#i found an explanation on reddit that seems to talk about why one would do one or the other. but it doesnt really explain what one or the o

[lonelywretchjervistetch]

The State Birds Initiative: Delaware (#1)

Welcome to the first official poll of the State Birds Initiative! Now, before the poll, one thing real quick. My suggestion is that you read the post below before voting in the poll below. That's especially important if you're lacking any context about the birds being presented as the new (or old) State Bird of the First State, Delaware. This is to be fully informed as to why these are being presented, and to make your choices appropriately. Lastly, some of these birds, you will notice, go against some of the rules listed in the introduction post. All is explained after the jump where the explanations are, I promise you that. But with that...OK! Here's the poll!

More details after the jump!

Welcome to Delaware, the First State!

Admitted into the Union in 1787 as the first state of this country, Delaware is the nation's second smallest, giving it the additional nickname "the Small Wonder"! Its capital is Dover, its most populous city if Wilmington (pictured above), and it's best known for its proximity to the Delaware River and the Delaware Bay, which it's actually named after. This does mean that Delaware Bay, for various reasons, will be one of the most important features of this post, since the wildlife that gathers around it is pretty ubiquitous in the state.

But OK, enough grade-school reporting of basic state statistics. What's Joe Biden's home state actually like, from the view of the citizens? On reddit, a user named hajisaurus said that Delaware is like a small town, but as an entire state. Compact, but eventful and familiar. Another user, raycooke, referred to it as the US condensed into miniature, with business in the north, beaches in the south and east, and farms in the middle. But the general vibe, it seems, is "familiar". Not overly friendly, but definitely close enough to be familiar. Also...the Bobbie.

God, that's a good looking sandwich. Invented in Delaware? Hell yeah. Anyway, off of turkey and onto birds. Personally, what all this says to me is that the chosen State Bird should be an easy-to-find sight, found throughout most of the state, and familiar to Delawareans in general. Something common but uniquely Delawarean would be great. In terms of habitat, water-bound seems appropriate, especially looking at beaches and estuaries. Again, the entire eastern border of the state touches the Delaware River or Bay, meaning water is somewhat important to the state (as is seafood).

Now, those Delawareans amongst us may have different opinions of what makes Delaware Delaware, and what represents its people most accurately. Which...yeah, I'm not from there, and I've only been there twice, and that's because I drove through it. Maybe went to one rest stop near Dover. And for the record, SOLID-ass rest stops in Delaware along the highway, just saying. Great job there, Delaware. But, yeah, PLEASE tell me if there's something else to take into account. And that goes for ALL of the states in this series, by the way. I can't claim to be an expert in any way here, so please call me on my bullshit if you feel that you have to. But, with that said, let's talk about what I do know: birds.

Red Knot (Calidris canutus)

For many of you, especially the bird-inclined amongst us, this was always going to be the obvious answer to this question. The Red Knot is an iconic Delaware bird for birdwatchers, as they're attracted to the state in MASSIVE numbers during migratory seasons. It's one of the most important and famous migrations in the country, and the flocks of Red Knots and other shorebirds are the main attraction. Why? Easy answer: the Atlantic Horseshoe Crab (Limulus polyphemus).

Delaware Bay is the site of the horseshoe crab's largest migration in the USA. This isn't the only place in the country they're found, but it's DEFINITELY the largest population of the species by a SIGHT. And speaking of iconic species, the horseshoe crab certainly fits the bill as a charismatic species of conservation concern. Which is why it may be curious that I'm highlighting the Red Knot, since they, y'know...EAT horseshoe crab eggs, alongside other birds in the great Atlantic seaboard migration. But that's actually why horseshoe crabs are so important.

Red Knots, amongst other shorebirds, depend on the horsehoe crabs for food, as these stopovers in Delaware Bay allow them to continue with their journey. Without the horseshoe crabs of Delaware, their life wouldn't be possible, and certainly not in the massive numbers found during migration. Understand, this is a threatened species, especially in the United States, that gathers in Delaware Bay in the thousands, with 2022 numbers being about 39,800 in a population. That's HUGE. The Red Knot is a symbol of this ecological boom, and both species should be celebrated. That's the reason the Red Knot is often given as the answer to this question of State Bird of Delaware, including by the Lab of Ornithology's article posted last year. Plus, it's got an iconic appearance, it's easy to find, and it tells a great story (which also includes a migratory distance of ~9,000 miles, which is crazy). Perfect, right?

...It doesn't breed in Delaware. It actually doesn't even breed in the United States. No, the Red Knot breeds in Nunavut and Greenland, above the limits of the Arctic Circle. I meant it when I said the Red Knot used Delaware as a stopover site. As such, it's an event when they arrive in Delaware twice a year...but they do leave. Pretty quickly, even. So, sure, the Red Knot is a great candidate for a number of reasons, but...is it OK if it doesn't actually breed in the state? I'd argue for it, since Delaware is is highest abundance of the species during migration in the country, and it's iconic in that way in particular. But I'll leave that as a question for you all to decide.

Let's go on to the next one, shall we?

Ring-billed Gull (Larus delawarensis)

OK, this one might be cheating a bit, since the bird in question is found basically...well, everywhere. It's definitely not native to Delaware alone, and doesn't even breed there. So why even include this bird in the running? Easy answer: it's in the name. It's the only bird species in the world with the state of Delaware in its scientific name. However, this is also cheating, since the name actually refers to the Delaware River, not the state itself. That's because the bird was first described and discovered along the river, which flows from New York, through New Jersey and Pennsylvania, until ending in Delaware and the Delaware Bay. And yeah...technically that was in New Jersey. BUT STILL! Only bird with Delaware in the name, just sayin'. And after all, if the Red Knot can be considered despite not breeding in the state, then...what about the Ring-billed Gull? Or...maybe I'll save this one for New Jersey.

American Kestrel (Falco sparverius)

OK, this one I'm actually a bit enthusiastic about, partially because I love raptors, and I especially love this raptor. The American Kestrel is a small falcon, and is in fact the smallest falcon (and raptor) in North America. About the size of a mourning dove, they're pint-sized predators, specializing on insects, rodents, lizards, and the occasional sparrow or songbird. They're also versatile, living all over the USA in various habitats. And that, of course, includes Delaware. This is a breeding species in the state, so it already has that above the other two previously discussed! And to top it all off...it's literally a small wonder. Come on, man! This is perfect! A scrappy falcon that's literally red, white, and grayish-blue!

But, OK, if it's common all over, why specifically Delaware? Because it's actually threatened in Delaware, fun fact. This is prominent enough to have inspired the Brandywine Zoo to work with the American Kestrel Partnership (part of The Peregrine Fund, who we'll discuss again on another day or five), and start the Delaware Kestrel Partnership, which monitors kestrel populations in the state. The species' population has decreased by 88% in Delaware and surrounding states in the last 50 years, which is...dramatic. It's a species that desperately needs saving and attention, and work in Delaware can be applied in the kestrel's entire range. Look, I beg you to check this out, because it's a fascinating set of projects. And honestly, this alone would have me include the American Kestrel on this list. Plus...that would also make this the first raptor to become a state bird.

Yeah. Take a look. NO raptors amongst the State Birds. Insane.

Great Blue Heron (Ardea herodias)

Now, this one seems out of nowhere, but hear me out. For whatever reason, the Great Blue Heron (Ardea herodias) seems to be completely ignored as a state bird across the entire country, despite it being one of the MOST iconic birds in the United States. I mean, come on, almost all of us have seen a GBH at some point in our lives, especially if we live near water. But why suggest it for Delaware specifically, then? Well, the herons breed in Delaware, so that's checked off. They're found in the state year-round, making them easy to access and identify with. They're definitely iconic in appearance. They highlight the marshlands and wetlands of Delaware as an important ecosystem of concern. And...uh...

Look, I'll be straight with you. "Blue Heron" is the closest I could get to...another set of words associated with Delaware and birds. Because honestly, it's genuinely somewhat difficult to separate Delaware from those two words, and this would be a fairly minor change that would allow the use of that term with little fuss! And honestly, the Great Blue Heron isn't the worst choice in the world for Delaware, even if it admittedly barely breeds in the state compared to others. And...like...oh, goddammit, fine, let's get this over with.

Delaware Blue Hen (Gallus domesticus)

Delaware. Look at me. Why...in the blue HELL...did you choose a goddamn chicken as your state bird? I mean, for God's sake, it's not a wild bird, and even if it is a breed developed in the state, IT IS A CHICKEN! What possible reason could there be to choose this bird over all the other possible birds? And look, I like chickens as much as the next guy. Used to raise and keep them as a kid, so I do love them, but this just feels wrong. But OK, let's make the argument for them by looking at Delaware's original argument.

So, from basic cursory research, the Delaware Blue Hen dates back to the Revolutionary War. Apparently, one of the regiments of the American army raised fighting game chickens that were so well-known, the regiment itself became known as the "Blue Hens". It's also possible that the leader of this regiment, Jonathan Caldwell, had a special blue hen that had blue offspring, and the men in the regiment also took to calling themselves "Sons of the Blue Hen." Which means...shit. That means the Blue Hen actually has cultural relevancy specific to the state of Delaware. Damn, that's actually a good argument for their assignment. But with that said...there actually is a problem here.

The Delaware Blue Hen doesn't technically exist.

Yeah, this isn't actually a recognized breed of chicken, despite the INSANE amount of devotion Delawareans have for it. I mean, military regiments, sports teams, even the unofficial nickname for the state is named after the Blue Hen, and it's technically not a real chicken breed. Instead, they're actually American Game hens that are crossed with Andalusian Blue hens to get that iconic coloration, but they're not actually an isolated breed.

So...what does this mean? Because this is genuinely a problem, right? Delaware's state bird doesn't actually exist, AND it's a chicken. Well...I have a proposition for you, Delaware. Because I do recognize the fact that the Blue Hen seems to mean a lot to you, both now and historically. So, if that's the case, we need to recontextualize this guy in a couple of ways. So, here's my proposition...

Make the Delaware Blue Hen the State Game Bird.

Haven't brought this up yet, but some states have what's called a "state game bird" alongside the actual state bird. Game birds, by the classical and nonscientific definition, are members of the Galliformes and Anseriformes that are associated with hunting and food. And technically...the chicken counts. Yeah, Delaware easily could ratify the Delaware Blue Hen into service as the State Game Bird, which makes even more sense when you consider its role AS A SPORTS MASCOT! See what I mean? But that's not the end of it.

You'll also have to find some way to get the hen recognized as an independent breed. I have NO idea what the process is for that (I guess this is the pathway to do it?), but it's probably gonna take a bunch of breeders and number of years to turn this into a defined breed. Hell, as it stands, not every chicken hatched to a Blue Hen is even blue. So, hey, get on it, Delawarean chicken breeders! Make you state proud!

And that's the information on the candidates for the Delaware State Bird! Will the Delaware maintain its place? Will the Red Knot take it, despite the controversy surrounding the choice? Will my bullshit proposal for the Great Blue Heron actually resonate with some people? Up to Tumblr!

As for the next state, it's time to hop next door to Pennsylvania, and to a State Bird that also technically doesn't exist...for a somewhat different reason. And yes, for the record, I know the below GIF is technically the wrong species, BUT MY CHOICES IN GIFS ARE FEW

See you soon, and happy birding!

[mitleiden]

A guide from a reddit's user

Found an interesting guide that would help:

" Alright, so I have been on shiftumblr a lot… if you find the right sources it’s great! Definitely better than tiktok, sometimes better than Reddit.

Anyways, I have been dabbling a lot into the Void State topic because it seems like a fool-proof way to shift and manifest anything instantly and I found this post today which tells you exactly what the void state is, what it isn’t, how to get in and more.

I’ll copy the text here for people who don’t have Tumblr and then link the post here

Couple of notes from me I didn’t see mentioned in the post. I have come to believe we always end up in the void when we are sleeping, we’re just not aware of it, so becoming aware could be one of the easiest ways to enter it. I have also come to believe that any manifestation and any shift happens through the void, wether people become aware of it or not. Because the void is literally everything and nothing. It’s where it all exists basically. "

table of content

i. intro

ii. the void

what it is

what is not

why the void state

what it “looks like”

iii. how to enter it

the “before state”

awake

asleep

other ways

affirmations

iv. q & a

v. outro

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

I. INTRO

in this post i talk about everything in context of the void state. i explain in deep detail what it actually is, clear up more misinformation, how to enter it in a lot of different ways, why the void is really nice and useful and in the end even have a q&a for everyone that got questions! you will notice how insane many misinformation are here. not just a few but full "guides" and "explanations" with it. please do not blame the creators for spreading them more! if you thought the same, you also could've been one of the people making posts about it.

II. THE VOID

let's start with the actual topic. to explain what the void is we have to know what exactly we are at first. so, what are we, what are you? you are an awareness. that means you are a tiny swabble-bubble thingy that experience the multiverse. right now you are on the physical plane so you see, hear, feel, smell, and taste. you can do a lot more things but the only important one is that you exist. you have no original appearance or identity (that's another topic) at this moment you are just you. you experience the 3d as y/n y/l/n. there are a few more things of course like your subcons and all that but it is not important for us now.

What is it?

we know that we are an awareness currently on the physical plane. we don't have an original identity we belong to as much as a reality. so what happens if we leave the 3d? is that even possible? yes, yes it is. that is the void state. the void means that you leave the physical plane. that is all. it is nothing special or unusual. the void state is the state of awareness. you, the tiny swabble-bubble thingy, exist there in your purest, most natural form. you could say the void is your home. when you aren't in a reality, you are in the void state. it's where you always return to and there is nothing more natural for you. you are just power, happiness, and peace there. nothing from the 3d can effect you anymore, your mind get's a whole reset. what does that mean? you have to know that you, the awareness, are not meant to doubt, have limited beliefs, worries, fears, trauma. it isn't natural or normal for you. you have them here on the 3d because they are physical circumstances. once you leave the physical plane, it of course means that they don't exist anymore. you enter it and BOOM they get completely erased. you won't even understand how you could believe such stuff after that. as you can see, the void is the state where you exist in your most "original" form, even if you don't have any identity or something like that.

What is not

this is gonna be a long, long list. i'll actually make bullet points with everything i've ever heard here so you don't have to ask in the comments "someone said it is xy, is that true?". you can be very very sure that everything here in this list got 100% nothing at all to do with the void state. in the end i'll talk about the most drastic thing's but i also explained a lot already in my post about misconceptions.

body asleep, mind awake

meditation

dreaming

SATS

a sleep state

the God State (mindset*)

Theta State

the “before state”

meditation

relaxation

the thing after you wake up

being “in your brain”

any other physical state at all

as you can see, you guys came up with a lot of things! you may already understood, the void means leaving the physical plane, so its being a physical state is absolutely impossible. you do not notice it on the 3d. at all. it is just not possible. many, many ask me "why didn't i shift from the void" but tell me a few sentence later "and i only felt my body a little bit" and i sit there like "okay, i'll start from the very beginning".

so please guys, in the void you leave the physical plane. you have no body. you can't feel anything physical at all. when you "felt your body only a little bit" you weren't even near the void. once you entered it, the physical plane doesn't exist for you anymore. with these very important information we can just ignore 10 things from the list now because we know that they aren't true at all. last but not least "it is the god state". but what is the god state? there are two main definitions here 1. just another term for the void so it's totally okay to say it, but what many here mean is 2. the "god state" mindset*. that's a bit tricky, the second meaning is just a mindset. it represents your natural state of mind where you are limitless and powerful. you have it immediately in the void BUT if you have it here on the 3d you are not automatically in the void. you are still on the physical plane. tiny but important difference.

Why the Void State

you may already thought "damn, that sounds cool" but do you know how cool it actually is? besides that you finally align with your natural state of mind, that the void is pure happiness, peace, and joy, that you can chill there as much as you want, you can also do everything you want!! whatever it is, there are no limits. so here a few things you may don't know you can do:

change the past

skip time

change your whole appearance

shift everywhere

manifest to wake up in the void every night

manifest the future

erase things (f.e. racism etc)

manifest to always shift instantly

change everything about your life

manifest to lucid dream every night

as you can see, a lot more than many people think of. and the coolest?? it is instantly, in the very moment you want it, 100% reality. in the void the 3d/4d time gap can not exist because you are ABOVE the 3d. in the void you and your subcons work completely together that means that you literally give the commands. what do you have to do for it? want it. you don't even need affirmations or anything. you just want it and it is reality, no other possible outcome. in the void you can not fail, never and with nothing. if you ever thought you were in the void but "didn't shift" this is your clear sign that you were definitely not in the void. you are pure power there, it is impossible for you to fail at anything.

