#i forgot it was 4/13 up until like 3 hours ago

[k3ttu]

HAPPY HOMESTUCK DAY EVERYONE!!!

[purplesurveys]

1850

1 - When was the last time it snowed where you live? Do you like snowy weather or is it just a pain? Uh... Anyway, cold weather is definitely preferred. We're reaching high 40s now and will still go up to the 50s in May, and it is not only uncomfortable but also starting to get very inconvenient.

2 - Are you expecting any parcels in the mail right now? Not for a while. I ordered J-Hope's album but was already informed in advance that I probably won't get it until June since my shop ships stuff from Korea in bulk. Which is fine. With BTS on hiatus I've considerably calmed down when it comes to merch lol.

3 - How long is it until your birthday? Do you have any plans for the day? Like, 363 days haha. I just celebrated my 26th last Sunday, and all I did was watch a Spongebob movie with my sister in the morning, slept all afternoon, then went to my favorite hotel buffet for dinner with my family.

4 - What was the last thing you had to drink? Coffee. The Spanish latte I got tonight had a cracked lid so my jeans are now all soaked.

5 - Do you need to do any laundry right now? Yup.

6 - Who was the last person you got a notification from on social media? Is this person a close friend of yours? That would Alex, just a dude related to work. No, I wouldn't call him a friend but he is genuinely one of the nicest people I know.

7 - Do you regularly buy things on credit? If so, how much do you owe on credit cards right now? No. I got a surprise credit card in the mail a few weeks ago (I say 'surprise' because apparently I said yes when I got surveyed years ago...? then I just forgot about it I guess LOL), but I absolutely refuse to use it. It's not even activated yet. I don't want to form a habit around paying things on credit.

8 - When was the last time you got a call from an unknown number? Did you answer or call them back? Can't be bothered to check when exactly, but I know it was a few weeks ago. I probably answered it because at the time I knew it would be someone work-related calling.

9 - When was the last time you got off work early? What was the reason and did you do anything fun with your extra free time? I don't do that, I always do the full 8 hours. Earlier this month though I did file a morning leave to attend a watch party for Wrestlemania.

10 -  What do you typically eat for Christmas Dinner? Are you the one who cooks or does a family member do the cooking? My family is never consistent when it comes to Christmas spreads lmao, it's always different meals every year! For the longest time it was my mom and grandma who did the cooking; but now that I could afford to treat my family (and can't cook hah) I buy platters and trays of all kinds of stuff so that everyone can get what they want.

11 - What time did you wake up this morning? Did you get out of bed right away? I needed to wake up earlier since I already had a meeting scheduled for 9 AM. I think I started to wake up around 7:30.

12 - Do you have any plans for the weekend? Are these plans typical for a weekend or are you doing something different? Saturday will be for rest as I have back to back events on Sunday. I'd say at this point it is pretty typical for work to eat up what little free time I have - it also comes with the higher role - but I'm hopeful this phase would stop soon. I have no weekend events booked yet for May onwards so that's looking like a good sign.

13 - Would you like to work a job that involves going in and out of other people’s homes all day? (Like care work, painter, decorated etc.) That'd be cool, but I wouldn't know what kind of related job would fit me best. I did always have an interest in interior design – I like trying to look into people's living rooms when we drive by them in the village (but tbh this is also because I live around rich people and they all have super big minimalist mansions lol), and when I was younger all I wanted to do in GTA was to have a cheat code that would let me in people's homes lmao.

14 - When was the last time you had an injury? Was it a minor cut/scrape or something more serious? What happened? Sprained my ankle two years ago. I had one drink too many and ended up tripping in a bad way over some steps on my birthday, hehe... 15 - Do you ever watch movies or TV shows that require you to read subtitles? I mean I like having subtitles around in general. It's obviously helpful when watching foreign-language shows/movies, but even for English I prefer having them turned on because I hate it when actors mumble or have too-thick accents.

16 - What accents are your favourite? Don't have any.

17 - How many people have you texted today? Are these people friends, family members or something else? People I've messaged today, outside of work, would be Angela, Lei, my mom, and sister. 3 out of 4 of these people are family.

18 - Are you any good at DIY? What was the last DIY project you finished? I'm not good at any DIY or arts or crafts, period.

19 - When was the last time you had a haircut? When was the last time you dyed your hair (if you ever have)? Hair cut: Year and a half ago. Dye: Around six months ago.

20 - Do you prefer wearing tight-fitting or loose-fitting clothes? I prefer the baggy/oversized fit now.

21 - Are you currently warm, cold or just right? Is the heating or air conditioning on to contribute to that feeling? I'm quite warm, but it's not as bad as the TERRIBLE weather earlier today. It's evening so it's a lot more manageable, but that's not to say I've stopped sweating because I still fucking am.

22 - What was the last piece of good news you received? Was it expected? Pharmacist licensure exam results came out today and I saw that my cousin passed. Yes, I always knew she was going to kill it.

23 - What colour socks are you wearing right now? Maroon.

24 - Do you prefer hot coffee or iced coffee? What about hot tea or iced tea? Iced coffee, iced tea.

25 - What are some of your favourite Christmas songs? What time of year do you start listening to Christmas music? Christmas Love by Jimin :) Kelly Clarkson also has that bubbly song but I'm blanking out on the title. I usually start to listen around the 2nd week of December, then go into overdrive between the 24th and 25th haha.

26 - If you see cats wandering about in the street, do you stop and fuss them? No.

27 - Speaking of cats, do you own a cat? Are they a particular breed or just a moggie? Would you ever want a specific breed of cat at all? No.

28 - When was the last time you moved furniture around to clean behind or underneath it? Do you need someone’s help in order to do that? Just a few weeks ago. No, it's just a decorative chair in the living room so it's easy to move around.

29 - Do you have any medications that you need to take daily? Is this something you’re going to have to do for the rest of your life? I don't.

30 - Do you know how to start an open fire and keep it burning without using loads of wood? Is this a skill you use on a regular basis at all? I don't know how to start fire.

[kholden83]

I posted 12,046 times in 2022

22 posts created (0%)

12,024 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@the-gayest-dovah

@maximum-mom

@stabbyflower

@straycatj

@farm-paws

I tagged 2,013 of my posts in 2022

#pet rat - 232 posts

#should probably tag this 'personal' or something - 36 posts

#unreality - 29 posts

#huh - 20 posts

#signal boost - 19 posts

#wow - 17 posts

#yeah - 16 posts

#fictional pet care - 12 posts

#some original content - 12 posts

#hmm - 11 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and it only came up because of that school in brisbane that tried to suddenly tried to add a bunch of anti-gay stuff to their previously ba

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I'm sure we all know the post about cleaning with ADHD that suggests "Junebugging", an attitude to cleaning that as long as something is being cleaned, progress is being made, so don't worry if you somehow cleaned the kitchen table instead of the shower?

Anyway, I just junebugged my way into cleaning the outside of the front door.

I put some washing (US:laundry) on, and to help it dry (I usually hang it inside) put my hygrometer outside to see if it was worth opening up. It was only 60% outside, to inside's 70%, so I wandered around opening windows.

Kitchen window had somehow got locked, so I got the Complete house keys, which live on a lanyard, to unlock it. (I have a copy of the door key on my bike key chain, so I don't need the Complete set often)

Lanyard was mouldy somehow, so I hung it on the doorknob to wipe it over with isopropyl alcohol.

After that, the bit of the door that got wiped incidentally was way cleaner, and showing up how dirty the rest of the door was, so I got some wipes out and cleaned that too. For the first time since I lived here, some 5 years now.

After I typed that, I looked up the original post to just double check, and it defined junebugging a little differently to how I had recalled it, but my thinking here was inspired by it.

Anyway, after that, I'd accidentally removed one more wipe from the packet than I needed for the door, and my grubby fingers had got it dirty, so I cleaned the light switches. The one in the kitchen was filthy, I'm not sure it had ever been cleaned, tbh.

3 notes - Posted April 20, 2022

#4

I finally got around to scheduling my COVID booster. I very cleverly scheduled it for a Monday afternoon, shortly after my daycentre finishes to save a trip into Town, and before I have a couple of days with nothing on, just in case I have side effects.

Only. I forgot that today is a public holiday, and my day centre is closed, so I don't save a trip into town, and there is in fact a small possibility that the chemist itself won't be open, and the website just let me schedule for this arvo because the public holiday hadn't been programmed in. I did actually mean to ring up and check, but I forgot.

I could have rescheduled for next week, but I've already put it off for months, so I decided to just go anyway

3 notes - Posted June 13, 2022

#3

ARGH! Four electorates still in doubt in the whole country, and one of them is mine. I just want to know who our MP is!

4 notes - Posted May 27, 2022

#2

Well, it finally got me. I have COVID.

I'm at camp, and woke up this morning feeling like a truck hit me, and left a buncha sludge in my lungs.

So I left the cabin, and hung out on the verandah until someone in authority woke up so I could ask for a test. Which was positive. Really positive, the line was really clear before it even finished developing.

Currently back on the verandah, waiting for a family member to come retrieve me.

About an hour ago I coughed so hard I puked.

5 notes - Posted December 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I am so just over all this rain

Not as much as the residents of Lismore, I guess, but even without dangerous flooding this is too much water.

6 notes - Posted March 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[maryellencarter]

1. haha no

2. Probably Leia

3. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA let's say there are a surprising number of choices I don't regret

4. Duh, who isn't on this bitch of a website

5. I has a Leia

6. Painlessly and after having done as much fun shit as possible

7. Strawberry cheese danish

8. Soccer. A little baseball but I don't run well enough.

9. Yup

10. Huh. Longer ago than I realize. I'm always *ready* to fight but it hasn't been necessary in many years

11. I like many people. If the question is "do you have a crush on someone", no

12. 60+, for my sins. There's a point where you get paranoid hallucinations keeping you awake even further

13. Oh yeah, I contain multitudes

14. So many people

15. No. Pets, like children, are too much of a responsibility for me. I like them if their humans will take them away again

16. Sleep deprived. I forgot to charge my CPAP battery and the nightclub across the street is on its usual Saturday night backbeat

17. Have not made out at all

18. I would like them to stay away from me but I'm as scared of hurting them as I am of them hurting me

19. I honestly don't know. I'd miss so many friendships if I did anything different. Causality is weird

20. I have not snogged someone, at least if I understand the term properly (open-mouth kiss?)

21. Be sleep deprived. And hopefully get back to my food stamps application

22. No. I am not psychologically able to be a good parent.

23. None currently. I got my earlobes pierced once but they never healed properly

24. Oh, English by a country mile. Spelling, grammar, analysis, writing, you name it.

25. Yeah

26. Sleep. Also for the temperature to stop getting so cold I have to break out the electric blanket

27. Great question. He probably thought I did? I think it was just his ego. He's obviously over it

28. Not technically, that I know of. Leia has other datemates but we agreed to that up front, and she doesn't have anyone else in my role. And the best we can figure, John dumped his previous ex mere hours before propositioning me, so not *technically* cheating?

29. Oh, probably. Hopefully. He deserved it

30. The difficulty of doing stuff "in bed" comfortably when your bed is a reclined driver's seat of a car

31. She says she does 🥰

32. Blue

33. BWAHAHAHAHA being fair i fucking earned them

34. I don't remember dreams much since I lost my job and don't have to get up on an alarm anymore. I think it was a stress dream about what if my new phone broke

35. Define "in front of". I last cried in a conversation with Leia, but it was over text. Generally I can't cry in front of people unless I'm so overloaded with stress that I shouldn't even *be* around people

36. Yep, right up until I snap and it's zero chances ever again

37. I have a near-eidetic memory and a deeply ingrained aversion to the ways forgiveness gets demanded of victims. I will take option three, "hit the bricks"

38. Christ, it better fucking not be. I deserve better than this

39. I was 36

40. Yeah

41. ... questions 41 through 50 appear to be missing, huh

51. Hard to choose, but Panera mac and cheese is right up there

52. No, and anybody who tries that shit on me in person can get cornered into a trauma-dump that won't end until I lose my voice

53. Turned on my CPAP machine

54. Really depends on the definition of cheating, and also whether you're talking about in relationships or on tests. There are plenty of people to whom any nonmonogamy is cheating

55. No. I'm too softhearted

56. Dear lord, I lost count by the time I was three. This is why I'm kind of baffled that it's been so long

57. Strongly depends on your definition. True as in faithful? As in one-and-only? As in at-first-sight? Something else?

58. "October's bright blue weather"

59. Hell yes. I missed it so much when I lived out Southwest

60. Not for legal purposes, but I'd like to have a handfasting or similar ceremony someday if we can ever afford it. I get jealous when my friends get married because I want to also have a day that's all about how much we love each other. And a really fancy dress

61. When Leia does, sure. Or a Southerner or drag queen who can pull it off. Random old men hitting on me, no

62. Lots of things. Music. Sunshine. Thunderstorms. Knitting. Geology. My shows and blorbos. Leia

63. Already have done and will again

64. Not clear on the question. If she was here it would be very easy for me to kiss her. But she is not here, and it would be more difficult for other people to kiss her

65. My best... look, opposite *sex* is a complicated enough concept when I'm technically intersex... but if you go to "best friend of the opposite AGAB", I think I only have three or four friends at most who fit the description? And my first thought is the one I've known the longest, who... I don't think does relationships? He certainly doesn't talk about them. So I just go sort of brain-broken out of the starting gate and do not have an answer. I suppose for argument's sake we'd discuss it like grown adults, as we have other things?

