#i fucking hate living here
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i’m just so baffled and filled with an unbelievable amount of rage.
#i fucking hate living here#i fucking hate that my loved ones live here#i fucking hate him#i fucking hate this#fuck the electoral college#us politics#2024 presidential election
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Feeling sick to my stomach after hearing my dad and brother celebrating Trump winning and knowing they’re going to vote away my rights in our next election
#I fucking hate living here#i need my own place#at least my mom hates trump#hopefully she doesn’t vote conservative
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They should invent a living with your parents that didn't want to make you kill yourself every time you talked to them.
#i fucking hate living here#you just have to causally bring up the transphobia don't you#your acceptance is conditional at best#avoident personality disorder#actually cptsd#i feel fucking trapped here
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Hey guys.
Most of you will hate the news, but it is what it is. You have to understand, I already hate my life a lot more than any of you can make me feel bad about it. Anyway, I only came online to say this one thing and will probably deactivate/delete the account.
After months and months of hopelessly trying to ignore reality, I've now completely detransitioned. It is something I absolutely loathe, it was not because of personal choice and I barely hold on to a meaningless existence every time I wake up in the morning.
I might leave the account here, for sentimental reasons. If that happens, I will not be posting anymore, or replying to messages, asks, mentions, etc.
I now look nothing like my photos 🙃 and although my urges and desires never changed at all, most people (if not all) now treat me as a cis dude.
It's disgusting.
But I can't blame them. I can't blame anyone other than life being incredibly unfair.
I hope you all have a much more beautiful and satisfying life. Every day.
Some of you, you know I loved you. I'm taking back nothing. I'm currently considering starting another account. But I don't think anyone of you would want to follow another hairy bearded fatty who still feels like this beautiful "innocent" girl inside.
What a life.
Anyway, take care my loves. Stay safe and happy 💜
#lúlu may#personal#forced detrans#ftm detransition#detrans ftm#tw detransition#forced detransition#detransitioned#the end#probably#i fucking hate this#i fucking hate myself#i fucking hate living here#fuck this life#text
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Can my mom please not yell her antisemitic doomsday conspiracy theories over the phone?
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#time to put on a smiley face today#i fucking hate living here#i hate my roommate#i hate that they dont care that theyre washing our friendship down the drain#i hate that i gave up what i had for greener grass#i hate that im constantly a disappointment#i hate that i cant hold onto the good things#i wanna pack up all my shit and move tomorrow#i hate being this angry
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i was never addicted to anything but in my dream last night i said "fuck it time to break my sobriety" and then i started hitting myself and i tried to hit my head on the wall, and i woke myself up from pushing my head toward the frame too fast. uh.
#im okay ish#i fucking hate living here#and it's strange lately#not so much loud but more like... whispering#which is always fun
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one of the things that's the most fucking frustrating for me about arguing with climate change deniers is the sheer fucking scope of how much it matters. sweating in my father's car, thinking about how it's the "hottest summer so far," every summer. and there's this deep, roiling rage that comes over me, every time.
the stakes are wrong, is the thing. that's part of what makes it not an actual debate: the other side isn't coming to the table with anything to fucking lose.
like okay. i am obviously pro gun control. but there is a basic human part of me that can understand and empathize with someone who says, "i'm worried that would lead to the law-abiding citizens being punished while criminals now essentially have a superpower." i don't agree, but i can tell the stakes for them are also very high.
but let's say the science is wrong and i'm wrong and the visible reality is wrong and every climate disaster refugee is wrong. let's say you're right, humans aren't causing it or it's not happening or whatever else. let's just say that, for fun.
so we spend hundreds of millions of dollars making the earth cleaner, and then it turns out we didn't need to do that. oops! we cleaned the earth. our children grow up with skies full of more butterflies and bees. lawns are taken over with rich local biodiversity. we don't cry over our electric bills anymore. and, if you're staunchly capitalist and i need to speak ROI with you - we've created so many jobs in developing sectors and we have exciting new investment opportunities.
i am reminded of kodak, and how they did not make "the switch" to digital photography; how within 20 years kodak was no longer a household brand. do we, as a nation, feel comfortable watching as the world makes "the switch" while we ride the laurels of oil? this boggles me. i have heard so much propaganda about how america cannot "fall behind" other countries, but in this crucial sector - the one that could actually influence our own monopolies - suddenly we turn the other cheek. but maybe you're right! maybe it will collapse like just another silicone valley dream. but isn't that the crux of capitalism? that some economies will peter out eventually?
