#i felt sick drawing this. dont know what i expected but it was not that.

[veggiesforpresident]

i'm a couple days late this year but i'll miss you forever, beautiful.

[sunnyfoxsstuff]

Hello! Hi! Im quite happy tonight lol between @shadowfuka here's the draw of Ghost shi qingxuan!

Be the judge buddy >;p i hope y'all like this little Fanart i made of my own fanfic! With that imma hop onto the fanfic!

Chapter 4: meeting again

Xie lian, hua cheng and shi qingxuan all shared their deserved diner

After this they went to sleep, hua cheng and xie lian sharing the same bed again it obviously became an habit while on the other hand shi qingxuan was in the guest room however he could not find sleep imediatly so he stared mostly outside looking at the nature around and falling asleep beside's the stair's of the front of puqi shrine,

In the morning the Sun ray's woked shi qingxuan up he wasnt really hungry but he decided to prepare breakfast for xie lian and hua cheng he wasnt expecting any special reaction about it from hua cheng he was more doing it for his friend as a part of pay back for his past help he had offered, not too long After xie lian woke up walking toward's the kitchen to shi qingxuan

XL:"i could've made breakfast y'know you dont need to work or do chore's around" he said feeling a bit awkward

SQX:"pff-" waving his hand "dont worry about it and i wanted to Cook breakfast since you two were still asleep i didnt wanted to bother" he said smiling looking for a minute at his friend before putting his attention back on the food he was cooking

XL:"how-..how does it feel?"

SQX:"huh?" Confused by the question his Friend had just asked

XL:"like uh- yknow? Dying and being a Ghost like- how did it felt? How do you feel?" He said smiling awkwardly

SQX:"since when did you figure it out? But i suppose i cant really hide it well yet, and didnt you asked hua cheng that? He's a Ghost even better he's a Ghost king" he say's joyfull as his usual self extending his arm's up making dramatising gestures

XL:"no i didnt asked him i usually dont it feel's kind of awkward and personnal to Ask someone 'bout their death" fidgeting with his finger's looking down a little

SQX:"hm well i suppose i could tell you, however my death wasnt really tragic unlike other people's that either die saving someone or on war or protecting someone you should know you said it yourself that i was sick gotta admit it felt like torture staying back there sitting and not being able to properly digest my food like literally! I couldnt even move!" He say's a bit annoyed about it "i was already slow because of my limbs which by the way dont really hurt anymore cant deny the pain is still a tiny bit present i dont know why or how so i keep the bandage's just incase who know's but as for my death, first my injuries were pretty Bad and barely had even healed of course and seccond i suppose the illness got me.." he said pausing for minute

A silence fell for a little while, while these minute's xie lian was preparing the bowl's for their breakfast seeing that shi qingxuan was almost done

XL:"i wish i had came back and picked you up" he said with a sad tone

SQX:"naaaa! I didnt even feel my death i just closed my eye's one morning After waking up and..poof! I was a soul!" He say's with a brighter tone bringing the rice and putting some in each bowl's not really filling his enough

XL:"sooo you didnt feel anything?" Tilting his head

SQX"nope! Not even a pinch!" Saying proudly putting the vegetables on the rice with an omelette

XL:"why did you became a Ghost then? You're not one to want vengeance and your brother is-" he shutted his mouth before saying one more word

SQX:"yeah well i thought i would pass on After all there was nothing else to do but,.." he paused thinking about that moment for a minute until he got snapped out of his thought's

XL:"but?" He said looking at shi qingxuan who's smile had wore off because of his thought's

SQX:"i saw a black silhouette looking at me with golden eye's" he say's seriously "you're probably thinking i imagined it but i didnt" he stopped seeing xie lian wanting to speak and without loosing a second he exclaimed what he was thinking

XL:"wait! So you're saying, black water sinking ship"

SQX:"mhm"

XL:"the one that traumatised you and killed your brother!," he exclaimed louder

SQX:"yeeesssssss i mean my brother was kinda going insane obviously but i still love him of course he'll always stay my ge'" he answered

XL:"why would that one person Come see you it's odd" he paused thinking with his usual thinking pose while hearing hua cheng waking and sitting at the table too and shi qingxuan starting to munch on his food

HC:"it doesnt look like what you usually Cook gege" he said looking at xie lian snapping him out of his hard thinking

XL:"oh!- yes, that's because i didnt made it shi qingxuan did he didnt wanted to bother us since he woke up before us" smiling at hua cheng finally taking the bowl and eating it without any more word's hua cheng on the other hand looked like a kid a picky eater toying a bit with his vegetables even so he still ate a little bit of it since xie lian seemed to appreciate the food

However soon enough hua cheng felt a stare and looked in the direction of shi qingxuan raising an eyebrow looking at his bowl seeing that he was empty, he tried to ignore the stare of this..New ghost but he couldnt shake it off and put down his chopsticks turning his head to shi qingxuan which had now a side smile and he started glaring back, not giving up shi qingxuan continued his stare and with that they continued their stare glare fight while sometimes breaking it to answer xie lian

In the morning shi qingxuan went off in the forest wanting to explore while hua cheng insisted that xie lian stay's and pass Time together, soon the afternoon came shi qingxuan was coming back while hua cheng was displeased with the presence of a so said 'ghost king' he looked more like a angry fish to hua cheng's eye's, xie lian however tried to make him at home but he'd refuse to enter puqi shrine as to not get more debt from hua cheng

Hua cheng and he xuan were kinda bickering seeing who would Snap at who first like a competition, when suddenly someone got Heard from a far sounding like as if they were running back

SQX:"your highness look what i got!-" he'd exclaim happily to then stop straight infront the three of them seeing he xuan up close again made him feel, fear, with a mix of a bit of happiness and didnt quite know how to act

Xie lian came toward's his friend continuing his talk "what is it what you got?" He answered as if to change his thought's

Shi qingxuan looked at xie lian for a little and then openned outer robe a bit a little white bird peeking his head out

XL:"he look's adorable! You shouldnt take animal's like that though he's a wild bird!"

SQX:"i do what i want" saying proudly "beside's he's the one that came on my shoulder he was cold so i putted him in there" petting the bird's head

He xuan just observed he didnt know why hua cheng asked him to come and seeing qingxuan standing right there wasnt feeling right, he was sure to have seen him die that day, that morning

Suddenly hua cheng coughed a little bit only to bring the attention to him "he xuan i asked you to come because thi- his highness's 'friend'. Wanted to see you dont make me do it twice." He said with a strict tone grabbing xie lian bringing him inside not wanting to deal anymore with these two he had already beared shi qingxuan's presence long enough he had even dared to cook breakfast instead of his highness saying that he was pissed would be an understatement

Both of the ghost's stared at the door that had been slammed shut right infront their nose, they both felt awkward not knowing how to start the conversation something qingxuan was usually good at, for once he xuan started talking first

HX:"so you're not dead?" Talking with the same monotone tone as before

SQX:"actually- i am-" he answered awkwardly fidgeting with his finger's

HX:"qingxuan" he sighed crossing his arm's "why are you here dont tell me it was to see me because as far as i can tell your body is against being near me." He said coldly not looking away

and he wasnt wrong qingxuan's hand's were horribly shaking he still tried to hide it by putting his hand's behind his back and smile a forcefull smile he didnt know why he couldnt just smile right now, "well i thooought we could probably start over? Our friendship, i wanna get to know you" he exclaimed with a bit of a shaky voice

HX:"sure." Still cold still monotone no change's "but i dont recall you having a home"

SQX:"i'll build my own house we could share it!-" he said determined and bold while the bird flew off back into the wild where he belong

He xuan take a sigh before walking off with an instant shi qingxuan was right behind him following

SQX:"he xuan where are you goooiiiiing!? Wait for me!" His bad leg betraying right on that moment falling face flat down on the dirt

He xuan stopped and looked back amused at the sight but keeping a neutral face, walking back toward him handing out a hand as to help him get up shi qingxuan accepted the help of course a bit embarrassed about falling down like toddler that barely knew how to walk

HX:"your leg isnt healed isnt it?" Looking down at the Bad leg that qingxuan was keeping up

SQX:"uhm, well it depend on the time sometime's it does hurt sometime's it doesnt" he answered to then saying lowly "i didnt thought it would hurt right now, its embarrassing it was fine until now"

HX:"you Can walk or do you need a stick?" He raised an eyebrow looking at him

SQX:"i'd rather die than keep a walking stick by my side!" He exclaimed with a pouting face

HX:"..you are already dead idiot" slapping gently qingxuan's back head

SQX:"hey!"

After a little while of fighting and chatting which was as usual only qingxuan talking he xuan made a teleportation array to a nice spot and offered qingxuan to live in a small but big enough house that had been abandonned there,

He wasnt much of a builder so he agreed and so their journey together started.

Imma stop here i feel like i wrote longer than usual! However i loved writing this chapter my creativity just kept flowing lol x)

[grimmcheems]

Sick Armin AU relationship “chart”🐚↗️↪️🔀🔄

I love how you can tell I worked on this at different times (screaming crying). If someone looks a bit off NO THEY DONT.

I had this idea for a sick armin au like yrs ago and was gonna fully write it as a fic but never had time to and don’t now either so I have accepted that most of my writing ideas I’ll probably just draw instead into like mini comics or doodles. I’m not an expert at hospital hierarchy or dynamics so if you see any inconsistencies it is what it is.👩🏽‍🦯🗿

Yes Miché wiill be Armin’s uncle in this, does it make sense? Probably not but I don’t make the rules here. He’s also a draft dodger but don’t tell the staff🥰🫥

I also debated for the longest time on whether Levi should be a nurse or surgeon but I felt it would make more sense if he was Armin’s nurse instead of surgeon because of how I planned out the story and they will be close and Armin will miss him when he suddenly disappears.