66. This quiz has gone weirdly heterosexual, huh. Same definitions as before, same friend has seen (and encouraged) me being on my bullshit for what has to be about fourteen years now, it'd have to be something pretty stiff to override that

67. I have absolutely no fucking idea? I mean, I was talking to Logan at the beginning of this quiz, he dropped by to poke me about being too attached to my regrets because that's one of his things. But he's fictionary and also in my head

68. That really depends on how you define deep. Maybe Kat?

69. I'd better, I have one ^_^ I've always been really against the concept of soulmates, because what if you never find them? Any relationship can work if both parties put in the effort. And yet... here she is, exactly what I wanted from the time I knew I wanted anything, exactly who I knew was missing and ached to find. I never used to want to believe in reincarnation because my life was so miserable that any other incarnation would have been preferable, but now I hope I find her in every life

70. Yeah, but she'd kick my ass for it 😘 I have to go on living and enjoy life, even if I lose her. That'll be infinitely harder. (I don't think I could write again. That or I'd go back to writing 500-word depression vignettes)

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[the-music-keeper]

Happy 2024!

Alright. So, quick updates. Comps are this semester. My thesis needs to be deposited this semester. I find out whether I got into either of the PhD programs I applied to this semester.

Basically, everything is happening this semester. It's fine.

But I'm back at home, I'm back at the job I had two years ago, and I'm taking trains to and from DC for class. It's great -- I like trains, and when I focus I actually get a lot done on the train. It's built-in study time.

Also, I'm thrilled to say that my last UT Austin rec letter was finally sent in on Monday night. That two weeks felt more like an eternity.

Anyway. I have a heck of a to-do list this week.

Musical Diplomacy/Book History Seminar

1. Read an article. (By my advisor.)

2. Read an essay. (Also by my advisor!)

3. Look at a score PDF. (Yeah, I'm not printing that.)

Theory

4. Look over slides before class. (They got posted today, so I went ahead and looked over them.)

Thesis

5. Finish my lit review. (Technically, I sent it yesterday, but there was one really important body of literature I looked at that I haven't addressed in the lit review yet.)

6. Finalize my case studies. (I definitely know what four of them are going to be.)

Comps

7. Fill out the form and send it to my advisor. (I really needed to do this last week.)

8. Make a plan for studying. (Any tips would be SUPER useful.)

9. Order the textbook for one of my past courses through the Consortium. (So I can pick it up on Monday.)

Research Assistantship

10. Program notes. (Well, at least I got them in by the end of the business day.)

Doctoral Programs

11. Research four faculty at Indiana. (Your girl got invited to a virtual interview day in a couple weeks and found out who she gets to meet!)

Latin American Music Center

12. Figure out an article topic. (Somehow I've gotten myself roped into writing articles for the Latin American Music Center this semester.)

13. Send a headshot and bio so they can post a blurb about me. (Forgot about this until literally two hours before I needed to send it in.)

Adulting

14. Laundry. (My sheets and clothes are all nice and clean!)

15. Clean my bathroom. (All clean!)

16. Clean the kitchen stainless steel. (My family recognizes me as the queen of cleaning the stainless steel.)

17. Gym trip #1. (I have a Y membership now, which is cool! My first trip of the week is happening tonight.)

18. Gym trip #2. (I ended up doing a step class.)

19. Gym trip #3. (Ended up with a buddy!)

Now if I can just refrain from going down rabbit holes @q-berts-mind tells me about (*hint hint*) ... I should be fine.

[avocado-frog]

Dahlia. 10

sorry about the spam posting i'm trying to get caught up. curses to everyone who voted "update dahlia" on the make me write tag

I keep posting these and forgetting the link lmao -Ao3 link

-It's the Leo backstory chapter!!

-I spent a whole goddamn hour trying to make sure this lined up with the timeline

Segment one- 7/29/2008 -The twins are five, the triplets are about three months old -Using Leo's full name felt like I was writing an entirely different character -My confession is that this chapter was written back in May, and I didn't learn to play go fish until two weeks ago when a six-year-old beat me four times (she was cheating) -It's edited to make it less obvious that I didn't know how to play go fish when I was writing it. I thought it was like solitaire?? As if a game for little kids would be like solitaire ever at all?? -Olivia>>

Segment two- 4/2/2009 -Twins are six now -They just got stolen -"She could count on one hand the amount of times she'd even seen her aunt, and that was impressive, because she could count really high up." Baby Leo <3 she can count to like 80

Segment three- 4/5/2009 -Logan and Lily!!! Love them -Logan's probably around 13, Lily's 5 -The way I forgot Logan had a sister -The way I also forgot that Lily's full name is Lilith

Segment four- 4/10/2009 -OH THANK GOD it was physically paining me to write Leonie -(chewing on drywall) they gave each other nicknames and they kept those nicknames even though Leo forgot everything else and-

Segment five- 5/14/2011 -The twins are eight now -Logan, Jasmine, and Lily all left and if the twins hadn't forgotten then they'd have grown up thinking that they were dead anyways :(

Segment six- 5/30/2011 -Leo was out for like two weeks -Emily (derogatory) -Oh No

Segment seven- 9/29/2011 -The twins are color-coded red and green -THEY'RE BOTH AFRAID OF LOUD NOISES AND THEY DONT REMEMBER WHY GEGEGRGRGGR -Autistic Leo real -So it's canon that their magic develops after a big stress and Leo's was after one day at school and honestly-

Segment eight- 10/23/2011 -Their ninth birthday!! -Kai debut the littlest guy ever -He's like. eight i think

Segment nine- 10/17/2013 -It says age ten but it's a week before they're eleven -Leo got into a fight for attention -emily for the love of god pay attention to your hostage she's about to develop a personality disorder -Marcy's brief cameo <3

Segment ten- 11/19/2014 -The twins are twelve -The twins are no longer friends also -Leo almost gets arrested -"That was what she wanted, wasn't it?" NO -How obvious is it that i don't know card games

Segment eleven- 6/17/2016 -The twins are thirteen -Girl you GOT him!! he's fucking dead!! that was unnecessary!!! -ASPD Leo is real

Segment twelve- 10/31/2018 -They're sixteen -Forget-me-not canon

Segment thirteen- 1/14/2019 -Leo's dynamic with the kids >>> -"Snowmen, I'm familiar with the concept." -Leo says "hold your horses" -ELLIOT!! Alive and well!! He demands apple cider -Sam wants to be like his sister :((

Segment fourteen- 3/20/2019 -I'M SORRY!! -Leo's beef with Jaxon sort of explained -Leo's just trying to find someone to blame

Segment fifteen- 4/20/2019 -The fight :( -Leo leaves

Segment sixteen- 5/11/2019 -Ryan's nightmare but Leo is too Leo to know what to do about it -"Silently, she cursed the weather for doing this to him."

Segment seventeen- 10/23/2019 -Coincidentally the seventeenth segment is the twin's seventeenth birthday -Hope you're excited for the Cass backstory chapter when I parallel the shit out of this

Segment eighteen- 6/14/2020 -They're still only seventeen -Anyways: the present -Dylan and Ryan are basically possessed by Elliot right now so that's cool -Leo has to deal with it tho -There was a deleted segment where Leo used to play softball to explain the baseball bat she uses, but I don't know shit about softball and didn't want to try. Anyways, Leo played softball in 7th grade -Leo finally calls the others, does not mention the part about the kids being possessed

[redrobyn285]

15 QUESTIONS

Thanks so much for the tag @jfleamont 🥰

Alright, let's go:

1. Are you named after anyone?

No. Although my name is a variation on my grandmother's name. My dad, her son, chose it. I was born after she'd passed so I can carry this little connection to her with me.

2. When was the last time you cried.

About 5 minutes ago. I am definitely on the Cho Chang side of the spectrum when it comes to crying. It's cathartic!

3. Do you have kids?

Yes. Two gorgeous, squishy munchkins.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

So I spent about half an hour trying and failing to come up with a sarcastic answer to this so I guess the answer is: I try to 🫥 (and, no, the crying didn't have anything yo do with this.)

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

I think it's how they're dressed 😬

6. What's your eye colour.

Hazel. It used to be "bluey green with some yellow in it" until I spent solid 2 hours of my life (no regrets) trying to find out what James Potter's eyes looked like. I mean, I'm still not sure what hazel eye colour is but let's just go with it.

7. Scary movies or happy ending

100% happy ending. I hate scary films. When I am forced to "watch" them, I have to cover my eyes (and, yes, sometimes ears) and demand people tell me what's going on but, you know, in a nice way, using bunny and flower descriptions. When I was 14, I snuck into a cinema with my friends to watch What Lies Beneath (which apparently isn't even that scary - yeah, right) and I was so scared I forgot to chew the gum in my mouth and it melted! Did you know gum could melt?! Trying to get that out of my teeth was the end of my scary firm career, thank you very much.

8. Any special talents?

I can sing and play classical guitar.

9. Where were you born?

Czech Republic 🇨🇿

10. What are your hobbies?

Nothing wild - reading, fandom, art exhibitions and I love the theatre/opera/ballet, although the opportunities for that are scarce these days.

11. Do you have any pets.

Sadly not. I'd love a cat.

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

I'm rubbish at team sports but I love a bit of gym, yoga, cycling, and I am a decent skier.

13. How tall are you?

162 cm / 5'3

14. Favourite subject at school?

History.

15. Dream job?

An art historian. Ideally a museum curator or some sort 🙃 Who knows, maybe I'll requalify one day and follow the dream.

Tagging @practicecourts @nat-reads-jily @mabeltothknows @maraudersftw

[eorzeashan]

15 questions, 15 mutuals

Thank you for the tag @cinlat, I completely forgot about this until I saw another moot do it! OTL

1. Are you named after anyone?

Nope! My names were unique to me as far as I know, though the closest I can say is that my mom saw the English name on a clothing brand and thought it sounded nice.

2. When was the last time you cried?

A few days ago after finishing the Agent story because of the emotional ending which is embarrassing to admit but I already wailed for 3 days straight on here so it's no news to anyone ahahaha.

3. Do you have kids?

I am the kid.

Just kidding. No, I only have my dog which my mom frequently calls my baby.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I think so? Like the "road work? I sure HOPE it does" kind, and mostly to myself or to bully one of my best friends instead. Sarcasm is fun to use in good spirit.

5. Favorite time of day?

It's a tie between morning and night excluding 12 am - 7 pm because those are my free hours, and I always look forward to my coffee and wind-down routine.

6. Eye color?

Brown! But I've been told they can change even darker in certain circumstances. I love dark eyes.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Hoo. Depends on the mood: I'm a huge horror buff as a goth, but there's so many bad horror movies that I end up laughing at instead and life is so full of sorrows that sometimes I want to feel good, you know? Scary with a happy ending though...now that's a rare treat.

8. Any special talents?

Is sleeping a lot a talent- *shot* I don't uh. I don't know. What counts as a special talent?

9. Where were you born?

This one's a little personal so let's just say south-central of US of A. Unfortunately.

10. What are your hobbies?

Writing, gaming, watching anime and other interesting shows, reading, yadda yadda, a lot of sedentary stuff. There's probably more I can say to this but I can't think of them off the top of my head. I like visiting new food places and reviewing them as well.

11. Do you have any pets?

A shih-tzu and a terrapin turtle, my beloved creachers. My dog is my best friend, and he has a such a unique personality that he makes every day with him a joy; my friends joke he's like an alien or a cartoon creature/nintendog come to life. My turtle is honestly just as strange, given she's the most active turtle I've ever seen.

12. What sports do you/have you played?

I've dabbled in a lot in the past, but never stuck to many due to my condition. I can say the ones I keep now are surfing, though! It's my favorite sport/hobby even if I can't do it regularly. Others include fencing, archery, Tae Kwon Do, swimming, hip hop on occasion, and basketball. Wow, that's a lot of combat.

13. How tall are you?

5'8.5", I've recently caught up to/surpassed my dad but he's in denial. Being tall is nice because I always make fun of my shorter friends who all proceed to stack on each other like gnomes and then hit me (figuratively).

14. Favorite subject in school?

English and History, though my experiences with them were always a mixed bag depending on the teacher. Sometimes I liked them the least just because of how they were taught.

