountability as a boss and as a friend. I don’t need to see Rebecca conducting meetings or writing emails to know she’s working, but it felt really important to me to see her get upset with Roy, both professionally and personally, and break through his exterior. Ted, Trent, Phoebe, and even Keeley have chipped away at it this season, but the epiphany required Rebecca being Rebecca. And the energy between Rebecca and Roy is very !!!

I loved the way the Nate-Rupert-Jade, Rebecca-Roy, and Roy-Isaac(-Will!) interactions all reinforce the idea that no one has the full picture of what is happening in another person’s brain, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t act on truths as they are revealed, as difficult as it may be. 

As a queer person who is thankfully many years removed from the most stressful coming-out experiences I’ve had (although of course there are still plenty of moments of having to explain or identify oneself to another person—it never really ends—I consider myself “out” in that everyone in my life who I care about knowing knows I’m queer, and, so long as general safety is established, I feel able to explain it to additional people in most contexts without much or any stress), I really loved and appreciated Colin’s storyline here. Very little about my identity or place in the world resembles Colins, but so much of this episode resonated. We’ve already seen Colin describe his relationship to his sexual identity to Trent, and within that same conversation he spoke about not wanting to be a spokesperson with the pressure of publicly representing gay men. I absolutely love that the framing of the locker room scene respected those desires; he tells his teammates and coaches he’s gay, but we the public aren’t part of the several seconds that the literal announcement occurs. We get to see the freedom and relief the truth brings him, but the lessons of this episode are for the people around him. 

The downside of writing this a couple days after the episode airs means I’ve read a lot of discourse, but I don’t think this episode did a disservice to Isaac or Colin. The writers room in s3 included writers specifically experientially equipped to tell this story, and to me, it shows. It shows in the realism of Isaac’s well-meaning questions (which Colin wouldn’t have answered so graciously if Isaac wasn’t so genuinely curious and caring!), and the tiring ways that queer people are burdened with conversational “obligations” and explanations that are just different than what straight people deal with. Ignorance and awareness exist on an incredibly long spectrum, and for me this story was affirming, not traumatizing, beautiful, and yet it also included the exhausting imperfections that cloak even the most positive coming-out experiences. 

I’ve also been thinking a lot about Ted’s speech. Basically ever since Colin said the thing about Grindr in s2, I’ve been certain Colin would come out as gay to the team and reckon with being closeted in the context of the men’s Premier League. And literally since he made that little comment, I’ve been nervous about how Ted would react. I already knew he was a politically progressive person who identified himself as an ally, so I wasn’t afraid he’d have some kind of bigoted rejection reaction. But I did worry that his reaction would be sooooo cringe and try-hard and awkward that I’d legitimately run into issues writing and posting fiction about his obvious latent bisexuality on our home away from home, Archive of Our Own. And while Ted’s seven-layer-dip Denver Broncos analogy WAS cringe and try-hard and off-base, I absolutely loved how unflinchingly imperfect it was and how, despite those imperfections, his instinct re: the point he actually wanted to make was spot on and extremely valuable. If a white, middle-aged, (past-tense-ish hahahahahahaha I’m so normal about the word “was”) straight man who’s worked in sports his whole life had figured out the perfect thing to say, I’d have rolled my eyes at the screen. It felt realistic to me that he desperately wanted to find an analogy or connection point, immediately regretted it, and still—because of who he is when the din of his thoughts gives way actual clarity—managed to articulate that it’s very, very important that Colin’s community actually cares about who Colin is and that he was able to share this information with them. It’s the difference, in many ways, between being doomed to continue to feel like you have two lives (because you’re surrounded every day by people who look past something important to you or pretend not to see the differences) vs. knowing that even if you never come out to the entire world, you aren’t splintering yourself because you’re able to be your whole self around the people who actually matter. Anyway, the speech was imperfect and unwieldy, and that was the point, and his actual message was essential for everyone in that room to hear, and that was the point, and I will be capable of continuing to write fic in which Ted is attracted to men without his reaction to Colin haunting me. (I actually already have an idea for a future fic in which he reflects more, but that’s literally a story for another time.)

At this point in the season, I feel so curious about, um. What is happening. With Ted Lasso. The guy. In both s1 and s2, I felt about a millimeter away from him at all times, even when he wasn’t onscreen. This season, he’s so intentionally obscured. Getting to go to that museum in Amsterdam with him—and, perhaps even more importantly, the Yankee Doodle Burger Barn, and perhaps even more importantly than that, the back of that bus—was a relief and a reconnection point that was much needed, but I am absolutely FASCINATED and MYSTIFIED at this point in time at just how effective and maddening it is that I’m having a lot of trouble understanding how he truly feels about himself and the people around him. Like, I would obviously love to watch him be in love with Rebecca. But I would also love to watch him be in love with a place, or with two places, or with coaching, or with his partially-lost Beard, or with the words and images that have come to him in visions, or even with the unhealthy things that pull at him, like booze and stewing and obsession. Basically every episode—at least for me—contains some glimmer of connection, to his self or to one of his friends, and it’s always fleeting, and I’m holding onto the almost certainty of the fact that the decisions he has to make are going to require some kind of visible reckoning. Most of my nerves about the final three episodes of this show as we know it are related to these questions. 

As for this episode, I don’t think I’ve quite captured the FEELINGS I felt while watching it. (I also completely failed to go into Ted sharing his biscuits with Keeley and continuing his perfect streak of making it super weird whenever he shares biscuits with a non-Rebecca person. I LOVED IT.) This was the episode that made me the most audibly squeal-y this season. And the most curious about how Ted has managed to get so far into his own brain that I actually miss him on his own show! Very curious stuff. What are the next three Tuesdays going to do to my brain and heart?

[baelatargaryen]

how do you like season 2 so far?

how long have you got cause i could go on for ages 😭

that being said, in reference to season 1, that's a hard comparative to make, especially having seen only the first three episodes. the first season was obviously setting up everything that's happening now and establishing characters and was structured completely different so it's not easy to compare.

in terms of character... i cut out a whole paragraph here on a comparative to got bc i didn't want it to get too long, but the main difference between got and hotd is that hotd shot itself pretty early in the foot with characterisation and significant changes and now it has to reap the consequences of it. regarding hotd s2, thoughts so far....

the bad:

aemond and alicent's plotlines are the weakest. the show doesn't want to commit to either of these characters being an antagonist which is partially the problem, but it's also made the odd decision that their storylines have distanced them from the immediate cast at times and that's made them feel like they're on the outside of the events occurring and slightly side-lined.

alicent and cole's relationship really could have been done much better, and i think the route they've gone down has slightly cheapened certain scenes. and frankly, it's kind of a let down how little passion or tension there is in the scenes, like personally they've somehow made them boring to me.

the less said about rhaenys' character, the better. eve best is such an amazing actress and yet rhaenys has become a sort of mouthpiece of the writers themselves to pontify to us about the futility of war and both-sides-esque arguments. we get it.

