#i feel so fucking sick and am so tired but god i miss writing them.

[jamlabs]

Feeling insane about them again

[lovewithsturnss]

why'd you only call me when your high? (c.s)

chris sturniolo x reader

warnings: mentions of smoking, strong language, kinda softdom!chris, unprotected sex (wrap before u tap freaks)

preview: you and chris have been in a situationship for about 6 months now. you've been ready to commit to him but he keeps telling you he "doesnt do relationships." your sick and tired of him only calling you when he's faded.

a/n: sorry if this is bad this is my first time writing smut in foreverrr so pls be nicee - val

the sound of your music playing and the rain hitting your windows filled your apartment. you danced around your room, distracted from the fact that you were supposed to be cleaning. your phone kept going crazy with constant messages. finally getting annoyed with it interrupting your songs, you decided to answer.

4 missed calls, 30 missed texts

Y/N POV:

"what the fuck." i said to myself as i checked my 30 missed texts from chris.

chris: cann u anwserrr i miss u ma

chris: pleaseeee

i knew from the way he was texting that he's been smoking, and smoking a lot. every time chris got high he blew up my phone with messages begging to come over to fuck or something. i wanted to get serious with him from the first month we started talking but he constantly told me he wasnt ready.

y/n: goodbye christopher text me when your sober or whatever

chris: maa i am sober come overrr

y/n: fuck off bro why do u only call me when your high.

chris: high?

i let out a sigh of annoyance. i turned off my music and layed in my bed. the sounds of silence left me alone with my thoughts. the more i layed there, the more pissed i became.

a sudden knock at my window interrupted the silence in my room. i opened it to see the one and only chris sturniolo. he stumbled through the window and looked at me.

"hey ma" he said looking at me smirking.

"get the fuck out chris oh my god" i rolled my eyes walking away from him. as he stumbled over to me he placed his hands on my waist. i could smell scent of weed all over him. i was supposed to be mad at him but looking into his low eyes, the red in them making the blue stand out. he looked good, like really good.

he leaned in to kiss me and i let him. the kiss slowly getting more heated as it goes on. our tongues fighting for dominance as we back into my bed slowly.

we pull away to catch our breaths, i get on top of him so im straddling him and lean in again. slowly our clothing gets discarded somewhere on my bedroom floor. his hands roaming my body everywhere.

his kisses slowly move down my neck. "fuckk chris" i moan out pathetically as he kisses and sucks on my sweet spot. he chuckles in my neck as he moves down to my breasts. he looks up at me for permission before taking my bra off, i give him a nod to let him know its okay.

he lays sloppy kisses all over my boobs. he sucks on one of my nipples making me whine, needing more from him. in one swift motion he flips us around so hes on top of me. ''you look so pretty ma, been waiting for you all night'' he whispers in my ear. i feel the heat between my legs grew as i felt his eyes on me.

''you gonna be a good girl and suck my dick for me? hm?'' he gets off the bed and stands up. i slowly get off and get on my knees, looking up at him through my lashes. "cmon baby" i slide his boxers down to his knees. his length pops up and smacks his stomach. my eyes widen at how big it is, even though ive seen it at least a hundred times or two.

i spit on it and stroke it a couple times before taking it into my mouth. i started to suck his dick, stroking the rest of the length that i couldn't fit into my mouth. "oh fuck pretty girl. keep going just like that" he groans out as i continue to suck, paying extra attention to the tip. i feel his dick twitch inside my mouth as he pushes my head lower down, indicating that he's close. just as he's about to cum, he pulls away from my mouth.

i stare up at him in confusion. ''wanna fill you up baby'' he whispers underneath his breath. he picks me up and throws me on the bed. "ass up" he says as he gets on the bed behind me. he teases me through my panties, feeling my wetness pool around his fingers. "so wet already mama, who got you this wet hm?'' he says as he starts to pull my lace thong down.

"y-you did. fuck chriss'' i feel him push 2 fingers into my hole, i moan at the feeling of his fingers filling me up. "c-chris pleaseeee" i whine needing more from him "shh its alright baby i got you" he pulls his fingers out and i whine at the feeling of him rubbing his tip against my heat. he slowly pushes his dick into me, stretching me out. "mmmm its too big" i whine as he pushes his whole length into me.

he starts at a slow, steady pace. he gives me a little time to adjust before pounding into me. i let out choked moans and whines as his pace sped up. "oh my god chris! feels good!" i moan loudly. he lays a smack on my ass before rubbing the area.

"yeah? you like that ma?" he hisses as he reaches a hand down to my clit, ferociously rubbing circles on it. "f-fuck chris! gonna cum!" i whine as i feel the knot in my stomach start to unravel.

"cmon baby, cum all over my cock." he groans. i let out a pornographic moan at his words as i let my juices spill out all over his dick. he continues to thrust into me, slowing his pace as he became closer to his orgasm.

"c-chris im to sensitive" i wince at the feeling of him continuing to push into me. "its okay mama, you could take it" he groans as he reaches his high. he halts his movements while he fills me with stripes of hot cum. he groans my name over and over as he rides out his high.

he finally pulls out of me and i fall on the bed. he soon falls next to me. "you okay pretty girl?'' he whispers while turning me over and brushing my hair out of my face. all i could do was mumble an answer feeling the post-sex haze.

"ill get you cleaned up baby" he says while getting up and putting on his clothes. he walks into my bathroom and comes out with a rag. he wipes me clean of both his and my orgasm. he picks out clean pyjamas for me and puts them on me.

he gets into bed with me and wraps his arms around me. "i didnt just text you because i was high, you know?" he whispers into my ear

.

a/n: THIS WAS KINDA RUSHED SORRYYY

[sahrii]

You’ll Catch My Coldˏˋ°•*⁀➷

contains: mitsuya being sick, thats really it….

requests: open

a/n: i had this uncompleted in my drafts so i finished writing it n here i am uploading it!!! i kinda (only kinda) like it tbh so i hope you guys like it as well, just a reminder that requests are open!!!! please enjoy reading it <33

____________________________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

It was 2pm at the moment, and I have been woken from my deep slumber that I promised myself I would get as a reward of my hard work during the academic year.

“Who the fuck wakes up at 2pm on the first day of summer vacation. And who the fuck even woke me up?” I ask myself as I rub my eyes to help clear my obscured vision.

My phone has been ringing for the past eternity, and it’s not shutting up.

I grab my phone to check who’s the asshole who’s been calling ever since the morning, only to find out that it’s my very dear boyfriend, mitsuya.

11 missed calls from taka <3

“oh shit, oh shit” I curse to myself as worry embraces me, spreading through my veins insidiously.

Did he die? Did something happen to him?

I ask myself these questions as I dial his number on my phone.

“pick up you idiot” i whisper to no one in particular.

“Luna, Mana, get the hell away from me.” I hear mitsuya on the other line cough up this sentence.

“Babe?�� I ask

“y/n. Where the fu—hell have you been. I was starting to get worried, you idiot!” His voice, scratchy and full of cold, asked through the phone.

“Ahaaha…I have been…asleep…” I muttered shamefully and then added, “Are you okay though, you sound exhausted…and full of cold..”

“That’s the reason I ca—cough—ca—cough—” he stops to take a breath and continues “called. Luna and Mana are not leaving me alone and I dont want to spread my cold to them, the—cough—they’re trying to help me out which is pretty nice but I dont want them getting sick.”

“Okay, I’ll be there in a bit.” I say, getting up from my bed.

“I’ll get you some medicine on the way. Stay put, love you.” I add.

“Mhm, thank you—cough—Genuinely have n—cough—no idea what i’d do with—cough—without you, i love you so much.” he says in a weak, feeble voice.

