#i felt really really bad that day so the theme resonated a lot

[marysoulpainter]

So, I've been doing my art club's version of Inktober for a week now, and I must say that I'm pretty happy with results and discoveries I make about myself!

I really love all the pieces I've done so far, so I decided to post them here as well (*￣︶￣*)

Day 1 - Rain

[nicromancytarot]

ALL ABOUT YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE 18+ themes, lots of information!!

This is a general reading based on a collective of people. Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. If you don’t feel the pile resonates with you, don’t be scared to try another, if it still doesn’t feel right, that’s ok! Maybe our energies aren’t as connected and my readings are not for you.

I do these strictly for fun and educational purposes. I don’t change for these readings and I do not fake readings. I would tell you the cards I got but I pull like 15-20 cards each reading and that just slightly a strenuous task to write them all down lmao.

(This took me 3 days lmao, please like, follow and reblog)

PICK A CARD READING

I asked my spirit guides what you need to know about your future spouse, pick a pile to find out!!

Pile 1 ———> Pile 2 ———> Pile 3

PILE 1 (TW sexual abuse)

“I need to take time for myself” “let’s take this to the next level” “i don’t want anyone else”

Their appearance

I’m seeing lighter hair, light brown to a blonde-white, I’m seeing they may have muscles, or just a nicely toned body. It also looks like their back may be very prominent to their appearance, they may work out extra to achieve really nice back muscles. They could honestly have a large top half and skinny bottom half (Miguel O’Hara for example.) I’m seeing someone quite tall, they may have an interesting shaped head, like not in a bad way, it might just appear more prominently on them. For a guy, long third leg.. (They allowed me to say this one.) Possible big ears, or maybe even wears earrings or something to highlight them. The right side of their face is the best for them lmao, they might pose showing their right side for pictures.

About them

They‘ve have been through some hardships in their life, they’ve been fucked over pretty bad in the past, and while they don’t like to dwell on it, I wanted to bring it up. It’s seeming like they may have gone through sexual assault, I’m seeing that they used to appear quite sexualised in the past, something they did themself, however, someone close to them felt valid enough to abuse their power and cause harm to your partner through their self-expression. This hurt your partner a lot, they’re still healing, I’m heading “please take your time with me” when it comes to sex, they have some extreme vulnerability about it, they need you to understand that; they’re begging me not to sexualise them, and they’re asking you nicely to do the same, give them the respect that someone thought was ok to steal from them.

Due to this mass betrayal, they appear very closed off to new love, they have a lot of people that want them, and fawn over them, but this situation has completely made them turn a blind eye to those who see them. It will take you a while to crack this person open, however once you do, it will be more than worth it.

They will be very slow to start this connection with you, but once they are sure that you can be trusted, and they feel safe around you, they will set up camp by your side, and they don’t plan on leaving.

Their career

They’re very financially successful, but I see that this took them a while, I think they began building up financial abundance due to wanting their family to be there for them, and take notice in their achievements.

In work I think they may be underestimated, appearing as the lioness, I can only be reminded of the over glamorisation of lions, and the societal irrelevancy of lionesses, even though they do more for the lion population than the lion, as a collective do for themselves. Unfortunately this being said, I see they are idolised for their body, rather than their talents (I’m getting Sidney Sweeney, and Vinnie Hacker for this, both talented people, who are only seen as pieces of meat, or some type of chew toy.) Your person is really disrespected and it’s making me so mad, man. They’re trying their hardest to break out of the stereotype, however I feel as though there are colleges of theirs that constantly sexualise them, making them feel very uncomfortable. Again, I’m getting the same message as before, they are yearning for someone to treat them like a human being, and not just a vessel of sex organs.

Their family

Mentioned prior, they do not have the best relationship with their family, I think there’s some deep-rooted and ínstense trauma from possible childhood, I see they were the type of child to get all perfect grades to try and impress, and make their parents proud, however I don’t think it worked. Their parents seem very self focused and absorbed in their own life, and business.

They assumed that becoming even more successful, making a name for themself, earning masses of money would make their family proud, but it never worked.

They may have cut their family out of their life, or they are considering it. If they don’t decide to cut their family off, it most likely comes from hope and fear, they are scared that their family won’t notice all their biggest achievements if they cut them out, and they hope that eventually they will be able to achieve something big enough so their family is proud of them. They blame themself a lot for “not being enough” and not making them proud.

How they are in bed

I was not able to get much for this, but I do see that they need to really be able to trust you fully before getting into bed with you, they need a lot of time and reassurance, they really need you to understand their fears. The first time you guys have sex, you may unintentionally bring up some hidden wounds, they’re telling me to tell you not to worry, they’ll look into your eyes and it’ll be gone. They may need eye contact the first time, they need that constant reminder that it’s you, and that you won’t hurt them.

They gave me a few explicit messages, so for that I got

“Cum on your face”

“Make a sex tape” (I feel like they would burn this onto a hard drive and keep it in a place only they know about, only showing you if you asked them to.)

“Food play”

When I got these messages, I had a fan on so I needed to put the papers under something so they didn’t fly away, I unknowingly put them under the chariot card, so I’m really getting again that you will need to work for this. The chariot was also the only sexual illustration I got.

Another thing is that they don’t want you telling your friends about your guys sex lives, they don’t want more people to sexualise them.

They also may finish very fast the first time, this could be out of sensation since I don’t think they would’ve had sex for a very long time by the time you guys meet and start dating.

Their love language

Acts of service, they enjoy doing things for the people that they care about, unfortunately it seems this has stemmed from their neglecting childhood, they feel as though they must do something for someone to feel loved. They do not quite understand that love is not a give to receive, you may have to be the one to teach them this. Your future spouse only believe people will love them if they do something for that person in return.

Quality time, they like to be with the people they care about, i’m seeing two people sat in silence on some arm chairs, one person is resting their head on their arm while scrolling aimlessly on their phone, meanwhile the other is reading a book, holding it with one hand as the other plays with the hand belonging to their counterpart, their fingers tracing the skin of their lover’s hand gently, fingers only just intertwining.

Their shadows

Your future spouse does not see their own self worth, they do not value themself as a person, or even a creator, whatever they do in life, they are a very creative and diverse person, yet they don’t feel that way. It’s as if they suffer from imposter syndrome, they never feel worthy of their achievements, because no one ever made them feel as though their success mattered.

They can be very closed off with their feelings, they become resentful towards their emotions and just wish they could rip the feelings from their body. They may say things they don’t mean in the moment, mostly because they don’t feel worthy of your love, but as soon as they realise what they have done, they will bring you to their chest and hug you tightly.

This reaction will never escalate further than a shout of anger.

I sense they might refuse therapy, you may have a lot of arguments about this, they try to tell themself that they do not need therapy, but this is mainly because they fear they will be laughed at, for coming to this person with trauma that even they struggle to understand, even after having gone through it. I would encourage you to try your best to get them to go to therapy, maybe even both of you together so you can get to know each other on a more intimate level.

Please be gentle with them my pile 1, they are truly a blessing of a soul.

PILE 2

“I’m not ready” “you’re too good for me” “let’s take this to the next level” (you may have been attracted to pile 1, if so maybe go check it out.)

Their appearance

Lighter hair, for a select few of you, it’s black. I think they might have longer hair, and like to wear it up, or they enjoy covering their head with a hat or other accessories. I’m getting medium height, maybe even shorter than you, or possibly only a little taller than you. I think they enjoy dressing more provocative, perhaps having shirt buttons undone, or just not wearing a shirt at all, they really like their body, and they know they have a good one. If they have abs, I would say they are there but quite faint, not toned, just enough to show. Their hair could be curly, or it’s just the first thing you notice when you meet them. I’m getting pirate vibes, they might dress up more like a pirate honestly, buttoned down blouses, a bandana on their head, their hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. The area of their nose, lips, philtrum, and chin is very prominent, a main focal point on their face. Their eyes make them look tired and drunk, the classic sleepy eyes. They may wear a lot of jewellery, specifically gold. Their skin seems more into the tanner tones for the dark haired individuals, they may be part of the latino/a community. For the people with lighter hair, I see they could be based around Europe.

About them

I hate fuelling delusions like this, but multiple cards are pointing to this person being an ex, it seems like they had your heart at one point and came back for more, after having messed up the first time. They do seem very remorseful for their previous mistakes, they want you to know that they were naive and selfish, they didn’t know how to treasure something as important, and valuable as your love, however they want you to know that they are ready now. I see they could have cheated on you in the past, left you for another person, or just been toxic with you, and just treated you badly. Please take in mind that I do not want you to get back with any super shitty ex, you have free will so don’t do that, however I do think this person has changed for the better. With the chariot, and hanged man, I’m seeing they worked on themself to be able to be good for you, it may have taken them a few years.

For those of you who’s future spouse is not an ex, I would say that the first time you guys met, there was a sense of competition and it turned you completely off from them, or they just came across rude, and arrogant while trying to impress you, and you just weren’t feeling it. They’re coming back around to show you how serious they actually are about making this relationship with you work. They will need some time, one sided enemies to lovers lmao.

Their career

I feel as though they have a good amount of material wealth, they seem to have everything they could desire, they could be a little bit of a workaholic, which possibly can cause some drama between you, you will need to remind them of how important spending time together is, they will listen, they are always willing to compromise with you.

Their job is one filled with a lot of competition, I’m honestly getting technology, they could work with technology, they could be under a tech company position, or maybe they even work from home doing their own thing on their computer.

They can appear secretive when it comes to their job, they’re not trying to keep it a secret, or hidden from you, they simply just don’t really think to talk about it that much. Lowkey, they could be a moderator for some type of famous streamer, (lmao??) or they could work in a position where they help people with managing publicity, like an agent or something.

This job does seem interesting, but it does come across a little like they do it more so for the money, than for an actual enjoyment that they find. Some of them do enjoy their job, but I don’t think they would stick with it, if it didn’t offer them the money and exposure that it does.

