#i feel somewhat guilty for the outcome

[dipplinduo]

Man, Drayton and Carmine are neck and neck in who should get drunk! I seriously expected Carmine to be in the lead, but a lot of people voted for Drayton too, including myself. Guess they're both getting drunk.

(Context: this poll for this fic)

I have honestly toyed with that idea to some extent because of how CLOSE those polls were and I definitely didn't influence the vote.

You know what, fuck it:

(Reminder: this is a college au fic; characters are in their 20s)

[astrxealis]

sorry for rambling so much about milgram btw my thoughts are often a mess and i think too much about it but i am good now i think <3

[soaringwide]

Pick a Card: What is blooming for you this spring?

Spring is always a magical time for me, and I know I'm not alone. This time of the year, I can feel excitement rise in my heart, the desire to make plan, to savor life to the fullest. And every time feels different, like I'm living it for the first time, with only a vague memory of what it was before.

So I wanted to make this pick a card collective reading about what is blooming for you this spring? I will leave the message open to welcome any area of life and type of message, and provide not only an energy check, if you will, but some advice on how to welcome it fully.

How does that work?

Take a moment to recollect yourself, breathe, close your eyes if you need to, focus on the moment. Look at the 4 pictures and select the one that draws you in the most. Not the one you think looks cooler but the one that creates that pinching feeling inside of you. The one that makes you feel it has something to say.

It is possible to feel attracted to more than one pile, just as it is possible to only find parts of the reading relevant. Remember that this reading is meant for many people so it won't be perfectly applicable to your situation.

PILE 1

Cards: 3 of Swords Rx + Page of Swords Rx + Death + The Vow + 9 of Wands Rx The Gem / 7 of Swords + 10 of Swords + Stress + Page of Cups + Courage + 5 of Cups Rx + Ace of Swords / The Protectress + The Shaman

For the energy-check part, The Death arrives like the return of lifeblood in the branches, shaking things up to leave space for the new buds that are to come. This beginning of spring, a massive cleanup of old ties and energies is occurring. Cutting away the old to let the new emerge.

You're in the process of leaving behind a tie that, while not negative per say, was definitely something you had to leave behind in order to move forward and rise to the skies. It seems this tie was something you found value in for a very long time, but you made or are making the choice to move forward.

This comes somewhat like a battle you had to experience within you, as it was not easy to separate from and left you feeling victimized and defeated, like the entire world was against you or out to get you. This whole situation caused intense heartache and a feeling of almost unbearable internal pressure which you may have turned against yourself in fits of self destructive impulses and anxiousness.

On some level you were or are still resisting this change, or rather, what this change is going to lead to. You are trying to control the outcome and refusing to surrender due to a lack of trust or faith. You are trying to burn the steps to reach the end of this uncomfortable time quicker.

The good thing is by going through the motion of this change, you are finding your inner light. From the pressure is born a beautiful gemstone that catches on the tiniest gleam. You are also not only learning to stand up for yourself and your values, but also to embark on a new journey.

There will be a time of transition. At first you will feel guilty of what you're leaving behind which will cause a lot of inner turmoil and tears shed. You will feel like you're getting away with something you shouldn't be. You will feel like you've hit rock bottom in a rather dramatic way, but the good thing is that the only way to go is up!

What's going to follow this is that you'll become at peace with your own feelings, will learn to be sovereign in yourself no matter what's happening outside of you. You know yourself and what you stand for and you won't get put out of balance anymore. You're learning the courage it takes to stand up for your emotional peace and you will know how to defend it ferociously.

Once you'll be done mourning what you've lost, you'll find a lot of clarity and desire to initiate the next step of your life in a very stimulating phase full of new ideas. You'll realize that the key thing in your situation is to trust the process and let it flow.

Now onto some advice on how to navigate that:

You need to be mindful of how you spend your energy, and by that I mean, you need to get enough rest. Yes spring is stimulating and you may find yourself wanting to make a billion plans, but you've got to understand that your body and mind need rest and relaxation too. Protect yourself, say no when you need to, even to yourself. The other more spiritual side of this is that you're somewhat vulnerable at the moment and need to be careful not to be swayed by the opinion of others. Stand strongly in your own skin, your own beliefs and don't give into something that doesn't truly align with yourself.

You inner fire is unique and you need to remember that whatever it is you will become, you will always be you in all your beautiful strangeness. So embrace what it is to be you, don't be ashamed of if or try to hide it, and shine of your fucked up light.

PILE 2

I just wanted to preface this reading with a warning, it's a bit difficult but the advice is very hopeful and sweet so please don't feel too down about it because it will get better!

Cards: The Poet + The Queen of Cups Rx + Healing + Ace of Cups Rx + Let go + Courage Rx + Ambition + 5 of Pentacles + Acceptance + The Unseen + Bottled Up + The Pilgrim + Anger / 10 of Pentacles Rx + Forgive + Death Rx + Overwhelmed + High Priestess Rx + Gloom + Blessings and Curses Rx + The Shaman Rx / The Devil + 4 of Swords Rx + 10 of Swords Rx / Temperance Rx + Manic + 9 of Cups + Love + Joy + Harmony

In the first few moments of spring, I see you slowly leaving a phase where you didn't allow your emotional needs to be met, or allowed yourself to feel something specific. Due to past experiences, you've felt like your deep feelings where not listened to and were dismissed. Your own light was not seen and remained in the dark because it seems that no matter what emotion you shared, it only led to chaos around you. You ended up discarding them like an useless relic, baring yourself from the ability to heal with them, ending up stuck in place because you don't see that from accepting the sorrow you can learn lessons that will lead you to bloom again.

You are scared of leaving something behind, something that doesn't fulfill you emotionally like it used to, something you had great ambition for. Maybe it's a relationship. Maybe it's a passion or a dream. Ultimately, this is leaving you feeling like you're stuck in the winter, unable to feel the new energy of spring, because you're not accepting this new wave of change.

You are about to embark on a new journey, but unable that you are to see the top of the mountain, you remain wandering in the snow doubting it's even worth it because all you can see is a difficult path. This is causing a lot of anger, which ironically is the only emotion you let out, everything else is trapped within.

This spring, I see your going through this struggle but learning very important lessons in the process. Basically, you're on a journey of self acceptance, both of your flaws and qualities you don't express to the world.

There will be a need to let go of familial expectations that were placed upon you and to forgive the hurt it did to you. It seems you will be resisting change until it becomes overwhelming in order to force you to make a choice. Once that point is reached, it will be hard to see the situation from a different perspective, as in, you will be emotionally drowning into feelings of despair, but, really, that's necessary because you've been shutting yourself from that for too long, keeping busy in order not to think about it.

The process of spring is to free yourself from those heavy bonds. Here is the advice in order to navigate that better:

First of all, you need to cool down and restore your balance. Don't try to fix things by being overly active but instead try to find some rest and moments of silence to listen within.

Also, there is plenty of love around you to be felt and to enjoy, perhaps even a new relationship or one that you closed yourself to. The advice is to be positive about the future. Really all those advice cards are super bright so you're getting massively encouraged.

You will be able to share joy around you once those dark yucky feelings have been cleared.

What if you stopped resisting? I think you would find change doesn't have to be so difficult and painful, and that there is beauty and sweetness waiting for you just around the corner. Open yourself, be playful, and try to remember the wonder of a child discovering spring once more.

PILE 3

Cards: The Bridge + The Moon + Let Go + 10 of Wands + Relieved + Ace of Pentacles + Queen of Swords Rx + The Comic / The Devil + Renewal Rx + Anger Rx + Strength + Forgive Rx + Page of Cups + You are Deserving / 2 of Swords + Gratitude + 2 of Wands + Gloom + Energy

The energy check in this change of season indicates for you a time of transition, where you're crossing from one stage to the next.

At the moment, you're letting go of the very introspective vibe of winter, that forces us to retreat within and inside and rest while waiting for the return of the light. Perhaps this winter was the opportunity to reflect over something painful for you and you've finally reached the point where you can disengage from it and move forward. Because it seems like a burden you were carrying is being released, which is bringing you a renewed sense of hope. To be more precise, you were working hard to carry that weight and now that you finally were able to release it, you feel at ease again.

You're lightening up, seeing the humor and joy of life and learning to be in a more lighthearted mood. I see you really enjoying this change of season and having some type of mood shift. After the heaviness of winter, your new found freedom gave you a reason to smile again.

It also seems you're getting finally getting some new opportunities that were previously barred from you which caused a lot of resentment, because you felt like you were owed something you weren't getting and it was getting in the way of your prosperity. I see that you still have some work to do on that front as you may be lacking courage to seize those opportunities because you feel too unsure of yourself and vulnerable. You may want to isolate yourself as a mean of protection, despite wanting those opportunities direly.

This spring, I see you will need to be careful not to fall back in your old limiting habit of letting yourself be trampled on. You might have a tendency to repress your anger, because you have been told it's not a good emotion to express, which is true, but in your case, your anger can free you because it makes you aware of other people stepping over your boundaries. I'm not saying go punch your boss in the face, but use this anger to reflect on why exactly you feel disrespected, and use that as a motivation to change your circumstances and honor your boundaries.

I also see, and it's a continuation of the previous message, that you will build your character by learning that you don't always need to forgive. It's okay to burn the bridge and take care of yourself first. You don't need to accommodate everyone. Keep your gentleness for the people who deserve it. And I'm saying that because in your case, the balance is waaay off.

Something else that's coming this spring is a message to open yourself to new emotions, perhaps regarding to love, be it romantic or platonic. There is a strong message that you feel like you are not deserving of it and you are somewhat shutting yourself to discovering this part of yourself. Spring is the seasons where so many bubbly feelings awaken and you can welcome that in your heart.

The advice on how to navigate this time better is to, first, try not to shut yourself off the blessing that are coming to you. It's easy to expect the worse and blinding yourself in the process. The key to move forward is to find a more positive mindset, not to assume that everything will be doom and gloom but daring hoping for the best! A mindset exercise you could use could be gratitude. There's already so much good things happening around you but you might not see it because you focus a lot on the negative. Allow yourself to dream and plan the future from an optimistic perspective.

The final message is very fitting considering the title of this reading, as it is advising you to redirect your energy to make your own flowers bloom, not other's. Work on cultivating a fertile soil within yourself and you will be in a much better mindset to attract good things. Remember that while it is altruistic to want to help others, you can't do it if you are yourself depleted, you need to help yourself first.

PILE 4

Cards: The Fool + Knight of Wands + Joy Rx + 3 of Cups Rx + Intrusive Thoughts + The Mentor + Wounded Heart + The Animal + Jealousy / The Portal + King of Pentacles + Bottled Up Rx + 4 of Cups + Let Go + The Star Rx + Fear / The servant Queen

Much like all piles, the start of spring and current energy check, is the time of a big renewal for you, indicated by the Fool. It's the start of a new journey with a fresh mindset and an adventurous heart. However, I can sense that it's very much a desire of yours at this point and not something you can fully indulge in at the moment.

You don't quite dare to let yourself go to celebrate this new change you feel being birthed inside of you, because you have these automatic intrusive thoughts born from anxiety that you have a hard time detaching from. But I see you working on it with a mentor figure, perhaps a therapist, a teacher or someone wise close to you. You seem to be especially working on emotional wounds that are still fresh, or felt to be still fresh.

Also, you feel energy rise within you, a desire to pursue your passion, to start planning things, perhaps a trip or a festival, but something is stopping you from doing it. It's like you know you want it and will make you happy, but you can't access it and it kills your joy.

As a result, you sort of feel like a caged animal, caged in your routine and full of desire to break free, which leads to feelings of envy for what other are able to enjoy and not you.

What is blooming for you this spring is that, there is some type of adventure to be found despite everything. There is something you don't expect coming for you, a new adventure to be had.

It seems something is going to unlock prosperity-wise, something that has seemed blocked for a while but is finally giving you the ability to soar. However, you will have to seize it and not let your low thoughts get in the way of even noticing it. You will have to learn to let go of that tendency of yours. There is renewal, healing and blessings coming for you, but you will miss out if you let fear dictate your actions.

The advice on how to navigate the season is to stop believing that you don't deserve nice things. You have a tendency to self-sabotage and it's doing you a massive disservice. It ties into what I was saying earlier about not blocking your own blessings because of your negative thoughts, because there is something great within your reach.

You must nurture your mind because it's through your mind that you experience the world. It's like a big lens and if it's dirty you get a blurry vision of reality. Work on cleaning your lens and you will see that the world will become an open field for adventure as a result.

[thewalrusespublicist]

Stress Testing Song Lyric Theories: Real Love/Real Life/Stepping Out Demo Meta

What's this? Another long-ass essay analysis on a piece of John Lennon's media that keeps getting taken down by the Ono Lennon estate? More likely than you think (especially when you're this autistic).

As a history obsessive and a grizzled, mood ruining, eternal hater/skeptic, I have misgivings when people in the Beatles fandom look at song lyrics only through one specific lens/focus as it can lead to a myopic and potentially inaccurate take of the subject matter. This I've noticed is particularly bad with older Beatles fans looking at John's work through just the Yoko lens and other fans looking at it just through the Paul lens. (This ain't a lecture btw, I am as guilty as anyone when it comes to doing both.)

When dealing with contentious things like interpreting feelings and songs (nothing could POSSIBLY go wrong with that combo lol), it's important to get at least the facts we do have straight, which is why I wanted to go through some of the fandom's darlings and take them apart to see if the theories about them actually hold up to scrutiny.

