#i fr dont know how to tag stuff
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At "maine sumjha tha ke tu hai toh darkshan hai hayaat" and "tera gham toh gham-e-dahar ka jhagda kya hai?" Dreading getting to the "aur bhi dukh hai zamaane mein mohabbat ke siva" and "Rahatein aur bhi hai, vasl ki raahat ke siva". :/ sigh
#desiblr#urdu#poetry#urdu poetry#noor jahan#faiz ahmed faiz#mujhse pehli si mohabbat mere mehboob na maang#i'm in love with this song actually#enniwaes#yeah-#i fr dont know how to tag stuff#uhhhh#desi
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i'm exactly as normal about him as I thought I'd be
#my art#trigun stampede#vash the stampede#trigun#trigun vash#vash#tristamp#trigun stampede fanart#trigun fanart#idk the tags fr this fandom sorry its babys first trigun#im not abandoning jjk but expect more other stuff sprinkled in!! including trigun <333 including him <3#ANYWAY IM SOOOOO NORMAL ABTHIM IM SO NORMAL I PROMISE#im lying im sorry im feral about him i want unspeakable things done 2 him it was over the moment i heard his voice#but [redacted] thoughts aside#hes so fun to draw oh my god how did they make a character Exactly For Me how did they make one that ticks all my boxes#hes blond but like i can work with it i will get good at rendering blond hair for him <333 hes worth it <333333#i was cruisin along mindin my business having fun learning how 2 draw him and then i get 2 the arm . +24hrs to total drawtime#all my cheats ...my safety net of being able 2 use flesh to disguise th fact that u dont reeeeally know where tendons or joints go...#out th window. this prosthetic is practically an anatomically correct model. u can see EVERYTHINg#put my entire me into trying to figure it out h i think it is ok i think i like it#god i rly cant get over how he's just a combination of all the fun parts of drawing yuuji megumi AND gojo#he is the center of their triple venn diagram and i am EATING HIM ALIVE#sorry ill calm down .... fr now.... smile :)
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sorry if you've already mentioned but what (re?)ignited your love of comics/x-men/cherik? curious because there are so many different adaptations of them
i think im gonna speak for a few (or a lot of) people when i say that TL;DR the wolverine x deadpool movie that came out this summer is what pulled me back into comics and i COULD leave it there but i will go into excruciating and unnecessary detail instead because i love an origin story and i love oversharing.
under the cut tho because im nice sometimes (there's also wxdp doodles in here. if you want to see that)
ironically (and probably commonly), growing up i was more of an avengers kid. Kinda. Loosely <- binge watched the cartoons and movies and read copious amounts of comics and fics and i am hoarding fanart in my old dresser as we speak ok 'loosely' is a modest lie.
embarrassingly i remember getting into discus cause of captain america LMAO so yeah needless to say i was a Humble Fan- me joining my school's comic class/club didnt help either (shoutout to my teach from that she was the realest one out there for. A Multitude of reasons). she definitely is was inspires me to even draw still and make comics and i often think bout the tips i learned from her class tbh she was great
back to the movies t and comics tho, i got into em because my brother would offer to take me and that's how we'd hang out (i rarely saw movies in theaters and i even more rarely went anywhere as a teenager. still kinda like that today tbh ooops) and yk. it just snowballed after that.
my brother and i have always liked comics- he just more than me for a while (though he still very much loves comics and As We Know From My Posts we still talk about them whenever i see him To An Exhausting Degree)
durin then i was really into stony and i have a few surviving doodles i made but those are between me and god. and anyone who asks tbh LOL
'snap can you make this related to x-men again this is long' ok so fast forward to This Summer again I Still Don't Really See Movies but my brother offered to take me and this was the first time i'd actually seen an x-men movie in full
as a kid i only remember seeing the 'perfection' scene between erik and raven in first class while i was channel surfing. pretty sure i changed the channel after seeing mystique naked cause i was scared my parents would get mad at me if they caught me watching it LOL
BUT MOVING ON As A Kid i think it's also natural you'll sometimes watch 92 if it's on And I Did though evidently it didn't stick too hard (i do remember really liking beast and gambit though.... still do really): my knowledge of x-men was. INCREDIBLY sparse. like diabolically so so i didnt have too much expectations (aside from the fact i vaguely liked deadpool beforehand).