certain things are just beating a dead horse over and over again. how many times must the show attempt to answer the question of daemon's loyalty, and whether he wants to be king. how is this arc not resolved yet? or

having the dance centre around the misunderstanding of a prophecy was a mistake and having revealed that to alicent last episode was a mistake too i think. it's lessened her character for it, and now it's also taken the genuine tension or dramatic irony out of the rest of the season. her character feels completely aimless.

the good:

perhaps calling this "good" is a misrepresentation, regardless i kinda appreciate the show clearly trying to over-correct itself in regards to some writing decisions made in s1. that being said, it's unfortunately too little too late. still, i do find it kinda funny. if only they had started here from the get go, it would be a better show for it.

baela & rhaena & jace finally having some scenes that establish how they feel about the conflict and their role within the family. i'm excited to see more of them all!

the entire daemon in harrenhal arc is interesting to me and i always jump at a fantasy element, one that i felt has been really missing from the show despite the fact we have literal dragons — somehow it has felt less fantastical thann got in regards to that, so the harrenhal arc is a welcome surprise to me.

helaena has been a welcome surprise to me, i think phia saban killed it in episode 1 and episode 2 and i'm kinda curious where they go with her character.

i do like the set up of some new dynamics as well; the tension between rhaena and her family, or larys setting his eye on aegon now that alicent has lost her seat of power.

stand out actors for me so far: emma d'arcy, matt smith, eve best, tom-glynn carney, phia saban and rhys ifans.

current episode rankings for me:

episode 2 — rhaenyra the cruel (best ep so far)

episode 1 — a son for a son

episode 3 — the burning mill (the weakest episode so far imo)

at the moment, it's hard to compare the episodes. my favourite s1 episode was lord of the tides, at which point we've been with the characters enough that the emotional payoff was significant.

ep 2 was my favourite bc of the writing centred around the emotional fallout — rhaenyra and daemon's fight, aegon and helaena's grief over their son, even the cargyll fight is centred around their relationship. that being said, ep 2 didn't make me as emotional as rhaenyra's grief in episode 1, or jace breaking down trying to relate his time in the vale/the north to his mother. if they had handled b&c closer to the books, i imagine episode 1 would have been the no. 1 for me.

[hyperfigations]

A Nightingale's Song: A Nice And Not-So-Accurate Season 3

Summary:

“How long are you going to brood today? Because we have about thirty minutes until I gotta close up shop,” A familiar voice pulled him from his thoughts. He hadn’t even noticed the coffee shop owner had sat down at his table. Crowley rolled his eyes from underneath dark lenses. “M’not brooding,” He mumbled, attempting to take a sip of his coffee without wincing at the bad taste it left in his mouth. Nina knew better, especially after having to put up with him for the past six months. She gave him a knowing look. “I’d say all liars go to hell but ya know,” ♡♡♡ Two months after Aziraphale had accepted the Metatron's offer, the Second Coming is finally put into motion. Aziraphale and Crowley must get over their personal issues to do what they do best: Stop Heaven and Hell from destroying Earth.

Prologue: The angels fall and Aziraphale makes a new friend on the Eastern Gate.

Word Count: 2,382

TW: None! I don't think! Let me know if there is though!

Author's Note: Hello! First fic in a year or so! So I am VERYYY rusty 😭 I apologize for that! And first Good Omens fic I've ever written! I'm pretty excited! I hope you like it!!

Also Disclaimer: This fic is just for entertainment purposes! I'm not really trying to predict Season 3 or anything, this is all just for fun!!!

Please enjoy! And if you have any constructive criticism, please let me know! I always aim to write better! Thank you!!

God had once said the days leading to the Sin of Eden had all been nice.

But God lied.

The day the angels had fallen was indeed not nice. Though many were ready for this two-day war to be over, the end was not what they had in mind. It was a sour, bitter victory. They had watched their Lord cast out their once dear friends from their home, the very home they had helped build. The crowds of angels who were just battling their brothers and sisters now stared blankly down from Heaven through the parted clouds. Grief and horror had not existed before that moment, but it was written all over their faces.

God was never thought of as being cruel, at least not in those first few days of the world being made. But it was hard to think of Her as anything else as She made a point to let all those who were left see the Fall. It was like She wanted them to know the cost of disobedience.

The sight of all those who opposed Her dropping from the sky was… well, it was terrifying. If there were humans on Earth -which at this point in time, there weren’t- they would look up at the sky and see one of the most beautiful meteor showers they had ever laid eyes on. But there weren't any people on Earth. Not yet. And what the angels saw was anything but beautiful. They did look like stars falling from the dark blanket of a sky, the last of their grace being stripped away by gravity as it pulled them downward. The soft glow of their holy light was now replaced with a raging fire that outlined their bodies.

The Fall felt slow. Agonizing. Many tried to fly back upward, begging for their Creator to help them like a crying child reaching toward their mother. But God hadn’t even flinched. She watched Her creations tumble downward with no remorse. Their white wings set ablaze with just a blink of Her eyes and from the heavens, they could hear them screaming.

The Fallen’s descent from their old home was broken by boiling pools of sulfur. Thousands of disobedient angels splashed into these pools, and the heat did not comfort their already burning bodies.

They were all sobbing, screaming out to God. God was listening, but She didn’t answer.

The Fallen climbed their way out of the thick liquid, not looking quite the same as they were. Their once clear skin was now riddled with scales or warts or anything deemed unholy. They had features that looked quite similar to the animal prototypes that were still in beta back in Heaven, and the love they had once felt from God Herself was gone. They were left feeling unloved, unholy, and ugly.

They wanted to go back home.

But one Fallen Angel, a little more determined than the others to crawl out of boiling black sulfur pits, made his way to the edge of the bubbling pool. He forced himself up and out, his dark auburn curls matted down with black-like tar. His robes were now darkened, his wings still ablaze. His soft eyes were now sharp and yellow and filled with malice. They were burning and wet, not just from tears but from the chemicals that forced its way through his lids. He didn’t know if he was staring at his maker. But he did know She was listening. He could feel Her listening to all of their suffering. That in itself made him more livid.

“Why,” he screamed to Her. And all the angels who stayed above could hear him clearly over the cries of the damned. One angel was more interested in listening than the others. The fluffy-haired cherub stepped forward to get a better view of the ripped-open earth below where the Fallen had landed.

“You’re punishing us? And for what? You made us like this! You gave us the freedom to ask questions! To choose! Why punish us for how you made us?! Why should we pay for your mistake?!”

The one angel in the crowd cringed, as he looked down through the clouds. It was dawn now and the sun, the very sun that was made by that particular fallen angel, was shining against the Fallen. And the exiled angels were far easier to see now. The fallen angel, glaring at God, had in fact been the angel he saw create gorgeous star systems and beautiful nebulas. He never did catch his name… Not that it matters now. But even so, his heart hurt for him. The cherub whose name is Aziraphale, admired how passionate he had been while cranking up the engine to start the universe. Oh, how his eyes shined brightly, almost mimicking the stars he had just created. But that angel questioned God… He denied Her plan. Even now, he was still asking questions. The very same kind of questions that had led him to be punished. So why did Aziraphale feel so bad for him?