To start out, I'd thought I go big with having a proper look at John Lennon's 1977 real life/real love/stepping out demo. I wanted to tackle this one as this is one of only three unconfirmed songs in John's catalogue that I was 100 % convinced was about Paul. As I've mentioned before, this was to me the smoking gun to end all smoking guns, my golden calf, Real Love demo my beloved etc. Got to say, I'm glad I did, as the outcome was a lot more complicated than expected! So let's get to the demo:

Analyzing songs for a fixed specific meaning or one coherent subject is always ... challenging. Songs are a medium to express both real or imagined concepts, feelings and events. You can't know everything about the artist's thought process and therefore their work, especially in regards to what is fictional/metaphorical and what is real (pun intended). What's special about this demo though (and what makes it easier to work with) is the fact that its less of a fully crafted song and more one long stream of consciousness ramble. The line between subject and artist is dissolved as we sit at the piano with John as he tells us about his miserable morning:

Woke up this morning. Blues around my head. Ain't no need to ask the reason why. Went to the kitchen. Lit a cigarette. Blew the smoke rings in the sky. Just got to let it go. Just got to let it go.

The song (or ramble) carries on like that for a while as we get to John reading the newspaper (keep this bit in mind, it might come in handy later):

Picked up the paper. Read the Daily News. Nothing doing anyway. Same old BS. Doot doot doot doot cruise. Nah nah nah nah now. Let go. Let it go. (laughs) No, what am I doing? Why don't you let it go? Why don't you let it go? Mm, it's real life. It's real. Yes, it's real life. It's real. Let go. Let the mighty river flow. Let go. Let go. Oh, rock your balls, you...

As we can see in the stanza above, John is bored and clearly agitated/embarrassed about something.

Then more stanzas about boredom and a lack of fulfilment wherever he goes and then we get to the stanza that everyone here is probably familiar with:

Was I just dreaming or was it only yesterday? I used to hold you in my arms. And now a baby, and another on the way (laughs) la la la la la farm (laughs) Why must we be alone? Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah. (scats)

If it don't feel right, don't do it. If it don't look right, look right through it If it don't feel right, don't do it. Just call him/them on the phone.

People go insane over this stanza and for good reason. It's a confession of lost intimacy with someone who:

Is clearly important to John

He is now more distant with

Is connected to babies or having a baby

Is connected to a farm

The mystery of course is, who is this person? Realistically, there is only really three people we know of who even somewhat fit these specific categories. Let's go through them:

First potential subject: Yoko!

This one has some legs. More than I was expecting. At this point John and her:

Do have an infant

Are purchasing a farm together (I think the sale went through 1978 so they should be talking about that in 1977.)

Distant from one another (their marriage was rocky throughout the mid-late 70s)

With Yoko as the subject, the stanza could be a reflection of their lost intimacy:

Was I just dreaming or was it only yesterday? I used to hold you in my arms. - self explanatory, the yesterday here has no significance but to signify nostalgia. The dream in this circumstance could be the dream of their relationship, The Ballad of John and Yoko.

And now a baby, and another on the way (laughs) la la la la la farm (laughs) - A long time has passed, they have a kid now. Now this takes some manipulation but is the farm 'the baby on the way'? The new shared project that will take further attention away from their marriage? The laugh might indicate a sense of irony there, a bitter joke. Yoko and John have struggled to conceive, Sean is very likely their only shared child. Is the laugh brought about by a sad reflection of the farm replacing the gap of children?

Why must we be alone? Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah. (scats) - we are in this marriage but we are alone OR why are we alone? Their marriage was a cocoon, all-consuming but stifling. Maybe both of them needed air from time-to-time.

So this stanza alone works quite well to be about Yoko, if you go quite metaphorical. It works somewhat with the beginning as well, he's down and depressed, over the state of their marriage? He needs to let something go, an argument? Is he waking up to the fact that reality isn't this marriage fantasy?

What it doesen't straightforwardly answer is why he is SO mad/embarrassed/avoidant of these feelings? In the records we have of their conversations, John is usually VERY vocal about not seeing Yoko enough. So why is he holding feelings of distance back and wanting to forget about it?

It also doesn't answer why the person he is calling in the following stanza on the phone is a him/them. (It's hard to hear at a normal volume. but if you are an insane person and blast your headphones to an ear bleeding level, it sounds a lot more like him than them. For the sake of caution and covering all bases however, let's consider both for now.) Why would he have reticence calling his wife or refer to her as them? In all accounts of that time period he has no issue calling her or hell, just going and talking to HIS WIFE who lives in their shared flat. It's a weird, dangling thread. The only explanation that would fit the stanza being inspired by Yoko is John realising he needs connection outside of his fading marriage. (I want to raise and partially dismiss here that it could just be a separate train of thought, a reminder to himself that he has to call someone for a chore/service. Yoko handled most of the admin stuff so its not like he's doing any of that and he isn't doing anything professionally so its unlikely to be a random call).

Second potential subject: May Pang!

Now I almost dismissed May outright but girl you know what, good for you, this might actually be about you! Our dear May is:

Important to John (she's also in the diaries and he dreams about sleeping with her a lot, he is REALLY into May)

Distant now he and Yoko are back together

But not baby nor farm adjacent

Taking May in mind, there is a certain logic there. John allegedly does dream about May and sleeping with May so whilst the Yesterday has no significance, the dreaming would. She was his romantic partner and still into her so holding in arms makes sense. The next lines also make sense if you follow the same logic as Yoko's but more distanced. Time has passed and his circumstances with the baby and the farm is now massively different to before, maybe he wants an escape from responsibility represented by May?

With May in mind, the stanzas work a lot better than it does Yoko. It's real life, he can't be with her and he's got to let it go. But he can't so he wants to call 'them'. Or maybe he's had a fight with Yoko and is being reminded of May in his agitation.

So May works from an emotional standpoint and as long as that last line is really 'them'. (It begs the question of why not 'her' but anyway.) As it stands, May seems like a stronger candidate than Yoko in terms of the songs emotional logic.

So currently, May is in the lead but wait ... there's another contender...

Third potential subject: Paul!

Now this one is I think the fan favourite opinion on this site for this song and there's merit to it. Paul is:

Important to John

Relationship now distant (but not apparently distant enough for John to ALLEGEDLY stop dedicating pagggess to him in his diary/meet for dinner when they are in town/visit for Christmas).

Doesen't have a baby but he is expecting one with Linda.

John's got problems and those problems are usually projected onto a Paul shaped target. But beneath all that, was there any softness left, any tenderness?

Well yes, its fucking John Lennon, the man was a giant marshmallow with knives sticking out.

But in this song? Let's look at the stanza with Paul in mind:

Was I just dreaming or was it only yesterday? I used to hold you in my arms. - in the first line we have the 'oh shit Paul feelings incoming' klaxon of yesterday. Of course, John is allowed to reference yesterday without it necessarily being about Paul, but it's something to make a note of. Another is the dreaming. John often associates the Beatles/Paul with a dream, a fantasy, an illusion. Was his time with Paul/their closeness a dream? He is also ALLEGEDLY dreaming of Paul a lot during this period. The distance implied by yesterday also suggests a time period more applicable to Paul than Yoko/May.

The holding in arms with Paul in mind is ... well. There's no two ways about it it's unusual to think about a best friend like that. Taking out romantic implications for the sake of argument, firstly it doesn't have to be literal (just the idea of closeness) and second of all it would be like the fiftieth weirdest thing John said about Paul John has expressed similar sentiments of enjoying physical touch and closeness with a close mate.

And now a baby, and another on the way (laughs) la la la la la farm (laughs) - also needs manipulation here but still works. John's got a baby with his wife now Paul has a baby on the way with his wife yet their lives are completely separate. John could also be talking in extremes, Paul has just had a kid now another (he exaggerates the number of kids Paul has often). Paul lives on a farm, which John has been very focused on before (stttreeetch but maybe this is a point of comparison, they are still mirroring each other). The laugh here in this reading is a acknowledgement of vulnerability of the feelings he's singing about.

Why must we be alone? Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah. (scats) - harder to reconcile with Paul but could be John's projection hours, I am feeling alone therefore Paul must ALSO be feeling alone (unagi or some shit).

So the stanza also works well if we take it to be about Paul. I've said this in a prev post but being about Paul also makes the rest of the song more coherent. John is upset about something he is trying to let go of but is struggling with, he references being everywhere yet remains depressed and troubled by something in his past. All of this fits with John's relationship with Paul. With Paul in mind, the call line at the end makes a lot more sense. He wants to call him, or them, his friends who he hasn't spoken to and misses.

The big supporting evidence for this one is of course the newspaper articles for the Daily News found by a user on here who has sadly deactivated.

To be honest, these are a bit of a holy grail find. With the newspaper articles in mind, a coherent, nearly perfect narrative falls neatly into place. John has woken up in a bad mood and upon reading the paper he sinks into a worse mood as he reflects back on his old time with the Beatles. He feels the need to let it go yet is resentful and embarrassed about doing so. The articles also explain a few oddities of the song, namely why John just comes out with the word cruise just after discussing the paper:

Picked up the paper. Read the Daily News. Nothing doing anyway. Same old BS. Doot doot doot doot cruise. Nah nah nah nah now. Let go. Let it go. (laughs) No, what am I doing? Why don't you let it go? Why don't you let it go? Mm, it's real life.

If we consider that the newspaper contained the article about cruises, it makes sense for it to come out as a subconscious/conscious association (have checked btw as the audio isn't clear and it's absolutely cruise, it's much clearer when you decide your hearing is worth less than a parasocial fascination with a dead dude). The newspaper containing info about Paul also illuminates the potential reference to Paul's song 'Suicide' in the Nothing Doing line and why the stanza seems to go off the rails once the newspaper is mentioned. It's all BS apparently (classic John defense mechanism in play) but once it gets brought up, John laughs, starts questioning what he's even doing writing this song and then gets angry with himself, cutting off the first half of the take. The derailment there could be he can't believe he's singing about the news OR that the newspaper contains the emotional point he's trying to get away from. He then does a few pithy lines about the beach and mountain before circling to actually what's bothering him, the lost intimacy with the person who has a baby on the way and renewed desire to call him. The way it all fits and slots together is borderline unreal.

Buuuuttt ... there's a problem. No matter how fitting, how magically perfect, how right-seeming a theory is, it doesen't necessarily mean it's true. For it to work fully, John would have had to have recorded this on one (or two at a stretch) specific day(s) out of the whole year. It could still be about Paul of course if you take out the newspaper article element, however there are other timing issues as well. According to Dogget, this demo should date to a recording collection from late 1977 when John was going through a depressive episode, the article is dated to early 1977. Shortening the window further, the Ono-Lennon's took a trip to Japan from Summer to October and the Mccartney's third child was born in September, meaning that if it is from late 1977, its unlikely to be about Paul.

Now Dogget could very well be mistaken and this demo is from earlier on in the year. From research, the only thing I could find about John and Yoko in February 1977 is them going to visit a friend a few hours away on the 16th, so from the limited evidence I have at my disposal, there isnt a reason why it couldn't have been produced in February (if anyone has any info on early 1977 please let me know and I'll amend accordingly). Additionally, John's moods were mercurial and his mental health never great, it wouldn't surprise me if he had bad days pretty consistently throughout the year.

To wrap this whole ass dissertation up, from the context within the song, context of the major players in his life, the emotional logic of the song and the repeated references in addition to the newspaper clipping, I am 70% confident that this demo is about Paul and that Dogget was incorrect in his attribution of the demo to late 1977. I believe instead that this was recorded in early 1977, specifically on February 9th 1977 as indicated in the newspaper article. However, I am more than willing to concede that I am working on less information than I would like about John's movements at that time in early 1977 and why Dogget placed all of these in the late 1977 grouping (I think just vibes but wasn't sure, the google books page had that bit blocked lol). Therefore I think that a less likely but still plausible second option is that the subject is May or even Yoko in late 1977 during John's extended period of depression.

Power to all of you who made it this far, let me know if you want me to take a hatchet to any more fandom darlings or if you have any thing to add! Also remember this is only my analysis so feel free to disagree (but like in a fun friendly way pls, it isn't that serious)!

[i-am-the-avatar-of-idiocy]

Baby trapping with the yandere obey me boys

AFAB! Reader, you/your pronouns, my favouritism for certain characters being obvious

tw pregnancy/yandere

Part 2- do they see the child as their own person or an extension of MC?

Who do I think is most to least likely to baby trap MC?

Diavolo

I honestly think this partially because he needs an heir because he’s a royal but also he’s delusional. He truly believes you love everything he does and you’re both ready to have a child. It also ties you down to him, what more does he want but that? If you have a child together, surely you can’t leave him.

he dismisses your fears with patronising words and gentle touches. It seems you cannot anger him during this period, take this newfound power with care though. Just because he can’t punish you now, doesn’t mean he’ll hold a grudge

from an outsider looking in, you are an adorable couple excited for their baby to be born, but they don’t see the crying as you are kept at arms length so you don’t do something stupid. They don’t see the pain you feel when he talks to your growing belly in such a tender way that you wish your relationship could be normal. It would be a comfort then. But it’s not. It feels like a constant threat, you are too afraid to push him away or move

I think your child(ren) will grow up thinking you and diavolo are normal and lost in love with one another until they reach their teen years where they realise it’s not healthy. You think they’ll help you? I’m afraid your mistaken, they will simply act as guard dogs for their father. You cant leave now, none of them want you too. You love them don’t you?

leviathan

levi is next in my list.

this might not be a popular pick for this high position but it asserts to him that you are HIS

he’s not prepared to be a father, you don’t want his child

You cant find help anywhere, his brothers don’t know your there. You just know there is a child inside you and you want it gone.

levi sees it as a sign of your love, he feels affirmed by it

he will do research to help you but you just cry. This delusional demon thinks they’re happy tears

he tries to make you feel happy, truly

The chains are for your safety

he wants you to be together forever and this child HE put there keeps you tied. Why cant you understand that?

the pregnancy runs surprisingly smooth however you are left a broken being by the end of it

You think this could alert the brothers though, however what you don’t realise is that leviathan has a secondary location prepared. You’re still a prisoner, but you have a bit more space. You can hardly look at the child when it looks so similar to the bastard who kidnapped you. You know it’s not their fault but you hate them

the child(ren) grow up knowing you and their father aren’t a normal couple

I see 2 outcomes: they help you escape and reintegrate you into society and call their uncles to help OR when they still are young and Levi isn’t around you kill them. You feel guilty but in the spur of the moment it seemed logical. And Levi went furious over this and you were drowned when he summoned Lotan. He couldn’t believe you were all dead. He kept you and the kid in a coffin looking for ways to bring you back. You can only hope he doesnt

Lucifer

Well it’s quite obvious he’d be high on the list

hes a control freak and a sadist

seeing you wailing as it’s obvious that your pregnant makes him feel a sick sense of joy.

you’re stuck with him. Forever. You couldn’t raise a half demon child on your own and you know it. You couldn’t provide and no one would believe what lucifer did to you was true

hes baby-proofing everything

he constantly reminds you of it too

He knows how much you hate this situation , but he just doesn’t seem to care

he does make sure you get all the care you need and everything you could even think of.

the pregnancy runs somewhat smoothly with only your hatred of him causing some disruption

he still punishes you, but lighter than before.

you try not to hate the baby, you know it’s the fathers fault, but you can’t help but want to cry as you see the dark hair and red eyes in small bundle you hold close to you. You want to protect it though, from Lucifer

he seems to be more tender than before, but he’s still cruel

Lucifer uses the child as a reward. If you behave you see it. If you don’t, would be a shame if something happened, wouldn’t it?

