#i feel so far from everything it all feels wrong and unfamiliar then again that feeling itself is familiar

[reiderwriter]

The Thrill of the Chase

Chapter Seven of I Can't Help Myself

Summary: Waking up in Spencer's arms suddenly feels wrong, but you have to convince him everything is fine before your big secret is revealed.

Warnings: mentions of pregnancy, morning sickness, and triggers for emetophobia.

A/N: Welcome to Chapter Seven!! It's been a bit of a hectic week for me, so this is a bit of a shorter chapter, but I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far! It's crazy to think there are only three chapters left now!

Masterlist || (tag list is currently being repaired, thanks tumblr)

When you woke up, you immediately wish you hadn't. 

The comfortable position immediately became a crick in your neck. The warm fuzz of sleep became sharpened memories of the night before. Your bed became Spencer Reid, though of course it did. 

If you were stiff, you were so sure he was. 

While you'd been wedged between his head and his shoulders, fitting nearly perfectly into his shoulder, he'd been forced up against the sofa, head pushed down at an awkward angle as he tried, and failed, to get comfortable.  

You blinked your eyes open and immediately closed them again as you cursed inwardly.  

 You wondered how you were going to extricate yourself from the solid grip he still had on your hips, but you weren't wondering for long.  

Not when the second time opening your eyes had your stomach somersaulting in your belly, a pair of legs or a head or something pushed right up against everything you'd eaten in the last 24 hours. 

You shot up, not caring if you woke him but absolutely caring that you didn't throw up all over him.  

He joked awake and only  really gained full consciousness when you bolted the bathroom door shut behind you.  

He tried his best to shake off that sleepy feeling, the fatigue of sleeping somewhere unfamiliar. For a second, he felt a pang of sympathy for you, having spent a full week sleeping in unfamiliar territory.

Truthfully, he'd been able to sleep just fine on the couch. His back was stiff, but it was nothing like the ache of the solid prison beds. He wasn't alone at least. 15 years with the FBI, and Spencer had seen enough to never want to sleep soundly again, but you had put your head on his chest and he'd gone from horny to humming contented as he slipped into sleep. 

It was his own relaxed state that had his senses sharpening as he heard the tell-tale signs of your morning sickness. You wretched and heaved over the toilet, mostly expelling nothing except all your comfort and joy. 

Whoever said the female body was purpose built for baby making obviously had never been through it themselves, as it seemed your body was more than likely trying to destroy itself to create life. You weren't even sure what was even left in your stomach at this point.

Spencer knocked quietly at the door. 

“Y/N? Do you need something?” He called, resting his still weary head on the door. 

“No.” You called back, tone a lot sharper than you intended. 

“Come on, what's going on in there?” He asked, still calm and content. Your only reply was another dry heave and a shaky sob of pain. 

You heard his footsteps retreat from the door as your head collapsed against the porcelain, and you rode out your pain once again. 

When he returned, his voice was firmer. 

“Y/N, we have a doctors appointment in 45 minutes at a clinic across town. If you can, open the door.”

“No!” You cried, throat closing up in panic as you heard his words. You weren't sure whether to be pissed at his presumption, steam-rolling you into a doctor's visit even though you knew exactly what it was that was wrong with you, or happy that he even cared enough to ask. 

Either way, you hadn't the energy to lift yourself up and open the door for him. 

You laid back on his bathroom floor and closed your eyes, the cool floor wholly more comfortable than the toilet had been.

You didn't get to relish it for long, though, before he had beaten the door down. You barely registered the first shoulder push before the second one carefully carried Spencer into the room.

He took one look at you and lifted you into a sitting position, even as you groaned, your head now pounding.

“Spencer, leave me alone,” you moaned, even as you hugged closer to him. He pulled you up to a standing position but kept his hands locked around yours carefully and walked you out to the front door, effectively marching you to the door before you could even tell him there had been a misunderstanding. 

You came up with every excuse in the book to get out of the car, bit you didn't have the time to utter a single one before he was strapping you in gently, closing the door behind you, climbing in himself and starting the engine.

“This is a misunderstanding,” you said, as your morning sickness began to fade rapidly. Finally. 

“Oh, so you weren't throwing up?” 

“No, I was but-”

“But what?”

“I do it every day,” you said quietly, knowing it was only going to confuse him more. 

“Then we're absolutely going to see a doctor.” 

You said nothing for the rest of the ride there, staring instead out the window as you felt your world implode beside you. 

In the doctors waiting room, Spencer sorted your insurance and medical details, checking boxes and dealing with the desk staff as you sat silently in the corner. 

You knew you couldn't hold off telling him much longer. Your body had already begun changing, stomach expanding just enough to be noticeable now you were approaching five months. It's why you hadn't changed clothes around him, hoping that he'd just assumed the change of scenery and stress had led you to gain some weight.

Still, you didn't want your hand forced like this.

“Miss Y/N,” a nurse asked from the desk, and you instinctively replied “Doctor,” though that really wasn't relevant here of all places. 

You stood, and Spencer stood with you. 

“No,” you said immediately, as he began to march to the doctors office. 

“What?” He asked. 

“Spencer, you…you can't come in with me.” 

“Why not? You're sick, you're suffering, you probably aren't even aware of your symptoms, Y/N. I have to make sure the doctor knows everything so he can accurately diagnose you.”

“Spencer,” you said, closing your eyes as your tone grew angry, attempting to calm yourself down. 

“You are not my father, legal guardian, and you're certainly not my husband. You are a colleague I have been forced to share an apartment with because there is some maniac possibly stalking me, though I haven't heard anything about that in a full week. So,” you said, dropping your voice to a whisper and stepping closer. “Back the fuck off and stop acting like I'm some pet project you have to take care of. I'm not a victim, I can talk to a doctor alone.”

You turned and left him in the waiting room, and went to apologise to the doctor for wasting his time. 

Luckily, the doctor was more than understanding of the situation. Even after you subtly undermined her professionalism by asking she really stick to her HIPAA oaths or whatever and not let on any information to Spencer at all. 

You knew you had to tell him. You were beginning to sound like a broken record in your own head, and you knew it. But you were sure as hell telling him on your own terms. 

“Could I possibly make a quick phone call while we're here?” You asked as the doctor performed a quick check up on your baby. You got the go-ahead and dialled Emily's number immediately. 

“Y/N, hello. What is it, is something wrong?” she asked as she picked up. 

“No, I'm… Emily. I'm going to be honest with you now, and I need your full cooperation. You can't speak a word of this to anyone, especially Spencer.” 

A moment of hesitation on the other line, and then she agreed. 

“I'm pregnant,” you said. “Spencer is the father.”

“I know,” Emily admitted, sighing slightly. 

“Penelope?” You asked, hoping that you didn't have to make another call after this.

“Penelope knows? Irrelevant, sorry. No, there was an ultrasound picture on your desk last week. And I'm good at my job.”

“Is Spencer good at his?” You asked, not sure you wanted a truthful answer. The only thing worse than Spencer finding out you were pregnant by himself was him finding out by himself and not telling you this entire time, his resentment building. 

“Yes. But he isn't good at anything when you're around.”

“He's good at pissing me off,” you scoffed, but it caught somewhere in your throat and turned into a sob. 

“I'm sorry, I just-” you started crying and your doctor offered you a tissue. 

“Y/N, what happened?” 

You explained the morning to Emily. Except that you didn't explain your predicament fully, so you explained your week, and then your month, and then eventually your entire acquaintance with Spencer Reid.

“So, yeah,” you ended, chest still shaking with quiet sobs. 

“What are you going to do?” she asked, and you replied as honestly as you could muster. 

“I don't know.” 

You wiped tears and continued before Emily could say anything else.

“But I need time to think about how to tell him again, and I need space. Can you call him into the office?” 

“He's at the doctor's office with you?” 

“He tried to come into the appointment with me. I yelled at him.”

“You do that often.”

“It's the only thing that works,” you sighed, and continued. “Please, Emily?” 

“I'll call him with an excuse. JJ’s close by, I'll have her come and pick you up while the doctor fills your prescription.”

You smiled and felt the pressure wash off your shoulders as you hung up. 

Then you stepped out of the doctors office and back into the waiting room and were almost knocked back on your ass when you spotted Spencer in the corner of the room. 

He was exactly where you'd left him, bit at some point the waiting room had been populated by young mothers, and Spencer was now animatedly locked in a conversation with a toddling small boy, playing with the toys as he passed the time. 

Your lip wobbled and you almost broke down before he looked up at you and you blinked back the tears. 

He gave you a confused smile, checking that you were okay before you nodded. 

You didn't move to join him, though, and like clockwork, his phone rang. He excused himself, pointing at his phone to let you know where he was going, and you finally breathed easily, knowing that Emily was sticking to her promise. 

[soapssuds]

stubborn heart ch. 9

yan!capitano x wife!reader

summary | or in which capitano is told he needs a wife. and he begrudgingly agrees.

previous | next

You paced your shared room with the Captain, the urge to bite your lip in nervousness becoming strong until you heard the bathroom door open. Your pacing came to a quick stop as you glanced towards the door where Capitano stood.

“Bed, now.”

The way his voice reverberated in his chest sent chills down your spine when he came up to you, his hold all but firm when he grabbed you. Then, he bent down. His mouth pressing to your neck and your senses went on overdrive.

And that was all could remember when you woke up the next morning, but it was clear what had happened.

Groaning to yourself, you sat up in the bed and tugged the covers up so you could hide your face into the soft blankets, “I- I can’t believe I fainted again!”

You could feel your face become increasingly hot at the mere memories of everything that had happened yesterday. How you admitted to being experienced, how he said he would show up what a wife and husband do, and consummating a marriage…, “when am I going to stop making an idiot out of myself in front of him?!”

You plopped back into the bed, your hands pulling the covers just enough for your eyes to peek out so you could stare up at the ceiling.

“I wonder if he is already regretting taking me as his wife,” you all but muttered to yourself as someone gave a few knocks to your door – that someone being Atri as her voice piped up behind the barrier separating you both.

“Rise and shine, sleeping beauty!”

You, in fact, did not want to rise and shine. You would much rather fall and dull. Granted it seems you did enough falling last night.

“I’m getting up,” you called out to her, your body moving on its own but quickly winced when you felt a slight sting on your neck. Raising your hand to the sensitive area, you felt a few indents that suspiciously mirrored a set of teeth. The realization was quick to slap you in the face as you felt your face grow hot again.

He bit me?!

Your mind was working on overdrive as you stumbled over yourself to get ready. Pure steam basically coming out your ears as you got your clothes on.

You weren’t mad, far from it. You were just incredibly embarrassed. When he kissed and bit onto your neck, you must have gotten to overwhelmed and fainted. You seriously wanted to hide away by this point. What was wrong with you?1

Shaking your head, you exited your room.

“Good morning, y/n.”

“Morning Atri- what’s wrong with your face?”

You quirked an eyebrow when you looked at her and then you followed her gaze and realized what she was looking at.

“Atri, no-“

“Ohh! I’m so happy! I wonder if you’ll have a boy or a girl. Maybe even twins-“

You covered her mouth to quiet her. Your face darkening a deep shade of red across your (color) cheeks, “we didn’t- we didn’t do anything like that! I mean, we were, at least I think we were, but I- I- fainted the moment he got his mouth on my neck-“

You talked fast, almost in a panic as you talked to your maid, and when you were done she had gently pried your hands from her mouth and patted your head, “it’s alright-“

“No it isn’t.. I’m supposed to be his wife, but I- I mess everything up. I can’t even be in the same room as him without fainting. I just… I just think he’ll be better off within someone else.”

Atri studied you for a moment before smiling. Her hand gently running through your hair as she pulled you in for a hug, “it’s been tough on you, hasn’t it? Getting married to a harbinger without a say in the matter, being moved to an unknown place with unfamiliar people. Then there’s your life before Capitano. Your life at the hearth. I may not know what you went through, but I can tell it’s been an uphill battle. And you want to know something?”

You opened your eyes and looked up at her then.

“You’re stubborn.”

You deadpanned, “what?”

“What?”

You quirked an eyebrow again, your previous sorrow momentarily forgotten, “I’m… stubborn?”

Atri smiled and nodded, “yep! Stubborn hearts like yours are hard to come by in such a cold place, Lord Capitano must have seen that and immediately took interest in you. You being here is a testament to all the hardships you endured, so it’s ok to embarrass yourself and to relax, ok?”