Their family

I honestly feel like it was their family’s influence that got them to start working on themself, I get the sense that their mother was possibly the one to force them into therapy, she may have even sat through his first session lol.

I think he’s mainly closest to the woman in his family, I’m getting a close friendship with their 1-2 sisters, possibly older, rather than younger. Im getting that they see them a little puppy that needs training, if you guys get into an argument, and they go to their sisters, the oldest one would be quick to correct your future spouse on their mistakes, and convince them to talk to you again and apologise for whatever they did.

Their family love you, if it’s a second chance scenario, they are so happy that you guys get another chance at loving each other, they truly want you to stay part of their family.

I’m seeing a young girl, possibly around the age of 5-6, you will be very close to her, I’m feeling it’s a niece or cousin, who is constantly around when you visit the rest of the family.

How they are in bed

They honestly appear quite vanilla, all bark no bite to be honest, they will say the flirtiest things to you, and they appear quite sexual, but once you get into the bedroom, they become all shy and reserved, there is a potential for you to bring them out of their shell however.

I’m seeing that sex for them is more-so about their own pleasure, they can seem a bit selfish during sex because of this, they may also see it as a way to compete with others, I’m hearing “I have them in a way that no one else ever will,” they may deal with a little bit of jealousy when it comes to your relationship, they are you as a very desired person, so they worry that someone will steal you away from them, being intimate with you is like proof to them that you are there’s and no one else could have you in such a compromising position.

They may finish really fast, I’m seeing someone who is struggling to keep their attraction in, the way your eyes penetrate into theirs will have them a stuttering mess, unexpectedly pushing them to their climax, though I feel like you will be nowhere near your own. You may need to help them with how to pleasure you, so you also reach your destination!

They could be a virgin, they don’t seem very experienced, they may have even waited for marriage, so this could be the night of your wedding.

They’re on top, it makes them feel more masculine and in charge of the situation, I also think they need to be able to pick their own pace to make sure they don’t overwhelm themself the first time.

They will be bursting with anticipation every time you initiate something with them.

They may have a desire to watch you touch yourself, they know about the important places of pleasure for people of your gender, however they don’t know exactly how to treat those places, so they may ask you to touch yourself to show them, this could lead to an intense session of mutual masterbation, for the select few of you, this will come before your wedding, they’ll ask you about how they should pleasure you on your wedding night, and you will show them, they will get into the mood as well and join you in the bed, this will almost make them cave in and take you there and then.

“Pull my hair”

“You make me so hard/wet”

“Let me taste”

Their open to whatever you’re into, just give them time to adjust to the new sensations of sex first, before you spring any random kinks onto them.

Their love language

Physical touch, they enjoy being around you and putting their hands on you at any chance they get, they like to hold your hand, to wrap their arms around your waist, they just like how you feel under their touch, if they feel like they’re working too much, they will invite you to sit with them, possibly on their lap so they can have you with them.

They like their bare skin to touch yours, I don’t think they sleep with much on, maybe shirtless with a pair of underwear, they will press their front of your back, making sure their bare chest hits your bare back, and back of shoulders.

Gift giving, they like to buy you things, I think it’s in a way of trying to make up for how they treated you in the past, they use their money to prove to you how serious they are about you and their relationship with you, they’re very possessive of their material wealth, so sharing it with you is something massive, and unexpected. If you see something in the store window, they’ll notice you even as much as glanced at it, and they will make sure it belongs to you in no time.

Their shadows

Their can appear a little selfish at times, I think they’ve had to protect and defend themself all their life, so now they feel as though shutting people out and not letting them in is the best answer to cure and keep away any upcoming insecurities.

Your future spouse needs to lose things to understand how much they actually mean to them, they don’t appreciate things enough until it’s taking away from them, luckily for them, they tend to work hard enough to manage to get this back, ensuring that it will never be taken away again.

Their downplay their transformations, they don’t exaggerate, but honestly the complete opposite, they feel as though their past and their future and two completely different identities, they need constant reminders that their success is still their success, no matter how long ago it was.

PILE 3

“I don’t want anyone else” “do you feel the same?” “you’re the only one I want in my life” (again, you could’ve also been attracted to pile 1, I wouldn’t recommend going back up however, I think it may have been the warning that caught your eye rather than the pile itself!)

Their appearance

I’m getting chestnut brown, to black hair, for a woman, it’s casts down her back, quite long. For a man, It’s around medium length, maybe just above their shoulders. Their back is very prominent in this pile, I feel like they have nicely defined back muscles, however I do not think they are an incredibly muscular person. They could honestly dress more punk/emo, wearing black leather jackets which are decorated, and bedazzled with silver spikes, I do see a possibility for a more alternative style for men, feminine outifts for women, types of styles that accentuates their hips and bust.

They might like going outside a lot, they’d be the type to suggest a camping trip, so they wear clothes that are suitable, and durable for being outside for extended periods of time. Big black boots is another thing I’m getting, their hair could also be spiked up for a select few of you. (I’m honestly picking up Johnnie Gilbert similarities for this pile, maybe Johnnie’s future wife is watching, and they just don’t know, that’s crazy.)

About them

They know better than to overwork themself, they may be the type that needs to mentally recharge after being around people for too long, they also seem to take in a lot of energy when around people, they’re like a little portable charger, however this does mean that they get burnt out very quickly. Luckily, they are not one to ignore the signals of their body and mind, so if they need to rest and be alone for a little, they will do that, this can however make them appear a tad aloof.

I don’t think they’re the best at expressing their emotions, they keep them hidden for a reason, I believe out of fear of judgment, or getting hurt again. I’m seeing someone who may have been cheated on by an ex partner, I don’t imagine they got closure on whatever this situation was, if it wasn’t cheating, it was some type of intense betrayal. They may appear a bit condescending at times, this is their way of trying to push you away before you find out about their feelings, they weirdly think you will leave them or condemn them for showing any natural, human emotion.

Their hardworking in all areas of their life, mainly self improvement, they want to become the best version of themself, so their partner can be comfortable with them. I do see that they will have a dramatic change of circumstance, or just who they are as a person, around the time that they meet you, which would be done for you, or for some of you, they will improve themself right before you guys meet, this change in their life will bring you to them.

Their career

They have a job where their workload and work time is flexible, they have the ability to not work one day, and pick up the work the next day if they so please. This is good because it means they will be making sure they always have time for you, to make you feel appreciated.

Their job is focused around nurturing responsibility, they are a leader of their area, but not a leader overall, they may have some type of job where they have to be a role model for people of a younger age, mild fame or influencing is showing strongly (bro which one of you are Johnnie’s wife, this is getting too specific.)

The job brings in a lot of material abundance, I don’t see they have to worry about too much, other than understanding that their work can be overwhelming, and that they need to pace themself, allowing themself to take breaks is super important with this pile.

It’s a job that offers them long term stability, and more money with the higher their position gets, if this person is mildly famous, or some type of influencer, the more fame and fans they gain, the more money they will be raking in, however they do need to remember where their loyalties lie, and always make sure to appreciate the fandom that gave them what they have now.

Their family

Their family are so different from them lmao, like polar opposites, I’m seeing the sweetest mother who always makes baked goods, sometimes they can appear a little interesting, but taste good nonetheless. Their father calls them by a nickname which your future spouse hates, their father is really sweet, I’m getting someone a little more laidback, who would rub your partners hair to mess it up for absolutely no reason.

You will feel very welcome into this family, they do not discriminate since their son/daughter/child has gone through some intense stuff in their life, and they are just thankful that you are able to bring them security, and safety, your person could’ve struggled badly with mental health, and it may have worried their family, so their parents are super happy that you’re able to keep them happy. However, please remember that someone’s mental health is not your responsibility solely.

How they are in bed

I don’t think they would’ve had sex for a while before you guys got together, I think they may have done some type of sexual cleanse, they were possibly a fuck boy/girl in the past, so they quit it to help themself improve and be the best version of themself.

They may need a little while to really get ready to be intimate with you, it might come as a conversation that the two of you share, explaining that you would like to have sex with them, and them setting a date for it so nothing can go wrong. I see them prepping by shaving their entire body lmao, they’re going all out, if it’s a man, they’re going to get so many cuts in all the wrong places, and they will definitely complain about it to you. They do expect you to be as prepared as they are, so get yourself ready, find yourself a nice, new perfume and get to it.

I do not think they will have sex with you outside of the relationship, I feel as though they have so many sexual requests from people, it makes them feel only valuable for their body, they don’t want to be seen as just a warm body that you get to lay under, the first time you are intimate with them. You have to prove yourself before sex, and even then, it may take a while. I’m getting around eight to ten months after dating, they really don’t want to be fooled and used for their body, especially after their sexual cleanse.

They like to be on top, they may honestly end up sweating and shivering at the end of it, like that one scene from Titanic when Jack is shaking in the carriage while laying on top of Rose with a blanket.

The sex will get progressively more rough and interesting over time, but the first time is just pure love making.

“Look into my eyes”

“Fuck you silly”

“Tie you up”

I’m getting that they will need aftercare more than you will, while both of you will be giving it to each other, they are a lot more in need of it, I feel like you would be fine to just go into the kitchen and make yourself something to eat, meanwhile they desire to be in your arms for the next couple of hours.

Their love language

Physical touch, they need to be at least holding your hand at all times, they would lowkey like to wear a lipstick stain you created on their cheek or jaw, they like people to know that you are theirs, and they are yours. They may also really like when you give them hickeys, they will absolutely allow those to be on show for everyone to see, they are too proud to hide them. They like to hold your stomach? Perhaps it’s when you sleep, they like to rest their hand on your stomach, or perhaps they want to get you pregnant, they may be very serious about having kids sometime in the future.