I know half of this doesn’t make sense because the characters look different than the time the younger characters seem to be based in, so don’t pay attention to that, this was just a chart for me to get an idea of planning. 🗣️Also yes they will have wierd, cool, and fuckass haircuts because why not?!?!🗣️

I am aware that most of this will not make sense but I’m curious to know any thoughts on this. Since this is built around a modern hospital setting expect half of the crew to be afflicted with something especially when it comes to those close to Armin (excluding Eren and Mikasa). I haven’t included any other side characters yet but this is just his close network. Ik Ymir and Armin’s line is up for debate right now but do know that she and Armin will be room neighbors at some point in the story when she comes in. I don’t wanna give away too much but it is related to why her and Historia’s line is half friendship and half enemies.

Armin is my son but I’m afraid he will have to suffer greatly in this au 🥰💪🏽🎀✨🐚

Partial plot: Armin is the first to exhibit signs of what seems to be an unusual chronic disease (dawg he’s just fighting for his life so idk if chronic would really describe that but that’s the only word I can think of) that keeps him from living a normal life and he eventually ends up in custody of the hospital as there is no one left to take care of him and his health problems are far too extreme and fragile for him to be put under the care of another. Will Armin have to live like this forever or will he find a way to make himself better? After all what good could doctors be if his conditions just seem to get worse after each treatment. Is it all genetic or is there something more to his sickness? Something malicious and unsuspecting? Something right in front of him? Anyways ignore my cringe summary.

[lemonhemlock]

Hi! Sorry for the new ask but brainrot consumed my brain and i needed your counsel.

So i was thinking about Otto marrying Alicent to Viserys and ,as you said once how Otto doesnt understand abuse and how him and Viserys are kind of similar .But then it kinda got me that they're also very different ,with Otto being more politically smart ,decisive and empathetic in some sick way towards people (the way he generally manipulates Alicent and the page thing with Rhaenyra,altho i think it was Alicents idea ).So ,for me ,someone like Otto cant really respect Viserys ,despite the fact that he wants his daughter to marry him .BUT ,in the deleted scene of him and Alicent discussing which crown Aegon would wear ,the fact that he seems displeased by her comments and her choice of crown made me rethink a lot of things.

All of this mess of thoughts is to ask ,do you think Otto respected Viserys? .I dont wanna paint Otto as a mustache twirling villain who gives no fucks about his daughter to the point of him marrying to a someone he doesnt respect ,but i dont really know .

Have a good day/night!

Welcome back, Red Roses, hope you had a great weekend!

I think Viserys does embody traits that Otto likes and that he does enjoy being around him. We are used to him being a walking zombie, but Viserys in episode 1 was a very personable and charismatic fellow, well-read, diplomatic and, honestly, rather fun. He can tell a story, crack a joke and seems to be the kind of person you could share a beer with. However, he doesn't neglect his duties and understands that being King involves a lot of boring meetings and going through the motions, which he generally accepts good-naturedly. If you think I'm exaggerating, compare this with how Robert treated his job.

However, Viserys can also be indecisive. I don't think he's stupid at all, not even short-sighted really, he possesses political acumen in the sense that he understands what people want of him and what he is expected to do, but he is such a people pleaser and a chaser of his own desires, that he relies on non-confrontation as a modus operandi. And, in turn, that makes him also rely on his councilors a lot.

So, honestly, I think that Otto perhaps admired some of Viserys' qualities and not others - a mixed bag, like every other person, really. He probably would have felt mixed feelings about any potential son-in-law, but Viserys trumps everyone else every time just by occupying the highest office in the land and making Alicent his queen, which automatically turns him into the best candidate in Otto's eyes.

Broadly-speaking, Viserys' reign was peaceful, so for general admin stuff I think he performed pretty decently. So, on that front, coupled with his good-natured personality,* I'd say he earned Otto's approval. But he was not a true visionary or have an over-arching plan in mind like Jaehaerys, who did a lot of modernization work, and whom I suspect Otto would consider a better King. Especially since he got to serve under both. And Viserys truly made a mess with the succession, which affected Otto's family directly, so that weakness for Rhaenyra & Daemon would be what Otto might draw up as points of criticism.

*We're ultimately talking about white privileged men here -> their definition of good-nature and kindness and fairness.

[somebody-in-this-world-who-lives]

Realized I haven't said anything here and oof

This will be a very personal post so before that I want to say I wish Shelby and everyone hurt by Will the very best. These things mess with our minds and I hope she finds peace in the response of the community.

This is just some thoughts I've been having since this whole thing came out that are really more about me but I wanted to get it out so I can move on

Ok so this whole thing feels so weird

I never let myself fully project on many content creators. This doesn't feel like the time I mourned for days thinking back then dream was a terrible person and felt lied to, thank God. This lacks the uncertainty and I dont feel bad its just kind of disconcerting I guess?

I never got that attached to Wilbur as a person since the fanbase was so extreme but if there was one thing (besides the music, I really liked the solo stuff he did) that really resonated with me about him was his mental health advocacy. The way he used to talk about feeling like a bad person, the struggles of being depressed and living in a less than ideal condition, his lyrics about feeling like you are hurting people around you and not being able to stop and all of the stuff people are calling signs now made me feel conforted back than. Maybe I just relate too hard to "loony artists" personas and the almost manic energy of it all. But fuck I was really happy he seamed to still be able to live a happy life with lots of friends with all of this going on like "maybe I can do that too" kind of way. Like, maybe I could not be alone and not end up hurting people by the way that I can be if I tried hard enough and watched myself in every step of the way.

Now knowing he did in fact fuck up people around him it just feels hollow. I know I tend to empathize with abusive characters in media because I fear I'll become like that and feel conforted in then changing but I really thought this was different. For one it's a real ass person I really thought had his shit figured out so like, im so disappointed? And I don't even know how to feel about all the ways we know his abuse manifested now like bitting, expecting her to clean his shit, saying put of pocket creepy stuff that I feel are mistakes I might make if I don't pay attention, I am really trying to hold on to the belief I would not ignore a safeword and that at least part of the behavior was intentional to hurt but it just makes me sick to even be able to draw that many comparisons.

I really have been trying to gather courage to try to be in a relationship this year and let go of the fear I'll end up hurt or/and be absolutely horrible and end up more alone and idk all of this just makes me scared, that someone that walked an artistic path so similar to what I want and that I admired in the past just did that. Like I said it's just disconcerting.

I really hope everyone hurt in this gets better and my sympathy to the people that idolized him for years now, it's probably hard to let go of who you thought this person was. I really just needed to get my feelings out for a second while they are still fresh and easy to tell. All the love for you guys, I'm probably not speaking on this again since it took a very long feelings forward time to type, but I really feel for everyone that feels they have been lied to in this situation because you have and it sucks.

[orchidyoonkook]

personal

Hi, need to scream. Tumblr seems to listen best. can and please feel free to ignore.

okay so essentially my job has removed all of the things I use and need in order to be able to do my job with my mental disorder. my mental DISABILTY. that i was honest with them and told them about at my freaking trial shift. that i told them i needed certain things in order to do well. nothing drastic. but things that helped me significantly with my performace.

SOOOOOOOOO i am now severely struggling at my job because they've taken those away cuz they were 'annoying' or 'in the way' or 'clutter'. like. im not even leaving shit every where. It's like, maybe at most 3 sticky notes? (for example) and they're written just for me, like just so i can have a list of things i can do and know to go back and look on when i need a task because ive finished the one i was doing. but then my boss reads them and critiques them as if they're for everyone. or says 'okay yeah but we do that every day so i dont see why you have to write it down. you should know to do it by now' LIKE BRO. I forget to put deodorant on some days because of said mental disability. it's something i do and have done every day since i was 12 or 13. thats 12 years. and i still forget some days just cuz my brain wasn't working properly.

AND now due to this they have put me, one of the staff currently with more seniority than 3 other staff, down to one shift a week, while every one else is full time or heavily part time.

In march i was full time and kicking ass, I was the fastest employee on my tasks, i was doing great, the customers loved me and now that all of my things that i need in order to function have been removed for everyone else's aesthetic preferences, I'm suffering, and most likely being silently fired.

like... what do i do with that. I can do my job, with my accomadations - that arent that many btw - i dont expect them to move mountains for me. But dude. I hate this feeling so much because i'm capable, theyve seen me be capable. i was for 1.5 years. like i want to be good at my job. I like and enjoy being good at my job. i've told them that. I want to do good but my ability to be good is being derailed, and i just get told to try harder, just work harder, impress your boss with how hard you work -> for minimum wage, i might add.

and everyone is like "just get a new job, just apply for more jobs you're not applying for enough, literally just apply for everything, even if youre not qualified" and i cant just do that, due to said disability. there are jobs i am unable to do. so i have to be a lil picky otherwise i'll be right back where i am now. and ive been looking for months and applying for months with no luck - no one ever responds. why list jobs if you dont respond?????

it's getting to the point where im debating opening up drawing commissions or writing commissions, or something that i can make to earn a little extra cash here and there while i get over this transition period. And that's a big deal for me because i don't do commissions. I do my art for myself or for when i want to share something i've made already, like the UTWT books. Hell, I did a tattoo design for a friend on here that i put easily 40 hours into, and i felt guilty that they wanted to pay me for it because i'd asked them for the idea. Like, i don't do commissions. so for me to be considering it is really telling for me.

anyways. this is a bajillion words long now, but i already feel better. and I'm posting it in the middle of the night in hopes that the void just consumes it and never lets it see the light of day.