To Aziraphale’s horror, he found himself wondering the same thing. She created them. She gifted them with freedom of choice, but when some angels exercised that freedom, they were punished. What was the point of giving someone the right to choose if they can’t choose? the angel found himself pondering, but then his eyes met with the being that was God, and his thoughts were replaced with terror. She was all-knowing. She could probably hear every single doubt that crossed his mind. He didn’t want to fall… Falling was horrible… It wasn’t too long ago when angels would look to God and feel a warm comfort. She was supposed to be a beacon of hope. But She was radiating anything but. It was clear from the authority on Her face now that She wanted to be feared. And She was feared.

Angels were terrified to even speak, lest they say something that would displease Her. Nobody - not even the mightiest of archangels- dared to speak up.

They all stared at Her in silence… A deep, tense silence.

God decided She was quite finished with the Fallen. She had made her point loud and clear to her children. With the wave of Her hand, God closed the clouds so no one could see the Fallen any longer. The screams had ceased. Well, the screams continued but they just couldn't be heard by the angels anymore. Her head turned to look at all Her remaining soldiers and smiled a sickening, sweet grin. She glanced at the angel who stood next to Her, and he nodded. His white wings spread wide, his voice carrying across what was once a battlefield, “We've already wasted too much time, don't you all think? Let’s get back to work.”

With that, God left them to do Her work. The Metatron, the mouthpiece of God, reminded the angels that She wouldn’t punish them if She hadn’t cared. That she loved all of them dearly. But the word love didn’t feel right. How was what they saw love? But Aziraphale shook his head, eager to be rid of the doubt that began to riddle his mind.

Who were they to question God?

Even if it was clear that Her love was one of her many lies.

♡♡

Aziraphale didn’t feel like he earned his promotion, but when the Supreme Archangel tells you that you’re no longer a cherub but a principality, then you don’t argue. You just nod, and ask what to do next. The past few days had been busy since then. He had been put in charge of God's special little place on Earth that they had settled on calling the Garden of Eden. He was to look after it, protect it from the Fallen Angels, who (according to the Metatron) were to be called demons now. Aziraphale didn't get why, to be honest. Why would the Fallen Angels… or "demons" want to hurt what they helped create. Then again, nothing made sense anymore. Everyone in Heaven used to be so sure of themselves; of their work. But nowadays, since the end of the Great Battle, everyone felt like they were walking on eggshells. As if any minute mistake would cause any of them to join their estranged peers down in Hell.

Aziraphale stood on the Eastern Gate, mindlessly playing with the flaming sword that was given to him. He was told to use said sword if anyone threatened Eden, but if he was being honest with himself, he didn’t know if he would ever use it. Not even on a demon. Even with the stories that Michael was telling the Cherubs about them, how evil they were. No, we wouldn’t dare… even so, he still held onto the sword dutifully, as if he would use it. He turned from the gigantic, beige dunes outside of the walls to look at the luscious, green beauty of God’s newest creation. Eden at the moment, was bountiful with hard-working angels, trying to get everything ready for tomorrow, which was going to be a big day, so they were told. Word upstairs was that God was ready to let loose Her newest invention: humans. This day was the day that all angels have been waiting for since God Herself presented the plan she had for Earth.

His face brightened slightly at the sight of some angels tending to the plants in the garden, laughing amongst themselves as they worked. For the first time in a few days, they seemed relaxed. Like they were Before.

It was nice.

A low hissing noise sounded near his feet. The principality let out an involuntary yelp, jumping back. His white wings spread above as if to make him seem bigger than whatever had startled him. His grip on the hilt of the sword tightened as he looked down at the end of his white robes only to see a long line of black and red scales. The angel’s eyes narrowed as he stepped forward to take a closer look. He was a bit surprised to see the black and red line staring straight back up at him, with gleaming yellow eyes. Aziraphale had seen prototypes back in Heaven of a creature like this, though at the moment the name of such a beast slipped his mind. He glanced down at the group of angels to see if they had heard him, but thank the Lord, they did not. How embarrassing would that be? To be frightened so easily by a creation of God? Aziraphale’s face flushed red, letting out a flustered giggle.

“Oh dear,” He said. “You gave me quite the scare.”He bent down, the bottom of his wings laying gently on the warm, gray stone of the wall behind him. He beamed bashfully at the beast, who was still watching him curiously. “What are you doing up here?” He asked, inquisitively. “I do rather think you’re supposed to be down in the garden with the other animals.” Aziraphale watched the beast as if it was supposed to answer him. “I suppose you’re just being curious. I don’t blame you, truthfully.” The angel stood up straight just to sit down on the edge of the wall, watching the others work once again, his legs dangling over the edge. The beast didn’t move, he still just watched the guardian. It almost carried a nervous energy to it and turned its attention to the flaming sword in his hand. Realization dawns upon the angel's face and without hesitation, he set the sword on his side away from the creature. "Oh no, don't worry, my dear," he whispered sweetly. "You're safe here." Aziraphale's face grew brighter as the beast slithered its way up next to him. It kept its golden eyes fixed on him, cautiously. "I bet all you creatures are very confused with what's going on down there," He told it. "Tomorrow is a big day. A happy one at that! Everything we've worked on… fought for will all be clear tomorrow." The beast gave him a look of doubt. Aziraphale could feel it wash over him, "Well… at least I hope it will be clear." He glanced at it, his lips creasing down on his face but quickly shook it off. "No, no. It will be. God has a plan, and we angels have the easy part. We just follow it." For the first time since it had got here, the beast stared away from the angel and out into the garden. It was thinking. "Well then," Aziraphale sighed, startling the beast out of its thoughts. It let out a small hiss, moving away from the angel as he scrambled up to his feet, snatching up the flaming sword on his way up. Aziraphale didn't pay any mind to the creature, it was obviously just afraid, and though he didn't understand why, he knew better than to pry into its business. Not that he could actually talk to it anyway. The other animals weren't up to conversation, and he assumed that this one wasn't any different. This one was different however in the way it did seem to respond. Maybe not in words but he could feel that it understood him. He'd never come across such a clever creature. "I should return to my duties before Archangel Gabriel catches me lounging around. You see, he doesn’t take kind to being lazy on the job. You should get back with the other animals, my dear." The beast glanced his way and then back at the garden, almost looking a bit hesitant to go in. Aziraphale waved his hands dismissively, "Not that I don't enjoy your company. Because I do! But I'm sure the angels down there will notice you gone, and everything must be in tip-top condition for tomorrow. So off you go!" The beast's forked tongue tested the air before it slipped its way down the stone and into Eden. The Guardian of the Eastern Gate grinned proudly to himself as if to say ‘Good job me! Making sure tomorrow goes as smoothly as possible!’ He now was ready (if not far more ready than before) to continue his duty of making sure no pesky demons make their way into the garden.