Words of affirmation, they really appreciate when you tell them how good they look, or how the outfit they’re wearing is amazing on their body. They specifically enjoy your compliments, you have a way with explaining things, that makes it seem so much more authentic and honest, they trust your judgment a lot. I do see they have a tendency to feel very insecure, and although so many people tell them how beautiful they are, your future spouse struggles to believe them, thinking it’s some kind of sick joke, but they know you would never joke or make fun of them about that. You’ll be very surprised to find out about their insecurities, you may even think they’re playing with you the first time they mention it, this could make them feel invalidated, so be careful how you tackle this!

Their shadows

They constantly ignore their problems, they have an “out of sight, out of mind” way of thinking, which is just barbaric because it means they don’t sort through their issues and instead push them out of the way. You may need to help them with healing from some past trauma, and realising that they are allowed to feel hurt and anger from those past situations, as they were not at all ideal.

Your future spouse is quick to push people away when they feel as though they’ve said too much, and opened up more than they desired to, due to this, there may be a few times when you feel helpless, and they seem helpless, this is something you can work through together.

They get very defensive, very quickly, if you say something that unintentionally triggers them, they will shut off, going into some type of hermit mode until they feel ready to talk about whatever it is that bothered them.

[strawberryfloofs]

Caregiver Lucifer x Regressor w Trauma Headcanons !

When you first regressed in front of him, he was both confused and freaking out. I mean- he hasn't been the best father- and now there's a regressed person in front of him! In the midst of his panic, he called Charlie

"C-Charlie, hey! I uh- there's uh...an ad- uh child? Let's say child! Well uh- they're definitely not a child but- but they're crying and I don't know what to do-"

Charlie had to explain to him what age regression was. Sure he's the king of hell, but he never heard of it before- he's in his room making ducks afterall!

He didn't fully understand after the phone call, but it cleared up some things for him. He didn't have to fully understand age regression to want to make things better in that moment, so he did the only thing he could think of in that moment- walk up to you and hold out a rubber duck, squeezing it so you could hear it quack

"Hey there, um, you can have it. . . ducks make me feel better when I'm upset too"

He stood there awkwardly, not knowing how to comfort you, but he really did care. You looked so scared, upset, and sad. He sat next to you, he didn't know what was and wasn't okay in the moment, but he wanted you to know he was there.

When you felt better, you two spent the whole day together! More like- awkwardly following you around and making sure you didn't do anything dangerous

Once he finally got you to bed, he spent that night researching all about age regression. He stumbled upon a word he remembered Charlie mentioning, a caregiver, and he delved into it deeper and deeper. It was something he resonated with, and he wanted to be that for you. He hadn't been the best father for Charlie, but now he can do all the things he missed out on, with you!

The next day, he asked you about age regression and if he could be your caregiver- he was so happy when you said yes! But he was also sad to learn about how it's not always a pure thing for you, he vowed to always be there during impure regression or any type of big feelings that come up from the trauma and or (C)PTSD you hold.

After learning more about your past, he made it his mission to give you a much better childhood when you regress

And he does just that! You have a meltdown or tantrum? He doesn't judge, he's there through it all! You're done with your food but you didn't eat it all? That's okay, he saved it for later- you can go play now! You're scared you're a bad regressor and a burden? Nope! He reassures you and gives you all the words of affirmations in the world! You misbehaved? Off to timeout, a toy goes to toy-jail or lines! Wha- of course he wasn't gonna lay a hand on you, and your comfort items are safe- you still get them on punishments silly!

Lucifer calls you his little ducky, prince/princess/princex. He also loves to call you little one, bubby, duckling, kiddo, angel, and any nickname he'll think of for your preferred name

Now that he has a regressor, he spoils you in all the duck themed things he could think of! There is NO shortage on bath toys-

DEFINITELY the type of caregiver to dress his baby up in the cutest little outfits

He's very much a homebody, and would love if his regressor was as well! The type of caregiver to love cuddling up with his little one and watching movies together. He IS a blanket hogger, but he'll share- just for you.

Lucifer accepted and knew he'd never be a strict kinda caregiver- but he atleast wanted to stick to some rules, so he did! Well sorta- he's really weak to your puppy-dog eyes and pretty-please faces, so they get bent alot . . .

"Uhh, bedtime is at 10 pm ducky! Awww, well- just one more episode, and then straight to bed little one!"

You never went straight to bed, you guys fell asleep watching your favorite cartoon.

In reality, Lucifer is a very soft and easy-going caregiver, but he does have a lot of anxious feelings about doing his best for you, he doesn't want a repeat of Charlie! But it always warms his heart and makes him feel better when he sees drawings of the two of you- which he keeps in his duck workshop forever.

Very VERY protective and worried about you getting hurt, so if you guys ever go out, you NEED to be holding his hand! He'll put on the sweetest voice and face for you, but he WILL rain hell if anyone dares to upset his little baby. . .

If you like Razzle and Dazzle, you guys go visit the hotel just to play with them! Ooh, and sometimes he'll let them sleepover at his house!

Lucifer being your caregiver means your primary babysitters are Charlie (long-term) and Razzle n Dazzle (short-term). But make sure you don't mention Alastor around him if you tell Luci about your adventures at the hotel! He gets VERY possessive.

Lucifer knew caregiver titles existed- but pshh he never thought that he- I mean, him of all people- would ever be called one! So he was very taken aback and in shock when you dropped the first one.

"(caregiver name)- oOh, uh yeah that's me! *nervously laughs* yeah I'm your (cg name)!"

He's okay with anything, he loves anything, it just means alot and he teared up a little bit. Daddy, Dada, Bubba, Luci, etc whatever it is, you'll see him smile when he hears it!

Uses his connections as king of Hell to get you the best toys and any other little gear you want!

Always reads you bedtime stories, his favorite is The Ugly Duckling

Loves to be as involved in your play as possible! He loves pretend play and playing as the weirdest/funniest of all characters, your laughter and smiles are his reward!

He's very accepting of anything- even if he's physically bothered. You were eating applesauce with your fingers and touched his WHITE coat? It's fineeeee... You yanked his hat off and started biting it- oh go- I mean, it's fine! He doesn't wanna hurt your feelings, plus you're just a baby in his eyes!

"M-my hat- uh yeah, you can keep it just don- *chomp* bite it . . okay, well who's a good little one?! That's right, you are!" Requested by anon! I hope you enjoy and sorry for getting to this request so late!

[slexenskee]

Running List of No Scrubs Albums

Because even I can't keep up with them anymore lol. I'll update it as I go. Also yes there are 6 official albums with 6 songs each... because Gojo is lame lol. And yes the acoustic albums are 5 songs... because he's extra lame

Spotify Playlist

update as of 09/18/23 bc I'm a f** scrub with commitment issues clearly

1. Thanks, I Hate it Here:

The 2nd album by release order, but first in chronological order of when they played them live. Yes, Gojo was feeling himself in his classic FOB phase real hard on this one lol. I find the evolution of FOB's discography IRL to be really fascinating, so I wanted to emulate it in the fic. This album is almost entirely FOB because Gojo realized flopping around bands and genres was difficult for the rest of his band, so he decided to first focus on one kind of ‘sound’ until they got used to playing together. 

Critics will later call it a bit unpolished and juvenile in comparison to the refined sound, themes, and quality production of later albums, with it's younger and simpler narratives. Thematically it tends to resonate more with a younger crowd, which people accredit to Ru-kun's assumed age of writing at the time (late teens). In other words, it becomes the quintessential 'middle school glory days' playlist for an entire generation of No Scrubs fans.

A Loaded God Complex - (Sugar We're Going Down) FOB

Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over - FOB

In Too Deep - Sum 41

Homesick at Space Camp - FOB

A Little Less Sixteen Candles - FOB

Dance, Dance - FOB

-

2. Good News For People Who Love Bad News

This was No Scrubs' first album ever released on a streaming platform, but it compromises songs more from their 2nd live setlist chronologically. A cult favorite amongst the fans, this album is fun and bratty with a combination of punchy pop punk lyrics, theatrical narratives, and catchy hooks that become unanimous with the band's dramatic flair. No Scrubs always had a rep as an underground alternative band with petty delinquent vibes, but this album definitely solidified them as the patron saint of all the edgy and misunderstood goth punks.

At this point the band had been together for a few years and Gojo definitely felt satisfied with the way the band was coming together and wanted to throw in some more famous mid 2000s pop punk bands into the mix.

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner - FOB

I'm Not Okay (I promise) - MCR

In One Ear - Cage the Elephant

But It's Better if You Do - Panic!

I Write Sins not Tragedies - Panic!

Jesus of Suburbia - Green Day

-

3. Death Before Decaf

After playing up the 'pop' quite a bit in the last album, No Scrubs digs deep into some gritty grunge roots with their third album, full of noisy amped up rock anthems. Thematically it was considered their strongest album at the time of release, with intense vocals and lyrics covering dark and personal topics beneath the guise of their distinctive and iconic instrumental riffs. The juxtaposition between the catchy sing-along hooks and the depressing deeper meaning to the words made this album an instant classic. It remains a fan favorite of music critics for Ru-kun's scorchingly honest handling of raw and deeply personal themes like suicide, depression, and substance abuses. After the identities of the band members became public, it became a hotly debated album amongst No Scrubs fans, who consider it a cathartic outlet for a lot of the trauma that turned Ru-kun into a villain, but also a worrying one full of suicidal ideation, alcoholism, drugs, and child abuse.

On his part, Gojo was feeling nostalgic for his youth and felt it an affront that the likes of Nirvana and Weezer had never been experienced in the MHA universe. He gets asked about these songs a lot, specifically about Today, Semi-Charmed Life, and Say it Ain't So, which all seem to allude to a dark history. He often tells people Semi-Charmed Life is one of his favorite songs ever, which doesn't help matters, and also alarms several psychologists, who worry he's romanticizing what was clearly a very unhealthy time in his life.