You nodded along while trying to keep up with everything she was saying. Back then, there was never any room for error. You either do it and succeed or don’t and let the cold kill you. There was never an in-between.

“So… it’s ok to just… not do anything at all?”

Atri nodded almost enthusiastically, “of course! No more silly work, or worrying about stupid bills. It’s just you enjoying your new life with Capitano, and don’t think for a second of trying to back out of this. You deserve this. So just sit back and relax.”

You sighed but eventually surrendered causing Atri to be pleased with herself as she grabbed a hold of your hands again, “now, time for breakfast, and afterwards we can go shopping for a dress for you!”

“What for?”

“For a small party the Tsaritsa is holding for her harbingers that you and Lord Capitano will be attending.”

“Oh, ok- wait, what?!”

taglist

@littlekohai77 @lvtuss @kreishin @floffytofu @nastylilcvnt @nas-ha @simp-simp-no-mi @emmathecouchpotato4583 @sendria @riotakire @mikoslightnovels @feral-childs-word @barbatoss-bitch @venicecherryblossom @squirrelboxer @temperamentupgrade @avalordream @immahuman @xavlyzn @greensunflowerjuna @sarah22447 @naviabestgiirl @nevermoresworld @depressedbearblogs @ppancakesforu @0vendettaself @lilyalone @mochiivqi @pbjts @chewwyaaa @c4xcocoa @ren-ren23 @tazuduck @atrebiusr @simpingbigtime @aryuunachigiri @judithregulus @crowleysthings @yns-sister @satori-runa @meowmeow999999 @beeskn3es @tamikahoshiko @shoyosdoll @ngadasblog @sugacor3 @xiana21 @melancholyae @jjkysnk @s1mppp @that1weirdshipper @himikoquack @sugaryesplease12 @gallantys @wiltedpoison @vamqyx

[angelsleepinggurl]

𝐢'𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐨𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬, 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐥𝐬

cw: fingering in a library

.⋅˚₊‧ 🜲 ‧₊˚ ⋅.⋅˚₊‧ 🜲 ‧₊˚ ⋅.⋅˚₊‧ 🜲 ‧₊˚ ⋅.⋅˚₊‧ 🜲 ‧₊˚ ⋅.⋅˚₊‧ 🜲 ‧₊˚ ⋅.⋅˚₊‧ 🜲 ‧₊˚ ⋅.⋅˚₊‧ 🜲 ‧₊˚ ⋅.⋅˚₊‧ 🜲 ‧₊˚ ⋅.⋅˚₊‧ 🜲 ‧

it’s pathetic to say but books seem to be the only friend you’ve been capable of making at high school. it doesn’t bother you as much as it used to, who would want to befriend lying, back-stabbing, drama-causing bitches? you simply didn’t have time to deal with that anyway. the only thing in mind is your dream school, waiting for you arms outstretched and all. you find yourself in the library yet again, past school hours, deciding to hole yourself up in the silent room until closing hours, then studying more in the comfort of your own room. exciting friday evening!

frustrated, you puff as you get stumped by another question. today simply isn’t your day and you can’t understand why not. everything seems to be going the same. unless-

your thoughts are interrupted by a familiar figure strolling over to you, sporting the usual bedhead and that infuriatingly lazy smirk. of course.

kuroo tetsurou drags the chair out from beside you and sits on it backwards, as if that was somehow charming. what, is this supposed to be sexy? "hey, princess," he drawls, looking at you through his raven-black hair, his voice slow and syrupy. you respond with nothing more than a glare and a pointed nod toward the 'silence in the library' sign above your head. "no one follows that stupid rule," he says, deadpan. you roll your eyes and pointedly shift in your seat, turning your back to him. "aw, don’t be like that," he purrs, his tone almost teasing but as lazy as ever. there's something catlike about the way kuroo moves and talks like he’s never in a rush. every word seems deliberate, almost annoyingly slow. "i just wanna have a little fun," he whispers, leaning in, his face far too close for comfort.

you can practically feel the smugness radiating off him. and of course, he’d choose now to be a distraction. an unfamiliar hand circles the flesh around your knee, the owner of that hand grins at you, chin resting in his hand. you slap it away, not tolerating any of his nonsense. “fine.” he says in surrender, arms lifting off. “i won’t get up to anything. you would sigh in relief but you know better than that. “but can i just…” the same sneaky hand back on your exposed leg, thumb gently rubbing circles on the soft skin. “keep it here. to keep you company. and mostly because i can.” this makes you loosen up.

right. your autonomy has been stripped from you.

you turn to face your books properly, deciding to delve into your material again, maybe this time you’d focus better. “good girl, see that wasn’t so hard.”

silence envelops the both of you as it’s meant to be, and it’s fine. he really isn’t bothering you, the problem is your sensitivity. you’ve realised that your fogged-up mind was due to your lack of release. a kuroo being here, his hand shifting higher and higher, every occasional grope being tighter than the last has you subconsciously squeezing your legs together. you’re hoping he won’t notice, especially as you keep switching legs to cross and avoiding squeezing your thighs together but soon it's evident on your face and how you’ve not picked up your pen after 5 whole minutes. you’re sitting staring holes into your maths book, hoping you don’t make as much of a twitch to give him the wrong signal. a signal on which he picks up.

“don’t stop because of me, really. i’m just here to watch you work is all.” you can’t even snap back at him as you’re focusing on no sounds slipping past your lips. “but,” he says carefully, leaning close. if you need to ever ‘let lose’ you know who to come to. i mean I'm not a study expert like you, but i do know… that if you’re not in the right headspace, then it’s hard to remember what you’ve learnt. i may know a few ways to help unwind. say the word and i’m yours.”

“ohh.” it’s quiet when you succumb to him, allowing this. but you can’t help it, you feel pent up and your mind isn’t thinking clearly.

“i’ll take that.”

you’re gonna hate yourself for this.

“make it quick.” you snap, readjusting your sitting angle to allow room for his hand.

“oh honey, i don’t rush my work.” he informs you, eyes locking with yours as he looks up.

great.

“what if we-”

“get caught?” he finishes, tearing his gaze away from your legs and to you. “don’t worry, i know that one of your big concerns, that won’t happen. unless you can’t keep your mouth shut.” with a slow hand, he lifts the fabric of your skirt, cold air rushing further up your legs. “you really are a soaker. look at that.” he exclaims, the only time his eyes seem to widen as he soaks in the sight of your drenched cunt, wetting your panties.

usually, you would feel a flush of embarrassment but the need the need to come is stronger. cautiously, kuroo slips his fingers down the undergarment, the gentle pads of his fingers reaching your clit. you sigh softly as with gentle rubs he soothes your stress. you place your hands around his arm, which seems to be working its magic as you’re finding it difficult to sit still in your chair. you see him wanting to tease you about your inability to stop squirming, which he bites back upon seeing your targeted stern look. you’re actively pushing down moans in the silent library, the only sound is chairs shuffling, pages rustling and pens rolling. not the sound of a girl having her pussy played with when anyone could come in and spot the two students in the act, getting them expelled.

but it’s all too thrilling. maybe for kuroo more than you. he doesn't notify you when his fingers slip from your sensitive bud and down into your throbbing cunt. you instinctively squeeze your thighs together, the sensations getting stronger and making it harder for you to control yourself. it’s almost as if kuroo is chasing the high himself, the way his fingers pump and curl so rhythmically, fingertips brushing against your g-spot every so often. “shh baby, we don’t wanna get caught now do we?” purrs in your ear, clearly enjoy how flustered he’s making you and how powerful you make him feel. you close your eyes and drop your head back, rather than focusing on not riding his fingers subtly. “don’t need to hold back on my account, you can ride em if you wanna.” kuroo’s laser-sharp focus and attentivity to subtle details like that almost freak you out. as if he’s almost watching. “come on princess ik you want it.” he says with a smile, that you can feel on your cheek. pressed against it and feeling defeated as his smug grin boasts itself in your face. you almost have half a mind to push him off and leave, but in that way, you don’t get satisfied, you don’t release, you don’t win. “there’s a good girl.” he hums as you give into your corporeal desires, and start rolling your hips towards him. you hate you admit it, but he is damn good. he knows how to work those fingers.

your hair falls in front of your face again as you lean it forward, feeling the pressure build-up within you faster than usual, your sweet release seems to be approaching much more hurriedly. £fuck I'm close I'm gonna come.” you pant out breathlessly, still aware to keep your voice down.

“i know, i know, i can tell. i’ll make you come real soon.” his lips attach to your jaw as he kisses along it. £fuck you’re tight.” he states, removing his lips from you and focusing on speeding up and working his fingers faster, thrusting harder. now the chair is squeaking against the floor and your heart is racing, from fear, excitement and pure bliss of all the sensations blurred into one. kuroo places a large hand over your mouth, covering it firmly as he feels your high approaching. it takes a few more seconds before you’re squealing muffled squeals into his palm, closing your eyes and pointing your toes. “ cumming all over my finger like that, didn’t take you for a messy girl.” his fingers are drenched in your arousal and neediness. dripping in pure out as he peels his hand away slowly. drinking in the sight of your puffed-out state, trying desperately to silently catch your breath in the library. your composure is lost as you place your hand on the edge of your chair to keep yourself upright, hair slightly sticking to your face and legs still in the air as you come down. “messy girl,” he coos. “this is no way to leave the school, don’t want your cum ruining the carpet now do we, open wide.” you follow his instructions without a second thought, your mouth opening wide on command as his fingers invade it. you suck without being told to, your tongue swirling around his digits as you look up at him with your larger doe eyes.

“there’s a good girl. hey fun idea, wanna take this to the table? i can think fo a couple ways to make you cum faster.” you deadpan at his suggestion. your face does not even crinkle in the slightest to show the least bit of amusement.

“was that supposed to be funny? that’s no funny. please leave now, you’re disrupting our silence.”

“the only thing disturbing the silence was your loud ass pussy, but whatever you say princess.” he shrugs,

⋅˚₊‧ 🜲 ‧₊˚ ⋅.⋅˚₊‧ 🜲 ‧₊˚ ⋅.⋅˚₊‧ 🜲 ‧₊˚ ⋅.⋅˚₊‧ 🜲 ‧₊˚ ⋅.⋅˚₊‧ 🜲 ‧₊˚ ⋅.⋅˚₊‧ 🜲 ‧₊˚ ⋅.⋅˚₊‧ 🜲 ‧₊˚ ⋅.⋅˚₊‧ 🜲

(please send a dm or comment on my the pinned blog to join.)

taglist: @slutkoo

𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫…

[dee-the-red-witch]

…a lot of folks just see themselves in the mirror. Before I came out and started my transition, I mostly saw static- I'd gotten really good at making my brain just tune out what I was feeling about what I was seeing. But once I stopped hiding from myself? The litany my brain went through every time I saw my own face was way too loud and clear.

Chin too wide. Forehead too big. Brow ridge is massive, you have to keep your eyebrows constantly raised just help hide it. Where's your upper lip? It doesn't matter if that's been your hairline from birth, that fivehead is terrible.

And more. It was even worse before I'd started laser for my facial hair and found a stylist that does amazing work reshaping my eyebrows. And none of it is vanity. It's just my brain doing it's own best to hurt itself with all the reminders of a puberty that went in the wrong direction. Of the fact that I wasn't a girl.

And I want to point out something- all these features I've listed? They're all present in cis women. Gorgeous cis women. There's nothing inherently male about any of these. Hells, on a good day, I pass as a woman in public without much issue, which is something I never thought would happen.

But this isn't about passing. It also isn't about ultimately going stealth and hiding the fact that I'm trans. I fully intend to stay loud about that for the rest of my life. It's about being able to look in the mirror and not want to scream about everything that doesn't match what's in my head at all. It's about making that list shut up. I can see past it sometimes. Just sometimes. But that's why the second of these two surgeries I'm having needs to happen. So I can see it more often. So I can be myself, without the horror movie litany in my head.

And the fix for it? In my case it's the following, since I didn't want to deal with implants or fillers. Bone reduction in the chin and brow- make the former narrower and reduce the brow ridge entirely. Adjust the upper lip with a slight pull upwards, done just under the nose. Since my skin's going to be loose from the removed bone, use it to pull things a bit further by bringing my hairline forward and down a touch. That';s it. slight adjustments that'll leave my face looking like I got hit by a truck for the first six months of recovery, but afterwards, a face more like what I expect to see in the mirror.

