#i felt seen as an aromantic person. and i am very much a person who usually doesnt struggle to separate art from the artist

[infizero]

sorry im filled with numb rage and other emotions rn but the fact that wilbur soot is so good at music is so fucking infuriating. this sounds so stupid but like genuinely makes me so fucking mad that he brought such fantastic music into the world, music that I PERSONALLY CONNECTED TO ON A DEEP EMOTIONAL LEVEL, and he ended up being such a piece of shit. like how hard is it to not be fucking awful it makes my blood fucking boil

[bloggingboutburgers]

Consider me one of your younger followers who's still trying to figure out their aroace-ness.

How do i really know im aroace when i dont even know how love is supposed to feel like? Sometimes, i think i like a few ppl just a little bit. I have seen myself turn a little gay for some women. (Idk if there's a better way to say it) and feel jealous of other women having partners(mostly male partners)

I do relate to being aroace. But sometimes these doubts come up.

Am i really aroace? Or it it just a phase of mine?

P.S I love your comics🤍

Sorry for the late reply! TwT

I'll be honest, from personal experience... I don't know how love is supposed to feel like either. I thought maybe I felt it in the past but it never got remotely close to things that are described ad nauseam to us in media and popular culture. I never got it. The biggest emotional high I ever got was making sincere friends or feeling connected to my family or accomplished with art. So I came to the conclusion that I'm aro. I don't think a gay person ever understood what it feels like to be attracted to someone of the opposite gender either, so... That's my reasoning for it I guess. I'm aro SO I can't be expected to understand romance. That's kind of the point in my head. And even then, aromanticism is a broad spectrum, so it's very possible it's full of people whose understanding and feeling of romance varies or may even fluctuate.

So to be honest, if you feel that "aroace" defines you properly, and because it's a pretty wide spectrum, I'd say that yes, you really are, and no, it's not a phase, and heck, even if that understanding of yourself came to change for a different orientation in the future, that's OK too. What matters is that you feel happy with yourself.

...I'll also add tbh that being aro and ace is kind of a losing deal cus even within LGBTQ+ spaces you're gonna be invisibilised and othered, so... I doubt you'd be calling yourself "aroace" just to be temporarily cool or whatever. It was never perceived as cool or a good thing by society at large. It's a battle one doesn't pick. If throughout all of that invisibilization, allosexual and alloromantic-spamming and looking-down-upon you still managed to come to the conclusion that it's a good definition for you, I'd say that's pretty telling. I dunno.

On one last note, I'm not sure if the jealousy you feel of other women having partners is directed towards the women because they have partners, or towards the partners because they're with these specific women, but if it's the former at the very very least, I don't think it's incompatible with being aro. Again, society spams us so much with the idea that having a steady romantic partner is the only way you won't end up alone in the world, that it's hard not to be scared of being lonely when we have that identity sometimes. And the alternative sounds so much easier, even if we couldn't get it the exact same way most people do unless we forced ourselves to act in a way that's not "us" deep inside.

...Welp, that's my feelings on it at least, but yeah, the asexual and aromantic spectrums are so wide in the experiences they cover that I couldn't hope to cover everyone's experience within them. I just hope that this helped you feel a little more confident about it. With the way society is, it's made very hard for us not to doubt ourselves sometimes, but I don't feel we deserve to doubt ourselves that much.

I dunno. That's how I feel about it at least. I hope that helps TwT

(Also thank you so much for the kind words!!)

[lorynna]

I agree with you on the overuse and the muddying of the term "asexual". Most asexuals I see have wayyy more sex than I do, and I am very much not asexual.

But I know one of these very rare authentically asexual and aromantic people. My oldest friend. She has absolutely zero sexual attraction to anyone ever, no sexual desire, never even masturbated, never had even an incling on a crush. This is not because of trauma, she's just always been this way. She's an adult, has a degree, works in mechanical engineering, plays lots of sports and hikes mountains, plays boardgames, has close friends - just a regular woman. But she is not just categorically not interested in anything to do with sex and romance, she also just truly doesn't get the appeal. It makes no sense to her.

And for her and people like her, I do think the label is helpful. Obviously you don't need an excuse or a reason not to want those things, you owe that to nobody, but like you said, it is very rare. And just for yourself to feel comfortable and at peace and not like there's something wrong with you, it's very helpful to have a word for it. And to know there's others, even just a few.

She never looked for a word, I was the one who found it online, since I'm a lesbian I was in LGBT circles and eventually stumbled across it and thought of her. And I remember how relieved she was when I mentioned it and asked if that sounds in any way fitting to her. It has also helped her with explaining the idea to her parents or other close friends - people she'd always wanted to know about it, but where she just hadn't known how to say it.

Hi anon! Thank you for your message! 🩷

Your friend sounds like someone who lives life to it's fullest extent and finds something positive in whatever they do. All in all like a genuinly nice person to be around.

I don't have much to say, since you haven't really asked a specific question or disagreed with me - so I'm just going to appreciate your contribution to the topic and say what's on my mind when I read it.

Firstly, I'm glad your friend felt relived when she found out about the label existing and that other people experienced the same thing she did - I can imagine society put her under a lot of pressure regarding any kind of sexual topic.

In the first sentence you acknowledge that the term is overused and has been mudded a lot - that's also one of the reasons why I have difficulties taking the term seriously. Especially because it is rare and I personally have never seen anyone using the label, that wasn't also making it their entire personality or "identifying" with it out of a trend etc you get it. That makes it hard for people like your friend who are genuinly asexual or aromantic to 1) not only get taken seriously by outsiders 2) also feel comfortable and understand in a community of pretenders, who claim to also be the same.

Anyway, I'm happy she could take away what she needed from this term and it helped her explain her experience to those she felt comfortable sharing it with. That's what matters the most :)

[make-friends-with-the-rats]

hi! sarah jacobs for the opinions thing??

herherherherher

How I feel about this character: Disney princess. The best girl in the entire world. She's sweet and kind but she will literally punch you in the face and I love her so much for that. I feel like Sarah is a person who actively chooses to be kind. She gives people the benefit of the doubt and tries to empathize and see things from other people's points of view because she's all about justice and ideals, but at the same time she doesn't tolerate any bullshit and will call you out if you're being irrational or selfish. She's very protective over the people she loves, and she's just as much as a 'walking mouth' as her brother if in a slightly different way. (It runs in the family.)

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Jack and Sarah! They're both dreamers and they're adorable, okay? If you tell me they aren't you're a liar. That said, Jack and Sarah always felt more like a first crush than an endgame ship to me. It's all sweet and flirty and they definitely love each other, but it might not be permanent, y'know? That's why I'll occasionally indulge in Spot and Sarah or Katherine and Sarah. But at the same time I feel an argument could be made for Sarah being aromantic/arospec...

My non-romantic OTP for this character: David and Sarah! (Sarah loves her weird-ass brother!) I also love the idea of Jack and Sarah being close outside of a romantic relationship. And of course the potential dynamics between Sarah and Spot and Sarah and Katherine are my favorites to explore.

My unpopular opinion about this character: Sarah Jacobs is actually a well developed character and was not included for compulsory heterosexuality. She might not feel well developed, but that's literally because most of her scenes were cut so we aren't given her full story on the screen, just bits and pieces.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish that her scenes hadn't been cut. Literally every single scene that didn't make it into the movie from every single script. I want them. Put them back. Mr. Ortega look out because I am hunting you. I also wish we'd seen more of Sarah and her work sewing lace. Given the context of the time period/story, it is very possible that Sarah Jacobs worked for a lace factory: another area of industry that exploited child labor. I want to see Sarah mobilizing her fellow lace factory girls and taking them to newsies square at the end of the movie post Once and For All. I also wish she'd been included in the stage musical. We don't need a love triangle, but it would have been interesting to have Sarah (working class woman) as a contrast to Katherine (upper class woman.) They could have been great narratively. Also, let her be a socialist.