15. Dream job?

Yeesh. I've struggled with that question all my life; I'm still looking for the answer, and it'd really be anything that offers me security while not killing me out of stress. I think coding or writing full-time would be a dream for me, however unlikely.

Tagging: Whoever looks at this ;) *smacks you* you're it.

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Alright, I’m about to continue my S15 watch with S15E18 “Spence’s Choice - Part Two”. I’m excited for even more Michael Spence content.

Edit 1: Oh, it’s a Martin Jameson episode. :/ I still haven’t forgotten him defending the whole Puppetgate thing a few years ago (if you want to know what I mean, look up the play All In A Row, but prepare yourself for ableism... yep, Martin Jameson defended that play).

Edit 2: Oh, the mother of the boy from the previous episode is here as a patient!

Edit 3: Speaking of mothers, here’s Serena’s! I won’t lie, I briefly forgot Serena exists after she wasn’t in the previous episode. For a moment there I just thought AAU at this point was just Michael, Sacha, Chrissie, and Gemma, haha.

Edit 4: Ric saying Serena not being on the ward is good news is relatable. Also, Serena’s wearing her bi cardigan that I never noticed until I saw it pointed out a few months ago. (Obviously, as someone who doesn’t like Serena, I don’t give a lot of attention to what she wears, lol.)

Edit 5: Ollie is a Coldplay fan!

Edit 6: Henrik!!!!!

Edit 7: Ah, here’s Hamish, the med student from a couple episodes ago.

Edit 8: I love Tara.

Edit 9: Serena seriously talked a patient out of having his operation so that there would be a free slot for her mother?? What the fuck?? That’s a proper Henrik-level move and I don’t say that as a compliment.

Edit 10: I love Henrik’s pink shirts.

Edit 11: Aaand plot twist: the kid Michael was concerned was being abused actually most likely has brittle bone disease. Okay then. For all they were going on about how rare it is, it doesn’t seem very rare in the Holbyverse, does it?! I swear the “kid shows up with injuries, the doctors assume the parents are abusing the kid, kid actually has brittle bone disease” storyline has been done over and over again.

Anyway, I theoretically have time to finish watching this episode since there’s only like 10 minutes left anyway, but I have stuff I should probably be doing so I guess I’ll finish this ep in an hour or so, before Eastenders comes on.

Edit 12: Right, let’s finish some Holby. (As some BBC exec probably said on the 2nd of June 2021. 😂)

Edit 13: I can’t really say I’m that interested in this Serena stuff.

Edit 14: Aw, Michael on the phone to his daughter!

Edit 15: I love Gemma giving Michael good advice. <3

Edit 16: Hamish has withdrawn his bullying complaint against Elliot. That’s convenient. 😂

[minniepetals]

Author dear we need next part of genie drabble Please 💜🙏

part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5 / part 6 / part 7 / part 8 / part 9 / part 10 / part 11 / part 12 / part 13 / part 14 / part 15 / part 16 / part 17

Falling invisible to everyone else but your owners, you fly straight into the meeting room you know everyone’s in this morning. How long has it been since they tucked you into bed and left for such meeting? You think they’ve been in here for a few hours now.

Either way you fall excited once you finally see them once more, Namjoon right in the forward center of everything, his expression stoic and serious as he speaks words you have no clue about, pausing for a split second when he catches sight of your floating figure flying right in without a care before picking his sentence back up as if nothing happened.

“Sorry,” you whisper under your breath, knowing no one can really hear you but still feeling the need to as you scurry into the corner of the room, eyes searching around to find where the rest of the boys are.

Once you catch sight of them, you rush on over but more carefully this time, knowing flying around on your own will will only distract Namjoon who’s speaking. Jungkook takes his hand off the desk and brings it to the side to make room for you, who happily takes her seat on the desk.

After a while of trying to focus on Namjoon’s words, you fall bored before proceeding onto find entertainment by playing with your hair.

A genie’s hair can be as long and as short as you’d like it to be, so for the meeting you decide to braid a long braid as it rests against your shoulder, plucking pretty flowers out of thin air before sticking them into your hair.

It’s pretty, you say to yourself, and eventually you get too engrossed with your hair braiding that you don’t even realize when the meeting has already ended and everyone had already packed their stuffs up to leave.

“Y/N.” Until you hear a familiar call of a familiar name and you instinctively look up at Yoongi’s call. He smiles when you answer to him. “Seems the name does fit well,” he says and your eyes light up as you remember them giving you a name just this morning.

“Ah! That’s right! I almost forgot!” You say as you flick your now long braided hair off your shoulder and stand up to join them, not caring to mind how the room was filled with scared men just moments ago. “It’s a pretty name!”

Taehyung chuckles at the sight of your long hair and gently pats your head. “Alright, Repunzel, seems you were that bored, huh?”

“Repunzel?” You cutely tilt your head to the side. “Is that another fairytale?”

“It is.”

“I should really catch up on some stories to keep up with your references. In the meantime,” you hold your hand out to Taehyung, a bright grin plastered on your face, “Hello! Nice to meet you, my name’s Y/N.”

Cute.

Taehyung accepts your handshake. “Hello, my name’s Kim Taehyung.”

You giggle as you shake his hand but falling too excited that you manage to shake it way too hard and too fast and for much longer than needed.

“Alright, little lamp,” Hoseok says as he takes your hand away from Taehyung, “shake a stranger’s hand like that and they’ll eventually get too ticked off by you.”

“Oh, really? Was it too much?”

“Add a little less force and a little less shaking. Handshakes also should not last that long, only for a second or two.” He tilts his head towards Taehyung. “Try again.”

You turn back to the younger man to try again and when Taehyung accepts your handshake once more, you do it in a more respectable manner. “Was it right? Did I do it right?” You ask when the two of you let go and look up towards Hoseok for approval.

He nods. “That’s right, good job” he says with a light pat on your head.

You smile happily at the praise. “I wanna practice more!”

With that, you go down the line to shake each of their hands and eventually after getting to everyone, you let out your burst of energy once more, flowers popping out of your hair as you spin around upon completing the first practice of what it means to be human.

“By the way, Y/N.” Jimin holds your shoulder as he looks you straight in the eyes, falling more serious than ever before. They’re usually always so expressionless and serious around their men but around you, their expressions are softer, more gentle, and even now as he’s looking you straight in the eyes, you know Jimin can be scarier. But he’s serious nonetheless. “Don’t go around shaking just anyone’s hands, you got that?”

“Why’s that?” You’re genuinely curious.

“Humans can be quite cruel,” he simply says. “Just…promise us.”

“Hmm, is that a wish?”

“Y/N.”

“Okay, okay,” you laugh a little before nodding at him. It’s times like this when you know not to question things and to simply listen to your owners. “I promise I’ll be careful,” so you say.

After all, an owner’s words are law to a genie.

.

.

“Who are you?”

“Huh?” You turn at the man who just addressed you, his eyes narrowed with suspicion your way. “What do you mean?” You ask as a flower falls from your hair so you lean down to pick it up and return it to where it was.

“All of a sudden, you show up beside the boss’s side and you’re always so loud and lively yet the bosses do nothing about it.” His brows furrow with disgust at the sight of your hair. “And why do you have flowers in your hair?”

“Why not?”

“Listen here, what we’re in is serious business. No one’s here to laugh or giggle or skip around. Everyone here is risking their lives because of the business we’re in yet here you are, prancing about as if this is some sort of fairytale to you. It’s disgusting.”

Humans like this exist, the aggressive and angry type. You’ve had an owner like this once, or maybe thrice, and you were always afraid of even making a peep around them — not that it mattered much. Once they were done with you, you were sent back to your lamp before they needed you out for another wish.

Well, you don’t have to be afraid now because they aren’t your owners.

Just another human being who won’t have a clue who you are or even believe in your existence any longer once you’re done with all of this.

So you shrug at his words, not caring one bit as you walk away from the conversation. There’s no need to pay attention to him.

“Hey! I’m talking to you!” You feel a harsh tug against your hair as he forces you back.

“Ow! What the hell?!” You shout, falling in disbelief at what he had just done as you watch some of the flowers fall from your hair. “What’s your problem, dude?” You say as you tug your hair back from his grip, eyes glaring up at him. It doesn’t hurt that bad but the fact that he had the audacity to do such a thing makes you angry. 

“The problem is you ignoring me. I was speaking!”

“And?”

“You should listen when a man is speaking, you whore.” Your brows furrow at the name. “That’s right, you’re a whore, aren’t you? Leeching off the boss and always being by his side. You might think you have him now but once he’s done with you, you’re going to be tossed to the side like a useless piece of trash. What do they see in you anyways?”

He looks so similar to two of your previous owners. Whenever they made a wish and it was a wish that went against the laws of wishes and you had to explain it to them, they always resorted to trying to hurt you, asking why you were such an incapable genie and calling you all these horrible names.

God you didn’t want to ever remember them but here you are.

“Listen,” you sigh, knowing there’s really no point in angry at a man who won’t hear a word you’re saying. “Whether I’m leeching off your boss or not, that’s not really your problem, now is it? So what if I’m tossed to the side after he’s done with me? Shouldn’t you worry more about yourself? But thanks for looking out for me, pal.” You pat him on the shoulder before walking off once more, this time holding your braid in your hands so he doesn’t have the chance to pull at it again.

“Who the hell said I was looking after you?!”

Even with his yelling from behind, you decide to ignore the man.

You have better things to do than worry about them, after all.

.

.

“Hey, do the flowers in my hair bother you?”

“What?” Taehyung loads his gun again, brows furrowed with confusion as he takes a glance your way. “Why would they bother me?”

“So they don’t?” You ask again, falling more confident and happy this time.

“Yeah, they’re pretty.” He pats you on the head before returning his focus back on his shooting and you turn around, happily summoning more flowers out of thin air to place in your hair.

“I knew it,” you giggle.

“Why, did someone say otherwise?” Jungkook asks and you shrug.

“Well not exactly but I guess he implied it. I mean, I guess it bothered him that much if he had to pull my hair when I was walking away, though it might just be because he doesn’t really enjoy my presence around here. And it’s not like I can’t tell when we’re in serious business because I’ve literally had owners who were kind of like the enemy of the people, you know? The villains, I would say? But not the good kinds, the horrible step-mother kind, not like you guys. It reminded me of those men who would scold a women when they spoke in the presence of a man and he had the audacity to tell me Namjoon and you guys will one day throw me away once you’re done with me and it’s like, obviously? Duh? I’m a genie, I’m meant to be tossed off to the side once all the numbers of wishes are done and over with but I obviously can’t tell him that but I did really wanted to but I knew it wasn’t a good idea so I stopped myself and instead said—”

You pause in your ramblings as you realize the room has gone quiet and cold and when you look up at your three younger owners, you blink with confusion upon their silence.

“Uh…what’s up?”

“Who was it?”

“Huh?”

“Who pulled your hair and spoke to you like that?” Jimin repeats, his expression a little more hard and cold than usual. He looks a bit scary with the glint of anger flashing in his eyes and though a part of you shivers slightly, you also understand that what he’s feeling at the moment isn’t directed at you.

“Uh…” You glance at the other two who’re just as angry and think for a moment as you try to remember the man’s face. Your owners just demanded an answer out of you so you have to tell them. “I think his name was Doyun? It may have been something else but he was wearing a navy blue shirt and had a scar right under one of his ears.”

They get up and begin walking off, leaving you wondering what was going to happen.

“Um—”

“Stay here,” Taehyung demands. “That’s an order.”

Oh.

[visionofhope04]

Neglected - Part 2

Batfam x Neglected!Batsis!Reader

Part 1 Part 2 (Current) Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Thank you all for your support! I’m glad you enjoy my writing! Btw I noticed some parts of Part 1 made no sense bc I was sleep deprived when I wrote it so sorry!

Ages: Alfred (Immortal), Bruce (48-ish), Dick (26-27), Jason (24-25), Tim (17-18), Damian (13-14), Y/N (13-14)

Prompt: You are Damian’s twin sister and have been living with them for 3 years. (CONTAINS CHILD NEGLECT AS SUGGESTED BY THE TITLE AS WELL AS SELF HATE AND INVALIDATING PERSONAL ISSUES BTW I DONT REALLY KNOW HOW IT IS TO HAVE ANOREXIA SO SORRY IF I OFFENDED SOMEONE AND DID IT WRONG)

—-

It was summer break. School had finished around a week ago and you were glad. This meant you no longer had to fake being alright in front of your friend(s) and pretend to eat. They had started to notice that you had lost an unhealthy amount of weight. When they had asked, you shrugged it off or said you were working out a lot. They believed it and carried on since you were that great of a liar but still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

It was another normal day for you, isolating yourself in your room, slipping into the dining room for meals, grabbing a water bottle instead, and slipping back out, heading to your room once again. (sO mAnY cOmMaS) You had begun to feel lightheaded but quickly dismissed it. ‘They go through so much more than you do, they’ve probably sustained worse injuries. They probably even have more scars than you do from the League! No wonder they didn’t let you join them on their nightly adventures. You’re a weak and pathetic girl.’ You thought.