What it looks like

a question many, many have! what do you see in the void? actually you see nothing. you have nothing to see, you have no eyes. that's something most people are afraid of, deep, endless black and nothingness. but that's not the whole answer. you can customize your void! you have something called a "mental image". it is a picture you have in your mind and that is what you see. you can change it to your liking, very common here are galaxies. you could compare it to very, very vivid visualization but you don't have to focus on it and it's completely natural. you see whatever you want to see in the void. if you don't want black nothingness, you won't have it. very simple. so please don't be scared!

III. HOW TO ENTER IT

there are a lot of ways to enter the void! you can basically leave the 3d through everything you want but of course a few things are easier for the mainstream than others. just try what you like and don't think you have to enter it immediately. i always compare it to speaking a language after a long ass break. it's weird and maybe seems hard, but every day you get more confident and notice how easy it is. that's the exact same with the void. everything is progress because every single thing is one step closer to being comfortable.

The “before state”

a term you guys hear extremely often from me. i came up with it because this was also a misinformation. but wait, what is it?? the so called "before state." it describes the time where you, the awareness, get ready to leave the physical plane. it always happens and especially beginner can feel A LOT there. it is the state where you feel like spinning, floating, falling all at once with tingles, dizziness, and confrusion. some time ago people said that this is the void. it is not. that's, as you already know by now, something that happens before you enter the void. many feel it, some do not and that is completely okay. for most people that actually feel it this intense it get's less and less every time they try. like you get more and more used to the idea of the void state, you know? you mostly witness it when you try to enter it awake or through a physical state. if you think you can not stand it, that's okay, you got enough other ways!

Awake

before doing anything, ask yourself what you wanna do there? do you wanna chill a bit, manifest something, shift? with the intention or affirmations? if you can answer that you're good to go

maybe put your phone away really quick to just calm down a bit so you're not full of energy while trying. you could draw something instead?

lay down in a position where you know that it won't distract you. nothing that hurts or is uncomfortable

now it helps many (especially when it's your fist attemps) to have a vague "plan". do you wanna visualize? affirm? counting?

if you wanna relax more you can take a few breaths at the beginning

after that try to just don't care about your body. don't care about your breath (and DON'T focus on it!!), you can count or start visualizing/affirming till you reach a deep deep relaxed state

now you'll probably start feeling A LOT. physically and mentally (i don't talk about the itchy-pain feeling, that's just you body). your body will feel like floating, spinning and falling at the same time, you'll be dizzy and "confused". that's okay and totally normal. just stand it, do not fight it*

if you have trouble affirming while that happen just think about it, it doesn't have to be very specific

after that you'll feel nothing, absolutely nothing

then you'll leave the physical plane, you'll just know it because you feel inner peace and happiness and calm

*this is the before state and will most probably get less intense every time you try sleep

Asleep

you can also enter it with a sleep method! a thing not many people know but that's why we are here, right? just go to bed, now you can do several things:

listen to subliminals

visualise

affirm

have mental conversations about the void

just set an intention

you can do all, you can do none, just one, whatever you want. it is like the intention for shifting just with the difference that you wanna leavsle the 3d and not change your physical environment. it is the method many people use when they have problems with the before state, don't wanna lay still or have no time for it. you can do it anytime, everywhere. if you focus right now on lucid dreaming? awesome, you can still intend. in fact, the intention is exactly equally progress as when you try it awake. so it's definitely not just a "lazy version"!

Other ways

as said, you can leave the physical plane through everything but here are some of your favorites:

❈ Lucid Dreaming

you can do it already or practice it right now? awesome! maybe try to enter the void state throught it. once the dream is lucid start to say affirmations, visualize or intend. or whatever you feel called to do

❈ Physical States

you can reach SATS easily? the theta state? you meditate or are able to disconnect from your body?use it for the void state if you want. if you can enter one of these and it helps you to disconnect from the physical world, that is really great. do whatever you want to do or ate able to. the same recommended as always, visualization, affirmations, no matter what you like the most

❈ “Is it even real?”

you know the moment when life feels kinda unreal?when you look at the physical world and genuinely question how this can be reality? these are great moments to affirm you are in the void! if it feels unreal, who could proof that you aren't in the void?

❈ Subliminals

got no time or just don't wanna try? there are many good subliminals out there to enter the void state. personally i recommend solars one. just listening to subliminals can also bring you in the void. they send clear commands of what you want to your subconscious mind and it will just say "oh, wanna leave? okay got you sweetie!"

Affirmations

I am pure awareness

I am pure consciousness

I am in the void

I am in the void state

I leave the physical plane

I leave the 3D

I completely disconnect from the 3D

I cannot get influenced by anything physical

I am home

The void is my home

The original post is here

[sophieinwonderland]

What do you think of this anti endo's response here?

https://www.tumblr.com/cloudpeoplesys/756660678138413056/if-a-theory-is-still-heavily-backed-its-going-to?source=share

In short, it's bad.

In long...

It's really, really, really bad.

Might as well get into it.

I agree with the first part that most academic sources are reliable until disproven. We'll get back to how they're misapplying the structural dissociation model later.

Although this post is already instantly concerning in that they're implying a New York Times article is unreliable because it's not on a .gov domain. This is American Middle School-level thinking.

And they're cherry-picking the few sources that are that old, when most are from the last decade and many as recent as last year

It should also be noted that there's a big difference between news sources and scientific sources when it comes to age. The 1979 NYT source is for the Dalai Lama, the highest authority in Tibetan Buddhism, stating that religions the West could use their meditations. While older scientific sources may become less reliable as new findings emerge in the field, a quote from the Dalai Lama is going to be relevant until the Dalai Lama says something that suggests his opinion has changed.

Basically, this seems to be in reference to the Youth and Policy Center saying their editors don't have time to make detailed corrections.

It does NOT say editors won't check to see if the sources are reliable. Just that they won't make detailed corrections themselves.

They also conveniently gloss over the fact that it's stated all articles here are subject to peer review.

Like I said. Middle school-level thinking.

This is just completely untrue, and grown-ups in higher education learn to check the reliability of the publications. Not the domains that happen to host the articles.

In general, sure. 🤷‍♀️

But social media posts, for the most part, are reserved for the community explanations section and parts about plural history. Not treated as academic sources.

Actually though, why is Reddit listed first? That kind of jumps out at me, because Reddit isn't sourced very often, and I think it's actually referencing the AMA with Dr. Lifshitz and Dr. Luhrmann.

I'm not certain, but this seems a popular conspiracy theory with anti-endos who are in denial about this study. The theory basically goes that the AMA isn't real and the people behind it are just pretending to be doctors.

Something which is absolutely wild when both are names of real people who have published works, including studies into tulpamancers.

Essentially, for the AMA and the FMRI study to be fake, you would have to believe that mods of multiple tulpa communities coordinated for years to create an elaborate hoax where they started gathering participants for this fake study in 2019. They created multiple accounts to pretend to have participated in it. They then faked an entire AMA by impersonating these very real doctors, knowing the entire thing would come crashing down if either real doctor found out they had been impersonated. And this would damage future research, because again, they have both published works about tulpamancy.

It's difficult to put into words the sheer ridiculousness of such a belief. It's frankly on the level of Q-anon conspiracy theories.

I don't know what "medium section" it's talking about.

The first article that mentions mediumship in the document is Dissociation in Trauma: A New Definition and Comparison with Previous Formulations.

This is cited by 177 different articles.

(I'll talk more about this later. Don't forget that article.)

The next one about mediumship, Comparison of brazilian spiritist mediumship and dissociative identity disorder, is cited by 16. (The results say 17, but one of those is the article itself. No clue why it's counted as citing itself.)

The ones with fewer citations are, unsurprisingly, newer papers.

It's likely that most papers published in the past few years won't have many citations.

Which is a bit of a catch-22.

Sources that are too old, anti-endos will say aren't valid because of how old they are. But new sources are bad because nobody has cited them. It's a great tactic if your goal is just making up excuses to pretend none of the evidence against you is real.

Yes, finally, we reach the end where we can talk about how sysmeds don't actually understand the theory of structural dissociation.

Let's take a step back and revisit that article, the first one to mention that mediumship in the document, that had 177 citations.

They may, if they looked, recognize these names. Because they're two of the same names from the first source they posted:

Notice, by the way, that this source never once claims that this is the only way to experience multiple dissociated parts. It only says that this is how they work in trauma-related disorders.

Going back to the new definition of dissociation though and what it actually says.

These are the creators of the theory of structural dissociation explicitly saying that there may be other ways for self-conscious dissociative parts of the personality to form.

And this is five years AFTER the article the OP sourced, from the same exact authors.

So the creators of the theory of structural dissociation have said, in essence, that you can possibly be a system without trauma after publishing their theory.

They specialize in trauma, and their theories only apply to dissociation caused by trauma.

Anyone who tries to say these authors are arguing that you can't have dissociative parts without trauma is lying and misrepresenting their views.

And the stupidest thing about this is that it probably wouldn't even matter to the OP

I'm almost certain that if you presented them with this fact, the OP would argue that Ellert R Nijenhuis and Onno van der Hart are super reliable sources when their article happens to be hosted on a .gov domain, but you can't trust those same exact authors when their peer reviewed papers are hosted on a .com domain instead.

That's what happens to your brain when you're focused less on knowing the truth, and more on making up reasons to dismiss the other side out of hand.

[amorremanet]

disclaimer: blah blah blah, this post is just one person’s opinion, blah blah blah, I’m basing said opinion on my own observations but there are no doubt pieces of the story that I’m missing and my opinions should not be treated as fact, something something, DO NOT harass the volunteers at AO3 support or anyone else over any of this, if you harass anyone over this then you are the asshole, period. not a debate, just a fact.

SO, LIKE. I honestly don’t have anything of actual significance to add to the current round of AO3 Discourse because all of my complicated feelings on it have already been said better by other people

(e.g., axing “all media types” tags was a bad idea; some fans may not like them but they are too broadly helpful to be done away with entirely; this is a complex issue, there is likely no way to make literally everyone happy; there should’ve been more transparency and AO3 upset people more by rolling the change out with little to no warning; lumping former “all media types” works into a specific fandom silo was all but guaranteed to piss people off; the Archive userbase being hair-trigger makes a lot of sense after some of AO3’s very high-profile fuck ups in the past few years; however, the three (3) volunteers handling the support tickets are not the people who made the decision and it’s garbage that they’re the ones who are left dealing with so much of the vitriol from upset fans; etc. etc. etc.)

My big question in all of this is: if the people on the tag-wrangling committee who made this decision actually thought that getting rid of the “All Media Types” tag was going to be a broadly popular decision with a lot of support from users, then why didn’t AO3 do more to announce this change to users before it started being implemented?

If we are supposed to believe the version of the story that has come out from AO3’s people, the one where they really did believe that it was in the best interests of the majority of AO3 users to get rid of “All Media Types” tags, then why doesn’t their behavior about the decision reflect that? Why didn’t they post more to let Archive users know that this was coming? Why didn’t they talk up what a great change this was going to be and how many people and fandoms would allegedly benefit from it?

Why is it that most users (readers and authors alike) seem to have found out about this from popular posts on reddit, tumblr, or twitter, all made by aggrieved fans whose fandoms have been negatively impacted by the decision? Because as far as I can tell, there was a single solitary post on the official AO3 tumblr about this, which went up AFTER the change had started rolling out and got its reblogs turned off because of all the backlash?

Not to treat “say that shit with your chest” as uniformly useful advice, but……… Come on, AO3. If you really stood behind the decision to get rid of “All Media Types” tags as much you’re claiming—if you really, truly believed that it was in the best interests of the Archive as a whole and that the majority of Archive users would support you in it—then why didn’t you say that shit with your chest?

Because to me, failing to announce the change ahead of time—and then only doing the bare minimum to let users know—looks like moves to try and hide what’s happening, which does not make me, personally, inclined to believe the “We really thought that this would be a popular decision with broad user support” story

I do not have any explanations for what could’ve happened instead of the official story. Moreover, I’m don’t actually want to speculate on that beyond saying “The way this was publicly handled makes me personally feel disinclined to believe the official story” because conspiratorial bullshit thinking like that doesn’t help anybody (it’s way more likely to cause unnecessary harm, especially by spreading ideas that may sound true enough but are probably not gonna be based in reality, when you get down to brass tacks about it)

But the way that this whole change was handled publicly makes me personally feel disinclined to believe the story as put forth by the official post from AO3, and as a longtime Archive user with millions of words of fic posted on the site, who donates to AO3 and the OTW when I can? I really don’t enjoy feeling like I have even more reason than before to distrust Archive staff :/

[trashlie]

ILY FP 220

CW for abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, etc. Sorry for the minor spoiler, but we’re digging into the way Yui has manipulated and abused Kousuke since he was young and that might be triggering to some readers. 

Whoo BOY! Idk about you guys but I loved this episode (I keep saying this every week lmao). Again, there’s so much confirmation of things I’ve been saying/believing, and I find it really funny that this arrived on the cusp of a related discussion I’ve been having lol. This time, I’m also going to link to some interesting posts/threads from the 220 discussion post on the reddit, because they are presented really well, and while I’ll talk about them in this post, I want to highlight the comments that have furthered my thoughts and commentary! The reddit discussion posts are really what helps me put my thoughts together!

I am a big fan of this comment and the subsequent replies between them and cheeselounge; good explanation of exactly how Yui’s manipulation/gas lighting/abuse works and why it maintains a compelling hold on Kousuke, as well as some good food for thought about black and white vs shades of grey, the ableism that runs rampant when people on a whole talk about Kousuke, and how harmful it is to view characters as 100% innocent or guilty. Also really fantastic points on the parallels of how Shinae, Nol, and Kousuke are shown waking in the hospital. Just an all around top tier comment!

This is my own comment lol but what is important is not the comment itself but the discussion in the replies. I’m not a medical person so everyone’s input on what it means for Yui to shut down Hansuke’s tests is invaluable to me lol. Someone also brought up blood type - and while I don’t think that’s something Hansuke would be testing, it does bring up interesting thoughts re: Kousuke’s parentage. 

So let’s get into it! 

I know it’s tacky to be an “I told you so!” person but this episode, besides making me feel incredibly unsettled and angry, absolutely made me feel I TOLD YOU SO! Yui is SO skilled at manipulation it’s like second nature to her. Every now and then I still see people defending Yui as loving Kousuke so much that the way she treats him can’t possibly be manipulation, and that you can’t prove it’s manipulation - and like. THAT’S THE THING LOL Textbook abuse is often met with people who don’t believe it because they’ve never seen it, because you’re being so dramatic, because it’s not big deal. That’s how abuse WORKS. The abuser is seen as someone who couldn’t possibly be abusing you, because they do so many nice things or they seem so lovely and they just don’t seem like an abuser~. That’s why it works!!!! Because they have created a reasonable cause of doubt. Because they make YOU look like the liar, like you’re dramatic, like you’re just making a big deal out of things that aren’t. 

Also, people can say they love you and still abuse you, still hurt you, still use you for their own gain. And Yui does just that. 

It’s been a source of great ire to me that so much of what Yui has done has been swept under an umbrella of “she just loves him so much of course she wants the best for him”. But it’s not about him, and we can see that now! Yui doesn’t respond to Kousuke with love or affection. She has NO CONCERN about what happened to him. In fact, even as Hansuke tries to argue in favor of running tests on Kousuke, Yui tries it on him. “He’s dramatic, you know that. I know him well, and I know he’s fine. You are making a big deal out of nothing. We don’t want to make him think something is wrong with him do we?” Hansuke is the only one showing concern for Kousuke. It’s not just about him hitting his head - it’s about the unresponsive state in which he found Kousuke. It’s that HE knows Kousuke and HE knows something happened, something set him off, and that he responded to it in a worrying way! 