[methinmycoffee]

~~Spoilers (S26 E6)~~

A season finale to be remembered (forgotten). Eh, here's what I thought anyway.

Let's start with the positives:

I honestly enjoy Rick. He's funny, entertaining it's nice to see Garrison's impact on a positive influence in his life. I'll touch more on him in the negatives, but for now he's a generally good character. Me yelling "DUMP HIS ASS!" at the TV is good, because it means I am genuinely invested in this relationship. Even though I think Rick is far too good for Garrison, I don't mind that they're together. It's the new Clybe, a garbage fire reality TV couple.

Funny. Hehehe. I very much enjoyed the comparisons to like, a party addict but it's just Trump and he's getting a bunch of people to rally with him. Especially the scene in the bathroom where it’s like two guys doin’ it but they’re just screaming about America.

Stan is a nerd, but in a fun way. Good for him. A little out of left field, but good for him.

I enjoyed the parallel to Randy and Garrison's relationship. Especially at the end, when they reveal that Randy needs Sharon like Garrison needs Rick. Even though it's not healthy or fun for Sharon and Rick to deal with their partners, they're sort of stuck babysitting man-children they feel responsible for. Deep, but sort of fun and not as serious as I'm making it sound.

Let's middle with the negatives (idk man):

I DO NOT LIKE RANDY! Why did they do that to him? Honestly my Quest For Rankings(tm) has made me a little sad because I miss the old Randy. Since when is he an asshole with little regard for Stan's goings on? Since when is he a party guy who only cares about tits and booze and really hates Sharon and Shelly? Since he started to suck, around the time of season 20 but really going in full swing around season 22. This Randy was especially insufferable, and I do not enjoy him and Stan having a dumpster fire relationship.

Style feel divorced now. Matt Stone's characters had zero lines in this episode, so idk what's up with that, but Stan got to pick one person to play with all spring break and he chose To(l)k(i)en? Not in my canon. Seriously, I feel like this section should be longer because I’m so mad. I don’t like the change. I don’t think To(l)k(i)en doesn’t have a place in the show, but it’s not as the new Kyle.

We don’t need another bad relationship. Idk, I like Rick, but I think that maybe instead of constantly creating identical, toxic relationships where characters who used* to be fun become angry and bitter just like the aging writing staff. Give us some Stendy resolution. Give us a nice Sharon and Randy (shandy? Handy?) episode. Make a Creek episode at all. I know I complement the parallels between Garrison and Randy’s relationships, and it works well for in individual episode but imo it’s a little bit too much for every couple to constantly hate each other now. Matt and Trey must be having trouble in paradise.

*note: this is very in character for Garrison, actually. But maybe just set all that aside for a while and give us a good old fashioned Stan and his current lover (Kyle, Wendy, To(l)k(i)en even) against a clear evil without an agenda. Throw in Cartman and Kenny too.

And We’ll end with some Nitpicking:

This is honestly our season finale? This is it? A pretty decent Garrison plot and a shitty Randy plot? No main four classic adventure? No check-in for Cartman and his regular house? No hard reset away from Stolkien and back towards Style or away from Tregridy? Okay. We’ll see how the Paramount specials pan-out then.

I’m so tired, man.

The house party was a weird thing that came out of no where. Like, Randy threw water on a stripper that he hired to harass his son and his “friend”, and then the pimp(?) (not really sure, but I don’t think that’s how strippers work) was like “I’ll shoot you” so Randy said “I have drugs in the barn” and then Andrew Tate(?) was like “Okay let’s get hammered then.” And then he invited everyone he knew to a random weed farm in rural Colorado and they had a party? K.

A final thought:

I don’t usually do this. But I feel like this over-analysis was a little meaner than I usually am with these. So I’m going to put this out there: I don’t mind this episode. (5/10). It’s not evil. It didn’t kill my first born. I think Garrison’s plot was solid and in line with his character. I am just tired of toxic relationships. I don’t think this is specifically on Garrison, in fact I think the problem is more with Stendy and Shandy or whatever. I don’t like that Randy sucks now, and I didn’t like his half-assed “boys should be boys” attitude. I believe he can be done correctly, but something different needs to be done.

Also I don’t hate To(l)k(i)en, I’m mostly just mad at what’s been done to the show, and his shift to Stan’s best friend is part of it. I don’t mind Stolkien either, I’m not opposed to it, I just personal don’t think that To(l)k(i)en is that interesting and I miss the before times.

This is a call to the South Park team! You can be good. You can do good. You can write good (well). I have faith in you. If I was the only one who saw these problems, then the issue would lie more with me, but I’m not and I don’t think it is. But I have Faith! DikinBaus was good! Cupid Ye was good! Deep Learning was good! You can do some Deep Learning yourself and process what about those episodes worked, and we can get some kickass specials this summer. I believe in you! <3

[theredjoka]

Show Review 📺: The Owl House

The Owl House Review: POTENTIAL SPOILERS

(Sooooooooo I haven't done a review in a VERY long time, and even then when I did reviews I did very brief ones. So I decided that I would do more in-depth reviews and this one will be my first. If I'm not good please bear with me, I'm new to this. With all that being said let's start.)

I first heard of The Owl House from social media and was very hesitant to watch it for two big reasons: First off, I'm not a fan of Disney after 2014. Secondly, the only thing I've heard people talk about was the romantic couple and that turned me off to the show. Not because it was an LGBT+ couple but because I thought that if romance was the only thing talked about then the rest of the show must not have anything of merit. Then one day a good friend of mine was raving about it and I decided to give it a shot.

Before I get to anything I want to say at the time of this review there is still 1 episode that has yet to be aired so I will try to avoid as many spoilers as possible but success is not guaranteed. The story follows Luz Noceda, a good-hearted human kid who was struggling to fit in due to her odd interest and inability to control her impulses. After some incidents at school, her mom was pressured to send her to a camp to “cure” her. Instead of going to the camp, she ends up stumbling into another dimension full of magic and demons, finally making friends and seemingly finding a place to belong and Adventures ensue. That's all I'm going to say regarding what the plot is about in case anyone wants to check the show out & if I described the entire story I'd lose my mind and this review would take FOREVER! Now, this might sound like me fanboying but I enjoy the writing of this show & I'm struggling to think of something to criticize without nitpicking. I hear a lot of comparisons to Gravity falls but I haven't seen that show so I can't speak for that. I can say that the show has some darker elements to it especially when you get to the main villain of the series. The characters themselves, by and large, are very likable and well-written, and despite how short the series will inevitably be very well developed my favorite being Amity but all that is very hard to get into without spoiling the entire series. Ironically the relationship is the thing that had me hesitant to see the show and it ended up being one of my favorite things in the entire show. It's so well done and comes across naturally and without feeling rushed or forced which is a thing that animated shows struggle with. All relationships whether they are platonic, romantic, siblings, or rivalries are well-written and well-developed. The characters themselves are great: Luz is very likable and relatable, Eda is a great mentor/mother figure, King is a little gremlin, & Hooty is probably the funniest. The boiling isles are interesting from a story standpoint but aren't anything new conceptually; it's like some you would see in an ideal anime.