And yes, this post is happening because GFM once again reminds me to give detail and insight about the medical needs I need covered to my audience. And for those of you unfamiliar, maybe it at least gives some perspective. I don't think they quite knew what they were asking for with these particular cases, and I'm hoping I didn't just horrify the lot of you with this. But when it comes to asking 'why I need to do this'? This is part of it. Making some of my life that much less of a struggle.

Anyways, thanks for taking the time on reading through this one if you've gotten this far. If you can, please, again, share this fundraiser around- I've got a long way to go still, but I'm hoping I'll be able to make it.

137 days to go.

[sovksluv]

no one but you.

𖤐 . pairing - book!Clarisse La Rue x gn!Hades!reader

𖤐 . request - hullo hullo! i hope this isnt a bother but i was wondering if you can write a hc of childofhades!reader being claimed like similar to episode one and how percy got claimed during capture the flags? lots of hugs im so disappeinted that their aren't a lot child of hades fies. hades is honestly my fav greek god and character from the show

𖤐 . content includes - fighting, blood, daggers, lowk mean clarisse, idk what else

𖤐 . word count - 1,208

𖤐 . taglist - @perseus-jackass

𖤐 . a/n - this wasn’t meant to be clarisse x reader but it kinda just morphed into it, not complaining tho 🤷‍♀️

you don’t particularly enjoy the weekly capture the flag games, but since Annabeth has led and won the past two, it would be wrong not to aid in the blue team's success.

her first game had ended with a surprise when camp half-blood’s newest camper, Percy Jackson, had been claimed by Poseidon.

now, you were stealthily moving through the woods, peeking around trees with your dagger held tight in your hand. your job is to find and disarm Clarisse, or at least distract her while, Percy and Annabeth made their way to the red team’s flag.

your head shot to the direction of a twig snapping, tightening your grip on your dagger, you ducked behind a tree and scanned your surrounding area.

“i know you're there,” you heard a far, raspy voice call, not even attempting a whisper.

you sucked in a sharp breath and slowly turned your head to the direction of the voice. you heard the crunch of leaves under their feet as they got closer. you had a feeling you knew who it was, but you were still unsure.

“oh, come on, no need to quiet yourself. I know you search these woods for me,” the voice hinted, but at this point you had already recognized it. it was Clarisse.

it became clearer now that she was closer, which pushed you to quietly sigh out loud and stand up from the tree, emerging from behind it. there stood Clarisse La Rue, she had her spear stabbed into the ground with one hand and helmet cradled in the other. but what drew most of your attention was the smirk planted on her face.

“hey there, Sparks,” she teased, her smirk increasing at the raise of your eyebrow.

you loosened the grip on your dagger, noticing you’d been gripping it even harder than before. 

“don’t call me that,” you replied, inching closer to her, holding up your dagger.

“don’t be such a grump, Sparks,” she taunted, throwing her helmet to the side, wielding her spear. “what are you doing here all alone? looking for me?” she smirked and moved closer towards you as well. the two of you began circling around each other, weapons in hand.

you held eye contact with her hypnotizing eyes, ignoring her questions. her smirk widened and her head slightly turned. “i'll take that as a yes.” she stopped walking and stood up straight, lowering her spear once again.

you hesitantly copied her movements, although still slightly weary. you sighed, squinting your eyes at her as if you were trying to read her like a book. “well, why are you just standing there? i thought you loved fighting people.” 

She slowly licked her lips and stepped closer. the sunlight between the trees shined right on her face, making her eyes glow with a warm, unfamiliar delicacy. “i was gonna go easy on ya’ sparks, wouldn't wanna hurt you too much.”

you scoffed and boldly decided to strike first. you took quick steps towards her, swiping your dagger at her with each one. She skillfully dodged each swipe, taking steps back from you as she did it. she grinned at your failed attempts to strike her. 

“come on, Sparks, you can do better than that. come on. come at me.” you let out a huff and went at her again. she countered all your moves with her spear this time, using the dull end to knock at your dagger. 

you moved with sloppy determination, while she countered everything you had smoothly and flawlessly. “don’t go all soft on me, Sparks. i know you can do better.

“i told you to stop…” swipe “calling…” swipe “me…” swipe “that!”

Clarisse had her back pinned against a tree, with your dagger pressed tightly against her neck. she was breathless, looking at you with both surprise and pride on her face. 

she let out a breathless laugh. “look at you, Sparks. i knew you could do it.” she held strong eye contact with you, refusing to be the one to break it first.

your grip on your dagger faltered, and you swallowed harshly.

Clarisse took your surprise to shove you off of her with her spear. she began her own attempts at striking you. this time you skillfully countered her attacks. 

your dueling constantly sent the both of you backing up from the other. Clarisse’s hits seemed to soften as yours became even more determined.

“wouldn't we be better on the same team?” you ignored her taunts, but you were unable to ignore the way the fire inside you raged brighter and hotter. her taunting was fueling the constant burning.

few cuts littered your skin, some also visible on her. Clarisse was becoming sloppy, her spear faltering and her feet tripping over small tree roots and rocks.

Clarisse continued, noticing the fire lighting up behind your eyes. “but we can’t, can we? because you’re just a pathetic little unclaimed child.” her words felt like an indescribable searing traveling through your bloodstream.

suddenly, Clarisse was flat on the ground, her hair splayed out and her spear lying far away from her with your legs pinning her to the ground. a scream rang through her ears and the woods, and she felt a stinging on her neck.

though she felt the blood and felt the pain, she couldn’t tear her wide eyes from the bright, burning symbol of Hades floating above your head. the fire from your eyes matched the fire above you as you heaved, still unaware that your father had made an entrance.

“Hades…” she whispered. it was barely audible but you heard it. 

you drew your dagger away from her, not missing the way blood had seeped from her biggest wound. no one had been able to draw blood from Clarisse. ever. 

“what?” you whispered. your breath fanned her face. she still hadn’t looked at you, eyes still trained on the scorching fire above. your eyes followed hers, widening as you finally realized what she was looking at.

“oh.” you softly spoke. you carefully got off of her and stood up, hesitantly offering your hand for her to grab. she pulled herself up, a new smirk planted on her lips.

“finally understand all that fury you’ve got, Sparks.” she laughed and retrieved both her spear and her helmet. she ignored the aching cut on her neck, not wanting you to have any more glory than you already got.

 “yeah… i guess so.” you breathlessly chuckled, watching the symbol above you disappear as the two of you heard the final conch sound. 

slight panic washed over Clarisse’s face, now suddenly realizing that you had successfully distracted her for the majority of the game. “what? worried you lost again?” you taunted her, a mocking smirk on your face.

she scoffed and playfully shoved you. “whatever. just go.” she tried to sound serious but the small smile on her face showed otherwise.

a smile like hers was mirrored onto your face as the two of you slowly made your way back to the other campers. Clarisse would never admit to the warmth she felt when being near you, or the smile on her face.

but seriously, she would never let another soul see her like this. no one but you.

© sovksluv 2024 , please do not repost or translate my work !

[natsaffection]

hi 👋 how are you??

im having stressful exams this month, a lot of tough subjects, and i'm so frustrated with it all. could you please share your thoughts on how natty would handle r in a situation like this? maybe in the "my sweet baby" universe??

if you can, thank you so much, my love 💖

Together. | N. Romanoff

Sugar Mommy!Natasha x Sugar Baby!Reader

warnings: Just fluff🍀🍀

words: 947

A/n: Please take care of yourself if it gets too much, drink cocoa, and do other fun and relaxing things!!☕️

-

Now you're sitting in front of it again. One stack after the other, and it just didn't stop?

Why did you decide to do it again? Ah...Right...Future...

You were a bit frustrated, you had imagined your days to be different from sitting in Natasha's living room and cramming for hours. Natasha was also busy with herself in a meeting, and you couldn't help but take a leaf out of her book. Maybe one day you will be as successful as her..Run your own business someday.

CEO Of the L/N Company..Sounds good already....

"What are you thinking about?" As if she knew you were thinking about her right now, Natasha stands in the room and looks at you smiling, you sigh and put the stapler you had in your hand on the table, "Can't I just start with you?" Natasha could hear the frustration in your voice, and when she saw all the paper stuff she knew exactly what you meant. You see her looking at you with an unfamiliar look and suddenly she’s leaving.

She just left, Damn, you did something wrong..Before you could dive further into negative scenarios, she came back and sits down right next to you, "Alright, what are we looking at here?" You looked at her in confusion, "What about your meeting?"

Natasha reached for a stapler that was on the table, "Finished it, you are more important to me than listening to some people who think they can do something better," She looks back at you, "Now let's talk about you. So, what's it about?"

You couldn't help but smile softly. You can already feel the pressure easing a bit, ,,Aspects of human history and experience.“ Natasha flipped through the sheets a bit and as you did, she asked, „What can you think of already?“

Okay, how do you tell her you've just been staring at it so far? „Uhm..“ Natasha put the folder on her knees and this time looks directly at you, „You haven't looked at it yet, have you?“

You sigh again and lean against the couch, „I wonder how you managed to make everything look so easy, Nat. You're rich, you have your own company, and it seems like you don't have to worry about anything..“

Natasha's eyes softened, and she put a hand on your thighs, her voice soft and soothing. „Y/n, it may seem that way from the outside, but I promise you, success did not come on its own. I, too, sat on the floor and studied for hours. I had to deal with countless obstacles, setbacks, and doubts. Getting to where I am now took hard work and determination.“

You continue to look at her, „I know it won't be easy, but sometimes it just feels overwhelming. I want to achieve great things, but the road ahead seems so long..“

Natasha smiled and squeezed your thigh, „I believe in you, Y/n. You have the intelligence, the drive, and the passion. Remember that every little step brings you closer to your goals. Rome wasn't built in a day, nor were successful businesses or successful careers.“ Natasha realized that she was playing to your motivation with her speech, so she took the chance and went right on, „So, can you tell me anything interesting about any of these civilizations yet? Which ones are there, for example?“

Your eyes lit up as you begin to share your knowledge. „Well, the Egyptians, for example, were known for their impressive pyramids, and they believed in the afterlife.. They had intricate burial practices to prepare for the journey to the afterlife.“

Natasha nodded, acknowledging your answer, „That's right. It's fascinating how different societies view life and death. What are the challenges you find in learning about this topic?“

You sighed for the third time now, your frustration evident. „I get overwhelmed by all the dates and names. I feel like there's so much to remember.“

Natasha's voice sounded reassuring. „It's normal for you to feel this way. Let's try to break it down. We'll focus on one civilization at a time and create a timeline. That way it won't feel so scary. Also, I'm here to help you with the names and dates, understand?“

That sounds like a lot of work, you thought to yourself, but not for you, for Natasha, „Nat..Is this really okay that I'm keeping you here like this? you must have-" she interrupted you directly, „Quit that.“ She leans toward you, " „What good does it do me to have you sinking here in front of me, hm? I'd hire someone for you to make your tables and everything you need, so. Carry on.“

You had to smile again and nodded your agreement. At some point you reached a point where Natasha asked, „Let's talk about the ancient Mesopotamian civilizations. What else do you know about them?“

You think for a moment before answering, „They were known for their sophisticated writing system and the Code of Hammurabi, which was one of the earliest law codes.“ Natasha nodded in agreement. „That's right. And what do you know about the Indus Valley civilization?“

You hesitated, struggling to remember the details. „I'm not sure about that.. I think it was an ancient civilization on the Indian subcontinent, but I don't remember much else.“

Natasha smiled, without a hint of frustration in her voice. „ And that's all right, Y/n. The Indus Valley Civilization was actually on the Indian subcontinent, and they had advanced city planning with well-organized cities.“ Natasha notices you drifting off again, and she puts the things aside, „It's normal to forget some details. We'll work on it together.“

You appreciate her patience and support. „Thank you for your understanding, Natasha. Sometimes it's frustrating when I can't remember everything.“ Natasha reassured you, „It's all part of the learning process. We'll take another look at Indus Valley Civilization and make sure you understand it thoroughly.“

-

-

-

-

I need a Natasha. 🥲

[kaiser1ns]

#. I'D RATHER BE LOST IN THE LIGHTS

featuring 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗶 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗸𝗮 𝘅 𝗳𝗲𝗺!𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

fluff. he can't even recognize himself. he's feeling so alive lost in the lights.

recommended to listen to jimin's "like crazy"

For Takiishi Chika, there are two types of people besides himself, those who stand in his way and must be eliminated, and those who give him a way. He doesn't remember, doesn't know, and hasn't thought about whether he ever had an interest in any of these people, and he doesn't even know their names or how they even look. One always did what he wanted, bought him what he liked, and gave him absolutely everything to make him happy. The other was annoying, it was the first time he had thought such a thing about someone — a person, who made him feel enjoyment.