Thank you for the ask!

ask game

characters answered: David Jacobs, Jack Kelly, Blink and Skittery, Bumlets and Swifty

[actually-alice-orchid]

an incoherent ramblimg on my grievences with peoples interpretations of aroace characters mainly saiki k

saiki k continues to reinforce my belief that to establish an identity for a character, u NEED to use a term because tell me how saiki k can say i am the definition of aromantic and people still say its not confirmed. like he says, he finds romantic love entirely pointless, and people still say he isn't aromantic. Imagine a male character said "i exclusively like other men" and people tried to claim he wasnt gay. and some of the reasons people give as to why are borderline aphobic with the most common being "well he hasnt felt romance YET but ge still could" but like thats basically just saying well you havent met the right person yet which is just i want to say disgusting but i think unnerving fits better. this shit makes me uncomfortable because these people would definitely treat real aro people like this i know my mother was very much on the "that will change when you meat the right person" when i came out to her. some people will probably think its just a character who cares and the answer is people who feel seen by saiki k and dont like having there identities invalidated by shippers there is so litte aro and ace rep already why is it that when there is an aro or ace character people rush to ship them. another example is alastor from hazbin hotel now i have my grievances with hazbin hotel as rep but it was stated outside the show that alastor is aroace which to me is worthless but then in the show they call him "an ace in the whole" which is confirmation of asexuality and heavy implications of aromantism considering that it was said in the context of romance but people still flock to ship alastor and say that he was never confirmed in show and a personal least favourite remark of "aroace people can still date" and my response is " not all of them" because its important to have characters who are openly aro or ace or aroace and to have that be respected. these attitudes extend to real people aswell i personally have experienced my identity be invalidated under the you havent met the right person and ive seen real people get shipped and have there identities invalidated on the basis of it getting in the way of a ship and theres the inverse of people outraging of over aro headcanons because "MAHHH SHIIIP". theres a tiktok that ive linked and specifically the first part is relavent because i think thats genuinely how aroace characters are going to need to because subtly went out the window when saiki was denied but im genuinely not sure if saying aromantic would even help anymore. if you made it to the end of this thank you seriously this could not have been a pleasant read.

[nerdygaymormon]

What are your thoughts on people who are asexual and/or aromantic and Christian? As an aroace Christian, I often feel very lonely and like I am left out of both the Christian community and the queer community.

Congratulations on figuring out you're both aro and ace. Recognizing the absence of something takes more thought and investigation than it does to recognize the existence of attractions and feelings.

Being aroace is a blessing!

In 1 Corinthians chapter 7, it’s very clear that the apostle Paul personally feels that sex and romance is more trouble than it’s worth and lowkey wishes more people felt the same. I think if he were alive today, he might choose the labels aromantic and asexual.

Paul is also pretty clear that in the eyes of God, it doesn’t matter whether we’re married or unmarried. It’s up to us to decide what works best for us. If you’re ace/aro, great! God has work for you. 

————————————————————

One thing about being aroace is it can be invisible. Unfortunately some queer people don't view aroace people as being part of the LGBT community because they believe that the people who are on the ace and aro spectrums don’t face the same discrimination and oppression as other queer people.

The Queer Community is all sexual and gender identities other than straight and cisgender, and that's why LGBTQIA includes the A specifically for aro and ace. We all experience marginalization. Our aroace friends definitely are part of the queer community.

In the queer communities, there's spaces for gays, lesbians, trans people, but I'm not aware of any specifically for those who are aro or ace, so I'm sure it feels lonely, as though you can come to queer spaces but your aren't seen and celebrated.

————————————————————

When Christians don't know someone is ace or aro, they adore how well you seem to be at remaining chaste and pure.

But many Christians have such strong negative feelings against the queer community, that they extend those feelings to anyone that is part of this community. It's ridiculous. You are exactly the person they loved until they learned you also describe yourself as ace and aro, nothing is changed about you.

They should accept and love you for your faith and desire to be part of the worship community.

————————————————————

Much love to you and I hope you find peace and a place where people accept and welcome you as your full authentic self

[spopsalt]

Hi!!

This will be a bit more of a personal rant / ramble about spop if that's okay!

So like I was around 11 when the first season of spop came out. My sister followed Nate and was very excited for the project so we watched it, and we both really liked it!!

So each time every season came out we watched it and came up with fan theories and all that jazz! Keep in mind, we never really rewatched seasons in between. So we watched season 2, waited around half year and then watch season 3 when it came out. So we never watched season 2 again in between those months. This makes it that you forget some things, but that was alright.

I think this is the way the show is meant to be watched. It was enjoyable, we came up with theories, we came up with ships, we bonded with the characters. Season 4 was my favourite season because of all the tension and drama!!

And then well, season 5 was a bit of a letdown, but yeah sure! That's fine, y'know. I am not a shipper at all, my sister is aware at this point that her ships are never really popular so she didn't have her hopes up (she ships glimmadora). She also followed Nate so she knew that he liked c//a and stuff.

Anyways, when the show was finished, people really started watching it because of the lgbt representation. This always felt weird to me? It didn't make sense? I didn't watch Spop with the idea in mind that c//a would become canon in the end. Which made the show a whole lot easier to watch.

I also felt like.. it wasn't really the point of the show at all? There was just a kiss at the end that was about the romance the show had gotten, I didn't get it (im aromantic asexual so maybe that's why).

I have a lesbian friend (they/she) for example, who watched the show for c//a. Which is fine, they really like it and they relate to c/tra, due to trauma and stuff. It's just that it felt so.. weird talking to them about the show. Because everything about the show kinda felt like it was about c//a for them? Just like how you anti-spop blogs talk about how c//a shippers can make any scene about c//a. That's how it felt. Now I didn't really mind, but it felt odd to me.

Either way. At some point, me and my sister finally convinced my other sister to join our rewatch. Which was,, tough. Well, it was alright, in the sense that, I just focused on my favourite characters and (platonic) relationships. (Entrapta! Scorpia! Glimmer!! Adora!!! :D!!)

But the c//a kiss at the end made me physically cringe. (Literally)

I don't really have a point to make! I just believe that Spop isn't meant to be binge-watched? I feel like? I really really enjoyed my first watch, and I have very conflicted feelings about it (due to nostalgia too. dt being the first enban ive ever seen on tv?? mindblowing!!).

I like it. But also as an emotional abuse survivor, it also is just.. tough. All in all it's just, a bit, disappointing?

I guess that's it :) that's my ramble.

I'm not sure if anyone has any similar experiences, as pretty much everyone I know watched it after all seasons came out and it has risen in popularity.

Have a nice day!! Love ur blog

Awwwww thanks for your kind words, also it's ok, the ask buttons says "Rant with Me!" for that reason, I love hearing rants! But yeah, I personally was never that big of a fan, but it's good that you like it! But yeah the representation is definitely bad, the only bisexual character get in m x f ships, which is fine, ofc bisexual people don't have to date only people of the same gender, but...they never show attraction towards other people of the same gender?! The only bi characters get in m x f ships, one of them was extremely rushed, and one of them was creepy considering it looked like an adult dating a teen. Also the main couple is literally just a victim falling back into the cycle and kissing her sister who literally gave her trauma.

[allthoseotherworlds]

Okay, still haven't seen the episode and I'm not sure when I will get around to doing it, but I slept, showered, and I'm capable of breathing again (allergiessss)

And I think I'm going to approach it with the same energy as like, when I was in high school and thought I had a crush on someone because I was lonely and wanted to fit in and in high school that was how you did that, in my mind.