Now if you think the characters are the only thing going for this series that is not the case, the presentation is also top-notch. The boiling isles from a design standpoint are very interesting, dangerous, and zany world that the human protagonist gets stuck in. The creature designs are more unique while I struggle to tell what they are most of the time they fit in so naturally in this world. The character designs are SUBLIME but that's a subjective topic also Amity gets the best outfits. The animation is also beautiful and if you want proof of that look no further than the dance scene in season 1 and all the fight scenes I mean as a whole the show is well well-animated but that scene specifically is just amazing. 

The voice acting shocked me because when it comes to the main cast I was not familiar with most of these actors & actresses. Eda's actress I recognized immediately it's Wendie Malick who is pretty much just doing her normal voice but it fits the character so well. King and Hooty are bafflingly voiced by Alex Hirsch the creator of Gravity Falls showing his very impressive range (he probably voiced characters in Gravity Falls but again I've never seen it) & Amity is voiced by Mae Whitman a voice actress I'm a huge fan of and very familiar with. Some very high-profile voiced actors play more minor characters: Roger Craig Smith, the late Billy Kametz, and 2 of my absolute favorites Grey DeLisle and Erica Lindbeck. I'm not saying the main cast aren't big actors I'm just not familiar with their work and they all do an amazing job with their respective roles

I wanted to save this last bit for some issues I had with the show, but I have nothing negative to say about it. I guess I can say the soundtrack isnt the most memorable aside from the opening and that lovely end credits theme. The soundtrack as a whole isn't bad but nothing remarkable. The lowest point of the show is episode 2 and even then is pretty good stuff. Honestly, the only issue with the show is something that isn't the show's fault and that's its premature cancellation. Despite being one of their most well-received and highly-rated shows Disney decided to cancel it and not give it a full 3rd season. Disney's reason for this was "It didn't fit the Disney brand".....(ugh). Some say it was because of its darker story elements and Imagery. Some say it's because it was hitting older audiences instead of the intended younger demographic. Some say it's because of the LBGT+ representation although the creator herself seems to think that it wasn't the case and I feel it wouldn't have gotten green-lit in the first place if that was the case. If you ask me I think it simply costs too much to make and the production values reflect that and Disney wanted to make budget cuts. Thankfully it's getting a proper ending unlike another one of my favorite shows (*cough* Teen Titans *cough*).

The Owl House is just a gem; it hits every check mark for me. I have gotten way more into this show than I have any cartoon or anime since 2015 and there is a very passionate and wholesome fan base attached to it. I would put this in the same category as Avatar, Batman TAS, & Teen Titans as one of my top PERSONAL favorite cartoons. Never thought I would be praising a Disney product post-2014 but credit where credit is due. Kudos to Dana Terrace for making such a beautiful show and I'll definitely follow what she works on in the future.

(I might update this review based on the final episode and some other things one I reread it)

Rating: 10/10

[the-bitch-files]

9-1-1 Rewatch: Season 2 Review

I actually finished season 2 in my rewatch last week, so I'm little behind (but I'm still on season 3 so it's all good), but here's the mini-review!

Favourite Characters: Eddie, Bobby, Chimney

Least Favourite Character: Gerrard, Gloria

Favourite Episodes:

"Stuck" - this is a great episode for different characters facing crossroads in their lives and trying to get themselves unstuck (as the title suggests), but my personal favourite was the exploration of new character Eddie Diaz and his relationship with his son Christopher, as he spends time with the 118 crew when Eddie struggles with childcare. it's also the one with the man getting trapped in the escalator as he proposes and that call does freak me out and sticks in my mind "Chimney Begins" - the second of the origin story episodes, this one follows the 118's longest serving member, Howard "Howie/Chimney" Han and his evolution into the firefighter paramedic as we know him today. It has great editing, writing, acting, especially from Kenneth Choi. the relationship between Chimney and his best friend Kevin is wonderfully displayed here and gutting to see him lose him. also, there's a Talking Heads needle drop with the appropriate "Burning Down the House" "Ocean's 9-1-1" - love the title, love a good heist. has plenty of great montages - the interrogation, the search warrant executions. it feels fun, especially as Buck tries to keep up with the criminal conspiracy at the heart of the episode - "crime is hard." then, the ball is dropped at the end about the events in Minnesota coming back to haunt Bobby "Bobby Begins Again" - we hear Bobby's history from after the fire in Minnesota to starting over in LA and becoming captain of the 118, meeting Hen and Chimney, and later Athena for the first time (attending a call at a cockfighting ring, where he hands her the rooster!). the events here would lead into the events of the season finale. Bobby has become one of my favourite characters in the show, and since this comes after Hen and Chimney's origin story episodes (who both worked under Gerrard), we get to see what the difference is in his captain style with those who served under the previous leadership as well, like Sal Deluca and Tommy Kinard (whose personalities and methods align more with that of Gerrard). also, another Talking Heads needle drop! "This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)" plays over a montage of Bobby getting back to cooking and setting up 'family meal' along with life at the firehouse, ending with Buck joining the crew

Least Favourite Episodes:

"Awful People" - as the title suggests, the episode is about awful people, including a protest at a military funeral and the 'Porch Pirate' from the "Karma" episode in season 1, who is now faking injuries for insurance payments. the emergencies are pretty forgettable, and there aren't a lot of them, and the biggest chunk of the episode is taken up by Maddie going on a ride along with Athena (not bad) then dealing with a seemingly perfect colleague who is actually one of the titular awful people, Gloria (played by Mrs. Huber from Desperate Housewives, Christine Estabrook). I'm just not a fan of this episode. "New Beginnings" - while it does have the beginnings of Madney as Maddie seeks a divorce from Doug and they look to go on the first date (only to get interrupted by a stabbing and kidnapping at the end, taking us into the next episode) and Bobby meeting Athena's parents for the first time, that's the only thing the episode has going for it. like with "Awful People," I found the emergencies to be forgettable, and I like a good balance between the calls and personal storylines.

Favourite Moments:

Eddie's introduction set to "Whatta Man," Under Pressure Christopher's first time meeting the 118 (the whole montage), Stuck Eddie & Chris's Halloween costumes, Haunted Bobby proposing to Athena, Merry Ex-Mas The interrogation & search warrant montages, Ocean's 9-1-1 The "This Must Be the Place" Montage, Bobby Begins Again Chicken Fighting Ring Call, Bobby Begins Again Blair the Christmas Elf telling Buck "you two have an adorable son," Merry Ex-Mas "You can have my back any day," Under Pressure (it's giving top gun)

From season one, we've lost a character (Abby), but gained two new main characters (Eddie & Maddie) and a supporting character (Christopher), who add a lot to the show, having been given strong storylines throughout this season with Eddie's relationship with his wife, Shannon, and Maddie leaving behind her abusive husband, Doug, and having to fight him when he tracks her down and abducts her.