You heard a knock on your door after three hours. You made your way to the door and opened it to see your twin brother standing there in a suit. “Y/N, what have you been doing?! The gala is in an hour, get ready you insufferable harlot!” He yelled, then trudged his way down the stairs. ‘You’ve got to be kidding me, GALA? Since when the frick was there a gala happening? I was never informed and he somehow expects me to know?’ You thought.

Rushing towards your closet, you searched it until you found your F/C dress/suit (cause I love women in suits it screams power as it should) and matching flats/heels and quickly put them on. You rushed over to your vanity and did your hair and/or makeup. Satisfied with your look, you attempted to stand up only to fall back down onto the chair you were seated at. You became dizzy all of a sudden and the room seemed as if it was spinning.

It became harder for you to remain awake and you felt your eyelids become heavy. They soon fluttered shut, your body falling limp. Your body fell off the chair you had been sitting on to the floor with a thud. Back downstairs, your family was impatiently waiting for your arrival. They had thirty minutes until the gala began. “Where’s Y/N?” Bruce questioned. “She was unaware of the gala, Father. I suggest we carry on without her. She’s nothing but a nuisance and dishonor to the Wayne name.”

“Don’t call her that demon spawn, she’s more of a Wayne than you’ll ever be.” Jason retorted, defending you. He didn’t like how Damian referred to you. He never called you by your name, only insults. Damian hated Tim, but he still called him by his name. Jason could never comprehend how or why Damian resented you. You were such an amazing person. You were sarcastic, witty, funny, and had a big heart.

“That’s enough Jason. Dick, go check on your sister.” Jason was shocked when Bruce hadn’t reprimanded Damian on how he disrespected his sister yet did so to Jason who was trying to defend her. It was clear to everyone that Damian had always been the favorite blood child. Jason hated this a lot. He knew how much of an amazing person you were and that you didn’t deserve such mistreatment. Heck, even Alfred sometimes forgot you existed. Not that he meant to, he just didn’t know you well and you didn’t speak often.

As Dick disappeared up the stairs, Jason turned to Bruce. “Why aren’t you defending your daughter? Is it because you agree with him? That she’s just another mishap of yours? That Damian’s the better one?” Jason said, raising his voice slightly. He couldn’t help it, his anger was rising. He was done with Bruce pretending like you never existed. Before Bruce could respond, they heard Dick call out to them.

“Guys! Y/N fainted! Her pulse is present but weak. She has no physical injuries, but she’s extremely thin, pale, and light.”

They rushed over to her and examined her. Dick was right, you were extremely thin and pale. “Call an ambulance!” Bruce commanded Tim. Tim spoke over the phone and soon, an ambulance arrived and carried you away. Everyone loaded into the limo and followed the ambulance to the hospital.

—-

Hi everyone! So this has turned out way longer than I expected it to be so I think it will be either 3-5 parts in total. Thank you so much for your support and I’m glad you like my writing!

[queen-haq]

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 13

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 13

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Rating: R for language and smut.

Words: ~3000 words.

Summary: You’ve been sleeping with Billy Russo for a few months now. Knowing his aversion to emotional commitments, you’re satisfied with your clandestine arrangement until you catch him having dinner with Dinah Madani one night. Then it finally dawns on you. It’s not that he doesn’t want to commit, he just doesn’t want to commit to *you*.

Billy may think he knows you, but he has no idea what he’s just lost...

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5   Part 6   Part 7   Part 8   Part 9  

Part 10   Part 11   Part 12

gif credit: @bilyrusso

Part 13

It was 8 in the evening and you were still in the office. You hadn’t accomplished much work today, your mind mostly focused on Billy. You were surprised by how quickly he’d been able to make the funeral arrangements for his mother. Yesterday you had driven over to the nursing home and by the time you reached there, Carla Russo’s body had already been picked up. You’d signed a few papers for Billy and picked up the remainder of Carla’s things before you returned home. Everything of hers was packed into a small suitcase and sitting in your living room. You wanted to call him, ask him how he was and offer your support, but he seemed determined to do everything on his own when you’d talked to him last and you didn’t want to intrude.

You gave yourself a mental shake, reminding yourself to concentrate. This workday had been a wash. When you weren’t distracted by thoughts of Billy, you were putting out fires in your team. At least the personnel conflicts have been temporarily resolved, but now you needed to work on a slide deck that you’d been tasked with presenting to the executive leadership committee later in the week.

An hour later you were halfway done with your presentation when your phone rang. You glanced down at your screen to find Billy’s name on the screen. “Hi.”

“Hey.” He sounded exhausted. “You still at work?”

“Yeah. How did you know?”

There was a pause. “You give off the workaholic vibe.”

You smiled to yourself; at least he was okay enough to crack jokes. “How are you?”

“You mean am I grieving over a goddamn dead woman who preferred meth to her own fucking son?” He sighed. “No big loss. I’m fine.”

Anger and hurt saturated his voice despite his attempts to sound unaffected. Your heart hurt for him, you wished there was something you could do. “Do you need anything?”

“The funeral service is tomorrow.” A beat of silence followed. “Do you want to come?”

“Sure. What time?”

“2pm.”

“I’ll take the day off. Do you need my help with anything? Maybe I can call some of her friends?”

“When I found her she was living on the streets, barely alive but still hooked on meth. I doubt she’s got any friends.”

“What about the people in the nursing home? Maybe they want to come?”

“No, I don’t want anyone else there. Just you.”

Not liking the warmth that spread through you upon hearing his words, you reminded yourself he was probably feeling unusually vulnerable. This wasn’t typical of him.

“Do you want to come over?” he asked.

You exhaled a heavy sigh. “I would but I have so much work to do. I’ll be here for another hour at least.”

“Come over after you’re done.”

“It’ll be really late.”

“That’s fine. I can wait.”

“I can stop by my place to pick up your mom’s-.”

“No, it’s okay.”

You realized he wasn’t quite ready to go through Carla’s belongings yet.

“Bring your stuff with you.”

“Stuff?”

“Overnight bag, clothes for tomorrow, whatever.”

“Oh. You want me to stay over?”

“Yeah, might as well. We can drive over together for the service tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

Despite the conversation coming to a natural end, he wasn’t hanging up. It seemed as if he was reluctant to be alone, probably because that meant dealing with the complicated emotions for his mother. You knew exactly how that felt. “If you want, I can leave now. I can work from your apartment instead of the office.”

“You’re not worried I’ll be tempted to spy on Valiant stuff?” he teased.

You smiled. “As if I’d let you see what I’m working on.”

“Guess no corporate espionage for me tonight.”

“Still going to keep you away from my laptop.”

He chuckled. “Just get here. I promise not to bug you while you work.”

“Okay. I’m leaving now.”

“See you soon.”

After you hung up, you started gathering your things together.

***

An hour later, you were at his place. When he opened the door, you immediately grew concerned at how tired he looked. Traveling back and forth from Vegas plus dealing with the news about Carla’s death within the last few hours meant he was absolutely exhausted.

“Hey,” he greeted you, smiling as he took the overnight bag from your hands.

You removed your heels while he took your bag inside his room and then made your way to his living room. While his penthouse suite was much bigger than yours, you actually didn’t like it very much. Despite the high-end finishes and the beautiful interiors - Billy had obviously hired a designer to make the place look good - it always felt very cool and inhospitable to you. It was too perfect and you always felt out of place inside the suite.

“You hungry?” he asked, coming up behind you. “I ordered dinner for you.” Arms encircling your waist, he dropped a kiss on the back of your head as he maneuvered you to the kitchen. He’d laid out the food for you on the dining table, and from the take-out containers you knew it was from one of your favourite Indian restaurants. The thoughtful gesture surprised you, you weren’t used to that from him. Noting that he’d only set the table for one, you turned around to look at him. “You’re not going to eat with me?”

“I ate already. I was starving. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” You cradled his face with one hand, your eyes roving over his beautiful face as he placed a kiss on the fleshy part of your palm. “You look exhausted. Did you even sleep?”

“No” He leaned back against the kitchen counter, weary. For a moment he closed his eyes, simply holding still, and you found yourself wrapping your arms around him in a hug. You didn’t understand why you’d even initiated the embrace – hugs were never your thing – but seeing him so beaten-down you were desperate to comfort him. He leaned into you, his body flushed against yours, and you held him tight. Stroking the nape of his neck, you placed a soft kiss on the center of his forehead. “Why don’t you take a nap while I work?”

“You don’t mind?”

You smiled up at him, running your fingers through his hair. “At least I don’t have to worry about you stealing my company secrets while you sleep.”

He smirked. “You’ll be here when I wake up?”

“Yup. Probably still working away.”

Billy grazed your temple softly before dropping a tender kiss on the tip of your nose. “Okay, but eat first.”

You nodded your head, watching after him as he sauntered out of the kitchen and disappeared down the hallway.

Sighing, you went to the sink to wash your hands before eating.

***

It was after midnight and you were still working on your slide deck when you heard Billy puttering around in the bathroom. Soon he slowly made his way towards you, dressed in a t-shirt and black boxers, his hair all messy. He yawned lazily, falling onto the other end of the couch.

“I thought you’d sleep through the night,” you remarked.

“Are you still working?” he asked.

“Almost done.” You saved the file and shut off the laptop before slipping it back inside your bag.

Suddenly he pulled you closer and you found yourself tucked underneath him on the couch as he glanced down at you from above. “You work too hard.”

You smiled up at him. “They don’t pay me the big bucks to sit there and look pretty.”

A slow, incandescent smile curved his lips. “I would. If I ran Valiant, you’d be my personal stress relief. You’d be in my office the entire time and do nothing but look pretty and service me.”

“That’s sexual harassment.”

Billy shrugged his shoulders. “Whatever. I’d make it worth your while.”

You laughed, angling up to kiss him. “Your breath is all minty fresh.”

“I brushed my teeth for you.”

“Wow. Be still my heart.”

A warm grin covered his face as he shifted down your body to nuzzle your neck. His weight was heavy as he rested atop you, but you liked the solid feel of him on you, the way you felt all safe and warm. You stroked his hair while he drew lazy circles on your chest, the silence between you two comforting.

“No one knows about her. Not Frank, not Curtis, no one.”

Those names were familiar to you because Billy had mentioned them in passing a few times. Of course he’d never shared any other info, but you being you, you’d dug around and found out more about them. You knew they’d served with Billy and he considered them his closest friends.

“When I found her three years ago, I put her in that home and forgot all about her.”

“You visited her every week,” you reminded him.

“Because I wanted her to regret abandoning me. I wanted her to see how far I’d come, I wanted to throw her mistakes in her face. But I don’t think she regretted safe-havening me, not even a bit.”

The bitter pain in his voice made your heart hurt for him.

“Maybe I should be happy she’s finally dead, or maybe I’m supposed to be sad or something.”

“How do you actually feel?”

“Nothing. I feel nothing.”

“Billy, I think that’s normal. There’s no right or wrong in this. All of your feelings are valid.”

“Even if her dying made me absolutely ecstatic? You wouldn’t think I was a fucking psychopath?”

“You are a psychopath but not because you have conflicting emotions about your terrible mother dying. You have the right to feel how you feel about her, whatever that might be.”

Eyes blazing with emotion, he hovered about you to meet your gaze. “Then what makes me a psychopath?”

You quirked your eyebrow. “The fact you want to torture my dates.”

“Not just torture, I want to kill them.” Eyes darkened, voice velvety-smooth, he covered your mouth with his and ravaged you with a kiss that left you thrumming and breathless.

“Only you’re allowed to touch me?” you asked through labored breaths.

“Yes.” His voice was a lustful rasp, his mouth leaving a heated trail as he sucked on the oh-so-sensitive corner of where your neck and shoulder intersected. Sparks of electricity ran down your spine. “Only me.”

You took his hand and guided it down your body, parting your thighs for him.

Like always, you were soon completely lost in the erotic pleasure of his mouth on you. Your legs hooked over his shoulders, your hands grabbed the back of the couch for support as he fucked you with his hands and mouth, sucking you, licking you, his tongue flicking over your clit until you were keening under him. Body arching off the couch, you moaned his name louder and louder until he drove you completely over the edge.

Then you felt a light slap on your cunt which immediately brought you back to reality. Opening your eyes, you found Billy perched between your legs, gracing you with the most wicked smile. “That’s one.” He slapped your pussy again, this time his long, lean fingers ever so slightly grazing your clit and your hips bucked, wanting more. “As promised.” His eyebrow quirked up. “Punishment.”

“Not fair,” you protested. “I’ll date who I want.”

He slapped you again, a little harder this time, but then he leaned down to place comforting kisses on the very spots he assaulted and you moaned with pleasure.