But there was one type of person that he couldn't define what it was or why it was like that. The way she treated him, the tone of her voice when she spoke, the little touches that happened when she passed by on the crowded streets. Why did he continue to see this human being every single day? She's saying, "Baby, come and follow me."  Baby, my love, treasure, prince, darling, sunshine … my boyfriend. Since when did such names mean anything to him, since when did he begin to listen to the words of someone so insignificant? Why?

There's nothing wrong here tonight, on this starry night he goes after her, he'd rather be lost in the light, lost his mind. There's no reason why, and if there is it doesn't matter. He sinks alone into these unknown depths, his fire not extinguished even as he falls, it's going to be a good night. Where am I? A dark haze clouded his eyes, but it was so gentle, the fingers covering his sight, a touch he knew so well. Then he looks up just as her fingers move to hold his hands. It's high, but the view is nice from the rooftop. She's prettier. But why? 

Emotions on ice, he is melting, let him have a taste, when she begs him with those striking and intense, often with a jewel-like depth, eyes of hers, it's as if she's saying everything she can't, because the eyes are a window to the human soul. All his reflections, he can't even recognize because he is feeling so alive, his desires are the same as hers. Why do you make me feel like this? 

A loud noise, like shots that had just pierced his heart, like a catastrophe had occurred in his mind, like the fireworks in the sky. He is trying to take the pressure off, been reaching for the stars. When did I go too far? He reached out for the stars, but instead, he found a new galaxy, something unusual and unfamiliar. For the first time in his life, he experiences something called ... love. The girl who not only gave him what he wanted but stood in his way. This will break him, this is going to break him. He doesn't want to leave her orbit, he doesn't want to rise from these depths, he doesn't want the spark between them to die out. Tell me, will I find myself again?

How can he feel like that? Their lips are doing a gentle but smooth dance, but everything is so slow even though their hearts are beating like crazy. Closer and closer, he wants to be as close as possible to the person who made him feel and think.

“I think we could last forever,” she says and he is afraid that everything will disappear. “Forever you and I.” Being alone again. What's the point? This feeling doesn't even have a name as he tries to keep his whole being intact, to distract himself from emotions he can't deal with. Eventually, he has to face himself, he has to face her. You are so damn annoying… Why are you always like this? "I wish I could describe this feeling to you." But she knows, she just knows without him saying it because, in his own way, he conveyed what she already knew. “I love you, too.”

taglist :: @maruflix @heartkaji @17020 @stunie @nyxypoo @kazuhaiku @slerixx @kiurona @meidiary @mydream-synopsis

©2024 kaiser1ns do not copy, repost or modify my work

[such-expensive-mistakes]

halfa!Steph AU (part 1)

I'm still working on the Superpham AU but I couldn't stop thinking about this idea.

-----

Once upon a time, there was a girl who thought she could be a hero. And then she died. She died slowly and painfully and steeped in guilt over having accidentally set off a gang war that destroyed the city. It's a neat little story about hubris and knowing your place and why Batman is always right.

Except she didn't. Die, that is. She flatlined on the operating table and Leslie faked her death. And when that girl came back, she put on a costume again and became the third Batgirl. It's a heartwarming story about stubbornness and learning to rely on others and proving Batman wrong.

The truth, Stephanie thinks, is somewhere in between.

When she talks about having died, people treat as— not as a joke, the pain is still too raw for that, but as an exaggeration. Dramatic license.

Sometimes Steph thinks that's all it is.  But she feels like she died.  She dreams about it sometimes.  Not just Black Mask, although he does haunt far too many of her dreams, but something else.  Something in-between.

It's probably just the trauma.  That's what Leslie says, when Stephanie finally asks her.

Stephanie doesn't ask Leslie about her newfound strength, or about how sharp her senses have become.  

You can't go through something like Stephanie did and come out unchanged.  That's what Babs says, and she would know.  Steph doesn't think they're thinking about the same kind of changes, though.

-----

Stephanie lands on a rooftop and looks down at the white van parked below.  It's not a particularly notable vehicle, except for the occupants.  

"What are they doing?" Steph asks.

"I don't know."  Babs sounds frustrated, and no wonder.  There aren't many people who can keep Oracle out of their systems, and Steph wouldn't have judged these guys to be among their ranks.  "I'll keep trying to get through their firewalls, but I'm flying blind here.  Keep an eye on them, but be careful."

"You know me," Steph says.  "Careful is my middle name."

Babs doesn't even bother to muster up a sarcastic response to that, which is how Steph knows she's preoccupied.

These guys have been running all over Gotham for the past few weeks.  They're dressed in immaculate white suits and carrying unfamiliar weapons, and they seem to be taking some kind of readings on unfamiliar instruments.  None of that is a crime, but it's suspicious, and Oracle's inability to find out any more about them is even more suspicious.

And that means they're officially Steph's problem.

The men are doing the same thing they've been doing the last few times Steph has watched them.  It's not particularly exciting.  

"Batgirl," Oracle says.

"Please tell me there's a robbery or something that needs my attention," Steph replies.  "These guys are so boring."

"Sorry.  Do you think you can get one of their gadgets for me?  I want a better look."

"Can do, boss."  

Stephanie carefully climbs down to street level, staying out of sight.  She's gotten a lot sneakier since her not-death.  She tells herself it's all of her training and practice, finally paying off, but regardless of the cause, the guys in white have no chance of spotting her.  

They're standing near the front of the van, arguing about something.

"The apparition was spotted here last night," one says.

"That doesn't mean it's going to return!" another responds. 

Sounds like they're looking for something in particular.  Which Steph and Babs had already guessed, but it's nice to have confirmation.

Steph slips toward the back of the van, which is wide open.  Not smart, especially in Gotham, but she's got a feeling these guys aren't from Gotham.  

The inside of their van reminds her of a sci-fi movie; everything is blindingly white and chrome, with glowing green accents.  And lots and lots of those weapons.  Whoever they are, they clearly have a nice sized budget.

Steph grabs one of the guns and a handheld instrument like the one the guys outside are waving around, but as soon as she does, all the instruments the guys in front of the van are holding start going wild.  

"There it is!" one of them yells.  They all start shooting at her, which is how Steph learns that they're using some kind of fancy laser guns.  Because regular guns just aren't space age enough for these guys.

That's Steph's cue to get out.  She grapples back to the rooftop, just barely avoiding getting hit by the laser guns.

It’s easy enough to lose them from the rooftops.  At Oracle’s direction, she makes her way back to Firewall.  She tugs her mask off and hands the stolen tech over to Babs.

“The’re looking for something,” she says.  “An apparition.”

Babs hums in acknowledgment.  “Hopefully these will have some answers.”  She switches on the— scanner?  Steph’s pretty sure that’s its function, anyway.  It starts beeping wildly.

Steph jumps back, startled.  The beeping stops.

“Well,” Babs says.  “I think we have an idea what they were looking for.”

[https-alberich]

CW: Kidnappings. Nonconsentual kissing. Talk of body mutilation. Reader discretion is advised.

Notes: Guys I'm going crazyyy

Groaning, you squeezed your eyes shut. Despite being in darkness, everything was so fucking bright. Your head throbbed and your limbs were sluggish and God- you were going to throw up and be sick and pray for death – all at the same time.

When you felt your body slowly begin to adjust to the unfamiliarity of your environment you felt confident enough to open your eyes.

You tried to feel around, looking for a sense of familiarity in this new place. What were you doing last anyways? You were in the cafeteria… and you were eating lunch… and your head hurt so you were going to the nurse and then there was nothing but-

Darkness.

You groan, squeezing your eyes shut as best as you could, trying to ignore the horrible throb of your blood pumping through your skull, delivering much needed oxygen was obviously very important, but did it really have to do it in a way that hurt so much? What about your friends? Your family? Would they come looking for you? How long were you out in the first place – where the authorities involved?

So many questions.

Not enough time to find any proper answers.

You could hear soft breathing on you’re the back neck, the warmth of someone else’s breathing on your skin warming your body - this wasn’t normal. The blood drained from your face, and you shivered. Where were you- what is this place- this isn’t your bed- these aren’t your sheets-

“Mnh… Stop moving my love…” the voice came out strained and tired. Whoever they were, they weren’t happy you had disturbed their nap? Sleep? It was hard to tell what time of the fucking day it was seeing that there were no windows in the room where you were – inevitably – going to spend the rest of your life in. But nevertheless, it made your blood chill. Who the fuck was this person- what was going on-

“My darling.” The voice was stern as the person sat up and ran a hand through their dishevelled hair. “Stop wriggling. You looked so cute when you slept… you know I just couldn’t help myself.” They smiled.

A smile on their lips.

One that didn’t make their way to their eyes.

“You don’t mind, don’t you? I mean of course you don’t! You’re my little darling partner after all.” They chuckled, like this sort of thing was normal. A whimper escaped your throat, and you frowned. “Of course you don’t.” They reassured themselves, telling themselves that whatever sort of sick perverted fantasy they were satisfying was completely normal and healthy! They eagerly moved closer to you, reaching over and grabbing your neck with a force that made your head throb in protest.

You couldn’t help the pained squeak that left your lips when their fingers squeezing around your windpipe. 

“If you- dare pull a stunt like that again.” They hissed. “I will not hesitate to make your life a living hell. I’ll carve my name into your skin and show you off to everyone you know.” They whispered; voice laced with a sharp poison. A threat that you knew not to disregard as them playing with you. “But don’t worry darling.” They pulled away. “Be good and I won’t have to!” They hummed, smiling.

The constant switch from caring to terrifying made you shiver.

What do you even do to warrant such a reaction? Did you look at someone for too long? Look at them the wrong way? Give someone a wrong impression? Who the hell even is this person? You’ve never met them before in your fucking life!

“It’s ok...” They mumbled, leaning in to kiss the tender skin at the crook of your neck. “You don’t have to talk to anyone else down here. Except me of course!” They pulled away, giggling manically. “I have the whole wedding all planned out! I’m sure you don’t mind.”

“You’re mine after all.”

Taglist: No-one so far!

© Written By https-Alberich. Do not copy, steal or translate without permission.

[cas-kingdom]

PLS. GERALT TEACHING AKELA TO ICE SKATE 😩

Find the OC version of this fic here.

The air had been cold all morning, but somehow it was more so as you looked out across the frozen lake. Giggles carried towards you by the wind, soft laughter and teasing remarks from Ciri as she taught Yennefer to ice skate. One part of you longed to go and join them, but the other—

"Y/N."

You glanced over your shoulder. Geralt leant against the axe he'd been cutting wood with. His head tilted, one hand at his hip, he offered a knowing smile. "You can join them, you know."

He had already told you as such, so he knew you knew. Nonetheless, stubbornness ran through your veins like blood, and when your mind was set on something, it was set in stone. Though, Geralt had always considered himself adept at breaking that stone. He had an axe now, after all.

You sniffed and brushed your hair behind your ears, a useless act considering the winter breeze. You turned back to the lake and watched as Yennefer yelled out and slipped, grabbing onto Ciri with a flurry of giggles.

You were long over your aversion to the princess's relationship with Geralt, but this...feeling you had towards Ciri and Yennefer was unfamiliar and unanticipated. The two were obviously close. Ciri seemed to have that effect on people.

"No," you said eventually, "it's alright. Ciri has my skates, anyway."

Geralt shrugged. He dropped the axe and walked towards the lake. "We don't need skates. Come." He stopped by the bank and reached a hand behind him expectantly. When you didn't grasp it, he turned to see you stood in the same spot, unblinking. Geralt dropped his arm and sighed. "Y/N, you love to skate. Come here."

You didn't vocally decide not to listen, but Geralt was well versed in the behaviour of the girl he'd raised. When you crossed your arms over your chest, not defiantly, more unwillingly, he dropped his arm and let a small smile slip onto his face.

"You remember when I first taught you to skate?" he asked, stepping one foot on the lake. He tested it, his boot slipping easily across the smooth surface. "You were four."

You couldn't help but breathe a short laugh. "You mean I taught you."

The Witcher stepped onto the lake, using his arms for balance. He skidded a bit, then turned to face you. "I slipped over once," he reminded you.