It could grow up cruel and like it’s father or like you, wanting you to get out. Maybe if it speaks out when it’s older and people get to you fast enough, you’ll be saved? This depends on how much the child sees you though

Satan

He is sure it will strengthen the bond between you

he also just wants you to feel forced to stay with him

surprisingly, he treats you both extremely well. It’s almost enough to help you forget the circumstances on your ‘relationship’ ALMOST

he enjoys reading books to the bump and kissing it, it’s honestly heartwarming.

he makes sure you get all the medical attention you need and also your cats are an excellent form of comfort and warmth

he enjoys looking after you, he treats you so well because maybe the entire experience might make Stockholm get its hold in you?

The child sees the healthy side of your relationship because you cannot bear the idea of it seeing what happens behind closed doors

it grows up blissfully unaware and if it does work it out, they will simply ignore it, out of fear or not, you’ll never know

youll be the image of the happy family, but you never will be and you know it.

Mammon

It was an accident but a part of him is happy

He and your love formed a whole new thing.

you can’t leave him now, after all you have showed your devotion

unfortunately he thinks he knows how this will work. He doesn’t

he takes up more of your time than before and he doesn’t provide everything you need. No doctors appointments because he can’t stand other people touching you

so it’s a horrible experience

you suffer through the whole experience and he can’t see it

the child grows up like their father I’m afraid, clingy and a bit of a moron but you try not to hold their resemblance to their father against them

you might be able to get away I think. Depends on the plan

Simeon

Honestly I think you could ignore the toxic traits and it could happen quite quickly with him. It looks like a normal relationship but you know deep down it’s not

its a ‘planned’ thing. By Simeon of course. Not you

he keeps you close so you can’t leave. Even before the child(ren) is born you’re stuck with him

he treats you incredibly. He keeps you as happy as you can be in that situation

the child is radiant and the perfect combination of you and it’s father. He loves the baby, you hurt that you and him are now joined in the way of a child

simeon acts as though you are normal and always have been. You go along with it. You’ve never seen him truly angry and you don’t want to so you go along with his lies.

the child grows up with affectionate parents and becomes a well rounded adult. Also big brother Luke is prominent in their life

they end up as an amazing person and you are so proud, but you know that if you asked them for help, told them the truth of their father, they wouldn’t believe you.

beelzebub

Hes a family man

Once again may be an accident

he knows your relationship is unhealthy but he thinks this will repair it

he also wants you to love him more

the pregnancy is average, not amazing, not terrible

hes sure he’ll be a great dad and assures you of it

the baby grows up in an alright household. It seems like the usual family, arguments and affection

The child won’t know what happens when they sleep and before they were born. And they never will and beel makes sure they’ll never find out

Asmodeus

Asmodeus has a true love of you. He just presents it in a less than ideal way (blackmailling you to be in a relationship with him)

he thinks that the baby will be so cute on your shared devilgram. It may also be a publicity stunt on top of forcing you to stay close to him.

you get arguably the BEST treatments in the Devildom and glow throughout the process. You’re pretty, healthy and pregnant with his baby, what more could asmo want

the baby is one of the ones that grows up in the public eye. It’s sad honestly. They grow up with little privacy

they also know (despite their father trying to hide it) the way you two ‘fell in love’, they want to help you. You’ve always been their favourite parent too

if they help you, you present it publicly that you just weren’t happy anymore. Only you three know the truth. You and the child will remain popular and wealthy and you’re safe now. The child will go a bit obsessive over your safety, make sure it doesn’t go too far though. If they don’t, it will either just remain unknown or it might come out when you snap. Will everyone believe you?

barbatos

Honestly he could go anywhere on this list. I’ve put him here though because I believe he doesn’t feel as though he has to.

he does it doesn’t do it depending on his wants. If barbatos wants a child, he’ll have a child with you. The universe is on his side, so you can’t deny it seems logical that you can’t really say no.

he may leave some feelings of not wanting the baby from you but this honestly once again depends on his feeling and his ‘relationship’ with you. If you’re more willing to fight he will be more sadistic. If you’re Docile, he’ll be kinder and gentle

( i have a headcanon that barb’s SO can see visions of the future and past but like only in other universes. I’ve written it in other works I think somewhere. I gained it from a creator who has a similar one but I changed it up a tiny bit to fit what I think so MC also has this going on for them)

the pregnancy runs perfectly. No problems. Not once.

he takes care of you really well

The child knows their parents are not in a healthy relationship.

it helps their father. Remember that he can change things to fit his will? Everything forced you to stay with him. Himself and his child. The slim chance of escape has reduced to 0, don’t worry though. They’ll take care of you

Belphegor

Belphegor doesn’t know anything about having children. But one too many escape attempts has lead him to the conclusion of a child. That would force you to stay

The pregnancy goes badly, simple enough and leads to you being in pain.

oh and by the way, you’ll be the only taking care of the child, belphie only sees it as a method of keeping you close to him.

you behave for your child’s safety. You find yourself fond of them. and of course belphie uses that against you

the child knows how bad the relationship is but doesn’t comment as it’s afraid of it’s father

Solomon

Cannot see him with kids. He doesn’t think he’d be a good father and I don’t think so either. He’s somewhat self aware

he simply uses magic to tie you down instead

[saladscream]

This was too good. Couldn't resist. Here's the short nonsense fluffy ficlet this artwork inspired. Thank you @discessio !! ❤️

Title: Misstep (crap title, I know)

Pairing: Merlin/Arthur

Warning: sappy, fluffy, cliffhanger, unbetaed

Wordcount: 1377

The first time it happens is by complete accident, Merlin can swear it on his mother’s life. Well, it’s an accident that turns into an opportunity, really. Let’s say it’s half-accident, half-neediness. And let’s keep Merlin’s mother out of it.

What’s for certain is that the first time it happens, it’s definitely not on purpose. Merlin doesn’t engineer it. He simply reacts instinctively and freezes the course of time in order to avoid the loud, inevitable clatter of the falling tray. Arthur’s still fast asleep and Merlin knows the prince’s sleep has been a little elusive over the past few weeks, so really he stops time for all the right reasons.

He picks the suspended goblet, plate and cutlery from their arrested tumble, mid-air. Accident averted. Gaius wouldn’t be happy with this, but again, at no point did Merlin actually think it through. He merely reacted. There’s a surreptitious lick of unease down his back as he realises he is somewhat playing with fire here.

But Merlin wants to concentrate on the positive outcome – Arthur’s uninterrupted and much-needed sleep.

In a rare show of self-indulgence, Merlin stands by the bed for a moment, gazing at his prince. His sweet, brave, arrogant prince who’s such an insufferable clotpole but also the most important person in Merlin’s world. The most aggravatingly beloved man in Merlin’s guarded heart. The most forbidden idol in Merlin’s unmentionable fantasies.

Merlin blinks himself out of his nebulous and slightly lascivious thoughts.

And finally realises he hasn’t unfrozen time, lost in contemplation of the darling bane of his existence as he was. It’s just that Arthur is so pretty when he’s asleep, all tousled blonde hair and soft lips and peaceful features. It’s such a rare occurrence to be able to look upon him being so care-free and utterly safe.

Merlin releases the flow of time.

And immediately wishes he’d used the suspended pause to stroke Arthur’s hair.

Merlin gets to touch Arthur in many rather intimate ways throughout the day, but he’s never been at liberty to simply indulge in a fond ruffle or a gentle caress – for obvious reasons. He’s always wished he could. He can’t help it. He’s a tactile kind of person, though it may not seem like it. To him, touch is a crucial, under-used language that conveys love and affection like nothing else can. And he finds there’s never enough of it in his life. He’s made his peace with it. It is what it is.

But he wishes he’d thought of reaching out and stroking Arthur’s hair while time was frozen. No one would’ve been the wiser, yet it would’ve meant so much to him.

Merlin presses his lips into a resigned line and resumes his morning duties, delivering the offending tray safely to the table.

And that’s the first time it happens. Complete accident. Missed opportunity. Bittersweet musings.

The second time it happens… Merlin’s again caught wrong-footed. The knife that’s just slipped off the plate is about to stab through his boot, and so everything stops for the almighty warlock. Merlin huffs an annoyed breath, puts down the plate and grabs the suspended knife. The damn thing is sharp and heavy as hell, and Merlin scowls at the hole it would’ve punctured into his boot – and possibly his foot.

And then he realises he’s done it again. Caught Arthur in the bubble of frozen time. He should feel terrible – and he does – but he also feels something else. Like, just a frisson of euphoria. A guilty thrill of elation at being given a second chance.

His hand shakes just a tiny bit as he places the forgotten knife on the bedside table, but he then takes a steadying breath and turns to the bed’s occupant.

The prince is arrested in slumber, slack-jawed and slightly drooling on the pillow, and alright, he looks more ridiculous than dashing right now, but it is this very vulnerability that makes the knight so absurdly dear to Merlin.

Merlin reaches out and his fingertips brush, feather-soft, over the tangled blonde mess of hair. It feels wonderful. Intimate. Illicit. There are shameless butterflies dancing in Merlin’s belly as his fingers caress their treasure. He pushes an errant strand this way and then that way in search of ultimate perfection, as he probably would if Arthur were his. Something in him trembles at the forward gesture.

But enough with these stollen familiarities. Merlin shakes himself out of his tender thoughts and releases time.

And Arthur gives an undignified snore.

The third time it happens… Well, much to Merlin’s own unease, the third time is deliberate. Nothing to startle him, no impending jarring threat, no excuse whatsoever. It’s just that… today was a close call and Merlin truly thought he’d failed his destiny and his prince, and Arthur looked so deathly pale as the poison crawled through his veins, and so now Merlin needs a bit of quiet time alone with the unwitting other half of his soul.

He just wants to look at him. He won’t touch Arthur, he promises himself sternly. It feels too terribly good to touch him – as well as a little wrong.

And so he freezes the course of time, and it feels odd and strained because he seldom does this voluntarily. His magic itches and writhes in discomfort but obeys, and now he can look his fill.

Arthur is still awfully pale and there’s a sheen of sweat dewing his face and throat. One that spreads to his shoulders and upper chest – and Merlin isn’t strictly touching him, just lifting a corner of the covers to check that the bandage hasn’t slipped. But Arthur’s alive. He’s safe now. And Gods, Merlin wishes he could touch him, if only to ground himself and chase the residual fear that lurks within his battered little heart. Just a caressing sweep of his thumb over the crook of the shoulder would do it. A reassurance. An offering. A blessing.

But Merlin has promised himself he wouldn’t touch and he wants to prove to himself that he has a measure of self-control and a modicum of decency. That he’s not one of those sorcerers who abuse their powers. The cover flops back down and Arthur is left to recover in peace.

The fourth time... Alas, there’s no good excuse for the fourth time. It’s the middle of the night and there’s something dreadfully fragile and needy to Arthur’s moans as he struggles with a nightmare. The prince’s chest is bare and heaving, his hands clutching and clenching, his whole sturdy frame restless in the throes of a distressing dream. And truly, Merlin has no other choice. He can’t just stand there and watch and do nothing. He kneels on the bed behind Arthur and leans over him, bracing a light hand on Arthur’s hip while the other rests on the headboard.

“It’s all right,” he murmurs very gently. “You’re all right, Arthur.” And before he can honestly help himself, he’s brushing a soft, tender, timid kiss over Arthur’s damp cheek.

He’s so anxious to make all the bad things go away for his beloved prince. So selflessly ready to do anything and everything to spare his beloved prince any ache of any kind. So damn in love with the clotpole and so unable to exorcise it any other way. The gentle rub of his lips over Arthur’s cheek feels pure and wanton, and tremors of pitiful bliss shimmer though him, miserable wretch that he is.

Which is when Arthur shifts beneath him, tilting his head up for more.

It is at this precise juncture that Merlin, this untold genius, becomes aware of two things.

First, it is not a nightmare. The dream is of a completely different nature, and it is not anguish that strains at Arthur’s features and rocks his body, it is lustful hunger – as the grunt of pleasure confirms.

Second, Merlin forgot to suspend the course of time. He is therefore kneeling over Arthur – pressing a kiss to the man’s cheek, for fuck’s sake – while the prince is having a very natural, very private and very pleasant dream. In real time.

