#and then i immediately felt better :3
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#was like today rly is a go lie in bed and be miserable day (pms)#but then i went to lie in bed and was like yanno what let me cuddle w my 2 fave plushies for the first time in Many Month#and then i immediately felt better :3#PSA go cuddle w stuffed animals to self soothe!!!#ngl i do need to cry for no reason for a little while :( siighh.....#Little Tissue i love u sm <3 ive had her since i was a newborn. not my oldest plushie tho#also kitty <3 ive had her since primary school 5th year. so i think like 2 months before i turned 9? yea. math 😎👍#mine
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you know i got halfway through this before realizing i probably subconsciously ripped the concept from an old tumblr post sorry
#and then keith would say something rude and they would get into an argument for 3 hours#klance#vld#voltron#art#my art#ok guys we're in the tags time for my character debrief that no one asked for or cares about#i imagine this as like. far enough into their friendship that lance doesnt IMMEDIATELY come to blows#but keith feels the immediate need to make his emotional constipation everyones problem. and instigates a fight.#obviously that fucker would have to be on his actual deathbed in order to speak from tjhe heart#BUT if he somehow felt the motivation to fess up before then. it would be. such. an ordeal.#lance would be scratching his head like. why is keith insulting me out of nowhere 3982 times this week. i thought we were doing better#little does he know every time is just a try and fail on keiths part#because he needs an emotional miralax.#bless his heart.#if youre writing keith and he isnt dragged kicking screaming and dyiing into his feelings#are you even writing keith?#anyway this one goes out to katie klanced#hopefully you approve
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What the FUCK do y’all know about sexualizing nuns⁉️🤪
#this is actually my old way of coloring#I’m so glad I decided to go back to it <3#proud of this one🫶#I hate leather but it’s so sexy 😔#I dunno how well that dude on Twitter accomplished their goal lol#guys I was legit depressed over my art style the other night and then I opened this file#got flashed by Gil and immediately felt better#my tulpa wife who flashes me and chases the demons away <3#trans Gil#succumbed to peer pressure and gave him some bangin hangers#they didn’t have to try too hard#hetalia fanart#hetalia#hws prussia#aph prussia#gilbert beilschmidt#my friend sent me a letter and was like I see you’re still in your hetalia phase#get well soon :)#or2#digital art#my art#commissions open#artists on tumblr#procreate#digital illustration#illustration#fanart#digital painting#typical catholic progression
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Feel free to ignore this, yapping into the void makes me feel better
Bros... The day I had went from good, to eh, to wtf
Even my own body tried to kill me today what /hj
#Vent warning#Because complaining makes me feel better :P#My luck strikes again....#I knew I had too many good things happening too many times in a row without back falls UAGHHHHH#RELEASE MEEEE I DON'T WANT THE BAD LUCK DAYS PLEASEEEEEE#Also legit feared for my life for a good 20 minutes but I'm okay#Stupid ah went into shock seeing blood where there shouldn't have been#Feinted in the shower but didn't get a concussion when I hit my head yippie#I literally felt like the whole world was upside down when I fell#I am so smart I turned off the water before blacking out hehe#also immediately went to unlock the door when I woke up#Shout out to the bestie/roommate for talking about anything else to help me recuperate and not freaking out about my state#accidentally flashed her oops#Almost feinted again at seeing the blood still appearing but I pulled through like a G#Also what I mean by everything trying to get me today#Choked on water like 3 times throughout the day#The room divider almost completely fell on me#The PMS PAINS#And TMI body issues that caused the blood yay#Said issues causing discomfort all day and last night uaghhh only 3 hours of sleeeeeep#Class wise and productivity wise twas a good day it was smooth and I had fun drawing#My overall safety 💥💥💥💥💥 uogh#Honestly i'm surprised I don't hurt anywhere from falling#Praise be that I dropped myself on my head repeatedly as a child#I'm not gonna die we chilling#It's not that serious of issues I've been through way worse#Going back to being happi and drawing now it's all in the void#cw blood#tw blood#Vent
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<== / ==>
#Sorry for answering like 2 questions and then immediately putting them on pause#I felt that some questions would be better answered in the next location after some....exposition :3#homestuck#pesterquest beyond canon#eridan ampora#aradia megido#gamzee makara#pesterquest#homestuck ask blog
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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Oh my god HOW DID YOU LIKE SVSSS!!!!!
