#i genuinely have never felt so mean before

[linos-luna]

Disturbing Fetishes ❣️🔪

Yandere?!Perv!Felix x Reader

Warnings: odd fetishes, manipulation, implied dubcon, implied druging, Yandere?, mention of rape, light smut

_____________

Something about the way he looked at you made you slightly… unnerved. But you brushed it off. Felix was so adorable and seemingly so innocent. I mean, that’s how all his friends described him. Just a sweet cuddle bug! And while yes, he is very much loving, there’s something off about him.

Something that was interesting was when you got hurt. He would eyeball that bruise, scrape, or cut a little too much… he would even touch them if he could. When he did, he’d lightly push on it. He liked the small whine that would leave your lips. But he never took it too far and would stop almost right away when you asked.

So maybe it wasn’t too bad. Maybe you’re just overthinking it. He’s a little weird but so is everyone right?

-

You slept peacefully on your side, the night quiet and comfortably cool. The blankets rested just below your shoulder, and the loose collar of your shirt revealed your neck and collarbone. As you slept, your boyfriend’s gaze lingered on your neck. He must have woken up by chance and found himself drawn to the scar there, an old one from childhood, long healed but leaving behind a faint, textured mark.

He’d asked before if he could touch it, but you had declined. Your neck was a sensitive spot, and you weren’t ready for that kind of touch yet. Though it bothered him, he tried not to let it show.

But right now felt like the perfect opportunity. Felix reached out, his hand hovering for a moment before finally making contact with the scar. He let out a soft sigh, one that carried both relief and… pleasure? His fingers moved slowly, tracing the textured mark, his breathing growing heavier, his heart racing in his chest.

At first, you didn’t feel anything, lost in the depths of your sleep. Then came a faint warm sensation that felt like a kiss on your neck, yet it was… different. More intense. Unknown to you, after pressing his lips to your scar, Felix began trailing small licks across it, each motion accompanied by quiet, needy moans.

It didn’t take long for the strange sensation to wake you up, leaving you startled and disoriented.

Your eyes fluttered open, disoriented and unsure of what had woken you. The room was dim, but the warmth and the strange sensation on your neck made you stiffen. You turned your head slightly, trying to figure out what was happening, and then you froze.

“Felix?” Your voice was groggy, but full of confusion.

He didn’t stop immediately, his lips still pressed to your scar, his tongue tracing it slowly. When he finally realized you were awake, he pulled back just enough to meet your eyes. His face was flushed, his breathing uneven, and his expression unguarded.

“I-I’m sorry,” he murmured, though his tone lacked conviction. His hand stayed on your shoulder, his thumb grazing the edge of the scar. “I-I couldn’t help myself! It’s… it’s just… I’ve… I’ve been so curious about it, and I-I just wanted to know what it… I just wanted to know…”

“Felix?!” You sat up, pushed him away, and stared at him, unsure whether to be angry, confused, or something else entirely. “I told not to touch there!”

“I know,” he admitted, his gaze dropping. “I-I just…. I just… there’s something about it. About you.” He looked up again, his eyes filled with a strange intensity. “I’m sorry! I-I won’t— mm… I won’t…” he stumbled over his words.

His apology seemed genuine, but his lingering gaze on your neck told you there was more he wasn’t saying. Your heart raced as you tried to process the moment, caught between irritation and the strange vulnerability he was showing you.

“You wanted to know what?” you asked, your tone sharp as you wiped away the saliva from your neck. The sensation left you feeling uneasy, and his silence only made it worse. Felix kept his head down, avoiding your gaze, but you noticed where his eyes had shifted: to his lap.

Your eyes followed, and the sight made you freeze. His pants. He was… excited.

“Felix…” you mumbled, staring in disbelief. “You’re… aroused?”

His cheeks flushed a deep red as he turned his head away, biting his lip. It was painfully obvious how embarrassed he was, but the tension in the air was impossible to ignore.

“What turned you on?” you asked, your brow raised in confusion and disbelief. “My scar? Or… getting caught?”

He hesitated, his voice barely audible when he finally answered, “B-both…”

You stared at him, struggling to process what you had just heard. Your chest felt tight, feeling a mix of emotions… discomfort, confusion, and disgust.

“Both?” you repeated, your voice laced with disbelief. “Felix, do you even realize how weird this is?”

He flinched at your words, his hands gripping the blanket nervously. “I know,” he admitted, his voice soft and shaky. “I know it’s weird. I didn’t mean for it to happen. I just… I couldn’t stop thinking about it. About how soft it looks… how sensitive it must be. And then, when I touched it, I—”

“Felix!” you cut him off, your cheeks burning. “Stop. Just stop!”

He looked up at you, his eyes pleading. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I messed up. I just—”

“You messed up big time!” you said firmly, though your voice trembled slightly. “I told you not to do that. And now… this?” You gestured vaguely toward his lap, feeling a mixture of disgust and embarrassment.

“I-I know! I’m sorry!” He stuttered.

You sighed as you tried to calm down. “I don’t even know what to say right now.”

Silence fell between you, thick and uncomfortable. Finally, you spoke again, your voice quieter. “I need some space. We’ll talk about this later, but right now, I just… I need to think…”

As you got up, your boyfriend was silent while looking at his lap.

“Cmon, go home.” You said while motioning towards the door.

Your boyfriend was gripping the sheets tight as he looked down. He was silent but had an air of… frustration?

“I don’t understand why you won’t let me touch there…” he muttered under his breath. “You let me touch everywhere else…”

As you froze Felix’s words hung in the air like a threat. Slowly, you turned to face him, anger simmering beneath your confusion.

“Felix,” you said, your voice sharp, “this isn’t about everywhere else. It’s about something I told you I’m not comfortable with. And now, after what you just did, you’re seriously questioning why?”

He shot up from the bed, his movements jerky, his eyes flashing with frustration. “Of course I’m questioning it!” he snapped. “How am I supposed to feel when my own girlfriend acts like I’m not allowed to touch her? You say you trust me, but then you put up these stupid walls like I’m some kind of stranger!”

“Felix, calm down,” you said, your voice wavering as his sudden outburst caught you off guard. “I didn’t say that I dont trust you. It’s about boundaries.”

“Boundaries?” he scoffed, his tone mocking as he took a step closer. “That’s such a cop-out. You let me touch you everywhere else, but suddenly your neck is off-limits? Do you even hear how ridiculous that sounds?”

Your chest tightened, a mix of anger and unease swelling inside you. “It’s my body,” you snapped, your voice firmer now. “And I get to decide what I’m comfortable with. You don’t get to guilt me into changing that.”

“Guilt you?” he barked, his laugh cold and sharp. “I’m not guilting you… I’m just pointing out how unfair you’re being! Do you know how it feels to be shut out by someone who’s supposed to love you? I’ve done everything for you, and this is how you treat me?”

Your breath hitched, his words slicing through you. “Felix, this isn’t about what you’ve ‘done’ for me…”

“Oh, don’t give me that,” he snarled, pacing now. “I’ve been patient. I’ve been understanding. I’ve waited for you to open up to me, and for what? To be treated like I’m some kind of pervert for wanting to be close to you?”

“Felix, stop!” you yelled, your voice breaking with frustration and unease. “Y-you’re not listening to me!”

“No, you’re the one who’s not listening!” he shouted, his voice shaking with barely restrained anger. “Do you even care how this makes me feel? Or are your stupid boundaries more important than our relationship?”

His words hit you like a slap, leaving you momentarily stunned. “You’re twisting this,” you said quietly, your voice trembling. “You’re… you’re scaring me…”

Felix froze when he saw the timid look on your face, his anger melting into guilt almost instantly. “Baby… babydoll, I’m sorry,” he said, his tone softening, though there was a strange edge to it.

Tears began to well in your eyes, slipping down your cheeks as you stood there, unsure how to feel. He stepped closer, his voice more pleading now. “Sorry, sorry!” he murmured, pulling you into a tight embrace.

You leaned into him, seeking comfort, but your mind was too clouded with emotion to notice how his hands moved. One slid up to your neck, his fingers brushing the rough texture of the scar with a deliberate slowness. He made a low hum, the sound vibrating against you.

You thought he was trying to calm you, but there was something off about the way his fingers lingered on your scar, pressing and tracing it. His breathing grew heavier, and his hum turned into more of a groan but he was good at hiding it.

“I’ll go now, okay?” Felix said softly, his voice gentle as he stood by the door. Then, with a sudden shift in tone, he added cheerfully, “I’ll bring you breakfast in the morning!” His mood seemed to have done a complete 180, leaving you blinking in confusion.