If you read this, thanks and sorry for the bummer of a post. This isnt a pity party or a poor yoon thing. I'm not looking for comfort or any of that. this is a 'i don't have a therapist and my friends and partner and family are sick of hearing me bitch, when i havent been able to fix it in months despite trying my best too' thing. so yeah..

i hope the new year brings me something good.

[starg1rlie]

hihi! hope youre doing well! ♡ ive never done one of these ask games before but they seem sups cute so i thought id give it a shot ! 💍 for scara please !!

im ambivert!! i really enjoy talking to people and love being around them! id describe myself as a rather calm and go with the flow. im a very patient person and like to see the brighter side of things. im a very physically affectionate person and generally just a pretty happy person 😭 i dont really like confrontation all too much but i will engage in some teasing if i know the other person is okay w it. unfortunately im also the victim of being a HUGE sappy hopeless romantic too 😔 i really enjoy writing :> music and nature are huge inspirations for me and are a big part of my life ! i also draw quite a lot too, it helps relax me and i love making things. i hope you have a great day and thank you for your time! <3 (apologies if this is too long! ^^;;)

(hello, my apologies for taking so long to get to your request, i hope that you haven't been waiting too long...i got a bit sick and i lost my motivation to write, since i dont feel like i'd be pushing out anything worthwhile for my readers at the time, but here i am <3 hope you enjoy)

biking around the city

its dangerous, he says, and yet, he still goes along with it. you first suggested it as a way to get some fresh air (as if the two of you couldn't receive fresh air from the front porch of your house), and he agreed, only because he knows how much you enjoy taking in the scenery of mother nature. of course he didn't expect for you to ask him to hold hands while doing so. if he had, he'd have refused to accompany you and would probably force you to do something else inside the house that wasn't quite so dangerous. he went along with it anyways, linking his fingers through yours as the two of you biked around the neighborhood for a bit. then scaramouche insisted the two of you head back, because it was getting late and your parents would probably murder him if he kept you out for too long.

he'll play the piano in the middle of the night

even though his mother had previously forced him to learn how to play the piano, he still secretly enjoyed it, despite all the smacks to the hand he received from his instructor. he hadn't played in a while and he felt a little nostalgic one night, so he plopped himself down in front of the grand piano, flipping the cover open and letting his fingers brush against the piano keys. slowly, he dipped into a simple melody he first learned, then ascended into a more complicated tune. all the while, he never looked up from his work, playing and playing until he played the last note. a clap startled him and he jumped up from his seat, whirling around to face you. you didn't tell me you played the piano, you'd say as he came over to wrap his arms around you. that's a one-time thing, he replied. only it wasn't; he started playing more and more every night, and you, upstairs in the bedroom, would listen contentedly under the covers, happy that he continues to play.

introduce him to romance

he legit hasn't had a single romancic occurence in his life (poor boy), and does not understand how you can be so sappy and romantic all of the time. so when you sat him down one night, scaramouche couldn't help but feel a little skeptical about the whole ordeal. romance wasn't his thing, not really, anyways. but you tossed a copy of "to all the boys i've loved before" and left him to "do his thing". a few hours later, you hear sobbing from downstairs and rush to see what's the matter. why are you crying? you asked him, rubbing a hand soothingly over his back. this book is so fucking sad, he'd say, wiping at his runny nose first and then his eyes. honey...it's a romance book...you replied, a little confused. i know. it's so fucking bad.

he'll teach you how to waltz

scaramouche isn't much of a dancer himself, but since there is a formal dance coming up at his school, and he wants to take you as his date, he practiced for weeks on end, ever since the school announced the dance. when he finally felt good about his performances, scaramouche invited you to his living room and placed a hand over your waist, the other gently clasping your hand in his. together the two of you swayed around the room until you collapsed into an exahusted heap, erupting into giggles. what's this for? you inquired, gesturing at his tuxedo and neatly combed hair the next day. what did you think i asked you to dance with me for last night? he shot back, re-adjusting his tie. we're going to the dance. with that, he promptly drags you out of the house to drive to the dance.

listens to your onslaught of playlists

it seems every day you manage to make a new playlist for him to listen to. him? he prefers indie pop and would rather slit his throat than listen to anything other than his chill music. however, since you put time and effort into the playlists, he'll scroll through it and play some of the songs in there. eventually, he'll find his head bobbing along to the songs and will scowl to himself, ripping his headphones off and glaring at his phone. your playlists...aren't as bad as i thought they'd be, scaramouche said the next day. his eyes narrowed just a bit. but we'll be talking more about your music taste in the future.

he'll organize a hike and picnic

since you seem to love nature so much, scaramouche mentally mapped out a plan for taking you out one weekend for a hike, and then a picnic at a pretty area, even going so far to take the scenic route instead of the shorter route. backpack and picnic basket in tow, he'll determindely hike up the hill with you, even though his feet are killing him and he'd much rather be relaxing back at home, watching riverdale. when the two of you finally reached the summit, he keeled over on his hands and knees, gasping and panting heavily. nope, this man is not in shape. want some water? you offer him, holding out a bottle of cold water for him. scaramouche accepted it gratefully and gulped half of it down before swiping at his chin. you're lucky that i decided to go through with this, otherwise we'd be rewatching riverdale again at home, he said pointedly, wiggling his index finger at you while he tried controlling his breathing.

[floorpancakes]

can you post what all the results to the quiz are & what charas they have? im just curious to see the answers to what i didn't get!

ok so ill probably add to this slowly but time for some stats and answers and stuff! obviously dont check this out if you dont wanna be spoiled (thread)

first, here's the actual amounts of each results people have been getting:

when i say i had NO IDEA we'd get so many chuunis....watching the numbers go up the first few days felt like a fever dream haha

but its comforting to know that everyone is cringe and free! i for one welcome our new gothy overlords!

i was also really surprised that gimmick idols got some of the lowest scores 😭 the space that spans is so wide so i was expecting way more people to get that result since i figured it'd catch a lot of people, but i guess you guys are rare!

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now its time to look at the archetype list:

this was pretty tricky, especially cause i was working on the quiz for funsies at silly o clock in the morning for two nights while i was dealing with some sickness induced exhaustion lol. i wanted to include more (a few like the princely type nearly made the cut), but I found there was

1. a lot of crossover between archetypes (this even happened with some of the idols i chose for the results image!!! hanayo being average idoltwt user AND a harapeko type or minori being average idoltwt user AND fake it til you make it for example)

2. some archetypes that were only based on visuals or not on personality at all

3. kind of lowkey paradoxical (eg. someone might really fit the princely type, but often in idol shows they make it so that trait is pushed on them, but they secretly wanted to be feminine all along, which like, ok but then if someone actually fits the princely vibe I'd be slightly struggling for examples and we'd get all tied in knots unfortunately)

4. the amount of answers was already getting so long that if i added any more it'd start getting difficult to come up with more answers for some of the more concrete questions (like what you'd do post graduation etc)

...so I had to kind of draw the line somewhere. especially cause i thought like 3 of my idoltwt mutuals would take it and that's it 😭 maybe I'll make a part 2 or a more extensive quiz later who knows (guess who just remembered the 'rock is life' type idols and screamed into a pillow for only just remembering...)

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so the idol archetype categories themselves are DEFINITELY things I've picked up on in multiple series, altho they may require a lil bit of explaining so I'll quickly summarise each one when we go thru the characters. i should probably mention that some of these (like the chuunibyou) are word for word archetypes that people use all the time, while some were just me trying to put words to the character types so the wording was just a descriptor (fake it til you make it queen), altho i hope they were useful! ive seen a few people online using these terms after taking the quiz which is super cute...🙇 let's take a look at these categories shall we?

(note: i have varying levels of familiarity w these characters, i wanted to make it reasonably varied and recognisable but some of them i kind of just knew what category they fit and that's it)

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THE CHUUNIBYOU

to those who don't know, the chuunibyou is a pretty popular archetype beyond just idols, and tends to refer to people who are stuck in or going through their 'edgy phase'; chuu-ni being short for second year of middle school syndrome (think like, 13 or 14 year olds), but the general vibe tends to be associated with emo or goth phases, claiming to have an evil eye, being or being a servant of Satan, hiding a secret shy or self conscious side with edge, yaknow. average tween behaviour. it's not limited by age tho especially in anime media! one of the examples i used is a 26 year old grown man with a job. never too late!

Like with a lot of the other categories it was really hard to narrow down the results page characters, but from left to right:

1. Todo Yurika from Aikatsu!

Yurika takes being a lifestyle lolita to the next level, being a gothic lolita and punk idol with the chuuni character of a vicious vampire, which she desperately tries to keep up as part of her career, only letting people see her quiet nerdy self once in a blue moon. She has a secret soft spot for garlic ramen and sings some of the best songs in the entire series (which is an achievement cause aikatsus songs are god tier).

music rec (won't do this for everyone, only ones i know well, but pls feel free to fill in the blanks in the comments/reblogs!): check out Glass Doll, Onegai Venus and Eternally Flickering Flame! She has two singing voices over the series, both of which are incredible.