My Own Worst Enemy - Lit

Today is the Greatest - (Today) Smashing Pumpkins

Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana

Come As You Are - Nirvana

Say It Ain't So - Weezer

Semi-Charmed Life - Third Eye Blind

-

4. Glass Onion Heart

Aka the "Baby boy who hurt you???" album inspiring sexuality crises across the world

Glass Onion Heart feels like a wild card of metamorphosis from No Scrubs' prior albums, with the addition of more electronic, pop, and synth instrumental mixing. Combined with the explosive and flashy tour that accompanied the album's release, it felt like a radical departure from the band's classic garage-band sound, into a more streamlined, pop format.

The album was met with divisiveness from fans, not helped by the news of the band's breakup following the album release and subsequent tour. While many adored the new direction, long-time fans mourned the loss of the quintessential indie and underground 'No Scrubs' aesthetic, especially when faced with the thought of their final album. Nonetheless, it was the band's most popular album at time of release by a wide margin. It certainly helped the album's popularity that Ru-kun did the entire tour in drag.

At this point fans the world over became intrigued by No Scrubs and their burgeoning fame, prompting Gojo to name the album 'Glass Onion' after the Beatles song of the same name, because there is no deeper meaning to any of his songs, he's literally ripping them off from bands that don't exist. Fans spend way too long trying to figure out who this album was inspired by - who could have possibly broken their precious Ru-kun's heart?? - and as we enlightened No Scrubs fans know, it was no one. Literally no one. Gojo just really liked this femme fatale vibe, and decided to cross dress the entire tour because of it.

Tokyo - The Wombats

Dance Floor Anthem - Good Charlotte

Thanks for the Memories - Fall Out Boy

I'm the Leading Man - (This Ain't a Scene) Fall Out Boy

Moving to New York - The Wombats

Misery Business - Paramore

-

5. Infinity on High

Hailed as a return to the unfettered, unabashed, anti-establishment garage-band jam-session appeal that had people flocking to No Scrubs in their heyday, this album made an intense splash as No Scrubs' Comeback Album. Despite the return to their signature gritty rock sound, this album was in fact the most produced of any of No Scrubs' albums. This album marks both the return of No Scrubs as well as their launch into global superstardom.

Ironically, Gojo named this after his favorite FOB album (I mean it IS called Infinity lol) despite not including a single FOB track. Fans widely consider "Island in the Sun" to be specifically about Hawks, which Gojo never confirms or denies (although he definitely did think the similarities to their island mission were amusing). In reality, the song that reminds him of Hawks - and himself - the most is Mayonnaise, which might be why it's one of his favorites.

Holiday - Green Day

Cherub Rock - Smashing Pumpkins

Cool Enough - (Mayonnaise) Smashing Pumpkins

1979 - Smashing Pumpkins

Island in the Sun - Weezer

Wake Me Up - (Wake Me Up When September Ends) Green Day

-

Bonus: Don't You Know Who (I Think) I AM? Acoustic Album

The first of Ru-kun's unexpected - and according to Makoto, utterly unplanned - acoustic albums, this bonus LP was met with delight and excitement from fans after Ru-kun had teased its release on Twitter. The intimate and personal nature of the simplistic mixing gave this album a cult following, and brought in a new segment of music fans that No Scrubs' music normally didn't appeal to.

Nobody Puts Baby In the Corner - Fall Out Boy

Grand Theft Autumn - Fall Out Boy

My Heart is the Worst Kind of Weapon - Fall Out Boy

Notion - Rare Occasions

No Such Thing - John Mayer

-

Bonus: Take (Me) With a Grain of Salt

Despite the critical acclaim this acoustic album (and the full band versions eventually released afterwards) it was met with a lot of incendiary response at the time of its release. No Scrubs had finally achieved global stardom and was regularly topping hit charts across the world with the release of their album Infinity on High - and while music critics unanimously praised the EP as a worthy contender for Album of the Year, it was generally acknowledged truth that the album's popularity was owed in no small part to lead singer Ru-kun's sudden infamy that coincided at the same time.

The unfathomable depths of Ru-kun's new celebrity status in parallel to the band's brand of off-label, anti-establishment themes created friction within the fanbase. Many accused them of taking advantage of the current media coverage to promote sales, which bassist and band leader Makoto clapped back as 'just doing smart business'. In general, consensus was positive towards the sentiment; capitalizing on Ru-kun's fame and releasing an album in parallel to his identity reveal was just genius marketing.

However the timing of the release of Ru-kun's second acoustic album kicked up the discourse once again, with fans decrying the release as 'a fake sellout' aimed to exploit current gossip trends. However the album's drop was sudden and unexpected - with little to no pre-release marketing - lending credence to the narrative that Ru-kun wrote this album under the emotional duress of his personal life at the time.

Due to the staggering popularity of the acoustic album, the band eventually recorded and released a B-Side with full band versions.

Disenchanted - MCR

Stay Together For the Kids - Blink-182

Iris - Goo Goo Dolls

How's It Going To Be - Third Eye Blind

All These Things That I've Done - The Killers

[riddleredcoats]

I just finished my first playthrough of Veilguard and boy oh boy, do i have thoughts.

but, TLDR:

Bros, this game is so fucking strange.

It literally giving me everything I wanted; every theory for the past 10 years I've had to speculate is bang on, they bring niche characters in a way that makes sense, they give us nice romances, they give us cool combat, EPIC set pieces and then [gestures].

Anyway, this is more for posterity than any real, coherent thoughts.

The Good:

I don't know what sort of wizardry the devs at Bioware made for this game, but this game runs smooth AF. Actually insane in the year of our lord 2024 that a AAA viddy game manages to do it. Kudos must be given.

The art-style grows on you really fast, actually. And considering what happens in the game, especially in the back half, I think making it more stylised was necessary to also compliment the aforementioned point of it running smoothly.

There is in fact, a lot of dark themes in this game. I don't know what game some reviewers played, but to say its basically a clean version of a DA game is... just wrong. I have a theory, in the Bad section, about why they believe that is the case, but Veilguard is filled with Dark Themes.

The set pieces of this game are fucking insane. Like, there is no comparison to any other Bioware game. Even ME3 with its bombastic set pieces isn't a match to Veilguard in the prologue. The Siege at Weisshaupt? Gagged the whole way through. That last 2-4hrs of game were amazing and while I have beef with it - further down - for what it is and what it is trying to be? They succeeded. Some of the best viddy game I have ever viddy gamed, frankly.

The lore drops are also insane. I basically watched all of Solas regrets back to back to back and basically it was confirmation upon confirmation upon confirmation. I'm still in the high of the Solas/Mythal confirmation and that happened like 3 days ago, lmao. And if you know me, you know why - it goes wayyy beyond Solas and Mythal for me, personally.

Morrigan's place in the narrative. Keeping it vague, but just [gestures to all of it].

Issenya... Just... Issenya, man.

The companions. Yeah, they're all great, I don't think there's really a dud one. Sure, I connected more with some than others, but man- these companion quests are involved and meaningful and progress the story. You do get to know them very well. Harding, Neve, Davrin and Emmerich will always have a place in my heart for their questlines, even though I love all the other companions too - but those really resonated with me.

Combat. Holy shit, a DA game with a fun combat system. That's all really.

The Middling

The music. I don't love it but I don't hate it. I can count on one hand the amount of times the music made me feel something - basically the last scene of the Harding questline and when The Main Theme came in during the final quests. Trevor Morris reigns supreme; I teared up more for The Lost Elf theme return than any other musical moment in the game.

The pacing of this game is... baffling. I'm not sure if its my own fault for basically trying to do everything in the first act, but Act 1 took me like 40 hours, while the remaining two acts took me 20. Weird. Will need to experiment because it might absolutely be on me, but yeah.

The Bad

It's basically one thing but honestly, every time it was brough up it was like a dagger piercing my heart while my stomach was stepped on by a bronto.

The lack of geopolitical talk both past and present.

Much as been said from the infamous 3 choices that Veilguard imports - and I will say, that even those 3 are laughably implemented imo - but never is it more felt than in this aspect. The past straight up does not matter. Worse; they actively disregard it imo. There is no difference between world states, no world leader talk, no nothing. It is just... nothing. And listen, the specifics deserve their own post eventually, but im just processing shit still.

The game is really fun, and the themes and characters that are there and the lore is fantastic and when im locked in, I'm REALLY locked in, but then when I try to put it in the context of the past games, what I loved about it - the politics, the disagreements, the sheer brutal way that history and prejudice can just fuck up a country, Veilguard just... it feels hollow, without any bite or flavour.

And this is the crux of all the problems, really, in the present in Veilguard.

The way people talked about the dark tone being gone? Yeah, I can see it here considering that there is no distinction between Dalish and City Elves anymore basically. The discrimination against elves is just... gone, apparently? Which is insane - because we are in Tevinter and it's just... abandoned? The way Rivain is all cool and shit about Magic and Spirits with like zero nuance or, more imporantly, any real consequences when [gestures to the past games] - it just makes the South Really Dumb because of course they are now ig. The Crows - these assassins that bought children to train, in what amounted to a sponsored slavery ring - are now freedom fighters and all the nuance of the assassinations is gone? The Wardens are fine mostly, really, but they are suddenly very above board all of the sudden.

And that's the whole thing here.

They have tried to make everyone stay so above board, to make everyone The Perfect Ally That No One In The Real World Can Criticise, that it retroactively sucked all the nuance and Flavour For Thedas At Large out of the story. It made the story worse because everyone is just so gosh dang nice and A Super Ally when in past games the conflict, the flavour of the Whatever Big Struggle was that everyone hated each other and was constantly in-fighting. Which made it fun and interesting to play.

Okay, sorry i forgot I had another one:

the fuck is that ending credit scene? with the executors implying they have been behind everything since DAO? Oh man, Bioware you can't do those types of stories - you tried in ME3 and [gestures]. Why can't Loghain just be a dude traumatized by Orlais which led to All The Things in DAO? Why can't Bartrand just be a greedy bastard whose actions bring about DA2 and DAI and basically informs Varric's character from then on?

What the hell.

Anyway.

Yeah, initial Veilguard thoughts.

Oh yeah, and Neve is hot and I love her.