Still, you nodded, relieved he was agreeing to leave, at least for a little while. “O-okay…” you murmured, grateful for the chance to gather your thoughts.

“Can I get you some water or something before I go?” he asked, his tone oddly considerate.

“S-sure… thank you,” you replied hesitantly, still trying to process his sudden change in demeanor.

Felix left the room briefly and returned with a glass of water, handing it to you with a smile as he slipped on his coat and shoes. “I’m sure your throat’s a bit dry. Make sure you drink all of it,” he said in a low, velvety voice, his smile lingering as he watched you.

You didn’t think much of it. Your throat was dry, and you were thirsty. You drank the water quickly, nodding in appreciation. “Thanks,” you said softly.

“I’ll be going now. I’ll see you later, okay?” Felix said, his eyes watching you as you climbed back into bed. “Goodnight, my little doll,” he added, his voice carrying an unsettling tenderness.

You heard the front door close moments later, and with that, the tension in the room seemed to ease. You lay back in bed, feeling calmer but also slightly… off. Maybe it was exhaustion, you reasoned. But as your eyes began to close, you couldn’t shake the faint thought that the water had tasted a little strange.

Before you could dwell on it further, sleep overtook you. A heavy and almost unnaturally fast sleep.

And as soon as you were out, Felix slipped back inside, closing the door quietly behind him.

“Don’t worry, my darling…” he said softly, brushing a stray strand of hair from your face. “I’ll always take care of you….”

———

A few days later, you found yourself on a casual date with Felix. Whatever tension lingered from that night had faded from your memory, or perhaps you had just chosen to push it aside. Felix had been nothing but sweet since, giving you no reason to suspect anything was wrong.

After a night out, sipping wine, sharing laughs, and enjoying each other’s company, the two of you returned to your place for movies and cuddles. You were a bit tipsy, buzzed enough to feel warm and giggly, but still very much aware.

As you got into the bedroom, you let out a contented sigh and flopped onto the bed, stretching out to relax after the crisp chill of the evening air. Felix kicked off his shoes and followed, pausing in the doorway as he watched you sprawled across the bed. Something about the way you looked, so carefree and at ease, sent a spark of excitement through him.

“You coming over now?” you asked playfully, your voice light and sweet, a little moan escaping as you stretched again.

Felix nodded, a smirk tugging at his lips as he approached. “You’re looking cute,” he said, his tone teasing yet low. “Such a cute little doll.”

Your cheeks flushed as you glanced up at him, his words making your heart flutter.

But as Felix stood over you, his gaze lingered. His eyes roamed your form, taking in every detail, the way your shirt hugged your body, the soft flush in your cheeks, and, of course, the scar on your neck. It was uncovered, prominent against your skin, almost calling to him.

He froze for a moment, staring at it. The urge to reach out was strong, the memory of its texture still vivid in his mind. But he held himself back, his hands clenched at his sides, his expression unreadable as he fought his instincts.

You noticed his pause and tilted your head slightly. “Everything okay?” you asked softly, your voice pulling him out of his thoughts.

Felix blinked, his smirk returning quickly as he sat down beside you. “Yeah, everything’s perfect,” he said, though his gaze briefly flicked back to your neck. “Absolutely perfect.”

———

“What movie should we watch?” You asked with a giggle.

“Not sure… thinking about… skipping that part…” he chuckled.

You sat up and made a playful pout. “Aw.”

Felix grabbed your wrist and looked at you with a smirk. “Imagine… what I could do with you…” he mumbled in that deep voice of his.

“What do you mean?” You chuckled while standing, his hand still tightly gripping your wrist.

“I mean… you’re so helpless…” he said lowly, pulling you back down to sit. You resisted, feeling a bit uneasy but laughing it off.

“Baby…” he said while standing, trying to grab your other wrist. “What’s wrong? Scared?” He chuckled.

“Um…” you looked at him with a tilt of your head. Your mind was still fuzzy from the alcohol but there was still some awareness. Instinctually, you pulled back a little but that only seemed to agitate him more.

“Getting away now?” He growled.

“L-lixie…?”

“It’s okay, baby. I like when you struggle. It… excites me.” He chuckled darkly before trying to kiss your lips. In a panic, you shook your head and he instantly pushed you onto the bed.

“Felix! Stop!” You cried out, clarity setting in.

“Babydoll, it’s okay!” He chuckled while crawling over you. “It’s all a game…”

“What game?!”

“I like a little struggle.” He said while roughly grabbing your chin. “Just play along, babydoll~”

You could only look at him in fear as the weight of his body holding you down. The fear in your face and control over you has him aroused and desperate.

“L-lixie…” you whimpered softly.

“I wouldn’t actually rape you, babydoll.” He said while holding your chin. “It’s just a game.” He chuckled, sounding more unhinged by the second. “Oh I just wanna hear you again~”

You trembled as you watched this innocent cuddle bug turn into some maniac.

“The other night… oh the night when you made those noises…” he breathed deeply as if trying to control himself. You could feel his clothed hard on brushing on your thigh. It frightened you just how aroused he was.

“Oh babydoll please…”

“Please what…?”

“For me… can you do it?” He muttered.

“Do what…?”

“Play along…” he replied, sounding more desperate. “Please!”

“W-what?!”

“Scream. Struggle. Act like it… act like well… you know… please.” Your boyfriend pleaded.

“Y-you’re sick!” You stuttered while watching him. “Th-that’s not healthy, Felix!”

“Yes but—!” He desperately grabbed you, pulling your hair a bit which made you cry out a bit.

“Like that! Do more!”

“Felix!” You yelled while looking at him in disgust

Your boyfriend paused, letting go and sitting up. He looked at you with a moment of clarity, realizing how serious this got.

“Lixie… th-this is sick… y-you’re sick…” you stuttered while sitting up.

“I-i… I know…” he turned red and stood up, backing away slowly.

You were actually quite surprised at his admission and looked at him while wiping your tears. “Felix…”

“I don’t know why I’m like this.” He said with a sigh.

“Well…”

“Don’t leave me!” He blurted out suddenly. “I love you so much!”

It was odd just how clingy he was being and you haven’t even been dating for that long.

“Felix—.”

“Don’t!” He pleaded while grabbing your wrists. “I-I can’t live without you!”

He wouldn’t let go and you stood still, afraid of his next move, unsure what he’d do next.

I… I won’t…” you murmured.

He smiled and sighed in relief as he held you, holding back his conflicting desires. It made you uneasy, and made you wonder how long he’s had these weird fantasies. You wondered if this relationship could even last. What if he loses control again?

[memestrider2]

40k Nsfw Alphabet: Jago Sevetarion x F! Reader

By popular demand, here is a nsfw alphabet for everyone's favourite Night Lord captain. Please enjoy!

Minors dni. Smutty goodness under the cut

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

When it comes to aftercare, Jago goes on quite the character arc throughout his relationship with you. In the beginning l, he sees it as a waste of time. He doesn't understand how or why it is important, and when you first ask him for it, his knee-jerk reaction is to scoff at you.

However, Jago is not as closed minded and you or he thinks. See, Jago loves you. What he feels for you is unlike anything he's ever felt for any baseline human he's ever encountered, including those he's had as slaves or serfs. As such, your wants and needs actually carry weight for him. Not only does he find that he can't brush them off; he doesn't want to. And so, one night, after you two have had your way with each other, as you go to stand to clean yourself up Jago quite literally pushes you back down and orders, "Stay. Let me, this time."

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Your neck. More specifically, the hollow of your throat, where your neck connects to your collarbones. He loves pressing his hand there to feel your racing pulse. To nibble and nip at your skin. Strong enough to sting a little, but never enough to break your skin.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Jago is messy. He loves the sight of his seed plastered all over you. But it's no double standard: he loves the reverse as well; having his fingers, lips and chin slick with your arousal.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Jesus Joseph and Mary. You wanna know Jago Sevetarion's dirty secret? Really???