Yui SHOULD be concerned about Kousuke. She should want to understand, she should worry that something is going on with him. Instead, she just tries to pretend it’s nothing, to sweep it under the rug, to hide it not just from everyone else but from HIMSELF. “We don’t want him to think something’s wrong with him, do we?” 

But it’s not just that, it’s the way she operates! For so long I’ve been trying to say that while Rand is very much responsible for his choices, I believe Yui absolutely has affected his relationship with Kousuke and encouraged/fostered the distance between them. If Kousuke ever got close to Rand, maybe he would have laid off, calmed down, felt that he’d reached his goal and now he didn’t have to run so hard. But as long as that goal is unmet, as long as Rand is distant from him, Kousuke would have to keep pushing until he reaches the top, just like she wants. 

It’s the way she took Rand’s real gift and threw it out and replaced it with some random cardigan that looks like it’s not up to Kousuke’s standards. “How sweet of him” so sweet that he doesn’t know what his son likes, right? So sweet that he just got you whatever and you’re supposed to like it. She’s further fostering that divide. Not only has Kousuke not reached Rand, but he looks like he doesn’t know anything about him, like he doesn’t even care. And that’s further supported by the reality of the night - Kousuke knows Rand is with Nol and while on some level he understands why (even he was concerned about Nol being hurt) eventually he might internalize it as “Father chose Nol over me.” 

How many times has Yui intervened? Swapped out gifts? Relayed the wrong information, just FORGOT to relay the right information. How convenient, that Rand was never around for Kousuke’s birthday because he had meetings elsewhere. How convenient, that Rand never knew when Kousuke’s recitals or EVEN GRADUATION were. I want to reiterate I think Rand deserves critique. He has made his choices, he could have reached out to Kousuke, could have inquired about when his events are. But also as we’ve extensively discussed, Yui absolutely has and continues to weaponize what Rand loves and cares about against him. She’s weaponized it against Kousuke in how she commodified the concept of love and Rand’s love. She’s done it to Nol. At some point, people give up. There’s only so much misery they can endure. It’s very likely that Rand made efforts, in the beginning. We’ve seen him talk to Kousuke before about how he doesn’t have to follow in his footsteps, that he’s allowed to be whatever he wants. We’ve seen him try to instill little life lessons in Kousuke, only for Yui to swoop in and contradict him. At some point a person is going to burn out, grow tired. It’s unfair to Kousuke, because as his father, Rand still has a duty to him. But he’s also a human and we can only take so much. 

Rand and Yui exist in a toxic relationship, and Rand has spent so much of that time in a state of misery. We’ve seen it in Nol, how at some point he thought maybe he should give up, maybe there’s no point in fighting, maybe he just needs to let it go. We’ve seen it in Shinhan, who was overwhelmed by stress and his job and schooling and didn’t have the time and energy to be a present father and at some point turned to alcohol for comfort even at the expense of their funds. 

People can only endure so much. That’s the tragedy of Rand and Kousuke - that Rand was eventually worn down to such an extent that he didn’t have it in him to keep trying, that he was sapped of everything, that it was used against him time and time again, and that in the end it hurts Kousuke. That there were two children involved and impacted by this and both have come to meet danger and harm. 

I have so many thoughts about Rand, and Rand and Yui, and I’ll have to save them for another post. I don’t want to absolve Rand of his crimes against his children, but I also think it’s important to consider the circumstances, because at the end of the day that’s why this is so tragic. It’s so real. Yui is not the first parent to ever pit her child against her spouse, she isn’t the first person to manipulate others in her life. It doesn’t absolve the other parent, but we have to acknowledge the circumstances, because I don’t believe this is the father Rand wanted to be. I think he wanted to have a relationship with his son, but that Yui made it a difficult task, and after some time, he gave up on it. 

Anyway that’s a whole sidebar lmao the point I REALLY wanted to make was: seeing Yui pull this, swap out the gift, replace it with something that is unsuited for Kousuke just further fosters that distance between Rand and Yui. And because Yui is the one who is here when Kousuke wakes up, it further perpetuates the belief that Kousuke is not good enough for Rand to care about him - especially given the circumstances in which Rand found Kousuke. 

Do we ever get to know what’s going on in Rand’s head? What did he think, when he found his sons out there in the snow? What did he think, when it looked like Kousuke was running away from Nol left bloodied and bleeding out in the snow? What did he think about this scene, after the phone call he had earlier that night with Kousuke and what he overhead. We still don’t know what Kousuke said the night he was drunk and left his father a voicemail, but we can deduce that it probably had to do with this - with his relationship with Nol and the hate and the jealousy and the fear and the desperate want to be loved, to be good enough? 

The blood is on his hands both metaphorically and physically. 

Something I want to stress is how grey I find this. Kousuke acted on Nol’s goading. If he hadn’t pushed Kousuke’s buttons, Kousuke would not have done it. Punching him as he was leaving the room was a fight or flight response - I don’t think it was his intention to knock him off the balcony - but I also think in that moment he didn’t feel guilt. Likewise, when Nol left the party, Kousuke chased after him, caught up in his fears and jealousy, the paranoia that stems from it. In so many ways, Kousuke does believe Nol is better than him. Nol’s ability to walk away and not fight back not just at the party, but even after he chased him, infuriated him, because he was goaded into chasing and attacking and yet Nol didn’t even choose to defend himself. Did he intentionally slam Nol like that knowing the glass shards would dig in and tear him up? Did he even register the glass?

What really strikes me is that when Kousuke realizes Nol is injured - badly - it doesn’t come across to me like he’s afraid of getting in trouble for it. He seems genuinely concerned that something has happened to Nol, that he’s bleeding. He wanted Nol to fight back, but I don’t think he wanted to HURT him like that? His reaction is so different from back at the party, where paranoia clouded logic and that flashback returned to him. I think yes, Kousuke wanted to hurt Nol, but I don’t think he wanted it to be like this?

Idk they’re complicated and it’s why I enjoy getting to see these kinds of scenes. 

But again, this is a tangent I didn’t mean to go on, but I think it’s important to state so that you guys understand how and why I interpret the scenes as I do. There is no one who is 100% guilty or innocent.

I definitely think we are meant to dig in to Yui’s actions and understand the manipulation and gaslighting that has gone on for the entirety of Kousuke’s life. That it isn’t solely about Nol, that even before him, she was doing this, that Kousuke as her son has always been a means to her self-serving goals and ambitions, that he was never a child to her but this extension of herself, this opportunity to go after what she wants, a way to cut Rand out of the picture so that everything falls back into the hands of her family. Though Kousuke she is able to orchestrate everything she wants and needs because he is solely at her mercy. 

Look at how deftly she discredits Hansuke while ensuring she is seen as the one who has the most concern for him. Look at how she makes it look as though Hansuke was trying something shady, to run tests on him without his consent, how can he overstep those boundaries - as if she doesn’t do that very thing at every opportunity. That’s how it works! You isolate your victim by making them believe everyone is out to harm them, that no one is trustworthy - no one except yourself, of course. It’s how she remains that safe shelter to him. Even though she does overstep his boundaries, even though she inserts herself into his business, she’s also the one who brings him “comfort”, the only one who he can trust. And it’s why he is unable to part ways with that manipulated reality he adheres to. It’s why, when other people speak the truth to him, he cannot believe it if it contradicts what he knows and believes, and that’s why no one is able to get through to him. 

Kousuke is a textbook victim of manipulation - he can never grow and progress as long as Yui exists. 

And something that someone pointed out (in the first link I included above!) is the visual progression of that. While we knew Kousuke would likely regress and everything he confronted and admitted would be out the window if Yui shows up, it’s further illustrated at the beginning of the episode and how it’s juxtaposed against the last scene we saw. 

From Nol and Shinae standing together, hands clutched and Nol resting on her shoulder with the sunrise and light, the clocks turn back and grow darker and darker, until Kousuke awakes. His moment of illumination is over, he’s back to the dark. Yui’s arrival represents that darkness, and how it undoes every moment of truth he had prior. 

As long as Yui remains in Kousuke’s proximity, he will always be in the dark, unable to reach the light. 

In that same comment, they talked about the parallels in how we were shown Nol, Shinae, and Kousuke all waking up in the hospital. 

Shinae woke to her father and his love and care. There was never a moment she had to doubt him. I still can’t get over that little snippet of Minhyuk in the hospital before she’d fully woken, how feral he sounded, how upset he was about what happened - that he knew he was one of the only people who actually cared about her and his anger at how she was hurt. There was never a moment that Shinae had to doubt these people. Even though her mom has left and took her sister, too, Shinae has never had to feel entirely alone. 

On the flip side, Nol didn’t wake up to relatives, to his parents. He woke up to panic and fear and his fight or flight senses kicked in - until he noticed Shinae asleep at the foot of his bead and realized he wasn’t alone. His friends showed up despite the way he had treated him to celebrate him, to make him feel special, to make him feel better in the ways that they can. Nol has spent a lot of time alone, but he’s not. He has people at his side. 

But Kousuke also wakes up alone - no peace, but instead a hard to make out argument outside his door. Isn’t that awful? At least Shinae and Nol wake up to a sense of comfort, but Kousuke wakes up to people arguing about him. When he fully wakes and sits up, there’s no one in the room. Just him. And then in sweeps Yui, paying off a nurse to trash Rand’s gift, ready to spin a new web to further ensnare Kousuke. 

As long as Yui remains that safe place, that comfort to Kousuke, he cannot be free. 

That’s the power of isolation, that’s the power of discrediting the people around him, of ensuring he believes only her words, convincing him that only she knows him well enough, that only she can help him, only she will tell him the truth. 

“They were all superfluous. Don’t worry, I told him to stop. It’s best to save resources on patients that actually need it, right?” 

We know Hansuke is in the right mind, wanting to run tests on Kousuke. He is rightfully concerned that something is going on with Kousuke and hopes tests could be indicative of something. He’s a doctor and thus believes in science and if there’s scientific evidence, maybe THAT could sway Kousuke, maybe THAT could convince him to listen. But not only does Yui put a stop to it, but she manages to discredit his intentions. She conveys to Kousuke exactly what she needs to - of course there’s nothing wrong with you you’re just fine don’t listen to what anyone else says because they don’t know you like I do. They’re all just being so dramatic. 

And the next time Hansuke dares bring up to Kousuke that maybe he needs to get checked out, Kousuke will double down against him, will continue to believe Hansuke has a vendetta against him, will add him to his growing list of paranoia. The one person who is actively fighting for Kousuke is a big threat to Yui, so she has to ensure that Kousuke won’t trust him.

But that begs the question then. Is she putting a stop to the tests in effort to discredit Hansuke, or is it more than that? I am not a medical person, so this is not my area of expertise and I can only go off of the input others have put out there. I do personally think that whatever Kousuke is dealing with is not so much a mental illness as much as a response to the various stressors in his life, and while I do think a psych evaluation could at least better pinpoint a way to help Kousuke, that’s not the kind of test that Hansuke could have run while he was out. 

But what could be gleaned from simple labwork and urine analysis? If what Kousuke is dealing with is his stress levels and his response to internalized fears and jealousy resulting in paranoia, if it’s his body’s reaction to dealing with a past trauma, if it’s his body shutting down when he can’t deal with something, that’s not something blood is going to show right? 

There’s a lot of theories.

The first assumes both the rules of the mukoyoshi theory and that Kousuke is not, in fact, Rand’s child. It would go like this: because Rand was adopted into the Hirahara family by his marriage to Yui, it means he is treated as much as a blood relative as Yui is, and because the family business passes through the males, it means Rand’s progeny are the next in line for heir. This theory can branch off a couple ways. 

The first is obviously if it’s found out that Kousuke isn’t Rand’s child - but from simple labwork, would that even be possible? Unless Hansuke is checking Kousuke’s blood type AND knows the blood types of Rand and Yui, how would he be able to uncover the truth? But still, Yui would want to cover that truth at all costs, so maybe stopping Hansuke before he gets further and digs in deeper? 

But there’s also the fact that if it was believed Kousuke was not fit to be CEO, that his mental state was worrying or they couldn’t trust him to carry out the necessary duties, he could be stripped of his role - and it would go to the next in line, and as a blood-relative of Rand, that would be Nol. Thus, it would be very important to cover up any indicator that Kousuke cannot handle his role as heir. While we know Kousuke’s stress responses are directly related to unassessed psychological triggers, it would be easy for someone on the outside to look at him and go “He can’t handle stress and he lashes out at people, he isn’t fit for this.” And I don’t think that stress response is new to Kousuke. Though we didn’t see it really take affect until Nol and Kousuke were working closely together and Kousuke’s fears and paranoia were reawakened, we can assume from what little we saw of Kousuke’s recollection of the night Nol was taken away that this was another time he reacted to psychological triggers and shut down. 

@poisonheart pointed this out and it really put a lot of things into new light. It would also lend credence to Nol being unstable - ensure that he never stands a chance, that no one will ever think he’s fit for the role. 

Anyway, that brings us back to: Yui cannot have anyone, and especially not Kousuke, thinking there’s anything wrong with him. It’s not that she believes he’s perfect and thinks anyone who wants to run tests is insulting. It’s that she knows Kousuke is not perfect and she cannot let anyone find out. It would be so easy for the company to swing to one of her sister’s husbands if it turned out Kousuke and Nol were unfit and she absolutely cannot have that. That’s HER fortune, that’s HER business and she will not let it fall into the hands of another man. 

I want to make it clear that when I say something is wrong with Kousuke, I mean that when his triggers stress him out too much, he goes on spirals. I don’t think it’s something like “Kousuke is bipolar” because we can see clearly WHAT affects him, WHAT sets him off, and why it sets him off. I think, in an ideal world where it as easily possible, Kousuke was able to make peace with his feelings about his father, he’d be able to make peace with his feelings about Nol, and he’d be able to eventually reduce the probability of getting swept into these spirals. If Kousuke had no reason to fear Nol, to feel jealous of him, the intense need to best him at every opportunity, if he didn’t see everything Nol does as being an attack against him, as him plotting against him, as him trying to overtake him, he wouldn’t get so worked up. 

I also think making peace with Rand and Nol means whatever it is Kousuke is protecting himself from, whatever it is that happened in his falsified memory, would have less power over him. It’s not that Kousuke would act like this regardless - it’s that he is actively responding to things that trigger these reactions. 

I think I lost track of where I’m going lmao the point is: Kousuke is a direct result of the manipulation he’s experienced, and every time he experiences a truth that goes against the world Yui has gaslighted him into believing in, he cannot process it and it breaks him down. It’s a normal reaction! He’s not reacting like this because there’s something “wrong” with him, he is responding to high levels of stress and his brain wants to maintain the truth he knows. Certainly he needs therapy, but we all do. They all do. 

And this episode illuminates WHY and HOW Kousuke remains trapped in this state, and why any attempt at showing him the truth goes awry. Kousuke doesn’t put his beliefs ahead of other peoples’ solely because he has superiorlistic feelings about himself - it’s because he has to, in order to continue what he knows. 

Yui offering him tea is also a chilling moment, because we know the way Nol reacts to tea. He knows - he understands. But on the flipside, Kousuke doesn’t have the same reaction to it. He may even associate tea with comfort. I think this difference is VERY important, because Nol is aware of the witch Yui is, he probably is aware of the ways she has hurt him. Kousuke, though, isn’t. He still seeks comfort from her, and the tea theory, that maybe it’s laced, that maybe it is something his body responds to in order to placate him, is an important one. I don’t think this theory goes as far as some people think - I don’t think he’s being constantly drugged by his personal chef, for instance, nor do I think he ate or drank anything that night that would have triggered how he acted this night because a. Yui was surprised when he showed up to the party at all and b. Again, everything about Kousuke’s reactions are perfectly in line with the things that tip him off. He didn’t get worked up because he was drugged, he got worked up because he was responding to the dissonance between what he believes and what he sees, the stress of what Nol did and how Kousuke fears it will reflect on him, and his desperation to never disappoint Rand. 