"And used four-year-old me to keep you up."

Geralt hummed morosely. Admittedly, that had not been his finest moment. Still. He reached his arm out again and opened his hand. "If you are so good, come and prove it."

There was no hint of competitiveness in his voice, just a discreet encouragement, and you took it with a long sigh and a reluctant smile, trudging over to him and taking his hand. He helped you onto the lake, allowing you to grip his sleeve as you found your footing, and noted fondly that said grip did not slacken even as you both slid slowly along the outskirts of the lake.

Ciri and Yennefer were still far out in the middle, slipping and tripping and laughing until their hearts' content. Somehow, Geralt doubted you wanted to be close to them right now, and not because of your refusal to leave the safety of the lake's edge. He wouldn't discuss it with you until he felt you needed it. He had an idea of what was bothering you, but as long as it wasn't dispiriting you as much as it had when your disapproval had surrounded him, he was sure it would fix itself.

You let go of his sleeve eventually, eyes fixed on the ice as you slid along it. Geralt turned so he was gliding backwards, hands at the ready in case his apparently oh-so-professional child needed some support. You were determined, though, your lack of skates doing nothing to thwart you, and Geralt felt himself relaxing and enjoying the—

"Oh, fuck." The moment he took a single wrong step, everything went to shit. Balance long forgotten, Geralt went into panic mode, arms pinwheeling, feet fighting for traction. You panicked too at first, instinctively attempting to launch forward to catch him lest he fall straight forward, but when you figured out he was in no imminent danger, you straightened with a snort.

"Geralt, you—Geralt—Geralt, you're making it worse!" Your words arrived between barrels of laughter as Geralt continued in the reclamation of his balance. He looked like a newborn deer, its long legs unused to the ground beneath it. You had tears in your eyes and when a burst of hysterics echoed across the lake, you realised Ciri and Yennefer had noticed the spectacle too.

Your laughter died when Geralt did indeed fall forward, though from the look on his face you were sure it was purposeful. Before you could utter a single squeal of anticipation, he lunged towards you, grabbing your shoulders and pushing you down beneath him as he fell. His hands went behind your head to shield the impact but the wind was knocked from you all the same, even more so when the Witcher's tickling hands found your sides.

"Hey!" You could feel the laughter-induced tears on your cheeks freezing, the harsh wind almost as cold as the ice beneath you. Geralt made quick work of boxing you between his arms, poking and prodding and scribbling his fingers across every spot he knew you possessed.

"You may be better than me at ice skating," he ground out breathlessly, "but here is something I will always best you at."

"Stop ihit, you bihig lump!" You pushed at his face and Geralt grunted with his newly blocked vision. Seconds later, a heavy force ploughed into his back and he was knocked off course.

"Attack!" Ciri yelled. She grabbed piles of snow from the bank and shoved as much as her hands would allow down his jacket.

Geralt howled. "Fucking fuck, Cirilla!"

Yennefer leaned down and extended an arm towards you, still on your back and struggling for breath. You hesitated but took it. You stood up slowly, slipping once or twice, but made it safely into Yennefer’s arms. Yennefer held you close, a grin on her face as she watched the princess and the Witcher wrestle, and you found yourself leaning into her. Yennefer leant her chin on your head, and you relaxed. As always, there was never a need to worry.

Your family was too tight-knit to ever leave anyone out.

Witcher Masterpost

[laxmiree]

[CN] MLQC’s Lucien - Rebirth Date - English Translation [3/3]

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT!! ⚠️

This post contains a detailed spoiler for a date that has not been released in EN yet! Feel free to notify me if there are any mistakes in the translation~

No Man's Land Solo SSR Event | Rebirth Date Part 1 | Date Part 2 | Date Part 3 (You're here!) | Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5 | Day 6 | Day 7

I can't help but laugh, placing my hand in his as if placing both my life and death in his hand.

I've never felt so free and happy. All the unknowns seem to have transformed into challenges at this moment, and I want to overcomes them.

Translation under the cut!

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—[Part 4]—

Lucien: Radiation, disasters, and the like are merely puzzles posed by objective reality, and we are the problem solvers.

Lucien: Only in this way do we qualify to step onto a new level.

His voice is exceptionally gentle, accompanied by the buzzing sound of an electric current that sends shivers down my spine.

MC: ...Are you going to kill me?

Lucien: [chuckles] Do you want me to?

He lowers the machine in his hand, bringing the rapidly spinning chainsaw blade dangerously close to my neck.

Lucien: I can dismember your limbs, but that won’t be particularly useful to me right now.

Lucien: I can extract your brain intact and keep it active for a certain period of time. Maybe you would still be considered 'alive' in some biological sense.

Lucien: Of course, the most important thing is your heart and... your Evol 'core'.

Lucien: I've been curious for a long time about how it works, allowing you to withstand any severe radiation threat and survive until now.

Lucien: Maybe when I cut you open, there will be an answer to all this. What do you think?

I can feel the intense wind pressure from the chainsaw pressing down on all my nerves, but at the same time, it seems that an even more majestic and surging force is roaring in my chest.

My mind is almost blank, leaving only some kind of instinct.

MC: ....No, you are wrong.

MC: If I die, you won't get any answers.

At this moment, I seem to see something more clearly.

MC: And... it's not you who is studying me to carry out so-called 'evolution', but rather me using you to complete ‘change’.

The corners of his mouth curve into a more pronounced arc.

Lucien: Is that so? But it seems I have the opportunity to lock you up again at any time.

Lucien: I have many ways to keep you from going anywhere, even... to take away your right to choose death.

MC: Then go ahead and try. Just hope you don't die too soon from my radiation.

MC: Just like right now, you've been around me without any protection for too long.

In this gamble, that ever-surging power now settles in my heart. It feels unfamiliar to me, yet at this moment, it seems to belong to me completely.

His deep eyes fill with more laughter. He elegantly sets the machine aside, squats down, and places his hands on both sides of the bag.

His warm breath hits my face, and he seems like another cage, closing in on me even more.

Lucien: Do you know? Ten years ago, your data readings fluctuated wildly. They thought it was due to your unstable condition, but I suspected back then that it was because of ‘fear’.

Lucien: Humans can feel the existence of life through extreme fear. They will instinctively want to protect themselves, and that drive will generate immense energy.

Lucien: Back then, my knowledge and skills were far from sufficient to fully uncover everything about you, so I concluded... that we both needed some time.

Lucien: [whispers] But later, I regretted it. Actually, I shouldn't have let you go back then.

His gentle voice brushes past my ear like a feather, making me instinctively hold my breath.

Something heavy and complex seems to be shedding its outer shell, revealing a more genuine and indescribable side to me.

Lucien: A lot of time was wasted, so when you appeared before me, I was very happy.

Lucien: And you're slowly starting to trust me, which is good.

MC: So everything over the past six months... was it all your facade?

MC: To make me truly feel fear?

Lucien: [chuckles] No, I want you to always remember the feeling you just had.

His noticeably cold fingertips brush my cheek, meticulously tracing a certain outline.

Lucien: You should have been constantly thinking, striving to survive, and seeing many scenes.

Lucien: Remember how you used that power and then tame it.

Lucien: Only then will you be complete.

A pair of calm abysses engulf me, tempting me to gaze upon what lies hidden deep beneath the surface-

A soul that is pure yet obsessive, mad yet patient.

Lucien: Besides, I have never pretended in front of you. Just because you don’t see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Lucien: Our time is running out. I think it's a good idea to use myself as a stepping stone for change.

Lucien: After all, solving the problem is the key to everything, and I don't want to cause you too much pain.

I freeze momentarily, suddenly realizing something, and repeatedly examine his entire body.

The person in front of me has no skin ulcers, looks mentally stable, and everything seems normal…

MC: Could it be that you…

Lucien: I am my own test subject, and the facts prove that I have succeeded.

He lifts his palm, revealing faint flickering motes of light. I can sense a power radiating from within.

Lucien: As I've mentioned before, your body seems to possess a sort of 'core' or 'field'.

Lucien: Your core affects the radiation energy, either absorbing or repelling it; hence, you remain unaffected.

Lucien: And I used the power you unleashed earlier to replicate a similar 'field'.

Flecks of excitement dance in his eyes as he arrogantly retracts his fingertips.

Lucien: [chuckles] If my hypothesis is correct, in a few days, I will be able to create a 'core' with a near-identical operating mechanism in a few days.

Lucien: I might soon be able to research the data from the heavily contaminated areas myself, including... the machines there.

With that, he rises to his feet, carefully placing various organs and components into separate jars before turning his head back.

Lucien: I previously asked you, 'Is death the end?' Do you remember your answer?

MC: ...I remember.

Lucien: I don't think death is the end.

He lets out a soft chuckle tinged with an air of undeniable arrogance.

Lucien: No one here cares about death, because it's too commonplace, and also because they don't understand the value of death.

Watching his retreating figure without turning his head, I instinctively crawl out of the black bag.

I feel as if I've just experienced death and have been reborn with new flesh and blood in this moment.

I want to know what he means and see how far he can go.

✂———————–

Following his figure, I enter a room on the side of the deep pit. Jars of all shapes and sizes are placed in the dimly lit environment.

The wall is covered with a dense jumble of numbers and changing curves, new numbers and symbols overlapping the old marks, layer upon layer.

I look around in surprise, momentarily at a loss for words.

MC: These... are all your doing?

Lucien: Not entirely, I just took over them.

He places the jars on different shelves and writes new numbers in one spot.

Lucien: Someone else conducted experiments here before, leaving behind many things and data. There are always predecessors doing similar things, just like the information you brought back.

Lucien: I just found them, researched and revised their conclusions, and came up with my own answers.

MC: How do you know that someone else will do the same thing…?

Lucien: There will always be.

Lucien: There will always be those who are curious, questioning all the current definitions and conjectures, wanting to know how this world actually works.

Lucien: There are always things that spread wider and longer than diseases and death, leaving their mark on the world in various ways.

I stand there in a daze, Lucien is clearly standing in front of me, yet I feel like he is so far away.

In a world ravaged by wounds, his words sounded like a miracle, but he spoke them as if it were a matter of course.

At this moment, I suddenly have a premonition.

Even if Lucien disappears from the world one day, there will surely be someone who will sweep away the dust of time, pick up the whole box, and continue to climb upwards on this silent boulder.

Lucien: Aside from that, these corpses are also quite nutritious.

Having seemingly finished his preparations, Lucien spoke abruptly, causing my expression to change instantly.

✂———————–

Following his footsteps, I arrive at another dark, large building. I had never thought that the buildings next to the laboratory each had their own purpose.

Amidst the continuous rumbling, Lucien opens each black bag one by one and empties their contents into a deep pit, its contents and depth obscured from view.

Lucien: Corpses can be fermented by bacteria to produce biogas, which is a tremendous source of chemical energy.

Lucien: Moreover, improper handling of these corpses could lead to an outbreak of plague, resulting in even more deaths.

Unable to understand what he's saying, I stare into the depths of the pit for a long moment before turning my gaze towards Lucien.

MC: Have you been experimenting on the people in the city all this time?

Lucien: [chuckles] I don't deny it.

Faced with his somewhat ambiguous answer, I fall silent for a moment.

Lucien is both saving and experimenting. It seems as if the divine and the devil coexist paradoxically within him, making it impossible for me to define him in any way.

Lucien: The more people who survive, the more it proves that my path is the correct one.

Lucien: I deeply regret the loss of those who died, but I will only use their deaths to go further.

As we leave the building, the sky is so dark that no single star can be seen.

Lucien doesn't stop but walks towards the city.

Seeing this, I instinctively halt—I am not wearing my isolation suit, and my presence could harm the city's residents.

Lucien: [gently] It's okay, MC. Trust me.

He stands in the darkness yet extends an invitation to me like a burning flame.

Lucien: Let me show you what this world can be.

In the empty square, not a sliver of light is visible. Lucien takes out a small device, instantly illuminating his face. A small, dome-shaped black hole is also aimed at me.

MC: …!

Instinctively assuming it to be a weapon, I cover my neck and recoil half a step.

Unexpectedly, Lucien laughs and gestures with the device at me for quite a while. I instinctively try to escape his ‘target lock’, but it only makes his laughter more pronounced.

Finally, I can't resist moving closer. After he presses the button, I find myself appearing on the lit-up screen!

The me in the picture frame steps back in fear, nervously runs around, and finally moves closer out of curiosity.

MC: …What is this! So amazing!