Honestly, nothing I write could do such a thing justice. So, I'm gonna leave it as reader's choice: think of the dirtiest possible secret a man like Jago could have, multiply the dirtiness by Pi squared, and you'll have it.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Jago is experienced in sex; he's taken consorts and concubines before. But he's not experienced in making love, if you catch my drift. In the kind of sex that satisfies his soul just as much as his body. That means that, for him, the first time he share a bed with you feels like losing his virginity for the first time all over again.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

I genuinely don't see Jago have one position he prefers over the rest. So long as he's either balls deep inside you or going down on you, he's happy.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Jago tends more towards humourous, but not overly so. Sex is a fun thing for him and he's going to express that with a few quips or jokes, but he's not goofy nor is he gonna take the mick. Also, when it comes to expressing how he feels about you, he is always deadly DEADLY serious.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Scruffy, to put it simply. That said, though, as part of your "taming" him (lol), he might give himself a trim and a groom for your benefit.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

This goes about the same as A, except with way WAY more angst and emotional turmoil on Jago's part. At first, he understands intimacy as a concept, but he is against it, seeing it as a form of weakness. But as his feelings for you deepen into love, he's forced to not only confront the fact that, if he wants to keep you, he is going to have to be intimate, but the fact that he's craving being intimate with you, too. This transitional period is gonna be rough: Jago is feeling confused and threatened, and as such he may be liable to lash out at you (verbally, never physically, remember Jago would never hurt you). But with a bit of time (and a firm, yet supportive hand from you) he'll get himself it together. Once that happens, Jago becomes an almost entirely different man. He cultivates this gentle, genuine and loving version of himself that only you ever get to see. He will hold you, cuddle you, ravish you with kisses. He lift you on top of him and embrace you around the waist while one hand rests upon your head, letting you be lulled to sleep by the twin beating of his hearts.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Jago sees it as a necessary evil needed to keep himself sane. Honestly, when he feels the need to satisfy himself, he'd rather just seek you out. Every time. No matter where he is or what he's doing. Because nothing compares to you. Not just your body, but... Well but you. But of course, sometimes he's deployed somewhere away from the flagship and away from you. And other times, you are not feeling up to sex. So, Jago makes do.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Controversial take, and not necessarily a kink, but I could see Jago being into playing the role of a sub during sex. Once he accepts the truth of the love he feels for you, once he trusts both you and himself enough, he may want try giving into those feelings totally. Be totally and utterly vulnerable. Life as a Night Lord doesn't allow him to be, and until you he's never had anyone he's felt safe or comfortable enough to be anything less than a terrifying warrior around.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Jago doesn't have a favourite place to do the do. Bed, couch, the dirty ass floor, he doesn't care. He does quite like it when there's a wall he can pin you against, though. Again, though, where that wall is, he doesn't care.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Brattiness, sass and defiance from you. He loves seeing fire in your eyes. Loves it when you "struggle" against him, when you try to "fight him off."

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything that causes you genuine harm or distress. Brattiness and play fighting is one thing, but if you are genuinely feeling unsafe or frightened, or if there is the chance that you might get hurt, it turns Jago off faster than anything.

Also, sharing. After being with you, he doesn't ever want to sleep with anyone else. No one else could ever satisfy him, and you're the only one he trusts to see him vulnerable, too.

And omg Lord forbid someone else tries to lay hands on you, especially one of his brothers. Possessiveness is part of this, but mostly it is protectiveness. The only person Jago trusts to take care of you during sex is Jago.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.).

He's got no preference between giving and receiving, but when it comes to giving, he's got a lot of skill. He's also very... shall we say aggressive? Let's just say when he's going down on you there's a damned good chance you're gonna finish fast, be overstimulated and be aching the next morning.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Fast and rough is Jago's automatic go-to; he's a predator by nature, and it's hard to let that go. But, as he grows more comfortable with intimacy and romance, he becomes better at, and comes to enjoy, taking sex slower and more sensually.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.).

Jago is totally down for quickies. Especially right before or right after missions. He won't even take his armour off: just the cod piece and helmet.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Absolutely! Oh my Emperor, absolutely. So long as it's nothing involving anything from section N, Jago is 100% game.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Jago has super human, space marine stamina. That said though, it takes some time for him to figure out how to actually make use of that stamina rather than burning himself out in the first couple rounds.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Jago doesn't own toys, and it is a point of pride for him that you don't, either. Why would you? You've got Sevetar himself as your lover.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Jago is absolutely a tease, but only when you two are alone. If you are both in the presence of his brothers, then he won't feel it is safe to partake in such playfulness. If you are both in the presence of mortals, such as the flagship's crew or his serfs, then he will feel the need to maintain the image of the inhuman, nightmare-fuel astartes warrior.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Jago is not a shy man; he makes a loud of noise. Grunts, growls, roars, and everything else in between.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He loves it when you finger his neural ports. They're like tiny erogenous zones scattered all across his body. The ones on his back are his favourites: when he's on top and you're beneath him, it drives him nuts when you claw your finger nails into the ports that run down his spine and are embedded into his traps.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Beneath his endless layers of battle and surgical scars, Jago has the body of a lean, well-built Astartes. Below the belt, he's big and girthy, even for a space marine.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

During day-to-day, Jago has an above-average sex drive, but not extremely so. If he has been away for you for an extended period of time, say while deployed on a mission, for the next few weeks following that his sex drive will be way WAY up as he tries to make up for lost time.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Jago isn't much of a sleeper normally, and that doesn't change after sex. Through sheer attrition you will always fall asleep before him, if he even falls asleep at all.

@yanagikou @solspina @yurihasurunbara @wolf-feathers12 @sinistermojo @beckyninja @moodymisty

[whoops-all-jennas]

Look Who's Inside Again - j.o.

Jenna Ortega x fem!reader

"Try making faces, try telling jokes making little sounds."

Summary: This is your first time playing a major role in a movie and it's intimidating. Jenna comforts you after you hide away in your trailer.

a/n: y/f/m means your favorite media. movie, book, anime, video game, whatever.

The muted sound of everyone talking fills my ears as I zone out. The first few days on set are being used to get the cast adjusted to each other. I've never had such a major role before in a big movie, to say I'm nervous is an understatement.

I already have trouble talking to people normally, how am I supposed to talk to celebrities? Especially when they're the ones approaching me. Shouldn't it be the other way around?

"Y/n?" A voice enters my head, my head perking up at the mention of my name. I meet my eyes to Jenna's. "Are you okay?"

"I uh, yeah I'm doing good." I force a smile before looking to the side, avoiding her gaze. I have never felt more parasocial in my life. How am I supposed to hold a conversation with these people, especially Jenna, when I feel like I already know too much about them and they know nothing about me.

The main cast consists of four people. Jenna Ortega, Finn Wolfhard, Wyatt Oleff, and I. It's one of those horror movies where it's a group of teenagers investigating something where they should die because of it, but we all know they won't because it's a movie.

"So are you excited? This is your first major role right?" I turn towards the voice to meet Finn. "This could be a big debut for you."

"Yeah I'm excited." I grab my arm, holding myself and taking up as little space as possible. "I'm mostly nervous though, a lot can happen."

I feel Jenna's gaze on me, so I turn to look at her to find a look of curiosity in her eyes. "It can be intimidating, but you can do it. I believe in you." Jenna's genuine smile meets my uncertain face.

Jenna saying 'I believe in you' repeats in my head like a metronome. This somehow makes me feel more nervous and also safer at the same time.

I just don't want to embarrass myself in front of these people, especially Jenna.

It seems the conversation continued while I was in my head. Everyone's eyes were on me expectingly. Did they ask me something?

"Sorry, what'd you guys say?" I ask, Finn and Wyatt look at each for a moment with a face that I can't tell is annoyance or uncertainty. "It wasn't important." Wyatt states.

That feeling of safety is now gone, my heart beating at a thousand miles an hour.

Was it important?

I feel my legs start to shake from the nerves, as if I could fall at the slightest inconvenience.

The nervousness replaced with anxiety and uncontrollable thoughts. 'Did I already blow it before I did a single scene? Does everyone think I'm annoying? That I'm distant?'

I find Jenna's worried gaze on me yet again, causing me to look at the ground for a moment before trying to keep eye contact with the main cast and failing. "I'll be back."

I quickly find myself walking to my assigned trailer, my pace faster than usual. When I finally find myself inside, I close the door pushing my back against it before sliding down. I sit there with my knees to my chest and head in my arms wrapped around my legs.

I already decorated my trailer to procrastinate on meeting the others. I tried my best to make it feel like home, bringing posters and collectibles from different pieces of media I enjoy. The blinds are closed, blocking the light sure, but also separating the trailer from the set.

Luckily, I also brought some string lights to hang across the ceiling. I don't know if I could handle the harsh florescent lights my entire time here.

I take a moment to try to take control of my breathing, doing the breathing exercises I've been instructed since I was little.