tbh i dont know why my bro never took me to see any of the x-men movies. it's not like he doesn't Also like x-men (90% sure nightcrawler's his favorite but my brother will be caught dead saying he has absolute favorites like that)- he owns a bitch load of deadpool comics/omnibus sets too (of which ive read over the years and reread this year) but Shrug moving on
Much Like Most Of The Internet i fell down the rabbit hole that way. i have some doodles i made a couple days after seeing WxDP that i now have an excuse to throw at all of you Look And Perceive
and so. As I Do. i got curious and told myself i'd binge watch all the x-men movies the week before i went back to school And Then I Did ft. My Brother Sometimes and then i said i'd binge watch all of '92 and And I Did That ft. My Brother Sometimes But Less So and now we're here. currently watching Evolution...
once i got to school i realized i lived near a comic shop and started getting into the comics that way (the first ones i got since going down this rabbit hole was Magneto Was Right!, The Resurrection of Magneto, and The Trial of Magneto. if you were curious !!!!! clearly i didnt care too much about context i just needed to see My Guy jelvejlkvj i have no regrets and Evidently ive read more since)
i'm pretty sure what dragged me into cherik specifically was the fact i saw a clip of The Famous ending to 92 where erik's aghast at the notion jean even has to question his love for charles. i think that was what officially had me refocus my lens on them: not a single poolverine thought after that LOL (all the cherik posting i saw on twitter definitely helped too but that was the nail in the coffin for any other interests i had: i was locked into cherik and x-men in general now)
that clip specifically, i was surprised at the fact they- frequently even- have the x-men franchise say erik loves charles and vice versa so bluntly. even if it's not meant to be romantic, i fear im just a fan of how casually the word's thrown around with them two and i got tender bout it all. Then Yk. i just live for the drama. the hilarity even. the sincerity .... they make me sick if i think of them too long so im gonna end it here
before i go tho ironically enough, the first x-men issue i owned was This one (story a this is that while stuck in some wacko dimension charles accidentally gets himself trapped in logan's mind while utilizing his astral projection. if you were curious). pretty sure i got it for free with another comic set i got years ago since our old comic shop loved to do that, but it's poetic aint it. maybe ill doodle something referencing it..
i should probably look into finishing this arc someday im Dummy curious to even know how it started and how it ends.....
#snap chats#usually this onea them posts i ramble bout in the tags but i have photos and this is Long long so .. i use the main body for once ...#sorry i gave a biography but i never talk to people and i also love typing. im one of those party can-of-worms i fear#i feel like i could talk about this forever because x-men itself has never been super prominent in my childhood#it was just kinda there in the background BUT comics themselves have always been with me. theyre a keystone to me i think#but yeah. x-men definitely sticks a lot harder than avengers does now OOPS this is not me taking shots i am just SAYING#i have a lot of old marvel doodles tbh .. i found an old deadpool one i remember drawing with my bro during a car ride#kinda funny how much my bro and i bond i dont think of it much but I Guess thats another reason why comics are special to me#we dont bond much- i dont bond with my fam in general tbh we're kinda. Isolated in a way LOL so its cool we're tight at least#if you wanna go deeper bout Comics And My Family my dad really liked comics growing up- more dc tho maybe#apparently he used to draw hulk a lot but if he did those drawings are loooong gone.. at least i know who to blame for me drawing#he loves superman tho. i remember id get embarrassed watching superhero cartoons and superman was on screen when he was around#for some reason i thought id get in trouble if he caught me watching superman but when he did once he was real happy so. tf wrong with me#he loves to say hes superman a lot and id be like Dad... Stop... LMAO but in the cheesiest way possible he do be my hero so. accurate ig#but yeah thats my origin story for why i like comics again thank you for reading if you actually read all that#and sorry it got all sappy Unfortunately i be like that sometimes. i am very emotionally constipated and i over explain a lot#ok i fr gonna end it here im gonna keep going by accident if i thinka any longer and i have stuff i still have to do