i liked it more than i thought i would but overall less than i might have given the potential of the story, i think in general i really enjoyed the characters (mxtx never goes wrong with characters, she creates them in a way that makes me feel unhinged) and the world building but the pay off to the set up—which i really liked!—felt a bit........ i mean, just alright.
the dynamics too are pure mxtx, personally the bin/gqiu dynamic specifically really was the least interesting part of the whole story. to me!! but individually i loved both characters. my interest was just elsewhere because """elsewhere""" felt way more fascinating idk how to explain it
was very, very happy about the extra with airplane and the yue qingyuan / shen jiu one because that's exactly what i wanted more of in the story itself as well as just more shen yuan/qingqiu interacting with cang qiong mountain
maybe it's my orv brain but like i told jana a while back i think i would have enjoyed svsss way more if it was more about shen yuan (loner; hater; etc) suddenly finding himself among all of these people (disciples looking up to him; sect siblings relying on him one way or another; common folk admiring him; etc etc) and starting to.... live? again?
Shen Qingqiu hadn't noticed that, unconsciously, he no longer considered the disciples around him (...) to be mob characters the novel had described in a scant number of words.
^from volume one, he starts seeing them almost immediately because he's not actually that separate and he genuinely cares. all the time. about everything. even before that we get:
This was only a book, and all the people were constructs, imaginary characters. Logically, Shen Qingqiu was very clear on this fact...but when a character was actually being taunted and bullied right before his eyes, it was just flat-out unrealistic to expect him to be completely unmoved.
like why are you lying, shen yuan (<- svsss tagline if there ever was one)
just the idea of this really lonely detached guy finding a community, i know it's not the story mxtx was trying to tell but again, with the set up i really wanted to see it go in that direction.
there's one line from vol two where liu qingge goes "you fear becoming a burden to cang qiong mountain (...) but cang qiong mountain fears not your burden"
and basically what i'm saying is that i wish the story had been about THAT
(and also ning yingying's lines in that same chapter about shizun always taking on everything himself and why is it always you like that whole moment with the cang qiong mountain almost begging him to see that they care. idek what i'm saying but you know)
(also foaming at the mouth that we only got tiny tiny glimpses of shen yuan's life from before, those handful of times he mentioned his siblings i wanted to take a bite out of my kindle. tell me more!! dear fucking lord tell me more!! keep talking! elaborate!! he really felt very "kim dokja and his fourth wall" at times, sorry once more about the orv brain)
tldr: i guess i wanted a story about shen yuan/qingqiu but mxtx created svsss to be a story about bin/gqiu. and i just have to be okay with that.
#does this make any sense? no. am i still hitting ''post''? yes. sorry kay#fra.txt#fra.xml#pathos-logical#overall i quite enjoyed obsessive lu.o bin.ghe. so intense and possessive about the one person who showed him a little kindness#(so what if he also showed him a lot of pain too here and there?)#but like i said the bin.gqiu dynamic just didn't pull me in. of course to each their own#(''one person'' but poor yingying was trying to help him since day one.)#but also..... to me it felt like his arc was the least satisfying. he just.... is. whereas most everyone else seems to evolve more tangibly#right now i can't help but think of tianlang-jun. ''i can't bring myself to hate humans''#not to mention all the women from his harem becoming characters in their own right#i wish i could explain myself better but i don't have the words. sorry!#l.uo bin.ghe you ARE interesting i just feel like your story could have been more#as an apology here's my favorite line of yours: ''I don't want you to repay me. I just couldn't get over my anger''#see?? i pay attention to you too baby boy#i should re-read all of ^^^ that but i won't </3#edit: one thing i forgot to mention is that i did like the small snippet we got of bin/g-ge reacting to shen yu.an/qin.gqiu#like now that's something that immediately caught my eye it already made for such a more fascinating dynamic.#also i've seen a few things about shen yua.n (not trasmigrated) getting to meet bin.ghe/bin.g-ge and again that i would take a peak at#fully black lotus bin/g-ge coming face to face with shen ''i'm a hater but also can't help but be kind all the time'' yu.an truly pickles#my tickle. i'm sat. i'm listening. i'm compelled.