So I convinced myself I had a crush on one of the guys in my class who was friendly and nice to people. Fortunately for me, nothing ever happened, and I never actually had to try to be in a romantic relationship as an aroace teenager who didn't know what those words meant.

But like, I think in general with romantic relationships and comments and stuff with the Doctor, regardless of the episode or characters involved, I could see it being kind of similar in some ways.

The Doctor generally wants to be accepted by people and liked, even the regenerations who are more brusque are kind of going about it in a way that's like "look how much I don't care what you think of me and don't need to be likeable" - it feels like it's the other side of that same coin.

I think Gallifrey places less attention on romantic relationships than many other societies, but the Doctor doesn't spend much time on Gallifrey anymore. The Doctor spends a lot of time on Earth and around humans and other species that place more important on romance.

Romance and sex shouldn't be how people define their likability, but often it is, at least in subtle ways. Amatonormativity, etc, all those forces that are more visible to aspec people but present to some degree in everyone's life.

I can imagine the Doctor not being fundamentally interested in those things, probably fluctuating between neutral to averse between regenerations, but still wanting that acceptance and wanting to participate in something that is meaningful and important to so many people and as part of how they define their relationships with each other. Trying to put on that mask and play that game is like, a way to be part of that group.

But like most masking, you can only keep it up for so long before it starts to wear on you. See the Doctor and River, the Husbands of River Song, and any long rambling posts I have made about those in the past.

And especially after Yaz had a crush on the Doctor and the Doctor was unwilling to engage in a romantic relationship with her - because it never ends well, because she's been here before and knows how it goes. But maybe she feels guilty or bad about it too, like that was her one chance to have a relationship that felt more equal or intimate, because humans don't seem to know how to have those kinds of friendships with the Doctor sometimes.

So then maybe the Doctor regenerates a couple of times, and has a stronger sense of aesthetic attraction (but is otherwise aroace) and he thinks "Well, when I make jokes and comments about people looking nice, it makes them happy, it makes them (the decent ones, the ones I care about who aren't homophobic) see me as one of them. Maybe I am like them after all," and he flirts with the guy in the episode, and he does think he's interesting and cares about him.

And he plays the game and gets some closeness and connection out of it that he struggles to get in contexts that are more natural to him.

But if it had a chance to go on longer than the one episode, it would have ended up like with River, because you can only play that game for so long before the other person realizes you have to do it consciously.

And if you don't have the words or general tendency to communicate about that sort of thing, people end up assuming that the pricked is that a sunset can't love them back, not that you, specifically, love differently than they do.

Anyway I'm definitely not like. Projecting on the Doctor or anything haha, why would you even say that... but I will say that I've read very convincing fanfiction about Tony Stark being aromantic and/or asexual and sex and romance repulsed so like. We as a community can turn anything aroace and I love that about us.

[gordontheengineswifenirmal]

I recently had a discussion with besty about pride month. Let me preface this by saying that I am an ally. I do feel that lgbtq+ folks deserve to love and be loved as straight folks do. I have seen some folks consider we asexuals as part of the LGBTQ+ spectrum. Some folks are uncomfortable with us being part of pride, because it’s meant to celebrate romantic/sexual love. (From what I’m told).

For some asexuals, having a connection to pride makes more sense. There are some people who are both asexual and lgbtq+. Asexuality is a very complicated thing. Sadly, many folks see us just as any other sexuality. U r either this - or ur not. N there some degrees. Some people claiming to be asexual do get ridiculous.

I thought I was straight. I tried to be straight for decades. I had a marriage. It was devoid of sex and romance, and tho me ex wasn’t nasty, he never communicated how he really felt with me. I was left to feel ugly and unwanted. We never had sex in the nearly 20 years we were married. Once, he even had a tantrum because I looked up at him when we were in the tube. Of course, he sticks to his ridiculous argument to this day. I went from being devastated about our lack of sex to being indifferent. He also began to change. He wasn’t the mature, quiet, intelligent bloke I’d met. He criticised me for gaining weight. He didn’t come to help with mum or the grandparents. He was too focused on his own things. He partied and travelled. I took care of 5 relatives like a stay at home mother. I faced many traumatic moments, as those 5 people had both mental and physical health issues. I tried to date. I was constantly lied to and used by men. Even then, I had limited attraction. I only wanted mature men who had never been with other women, n stayed off social media.People acted like this was something I could just choose to change. As if I would be happy if I had been with men who had been with other women n such. I experimented, just to see if everyone else was right. Spoiler alert: they weren’t. It was more traumatic. I felt disgusting, I felt lost. I was more depressed. I was desperate. The more desperate I got, the more I despised meself. I was starting to feel like I was losing who I thought I was. I didn’t know me anyone. It was horrifying.

Genitals were something u tried to enjoy without looking at. I didn’t want them near me face. I tried to accommodate, n felt miserable. Sometimes the eejits would sneak their bits where they didn’t belong, and I had to slap them away. Once I even tried to get drunk, thinking that would change things. It didn’t. I honestly felt worse and worse. I was conditioned to think I had to be straight if I wasn’t into women. (I’ve never been into women.) Once I realised I was aromantic asexual, I felt better for and about meself. The game was not over, however. Just because I finally am living my truth, doesn’t mean that I didn’t have to do things that other lgbtq+ people havnt done - I have come out. Never thought I’d be doing some like that, but here we r. I face adversity from ignorant folk who don’t understand Asexuality, and don’t wish to. Even in your 40’s, they think it’s a phase….or that u just havnt found the right person. Some even think we r paedos, especially if we crush on childhood characters instead of people. We don’t always fit into anyone’s neat little box.

With that being said, if folks want to include me/us into the lgbtq+ spectrum, cool. I meself don’t really use the term, as I don’t really relate other than being an ally. I think this may also be a source of confusion for those who are lgbtq+ and who get upset at us aces. THE PROBLEM IS THAT WE OFTEN DONT REALLY KNOW WHERE WE BELONG. And different people define the spectrum differently. There’s an immense amount of confusion. We tend to not really fit into anyone’s neat little box. I don’t really identify as much because I’m not lesbian, bi, or trans. I also don’t want to take attention away from their struggles.

However, we aces are a silent group too. We are what the lgbtq+ community was before it was given more of a mainstream voice. We are largely misunderstood, and not properly represented. Both straight and some lgbtq+ folks tend to not wish to educate themselves about us, who we really are, our struggles. We have little to no voice, and some aces try to cling to whatever we can get. It’s very sad.

Even we don’t want to harsh anyone’s vibes, but see the love is love thing as if someone was trying to force their sexual beliefs on you. It doesn’t matter which ones. Any of them really - and you are not attracted to anyone. You don’t want or need romantic/sexual love. Yet, you are still being goaded into trying to comply. Everyone else thinks you should love…..someone. And then they make up insane misconceptions about you when you can’t live up to their expectations. We need allies. We need more to help our voice be heard, instead of others trying to push us down. We have enough of that from some within our own community. We have ‘sex positive’ aces who think everyone should be ok with bodies, nudity and sex. That we need to agree with them if support their feelings, and we have no right to ours. Ours aren’t valid. Others think we should all want to cuddle and join in QPR’s (queer platonic relationships- which are apparently more than friends, it can include cuddling n kissing, but often no sex.) If we don’t want any of that, we are mocked and harassed. We have a right to NOT want anything just as anyone else does. We aren’t saying u can’t have what works for you, we just don’t want it constantly shoved down our throats either.

I don’t want QPRS. I don’t want sex, especially with someone I’m not attracted to. I’m not attracted to any people. Looking back now, I admit that what I perceived as attraction, was probably an attempt at acceptance and attention, as it was so very lacking in me life. I realised how toxic this was.