I'm interrupted with knocking on the door I'm leaning on. I stand to open the door to find Jenna Ortega on the other side. I still can't believe I'm seeing her in person and on talking terms.

Well, if I ever actually try to talk to her that is.

"Hey, I just wanted to check on you. It seemed like something was wrong." Her worried yet genuine glance meets mine.

"I'm- I don't know." I cut myself off to stop myself from lying, biting my bottom lip.

Jenna looks past me for a moment. "Can I come in?"

I nod, opening the door more and taking a step back. Jenna walks past me, she's wearing this nice perfume that fills the scentless trailer.

She looks around, admiring the decorations. "I like the string lights, I can't handle the florescent lights they use in these."

I close the door before approaching the built in couch. "Thanks, I actually wasn't aware of them until I got here. Luckily, I brought them from home by chance."

Jenna turns, taking the seat next to me. "Do you wanna talk about what's wrong? I understand if you don't want to."

"I-"

I cut myself off again, unsure what to say. "I don't know."

My heart is still beating to the bpm of flight of the bumblebee.

Jenna gives me a genuine smile, trying to make me feel comfortable, before glancing around the room again. Her eyes linger on the merchandise of different medias.

"How about we talk about media we like?" Her genuine gaze meeting mine. "I'll start, I really like Breaking Bad. It's kinda a guilty pleasure of mine."

My eyes slightly light up.

"I also really like Breaking Bad." I say, trying to reflect her genuineness. "I really like the character development and how much they change throughout the story."

Jenna scots a little closer. "I know right?! it's so good!" She seems so interested in the conversation.

She looks into my eyes with a smile. "Now it's your turn."

I look around the room for a moment, unsure what I should say. For a lot of my life I was told I can get annoying when I delve into my interests. It's like whenever I start talking about it I can't stop.

I don't want her to think I'm annoying, but I also don't want to tear down all the work she did to try to get me comfortable.

"I really like y/f/m, I just love the universe that they made so much and the characters." I start speaking, pausing for a moment to read Jenna's expression.

She is smiling and has this look in her eyes, like a genuine interest in what I'm talking about. My eyes feel like an open door as she looks into them.

"You can keep talking, I was listening." Her smile somehow becomes more genuine, causing a smile to creep up on my face.

For the past few minutes Jenna let me ramble about y/f/m. I soon realize I've likely been rambling for way too long "I'm sorry, I didn't realize how long I was talking." My smile fades, turning to embarrassment in an instant.

"What, no it's okay." She puts a hand on my knee comfortingly. "I was interested in what you were talking about."

I look at her eyes, her genuine eyes complimented with her genuine smile.

She is just so genuine.

"Are you sure I'm not being annoying?" I ask, insecurity laced in my voice.

She nods to me, her smile fills my heart.

I'll never get over the way she looks at me. As if she's actually interested in the conversation, interested in who I am.

I find myself looking down to the couch cushion, hiding my face. Soft gentle sobs start to escape my body, my shoulders slightly shaking.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Jenna scots closer, her hand gently grabbing my unstable shoulders.

I sniffle before getting my head up, revealing my glossy eyes and a few tears. My head feels like a boulder, trying to keep it lifted on top of my shoulders.

I shake my head with a smile. "It's stupid."

"There isn't a stupid reason to cry." Jenna says comfortingly, rubbing my shoulder with her thumb as she rests her hand there.

I look away again for a moment before meeting Jenna's gentle eyes. I open my mouth, no sound coming out as I try to decide my words before I speak. "It's just you're so nice. Most people either just let me speak, but are clearly disinterested or just flat out call me annoying."

Jenna's eyes are laced with empathy as she looks into my eyes like windows.

I sniffle before speaking again, fanning my face for moment. "And you just seem so interested and intrigued in what I'm talking about, and it just means so much and- I don't know."

She continues to rub my arm. There was a moment of silence, the only noise being my soft sobs until Jenna spoke. "I loved seeing the excitement and passion you have about y/f/m. You should talk to me more about it some time." She says with a smile.

I nod. "Yeah, I'd like that." A sniffle interrupts the middle of my sentence.

"I should probably try to calm down, I don't really want to go back outside looking like this." I motion my hands over my face, addressing my puffy eyes and tear streaked face.

Jenna breaks eye contact for a moment, finding the tv before meeting my gaze again. "How about we watch something?"

I nod, she stands and quickly finds the remote. "Before we start watching something, do you need a hug? You're allowed to say no."

I love how considerate she is.

I nod, standing up. She holds her arms out, inviting me into her arms. I put my arms around her lower back and she wraps hers around my upper back, one hand resting on the back of my head playing with my hair comfortingly. She holds me in her warm, gentle embrace for a moment before letting go.

She meets my face with a smile. "Feel better?"

I quickly nod with a smile on my face, happiness in my eyes.

"Do you have any comfort movies?" Jenna asks, finding her seat back on the couch.

I find my seat next to her. "I really like Studio Ghibli movies."

Jenna points the remote to the TV. "How about Spirited Away?"

"That sounds good to me." I say with a nod, looking at her one more time with a smile before we start the movie.

a/n: hii guys, hope you enjoyed my first Jenna fic. this was inspired by the tiktoks I've seen about the way Jenna looks at people. maybe if you guys behave you'll get a Jenna fic that has actual romance in it next.

[inu1gf]

you won’t be able to take your eyes off me

characters: gen narumi & soshiro hoshina (separately)

sypnosis: combination of two songs (miniskirt by aoa and give it to me by sistar)

a/n: my first fic so any constructive feedback would be much appreciated!! sorry if they seem a bit too ooc i tired staying in character as much as i could without going too flowery and corny >_< hope you like it and if you have any requests, send them in! and ty to soshiros bbygirl for beta reading;*

never did you think you could capture his attention, the difference not only in rank but raw power they held compared to you should’ve deterred you away but when the attention was reciprocated, you didn’t want it to end. dancing around each other, tiptoeing around the line not knowing if you should push the boundary, to see where this could lead.

as time goes along and seeing no change in this dancing routine that was set between you two, it started to weigh on your heart. does he just want to someone to occupy his time with? is he just doing it to mess with you? to waste your time? to have fun and see what he could do without crossing the clear line between you two. you can’t have that. that would just mean what you thought was a genuine connection, he thought it was a game. you weren’t just gonna stand by, wait for him to come back, and have the cycle repeat again.

out of sight. out of mind.

now what was just a slight peek between the curtains between the two of you, were just closed and locked windows. he wasn’t gonna be able to see that side of you no more. not a moment longer were you going to think of him anymore.

it took a while and you had to show that you were no longer occupied, you finally landed a date. you honestly didn’t think of it as anything serious. just a a little toe dip into the dating pool once again. even though you were ready for a new thing, you literally just got out of a one sided situationship so diving in head first on the first date wasn’t really a smart idea.

going through the process of aligning schedules, making plans, and deciding on the time, and with a little bit of help with outfit planning and a bit of confidence boosting, you were ready for a night out. now you just had to report to your higher ranking officer to give additional notice that you were spending your off day off base.

even if you weren’t on duty or in uniform, it felt a bit weird to not straighten out your clothes and posture before needing to make your presence known.

knock knock knock

“state your name.”

“it’s officer (y/n) reporting.”

“come on in.”

when you opened the door should’ve had a feeling that he’d be in the room…

expecting to see vice captain hasegawa at his desk, you were not sure why the two-toned-haired idiot you were trying to avoid was seated in a place like it was his office. then again you weren't all that surprised when seeing a stack of files on both sides with vice captain hasegawa standing behind him keeping watch.

upon entering both turned your direction to you, different expressions but it was all the same to you since you decided he was just captain narumi to you now and not gen (is what you told yourself but your heart felt like it was going to jump out your chest and land right in front of him for him to sign his name right on it).

