#i felt so miserable today
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suguru... u represent me....
#i felt so miserable today#massive headache rn#he looks so dead to the world in the first one#he's... kinda cute#suguru <33#jjk <33#suguru geto#geto suguru#jujutsu kaisen
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big brothers get bigger and little brothers get littler
#if the old vers of this takes off ill blow upthe world with us all in it it was only there for a second#heart brocken thinking abt raphy nearly the same height as his brothers today#but tomorrow hes so tall he looks down at his little brother donnie and all he can see is his face reflecting on his googles and his 5head#i forgot the QUESTION MARK! so now leos saying that as a Matter Of Fact.#annoincing that im drawing them like. from memory all the time i fourgot waht they actually look like.....? idgaf#og draws were just raph and mike but i felt Miserable not drawing all 4 so it ended up taking longer than it shouldve.#grin#rottmnt#tmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt raph#rottmnt leo#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt mikey#eyestrain#my art
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⚔️🦈
#twst#twisted wonderland#twst silver#floyd leech#suntails#adding tags retroactively bc i dont want to be too worrying. so ppl know my brother almost tried to . and i had to take care of it#and i got a 900 dollar medical bill today. and im unemployed. so it um. kinda broke the last straw. and twt has been miserable to touch#got in a small fight w my friend and i felt physically sick and ive been having little mini breakdowns like 3 times a day and im not used t#i dont get sad like this. i dont GET soul-crushingly upset. i dont get nervous. i normally j shut down and get thru stuff so im rly lost#sry for the vent i dont intend for it to act as such. i j wanted to give context for whats been going on bc a lot of ppl here r tumblr-Only#i rly liked this when i drew it bc i love silly meme outfits. i drew minions a lot when i was into hq so it felt like returning to my roots#im sure when i feel less empty ill be happy w this again
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Bucky's poll
#mota#buck x bucky#gale cleven#clegan#mota polls#i'm miserable today so i felt like doing another fun poll
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she has the biggest chokehold on me
#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#mafuyu asahina#25 ji nightcord de#niigo#puroseka#you can see i felt so miserable today just by the way i draw her#better she's drawn - worse i was feeling#thats a fun feature
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find the champagne and the orgies (Olympics AU) - Epilogue
[photo slide show: Erso and Andor in front of a church portal, their backs to the camera. Erso in a white neckholder sundress and flat sandals, a small bouquet in her free hand and a flower in her hair. Andor in dress pants and white shirt, fingers laced with hers, whispering in her ear. View of a beach, Andor in the distance, walking in the surf. View over Zócalo square.]
jynersnow chill holiday, not a lot happened (wedding pics curtesy of @rookeryphotography)
leiaorgana shut up you’re both so beautiful leiaorgana congratulations :* god I did so well on that party in Korea jjojoji85 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH they’re so cute I#m going INSANE cassiandor @ leiaorgana you did. I owe you. Jianggg aww that’s great <3 congratulations jynersnow @ cassiandor you’re giving her too much power [+ load more]
#i love these mixed media stories but i always forget how much goddamn work they are lol#anyway!!! new content! now with added Paris Olympics! this one always felt weirdly unfinished to me so I'm very happy#(even though i've procrastinated on a very long list of stuff to write this today)#therebelcaptainnetwork#jyn x cassian#olympics au#my words#(i sprinkled in a few of you guys when the instagram name generators failed me miserably hope that's okay!)
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I have another gig in a week and I'm so nervous 😭 I get paid hundreds of dollars for only five hours of work, but it is so nerve-racking and the work environment is so stressful, like literally every time I'm there I'm on the verge of tears or I have to take a 2 minute break before the show starts just to run to the restrooms and cry bc I get so stressed out. And then when I clock out I just cry my eyes out in my car while driving home. But hey!!! Hundreds of dollars!!! For five or six hours of my time!!! Only a few days a month!!! Hundreds!!! Of dollars!!! So it would be totally stupid to quit.