HOWEVER I AM very much on board with the idea that after very traumatizing moments, perhaps Yui has placated Kousuke with a special tea that would calm him down and interrupt the dissonance, something he would come to associate as calm and safety, and thus further push her goal of ensuring Kousuke only feels safe with her, that she is the only one he can trust and seek refuge in. Everything going wrong and then mommy shows up with nice special tea and suddenly he’s calm and all those questions have been tucked away, there’s a new memory in its place; that’s not how that played out now is it, dear, wasn’t it like this? 

Something else about Yui worth noting is that she is VERY unhappy. There’s something so jarring and uncomfortable about the way she reacts when Kousuke tells her he was looking for Nol and Rand, that Nol has been hurt. That eerie smile mask of hers and how it closes in on her, that she came not because Kousuke needed her but she needed something from him - she needed to know Nol’s whereabouts, she needed to know where her scheming husband has gone. And Kousuke has no information for her. She is ANGRY but it’s also an opportunity to further drive that wedge. Rand isn’t here - not only does that mean he’s not here to check on Kousuke but it also means someone lied, whether it was Rand or Jayce, and it doesn’t matter which it was because Kosuuke will internalize it in the worst possible way. Why didn’t they come here, why did they hide their location? As readers we know exactly why - Rand is protecting Nol from Yui. But in doing so, it looks like he’s hiding things from Kousuke and he will not be able to rationalize it any other way. 

Even his reaction to the fact that Rand isn’t here shows that - he’s starting to get worked up again, he’s agitated, he doesn’t know where they are and Nol was hurt and Yui is grabbing his injured hand and trying to placate him. There’s something about Kousuke’s “You don’t believe me...?” that REALLY hurts, because it’s all a part of her manipulation. He’s in a vulnerable state, he’s confused and instead of receiving clarity, Yui is muddying the waters. If Yui doesn’t believe him, does that mean he could be wrong? Does it mean that Jayce was wrong? 

Again, in the end, he can rely on and trust only Yui. 

I really love that we also got to see Meg and Jayce! What an unlikely duo! I have this hope that one day Meg and Kousuke can become unlikely friends - as much as anyone can be friends with Kousuke lol. I think we’ve seen that, like Hansuke, she is someone who at least likes Kousuke for something attributed to who he is, rather than chasing him for the fortune and power. I think that could have added fuel to the fire, but we’ve seen that Meg’s interest in Kousuke was rooted in him being one of the only people in her life to cheer her on, to make her feel seen and like she can do what she sets her mind to, unlike her parents who encouraged her to give up and go for something easy. I don’t want to downplay her harassment and stalking, because it was very much so out of line but I’m glad she seems to be coming around and I think from that, if Kousuke can ever learn to be comfortable around her, we could see a really interesting dynamic of friendship. I think Meg has a lot of potential to have a similar relationship as Kousuke and Shinae have had, where Shinae calls out Kousuke and tries not to let him push her around and make her feel small. Clearly there’s a lot of things Meg and Kousuke both need to work through and it’s not something that would immediately happen, but I think it might be a series of incidents that could build up to them being able to trust each other, maybe? 

Meg finding the gift that was thrown out fuels that hope, at least. I know right now she takes it as Kousuke choosing to throw it out, but I wonder if we won’t get to see a scene where Meg mentions the gift he threw out and makes Kousuke go “Excuse me? What? I would never throw out something from Father” and create that little seed of doubt. That’s the biggest issue with Kousuke being caught in Yui’s web - no one can get through to him. But if that seed of doubt is planted, if could lead to Kousuke questioning the things he needs to. Because if she’s thrown out this gift, what else has she thrown out. What else has she prevented? What else has she lied about? Maybe he can reach that conclusion that it wasn’t that he was never good enough for Rand, but that she continued to make that gap wider and wider and to destroy every bridge before either Kousuke or Rand ever had a chance to cross them. Even if it’s not the case and she hasn’t actually interfered as much as we think, it still creates that doubt, because it still means she lied and that she isn’t the only pillar of truth in his life, and there’s still a question of what else he’s lied about. 

I love that we get to see Meg hanging around that long, too. I mean, I’m glad she’s getting a wuber and will go home, but I just can’t help but feel like we will get to see a lot more of Meg and Kousuke - after all, just like her unlikely appearance with Yujing, they DO have a lot of mutuals, and Meg has become much more important to the story than anyone could have accounted for. Now that she holds the actual key to possibly unlocking some doubt in Kousuke’s mind, I think we will get to see more of her. Again, I know at the begnning her harassment was treated as a tasteless joke, but I love Meg because of how much we’ve already seen her change and grow, her decision to love herself and stand up for herself. I think in time we might get to see Kousuke develop a sense of respect for her, as he kind of has with Shinae. I like to hope that she might be able to eventually bring some comfort to Kousuke, in the way that maybe she can be someone who brings him truth and honesty. I don’t mean this as a shippy thing, but just in the sense that Kousuke is very much alone. Shinae has people who love and care about her. Nol has people who love and care about him. Kousuke doesn’t have that as much. Having someone who has your back is vital. That’s what makes it so hard for victims to leave - where do they go? who do they turn to? When for so long their abuser has been their only sense of comfort and shelter, when their abuser has made everyone view the victim as hysterical and dramatic, when they are left all on their own, isn’t that scary? 

This isn’t a “they can fix him” thing, but rather for Kousuke to grow he needs to escape his mom, and for him to do THAT he needs to understand who she is and what she’s done to him. Hansuke is doing his best, but maybe having someone else on his side would be beneficial. These are complex stories and it’s not enough to just have someone at your side, there’s a lot of psychological recovery for Kousuke to work through - but it’s not as daunting when you aren’t alone. 

Idk, I say it every week but I just. I have a LOT of feelings. I’ve really enjoyed the complexity of the pain train that is Kousuke (I took that from @poisonheart lmao) because it’s so well done. He is a man who has been manipulated his entire life, he’s felt neglected by his father, he’s been isolated, everyone who cares about him has been discredited, he’s been trapped in this web and haunted by his jealousies and fears and he’s lashed out every time he feared he was losing his place, every time he worried Nol would best him. Just like how tragic it is that Yui was able to drive that wedge between Rand and Kousuke, it’s tragic that Yui has been able to do this to Kousuke, that as a result of the seeds she’s sown, he’s grown up to be this kind of person, to do despicable things, to break someone so that they never had the chance to grow.

Nothing ever happens in a vacuum, nothing is ever black and white. Kousuke is both a victim and an abuser. Rand is both suffering from Yui’s games and a bad, absent parent. Nol was hurt over and over by Kousuke and still reached out, still tried to help, tried to bond. I think we absolutely have to acknowledge that Kousuke is dealing with something that is very difficult to escape, that is very psychologically damaging. That’s why we can’t look at him and go “I can’t believe a grown adult is acting like that.” There’s always more to the story, and it’s unfortunate that the pain inflicted on these characters has caused them to hurt someone else.

Rand’s misery led to him giving up and hurting his son, which lead to his son living with so much fear and jealousy that he hurt the only person who tried to reach out to him over and over again, which lead to that person hurting the people who loved him and wanted to help. It’s an endless cycle, and even though it begins with Yui, I’m sure she has her own hurt, too, that she’s turned on everyone else. 

[ratcandy]

Under the cut:

Stray spoilers, trypophobia, potential scopophobia, body horror

Okay guys I know we don’t want to talk about the sewers but can we also talk about the sewers

I am a lover of body horror and freaky shit so when I saw all the awful terrible giant eyeballs all over the walls I was like WOAHH HI THERE but my next question is. W. Well. Gestures at the giant eyeballs. Why are they here

The Zurks we’ve been given an explanation on - man-made bacteria intended to manage waste just kinda evolved and screwed everyone over - but the. The eyes. We’re given no explanation on the awful eye hivemind. After we get out of the sewers, the zurks themselves are hardly brought up again, let alone the . the giant eyeball hivemind

An article I found suggests that the eyeball mass is a “mutated” form of Zurks, which... I can understand why, especially given that the sewers are a sort of hive or nest for Zurks, and the eyes themselves react when releasing these awful little bacteria things, but... at the same time. I mean.

Here are close-up Zurks:

(courtesy of this reddit post)

And here are the eyes:

Outside of the fact the eyes “birth” Zurks or act as a controlling force over them, there’s no visual similarities at all to suggest they’re the same... “creature.” The Zurks’ eyes are glowing yellow bulbs, while these eyes are... eyes. Just red eyes, with clear pupils and no glow to them.

Do I know then what they COULD be? Honestly, while I have a few theories, no - I haven’t the faintest idea what they could actually be. But I really wanna open the discussion on this because I want to hear what other people think. If other people want to discuss this at all, that is, as unfortunately (for me) a lot of people seem to be skirting around talking about the sewers sghksjdh

I mean it makes sense that the most condensed population of these terrible little creatures would be the darkest area, as UV rays are what destroys them, but at the same time I just. Did thousands if not millions of Zurks all congeal together, and that’s what made these eye walls? Did another bacteria interact with and form a symbiotic relationship with the Zurks, mutating them both? Seeing as this is the sewers, did a bunch of radioactive waste or something end up down there, leaving the zurks/any other wildlife that managed to refuge there to just. Suffer the consequences of it?

Were these an early, failed version of the bacteria that eventually created the zurks? And that bacteria had to mutate in order to make the bacteria that in and of itsELF would then mutate to make Zurks? OR am I just going down A RABBITHOLE now,

But then we get around to the fact that there’s one MAIN eye. There’s a “final boss” eye. What’s up with THAT? Does it actually function like a hive? Is there a “Queen” merged in with all the rest of it? So many questions I wanna know the answers to so badly.

[tittytania]

Finding ChristBorg: A TED talk about what happened during the Coldharbour Compact.

Reposted from my tes reddit bc I want to see what y’all think.

I can't tell if I'm a genius, completely insane, or if I'm just late to the lore-party. Time to find out I guess. TL;DR at the bottom.

So it has never been explained what Sotha Sil did during the Coldharbour Compact to convince the daedric princes to not manifest on Nirn without an intermediary, and it probably never will be since the mystery of it all is far too cool. But that doesn't mean I can't read into it like literature and look for meaning in the other texts I can compare it to.

To start, Vivec is based off of the Shakta variation of the half female/half male Ardhanarishvara, where the gold-skinned female half is the right side. Both Vivec and Ardhanarishvara represent unity and duality, and looking at some images of Ardhanarishvara, it's kinda hard to argue that Vivec wasn't based off of them. Kirkbride even confirmed that Ardhanarishvara was the inspiration for Vivec in an AMA. Now, Vivec is part of the god trio the Almsivi Tribunal, along with Almalexia and Sotha Sil. Shiva, who Ardhanarishvara is the avatar of, is also part of a god trio, called the Trimurti in Hinduism. So it would make sense if the other members of the tribunal are also based off of one member of a real world religious triad. I have a shaky idea of who Almalexia could be, but my theory for her god-inspiration is nowhere near as solid as my theory for Sotha Sil, who I believe is based on Jesus Christ.

To start, their characterizations have multiple similarities. Both are one branch of a god-triad, with Sotha Sil as part of the Tribunal, and Jesus as The Son in the Holy Trinity. Both serve as a teacher, with Jesus being referred to as Teacher several times in the Bible, and Sotha Sil giving lessons on magic and Mysticism to the Psijic Monks. Also, both are characterized as wise, patient, and celibate. They both talk about moral and philosophical concepts with their followers, neither Jesus nor Sotha Sil are shown as having a temper or raising their voices, and neither of them are shown with a spouse or partner. Sotha Sil is specifically shown as not caring about the Night Mother's attempts to sexually manipulate him in book seven of 2920, The Last Year of the First Era. Now I know that 2920 is considered a work of historical fiction in-universe, but I don't think that matters in this situation since I'm approaching this as a person reading a text, not as a person living inside the lore world.

In terms of specific scenes that connect Sotha Sil and Jesus, the first I will mention is that they both use a makeshift whip to beat intruding wrongdoers and drive them away, while yelling about fathers. In the Truth in Sequence vol. 8 book, it says that "[t]hrough His will alone, Mighty Seht wound the veins (of metal ore) into god-bronze whips, and lashed the Prince pitilessly," saying "[b]ehold the wrath of lost Ald Sotha! Know death at my hands, false-son of a false-father!" In the Bible, Jesus found people doing sales in a place of worship, and then He "made a whip of cords, (and) He drove them all out of the temple," saying “Take these things away! Do not make My Father’s house a house of merchandise!” (John 2 15-16).

Also, Jesus had close friends and followers who were called his apostles, and Sotha Sil has his own Clockwork Apostles. Sil's apostles reside in the Clockwork Basilica, and while basilica isn't an exclusively Christian term, it is frequently used to describe a type of church architecture, and is a term the pope uses to recognize distinguished churches.

Another similarity that I found was in the plot of Morrowind, where Sotha Sil's death was caused at the hands of Almalexia, who was someone he had once loved and trusted, much like with Jesus and Judas.

The most notable life similarity as it relates to the Coldharbour Compact is that both leave the earthly world in order to make a deal for the benefit of the souls on earth, and then return to the earthly world. This parallel is given extra weight with the descriptions of the scene in the book 2920, The Last Year of the First Era. Sotha Sil returns from Coldharbour by way of someone "rolling aside the great boulder that blocked the entrance to the Dreaming Cavern. This sounds a lot like the scene in the bible of the discovery that Jesus had risen from the dead, where "an angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door" (Matthew 28:2). In addition, Jesus said "after He is killed, He will rise [on] the third day," (Matthew 17:23) and after Sotha Sil returned from Coldharbour, he "felt he had been away for months, years, but only a few days had transpired." Perhaps it had been 3?

In addition to the life and behavior similarities, there are similarities in dress. In the 2920 book, Sotha Sil is always described as wearing a white robe or cloak. In ESO, Sotha Sil is shown as barefoot, and wearing a blue sash over his long white robe. In medieval and renaissance art, Jesus is most always depicted as barefoot, and is frequently shown with a blue cloth over his shoulder. In most resurrection art, as well as in almost all 20th/21st century art, Jesus is depicted as dressed in white. While Jesus usually isn't usually shown wearing both the blue sash and the white robe at once like Sotha Sil is, I found one modern interpretation of Jesus that does dress him this way, and several depictions of him in Chinese art that also portray him like this.

I'm feeling almost conspiratorial here, but these similarities are far too many for me to think it's accidental, and therefore I have to think that all of this is meant to suggest that Sotha Sil serves a Christ-figure role in his story, i.e. in sacrificing own life like Jesus did in order to make his deal in the Coldharbour Compact. However I don't think Sil's sacrifice was quite so simple. After he is asked what he offered the Daedra in return for the deal, he states: "The deals we make with Daedra... [s]hould not be discussed with the innocent." This implies that in contrast to the Christ mythos, Sil's sacrifice was not blameless; he did not come out of the deal with his hands clean.

So, a Christ-like sacrifice that isn't quite as pure and selfless as it is in Christianity. What could that be?

My theory is that in order to make the Coldharbour Compact, he sold the lives of Vivec and Almalexia along with his own. Perhaps he told the princes that he knew the tribunal's godhood would end, and in exchange for their cooperation he promised not to tell the other tribunes or make any attempt to prevent his and his companions' demise. (After all, as far as I know he made the mechanical heart for keeping his city functional, not for recreating the divinity the heart of Lorkhan provided.) Or, maybe he offered to do something to assist in bringing the Tribunal down, and losing Sunder and Keening, the tools that helped them maintain their divinity, was intentional on his part. Sil deliberately sacrificing his own life appears to be reflected in Azura's statement after his death. She said "he shed his mortality long ago, and I am certain his death was no small relief to him." Of course she'd know that he let go of his life ages ago if he had willingly sold it to her. Of course she would be certain that he found his death to be a relief, if she'd heard him say so himself when he was explaining why a god would ever offer such a deal.

It would also make sense with Sotha Sil's character, since he allegedly loved the people on Nirn more than Almalexia or Vivec did, and the destruction of Gilverdale could have definitely been a traumatic enough reminder of the destruction of Ald Sotha for him to do something dramatic to prevent it ever happening again. And guilt over sacrificing his friends could have definitely been a contributing factor to the worsening self-isolation and intense depression in his later life. It would also be a definite explanation for why he apparently never met another soul in the 10 years between losing the tools and his death. Not only had he become extremely disillusioned with the imperfections of the world, he had now finalized the deal he made so long ago, and saw no point in continuing to interact with a deeply flawed world he was essentially finished with.