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brother where is the charles appreciation
#so dark out here#umm dead boy detectives review here we go! first two episodes were definitely the worst of the series. both are kinda weirdly paced and#the exposition is done poorly in places. overall from episode 3 onwards it gets much much better with pacing and show dont tell#do not understand for the life of me why they made crystal palace american#kassius nelson (<- crystals actress) was very good in places and kinda ehhh in others and im 90% the issue for most of the latter moments#was just that her american accent is not great. sorry they did that to you queen#dialogue was a bit dodge sometimes as well#stuff i liked now! the plot felt quite solid and i really enjoyed the monster of the week approach i think thats the perfect way to#do a dbd adaptation. was a bit annoyed they immediately went to america but port townsend was an interesting setting and all the#supernatural elements/characters fit in nicely#major props cos i feel like the show mostly pulled off the emotionally charged moments without getting corny and the dialogue was generally#good in those moments#particularly charles/crystals heart to heart in ep. 3 and like the entirety of episode 7 (<- ep 7 was brilliant)#overall very fun watch and i feel that the more irritating typical YA show garb was at least a bit offset by them being willing to get#quite dark in places#bit sad people are mostly posting about edwin becos charles was my favourite. has been entertaining watching americans scramble around#the cultural differences in the show#shaking my inbox like a maraca. if anyone wants to talk at me abt the show i will love you forever#.log
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Steel, dragon and flying for good ol cap?~
fdgjkfdh Thankyou for providing your own Captain pic I greatly appreciate it <3
Ask from Here
💻Steel Type💻 - Who’s more likely to struggle with technology? How does the other help?
Neither one of us is exactly a tech wiz or anything, we leave that kinda thing to Dot mostly, but at least I can work a Rotom Phone.
He blames it mostly on his paws making the touch screen hard to work, but I've watched Elekid navigate Orla's Rotablet before to watch PokeTube before, so it's not impossible for a Pokemon to work touch screens.
I think he's just old fashioned.
🐉Dragon Type🐉- What would your F/O secretly hoard? How would you find out about it?
The Captain's not much of a materialistic guy, I can't see him hoarding much or anything. I'm not even sure he really owns anything other than that hat Friede gave him and the bracelet I made him.
If he hoarded anything, it'd probably be gifts from the crew, especially the kids. I wonder where he'd stash them.. Friede's room maybe?
🪶Flying Type🪶- What’s something that your F/O does that makes your heart soar? Something you do that makes their stomach fluttery?
Battle! The Captain's fights always get my heart pounding! Watching him get to go all out especially! The Captain is the coolest when he gives it his all! I just want to keep capturing those moments on canvas forever!
Something I do that makes Cap's stomach flutter? Heh heh, I can't imagine there's anything about me that'd interest him that way. The Captain's way too cool for that kinda thing.
Captain (Translated for the viewer): .....I like the look in his eyes when something inspires him.