“Oh shut it, I’m your girlfriend for a reason, dummy.” I replied.

“I’m—cough—I’m trying to be nice—cough—but anyway, b—cough—bye”

“Bye.” I giggle as I end the call. He’s so cute!

———————————————————————

I slowly open the door of Mitsuya’s house, expecting him to be asleep. I truly did not expect to hear yells and giggles coming out from both Mitsuya and his sisters, who are currently seated in the living room.

I tip toe to secretly steal a glance, only to be greeted by the scene of Luna sitting on top of mitsuya, who was laying on the couch, head on the couch’s armrest, and Mana standing beside that armrest, gawking at mitsuya straight in the eyes from above.

I couldn’t help but let out a giggle, which turned all the attention to me, and with that, both Luna and Mana ran straight up to me, hugging my lower torso.

“Y/n! You’re here!” one of the girls yelled in excitement, causing me to grin.

“Indeed I am! How do you girls think Mitsuya’s been feeling?” I ask, playing along with their ‘doctor’ game.

“Well—based on what I have seen, I think he has—uhhhh…a cough!” Luna says hesitantly as Mana nods.

I kneel down as I place the grocery bags I brought on the floor, trying to reach to their level, and say in a surprised manner “Oh, really?! Poor Mitsuya, he must he feeling awful, right? What do you guys recommend him to do?”

“Sleep!” Mana answers and Luna adds, “Yeah, I think he must rest well!”

“Exactly, now why don’t you girls go to your room while I make sure that Nee-san gets the sleep he needs so that we can all play together later?” I offer, excitingly, earning nods and ‘yeah, hurray!’ from one of them as they rush to their rooms.

I stand up again and approach Mitsuya, and Oh God. Exhaustion was painted all over his face, tired eyes begging to sleep and some messy hair.

“How are you feeling, Taka?” I ask softly.

“Take a guess, babe,” He responds sarcastically in a rough, scratched voice.

“Well, based on what your little doctors told me, not very well,” I joke as I bring my hand to his forehead, and as expected, he was burning up.

“Woah, what an absolute genius you are, babe” he coughs.

“Yeah yeah, whatever. I get that all the time, but anyway, do you wanna head to your room? I’ll make you some food before handing you your medicine and then you can head to sleep and I’ll take care of the girls for tonight,”

“Sounds good to me, I think my head is about to explode,” He winces as he tries to get up in a vain attempt.

“Take it easy, Taka, let me help you,”

And with that, I help him up and make sure he walks without stumbling and breaking a bone to his room. I grab some water and place it beside his nightstand.

“You can sleep while I make the food if you want, but it shouldn’t take long,” I mention as I lean in to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Yeah I think I’ll stay awake—b—cough—but you stay away from me- or else you—cough—you’ll catch my cold—“ He coughs again.

“Oh don’t be silly, of course I’ll catch your cold, but you’ll take care of me the next,” I grin as I begin making my way out of his room.

“I don’t know how I ended up being with you, but I’m not complaining,” he faintly mutters to himself, smiling softly at no one in particular.

He does realise that even if you make silly jokes sometimes, he’s indeed the luckiest man on earth to have you beside him.

____________________________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

[bisexual-queenie]

Could you please write more BNHA Pro Heroes as Incorrect Quotes. I need a Pt.2

OMG Im so happy that someone wanted a part 2 to one of my favorite posts that I made!! Here yall go!

(Few trigger warnings before we begin: Use if swearing, and mentions of violence an alcohol. Let me know if I missed anything!)

Ships mentioned (Vaugley and outright): Erasermic, Edgejeanist, Nightmight, and Kamui x Mount Lady

—————————————————————————

Eraserhead: You have to apologize to Takeyama.

Midnight: Fine.

Midnight: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.

All Might: You often use humor to deflect trauma.

Nighteye: Thank you!

All Might: I didn't say that was a good thing.

Nighteye: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny.

Present Mic: Do you remember that horrible roommate you had back in college?

Eraserhead: You mean you?

Mount Lady: Sometimes I feel like dying.

Kamui Woods: Wha-

Mount Lady: And then I remember that I won't be able to see you if I do.

Kamui Woods: *blushes*

———————————————————————

Best Jeanist: Sometimes I feel like dying.

Edgeshot: Good for you.

Miruko: Do I look nice?

Fat Gum: You look like you're about to set someone on fire.

Miruko: Perfect.

Present Mic: A fistfight CAN be romantic.

Miruko: And you know what the worst part is?

Ryukyuu: That you're having to process your pain without vodka?

Miruko: No.

Miruko: Yeah.

Midnight: If you found out you only had one day left to live, what would you do with it?

Eraserhead: Say goodbye and mend my relationships.

Present Mic: Something illegal.

Shirakumo: Accept my fate.

Tensei: I would message ten people saying that if they didn't forward the message to 10 other people, I would die tomorrow.

Eraserhead: What?

Shirakumo: That's fucking awesome. Can I change my answer?

Eraserhead: Hizashi, just GO TO THE HOSPITAL

Present Mic: Who's stab wound is this???? Is it OUR stab wound???? No! Stay out of it!

Hawks: I'm the proud owner of an IQ of 5 (and a half)!

Endeavor: Not for long.

Hawks: Please. It's all I have.

Present Mic: "Ladies and gentlemen" is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy, and honestly I'm falling asleep already.

Present Mic: "Cowards", on the other hand, is inclusive to all genders, casual and fun. Short and to the point, exciting, and dramatic.

Nighteye: You look like a corpse that was just pulled out of the river.

Present Mic: Wrong. I look like a cool rock star who just OD'd in their own pool. Big difference.

Gang Orca: I made lightly fried fish fillets for dinner.

Edgeshot: Kuugo, It’s 1:15 am, what the fuck.

Gang Orca: Do you want the lightly fried fish fillets or not.

Edgeshot: Well, I mean yeah.

Gang Orca: So come downstairs while they’re still hot.

Best Jeanist: Wait, you just made them?

Gang Orca: Yeah, I wasn’t tired so I decided to make lightly fried fish fillets.

Edgeshot: Say lightly fried fish fillets one more time Kuugo.

Present Mic: *speaking Spanish*

Eraserhead: I know, I know.

All Might: You speak Spanish?

Eraserhead: No. I just know the phrase, 'this is all your fault' in every language Hizashi speaks.

All Might: I would never say that Mirai is a bitch and I don’t don’t like him. That’s not true…Mirai is a bitch and I like him so much!

Edgeshot: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

*Present Mic sneezes*

Eraserhead: Hizashi, are you sick? Here, let me wrap you in a blanket and hand-feed you some warm soup while singing you a lullaby!

*anyone else sneezes*

Eraserhead: Oh my god. Shut the hell up.

Hawks: Uptown Funk would've made it into the Shrek Soundtrack.

Miruko: That's the truest statement I've ever heard.

Fat Gum: Hey Sasaki?

Nighteye: Yeah?

Fat Gum: What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false?

Nighteye:

Nighteye: ...What.

Ryukyuu: So, what's it like living with Hakamada?

Edgeshot: They once referred to sand as "heterosexual glitter."

Ryukyuu: ...

Edgeshot: I love them so much.

Fat Gum: I’m sorry, I really flew off the handle back there. It was like the handle was a bald guy going really fast, and I was his toupée.

Someone interviewing the Lurkers: What are the hardest things to say?

Mount Lady: I was wrong.

Edgeshot: I need help.

Kamui Woods: Worcestershire sauce.

Eraserhead: You’re drunk.

Present Mic: Correction: drinking. Present tense. Grammar, Shouta.

Endeavor: How did none of you hear what I just said?!

Hawks: I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Best Jeanist: I got distracted halfway through.