“sorry to interrupt captain narumi and vice captain hasegawa. just wanted to report that i will be heading off base, can’t give a specific time but i will be back and i will be present for morning training.” in salute position trying to maintain being fixated on the wall behind both men, you couldn’t trust yourself to not have your expression change if you made eye contact nor could you stop your thoughts from crushing the confidence pep talk that kikoru and rin gave before leaving your room.

what you didn’t notice was the look over gen gave you when you stepped through the threshold nor could you have noticed the fast-paced heartbeat and heated ears that donned him once he saw how breathtaking you looked. having only seen you in either your regular civies or defense uniform, it would’ve made him beamed with pride had the change in clothing style been for him, but seeing as you haven’t even spared him a glance in a matter of weeks, he was happy to at least be in the same room with a good 6-foot distance separating you two.

as of late the only time, you would even allow yourself to be near him (at a wide distance but still being in the same room) is if it’s he finally decided to grace the first division with his presence and oversee training, or he’s dragged to a meeting and scuffed at the neck like a kitten by hasegawa. as if a switch flicked in your head, one day you couldn’t help but be next to him no matter the time or place, and now you couldn’t be in a room with him unless you had to.

he doesn’t even know why he is having such a hard time bringing up the situation or just speaking to you in general. this isn’t him. sure he can’t stand when his vice captain talks to him as if his title as captain of the first division doesn’t exist but with how you two danced around the line he didn’t know whether he should make his move or even how he should do it. like come on, holding his rank as both captain of the first division and japans strongest anti-kaiju combatant, and he doesn’t mean to brag (he totally does hope it wows you even more) most if not all, hold him in high regard and entrust the safety of the entire freaking country and defense force to him. this should at least boost his points with you. its not like you don’t know what he can’t do having been on the battlefield together. his speed and durability. his strength and endurance. his skilled martial arts mastery and intellect. never been one to shy away from flaunting his abilities that clearly sets him ranks above the rest (okay big head we get it you’re the best at what you do), it should show that what he can do and has to offer can push you more to him. so why is it that you are trying to pull away from him?

“…captain. captain narumi? CAPTAIN NARUMI?” finally registering that it was you who was calling him back off of whatever cloud he seemed to have found himself on since you came in, he looks at both you and hasegawa in confusion.

“yes, do you need something from me?” trying to make himself look like he wasn’t just spiraling into a hole of turmoil trying to see what could he have possibly done to have you in front of him dressed up so attractively appealing for someone.

“nothing sir. just wanted to wish you both a great night. hopefully, my intrusion didn’t slow down your progress on your work. i’ll get out of your hair and be on my way out.” with a quick salute, you leave straight away not wanting to waste anytime to get to your date (you may not truly like the guy but it’s not like you’re so cold-hearted to just leave him standing after all the planning that went into this date even if you don’t feel like going out now).

with your uver estimated time being 5 minutes away, you tried to speed walk as fast as you could to the entrance doors while simultaneously trying to keep the miniskirt kikoru slipped you in from riding even further up than you could handle. now just hearing the clacking of the high heels, you couldn’t focus on the sounds around you, trying to make it to the exit as fast as possible. nothing could have prepared you for the sudden pull on your arm into the quiet and empty hallway, would anything have prepared you for the sharp deep red eyes that you have been trying to avoid looking at for weeks.

“so what the first time in ages that you speak to me and you can’t even look at me and ‘captain’ or ‘sir’? haven’t heard you call me that since you first arrived. what happened to just narumi? what happened to gen? what’s with the sudden name change? sudden change in everything as a matter of fact? what happened? just tell me what went wrong!” a frenzy of questions snowballed right at you giving you no time even react to the first one. you couldn’t even look away from him when his presence and energy was just demanding your full focus and attention on nothing and no one but him.

“i can’t do this right with you, captain. my ride is going to be here in less than 4 minutes. as of a few minutes ago, i’m not on duty to have my off time disrupted. if that was all you had to say, please let me go. i have a date i can’t miss.”

date. (what?!)

a date. (where?!)

you’re dressed nice and pretty for a date. (why?!)

you’re dressed up nice and pretty because you’re going to a date. (when was this decided?!)

you’re dressed up nice and pretty because you’re going to a date thats not with him. (with who?!)

as he spiraled down his flurry of emotions that seemed to show on his face and eyes even with his mop of hair practically covering a good portion of his face, you were able to bear witness to each one. one right after the other tugging at your heart. making your brain go into its state of unraveling on the tight knot it held on your feelings for him begin to rise its way back out. you just couldn’t hold back on what you had been holding onto.

“please captain just please let me go. please don’t hold onto me anymore. please stop practically taking all my attention. please just stop giving me hope in whatever you lead me to believe this even is.” from the tight hold his eyes held onto yours to trying to focus on the high ceilings to blink away at the tears that threatened to fall and make a mess at what took hours of your support team working on to make sure that even if you were suited up in your usual uniform, you’d be able to battle anything that came your way. yet you seem to be losing the one you started one-sidedly.

“you want me to let you go after you walk in, looking smoking hot by the way, and finally talking to me after weeks of no response from you, only to find out you are going out on a date with some random who probably doesn’t know you as well as i do? i don’t care if i have to throw you in my office and break the handle to keep you in there, you will not be leaving my side. especially for some date with someone that’s not me. when did this even happen? how did this even happen? i’m pretty sure i’ve been dishing out more duties to you just to keep you occupied until you finally had enough to just come to yell at me about it.” he’s been dumping workloads on you on purpose? “anyways you’re not leaving. you are not leaving me. you understand that? now what’s this about ‘me giving you hope’? why would i stop? i thought what we had was something. im into you. you’re into me. why stop that? why try to go on a date another some other guy when that’s the step we’re supposed to be on? cancel that uver. they could be outside right now for all i give a crap. you’re sticking with me and we’re hashing this out. now.” not even letting you fight back, he starts to pull you into the familiar direction where his room is. one that you thought you would never be in again.

the closer you get, the more erratic the pounding in your chest, and the more your mind races having you think it was just the cycle repeating itself.

finally deciding to drop your weight in the opposite direction he was pulling you to (didn’t really do much in all honesty) does he decide to finally look at you again, seeing you in the heart-wrenched state he put you in. “i’m dressed for a date not a situationship lecture from the one who i was in a situationship with. so unless you’ve decided to actually take my feelings for you seriously then i won’t be going in there.”

“give me 30 minutes. i’ll take you on the best date you’ll ever have. by the time it’s over, you’ll never think about being on anyone’s side but mine.”

you didn’t even realize you were standing outside his door, until he faced forward opening his room, having you sit on his throne as he gathered his clothes and such, making the light bulb in your head come to light as you realize that you’re going on a date with gen. not the poor guy who has now been waiting for a response to his texts for the past 15 minutes.

wc: 1.8k

it shouldn’t have surprised you that he’d be here with captain ashiro, it really didn’t phase you as much as you thought it did. not wanting to show how it affected you, you fixated your gaze onto captain ashiro herself, but it was like he was invading your sight everywhere you went. with his back towards you not even wanting to acknowledge your presence, the clenching around your heart was a dull ache, but it was nothing new. you’ve already steeled your nerves when you decided that if he wasn’t going to do anything with what you thought was something good between you then you weren’t gonna waste your time.

“sorry to disturb you, captain ashiro and vice captain hoshina. the officers advised me to give notice just in case so i wanted to report that i would be off base for a few hours.” you didn’t know if it was because you were standing under an air vent or just your nerves running rampant, but it was just making the chills drive up your legs that not even the stockings covering your legs could provide a small ounce of warmth.

“it’s just us here so you don’t have to call me captain. you look pretty by the way. where you going?” it wasn’t known to most of the division that you and ashiro were friends. after a run in at the convenience store for some dried shredded squid where you both reach for the last one in stock, it sparked a quiet friendship between you two, and leading to you both meeting a few times cooking dishes for her, where you would use the shredded squid, after finding out she can’t really use a kitchen knife to save her life.

having heard his captain compliment someone out loud, soshiro doesn’t fully turn to you but just half way so he can see you in his general peripheral vision, and what his captain said was no lie at all.

now standing in a common hand-on-hip pose just seeming more slightly relaxed, he starts his trail at your black red bottom high heels that make the sheer black stockings that hug your legs in a way that has him weak in the knees, having to hold onto the desk he was starting to lean on, paired with a miniskirt and blouse that accentuated the lovely curves he can’t help but fantasize about when he’s alone with nothing but himself and his thoughts.

what pulled him out of his current position was your response.

“just a date with someone from the operations department.”

just a date.

just a date.

JUST A DATE.

“what the fuck.” who said that? did he say that? he didn’t mean to say it out loud, but as quick as he said it he masked his surprise, in case it slipped off him, and adjusted himself since he started to feel two sets of eyes on him. he could feel them burning on his side.

“this section on the report is wrong. i’ll go check it out to see how to fix it. I’ll leave yall to it.” giving this the only time to be able to turn himself facing to you, he got to see you in your full glory. you look as beautiful as you always do everytime he sees you.

Just as he gets ready to salute his captain, you salute back to him and start to head towards the door before him.