but let's say you're right, and i'm wrong, and we stopped fracking for no good reason. that they re-seed quarries. that we tear down unused corporate-owned buildings or at least repurpose them for communities. that we make an effort, and that effort doesn't really help. what happens then? what are the stakes. what have we lost, and what have we gained?
sometimes we take our cars through a car wash and then later, it rains. "oh," we laugh to ourselves. we gripe about it over coffee with our coworkers. what a shame! but we are also aware: the car is cleaner. is that what you are worried about? that you'll make the effort but things will resolve naturally? that it will just be "a waste"?
and what i'm right. what if we're already seeing people lose their houses and their lives. what if it is happening everywhere, not just in coastal towns or equatorial countries you don't care about. what if i'm right and you're wrong but you're yelling and rich and powerful. so we ignore all of the bellwethers and all of the indicators and all of the sirens. what if we say - well, if it happens, it's fate.
nevermind. you wouldn't even wear a mask, anyway. i know what happens when you see disaster. you think the disaster will flinch if you just shout louder. that you can toss enough lives into the storm for the storm to recognize your sacrifice and balk. you argue because it feels good to stand up against "the liberals" even when the situation should not be political. you are busy crying for jesus with a bullhorn while i am trying to usher people into a shelter. you've already locked the doors, even on the church.
the stakes are skewed. you think this is some intellectual "debate" to win, some funny banter. you fuel up your huge unmuddied truck and say suck it to every citizen of that shitbird state california. serves them right for voting blue!
and the rest of us are terrified of the entire fucking environment collapsing.
#spilled ink#writeblr#i hope it is clear here that i actually very much care about equatorial countries#and that's part of what makes me so angry bc im like. climate refugees exist.#they've existed for a while!!!#and the reply is almost always ''should have thought about that before living on an island"#like fuck dude. do you need to like how people vote before ur like#your entire house shouldn't burn down each summer????#so many of these people make it their life to mock california that they think it's FUNNY#and im like. girl you should be fucking trembling. TEXAS??? ARE YOU LISTENING??#this is one of those times that like. i need to stress how fucking stupid it would be#to let trump win. bc he could have “reached across the aisle.” covid could have been#a MASSIVE commercial success. he has such a huge and bigoted and brainwashed following.#literally just a PR campaign called COWBOY UP and it's pictures of cowboys in bandanas#trump reinvisioned as the lone ranger fighting for the american people against covid. EASY SELL#and instead. companies bought him. it became political. it was not ''oh shit this is 1 enemy let's all be human''#it was ''you deserve to die.''#climate change should be GLOBAL. it should be like ''yeah i hate u but. we do all live here''#i don't have to LIKE my group members to do well on a team project bc we are ALL getting graded.#is that simple enough of an under-explaination lol
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I need non-Americans to know that it’s impossible to hate America more than we do lol
#America fucking sucks#america#REAHHH 🦅🦅🦅🦅🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫#I fucking hate living here#America hate club
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My favourite trope in MXTX's novels is finding one that one person is a criminal/traitor so we need to get rid of them but it turns out they're the only competent people in this whole fucking place so we desperatly scramble for what's left of them to menage our taxes.
#ling wen#jin guangyao#shang qinghua#those guys#solidarity of overworked itty bitty evil characters#what do you mean we can't do shit withoud ling wen#fuck it bring her back#war crimes? what war crimes? it's only ling wen#the moment shamg qinghua permanently goes to live with mobei jun the demon realm starts to fucking thrive#and the peaks are just in shambles#jin guangyao here creating a very efficient system of informing sects of things is hated just because of some murder#what murdahhh#don't you know he's an architect#really#turn on him just for some crimes#absurd#mxtx a genius and i stand by my girl ling wen to the end#mxtx#svsss#tgcf#mdzs#meng yao#mo dao zu shi#scum villain self saving system#tian guan ci fu#heaven official's blessing#grand master of demonic cultivation#onnahu's mdzs#onnahu's tgcf#onnahu's svsss
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i hope i actually get skinny off of this. fuck recovery i guess.
#i'm too ill eat anyway#recovering while i still live with them is fucking pointless#i fucking hate living here
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Dp x Dc AU: Danny and Tim are twins- And Vlad is the first to figure this out in his attempts to get DavlCo a new investor.