I wouldn't have been able to afford pampering myself on my last two F/O anniversaries (and currently placing an order for a rose bouquet for Six's anniversary for the 18th) if I didn't have this second job... but if it didn't pay me such a large amount of money each time, I probably would have quit by now bc it makes me so damn anxious. The show isn't even for one week and I'm sitting here stressing about it! I have one thousand other things to stress about and this job shouldn't be one of 'em 😤
I just keep trying to think about Ken hugging me while saying "Aw, sweet girl, don't be nervous! You JUST started this job, you've only worked three shows -- you think you're gonna be perfect your first try?? You're gonna be so good once you get the hang of it. Just look at me! I've been doing Beach for 62 years now, and I still don't know what my job is supposed to be... but I know I look So Cool™ 😎"
#my god i love ken SO MUCH i am so grateful to have an F/O who brings me comfort when im anxious#and grateful i am not as numb as i was three weeks ago#i am still struggling to self ship like i used to - and i think i always will bc of [gestures to 2023] - BUT#the fact that i thought of ken and felt some relief is a rly good sign bc three weeks ago i felt *nothing*#i am depressed and miserable as fuck today but he still gave me a crumb of comfort. THATS SOMETHING ✨#woof#plus I'm gonna be able to meet a TF voice actor in September bc of this job#I'm gonna give him my charms... and... say I liked his character...#and maybe it'll make me feel better around that character. or maybe it won't. but it's worth a try!!!#and how cool is it that I get to work in a place where so many big celebs do their shows?? and MEET them???#one day I wanna meet John Legend if he comes back again and tell him I LOVED him in La La Land 🥺#This job is impossible to get hired for unless if you have connections bc it's so... idk the word. fancy?#that's not the word but it's a Big Job and I am SO STRESSED MY GOD#but I'd be wasting opportunities if I didn't keep trying at least for a few more months#and if I gotta cry my eyes out in the parking lot after my shifts that's fine as long as I work the full five to six hours#I'm celebrating *THREE* F/O anniversaries in September which is ALSO MY BIRTHDAY#so I'm gonna need the extra cheddar to absolutely spoil myself. Officer K and Driver are two big main F/Os#and I still haven't celebrated my Barbie/Ken anniversary as much as I wanted#so!! I!! will!!! tough it out even though this job makes me cry. give me that money#I am stressed every day of my life bc I have a Complex Stress Disorder you might as well pay me hundreds to be stressed
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theres a really. special kind of despair in the uncertainty brought about by moments of success and achievement. the inevitable “what now” of reaching your goals. and i kind of wish someone had warned me how hollow graduating university would feel, tbh
#taylor.txt#im miserable primarily for other reasons right now but i dont think i appreciated how much this just…wouldnt feel like anything#i think especially in my case as someone who so desperately needed ‘going away to college’ to get out of my childhood situation#and now for the past 5 years everything ive done has been for the purpose of getting my degree and finishing school#like im fine i guess i just kind of wish i could feel proud of myself or happy its over instead of like dreading the ceremony and feeling#like everything i have to do for grad is just one more thing i have to check off a list. getting my grad photos done felt nice but idk#it kind of feels like no one really cares which. idk why i would expect it to NOT feel that way. but yeah#tl;dr im around Kinda…need to finish stuff up but im over the really busy part of this all. kinda just coasting to the end here tbh#when this is over i’m gonna get to my request fics. prommy. wanted to do them over the long weekend but i was sick :(#anyway like to be clear im fine. people have been pointing out today i seem down and i think embarrassingly a collection of my students#noticed me crying on the bus today but thats life i guess you make do. im sad and thats ok. tbh
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So I have officially finished watching the first episode of tdp and I am once again asking Netflix to stop releasing seasons that are like 3 episodes long
#On a more serious note I'm so hooked#Like. The animation and art style is so pretty I want to do so many frame redraws#I'm cursing that Netflix blacks out screen shots so I can't save anything :(( I want some of these as lockscreens#But other than the art the story is super engaging so far and the world building is so fun!! I can wait to see more of it unfold#I also love how organic the dialogue is. They feel like real people having actual conversations#The swordfighting scene between Callum and soren (you'll have to forgive me if I get names mixed up lol) especially felt like something you#Could hear irl. It was also super sweet and I love how they didn't go with the trope of overly harsh and miserable instructor but instead#Went the opposite route#I really like all the characters so far! Can't wait to see how my opinion changes AVDBSBSNSJS#Sorry for the long ramble lol#I might do this episode by episode instead of live reaction and leave my thoughts in the tags like this#If you guys don't mind reading all this lol#I think I'll just forget to do the updates or get so distracted I'll miss things#Idk how quickly I'll get through it because things r hella chaotic but I want to binge it sm#Alas I must go to sleep today#But I'm loving this so far wins all across the board! I can't wait to continue it!!!!!#Yapadoodledoo: fandom edition#Also I can't remember that frog like creatures name (it's been three seconds 😭) but I would die for them