“I’ll let you know how it goes, shiro!” with a little wave to both captains, you rush out the doors and zip through the halls making it in time outside as your uver driver arrives.

if the drive didn’t feel like it had gotten you to your destination too fast, then it was the date that felt like it went painstakingly slow. all they did was talk about themselves, how they had done this and that, and how if they were given the chance, they would’ve done this better than hoshina. hoshina. how you honestly wished it had been him here, instead of the self absorbed person who’s done nothing but waste about 3 hours of your time.

you would’ve left halfway through but if it wasn’t for the gnawing ache in your heart of having to accept that even if you try to be with someone who wasn’t him, you wouldn’t have been able to open your heart to them the way you bore your heart open to him.

it seemed like you didn’t have to sit and suffer in silence any longer because it seemed like even thought they couldn’t get enough of hearing the sound of their our voice, they hated that you didn’t egg them on to continue their endless stream of compliments they wanted to shower themselves in. just slapping a few bills on the table, they left without so much as a glance to you, but you weren’t going to complain about it either. sure it was possibly the worst date you’ve ever been on, but at least you can finally get yourself out of this outfit. sure it was the best thing you’ve wore out since joining the force, but to have it wasted on a date as horrible them, all you could do is hope that whoever decided to take you out next will be worth the amount of effort you put in dressing yourself for.

who were you kidding? as if you’d ever subject yourself to another one like that ever again. sure they may not all be self absorbed and do nothing but waste your time, but at least after each date it wouldn’t have you feeling guilty for wasting theirs as well because no matter how many people you choose to be with, they’ll never be able to occupy the empty space in your heart that he decided to make his place in.

making your way back to base was easy enough if it wasn’t for man himself standing next to the entrance doors.

“well wasn’t that quick. what’d they do? stand you up?” as if that was the greatest joke he ever heard, he couldn’t help but do that cute laugh that he does, clutching at his sides while little by little slightly bending at the knees.

“ ha ha ha! laugh it up. and for your information, he didn’t stand me up. we had a nice time.” lie. “, and he treated me to that restaurant i’ve been wanting to go to.” half lie. “i see the promise of a second date in our near future. so laugh it up while you can. save it for someone who can’t get a date. wait a minute… isn’t that ‘someone’ you?” thinking that should have at least stunned him, you started to make your way past him, but what you didn’t count on was the sudden grip and spin you got in return now having to face the man himself. eyes open and fixated on yours. unmoving. it was a test checking to see who would make the first move…

but you’ve had enough with games.

enough with the side glances.

enough with second too long stares.

enough with the unmovable mocking grin he seemed to give anytime you were caught looking in his direction.

enough with the flirty inside jokes.

enough with the flushed face when he pays just a little more attention to you than he did with others.

enough with waiting.

enough of tail chasing you seemed to be doing just to get him to look at you the same way you look at him.

enough with just being strung along.

enough with him.

“if that’s the case then, why would you be with him and not me?” it seems like today was just full of surprises. there was no way those string of words came out of his mouth. however, if that question didn’t throw you in a loop then the second one did the trick.

“what can i do to make you stay with me?” you couldn’t even back away. with the tightening grip he had on you as if you were just going to sprint in the opposite direction if he were to weaken his hold on you and in no way would you have stayed as well.

did it really have to take him seeing you actually going on a date for him to finally make a move?—but again, if you wanted to hear anything on a already bad day after a bad date, then might as well have it done now.

“are you fucking serious right now?” you don’t care that you are about to get disciplinary action for what you just said to your superior, but who wouldn’t react that way when it was what you needed to hear a few weeks ago for the man himself. no longer were you just going to hide behind the little actions you’ve been doing to keep distance between you two. no not anymore, and if you had to hash it out in from of the division building then so be it. already too frustrated from the crap date and crap ride back just to be stopped by the problem itself only to be landed right back where you started, you just need the weight to be lifted off your chest so you can finally just breathe.

“what do you want? what is it to you that i went out on a date or that ill be going on more? who are you to tell me anything? if anything, you don’t get to dictate what i do outside of my duty to the squad. i’m pretty sure for someone who’s as intelligent as you then you should know how i feel about you and if you anything about me, you should know im not going to wait around anymore just for you to make a move so if you are done with whatever you have right now then just leave me alone” tone getting louder and louder, you don’t seem to notice how his hands went from your shoulders and gently sliding up to hold the sides of your face.

you only notice it when you feel a cold pressure on your lips and then seem to move on their own as they continue to lock with his. heart feeling fuller and your chest feeling lighter. you couldn’t help the tears that started to glide down your face and he couldn’t help himself when he felt them on the pads of his thumbs.

there was no stopping them. what had you agonizing for weeks came to a stop with just one kiss.

apologies coming from him just seemed to make the tear come in steady streams and when he saw that maybe they wouldn’t stop for a while, as if he was holding something so precious (in his case he was), you felt the bottom of your feet lift from the ground and he started to move. to where? you didn’t know. all you can see is the red tint on his ears and feel the tightening grip under your knees and shoulder.

it wasn’t until he adjusted his grip did you glance around to see where you were at.

vice captain hoshina soshiro

he was leading you into his office.

it wasn’t a new place to you. many times you’ve been in here. either waiting out the time as he completes his paperwork so he can give you some more pointers on your swordsmanship (you figured that if there was anyway to get closer to him, it was to learn the craft that he cherished deeply) or just to be in his presence as you helped him with whatever he needed from you (he always made up tasks just to have you around him just a minute longer).

you expected him to just sit you on one of the chairs he has in front of his desk. what you didn’t expect him to do was make his way around it and feel him sit down on his chair with you still in his arms. you didn’t expect him to adjust you so that sitting in his lap. you didn’t expect him to cradle you closer as if he was trying to meld you into him. you didn't expect the small featherlight kisses he lays on your face to get you to calm down.

there were many things you didn’t expect for him to do.

if only those were the only surprises he was going to lay on you, but nothing topped what he said next after resting his forehead onto yours.

“look i know it’ll take a lot to trust what i have to say and i don’t expect you to make it easy. if you can give me time, i promise ill be able to show you just how much you mean to me. i want to be able to make you see that i am yours. that i will always be yours. i hope that you can see just how much i want you to be mine.”

a/n: literally listened to miniskirt by aoa and give it to me by sistar while writing this.

[wetcatspellcaster]

2024 fic wrapped

I was tagged by @cursedhaglette to do this tag-game, but I found the focus on stats made me a little uncomfortable! (also, no one needs to know how many words I wrote while having multiple breakdowns last year, truly).

But, I didn't want to ignore Mia's tag! so instead, I'm going to take @cinnamontails-ff wrapped tag-game, just bc I sympathise with the logic and I like this set of questions a lot more!

Thank you Cin for coming up with questions that don't focus so much on productivity. And thank you again, Mia, for including me in the original game :) hopefully this is an acceptable substitute!

What's been your biggest learning point this past year?

I guess, what it feels like to be a 'popular' author - and the answer is, 'both good and bad, in fact, extremely mixed'. Obviously, many parts of it are wonderful: more people interacted with my work in the height of the BG3 fandom than I've ever had before, I felt like my writing mattered and I enjoyed every conversation I had about it. I also felt under a lot more scrutiny, very hyperaware of how I acted in 'public' (ie. on this blog), and aware of the people I'd disappoint with the directions I took my stories and what I chose to include. I also had to watch the baffling half-life of modern fandom! BG3's 6 month peak and 1yr trough was wild to me, as someone who joined dragon age 8yrs after the game was released. But I've decided I actually really like the middle-road of interaction, with much less noise and dedicated, recurring readers who I recognise and who make me smile and laugh every single time they comment or tag my work. I'll probably never experience whatever the fuck Pieces was ever again, and I'm honestly... ok with that, currently? Not to sound awful, but I'm not sure I liked it lmao.

In terms of my writing, my biggest learning point was "you're good at this, actually". Chanting this to myself in the mirror while I white-knuckle the sink.

How has your writing developed this past year?

I'm genuinely not certain. Pieces was certainly my most ambitious story yet, but a lot of the outlining of that took place in 2023 so it feels like the development happened then... though I suppose landing the dismount was something I worked very hard to do. I guess the main development this year was that a lot of what I wrote was extremely, extremely angsty. I wrote Pieces, I wrote This Is Not A Love Story. and I gave Rosalie to Orin :))))) this doesn't necessarily surprise me, given the way my writing often reflects things I'm dealing with in my life, and I've been trying to both recover from - and desparately stave off a relapse into - depression. I think that I can see why I keep making characters into the worst versions of themselves (this goes for Astarion, Rosalie - bc Pieces Rosalie is NOT in a good place, Gale and my Durge) and then watching them claw their way back to happiness in the hope of proving to myself that that's possible.