“All of you.” His tongue lapped over your clit, eyes locked with yours. “Belongs to me. I own you.”

“You don’t!” You squealed when he flipped you over unexpectedly, grabbing you by the hips so your ass was lifted of the couch. And then he squeezed your butt cheeks, biting them lightly before he started rimming you.

***

After sharing a shower the two of you were laying in his bed, your back pressed against his chest as you both stared up at the ceiling. His one hand was intertwined with yours, the other arm circled around your hips. The two of you didn’t have sex but you didn’t mind. You were both fatigued.

“I smell like you now,” you murmured, realizing the soap in his shower had left its scent on you.

“I know. I like it.” He squeezed your fingers. “I have a present for you.”

“I hope it’s not earrings again.”

He chuckled. “No, not earrings.”

“What is it then?”

“Jewelry.”

You turned back to look at him. “What? Like a necklace?”

“Something like that. Except I’m the only one who’ll see you wearing it.”

“Ah. And where is this gift?”

He kissed the top of your head. “Not here yet.”

You smiled to yourself. “People usually wait until they have the gift in hand before telling others about it.”

“I couldn’t wait. I’m excited to see you wear it.”

He stroked your hair, and your eyes grew heavy. Soon you started falling into deep slumber, feeling calm, comforted by Billy’s arms around you.

“What happened with your family?”

Your eyes flew open. Like always, any mention of your family unfurled anxiety within you. You didn’t like thinking about them letting alone discussing them. “They passed away.”

“They’re dead?”

“Yes.”

“Both of them?”

“Yes.”

He pulled you up so you were facing him now, his intoxicating gaze completely focused on you. “That day when I asked you about the pictures, you said you weren’t close to your family.”

“I meant my extended family. I don’t keep in touch with them,” you replied smoothly.

“What were your parents like?”

Irritation surged through you at his obtrusive questions but you had to remind yourself he just lost his mother. He was feeling out-of-sorts, working through his grief – even if he didn’t think so – and he was reaching out to the only person in his life that knew about his mother. “Normal.”

He simply stared at you for a long time, studying you, saying nothing. “Normal,” he repeated, finally breaking the strained silence.

You shrugged your shoulders, dropping your gaze to the base of his throat so you didn’t have to hold his piercing stare. “Yup.”

“How did they die?”

“Car accident.”

“You miss them?”

“Of course,” you lied.

He reached out to cup your face, his thumb stroking your cheek. “So you grew up with great parents, white picket fence and all that bullshit? Sounds like you had a fairytale childhood.”

“Can we talk about this tomorrow? I’m really tired.”

“Sure. I’ll add this to the list of all the other shit we’ll talk about someday.”

He sounded almost angry with you and you weren’t sure why. Before you could question him, however, he pulled you close so you were snuggled against his chest and the warmth of his body was enough to silence your brain and lull you to sleep.

***

It was a cold, crisp autumn day in New York. The outdoor service, attended by only you and Billy, was short and quick. Throughout it, he’d gripped your hand even though he’d been outwardly calm and collected. Even now as he stood a few feet away from you, impeccably dressed in a black suit, his dark eyes hidden behind a pair of aviator sunglasses as he stared out at the pond, you sensed he was a complete mess inside. You didn’t know what to say to him so you simply sat on the bench, both of you in an isolated corner of the garden. Eventually he came to sit beside you, taking your hand in his.

“I’d have given her the whole world.” His voice was filled with pain and longing as he removed his sunglasses and tucked them in the upper pocket of his suit. “I would have given her anything she ever wanted.” Billy’s eyes met yours. “If she’d just wanted me.”

You scooted closer to wrap your arms around him, breathing him in as he sunk into you. His hands caressed your back, his grip on you so tight you almost couldn’t breathe. After a while he rested his forehead against yours, his eyes holding you prisoner in front of him.

“Swear to me you’ll never leave.”

“Billy-”

“Promise me!”

“I can’t.”

“It wasn’t a fucking request, Y/N.”

You tried to pull away from him but he fisted the back of your hair, holding you in place.

The raw urgency in his voice played havoc with your emotions. If you closed your eyes, just for a moment, you could shut out all the doubts in your head and simply believe him - but you could only live the fantasy for a short moment before reality forced its way back in. “You don’t mean those words, Billy.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because you don’t feel that strongly about me.”

His eyes narrowed, glaring at you with hostility. “You’re gonna tell me how I feel?”

“I’m not what you want.”

“And what do you think I want?”

You gave him a sad smile. “The best of everything. Best car, best clothes, the most beautiful women in your arms. You want all that because you need others to want what you have.”

“Is that so wrong?”

You shook your head. “No, there’s nothing wrong with that – except I don’t fit into any of those categories. You want a woman like Dinah Madani. I’m not her. So eventually this thing between us will end.”

His jaw was set in a grim line, eyes burning bright with rage. “So you have me all figured out, huh?”

“Don’t get mad. You know it’s the truth.”

He yanked you closer, crushing you against him. “It’s been me against the world for as long as I can remember. But when I look at you.” His eyes softened, mouth parting as his dark gaze roamed over your face. “I don’t feel alone anymore.”

Your heart melted. The tenuous handle you had on your self-control disintegrated completely. You closed your mouth over his, kissing him frantically as he picked you up and straddled you across his lap.

He pulled back to look at you. “You’re my home. You’re all I need.”

Part 14

A/N - As always, all of your feedback, comments, asks, likes and reblogs are deeply appreciated. They truly inspire me to keep writing, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.

If you want to be added/removed from the tag list, please let me know.

Tag List:;

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[idiot-with-a-cat-pen]

otp questions fair game list but it’s by an idiot who can’t sit in a chair correctly

“pens you’re alive???!?!??!?” yes unfortunately anyway the list, minus a couple of them because they’re a bit nsfw and im not here for it

i’ll put it under a read more because im not a sadist

1. Who is the most affectionate?

clover. no justification just facts

2. Most common argument?

do u know,,,, what its like,,,, to be AFRAID of yourself??? i could hurt u! i could- (translation: qrow telling clover to Fuck Off before he gets hurt)

3. Who apologizes first?

clover. qrow is emotionally constipated and sits on the roof brooding until clover comes up to find him

4. Favorite (non-sexual) activity to do together?

board game night or some shit, idk. clover always wins

5. Who drives and who rides shotgun?

clover drives and scolds qrow for putting his feet on the dash

6. Who is most likely to carry the other?

clover initially but then qrow gets tired of him showing off and starts Picking Him Up to establish dominance in the middle of combat or something

7. Nicknames?

lucky charm and cloves are the obvious ones. soldier boy. dipshit. idk what clover calls qrow but it’s probably something disgustingly affectionate and qrow gets embarrassed every time

8. Who proposes?

clover probably, qrow is still in his “you dont want the burden of my name” arc

9. Who sings along with the radio?

qrow but in bird form ONLY

10. Who worries most?

probably qrow but poor clover is also pretty fuckin worried about qrow 24/7

11. Who always wants to take selfies with the other?

clover needs content for his instagram (which is private and has qrow’s account tagged with a bunch of hearts in his bio. qrow doesn’t even have a pfp. he forgot the password 3 years ago.)

12. Who likes to playfully tease the other?

yes

13. Who has the weirdest taste in their music?

qrow. his spotify is a mixture of the most emo ass shit, nightcore emo shit, and terraria boss music. 

14. Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?

clover. qrow remembers too but clover orders so

15. Who is embarrassed to take their clothes off in front of the other?

im sure clover has some form of trauma after the whole chapter 12 incident. i wouldnt be surprised if there was a fic already about clover’s insecurities around his giant ass chest scar

but like also it’s clover 

16. Who initiates kisses?

clover mostly

17. Who reaches for the other’s hand first?

also clover. qrow is too busy Repressing his Emotions to do such a thing but clover holding his hand is like therapy even if he wont admit it

18. Who brings an animal they found home?

clover brings a cat home. they name it lucky. they laugh for an hour then realize how stupid they are.

19. Who holds the umbrella for the other when it’s raining?

clover keeps trying to bring qrow an umbrella, but qrow runs away from it because he needs to brood in the rain

20. Who tries to playfully embarrass the other in public?

they’ve got a competition going. both of them are really good at the cocky act though so neither of them have cracked. yet.

21. Who kills the scary bugs?

qrow, with pleasure. clover tries to rescue them as much as possible depending on the bug. cockroaches are on sight tho

22. Who asks the weird questions at random in the middle of the night?

probably neither of them. they’re old, they need their beauty rest

23. Who hogs the blankets?

qrow. even if he’s overheating he still takes clover’s blanket

24. Who wakes up first?

clover wakes up at like 7:30 every morning and makes breakfast. qrow is both awed and disturbed by how well he has his life together. one time, qrow tries to pay him back, so he wakes up at 5am and makes an inappropriate amount of pancakes. (they have to invite nora over to finish the leftovers)

25. Who wants to stay in bed just a bit longer?

qrow emerges from bed at 11am on average. it’s rare to see him out of his pajamas before noon.

26. Who always makes coffee for the other each morning?

tea. but see #24

27. Who cries during certain films or when reading sad books?

clover. qrow absolutely didn’t cry watching the lion king, and even if he did, you have no proof.

28. Who gets scared during horror films?

qrow acts all tough when clover’s clutching a pillow in anticipation, but he falls for every jumpscare

29. Who cuts the other’s hair?

qrow is a master of cutting hair. his niece is yang xiao long.

30. Who says “I love you” first?

clover. qrow will pine away but will never say anything for previously mentioned emo reasons

31. Who tells their friends/family about the relationship first?

clover tells his family. qrow’s family tells HIM. yang and ruby get sick of watching him pine 

32. What do their friends/family thing of the relationship?

ruby and yang are just happy that their uncle qrow is slightly less edgy now. winter is happy for clover but will detest qrow until the day she dies just on principle

33. Who is more likely to ask the other to dance with them?

clover, i mean havent you seen the ballroom scene in v7? where clover asks qrow to dance and they end up getting married and salem leaves because she cant compete? what do u mean that didnt happen?

34. Who cooks best?

qrow is secretly a good cook but you would never know it by the way he pours milk straight into the cereal box

35. Who wears the other’s jacket?

I would say qrow because there’s no way his skinny man jacket fits clover, but let’s be real, clover doesn’t own a fucking jacket

36. Who uses cheesy pickup lines?

clover. have u met the man

37. Who makes the other laugh most?

clover makes qrow laugh a lot, if u count amused huffs as laughter

38. Who needs more reassurance?

guess.

39. Who would have to bail the other out of jail?

clover is usually the law-abiding half of the relationship, plus he’s part of the military so

40. What would be their theme song?

@synvamp (im sorry for tag syn) wrote an absolute banger for them. thats it. whatever universe it is, that’s the one

41. Who would sing their child back to sleep?

clover usually, sometimes qrow tries in bird form but lucky is one evil cat and WILL try to murder him

42. What do they do when they’re away from each other?

live their lives man wdym? clover sends qrow lots of texts though

43. A headcanon about them that stabs your feels?

canon.

44. A headcanon that mends the previous one?

my canon now

if you read all of this you’re a legend, see you in 6 years when i finally finish the next fic chapter

[helliontherapscallion]

Warmth (Adrenaline Junkie Part 6)

Part 1     Part 2     Part 3     Part 4     Part 5     Part 7     Part 8     Part 9     Part 10     Part 11     Part 12     Part 13     Part 14     Part 15     Part 16     Part 17

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: Self harm scars, mentions of panic attacks and hallucinations

Word count: 2,842

(A/N): This takes place about 6 months after the last chapter. Also, I was heavily inspired by Toothless’ prosthetic, I’m really excited to write more about it : )

You hummed to yourself as you walked down the cobblestone street of the village. The village was probably one of your favorite places to visit; it had quaint little shops and stalls decorating the main plaza that you adored, it was always interesting to see what’s being sold today. Though you always wore your cloak to cover your wings (well, wing and a now-feathered nub) whenever you visited to avoid the stares, you still regularly visited the main plaza for the shops. 

The first time you visited after the incident was about a month ago with Wilbur, you two were looking for something to cook for dinner. You were trying to get used to having your wings out again, so you were wearing the jacket with the slits in the back that you always used to wear. 

The feeling of people staring holes into you was a feeling you forgot about. You always got stares whenever you went into the village because of your wings, but now it felt like more and more people were staring at you as you passed them, probably because of your nub. Though some looked at you in pity, most looked at you with disgust.

You could hear children asking their mothers what happened to you. Their mothers would take one look at you and shield their children away from you staring at you with disgust. You even made one kid cry when he saw your wing; you didn’t blame him, you still couldn’t look at your nub without tearing up. An hour hasn’t even passed before you were asked by a police officer to leave because you were causing a disruption and being indecent in public.

Wilbur was pissed. “They’re fully clothed and they didn’t even talk to anybody, so how exactly were they being disruptive or indecent?”