However, I do see some issues with this and how it would work in-universe. Namely the fact that Hermaeus Mora's seekers said the prince received something from every individual on Nirn as part of the deal, which is quite different from what I'm suggesting. A different deal for each prince would also explain why Sil was able to include Clavicus Vile and Mephala in the compact at a much later date. There would be no reason for Vile and Mephala to submit to a collective deal whose terms had already been decided. So if he offered the tribunal's lives as part of the deal, he would have needed to offer other things as well. But for me the most significant in-universe issue I struggled with was that using his death as a bargaining tool would create a massive problem for his ability to enforce the deal in the future. This could explain why both Molag Bal and Mehrunes Dagon manifested on Nirn after Sotha Sil's death, but since I think they were summoned by qualified mortals that could have been a loophole. Either way, making a deal that is meant to last forever by promising something that can never be taken back in the case of a breach of contract seems extremely short-sighted for someone who claims to be cursed with certainty. Especially considering how many of the princes there were known to be cheats and liars.

Unless, that is, you believe this theory I read about the reason why Sil was completely silent as he was killed. My original belief was that he was silent because he'd seen it coming long ago, and knew that nothing he could have said would have changed Almalexia's mind. And while that would be in character for him, now I'm starting to think that it was because he had already uploaded his consciousness elsewhere. This would fit in with the Christ-figure parallels, due to the Christian belief that Jesus is risen from the dead and very much alive. While Jesus returned to life at the same time he emerged from the cave, the completion of Sotha Sil's death sacrifice didn't happen until long after his return via the cave. While I have found no explicit evidence that he's still around, when you find his body in Morrowind he is shown hanging, with his arms outstretched at his sides, in a sort of crucifixion pose. And after the crucifixion comes the resurrection. Perhaps Sotha Sil is still around somewhere in the gears of his city, and he promised the princes he'd never be present or have any influence on Nirn so long as they kept up their end of the deal. Additionally, the 37th sermon of Vivec mentions Sotha Sil as holding "his swollen belly," carrying "[his] daughter." While Vivec's sermons are hardly ever literal, Kirkbride's comments suggest that maybe Vivec was being somewhat literal in this instance. Regarding this concept art, Kirkbride said "note the cosmic baby growing inside Sotha Sil. While Sotha Sil is dead as we saw in the add-on pack “Tribunal”, the child survived." Perhaps one of Sotha Sil's many body modifications made him able to carry and birth a child, and then he created a daughter through self-cloning or some other method that allows him to have enough influence to enforce the compact.

TL;DR - Sotha Sil has a lot of similarities with Jesus, so he's a Christ figure and therefore his sacrifice in the Coldharbour Compact was himself, and Almalexia and Vivec too, and that also means that he may still be around.

Anyways, thanks for reading and sorry if this sounds like I'm putting red strings on a wall as my application essay to the r/SothaSimps fan club. Also, lmk if I'm missing anything obvious. For me right now Reading Lore On The Bedroom Floor is a bit more manageable than playing the games, and there may be something I've just completely looked over.

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

The Sommelier (Hannigram x Female!Reader) pt. 20

Shit goes sideways for y/n and Hannibal as they search for Will. 

@dovahdokren @deadman-inc-bikeshop @lov3vivian @wisesandwichshark @scpdragon 

Trigger warnings: stalking, threats of violence, implied threats of sex abuse

Your text notification sound rang over and over. You pulled yourself out of the abyss of sleep, slowly regaining your lucidity. You checked the time. 3:45AM.

The room was dark, a plush blanket was draped over your body, and Hannibal was nowhere to be seen. It was clear he had no intention of waking you up. You resigned to chew him out about that later. For now, you had to attend to what seemed like the thousands of text messages piling up in your notifications. 

But they weren’t text messages. They were comments on all your reddit posts. Dozens of them, all from different burner accounts, and they all said the same thing. 

u/lostlamb928723: Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

u/fallenone736139: Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

u/ledastray372935: Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

You threw the blanket off your legs, scrolling through the overwhelming mass of biblical spam. You saw the silver lining immediately: Chase wouldn’t be fucking with you if you weren’t close. 

“Hannibal!” You called out, eyes scanning the dark house for any sign of him. He wouldn’t have gone to bed. You let the blood return to your legs before standing up, stretching and searching the house. 

You could hear the beginnings of a storm brewing outside. The ambient pitter-patter of rain was usually a source of comfort, but the abrupt claps of thunder out of nowhere put you on edge. You tiptoed around the massive house, eyes up for anything out of place. 

“Hannibal?” You whispered, peering through the threshold into the kitchen. You hadn’t noticed how scary his kitchen was until then. It was large, cold and uninviting, especially when it was only illuminated by the occasional bolt of lightning. 

Your phone buzzed in your pocket, over and over and over. More of the same, no doubt. 

A hand found your shoulder and you jumped out of your skin. You screamed. It took a second to realize that it was just Hannibal, and not your sleep paralysis demon come to life. 

“It’s just me, darling.” He soothed, putting both hands on your shoulders. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” 

“Fucking hell, Hannibal.” You cursed, trying to catch your breath. “Maybe you could have at least answered when I called your name.” 

“I’m sorry.” He stroked your hair, knowing it would soothe your nerves. "I was in the office and I couldn't hear you."

"Why is everything so dark?" You asked.

“The storm knocked out the power about half an hour ago." He explained. The nuances in his voice suggested that this was only one of several inconveniences. "I was hoping it would be back on by the time you woke up.” 

"Damn, just when I thought we were getting close." You muttered, pulling your phone from your back pocket. "Here, take a look at this-"

You unlocked your phone and showed him the mass of notifications.

"Strange." He commented. "How are you getting notifications if the power is out?"

"Huh." You furrowed your brow and looked at your phone. “If the power is out, that means the Wi-Fi is down, right?” 

“Thus the source of my confusion.” He said.  

You opened your phone and saw that you were getting four bars of WiFi. “Then how on earth are all these notifications coming through?” 

“Your cellular, perhaps?” He asked, looking over your shoulder.

You shook your head. The network was just a strand of ten numbers. "No, this is... a hotspot? Is your phone putting out a mobile hotspot?” 

"I'm afraid not." He lowered his head. “Would your phone connect to a hotspot being put out by some random source?” 

“I don’t know, I-- Wait.” You cut yourself off. “Oh no.” 

“What is it?” 

“Hannibal, call Will’s phone.” You said, frantically.

He was compliant, but he could never be comfortable taking orders from someone without knowing why. His motions were slow and he let the silence linger, urging you to fill it with an explanation.

You rubbed your temples. "When I was in Wolf Trap, Will set up a hotspot for me to call my mom. My phone probably recognized it and connected automatically when the power went out."

A distant, but audible rumbling came from just outside the front door. He caught on as soon as the sound hit his ear. A peek out the window confirmed your worst fears. A phone with a shattered screen was laid directly in eyeshot. You could make out Hannibal’s call icon. 

“Shit.” You cursed. “They found us.” 

Like clockwork, your phone began to ring. An unlisted number appeared on the screen. You looked at it, and then back at Hannibal.

"Answer." He said. "Let him think you're alone."

Hesitantly, you slid the green answer icon across the screen and put the caller on speaker. 

“Hello?” You answered, your voice trembling. 

“[F/N] [L/N].” Will’s strained voice croaked from the receiver. “My favorite sinner.” 

You shared a look of relief with Hannibal. You grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “Will, oh my god, you’re alive!” 

“So you believe in god now?” Will said through his teeth. You weren’t talking to Will. You were talking to Chase. Will was just his current in a long line of surrogate bodies he used and disposed of. 

“Chase,” Your voice lowered with severity. “If you hurt him, I swear to shit, I will not hesitate to paint the walls with your insides.” 

“Be careful little ears what you hear, be careful little ears what you hear” Will read off. “For the father up above is looking down in love...” 

“Chase, you sick fuck.” You shouted. “Pull that dick out of your mouth and talk to me yourself.” 

“If you want to talk to me...” Will struggled. “Come here yourself.” 

You looked at Hannibal for any sort of direction. In your silence, Chase continued to make his puppet talk. 

“Since you seem to be having some trouble finding me,” Will said. “The directions are on your boyfriend’s phone. I left it on the porch for you.” 

“Yeah, I found it.” You spat. 

“Next time, don’t leave yourself so vulnerable by posting on public forums.” He said. “Some psycho may have found you before I did. Oh, and [F/N]?”

“What?” You snapped. 

“No cops. No FBI.” Will said, pain in every word.

You just couldn't take it anymore. "What the hell do you want from me?"

“I want to have a conversation about god’s true love.” Will wretched as he spoke. You had a sickening feeling that Will was privy to what that 'conversation' would really entail.

You wanted to vomit. You could picture the look on Chase’s face, flashing his unnaturally white teeth at the idea of finally having you. Doing fuck-knows-what to you. Using Will’s mouth to say it. Tormenting the man you’d come to love. You channeled your disgust into rage. 

“I’ll see you in fucking Borrasca.” You snarled. 

[nothorses]

Alright I want to ask you this because I have thoughts but you're significantly more well read than me so maybe you'll have better insight and explanation:

I was going on a terf blocking spree, and lots of them are currently dealing with the idea that trans people are trying to say genital attraction isn't real. Now, I have heard this a few times on Tumblr, and I've heard people call it "genital preferences" and similar things, and I've seen the posts about people trying to get others cancelled for not dating them because they're trans. But for the most part I would say this is the minority of trans people?

Most of my experience with these sorts of conversations is from Reddit and not Tumblr, in these discussions people all agreed genital attraction was a real thing. Also, people (generally) agreed that sometimes trans people need to accept someone won't date them because of their genitalia (in reference to their agab genitals), yet some people will and it's not okay to be angry with someone who won't. There was also the idea that if they won't date someone with their agab genitals or after grs then there's an argument for ableism but not necessarily transphobia (although it's sometimes transphobia, not always).

I don't really know how to word the question, but basically do you have any thoughts you're willing to share on this issue? You always seem to have well thought out and historically referenced analysis of issues and provide nuance as needed, so I thought maybe you'd be a good person to ask. Of course if you don't want to answer this that's completely fine as well, it's just I can see the issue a bit from both sides and I just don't think I know enough on this subject to arrive to a conclusion yet personally, I also hope this is worded in a way where you understand what I'm trying to say

I think there’s two sides to this issue- the people making these decisions, and the people impacted by them- and my opinion really differs depending on what side you’re talking about. 

When we’re talking about “genital preference” and the people making these decisions, I honestly have to say that I don’t think this is a Thing the way these folks talk about it. I understand comfort levels with different types of genitalia, I understand having different sexual relationships with different types of genitalia, I understand finding different qualities attractive in different types of genitalia (penis size/hair/labia/etc.). But that isn’t the same as your entire sense of attraction to someone or your entire orientation being based on genitalia.

If you’re uncomfortable with one genital configuration, there are plenty of ways to have sex with someone who has it that do not involve interacting with that genital configuration in ways that make you uncomfortable. If you prefer the role you default to with one genital configuration, you can talk to a partner with a different configuration about how to accommodate that. If you find certain qualities unattractive in someone’s genitals, well, why is that so different from something like hair length?

Ultimately, “genital preference” isn’t about that. It’s just a reason for refusing to consider dating or having sex with certain people- and lo and behold, it just so happens that it’s always trans people that “genital preferences” exclude. (Ask these people if they’d consider trans people who’ve had bottom surgery & watch them scramble.)

It’s a transphobic dogwhistle used by cis people to excuse their transphobic dating habits. It’s the “socially acceptable” way of saying they don’t want to deal with their internalized transphobia, that they don’t find trans people “fuckable”. Not to mention the rampant, blatant exclusion of intersex people with conditions affecting their genitals.

Which is why, on the side of those impacted, responses are usually based on the assumption that this is about transphobia.

If someone tells me they don’t want to be with me because they have a “genital preference”, I also, in fact, have zero interest in them. I don’t want to be with someone who’s transphobic, and I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t see me as a man.

I don’t think it’s safe or healthy for trans people to push that issue with individuals. I also don’t think it’s okay, in any capacity, to force yourself on someone because you (rightfully, in this case) disagree with the reasons behind their rejection. I also think it’s perfectly fair to point out and be upset about the transphobia inherent in the situation.

The closest thing to a legitimate “genital preference” is one founded in trauma, and as I’ve said before, these are intensely personal situations. I believe folks who’s trauma has caused this association between Danger and a certain genital configuration have a lot of healing and growing to do. They should understand that trans people may feel uncomfortable and unsafe around them until then. And they should have their boundaries respected, regardless of the reasons behind them, in the meantime.

[itsforexposure]

“It’s for church! Next!”

Transcript of two very long Facebook messenger posts follows:

Client: Hi. I saw that u posted on marketplace

Client: I thought y not get a cute portrait

Artist: Oh yes! I’m open for commissions!

Artist: What do you have in mind?

Client: I would like a traditional painting. A big one. Something like 48x60 inches?

Artist: Wow that’s big

Artist: I’m not sure if I even have canvas that big. It would also take me a long time to do. Maybe 3 weeks?

Artist: A portrait of what though? Of yourself?

Client: No. I would like one of my dog in a mariachi outfit.

Artist: Ok. For that size I can do it for $300. I would need to go buy a canvas that size and I’m giving you a discount for my time. 

Client. Doesn’t seem like much of a discount to me. 

Client. You are not a professional, u don’t need to charge hourly...

Artist: Well I’m trying to make a career out of this and I need to charge based on my experience, cost of supplies, and my time. I’m honestly charging you less than minimum wage based on what material costs. 

[Screenshot showing that a canvas of the appropriate size costs $109.99 at Michael’s]

Artist: This is the price of a canvas that size and that doesn’t include the price of the paint. 

Client: Not to be mean but ur wasting your time by wanting to be an artist. No wonder u were sleeping in ur car. That’s what u get for choosing a worthless career.

Client: If you joined our church we would pray for you. We would illuminate ur future w our prayers.

Client: Tell you what

Client: Do a painting for our church, and we will pray for you.

Client: I know u did a painting about a year ago for our sister [redacted]. Why can’t you do one for us and get saved while u can

Artist: Are you asking me to do a painting for free?

Client: Not free

Client: u know each member pays 20% of their paycheck to church each month. This will be kind of your initiation to our great community

Client: I think u really need it

Client: u are being punished because u keep rejecting Jesus into your life

Client: u need salvation and a new meaning to your life.

Client: u are and will always be a starving artist. Look at u now. Do you want this forever?

Artist: If art wasn’t valuable as you say. How come you sold [redacted]’s painting that you only paid like $30 for like $12000? You bullied her into painting it for church. If art was that worthless why did you pocket that much money?

Artist: I’m not joining your cult

Client: I don’t need to give explanations to a no church member. You have no idea what u are talking about

Artist: Right. You have never had to work in your life. You inherited multiple millions of dollars from your husband, and you are trying to get free artwork from someone who actually wants to work hard for a better future? $300 wouldn’t make a dent in your bank acc. Please stop wasting my time. I’m not joining your cult.

Client: I was blessed to have found a rich husband and blessed to have lived the life I have. You are being punished and will be punished for the rest of your life for rejecting Jesus. I think people like you are better off just disappearing off earth. Such a waste of space. You would have better luck becoming a prostitute instead of selling your shitty art work. I will be praying for you to fail. I have powerful connections, I will send this conversation to all of them. I can’t wait to see you coming back for my help.

Artist: So very Christian of you.

Client: Get out of my messages satan. I can feel your dark energy. ur paintings are also diabolic.

[second screenshot]

Client: I asked [redacted] to ask u for a refund. She told me you told her no? I think you need to come up with the money somehow. Everybody that I’ve shown the screenshots and your art agrees that it’s not worth that much. u have this very dark aura around you and you refuse to get helped. Give up on art. You will never be successful.