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2015->2023
It gets better
#was looking at old photos and put these side by side. wow#in the first pic i was miserable malnourished and so depressed i didnt think id make it to 2016#the second pic was a few months ago in too lazy to take w newer one today lol#im still depressed but not like i was. ive come so far and its so hard to see it from day to day sometimes#i never thought id live long enough to go on hrt. top surgery felt completely impossible#but i got to live#i got to transition#i wish i could go back and show that scared kid how far we've come#idk these pics just had me feeling really sappy#maybe one day ill make a more intentional transition timeline post#but these photos really show a lot#transgender love transgender peace transgender joy#it gets better i promise#sounds fake and shallow but it's so fucking true
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📓🖊️🧸
#i feel so lonely now bc i have no one to talk to sksksk#my sisters gets mad whenever i try to talk 2 mom and she just slammed doors nd got irritated at me#nd my mom is so stressed nd in a bad mood so she just got annoyed when i tried saying smth to her#so ig i should just vent to my bestfriend beloved diary confidant thats been here for me for 5yrs<3333#anywayyy today was rough.. i woke up w a headache after 3hrs of sleep :((#but still had to get up nd get ready nd eat boxed mashed potatoes for breakkyy 🤢🤮 (it's so gross after eating it everyday lol)#then w my hunchback nd achy stomach i went to school. it was frustrating bc ppl r so fkn rude#they bumped into me at the bus nd i had to sit like a weirdo caging my left stomach side from everyone. had to elbow some dumb fkn guy bc he#pressed his backpack into my side. so i had to basically push it away from me lol he thought i was so weird. but move tf away asshole??????#got to school nd checked myself in the mirror nd i was so pale i look like absolute garbage its annoying :((#it was next to insufferable to endure class bc my head hurt so bad (it was the worst part i think) nd i couldnt sit up straight so my back#hurt so bad too sksksks :<#but i managed to write a little but on my assignment#then i left a bit earlier bc i couldnt stand it anymore i was feeling so bad#wrnt to the library bc i had to return some books. could only carry two small ones tho so have to go back multiple times sksksk#felt soooo bad but ate some more disgusting mashed potatoes nd took a nap w an ice pack. took a migraine pill even if it upsets my stomach🤣#now a few hours later i feel better physically#buuuuuut im so miserable im not even kidding#idc if it sound pathetic or fatty but genuinely that moment w a cup of coffee nd a small chocolate treat everyday makes me feel sm better#like im not kidding!!!!! it does a lot for my peace of mind sksksk T-T#im so miserable bc i cant eat anything still im so hungry :((#and im weak. im pale. my skin's dry. it's itchy bc of malnutrition... i feel faint nd dizzy nd slow nd just not good at all#im so frustrated i hate this sm i wanna feel strong and healthy!! i dont wanna be constantly hungry. i wanna go to the gym nd go for walks#i wanna be able to sit up straight nd not get back pain!!!#i know i know it's only been 8 days since surgery and it takes time to heal i get it..... :(#but theres just too much going on and im so sick and tired of it all#mostly i just wanna be able to eat and feel strong bc i feel so weak nd i miss food so much sksksksk
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Jean Valjean in Les Misérables 5.9.5/The Little Prince, by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry/Saturn, by Sleeping At Last
#les miserables#les mis#jean valjean#lm 5.9.5#just a little web weaving for today’s les mis letters#even though I haven’t really been following along this year#does this mean anything? idk but I thought of these two things#the last time I read it and Valjean said that#and it felt meaningful to me so I thought I’d share
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No one ever talks about hemiplegic migraines and how much they suck and ESPECIALLY no one ever talks about how much your head hurts THE NEXT DAY king my head felt FINE when I went to bed let me LIVE