2. Asselin BB II (Asselin Beelzebub the Second) from The Idolm@ster SideM!

Asselin is a genius chef in his mid-twenties that ended up on the streets being kicked from countless jobs because of his ....quirks. He's a chuuni through and through, and its something a lot of the people around him didn't know how to handle, but when he gets taken in by Cafe Parade (both an idol group AND a real life dining establishment) to be their chef, he finally finds a place where he belongs. He's goofy and crazy while simultaneously being an introverted and nervous personality, and claims to be a servant of Satan, which just happens to be an adorable plushie that he carries around for comfort and finds difficult to be without, who gets painstakingly dressed up in matching outfits whenever he's included in a card! Don't be fooled by his softness though, this servant of satan has PIPES. You may recognise his voice, as he's played by well-known seiyuu Furukawa Makoto.

music rec: check out Waga Konton no Sabbath Marriage to immediately ascend, or Reversed Masquerade for a taste of the full CafePa experience.

3. Tsushima Yohane from Love Live Sunshine!!

Probably the most famous on the list so I'll keep it brief! She's been at this chuuni business since she was a little girl, so she encountered a lot of loneliness before joining Aqours, but she's got a cute and clumsy personality and has a tendency to yell about being a fallen angel. She's an absolute sweetheart, despite claiming that she's angered God himself, and is always there at the scene to deliver an edgy pose or stunning vocals.

music rec: check out Kowareyasuki and Strawberry Trapper for peak Yohane vocals, honestly Guilty Kiss in general should be mandatory listening homework

[splattermouth]

Adaman for the ask meme!

ADAMAAAN ive come around to him a lot, compared to when i first played thru pla. 

(Also mind you its been a while since ive played and i took iridas route over adamans so i dont know. Every little detail about him. But i like him <3)

favorite thing about them: he’s so fucking funny, i love that hes like the straight man of hisui. Adaman is so fucking normal (genuine), and literally everyone else around him has like a secret bit they have to commit to or theyll die. And like he just has to deal w it. Like all of it. Everyone’s nonsense all the time. You can tell he’s so tired and he’s just trying to keep it together

Also obligatory, but his design is soo fucking killer. Ive only recently actually sat down to draw him n hes just so fun. So well shaped. I like irida’s design on its own a lot, but like compared to adaman? they did her so dirty.

least favorite thing about them: I WISH WE GOT MORE OF A BACKSTORY WITH HIM UGGH i hate to compare him to Irida sm here, but she got like. A very clear story of struggling to accept her new position as clan leader after being abruptly shoved into it. Of the rest of her clan either having insanely high expectations for her, or in Palina’s case, feeling like she didn’t deserve the position.

I get Adaman’s whole thing was Supposed to be that he struggled to earn respect from the rest of the Diamond Clan until Dialga outright Possessed him (which that part is fucking sick. For the record), but i wish they just made it more apparent that. That’s What was supposed to be happening lol. 

Because idk, at least to me, definitely the rest of the clan members were kinda bratty, but i never got the impression they were that way specifically Because they thought Adaman was a weak leader, you know? I didn’t even like realize that’s what was supposed to be happening until like. Reading a few other posts abt Adaman’s position in the story dhdfhgkg Good and interesting ideas w his arc just poor and kinda rushed execution imo!!

favorite line: that one fucking line @ irida towards the end of the main game that was like. ‘I don’t think our rivalry is a Diamond and Pearl Clan thing. I think it’s just a You and I thing.’

lives in my brain.

brOTP: for the love of god i need him and irida to be friends that fucking hate each other.

They are at each others throats over Everything, they will argue Everything just for the sake of arguing, if they every agree w each other on any matter they will both collapse on the spot. They are so sick of each other, but also they are best buddies and no one knows them like They know the other. It’s so fun…

OTP: AH im sorry he’s very aro to me. Both bc I don’t think there’s rly a lot of ppl he could be shipped with anyway, but also he does not strike me as someone who has a romantic interest in. like anyone.

He strikes me as a chaste bisexual man who has never felt an ounce of infatuation for another person in his life. He’s just very buddy-buddy w a lot of people, and he’s happy w that <3

nOTP: so i wouldnt say its a notp bc i dont like. vehemently Hate it, and i think there Could be potential. but im sorry, appraisalshipping makes me kinda :/ a fair amount of the time.

Some stuff is cute, yeah, but most of it is just reeks of ‘i only watch/read/play things for shipping and specifically to ship gay prettyboy twinks’ to me. Adaman and Volo have maybe had all of five lines w each other.

I think there could genuinely be something cool to explore there, like contrasting just how immediately trusting Adaman appears to be of Volo? Compared to Irida who calls Volo's bluff right off the bat for being way too friendly w the protag to be completely genuine. With Adaman just tending to be a more open and friendly person than Irida. Adaman putting his faith in someone he absolutely Should Not just because hey! Adaman’s just a nice person like that! He's not gonna be mean to this guy he just met just bc he's a little overeager! But like god knows no one has any interest exploring That dynamic lmao.

anyway if you ship like adaman/akari im legally allowed to break all of your fingers, slowly and individually

random headcanon: I think he should be like 5’5” at most. He’s short and he’s fat i know this in my heart of hearts.

Also despite always talking about utilizing the time he has to the fullest, he doesn’t strike me as someone that pushes himself or other ppl to constantly be Doing and Accomplishing things, so much as he tries to make every moment meaningful and wants others to do the same. I don’t think he’s all that headstrong as some people may describe him, and i dont think he’d necessarily be someone that thinks like. Taking a nap is a cardinal sin. I think he just wants people to put their limited time on this world to something that matters to them rather than petty bullshit (like arguing w the pearl clan sdhk).

ALSO also less an adaman specific headcanon, but i do personally like to think most of the diamond clan are family, or at least all the main members we see. I know hes canonically brother to melli and mai i think? But i think theyre all one big dysfunctional family and theyre why iscan never leaves the coastlands to visit anymore.

unpopular opinion: i dont think hes boring sorry!! Im guilty of think this at first as well tbf but MAN. going back to the what i dont like abt him thing. Knowing now thats what his whole character arc is supposed to be just makes me :(. He wants to be a good leader and he loves his friends and family a lot and takes such good care of them and they literally like. Do not care until dialga outright tells them to take its little thrall seriously for once. Man. man. 

song i associate with them: DHGJKDFH Animal Collective Merriweather Post Pavilion on main. My Girls feels very adaman-core.

favorite picture of them: So theres like zero actual canon art of him outside of just ingame screenshots but i do like this breezy lil adaman here. annoyed…

[kusundei]

i have a headache . haircut is fine i suppose like. i can live w this. honestly it just looks like? ajaxs? so i suppose we r matching. kinda looks like how i draw his hair??? definitely doesnt fit me though but hair always grows back^_^ will probably look normal and how i wanted it to before i leave for japan anyway. i just. am still. bothered from earlier. being here is making me. ill. a bit. i forgot about the smell. because she smells like him and jesus christ i felt my heart drop like bad. seeing her also made me the same amount of anxious i expected. was bad bcuz she kept talking to me and i wasnt thinking or registering anythint because i was so nervous??? oh and. the picture of him. on the mirror. but aside from that im okay^_^ just tried to ignore and not look st it im glad they moved locations and the other one got shut down because i think i can be okay like this

god forbid my mom is getting her hair done too though and jesus christ am i. im still. upset. because why did you start lashing me as soon as i got into the car??? complained and called me selfish?? dumb??? but i suppose it was expected. just like what the fuck??? like i can handle you pestering me about work and school and everything but everytime. its always. ajax. you bring him up every single time because you know thats how you’ll get a reaction out of me because i cant act unbothered when you do because what the fuck??? keep his name out of your mouth he wasnt even related to the fucking conversation??? pestering me because i wont tell you things but im not fucking lying to you im telling you the truth??? god forbid i dont ask him those things because why do i need to know that? and let alone why would I TELL YOU. why do you care why is there always a problem??? and youre so upset for what??? i didnt even do anything why am i always the one who has to deal with your moods?? youre always so angry anyway its jsut i didnt even do anything its so fucking frustrating im sorry and you lash me while youre driving??? like keep your hands on the wheel what the fuck is wrong with you??? and then you complain “ohhh so you dint wanna talk to me anymore?” like fucking obviously??? talking to you is like talking to a brick wall you do not listen. regardless of what im talking about regardless of if im telling you the truth or lying and its repeated REPEATEDLY its the same thing yoyre always so upset that we have to have the same conversation everytime but youre the one who starts it??? im sorry you always have a problem with me im trying. i truly am i just wish you could learn to realize that not everything youre thinking has to be verbalized. i do not need to be subjected to every thought you have you complain that i am quiet and dont talk but thats because if i do you would kill me for even saying anything. again i am fighting a losing battle with you every single time whats the point? so you have an actual reason to hit me??? like im not giving you that

but irs okay. it is. okay. i am fine. i am filled with love. we are leaving soon and i do not need to tweak or let it consume me. she will not be upset again when we get into the car and we will either continue to drive in silence or she will speak to me like a normal human being because she is calm and reasonable now. she is giggling w tina surely she will be okay in the car and amused. she will leave me alone and not pester me. my head hurts so bad though i feel sick and ill and im hoping thats just from. being tired and not eating and nothing else. but im okay. i will not tweak. i am normal. i am okay today can still be a good day because it was up until this point^_^ wasnt even this upset being told to walk home and then getting lashed after it truly was just. the insulting. the mentioning ajax and then hitting me. but its okay.! im okay ^_^

[virentdivision]