[our-aroace-experience]

Hi! I just kind of... want to write about my experience here, I hope that's okay. This is sort of a vent related to my identity + aroace discourse so if anyone doesn't feel like seeing it, feel free to scroll!

So I'm most likely aroace, and I feel comfortable and secure in my asexual identity, but when it comes to identifying as aromantic, I always... just feel very conflicted. Am I aromantic? Most likely yes; I've never had a crush, don't have a strong urge to be in a romantic relationship, etc. and I'm in my early 20's so it's not like I'm "too young to know" or whatever else it is that people say to invalidate others' experiences. But I feel like some part of me doesn't like that part of my identity. I sometimes wish I could go out somewhere, like to a club or something, and have a sudden magical movie-like experience of meeting a girl and kissing her and suddenly feeling something new; or I wish I could meet someone, that I'm attracted to aesthetically, and truly start liking them romantically, like actually get a crush and not be able to stop thinking about them 24/7. I wish I was proven wrong about me being aromantic one day.

But also... I'm not sure if it's something that I actually want, if I could ever actually be in a romantic relationship and like it, or... if I'm simply aromantic and just don't feel comfortable in my identity, so much that I fantasize about it changing.

I'm also autistic so I suppose me not having any crushes might be related to that as well; I struggle with making connections and getting to know people in general. Also I can imagine a "type" I could have; I know who I'd like to have a crush on. But I've never been able to actually... make myself feel anything romantic. And when I think about the concept of how a romantic relationship is even supposed to start, how people just... apparently start flirting with each other and just decide to date? The sole idea feels so foreign and impossible to me.

When I was younger I feel like I was pretty certain I was aroace, and I was proud of that, felt confident about my identity. I think when it changed was actually when the "are aroace people lgbt or not?" discourse started popping up around 2018 or so. Back then, I've seen most people say that "being asexual and aromantic isn't enough to be called lgbt because you're not oppressed enough", many of my close internet friends included. Before that time, I always thought of asexuality and aromanticism as lgbt identities; didn't even suspect that anyone would think otherwise, so I was just... very surprised when all of a sudden I was seeing a bunch of people say that aroaces don't belong in the lgbt community (unless they're another identity that "counts"); it was like all of a sudden every single person was hating on asexuality and aromanticism, making fun of every aroace person who'd write about their experience, calling asexuality "boring" or "not valid" or "fake", talking about how aphobia wasn't real, etc. etc. And I think seeing that, especially from people who I considered friends, who'd always had "good" views on other social issues, made me be like: "Oh. Maybe what they're saying is right? Maybe I should get more educated on that and stop trying to invade other people's spaces?" I felt as if I couldn't have any say in the discussions, since I was aroace, and it was mostly people of other sexualities discussing it, people who "had it worse"; so I simply felt as if it wasn't my place to be like "you're wrong, I have a place in this community too" because... well, I was aroace - the identity that was being discoursed about and made fun of at the time, not someone who "had any say in the topic". And I think with time, since I kept seeing people go "aroace people are not lgbt" over and over again for literal years, I kind of accepted that and started... I don't know, thinking of my identity as "less"? Less important, less valid, etc.

Prior to the discourse I felt happy about finding my identity, about realizing who I am, I felt happy that my experiences were relatable to others as well and I felt welcomed within the lgbt community; I felt like I was a part of a community that understood, that was accepting. I was actually proud of being aroace. But after seeing all the discourse, I kind of... stopped feeling good about being aroace. I felt mostly ashamed of it; alienated from people who I thought were "like me". Eventually I even stopped identifying as "aroace" and changed it to "unlabeled" because now I'm even not sure who I am, because I'd prefer not being aroace. I know I wouldn't feel comfortable being with a man, I don't think so at least, but... I think I'd like to have a crush, I fantasize about being able to get a crush and be with a girl romantically, even though I never wanted any romance when I was younger. I kind of... feel like I'd feel so much more valid if I could just say "I'm an ace arospec lesbian" (or some other identity) rather than being like "I'm aroace but maybe not, it's complicated." But it's a thought that also makes me feel bad, because if I am in fact not capable of actually falling in love with someone, then wishing and fantasizing about the possibility that maybe one day it'll finally happen... makes me feel like I'm also invading other people's spaces. Which just sucks, and is not something I'd like to do. And I'm also aware that if I am just aroace and will stay single forever, I won't be in as much actual irl danger as other sexualities, like I know that. I know life would be harder if I was in a same-gender relationship and it'd be genuinely dangerous for me. But that feeling of validity, of feeling supported and accepted by an actual big diverse community... I miss that. And even though as of the last 3 or so years I stopped seeing mostly "aroace aren't lgbt" takes from other lgbt people, and started seeing almost everyone treating aroace ppl as a part of lgbt again, I still feel some of that... unsureness in my identity. I feel ashamed to say that I'm most likely aroace and I feel like I always have to add hundreds of disclaimers like "but I'm not cishet and maybe I like girls but I'm not sure, but I'm still figuring it out" etc. etc. in order to not be ridiculed, in case a person who likes making fun of aroace people happens to be reading it.

So, overall... I know this is probably such an unserious problem to have, I know people have it way worse, it just kinda feels like... even if I am aroace, I will likely never be able to proudly say it again with confidence, just in case it turns out that I'm not one day, or in case that's not enough for other people. Not sure if anyone can relate to that but if anyone does relate, or wants to add or say something... uh, yeah!

it’s very ok for you to share your experience here, that’s the whole point of this blog! i’m sure there are definitely people out there who relate to you!

[poulpemou]

Happy Valentine's Day! It's the perfect day to proselytise aroace Kiran from Fire Emblem Heroes!

As the "protagonist" of a gacha game, AKA a soft harem game, it only makes sense for the self-insert character to be aroace! Got folks of all genders throwing themselves at you for no understandable reason? Got people taking your lack of interest as a personal challenge? Why, that sounds like the perfect setting for a character to realise and/or profess their aroace-ness!

Here are some satisfied testimonies from our existing representatives!

"Wow I had no idea Fjorm felt this way? Why? Since when? I thought she and Laegjarn were dating?"

"Uhhhhh Gunnthrá said what?????????"

"Do people know I have a job and responsibilities? I have a lot going on, I don't have time for this kind of stuff, do people realize we're at war like 24/7 and I'm literally the only person keeping this place from falling apart and—"

"How come it's always the girls confessing their love to me but not the guys? I mean I'm not into dudes but that doesn't mean I can't be. Actually, who says I'm not? Oriented aroaces exist and—"

"Hey Alfonse. Bro. Are we or aren't we partners. Are we or aren't we the perfect unit if we could be combined into one. Have you ever heard of Steven Universe by the way? Or of this thing called QPR?"

"How come Plumeria is always shit-talking me about lewdness when I literally didn't do anything? Like ok yeah I poked her, but I literally poke everyone? Also what's up with my dreams? Has she heard of this thing called intrusive sexuality that literally doesn't mean anything—"

"Hey, so, I don't know how to say this, Seiðr, but I don't want a baby and I also don't want to be a deadbeat parent, and also Gullveig and Kvasir keep saying things about feelings but I have no idea where that's coming from. Don't even get me started on Heiðr."

"Why are girls weird around me? Am I actually just a cat and never noticed? Is that why they keep petting me and cooing at me? I was just a cat this whole time and no one had the heart to tell me I'm not human?"

"You love me? Aw, thanks, I love you too! I love all of my friends!"

"What is love? Baby don't hurt me. Oh wait this song doesn't exist in Askr..."

"What do you mean they think I'm flirting!!!!!!!! What the heck is a flirting!!!!!! I'm literally just being a good friend what!!!!!!!!"

"I love Day of Devotion! It's a day where you're devoted to your loved ones! Yeah of course all my friends are my loved ones, what do you mean?"