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#feeling so silly lawwlll walking in circles#i thnk im feeling a special type of way ..#i know i keep going on ab the samw bs and how crazy gf YEAAH UEAH WE GET IT#but i thnk in doing so im like revisiting parts of myself and writing more and i think im jst being sentimental#sooo sentimental .. so saccharine ..#everyone has been rly nice ab my art LIKE SOOOOO NICE RECENTLY#and imean people always have like im very lucky and grateful 2 be able to feel like i can share my hobby .. ^__^#but i thjnk like . to take smth that is so representational of my like . art goals and wants from a young age#ouuyyyyuuuuuyyfff T__T ooiujjjjjj#I DONT KNWWW i dont know . i dont know what im saying but i feel like i just need 2 talk abd be like hey this is so reaffirming .needs 2#i think like . bc my life turned out soo different than i imagined ive been dealing w like . a lot of hopelessness and feeling soo stuck and#stagnant and idk bad things and in a way i think like . coming back 2 something years later and being able to see progress in such a physica#physical way and to feel like more at ease and more like myself than i ever have is rly crazy and making me think long and hard abt stuff#and its all of these like . reflections im dealing w that r then padded by like some of the nicest comments and tags itslike#head in my hands /pos . grief but like ij a way happy grief#INFEEL SOOO RIDICULOUS its ridiculous it rly is IHAHAHAHAHAHA#i think its bc im turning 25 soon and thats the age i told myself id never live past iykwim which ks like crazy to drop on tmblrdotcom#but there r so many emotions tied 2 that and i think this is just one of the things^ stupid fanart ^ that makes me rly happy idk#do you know what i mean . like i feel so goofy saying it but its genuinely the connection i rly appreciate and means a lot 2 me#i feel like my ‘thank yous/i appreciate it/ means a lot’ grow tired but its soo fr every time i swear#kicking rocks or watever . i wish i cld extend my gratitude but anyways . thanks 4 reading this far if u have#ughg man and i think of the friends ive made thru this blog specifically nd my eyes r burning#sorp.. guys i love u all thank u.
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I'm sick so I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, but I've been thinking about the nature of myths recently as I've been exploring hellenic polytheism.
For context: I'm ex-Mormon. I was raised in the church and, because of that, was taught biblical literalism but in, like, a more subtle way than most? I was raised believing that Adam & Eve and Noah's Ark, etc., were literally true, but that the story of Job specifically was not; I also always knew evolution and the Big Bang to be correct, despite there being a verse in the Doctrine & Covenants (a Mormon-specific religious book) where God apparently told Joseph Smith that the world is 6,000 years old- a passage I didn't know existed until my senior year of high school. I didn't realize I had believed in biblical literalism until I'd left the church, actually.
Now that I'm aware of it, it's a mindset I'm actively trying to combat while I explore Hellenic polytheism. It's definitely been a task to separate the nature of the Gods from their myths, as brutal as they often are. And it's something I've noticed within the community, too, which I think is interesting. It makes sense: Christianity, at least, has had a chokehold on much of the world for a long time, and so many of us have experienced literalism as our first interaction with any sort of holy text (though, of course, Greek myths as a whole aren't that) alongside our first experience with divinity as a wrathful God whose flaws are waved away, or ignored, or twisted into positive attributes. This also means that I'm trying to re-approach several deities with an open mind (Zeus, Hera, and Ares in particular, but many of them to some extent) while also trying to un-condition myself. I was already in the process of doing this, of course, but trying to figure out how to interact with a completely different pantheon has made that especially clear.