Lucien: I don't know either. But since we've found it, it means someone invented it in this world.

Lucien: It has no significance for survival, yet it still exists.

With a gentle shake of the device, specks of light dance exuberantly in his eyes.

Lucien: How boring it would be if the only meaning of this world was survival.

My heart is racing, and the moment I take the device, it feels heavy.

I don't know what I pressed, but Lucien's face appears on the screen.

Lucien looks straight at me through the device.

Lucien: [softly] MC, do you know? From the moment you appeared before me, I realized that this world is actually full of color.

Lucien: So, I really want you to see what the world looks like through my eyes.

An unknown button press triggers a blinding flash of light that erupts in an instant, searing an imprint onto my retinas-

The whole world seems to be glowing.

Multicolored luminescence suffuses every corner of the city. The splendid and brilliant lights are like eternal fireworks, blooming with unparalleled beauty.

Zone X is lit up.

Shadowy figures emerge from the corners, their heads raised and eyes wide open.

??: ...Is this also a radiation tide?

??: It must be... it must be! Run! Otherwise, none of us will survive!

??: It hurts! I feel so much pain!!

??: Wait… City lord is over there!

??: City lord! Save us!!

Countless cries of clamor and anguish rise and fall, eyes full of pleading and struggle are cast in my direction.

Lucien: These are all my doing, they are just some lights that I turned on.

As those words settle, the entire square instantly falls silent.

??: There's no way so many lights would turn on in this world... you must be lying!

??: ...Really? Could it be that City Lord is just that powerful?

??: Run!!

In that fleeting moment, I seem to perceive a myriad of faces. Doubt, curiosity, anger, despair...

In the unfamiliar yet radiant scene of rebirth, something sprouts and grows amidst the ruins.

As someone charges forward with a roar, Lucien remains nonchalant, a smile still gracing his lips.

His eyes hold no trace of them.

Lucien: MC, the future awaiting everyone will never be peaceful; death and struggle will inevitably permeate the entirety of human history.

Lucien: But if, after enduring pain and struggle, one can gain the courage to face the truth, it will surely lead humanity to a further future.

MC: ...What kind of future?

Lucien: For example…

As blood splatters everywhere, I see Lucien proudly raise the corners of his mouth.

Lucien: You can stand in front of everyone just as ordinarily as this.

Lucien: Without restrictions, in a state of freedom.

Lucien: I think this future is just beginning.

Lucien extends his hand to me as he speaks.

I have never seen someone like this, standing before me in such a real and equal way, in the face of me who always brings death to others because of my radiation.

He has calculated everything and cut open everything, inviting me to embark on an unknown and long journey together.

Almost without hesitation, I step forward and grasp that hand, letting the blood stains on it also stain my hand.

Since he has used himself and the future as bait, then I have absolutely no reason to give up.

MC: Lucien, is all of this tonight part of your bigger trap?

Lucien: [chuckles] What if it is?

I stare back at him deeply, the corners of my mouth curling into a smile.

MC: Then I will gladly accept it*.

With a dazzling halo around his arched eyebrows and eyes, he pulls my hand up and we start running together.

Lucien: The isolation membrane I placed on you only lasts for 15 minutes. "Miss Death" is about to come again.

As he speaks, he spreads his palm open with a serious demeanor. Despite being covered in blood, he appears as graceful as the wisest grand wizard from a book.

I can't help but laugh, placing my hand in his as if placing both my life and death in his hand.

MC: Pfft, don't you need to escape from me then?

Lucien: I don't need to.

He laughs casually, and there’s even a hint of anticipation.

Lucien: Death is one of my best nutrients.

The static dark screens served as a backdrop behind him. The neon light outlines his silhouette as if it could illuminate everything.

I subconsciously raise the device in my hand and aim it behind us-

Countless images of Lucien appear on the machines behind me. I excitedly sway it back and forth, and the pictures of the machine sway in real time along with my movements.

MC: You need to tell me what's happening when you return!

Lucien: I'd be happy to explain it to you.

MC: Then I also want to know the principle behind it and more!

Lucien: In that case, a certain student might need to put in a bit more effort outside of the experiments.

The sky starts to rain at some point, as if a joyful symphony is playing.

MC: Lucien, do you find this world interesting?

Lucien: [chuckles] Incredibly interesting.

MC: I'm starting to find it interesting too!

I've never felt so free and happy. All the unknowns seem to have transformed into challenges at this moment, and I want to overcome them.

MC: With Zone X being so bright, more people are bound to notice it, right?

Lucien: Probably, similar people will understand its significance. Some will come closer, and some will question it—

Lucien: But perhaps more and more areas will light up like this.

Lucien: The data you brought back contains a very special piece of information.

Lucien: It is said that there is a person in this world who can change everything. The recorder referred to her as — 'Queen'.

I was stunned for a moment and slowly stopped walking.

Lucien stands in front of me, still gazing at me with a gentle smile.

I look at our intertwined palms, and after a long while, I raise my head resolutely and hold his hand even tighter.

MC: If there really is someone who can change everything, I will be that person.

MC: I will be the 'Queen'.

Lucien smiles gently.

Lucien: Then I will witness your coronation.

He holds my hand, steps over the line between light and darkness, and merges into the darkness.

Lucien: Welcome to the new world.

—————Fin————–

[T/N]

*: The Chinese idiom 甘之如饴 (gān zhī rú yí) literally translates to "as sweet as syrup." It is used to describe someone who willingly endures hardship or difficulty, often with a sense of satisfaction or joy. Fun fact: it's also a reference to a line from Aquarium date, which EN server translates differently 🤧

-

[Lux's rambles corner]

Post-Apocalypse AU really ends with a BANG with this one date ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ. Suddenly, putting Lucien at the end makes sense because his dates signify the rebirth of the post-apocalyptic world. No matter how dark, bleak, and filthy the world is, there will always be hope, and there will always be people who try to bring everyone toward a better future 🥺

Anyway, let's talk about this date bit by bit, shall we? Although this kind of feels like a compressed main story, some things are different. Essentially, the first half of this date is filled with foreshadowing and world-building, while the other half is filled with revelation.

First of all, the date name 【新生之约】 is a reference to what XM said in S1 chapter 13-8: "However, you must believe that before things reach the worst point, everything can still be reborn and changed.". The words "reborn"/"rebirth" and "change" are essentially what this date is about.

In this post-apocalyptic world, abnormal radiation unleashed by the 1917 comet impact brings death and illness to everyone. Many scientists tried to research this matter and even went as far as to conduct human experiments. In this AU, Lucien is a “city lord” who also researches this matter, and MC is one of his test subjects. Zone X is considered one of the deadliest, where the people who come here are either at their wits' end, seeking death, or refusing to leave their homes.

[Radioactive Butterfly]

MC’s “CORE” power has an interesting twist on this date. Besides having some kind of power that can change the world, it also makes her deadly to others because her core not only repels the radiation but also absorbs it. I think one part from the [No Man’s Land] event perfectly paints MC’s unique situation on this date.

In Lucien's laboratory, I discovered an exceptionally beautiful butterfly with vibrant wings trapped inside a glass dome, gently fluttering its wings. A. Quietly admire it. B. Open the glass cover and release the butterfly.

If you choose A, Lucien appears behind MC and explains that the butterfly's wing color was caused by radiation, so while it was beautiful, it had to live its entire life under the glass dome. If you choose B, the lab radiation alarm blares because the radiation level inside the building has suddenly spiked several hundred times—it turns out that the butterfly is radioactive.

MC is in the same situation as the butterfly. Her ‘vibrant wings’ (core power) prevent her from living freely. She has to isolate herself from others to protect them. Her life has primarily been one of experimentation, treated as a tool for a future envisioned by many lunatic scientists. Most people don't see her as an equal, but rather as a means to an end.

For MC, Lucien is different from them in many ways.

….I asked Lucien why he never referred to me by my experiment number. Lucien also seemed to ponder for a moment, and then he simply said that perhaps I am not just an experimental subject or a creation.

Take note of how her question doesn't grant an immediate answer from Lucien because this habit is not deliberate; Lucien subconsciously regards her as more than just an ‘experiment subject.'

MC believes that he is different from those crazy scientists. He doesn't hurt her too much and even gives her some kind of small freedom by giving her an isolation suit that allows her to explore freely and interact with other people and living creatures without fear of hurting them. Although she doesn't fully trust him, she still sees him as the gentle and generous City Lord who tried his best to save his people.

But during one of their visits, seeing Lucien's unsettling composure as he tends to the horrific illness, MC perhaps begins to see the other side that Lucien hasn't let her see.

[Eros and Thanatos]

Their time is running out as the radiation tide gets worse in Zone X. And as what they call it, desperate times call for desperate measures. In order to push MC to control her power and free her, Lucien bets his own life with a pretty-much-staged reveal of his other side (i mean, come on, he’s been hiding the whole corpse thing for MONTHS, and you told me he clumsily forgot to clean up one day and conveniently leave traces of blood that can lead you to his dark basement thingy???)

Rather than using the dark side™ to explain his other side, I’ll just use Eros and Thanatos dual theory instinct.

Walking into the city, a man with a festering arm rushed out, accusing Lucien of not only failing to cure him but also making him neither human nor a ghost. Meanwhile, another person lying on a stretcher claimed that it was the city lord who had saved them.

If you choose to ask him, Lucien will react like this:

Lucien smiled and said that the truth shouldn't be told by him but depends on which truth I am willing to believe.

In the early 1910s, Sigmund Freud proposed the theory of Eros and Thanatos. This theory suggests two fundamental forces influencing human behavior:

Eros (Life Drive): Represents the instinct to create, bond, and preserve life. It encompasses sexual and social urges, as well as the will to survive.

Thanatos (Death Drive): Represents an unconscious drive towards self-destruction, aggression, and returning to an inanimate state. It manifests in destructive urges and aggression directed inwards or outwards.

It seems as if the divine and the devil coexist paradoxically within him, making it impossible for me to define him in any way.

As a character, Lucien embodies both Eros and Thanatos. His curiosity, thirst for knowledge, scientific pursuits, and care for life reflect Eros, while his willingness to use painful and deadly experiments even toward himself to achieve his goals and his anticipation of his death signify Thanatos. His Thanatos-driven action highlights a ruthless determination to achieve his objectives; essentially, you can call it his Ares’ side. Not only did they coexist, but both Eros and Thanatos instincts can blend as well. For example, through his use of corpses for biogas production, which is an approach to utilizing death for the benefit of life.

A pure, yet obsessive, mad, yet patient soul

His intentions and ideals are inherently good and pure. He is also a patient man, willing to wait for years for his research to bear fruit. Even if it doesn’t yield anything in his lifetime, it doesn’t matter to him, as he believes someone will continue his path. However, his obsession (in this context, 偏执 means ‘inflexible’ obsession/fixation with his ideal and truth of the world. It contains some stubbornness in it ahah) and madness drives him to do anything to achieve his goals. What he said in Season 1 Chapter 16 is proven true during this date—that he won't hesitate to sacrifice anyone, even himself, to advance the world. MC remains the sole exception to this, as she is the only person to whom he grants some freedom and choice in this matter. He won't sacrifice someone important to him.

[Philosophies of Death and Rebirth]

Speaking of death and life- of course Lucien’s date won’t be complete without some kind of philosophical discussion about them-

Lucien: Humans can feel the existence of life through extreme fear. They will instinctively want to protect themselves, and that drive will generate immense energy.

Around 200 years ago, Kierkegaard shared insights about human existence (Kierkegaard, 1983). He explained that humans are unique because we are aware of our existence and can reflect on ourselves. This awareness brings two emotions: awe and dread. We feel awe at the beauty of life and dread at the reality of death, which can come at any moment. Awe inspires us to live fully, seek love, make connections, and find meaning in life. On the other hand, Dread reminds us of death's constant presence and makes us even more aware of our existence.

MC: So everything over the past six months... was it all your facade?

MC: To make me truly feel fear?

Lucien: [chuckles] No, I want you to always remember the feeling you just had.

Lucien: You should have been constantly thinking, striving to survive, and seeing many scenes.

Lucien: Remember how you used that power and then tame it.

Lucien: Only then will you be complete.

Rather than making her feel fear, Lucien's goal is for her to fully control her own power. I think in the end, they're both using each other to complete their own goal; MC uses Lucien to complete her change, and Lucien copies MC's power so that he can research the radiation himself. It's a mutually beneficial cooperation. Which, although extreme (worst case scenario is that Lucien dead and MC be traumatized by the whole thing) it's arguably the least risky way according to Lucien's enigmatic working mind lol. Like, at least in the worst-case scenario, she won't be dead.