Client: I can still help you if you make the portrait

Client: Why don’t you do one of my cat too and I’ll talk to some of my friends and maybe you’ll get any commissions from them too

Client: But you can’t charge that much. What are you even going to do with $300? Make it donation based or a flat fee of $100 for the size I asked.

Client: Being greedy is not going to take you anywhere

Client: You already know what u have to do

Artist: You are nuts. I’m posting this on reddit.

Client: What’s reddit?

Client: You don’t have my consent to do share this conversation. U HEAR ME??

Client: Oh I ready looked that site up. u belong there. Full of sinful and weird people like you. I feel sorry... What are they going to do for u? Look at ur posts on instagram you barely even have likes. I still don’t want you posting this conversation. It will do more damage to ur already failed art business 

[three missed video calls in a row, presumably after the artist posted this to r/choosingbeggars]

Client: Answer my calls I know ur online

[justabitsp00ky]

Joanna Lopez - Possible Updates

Rather late to making this post, but I had just learned of the possible updates since posting about Joanna Lopez back in January. To find that post to see what we are catching up on, you can follow this link here.

Possible Match - A Lead

Back in February, the most likely possible match was found.

TL;DR, reddit user BubblegumTrad had a phone call with a Joanna Lopez, somewhere in her 40′s, who said she ran away from home in Chicago. User CringeNaeNaeBaby2 says they were able to verifying the information, but will not disclose how, to respect the privacy and safety of people involved.

Unfortunately, the suspected person never called back despite saying she would. Of course some people suspect this is a troll who is just messing around with this person, but the case is a bit more of an obscure case, so the chances would be rather slim. The other theories are that she’s freaked out, and understandably so. Running away from home can be scary, so the whole incident is probably traumatizing to her, and she doesn’t want to disclose it to strangers she doesn’t know, especially if she doesn’t even know why people are looking for her and the whole eerie broadcast people are trying to figure out. If a stranger called you asking to talk about a specific time of your life, especially a scary one, you wouldn’t want to disclose details either, would you?

On more specifics of the matter, BubblegumTrad stated in the comments of the above post

“ thank you for post!! just as they said, I spoke with a possible joanna on the phone just now. She seemed very freaked out that I knew all of this stuff so I am confident she is being genuine. She did tell me that she was only gone for a few days and her parents wouldn't have called any news stations. I'll let you know if/when she calls me back :)) “

It very well could be a genuine match, but with no callback, this can be either the end of a solved case, or a dead end to a continue mystery.

Second Broadcast Airing

While the original broadcast aired in 1989, a second broadcast of Joanna Lopez was aired again just a couple years later in 1991. As for, people were unsure. The first idea was that she went missing again, or was still missing two years later. Another theory was that it was an incorrect memory, or a simple mistake, and was supposed to be 1989. It would be an easy to typo to make after all.

However, in June, a reddit user by the name TulaneBC did come with a likely explanation for the second airing of the missing poster broadcast.

In other words, on one of the master copies of the sign off, Joanna Lopez’s missing poster just so happened to be saved onto the ending of it. In the comments, the op explains further

“ There aren't many masters of the sign off. Maybe three or four. In two years of sign offs those taps can get ragged, lost or worn out. On that day in 1991, they just so happened to use master copy for the sign off and it just happened to have Joanna on it. I used to use many tapes with old copy on it just for the B roll and old stuff would pop up on it. “

This does seem to be the most likely theory about the second airing.

This whole mystery took a very different turn from the first few months of the mystery being brought up on a few reddit threads and then on youtube, but it’s a turn that it more calm and comforting. I do truly hope this is true, and that Joanna Lopez is alive and safe, and that she isn’t being harassed about her broadcasting.

[lmanberg]

Is Dream using a body double?

This post will include references to leaked images of both Dream and his brother and discussion of his old Reddit account, if you’re uncomfortable with that then do not read

TW/CW: weight & weight loss, dieting, eating disorder, scar mention, fatphobia, Dream’s ex (Sam), (verbal) abuse from a significant other

So before I get into it, I’m going to be talking about both a doxxing forum and Dream’s brother. I don’t want to say the name of either of them, so the forum will simply be called F and Dream’s brother will be called B.

There are five very different thought processes you can go through which will draw you to two very different conclusions, I’ll be talking about all of them and you can decide which you believe. I’d like to preface with the fact that I do not believe all of these theories and I’m just trying to explain all possibilities in this situation.

I will attach TLDRs at the end of every theory for convenience.

1. Dream is using his brother as a body double

So this is probably the theory you have seen discussed the most, but I’ll go into more detail as to why people believe this.

Firstly we start with Dream as a kid. We’ve already been shown an image of him by Dream:

Now there’s also a leaked image of “him”, in which he’s fat, fatter than he is in the image above. However his facial structure, smile, and hair are all the same. We can tell that Dream is 16 in the Facebook post that the image was found on. In the caption of the photo, Dream is called “Clay” and his father is in the image with him.

If we follow the theory, this would lead you to assume that Dream is still fat, and is using his brother as a body double for his merch photos. But why his brother?

There have been photos of Dream’s brother from his Instagram leaked on F, in one of these he’s holding a gun. The hand holding the gun has the exact same markings and scar as the hands in the unboxing video.

To continue talking about the unboxing video, the way he holds the objects and moves them off camera is also very suspicious. Just the audio quality already is weird, but then the way he moves items off camera and almost seems like he’s handing it to someone next to him, not to mention the obscene amount of cuts in the ending, it all extremely damning.

It’s pretty much undeniable that B is the person in the unboxing video, the scar being the most damning evidence. But what about the merch photos?

Firstly I will say that in the “face reveal” photos, Dream has the same markings on his arms as B and as he does in the unboxing video. But we can also talk about the hands in general:

As we can see, the hand in the bottom left has the same fingers as the one in the merch video, however the one in the bottom right (one of the more recent images of Dream) looks slightly different, in fact his hands look a lot more veiny and red. But we see his hand has similar veins in the image below, so it’s probably just lighting. The lack of tan is also to be expected, as the first image was pre-covid and the second was post, he hasn’t been able to see half as much sunlight as he used to.

TLDR: Dream is still fat and is using his brother as a body double

2. Dream is using his brother as a body double (V2)

So this theory has a similar thought process but deviates slightly.

In this theory, we assume that the leaked photo of Dream at 16 is him, but also that he has actually lost the weight.

Now at first you may think that’s a very drastic weight loss, however his old Reddit account had multiple posts on r/keto and even now he talks about how he has a very strict diet. A new piece of evidence came out during the recent podcast with George on his Discord, where they discuss whether or not a food had carbs in it. Dream gets audibly uncomfortable and changes the subject, whether to avoid triggering listeners or himself, we don’t know.

If Dream lost all the weight, why would he be using a body double? This I can’t explain, however the evidence of the merch photos being him is undeniable at this point. It’s possible he was in the process of losing weight and didn’t want people to see his weight loss, or maybe he weighs a little more than he feels confident in and feels more comfortable having his brother pose as him, but the weight difference isn’t so drastic that people would point it out when he face reveals.

Speaking of the face reveal; Dream vehemently denies that the kid in the photo is him, but if it is him and he didn’t lose that weight, he will be proven as a liar whenever he face reveals. This is the biggest flaw of Theory 1 in my opinion. At first Dream vagued the situation but never explicitly stated whether that specific picture was him or not, but now he has. There’s no logical explanation for Dream to deny that the kid is him, even though it is without a doubt him, unless he looks nothing like him anymore.

TLDR: Dream is using his brother as a body double, however he has lost weight

3. Dream is using his brother as a body double (V3)

This theory is the weakest in my opinion and is similar to Theory 2, with one deviation. There is a picture of Dream out there, and it’s a merch photo. In this theory we actually assume that the red merch photos are Dream, however the rest are B. Why?

First of all, this is (I believe) the first image we’ve ever seen of Dream (if I’m incorrect this theory is most likely void and you can stop reading now). In it, Dream weighs a slight bit more than he does in current photos, something we can see mainly in his thighs/hips, which I’ll attach below.

The date that the red merch photos released was 9/26/19, the date of his white merch photos was 7/21/20, and the release of the unboxing video was 6/4/20, giving Dream plenty of time to switch from taking the photos himself to then using his brother.

But why would he switch? We can guess it has something to do with Sam. According to Dream, Sam has tried to spread “false” info about him being obese before (which I would like to highlight, why obese? Why is that what she says, out of all insults? Most likely because he was, and just isn’t anymore).

This could have also intruded into their relationship as well as their breakup in the form of verbal abuse. Assuming that Dream was fat as a kid and later developed an unhealthy reliance on dieting and possible eating disorders to lose weight, it would make sense for him to be sensitive to rejection, especially from his girlfriend at the time, and stopped showing his body to the public.

We also know Dream and Sam’s relationship was very rocky in early 2020, therefore he may have had his brother pose for him on impulse to disprove the “slander” Sam was attempting to spread about his weight, and then decided that he preferred having B pose for him for one reason or another, most likely anonymity.

TLDR: Dream is using his brother as a body double in all photos except the red merch, he started using his brother after losing confidence in himself and his appearance.

4. Dream is NOT using a body double (V1)

From here on out, we become more critical of the images and information leaked by F. F is a forum known for their dislike of Dream. There are hundreds of people who use it for the sole purpose to hate Dream. The people in F are also generally homophobic, racist, sexist, etc., therefore it’s not a far reach to assume they’re fatphobic as well, and assumed that by spreading info that Dream is fat, they would cause him to lose support.

In this theory, we assume that the gun photo that I mentioned in Theory 1 is Dream, not B. We also assume that the photo of Dream at 16 is, in fact, Dream, but like Theory 2 states, he lost the weight.

By eliminating the hand evidence, there is almost no proof that the merch photos are not Dream. This would explain why Dream was so confident in denying that the kid in the photo was not him, because he looks nothing like him anymore.

In fact, this would also explain the weight loss between the red merch photos and the most recent photos of Dream. Dream was still dieting (or more) and therefore still losing weight. We all saw how much weight Sapnap lost by living with him for only a handful of months. Dream at 16 and Dream at 21 has a lot of weight to cover in only five years, it’s not unreasonable to assume that he was still in the process of losing weight in 2019 only to reach his current weight in 2021.

TLDR: Dream isn’t using a body double, F lied about the gun picture and it’s actually Dream

5. Dream is NOT using a body double (V2)

I will preface this by saying this is the theory I believe is most likely as of right now.

This theory is basically Theory 4 word for word, except we assume the white merch photos are not Dream and in fact B. Even before there were any body double theories, stans didn’t believe those pictures were Dream at first, mainly because of how much scrawnier he looks as well as his hair (not wavy OR blond).

An anon also claimed that when the photos first dropped, both George and Sapnap were streaming. Most people were watching George because Dream was in vc on that stream. In George’s stream Dream was repeating to chat that it is him and that chat is being dumb for saying it’s not. However, in Sapnap’s stream, Sapnap says that it’s not Dream. Sapnap is one of the only people who have seen Dream’s face (allegedly), and if Dream was fat or had already used his brother as a body double in merch photos (the red photos were released before the white) then he would know not to say anything.

But why would Dream lie? Most likely, his brother wanted to be in a merch photo and Dream just assumed that his fans would think it’s him. However they instantly began to call him out, and in order to protect his brother’s identity, he impulsively lied and said it was him. At that point he had gone too far and couldn’t back down without admitting he had lied.

TLDR: Dream isn’t using a body double, F lied about the gun photo and it’s actually Dream, however the white merch photos are B

—

And that’s it!

I probably won’t answer asks about this post because I really wore myself out writing it. I’d appreciate if anyone with a visible blog/on mcytblr didn’t reblog this and please do not repost this on any sites.

ALSO: This was written before the Sam photos leaked, some info may be outdated and I scrapped Theory 6 because of it

[ezrasarm]

Coming Out As Asexual/Aspec

Pairings: Javier Pena x reader, Marcus Pike x reader, Din Djarin x reader, Ezra x reader, Frankie Morales x reader

Word count: 2.3K (oops)

Warnings: discussions of sexuality, depictions of main characters as Aspec

A/n: I apologize these were meant to be head canons and a few of them wound up turning into mini fics. I would like to thank @dishonouringmycow for supplying many ideas and helping me concoct these for you and @kiss-evans for her insight as well. These were a lot of fun to write! We’ve written these HCs in hopes that they will be inclusive and relatable to most ace/demi-/greysexual folks and anyone in between. We hope you like them!

[masterlist]

Javier Peña

Telling Javi is a little tricky.

Given the time period, and the fact that asexuality was hardly a word let alone a widely accepted concept, Javier didn’t stand a chance when you went about explaining to him your “unconventional” relationship with sexual attraction.

You didn’t even fully understand it yourself at that point which is why you were terrified when you felt you owed him an explanation for turning him down.

You and Javi had been dancing around each other since pretty much the moment you landed in Bogata.

You knew you cared about him more than the average coworker and Steve didn’t hesitate to tease either of you mercilessly for it with every chance he got.

But there was a reason you had been avoiding acting on those feelings you harboured for him and a reason you were so terrified when he reciprocated them.

Silence overwhelms the small stakeout vehicle when you tell him.

He doesn’t get it.

“Oh.”

The disappointment that pours off of him is palpable.

This really wasn’t the reaction he was expecting to the heartfelt confession he had mustered up the courage for only moments ago.

“Javi,” You sigh, “It’s not like that. It’s not personal. I don’t feel attracted to anyone that way.” You reiterate but he still seems convinced that this is just an elaborate attempt to spare his feelings.

“You don’t have to do that, you know? You don’t have to let me down easy.”

“That’s not what this is. I really just don’t operate that way.”

You had seen the girls coming and going from his apartment across the hall. You knew how he chose to blow off steam after stressful days at work and you knew you couldn’t keep up with that.

“I don’t think I can be there for you like you want me to.”

It takes a moment for it to dawn on him what you mean and you think he finally takes the hint when another ‘oh’ escapes him.

“I don’t need-“ He starts up but cuts himself off when you give him a pointed look.

“I really, really wanted this to work.” He says after what feels like hours of you discussing all the reasons you would wind up resenting each other if you went down that path. All the fears you had of starting something up with him.

“Me too.” You hum solemnly when you deflate to lean into his side and rest your head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

He’s quick to shake his head and whisper a quiet “Don’t apologize.” When he wraps an arm around you and places a kiss to the top of your head.

You both walk away from that stakeout with heavy hearts but lighter shoulders and although it takes some time to heal you learn to show how much you care about each other in different ways.

Now he slings an arm around your shoulders when you’re getting unwanted attention on a night out.

You stay up drinking with him so he doesn’t have to brood alone after a particularly tiring day.

Soft touches and reassuring words come easier between you two.

Most importantly you’re both happy and you haven’t lost each other.

Marcus Pike

Marcus is a little less clueless.

He knows Asexuality exists and has a vague sense of what it is, he just doesn’t know a whole lot about it.

There’s not much pressure when you tell him.

It comes as a bit of a disclaimer early in your relationship and you try not to make a big deal of it. You just want to make sure that he’s aware as your relationship progresses.

Marcus, ever the sweet and compassionate boyfriend is attentive and understanding as you speak.

The words that seem to stick out in his mind come at the only point when the slightest bit of doubt weens it’s way into your voice, “I just wanted to make sure that that’s- that I’m enough for you.”

His heart stops and he’s overcome by a feeling of both shock and sorrow that you could ever think such a thing of yourself.

“Of course. Of course, you’re enough.”

“You’re more than enough. You’re… you’re everything.”

What you don’t see is the way that after this conversation he finds himself wracking up more and more questions that he’s too scared to ask you. Not because he’s afraid of the answer but because he doesn’t want to overstep or make you uncomfortable.

So naturally, he turns to the next best thing.

The internet.

What he fails to realize is how broad a spectrum of asexuality there is and all he gets is more and more confused.

Marcus accidentally develops a following on Aspec Reddit forums for trying to ask people questions and them all just going “aww, Hun” at this poor clueless bean and swooning over how much he cares about you.

Despite the enthusiasm and volume of their responses, they don’t really add much clarity beyond “Hey, maybe you should ask your SO”

Instead, he runs around treating you like glass while he tries to buck up the courage to actually talk to you about it until on a movie night as he awkwardly tries to contort himself around you so he’s cuddling you… without touching you, you finally snap.