Arthur opens blurry, confused eyes, gazing straight up into Merlin’s blinking, confounded ones.

Now this should be fun to explain.

*the end*

[nukaberries]

Hellooo again!! Glad to see your up and going again! could you do sole acting gullible to all of deacons tall tales but they eventually tell him they know he’s making things up but just go along with him cause they like hearing how creative he is with his lies.

HI!! Yeah, it's about time I brought this blog back from the dead lmao, I've been meaning to get around to it for a while now, so this is long overdue. As for this request, I love Deacon so much (I think I just have a soft spot for silly guys w sunglasses tbh???? Because I also love Johnny Cage from Mortal Kombat) Deacon deserves way more love though, I don't think I ever would've romanced him personally, but I do wish the option was there for the Deacon lovers.

//

Deacon with a 'Gullible' Sole

Deacon doesn't question it initially, most people tend to fall for his lies, apart from the likes of his fellow Railroad agents, who are more than used to his antics.

Besides, saying he's a synth isn't exactly something that Sole can disprove, unless they plan on killing him to find out, which doesn't sound like an ideal outcome, if you ask him.

But when Sole seems to believe his claim that he's the real leader of the Railroad, no questions asked, he starts to wonder if he's just a good liar or if Sole is somewhat naïve.

He decides to test out his theory, seeing how bold his lies can be until Sole stops falling for them.

At first, he starts small. "Hey, did you know I once beat a Super Mutant to death with a box of Sugar Bombs?"

They eventually get more outlandish, until he's effortlessly convincing Sole that Carrington is a Brahmin, who became sentient and has a really good surgeon.

He has more fun than he expects to, telling the most ridiculous lies he can think of, coming up with intricate stories behind them, more to entertain himself than anything.

Eventually he starts to feel a little guilty about all the lying, surely, this is just bullying at this point, especially when Sole believes him wholeheartedly every single time.

So, he decides to come clean... Well, Glory insists he comes clean, by threatening to put a dead bloatfly in his bed.

Much to his surprise, when he tells Sole the truth, they simply nod and tell him that they've known all along.

He hadn't planned for this outcome, and it starts to make him question the whole situation. Who'd been fooling who?

Sole explains that they'd known he was lying after taking a look at the 'recall code' he'd given them and after that, they'd just enjoyed seeing how creative his lies could get.

Admittedly, Deacon can't help but be impressed that, for once in his life, he's the one being tricked.

But he will make a point to dramatically sulk about it for a few days, his pride is a little hurt after all.

[randomsloredrops]

Random's Filler Drops - The Canonfell Bros

Well, it's time to make filler drops so i can procrastinate on Alpher longer. as you can tell by the name, today...

that's right, canonfell bros. (art made by THE Fella (underfell creator)) Now let me just find the part to add a read more... where is it? let me just find it... and...

. . there we go, read more. Anyways, time to hear my annoying yapping (i got my phd in yapanese instead of english) You see, the fanon interpretations of the fell bros is... disgusting, to say the least. Mainly because of how they assume Fell makes the guys literally ready to kill each other (when canonfell Sans can quite literally WIPE the floor with papyrus, asgore, and undyne when he's pissed off) and also makes the relationship between papyrus and sans... not the greatest. But, canonfell, canonfell, yes, canonfell i forgot i was yapping about that. anyways, cnaonfell (post-edit: i misspelled it but it's funny, so i wont change it) does NOT do that, instead making the brothers just more distant from eachother, considering Papyrus is in the Royal Guard in UF. The canonfell bros are definitely better than the fanonfell bros, seeing as Papyrus and Sans have each others backs, surprisingly. The distance between the brothers is caused specifically by Sans, due to Sand making excuses to not accept help from Papayas. According to the Underfell tumblr (Fella themselves), the relationship is:

Sans to papyrus would be : big brother who feels responsible AND guilty about the outcome of both their lives . He feels useless and can’t bare that he can’t be the one to protect his little brother anymore because he feels like Papyrus doesn’t want him to. Nonetheless he remains distant, but close enough to be there when Papyrus is in serious danger.

Papyrus to sans would be: little brother who became strong enough to be on his own, and somewhat match his older brother. He managed to become who he wanted to be and feels he’s capable of protecting his older brother. He has his own responsibilities to do, so he is often distant from Sans, but still close enough to be there when he’s in serious danger. (that's from the UF tumblr, one of the asks about papayas and sands) Sans also always refers to Papyrus as any sort of word similar to boss, like "jefe", "head honcho", "boss" (ofc), "chief", "commander" (not confirmed), basically anything that means boss. Papyrus also knows NOT to fuck with Sans unless safe to do so, like when Sans is fucking with him, and YES, Papyrus DOES toss Sans across the fucking earth when that happens. Papyrus is also (from my assumption), somewhat protective of Sans, just a little bit, based on a comic of Sans and the chain collar. Time to yap about the comic (sorry). The comic has Papyrus thinking of a plan to restrain Frisk as they travel, while Sans makes a stupid idea. Papyrus finds leash, asks if it belongs to Sans, and Sans says yes. Papyrus says (just assumption on the anger-filled part cause some of it's cut off by papyrus' body and the borders) "OH MY DEAR BROTHER... I KNOW I CAN BE JUDGMENTAL... BUT I AM ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU. YOU CAN TELL ME ANYTHING... NEVER HESITATE TO TELL ME WHEN SOMEONE IS HURTING YOU... BECAUSE SO HELP ME GOD, I WILL TEAR THEM LIMB FROM LIMB (cut off) I WILL TORTURE AND (cut off) UNTIL THEY KNOW NOT TO MESS WITH MY BIG BROTHER!" Yeah, Papyrus DOES care for Sans, he just isn't completely showing it unless it's something like Sans possibly being "hurt" (i still dont know canonfell Sans HP, and I dont want to disturb fella for it, I only saw somebody saying it was 20 instead of 1), but even if he did get hurt, it's obvious that there wouldn't be a trace of them left on the planet. I bet you even the dust is going to be gone. Bro will ULTRAKILL them faster than Papyrus can react. But yeah, the bros technically still care for each other, but it's not very apparent unless it involves something like Papyrus or Sans getting hurt... OH YEAH AND THEY'RE FIGHTING OVER WHO'S COOLER, BUT IMO, SANS JUST GOT THAT CLEAN-ASS DRIP, BRO IS FUCKIN DRIPPED AS FUC-

[jellyfosh]

Chosen is built like a brick shithouse and honestly ur correct for drawing your interpretation of em like that. More ppl should draw the sticks looking like they could crack skulls between their biceps tbh it adds character

Truuueee and honestly

I wanted to give The Redemption Squad more character. Since I put the ask redemption squad, theres very little about them, which I’ll try to focus on as well, each of them will have their own lore. Starting by my interpretation of their figures. This also follows up with that one ask of why Chosen is so big and bit funny looking. I haven’t grown buff guys in a while.

Chosen - Yes, he is big. A freaking walking Bulldozer. He’s most likely an OP TANK. I gave him a prison/Miguel O’Hara/Captain America bod. A powerful beast but a gentle soul (sometimes) He already gone past his hatred to Alan and tries to live peacefully and redeeming himself along with three others. This doesn’t mean he’ll stop using his powers and fight when a cause happens and CG needing him. He mentors Second with his powers once a week. His preferable weapons are his fists and powers. Even though MT and Dark made him gauntlets so he wont feel left out.

Navy - has a veteran/gladiator figure. His body is a bit similar to Chosen but smaller. Lost his arm in one battle (after he left Pink and Purple) so he uses a prosthetic that makes it look like he didn’t lose a limb in the first place. If noticed by few text from previous posts, he mentioned he was in a clan, and that he also has powers. Not powerful like the Hollowheads, but enough to help him in battle. He has gotten over of trying to force Purple to be strong, but he have not talked to Purple as he feels he’s not ready to face his son yet. His choice of weapon is a Great Sword. And the name NAVY is his alias he goes by, His real name is Royal Blue.

Mango Tango/King/MT - I see him having a tall but bit skinny figure. He’s not buff like Navy and Chosen, but he is exceptionally strong. He’s already intimidating by his height alone. He still feels guilty of what he done to the CG and to Purple despite them saying they forgiven him. He just feels the need to redeem himself, he and purple are in better terms and now have a father - son relationship. Purple calls him Baba and Mango spends time with Purple once a week. Sometimes when talking, Mango will kneel down by one knee to hear better and he feels guilty since the person he’s talking too aches their necks (He does it to Dark and Red sometimes). His choice of weapon is the Minecraft staff, Dark had it made for him through his blueprints and altered two Minecraft blocks by coding. He’s somewhat the Mage/Jack of all trades of the group.

Dark - his body reverted back to how he was created by Alan at the beginning. Smallest of the group but tallest to Purple and CG. He doesn’t remember the Showdown and the progression to the point of the Virus (Like Amnesia). He’s most open and got along to Mango and Navy very quickly. Although to Second and CG not very much. Despite his amnesia, Dark still has his love of bugs and coding, which explains he got close to Mango faster since they shared interests. His powers a now a mix so its new change for him as it does not make the same outcome when he had his powers. His choice of weapon are Vira blades/Kusarigama, he recreated his bracelets (muscle memory) but did not include the Delete Code property. As I said, the powers he has are new.

[icanbeyourjedi-writes]

It Was Just A Dream... Chapter Two

Summary: Frankie is all moved in, or is he? A cute game of cat and mouse has an ending you wouldn’t expect, Frankie’s mood swings end with an outcome neither of them expected.  Words: 5,000+ Rating: 18+ Adult Themes Warnings/Triggers:  Addiction, Falling for Your Brothers Friend, Language, OFC is somewhat described as someone with longer hair, but no race/eye color/body type  

A/N: I don’t know much about addiction, just the things that I googled and seen portrayed on TV. This is completely an AU. I had the beginning of this story pop in my head randomly and thought it sounded fun to explore. Sure we all love Frankie was that sweet puppy dog…but what if he had his own inner demons he had to battle with.  The ‘coke charge’ was mentioned in TF and I kinda wanted to explore that side of him. 

**This is written asa  first person, and it's my first time writing in first person, so please be gentle with me. I also include Frankie's POV which will be Bold and Italics

It took two days, four, well three and a half strong men moved all of Frankie’s stuff. My house might be small, but the best part. Despite only having two bedrooms, the bedrooms are huge. The guest room is slightly smaller than my master and there isn’t an attached bathroom but still plenty is space for his stuff. I kept the small desk there, well honestly that was the only thing I had there. Five years of living here and my guest room was still empty. Mostly why I think Benny volunteered my space, I was also someone he knew. All of Frankie’s belongings were still in taped boxes. We didn’t know how long Benny was going to be gone, it made sense to bring more than just a duffle bag of stuff. 

It's been two weeks since he had moved in, his clothes still in boxes, extra bedding still in boxes. He’s been wearing the same gray sweatpants and black shirt since he got here. Now don’t get me wrong, I love a man in specifically gray ones as much as the next girl, but he hasn’t changed. I don’t even know if he has showered. Seeing him all mopey is making me mad and slightly frustrated. I know he would much rather be back at what has been his home for years, but he needs help and I want to help. I just have no idea what I am doing. I’m feeling guilty making him move, and I know I shouldn’t. 

Thanks to having no social life I had a lot of PTO built up, I’ve been off these two weeks trying to help him feel at home. It’s been mostly awkward living with him when it shouldn’t. Awkward grunts, one word answers, he eats alone despite my best efforts. Yesterday he came out of his room and talked to me, it was about a cricket outside his window that just wouldn’t shut up. It was the first time he seemed to be normal? Is that even the right word, what is normal? 

It’s late afternoon, and he had been in his room the entire day. Walking past his room and I see him sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the boxes sitting along the wall picking at his fingernails. He has had mood swings that have him going from happy to sad in seconds.  I thought about walking past him again, keep going on with my day.  But I couldn’t stand seeing the boxes still stacked. It felt like he was ready to move as soon as Benny stepped foot on American soil again, and I was terrified of seeing him live like he didn’t belong here.  I stop and gently tap on the open door, “hey…you want some help with those?”

He doesn’t look up at me, instead he just continues to stare at the box, “there’s just so much, I don’t know where to start” he takes a deep breath hanging his head 

I walk into his room, he is still sitting on the bed. I grab the top box labeled ‘shirts’ and then turn back towards him. I tap his foot with mine, motioning with my head he needs to move. He stands up and watches as I drop the box on the bed and start grabbing a few shirts and put them in one of the many empty drawers. I hear him sigh with disapproval and I look at him “What?” I groan in frustration 

“They need to be folded neatly, and by color. As well as style, but it’s fine…it’s fine. I’ll just do it later” he rubs the back of his neck

Call it being a perfectionist, I call it someone who was trained that everything always had to have order.  Everything needed to have crisp lines, be organized.  Having its rightful spot, years of military training would do this to a person and I was all too aware that it wasn’t fine.

I pull the shirts back out of the drawer, hoping he doesn’t see my eye roll and I set them back in the box. I didn’t expect this to be easy, but I also didn’t expect I was going to have to be his mother and not a friend. I didn’t think I was going to have to tell Frankie to eat, to take a shower. All the things I thought he already knew, was he like this in rehab? “Then refold the shirts and put them in the drawer” shit was that too aggressive? “I think I might make you feel more at home if you do” I put a hand on his shoulder gently rubbing it. 

I watch as he takes a shirt out, folds it meticulously. The edges of the shirt are perfect, he sets it on the bed, his hand running over the shirt, taking out any wrinkles. Every shirt has an order, by color, type, it is memorizing watching him as he moves. Folding every time with such perfection. I have to shake my head and snap out of it, I grab another box and open it to find it stuffed with boxers. He is completely focused on his shirts as I work to put the boxer briefs in a drawer hoping the fold in half method works for him. 