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Tim was getting the creeps from this guy. It was as if the room got colder, the seconds got longer and the room's shadows moved to their own volition. He stared Tim down less like 'You punk kid' and more like 'You'll be mine' in a way that Tim didn't appreciate. At all.
The guy kept setting meetings up despite Tim's direct insistance that Wayne Enterprises would never touch DalvCo- not with a ten foot pole or for all the money in the world. Some how Tim's board of directors kept getting swindled by the guy and... therefore more meetings. More looks from this guy that made him want to crawl out of his skin.
Vlad asked him if he ever went by Timothy- Tim couldn't reply "that's not my name" fast enough. It apparently inspired the guy somehow. More meetings that Tim can't reject because of board members pop up.
It's been long determined that Jason doesn't get involved with Wayne Enterprises, but after the Uncle and a few other paid-actor solutions go up in flames- Tim decides to call up his older brother to act as a bodyguard and tell this guy to fuck off for the final time.
Jason apparently also gets the Heebee-jeebies from this asshole but his message is loud and clear to Vlad. There's a flash of green and then all of sudden it's just Tim and Jason in the room... Only Jason isn't acting like himself.
Putting it together- Tim reaches for his contingency F stash of Knock out gas and doses Jason. Vlad doesn't re-appear so Tim assumes that to mean that he'll be trapped in Jason's person until Jason wakes up.
Walking out of the meeting room with his bus of a brother over his shoulders- Tim quickly asks Tam to reach out to Vlad's Emergency contact. Surely there is someone in this man's company willing to explain what the fuck Vlad was trying to pull. Tim theoretically can keep Jason drugged asleep for a long time- surely that threat can get him somewhere.
The day drags on as Tim continues to keep Jason unconscious and eventually Tam lets him know that someone is here for Vlad. She says it with the addition of one of their codes- He mentally prepares himself for the worst and then... His doppleganger walks through the door? What the fuck?
Tim and Danny puzzle about one another for a little too long and Jason wakes up- Vlad pops out immediately. A shouting match between Danny and Vlad commences and...
"Man I knew our family had unresolved issues but seriously what the fuck has your clone dealing with?" Jason asks, as though he could watch this all day with pop corn.
"You made more clones?!" Danny screamed at Vlad who's only response is "Not this one! This one is actually polite!"
"Fuck you!" Tim and Danny reply in tandem.
#dcxdp#dpxdc#dc x dp#dp x dc#danny phantom#dc crossover#dp crossover#long post#tim and danny are twins au#twins au#tim is co-ceo of wayne enterprises and has too much shit that he puts up with because his board doesn't respect him#danny shows up and wants to conceal being a ghost for as long as possible but fucking vlad already possessed some fuckin guy#vlads plan is to abduct and adopt tim#vlad sees the resemblance immediately but when he asks tim the name question tims answer basically confirms it to him lol#jason is collateral damage here and is willing to throw down because of it#jason immediately being like 'oh look its a version of you i havent traumatized yet. i should not fuck up this one.'#jason danny and tim bonding over hating vlad actually brings danny into the family fold#he still lives in amity but now he has unlimited pocket change and a family that acts suspiciously like they're hiding being vigilantes
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consumed by the inevitable
#messyr#you know- I kept thinking: One day. The cage will be open but I feel like I'll stay. Because if I run- I'd wind up dead from their bullet#so I just- tend to- follow as much as I want to rebel and put sense into this fuckass household. I hate seeing the others in pain as well#and it hurts more that it feels like I can NEVER be the one to break this cycle of abuse- when I knew from the start- when I knew too much#but here I am ending up like the rest of them- helpless and unable to do jackshit about the situation. I cant say or do anything at all!#I dont want to end up like them- if anything I want to BREATHE- i want all of us to LIVE without this pain that has existed for generations#I want to help so bad no matter how much I know I am unloved.#no matter how much hate i carry- no matter how much burden- Underneath it all- I'm devoted to them- that's how fucked up I am#i know i'll never be enough. I know how often I think of death and wish it.#But I have a dream to achieve and I am not planning to die until I reach it. Not yet. If pain is where I strive best then so be it.#doodle#vent art#artists on tumblr#bpd#toxic behavior#learned helplessness
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just how can i protect your smile?