#Thankyou For asking#Captain Pikachu#They've apparently removed Yellow from Text colors... Which is fair it's like impossible to see on any Light Mode#Anyway#It took a minute for me to think of something Cap likes about me#I realized I kinda started this selfship with the idea he falls for me first but... didn't really think of why#Felt a little bad honestly thought about dropping the whole thing immediately#Why WOULD Captain Pikachu like someone like me...#He said it himself#It's for the same reason I like him.#Heh heh... he thinks I'm cool when I got all out on my art#Just like I think he's cool when he goes all out in battle...#Hee... I feel better about this selfship now <3#btw my S/I doesn't know this - This Ship in canon is veeeerry much in it's will they won't they phase#Mostly with Cap down bad and me being oblivious#Both to Cap and my own feelings#How fun 😊
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I am rotating Light so hard in my head rn girlies who just straight up fucking torture ppl cause she can
#rat rambles#rain posting#oc posting#I <3 iterator gore and body horror if I was a better artist Id draw the horrors shes inflicted on some of these poor bastards#Im also brainstorming ideas for some more iterator ocs both so I can have more iterator ocs who arent chronically offline and so that I can#make them be some of lights victims and put them through some truly horrific shit#light vc omg haiii I saw you noticed some of the organisms I pumped into your bloodstream finally Ive been waiting sooo long to show this#stuff off so feel free to give mild resistance to my demands so I have an excuse to permanently disfigure your puppet :3#I have one girlie vaguely conceptulaized and some vague ideas for the sort of roles I want the others to have in their lil friend group but#its all still very very vague concepts Ill have to brainstorm some more to get more solid ideas for them#in the meantime Ive also been thinking of some potential unparalleled innocence hc stuff#nothing super concrete but I am slowly building some new hcs that will relate to the tortured girlie I have some ideas for#but yeah I had a blast telling my friends abt synchronized light today and getting my intended reaction of aw thats cute that turns into#horror as I progress down the timeline#my intent with these two is for them to initially come across as rly fun and cute and just generally very easy to connect to only for the#immediate second layer to their characters to fucking evicerate all of those feelings#also parasite horror is both some of my favorite (cause its horrifying) and least favorite (cause I can get legitimately paranoid) shit#and just the image of being an iterator and realizing that there is malicious shit inside of you that you werent able to immediately detect#is so delightfully fun to me especially considering how vulnerable a lot of these iterators probably already felt just letting the#construction and repairs happen only to find out that that vulnerability Was abused horrifically and that its far too late to stop it#anyways I need to go talk to myself in the shower to brainstorm some more lol
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he has a somewhat round head now
#mono’s stuff#YES i fucked it up immediately by forgetting to flip the face inside out so. its the messy side out now. but im not redoing all that#i also gotta figure out how to do the hair (maybe with felt on top i think) and the body and if adding the eyepatch separately would be#better but i am SO tired rn i have done nothing but this for like 3 hours#dying
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Watched B-Mask's video essays on the Sly games trilogy for the millionth time (you should watch them too btw) and I can't stop thinking of the similarities between Vol. 3 and Honor Among Thieves specifically in both dealing with the characters having to decide what comes next in their lives seperate from each other because they just can't do the same job forever, but what the Sly games do that the GotG films don't is build up to that being a main plot point from the second game up to the ending of the third. Vol. 3 really makes the odd choice to have that become a background plot point and then expects the audience to just be okay with them all suddenly deciding to part ways within ten minutes at the very end.
I can't stress this enough, but my problem isn't that everyone goes to do their own thing. My problem is that suddenly being the end goal of Vol. 3 after two films + a holiday special where that was never a possibility or a problem in the first place. The only reason everyone stopped progressing (and even then mainly just Rocket and Peter. You can say Mantis got held back but even she had character development to realize what she wanted during her time with them so she wasn't literally held back like she was with Ego) was because both of their lives only came to a screeching halt after what happened outside of the core films (IW+EG) But the film itself didn't even bother to address any of that stuff aside from only Peter being depressed about Gamora. So it comes off rather moot to me, personally.
#lex thoughts#gotg thoughts#guardians of the galaxy spoilers#gotg spoilers#vol 3 spoilers#universe: mcu#i know im in the minority because everyone else on the planet thinks the ending is perfect#i just dont see it. if this was really the goal then they shouldve dissolved the guardians as a team completely#because i just don't see how being together was this rock holding EVERYONE down lol#no it wasnt a perfect life but regardless they did things that bettered themselves and helped others (mantis. nebula. etc)#so i just. i dont know. everyone outside of drax and nebula's choices just felt like face value happy endings#not what they actually truly needed especially if they needed to move on from each other#and by the iw/eg stuff especially being moot aside from all the gamora crap (which im not getting into here) is like#you're really telling me it wasnt important enough to mention at least once?#you're telling me rocket wouldn't be upset that they wanted to immediately leave after all the horrible shit he experienced?#and even after only having them back for a short while after the five years everyone was gone? insanity#truly im just peeved they didnt buy and go live on a moon
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how tf did me facetiming someone i matched with on tinder turn into them giving me unsolicited advice about giving people your full attention after i already let them know that i recently got diagnosed as adhd and it’s hard for me to focus on just one thing/person and then them telling me that “based on my behavior” they think i’m autistic like ?? didn’t ask, we literally started messaging each other like a day ago, even if i am autistic (which wouldn’t be a bad thing if i am) when has it ever been socially acceptable to tell someone you JUST MET that you think they’ve got some kind of mental disorder/illness/disability/etc.