[ladymdc]

*writer interview*

Thanks for the tag @bardic-inspo. I appreciate it ♥️

I’ll tag @dismalzelenka, @ellstersmash, @championofdogs, @yuusaris, & @rose-de-noire — no pressure & feel free to ignore me!

When did you start writing?

Early 20s. I didn’t really have access to fandom spaces until I was out of my childhood home & in college. But I quickly realized I could write/share all these things floating around in my head that various games/shows inspired in me.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I don’t really think so? I will read about anything, & I will try to write about anything as long as it sparks. A lot of the time those things overlap, but I do lean into grief, love & forgiveness a lot as a writer/reader.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

No emulation or comparisons here. The most I get told is that I’m good being concise & saying a lot with very little (gut punch sentences/scenes etc)— which is flattering & what I strive for since it is my style/*how* I like to write.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I literally do not have one lol. I am so busy I do 90% of my writing in gdocs on my phone wherever I happen to be & when I have some time. The other 10% is when I’m at work & can discreetly pop it up in a tab & write on & off throughout the day in between tasks.

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Fallow when I need to fallow.

Every time I ignore it, I block & burnout. I didn’t want to fallow earlier this year since I just got into my current passion project, but after 3 months of other hobbies & rest, coming back to it has been great. I love my story & think I’m alright at this writing thing again.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I have noticed I tend to lean into themes of self-loathing (sometimes anxiety), the related trauma, & how that effects the way they move through life & build relationships— & if that isn’t showing my whole ass, idk what is.

I also really enjoy the whole sociopath/something monstrous & their one (1) person, who loves & understands them, that they love & cherish trope— but hey, I wrote Rhack for 3 years, that one was bound to stick around.

What is your reason for writing?

It’s a part of me. I’m not sure how that happened, but that’s the easiest way to explain. Like years ago, I had a reasonably popular writer (“friend”) steal my ideas & gaslight/mess with my stats/comments (fake accounts) & I honestly didn’t think I could recover from that when it all came to a head. It took a while to get to a place where that part of me felt whole again, & I could write… but I don’t think it would have hurt so much if it was just the “something to do” it had started off as.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

I’ve never been one to inspire interaction, or I don’t feel like I am, so anything feels nice. I try to not let it get to me. The above nonsense did a number on me with stats = quality for a while, so I try to update & forget about it for a few days. Then it feels less bad going into an empty inbox because I did the thing! I updated & made progress on my story!

Plus, I’m a quiet reader too/busy & I forget a lot, so I get it. I just hope what I share resonates/sparks joy with those following along, & I call it good.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I’m just someone out there doing my best & sometimes that doesn’t even feel like enough, so I’m probably just like everyone else lol. I hope I seem approachable. That’s my intention, at least.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Worldbuilding, story/plot, & conciseness. I love trying to say a lot with very little & why I gravitate toward drabble exercises (100 word stories) every so often.

How do you feel about your own writing?

It varies. Sometimes I think I’m alright at this & happy with my little digital library. Some of my older works make me cringe regularly, but I leave them up because they show me how much I’ve grown & how many stories/words it took to get where I am.

Right now I’m in a pretty good place, but that took some time. Like I loved my last fandom, but I definitely needed a break from antis & the pressure I was exerting on myself. Where I��m at now, no one knows me. I’m a drop in a very big ocean so I feel like I’m just doing my thing, which has been an adjustment, but not every fandom needs to be a place I get involved & make friends. Loving on my current passion project has been a good reminder on why I started writing in the first place, & even if I have bad days where I think I’m too slow or not good enough, focusing on me & what this part of me needs has been good/healing.

When you write, are you influenced by what others enjoy might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

What I write is either a gift or self-indulgent, sometimes both. I can’t write for stats or attention. I don’t know how people do that, but no judgement either. Sometimes I think I hold it too close, & wish I could, but alas. Seems like I’m built to just pour my heart into everything I create (or all my pent of hornt depending on the work ;asldkfj) & that’s it ♥️

[moonscape]

Sending my evil influence to give you the floor to say why you hate USUM

okay so i do want to give a disclaimer that i haven't beaten either sm or usum since they released. i feel like my memory on them is still good enough to say my piece but just keep in mind that i may be wrong about some details and i can own up to that if i am.

since we're talking about sm and usum cw for parental abuse towards children

okay i will say upfront that i do think in terms of gameplay i fully admit that usum is superior. a lot of the stuff it added doesn't really apply to me (i only use pokemon that were introduced in that generation so usum's expanded pokedex is for the most part meaningless to me, and it kinda annoyed me how i was forced to play mantine surf to get to akala when i just wanted to get there immediately). the options are still nice to have, they just didn't add much to my personal experience, which is why i'm mostly coming at this from a story perspective. the ultra wormhole stuff was fucking awesome though i loved that.

so: sm. while i wouldn't say its depiction of abuse was perfect (lusamine was forgiven way too easily imo) i still appreciate the way it came at it. the nihilego poison was a reason behind lusamine's actions, but it didn't excuse them. lillie still got to give her amazing speech to her mother about how children aren't just dolls and gladion is a little more on the fence about it iirc, so there were at least still some repercussions for lusamine in that regard. it's a story that hit very hard at the time of release because while my mom isn't abusive, our relationship was very rocky when i was 16, so sm was very cathartic for me. i'd imagine it'd still resonate deeply with me to this day if i were to replay it even though our relationship has improved since then.

so the tldr of that is that sm had a slightly flawed but still brilliant portrayal of familial abuse that blended in very well with the overall theme of different family dynamics (also shown through guzma/team skull in general, hau and his grandfather, etc.)

so usum just completely shat all over that with how they handled the aether family.

it's like genuinely pretty offensive to me with how lusamine's abuse was portrayed here. she's not under any sort of influence because of nihilego here, she's just naturally very nasty and cruel to her children. lillie doesn't get to give her her speech and gladion literally says something along the lines of "she's not so bad because she's our mother." LIKE WHAT!!!!!! you take away the understandable (but not justifiable) reasoning as to why she was cruel in sm so that she's just always horrible and then take away the few repercussions she faces to have her be excused entirely??? this just feels like abuse apologism. it leaves such an icky taste in my mouth. and derailing into the anime for a quick second here, that also had a weird portrayal of lusamine too. i wouldn't say it was as bad as it is in usum, since it did ultimately stick closer to sm, but it was just sort of weird with them making lusamine's main issue be that she's just sort of overbearing and making faba into the real villain (who also gets let off with a slap on the wrist despite being responsible for the trauma lillie held on to for years).

like that's the main reason why i can't go back to usum over sm. i just feel gross playing it.

and to be fair, this game did do guzma and hau better in terms of writing, but why did it have to portray the aether family in that way as well. i don't even really remember what they did with hau aside from making him the final battle (and tbh i felt like kukui was still a better final boss. i like hau, but the "rival as a champion" thing was done much more effectively in the kanto games imo.)

also rainbow rocket was dumb and cringe and i never even bothered finishing it. to this day (aside from bdsp because i didn't play that) it's the only postgame pokemon story i haven't beaten. i tolerated fucking sordward and sheilbert but not this. also i heard that ghetsis physically shoves lillie to the ground in his section and i genuinely need him to die for it. and worst of all they took hot archie away from us 😔

like i won't deny that usum added a lot of neat features and sidequests that made alola feel more alive (and i already loved alola in sm) but i cannot for the life of me get past how gross the story makes me feel.

[digi-lov]

SPOILER FREE Feedback — also Trigger Warnings at the end.

We all liked the movie!

The animation was good, and the redone evolution sequences looked great. The 3D models of the Digimon made for the fight scenes looked really good, not at all like the ones we got in Tri.

Seeing the 02 Kids again was sweet, makes me sad they didn't show up in the Tri. movies. The characters felt authentic, true to their personalities, but still like they've grown up.

The Plot could be considered a little slow, and the climax a little short. Nonetheless both didn't feel off in the moment.

TRIGGER Warnings and personal feedback (might be a bit spoilery)

Child Abuse. If that is a trigger for you, you might want to watch it in a safe place.

Blood. Not much, but just so you know.

Opinion of our group — gets into Spoiler territory

Body Horror. Maybe, the final enemy Digimon has a form that could be considered scary.

Lov: I really liked it. With most of the movie spanning one day, with a lot of flashbacks to establish Lui's backstory, it feels a little like not much actually happened. Also with so much focus on Lui, we don't get as much development for the 02 Kids as one might have wanted. Them helping Lui through this crisis does resonate with the strong group theme around the 02 Kids. With the much better looking new 3D models, I really would have loved more action!! Shakkoumon and Silphymon deserved more screen time. Also Angewomon was done dirty, they could have had her de-evolve on purpose to form Silphymon, instead of her getting whacked moments after evolving.

Partner: While I liked it, I'm a big fan of action, but we didn't get much of that. The emotional story beats weren't bad, but caught me off guard and were not what I wanted out of the experience right now.

Sister: I liked it, but whether or not you'll like it probably depends on what you want out of a Digimon movie. It's less about the 02 Kids and more about Lui and what he learns from them. Similar to Hurricane Touchdown and Wallace. So, if you're looking for a story that is all about the 02 kids, this might not be for you. I guess it feels a bit like a long but good episode. There is stuff about lore that seems open-ended, which could be intentional or setting up for the future. Kizuna was similar in that regard. It was great to see the 02 Kids again, almost like we never left. Daisuke especially shone in this one. The many cameos were also much appreciated. Also! I liked that they discussed what separating so many people from their Digimon Partners would mean, not just considering their own group.

Brother: I liked it. No promo cards for us </3 — a little weird to have so little fighting and no new evolutions.