The officer firmly held her ground, looking up to Wilbur’s tall form. “Sir, the people are complaining and it’s my job to make the public feel safe and comfortable. Look,” she sighed, “I really don’t want to have to ask them to leave, they’re not doing anything to directly threaten people. However, they are causing a disturbance with their,” she wrinkled her nose, “their thing, so I’m going to have to ask them to leave.”

“You have absolutely no right to tell them to leave. They-”

“Wilbur, it’s fine. I’ll leave,” turning back to the officer, you calmly stated “I’m sorry for causing a disturbance ma’am. It won’t happen again.”

She curtly nodded and stood watching you, probably making sure that you left the main plaza. Before you could turn to leave, Wilbur stopped you.

“(Y/n)-”

“No, Wilbur. It’s alright, I can wait outside the village for you.”

He sighed, looking through his leather satchel. “No, you won’t have to wait for me. We’ve got enough food for dinner anyways,” shooting one last heated glare at the police officer, he reached down to grab your hand. “Let’s go.”

He drug you quickly through the village with you having a little trouble keeping up with his long strides. Once you were out of the village, he slowed his pace and walked with his hands shoved in his pockets.

“(Y/n), I’m sor-”

“Don’t be Wil. It isn’t your fault. I honestly was expecting to get kicked out earlier.”

“Still, it’s not fair to you. You didn’t ask for this.” 

“I know Wil, I’ll just wear my cloak next time I visit.”

He didn’t say anything to you after that. The rest of the walk home was shrouded in an awkward silence. 

Another part of the village you loved was the library. It had tall shelves filled to the brim with all sorts of books and various cushioned furniture littered randomly amongst the maze of shelves. Whoever would walk into the library would immediately be hit by the strong scent of parchment and wood as soon as they would walk through the twin doors. You would usually browse books about redstone, but you had a different agenda today.

Today, you were looking for a book about leather working. You wanted to make a leather prosthetic wing so you could at least glide through the air. You weren’t sure if it would work though. From what you’ve read, nobody’s attempted to make a prosthetic wing. It made sense, being a hybrid was rare in and of itself, let alone a winged hybrid. 

You missed flying more than anything. You would give anything to be able to be in the air again. You felt jittery and restless without flight. Sure, Philza took you on some flights with him every now and then, but it wasn’t the same. You yearned for the independence and liberation it gave you to fly alone.

After you found a book and checked it out with the librarian, you hastily set out for home. You were walking with a giddy smile on your face and a bounce in your step. Several people gave you strange looks as you passed them, but you were in too good of a mood to care. You finally figured out a way you could possibly fly again. 

When you got home, you headed straight to your workshop to get to work on your prosthetic. Several blueprints were hung up around your desk, some for your TNT launcher (which you finished a few weeks ago) and others contained ideas for an automatic farm. Your pride and joy was hung up in the center of your bulletin board. It made you extremely happy just by looking at the prosthetic sketch.

Your redstone lamp illuminated the space in front of you as you focused on cutting a large strip of leather in front of you with great concentration. You needed to get the measurements exactly right, equal sized wings are integral for stability midair. The prosthetic was going to be about the same size as your left wing with thin iron rods giving the wing structure. You planned on making it identical to a bat’s wing with a few minor changes in shape to match your other wing. Once it actually was structurally sound and working, you would add proper joints so you could wear it around and decorate it. Until then, you’re making adjustments.

When you were done, you moved on to crafting and melding together the iron rods. Putting on your goggles and thick leather gloves, you used a bit of lava your family kept stored in another room in the basement to fuse the thin iron rods together. You carefully dipped one end of two rods into the bucket before pulling it out at a certain time to hold the molten ends together until they cooled. You repeated this process until you were melding the last piece on.

“HEY BITCH, DINNER’S READY. GET IT WHILE IT’S HOT!”

Yelping, you dropped the mold onto your desk. You picked it up in a panic without paying attention to where your arms went. Unknowingly, your sleeved arm was pressing up against the scorching iron of the bucket of lava.

“FUCK YOU YA FILTHY GREMLIN, A LITTLE WARNING WOULD’VE BEEN NICE!”

He started cackling. “FUCK YOU TOO! NOW GET UP HERE BEFORE I EAT YOUR DINNER.”

“YOU BETTER FUCKING NOT. I SWEAR TO- FUCK!”

You felt the nerves on the side of your forearm screaming as you yanked it away, leaving the crisp remains of a part of your sleeve stuck to the iron bucket. Two pairs of footsteps boomed down the steps and got louder as they rapidly approached you. 

Wilbur’s deep voice worriedly called out to you. “Shit, (y/n) are you alright? Let me see.”

Before you could protest, he gently grabbed your wrist and pulled the sleeve of your jacket down. Adjoining the light burn, small horizontal scars and some fresh cuts lined your forearms. Shit, they were never supposed to find out.

Wilbur’s hand froze, gripping your wrist with an iron grip. You hissed at the feeling of some of your cuts reopening, causing him to quickly retract his hand. He now had his hands hovering over your arm unsure of what to do with them.

“(Y/n), wha-” Tommy cut himself off once he saw the panicked look on his older brother’s face. Following his gaze, his wide eyes met with your cuts.

You sighed, prying the goggles off from your face and pulling the gloves off from your hands. You put on a calm exterior, contrary to what you felt on the inside. They were never supposed to know. “Listen, you guys weren’t supposed to find out about this. None of you were. Please don’t tell Dad or Technoblade, I don’t need more people knowing.”

Tommy spoke up with an incredulous look. “(Y/n), what do you mean? We can’t just not tell them.”

“I know. Please, do it for me? Everything’s finally going back to normal and this will just make everything worse again. I promise I’ll stop, I swear.”

The two brothers looked at each other silently contemplating what they should do. On one hand, you were their sibling and you were hurting yourself. They needed to tell their dad that you were cutting. You only had two lives left and you could kill yourself doing that. Philza and Techno could help. On the other hand, they wanted you to feel normal in your own home. You were right in the fact that everything was starting to feel like it did before the incident. Plus, they would gladly help you through it.

They looked back at you with apprehensive expressions, speaking at the same time. 

“(Y/n), we’re not gonna tell Dad or Techno.”

“We’re telling them.”

Tommy whipped his head up to look at his brother angrily. “Wilbur, we need to tell them.”

“Tommy, no-”

“Are you fucking stupid? Of course we have to-”

“Tommy. We don’t because I’ll be taking every sharp object away from them tonight. We’ll watch them and check their wrists to make sure that there’s no new cuts and they stay clean. We’ll help them.”

“But- they,” Tommy gave a frustrated sigh. “Fine. But we at least have to tell Techno about this. He can help us.”

Wilbur glanced at you with apologetic eyes. Before he could speak up, you interrupted him. “...Alright, as long as Dad doesn’t find out. He has enough to stress out about and he doesn’t need to worry about me again. Now, can we go upstairs for dinner? We’ve been down here for long enough already and Dad’s probably wondering why. Tell him that I’m gonna go clean up.”

Without giving them any room to argue, you speeded up the stairs and into your room. Closing the door and leaning your back on it, you let your calm facade drop into a panicked one. Shit, what if Tommy tells Dad? What were you supposed to do then? He’ll take away what little freedom you had left and you’ll be sinking into the depths of your depression again. 

Your thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock and Philza’s voice. You held your breath as you prepared yourself for him to tell you that he knows your secret. “Hey hun, Wilbur and Tommy told me that you burned yourself,” you let out a relieved sigh. “Do you need me to look at it?”

Panic once again flared in your bloodstream. “N-no Dad, it’s just a little burn. I’ll be down in just a second I’m changing.”

“You sure? I can get you a potion.”

“Yes, I’m fine.”

“...Alright,” he sounded skeptical. “Just hurry up, dinner’s getting cold.”

The sound of his retreating footsteps sounded like music to your ears. You closed your eyes and took a few deep breaths before you moved to put on a long sleeved shirt. 

Dinner was uncharacteristically quiet without Tommy, you, or Wilbur talking. Philza tried to carry the conversation with you four, but only Technoblade gave full responses. You, Tommy, and Wilbur only supplied a few words to a conversation when prompted. 

Technoblade was suspicious. Sure, you and Wilbur were quiet sometimes, but Tommy? Tommy’s always loud and rambunctious. Something’s wrong, but what? What could’ve happened when Tommy and Wilbur went to go get you for dinner? They weren’t gone for long. He did hear you screaming profanities at Tommy for scaring you and overheard Tommy telling Philza about how you burned yourself, but how is that something that would shut you three up? He was going to confront his siblings after he finished tonight’s dishes. 

Meanwhile, you, Tommy, and Wilbur were in your room. You were giving them your iron dagger.

“Is this all?”

“Yeah, Tommy. That’s all, search my room if you don’t believe me. I wouldn’t mind, I don’t have anything to hide from you anymore.”

They did just that. Looking under your bed, in your drawers, in your closet, and in the chest you kept for your supplies. You watched them propped up on your bed. While you were angry with yourself that you were so careless, you felt warm that they cared about you. They were great brothers.

After they were done turning your room upside down, Wilbur plopped down next to you and Tommy threw himself over your legs. You three laid there for a while just enjoying each other’s presence. It was nice to spend some time with your brothers, you didn’t get much free time to spend with them because you spent most of your time in your workshop.

The silence was broken by Tommy. “...So, how do you wanna go about telling Technoblade?”

“I’m… not exactly sure. Do we even have to tell him?”

Wilbur pursed his lips. “Even if you didn’t want to, I’m pretty sure he knows something’s up. He’s good at picking up on social cues.”

“Well if that’s the case, I might just wait until he comes to me. It’ll be easier.”

Your door swung open to reveal your piglin hybrid brother. He looked at you with a single eyebrow raised as his ear flicked. “What were you planning on telling me?”

Tommy and Wilbur looked at you expectantly. You shifted your body closer to the wall making room on your bed for him. He walked over and stiffly sat on the edge of your mattress. He gestured for you to talk to him. You slowly slid your sleeve down and showed him your arm. Besides his eyebrows slightly crinkling, he was as stoic as ever when he reached out to grab your wrist for a better look.

On the inside, the voices were almost as loud as when you died. They were nearly incoherent as several angry voices mixed together yelling at him for not noticing anything was wrong with you, the kid he vowed to protect when you first stole his crown and replaced it with a homemade paper one. Outside of the voices, he was furious at himself, he was supposed to protect you. He ran his fingers along the raised lines, gently tracing over every scar and scabbed over cut as if memorizing where every single one lays.

His monotone voice was gruff. “How long? Why?”

“About eight months now. I-I didn’t feel anything for a while after I respawned and I realized that pain helped me feel. It helped ground me when I hallucinated or had panic attacks.”

“...Do you feel anything now?”

“Yeah, I’m getting better Tech. I’m hallucinating less and I’m getting better at managing anxiety attacks. At this point, it's just a habit that I can’t drop.” 

“Do you want to drop it?”

You fell silent. You never really considered stopping before. Before, you would do it to give yourself something to focus on when you were overwhelmed, but now you would do it out of habit. It somehow felt wrong when you skipped a session and it usually threw your entire day off. You would feel drained for the entire day if you didn’t do it. It was one of the only consistent things in your life.

“(Y/n), c’mon you don’t want to keep doing this, right?” Tommy asked before Wilbur reached over and slapped him upside his head. 

“I think,” you breathed out, unsure of yourself, “I want to get better.”

Techno looked at his brothers. “Did you two take their blades?”

Tommy held up the iron dagger and wove it around haphazardly in the air. Techno reached over and pocketed the dagger before discarding his golden crown and placing it on your nightstand. He took off his weighted fluffy cloak and neatly draped it over a nearby chest. He maneuvered his body so that he was laying on your other side and wrapped a lazy arm over your chest. 

With Wilbur on your right side with your wing draped over him, Tommy laying on your stomach with Wilbur reaching down to hold him, and Techno pulling you close to his body, you were pleasantly warm. You were slowly drifting off, being lulled to sleep by Techno’s slow heartbeat. You blissfully fell asleep surrounded by your brothers’ love.