But jfc, it all got a little heavy. I've decided that 2025 is the Year of the Rom Com™.

Good writing habits?

Committing myself exclusively to what I want to read and sticking to my guns - which means I actually finish the thing, rather than getting into my own head about it.

Stretching my comfort zone a little (writing something vaguely smutty, writing something very different in style, switching genres for a bit) without losing my own voice.

Not falling into any jealousy/existential crises about my own writing, which I guess is much easier when you're experiencing a bout of 'success', but I've managed to keep it up even after the success began tailing off :)

I wrote a lot of words last year. I'm not putting the stat down but god. It was a lot.

Bad writing habits?

Overwriting everything. Everything. All the time. Party Favours was so short!!! I used to write novellas!!! Why are my chapters so fucking long now?????

Having multiple fic wips when I promised myself I'd wind down fanfic and start writing original work again :')

I wrote a lot of words last year. I think I did this bc I was extremely unhappy, and productivity is how I define myself. when I feel bad, I write and post bc it makes me feel good. And I felt very bad this year. So anyway, I think my wordcount is both a good thing and also a wee cry for help :'))))

Favorite thing you wrote?

Chapter Twenty-Three of Pieces (Mephistopheles consultation and my Ascended!Astarion meta-reveal)

Chapter Four of Cooler Than Me (putting the blorbos in a formal-wear situation)

I also liked my sex scene in Pieces :') it was tame but it was written for me specifically x

Favorite reads?

for fic!

long summer days can lead to lazy vices by @pouroverpaloma

eyes like fire by demonsbanebard

only once by @bearhugsandshrugs

and of course stitched into your sleeve by the bestie (@violacae)!!! my first ever gift fic!!!

for literature!

The Scholar and the Last Faerie Door by HG Parry

Long Live Evil by Sarah Rees Brennan

Deeplight by Frances Hardinge

Biggest win?

god. I'm endlessly grateful for my gift fic and for my fanart, but... it's got to be bookbindings. I used to daydream, about somebody ever wanting to have my fic bound, but I thought it was impossible and would never happen! I now know of 3 copies of my work that exist in the world :D and the ones I've seen were fucking gorgeous, like oh my fucking god.

I am also very proud I finished Pieces! It was my most ambitious project, and writing the ending presented even more challenges than I expected - as I discovered how much you write yourself into a corner when you resoul Astarion. I still haven't managed to read the completed work in full yet, but I'm proud it exists :)

Goals for the new year?

finish outstanding wips, and then see where my writing takes me next. I want to write original work, but I also don't want to make it a resolution. As long as I continue to enjoy writing, that's what matters most to me!

Your favorite words of the year, aka the words you check each chapter for, making sure you didn't repeat them 788 times?

I think I use '[x character] froze' a lot, but rather than focusing on my repetitions I want to focus on some of my favourite turns of phrase that I managed to pull from the ether! :)

'before her brief courtship with death threatened to become a commitment' - from the risk and the reward

'We can all still be butchered. We cut away the parts of ourselves to make us fit' - from this is a love story.

"He played an androgynous, morally-grey vampire, of indeterminate gender! In a nice coat! Anyone who had two working eyes and a relevant Kinsey Score read the porn, back in the day!” - from cooler than me

What are you excited for in the new year?

act 3 astarion characterisation for honest lie! the first big romance moment in cooler than me! and then just romcoms! 2025 is the year of the romcom! I want to write exclusively happy things!!!!

tagging: @cursedhaglette (as it's a different set of questions lmao), @imscissorbladez, @violacae, @eraserspiral, @scaryanneee, @sitting-in-the-sink, @pricemarshfield, @pouroverpaloma and anyone else who wants to give this a whirl. anyone is welcome, and if you tag me in it I'll share x

[dravenscroft]

Thinking a lot about how Billy inadvertently, in being bitchy to Hickey during their break-up, sets Hickey on his horrible path.

Like, disclaimer, I'm not giving Hickey any kind of pass here, for the record - I mean, he was a murderer before he even set foot on the ship! - but I find it sooooooo interesting how Billy's catty 'the captain doesn't see you at all' can be seen as the trigger for such destruction.

Because it's not necessarily true. Crozier IS bad at recognising the loyalty and worth of some of his men (Little, for example...) but generally he DOES see his crew. Look at how he treats Hartnell after he proves himself loyal! With respect and trust! Look at Jopson! So in my opinion, Crozier DID see Hickey in that moment in the great cabin. And Hickey seemed genuinely happy to be seen and appreciated as part of something larger than himself. Like I truly believe there's a real glimmer of joy and hope in him in that moment, and when he's relaying it to Billy.

And then Billy says those words, and Hickey just - loses it. Becomes determined to be seen ('a man like me will do incredible things to be seen...' ahem...) and we get the attack on poor Silna as a result. Like that was entirely on Hickey, of course! But it's interesting because I wonder what it would have been like if Billy hadn't put the thought about Crozier 'not seeing him at all' into his head. If he'd have gone to such extremes or not. Perfectly possible that he would have, because he's Hickey, but there's the possibility he wouldn't have felt as threatened and desperate.

I just feel like somewhere there's an alternative timeline where Hickey - still for egotistical, personal reasons - instead chooses to be staunchly loyal to Crozier, embraces this structure he's never had rather than rails against it, and we get a very different story. Although maybe not - because I'm not sure Hickey knows how to 'impress' authority in a way that isn't wildly outside of the acceptable social norms. Nor do I think he knows how to embrace order over chaos; he is chaos, at his heart.

But still. An interesting 'what if' to imagine. Although I think Jopson would have smothered Hickey in his sleep if he was threatening to be daddy's favourite. But hey.

[rekino2114]

So. Uhhh. We've seen genderbended allot of people.... My dirty bisexual head is saying. Fem David Chiem trying to be genuine in her relationship with her S/O? Especially after she reveals her true self?

Fem!David chiem talking with you after the second trial

A/n:I knew someone was gonna request something for fem!David sooner or later. credit to nerico on pinterest for the art.

I'll change David's name to Diana (....see what I did there?)

(Sorry if this sucks)

[Spoilers for drdt]

After the second trial you started walking towards your dorm, you didn't want to talk to anyone......especially your girlfriend. But it seems the universe had another plan because just as you were about to open the door, you felt a hand on your shoulder and turned around to see Diana.

"Hey, I wanna talk"

"I'm tired"

"Please, I really need to-"

"You already said enough, I don't need you to lie even more"

"I-"

You opened the door but she gripped your shoulder even tighter

"I'll never lie to you"

Those words touched you, so you sighed and let her enter in the room. She thanked you and sat in the bed, looking awkwardly at you before clearing her throat and speaking

"Listen I'm sorry-"

"Did you ever try to manipulate me?"

"W-what? No I'd never"

"Then don't apologize, of course I'm mad that you hid all......that from me but.....I love you, and I know you do too. All of those moments we spent together, I know they can't be lies, so if you really are like this.....I'll try to love this side of you too"

She looked at you surprised and smiled. A genuine pure smile, you knew she wasn't lying

"....thanks"

"But it will take a while"

"....huh?"

"I mean you did lie to me, for our entire relationship, you seriously think I'm just gonna forgive you like that?"

"It's not like I made any of those stupid speeches to you"

"Yeah but you never showed.....this to me either"

"......sorry I.....I just didn't know what you'd think of me"

".............."

"I mean, I introduce myself as a kind and supportive motivational speaker and reveal that I'm actually a crazy manipulator who lies and uses people to get what she wants. Who would want to date me after that?"

"Me"

"...........really?"

"I already told you, I want you to be yourself when you're with me, that's what any partner would want from their lover, if that's the real you, then I'll love you like this, I just wished you'd told me earlier, that just makes me believe you don't trust me"

"No, of course I trust you.....I just-"

"I know, it must have been hard for you, but I'm hurt too"

She looked down and ran a hand through her messy blue hair

".....I'm truly sorry, if I knew you'd be this supportive, I would have told you my secret immediately"

Seeing her like that made you feel sad too, you knew she truly felt sorry, you knew she loved you......and you loved her too.