Edgeshot: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

Hawks: If you put a milkshake in one yard and crack open a cold one in another yard, which yard would the boys go to?

All Might: Schrödinger's boys.

Miruko: FUCK!

Present Mic: What about cracking open a cold milkshake?

Nighteye: As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do.

Nighteye: All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison.

Hawks: ...

All Might: ...

Miruko: ...

Present Mic: ...

Nighteye: Mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town.

[pvffinsdaisies]

UK & Ireland as Olivia Rodrigo songs

Plus OC’s in a reblog 💕

ENGLAND: making the bed

“Want it, so I got it, did it, so it’s done. Another thing I ruined I used to do for fun. Another piece of plastic I could just throw away. Another conversation with nothing good to say.

And I thought it, so I said it, took it cause I can. Another day pretending I’m older than I am, another perfect moment that doesn’t feel like mine, another thing I forced to be a sign.

Well, sometimes I feel like I don’t wanna be where I am, getting drunk at a club with my fair-weathered friends, push away all the people who know me the best, but it’s me who’s been making the bed.

And I’m tired of being the girl that I am, every good thing has turned into something I dread, and I’m playing the victim so well in my head, but it’s me who’s been making the bed.

(…)

And I tell someone I love them, just as a distraction, and they tell me that they love me like I’m some tourist attraction. They’re changing my machinery and I just let it happen, I got the things I wanted it’s just not what I imagined.”

IRELAND: Can’t Catch Me Now

“There’s blood on the side of the mountain, there’s writing all over the wall, the shadows of us are still dancing through every room and every hall. There’s snow falling over the city, you thought that it would wash away the bitter taste of my fury and all of the messes you made. Yeah, you think that you got away

But I’m in the trees, I’m in the breeze, my footsteps on the ground. You’ll see my face in every place, but you can’t catch me now. Through wading grass, the months will pass, you’ll feel it all around. I’m here, I’m there, I’m everywhere but you can’t catch me now.

Bet you thought I’d never do it, thought it’d go over my head. I bet you figured I’d pass with the winter, be something easy to forget, oh, you think I’m gone ‘cause I left…

(…)

You can’t, you can’t catch me now, I’m coming like a storm into your town. You can’t, you can’t catch me now, I’m higher than the hopes that you brought down!

(…)

There’s blood on the side of the mountain, it’s turning a new shade of red. Yeah, sometimes the fire you founded don’t burn the way you expect. Yeah, you thought that this was the end.”

NORTHERN IRELAND: brutal

“And I’m so sick of seventeen, where’s my fucking teenage dream? If someone tells me one more time, “enjoy your youth!” Im gonna cry. And I don’t stick up for myself, I’m anxious and nothing can help, and I wish I’d done this before, and I wish people liked me more.

All I did was try my best, this the kinda thanks I get? Unrelentlessly upset. They say these are the golden years, but I wish I could disappear, ego crush is so severe. God, it’s brutal out here.

I feel like no one wants me, and I hate the way I’m perceived. I only have two real friends, and lately I’m a nervous wreck. ‘Cause I love people I don’t like, and I hate every song I write, and I’m not cool and I’m not smart and I can’t even parallel park.

(…)

Got a broken ego, broken heart. And god, I don’t even know where to start.”

SCOTLAND: get him back!

“I met a guy in the summer, and I left him in the spring. He argued with me about everything. He had an ego and a temper and a wandering eye, he said he’s 6’2 and I’m like “dude, nice try.” But he was so much fun, and he had such weird friends, and he would take us out to parties and the night would never end, another song, another bar, another dance, and when he said something wrong, he’d just fly me to France. So, I miss him some nights when I’m feeling depressed, ‘til I remember every time he made a pass at my friends. Do I love him, do I hate him? I guess it’s up and down, if I had to choose, I would say right now

I wanna get him back! I wanna make him really jealous, wanna make him feel bad. I wanna get him back ‘cause then again I really miss him and it makes me real sad. I want sweet revenge and I want him again. I wanna get him back!

(…)

I wanna key his car, I wanna make him lunch, I wanna break his heart and be the one to stitch it up. Oh, I wanna kiss his face with an uppercut, I wanna meet his mom, just to tell her her son sucks!”

WALES: enough for you

“And I knew how you took your coffee, and your favourite songs by heart. I read all of your self-help books so you’d think that I was smart. Stupid, emotional, obsessive little me. I knew from the start this is exactly how you’d leave.

You found someone more exciting, the next second you were gone. And you left me there crying, wondering what I did wrong. And you always say I’m never satisfied, but I don’t think that’s true, ‘cause all I ever wanted was to be enough for you.

And maybe I’m just not as interesting as the girls you had before, but god you couldn’t have cared less about someone who loved you more. I’d say you broke my heart, but you broke much more than that, now I don’t want your sympathy I just want myself back.

(…)

Don’t you think I loved you too much to be used and discarded? Don’t you think I loved you too much to think I deserve nothing? But don’t tell me you’re sorry, boy, feel sorry for yourself ‘cause someday I’ll be everything to somebody else. And they’ll think that I’m so exciting, and you’ll be the one who’s crying.”

[orphanlavinia]

I’m heavily medicated

It feels as if I’ve been defeated.

I was so happy with five pills a day.

Feels like such a step backwards or several

My psych finally broke down and gave me benzodiazepines, I pick em up today

I can’t sleep my body is exhausted and my eyes are closing but this feeling in my legs is killing me at night.

It feels like hell

I have to kinda journal somewhere so I guess here it is almost nobody knows this account is mine.

Thank you internet.

Anyways I’ve spend these past few days locked in the bathroom binge smoking weed.

It all started really when I got diagnosed with did. I was in very serious denial and what my brain did out of boredom or god knows what is flood me with memories that I would have rather not remember.

Is it my brain or miss Steiner? We don’t know

The portrayal of this illness in TikTok and shit tends to be too cartoony and I didn’t relate with it at all until I found other lesser known people that talked about it.

And then there it was, symptoms that I have that are DID.

The blackouts, the feeling of not having control in my body.

The amnesia

All of them.

And then everything inside me got worse as I watch my life outside of me getting better and I cannot join in cuz the past pulls. Hard and cruel.

And I am so tired

I have so much work to do and I will

I am just so tired all the time

My neuropathic pain medication got switched and it has caused me a great deal of physical pain.

Also just fyi I am in clinical rest.

I do have to do some stuff do.

Everything is very hard I just want to be alone and not think and not be here maybe?

I’m leaving angel alone tho

He very much understands

But it’s still not cool

I am very frustrated, I feel like I am not going anywhere and the more I dig in my history even tho it answers why I get rabid, furious.

I was the kid, I was too young, I was modeled to be the perfect victim, I was too naive, too autistic, too mentally ill.

It is not fair that I have to carry the pain and the hurt that was given to me until this point. It isn’t fair that I’ve lost a decade or decades of my life because of everything that has been done to me.

And for them it was a fucking Tuesday man.

How’s that?

It’s not fair that I met angel and I felt like Molly in the last unicorn.

Why do you come to me now that I am all broken and used? Why did t you come earlier?

I feel broken, defective.

I keep making plans for a healthy sane woman or whatever I am

But no, I am sick and broken and don’t function like someone whole.

So I gave up, I’m trying to follow my clinical rest, sleep and rest, I haven’t dared doodle or go get some sun but I’m working on it, I am taking half a pharmacy, forcing myself to eat even if all food looks like fucking poison,

I am in extreme burnout, I am audhd, have a very serious depression, I have bpd, I have did….

I have more stuff cuz I’m just god’s favorite

But I guess this is a journey or acceptance and exploration.