#anyways hi my migraines get so bad half my body goes numb and every time i move my head too fast the next day it throbs#best way i can describe the day after headace is like. if you've ever had covid and you got that really bad headache???#and like every time you'd move your head you'd have to like wait for a second cause it was fucking THROBBING??#that's the day after headache i usually get sometimes it isn't THAT bad but sometimes it is#and i guess hemiplegic migraine is like#what if you have Migraine boss mode and it felt like someone swung a baseball bat at your head so hard you were experiencing stroke symptom#teehee! ❤️#i am NOT exaggerating one time i made the mistake of trying to sleep off a hemiplegic migraine after playing animal crossing at like 4am#cause screen bad for migraine but ot already sucks so i can be miserable or miserable a d playing animal crossing lmfao cnxncnxncnddf#and ANYWAYS i had a nightmare timmy and tommy were beating my head in with a baseball bat lmfao like you cannot sleep that shit off#it will follow you and it will hurt!#Anyway here is Mimi's super cool guide to a hemiplegic migraine: Take more ibuprofen that is comfortable (my max is 4)#drink a LOT of water cause hydration helps with migraines. lay down in a dark room and throw on a video essay you can half pay attention to#you aren't gonna be able to fall asleep but close your eyes and just focus on that. ALSO icepack. you're gonna be here for a while#anyways i would like to switch up my pain meds when having one cause. ibuprofen isn't good for your stomach! but idk how much to take#so i am stuck in limbo until i figure that out i caught yesterday's too late and that's why my head hurts today
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reading my fic planning as a bedtime story and then tomorrow. perhaps. you know.
#mine#haven't Sat Down to Write in so long maybe tomorrow is the day#felt Physically Miserable today lol otherwise i mightve started today. but oh well
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Me panicking because i have 9 missed calls and 5 emails talking about my absence and how "a colleague could take over for me" vs. Me knowing it's really not that important no matter how pushy a client is and that on top of it I'm underpaid and have way to much overtime so i shouldn't even care
#i have 14 hours overtime#collected within 2 weeks lol#you know how it's apparently mandatory for companies in germany to have a way track employees working time? yeah we're#the only company in the whole fucking country who doesn't do that (obviously that's not true there's probably plenty more but it's#still not right.) so we don't get paid overtime nor does it get acknowledged in any way#so technically we're not allowed to even it out (which most people try to do anyway because tf do they think they are asking us to work for#free) but I'm dedicated to not collect any more unpaid working hours so i take the liberty to leave work early this week#so today i left at 12pm (and then got home 4 hours later because another person decided to kill themselves by train. they should call me#first. or anyone else taking the train. I'm sure there'd be plenty of volunteers to do the killing if it means not another miserable day#stuck in a disgusting train). and i logged in again at 6pm today to see if i have anything important messages (stupid i know)#and i saw the missed calls and that there had been an email exchange with me in the cc talking about the 'changes' made in one of the#articles and that someone else could do that for me since i couldn't be reached and at first i felt ashamed and scared#but now it's honestly just pissing me off. that asshole can't write emails and communicate requests like normal people can he#he already called me last week about something completely stupid and acts like his matters are the most important shit in the world#fuck you if you can't wait one day you should have sent this a month earlier because i won't stay online everyday#just to see if there might be an 'important' change you want me to make Immediately. bitch.#also missed two calls from my colleague but she didn't send any messages about what she wanted so i asked her because i felt bad for not#being online and turns out she wanted Nothing. just hear how i was. JUST TEXT ME THEN???? I HATE IT HERE FUCK YOU#seriously i don't get paid enough for this to bother me so much. she probably gets 12-15€ more than me per hour#of course she doesn't care about her overtime as much as i do. i get minimum wage which is less than what I'd get if i still worked at uni#as a student assistant so fuck this shit it's really not important or worth it. from now on i'll only put in minimum effort too#sorry got carried away. rant over now i guess#void screams#work stuff
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Hm
#i think im being taught a lesson about how to deal with loneliness#was i alone today? no. technically not. but i certainly felt lonely even with my friends#a feeling i wish id left behind in high school#i was like AH. I understand now. this is loneliness ive been feeling all week#anyway what is the point of this post? i am simply tired of being medium miserable and am oddly glad to understand WHY i feel so out of#sorts. it isnt just the hormones lol its the general loss of community post old church#and the continuing revelations that things were NOT okay in fact were even worse than i thought at the time#like 😭😭😭 we do live in a fallen world. still. hate to see it
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