I think playing minecraft recently could be a lesson to how I should manage my creative projects. I have this big house that starts on land and splinters into caves, and I have a lot of dormant sprouting ideas strewn about the architecture. So many different ideas, in a surprisingly small space too, so I have to comprimise and change the position of floors sometimes. I only have a few hours dedicated to playing minecraft because I get motion sick, so I shut down my overwhelming brainstorm to actually do something in that period of time. Cuz I was just walking around THINKING... not able to dedicate myself to anything I was walking past, maybe one block here and there but I couldn't actually build anything I wanted because I didn't know how to start in a linear fashion, since a lot of the ideas were trivialized or depended upon OTHER bigger ideas that could alter the entire structure. So I just had to start anywhere, by building a little. I had to build something that I didn't think was perfect, just to have something. Like a "placeholder" ... and I already felt that it was working out, and I started making progress. I would make progress as long as I was doing cautious "placeholders" ... And whether or not I like the final result of the finished house doesn't matter as much, just as long as I'm using the time provided on actually making something and feeling satisfied. It's like, each room or part of the house is enough of a portfolio altogether... Even if I don't like the finished house, it's experience and I at least went after what I wanted. Sure, maybe "experience building houses in minecraft" isn't worth anything... but it's still time well spent, IF I spend the time well. I think I literally feel the same way about art. Fuck. Markiplier said something lately, "a lot of the things we create have no meaning/purpose, but sometimes it does. it doesn't have to always have a meaning/purpose, but it eventually (inevitably) does-- people just want to be occupied, and they can find fulfillment in the most random meaningless things" (anything, like playing a shitty game anything, hamster on a wheel anything) Whenever I want to draw something I get sooo passionate and I start compulsively creating expectations like that there has to be a profound "point" (this habit runs deep into my upbringing & youth so I know exactly WHy it is but i dont know How to uproot it)

... man, just make whatever, everything matters. Markiplier always got some creative wisdom to spare. And minecraft

[elegantcherryblossomsheep]

i feel like this needs an update (for myself looking back moreso than anyone else)

in the time since i wrote this, i have been discharged from that medical admission. i haven't needed hospitalisation since. just last week i switched my psychiatrist appointments from every week to every 3 weeks.

my mood has improved to a level i never thought it would. i can wake up early again, because i'm happy to be alive. i have things i want to do other than eat, and i actively enjoy them. Im reading, writing, drawing, thinking, walking the dog and so much more.

I feel like im getting myself, my personality, back again. i hang out with friends and i have things to say. i enjoy it actively. and when they bring out popcorn to snack on while we hang out, i have some. i eat the same lunch as them instead of bringing my own. its little things like this that are making me feel normal again.

food takes up far less space in my brain than it used to. i dont watch the clock tick down till my next meal, allowing me to have afternoon tea after a day of 1-5 classes without panicking and growing impatient around 3:30pm. but after these classes, i also don't think 'oh its so late, i should skip it'. i think, great, my body can do with some fuel to tie me over till dinner. and dinner! i used to need to eat at 6pm on the dot. any later and i would be overcome with a feeling i know now to be the early stages of getting back my hunger. nowdays, i might get hungry, in which case i can have a little snack, but most of the time it doesn't take up any space in my mind until its time to cook or eat.

so what changed? what did i do? i wish i knew. we changed some medications around, and i think that helped. with more nutrition on board i engaged more in psychology, and that might have helped too.

but ultimately, one day, i just decided that i couldn't bear to be sick anymore. i didn't believe that i would get my life back, persay, but i believed that if i didn't get back on track, i would lose it. not even that i would die, but that i would live this half life as a shell fixated on food and anxiety and exercise. I might end up back in hospital again, sabotaging my course and eveything i'd worked for. That day,I hadn't packed morning tea - id intended to skip it - but I took that motivation and went to a cafe, ordered a caramel slice and a coffee enjoyed it all on my own.

i never felt sick enough. i still don't think i ever was.

but i still got better. and better was a million times greater than i ever expected it to be. im going to do everything in my power to stay this way.

an open letter to anyone early in a restrictive ed

Dear sufferer

Note that I started this letter with sufferer. You are not succeeding. You are suffering. And I know this, because well, of course there are fantastic feelings associated with having anorexia. Theres the excitement of losing weight, of feeling your body shrink, of feeling in control. But I know that really, deep down, what you’ve started isn’t making you happy.

What do I mean by that? Well honestly, the early days of an ED are such a rush. But it doesn’t take long for the bad things to start popping up. You start to feel isolated, and not only do you feel that way, but you want to feel that way. Because if you’re alone no one can stop you. Because you don’t need friends. You have anorexia, and she’s your friend.

And things only get worse. Believe me. You start to feel intense fear. It’s not control. It’s not discipline. It starts that way, sure, but then it morphs into an uncontrollable terror, where the mere sight of food petrifies you and the thought of eating paralyses you, you shake and struggle at every meal. The control you had over food becomes control food has over you. And this suffering is made even more intense by the fact that deep down, you’re hungry. You want food, it tastes delicious, and it brings a level of mental stimulation nothing can compete with. I really do think I became addicted not only to fearing food, but to eating it while afraid.

And this decline may only take 2 weeks, or a month or two. But the process of building yourself back up again can take years. I’ve been levitating between recovery and relapse for the last 2 years, unable to pick a side, grit my teeth and get to it. That’s the other torture of it. The constant uncertainty about what you want. Because on some level you want to recover. You want to eat with freedom, to make peace with your body. But the eating disorder wants to get louder, stronger, it lures you in with promises. You’ll feel amazing.

But do you? You reach a milestone and for a moment, you’re euphoric. You’re getting thinner, you’re losing weight, you’re strong, powerful, special. Remember that special, we’ll come back to it. But think about the moment after the success. The way you’re instantly thinking of the next goal. Nothing is ever enough. I reached out for help at my goal weight, because I knew right then, I wasn’t satisfied. I could see the slippery slope. Maybe you have a plan: ‘ill eat to maintenance at my goal weight. I’ll have my dream body; I’ll want to show it off!’

Spoiler alert: you won’t. You’ll hide it even more because you’re still not fucking happy with it. And you’ll be afraid that if anyone sees how unwell you look, they’ll force you to eat more. Not only that, you’ll be too cold to wear shorts or crop tops, you’ll be cold all the time. You won’t have the energy to go out in the first place, all you’ll want to do is sleep and scroll and go for inordinately long walks. It’s not a life, the life of an active ED. It’s the most depressing, isolating thing I have ever experienced.

And you tell yourself, that’s ok. When I reach my goal weight if im not happy I’ll  just gain it back.

Like hell you won’t. Either you’ll think ‘Ok, I just have to lose a little more, and then I will be happy’. But you won’t. And eventually if you’re lucky, you’ll turn to recovery at some point. You’ll try to eat more, but you’ll panic. You’ll have nightmares of full plates of food, sitting in front of you, knowing you’ll eat them. The process of eating more, gaining weight… It’s tough. Almost impossible to do alone. So maybe you’ll find yourself in hospital. You’ll be forced to eat 6 meals a day, to face that fear. You want be allowed to exercise, you’ll be even more isolated from your friends and family. You’ll wonder why you ever fell down the slippery slope into a pit of despair that’s so hard to get out of.

Or maybe you won’t… and that’s ok, it makes you strong, you’re still sick. I remember spending the first 6 months of my anorexia feeling like I wasn’t sick enough to recover because I’d never had an admission. To be fair, after my first admission I did commit to recovery for a while, but it didn’t last. My admission didn’t make me sick enough. It didn’t  give me permission to eat. Sure, it made me less sick, but it wasn’t a badge of honour.

And still I didn’t feel sick enough. I started thinking – ‘ok. I need a medical admission and a nasogastric tube’. Here I am, in that very position. I don’t feel sick enough. The tube hurts all the time. I just want to go home

I think an element of it is that my ED, being sick, being in hospital and needing countless admissions… it all made me feel special. I felt noticed, loved and cared for. Maybe I didn’t feel that way enough growing up, so I snatched up the one way I could think of to get attention – making myself sick. However, this isn’t the way I wanted to be seen. To watch my family as they watched me get sick, to see their pain and anxiety and worry, was torture. I feel immense guilt every day for the distress I have put them through over the last 2 years, and to know I make the choice to keep putting them through that.

It's not just family and friendship that it hurts, either. I was in a relationship for 2 years. I lost her, because she couldn’t bear to deal with my ED any more. My antidepressants (for depression sparked by my restriction) killed our sex life and my anorexia made her, with her own ED, more worried and more unwell. I had to let go of someone who made me so happy because I made her so sad.

But there’s an elephant in the room I haven’t mentioned, mainly because I don’t think I’ve internalised it, don’t think I believe it. And that is that at the end of the day, you might die. When I was diagnosed, my heart was struggling. When I was purging, I was disturbing my electrolyte levels. It may all seem like a bit of fun, but at the end of the day, 15% of people with our condition will die at it’s hand. And I don’t want to be one of them. Nor do I want you to be.

I know that recovery helps. I’ve been there. With the nutrition, your brain function comes back. Your relationships get better. Your family calm down and start to trust you again. It’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do, but it’s a small price to pay to not only stay alive, but to actually live.

So, I implore you, just think about it. Make a list of everything you value in your life and realise that if you let your ed get worse, you will lose it all.

Good luck.