my friends have mentioned that i might be autistic and that’s fine bc i’ve spent a lot of time with them and they actually know me and i take their perspective of me very seriously because they’re the people who see me 100% unfiltered and have known me whenever i’ve been completely unmedicated. i trust their word.
this person from tinder, however, i have sent like maybe 20-30 messages to where we talked about nanowrimo and i was like omg it’d be so cool to meet someone who also writes, whether it’s as friends or as more, i would love that—only for our facetime call to be less than 20 minutes long and for them to try and diagnose me as autistic just because i, after ALREADY TELLING THEM that i have adhd and after them asking about meds and me telling them that i haven’t taken my adhd meds today because i didn’t have work and also i’ve taken multiple naps today which has made my head even more foggy and made it even harder than usual to focus, found it difficult to focus.
like. i wasn’t unresponsive. i wasn’t ignoring them. i was listening and i was responding, i just also was looking between my phone and my laptop screen.
which okay i understand that maybe i’m just frustrated because of the “based on your behavior” comment because an 18 minute facetime call does not give someone enough interaction time to try and fucking diagnose me as anything, and maybe this is more of a we just didn’t vibe and that’s fine, i don’t think they’re like a bad person or anything and if nothing else i’m glad the mismatched vibes were felt before deciding to meet up or anything, but also.
eighteen minutes. literally eighteen minutes and they fucking “based on your behavior i think you’re autistic” and “here’s some advice, when meeting new people you should give them your full attention”
FUCK that.
#idk maybe they’re also autistic and thought it was supposed to be helpful? and again i dont think they’re a bad person#and esp if they are some kind of neurodivergent they might not have realized how that comment could come across#so i’m trying not to take it too personally bc 1. i dont rlly know them 2. they dont rlly know me and 3. it has no heavy impact on my life#but also like idk it just was weird and even if they didnt intend to comment to come across like that#i can still be uncomfortable and upset about it#anyways moving on this is why i barely ever open tinder in the first place lmaooo#aricomplains#also like they probably arent all that wrong to be fair#i know it can come across as rude to not put ur full focus on someone esp someone you’ve just met and that is something i want to work on#it just felt weird that i literally explained i have adhd and its hard to focus and i promised them its nothing personal if i struggle#to focus on them while talking and like AFTER i said that they tried to give me that ‘advice’ like i hadnt already addressed it#idk i understand how my actions might have come across as rude or something but if someone told me they had adhd and struggled to focus#i would immediately know not to take it personally if they’re like fidgeting or on their phone while i talk or smth#which i also get is not something everyone has to do too like no one is required to react the same and#blah i’m overthinking this i need to stop#basically: i understand how my part in the ft call might have come across and i addressed it and tried to focus as much as i could#and if they took my lack of focus as rude i understand why and i also understand my ability to focus on people’s something i need to work on#but also the way they approached it rubbed me wrong and those comments made me uncomfortable and upset#but again i started talking to them yesterday and have no obligation to talk to them again so#take this as a lesson and a reminder of why i need to keep working on my ability to focus on people better when talking to them#and also take this as a reminder as to the kind of people i want to spend time with and thats not people who give passive aggressive advice#or try to diagnose someone they JUST met#and then take those lessons and reminders with me as i move on#ok im done now im gonna unmatch w them on tinder and also maybe just delete tinder entirely bc i barely use it anyway and would rather#try to meet people in more authentic ways#honestly my hope is that now that i’m spending like 3 days a week at the library in between shifts#i might meet another library-going sapphic and that would be VERY lovely 🥰