I pull out black pair after black pair.  There was an occasional gray mixed in. After seeing him in those gray sweatpants for the past two weeks my mind can’t help but imagine him in these and how great they would make his thighs look, his…’stop.  Don’t think about that. He’s now your roommate you can’t do that’ all those thots fall when I pull out a baby blue pair with little cat heads wearing headsets. Different types of helicopters fill the empty space between the cat faces. I can’t but giggle holding them up, Frankie stops what he is doing and looks up, “care to explain these” holding the boxers in the air and shake them, I arch an eyebrow at him smiling 

He reaches across and snatches them from my hands “nope…” he paused for a moment fold the boxers in half “you got them” he places them on the bottom of the drawer under the pile of black ones 

“I did?” I truly don’t remember. One would think someone would remember getting boxers that looked like that 

“Yeah, Christmas a few years ago” he returns his focus to the shirts in the box

”Oh my God, you’re right. I did” I laugh

”You said, that I was impossible to shop for, and you wanted something unique to remember you when I was away” 

Frankie is the most impossible person to shop for. He always would say he didn’t need anything, he said to not waste money on a guy like him. He wasn’t worth it. I watch Frankie roll his eyes as I tell him again that he is impossible to shop for. A hint of a smile begins to appear and I think that we might have a breakthrough. I finished the box I was working on, broke it down and leaned it against the wall. Frankie pulls out his last shirt and folds it, setting it on the top of a pile. Grabbing the small stack he turns and starts to put them in the top drawer. I grab the box and start to break it down when I see a film strip inside. I reach in and grab the photos. 

I stare at them, a clean shaven, wide-eyed twenty something Francisco Morales. I had a photo from this shoot, but I never saw these two. It was before his first deployment and the guys went and did some ‘glamor shots’ as a gag gift. Frankie’s in a purple shirt and leather jacket. His brown hair falling perfectly into place. The first photo his hands are in his back pockets. Showing off his impressive chest and broad shoulders, his smile that makes one’s heart beat a little faster and an instant panty dropper. The other, I swear, he could have been a model. His arms crossed over his chest. His biceps bursting the seams of his jacket, his lips pursed together in a brooding expression. Holy shit, he’s hot…“What do we have here?”

Frankie turns and looks at me, it takes a moment for him to realize what I’m holding in my hand. “Give those here” he reaches for them and I quickly pull them away

”Nope…” I laugh and hold them up, inspecting the photos a bit more

”Lex” he says, a bit more authoritative, it’s deep and it’s sexy. He takes a step towards me, I take a couple small steps towards his open door. I try to keep a distance between us 

I have a small idea, “you want them?” I ask slowly moving backward closer to the door, he starts to close the distance nodding his head yes, “then you’ll just have to come and get them” I smile and turn to run through the door. 

He bolts out of the room following me, I forget how fast he is and how incredibly silent he can be. He’s on my heels in an instant and I run a circle around the couch. Heading past him and into the kitchen, stopping at one end of the small island. He’s facing me on the other side “Lex…” he says.  I smile, laugh and run past his outstretched arm.  

“Gotta be quicker than that Morales” I ran around the house again, waiting for him to turn and find me again. I lose my breath as I’m back in his room, the bed as a barrier between us. I look at the photos and see him strut back into his room. I clearly didn’t think this through completely as I find myself trapped on the one side of the bed. Frankie blocking the only exit. He starts to walk around the bed, he’s standing at the end while I move further up closer to the headboard. I’m waiting for him, I have my escape planned. He fakes a step to the left towards me and I step up onto his bed. The piles of shirts start to fall when I bring my other foot up. He reaches across the bed, “Bad move, Miller” he snarls and wraps a hand around my ankle pulling it out and dropping me to the bed. 

I hold the photos above my head, he pulls me closer. Placing his thigh is between my legs and crawling the bed until  he’s hovering over my body. We’re both laughing and I struggle to keep the photos out of his reach. His large hand captures both of my wrists and pins them to the bed. I squirm below him, trying to break free.  “Stop moving” he grunts, his other hand lands on my hip. Holding me tightly in place, my shirt slightly raised and his thumb slowly rubbing against my bare skin. Our laughter slowly turns into heavy breathing. 

His face is so close, I can feel his warm breath. His eyes are so full of life now, I see the small parts of the old Frankie. The Frankie that became a friend, family, a crush. My heart is pounding and I am pretty positive Frankie can hear it, his hand is setting my skin on fire and I have no idea what is happening. But I want to kiss him, I want him to kiss me, I want to feel his lips on mine. “Frankie…” I whisper 

“Hmmm” he leans closer to me, his nose brushing along mine 

I don’t know what I was going to say, I didn’t imagine us ending up like this. I clearly didn’t think this through and I have no idea what to do. Time seems to move slow, and I don’t know how long we stay like this. His eyes focused on mine, I feel like he is looking into my soul. Does he want me to kiss him? Should I kiss him? His hand still wrapped around my wrists, the other still holding my hip. 

“KISS HIM ALREADY” my inner voice yells. I finally make a move, I close the short distance between, my lips just about to touch his when my phone rings in my back pocket. His hand releases my wrists and he sits up on the bed. I close my eyes, wishing I didn’t take so long to make the move. I reach behind me, pulling out my phone. It was work, I smiled and mouth a sorry to him, sliding the answer button and bringing the phone to my ear. “Hello” I stand and walk out of his room 

“Why didn’t I kiss her? She was right there…would she even want me to kiss her?” He thinks to himself, running his fingers through his hair 

He looks at himself in the mirror. The same sweatpants he’s been wearing for well over a week, he looked like a hot mess. At least the shirt was clean, or he thought his shirt was clean. He sees the unruly hair, the 5 o’clock shadow had turned into a fully grown beard. “Because you're a pathetic loser, look at you. She’d never want you to kiss her” that negative voice inside him says. Frankie shakes his head, hands covering his face. He rubs his eyes and tries to remember Will telling him wasn’t.  But the thing is, Will was never a very good liar and the voice becomes louder and louder. 

“Fishie…hey Fish” her voice brings him back. He looks up at her “hey, you ok?

“yeah…yeah” he says, but her face tells him she doesn’t believe him. 

“uhm, ok.  I gotta run to work for a bit. I’m not sure when I’ll be home but there’s money on the table. Order some take out”  

He nods, giving her his best smile and watches as she walks away. He hears the door open and close.  Standing up he peeks his head out the door, he doesn’t hear her. He just needs to take the edge off. He knows he will feel a lot better when he can’t feel anything again. He knows he doesn’t have much left, but enough to last him at least today. He’ll worry about tomorrow-tomorrow. Thank God he hid the green can well enough that Alex didn’t find it. Just one hit, that’s all he needs.

“Take a shower, you’ll feel better after a shower. You’re better than this” he can hear Will’s voice. 

It didn’t.

“Food, get some food. Don’t do this Cat” the voice says

My phone dances on my desk as I finish some paperwork. I had plenty of PTO built up, but the doctor's office had an influx of new patients and I was one of the few who knew how to enter all the data and get them set up. It wasn’t where I pictured myself when I graduated college with a degree in film.  But it’s a good paying job, and it kept me close to home. 

Fishie 🐟: u like Pad Thai 🍲 

Me: Not really, and I don’t think that’s Pad Thai haha

Fishie 🐟: oh ok what u want? 

I type back a response, telling him to order what he wants. The money on the table was for him to do what he wanted. I might not like Pad Thai, but that shouldn’t stop him from ordering it. I finish typing a few things and grab my phone. I walked over to some of my coworkers who were getting ready to head out as well. I lean against Laura’s desk. She was chatting with a few of the nurses, I watched my phone as the little bubble with dots popped up, then disappeared, appeared again, and disappeared again. I sigh, my head drops. His mood swings are driving me insane. 

Me: I like noodles, with teriyaki sauce if that counts as Pad Thai

“What’s up Buttercup” Laura smiles cheerfully

”Have you ever had to help a friend with an addiction?” I look up, the mouths all open “seriously. A friend, not me” 

“What kind of addiction?” Laura asks, she was my go-to at work. Her upbeat attitude always had the answers 

“Narcotics…” I reply 

Is this friend living with you?” a nurse asks 

I tell them how the friend just got out of rehab, I leave out the part that the friend is a he, and the he is Frankie. I tell them how rehab said something about how they shouldn’t be left alone, doctors orders they need to live with someone in case of a relapse. “Sometimes I feel like I see the person I became friends with, then sometimes hhhh-they are a completely different person. Someone I don’t even know and it’s only been two weeks” 

“Just keep being there for them, don’t push too hard. But they need to know you are there for him. I mean them, no matter what it is, they can trust you” she puts a hand on top of mine 

“You can’t give up on them.  No matter how hard they try to push you away, you push back. They’ll have their moments but like Laura said, you just need to be there. Letting them know you won’t give up on them” 

“Thanks,” I take a deep breath and stare at my phone, he still hasn’t responded “I just wish I knew what he needed, he doesn’t talk” 

“Give it time, he will open up when he’s ready” 

'Did she just say he? How does she know' I think

I walk into the house, kicking off my shoes and dropping my purse off on the little side table. I hear grunting from down the hall. ‘Oh please don’t tell me he has a girl here’ I think to myself moving towards his room. “Frankie?” 

T-Shirts he had just folded and pants were thrown into the hall. I move towards the open door dodging pants being thrown out as I get close, I look into his room and it looks like a tornado hit. The mattress shoved against the wall, drawers empty and pulled from the dresser, clothes thrown around the room. I see Frankie bent over in his closet he had on a new pair of dark green sweats on, he’s shirtless. Little water droplets still cling to his hair and a towel draped over the back of a chair. 

“Where the fuck is it?!” he shouts as I watch him throw more things around. 

“Where is what?” I ask, and instantly regret it 

He turned quickly looking at me, his eyes filled with rage and nostrils flaring. I’ve never seen this look before, and he slowly starts to walk towards me. There’s an evil glint to his eye and it scares me. 

“Where the fuck did you put it Alexandra?” He snarls 

“If you told me what you are looking for…” I tried to not raise my voice, trying to keep calm. He needs me to remain calm. 

“YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR! DON’T PLAY STUPID” 

The yelling intensifies and I know the neighbors can hear us, stay calm. Don’t make things worse. 

What happened to the Frankie from earlier? 

“I need you to calm down, Frankie. Please. Just tell me what you're looking for and I can help” I wanna put my hand on his shoulder, ground him. Let him know I’m here, but he’s breathing heavy, his lip curls up in an evil grin. 

“I know you have it!” he says in an oddly calm manner, “JUST GIVE IT TO ME!!!” He yells 

He takes a step closer, he raises his fist. I flinch as the closed hand comes flying towards me and it connects with the wall inches from my head. “Give it to me now Alex” he growls

“What in the hell is your problem!?” I yell shoving his chest back

“You! Benny! This stupid fucking place. I don’t want to be here!” His eyes begin to water and a tear streams down his cheek, he takes a couple steps back

“Fine, then fucking leave! No one is forcing you to be here Francisco” I try to hold back by own tears “I am sick and tired of seeing you being all mopey and shit.  You don’t want to be here, FINE” 

Shit…I am pretty sure I just over stepped. I go to open my mouth to apologize and there is a hard knock at the door followed by a “Police” 

“You called the Police?” He shouts 

“I’ve been standing in front of you the entire time arguing with you. When would I have had time to call the police?” I say, I back up and move towards the front door. The knocks become more aggressive “I’m coming!” 

I unlock the door and see three officers standing there. They all have a concerned look on their faces

”Good evening ma’am. We got a call about some yelling and wanted to make sure everything was ok” the taller officer said

”Everything is fine. It’s great. Just swell” my words are dripped with sarcasm

“Do you mind stepping outside to talk to my partner Officer James” he looks over my shoulder and sees Frankie, “hey there sir.  Mind coming over here for a moment?” 

He is sitting on the porch as she stands by the car. He fucked up, she’s given up on him. He’s given up on himself. 

“What’s your name?” The youngest officer asks him 

Frankie reads the name printed on his chest. T. Baker. “Frank, my name is Frank and everything is fine Officer Baker” 

Baker keeps asking bin questions.  What happened, did she hit him. Did he hit her? How long has he been living here? What was their relationship? Frankie becoming more annoyed with each question. What did it matter? He fucked things up and he needed a hit more then ever. He was looking for his coke, she found him on a downward spiral but there was no way he was going to tell him that. Suddenly the questions take a turn, when Officer Baker notices a tattoo on his chest. 

“What branch?” 

“Excuse me” Frankie responds confused 

“Your tattoo?”

“Oh yeah, Army. Special Ops, I was a pilot” 

He has a tattoo on the left side of his chest, a helicopter flying. A sun and clouds shaded in the background. The helicopter with incredible detail, one of the ones he first learned how to fly. A few men repelling from the bird.  Just below a group of trees

“Thank you for your service sir.  Wait here, I have some stuff for you” Baker nods his head and walks to the patrol car 

He watches him shuffle down the stairs, he sees Alex and for a moment they lock eyes. His heart nearly stops as he sees the tears in her eyes that she quickly wipes away. He caused this pain and for what, a stupid little hit that was nearly enough to take away the pain. He ruined everything. The afternoon was so great, and now she wants him out. Officer Baker was walking back with a stack of papers in his hand. 

“For the hundredth time, he didn’t hurt me. He would never do that” I groaned. I have said the same thing over and over. Are they trying to get a different answer? Despite Frankie punching a hole in the wall, he would never lay a hand on me. 

I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes taking in a deep breath. When I open my eyes, I see Frankie. His eyes locked onto mine. The hurt, the pain, he looks lost. The officer hands him a stack of papers. His hands shaking as he takes them, he turns his head down and he walks into the house. 