I am having coffee cuz it makes me happy tho i shouldn’t.

I think I should stop writing here, see you next time, void.

[axuanmii]

clip studio paint is driving me up a wall

do you use clip studio paint on windows? are you fucking tired of running out of storage space because you download a lot of materials and brushes? are your materials files stuck on your local c drive and you don't know how to move it?

making this tutorial because for some reason all other tutorials miss what you're supposed to do after changing the directory. btw, i use windows. fuck ya macos (i don't know how to help you guys)

close all clip studio programs and go to clip studio

2. go to the settings icon in the top right corner and hover over it. click on location of materials (p)

remember the address of the current location of materials.

3. create a new folder in your alternate drive/storage space. do not add anything in it. do not copy anything in it. simply write that new folder's address in here. click save changes.

now if you're like me and downloaded a ton of stuff, it's gonna take a while to load. it's transferring your document and material folders over. let it run. when it's complete, acknowledge and accept the popup.

4. CRUCIAL: after this step, delete the old "Document" and "Material" folders from the old directory (the address you memorized) (likely located in some address that has AppData (newer versions) in it or Documents (older versions)) (if you can't find this, turn hidden folders on in file explorer, AppData is a hidden folder).

when you try to exit out of this clip studio instance, it will also remind you to remove old files before closing the application. do NOT delete the CLIPStudioCommon folder. LEAVE the DB and other folders there.

before:

after:

5. after deleting the old folders, exit out of the clip studio instance. and you're done.

now you should enjoy like, a good 10 more gb of storage. at least for me. i'm enjoying that. also i use csp latest version 1 version (like 1.13 something idk) (i'll upgrade when they give me a free upgrade).

i forget if this is available for earlier versions but i did migrate csp across devices a lot, and that was a bunch of manually copying folders, which won't work for transferring between drives like this tutorial.

by the way if you're doing something like manually copying full folders over (like the old method of transferring csp between devices), you may find that your materials/organization structure is gone. you can go through clip studio and run both "Organize Materials" and "Organize Material Folders" to restore them to that tab in clip studio paint. at least when i was fucking around trying to find out how to put my materials on a different drive, i went through several iterations of backing up and copying back over 13.4 gb of data because i'd mess up One step.

disclaimer: i have not tried downloading new materials yet. i swear to fucking god they better download in my other drive. i am sick and tired of running out of storage. imagine being an engineer debugging code and then files on your computer start to disappear because your C drive ran out of space. happened to me!!!

no i don't know what will happen if you try to put these materials folders on a flashdrive. i think that's an "external drive" and there's some warning for that in the middle of this process. i feel like there's nothing wrong with that so long as you always plug that drive in when you use clip studio products or CSP at least.

if you encounter problems in the middle of this, i don't know how to solve them. i saw some people encounter problems when transferring the data over after changing the address and i don't know where their issues were (this issue seems to be because they installed CSP on D). this seems to be an article summarizing transferring csp across devices (both cloud and the old manual way)

discussion below:

my theory is that the DB folders are like a "database" that holds addresses towards those files and therefore need to stay in the C drive for. some godawful reason. i think i tried installing csp on my D drive before, but it would automatically create a new folder in users/documents in my C drive (in older versions).

after weakly changing this directory and not giving a shit for a while (idk when updates come out. it must've been a year or a few), they changed this address to Users/AppData/somethign/blah blah

i spend too much time trying to manage storage on my computer it's not healthy. anyways kudos to treesize the program for telling me that this entire time clip studio paint fucking updated and changed my meticulous structure to place files in places where there's space to it's shit default structure.

oh and i don't think there's a solution here but it's kind of informative on clip studio's organization structure?

first wacom, now csp. sai1 didn't work with my huion either. maybe i'm forever doomed to be cucked by japanese art products. come to think of it, micron pens hate me too.

nobody ever let me touch copics.

[perspectivestarters]

Perspective's Sentence Starters; SOUR by Olivia Rodrigo (Part I)

BRUTAL

I want it to be, like, messy.

I'm so insecure.

I think that I'll die before I drink.

I'm so caught up in the news.

I'm so tired that I might quit my job, start a new life.

They'd all be so disappointed.

Who am I if not exploited?

I'm so sick of seventeen.

Where's my fucking teenage dream?

If someone tells me one more time "Enjoy your youth," I'm gonna cry.

I don't stick up for myself.

I'm anxious, and nothing can help.

I wish I'd done this before.

I wish people liked me more.

All I did was try my best.

This the kinda thanks I get?

They say these are the golden years.

I wish I could disappear.

God, it's brutal out here.

I feel like no one wants me.

I hate the way I'm perceived.

I'm a nervous wreck.

I love people I don't like.

I hate every song I write.

I'm not cool.

I'm not smart.

I can't even parallel park.

Just havin' a really good time.

Got a broken ego?

God, I don't even know where to start.

TRAITOR

I played dumb, but I always knew.

I always knew that you talked to her, maybe did even worse.

I kept quiet so I could keep you.

Ain't it funny how you ran to her the second that we called it quits?

Ain't it funny how you said you were friends?

It sure as hell don't look like it

You betrayed me.

I know that you'll never feel sorry.

You talked to her when we were together.

Loved you at your worst, but that didn't matter.

It took you two weeks to go off and date her.

Guess you didn't cheat, but you're still a traitor.

I know if you were true, there's no damn way that you could fall in love with somebody that quickly.

Ain't it funny?

Remember I brought her up and you told me I was paranoid?

I wish that you had thought this through before I went and fell in love with you.

Don't you dare forget about the way you betrayed me.

You gave me your word, but that didn't matter

Yeah, you're still a traitor.

DRIVERS LICENSE

I got my driver's license last week.

Just like we always talked about.

Today, I drove through the suburbs crying 'cause you weren't around

You're probably with that blonde girl who always made me doubt.

She's so much older than me.

She's everything I'm insecure about.

How could I ever love someone else?

I know we weren't perfect, but I've never felt this way for no one.

I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone.

Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me.

'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street.

All my friends are tired of hearing how much I miss you.

I kinda feel sorry for them.

They'll never know you the way that I do.

I still see your face.

Can't drive past the places we used to go to.

I still fuckin' love you, babe.

I still hear your voice in the traffic.

God, I'm so blue.

1 STEP FORWARD, 3 STEPS BACK

All I did was speak normally

Somehow, I still struck a nerve.

You got me fucked up in the head.

Never doubted myself so much.

Am I pretty?

Am I fun?

I hate that I give you power over that kinda stuff

It's always one step forward and three steps back

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad.

Do you love me, want me, hate me?

I don't understand.

Maybe in some masochistic way, I kind of find it all exciting.

Which lover will I get today?

Will you walk me to the door or send me home crying?

It's back and forth.

Did I say something wrong?

Maybe this is all your fault instead.

I'd leave you, but the rollercoaster's all I've ever had.

DEJA VU

I bet she's braggin' to all her friends, sayin' you're so unique.

So when you gonna tell her that we did that, too?

She thinks it's special, but it's all reused.

That was our place, I found it first.

I made the jokes you tell to her when she's with you.

Do you get déjà vu when she’s with you?

Do you get déjà vu?

Do you call her, almost say my name?

Let's be honest, we kinda do sound the same.

I hate to think that I was just your type.

Now I bet you even tell her how you love her in between the chorus and the verse.

That was the show we talked about.

Played you the songs she's singing now when she's with you.

Don't act like we didn't do that shit, too.

You're tradin' jackets like we used to do

Everything is all reused.

Play her piano, but she doesn't know that I was the one who taught you.

A different girl now, but there's nothing new.

I know you get déjà vu

GOOD 4 U

Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily.

You found a new girl and it only took a couple weeks.

Remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world?

I guess that you've been workin' on yourself.

I guess that therapist I found for you, she really helped.

Now you can be a better man for your brand-new girl.

You look happy and healthy.

Not me, if you ever cared to ask

You're doin' great out there without me, baby.

God, I wish that I could do that.

I've lost my mind.

I've spent the night cryin' on the floor of my bathroom.

You're so unaffected, I really don't get it.

I guess you're gettin' everything you want.

You bought a new car and your career's really takin' off.

It's like we never even happened.

Baby, what the fuck is up with that?

It's like you never even met me.

Remember when you swore to god I was the only person who ever got you?

Well, screw that, and screw you

You will never have to hurt the way you know that I do.

Maybe I'm too emotional.

Your apathy's like a wound in salt.

Maybe you never cared at all.

[casmybelovedass]

I hate how New Who's problem is fundamentally the writing, cuz then people can just decide to ignore it and blame the actors to win the best doctor war.

Chris had fantastic writing g for a test season, and he was a great Doctor. He really embodied the whimsical of it all while still showing the darkness of an ancient being who had lost it all and was ready to make it rain Hell. Unfortunately he only lasted one season for us to enjoy, but canonically he'd had a century of being himself.

He's skippable.

David had some BRILLIAN writing and some really fucking MEH writing, but he did portrait the figure of someone trying so hard to run from their past while still being haunted by it in a poisonous way. BUT he was also trying to paint this image of himself as dashing merry-go-lucky but tragic hero, which inevitably brought him to his downfall. Water of Mars, while being a kinda MEH episode, contains the most important lesson of them all for him. He is not a human, nor a God, and he was trying to be both at the same time. And he is especially tragic because in canon he only got to live about 6-7 years. Fuck.

He's a crybaby.

Matt. Was. It. He WAS whimsical itself in that "I am clearly not a human and I do not care in the slightest 😀" way. WHILE being the one to actually almost succeed in leaving everything behind. The man who forgets. Fucking beautiful. BUT fucking Moffat had to go and create all these beautiful and interesting storylines to just... kinda fuck them up. Sometimes there really is a feeling of missed closure that makes me visibly shake. Oh well. But for real, I'm a hardcore 10girl (gn) and even I say that Matt's Doctor was the PERFECT combination of friendly and scary. 11/10

He's not Tennant.

PETER. WAS. IT. I will never rest until he gets recognised as one of the fucking best doctors. He was done. SO fucking done with it all. And while 9 was anaesthetised, 10 was PTSD-ed, and 11 was TIRED™️, 12 is 💯 done. Him finally getting back to Gallifrey only to fuck off in his childhood shed as people keep trying to talk to him? His fucking look when Rassilon interrupts him from eating his soup? AND THEN STRAIGHT UP LEAVING?!?!! Iconic. He is done playing young Prince Charming. He is Done trying to be human. He is letting all his years hit him like a truck and being incredibly autistic about it. SO fucking real. BUT his writing was shit. Same thing happened with Matt, he was given shit material to work with but CONSTANTLY like I can count on almost two hands the number of episodes I for real FOR REAL enjoyed. And unfortunately most of them would be because Missy or River were there. That was a mastodontical fucking loss. Fuck.

He's old and tasteless.

And Jodie. Poor fucking Jodie. She got caught in the Chibnall hurricane and suffered massively for it. The writing? Shit. The storylines? Shit. Motives? Shit. Characterisation? Sometimes really fucking shitty. AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE TIMELESS CHILD BULLSHIT my god help me lord I am going to be sick. She did an amazing job being 🦄The Doctor🧚‍♂️, BUT her writing for the Oncoming Storm was so shit she couldn't do anything with it. They made her a tasteless Tennant and then blamed her for it. They really treated her as the "Yeah you got your female Doctor now shut up" Doctor, and gave her nothing else to be remembered for, unless you count the having the most fucking absurd writing Doctor. And to make her leave after having broadcasted to the moon and back that David was reprising the role, and that a non-british actor of colour was coming next, really took her moment away. Fucking awful.

She's a woman and tasteless.

Shameful.

[wayvsphantom]

ok hihihi im home from kcon so i wanna write everything i felt n saw before i forget it lmaoooo

nmixx: honestly super cute!! i didnt know the TWO songs they did but they were fun little summertime bops! i was up and moving for their "the feels" twice cover tho and i thought i was sick of that song shout out to the girlies for performing it really well!

ive: ok i dont know if my section is just women hating or women defending but my whole row sat down for their TWO songs and everyone got on their phones (including me!) instead of watching. I was genuinely upset and angry that the stylists for ive put them (actual minors, actual schoolgirls) in slutty schoolgirl uniforms, furthering the sexualization of minors needlessly and im glad people around me were also not supportive of it. anyway i heard them perform kitch (got literally no love from my section) and love dive (slightly more love from my section) but pls can they get some help im tired of seeing them do an overly sexual love dive dance break in slutty outfits when they are actual minors

cravity: they had good energy! i didnt know their TWO songs but they had good vibes and worked really hard!

taeyong: ok i thought i wasnt gonna vibe w his set but he came onstage and i LOST MY FUCKING MIND!!! like he really just has a star energy on stage it cant be stopped like he was my first ever nct bias and hes everyones bias for a reason!!! also shalala was so fun live the bass shook my bones fr ! taeyong you were great !! he should be really proud of that performance (of his TWO songs)

shownu n hyungwon: ok i did not realize how much i loved them until they performed on stage they were both so fucking good ?? like i fully need a mx tour bc i wanna see them so bad now ?? they peformed those TWO songs w such a fun sexy grown man energy that i was deeply missing lmao 10/10 pls come back to LA

wayv <3: OK U KNOW IM SOFT ON THEM BUT OMG THEY WERE SO FUCKING CRAZY GOOD WEISHENV U WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS THEY CAME OUT TO SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAMS I COULDNT BREATHE I WASNT READY AND THEN IT WAS A NEW SONG (that i was not feeling i cant lie) BUT THEN I FOUND OUT IT WAS THE KCON THEME SONG OR WHATEVER so i was able to breathe again.... anyway fake out over they came back later in the night and they WE4RE INSANE!!! LOVE TALK!!! U WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS!!! EVERYONE KN EW EVERY GODDAMN WORD TO THAT FUCKING SONG!! I was getting teary wayv u r not a flop u are the most famous group in the world!!! xiaojun is unreal pretty btw also yangyang and hendery.... omg TEN!!! TEN IS SO TALENTED AND PRETTY!! also i fully understand the winwin hype now i would die to protect that man ok okokokokokokok INCREDIBLE!!! they also gave us eng ver of phantom she was cute too!! the dance break finale gave me chills omg but i was missing kun :/ wish they couldve at least mentioned him but whatever.... WAYV WORLD TOUR ASAP

taemin <3: honestly the greatest performer ive ever seen live like holy shit thats a once in a lifetime talent right in front of me like yes i am very biased that is my ult right there but like he truly cannot ever be replicated. he came out swinging w advice and the boom that was "NEVER GET THE KEYS TO MY LOCK" the crowd was readdyyyyyyy and after advice this man got a 5min standing ovation every single person there recognized his god given gift to serve and it was incredible to see LITERALLY FUCKING CRAZY AND THEN THIS MAN GETS ON THE GROUND AND WE'RE DOING FUCKING CRIMINAL??? THE SONG THAT MADE ME WHO I AM TODAY?? and he even did the slutty little cuff removing w mouth move and i lost my v oice screaming so hard i feel so lucky to have seen that my life cannot get better anywayyyyyy MOVE!!! WE MOVED!!! HE MOVED THEY MOVED I MOVED WE ALL MOVED!!! THE GIRL THE MYTH THE LEGEND THE MOVEEEEEEEEEEE!!! those hips.......... yeasssss......... !!!!! he was swinging that concave ass like his life depended on it! he was also soooo flustered from everyone going insane like ik he wasnt expecting it taemin you will be famouus for a thousand years babygirl and he said big shinee news coming soon so !!! soooo!!! world tour!!!!

ok i think i hit every group i will unpack the wayv m&g too but i just had to get this all out kcon will pay for their crimes of 2 song every artist like i'll never go to kcon again or recommend it to anyone but i had fun!