“Marcus! What is going on?”

That’s when he finally and rather sheepishly admits that he wants you to tell him more about your sexuality.

“Oh.”

You pause the movie and give him your full attention as you try and talk him through as much as you’re able to explain until suddenly you’re stuck for an answer and you look up at him with rather watery eyes as you admit you have no idea and suddenly you’re the one having the existential crisis.

“Oh, oh no. It’s alright, we can figure it out together! Shhh, it’s all fine. Please don’t cry! Reddit didn’t tell me this would happen!”

“Who-ddit?”

Din Djarin

Coming out to Din is rather anticlimactic.

He doesn’t have much to say beyond “Okay.”

You’re a little confused at first.

That went… too well.

It’s a while later when he brings it up again that you begin to realize why.

There’s no hesitation or taboo, he’s quite straight forward when he asks why you were so nervous.

At first, you’re not so sure what to say. Wasn’t that kind of obvious?

“Not everyone takes it so well.” You shrug thinking back to past relationships where your partners seemed to expect you to give them more than you were willing to.

You could practically see the gears turning behind his visor and it’s only now that you connect the dots and his reaction from before seems to add up.

To him, that was the norm.

It makes sense the more you think about it.

In all the time you had spent travelling with him, all the objectively beautiful women, men and everyone else in between that had crossed your paths, all the slurs that had been thrown at him by drunkards in cantinas about how he fucks with all that armour on, all the rather compromising situations you had found yourself in with him before and you had never caught his gaze wander or heard him express any indication of interest in yourself or anyone in that way.

You had always put it down to his creed. As far as you were aware such things were forbidden for people of his faith but you’re left with an odd sense of comfort as you realized that wasn’t the case.

Perhaps this was his strange little way of letting you know you weren’t alone.

Ezra

When you met Ezra you were prepared for the worst.

A guy as cocky and loquacious as him and you just trying to keep your head down in the busy bar and enjoy your drink in peace after a rough day.

You didn’t have high hopes when he swung into the booth across from you and started down whatever elaborate story he had decided would impress you enough to get you into bed.

“It’s my missing appendage, isn’t it?” he asks when you quite clearly don’t bite.

He’s already moving to leave you be when your eyebrows knit together in confusion and your eyes blow wide as you’re hit with a sudden wave of guilt.

You had grown used to deflecting advances like this but something about the way he said it, the bold, charismatic man suddenly looking like a kicked puppy made your guts churn.

You didn’t normally give an explanation, you didn’t feel you owed anyone that, especially not a stranger and yet here you were.

“What? No! No, I actually think you’re very good looking and charming and all those things people look for in a partner, I’m just not particularly one for casual hookups.” You say looking around the room where you now felt wildly out of place with just about all of its inhabitants presumably looking to get laid or trying to forget someone they couldn’t do so with.

“...Or any hookups really.” You correct yourself and watch as the disappointed look on his face morphs into a glint of curiosity.

“You a uh- a spade?” He asks resettling into the booth, an oblivious smile settling on his cheeks when you laugh at him.

You spend until last-call deeply enthralled in conversation and comforted by one another’s company.

That’s all either of you were here for in the first place, to feel a little less lonely.

You’re only pried apart by the closing of the bar, the nag of sleep hot on your heels and the promise that this wouldn’t be the last you saw of each other.

Frankie Morales

Frankie knew you were asexual.

You had told him before, he just didn’t entirely understand what that meant until much later on.

He seemed familiar with the term but his knowledge of the concept didn’t seem to extend beyond a basic definition.

Frankie’s first wife was his first for a lot of things. First girlfriend, first kiss, first love, first lover, first breakup.

He took the divorce pretty hard, as anyone would.

They’d gotten married so young, before he was deployed, that the guys had never seen him single before and neither had he really.

It took a long time for him to recover and by then he was content. ‘not in a particularly big rush to start down the relationship path and get hurt again’ is how he had phrased it to you once in confidence.

But another factor that he failed to recognize fully at the time was that he just hadn’t found anyone he was interested in in that way.

He’d tried going on a couple of dates but none of them clicked and it just left him feeling more alone.

It was after Tom died, almost five years after his divorce that the guys finally called him on it.

At first they just assumed the way he had been acting was about Tom and in a sense it was, Tom was the only one who had been through a divorce before, he was the only one who really understood and talked him through it when the going got tough.

Will was the one to put the pieces together and realize that the issue wasn’t Tom so much as Frankie getting more and more tired of being on his own.

His intentions were well meaning. They were just trying to help.

All they wanted was to see him happy but the more the boys seemed to try and set him up, the more resistance they were met with and even Frankie couldn’t figure out why until he was sat, venting to you about it one night.

“How did you know you were ace?” He blurts out suddenly and you’re a little lost for words, you weren’t really expecting this conversation to go this way but it was obviously something he had been considering for a while.

“Sorry that wasn’t a fair question,” He says when he notices you’re struggling, “I just- they keep trying to set me up with, who I’m sure are some really great people, but it’s all on this little tiny screen and all you see are a couple photos and maybe a blurb if you’re lucky and there’s just no…”

“Connection?” You suggest. Those big puppy eyes shoot up to you from where they were fixed on the counter in front of him and he gives you a slight nod.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” He sighs and your heart breaks a little looking at him like that before you round the counter and pull him into a hug. “I’ve felt attraction before but I look at the guys and it feels like it takes so much more for me to get to that point than them.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you.” You assure him gently, brushing your fingers through his hair when you pull away to give him a reassuring smile. “Sounds like you could be on the asexuality spectrum.”

“There’s a spectrum?”

[masterlist]

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[ahogehope]

BlazBlue Alternative Dark War Nightmare Fiction Event English Translation (Part 8: At the Edge)

IT’S FINALLY OVER! -cue game over music-

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST:  I realize this isn’t getting as much (actually not much of any) traffic as opposed to the reddit posts, but I’d like to extend this request over here as well. I’d definitely like to continue working on translations for this game but am unsure whether I should jump right into the most current event (the Dark Mai one) or start on actual story content next. So my question is: what do you guys want to see more? Reply to this post or shoot me an ask or whatever it is tumblr does these days.

Crossposted from reddit just for a little more exposure.

This is part 8, or the ninth story quest in the event.

Previous parts can be found here: [Part 1-1, Part 1-2, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7]

Some notes:

- The default name of Rei is used for the player character and was selected as male at the beginning of the game.

- I’m still on the fence on if I should be using honorifics or not. Your opinion on the matter would be greatly appreciated.

Click here to be taken to a pastebin with the translated dialogue or look under the read more to read it here. 

Section 8 – “At the Edge” (TL: Read as “kazuaru hazama-nite”)

Kazuma This is...

Ciel It’s very similar to the room we found hidden beneath Ishana.

Raabe So... this is the “innermost part.”

Hazama Oh? What’s with you guys all of a sudden? You’ve all got this shocked look on your faces. Have you guys been here before?

>We’ve been somewhere like this before. Hazama Really? Normally I’d ask to hear more about what sort of place that was but... Hazama We’re not exactly in the best place to be taking our time, wouldn’t you agree?

>Never seen it before in my life. Hazama Hey now, don’t just leave me in the dark like that. Hazama You’ll just make me even more curious if you keep it a secret, y’know. Hazama But... now isn’t really the best time to get into that, is it?

Fuzzy Raabe’s right though. This is the innermost part you guys have been so keen on getting to.

Fuzzy You brought those six keys here so you could activate the elements... and finally escape.

Raabe What happens next then?

Fuzzy You’ll just have to find out for yourself, right? You will, won’t you? Really though, even I don’t have any idea what’s supposed to happen next. Ahahaha.

Raabe We don’t have much of a choice either way, it would seem.

Kazuma As soon as we activate the elements, all of the mana we’ve collected will activate with them and accumulate around us.

Kazuma Much more mana than we’re used to will gather together in one place.

Hazama Will that be problematic for us?

Kazuma There’s no reason why it should be. This is probably the perfect place for it actually...

Fuzzy If you’re gonna go ahead and start it up, I’d let Kazuma do it. Since he’s a magician he should be used to working with mana and the elements already.

Ciel Kazuma-san, would you be willing to activate the elements for us?

Kazuma I, uh, yeah, I can do that. That shouldn’t be too difficult.

Kazuma Let’s see here...

Hazama You’ve looked like you’ve had something on your mind for a while now.

Hazama I agree that Kazuma-san’s the best suited out of all of us to carry this out but... don’t push yourself if you don’t think you can handle it.

Hazama If we really have to we can always looks for another way to activate them...

Kazuma ......

Kazuma ...No.

Kazuma I can do it.

Raabe Hey, hold on...

Hazama Are you sure?

Kazuma Yes. Please, allow me.

[a green magic circle appears, surrounded by the six elements]

Hazama Oh my... I can already feel how the air around us has changed. Looks like you managed to pull it off without a hitch after all.

Ciel Is this... activated mana? But this feeling, where have I...

Raabe It can't be. This is...! Hey, Kazuma! Stop whatever it is that you’re doing!

Kazuma ......

Raabe Are you even listening!? Earth to Kazuma!!

Kazuma ...Ah... it’s just like I thought. I was wondering... if that’s what it was...

>What’s wrong, Kazuma-san? >Who are you talking to?

Kazuma Who...

[a dark green shadow with veins and one glowing eye starts to materialize]

Hazama Uuh, guh, ghh....

Ciel Hazama-san? Is something wrong?

Hazama Please be careful... Something’s... coming...!

[the shadow becomes fully visible]

Raabe Wh... What’s going on?

Fuzzy Hmm, I wonder what it could be～? What do you think?

Fuzzy What about you, Rei? What do your “eyes” see? You can see it, can’t you?

Raabe Don’t look. ...I guess that’s impossible, huh. Try not to focus as much as you can. This... isn’t a collection of mana.

Ciel Raabe-san, Rei-san! We’ve got a problem.

Ciel I’ve confirmed the appearance of the cauldron.

Ciel But... there’s nothing around here that looks like it could be the cauldron. And if there’s a cauldron here, then who is the Observer...?

Raabe They’re both right in front of us.

Ciel Eh? Wh-What do you mean?

Raabe The cauldron came into existence across this entire world the moment this guy appeared. In other words, that shadow... it’s the Observer.

Raabe It’s also the cauldron. There’s no other explanation for this sort of reaction. This much condensed seithr... this is the cauldron.

Hazama What’s that now? Seithr?

Hazama You mean what Kazuma-san’s magic is activating right now isn’t...

Raabe It’s not the elements or mana, no. It’s seithr!

??? Ahh～ god, you losers took fore～ver to show up.

Ciel !?

??? Shit though, you guys sure have been through a lot, huh? But thanks to you I can talk as much as I want again.

>The shadow spoke! ??? Kyahahahaha, just a shadow, eh... Well, I guess that’ll have to do for now.

>Who are you? ??? What, you wanna know my name? You really wanna know who I am? Sure, I’ll humor you...

Kazuma ...Yuuki Terumi...

Spirit Terumi Oops, looks like you beat me to it. But yeah, the kid’s right. Don’t go forgetting it, numbskulls.

Spirit Terumi Yuuki Terumi. That’s the name, folks.

Hazama You were lurking inside of me.

Hazama Earlier when we were fighting Saya-san, she said she had sensed something within me... I wasn’t entirely sure what she meant at the time.

Hazama I had no idea that it would turn out to be something like this.

Spirit Terumi Hyahahahaha! Damn, I didn’t realize you were so out of the loop, Hazama-chan.

Ciel So you’re familiar with Hazama-san as well.

Spirit Terumi Oh yeah, best of buddies, thickest of thieves, call it what you like but we’re rea～l intimate. In fact, I know all you guys.

Spirit Terumi You’re the morons who’ve been running all over the city doing my dirty work for me. Hyahahahahahaha!

Kazuma So you were... using us? Does that mean that Fuzzy-san was also...?

Fuzzy Can’t say I know about any of this. I’m only here to fulfill my role. Really I’m just a pawn here.

Fuzzy You guys are all just pawns too. But even the pawns are necessary in the end, right? It’s not really a game if all the pieces aren’t in order, after all.

Spirit Terumi The trap over here gets it. And now since you’ve been such good little slaves so far, how’s about you do me one last teensy-weensy favor...

Spirit Terumi And die for me, will you? Hyahahahahaha!

Raabe I see now. We’ve been playing right into his hands this entire time.

Raabe When Kazuma started the activation sequence, he wasn’t channeling the mana or the elements. He wound up summoning this guy instead.

Ciel No way... Then does that mean the whole story about escaping from the city was a lie?

Spirit Terumi Come on, even if I’m not that cruel. I’ll still let you guys out.

Spirit Terumi All aboard the Terumi express! Now serving a one-way trip straight into the Boundary! Just make sure to keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle, or you might lose them!

Hazama Are you always this egotistical?

Hazama Things may have gone your way up until now, but we’re not going to just stand here and let you do whatever you want.

Hazama ...It was wrong of me to bring you all this way when I sensed something was amiss, no matter how small it may have been.

Hazama Looks like I got you all mixed up in something undesirable after all... I’m really sorry, Rei-san.

Hazama But I don’t think I’ll be able to handle this one by myself. I’m afraid I must ask for your assistance one last time.

>Let’s all get out of here together. Hazama Thank you. I’m... truly glad to have met you.

>Let’s kick his ass and get the hell out of here! Spirit Terumi Ooh, someone’s a little touchy. That sort of enthusiasm is contagious, y’know.

Ciel Assuming combat position. All eyes on target. Ready when you are!

Raabe His form is still unstable. It’s hard to say if his existence has fully taken root yet or not.

Raabe The reaction he’s giving off is definitely strong but... he might not be able to use the full extent of his power the way he is now.

Raabe We need to strike before all of the seithr has finished gathering in one place. Let’s get this over with quickly.

Fuzzy Go, go! You can do it!

Hazama Are you ready for this, Kazuma-san?

Kazuma Ah, uh... Right.

Spirit Terumi Oh? You wouldn’t really team up against little ol’ me, would you? Heheheheh.

Hazama Well then. Let’s go, Terumi-san.

Spirit Terumi Guh, shit...! My power... no, none of this shit. None of it’s good enough!

Kazuma ......

Fuzzy Whoa. You guys really creamed him.

Hazama ...I think that shadow inside of me... Terumi-san detached himself completely from me during the course of that fight.

Hazama It’s the strangest feeling. It’s unsettling but also like a... weight’s been lifted, in a sense.

Spirit Terumi Ha, haha... Hyahahaha...! Damn, that really could’ve gone better.

Spirit Terumi I guess you win this one. I really lost to some lame spin-off side characters. Ain’t that right?

Kazuma Yes. I... think that’s what happened.

Spirit Terumi Heh, hahahaah! Yeah, them’s the breaks, huh. Tch, what a pain in the ass.

Spirit Terumi Man, this sucks... you’re really blue-balling me here. Taking on a bunch of pussies like you should’ve been a joke.

Spirit Terumi Sure screwed myself on that one.

Kazuma ...Please send us back.

Kazuma As long as you do that... I don’t think we’ll have to hurt you anymore.

Spirit Terumi Ha! Hurt me? You really think you can hurt me? Hyahaha, you don’t have a lot going on underneath that pretty face, do you, kid?

Spirit Terumi Don’t make me laugh.

Ciel Are you going to continue resisting?

Spirit Terumi Oooh, close but no cigar! This isn’t what you’d call resistance...

Spirit Terumi This is an escape!

[static]

Kazuma ...Ah. H-Huh?

Ciel This is...

>It’s Ishana! Kazuma Yes, this is Ishana. It’s the same place we were before we found ourselves in that strange city...

>Are we back? Ciel ...It would appear so. This is where we were standing before we were taken to that strange city.

Ciel But what does this mean? It’s safe to say that we took out the Observer but we weren’t able to destroy the Cauldron...

Ciel Regardless... we managed to escape the Phantom Field.

Raabe I still need to look into everything further so this is just a hypothesis for now, but...

Raabe I don’t think that city was an undiscovered Phantom Field.

Raabe It’s foundation was built on Ishana who had already lost its Observer.