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yesterday i watched intruder 1989 btw funniest shit i ever seen
#oh nay#i've picked back up on my slasher watching recently a few weeks ago i watched#the final girls 2015 (cried the WHOLE time then immediately got my period) the burning 1981 (i love a friday ripoff) and stage fright#aka deliria 1987 (italian + sososo pretty)#INTRUDER THO i was so immediately charmed by the setting (stuck in a little grocery store overnight.... i love when it's cramped up#in a little space esp when it's familiar and comforting)#it felt like. it was ok but so clearly could have been better it's painful. but i enjoyed it a lot#the camerawork and framing and stuff was SOOO creative and fun#and the kills were fun fun fun fun the sfx were slay i think there might have been like 3 different fake heads that got cut in half#and the likes#i ALWAYS love that so much#was a bit slow but it was fine it had a bit of a. my bloody valentine vibe to it. the bloodbags were cute i cared them enough#the killer felt a bit..... eh......... but it was done well enough i did Not suspect a thing but also i don't even try to figure stuff out#so who knows#i have DECIDED that evil dead & child's play WILL be watched closer to halloween this year so there's that but i've gathered a huge fuckin#list of Other Stuff until then#man I WATCHED TOURIST TRAP 1979 IT WAS SO INSANE???????? IT WAS SO FUCKED UP SILLY I'M OBSESSED W IT?????#how can something feel SO MUCH like texas chainsaw but actually be SO DIFFERENT SO MUCH THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION IT WAS!!!!!!!!
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sorry for the aro & aplat positivity spam sudden ly I thought about my identity too hard for a second and then got really giddy and happy . it might happen again 👍
#pk;m encyclopedia🔵#and then that sudden happiness turned into sudden anxiety and panic Because I realized things about me are Contradictory#but then e-chem made the body eat some mac n cheese [👍!] and I felt better#so in short:#1. This thought project is still not finished [It's been like since Feb!!!! Hello!!!!!!!!!! Tbis should've been done BY Feb!!*]#[*SAYS THE GUY who's still used to these things taking literal Hours hashtag just source/canon things]#2. We have mental illness [emotional dysregulation].#3. We have mENTAL ILLNESS !!! [Emotional dysregulation. Again. Oh my god.]#I HAVE MORE THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS THOUGHT but i Can't do the words rn On account of itlf i think too hard abt ot#the cycle will continue . Happy into Oh My God into Anxiety into Panic rinse and repeat#TBAT'S NOT NORMAL IS IT? no. I should... eat. more food.#tbat mac j cheese was rlly good I'm surprised HL didn't yoink front immediately#THAT RAMBLE *WILL* HAPPEN EVENTUALLY THOUGHT i like talking about myself. I like. *talking.*#i liek. Information :] and sharing and learning information. the brain foes not like that tjough which is why I only infodump to like#One person out-sys lmao . . Anyways!#We are out. Of our adhd meds! 👍!
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my landlady said i don't seem as 'with it' lately...
#i asked her about registering with the local gp so i can get new anxiety med prescription#she said sertraline work for her almost immediately :/#i was only on 50mg but i felt no better#in the meantime i need to remember to pick it up...#but im so screwed if i continue like this#i used to be able to concentrate in libraries and coffeeshops at least but now im soooo shaky#i think bc i always just end up anxious about the journey home#the only times ive been able to concentrate have been when im studying with my classmates#buuut idk we dont live close together though one girl did offer#again...car#and i lost my headphones so maybe i should just buy some new ones#not broke yet might help a lot#and the college library is only open until like 5#there are like 3 horticulture degrees in the uk i didn't have many options#god#idk but when people say you should remember why this thing is important to you it will motivate you.... when? ...noo not really#i have to chill im not good at that#i can work myself up into a real good lather though#like i say i wish i had chosen a different place to live but again.. only had one option :/#idk how everyone else got nice central houseshares i didn't even leave it that late
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