“Ms. Miller, if you need anything else please give us a call” the officer sees his small notebook and sticks it in his chest pocket. “Have a good night” he walks past me and heads to his car. 

I head to the steps of my front porch watching the officer who had spoken to Frankie walk down. He stops me before I walk past him, “he’ll be ok. Just give it time. I’ve been there. He’s got a good girlfriend, just be patient with him” 

I stop in my tracks, my jaw drops. What the hell did Frankie tell him? “Wait…what?” I ask. But it was too late, the officer already getting back into his car. I shake my head and walk into the house locking the door behind me. 

It’s getting late and I’m hungry. I walk past the hallway that leads to the bedrooms and notice Frankie bent over picking up the clothes that had been thrown into the hallway. I should say something, I should apologize to him. I get distracted, watching the muscles in his back strain with every movement. ‘Focus Alex’. What is wrong with me, this man just put me through a roller coaster of emotions. I can’t get distracted by something as stupid as watching him work. 

I shake my head and walk towards the kitchen. I hope to find some leftover takeout since I know the fridge is empty. Instead I find the $20 left on the table in the same exact place I left it. I can’t leave, that would require me letting Frankie know, and it might be petty but I really don’t want to talk to him right now, maybe even for the rest of the night. I open the freezer and pray that the ice cream is still there. I open the door and find the pint of cookie dough ice cream still sitting there. I do a little happy dance and grab a spoon. I make my way to the living room and flop down on the sofa, turning on the TV and pop the top off digging in. 

“I fucked up…” he says to himself folding the shirts, putting them back in the dresser. He pushes the mattress back onto the frame and sits on the edge of his bed. He looks up and sees the hole he had punched into the wall. An image of Alex’s face floods his memory. He fucked up so bad that she didn’t even say two words to him when she came back into the house. He left the pamphlets on the coffee table, she’s going to find them. He knows it.

The papers were for local rehabs where VA’s held sobriety classes.  They had everything from AA to NA to Gambling. He didn’t want to go to rehab again, he felt more alone then he ever had there. That’s where he met George, well Steve really. He made it though those 30 days thanks to him smuggling in just enough coke to help them both function like normal adults. Nicole, well she helped in other ways. One keeping his secret and she helped him take his mind off things when he was able to bury himself in her. She wasn’t who he wanted, but she was there.  She was a quick fuck. It didn’t mean anything, and he felt bad when he told her it wasn’t going to last when he left. His mind racing with all these thoughts, he’ll finish cleaning later. He’ll patch the hole tomorrow. Right now he has something bigger to take care of. He needs to repair this whatever-ship he had with Alex. He needs her. 

He plops on the couch next to her, she doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t even look at him, she focused on the ice cream in her hand and the moving pictures on the TV

”Ice cream for dinner?” He asks ‘great icebreaker Morales, you idiot’ his inner demon mocks him 

“Yeah, the perk of being an adult. No one can tell me what to eat Franklin” she stuffs another spoon into her mouth, “that and someone didn’t buy dinner like I told them too” 

‘She called me Franklin…maybe she’s not that mad’ he reads her face, it’s softened…a hint of a smile. Then she said that last part, and it changes to instant regret. She turns to look at him “shit. I’m so sorry that was-“ 

“No…no I deserved that” he interrupts her, “can I have a bite?” 

She eyes him, something between a grin and a smirk on her face. She sticks the spoon into the ice cream and scoops out a tiny pile, moving the spoon to his open mouth. 

“I’m sorry Lex he says mouth full of ice cream

He looks at the ground, he’s picking at his nails. I can see the inner struggle he’s having and it breaks my heart, I have no idea how to help. I watch as his mind tries to find the words he wants to say. I go to open my mouth, but he stops me “I am really sorry” he says again 

“What happened today?” I ask him setting the ice cream on the table and turning to face him 

“I was looking for…fuck…I was looking for some coke. I thought I had some left. I am so sorry. I didn’t want to do this. I don’t want to do this. Rehab didn’t do shit” he’s talking fast and I’m trying to keep up. 

He tells me about George, how they were doing just enough to get by.  Nicole helped them not get caught. He doesn’t know how George was able to get the contraband in, but he did. They exchanged information, and he was helping Frankie. He wasn’t doing as much as he used to, which I guess is good, he thought he had some left.  A small tin can was what he was looking for, he was terrified that I found it when we were unpacking. 

“How many days has it been?” I ask 

“I don’t know, maybe five days?” He doesn’t sound very positive 

“Maybe five days? How many days Frankie?” 

“Three…it’s been three days and I am going crazy” he says ‘then we almost kissed and I panicked and I was on edge and just needed a hit’ he thinks to himself 

“ok” she says and stands up. 

“Wait where are you going?” He asks, panic setting in 

He’s worried that she is going to get his bag, she’s gonna ask him to leave. This is too much, this isn’t what she signed up for. She’s given up on him. His head falls back, he wants this couch to eat him alive. He wanted to disappear before and that feeling is ten times worse, now that she knows his secret. 

She comes back a large poster in her hand, the other has a sharpie and stickers. She sits it on the table and sits on the floor next to Frankie. He watches as she makes little boxes, writing dates, making a calendar. Her tongue peeks out of her tongue as she concentrates on the task at hand. He leans forwards, and continues to watch over her shoulder. She looks up at him, “ok did you use today?”

He shakes his head no “I couldn’t find it”

“right..” she puts a little star sticker on today's date “and you said three days since the last time”

He nods. She puts a sticker on the past three days

“What are you doing?” He asks 

That was a great question. What was I doing? This idea sounded crazy in my head, even more crazy as I explained to Frankie. It would be like a reward chart.  Something like when you were a kid and had chores, you’d get a sticker for each thing completed. The more stickers you get a reward. The more I say this, and look at his face of confusion the more dumb this idea sounded. He isn’t a kid, I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. 

“This is stupid, just forget it.” I sigh pushing the stuff away from me

His large hands stop the poster from moving, he brings it closer. 

“What is my reward?” He asks curiously 

“Uhm…what do you want?” 

“Pancakes…” he says

”Pancakes? Really?” and he nods “ok how about we start with a week, you make it a week, I’ll make you pancakes” 

“With sprinkles?” His boyish smile is back, his eyes wide and I have a little hope that this stupid, wacky, insane idea might work

I smile and nod at him. I move to sit next to him on the couch, “I’ll have to go buy some. But sure, you can have sprinkles” 

“Hey Lexi, one more thing?” He asks “Can we get some helicopter stickers?”

I smile and cup his cheek, my thumb gently brushing the trimmed beard, “yes Franklin. We can get some helicopter stickers” 

ANN: A huge shout out to @musings-of-a-rose for helping me with this and giving me confidence to post this in first person. I am still terrified of it. @theewokingdead and @heythere-mel for listening to my random ass ideas at all hours. I love each and every one of you.



Looking for more of my fics check out my masterlist. And check out other writers at @littlemisspascal and their library for all Pedro Characters



Just A Dream Masterlist Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

[ga-yuu]

WARNING!! The following story contains sexual content.

Sueharu: "Yoshino."

(Ah...)

His long fingers starts to twirl with my hair.

Then a kiss was dropped and my shoulders tremble.

Sueharu: "Do you want to keep what happened today between us?"

Yoshino: "Eh?"

His seductive gaze seeped into my heart.

Sueharu: "You don't have lie to the Shogunate, just keep this part under wraps."

Sueharu: "If you think about it that way, maybe you won't have to feel guilty."

Sueharu: "If the relationship of trust is cracked any further, it could affect the outcome of the battle."

(It won't be my fault?)

(Indeed, the Shogunate would have to devote extra surveillance to me in the midst of an already tense war)

Yoshino: "Just keep this under wraps...huh?"

Sueharu: "I think you need that kind of wisdom to live well."

Sueharu: "If you're not guilty, it's not worth being suspected."

(I wonder if Sueharu-san has lived and succeeded in that way)

Perhaps because of this, Sueharu-san's words have a heavy persuasive power that is not only sweet and beautiful.

(----But)

Yoshino: "No. I don't care if I get more suspicious. I'll report everything that happened today."

Sueharu: "----Oh."

I shook of my hesitation and looked back at Sueharu-san.

Sueharu: "You won't regret it?"

Yoshino: "No. If the suspicions about me affect the war..."

Yoshino: "How that is resolved is for the Shogunate to decide."

Sueharu: "........"

Yoshino: "I don't have the talent of persuading people with words."

Yoshino: "So I will do my best to make sure that any suspicions that are on me, will be cleared by my future behaviour."

Yoshino: "So I think the first step is to tell the truth, even if it goes against you."

Sueharu: "I see."

Sueharu-san looked somewhat satisfied, even though things didn't turn out the way he wanted.

Yoshino: "W-Why are you smiling like that?"

Yoshino: "....Perhaps you think I'd change my mind on the way?"

Sueharu: "No?"

Sueharu: "I've only known you for a short time, but I underestimated you a little."

Sueharu: "You would do what you say. That's the kind of girl you are."

(....! I've been recognised by Sueharu-san.....I hope this doesn't become a problem...)

His gentle hand combs my hair and tucks my hair behind my ear.

Sueharu: "At that time, it was a small test for your character to arouse the Shogunate's suspicions."

Sueharu: "But did I accidently wake up a tigress by any chance?"

Sueharu: "You may end up becoming my natural enemy."

Yoshino: "Sueharu-san...?"

(Has his view of me, changed....?)

The hand that has been touching my hair, caresses my cheek.

Sueharu: "How about I seduce you while I still can and turn you into a good-for-nothing girl?"

Sueharu: "If I teach you a lot of luxuries and things that feels good, ......will you take me seriously?"

The moment when I thought my premonition was right, I was horrified-----

Before I can react, he pulled my closer.

Yoshino: "Wait..."

Sueharu: "If I wait, will you give me a reward?"

(Mm)

Sueharu-san's lips falls on my neck.

(This is bad! If this goes on!)

Yoshino: "Stop!"

Sueharu: "Shh.."

Sueharu: "Keep your voice down. You don't want the children to hear you, right? This might traumatize them."

Yoshino: "Wha...Mm..."

The innocent smiles of the children flashed across my mind and I tried to suppress my voice.

Meanwhile, Sueharu-san showered kisses on my neck and ears nonstop.

(This is something one must do with their lovers...)

When I tried to push him away,

Yoshino: "Ahh...."

His bit my ear and his slippery tongue starts to trace it.

His sharp tongue then starts to penetrate shallowly into my ear.

Yoshino: "Mm...Haa...Sueharu...san....please..Mm."

He supported my body, that was about to fall down....

Sueharu: "Hey, look here."

Yoshino: "....? Mm...."

He snatched my lips. Before I can catch my breath, his tongue enters my lips.

Yoshino: "Mm..mm.....! Stop..."

I immediately bite his tongue and tried to push him away, but...

Sueharu: "Nnm..hey now. What's wrong? Do want something more intense?"

Yoshino: "No...!?"

He inserted a finger into my mouth, slowly rubbing the back of my upper jaw.

Yoshino: "Nn...nn..."

It soon followed with another kiss before I could think how I was reacting.

His tongue tickled my weak spots and brings out my moans.

(T-This is no good)

Yoshino: "Nn...m.m...."

The moment when I decided to gather all my strength and resist once again----

Yoshino: "Ah..Ahh...!?"

His finger sneakily slipped under my collar and scratched my nipple, before I could even process what's happening.

My body kept twitching at the feeling of his finger and his kisses only get deeper.

Sueharu-san relentlessly played with both my nipples, which now became hard.

(My head...I can't think..)

Even after a deep kiss, his fingers continued to stimulate me and I am unable to think about anything.

Sueharu: "Don't forget. This is your punishment for seducing me."

His tongue peeking out of his lips looked extremely sexy.

Sueharu: "Haa....I also didn't mean to come this close."

Sueharu: "I got really excited by the fact that you bit my tongue even when you were melting down."

Sueharu: "Your reactions only sting me more."

Sueharu: "You look so cute that I can't help myself but be mean to you."

(Even though I have to resist)

Yoshino: "Ah...Haa...No....Mor...Ha..."

Sueharu: "Don't worry. I'm not into forcing people. So I won't touch you from here on out unless you want me too."

Yoshino: ".....Mm."

My sluggish body which was melting, is begging me to give in right now.

Sueharu: "If we become lovers, I'll spoil you and love you like this everyday. See, I'm serious....can you accept me?"

Yoshino: "Mm..you don't like me or anything...then why are you...?"

Sueharu: "Eh? I love you."

Yoshino: "....please don't lie..."

Sueharu: "I'm not. I really love you. If you become mine, I'll cherish you so much. What do you say?"

Even though I knew he was just teasing me, my skin felt warm on its own.

I glared at him with my teary eyes.

(Why can't my body listen to me...for once....?)

Yoshino: "I don't want...to be yours...."

Sueharu: "Did I just get dumped? Poor me."

Yoshino: "Ha..you'll someday get stabbed by a woman..."

Sueharu: "If you're the one stabbing me, I'll die happily."

(...Why)

It was suppose to be a joke, but...

For some reason, Sueharu-san was smiling at me sadly.

Sueharu: "If it's you who shakes me or kills me, it's fate, isn't it?

Chapter 6

[nickineuw]

Hey everyone!! Work has kept me extremely busy lately, plus I had major surgery in the beginning of May so I haven’t had time for much. But….I decided to finally started writing a multi-chapter Rivamika fanfic. I’ve had this idea in my head for a while, and I think I’m finally somewhat happy with Chapter 1. I need to join AO3 so I can share it there, but for now here it is. I might modify it slightly before I share on AO3.

Brief summary….first of all, it’s an AU. the idea is that Levi, a successful and wealthy New York lawyer, and Mikasa, an up and coming fashion photographer also from NY, end up staying *very* close to each other while vacationing in a small town in Maryland.