[yatsugareboyf]

Hello, can I request for some angst to comfort chuuya with a s/o during an argument and she just holds in her tears but fails miserably please

thabk u so much jve been waiting for this.... i love hurt/comfort omg.... anw to practice my imagines/scenario skills ill try and make this a scenario thank u sm if u dont like it u can request it in hcs form :(

argument [nakahara chuuya x reader]

warning: chuuya says some very mean stuff :(

"jesus fucking christ, chuuya, where have you been?" not exactly the welcome chuuya was expecting from his significant other, although it is to be expected since chuuya arrived at 3 in the morning when he promised he'd be home at 8 pm.

"can you not, right now? im tired." he calmly says as he starts taking off his coat and shoes at the door way. you approach him with an annoyed expression, "can you stop looking at me like that?"

"stop looking at you like what? like you didn't come home on time without even a single call or text? i was worried, chuuya!" you say, watching chuuya shrug off the last of his coat, scoffing at your words.

"what do you want me to do? text you while im in a middle of this emergency meeting? it was important and you could've waited."

"oh, so your job can't wait but i can? it's like the mafia's more important than i am. " you felt offended by his words. you could've waited? you didn't even expect that he'd be having that stupid meeting.

"it is! it was just an emergency meeting that i needed to go to, so i went and that's why im late. it's not even a big deal, y/n." he walks past you to grab one of his wines from the wine fridge in the kitchen. you could only stare at him with disbelief, thoroughly processing his words. did he really say that the mafia is more important than you?

you knew he's loyal to the mafia, and you knew that when you decided to be with chuuya. you were never really mad at him for staying out late when it was for his job, but you were worried sick. he could've been gone through anything during that time!

"its "not a big deal"? i know you're busy and whatever, but you promised you'd be home and i expected you home!" you followed after him, watching him pour himself a glass before drinking it all and pouring another glass as if he was a thirsty man who crawled across the dessert just to find water.

"well aren't you so childish, huh? at least i'm doing actual work! you're here just laying around doing nothing, and you couldn't even wait a few fucking hours."

"excuse you? you're the one who told me to quit my fucking job!"

"yeah, i did, and you probably should go back to that stupid little job, huh? you can finally be of use for once." he replies, staring at you dead in the eyes with no remorse for what he just said. you could only shut up and stare back at him, not believing the words that crawled out of his mouth. to make matters worse, he added on, "go do that little drawing job you do for a living, maybe it'll be better than staying here waiting for me to come home like some fucking dog and whine all the time."

not only does he insult your job, which you worked hard to achieve, he calls you a fucking dog. tears had already started forming in your eyes, the burning sensation of it being held back. you didn't have the voice to reply or the energy to move, you stood there completely still, trying to hold back your tears.

"what, you're just doing to stand there? finally decided to shut up?" he laughs sarcastically, sipping from his glass again as he looks away from you, "it's better when you're quiet and not bitching."

you could only mutter a small "what?", the waiver in your voice signifying your impending tears. the whimper and shake in your voice fell on deaf ears, he just scoffs and shakes his head.

"didn't you hear me? or are you just that stupid? i said it's better-"

"i heard you the first time, you fucking asshole!" the tears finally fall as you slam your hands on the counter, raising your voice. the ache in your heart only begins to spread more as you sob, feeling your knees grow weak as you hold onto the counter. your boyfriend could only stare at you in shock, finally starting to realize what he'd said.

"y... y/n, i-im sorry, i-" he tries to approach you and hold your hand but you flinch away, stepping back a few steps away from him. he feels his throat close up and heart fall down to his stomach, he feels like an absolute jerk.

"don't fucking touch me." you hold your hand against your chest, slowly backing away from the man you thought would never hurt you. the man who promised to never hurt you.

"baby, i didn't mean to-" his voice waivers noticeably when he sees you try and hold back the already overflowing tears streaming down your cheeks, "please."

you could only shake your head in response, continuing to inch away from him as you aggressively wipe the tears from your face.

"i don't think we should be together right now. i-i need to go." your voice comes out shaky and breathless, contrasting your statement as if you're not confident that you should be apart. in reality, you needed chuuya. you always did, and even if he's the one who hurt you, only he can put you together again.

chuuya's head begins to shake in the middle of your sentence, rushing to grab your arm despite you backing away from him. his grip on your arm was tight but not enough to hurt you. he can't hurt you anymore than he already has.

"don't go, please" he pleads, feeling his own tears form as he looks at you. you wanted to scream, push him away from you and run, you wanted to slap him across the face and yell at him, you wanted to hold him in your arms and tell him how much you loved him. you can't move as he wraps his arms around you and rests his hand on top of your head, burying his head in the crook of your neck.

"i'm sorry. i-i... i'm so sorry." he hold his tears back, convincing himself that he's not worthy of being vulnerable after putting you through so much.

"d-don't..." you hit his back with your loose fist, not really hurting him. this only makes chuuya hug you tighter, whispering soft apologies against your ear. you couldn't hold back the burning sensation that built up in your eyes that was spread out through your fingertips and chest. the cries and whimpers escaping you hurts chuuya more and more, feeling your fist hit his back over and over again.

"y-you think you can just s-say things like that and ... and expect me to forgive you? "stupid little drawing job"? do you think that lowly o-of me? huh, chuuya?"

nothing could amount to the pain continuing to grow in this chest as you let out your own wails and sobs on his shoulder, choosing to shut his mouth and listen to you.

"all i-i wanted.... all i wanted was to know.. if you're safe..." you sniffle and whine, your soft punches slowing down and choosing to grip his undercoat instead, "i know.. i know how much your job means to you... but would it hurt you... t-to just tell me if you're not coming home early?"

chuuya knows it's not that simple. it's not as simple as a "i'm coming home late, don't wait" text, it's so much more than that.

of course it's more than that.

"i should've told you, i'm sorry, love." honestly, that was all he could say. there was nothing else he could say better than "i'm sorry" or "i should've been better" because that's the truth. he is sorry and he should've been better.

even if this never really happened before, you know chuuya has been working on your relationship. more specifically, having time for it. sure, at the end of the day he's coming home to you and that's it. no going on dates or having a day off to stay and snuggle at home, no breakfast in bed together after a long night, no nothing. just you waiting for him to come home.

you knew about this when you went into the relationship, and you thought it'll be okay because you had your own job, but chuuya had asked for you to quit your job because he makes enough for the both of you. secretly, he just wishes for your safety as your job required you to go to different construction sites and offices now that you're somewhat associated with him, and you agreed.

"j-just "sorry"? is that all you can m-manage to fucking say?" you push him away but not enough to make him tumble over. he only stands a few inches away from you but doesn't try and initiate any physical contact to respect your boundaries.

"i don't need your stupid apologies! i don't need to stay at home and have everything handed to me by your stupid money!" pushing your finger on his chest accusingly, unable to stop the words coming from your mouth or the tears falling from your eyes, "i need you."

the rest of the night (or day, it was 3 in the morning), chuuya spent holding you in his arms. every time you wanted to say something, he'd listen to you. every time you wanted to leave, he'd pull you back and tell you to stay. he knows you need your space and time, but he can't let you leave him in your current state.

he tucks you into bed as you couldn't protest any longer when he picks you up, sliding next to you after. with the strength left in your body, you bitterly face the other way, making chuuya sigh quietly.

"y/n, can you look at me?"

"..."

"baby, please. just look at me so i know you're listening, okay?"

"i can listen fine from here. i don't listen with my eyes."

chuuya holds back another sigh, not wanting to express anything less than the utmost patience. you've put up with him for so long, it's only natural for him to reciprocate it.

"sweetheart, just look at me."

it takes a while for you to respond, but you decide to give him a chance anyway.

chuuya's eyes brighten in the most adorable way possible the moment your eyes meet his, making you curse yourself internally for feeling giddy about it. this is a serious moment.

he hesitantly caresses your cheek, giving you any moment to flick his hand away, but it never comes.

"there you are," the soft drag of his thumb across your cheek soothes you a bit, "hey."

"what?"

"i.. i love you so much."

the way he says it with the most sincere yet fragile voice you've ever heard makes you want to forgive him on the spot and even apologize for making him feel like he had to be vulnerable.

"a-and i'm so proud of you. you're doing so well, not only for me but for yourself. i'm glad that you're standing up for yourself and what you deserve. you're right, i should've called you or text you, or better yet, i should've just come home."

he holds your hands gently, pressing your knuckles to his lips softly.

"the mafia means a lot to me, in a lot of fucked up ways, but the mafia isn't the only thing that means a lot to me now. you're here, and god i'm so glad you're here, so i should give time for you too. whenever you call, i should be there. whenever you need me, i should be there. you're the light of my life, and i can't bear the thought of you not being it."

the tips of his lips turn into a soft sad smile as he wipes a stray tear on your cheek. you didn't even realize you were tearing up until he did.

"t-took you long enough, dumbass." was the only thing you could reply, making him chuckle as he tucks your head under his chin.

"you can go back to your job, if you want. i'll be home earlier than 8 PM starting monday."

"monday? chuuya, it's thursday.."

"it's friday now, love, and i'm calling later so i can stay at home for the weekend."

you look at him excitedly, causing a small flip inside his heart. if he knew you'd be this cute, he would just call in sick every weekend.

"really? you'll do that?"

"of course i will. where did you wanna go? we can go see the eiffel tower, i heard they had good wines we can try. or maybe you want to see the windmills in the netherlands? or-"

"or, we can just stay at home." you smile for the first time that night, pressing a quick kiss to chuuya's cheek, "let's just stay at home."

the flustered man could only nod, pouting when you giggle at his red face.

"i love you, always."

"as you should."

chuuya grumbles but doesn't complain, not wanting to force you to say it back, but you can tell that he wants to hear it too.