You got up from your bed and held her hand

"I get it, but it's alright now, I think we can make this work"

She looked up and smiled slightly

"Thank you, I love you"

"I love you too Diana"

You crouched and gave her a kiss on the cheek, you then sat next to her on then bed and she returned the favor.

"That was so over the top though"

"What?"

"Your transformation, did you seriously have to do that?"

"Hey, if I'm gonna be evil, I'm gonna do it looking cool"

"Fair"

"Plus, don't I look hotter like this?~"

"You just ruffled your hair and opened your shirt a bit. It's not that big of a difference"

"It's still a difference, one that makes me hotter"

She got closer to you and stared at you with a smirk

"Is this what I'm gonna have to deal with from now on?"

"Yep, and you're gonna love it"

She kissed your lips before pulling back and winking at you, you laughed and wrapped her arms around her

"Seriously though, thank you.....a lot"

"It's nothing, I love you, the real you"

She hugged you tightly and whispered to herself

"I promise I'll end this killing game....for you"

[ay4tou]

Can I request a fic for Johan and a reader where they are friends but he has a secret crush on her one day they're hanging out and the reader is doing Johans hair and he keeps moving. So she holds his head in place using her thighs. He finally ends up snapping and confronting her about knowing about his feelings and to stop playing with them.

unspoken truths | johan seong x reader

summary: when a simple moment with johan takes an unexpected turn, the tension becomes impossible to ignore. but sometimes, it only takes one bold move to uncover the truth.

author's note: my first request!! anyway i promised i would post a fic after i went to go vacay at singapore but then i got sick OOPS. MY BAD YALL 🏃💨 | masterlist

The two of you were seated in your room, a familiar space where you’d spent countless hours over the years you've known each other. The sunlight streaming through the window caught the strands of his chestnut-brown hair, which was, as always, an unruly mess.

“Your hair’s a disaster.” you teased, grabbing a comb from your desk.

Johan shot you a flat look, though a faint blush crept to his cheeks. “It’s fine the way it is.”

“Not while I’m here, it’s not.” you countered, taking a seat behind him on the bed. You began working through the strands, carefully parting and combing.

“Stop moving,” you said, exasperated as he shifted slightly for the third time.

“I’m not moving...” he muttered, but the stubborn smirk tugging at his lips told you otherwise.

“Yes, you are. If you don’t hold still, I’m never going to finish.”

“I didn’t ask you to do this.” he quipped.

You rolled your eyes. “Fine. If you’re going to be difficult, I’ll make you stay still.”

Before Johan could protest, you swung a leg over, settling yourself on his lap. His face immediately flushed as you held his head still with your thighs.

“Wha- what are you doing?” he stammered, his usual composure completely shattered.

“This.” you replied nonchalantly, resuming your work. “Now you have no excuse to move.”

He sat frozen beneath you, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. His bangs brushed against your fingers as you worked, and he avoided looking at you, his jaw tight. The silence in the room felt heavier than usual, but you were too focused to notice the way his ears were turning red.

After a while, you finally leaned back to admire your work. “Perfect! See? That wasn’t so hard, was it-"

“Stop." Johan said abruptly, his voice quiet but firm.

You frowned, caught off guard by his tone. “Stop what?”

“This.” he said, gesturing between the two of you, his bangs falling back into his face. “You know what you’re doing. Don’t act like you don’t.”

“What are you talking about?” you asked, genuinely confused.

“You always do this!" he muttered, his voice sharper now. “Getting close, touching me like this… acting like it doesn’t mean anything. You have to know, right? Or are you just messing with me?”

His words hit you like a ton of bricks. You stared at him, frozen, as the realization began to sink in. When you didn’t respond immediately, Johan let out a frustrated sigh, his nonchalant mask slipping back into place.

“Ugh. Forget it.” he mumbled, moving to stand, but you grabbed his wrist.

“Johan...” you said softly, your voice cutting through the tension. “I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t. But… I’m glad you told me.”

He froze, his eyes snapping back to yours. “You… are?”

You nodded, your cheeks warming as your grip on his wrist tightened slightly. “Because I feel the same way.”

His eyes widened, and for a moment, he just stared at you, his usual guarded demeanor completely gone. Then, with a quiet huff, he looked away, the faintest hint of a smile tugging at his lips.

“Good.” he muttered, his voice quieter now. “But next time, maybe don’t use your thighs to trap me.”

You laughed, the tension in the room finally breaking. “You’re impossible, you know that?”

Johan smirked, though his ears were still pink. “And you’re annoying.”

[tornadoyoungiron]

Hello Tumblr, it’s been a while.

First of all, wishing everyone a Happy New Year! Hoping that 2025 has been good so far and for the rest of the solar cycle <3 The past few months have been a little rough for me, as I have been dealing with some behind-the-scenes stuff, though I will be fine, don’t you worry. I’ve been through far worse.  

Unfortunately, it means that I’ve lost the passion for Young Iron, I honestly think that the passion has been dwindling for a long time now, since at least May 2024. I think it was a factor of a lot of things; my hyperfixation slowly waning, feeling like the story losing its focus and getting out of hand plus noticing that a lot of my ideas were being copied. 

To clarify, I don’t mind if people take ideas I put forward in my writing, in fact, I do encourage it and love seeing what people come up with. It excites me and inspires me to write more. I want people to be creative and to be inspired to write their own stories, hell their own Tornado’s because you can never have enough Tornado’s in the world. 

However, my issues started after introducing and talking about future concepts of my stories with others and having people immediately ask if they could take and use these concepts/characters in their own AUs before I could even write them into my own started to discourage me. This is one of the reasons why all the posts on Broken Records have been deleted and I removed myself from most of the ttte groups I was in. I wanted to discuss my ideas with others, not have them immediately stolen for other people’s AUs.

It’s disheartening to not be able to flesh out my own characters or ideas before someone comes in and takes the idea away to make their own. Maybe I’m being petty or perhaps a bit protective, I don’t know, but it felt rude to me. 

That being said, please don’t be scared to post and continue writing stuff inspired by Young Iron. If you want to write stories about any of the characters I’ve introduced in the Young Iron stories, please feel free to go right on ahead and even tag me if you want. I really do genuinely love this kinda stuff, it might even inspire me to come back.

Either way, I still do have plans to finish Young Iron. In Pursuit of Self was always going to be the last in the series, I want the series it to have a definitive end, unlike my previous series with Godzilla which just randomly dropped off. I want to finish it but when things are looking up and things have gotten better.

In other news, Transformers One really got me into a Transformer’s hyper fixation so you might see some new things in regards to the Transformers franchise. (Probably not ONE related but you never know.)

Wishing all my followers and mutuals a wonderful 2025! 

Stay Safe, smooth running and dry rails!

[berryberrytaeberry]

THE BERRY AGENDA IS NOT RISING WHY DO I HATE EVERYTHING AND WHY ARE THE VOICES IN MY HEAD BEING MEAN I AM A NICE PERSON, ME, STOP BEING MEAN!!! GRR GRR GRR WHAT IS HAPPENING

[obsessedoverwater]

Sometimes the doomed old man toxic yoai gets so bad you just have to start writing about fucking revenge guac to get over the pain.

[mamorigami]

here to once again complain about ft and just the. existence of irene & being the mother of erza, which subsequently didn't matter at all after that arc ended. im scratching my head still at the prospect of giving erza an on-page mother, especially so late in the story with no build up outside the arc. idk if im making this up but i remember reading that it wasn't intentional at first, but irene ended up looking so much like erza that it was implemented in the story. i think thats dumb and stupid and boring and dumb!! fair warning that i barely acknowledge irene and erza's familial relation, any development is going be heavily canon-divergent & full of my own tweaks in regards to irene and her story..

[scintillatingshortgirl19]

ultimately something i think i'll just never get over re: the loki series is the fact that the time travel theme afforded so many opportunities to delve into the most core facets of loki's history and character (aka the things that formed the basis of literally every loki plotline and all his ~villainous deeds~) and allow him to finally reckon with that history - loki's jotun heritage, odin's manipulation/emotional abuse of both loki and thor, loki's suicide attempt, everything with thanos - and the creators were just. fundamentally and inexplicably not interested in any of that

[navii-blaze]

listen to my vision boy

[hana-bobo-finch]

I fucking hate miya I fucking hate miya I fucking hate miya I FUCKING HATE HER SO MUCH I HATE HER SO FUCKINH MUCH someone is gonna have to sedate me before I EXPLODE

[blondemadona]

Everyone can have their obsession with whatever and move on but Carmilla will forever hold a place in my heart