Interestingly, this part of Lucien's dialogue can be analyzed through Heidegger's concept of "being-toward-death."

Heidegger (1962) wrote, “If I take death into my life. Acknowledge it, and face it squarely, I will free myself from the anxiety of death and the pettiness of life—and only then will I be free to become myself.”

Heidegger's philosophy exhorts us to accept death and to use it as a means of understanding the purpose of life. According to Heidegger, acknowledging death allows us to enjoy life to the fullest and cherish the time we have. Death, in this view, can be a source of freedom as it liberates us from the limitations of life and enables us to realize our full potential, in this case, MC fully realizing her power.

So, with all being said and done, is death the end? I don’t think so. Death is not the end, as new life and knowledge can be born through understanding death. Death is not the end, because there will always be people who pick up and continue your path even after your passing. Death is not the end when it can provide for new life to grow, even through something as unhinged as using corpses to produce electricity.

Watching his retreating figure without turning his head, I instinctively crawl out of the black bag.

I feel as if I've just experienced death and have been reborn with new flesh and blood in this moment.

I want to know what he means and see how far he can go.

Death and apocalypse don’t necessarily mean the end; they can even mark the beginning of a new future. After all, only after experiencing death can you be reborn from the ashes like a phoenix.

And while at it, they somehow have ‘wholesome’ heart-to-heart talk… isn’t it silly that they can finally talk frankly when both of them are kind of trying to kill the other-

//just kidding, i personally like this talk because it fulfills something that I didn't realize needed lol. It feels like- S2 ch 23 approach to S1 ch 13 conflict if that makes sense? 😂 like instead of a dramatic break-up, we get them just, communicating their feelings because of their instinctive trust in each other ksksksks. Perhaps it's because MC instinctively trusts that Lucien won't kill her, and her curiosity exceeds her fear. And maybe it's because Lucien trusts that MC can unlock her power that he is willing to bet his own life.

[Future in his eyes]

Lucien: Why change the world? I think this world is fine.

Lucien: What I want to seek is 'evolution'.

What is 'evolution' in the post-apocalypse setting? It's more abstract from Lucien's practice of 'evolution' in the main story (like evolving 'everyone' or straight up ascending the world's dimension).

In this AU, 'evolution' is more about to the process of advancing and adapting to overcome extreme challenges like war, illness, and disaster, which will always permeate human history. This concept of evolution is about finding ways to adapt and advance humanity to solve these crises. Some real-life examples would be how wars and pandemics accelerate technological development. When trying to survive, humanity gains immense power to conquer those challenges.

Lucien: Radiation, disasters, and the like are merely puzzles posed by objective reality, and we are the problem solvers.

Lucien: Only in this way do we qualify to step onto a new level.

According to this dialogue, Lucien sees that the world is already undergoing evolution. The ongoing process of 'solving' post-apocalyptic challenges through continuous scientific and technological advancements is a form of evolution itself. Of course, it's a collective effort, and he is just one of many people who try to solve it. Lucien is not interested in fundamentally changing the world but in advancing and adapting it. However, his ultimate objective is still the same as that of the main story.

MC: What's your objective?

Lucien: A better future. -[S1 Chapter 13]

I don't think MC's and Lucien's ideas of change and evolution clash; rather, they can complement each other. Imagine a seed: Lucien wants the seed to be tough enough to survive in a harsh world by making the seed stronger, while MC wants to change the world so it'll be less harsh to the seed; both of them want a better future where the seed to survive and thrive but through a different approach.

Lucien: [softly] MC, do you know? From the moment you appeared before me, I realized that this world is actually full of color.

Lucien: So, I really want you to see what the world looks like through my eyes.

If there's one thing that MC has already changed, it's Lucien. She doesn't change his view on evolution, but she made him realize that the world is not so depressing and actually full of color: it's beautiful and interesting. So, it would be boring if the world were only about survival.

What is the end point of that evolution? We will never know, but for a start, we can see the beginning of the future through his eyes. Through adaptation and innovation, he generates electricity that can light up the entire area, transforming the deadliest area into a beacon of hope.

While lighting up the area doesn't immediately solve the crisis, it is a step towards evolution. Not only does it aid in a better future, but it also possesses the power of 'beauty'. Quoting from Gallery Date, (beautiful things have the power to inspire people and change their hearts) it can lead to more and more areas being illuminated.

That future even contains his selfish wishes... like a future where MC can be ordinary and free or a future where they can hold hands without any worries.

Lastly, compare these two lines:

Strangers speak in tongues I cannot comprehend, their eyes perpetually fixed on the distant future, but all I sense is madness.

Sharp, resolute, and scrutinizing. He seems to be peering through me to a distant place.

Here, you can see how both Lucien and the mad scientists from her past focus on the future. However, while the other scientists see only their own envisioned future and use her to reach it, Lucien sees the future within her. He recognizes her potential, and rather than simply seeing her as a test subject, he sees her as equal and wants her to be an active participant in shaping the future.

So all this time, he’s been patiently waiting for her to come to his side, then reveal everything and invite her to embark on a long and unknown journey together. After that experiment, both of them had already gotten what they wanted from their cooperation. Now that she knows how to control her power, she can be free and protect herself, and he doesn't need her help to research things in the radiated area. Isn't it ironic that the same person who threatened to lock her up is the one giving her freedom? He will simply drift away and continue to move forward the world in the direction that he wants if she chooses not to. However, he hopes that she will continue to accompany him in moving forward.

Luckily, she takes his hand and they run towards the unknown future together. Rather than the joy of survival, it signifies the arrival of freedom and a brand-new world. He also encourages her to become "Queen" and seek the change she wants. “Welcome to the new world.” text with the screen all black is such a BRILLIANT way to end this date. There is always a trend, but the changes in the world will always exceed our imagination.

Thank you for reading!

[daboyau]

Oooo uh for the ask game, can you please do number three with Donnie and Mikey?

Hi hi Curly!! I had two completely different ideas for this prompt, but this is the one I completed first. :) I’ll share the other one if I finish it. -3-

i hope you enjoyyyy!!! (Warning for donnie being a lil…creepy? I guess?)

Mikey groans, head pounding as he struggles towards wakefulness. He feels funny. All sluggish and achey, and everything feels too heavy. Every twitch of fingers or attempt to open his eyes feels like trying to lift Raph single handed — it’s doable, but it’s hard. The temptation to let himself drift off again is sounding better and better with every second that passes, but for some reason he just…can’t. There’s something that’s making his scales feel all creepy and crawly, but he has no idea what it might be with his eyes still closed.

With a groan of effort, he forces his eyes open — and then squeezes them closed again, when the bright lights sear his eyeballs and makes his headache about 10,000% worse. He whimpers, but his arms feel too heavy to lift all the way up to his face, so he can’t even press the heels of his palms into his sockets to try to alleviate some of the awful stinging pain. 

There’s a curse from somewhere not too far away, and the next second he feels a cool, wet cloth being draped across his whole face. He stiffens for a second, startled by the sensation, before a pair of hands press gently against his temples. He breathes a sigh of relief, knowing that gentle, methodical touch after years of his brother carefully massaging his migraines away.

“Dondon?” he rasps, the nickname so slurred that it’s really only years of familiarity that might make it recognizable. The touch falters for a brief second, just long enough for Mikey to worry a little, before they continue their healing path across his scalp. He sighs and feels his muscles begin to relax again. A smile trembles at the corner of his mouth, and his worry starts to slip away. Even if something feels weird, it’s fine. Donnie’s here, after all!

He tries to speak again, his tongue still struggling against the words he wants to blurt, when the hands move lower to rest against his shoulders. They squeeze briefly before being laid flat, and…there’s something weird. They’re too cold and hard, and way too big, the tips of those fingers resting at the base of his chest plates. 

His eyes slam open, but the damp cloth is still laid out over his face, and when he tries to lift a hand again to move it, he realizes with a sudden terror that he can’t because he’s tied down. The sound of confused terror that escapes his throat has those hands pressing against his chest preemptively, rendering his attempts to buck against the restraints useless. Still, he struggles, keening as every desperate thrash does nothing but make those suddenly unfamiliar hands feel heavier and heavier until he’s left breathless. White spots burst against the dark cloth that’s hiding the world away from him. 

“Hey, hey, shhhh. Shhhh. You’re okay.” The voice sounds so much like Donnie, but somehow wrong. Rougher. Harsher. Mikey whimpers weakly. 

The hands slowly lift from his chest, and settle on either side of his neck. They brush against his scales, and he realizes that they’re metal, or at least they’re covered in it. Donnie doesn’t like having tech on his fingers like that. Says it makes it hard to use his screens without risking hurting them. 

He feels a single cold finger drag itself across the hollow of his throat. It pauses. Lingers. A threat that even Raph could read loud and clear. Mikey’s too scared to even swallow. He can hear feel his heart pounding, desperate and loud, beneath that finger.

“You’re okay,” the voice says again, softer this time, closer, like he’s leaned down to whisper directly next to Mikey’s head. “You’re not going anywhere. Not again.”

Mikey swallows down the fear and the confusion and manages to choke out, “What’s going on?”

The hands withdraw. He hears slow footsteps circling him. It makes him think of when he was little, and Leo would try to spook him during hide and seek by being loud enough to let him know exactly how close he was to finding him. He swallows, and can almost feel the eyes on him, tracking each tiny movement. 

“You don’t remember,” says not-his-brother. Something like a question, but maybe just confirming what he already suspected. Mikey squirms, testing the restraints once more, not even knowing what he was maybe supposed to remember in the first place. It’s unnerving to hear the voice, because it sounds just like Dee. It’s the exact same carefully blank tone he uses when he’s feeling too many big things to fit inside his words. The little emphasis he puts on his T’s and how he swallows the R when his throat is all tight from holding back tears even though he always swears he never cries. 

Something is really, really wrong. 

“Wh—“ his voice fails him, cracking and fragile, and he rattles out a cough that hurts before he tries again. “What don’t I remember?”

A deep breath. A hand that just barely brushes against his arm before jerking back like the touch had burned him. Mikey wishes he could see, so he could at least try to take a guess at what’s going through the Donnie-Not-Donnie?’s mind. 

“You made a portal,” Maybe-Donnie breathes, and those cold metal fingers skim across his arm again, across the divots where sharp scars had burned their way into his skin years ago. It burns, and Mikey distantly realized the old wounds must have reopened. Those unfamiliar-familiar hands are shaking as they trace the wounds. “You disappeared. We… I spent so long looking for you.” 

Mikey goes still. He turns his head, trying to follow the sound of the voice. The rag over his face feels like it’s suffocating him. Feels like drowning.

“Mikey,” Donnie-But-Wrong says, slow and full of wonder, like he is savoring the sound. Maybe he’s enjoying the opportunity to say it out loud and have it be heard. “Angelo.”

“I’m here,” Mikey breathes. His fingers twitch. Those metal fingers slide into his hand and give a gentle squeeze before they disappear again. Mikey wishes they’d stay longer, but instead of saying that, he gathers up his courage and makes a demands instead. “Let me see.”

A pause that stretches on long enough that Mikey thinks that he’ll be ignored. Left blind and chained and buried here. Then, a shaky breath and a soft beeping sound. The rag is lifted away. 

The lights have been dimmed, but it still takes his too sensitive eyes a second to adjust. 

The face staring back at him is haggard and scarred. One side of his face seems almost melted from old burns that trace all the way down his neck to disappear under the clasp of his battle shell, and the eye resting inside the socket is robotic. There are fine lines around his mouth and at the corners of his intact eye. It is entirely unfamiliar. 

He smiles, and—

It is undoubtedly his brother.

“Dondon?” he rasps, tears blurring his vision. The smile grows bigger even as his brother’s face seems to collapse in on itself, and pink tinged tears begin to leak from his good eye. 

“Hi, Mikester.” 

The nickname feels like a punch. He wants to reach out, to hold him close and listen to his heartbeat until it feels familiar again. He wants to run away, so far and fast that he can pretend that this nightmare never happened. 

But he’s still chained. There is a manic glint in the Wrong-Donnie’s eyes as he leans over, cradling Mikey’s face in his cold metal hands, heedless of how he struggles to escape the hold. His lower lip trembles. 