"So when two people like each other very much, they perform this ceremony called ally-supporting, and for some reason people blush when they reach A-tier. I think it's because it's a very important milestone that happens to take place in what looks like a church, and they're afraid to look like they don't belong in a church. Something about Askran churches must seem very intimidating."

"Oh wow you have feelings for me for real? I thought people were just saying that for the bit."

"Oh wow you have feelings for me for real? Can you describe what what's like? I've never understood it and people take it really badly when I ask."

"So back in my world, we have this event called Asexuality Awareness Week taking place during the Harvest Festival, and this other event called Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week that takes place a week after the Day of Devotion."

"Hey does garlic bread exist here? Anyone got any cake?"

"I don't know any of these people. They keep wanting to talk to me and be friends. Well ok. I don't get it but I guess it's my job to ensure troupe morale. I thought that would be Sharena's job but I haven't seen her in forever. Sacrifices for the cause, I guess."

"What do you mean they think I'm flirting!!!!!!!! What the heck is a flirting!!!!!! I'm literally just being polite what!!!!!!!!"

Join today and headcanon your summoner as aroace! Add a layer of complexity to a silent character and off-the-rails writing! You may be entitled to emotional compensation!

[ace-sher-bi-john]

Info On My Identity:

Romantic - Pan Greyromantic and/or Cupioromantic, Romance Favorable

Greyromantic because while I can't really say for sure if I've ever experienced romantic attraction before, I have experienced crushes, or rather squishes, before. They could have been purely aesthetic or platonic attraction, I think my brain is like holding out hope that I might actually be able to experience romantic attraction. As amatonormative as it sounds. It's mostly because I'm going to attempt to seek out a romantic relationship someday once I've finally "got my life together" whatever that means, and I would feel super guilty for the person I date if there's zero romantic attraction there on my part...

Cupioromantic perfectly describes me, as I want to participate in romantic relationships and get married someday, despite experiencing little to no romantic attraction. The reason I haven't used this label until now is because I read that some people in the aromantic community don't like it as an identity label due to it technically describing a behavior that you can control (whether you get into romantic relationships or not) rather than a feeling that you can't control (whether you experience romantic attraction or not), and it's seen by some in the community as reinforcing amatonormativity. I didn't want to upset people if using cupioromantic was wrong. But it's not. Cupioromantic is a valid identity, if anyone needed to hear that. I will be using cupioromantic from here on out, along with the other labels I use.

Up until now, I've been using romance favorable to describe that sentiment. That still applies, I am a romantic, despite being aromantic. The aromantic only applies to the type of attraction I experience, and has nothing to do with my desires.

I also use pan to describe me on top of all that because the few times I've had squishes, I've had them on both men and women. It felt more like the "genderblind" version of pan attraction as it was more about thinking they were adorable and liking their personality without gender coming to the equation at all. Going by this logic, I feel like this could also apply to nonbinary, trans and cis people of all gender identities. It doesn't matter to my brain whatsoever.

Sexual - Asexual, Sex Averse/Sex Favorable (depends on the day)

I identify as asexual. Although whether I'm sex-averse or sex-favorable depends on how I'm feeling each day. Ever since I opened myself up to reading explicit fanfics my brain has become more open to the idea of at least giving sex a try. It still sounds a bit icky sensory wise, but I think that if I tried it with someone who I trusted to respect my boundaries, I would be comfortable with giving it a go. Obviously I won't try it if I'm not 100% comfortable. Although I do want to have kids one day, and this is the "cheapest" way to do it. I'm not affording adoption, sperm bank or test tube baby on a preschool teacher salary lol.

Gender - Genderfluid and depending on the day I identify as either woman or gendervoid. Sometimes I feel like both describe me at the same time.

I was assigned female at birth, and I still very much identify with being a girl. I love presenting in a feminine way, I love traditionally feminine things, feel most comfortable using she/her/hers pronouns and feel confident in my body. But I've always felt a slight detachment between myself and other women. Whenever issues affecting women come up, my brain would always think like "Oh that's not good, I'm sorry that's happening to them" as though it doesn't affect me, despite the fact that I'm a woman. I have almost a dissociation between women and me even though I belong to that group.

I really thought about gender identity to see if I identify with any of the other gender identities out there, and every time I've always come back from it with "Definitely still cisgender woman, but with a hint of nonbinary". I didn't identify with the nonbinary part of me because I didn't want to lie about my identity if I'm actually a cis girl. But then, when a transphobic classmate jokingly asked me what my pronouns were, I came to the realization that I don't really care. I will always be most comfortable with she/her, but they/them and he/him and even neopronouns don't feel wrong on me. They feel neutral. I wouldn't feel uncomfortable being referred to by any of them. After a bit more research, I found the agender identity and it certainly described me, but it didn't really feel quite right either. Then I found gendervoid and it felt perfect. Gendervoid and agender basically mean the same thing, not identifying with any gender identity and feeling like you don't have a gender. But gendervoid specifically describes feeling like there's a void where your gender identity should be. That describes the dissociation from any gender identity that I experience a lot of the time. But I still identify as a girl as well.

Genderfluid still doesn't feel quite right, but it does describe me feeling both identities together.

Anyway that is everything that you need to know about my identity for now. If anything about this changes, I will probably make another post explaining it :)

[deathscastleofficielle]

Death's Castle - Pride Headcanons

Since my beloved Jack did this with his versions of the PDP Amnesia characters, I definitely felt like I should join in! So this is basically going to be a masterpost of the characters' queer identities with some anecdotes on how and why I came to these conclusions.

(Note, the artist has since changed their handle to NoxAtraWendigo, which is... Unfortune, but I'm afraid I have to move on.)

One more thing, I am mainly listing specifics here. As far as I'm concerned the entire castle is some shade of queer, but unless I have a specific label for them I'm not putting it in the list. For example, some characters have displayed attraction to the same sex, but you may not see any specifications there because I simply haven't determined if they're also attracted to the opposite sex, or even in that case if they're bi or pan. This stuff's complicated, and I don't like putting things in boxes if it's not entirely necessary.

WARNING: There are spoilers for Death's Castle under the cut. It would have been too hard to talk about their identities without pointing to specific moments.

------------------------

The Big Five

You know funny story this was never meant to be their official title, but Zoe picked up on Lullaby calling the primary Bros "The Big Four" so I guess that's what I'm going with now.

Stephano - Bisexual

This one isn't really a surprise to anyone who's been reading my posts or the fic itself, but Stephano is very much a bisexual man. This one was just a bit of lifting from the videos, despite how much he insists he's straight and the anecdotes of dating women he undeniably displays attraction to the same sex. The way I personally write it is that he has an easier time flirting with and finding initial attraction to women, but falls a lot harder for men.

Jennifer - Biromantic Asexual

While normally I think of specifics as I go, Jennifer was a case where I actually knew from the start what I wanted her sexuality to be. When I began conceptualizing her story, I knew I wanted her to be asexual but not aromantic for a few reasons.

At the time and even still today, a lot of our aro and ace representation was synonymous with each other despite them being separate identities. So even for just a fanfic, I wanted to make characters that showed more of the nuance of asexuality and aromanticism.

I wanted to explore her love for Pewdie through the lens of asexuality. It seems a lot of allo people base their initial feelings off sexual attraction, so what does such an intense love entail if sexual attraction isn't involved?

Jennifer is fat and struggles with her weight, and I'm sorry to point this out but I feel like a lot of body positivity boils down to assuring people (mostly women) that they're still sexually attractive. But what if being seen that way is almost as repulsive as being "ugly?" I wanted to write her story to focus on body positivity and beauty in a way removed from sex.