Inspo for the cuddle pile (credit goes to og artist, zillychu): https://zillychu.home.blog/tag/heart-squad-cuddle-pile/

Taglist (comment if you want to be added):

@acecarddraws  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @ravennightingaleandavatempus  @dirtydiavolo  @yeiras-world  @immadatmostthings  @hee-hee-haw  @jackalopedoodles  @m1lkmandan  @vanhakirja  @im-a-depressed-gay  @coolleviauchihadreamerlove  @questioning-sanity  @camisascam

@bongwaterflavoredgatorade  @kakamiissad  @jayistrash  @lifestylesleep  @speedymaximoff  @sun-shark-tooth  @appetiteofapeoplepleaser  @starchildnatalya  @kinismanditory  @dragons-lurk-here  @rinzyx05  @the-wandering-pan-ace  @sparkling-gayyyy  @angelic-scent  @shinipii  @dont-hug-me-im-a-fander  @izzydimensional  @used-avocado

[cowboylikeghost]

Here are 73 fact about me that nobody ask for but i need validation

1- I love Reading, drawing and plants even if i always kill them

2- I'm a whore for Jane Austen

3- I love when people prove that a conspiracy theory is false

4- I have a weird passion for geology and paleontology

4- I probably have undiagnosed ADHD because of my mother

5- I'm bad at frienship, every of them have to be special

6- My love language is talking about my passion and learning everything about the person, people think it's weird, i have nobody

7- I'm hopeless romantic even if i act like i'm not

8- I hate being touch and i hate hug, they feel weird to me

9- I hate when someone is next to me and their arm or knee touch me, it's make me feel anxious

10- I'm an introvert with diagnosed social anxiety, i'm also an infp and a sagittarius

11- I'm bi and disgusted about the idea of having s*x with someone, i think i'm ace, nobody will ever love me like i do

12- Autumn is the best season and i basically live for rainy day, if it could rain forever i will be the happiest

13- I love academic validation but i suck at school, my only way to work is to pretend i'm Chilton Rory Gilmore

14- I read non stop for 6 month and after i go on a reading slump for the rest of the year

15- I don't have a stable personality

16- I write sad poetry

17- I'm sad and this is my main personality trait

18- My family said that i'm basically sadness from this Disney movie

19- I want to move in a cottage in England with a lot of mountains so i can found cool rocks

20- I have a no self control and a big problem with my emotions

21- I get angry very easily

22- I only have 3 friends and one of them is my sister

23- I have commitment issues

24- I broke up two times in two years with two different girls that lives at more than 8h from me

25- I hate what the french language became even if i can't write a sentence without any fault

26- English is my fav subject at school

27- I hate eyes contact, it's make me uncomfy and i feel like people judge me

28- I feel like i'm better than everyone

29- I feel like everyone hate me

30- I feel sorry for every teacher

31- I love being in my bed, scrolling on my phone or reading but i hate sleeping because i feel like i'm wasting my time

32- Sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night because i feel like i forgot something for school, even if i'm in vacation

33- I hate people at school because i get bullied

34- People don't like me but i would kill to have someone like me in my life so i don't understand

35- I don't understand every jokes, i just know it's suppose to be funny so i laught, i just understand that

36- Taylor Swift is my only religion

37- I Iove more Harry styles songs than Harry styles himself, i found him arrogant and he always date problematic women, Stan Niall

38- I would do anything for Ben Barnes and Tom Hiddleston or any british men in their 40 who have a degree in literature

39- I relate to Spencer Reid in a way that nobody could ever understand

40- I love true crime, my favorite stories are about cult

41- My love for my cat is not healthy, if he died, i have to follow him

42- I alway stop watching Gilmore girls when Rory finish Chilton because i hear that she became annoying but she's one of my confort character so i don't want to see it

43- I prefer the marauders over the golden trio

44- I'm a Remus Lupin kinnie and a James Potter Simp

45- I hate Dumbledore with my whole heart i could talk about it for hours

46- I started all the young dudes, i like it but i cry at every chapter so i stoped

47- I hate my brother but if he died i would be destroyed

48- When i was little i have an obsession with panda and now i have panda everywhere in my room

49- I don't know if i want to live alone forever because i like the idea or because of any other reason

50- I alway need adults validation

51- When i was a kid i was sleeping with my socks on because i liked it but i learned that some people think it's weird so i stoped

52- I eat my cereal with no milk and i don't understand the debate, for me it always taste the same: disgusting

53- I hate touching food that isn't mine ( like when someone ask if you want to taste their meal, or if you have to clean something that someone else eat in, it's just make me want to threw up)

54- I have to sleep with no sound, if you breath a little to loud i will not be able to sleep, i'll be angry and probably hit you, one time my sister breathed too loud and i cryed

55- When i was a kid i hated turtle neck, it maked me feel like i was chocking but i learned how to support it even if it's still uncomfy

56- I hate when a shirt, a dress or a blouse show too mutch of my skin, i don't like it

57- I always wear a tank top with my t-shirt and if i don't i feel naked

58- My first panick attack was because i had a fight with my brother and my dad was yelling at me and didn't see it (i'm not mad at him)

59- When i was little i acted like i couldn't read because i was scared my mom will not read story to me anymore

60- I had my first phone at 13 but i wish i didn't

61- When i was 11 i started reading sm*t on my DS and it became an addiction, i wish everyday i forget what i read

62- I realise i was bi because of Millie Bobby Brown in Stranger things

63- I didn't realise my feminisme wasn't good until a 12yrs old insulted me in a comment section, i said thanks to her after

64- I love kids, i think they're cute and i'm jealous of their innocence so i act like i hate them

65- I want to raise a kid alone in the forest

66- I'm sure that my grandma in my dad side is a lesbian and that my mom is bisexual but have internalised homophobia

67- I hate when boomer joke about hating their husband/wife, just divorce

68- I still have my babies plush even if they're disgusting and look possessed

69- I sleep with my fairy lights on because three month ago i had a sleep paralysis

70- My parents are responsible of 80% of my insecurities and don't even know it

71- I love when it's get dark earlier in autumn/winter

72- I'm an Amy March simp

73- I just made a liste of 73 fact about me

[in-superbloom]

did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? (a.i.)

right where you left me: prologue

pairing: ashton irwin x olivia jones (oc)

warnings: uhh a kinda grieving theme i guess? but no deaths. it has a sad tone overall, but nothing major (in this chapter hehe). foul language because i can't help myself. the tiniest mention of alcohol, but as a memory. think i should probably warn you that this contains a very sad ash. also not much dialogues. this is mainly for explanation and introduction, but very important for the story. if you find anything else that might be triggering, please let me know so i can add it here !!

author's note: oof okay. so. this is the prologue of a series very very dear to my heart that i've been working on for what it feels like my whole life but really it's been just a few months. but i'm in love with the story (which rarely happens with my own writing) so i hope you can enjoy it too !! this is also my very first time posting a fic since 2013 so pls keep that in mind <3 no i am not shaking as type this ofc not also: although i have the full story ready in my head, this is the only chapter that's written. i wanted to wait until i had at least a few ready before posting this but i'm too anxious for that lmao just saying this bc it will take a good while until i have any more chapters, so <3 (p.s.: i went over this thing a million times since may so if you find any errors pls look away, i'm not fixing this thing anymore. thanks <3)

another note: anna from the future here to say that i completely forgot about the playlist i made for the story lmao here it is in case you're interested k thanks bye <3

credits: title is from taylor swift's song right where you left me. model in the picture: paola locatelli. banner by me.

i also wanted to take a minute to thank some really nice friends that i've made here over these past few months & that i'm extremely grateful for @wastelandcth @suchalonelysunflower @littledrummerangie i cannot thank you babes enough for inspiring me the way that you do & for letting me yell about this to you && for encouraging me so much 🥺 i'll never be able to explain just how much this means to me, so i'll have to settle for saying thank you at any change that i can get <3 i love you all 💜 also gem my baby, thank you for the inspo with the banner 💚

@bluesdelis look babe i did it 😌 you know how grateful i am for you & for you letting me have a breakdown every week about my writing for the past 8 years so let's not dive into that or else i will write something bigger than this prologue jsjsjdjd love you 🖤

i hope you all have a good reading and a nice day ♡

let me know what are your thoughts about the fic ! ♡

word count: 4.1k

☆☆☆

Cold. That was the first thing that Olivia’s brain processed.

Still with her eyes closed, she buried herself more into the duvet, while her arm blindly reached for the furnace in human form that she calls boyfriend. However, as soon as her arm was only met with cold sheets, her eyes shot open.

Blinking the sleep away, she sat up on the bed, searching for the infamous red clock resting on Ashton’s bedside table that was supposed to look like a vintage alarm clock. Olivia had ordered it online at an auction website a couple of years back, as a gift for his 23rd birthday, since it was something he had mentioned multiple times prior that he was looking for, but still hadn't found. But when it finally came in (two weeks after the due date), it looked nothing like the picture she saw on the website. Feeling beyond frustrated, she wanted to send it back immediately and ask for a refund and maybe leave a not so polite review on the seller's page. But Ashton stopped her right away, laughing like the situation was absolutely hilarious to him, while saying, 'I like it, it’s quirky'. So, the clock stayed and found a home right next to him in their room.

Some days, however, she would wake up at some ungodly hour because of the blaring noise of the only ringtone the clock had. But whatever annoyance she could feel towards the object, it always vanished as soon as she felt Ashton's lips gently touching her face in a good morning kiss before he would get up to start his day, leaving her to catch some more hours of well deserved sleep.

As the furthest from a morning person as a touring musician could possibly be, Olivia had always feared that living under the same roof as Ashton would turn her into an early bird like him, but she's thankful that it never happened (not that he needs to know about that).

When she sees the red clock, she smiles at the sudden but welcome memories of them flooding her foggy brain, but frowns slightly when she realizes it reads 12:13 pm. Ashton rarely lets her sleep past 10 am.

Gathering all her strength and will, she rises up from the bed, smoothly picking up a grey wool sweatshirt from the chair (way too baggy on her slim body, but it smells like him), pulling it over her head and relishing on the soft material warming up her body. Making her way to the door and calmly going down the stairs, she can’t help but stop for a minute to admire the picture frames on their walls, one in particular catches her attention – probably one of the most prized pictures and memories they had. It felt older than it actually is, but it was around 4 years ago, she's sure – a little while after the two of them met. The picture was of their group of friends that still remains the same: Ashton and his best friend, Luke; Olivia, her best friend, Calum and their old hometown friend, turned into Calum’s new friend at college, turned into everyone’s friend, Michael; and her then newly band members, Suki, Eli and Ravi. Together, their group was the life of the party through all their college years, and it showed by the big smiles and drinks in hands they all had in the picture. It was a very special night, the first time Olivia’s little band played for the public – for a small audience sure, but it was a wonderful night nonetheless. What a long road it had been since that night.

Her nostalgic thoughts were interrupted by a shiver that went through her whole body, and it made her realize how oddly cold the whole house was, not only their bedroom. Which, granted, it was November in New York and the weather was just getting colder, but that’s exactly why Ashton always made sure to keep the house warm enough. As much as she loved the chilly season, the warm weather always reminded him of his hometown, and who was she to deny him that?

The smell of fresh made coffee could be sensed even before she reached the kitchen. Arriving there, the curly haired woman still found no signs of her boyfriend, so she went straight after the coffee maker pot sitting on the far left corner of the cream marble counter. Smiling softly at the tons of memories of Ashton's sleepy figure making their favorite beverage, she reached for a coffee mug on the cupboard on top of the counter and poured the remainder of the hot liquid on it (it's her favorite mug, if she must choose – it was a gift from a fan, and it had printed on it a collage of the pictures of her and Ashton that were posted on social media through their first year of relationship).

Moving to the glass doors that lead to the mini garden they cultivate, she didn't have to open them to spot the 6-feet-tall man sitting on a bench outside, looking oddly small in his oversized clothes, coffee mug tightly held between strong hands. Something about his figure made Olivia frown, however: he was staring with an unwavering look at her small but eye-catching pot of yellow daffodils that were almost as much of a pet to them as Stitch at this point. Sensing that there’s something definitely off about his semblance, she made a mental note to talk to him and find out what’s wrong later. So she goes back to the kitchen, knowing that he might need this quiet and private moment for himself.

She lost count of the minutes that went by (couldn't have been more than five) before she hears the garden's door opening and closing, and then his bare feet are dragging his brawny body to her. Except, he goes over to the sink, walking right through her, not showing any sign that he even saw her hunched figure over the counter table in the middle of the room.

Alright, someone's in a mood.

Olivia tries to swallow the annoyance already bubbling inside her – he knows how much she hates to be ignored, no matter how mad he might be – by trying to think of what she can say that won't piss him off. This is always a hard feat to accomplish when Ashton gets in these moods, but there’s a reason for them to work so well together.

“I missed my favorite body heater when I woke up,” she says in her best sweet voice, knowing how quickly his resolve crumbles when he hears that voice.

Still, no reaction.

That settles a worry at the pit of her stomach, because Ashton is never like this. Even when he's not in the mood to talk, he always gives some kind of reaction to her words; it doesn't matter how small, just enough to make her feel acknowledged.

When he's finished washing his mug and the few scattered dishes across the sink – she noticed that he already had lunch, if the lone plate in the drying rack is anything to go by –, he dries his hand in a towel, turns around and throws it on top of the same counter Olivia was leaning up against. Once again, he walks away not even sparing her a look.

Indignant, she leaves the now empty coffee mug on top of the table and follows him as he walks up the stairs, any determination to not aggravate his mood now well gone.