It also builds on several storylines set up in season one, particularly the romance between Bobby and Athena which is set up in the season one finale, and I absolutely love. There is so much love between these two characters and they bring each other so much joy. It also sets up the romance for Chimney and Maddie, which is lovely. Building on what was established in season one, this furthers character development and gives insight into the character's backstories with the start of the origin story episodes as we get episodes for Bobby, Chimney & Hen here.

overall rating: 4 stars

[dashawfrostart]

This Week In "Time & Again" #8: Achievement (Almost) Unlocked! And A Pre-New Year's Mess

Does it ever happen to you that you're so energetic, and hyper, and full of determination and all - and then you take a deep breath, sit down happily on your comfy couch, and you're ready to start writing a new and lovely blog post!.. ... but then you realize you have absolutely nothing to write about. Or - perhaps, to be more precise - you feel like there's nothing worth mentioning that would make an interesting, succulent, and informative post.

That happens to me once in a while - which is odd, considering how much of a babbler I tend to be when it comes down to self-expression in written form (it must be, Lothar affects me in a certain way and alters my usual behaviour, because normally in my life outside any artistic activities I am fairly quiet).

The aforementioned little hiccup on my way of the "ultra-completionist of the Pre-2024 To-Do List", unfortunately, hindered my progress, and the final number of the blog posts ended up a tad smaller. I don't think there are any complaints from the readers though 😎 I'll try to keep up next year. On a side note, one of the goals on the list has been removed and deliberately postponed until January. I have reasons, trust me 😁

But most importantly, Christmas season of "Time & Again" turned out to be pretty good! Just as planned, at this point of time, just a couple days short of 2024 (because I started writing this post yesterday), The Lineart is 98% done - it only needs a sparkle of perfection and and a short session of filling up the gaps and missing spots here and there on different pages. AND DONE. Moving on to The Colouring Stage right after all of that has been properly handled. (oops, unintentionally, I lied: I already started to partially colour some peculiar things... too excited; can't hold back, LOL!) I would say, this is truly a great achievement. Well... almost got an achievement anyway. Working on your grand project every day, little by little, and watching it growing, evolving, and getting fleshed out a little more day by day is hard to describe in a verbal form. I wonder about this sometimes... Perhaps, those who have never been in a similar situation will not understand this emotion very easily. But I'm telling you with 100% honesty, as usual - this emotion is priceless and really makes you feel that you're doing something important in life.

So, in short, everything goes steadily and as planned. Plans change sometimes - but that is totally fine. Currently, everything is indeed as planned - and I can't help but rejoice 🥳

As a treat for reading yet another one of my excessively talky talky longreads, I'll tease you with some rather unpredictable snippets now ;)

Just who are those guys???.. And what's the situation??? They sure look feral! You will definitely find answers to all of these questions after Chapter 5 is released sometime in 2024 ;)

... In the meantime, as I've been working on a peculiar troublesome background, I have discovered a handy option in Krita's Assistant Tool that I believe has a possibility to make my life easier in the future. I used Assistant Tool before, and quite profusely. But thanks to a certain video I came across, I happened to find out that there's more to that incredible tool. I'm excited to cover this topic in the next blog post, so stay tuned!

I also made a horrible mess on one of the pages that currently looks this way:

How do you like the funny lettering???!!! 😁 Those are not stickers, by the way (although that's certainly a good idea to turn those into stickers!.. That'd be a story for another day tho). Why those are needed - that I'll keep a secret for now. But I wanted to show you what they look like - especially when cluttered altogether, hehe. Also, obviously, this is not the final version of each one of those sound effects bubbles. There's more work to do eventually 😉

For now... let there be silence. In a bit over 24 hours, the calendar will show 2024 on this side of the globe. So I'll stop typing right now and I'll save more stories for later. ... I'm also wrapping it up for today with my ridiculous habit to scatter vaguely related song references across the text, so, yup - time for a small break 😅 (And I should also take a break from listening to Ultravox on repeat, otherwise my non-existent vinyls are gonna get non-existent holes in them... wait... how does that work exactly, again?..)

So, for a bye-bye, I'll say show this:

Bah-bye, my friends! And see you next year! 👋🥳😁

[legion1227]

South Park: The Stick of Truth. A Game Review

I was sitting on this for most of this year. In March, it will have been ten years since its release. It was played on a whim, and it was fun.

Not too far from my university is a store that sells typical nerdy stuff such as Funko pops, board games, and retro video games for the PS3, PS2, etc. One time over there, I saw they had a copy of South Park: The Stick of Truth for the PS3 for cheap. Having never played it before, I bought it. As society strays away from physical media to embrace digital, I still welcome owning physical copies of various games, movies, etc, for a multitude of reasons. Getting to play Stick of Truth was an intriguing experience: Especially on the PS3.

If you're somehow unaware, the long-running animated sitcom, not counting this shit first-person shooter for the N64, released its first video game in the franchise back on March 4th, 2014. Based on the hit series, the game follows your created character, a new kid, who moves into the town of South Park and becomes engrossed in an epic fantasy role-play adventure with the other kids of South Park. After customizing your character's looks, you pick classes ranging from Fighter, Mage, Thief, and Jew. As tempting as it was to see how the Jew class fared, I opted to play a Fighter as I just wanted to hit people really hard.

To put it simply, it's an engaging and fun game. To get the cons out of the way, the game didn't run smoothly, and I suffered performance issues regarding load times and immense lag at times. I blame that more on the fact that I played on the PS3 though I'm sure it would've run more smoothly on a different generation of consoles. I also believe that some of the writing and jokes are a little weak during some of the first half of the game. I love South Park and grew up watching it and still enjoy it to this day, but some of the humor at first wasn't doing anything for me.

However, as the game became more preposterous over time and went more over-the-top with its humor and concepts, it became a lot more hilarious to me. Combat-wise, Stick of Truth works off turn-based combat, and to get a successful hit on your opponents or block attacks, you need to have immaculate timing. My timing was shit most of the time, but I still managed to beat the hell out of other kids, animals, the homeless, and the plethora of other enemies presented throughout the game. You get to have a companion with you throughout the game as you battle with fan-favorite characters like Cartman, Kyle, Stan, Jimmy, Kenny, or Butters. Everyone has their own unique blend of moves and hilarious one-liners or otherwise, but I find Butters was the best companion with the most consistent, high-sustaining damage and landing significantly damaging attacks. The others have their uses, but honestly, I just stuck with Butters for almost the entire game.

The side missions were amusing as they went beyond typical fetch quests, allowing you to travel around the town to fight ridiculous enemies or find people hiding about. This game was tailor-made for South Park fans, full of references to storylines and iconic episodes from the seasons out at the time. I thought the game was good, but it wasn't elevated to greatness for me until about the section where you must travel to Canada. As an RPG fan, I prefer two other games I played this year, like Persona 5 or Final Fantasy X. But as a South Park Fan, this was a wild game I got to experience for the first time and reminiscing on old episodes on bits I haven't seen in years. One of these days I'll get to the sequel, The Fractured But Whole, and maybe even one day, that new attempt at the first-person shooter, Snow Day, releasing in 2024.