"i'm kidding. i love you too."

[kisstheassassins]

Hi there😊May I request a HC with Connor and SO who is an assassin in The Tyranny of King, but in this SO doesn't remember him when he finds her in the same prison as Kanen'tó:kon hanging by her wrists being tortured by a bluecoat(similar to what happened to Leliana in DA Inquisition). Also she would the same person he originally knew, but cold & kind of emotionless. Not to mention she wouldn't trust him either. Lol sorry that got dark, but thank you for taking the time to read this!

I hope this is to your liking 😊

Also im using (p/n) as your preferred pronouns.

The two men had finally been liberated from the prison they were held in, but Kanen had one last thing to do here before he could finally leave.

There they were at a four-way cross section of the jail, with Kanen looking around at each hallway as if he were trying to remember something.

"What is it?" Ratonhnhaké:ton asked his friend; his hand was pulling on Kanen's arm to make him hurry, but he pulled away.

"We cannot leave yet," the other man says, running down one of the halls. If Connor hadn't trusted his friend he would have gone the other way, but he follows close behind.

They find themselves at a closed door, and behind it a voice can be heard. It's cold and harsh, and upon creaking the door open Kanen realizes its not just one person, but two. You hang by your wrists from the ceiling by chains, feet barely hitting the floor as you gasp for each breath.

"I know that there were more of you," the guard says harshly. He has some sort of blunt weapon in his hand to strike you when he thinks you're either lying, or doesn't like the answer you give him. Your face is bloodied and bruised.

"Beat me all you want," you growl, "I'm not saying a damn thing. You and your false King can rot in hell."

Your voice rang through Ratonhnhaké:tons ears like a cannon firing just beside him. His breath quickens as he and Kanen rush in just before the guard strikes you, startling him.

However, before they can reach him your legs wrap around his neck tightly, using your chains to lift you up and choke the man with your limbs. You apply more pressure with each passing minute, and eventually jerk your hips sideways to result the sound of his neck snapping. His body slumps to the floor, as well as your legs. You're exhausted.

Kanen moves the dead body to the side and searches for the key while Ratonhnhaké:ton looks you over. He's still trying to process that he even found you, let alone in this prison. And the state of you; it made him sick to see you so beaten. He always promised to protect you and to prevent this type of thing.

"Took your bloody time," you say, an exasperated smile gracing your lips. Kanen unlocks the braces one by one, and Ratonhnhaké:ton helps you stand when each hand is free. You can't help but fall to the floor, and he helps you down gently. Kanen kneels on the other side of you.

"I don't particularly enjoy leaving my friends behind," he says. You rub your wrists and wince at the pain; no doubt these bruises would be here a while.

Your eyes meet the other man's, suspicion building up the more he stares. His eyes are soft and his mouth is partially open like he wants to say something.

"Friend of yours?" you ask, looking up at Kanen. He nods.

"More like a brother. This is Ratonhnhaké:ton."

You both lock eyes again, and a sense if warmth and familiarity fill your chest. It confuses you; you know you have never met this man in your life, so why are you so..... fuzzy?

You nod at him in greeting.

"(Y/n)," you say, and even though he knows it, he smiles to you anyway.

Kanen and Ratonhnhaké:ton help you stand up and keep you close to support your legs, as it was somewhat difficult to walk after the beatings you received.

"Go on ahead," Ratonhnhaké:ton says, "I'll help (p/n)."

With just you two now following a ways behind Kanen, Connor has a close grip on you and you can't help but notice how closely he watches you. You don't have to look to know, but you can feel his eyes on you.

You try to break the wall with small talk.

"Thanks for doing this," you say, "uh.... " A laugh escapes you. "Sorry, I don't know how to say your name."

He knew it was coming, but he played a long.

"What would you like to call me then?" he asks softly. Your eyes meet his once again and you chuckle.

"My mentor," you begin, "he had a son. Died when he was only six." A pause. "Is Connor okay?"

The man smiles and nods, fixing his grip on your back. You fall in closer to him as your legs are still weak.

"It's perfect," he chuckles, but you weren't able to feel how his heart ached and yearned for you at that moment. "How about we get out of here, hm?"

-----

Benjamin Franklin had been attending to your wounds on your hands and wrists, while the other two who saved you leaned over a table discussing their next move for the revolution over Washington. You can't help but stare at Connor and wonder why he felt so familiar to you, but you never met the man.

"Something bothering you, (y/n)? " Ben asks. You keep your eyes focused.

"How come I've never met Connor," you say. Your friend looks to where you are looking.

"You mean Ratonhnhaké:ton?"

Your eyes glance to Ben and then back.

"We settled on Connor since I can't pronounce his name," you say.

Ben finishes up wrapping the bandages around the cut on your palm, watching you wince as he tucks the fabric in.

"Well," he begins, "I don't think Kanen'tó:kon expected to find his friend here in the midst of all this. He went to war with Washington even before Ratonhnhaké:ton and his mother did."

You sit up off the table and pulls your sleeves down over your bandages.

"Do you trust him?"

"He's been very helpful so far," he states, "in fact, I believe he's done more for us in the past week than we have in a month. I dont think you have anything to worry about."

----

A brief war table meeting later, and everyone has departed to complete their duty for the day, leaving you to rest and Connor to go over what he had missed over the past few weeks. You find yourself beside him staring at the wall of photos and drawings that you and your colleagues had collected for evidence and tracking. Connor stares up at Washington, eyes malice and eager to find the man.

"You seem to have a personal vendetta with him," you say, more so than we do."

Connor looks to you and then back at the wall, exhaling sharply.

"He has done a lot of harm and damage to my people, as well as the rest of the world. My home was burned, my people enslaved."

He stops a moment to collect himself and take a deep breath, almost preparing himself for what he had to say next.

"He... murdered my mother. My father."

You swallow the lump in your throat; people were lucky enough to survive Washington's wrath, let alone escape it. A majority of those here weren't so lucky.

"I'm sorry," you say softly.

A few moments pass and you can't help but stare at him, that feeling familiarity hitting you dead in the chest again. Your palms are sweaty too, you notice, and you're chewing the inside of your cheek. Connor glances your way and turns his head when he sees you.

"What?" he says. You exhale sharply.

"Are you sure we haven't met before?" He shakes his head. "I feel like I've seen you before and its driving me mad."

Connor shifts in his spot, thinning his lips and staring at you, waiting, as if he wanted to speak. But he doesn't. Instead he watches you get closer.

"I don't normally trust people so easily," you say, "but seeing Kanen being so open and close to you, I feel like I can too. Don't take me the wrong way Connor, but you feel real familiar to me and I don't know why."

He smiles sheepishly, memories if you flooding his mind back in.... his original world. All of this surely had to be a nightmare.

"Perhaps we should work together," he begins, "see where this goes from here."

You smile at him and he does the same for you, making you chuckle. You pat his arm and make way upstairs; he is in close pursuit.

He prayed to his ancestors nothing happened to you after this.

[vincememes]

banana fish starters

WARNINGS: IMPLIED SA, VIOLENCE MENT, DRUGS MENT spoiler warning .    to make it less long, the rest is under a cut.

feel free to adjust pronouns / names as needed !

ASH LYNX

❛   even if i did know something, what good would it do?  ❜  

❛   even a stupid street punk like me knows that  ❜  

❛   i envy you … being able to jump like that.  ❜  

❛   what could be more relaxing than three days away from these guys?  ❜  

❛   i wish i could hate you. i need someone to hate.  ❜  

❛   someone is dead. not that you’d give a damn one way or the other.  ❜  

❛   treating him like you’re giving the pope a bath isn’t going to help.  ❜  

❛   aren’t there any decent parents in this world?  ❜  

❛   that guy always regarded me as a human being with a real heart, not some sort of tool.  ❜  

❛   this little act of charity, you’re going to regret this.  ❜  

❛   i tried to forget.  ❜  

❛   stay with me... i won’t ask "forever". just for now.  ❜  

❛   well, i already know you’re a sick man.  ❜  

❛   ready to lose your life over a pizza?  ❜  

❛   my name... has become the signal for a massacre.  ❜  

❛   what on earth... have i become?  ❜  

❛   what do you think i am...? i’m a murderer... okay?  ❜  

❛   i told you before. i kill people.  ❜

❛   they paid the price for their decisions— that’s all.  ❜  

❛   what the hell do you know?!  ❜  

❛   let‘s say i am ‘exceptional’. the problem is, i never, ever, my whole life wanted to be.  ❜  

❛   you said i am not like ordinary people.  ❜  

❛   there’ve been countless times in my life when i thought i’d be better off dead.  ❜  

❛   that nothing could be worse than what was happening to me right then.  ❜  

❛   at times like that...death looks sweet and peaceful, and unbearably enticing.  ❜  

❛   war is always good business for those in power.  ❜  

❛   sorry to destroy your youthful innocence.  ❜  

❛   you have any idea what those guys made us do?  ❜  

❛   don’t tell me you still believe the pen is mightier than the sword.  ❜  

❛   if you ask me, the white house can go screw itself.  ❜  

❛   i wonder if i’m dying somewhere.  ❜  

❛   i wasn’t expecting the law to protect me.  ❜  

❛   i’ve ignored it all my life... i sure as hell don’t plan on hiding behind it now.  ❜  

❛   just keep them away from me— please!  ❜

❛   this town’s my backyard, remember?  ❜  

❛   sunrise and sunset are about the only times this junkyard of a city looks good.  ❜  