Honestly, Jennifer's story ended up being very personal. When I started Death's Castle I was under the impression I was simply a straight ally. By the time I got to her backstory though, I had realized I was asexual myself, but had struggled to realize it since my experience didn't conform to the usual stereotype. As such, there was a lot of catharsis writing Morning Glory, which is probably why her section is the longest here oops.

Mr. Chair - Grayromantic Homosexual

While Jennifer was thoroughly planned out, Mr. Chair's identity was kind've a happy accident. I sort of knew he was gay, but over time I realized that a lot of his writing lined up with an arospec experience. Mr. Chair is very unfamiliar with romantic love and what it feels like, and while he definitely feels something for Skully, it's never portrayed as particularly intense. As such, I came to the realization that he's definitely under the grayromantic umbrella. He experiences romantic feelings infrequently and perhaps not as strongly as others do.

Piggeh - Panromantic Asexual

Yeah, I made the character that did nothing but talk about sex ace. Deal with it. In seriousness, again, a lot of this was kinda just something that happened and honestly feels more on the lines of allegory than a straightforward example, but I think it's fine to make official. While Piggeh definitely enjoys sex, he isn't really sexually attracted to anybody. In fact, he finds most people (including himself) physically unappealing. Despite this, he does display romantic attraction, showing that appearance and gender don't really factor in for him when it comes to that. Again, ended up kinda cathartic in hindsight.

Mayo - Androsexual Agender (He/They)

This was a case where the character kinda just evolved as I wrote them, which you know what is fitting for a teenager growing and discovering their identity. He started as a boy, but as time went on I started to realize something wasn't cis about this kid. I played with a few ideas before I settled on him being agender. In-story, he first started to realize he may not be cis in Geode when Martin taught him that people can feel being a specific gender, inadvertently revealing that he didn't. This culminated in Peter's Gate where they realized that they felt uncomfortable being seen as a boy or a girl. For now he only uses he/him pronouns, but I'm hoping to start incorporating the they/them pronouns in future chapters.

I do see him being attracted exclusively to men or masc-leaning identities, hence androsexual. This has been established through him mentioning wanting a boyfriend in Binding Ties, and the implications that he had a bit of a crush on Stephano when he was a little kid. Unfortunately, not many romantic options since the other teenagers even remotely around their age in the castle are too old for them.

------------------------

Other Bros

Martin - Genderfluid (All Pronouns)

Development wise this is a long story that is almost too hard to recall if I'm honest, but I knew pretty early on I wanted Martin to be genderfluid if just to display some of the world building. As readers of the fic will know, Martin was born female but basically swapped bodies with Sammy Sue in order for her to live as a woman and for him to start over from his previous life as "Susanna." Martin now presents masc, but they still identify as both genders, or sometimes none at all.

Also, quick aside. I kinda like that I have a genderfluid character that's over 40. It feels like less binary identities like that are often limited to teen or 20-something characters. So she's a good first step for my future projects.

Torchy - Transgender (He/Him)

I've had two headcanon voices for Torchy, and both are trans men, so I was just like fuck it, let's make him trans. That sounds fun. There really wasn't much thought in this decision.

Skully - Intersex (He/Him)

I couldn't decide if he was cis or trans, so I decided on both and neither. To be a little more serious, there isn't a whole lot of deep reasoning for this, I just thought it would be cool to have at least one intersex person in the castle and Skully was standing right there.

Also him being intersex has nothing to do with his ability to mimic voices. That's just a thing he can do.

Pipé - Transgender (She/Her)

This is a long story involving me wanting to do this from the beginning, a now ex-friend using a weird excuse to talk me out of it, and then me having to cram it back in before it was too late, but yeah. Pipé is a trans woman!

Bluey - Lesbian

There was a time where I might have said she was bi but you know what no this girl is gay as hell. Definitely has a thing for Jennifer.

Lullaby and Lisa - Sapphic

"Scout why didn't you just say lesbians?" Because that doesn't really convey the whole story tbh. Lisa is definitely a lesbian, but Lullaby I actually see being specifically gynesexual, which is the attraction to femininity and doesn't necessarily have to be gender specific. Either way though they're in a sapphic relationship.

Save Kitty Cat - Bisexual

Is this mostly because of his blue and purple color palette? Yes. But I have always seen him as being attracted to both genders.

Jesus - Transgender (He/Him)

Honestly this was mainly a "because it's funny" decision. It was inspired by a scientific thing that basically meant that since the biblical Jesus was born from only Mary without any male dna in the equation he would have logically had to have been born female. Thus, trans Jesus.

Disclaimer, Death's Castle Jesus is not actually the Jesus. He just named himself that because he also thought it would be funny.

------------------------

Barrels

Red Chair, Gonzales, and Sammy Sue - Polyamorous

Sammy's getting her own section, but like Lisa and Lullaby it felt more efficient to put them together rather than doing three separate entries for the same relationship. But yeah, as many readers are aware, these three are in a polycule. Like many things, this was an idea I lifted from the now deleted fanfic Hyperthymesia. Their relationship has been one of my favorite things to write in Death's Castle, as their more stable and loving relationship provides an interesting contrast against the dysfunctional Bros, especially now that things have started to shift in both groups. Also it's interesting to write just how complicated such a relationship can get in a tumultuous setting like Death's Castle.

Sammy Sue - Transgender (She/Her)

And of course, another idea borrowed from Hyperthymesia, Sammy Sue is a trans woman. She was my first real experience writing a trans character, so she definitely has a strong place in my heart. As mentioned under Martin's section, she was born male but swapped objects with Martin and gained his female body.

Broom - Lesbian

Unfortunately I haven't been able to show this off much, but I definitely see Broom as a lesbian. I intended for her to have a little something something with Jennifer in Morning Glory, but I was told they had more of a sisters vibe, so I decided not to push it there. I have plans to establish her identity though, don't worry.

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The Filthy Pig + Bro

(because there were no other unaligned characters left lol)

Bunny - Aroace

This is a bit on the subtler side in my writing, but Bunny was always meant to be aroace. She never shows any interest in having a romantic relationship and only seems interested in sex for the purpose of reproduction, given that she had kits before being revived in the castle. I thought it would make her a fun contrast compared to all the rampantly horny swines she lives with.

Berta - Pansexual

Again, haven't been able to display this much given her only shown attraction is to Piggeh, but girl's pan. Gender doesn't matter to her, just that special something that apparently Piggeh had.

Gandalf and Rudolph - Polyamorous

Gandalf and Rudolph are in an open relationship. They're committed to each other, but have other relations on the side. I want to figure out a way to actually confirm this in Death's Castle, but it's hard since the Filthy Pig group doesn't really show up that often and when they do the pig trio are often in the background.

Adolf - Aromantic Bisexual

Keeping it simple over here. Adolf ain't much for romantic stuff, but still enjoys a good time with any person.

Bro - Bisexual

Bruno here loves both men and women. He's slept with Piggeh in the past, and previously dated Sammy Sue, which ended... Pretty poorly. He's also shown an attraction to Martin, which actually seems to be returned if their interaction in Geode is any indication.

------------------------

Miscellaneous Thoughts

I don't see Bengt being picky about gender, but given he's more interested in cutting people up than fucking them he's probably never put a label on it himself.

I know the Barrel King is into men, but the dude has yet to physically appear so I kinda can't go into it.

During a conversation with Jack, specifically about Tom Hardy's "Paint That Lady" he suggested that Peter could also be Asexual. That would be fun, but I'm not sure about it since some of his dialogue in Morning Glory kinda suggests that he isn't.

Stephano isn't ace, but I have joked with my friends that making him ace would have been a mercy given his... Situation, regarding Janus. But no I want him to suffer.