It extends to things like prayer and offerings, too. Prayers were very formulaic growing up, even though most of the time there wasn't a strict script to follow. There was always something you ask as part of the prayer, even if it's just 'please help me do better tomorrow' (alongside giving thanks, of course), so trying to craft a prayer without adding *everything* I'm used to including in makes it feel incomplete and, therefore, disrespectful. And daily prayer is something I'm resistant to because of prior experiences with it. I don't want to offend any of the gods by asking for something or asking for too much, especially so early on, and there's always a promised offering the few times I *have* asked. Add worries about exact obedience on top of that and it's proving to be a difficult thing to untangle. And I know that the gods are difficult to offend, figuring out how to do this takes trial & error and that's okay, it'll get better the more I do it, etc., etc.; this is more an issue with my own overthinking than anything else (hooray for ✨ mental health issues ✨). I'm not really asking for advice here, necessarily, just thinking out loud because I'm not comfortable talking to people in meat space about it yet.
#also: the whole thing about cleanliness? as someone w/ mental health issues? Rough. very rough. what counts? how individualized is it?#if i cant get my room (where my shrines are/will be) clean does that mean i cant give any offerings?#is just washing my hands and/or veiling actually okay most of the time? even when ive been struggling to shower?#when does something require a change of clothes? or do i have to do that every time i offer something at any point in the day?#including meal/drink (ex steam from tea) offerings? i dont have that many clothes besties#if im pouring out an offering to hermes on my way home from work do i have to somehow wash my hands first b/c i just got off public transit#can i pour it directly from my water bottle or do i have to keep a little separate bottle of water just for libations?#and like. i know logically the answer is 'do whatever you can and you'll figure it out' but it hasnt sunk in yet#it's always...interesting when a new layer of religious trauma tm gets discovered#also. maybe it's just the 'tism but 'just jump in!' and 'go slow at the beginning' seem contradictory to me#like. you cant do both??? i dont think??? 'just jump in' is the answer ive been getting when i do tarot so im trying to do that#also. doubts? not offending a deity??? wild concept. just. the hardest thing to wrap my head around. mormon god's ego is FRAGILE fr#hellenic pagan#helpol#hellenic polytheism#not adding exmo tags b/c i dont have a good enough handle on the community here & im too sick to deal with people being weird about this#my post#coriander says#seeing people get into the theological weeds is cool from the outside (see: that 'can spiderman do superhero stuff on the sabbath' post)#but very stressful when there's not centuries on centuries of detailed information to draw from & everyone's just trying to figure shit out#in a world that's *very* different from the one the information we *do* have was written down in#christianity cw#mormonism cw
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I don't normally really post my art on tumblr dot com, but I recently drew this and I feel like appreciating myself today
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i want to headcanon the mtt having absolutely terrible hygiene and struggling to keep themselves clean (this MAY... just QUITE POSSIBLY.... only in the SLIGHTEST bit be projection) but i think it would be too gross and man EVEN I dont wanna think about that
also killer canonically smells good and i actually really LIKE that idea so oh shit there goes that idea out the window. horror and dust youre my only hope please let me make you smell bad for reasons you won't understand
#also i dont think i. just got a sense of dejavu wtf. anyways#i dont think im THAT bad at maintaining my hygiene..... like i dont bed rot for months which isn't good by any means#but if i havent reached that point of bad hygieneness then i dont think i should be talking about this topic#sure i may uhhh may struggle to brush my teeth and shower multiple times a week but like. ngl it's not that bad#i am NORMAL okay THIS IS NORMAL. people struggle with this stuff all the time everyday i dont need to be making a whole post on this topic#i wish that the capital i in this app looked different. because when i wanna emphasize I it just looks normal#i type like how i speak has it not become glaringly obvious yet. so it boggles and bothers me when i cant emphasize i like i can irl#the laundry piles in dusts room are probably unfathomably tall he just throws it all into one corner (HES JUST LIKE ME FR!!! I DO TJIS!!!!!)