[hauntingofhouses]

i think fandoms can be soooo ridiculous a lot of the time (see: all the nonsensical fan wars, discourse, etc) but i cannot understate how much i actually love fandoms.

like yeah it may be super nerdy and even cringe and outsiders look at it like "why tf do you care about these fictional characters so much?"

but 1) my field is literally..... literary studies..... in which all i do is study fiction and analyse it like an insane person, and 2) even if that WASN'T my field, thinking about the stories we consume is important even for any person to do, because thinking about stories exercises our brain to think critically!! why do you think our ancestors used stories as a medium to share knowledge, to propagate moral values and lessons? stories—telling them, thinking about what they're saying, and caring about the characters within them—are all inherent to the human experience!!!

so that brings me to fandom. because we are literally just making these little communities with each other based on our shared love for a particular story, and for a particular character or theme within them that resonated with us, or whatever. we're all here because we loved a thing so much that we built connections from it!!!

like yeah my irl friends laugh at me when i tell them i write fanfic, cuz ha ha what a nerd what a loser etc, but dude. i made genuine real friendships from fandom alone. from just obsessing over two characters we thought were cute together, we've gone to sending each other gifts and postcards and having voice calls and confiding in each other and sharing parts of us and our personal lives and our cultures (cuz we're all from different countries) with each other! like now i don't even share a fandom with most of my old fandom friends anymore but we still stick by each other and that's amazing???

also like, i cannot emphasise enough how amazing and encouraging it is to share your craft (art/writing/etc) with others in fandom. because for example if i make my own personal art or write my own original work, i'd have no one to share it to, no one interested to see it, and thus no one will be there to provide feedback or encouragement.

but if i post a piece of fan art or fanfic, people actually do see the work i post and care about the craft and the content it's depicting and even share their thoughts on it and that ??? is so motivating and lovely ??? because even though i make art for myself, art is still meant to be shared and seen at the end of the day—even if only with one person. so to be given the means of sharing our art in such a way, to have such a community that fosters so much creativity, it's amazing. i don't really get that anywhere else.

and especially to have this in like, a casual setting, you know, where you can just be yourself and do things according to your own time and energy without the pretenses of professionalism and a perfectly curated resume or portfolio, and all the confines of a rigid work schedule, which would all make the process of creation less fun and less genuine, and instead just more taxing and chore-like.

because fandom is essentially meant to be about doing what's fun for you! it's about sharing your creations and enjoying what others share with you. you make friends and you go ham with it.

and also it's why it's more frustrating when people take things too seriously and legitimately get upset over assumptions of other people's beliefs and hold the most minor grievances that could only be felt if you're like, chronically online.

but on that note, there are definitely still honest-to-god bad people in fandom spaces too (see: racists, TERFS, homophobes, groomers, harassers, etc). but that's the case with all communities, because bad people are always going to exist, and thus statistically speaking, the bigger a group or community is, higher chances are there's gonna be some awful people in there. but honestly that is its own can of worms and also that's not what this post is about, but i felt it necessary to address because i don't want to paint fandom as like, the best thing ever in the world, because fandom spaces are incredibly flawed, as everything is.

but i've always been one to appreciate things despite its flaws. and though this may be very personal to me, when i love things so much, i am still willing to stick around and try to change the culture around it in the ways that i can (like promoting internet safety measures, creating safe spaces for thoughtful and polite discussion, raising awareness on harmful stereotypes and fandom depictions or opinions, etc).

so regardless of the bullshit that online fandom spaces tend to perpetuate, i do very much still love the way that fandom allows me to connect with folks over something as silly as our little blorbos, and from there end up making life-long friends, or at the very least new acquaintances. insert reinforcement of my thesis statement about stories fostering human connection here. the end. send post.

[benny-the-spaceman]

smthn ive been thinking about a lot more recently is how much symbolism not just tlm 1 but tlm 2 have in relations to outliers or ppl who are different in society and how theyre treated or how they treat others. this has been explained to death by ppl much more eloquent than me for tlm 1, but i don't see it get discussed as much with tlm 2, which is probably just me not looking as hard as i could but i still feel like talking about it because it means a lot to me (more under the cut bc it's a rambling kinda night)

one thing with tlm 2 that i noticed pretty recently (like earlier today recently) is how "the oppressed" in a sense become "the oppressor" and, from personal experience, that feels a lot like how older generations of oppressed groups treat younger generations when they dont assimilate. im only going to speak from my own experience, because i know how often this type of stuff can vary from person to person but as someone with mental disabilities and as someone who's japanese-american, there's so many similarities between how the other master builders treated emmet in tlm 2 and how older generations have treated me and other people I know. like when emmet was being cheery and, well, himself, the other master builders and townspeople shunned him, because they learned that acting like themselves was bad and would hurt them. Similarly, i always learned that idea of "being yourself" or "embracing your culture", but as i got older all of a sudden the same people tell me i cant, or that it's dangerous, or weak, or dumb, or lazy, etc etc because they were taught that through their experiences. And as much as it can be understood why theyd want to do that, most of the time they feel like it's protecting you, just like how the master builders felt telling emmet to toughen up was protecting him, it often just hurts you. In my case, it created a huge disconnect between me and my culture that I'm still working to fix and it's made me only very recently realize how much of myself ive hidden or dont understand because of the disorders I have. I think it's all part of why emmet as a character resonates with so many people, myself included. He's really the best example of how suppressing individuality can hurt someone, and him going against that and showing that being himself is ok is something that's almost healing in a way. It rly feels like he's telling us that we can do that too! that being ourselves isnt something to be ashamed of or hidden and that hiding those parts of ourselves hurts us more than it helps!!

Long story short, emmet's character, in the 1st movie of course but in 2nd movie especially, really resonates with me, both as someone with mental disorders/disabilities and as a 2nd generation japanese immigrant. those themes of suppressing yourself to fit in and being told constantly that was the only way to be safe really hits different when youve been told similar things your whole life. It's part of why i cry when i watch both movies, because emmet's character understands that in a way i could never articulate before. He's rly a masterfully written character, and he deserves all the love he gets for being such

Anyways that's the end of my little ramble, have a cookie for making it this far 🍪 and have a good day/night 🫶

[notquitedeadpod]

Today Not Quite Dead turns 365 days old!

A little over a year ago, feeling very disheartened and a little depressed, I decided to take the story about vampires I'd been piddling away with in the background of making Spirit Box Radio and turn it into a single narrator audio drama.

When I did that, I came up with a bunch of anti-rules:

I'd only work on episodes when I felt like it would be fun to do so

I'd make decisions about the story based on what was most emotional to me in the moment, rather than letting myself get stuck in the process of writing something with very restrictive plot goals

If I wasn't asking myself if I'd gone too far at the end of every episode's writing process, I wasn't going far enough

And so, the show was born.

This approach is radically different than pretty much every other writing project I've completed, and that's by design. At the time I started making NQD, I'd faced a pretty big set back with SBR and was struggling to work on it at all. I had a very clear vision for the show which at times made writing it very challenging and restrictive as an experience, and when I was faced with altering that vision, though I'm now convinced it worked out better that way anyway in hindsight, it was really difficult. It made me really rethink my entire approach to working on audio drama.

Writing NQD this radically different way was really good for me. I felt excited and giggly most episodes, and it was the first time I started to feel partially confident about my vocal performances. I noticed it was having a positive impact not just on my relationship with the writing on SBR, but how I felt about its quality overall. By working on something so different that required such a different energy, I came to value SBR more, and by the end of the show's run, I was in love with it the way I was at the beginning.

There's also the fact that I absolutely LOVE vampires. I always have. They're my favourite horror monsters, for reasons which are probably obvious to those of you who have listened to the show. They are almost indistinguishable from humans at a glance, they can live among us undetected, for the most part, but they are NOT human. They're different in importnat and unresolveable ways. As someone who has always struggled to fit in, this has forever resonated with me, and for most of my adult life, I've had an unserious vampire project or two being whittled away at in the background.

There were also some problems with how I wrote season one. NONE of the dates, times or ages lined up properly, and I frequently found I'd written myself into very boring, unfunny plot corners I'd have to spend a lot of time reasoning my way out of, which is no fun at all.

Something interesting, but not really good OR bad, is that LOTS of people found the show felt very trans to them, though none of the characters are transgender in canon. I'd not written the show this way intentionally, but it was very cool to see that other people had found this thematic thread buried in the story.

By the time I got to the end of Season One, I had to admit to myself that despite my best intentions, I had written a show with plot and themes. This was entirely an accident, but I was pretty happy to realise it. I also found that this show, something I'd written primarily for myself, had a real audience. This was a delightful thing to realise. You're all freaks, and I adore that for you, and I hope you're incredibly proud of yourselves, and I mean this entirely seriously. I am a freak too, otherwise I would not be able to write the show at all.

Anyway. We're over halfway through Season Two now, and my approach to the show has changed quite a lot. Though it has remained a project that is predominantly vibes-led, I've also found it exciting to spend some serious time thinking about the show's arcs and future and really indulging in making it As Much As Possible. As you will see over the next several episodes, that is So Much, actually.

On this year's first anniversary of Not Quite Dead, I find myself once again disheartened and depressed, because it's the slow slide into the long nights of winter, and as much as I love the cold and the dark, I struggle with my mental health year-round and this particular change of seasons is the one I feel is the hardest. But I'm also damned proud of this show, and not despite it's silliness, but BECAUSE of it. It's made me a stronger character writer, a better performer, and it's been a disgusting amount of fun.

Here's to another year of this ridiculous show about vampires.

Live. Laugh. Bite.

[yuseirra]

One more thing, I always want...to persist with the idea that someone really wouldn't have done things with bad intent, I feel it's better to live life with that as your schema, when you cannot really change what someone else does, it's happier to believe they didn't mean bad. It can be such a fragile belief, I had my share of hardships in my life too but I guess I've been lucky enough to be able to hold onto it so far. That's why I feel like, it's.. Great to express about all the good things about someone you can encounter but you have to be really cautious in terms of making a negative judgment about an individual. If it's an inanimate object, it's fine. And some people are just unforgivable. Some aren't as unforgivable but they are a disappointment and so on. But you never really know what's going on in other people's heads before they bring it out forth and sometimes it isn't even expressed so well as they intended it to be because language isn't perfect.