I've considered that Pipé could be aromantic, but a lot of that also boils down to me not really having a strong ship for her, so I don't feel comfortable making her officially aro yet.

I might remove the colored text if people report issues with reading it.

[ghostiwrites]

Mayhaps I can get a matchup? (Love your writing and stuff btw!)

I'm a 19yo 5'2 transman, I study psychology and tattoo artistry, and my clothing/aesthetic is vampire goth/alternative with a touch of femboy. I have black and white hair (dyed) and blue/brown eyes (Heterochromia). Thicc thighs (semi muscle, mostly fat), am a bit of a push over/easily manipulated but am stubborn as an ass if I really don't want to do something. I'm a home person and I hate going out unless it's important, I'm super clingy (it's not even funny 😭), and have daddy issues and all the problems that correspond with it. I have chronic pneumonia, arthritis, and POTS. I enjoy cooking and cleaning and get super irritated if it isn't done right, though I am understanding and will teach the person how to do it properly. I have issues with empathy, in the way where I feel way too much, have some autism and ADHD are sprinkled in the Aro pie and that's basically me.

IMMEDIATELY WHEN I READ THIS MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS MICHAEL LOLLL!! Off topic I also dress vampire goth tehe!

Anyways though, so super sorry for taking foreeeever to answer this, writing block and personal life stuff was hitting me hard and just making it difficult to write anything <\3

But! As I already stated, your slasher boyfriend would be

Michael Myers <3!

So already, your familiarity with psychology and your hyper-empathy would be different to him, you’re much too kind to him for his liking. You treat him like a person- like an actual person, not like how the doctors and nurses at Smith’s Grove did, it was fake and if he was being honest, he felt more like they were talking to him as if he was a child or some sort of dog but you, you treat him like a person. He gets used to it eventually though after a while.

He’d be intrigued by your fashion as he’s not used to the idea of men/masc people dressing feminine, it’s just something he’s never really come across in his life but he absolutely would not judge you and I can imagine him bringing home accessories and such from victims that he thinks you’d enjoy <3.

Definitely someone who appreciates you being a home body, it’s nice for him to make his way into the house and find you cooking or cleaning or doing just about whatever, it doesn’t particularly matter to him but he does enjoy seeing you (also it means that you’re less likely to interact with other people! A bonus for him!)

I personally headcanon Michael as Aromantic (totally not projecting I definitely don’t do this with all my favorite characters haha lol) so the relationship wouldn’t be fueled by romance and you guys aren’t exactly dating but you are committed and care very much for each other. The relationship transcends the idea of romance and the bond you both have built is stronger than anything. You’re his and he’s yours, together both in this life and the one after it.

He’d find your clingy nature off putting at first (just because he isn’t used to it) but amusing, like I can imagine him coming home after a long night and you just run up to greet him with a hug, leading him over to the couch to have some nice cuddles after not seeing the man all day. Michael isn’t used to receiving affection like that or just used to anyone being happy when he’s there but it’s for sure something he’s grown to look forward to whenever he sees you.

He’d take care of you whenever you’re sick or in pain or just generally not feeling your best, in his own Michael way of course. Silently carrying you when you’re too tired or in too much pain to take yourself to bed, tossing an ice pack or a heating pad at you whenever your joints flare up. And since he’s constantly standing around you, holding you up whenever you get dizzy from moving too fast, he wouldn’t want you to fall over and hit your head.

He’d also be intrigued by your hair! Of course he’s seen people with dyed hair but nothing fun like black and white split dyed, he’d wonder if you just ran out of dye halfway through. Will occasionally sit in the bathroom with you if you dye it yourself and just watch you touch it up.

Now I don’t wanna say too much but Michael is the slasher for daddy issues. Just a nice tall muscular man to care for you and hold you with such gentleness that would surprise even him, surprising himself that he’s capable of being so soft with someone else (MEEEOW).

Overall! Michael would be very good to you and treat you the way you deserve <3!

Ahhh! I hope you enjoyed this and are happy with your matchup! Tehe!

-Love, America’s Cannibalistic Sweetheart ☆

[nonbeas]

Today I did nothing

Wednesday October 9th 2024

I didn't actually do nothing, but I pretty much did nothing.

Normally on Wednesdays I have a rehearsal with one of my schools, but as I've mentioned previously, they're on fall break. So I felt no rush to actually get up, and I certainly had no motivation to do anything outside of the feeling like I'm a failure if I do nothing all day.

One thing I have been doing, though, is actually reading Heartstopper on webtoon. I've watched the Netflix show slowly since it came out. Season 2 destroyed me with Isaac's asexual journey. Season 3 destroyed me with Charlie's eating disorder. I don't think I had anorexia, but it was pretty fucking close.

Over the last year I tried to read more of Alice Oseman's books. I started with Loveless, because, it's a right of passage at this point. I'm not aromantic, I don't think, but it was still incredibly relatable. The feeling like you like someone so you think you're supposed to go do things with people who like you. The lack of feeling when you are with someone most of the time. The importance of platonic friendships, but those platonic friends drifting away because of their romantic relationships.

The reason I cried about Heartstopper Season 2 was when that other guy and Isaac kissed. I reflected that one the worst feelings I have is when I have a platonic friend who then confesses feelings for me. It's normal of course, because that just happens sometimes. I feel like I will always have to date someone who was my friend first (potential Demi-romantic...?) But it happens more than I'd like, when I really just want platonic male friendships that stay that way sometimes.

I'm not an unreasonable person. I have had friends who've confessed to me, and we're still friends after rejection.

Once I realized this was going to keep happening every so often, I've developed a very specific coping skill that helps both parties.

They tell me they like me. I tell them they're very brave for telling me. I also imply that I don't feel the same way but that I admire their courage because that's a very hard thing to do, and good job.

Often they don't get that upset and are often quite confused. We talk about that part a little bit. Then it's over. We move on quite quickly, or at least that's the intent.

The only time that didn't happen was with that one guy my senior year of high school. He told me so much later that I felt like I had to apologize, because it turns out the whole situation was just piss-poor timing and looks very shitty in retrospect. He told me I have nothing to apologize for and that he just wanted to tell me to get past it.

I relate more to Aled, from Radio Silence/Heartstopper. He's asexual too, but not aromantic. But I relate to his confusion in his own relationships. They replaced him with Isaac, so our most direct representation is aroace again.

I also just read Solitaire. I don't entirely relate to Tori, but I also do. Her relationship with Michael specifically. A deep connection with romantic tones but lacking the general depth of romance. That's what I would like. I think it's functional, I think it's cute. (Not that their specific relationship is functional in the book, but I feel like mental health aside, it could certainly become more functional.

I woke up around 12 am. I read heartstopper until about 2. Then I decided to go to the practice rooms, because I have a few ensemble parts to maintain.

The percussion ensemble was rehearsing, so I actually didn't have access to a marimba or xylophone right away. The professor let me watch part of a rehearsal, because it was an interesting piece.

Mason was there but he didn't talk to me. Sometimes I feel like he ignores me on purpose. Usually that's not the case, but I can't help but feel like he's mad at me. For what reason, I don't know.

Our mutual friend Cecil was there too. I hadn't seen him for a while.

He makes the funniest expressions. He's really quite a lovely person.

Once he realized I was there he froze, turned to me, made crazy eyes and opened his mouth wide while gesturing in my direction.

"It's yooooou! You're baaaaaack! I haven't seen you in soooooo long!"

I smile sheepishly and wave as he continues.

"How was your triiiiip????" He asks. I start to answer, but rehearsal is starting and he's needed in another room for another piece. He backs away slowly through the hallway and adds, "Tell me all about it later!"

I didn't see Cecil again today. I'm not sure what all I'd tell him. The trip was rather complicated, because I had too much time by myself, and that means I have too much time to think. A lot of the trip was really good but I definitely had a meltdown in the middle of it, and I'm a little embarrassed. So I probably will leave that part out.