Raabe Using the power of Observation, that shadow calling itself Terumi must have found its way in and overwrote things when it took over.

Kazuma So it was... re-Observed?

Raabe That’s exactly what it was.

Raabe In other words, we weren’t so much moved somewhere else as it was our surroundings themselves were changing before our eyes... That’s probably what happened.

Hazama Well, it was certainly an experience I could have lived without and I’m still not overly sure how any of it was possible but...

Hazama Everything worked out in the end, right?

Hazama We all made it out safe and sound. Let’s be thankful for that, shall we?

Hazama Ahh～, truly all’s well that ends well.

Ciel Hazama-san. And Fuzzy-san, too. The two of you came back to Ishana as well I see.

Fuzzy Bzzt, wrong answer. Really, did you hear a thing Raabe just said? None of us actually came back anywhere.

Fuzzy We were all just sort of displaced.

Ciel Ah, so we were. So then would Fuzzy-san and Hazama-san be considered foreign entities in this situation?

Raabe There’s no way to know for sure what the Phantom Field has classified them as but... that’s probably the case.

Raabe Neither of them are involved with Ishana.

Hazama Hmm～, while this place does look incredibly delightful, I’m afraid this isn’t where I belong.

Fuzzy Me either. I’m not getting any good vibes from the ambience around here. I don’t think I’d fit in very well.

Raabe ...Once a Phantom Field has been liberated of its Observer, any foreign materials left behind should gradually start to return to where they were originally from.

Raabe Here soon your existential information should be sent back to your own worlds.

Fuzzy I guess we’re stuck hanging around here until that happens, huh～.

Fuzzy Well, not like it matters. I’ve never been here before so there’s no harm in exploring a bit. Don’t you think?

[Fuzzy leaves]

Hazama And there he goes. I suppose it’s best to just let him have his fun while he can.

Hazama But more importantly... Rei-san, Ciel-san, Kazuma-san, Raabe-san.

Hazama Thank you all so much for your help.

Hazama When I was still wandering around all by myself, I was at a loss as to what I was supposed to do...

Hazama But as soon as I joined up with you guys, everything just sort of naturally clicked into place.

Hazama A lot happened back there, but I want you to know that from the bottom of my heart I’m grateful we were able to escape from that bizarre city.

Raabe ...Is that all you have to say? I can’t say I’m very convinced.

Raabe It still feels like you’ve been manipulating us this entire time.

Hazama Don’t be ridiculous! It must’ve been fate that I ran into you when I did. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.

Hazama I’d even go so far as to say that you saved me.

Hazama I’m honestly in your debt. If you ever need an extra hand for something, I’ll be sure to do everything in my power to help you out.

Hazama Then again... I can’t guarantee that the me you’ll encounter then will be the same as I am now.

Hazama Let’s do this the right way this time. My name is Hazama. It’s a pleasure to meet you.

Hazama Rei-san.

>Pleased to meet you.

Hazama Yes. I wish you all the best.

Ciel ......

Raabe ...We still need to head back and check the data to see if this was indeed the abnormality the System was detecting.

Raabe We’ve overstayed our welcome. Let’s return to base.

Kazuma ...I guess this is goodbye then.

Kazuma Hadn’t you said earlier that you couldn’t stay for long?

Ciel That’s correct. We’re still only outsiders in this world.

Kazuma ......

Kazuma ...I’m really glad I was able to see you again. Getting to spend more time together... it was really fun.

Kazuma I feel like I know myself a little better now.

Kazuma Thank you so much.

Ciel There’s no need to thank us. We were merely here for our mission.

Kazuma You’re as blunt as always, Ciel-san...

Kazuma ...I think I have my own perplexing “mission” in front of me... nevermind. Hang in there for me, will you?

Kazuma I’m rooting for you.

>Thank you. >Good luck, Kazuma-san.

[static]

Kagami Rei! Ciel! Thank god you guys made it back in one piece～!

Ciel Oh. You startled me. What’s the matter, Kagami-san? You seem out of sorts.

Kagami Well, what did you expect!? Almost as soon as you two got in you just fell off the grid!

Kagami I wasn’t able to pinpoint where either of were for a long time...

Kagami Your signals only reappeared inside Ishana’s Phantom Field a little while ago, y’know!

Kagami So what happened? Nevermind, it’ll be faster to get the answers from Raabe’s internal data.

Kagami Either way, I’ll get an investigation started. First you guys need to go get a medical check.

Kagami And watch yourselves this time, got it!?

Ciel Y-Yes, ma’am.

Kagami I  can’t let you out of my sight for even a second. Geez...

[Kagami leaves]

Ciel It would seem we’ve caused quite the stir in our absence.

Ciel Let’s head to the medical room. I’ll go with you, Rei-san.

Hazama So this is supposed to be the famous Ishana, huh? Now that I’ve finally gotten a good look at it, it truly is nothing more than a ghost town.

Hazama ...Well then. I wonder where I should be heading next? With the help of those suckers, I was able to remove the chain that was inside me.

Hazama I should be able to go just about anywhere now.

Hazama At any rate, Terumi-san is right back where he should be. Although I can’t say I’m overly thrilled that he left me to do all the grunt work by myself.

Hazama ...I would have been in quite the bind if it weren’t for that boy, though. Heheh.

Hazama But still, what a successful endeavor that turned out to be!

Hazama For me, for Terumi-san... Even for him.

Hazama “End Gazer”... The One Who Sees the End. I can’t wait to see how this will play out.

Kazuma ......

Kazuma Ishana... All these years here, and I still haven’t learned a thing.

Kazuma But... I feel like I finally know why I’m here... Just a little...

Kazuma I feel like I’m home.

https://imgur.com/a/VfNvhRF

[subarublue]

Where’s a Stud When You Need One?

One Shot

Fandom: Devil May Cry

Timeline: Not specified

Rating: Teen

Pairing: Dante x Reader (Reader’s gender not mentioned)

Word Count: 2255

Read on Ao3

Summary: “Babe, what’re you doing?”

“I’m trying to find a stud so I can hang this stupid thing up!”

“Well, there’s a stud right here that can hang it for ya!”

Notes: My attempt at humor. Hopefully, it’s at least somewhat funny. This was inspired in part by a discussion I saw on Reddit. I hope that’s okay. I’m still new to this whole writing bit and didn’t know if I needed to ask permission to use it as inspiration or not? Not sure who I would even ask anyway, lol. Oh well. I’ve given credit here so hopefully that’s enough. Not sure if all of it is true or not, but we’ll just pretend for the sake of this story, mkay?

You glared at the little device in your hand. It had been working properly the last time you used it, so why wasn’t it working now? Granted the last time you had used it was quite a while ago. In fact, it was probably about...okay, so you couldn’t exactly remember the last time you’d used it, but that couldn’t be the reason. No, of course not.

You placed the stud finder against the wall again, sliding it from left to right more slowly this time, waiting for that telltale “beep” that indicated the presence of a stud. You passed over the short length of the wall you were working with again for what felt like the one hundredth time. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. You let out a frustrated groan.

Your frustration finally caught the attention of the other person in the room. Dante looked up from the magazine he’d been reading at his desk. His feet were propped up on the wooden surface, which made it a bit awkward for him to turn around and look at you, but he managed.

“Babe, what’re you doing?” You could hear the confusion in his voice when he spoke. You glanced back over your shoulder at him to see his brows furrowed in a look of concern for you.

“I’m trying to find a stud so I can hang this stupid thing up!” You growled, gesturing at the large, heavy, framed mirror leaning against the couch. You turned back to the wall, staring it down as if you could see the studs inside it yourself with your nonexistent x-ray vision.

You heard the plop of the magazine landing on the desk and then your boyfriend’s boots hit the floor, followed by the screech of his chair sliding over wood as he stood.

Dante came up to stand next to you, first looking at the wall, then to the mirror, then at you. As soon as you saw the grin on his face, you knew something stupid was about to come out of his mouth. He gestured to himself, jabbing both his thumbs to his chest. “Well, there’s a stud right here that can hang it for ya!” he punctuated his statement with a wink.

“Not what I meant, Dante and you know it,” you practically growled at him. Normally, you would’ve laughed at your boyfriend’s cheesy one-liners, but you were just irritated enough that you didn’t find it funny this time and you simply glared at him. You really weren’t in the mood for this. Suddenly though, an idea on how to get back at him for his joke came to mind. A stud, huh? We’ll see about that.

Dante was unperturbed by your glaring expression, still smirking at you. That only made you more determined to poke a little fun at him. You still held the stud finder in your hand and you brought it up, holding it next to your face so it was now in his field of view.

Your glare morphed into a mischievous grin and he blinked in surprise at your sudden shift in mood. “So, think you’re a stud, do you? Why don’t we test that out?” You winked back at him.

To his credit, Dante didn’t budge when you suddenly shoved the seemingly defective device into his chest. Unfortunately, you didn’t even get a single moment of victory as the little device immediately let out that telltale “beep” you’d been trying to get for the past half hour on the wall. All you could do was gawk at the little gadget still held flush to his chest. The beeping continued as if it was mocking you; now you wanted to throw the stupid thing across the room.

“Soooo,” Dante drawled and you glanced up to look at him. You immediately regretted that when you saw the roguish grin now plastered on his handsome face and mentally prepared yourself for the teasing that was about to ensue. He paused for a moment, and wiggling his eyebrows at you, spoke over the incessant beeping of the little device, “Looks like it’s working, babe.”

You groaned again as you let your hand drop from his chest which cut short the stuff finder’s beep. There’ll be no living with him after this, you thought over-dramatically. You were back to glaring at him now. “No it’s definitely broken. Or maybe I just bought a moron finder on accident, instead.” You tried to get the ball back in your court for this, but the look on Dante’s face told you he wasn’t going to make it easy for you.

“No, I’m pretty sure it’s working perfectly.” He crossed his arms over his chest, still smirking, “And I can prove it to you.”

You scoffed at that, your tone haughty as you goaded him, “Oh, yeah? How?” You weren’t sure it was a good idea to take up his challenge, but you weren’t backing down either, so you were left with little choice.

Dante uncrossed his arms and held out a hand, silently asking you to hand over the device. You were almost reluctant, but you knew refusing would result in an automatic forfeit so you roughly plopped the little machine into his waiting palm. You weren’t sure how it was possible, but his grin got wider and it did nothing to quell the feeling of dread in your gut. “I’ll show you,” he said confidently.

He turned then and walked over to another section of wall nearby, stopping in front of it, then turned back to look at you. Smirk still in place, he held your gaze, eyes never leaving yours as he lifted the stud finder to the wall. He hadn’t moved it but an inch across the wall before the traitorous little thing started going off and your mouth fell open in surprise. “What the hell?!” Dante broke eye contact with you as he shook with laughter.

“Shit sweetheart, you should see your face right now!” He grinned triumphantly as his laughter settled down. “Guess you just don’t know a stud when you see one.” He wiggled his eyebrows at you again.

To say you were embarrassed was a bit of an understatement. You were pretty sure you were as red as his trademark jacket and you brought your hands up to hide your face from him in hopes of not giving him any more fodder for his teasing.

You heard the beeping of the stud finder come to a stop and then his footfalls as he strode back over to you. He set the device down somewhere (where, you didn’t know or really care at the moment), then felt his hands on yours, gently pulling them away from your red face.

“Don’t worry. I won’t hold it against you.” He was winking at you again. “I’ll just have to show you what a real stud is.” The wiggling eyebrows made a reappearance. You couldn’t help but laugh at it now, as ridiculous and cheesy as it was, realizing belatedly, that this was the end result he’d been going for the whole time. You’d been getting frustrated and he’d come over and put a smile back on your face, just like he always did.

As your laughter tapered off, you raised up on the tips of your toes to give him a peck on the cheek. “Thanks for that,” you said gently. His teasing grin softened into a warm smile at your gratitude. In the end, it seemed you were both winners.

You looked down and picked up the stud finder from where he’d laid it on the coffee table and stared at it with a resigned sigh, turning it over in your hand as you observed it. “I just don’t understand why it wasn’t working for me...” you were talking mostly to yourself, but that didn’t stop Dante from responding.

“Well, you see...” he trailed off, his hand coming up to scratch the back of his head with a sheepish look on his face, “You’re probably gonna have to find somewhere else to hang that if you need a stud.”

“Why?” You gave him a confused look.

He gestured to the area of wall you’d been working with as he spoke, “There’s not a stud in there.”

“WHAT?” He winced a bit as you raised your voice.

“Not sure why. Probably construction just cutting corners when they built the place and didn’t put any in. Or...well, it’s a pretty small section of wall so, maybe it didn’t matter?” he shrugged as he said this, like it was no big deal.

“You mean you knew that all along and you didn’t say anything!?” Your voice was still raised, though not as much as before. He had a bit of a guilty look on his face since, yes, he’d known from the start why your stud finder ‘wasn’t working properly.’

“Hey! You didn’t exactly tell me what you were doing.” He held his hands up in defense for a moment before continuing, “And, well, I think it’s kinda cute when you’re focused and working on a project like that,” he said as if it was a good excuse for not informing you of the problem sooner, “especially when you bend over.” He was back to grinning now and you rolled your eyes at that, annoyed. It didn’t deter him though, “Look at the bright side, babe...at least you know it’s not broken.” He cocked his head to the side with a smile and you found just couldn’t stay mad at him. He had cheered you up after all (even though he could have prevented your frustration in the first place).

“Gotta say though, I didn’t know those things could work on people.” he said curiously as he looked at the device in your hand.

“Well, it’s an electric one, not magnetic, so it makes sense that it would work on a person.” you said as you held it up.

When Dante didn’t respond at first, you looked from the stud finder to him, noting the confusion on his face. “What difference does that make?” The confusion was evident in his voice now too.

You dug into your mind to reach that well of useless knowledge lying around in there somewhere for a (hopefully) Dante-friendly explanation. “Electronic stud finders detect changes in the dielectric constant of the wall. It’s different when it’s over a stud rather than empty wall space.” At your statement, he only had a blank look on his face and you realized your explanation wasn’t as Dante-friendly as you’d hoped.

“So...does it measure the density of the wall, or something like that?” That was a fair assumption on his part, but not quite right.

“Not exactly. It measures how well an object allows an electric field to pass through itself.” You tried to explain it in the simplest way you could think of. There was a long moment of silence as you watched his face. He was no longer looking at you, staring at the floor instead, obviously trying to process that in his head.

Realization finally seemed to dawn on his face after a few moments, but whether it was from understanding or realizing he wasn’t going to understand, you weren’t sure yet. He finally looked up at you again. “Okay, I think I get what you’re saying, so yeah, makes sense why it would work on me. I am a big stud after all.” Dante just couldn’t stay serious for long, and you were fairly certain now that he didn’t get it all, but he had you laughing again, regardless.

“You’re such a dork! Of course it would work on you. Stud or not,” -he gave you mock hurt look at that- “you’re healthy so there’s no reason it wouldn’t.” Well, as healthy as a half-devil who ate almost nothing but pizza and strawberry sundaes could be. You were certain if he were completely human that his horrible diet would have killed him a long time ago.

“What does being healthy have to do with it?” His head was cocked to the side again with that same curious look on his face that you were coming to love more and more.

“Supposedly, if it doesn’t beep when you try it on someone, they could have a bone disorder.” You weren’t sure of the validity of that, but you’d heard it somewhere and it had stuck it your head like all the other tidbits of useless knowledge you had.

“Wait, really?” He looked surprised for a moment before his face slowly melted back into that roguish grin of his. “You mean like an erection lasting more than four hours?”

You groaned at him, “Not that kind of bone disorder!”

“What? I’m sure it’s a valid problem for a lot of guys out there.” He started to gesture to the stairs. “We could always go find out if it’s a problem for me.” He was winking at you again.

You gave him a deadpan look as he started backing away from you towards the stairs. He was throwing you what you assumed he thought was a sexy smirk. You couldn’t deny that it was working though, as you started following him, current project forgotten and out of mind. “Yeah, yeah, like I’d raise awareness for that disorder.” Your voice was dripping with sarcasm.

Dante remained unfazed, scooping you up bridal style and making his way up the stairs, not even missing a beat in his reply, “You’ll raise something, babe.”