“Hey! In case you didn't notice, I'm right here. Whatever got you in this sour mood, I'm certainly not to blame, so can you stop being a child now and talk to me?!”

Ashton just keeps walking – more like sluggishly dragging his body – until he reaches their bedroom and suddenly stops just merely two feet inside the room, looking around with vacant eyes; like he was expecting to see something that wasn't there.

“Okay, that's really mature of you. Are you planning on ignoring me all day then?” Olivia questions exasperated, staring angrily at the back of his neck, where the condor tattoo lives – her favorite of his, but that sight doesn't bring her any peace today like it usually does.

Her glare only breaks when she hears the familiar sound of dog tags swaying on her right side. Shifting her gaze to the direction of the sound, Olivia notices Stitch, their small, black & white French bulldog – who she thought was outside in the garden – slowly trudging his way from around the bed until he stops at Ashton's feet, looking up at one of his humans with sad eyes. That realization only makes the worry in her stomach grow uncomfortably.

“Hi buddy,” Ashton's voice cracks a bit from the lack of use, but he smiles softly at the sweet dog, and crouches down to pet him.

Olivia can't help but gasp as she notices three things all at once that leave her overwhelmed: first, how she didn't even notice Stitch was in the room when she woke up – which never ever happens, in fact, most days he wakes her up whenever he deems her bedtime as finished and can't ever contain his excitement when she finally gets up; second, how the windows blinds are closed, which, again, rarely occurs under their roof, not if Ashton can help it. And third, how sad and melancholic the whole scene in front of her is – how sad and melancholic Ashton is. Pointless to say by now – that's also a very rare occasion.

A chill creeps up Olivia's spine, putting her body into high alert and also serving as a reminder of how everything looks out of place today. Trying to keep her head from spiraling down way too soon, she wraps her arms around herself and crouches down beside her two favorite boys, trying once more.

“Ash? Can you hear me?” even with her throat closing, she softly asks, purposefully putting her face in Ashton's point of view. Her only answer is the low whispers he's letting out to Stitch, while cradling the tiny dog in his arms, spreading gentle kisses on his head.

“I know, bud, I know. I miss her too,” is the only whisper she could understand and immediately wishes she hadn't. The weak wail that comes from Stitch's throat seems to fit perfectly with how the three of them feel.

Ashton then looks up and for a couple of seconds, and Olivia can swear he’s staring right into her eyes. But when he shows no reaction, she knows he’s just staring ahead and not at her, with that look that says there’s too much going on inside his head. She feels the urge to embrace him and get him to talk about whatever is on his mind, so they can share that weight like they always do, but when Ashton gets up from the ground and settles on the bed with Stitch, Olivia can physically feel the crack in her heart caused by the feeling she’s left with.

While Ashton is pulling the duvet over him and the dog, with clearly no intentions of getting up anytime soon, Olivia stands up on her feet with a new-found determination – she needs to figure out what the hell is going on.

This nightmare had to be just that, right? Nothing but a very vivid dream – she's had those before. Scary sure, but they always go away, and soon enough she's back into Ashton's arms, with Stitch jumping on the bed ready to lick their faces off. She just needs to wake herself up from whatever fucked up dream this is – right?

She's running down the stairs this time, frantically in search of something, of what exactly, she doesn’t know – but she knows she needs an answer. The more she looks for something, the more desperate she gets, not knowing what to look for. Then suddenly, something catches her eyes.

The white and blue calendar that's held up by magnets on the side of the fridge. She knows their calendar is red and yellow. They got it from their favorite flower market. Slowly, as if scared of what it might be there – “It's just a calendar, for fucks sake” – she approaches the damn thing. Upon inspection, she deems it as a normal calendar – she really doesn't know what she was expecting – until.

She knows what's wrong with it now.

It's November. She knows it, because the Asian and last leg of her first world tour is about to begin November 21st, eleven days from today. Right after Mike's birthday, she knows this.

Then why does the calendar say today is January 14th?

☆ ☆ ☆

Ashton woke up with a jolt. He quickly sat up, frightening the little Frenchie that was asleep right next to him on the bed. Trying to make sense of his surroundings, he roughly rubbed his face to get some sleep off of it and soon reached for the dog that was staring at him with sleepy but sad eyes. Ashton is sure Stitch understands far more than a dog is supposed to understand about their current situation.

The room is covered in shadows, almost pitch black, but he can see the sunlight even through the thick dark grey blinds covering up the windows. Ashton knows he won't be able to sleep again at that moment, so he gets up from the bed – much slower than he used to. His heartbeat is still out of control because of the nightmare that woke him up, but he can't bother to pay attention to it when Stitch is softly wailing beside him. Ashton lets out a ghost of a smile when the dog rests his head on his right upper thigh, looking up at him with an expression Ashton knows all too well.

“C'mon you little ravenous creature, let's feed you,” the bulldog excitedly jumps to the ground, already running his way down the stairs, not even waiting for Ashton to get up.

That gets a real smile out of him, but it vanishes as soon as he glances at the alarm clock on his bedside table. It reads 5:13 am, nothing out of the ordinary for him. But that small and inoffensive clock, with its red paint peeling off, holds a lot of memories for him. Memories that two months ago would bring joy to his heart, but now he almost wants to throw the object across the room.

It was a stupid thing, really. He had been wanting a vintage alarm clock and Olivia got one for his birthday. But the product they received was definitely not the one she bought, and if he's being honest, he didn't like it as much as he made out to. But seeing her so excited in the weeks before it arrived, and how disappointed she was when it did, he couldn't help but try his best to make her smile that luminous smile again. It's part of his nature by now.

That's also the reason why he lets her think that he doesn't notice when she wakes up at some ungodly hour (her words, not his) along with him, because of the annoying and only sound the alarm clock is able to produce. He always leaves soft kisses in every inch of bare skin he can find on her sleeping figure, so she goes back to the dream land and doesn't wake up before 10 am. No one wants to deal with that kind of bad humor, not even him.

As much as he likes being a morning person and absolutely enjoys her company in the mornings, he knows she'll take any and every extra hour of sleep she can get before starting the day. And that's why he loves that she's so stubborn that his early bird tendencies never got to her – he knows she feared that this would happen when they moved in together, but he met her like this, fell for her like this. He wouldn't change a single thing about her.

Ashton drags himself out of the bed, wincing slightly at how cold the wooden floors are under his bare feet. He doesn't bother putting some socks on, or a sweater – the cold weather in the house is uncharacteristically comforting to him. Nothing feels warm without her anyway.

While descending the stairs, he mentally curses himself for not being strong enough to look past the picture frames on the wall. One in particular catches his eyes – a picture from the night of Olivia's first concert with her band. The memories of that night are still painfully vivid in his mind: the laughter among their group that eventually infected everyone at the pub, Suki and Luke's first kiss and the silly smile that didn't leave his best friend's face all night, the standing ovation Olivia got after her three-songs set, and her captivating and breathtaking smile that made him realize right then and there, while watching her sway to the music, that he was definitely falling in love with her and there was nothing he could do to stop it – not that he wanted to.

So many memories held up on that wall, in the relatively short time since they met, that he can't help but wonder if that's all they'll get in this lifetime.

Ashton is abruptly taken out of his thoughts by Stitch's barks coming from the bottom of the stairs. He quickly jogs down the few steps left and goes straight after the dog's food in the kitchen's cabinet. After Stitch starts to happily devour his breakfast, Ashton goes to make his coffee, doing enough for two people like he always does, since Calum drops by most days for a chat or to drop Duke before going to work. Although all three of them know he just can't bother to make food for himself in the morning, while Ashton is the group's elected chef. Ashton always says he just needs a boyfriend – Olivia says Calum already has one who makes him breakfast every day.

He grabs an apple from the fridge and makes his way outside to their garden. Even though a lot of their memories took place there, the garden is the only space in the house where he doesn't feel like suffocating all the time. At least here, he can breathe some fresh air and look at the sky when he's feeling overwhelmed – which is basically all he's been doing for about a month now.

Yet, a lot of the garden has Olivia's name written all over.

He remembers vividly the day she came home after spending two weeks in LA doing some pocket shows, with a pack of daffodil seeds and the largest smile. She excitedly told him that a friend gifted it to her when she mentioned the little garden they were planning to build together at their new house. The friend told Olivia that daffodils symbolize rebirth and new beginnings, so as the good lover of symbolism that she is, Olivia loved the idea of having those flowers to symbolize their new beginning.

Ashton, on the other hand, wasn't a fan of the flowers at first – he just didn't see the appeal to them. But nonetheless, he indulged her, letting Olivia plant the seeds near the bench they used to sit during the quiet and unrushed afternoons, so they could admire the sunset, and she could happily look at the daffodils.

Pointless to say – the damn flowers grew on him.

Now, however, looking at them without Olivia and her contagious joy next to him, they were back to be as dull as they were before, if not more so.

Still lost inside his head without any sense of how much time went by since he sat down, Ashton doesn't hear the front door closing, and doesn't notice that he's no longer the only person inside the house until someone sits next to him on the bench. Yet, he doesn't show any sign of acknowledgement to them.

A few minutes go by before either of them speaks up.

“Luke said you didn't go to see her yesterday,” Calum starts softly, not wanting to disturb the calmness of the morning.

Ashton takes a few seconds to respond, “No point in doing that.” The black haired man licks his lips while thinking carefully about his next words.

“You know staying inside this house all day by yourself won't help either,” Calum turns his head to his left and takes a good look at Ashton's uncharacteristically hunched over figure, and immediately thinks that anyone can tell this man is not himself anymore. His second thought is that Olivia would hate seeing him like this.

“And what exactly do you expect me to do? Move on with my life like nothing happened? Like I'm not slowly and painfully losing the love of my life? Just because it’s easy for you doesn't mean it's easy for me.”

Calum closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He knows Ashton doesn't mean it, it's the anger and frustration talking. He knows it. Doesn't make it sting any less.

“I'm not telling you to move on with your life, because that's far from what I'm doing, and I certainly don't expect you to do it. I'm just saying you need to occupy your mind or else–”

“I'll go insane? Think it's a bit too late for that,” Ashton interrupts with a bitter tone that doesn't belong to his usual chirpy voice.

“You know it's not,” Calum sighs and drinks the rest of his coffee, moving his body slightly, so he's facing the blonde man, “I got a job interview for you at that school you talked about so much last summer, the principal said you can go any day this week. I went ahead and sent her your resume as well as explained everything that she needs to know about Olivia, so you don't have to. You just gotta put on some decent clothes and show up.” he sees Ashton's face softening a little and takes it as a victory. A few beats go by and then, “Maybe take a shower too. That's gonna make you feel better.” Calum leans in closer to his friend's personal space and takes a sniff, causing Ashton to deflect from him slightly, but not to push him away – another small win.

“Definitely take a shower, you stink. When was the last time your hair saw shampoo?”

“Fuck off,” is Ashton's only reply to the younger man's inquest. But Calum can see a smile creeping up on the blonde's face, which brings out a smile of his own.

“I'll send you all the details later today,” he checks the hour on the watch on his wrist and gets up, “Just please, Ash, go. I can't lose you too.”

Calum gently lays a hand on Ashton's shoulder and squeezes a little. The man doesn't look up, but gives a curt nod to his friend, who's satisfied enough. Calum stops on the threshold of the garden glass doors to give some kisses to Stitch – who came to make Ashton company as soon as he finished his food –, and then he puts the coffee mug on the dishwater. And soon enough, he's on his way out of the door. But not before snatching a tangerine from the fridge.

Ashton is left by himself once again. As he hears the sound of the front door closing, he thinks that this might be his life from now on. Just him and Stitch, trying their hardest to make it through another miserable day without the love of their lives. While everyone else comes by just to make sure he's still breathing. Breathing, maybe, but alive?

Swallowing the tears, he looks up at the sky. It's a deep, beautiful mix of orange, pink and blue, but he knows that it won't last long and soon the rain will be pouring down. He thinks about how much Olivia loves the rain.

God, he needs to pull himself together. She would hate to see him like this. Maybe he should take Calum's offer after all, he really needs to occupy his mind.

Making a mental note to thank Calum later, and also to apologize for how rude he was to him this morning, Ashton slowly gets up from the bench to put his mug on the sink and makes his way to the living room, with the small dog loyally following his every step. He puts on some cartoon that for once doesn't remind him of her (she always lovingly made fun of him for still watching those) and cuddles with Stitch on the couch. He can take a shower later.

Not half an hour goes by, he falls asleep and has a good dream for a change. He dreams of the days he spent with Olivia in the Philippines last February, right before her first world tour started. Some of the most magical days of their lives – surrounded by delicious food, a whole new culture to learn about and the warmth of the sun. Infinite counted days full of love and passion, where they were the only people in the world.

Even his subconscious knows to hold on to that brief moment of happiness, because he might never live that again.