Also, keep in mind I am a scientist. I enjoy writing and reading, but I am not a skilled creative writer like some fanfic authors are. I try!

Title: A Week in Oxford

Chapter 1: Much Needed Break

Levi - Lower Manhattan, New York

Exhausted but finally feeling at ease, Levi began to pack his documents from the trial into his sleek, black leather briefcase. After a long and extensive jury trial, his client, Dimo Reeves, was found not guilty for the crimes of securities fraud and embezzlement, but was found guilty of the misdemeanor of obstruction of justice. The client was more than pleased with the outcome, since the obstruction of justice charge was fairly minor and resulted in simply year one of supervised probation. The evidence against his client for the other two charges was overwhelming, but Mr. Reeves, a prominent Wall Street trader, hired Levi as his lawyer due to Levi’s impressive track record and tenacity for casting doubt on minute aspects of the crime and evidence. The prosecutors were pushing for 10-15 years of incarceration if he were to be found guilty by the jury. But, Levi had won, yet again. He was able to discover small details in the evidence and slight loopholes in the wording of the law to cast just enough doubt in the juror’s minds, and so they found Mr. Reeve’s not guilty. This is where Levi excelled. Over the last decade, he had proven himself to be a highly sought after attorney throughout New York. He had a mind that could easily find these small inconsistencies in both the evidence and the laws, and his skills in arguing and persuasion were second to no one. For all he lacked in stature, he made up for in his tenacity and cutthroat methods in the courtroom, willing to push the comfort level of the judge but knowing when to stop. To put it simply, in the courtroom Levi Ackerman was an imposing threat to the prosecutors that worked against him. This track record skyrocketed Levi as one of the partners of a now top legal group in New York, Smith and Ackerman. His partner and long time best friend, Erwin, glanced at Levi with a wicked smile on his face.

“What? I know that look. It’s usually never good.”

“Am I not allowed to smile? I am well aware of your amazing career history, but even I am impressed with how you managed this case, Levi. Two years and too many sleepless nights for you, my friend. This decision today was solely based on your impressive mind and work ethic. Choosing you as my partner four years ago is a gamble that has paid off well.”

“Tsk, what gamble? You act as if you haven’t been my closest friend for the last 12 years.”

“Even if you were my enemy, I would have chosen you. No one else can command a courtroom the way you can, Levi,” Erwin replied with a smirk. “Now that this case is finally over, I do believe you owe me a promise.”

Levi rolled his eyes, knowing that Erwin would not be one to easily let this go.

“Erwin, I’m fine. I don’t need to go on a shitty break to a shitty small town. Work keeps my mind occupied and you know how much I hate leaving the city.”

“Levi, you can’t continue to live like this. Trust me, your work ethic is above and beyond anything I could have imagined. But, you haven’t taken a day off of work in four years… and that was only because you had to attend your uncle's funeral. I’m convinced if I don’t force this, you would work everyday until you die a crippled, elderly man in a sterile apartment with nothing but career accomplishments to your name. You need a break. You need to interact with people, make friends and connections other than myself or Hange. It’s healthy to take a break and meet people. And you and I both know how much a change of atmosphere might help with your ongoing sleep problems -“

“What sleep problems? I sleep like a baby.”

Rolling his eyes, Erwin knew better. “ Hange says she has to know by this evening. Apparently someone has expressed an interest in renting the cottage during the same week as you.”

“Fine. I’ll think about it while I drive home and give Hange a call either way.”

Knowing that was as good as he was going to get from his cranky, small friend….Erwin nodded.

“Thank you.. Now, I need to get home and take a shower. This courtroom is stifling and I’m fairly certain it hasn’t been dusted properly in over a week.”

Erwin simply chuckled at his friend's quirks, knowing virtually all there was to know about the man who could intimidate an entire courtroom with just his glare, but who was equally as petrified of dust and dirt.

“Levi, as much as I would love to return home myself, there is a rather large crowd of members of the press waiting to speak to us. But, I know your distaste for them, so I will take the lead. The only thing I ask of you is to please behave and mind your temper.”

With another roll of his eyes, Levi began to walk toward the exit of the courtroom. He knew they meant well, but Erwin and Hange could be, well, imposing. They constantly nagged Levi about his workaholic tendencies and urged him to “get out there and meet people.” They asked about Levi’s sleep habits, knowing he suffered from insomnia, although Levi himself has never disclosed to his two closest friends the exact reasons why. The three of them met while attending Cornell University, although Levi was a freshman during the time Erwin and Hange were already juniors despite being the same age. Regardless, sharing an off-campus apartment together brought them close, and the three of them have remained friends since. While Erwin and Levi both attended law school and passed the New York State Bar exam, Hange received her phD in microbiology and works at New York-Presbyterian Hospital as a microbiologist.

Levi felt somewhat refreshed by the cool October air that encompassed him as he stepped outside of the courtroom, with Erwin and Mr. Reeves’s not far behind him. However, it didn’t take long for the hordes of journalists and cameras to force their way into his personal space, immediately agitating Levi and putting him on edge. He didn’t even do well with people he liked invading his space, let alone complete strangers. .

“Mr. Ackerman, how does it feel to be one of the top bachelor’s in New York City?”

“Mr. Ackerman, can you give us a statement on the jury’s decision today? What are your feelings right now?”

While Levi hated the press and attention, he knew this was part of his job. However, Erwin was much more cordial and well spoken, which made him better equipped to handle the PR aspects of their position, so Levi usually left this part to him. Levi’s temper flared though, when one particularly sleezy duo of journalist and cameraman would not relent, and asked Levi a question that went too far.

“Mr. Ackerman, do you feel guilty for willingly representing someone who scammed his clients out of millions? Especially given your own personal history of criminal acts?”

As soon as Erwin heard the question, he tensed. Before he could even react further, Levi had grabbed the camera from the man and slammed it toward the ground, smashing it into pieces. The crowd silenced, and Levi immediately felt every eye on him.

Without missing a beat, and with a broad smile reaching across his photogenic face, Erwin began, “Well then, with that I am glad to take any questions you have for my partner and I regarding the court’s decision in our case today.”

As Levi started to walk away, head down, he thought to himself perhaps he did need a break.

Mikasa - Murray Hill, New York

Mikasa was browsing through the results of her photo shoot today in Murray Hill. Graduating from Columbia University four years ago with a degree in photography, she quickly made a name for herself as a sought after fashion photographer in the city. Not only is it impressive that she was accepted into Columbia, with only a 4% acceptance rate, she was also offered a full scholarship. Of course, being named as the Valedictorian of her graduating high school class helped quite a bit. Mikasa had always been naturally smart, but when paired with her outstanding work ethic and participation in a variety of extracurriculars, she was a perfect candidate for selection for the highly prestigious scholarship Columbia offered her.

After chatting with her client for a bit letting them know when they would be receiving an email of edited proofs, Mikasa packed up her laptop and made the short walk from the studio to the parking garage. Unlike most New Yorkers, Mikasa insisted on bringing her car when she moved into her one-bedroom apartment in the neighborhood of Hell's Kitchen, New York. There was just too much to explore; too much to see. She usually spent weekends taking long drives outside of the city in search of any and everything she could photograph. Sure, she paid a pretty penny for the parking spot in her neighborhood, but she wouldn’t have it any other way. Besides, her monthly rent of $2,500 was actually quite a steal for the modern, light-filled apartment that she always kept clean and organized. It had all of the necessities….a nice sized bedroom with surprisingly large closet space, a small but full kitchen, even a washer and dryer combo. The money she was making as a fashion photographer certainly didn’t make her rich, but she was more comfortable than she anticipated being at only 25. Plus, she was happy…at least as far as her career was concerned.

It was the middle of October, and the cool breeze and vibrant shades of leaves on the small trees dotting the sidewalks indicated fall had finally arrived. Mikasa loved this time of year, and it reminded her of growing up with the Yeager family in a suburb about an hour outside of the city. Although she suffered from an unimaginable loss as a young child, her years with the Yeager family were filled with love and support. Her second set of parents enrolled her in photography classes, supported her when she felt overwhelmed from her studies and duties as class president, and never missed a single one of her high school soccer games.

Her adoptive brother, Eren, was like a real brother to her in many ways, and she always found herself watching out for him due to his reckless ways. They were the same age, same year in school, and even went to college close to each other. Eren majored in software development and was now working in Philadelphia as a video game designer. He was never as studious as Mikasa was in high school, but he seemed to blossom in his college classes and seemed very happy with his career choice. Their close childhood friend Armin, who graduated as salutatorian right behind Mikasa, also attended Columbia and received his MBA. He also worked in Philadelphia and he and Eren were currently sharing a two bedroom apartment together as roommates.

The relationship between Mikasa and Eren wasn’t always healthy though, and she fears that her co-dependency on him has made it difficult for her to form bonds and friendships with others. One of the reasons Eren repeatedly pushed her away is her tendency to mother those she holds close. Even Armin had mentioned it from time to time. She was well aware of this, but why should she change who she is to please others? So what if she cared too much for people she felt close to? It was a part of who she was, and she didn’t see any need to change that fact.

Aside from Eren, Armin, and her college best friend Sasha, Mikasa didn’t really have anyone else she would consider as more than an acquaintance. Sasha often urged her to meet people and do things other than solitary drives to take photographs. At first, Mikasa dismissed those thoughts. Lately though, she has found herself feeling somewhat lonely, and aching for a connection and companionship. Part of her decision to work in New York and not follow Eren and Armin to Philadelphia was so she could give herself physical distance from the unhealthy relationship that developed between her and Eren over the years. Mikasa knew it was better for her to move on, to find someone who would dedicate their entire self to her and not just lure her in when it was convenient for them. Mikasa truly did want a companion and love, but with such a busy schedule and a small handful of friends, she had no idea how to go about meeting anyone. Plus, she craved for someone who accepted her, flaws and all.

About halfway through her drive home, her phone rang. She pressed the button on her vehicle’s control center to answer via Bluetooth.

“Hey Mikasa! Just wanted to call to check in, see how things went with your big photoshoot this week.”

“Oh hey Sasha! It went really well, the photos turned out amazing… I think the clients are going to be very happy with the finished product.”

“Mika that’s so great! I’m so proud of you! Wanna head out tonight to celebrate? There’s this new restaurant I’ve been dying to try, plus I hear the drinks are amazing too!”

“Actually, I decided I need to get away for a bit. I know it’s last minute, but I think I’m gonna book that AirBnB I was checking out in Maryland the other day.”’

“Seriously Mika? Wow that’s so awesome….damn I wish I could take off a few days and go with! You have to let me know how all of the yummy seafood is down there!!!”

Rolling her eyes, yet smiling, because Mikasa knew how food obsessed her best friend was, she replied, “You know I will Sasha…I always take pics for you too.”

“Yay! Mikasa I’m so happy for you. And who knows? Maybe you’ll meet someone while you’re there,” Sasha said with a wink.

“Sasha….the town has a population of 600 people. I highly doubt there would be someone there I could meet.”

“You never know Mikasa! Okay be safe, love ya!”

With a smile, Mikasa replied “You know it. Love you too.”

The cottage was located in a town called Oxford, which had a population of only 600 people. Being a photographer, she was immediately impressed by the contrast of the red park bench which sat just in front of the grey cottage with its dark green shutters. Near the winding brick sidewalk, tulips bloomed in reds, yellows, and whites. She longed to take more photographs of it, and could only imagine how beautiful the entire town must be as well. The cottage had an open floor plan with only one bed and one couch, but this was more than adequate for her needs. Last week, Mikasa had sent a brief email to the host, someone by the name of Hange, and Mikasa was pleased to see that the cottage was available during the week she had in mind. However, due to work demands, Mikasa never had a chance to follow up on the email.

Upon entering her apartment, she decided to open her laptop and view the cottage again, as well as do some research on the surrounding area. She was excited to see that the small town of Oxford and surrounding area provided numerous opportunities for her photography hobby. Sitting along the shores of the Chesapeake Bay, the area offered opportunities for her to photograph not only the nature of the area, but also take photos of the hard working local people, known as waterman, who made their living fishing and crabbing on the Chesapeake Bay. There were gorgeous Civil-War era estates to explore, state parks to hike, rivers to kayak, and top-rated seafood restaurants to indulge in. Nearby towns like Easton and St. Michael’s offered boutiques, coffee shops, and local artisan crafts.

Upon checking the website calendar, Mikasa saw that the week she wanted, which started the next day, was still available. Without thinking it over too much, Mikasa clicked on the tab to book her one week stay at the small cottage. Within minutes of making her payment, she received an automatic email from the host. She quickly opened her email app and read that the key would be left under the doormat, and it also provided the exact address. Under the doormat? Didn’t these rentals usually have lockboxes with access codes? Then again, she was going to a very rural place. Maybe things there were just done differently than they were in the city? She pulled her suitcase from her closet and began to pack, excited for her last minute decision to make something happen in her life. The next morning, she would make the drive from New York to the town of Oxford, Maryland.

While Mikasa was excited for the chance to relax and explore a new area, she knew better than to get her hopes up about meeting new people. The town she was traveling to had such a small population, and even the surrounding area was mostly rural. However, the possibility still existed, right? Surely there was someone for her out there, somewhere. Someone who accepted her for who she was….someone who wanted all of her. Maybe she would meet someone special on this trip?