In short, Stick of Truth is a pretty great game somewhat for RPG fans and especially for South Park Fans. I'd say give it a try if you haven't already, but the game has also been out for almost ten years so there's a chance that you have played. I prefer other RPGS, but the care put into this? I gotta respect that. 4/5.

[youareinlove]

reacting to niall horan's new album as someone who has never intentionally listened to a niall horan song in my life:

warning: i write a lot

(ty to @thesunandstarss for the post that inspired this <3)

heaven- ok its boppy! great opening track honestly, i feel like it's setting the tone for the album in the sense that it's both very production-y and fun but also has some hard-hitting lines (it's hard to be a human???). it's the type of song that should be played over a slow-mo montage during a season finale

if you leave me- i don't have that many thoughts other than that it sounds like a 2010s song met a 2020s song in a perfect middle ground. also the sound of the song is making me think i was right in saying that the first track really set the tone for the album

meltdown- this hurt me both in my anxiety brain and in my inner english major brain. "hard to tell the real from the dreams you imagine" was a very different kind of relatable both because i've been the person who would be "singing" the song, telling the person that i'll be there when it all melts down, and the person who was...melting down.

never grow up- i knew i would like this one because i'm a speak now stan, but this was a cute song in a different way (hope we still dance like we're falling in love 😭). it's just a very sweet love song. this is probably my favorite so far actually.

the show- this song made me intensely uncomfortable and i haven't fully processed it yet which is how i know it was really good. this album has been very sonically cohesive so far, that's for sure.

you could start a cult- ngl this song is probably my least favorite so far but it wasn't bad by any means, just not really super memorable (to me anyway). maybe it'll grow on me over time, that's probably it actually. i did enjoy the harmonica in the background though.

save my life- it's also pretty boppy, and it also has the 2010s meets 2020s feel! i love the chorus noise at ~interstellar~

on a night like tonight- ayyy wildest dreams reference! and also heaven reference! i feel like if it were any other artist, this would've been the opening track, but i do like where it was put in the tracklist. it's also a really sweet song, and i love how the beat drops.

science- this song is sister songs with meltdown. it has a similar feel as the show too, mostly because of the way that the chorus does that thing where it sounds like it's going to be one thing and it ends up being another thing. but i really liked this song! i can totally see myself playing this next time i'm up at 4 am and having a teeny tiny breakdown (the world's too heavy to shine 😞)

must be love- ok so the beginning is very relatable, like, always, but especially right now. the song kind of reminds me of that one taylor quote that's like "i try to plan everything, but i like the idea that love is the one exception" (not an exact quote). also the wordplay with a college degree/a first degree burn! inner english major is screaming!

alright final thoughts: it's a nice, really sonically cohesive album! a couple of the songs are going to need to be listened to a few more times before i really get them, and i'm definitely going to schedule a little anxiety sesh to process the show tonight. my top three are never grow up (best song), meltdown, and must be love!

[kisolvetica]

Hello!!! Thanks for the tag!! <3 Didn't expect to be tagged to be honest but I'm glad I did get tagged! :D

Also I must say everyone who reblogged before me sounds like such cool people! :>

Last song: American Jesus by Bad Religion! At first I wanted to say a Bowie song because I was listening to it all day due to it having been his death anniversary but then my playlist thought to be like "I don't think so!" and played a different song I like. I am pretty much a person who listens to everything.

Favourite colour: Despite my layout having purple and blue as the primary colours, my favourite colours are yellow (especially the yellow daffodils have) and dark green! Obviously I also like my layout colours but I'd say green and yellow just feel so soothingly happy to me.

Last Book: I am currently reading Faust 1 by Goethe because my finals are creeping up and it's one of the books I may need for those lol. But I also enjoy the book quite a lot!

Last movie: The phantom of the opera! I watched it together with my mother one random evening last year and I haven't watched any movie since then. I do want to watch Nosferatu next, though!

Last TV show: My mother and I have started watching a lot of shows together (this includes DBDA but it was too gay to handle for her conservative mind and she noped out after the cat king was introduced) and the latest is "From" it's not really popular, I think, at least it doesn't have a lot of Fanfics but I did enjoy the first season. I am a little sceptical about how they always introduce a bunch of characters but I hope that they flesh them out! It does have sapphics though so that's a win.

Sweet/Spicy/Savoury: I do have a big sweet tooth but I think outside of snacks and chocolate I am more of a fan of spicy food? Like, if someone asked me whether I'd want a spicy or a sweet dish for dinner, Id probably be more inclined to choose the spicy one.

Last thing I searched online: I researched for a fanfic I want to write and so it's "Boarding schools in Edwardian Britain" (now take a big guess for which fandom!! It's so niche you will never figure it out /s)

Current Obsession: My obsession with Genshin and HSR is dying down quite a bit (let's face it, it's the fandom's fault) And now my focus is back on demons and Greek Mythology. I have the want to get into Athuriana literature as well but ugh I'm too busy for this. Outside of occultism and mythology, yeah, obviously DBDA. It hit me HARD and I'm not mad!!! ... Also my own OCs but that's something only I can fix.

Looking forward to: Graduation!! Yes, everyone is telling me that it only gets worse from now on (which,,, very promising btw) but I am so glad when I leave this school. At least at university I can choose a bit more of what I want to do. I am also gonna get a therapist which I am in dire need of and hopefully try to get gender affirming care at the end of the year. I already have a job lined up so the only other things I want to achieve this year is finishing up my driver's license and get the scholarship I applied for but that part is something I have no control over! Also, I might need to look out for apartments because of a reason surrounding my family situation but, well, I prefer living alone anyway. Just gotta see how I'm gonna support myself.

Ten people I'd like to know better: You know, I don't even know if I know the blog names of ten separate people or if they're even okay with me tagging them (what's the etiquette for that? I know that some other platforms were rather... nasty about it). So,,, if you come across this and you want to do this, I always like to read about other people's interests!! So pretend I tagged you, if we're mutuals or I follow you, I do know and like you, I am just an awkward person who doesn't know how to act with people :).