#all the water in horrortale has turned toxic and polluted and bad so horror's only option is to not shower or shower in dirty water#he chooses the former because what if that water has monster dust sprinkled in it. his paranoia wont let him shower in dust infused water#TRIGLYCERCULE GET YOUR FUCKING LIFE TOGETHER INSTEAD OF THINKING AND PROJECTING ONTO FICTIONAL CHARACTERS. SCHOOL STARTS IN 3 DAYS.#I KNOW I KNOW IM SORRY.... IM SORRY OKAY I KNOW!!! I KNOW THIS IS BAD!!! I WILL TRY!!!!!!#anyways back to projecting. do you think dust has sheets on his little matress bed#because the sheets will enevitably get dusty and then he's gonna have to lay on the dust of those he killed and thats a bad thought#sheets can fix the problem temporarily because he can just change them out and wash them#but also.... changing sheet hard.... take long time..... dust just want sleep.... rot away..... so no sheet on matress??? idk#dust might be able to make fun of horror and killer for having food issues but#killer gets to make fun of dust and horror for having hygiene issues#he's had his lows but he's never gotten THAT low 🤣🤣🤣🫵🫵🫵 LOSERS!!!!!#what does horror get to make fun of them for??? idk murder#killer might be able to keep himself clean but he cannot keep anything else around him clean with thet goddamn eye goop so HAH take that#me on my way to overshare with strangers on the internet. this isnt that bad compared to other stuff ive seen online actually#triglycercule can you just shut the fuck up and get back to posting about the mtt nobody CARES#alright..... limps away like a kicked and beated puppy...... like killer after getting abused by nightmare for the 56th time..........#advanced humor only utmv fans will get it#tricule rant#i said i wasnt gonna make the post but i did infact make the post. just in tags#me when i LIE#just offically reached 50 drafts where my medal. i should clear them out? alright shoot that guy
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Its a conbination of color pencil and pens! The pencils were for the main color and main gradient, the pens were for the rest of the lines :D
I just went crazy w the colors and lines, really liked the chaos that it had
@wawataka
#talking about a thing#hi i actually dont know if this question was fr or not or whatever#but i enjoy talking abt how i art sometimes#specially this one which was really fun#please dont hestitate to ask specially on stuff that looks like a lot of effort#also sorry for the tag if you dont like getting tagged
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woagh 2 posts in one day
#sketch#listen your honor i love him#im unsure if i wanna tag yosuke in this bc theyre like 15 min sketches so i think imma leave it like this and let the lord decide#i know hes not a like the fan fave in persona but somehow the trash boy has grown on me and is now like top 4 for the whole damn franchise#like mold or smth#you just gotta like reimagine him as a very tired repressed bi 16 yr old in a closet made of glass and he immediately becomes more likeable#like bro he works retail and is 16 thats why hes like that#also like the scene from the group date in pq where he goes “all right now we can be partners for all eternity!!!!”#that lives in my head rent free#listen he lives with teddie and works retail#as someone who also worked retail i promise you most of his not kanji related outbursts are justified#the kanji stuff is bad fr fr but like hes also 16 in 2011#let the 1st 16yr old who was not an asshole and uninformed cast the first stone#sorry i have a lot of feelings for 1 yosuke hanamura and i needed to tell all of you in this my diary#which reminds me#most of yall came from me posting about dr which ndrv3 has a very special place in my heart and on my walls#but alas p4 kicked saihara to the curb so idk if ill be making anymore??????? maybe i might in the future but idk im old and tired#and dr is and always will be full of 13 yr olds which is fine but i dont wanna interact with them bc im old#and tired of the same discourse every 6 months#maybe when the not actually but totally is dr4 that kodaka is cooking up drops ill make dr art again but unlikely for rn#once i figure out how p4 protag chan's bowl cut works ill draw boys kissing#i do need to figure out how to draw boys kissing#since it will also lead to figuring out how to draw girls kissing which is almost dare i say more important#anywho thank you for coming to my newest diary entry#i will never stop yapping in the tags#this is a promise#yall gotta know all my thoughts in as many characters and tags tumblr will let me have