Levi - That evening, Tribeca

Levi pulled his sleek, black Audi into the parking garage under his apartment building. He knew he had royally messed up today, and he knew a lecture from Erwin was forthcoming. But, for now; all he desired was some calming music, a soothing cup of tea, and the view and ambience of his 20th floor apartment. He entered the elevator, hit the floor for 20, and exhaled loudly as he leaned back against the elevator wall. The elevator door opened, and he made the short walk to his door. He immediately felt a sense of calm wash over him when he entered his home. The sleek, grey and black modern furniture he selected contrasted beautifully with the exposed brick walls left after renovations. His kitchen had top of the line, chef grade appliances he loved using while creating new culinary dishes. He had a vast collection of various, rare tea leaves stored in metal tins in a cabinet which took up nearly an entire wall. Windows reaching from floor to ceiling provided a gorgeous view of the city skyline from the 20th floor. Levi wasn’t always fortunate enough to live this way, and while he did appreciate the finer things that his new life could afford, he never forgot his roots and where he came from. Perhaps that’s why he holds himself to such high standards in every aspect of his life now. He knows what it feels like to have nothing, and the fear of people seeing beyond the mask he has created for himself was always lurking. Even that sleezy journalist from earlier today took a low jab at Levi’s past, reminding him that he could never truly escape from who he once was.

While the material things were nice, Levi knew they didn’t make him truly happy. Sure, he had a successful career. He had two close friends. He was well known throughout the city as a tenacious lawyer. He had a gorgeous apartment, a shiny new car, and money to spare. But he wasn’t happy. Not the kind of happy he longed for….a romantic companion. Maybe even love. But, he knew he had a pretty shitty personality, and it was nearly impossible for him to open up to new people. He had no clue how he could find something as elusive as love when he could barely tolerate most people. Still, deep down, Levi craved the feeling of someone who he could call his. Someone who supported him, wasn’t after his money, and who loved him for him. Erwin and Hange were good to Levi, he knew that. He appreciated their friendship. But Levi had never truly experienced love before, in any capacity. Not any he could remember at least. Maybe that’s why he craved for it so badly? Levi didn’t even know where to start though. Hell, he had never even been in a real relationship. His experiences with women were limited to one-night stands and flings, and even those ended years ago as his career began to take up more and more of his time. He knew he had impossibly high standards, and he always seemed to find something wrong with women who were interested in him. Erwin and Hange encouraged him to try to have a more open mind, but when it came to something as important as a relationship, Levi didn’t want to settle. But, Levi was nearly 37 years old. It was high time he took steps to make this happen. Someone was out there, someone made just for him. Someone who wasn’t perfect, but who was perfect for him. Someone like that had to exist? Right?

For now, Levi thought he would start with baby steps. Getting away for a week seemed like a good place to start. His friend, Hange, inherited a cottage in a small town on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. She had been begging him incessantly to take her up on the offer to stay there for a week, knowing how badly her friend needed time to relax and decompress from his career. He didn’t even know much about the area, only that it was about a 5 hour drive away and was quite rural. As he pondered, Levi thought this was a healthy first step toward exiting his comfort zone, which was basically staying exclusively in the city, and addicting himself with work. Without thinking about it too much, Levi grabbed his cell and hit the contact button for Hange. She answered nearly immediately.

“Levi! To what do I owe the pleasure? Also, I saw that slight mishap on the news earlier….don’t worry, I think he totally deserved it!”

Grumbling, Levi decided that maybe calling Hange was a bad idea after all. The last thing he needed right now was to be reminded of his poor decision making skills earlier in the day. Hange never was one who fully understood boundaries, though. He decided to look past it for now.

“While I appreciate the sentiment, I’m actually calling to see if your offer to stay in the cottage is still good for the week..”

“What? Is this my friend Levi? Levi Ackerman? Willingly asking about taking a week off of work? Are you being held at gunpoint? Is there someone coercing you right now?”

“I’m serious, four-eyes. After today, I decided maybe I really do need this break. I know it’s last minute, but can I stay there or what?”

Without even checking her app, Hange excitedly exclaimed “Of course you can! Well, I did have someone ask about it last week for the same time slot, but I never heard back from her so it’s definitely available. And you know you don’t need to book through the website….this is on me!”

“Hange, I’m only taking you up on this if you accept payment. We’ve been over this before. And for the love of God, I’m only staying there if someone other than you has been cleaning it. Oh…and make sure you mark it as booked on the Airbnb site….last thing I need is some random showing up because you forgot to update the calendar.”

“Of course I’ll update it, I. I’m not an idiot. Yes, my friend Nanaba lives in the area and she cleans and maintains it for me. Well, the key for the cottage is under the doormat. I’ll send you the address. Bye!”

Under the doormat? Didn’t most people have lockboxes with access codes for these rentals? Levi thought his strange friend was a little too trusting at times, but he dismissed it. All he knew is he would be leaving the next morning, to make the drive from New York to the small town of Oxford, Maryland. Levi pulled his suitcases from his closet and started the process of meticulously packing his things.

Little did Levi know that his friend Hange went to sleep peacefully that night, never once updating the Airbnb calendar, never checking her email or app, and not noticing whatsoever how royally she herself had fucked up.

[avatarskywalker78]

not so nice OC asks for steph :) break, failure, future, guilt, monster

break - What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

Losing a friend - specifically losing either Eddie or Alyssa but honestly losing any of her friends would fucking devastate her, like it would absolutely bring her to her knees, especially if it was during a superhero clash, if they were killed by a villain because the survivor's guilt would be horrendous. So far Steph hasn't had to face it...in this timeline, but in the Original Timeline she did end up losing Alyssa in a car accident and was inconsolable for months - Eddie was the one to eventually bring her out of it because he'd been there for her the whole time. It was painful for him to witness because he couldn't help beyond just being there - except of course that meant absolutely everything to Steph, who just needed someone.)

(In the current timeline, 1x07 is gonna put poor Steph through the wringer and ratchets up her determination to train up.)

failure: What's your OC's greatest failure? Have they been able to move past it? Does anyone else know about it?

Again, I know this hasn't happened in the series yet, but she'll consider 1x07 a failure, never mind that there isn't anything she could've done outside of being psychic and being in the building at the time. And there is another incident later on - not gonna go into too much detail, but let's just say a situation escalates despite her best attempts, and she's gonna blame herself for the person going on to hurt others even though it really isn't her fault.

future: What's the worst possible future for your OC? Are they taking steps to avoid that outcome? Are they even aware it's a possibility?

In terms of external factors, I refer you to break - she cannot stand the thought of losing any of her friends and partly trains up to avoid that ever happening. In terms of Steph personally? Going too far over her limits for her force fields and dying - though Team Shieldmaiden have discussed risk factors, this is still somewhat in the abstract because right now she isn't actively fighting metas, and it's unlikely a metahuman will have enough power to push her over the limits.

(...for now.)

guilt: What is your OC guilty about? How do they handle their guilt? Do they try to avoid guilt, or do they accept it?

Steph's whole thing is that she wants to help as many people as she can - through her physics work, through the Meta Outreach Project, through just being kind to people - and she always feels so guilty when she can't help everyone, when she does, in fact, have to delegate for her own mental health. She knows this is better in the long run but also accepts that the guilt is going to stay for a while (she's trying to work on that though).

monster: Is your OC monstrous in any way? Is there something that makes them monstrous? Are they aware of their own monstrosity? Do they accept it or reject it?

Steph's not monstrous at all.

Not So Nice OC Asks

@shrinkthisviolet @starstruckpurpledragon @daughter-of-melpomene @negative-speedforce

[zuko-always-lies]

I'm kind of curious...how would Iroh and Zuko's relationships change if the latter was born a girl?(My opinion is that it'd be non-existent)

I think this is a very interesting question. I think there are several interesting hints about why Iroh feels such a close connection to Zuko in canon, while having no interest in Azula:

After Lu Ten died, Iroh came to see Zuko as a surrogate or "replacement" son. See "The Siege of the North."

Zuko's characteristics remind Iroh of Ozai when he was younger and make Iroh think he should step in with Zuko to ensure a better outcome and to have the sort of relationship he was unable to have with Ozai. In a sense, Zuko is almost Iroh's surrogate brother here. This is essentially what "The Legacy of the Fire Nation" book says, but it isn't clearly articulated in canon.

Iroh feels guilty for letting Zuko into the war room in the first place and standing by while he was burned and banished.

(Note that Zuko being particularly respectful or nice to Iroh does not seem to be the reason Iroh adores him so much, since from what we see in canon Zuko often behaves very disrespectfully toward Iroh).

If Zuko was a girl, I don't think of these factors would be present. #1 and #2 are obvious, but I also think that, given the Fire Nation's sexism and his own sexism, Iroh almost certainly would not have let a 13 year old "Female Zuko" into the war meeting on his own initiative.

Thus, I don't think he would have had anywhere near as close a relationship with "Female Zuko" as he had with canon Zuko. He might have taken somewhat more interest in her than he does in canon toward Azula, who actively dislikes him, after all, but I doubt he would spend that much energy on "fem Zuko."

Mind you, I also think that the relationship between Azula and "female Zuko" might be better than in canon, as ironically being of the same gender might reduce the competition between them and result in the adults in their lives pitting them against each other less, but I'm not sure.

[cozybearz]

I’ve not put much of my own words to many voting/electoral topics this year and especially these past several months, this being my first election as a registered voter in the US, because honestly, I don’t have it figured out.

(edit: this turned into a huge ramble, I’m posting it anyways even if its of no interest to anyone, but I’ll put it under the read more)

I’ve been thinking about this stuff every day and all I ever figure out for certain is just learning more and more about how much things need to change down to the very roots, and how the current systems of power simply will not allow for the changes that need to happen because they are built off killing and exploitation and they are fed by killing and exploitation.

Not that that’s news to anyone I interact with on here (I’d hope at least), its just that the past several years have been somewhat of a process of me becoming actually more properly aware of these things on a deeper level, and them just sinking in more and more all the time.

And with the electoral system specifically its been a realization of like, how it is fundamentally not set up to allow for a true peoples decision, and even if there were an actual halfway morally candidate who managed to be elected into office it still would not make the systems of power any less brutal, and a vote for any candidate or not voting at all isn’t going to be what changes that.

And that last bit has been what I’ve really been stuck on a lot, trying to think what is the “best” choice for me within that but knowing that no matter what I do and what the outcome of the election is I will feel guilt.

But I’ve really been clinging to and contemplating a perspective, I think I mostly/first heard it from Logan Grendel (focusedoninfinity on instagram), which is essentially that voting is never going to be the most important action you can take under this system, and therefore, whether you do or don’t vote, and what candidate you vote for, is going to be far less important and less impactful than what you do beyond engaging (or abstaining) from electoral politics. That what is ultimately going to matter far more is whether you do or do not work to build community and better systems outside of these ones that we know are failing us as people living in this world.

And this isn’t exact quoting, rather it’s just how I’ve understood and interpreted the statement since I first heard it, but I think its possibly been one of the most important ideas to how I’ve been trying to learn and think about and engage with electoral topics in the months since.

And thats not to say that I have tangibly engaged in community and interpersonal work in meaningful ways, I guess maybe with the exception of giving money to people to help them get by if we want to count that. But I know that at the very least I’m learning a lot more about what kinds of change are needed and what it takes to work towards such change, and I’m thinking a lot about how I can incorporate these things into my life in the long term.

So I guess bringing it back to the voting more specifically, I still don’t know for sure, I know I’ll probably vote downballot at the very least, and I know what I do or don’t fill in for the presidential vote won’t ultimately make the brutality of the system any less cruel, and I know I’ll feel guilty whatever the results are.

But I’m trying to hold the values of learning and working and building beyond the oppressive and exploitative systems higher than my shame and despair of having been and still inherently being a participant and a beneficiary of them in many ways, because the latter doesn’t change the reality of it.

[k-s-morgan]

What do you like about Ciel Phantomhive from Black Butler? (such as traits or anything he had done)

Ooh, I love pretty much everything about Ciel! He's my most favorite character ever.

I love how smart, cold, and manipulative he can be despite his age. It always pleases me to see that people underestimate him only to realize that he's been trapping them all along. His cleverness is frequently on par with Sebastian's, even though it should be impossible; he finds multiple crimes curious even when they are gruesome; he knows how to play on people's emotions, switching between different personas depending on a situation. He's a powerful enemy and Sebastian complements him instead of doing all the work for him. Ciel deserves his position as the most influential person in the underworld.  

I find his softer qualities absolutely fascinating, too, because they are fraught with endless complexities. Ciel often shows an interesting mix of kindness and nobility. These two qualities exist only together in him - I wouldn't call him kind, exactly, but he's still capable of kindness, and it's nobility that pushes him to it. For example, he tries to be kind to Elisabeth repeatedly, partly because it's his duty and he's a gentleman, but also because he doesn't want to hurt her. He buys an orange from a poor little girl because he feels guilty over violently murdering all those kidnapped children. He's going to the work house for the same reason: his guilt, his determination to compensate for the gravity of what he's done at least partly leads him to doing a good and noble deed by sponsoring the remaining disabled children. Is Ciel terrified and broken by the outcomes of his heated kill order to Sebastian? No, not in the way a genuinely kind person would be. But it still haunts him, and he wants to make things right.

He considers any form of kindness in himself a flaw, likely because he spent several years shaped and affected by a demon, yet he still responds to it in other people. Abberline is a good example. Ciel is genuinely taken aback by him because Abberline is the embodiment of goodness. This softens Ciel's heart toward him. He shows equal softness toward Elisabeth and the servants - these people care about him, and he feels compelled to answer them with similar, somewhat awkward kindness.

Ciel's obsession with Sebastian and his burning need to remain worthy of being consumed by him are amazing to watch, too. Sometimes it feels like Ciel would gladly kill himself just to make Sebastian react - in fact, he almost does it in the anime several times. I always had a feeling that Sebastian is the only person Ciel has 100% genuine, raw, uncontrollable feelings for. The rest of the world is a pale shadow of everything: Ciel does his duty more than really feels deeply for it, but when it comes to Sebastian, we see the unique kind of authenticity.

Ciel's flaws, like losing his temper sometimes, being too tied to his earthly duties like serving the Queen, the unjustified reverence for her only complicate his nature further. He's an endlessly interesting character.