I eventually leave the rehearsal and go to an empty piano practice room. I read through Clair de lune. Half of it is really easy for me, the second half get's a little tricky. I tried working through it once a few months ago, and it probably would've gotten better if I had kept practicing.

They've moved on to another piece by this time in percussion ensemble so I find a free room with a marimba. I practice for about an hour on a couple pieces. I don't have a solo I want to work on right now. So at about 4:30, I pack up. I notice Mason sitting with his head down in an empty practice room. He doesn't look up when I pass by, so I don't bother him.

I get some fast food.

My sister's friend, Natalie, calls me. She's getting married next Monday, my sister's part of the wedding party. She's also my friend, and I'm part of the wedding.

Specifically, I'm in charge of the dogs, who are walking in the ceremony. One is an older dog who is relatively well trained, if not a little eclectic in his own ways. The other is a literal six month old puppy.

"Hello?"

"Hi!" Natalie says, I can hear slight stress in her voice. "I've called to inform you that you probably also should be at the dress rehearsal on Sunday?"

I've known this. "I was planning on it."

"Oh thank god." She breathes.

"Selena told me about it. I figured I'd have to be there."

"Are you off of work on Sunday?" She continues.

"I don't have any work. I'll be there," I state.

"Alright, good." She asserts.

"Listen," I begin, "Have we considered giving the dogs calming treats for the ceremony?" I'm mostly worried about the 6 month old puppy. I'm not scared I can't handle them, but I am scared that they'll be too much energy and bring a certain element of chaos to the wedding that Natalie might not appreciate.

She laughs. "I'm all for drugging them up."

I go to petsmart and look for some calming puppy chews. I find a brand with 30 mini bites that has CBD in the treat. I've always seen them but I haven't had to buy them before for any reason, but ever since I learned that Samson, the 6 month Labrador retriever puppy, was now apart of the wedding, I had thought about him every single time I passed it in the isle while shopping for Salem.

While checking out, I gesture at the treats.

"I've got two labradors in a wedding," I mention to the attendant.

She expresses her sympathy and wishes me luck.

[erigold13261]

you are a wise person, and i have a question. how exactly do you describe asexuality and aromanticism? what makes it different?

I don't think I'm that wise, but I guess that is something about yourself that is hard to gauge without an outsider's perspective. (also this is probably gonna be a mess of a post and a bit all over the place because I kinda just woke up and have work soon, sorry lol)

Just by labels alone, asexuality is little to no SEXUAL attraction to others, while aromanticism is little to no ROMANTIC attraction to others. Technically you can still have some attraction (sexual or romantic) and still be aro and/or ace.

Though if you can't tell the difference from sexual and romantic attraction then those definitions don't really help all that much. I've seen plenty of posts and even heard people IRL say stuff like a marriage without sex is a loveless marriage or how once the fun in the sheets dies then the relationship is over.

Which can be a pretty big problem for aro/ace people who show love in different ways that might not be sexual (there are still aro/ace people who have sex either because of high libido, wanting to please their partners, or just liking sex without the attraction part which is another thing that other labels and non-queer people sometimes have a hard time understanding).

This is why, for me, it is hard to explain the difference between aromanticism and asexuality, because not everyone knows/cares about the difference between sex and romance.

I don't know if my lack of wanting to be touched by others is an asexual thing, an autistic thing, or a trauma response. Same with my lack of romantic interest being aromantic or autistic or an introvert thing. To me, these identities are really hard to define or even realize you are part of because it is the LACK of attraction.

I very much thought I was pansexual or bisexual for a very long time because I had that "I feel the same way to everyone" idea, only to later find out I just don't have any feelings and it's a 0+0=0 deal.

I'm pretty sure it was actually a microlabel that made me realize I was actually asexual! (which is why I am a defender of microlabels because I needed to know the specific way I felt was included under an umbrella term before I realized I was actually under that term. I still struggle calling myself trans even though genderfluid is under the trans umbrella).

But yea! I'm Aegosexual, meaning "individuals on the asexual spectrum who feel disconnected from the subject of arousal." You can have sexual desires but not related to you, or have no interest in being a part of the sexual fantasy you have yourself.

I only EVER had sexual desires for fictional characters and never had any kind of desire to be with a real life human at all (which I think is because of my touch aversion). And even with those characters, I never had fully detailed desires or fantasies. Nothing ever went all the way and it's mostly just cuddles and make out sessions.

Really I just put all these pieces together, found a microlabel that worked for me, and then worked backwards because my specific situation fit that label and got me to the Asexual label.

I basically knew by that point I was not sexually interested in others at all. So it wasn't a true surprise that I realized I was asexual. I was able to disconnect sex and romance pretty well so I thought I was homoromantic asexual (or biromantic, again, I didn't realize I was aromantic at the time so I was again doing the 0+0=0 thing but for romance this time lol).

I only recently started identifying as aromantic because I just realized I was okay in never having a relationship with another person. The only person I ever saw myself getting into a relationship with is my best friend and I think THAT was only because of heteronormitivity being pushed onto me that I very much got over.

It doesn't help that most of the time if I don't see a friend (or family member) in front of me/in my life for a while, I just sort of push them out of my mind and forget about them. It's an object permanence kind of situation I have where I just don't connect people to me unless I can see them/interact with them. Which probably helped me realize I wouldn't be good in a relationship as I would be distant and sucky as a partner.

That realization I would be a shit partner as well as only feeling compelled to be in a relationship because of heteronormitivity or because I didn't want to say no to a friend that asked really ended up sealing the deal for me later on that I was aromantic.

Okay, sorry for the personal analogies and stuff. But that is the best way I can describe aromanticism and asexuality. I know I kinda skated around the topics, but to me these labels are feelings, or lack of feelings, that I had to come to terms to and realize what they meant for me.

It also doesn't help that people have different ideas of what sex and romance are. What could be seen as a romantic dinner date between two people could end up just being a casual hang out between two friends. Or sex is just a fun past time instead of a super intimate moment between two people.

If you don't see stuff like hand holding or sex as intimate actions, or have any romance or sexual desires behind them, then you could be aromantic and/or asexual but others would think you aren't.

I know my sister thinks if you have sex you can't be asexual even though I've told her countless times that you can have a high libido, just like the action, or want to make your partner happy all without actually being sexually attracted to them and yet she still says if you have sex you can't be asexual.

It really is hard to define these labels (and other labels too honestly) because everyone has a different idea of what counts as sex or romance. But if you can disconnect sex and romance, and realize you have one or the other (or neither), then you have a better chance of realizing if you are or aren't asexual/aromantic.

For me it was thinking of my future and wondering if I would ever be okay marrying, having a relationship, having sex, doing all the stereotypical "loving" things, and I realized that no. I would not be able to do that.

I will admit, I am a selfish person. I have a hard time caring about other people, but when I do I care deeply about them. But even then, if they are not near me, or if they have something I can't relate to, I end up not actually caring. Though I do still try to be there for friends and family, and act like I do care, but I honestly don't.

I think that kind of mindset also helped me realize I was aroace. As I can't care enough to be a good partner or even try to get a partner, and I know I wouldn't care enough to put their needs over mine (or compromise on sex/romance/touching) at all.

Basically I felt an ick thinking of being in a relationship (whether it was a sexless one, a romanceless one, both, or a "normal" one, I just couldn't do it in my head) and let that help me decide if I was aromantic and asexual.

Probably not the best way to do it, and this was probably not the best explanation at all (because my two sides are highly technical definition or very personal stories when it comes to explanations apparently), but this is how I differentiate the two for others, even though to me they are a connected label of aroace.