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i love complexity. except of course if it's about me . hope that helps
#transmission#what i mean is i love acknowleging nuance and intricacies but i hate when i cant neatly compartmentalise myself#i want to know WHY im xyz! a distinct reason! and etc#i was thinking deeply the past few days on why i suddenly got so mad bc i do Not usually talk that way publicly#bc i dont want to be hypocritical in that. i purposefully usually speak in a way where i make myself overly clear and#try to avoid making people feel ashamed in any way. because i KNOW how it feels right#but digging further i think its like. its a rage inducing cycle of mockery in the infinite fandom. the normies make fun of the weirdos#and the weirdos make fun of the normies because hey fuck you too. and ppl who enjoy infinite casually arent inherently wrong#but when they fill the tags with complsints and criticisms on a source material they havent delved into much#it irritates a lot of the people who HAVE because while an opinion is fine critiquing something seriously does mean understanding it#on a bit deeper of a level i think?#and thats what always got me personally#but we just have this system of you suck youre wrong and i think its also because infinite has taken so much shit that#we are VERY protective and defensive. like yeah if people spend years ripping into the thing that you like that happens#idk in just pondering. the ponderer...#i like to analyse not just fiction but how ppls brains work in general and irl stuff#mostly personal dissection bc im obsessive about myself. not in a fun way but more an endless interrogation and rumination way#the disorder fr#not wanting to hurt ppl and make them feel judged bc you know what its like vs carthasis of dunking on ppl who dunk on you#thats what i think it is for me#one of the reasons i wasnt posting for a long time was caring too much abt other people so if im getting the itch again#im gonna keep an eye on it#anyway
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aaaaaaand it's starting. mom's bestie just texted me asking to come over this weekend cause it's Bad and it's probably the last chance to talk and maybe say goodbye to my mom's husband and i need to take care of her. god. i wont get through this weekend unless im high or drunk istg.
#time to slightly overdose my depression meds again ig lol#anyway. it is a little better with me these last two weeks. turns out the meds do work when you actually take em regularly#but first my best friend's break up that she's blowing up to unimaginable size#acting as if she just got divorced with the love of her life after 20 years#and not ended a few months long relationship with a guy who's been the source of most of her troubles since the moment they started dating#(ofc she's valid and id never tell her that because like. i get it. some people feel stuff more deeply. but its hard to be supportive#when you genuinely feel like this is the best possible outcome for her and that the relationship was only dragging her down all this time)#and now this. and this is gonna be infinitely worse. and then it's gonna get a million times worse when he actually does die.#and i feel like the worst most selfish person ever which like. probably am. but i did tell my cousin who actually knows my mom really well#and she said she understands and that my fears ARE valid because SHE'S terrified of how she's gonna handle my mom#and she wouldn't wanna be me in that situation cause it's gonna be so much worse for me lmao#like i feel like people who know my mother casually really dont understand just how unhinged emotionally she is#anyway. i feel so overwhelmed. i cant handle this jesus.#but im also emotionally unavailable and refuse to actually confide in another person because i dont want to be a bother <3333#god i love tumblr. i can literally type anything in those tags lol it's the perfect form of venting since you can just scroll by#but i will still have let it out of myself anyway uwu i literally dont need that therapy fr#anyway. i feel so unbelievably fucking lonely and on one hand it's my own fault for withdrawing and refusing to ask for help.#but on the other hand. i AM alone. like there's no one who can help me in this particular situation.#i have no siblings. obviously my dad isnt gonna help. it all falls down to me. good god. i wanna throw up.