#you guys like yaoi? can i get you some yaoi#pjsk#prsk#project sekai#proseka#tsukasa tenma#rui kamishiro#ruikasa#AUUUUUGH.#this is what finally makes me actually draw riks. vocaloid autism#putting the link in the caption because NOBODY FUCKIGN TLAKS ABOUT SCISSORHANDS EVER WHERES THE HYPE I NEED HER. SONG OF THE DECADE(2009)#this song makes me incredibly normal. my bad. i saw the miume choreography when i was like 11 and my brain shifted#i wanted their outfits to look like mikus in the mv so bad. Fuck my life for that btw stupid fuckign frill trim. why did she have to slay#tried to think of smth other than butterflies for kasa but i have no brain and tbh i hope his life is miserable so its fine#me posting this only to tmblr and not twt because i fucking hate twt#im drawing more song covers that live in my mind palace so i'll pist them there all together. and maybe here all together. who give a shit.#emnn skeleton orchestra next and it will fix me#Good lord. sorry. Im so caught up posting this for no reason. Get me out of here#im supposed to have a lecture in 3 hours but post covid symptoms say otherwise. im so fucked#i have a cyberpunk dead boy wip with them but idk i dont like posting wips on here its like an archive. n i want to actually finish it#but dear lord rendering it with their stupid outfits. clutches my chest falls to the floor. AUUUUGH#wxs killing me killing me taking damage augh auugh aughg
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i finished it, was kicked out of the game, and then spent the next 10 minutes drawing this. i will now go take a shower, most likely cry, and then go through the emotional turmoil of convincing myself to reset so i can do a geno run. i hate it here :D
#undertale yellow#uty#my art#<- ifg#spoilers under these tags beware. although it is mostly just me being very very sad#that entire thing was heart wrenching. anyways#CEROBAS FIGHT??? HELLO???#i had to exit out of it the first time (i got to the last phase) to get better items but i came back and won pretty quickly#but THE CUTSCENES?!?!?#JFC NO WONDER THIS WOMANS SO MESSED UP. HER HUSBAND PRACTICALLY DIED IN HER ARMS AND THE LAST THING HE LEFT HER WITH- HIS DYING WISH- COULD#ONLY BE FULFILLED BY PUTTING THEIR ONLY CHILD IN DEATHS WAY. AND THEN WHEN SHE TOOK THAT RISK THE WORST THING HAPPENED AND SHE NOW HAS TO#LIVE WITH THE GUILT OF BEING THE ONE TO. MOST LIKELY. KILL HER ONE AND ONLY DAUGHTER#ALL THE WHILE SHE WAS PUSHING AWAY HER CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND AND CONVINCING HERSELF THAT SHE WAS IN THE RIGHT TO SACRIFICE CLOVER WHO HAD#BEEN ONLY KIND MERCIFUL AND JUST THIS WHOLE TIME. EVEN TO THOSE WHO WERE TRYING TO KILL THEM. FUCK.#AAND WHEN CLOVER HUGGED HER I DOUBLED OVER IRL BC *THATS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED TO DO IN THAT MOMENT* I HATE IT (read: love it) HERE#n dont even get me STARTED on after that. when clover started moving on their own and the gd white screen came up and we got flashbacks of#everyone's words. thats when the tears rlly started coming bc it clicked for me. 'oh. this is it. isn't it?' and IT WAS#WHEN THEY GAVE THEIR FUCKIGN HAT AND GUN AWAY TO MARTLET AND STARLO WELL THATS WHEN I REALLY STARTED CRYING#AAND THE GROUP HUGG#I WAS SOBBING WHENEVER I HAD TO WATCH THEM CRAWL UP AGAINST THE WALL AND DIE AND HAVE FLOWEYS WORDS PLAY OVERHEAD#AND THE FUCKOGN#THE F U C K I N G#AFTEWRCREDITS SCENE WHERE WE GOT THE 'You heard someone calling for help. You answered.' I GOT CHILLS SO BAD#to think that all the other souls have stories just as expansive and emotional as clover n frisks. how fucked up is that. in a good way tho#and finally the last scene where we got all 4 of our main friends sending us off in waterfall and we see clovers items end up in the dump#just waiting to be found by bratty and catty. fucken hell man this was a masterpiece#anyways time to reset and obliterate everyone and never emotionally recover from that ever!! really is feeling like 2016-17 again w the way#this game has me sobbing my eyes out and feeling the guilt of knowing that i dont HAVE to kill them all but im too curious not to#oh well. at least i have the balls to do it this time around instead of letting a youtuber do it for me ig
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