10 People I'd Like to Know Better

Thanks for the tags @gaiaseyes451 and @beerok23!💜!💜

last song: Gloria by the Lumineers

favourite colour: Red, like a deep luscious red that you know would taste good if you licked it. Don't act innocent, you know exactly what I mean by that. Red is a color that you just know tastes good.

last book: I am currently trying to read the Witcher series (per @lickthecowhappy's suggestion) so I am at the start of the Last Wish

last movie: Moana 2 (I have young kidsssss)

last TV show: My oldest is almost 10 which means she stays up late. Which also means I have so little time to watch adult things. So we've been watching the Office with her. I think I want to watch the Good Place with her next tho (I've never watched it!)

sweet/spicy/savoury: Sweet followed very, very closely by spicy. Habanero maple syrup is one of my favorite things on the planet.

last thing i searched online: How to explain a 10 year career hiatus in a cover letter (looking to return to work since having kids. It's been an interesting experience so far).

current obsession: Have not moved on from Good Omens, but recently realized that my obsession may be more in my own little connected universe of fics that I wrote rather than the actual canon at this point😳. I'm sure once we get that first glimpse of red and white hair that will change very quickly.

looking forward to: Going back to work and having a more established adult life again, honestly. I've been so lucky to be home with my kids while they are young, but I am ready. And figuring out how my newfound passion for writing is going to fit into that new life of mine. Another big year of change over here for me, and I am eagerly looking forward to how the growing pains are going to make way for something beautiful beyond.

ten people i’d like to know better:

@addledmongoose, @di-42, @afrenchwriter, @haemey, @eybefioro, @alwaystuesday, @katspause, @alphacentaurinebula, @shadesofecclescakes, @ochre-sunflower and whoever wants to do it (but also feel free to ignore!)

[lavendori]

[MP100] TSUBOMI: FINAL BOSS

if mob is about a powerful esper trying to navigate the struggles of adolescence and social acceptance, then tsubomi, despite being hardly present in the series, is The Main informant of shigeo’s latent power and thus, mob & ‘???%’s final boss.

the first times we see her, it’s through the idealized lens of mob pining for her from a distance. they were childhood friends but he barely talks to her anymore. she is reportedly the school idol & based on other’s reactions, she seems like a far-off unattainable dream.

throughout the series leading up to season 3, we get a sizable amount of hints of her character. most notably, she doesn’t seem to care for mob’s powers, which causes mob to conclude that psychic powers don’t make a man appealing. ritsu also says she’s the kind of person (manga) who would just go home if she got bored. when we first met dimple, his “get a clue” line really triggered mob, and we get this vision of younger takane saying it to him (not entirely sure if it was a flashback or projected image due to mob’s interaction with dimple, tbh.. someone can correct me if i’m wrong!)

based on these things, at least for me, my first impression is that she’s a bit shallow and possibly even a little mean. mob obviously has amazing qualities + so much compassion beneath his middle school awkwardness & is SO powerful but she’s not really impressed by it. why would mob like her and let himself feel so bad about his powers being less appealing than an athletic guy who can run fast?

later on, in season 2, however, we get a bit more hints of what she’s like. we see her observe mob when mob uses his powers to fix emi’s writing notebook (i’ll come back to this). we also see a moment of her and her friend in reigen’s office where the friend asks reigen for romantic advice. takane asks him something too and it’s concerning, especially for ritsu, who now believes she’s interested in some guy from cram school. (ritsu is also trying his best to hide the fact that mob is associated with reigen LOL). but then, we see a scene where she tells the friend she made up a story to test reigen. this definitely gives more edges to her character. it’s now clear that she’s not just an airheaded popular girl who’s into superficial things like dating and gossip. she might be a little shallow, but she’s not superficial. she has the intellectual capacity to test reigen.

so yeah, maybe she is a little shallow, but i think rather than superficial, tsubomi is image-focused and puts a lot of thought into how she presents. while this might be a different form of shallowness, she’s not an airhead who only thinks about mundane things. rather, she cares about her image and how she comes off to others. when she sneezes in front of her friends, her first thought jumps straight to “they will make a laughing stock of me in the school!” - she must be pretty self-conscious to assume this. you either have bad choice in friends who aren’t real and laugh at you when your time comes OR, as mezato suggests, she simply doesn’t feel like she can trust anyone and therefore guards herself quite diligently.

mezato, who has proven herself to be a sharp observer of people, says that tsubomi holds her real feelings back & doesn’t let them show. guys only like her for her looks but nobody seems to really Know her. she doesn’t seem interested in other people. even her friends don’t seem to notice or see her true colors behind the mask of her pretty smiling face.

and then there’s the comedic line of guys who don’t really know her, all waiting to confess to her before she officially moves out of school. here we also see clear moments of her brutal honesty. of course, being asked “why don’t you like me” is an uncomfortable situation to be in, but she could’ve responded in other ways for example, i know people who feel bad and might sugar coat the truth a bit more (especially in middle school!), or might have been shown more visible discomfort bc it’s hard for them to hide their feelings. instead, she doesn’t bat an eye and remains impassive when she tells them straight up she’s not interested. the most emotion she really shows is just cringe @ the boys lol. this honesty says a lot about her & also is reminiscent of the past where she tells child mob “i’m bored of that.”

these qualities are also affirmed by dimple during the divine tree arc. although dimple was provoking mob, his description of tsubomi lines up with everything else. she’s honest about her values & doesn’t conform to others, even when her friends offered the divine tree food. she cares about her image but doesn’t trust anyone, not even friends. all of this paints a picture of tsubomi as a cold guarded person who is brutally honest, extremely aware of her values, & stays true to those values + herself.

ironically, this is actually kind of the direct opposite of mob, who is a gullible softy and has a hard time putting weight to his own convictions (of course, due to trauma, but i digress). right from the start, we see through reigen, dimple, and tome that mob is still developing his own views/opinions. 

but you know what, maybe that’s one of the reasons he likes her. they’re childhood friends & she has all the qualities he lacks. she also doesn’t make a big deal out of his powers, which he seems to subconsciously appreciate— (being treated as normal, that is). likewise, others make a big deal of her & don’t treat her like normal either. she clearly doesn’t trust others & one has to wonder if that’s a related (& partially a self fulfilling prophecy. she doesn’t show her true self & therefore doesn’t get treated like normal either.)

they’re both just normal people who knew each other as kids. mob wasn’t even aware she was the school idol. even if tsubomi doesn’t realize it, i think part of her appreciates that mob is someone that still treats her earnestly for who she is.

this is mostly evidenced by the few shots of tsubomi observing mob. for one, the fact that she was watching mob patch emi’s writing back together, and had thoughts on it, seems kinda different from the usual stuff we see of her. she’s also ready to give reigen the benefit of the doubt after seeing mob’s photo in the office. ultimately, although she does not trust a lot of people, she does trust in mob’s earnestness, even to the point of waiting for him despite evacuation orders, despite the earthquake and heavy winds from ???%’s power swirling around her. she noticed that his voice was shaky & (at least mentioned in the manga) this was the main reason she stayed behind. despite how far they grew apart from each other, she still really trusts him & believes he’s a trustworthy guy.

also, still not sure why they took this part out but given what we do know about tsubomi, it would appear this sort of dynamic would actually be possible between them. which is ??? interesting???

anyway, all this is to say: despite how little we see of her, her relevance to mob’s growth & confrontation to ???% is HUGE. neither mogami nor suzuki could bring out mob’s full strength, even if they challenged him to his limits. mob was only able to fully snap out of mogami’s created headspace after dimple mentions tsubomi. even when teru awoke ???% that one time, it didn’t cause nearly as much damage as this final arc. tsubomi is mob+???%’s first love, and ???% has a LOT of feelings about that!

(tl;dr) and that is why tsubomi is his true Final Boss.