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Yaar tune bhi socha tha, "Meri jaan, don't ask me to love you, the way I once loved to",
Wah, dost, wah, aakhri mein gire tere aason toh, cigarette ki aang se, the tongue of flame teasing your eye, not a kiss, nay. but jaani don't forget..
Socha tha na tere dil ne bhi, ki life wouldn't have light, unless she smiled, and her teeth shone it bright?
Yaar, tera maqsad aur teri manzil tu khud hona chahiye, wrongly you thought, ki uske nikah se tu zindagi jeet jata.
Bas ek baat samajhle, tu jo bhi chahaye, teri taaqat sirf chahne ki hai. You plan, and He plans. He knows best, woh khuda hai. Chal chhod. Soh hai soh hai, nahi hona tha toh hota hi nahi, bhai hun mein tera toh mein haqq se sirf ek cheez kehta hu, Bhai, sorrows are plenty in our world, par unke saath, khushiyan aur comforts bhi. Khol tu apni aankhein, aur khol de apne dil ko. Tu jee le, tu jee veerey.. (Bloodywood reference) Tu jee. *I wrote this in between lectures in my handsome little pocket notebook. Anyway, it's supposed to be from one friend to another, I've taken inspiration from "Mujhse Pehli Se Mohabbat Mere Mehboob Na Maang" - Faiz Ahmed Faiz. I've tried keeping the words original, staying away from even direct English translations. Anyway, that's my first attempt at writing in Urdu.. :D that!
#desiblr#desi#desi writer#desi romance#btw i know the poem was originally written about his country#i just liked taking this aspect and building on it#anyway#desi aesthetic#urdu#urdu poetry#faiz ahmed faiz#writers#writers on tumblr#spilled ink#desi writers#desi tag#man i fr dont know how to tag stuff goddamnit#here goes#words#text#spilled writing#spilled poetry#spilled poem#whats tumblr's obsession with spilled stuff#phew#uh#hopefully that's enough to make it through the algo#if you read itna im uh flattered i suppose
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... the other good thing about my family not following this blog is i can also uh. say things that are not terrible jokes
#talk tag#leo.txt#'oh but isnt everything you say a joke' common misconception actually! only most things are. hope this helps <3#like mayb 70-80% of things. 90% if im really feelin it#look its not my fault im just naturally funny and charming and handsome etc etc. what can u do <3#..anyway umm um. dont tell anyone but the touch starvation has been hitting real hard lately#like man a lot of the rest of this stuff i could like . deal with. like Yeah not being seen or heard sucks but at least theres#the goggles for that right#but theres not. like. touch goggles thatd be weird. idk how that would even work#and its like. i feel bad for complaining when donnie is working so hard to make me a body#and im HERE and my family can see and hear me again and like . i am grateful for that! i just#mannn idk. i miss touch </3#ok anyway enough cringe (aka emotions) posting for the night LMAO uummmm look over there- [disappears]#see. ghost joke#no fr though im good i just gotta yell into the (non separate dimensional) void sometimes. u know how it is#ok well. probably not really bc all of you are alive but like#... at least as far as i know. hey if any of you are ghosts you have to tell me or its entrapment. for legal reasons this is a joke
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Intense nausea at work, feel like pure shit 🤢
#cramps have gotten 100% worse since my meds fr#which is to say i went from not having them at all to wanting to puke constantly for a day every month#and the worst thing is i know i cant even puke#bc i havent done it since i was like 10#so the nausea cant go away like it does for other ppl after they puke#i just have to go around cold sweating and taking deep deep breaths to avoid puking (even tho i cant !!!)#and i hate going to work like this because i have to engage in conversation and be sweet and kind and all that shit while wanting to dieeee#but if i dont go to work my client literally doesent have anyone to take her home from school and to her music lesson#so i cant cancel last minute#but like... u will hear me complaining abt it#but anywayssss i started applying for jobs today because im sure everyone around me are getting sick of me complaining abt my work 24/7#so lets see how that turns out ig#cant wait to go home and watch a movie or something 😩#tw puking#tw vomit#tw puke#idk how people usually tag this stuff but lmk if you need me to add a tw
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me, personally? discovery of new music. just found the sample to a one of my favorite songs from a few years ago. this week has sucked, but every time i listen to it, i feel like the burden is lifted a little.