They do this, and done that, it's really easy to go on about what other people are like, but even I can't really change myself as a person so would someone else do it if I say it. I say the chances of that happening are so low. That doesn't mean you can't express your disapproval towards something, either. But you really can't..be so sure. If you're really in the right either. I think it's a good thing the world isn't so black and white in reality.

Funny how I really have a want to understand others and resonate with people and thus I studied psychology(a bit)it was fun. I have a huge desire to understand people. I have a lot of occasions where other's feelings just rub off on me and I absorb them. In that case, I want to know if what I'm feeling is so valid and worth it and it's not just me being entitled or overprojecting and all you see? If I have it... I want to make sure I can put it to some use.

It's sad feeling disappointed, angry, depressed, some sort of negativity towards something. Wouldn't it be nice if I never had to feel it? I really don't enjoy expressing such things towards another... I believe, what I create and my drive comes out of love and passion towards a thing. Really don't want to lose it...love is so powerful. I think I have a lot of it when it comes to things I'm passionate about. Hope that does get sent through one way or another. It's something that works in a really interesting way, perhaps it's a subject worth studying. I use it as a theme in many(if not all)of my stories too~

In "Man's Search for Meaning" was it? Hahh;; I remember it having said something like: the ones that held onto baseless optimism were the ones who died first, yeah, I tend to keep hoping. I've been let down a lottt of times. But I'm still alive I guess. Maybe it's a matter of how you hope really. I kind of want to rip it out and throw some of it away, some of my feelings away, it hurts more when you care more. I'm definitely going to suffer a lot when I have my precious things reaped away from me one day.

If I loved and felt less, I'd be a different person. Maybe someday I'll grow numb. I wonder if that'll be a good thing. Till then, I believe I'll have to live this way...I wish my love would pay off. I wish it wouldn't have me felt regret for having cared for something... In terms of people, I did find good ones in my life. For fandoms!!!! I wish they'd stop giving me pain!! Why can't things just end normally what's with these artists going for some shock artistic value uugh

So yeah. Just stream of consciousness. I hope you all have a good day♥ ugh..ugh..I really do hope that piece has some resolution!! I wanna wish it well!! Isn't that love!! I just. Uh huh. Kinda sad I have no power over it. But I don't consider myself to be as capable as those two artists responsible for onk either. I want to understand what they're doing~~~that's all.

[self-loving-vampire]

what's your polycule like? I hear a lot about master and girlfriend but I can't quite map out the context

My master has been my husband for more than 8 years. We got married in secret while wearing lab coats back in 2015, while I was still in the middle of my battle to free myself from my parents and make an asylum claim. He pretty much saved me back then and I live for him now.

We actually met in a Touhou chatroom after I played Imperishable Night back in like 2009 or something like that. He was one of my first real friends and one of the first people who really knew me.

My girlfriend currently lives in a different country but plans to move close to us soon. We met in person when she visited last year and spent a lot of that time mostly just playing and hanging out.

I originally met her through tumblr, so I'm one of those people who can legitimately say their posting enabled them to suck tits (although I think running good tabletop games for her and being generally nice and supportive was probably a bigger factor there?)

Anyway, I wish the government let me marry her too.

The third and most recent one is Past Me. Earlier this year I realized that I was like, unironically in love with my more heroic and paladin-like past self and really wanted her to be around again in some capacity. I also felt kind of bad about just passively enjoying the life she gave me and I felt like I owed it to her to make her happy too after all she did for me.

This led to engaging in a sort of self-necromancy to essentially restore her from my memory backups. I had the guidance and encouragement of some plural friends on how to accomplish this. The summary is that it worked and now there is a sort of hazily separate source of thoughts in my mind, with meaningfully different emotions (which can transfer to me due to sharing a brain and all) and some memory weirdness that suggests that I really managed to restore a separate entity.

So now she lives with us too. I try to talk to her during all of my idle moments and also encourage her to interact with the world more (she's still a bit more withdrawn than me at this point). She's really enjoying Elden Ring and is looking forward to playing Wrath of the Righteous. I also hope she'll play KOTOR 2 one day because even though neither of us particularly cares about Star Wars I think the themes and arc there might resonate with her.

[dipplinduo]

I'm so sorry this isn't pokemon related at all but I gotta know which t swift albums are your faves lmao 👀 (I'm forever stuck in the folklore/evermore days 🤎)

Okay. I am pretty rigid on keeping the blog pokemon-related, but you, dear anon, have asked me about something that I love more than anything else.

So I'm gonna just go wild with this and give you more than you asked for because frankly I am one of the biggest swifities on this Earth and honestly squeal any time I get the opportunity to talk about Taylor's music because of how much of a massive impact it has had on me. I get nervous with each drop but, without fail? Each and every album, in order, tends to follow themes in my life and somehow encapsulates a lot of what I'm going through in some way. I love each of these albums in their own way, and it's a bit hard to give them rankings. Less favorites are still very much favorites though!

1 - reputation

Holy trinity: I Did Something Bad; Don't Blame Me; New Year's Day Honorable mentions: literally every other song

This album was a torniquet for me, and even when I'm not fully relating to it emotionally as much it may just be permanently cemented in my heart and soul as the top dog because of how monumental it was to me. It dropped at a time in my life when I was reallllyyy going through it, and a lot of the overarching narrative of "I will survive this tooth and nail for better days, even if my dignity is lost" resonated hard. I think the presentation and marketing of this album was utterly genius (reclaiming the narratives, sound production/lyrical risks and imagery that were executed JUST right, the MERCH REFERENCES, the "bombastic, external persona" that transitions to "this is the real me behind closed doors; I found and cherish what's truly important and that's all that really matters", etc.) was just perfect. Perfect, perfect, perfect. IDSM AMA 2018 performance is also the best live performance ever, forever obsessed. Overall, this album is the one I turn to whenever life is hard and I want to fan the flames of resilience.

2 - evermore

Holy trinity: coney island; tolerate It; 'tis the damn

Honorable mentions: champagne problems; gold rush; long story short; Willow

God, I love evermore. Didn't even realize how much I did until the past year or so. I have a lot of deep cuts on this album, and like folklore, it was just SO awesome to have albums where the general public could see more of Taylor's quill pen songwriting on full display (although glitter gel pen songs are EQUALLY cool). I love the maturity behind this album and it actually taught me how to fall in love with the colder seasons and weather. Coney Island specifically lowers my blood pressure like no other song has ever done and I can't even tell you fully why; it's so surreal and serene to listen to on planes. And tolerate it? CHRIST. When I revisited it as I went through some of it in real time, OOOF. DIFFERENT LEVEL OF RESPECT. It is def in my top 5 songs. 3 - folklore

Holy trinity: caridgan; the 1; hoax

Honorable mentions: my tears richochet; mad woman; the lakes; peace; invisible string; august

CARDIGAN. CARDIGAN. Rep is my favorite album, but cardigan is my favorite song ohmygooood. Never have I ever felt something epitomize my life experiences and personhood - it quite literally feels like an encapsulation of my soul. I feel very spoiled that it got to be a single and mv - just absolutely stunning. Personally, I connect this song to a return to lost childhood innocence. And I am proud to say I own one of the original original cardigans and the only way you can separate it from me is by prying it from my cold, dead hands. BUT YES, FOLKLORE IS ELITE. The storytelling on this album is next level and the surprise drop of such intricate thought during the height of the pandemic was very needed. Hoax is an oddly specific lullaby for me because it was a specific comfort to me at one night. The 1 is just ooOOOOF also.

4 - Lover

Holy trinity: All Of The Girls You Loved Before; Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince; Cornelia Street

Honorable Mentions: False God; Cruel Summer; I Think He Knows; Daylight

I honestly don't give this album enough credit because I resonate a lot with its visuals and messages. It is def a bit more slapped together than others, but I do like the symbolism in that. Lover is about all forms of love (romantic, familial, platonic, self-based) and I often times get told by irl peeps that this alongside the folkmore albums are the kinds of energies I tend to emit lol. Daylight in particular has one of the most fire TS quotes at her adlib at the end with the whole "You are what you love" thing, and GOD. Any time I think of it or hear it I re-evaluate a lot to make sure I can live by it. Fun fact: revisiting the song is how I ended 2023, and it was the trigger that made me decide to write fanfiction & start this blog, because it's important to follow all sorts of things that make you happy! <3

5 - 1989 (TV)

Holy trinity: New Romantics; Say Don't Go; I Know Places

Honorable Mentions: Bad Blood (both versions; fight me); YOU ARE IN LOVE UGH; Is It Over Now?; Style; Clean

This album is pop perfection and I think every Swiftie can agree on that universally even if you're not a big fan of 1989. But ooohhh my gosh, this album set me free when it came out. There are so many positive messages about expressing yourself, leaning into the messes of life, and also, just letting yourself loosen up a bit. I was in a bit of an angsty emo phase when the og came out (lol) and Taylor's bubbliness challenged me in a great way and helped me get a bit of my sunshine back. It was my second most anticipated TV re-release, and the vault tracks DID not disappoint. Now that I'm more in the range of what Taylor was reflecting on at the time, too? OOF. DO I FEEL MORE CONNECTED THAN BEFORE.

6 - Fearless (TV)

Holy trinity: Mr. Perfectly Fine; The Way I Loved You; Forever & Always (Piano Version) Honorable Mentions: Change; You're Not Sorry; White Horse; Fifteen; The Best Day; You Belong With Me

Gosh. Fearless. FEARLESS. This album just stands out to me as such an homage to my childhood in a lot of different ways - but more so of the braver side of me in it. I absolutely love the imagery and dramatics of this album and feel like its just a bucket of sunshine and golden stars and warmth. It takes me back to simpler days, and I love love love how Mr. Perfectly Fine leans straight into some of the bangers I really loved on the og. This is more of a sunshiny fire album to me.