[team-titts]

Vent 🌬️

TW for the girlies: sh, ed, sewerslidal thoughts 🤞

God i hate myself. i was sick since last thursday, rendering me basically useless because all i manage to do when i’m sick is fall asleep. i didn’t even have anything worth fussing over. it was literally just a chest cold. no fever, nothing. i hate myself for being so dramatic and i hate myself for hating myself. i hate the way i look, act, feel, move, talk, cry, dance, sing. i can’t seem to find anything good about myself and i don’t think anyone else can either. i feel like people are starting to give up on me (for good reasons) and i don’t know how to ask them not to leave without sounding too needy. and then i missed school on both friday AND today. i wasn’t even super sick today. i just kinda had a gross cough and my mom said i could stay home so i did and now i feel lazy and stupid and useless and i hate myself. THEN i missed dance, which i also missed on saturday, mind you, and that in of itself is a big deal. you can miss so much when you miss even just one class. then i checked the group chat for dance and they sent videos of the combos that they did and i want to cry. they look so happy and im so jealous how do i deal with this. plus i probably missed the choreography for the actual fucking dance. then i have to take into account the fact that i didn’t exercise nearly enough today and i’m so last and fat. god, i already have a hard time taking a day off, but today was just so much worse. i felt so stupid and stuck up and useless. and to top it all off, i still feel like shit. i wanna cut so bad but i’m too lazy to even get the stuff out. it’s literally all right here next to me. my towel, my blade, i even found that old piece of glass i was using back in june. but i’m too tired and lazy to get off my ass and do something for once in my stupid fucking life. i want to kill myself. and this time, it’s purely selfish motives. this time, it’s because i’m so tired of fucking things up and i think it’s time for me to just accept that i’m never gonna amount to anything good. writing this is so pathetic. who am i gonna talk to? my mom?? nonono, i don’t want her to worry. my therapist?? nah, i don’t want her to tell my mom i’m hurting myself. my friends?? nope, they’ll get worried too. plus i can’t risk burdening them with this. they already have their own shit to shovel. anyways i’m done. i gotta go do duolingo 👉👉

[pastlight]

S3E7 nbc hannibal livetweet from 2015

GONNA WATCH THE 3 EPS OG HANNIBAL I'M MISSING. GATHER ROUND FUCKERS.

4:08 PM · Aug 2, 2015

Jack speaking italian perfectly ❤v❤

4:15 PM · Aug 2, 2015

NOOOO NOIOOO!!!!!!! NO!!!! DONT HURT JACK YOU PIECE OF SHIT

4:17 PM · Aug 2, 2015

thank fuck for Chiyoh

4:21 PM · Aug 2, 2015

"They are identically different, Hannibal and Will."

unironic/ironic uwu

4:23 PM · Aug 2, 2015

please help will omg

4:29 PM · Aug 2, 2015

[from here on out i had stable access to a computer so enjoy the hd screenshots instead of shitty screen photos]

:(

4:30 PM · Aug 2, 2015

this feeling rollercoster is 2 much for Alana

4:32 PM · Aug 2, 2015

"You boys remind me of that German cannibal that advertised for a friend and then ate him, and his penis, before he died."

uh..

4:36 PM · Aug 2, 2015

[i didn't understand this reference back then. god.]

so Mason is saying he know they fracking

4:36 PM · Aug 2, 2015

wait so is Mason saying he wants to eat Hannibal's dick

4:38 PM · Aug 2, 2015

I DON'T THINK I SHOULD BE LAUGHING SO MUCH??????

4:38 PM · Aug 2, 2015

Mason is the real shitposter

4:40 PM · Aug 2, 2015

LOOK AT THIS LITTLE SHIT

4:41 PM · Aug 2, 2015

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN HIM SO SATISFIED AND PROUD?????? I SCREAMED.

4:43 PM · Aug 2, 2015

that look right there is the closest Hannibal will ever come to falling in love

4:43 PM · Aug 2, 2015

here's this ep's reminder that someone should obliterate Mason and save Margot and protect Alana

4:54 PM · Aug 2, 2015

SAVE MARGOT 2K15

4:56 PM · Aug 2, 2015

tell me Mason didn't do what i think he did

4:57 PM · Aug 2, 2015

"Or maybe you wouldn't."

ooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sick burn

5:00 PM · Aug 2, 2015

oh man this is going to backfire so spectacularly

5:05 PM · Aug 2, 2015

i'm barely more than halfaw through the ep and i was sure it was about to end. fucking help me.

5:09 PM · Aug 2, 2015

THIS SHOW ALWAYS GETS SO MUCH MORE FUCKED UP THAN I BARGAIN FOR

5:15 PM · Aug 2, 2015

ALSO SAVE WILL PLEASE HANNIBAL DO SOEMTHIING

5:15 PM · Aug 2, 2015

"In the absence of an heir the sole beneficiary is the Southern Baptist Church."

in case you didn't hate him enough already

5:20 PM · Aug 2, 2015

NBC Hannibal S3: everyone is so fucked up beyond return

5:20 PM · Aug 2, 2015

@ 2013 Anto: this happened tho

5:22 PM · Aug 2, 2015

[this is in reference to a hs friend i used to watch the show with. i don't exactly remember if she shipped them or was just interested in their relationship in the same way i described previously. i do remember i was very against the ship being canon in s1]

wtf was Hannibal writing???

5:25 PM · Aug 2, 2015

@ Will and Hannibal: just fucking make out already??? i can't deal with this forever

5:27 PM · Aug 2, 2015

"I miss my dogs."

out of everything that has happened in this ep, this is what made me tear up.

5:29 PM · Aug 2, 2015

i can't fucking believe Will is breaking up with Hannibal

5:30 PM · Aug 2, 2015

he's hurt and your know it.

5:31 PM · Aug 2, 2015

Will look me in the fucking face and tell me you just "tolerated" everything lately cause i'm p sure you were starting to get really into it

5:32 PM · Aug 2, 2015

"Goodbye, Hannibal."

ouch.

5:35 PM · Aug 2, 2015

Hannibal was thinking so hard of a way to fix this. oh my god.

5:41 PM · Aug 2, 2015

"He's gone, Jack."

"Jack! I'm here."

GODDAMNIT HANNIBAL

5:43 PM · Aug 2, 2015

did... did Hannibal stay there around Will's house all day??????? waiting????????

5:43 PM · Aug 2, 2015

"I want you to know exactly where I am. An where you can always find me." *looks at Will*

OH MY G O D

5:44 PM · Aug 2, 2015

Will's so done. he's so tired. he's lettign you go, Hannibal. it's over.

5:46 PM · Aug 2, 2015

*narrator voice* it's never truly over

5:47 PM · Aug 2, 2015

PRICE AND ZELLER ARE COMING BACK NEXT EP!!!! SCREAMS!!!! MY BOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5:47 PM · Aug 2, 2015

i hope Alana and Margot are still together ;__;

5:48 PM · Aug 2, 2015

alright i need a small break to process all that before continueing

5:48 PM · Aug 2, 2015

[i watched this and the next two episodes back to back]

[tokyopewpew]

Veilguard Breakdown Part 3

I'm consistently going over post limits so this is going to continue to take awhile. This is reactions to the FINALE and major ending choices (and the beginning of my criticism of the criticism of the game) Spoilers under the cut.