❛   even if i said no, you wouldn’t go back anyway.  ❜  

❛   if you went home i’d probably worry if something happened to you.  ❜  

❛   so it’s better you’re right here, where i can keep an eye on you  ❜  

❛   some people never change.  ❜  

❛   vulture got together with the viper. you make a great pair.  ❜  

❛   why now after all this time— does it have to be you, of all people...?  ❜  

❛   i don’t stand a chance. i’m dust against him.  ❜  

❛   over my dead body. if anybody hurts you... it’ll be over my dead body—  ❜  

❛   i don’t care who it is. i am not letting anybody hurt you.  ❜  

❛   do i scare you?  ❜  

❛   dont give me your stupid advice.  ❜  

❛   i’m happy, goddammit!    ❜  

❛   i know there’s at least one person in this world who cares about me. who doesn’t want anything from me.  ❜  

❛   do you have any idea what that’s like? i never did... not once in my entire life—until now.  ❜  

❛   and that’s worth more to me than anything else.  ❜  

❛   go back home! don’t look at me!  ❜  

❛   i don’t want you seeing me like this!  ❜  

❛   my hands are dirty with other people's blood.  ❜  

❛   i don't even know how many people i've killed.  ❜  

❛   i'm bad news.  ❜  

❛   i wish i could’ve been like you.  ❜  

❛   it’s just that… i always picture the worst-case scenario, that’s all.  ❜  

❛   guess it’s because i’m a coward.  ❜  

❛   i just can’t relax. it’s turned into a habit.  ❜  

❛   i was so scared i couldn’t speak, i couldn’t cry, and i screamed in my head, but... nothing came out.   ❜

EIJI OKUMURA

❛   if i ever lose you too... i'll go crazy.  ❜  

❛   come back safely. i'll be waiting for you, forever.  ❜  

❛   if you feel responsible, the same goes for me.  ❜  

❛  my words might not mean anything now, but just remember one thing.  ❜  

❛   even if the world turns on you, i'll always be on your side.  ❜  

❛   humans can change their destiny.  ❜  

❛   if i'm going to die anyways, at least i'll die trying!  ❜  

❛   don't apologize. that's something for people like me to do.  ❜  

❛   i'd do anything for you.  ❜  

❛   i know we'll meet again, no matter how far apart we are.  ❜  

❛   you're the greatest friend i'll ever have.  ❜  

❛   you're not alone. i'm by your side. my soul is always with you.  ❜  

❛   you asked me over and over if you scared me. but i never feared you. not once.  ❜  

❛   i'm really glad i came here.  ❜  

❛   i met lots of people. and more than anything, i met you.  ❜  

❛   that’s when i decided. i would always believe in you, no matter what.  ❜  

❛   no matter what happened, he would always have at least one person...  ❜

❛   i am very worried because i haven’t seen you and i don’t know if you are okay.  ❜  

❛   but so what? we are friends. isn’t that enough? what else do we need?  ❜  

❛   actually, i always felt that you are hurt, much more than me - that your spirit is wounded.  ❜  

❛   i know you are much smarter than me, and bigger, and stronger - but even so.. i always wanted to protect you.  ❜  

❛   but what did i want to protect you from?  ❜  

❛    i think i wanted to protect you from your future.  ❜  

❛   because your fate was sweeping you away, like a flood.  ❜  

❛   but i’m not saying “goodbye” to you... because this isn’t goodbye.  ❜

❛   are you going off on your own again?  ❜

❛   somewhere far away.. without a word?  ❜

❛   i want to see you. i wish i was with you right now.  ❜ 

YUT-LUNG

❛   a bloody history is inevitable when you are the one ruling.  ❜  

❛   what's wrong? you hated him, right? guess what? so do i.  ❜  

❛   no need to glare. i won't eat you up.  ❜  

❛   there's nothing you can do to help.  ❜  

❛   and what can you do to help?  ❜  

❛   you really irritate me.  ❜  

❛   you make people want to protect you or make them want to tear you apart and crush you.  ❜  

❛   so, what to do with you now.  ❜  

❛   i heard you tried to escape again. you have some spunk.  ❜  

❛   we have hired him, his target is your friend.  ❜  

❛   i have other things for you to do for me.  ❜  

❛   we still have two more scorpions.  ❜  

❛   i am a monster, too.  ❜  

❛   i'm not hearing any good news.  ❜  

❛   you become all tame when you’re around them.  ❜  

❛   you’ve degraded from a lone lynx to a content pet cat.  ❜  

❛   depending on your answer, i may not forgive you.  ❜

OTHER CHARACTERS (shorter, max, sing, shunichi, etc.)

❛   his face when he laughed was cute, and childlike, and totally angelic.  ❜  

❛   it's my problem too! if you go alone, you'll just be killed.  ❜  

❛   you'll die for nothing!  ❜  

❛   i won't let you go alone.  ❜  

❛   i'm sorry, but believe me when i say this: i'll die before i let them lay a finger on you.  ❜  

❛   i can't anymore. set me free. i'm in so much pain.  ❜

 ❛   we need to stay apart so at least one of us survives  ❜   

❛   if the former boss gets hit then it's the duty of the new boss to make the drop.  ❜   

❛   if we don't fight back now, we'll forever be expendable tools. ❜  

❛   you asked me to look after them.  ❜  

❛   yes, honey.    ❜  

❛   that’s for you to decide for yourself..  ❜  

❛   what’s wrong? you can’t punch me from that far back.  ❜  

❛   this will be the last time i give you a word of advice.  ❜  

❛   time is an ironic thing. for us, it means to age. but for people like him, it means to grow.  ❜  

❛   i love all women. they're beautiful and strong. like life itself.  ❜  

❛   it would only be making another one of us. ❜  

❛   one more wretched being, unloved and unloving, whose only sustenance is hatred and nihilism.  ❜  

❛   don’t fight your memories, cuz you’re never going to win.  ❜  

❛   i guess home isn’t something you want to remember if you ran away from it.  ❜  

❛   in one second i knew he could read everything on my mind.  ❜  

❛   i wondered when this boy had started to watch out for his soul, then i knew how much he had suffered.  ❜  

❛   you are the most beautiful and the most dangerous, of all the beasts i have ever known.  ❜  

❛   rather than hate and be triumphant, you chose to love and be destroyed.  ❜  

❛   i staked my life on that choice. please try to accept it.  ❜  

❛   one who does not love cannot be loved, either.  ❜  

❛   you at the very least knows what it is to love.  ❜  

❛   how can you expect someone who suffered so much to have any respect for authority? ❜  

❛   fine line between offender and victim it’s hard to know where to draw it.  ❜  

❛   there’s something about you that i just can’t hate.  ❜  

❛   'cause you’re hurt your soul’s bleeding-even now.  ❜  

❛   you’re just like me that way.  ❜

[mueritos]

Hey! I’m getting my top surgery soon (it got moved back, so I have more time to worry about it) and I was wondering how your in-hospital experience was, since that’s what I’m most worried about.

Hi!! In the hospital I am referred to as Matteo in the system, though my legal name is there too. There was a lil mix up when the first nurse brought me into the prep room and she used my birthname, but when she was looking for my name in the system, i had to correct her because she was looking for my birthname. She apologized and said she should have checked on the file, but also on my wristband “Matteo” didnt fit entirely on it, so it’s cut off lmao. Overall I had no issues, everyone called me Matteo and he and it all felt very nice. You get changed into a gown and you have to wipe yourself down. The worst part was them getting an IV in, that shit is GHASTLY and PAINFUL AS FUUUCK. never again do I want a needle digging into my VEIN that shit sucked so bad I almost passed out LMFAO so prep yourself for that shit. Your surgeon might draw on you while youre awake but there was a nurse in the room while that happened. It felt kinda cool to watch him draw on my boobs lol. You’ll also meet your anesthesiologist before going under, snd they’ll explain the process and whether you have side effects. Here you should ask for anti naseau medicine or patch if you get very sick like me. Also you’re probably going to get the iv in pretty early because they’ll need fluids for you to PISS because they make u take a pregnancy test. Its just something we have to do as people with uteruses and before going under general anesthesia. If you need to pee before surgery, consider holding it so you dont have to struggle for an hour and a half like me getting an iv in and pissing like four ml into a cup LMAO

They’ll either wheel you or walk you into the surgery room and tje whole time i was crackin jokes. Kinda helps me calm down maybe itll do the same for u. You’ll meet the team, like the assistant to the anesthesiologist and the other nurses/surgeons. You get onto the surgery table and lay down (you’ll be naked under your gown btw). They will strap you in for safety around the waist and arms, snd you’ll be in a t pose position laying down. They’ll get an oxygen mask onto you. I was told that they were gonna give me something to sedate me snd calm me down, and i felt the coldness of that fluid in my iv and veins. After that my body felt heavy, the anesthesiologist came in and let me know she was gonna put me under. I said thanks guys have fun and then knocked out to Radio Gaga (the assistant anesthesiologist was playing Queen). I woke up to my first nurse giving me ice chips lol. You’ll be woken up either in your recovery room or the recovery area. I was in the recovery area and once I was awake, they wheeled me back to the room i was prepped in. Apparently I was there for a lil over an hour before being coherent enough to be wheeled out and go home. You will likely be told to try drinking something, and I did try, and I threw up a couple times. The relief after I vommed was DOPE, so if you get sick after anesthesia, all i gotta say is to just let yourself throw up. You will feel much better after.

After that you are home! I tried to explain what I could and I hope that its enough to give you an idea of what to expect when you go in. Good luck in your own surgery!