my compulsive need to make stories, too probably. (not necessarily write them or finish them, but work them out like a puzzle in my head. i don't put pressure on myself to finish anything. i think it's mostly about the satisfaction of figuring out how the piece things together, which i imagine transfers over many hobbies)
and ive finally reached the point where a good savory meal is something i can truly enjoy.
ive spent a long time at my wits end. i dont really know what keeps me going anymore, but ive kind of come to peace with that. once i realized i didn't need to have a reason, that the only thing i had to do was get up the next day, it was almost... a relief? i dunno.
sending love, internet stranger. may tomorrow bring you at least one small respite
I'm very sorry to ask something like this, I've really been struggling with this question, and I wanted to ask the combined wisdom of the people on this site
I would like to know why you keep going, and what drives you to keep living. I know there are a lot of reasons to stay alive and enjoy life, I can think of a few that personally resonate with me, but I really want to know what your reasons are
You do not have to comment on this if that's too big of an ask, and I'm very sorry for asking something like this, I really need someone's help, I feel like I don't have much purpose
Also if I may ask, please don't post any suicidal ideation in the comments of this post, I really can't handle something like that right now
#im.... kind of an outlier tho. idk how much help this is but my answers are sincere#i just.... i suppose i liken myself to a rabid dog a lot. i got my jagged fangs in life and im just not gonna let go#i guess once i stopped hoping for some big redemptive love/friend/family/social thing to help me i felt better. i realized i can get by on#my own.#and that my survival/recovery/etc didnt have to be pretty or a good story for others.#it could just be me getting up the next day over and over again#i think that sounds wrong to some people but it helped me fr#another thing is revisiting old interests/music from when i was a kid. i was guarded and i only relied on myself for true emotional support#and i got that through music. revisting that music gives me the strength to keep going. i do it for her (my 12 year old self)#also the phrase “all things will be okay in the end. if it isnt okay it isnt the end”#idk. like i said im probably an outlier here. but i hope it helps for someone#cuz if someone gave me the usual fluffy/huggy/cozy lines i would have felt even worse. BUT to know that i DONT have to wait around for#that stuff to save me felt REALLY good#i guess my answer boils down to “old trance music and hearty soup”#i wish i could give happy/fluffy/hopeful but... i mean if someone said that to me five years ago i would have dropkicked them u know#sorry for the tag ramble op#keep life in your jaws. bite down and dont let go. rooting for you fwiw#and i do wish the happy fluffy hopeful stuff on you too btw#but i guess it helped for me to not start with all that#misc tag#harebrained thought
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guys I’m writing a ballet romance story cause your mama and I need help with the romance gist
how in your own words would you describe what love feels like? I fear I do not know the feeling just yet so for now I must search for clues like Scooby doo.
also what places can someone rest your hand when helping you do ballet without it being seen lewd, just intimate? If I want a book of mine to be good, I don’t want it to be plain porn at every turn and corner
#Story#story writing#i got the plot#Just need help with love#Love related#Story plotting#Turn to your tables and discuss ahh request#I’m sorry for that last tag#Do you ever wonder what ducks feel like when they witness turkeys and pigs get taken for holiday dinners and not them?#Like would they be happy to live or sad they never are liked enough to be chosen.?#I kin Saiki K too much and now I can’t love /jk#But fr how do I find someone I can love and cherish and wake up every day motivated enough because of them?#I NEED LOVE MYSELF SO I’M HOPING THIS STORY WILL PROJECT IT ONTO ME AND STUFF#I DONT know what I’m doing#Making references for the story#got like 6 articles purely ballet pose related#Don’t get me started on the terms..
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