Oh my god what a long and drawn out fraught miserable amazing devastating final Fight against Ol Ghil

Ok more like five final quests. holy shit holy shit

The choice between Dav and Harding?? Fucking impossible. Miserable. i will never be able to handle it. Nor Varric. Oh my god. My heart hurts. I’m sick to my stomach. Miserable. But that’s good writing baby. You got me to care.

I literally keep ping ponging back and forth between which could be worse. They’re both so bad.

For me, Davrin dies a hero’s death. Assan was a protector until the end. I couldn’t do that to Harding, or Taash. Harding deserves an apology from Solas (spoiler: boo she doesn’t get it edit: ok damn she does get a weak ass one!! i just didn't get that banter?? Man I wish I got more banter). I chose Davrin because the griffons are set up to have their new beginning. They are his legacy, but Harding hasn’t had the chance to share the Titan’s memories. It still fucking hurt so bad tho. Assan…

I also chose Bellara to disable the wards. Which I ultimately really liked Belara’s final thing with the blight better than her actual main quest so i’m super happy to have chosen her. Her having the archive and using it when it suits them but also being like you aren’t MY GOD and fucking Elgers up. Amazing heroic moment. And she survived! Hooray for being a hero!

did have to restart a section because I accidentally killed Emmerich which was um. The Worst thing to see knowing his problems with mortality and giving up lychdom to revive Manfred? That got my jaw cracked to the floor.

Amazing awesome set pieces and animation for the finale. Final fight was not hard at all. I got a bit OP’ed tbh lmao

FUCK YEA TO THE HAPPY SOLAVELLAN ENDING THO! Or as happy as they can be

Solas and Inquisitor in the fade together sigh. Forming it to their quiet idolized life of study and magic. That juicy thick, raspy Thank you, Rook got me. Him crying was SO well animated and voiced. Sad wet egg.

The hilarious non serious version is that she’s like oh my fucking god I am sick and tired of Chantry bullshit. I don’t want to be in charge anymore. Please the south is so fucked and everyone is gonna be so mad at me regardless and I cannot fucking deal with it again. Please take me away.

THE MYTHOLOGY of her actually having an end like Andraste??? Wild, genius, so big brained. Another instance of people being very Literal tho and applying real world relationship standards. Or I guess being mad it doesn’t fit their canon? Idk it’s very odd to me to get such a different read on Solas. Like he fucking hates the material world, idk how his story could end anywhere but in the Fade drenched in magic? I also am gonna choose to believe they aren’t completely cut off from the rest of the Fade. One, because the prison was opened when Solas released the Evanuris. Two, together they should be able to release the binds of the prison. And three, the Fade is Dreams, where mages can be fully conscious in the Fade. So she’d be able to visit people in their dreams, and like fully communicate with Dorian

There’s SO MUCH dialogue i missed so I’m gonna have to read like a script. LIKE SORRY I KNOW IT GOT MENTIONED ELSEWHERE BUT LUCANIS HAS A SNAKE? i know for like venom and poison and stuff but oh my god. I feel like I got so little banter but that’s my fault for fast traveling and sprinting everywhere. Punished for being too good at game.

NOW WE GONNA TALK ABOUT THE HARD CHOICES:

God take the game away from idiots complaining about the hard choices. Do you want the game to be gritty, dark, with hard choices? Or do you want it to be a point system where if you do enough good, you can save everyone? YOU CAN save most everyone! if you didn’t do that you can lose like the whole team!

Like saying it affected you deeply and gave you actual GRIEF over these characters is a GOOD NARRATIVE! they made you care THAT MUCH! and it DOES have to be between those characters because that’s what makes it such a hard choice! If they let you sacrifice your least fav companion and walk away unscathed emotionally THAT WOULD BE CHEAP.

How many times do they have to say we’re fighting the gods?? We won’t come out unscathed, Solas saying we have to make the hard choices, make sacrifices. i’m coming from Origins and DA2 where someone has to die or compromise their morals A LOT to kill the archdemon and no matter what you do Kirkwall ends in tragedy.

It's also REALLY EASY to talk shit on Solas and be like "well I wouldn't let anyone die, I wouldn't sacrifice people to win." WHICH HE TELLS YOU, if you do it right you won't have to make that call, they'll do it anyways (and subtext of you'll still feel responsible for it. It will still feel like YOUR FAULT. That's his whole deal, his whole problem, is feeling responsible for his own AS WELL AS other people's decisions).

I’m trying not to be soft on the game but seeing people’s frustrations and complaints is a little between… I get it, i think that would have been nice, i think it could have been cool, i wonder what that game could have been…

But also i know enough about writing and game/general production that i totally see why they made the choices they did. I see the narrative arcs, and see the streamlining needed for the scale/scope/pace of the narrative and I can imagine where it would have gone if they DID go the other way people will ask... and still see why they chose to do it the way they did.

Also none of the choices have mattered across many of the games. Love DA2 but in game none of your choices really matter. The qunari still destroy the city and the Mages rebel. How it gets there matters to us playing it but in the grand narrative it doesn’t.

Same with the Warden. If one of the main options is for the Warden to DIE then they can’t have any Concrete story where they show up. They have to write to include ALL possible realities.

OVERALL VERY HAPPY! Very much enjoyed the game! I thought it was the most fun gameplay of all of them and I love my Solavellan ending and getting a new series of Ships to set sail on.

The next posts are going to be more into the production and game designing stuff I touched on a little bit here in the end.

[easily-bullied]

alright updates. I texted them. things blew up. I was made to feel like my feelings exist to make the other person feel bad. that my having needs was unreasonable. and bigggg realization... that was a microcosm of the whole relationship. making myself as small as possible hoping that would be small enough and then it wasn't. real bad. a roller coaster. and I I was addicted to it. at least I have closure. at least I know that I can't and I won't go back. at least I know that they hurt me and I hurt me. at least I know I have the capacity to dilute myself still. that I can still go to that toxic well. I'm so fucking used to it. daddy issues. god.

so I move forward? god I'm desperate to be loved again though. like I have this need to have someone tell me I'm special. I was reading back what I wrote last time and it was both sad and enlightening. that girl was still so love sick. I'm sorry baby but that was a waste. not that I blame you. but I'm glad to see that lookin back in it feels like almost someone else. and it wasn't long ago or anything, just that door is firmly closed. by me. but hey girl in the past, they did miss you, they told me. and then they still couldn't prioritize your feelings in any way. same as always. me doing all the work for them. apologizing to myself for them, making excuses for them, limiting what I say for them. huh sounds like there might have been a reason you were so tired Momo.

god I'm loving writing again. mosa, don't forget this helps you. I forget every thought I have lol. when I record them and look at them again it's like oh RIGHT ya she figured that out. I need to give myself more credit.

a lot of people telling me that I have a life they're jealous lately. that's something to think about I guess. not to placate my depression or convince myself of something untrue, but to at least be grateful for the good things, the things I started to take for granted. a full social life, a found family, a great apartment, the perfect kitty, an identity that's growing and changing but there, firmly planted. I've been feeling like I'm not filled in lately, like I'm an outline. mosa give yourself grace. you're a sapling still. just planted. you still need extra water, you're still just making roots. but you're out of the soil, you're reaching for the sun, you're definitely visible and here. there's still lots to go and isn't that exciting? the tree you're becoming. the tree that you are, the seed that you were.