7- Midnights

Holy trinity: You're Losing Me; Dear Reader; Bejeweled (new! lmao)

Honorable Mentions: You're On Your Own, Kid; Would've Could've Should've; Lavender Haze; Anti-Hero; Midnight Rain; Mastermind; Snow On The Beach (feat. More Lana Del Ray)

This album is very dreary in a lot of ways, and jeez, I needed it when it first came out. Happy to say I went from more of a "Dear Reader" vibe to a "Bejeweled" vibe from release to now. I love the concept behind it so much and it's interesting to be able to relate to the "coming out of the dread" side thats sprinkled in here and there. It speaks to the more "stormy" parts of me that I tend to hide from others, and I really relate to TS's portrayal of it given her own general outward disposition.

8 - Red (TV)

Holy trinity: All Too Well 10 Minute Version; I Knew You Were Trouble; Begin Again

Honorable Mentions: Better Man; Girl At Home (fight me); Nothing New; Sad Beautiful Tragic; Treacherous

Okaayyy, THIS is the fall album. And we're getting to the point where these beautiful albums LOOK like they're ranked low, but the favoritism is still very much high regardless. God, ATWTMV took ATW and added a whole MAGNITUTE of maturity and retrospect that really speaks to a personal experience that I've had. I am beyond grateful that we finally got it and younger me would be screaming in disbelief!! LOL. But yeah, this album is what I turn to for heartbreak at times (more so of messy, fast and quick kind of feelings), and Begin Again is very relegable as a spiritual palette cleanser. The red scarf is one of my other favorite merch items I own.

9 - Speak Now (TV)

Holy trinity: Castles Crumbling; Mean; Haunted

Honorable mentions: Foolish One; Back to December; Enchanted; Better Than Revenge (lol og lowkey); Ours (MH ruined this one for me temporarily); I Can See You

This album is another childhood reminder type of album because of how whimsical and fairytale-esque it is, but I'll admit that Fearless (TV) is a little closer to my heart. Castles Crumbling though???? OH. MY. GOD. That had my jaw to the ground and is def in the top 10. What a tragedy to add to SPEAK NOW of all albums, and what nightmarish foresight Taylor must've had to compose it way back when. Haunted also speaks to my soul but more in a familial kind of way, and Mean? Mean is the spiteful little child in me LOL.

10 - Taylor Swift

Holy Trinity: Should've Said No; Tied Together With a Smile; Cold As You

Honorable Mentions: The Outside; A Place in This World; Picture To Burn

I'm ngl! This album I'm probably much more disconnected with compared to others despite me being a big Swiftie. Most of this is because I wasn't fully a fan when this came out, and country music isn't really my kind of jam. I'm very curious about how the TV is going to be handled and I think it's going to grow on me a bit more. Nonetheless, the holy trinity is elite and Should've Said No/Bad Blood mashup during the rep tour changed me as a person. One day I shall yee the haw here.

This was a lot of fun to share (and I know you didn't fully ask for this but HERE YA GO LOL), TS is my kryptonite and my everything and I hope you enjoyed. :) <3

[greypetrel]

Some spoilers from a person trained in literary criticism, after opening youtube and cringing hard at the title of a video and it had me screeching in annoyance at people who thinks consuming a lot of fiction automatically makes you a Literary Critic, and that will mix personal taste with objective truth.

A long, rantful tirade under the cut that I may or may not delete later.

ALL art is derivative. Or at least, Literature surely is. The great breakthroughs are so because they refused some conventions. Meaning that they had those conventions in mind and actively chose not to follow them. They're still derivative. Using "Fanfiction" as a slur is perfectly pointless and not that slur you think it could be, and "originality" is not something we should praise so much and looks so much to... Not if we don't want to be disappointed. Nothing is truely original in art, not in the "Never done before" way (one could argue that early cinema was original? Oh sure, as a mean of expression! But take a moment and consider "People travelling to the moon" as a theme in literature. I can trace it back at the II century AD, and I wouldn't be surprised if the theme came up before that in other cultures I am not so knowledgeable of. Méliès' Voyage dans la Lune is original in execution because cinema was new... As for the story? Still derivative!

The concept of "Mary Sue" as a slur should die. Really. Stop. That type of character may not speak to you and that's very valid, it's your right in not liking it! still doesn't make it objectively bad or evil, or something to despise. Two people will read the same book in two different ways. That's the beauty of literature: it's not high school math which has a right and a wrong answer. Literature and Humanities work in shades of grey. If some people need to have a main character that's clumsy, that's beautiful but very unsure of herself, that's important to the story, so they can identify themselves in her and maybe gain some more trust in themselves, what's wrong? There's nothing wrong in liking, in needing a Mary Sue, and there's equally nothing wrong in disliking her. It's just a matter of taste and of the right moment you read her. I read Twilight in three days because by that time I WAS clumsy and unsure of myself, I WAS just in high school after years of middle school being bullied. I could relate to Bella, and it felt nice, at 14, to see that even if you can't stand on your feet for more than 10 minutes, you can still live adventures and be loved. I stopped reading the saga because the "Edward dumped me and I stopped living" didn't resonate with me at all, and I didn't go further in my reading. Years of Liceo Classico and Academies got me hating Twilight because EEEEEW BELLA IS A MARY SUE EEEEEEW. That's bullshit.

Personal taste =/= Judgement over how good or bad is a book. I am sorry to relate this to you, but no, reading a lot of fiction doesn't make you a literary critic. Because good literary criticism takes the context into account to judge a book. You can't separate a book from its context, particularly when you're talking about classics, but also talking about modern books. Because no author lives in a bubble and doesn't act influenced by the society they live in. There are objective parameters to judge a book! But beside the fact that most authors played around it, and that those parameters are also HIGHLY depending on the context we're in (just as an example: Shakespeare was HIGLY unpopular in XVIII century Enlightment criticism. Voltaire hated the guts out of him and didn't consider him a good playwriter... Because Shakespeare didn't follow the Ancient Greek/Roman theatre criteria that the Enlightment preferred. That's just it. So you see, criteria vary too with the historical context. A book celebrated today may not be celebrated tomorrow.). But: you can like and dislike Classics. It's ok. It's normal. You have a personal taste, and the fact that a book has some objective value that makes it a classic and makes the book worth studying is totally separated from your personal taste and should always be kept separate. I majored in English Literature: I know that Dickens is a hugely important author, I know why he is and why he's in literature history books, why we study him and with reason. It doesn't change that I find Dickens' books terribly boring, they don't speak to me, they're out of my taste and preferences. Hard Times was probably the only book in my uni I couldn't bring myself to finish and read the summary on Wikipedia of. I tried, it isn't for me. I still think they should be studied in school, because they're very important for their period, and hugely useful to understand Victorian mentality and context.

That's it, welcome to my TED talk, I'm sorry for the tirade but I opened Youtube and there was a video titled "Is Rings of Power Galadriel a Mary Sue??" which had me fuming from my ears.

What if she is? Who cares? Just say you didn't like the show, that you imagined Galadriel in a different way and that's it. Don't deminish people who on the other hand liked her.

I promise, you can write your opinion of a book/show/media as just your personal opinion and impression. I swear it's fine, anyone who studied Literature would know that criticism is just that and doesn't mean much, that you can like a movie that's technically bad and dislike a movie that's technically great and that's perfectly fine and valid.

You don't need to make it an universal experience and an objective truth to be entitled to your opinion. Good taste is overestimated anyway. Embrace the trash. You're not a better person if you only like critically acclaimed stories, believe me, it took me years to realise it.

But still, if you want to write some proper criticism... Context is essential. Otherwise you read Jane Austen and you think she wrote romances. Which she didn't. She was a social satyrist and a terribly brilliant one. We just read her out of her context, we have lost the parameters to grasp the criticism because we live in a different society. The romance is all that's left. You can read Pride and Prejudice just as a love story... But if you want to write a critic essay over it, you can't treat it as such. You can say "I liked the romance plot the best!" and still say it's a brilliant satyre. But you have to know it's satyre.

[thirdmagic]

looking back i haven’t really changed my... general perceptions and readings and takes on kirei as a character since i used to talk and blog about him and analyze him constantly, you know, back in the day. but i will say i would have definitely phrased everything differently if i had written all these old posts today instead of like.... god that was so long ago.... well a very young person who was still learning how to articulate her analysis let’s put it that way. however if there’s one thing that’s changed over time i now is that now my main read of kirei’s story is that it’s applicable to mental health and neurodivergence experiences rather than a moral allegory. 

ofc the moral question is a question of designated hero/villain roles (a villain who desperately truly always wanted to be moral and “good”) is significant to the themes of the story and its meditations on good/evil and i love that a lot about his thematic place in the story and how he parallels shirou. but looking at his character in isolation and as a personal story, ultimately it’s just the tale of a person who has felt othered from the people around him. on the one hand he understands that he is different and thinks and functions different and on the other hand believes himself to be lacking in some deeply fundamental way. whose internal emotional experience of the world is a constant struggle with himself and the way he is as opposed to others. 

i mean zouken calls him “deficient by birth” to mock him that he’ll never belong to the rest of humanity, he goads him to “always stand and watch forever isolated from the rest of the world”-- that very specific pointed attack at kirei’s exact complexes also rings really true to a lot of ways mental health issues manifest and a lot of the self perceptions one often develops if you’re neurodivergent in any way... the self perception and the fear and complex of being just not like other people because other people are good and okay and functional and the way they’re supposed to be but you are not, but also, very specifically, his trauma is the idea and the ‘fact’ in his own mind that he is just naturally, inherently, fundamentally bad. ultimately i think that’s the angle that made his character so resonant as to stick with me and make him an all time fave i still think about, because of how this extremely highly specific feeling is depicted and described in his story really stayed with me. and i do see this as applicability rather than allegory bc it’s not really a perfect correlation or metaphor but it works as depicting a general feeling or experience rather than something specific and i don’t even really think that the intent but it’s still very much there.