I hate that I'm going to have to just love myself. that that's the solution. god doesn't someone else wanna do that for me? can't I have someone be like oh wait you like vacuuming and I like loving you?! let's split the chores! oh well. more improvements needed I guess. never gonna be finished. always fighting my demons. guess I'm gaining exp (barf)

not me trying to focus on how at least I've fucked hotties all summer. like that's something I can hang my hat on. so stupid Mosa. well if I participate in hook up culture, I get to hook up with cuties. unfortunately I want to be WIFE. I am good at wife I think. apparently I'm good at hook ups too but thats less fulfilling. and I'm always trying to be good enough at hook up to become wife.

hey mosa, can I talk to you for a second. don't creep on ex's socials. bad idea. we've now felt bad again for 24 hours. stupid and you knew it. let's be stronger than that. let's brag about how strong we are. you deleted all that shit for a reason. let's forget about it. god mosa, you're a teenage girl at the end of the day. and it's cute but fair warning... those years suck. remember?? oh but I love so hard, oh but my feelings are so big. what a blessing. fuck me. seriously fuck me. I want a big feeling.

my new job is waking up and checking every dating app for new trans cuties and then swiping left on everyone and then being mad. it's GREAT for my mind. it's been so helpful. I feel so settled. I don't feel desperate and crazy AT ALL. can you settle down for one fucking second mosa? would it kill you to be alone?? you did it for 2 years, then after 4 months now you're like AAAAHHHGHH. pathetic.

you're not tho babes. it makes sense. we all want that. everyone you know wants that. and hilariously you're the one who had it most recently. why do you think you're never gonna find it? you're having the most luck! you're having the most sex! ingrate! (jk jk baby. you just got hurt bad.)

I should end this. but it's good to get down the big things. they hurt you. you're mad. you're moving on. it's their loss (classic bs) but you know they feel that too. how do I stop people from falling in love with me they said. and I know the answer, it's don't tell them you're falling in love too. that would help. minimize their own feelings, maximize mine. that fucking sucks. and meanwhile I did the opposite lmfao. I fucking suck. ok now go find love or else you'll have to die

[metal-mouse]

mental illness rant don’t mind me

Being hypomanic is literally the most fucking annoying thing on the god damn planet. I can’t sleep, I can’t sit still, my brain is running at Mach fucking Jesus, I’m so easily agitated and just so quick to explode, I’ve started about a bajillion projects (which most of them will not be finished because I can’t concentrate on things for very long)

Then of course when I’m not sleeping, it triggers my chronic illness so on top of not being able to sit still and being literally Satan I am nauseous literally all the time.

It seems so fucking stupid, but having to rely on medication so my brain doesn’t act out like this is SO frustrating - especially when it isn’t fucking WORKING. And then my body straight up rebels against me, never in my life have I had a problem taking pills, but rn while I’m taking 6-7 pills every god damn night? I HATE it.

I am so physically exhausted but my brain just will NOT let me sleep, even when I’m pumping it full of clonazepam and trazodone. I just get drowsy enough to doze in and out while my brain makes such a racket that it feels like my ears are ringing (they probably just might be, I do have tinnitus). I have CONSTANT nightmares when I do manage to fall asleep properly, so then I’m waking up throughout the night because of that.

The hell ride my brain has taken me on in the last year has now officially cost me my job, it’s stolen my passions from me, and it’s come so SO close to ruining my life so many times. I had to move back in with my parents, I’ve had to apply for welfare just so I have SOME sort of income coming in because I don’t qualify for EI because I had to quit my job after my medical leave time exhausted.

Shit, even just trying to sit down and write something my brain goes haywire and I can’t concentrate. I have so many WIPs that I’m legitimately proud of but I just can’t seem to finish them. I WANT to write more, I want to share my creations with everyone, and I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve cried because I just can’t get myself to do it.

And don’t get me started on the anxiety. HOLY SHIT. I can’t even be at a family gathering without shaking like a leaf, staring at the ground, and then crying on the way home while my mother pats my hand. I went to Anime North and spent nearly an hour crying in the car in front of my best friend and partner because I was so overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people. I’m literally losing hair in clumps because I’m so stressed and so god damn anxious all the time.

Anyways, I’m pissy and I’m tired and I miss being involved in things and actually creating and I’m sick of feeling this way and it’s very hard to be patient while I’m working with my medical team to try and be a functioning human being!!!!!!!

[deadandwalking]

A rant (or three) taken directly from my notes app because lvy and Manasses demand eyes (and i don’t want to fight with them tonight)

i feel so fucking inhumane. in my body, my habits, everything. i can’t eat. i can’t sleep. i can’t even be fucking thanked for what i do. i’m so sick of things going against me no matter what. i’m sick of my body feeling wrong. my skin feels heavy, it needs to come off. my face looks wrong. my hair isn’t right. i’m too thick here i’m too thin there. i’m sick, of being sick. i’m sick of feeling like i’ll throw back up whatever i eat, i’m sick of actually being sick every time i remember the bastards who loved my boyfriend before me. i’m tired. i’m tired of love feeling like a battle and a contest and a prize rather than a right. i’m tired of mourning a baby who i would have never known. i’m tired of searching hopelessly for another hint or another clue as to how i’ll reunite with my sister. Manny and Ivy won’t leave me alone. they’re so fucking annoying. and they’re wrong. they’ll say “you’re too fat, they’re skinnier than you, you need to eat less”. i’m one of the skinniest kids in my fucking year. my only contestants are the anorexic kids and the ones who just look like skeletons. they’ll say “nobody loves you, you’re invaluable, they have better people”. i’ve got a massive social group ranging from first year to fifth year, and like 5 people have confessed to having a crush on me. they’re wrong. i’m fine as i am. i’m not too feminine. i’m not too short. my voice is fine. Ivy, needs to leave Ziggy alone. Manny needs to stop taking advantage of Mal and Mo. i am fucking fine.

I miss Erin. i know her. i know so much about her. her full name, her dead name, her mother’s full name and maiden name, her brothers’ names, the names of her mother’s dogs both dead and alive, her stepfather’s name, i know what happened at her birth, what month she was born in, i have a brief description of her, i know where she lives. i can find her. her favourite colour is pink, and she likes mangoes. her favourite song is Jägermeister by Korpiklaani. she looks after me and Vermin and Ava, and she’s looking to be a mother herself some day.

Vermin, i don’t know much about him. i know his mother’s name, and roughly when he was born. i know the year and season at least. he might have been a miscarriage. but, his favourite colour is green. he likes painting, and his favourite school subject is science. he loves to decorate with that cautionary tape and always has a spare roll lying around. he calls me Rodent and Bramblebush. Rodent, because Rodents and Vermin overlap a lot, and Bramblebush because my hair is messy. he needs glasses for reading, which he doesn’t do that much because he’s more into videogames. he hates those sporty boys from school, and he’s also really hyper. he likes to play-fight me a lot, and he’s great at looking after baby Ava although he’d never admit that to his friends. would be a horrible dad though, especially to a girl.

Baby Ava, she’s a sweet girl. she’s got these dark tufts on her head, her hair is black just like Erin and her mother. she sleeps a lot and doesn’t often cry. a perfect child, i think; one even the coldest people couldn’t help but love. she stays in a moses basket by Erin’s bed. she’s alive.

why do people keep talking to me god fucking WHY. i can’t stand these people. my ‘friends’ are all attention seeking and draining, my acquaintances think i’m ok with having a joke made of me, my family can’t open their mouths without screaming or insulting me or pushing me around. everyone can vent to me, or ask me for things, or take from me, but nobody will give fucking back. is it any wonder i speak to no one? i spend my days clinging to my boyfriend because he’s the only person i can still stand. god even now as i write this i can hear my family yelling. did none of them get the memo that i’m noise sensitive? apparently fucking not.