“What happened to you?” Mikey whispers, and his voice feels like it gets swallowed by the black hole of that grinning mouth and bloodshot eye. 

“It doesn’t matter now. What matters is that I finally found you, and I won’t lose you again.” His grip gets tighter. Smile wider. Mikey’s heart tries to choke him as it climbs its way into his throat. Not even a whimper can escape past it as What-Happened-To-You-Donnie leans close to press their foreheads together. Mikey feels the curl of his smile against his cheek as he breathes, “You’re never leaving again.”

is this actually Mikey’s brother? Did he find a donnie who’s been broken by grief in an alternate universe? Is it all a simulation? Who knows!! Not Mikey, not you, and certainly not me. :) hope you liked, my friend!!

[jpitha]

Between the Black and Gray 29

First / Previous / Next

Fen and Zhe went back up to the command deck to watch the approach. Northern placed the view out of some forward cameras on the screen and what struck Fen the first time she saw it was just how ramshackle the station was. It appeared to be made out of more than a dozen old starship hulls.

"Is that.. made out of junk starships?"

"It appears that way Fen, but I'm not sure if they're junk or not. I can see a lot of reactors when I scan for emissions. It could be that they're just all connected together and can break apart when threatened." Northern sounded fascinated. "It's a good idea, really. If you're worried about some administrative forces kicking you out, you just break up your station and link away to somewhere else. Fen, Zhe? This is going to be a while. I was just told we have to wait for a place for us to park. Why don't you two go get some rest. I'll wake you if anything comes up."

Back in her room, Fen lays on the bed. It's large and cold and smells unfamiliar. The sheets are wrong, the light in the room is wrong, the mattress is wrong, the whole place feels wrong. She had been doing well enough until she talked to Zhe about Ma-ren and she feels alone in the bed all over again. Tossing and turning, Fen struggles to sleep. Finally sleep comes.

Fen dreams.

She's sitting on a large, seat, a throne really at the top of what could only be described as an... arena. Every single seat is filled with people who are there to see her. She can feel their excitement radiate off. They aren't coerced, they aren't forced, they are all there willingly.

To see her.

Or are they?

She holds out her hand for silence, only it's not her hand. The skin tone is wrong, lighter. She spreads her arms wide to welcome the crowd, but the length feels wrong. Glancing down quickly, she sees that she's shorter than she expected, even with the high heels. High heels? Fen hates wearing heels; they're so wobbly. Her body isn't quite right either, she feels top heavy. The crowd is so far away, that they haven't noticed anything yet, but the people next to her have. One of them, a women, about her size with a kind face looks over, her brow furrowed in concern. Fen feels an overwhelming desire to comfort her, let her know everything is all right, even though it clearly isn't. "I'm fine." she whispers out of the corner of her mouth. "Just jitters or something."

The other women nods very slightly and turns back to the crowd, not convinced, but unwilling to disturb the ceremony.

"People of the Reach! I come before you to tell you of news. Our battles go well, and we have captured the inner planets! Venus, Luna and the LEO principalities have all agreed to a peace plan." Cheers and shouts of praise. She basks in their love, buoyed by their positivity. "I myself will be departing for the attack on Earth. I will personally lead the charge. Soon, I shall return to you with the exciting news of our victory!" More cheering. "Until then, I ask for your patience and understanding, and I ask for more volunteers. We have three more Super Dreadnoughts that have been completed, and they need crews. Please, come to the recruitment office and sign up. Everyone who crews my ships will be eligible for relocation to any planet, station, starbase, and orbital of their choosing after our victory."

She stands during the cheering and applause at this last announcement, and concentrates. Her wings, made of gossamer, focused, golden light spread meters wide. Her crown, made of the same light flares in the arena, visible to everyone. Through the cheering and chanting of her name, she turns, leaves the dias and her wings and crown fade into an afterimage on everyone's eyes.

Behind the dias, a hidden door opens, and she ducks through, with the two people - including the woman from before - on either side.

"Now that we're out of the crowd, what was that? You looked like you were going to throw up." She sounds worried.

"Yeah, I saw you wobble. You looked down at your shoes and blanched." The other one, a middle aged man chimes in. He is tall and handsome, with dark brown skin and a coal black beard, flecked with gray.

"I'm fine, I'm... fine." She sounds unsure even as she says it. "I just had a strange feeling of being not myself. It's passed now. She turned towards the woman. Do you have the report of the developments on Luna?"

"Yes, Empress. Luna is pacified. Your military has cleared you for a visit to the people as soon as you enter the system. They recommend that you show up, give a speech, do a quick meet-and-greet with the citizens, and then continue on to Earth. Myself, Omar and a small guard will accompany you."

"Thank you Ava. I need a coffee, and then we can depart."

Fen awoke with a start, dripping with sweat. She was laying in bed, all of her sheets and blankets a tangle. There was a soft chime that was repeating in the room. "Yes?"

"We're going to dock in a couple hours Fen. I figured you would want to shower and change."

"Thanks Northern. How long has it been?"

"About nine hours. I let you sleep a full cycle; you seemed like you needed it."

Fen sits up. "Okay Northern. I'll be up in a few."

Fen gets up and pads to the bathroom. Being the captain, she does have a larger suite than average, and it has its own bathroom. As the door behind her shuts, she does not notice the sheets and blankets are covered in a very slight layer of dust, arranged like wings, centering on where she slept.

****

The docking goes without a hitch. They are brought inside the cargo module of a massive starship on the outer edge of the 'station' and are directed to a pad near the door. They land, and as the ship powers down, Northern walks into the command deck, shaking her hair with her hands and making a face. "My mouth tastes like pennies. I hate this." She puts her hands on her hips and faces Fen. "You're going to find us enough crew - or another AI - to do this, right?"

"Yes Northern. We'll find a crew. I can't thank you enough for this, I realize that its... distasteful for you."

Northern smirks. "I see what you did there. I'll have you know that puns always work on me." She nods at Zhe. "Come on. Shall we go meet your family?"

Zhe nods and stands, but her ears are flat, and she's trying to shrink down into her clothes. "O-okay Northern, Fen. Let's go."

"Hold up a moment." Fen turns to Zhe. "Are you going to be all right with this?"

Zhe stands just a little straighter. "Yes, I'll be all right Fen. You're my captain now. It's just that my family was... disappointed when I got the job with the Discoverers and went to Minaren."

"They're disappointed you went straight?" Northern's incredulity is plain on her face.

Zhe's tail swishes and she nods. "You'll see when you meet them."

The dock's air is cold and thin, but breathable. The three of them exit the ship and head towards the airlock at the other end. They walk past scores of K'laxi and other peoples tending the ships that are docked. There are easily more than a dozen in this dock alone. Fen recognizes K'laxi, Gren, and even some Sefigan designs. They step into the airlock and it closes behind them. "So, you three are the ones ballsy enough to come here in a Imperial Frigate and sing the bawdiest K'laxi drinking song known in order to get in?" The voice is low and gruff. "We've scanned your ship, it's empty, so we know you're not hiding anyone, and you don't walk like spies, though you have the air of a Discoverer about you, K'laxi." The voice pauses a moment. "Still, we'll let you in. Stay nice and don't cause trouble."

The other airlock door opens, and the air is hot and wet. The K'laxi homeworld is smaller and colder than Earth, so Fen expected the atmosphere settings to be similar here but if there was such a thing as an opposite to K'laxi weather, this was it. The lights were dark and yellow and the gravity was light. Fen kept feeling like she was about to trip. A short K'laxi, grey around the muzzle, with a human sized battle rifle on his back waves and bounds - literally bounds - over. "Welcome! Welcome to The Heap."

Northern grins. "The Heap because it's a heap of starships?"

He nods quickly, the earrings on his large ears jangling slowly in the low gravity. "Exactly so. What are you here for? Trade? Business? Or just to lie low from the Imps since you clearly stole their frigate?"

Fen crosses her arms and harrumphs. "I'll have you know I own that frigate free and clear. You can scan it anywhere and it'll show up under my name."

He winks - a decidedly human gesture. "Sure it does, Friend. I know hackers too. So? What's up?"

Zhe sighs. "Hi there Uncle Rev. Is Hemmi here?"

Rev leans around Northern and gasps. "Little Zhe! You came back! You finally realized that the government yolk was strangling your ability to pull for yourself!" He grabbed her and hugged her mightily and spun her around. "Hemmi isn't here now, but he's in-system. I'll get a beacon out to him right away. He'll want to know the news. Why didn't you tell us you were aboard? He would have stayed for the welcome."

"I didn't want to be a burden..." Zhe begins.

"Nonsense! I will not hear of it." Rev looks over at Northern and Fen. "Shacking up with two humans? My my! You're doing all right for yourself. I knew you couldn't keep your true self down."

"Uncle Rev!" Zhe's fur ripples as she blushes. "Northern and Fen are friends only. Fen is my captain."

"Well then I need to extend our thanks," Rev bends low and Fen sees that his tail is half gone. "Have you had a chance to witness Zhe in combat yet? She is unparalleled with a Gren soar-kinfe." He puts his arm around Northern and Fen and gives them a small squeeze and Northern glares. "Did you know she once took out three Sefigan warriors who thought they could bounce out of here without paying? Three! She was barely sixteen at the time. Her parents were so proud. They let her keep the entire bounty. I think that's how she paid her passage to Minaren."

Northern turns her head slowly to Zhe as her fur won't stop rippling. "A soar-knife? They're hard to use even in light gravity. in Human standard they take years of practice to wield safely."

"Well when you're a kid on a pirate station you get bored and pick stuff up." Zhe mumbles.

"So modest!" Rev squeezes their hips again and Northern smacks his arm off. "Come on! Let's go eat while we wait for Hemmi to come back.

[spacexseven]

hello its dazai anon I'm currently thinking about subordinate au dazai so here i go

ive been imagining that in the verison of events where dazai catches feelings for darling cuz they (despite the many many reasons they'd have to let him suffer and die) took care of him while he was injured, that dazai would be very interested in paying that forward at some point.

when dazai first finds out that his favorite subordinate is terribly sick or badly injured and is gonna be out for a while, his mind immediately jumps to how... nice it might be to take care of them. well, actually the first thing is mind jumps to is a million worse case scenarios where they die and hes alone for the rest of his life but once he recovers from THAT panic attack he moves on to nursing plans. hed probably think it's a foolproof plan for having darling finally start warming up to him (especially if chuuya has recently gained some ground in that area), i mean, he likes YOU cuz you take care of him, it only makes sense that youd start liking him for the same reason! also he just... REALLY enjoys the thought of being your nurse. 1) since you're sick/in pain if he decides he wants to ask you a million questions or make you play games with him or kiss you a thousand times you can't run away 2) isn't it kind of. domestic? to take care of someone like that? he can almost pretend the two of you are actually together when he does this.

I should note that dazai isn't like. a medical expert or anything of that sort BUT since he has (mostly) good intentions in this escapade hed be willing to listen to advice from others or direct requests from you. except asking him to leave or get off you he won't ever do that but most other things. also he's still. dazai while this is going on so expect a lot of needless mockery about how weak and useless you are, but then in the same timeframe thinking about what might happen if you die and clinging onto you in complete hysterics. frankly hes just making everything worse all the time but thats dazai!

- 🩹

i couldnt take myself seriously while writing this T^T

when you don't show up for your usual shift with dazai, he's already on edge. he immediately thinks that you must be avoiding him—or that chuuya must have charmed you away with the promise of a day with no dazai. was it because of the time he hung you upside down? that was eons ago and hadn't he already made up for it with the numerous fun (dangerous) and exciting (life-threatening) adventures (escaping from yet another person dazai angered) he's taken you on?

but then he sees chuuya walking around on his own, and you don't show up again the next day, and now he's sure that something was very wrong. which is why, his first response was to show up at your door. maybe, if you were able to answer the door, you'd be terrified at the sight of dazai with his face pressed up to the window desperate for any sight of you, but as you were now, you were far too exhausted to even receive him, so naturally, after numerous attempts at slamming the doorbell, he let himself in.

the sight of you, so tired and incoherent, surrounded by tissues and water bottles, initially made him let out a huge sigh in relief. you weren't avoiding him! you were just bedridden—wait, was that because he insisted you help him find his wallet in the river the night before? was it his fault you were ill?

after the initial guilt, dazai jumps into action. you, as tired as you were, couldn't provide any more protest apart from a few grumbling words at the sight of dazai rummaging in your home, but he was unbothered, dedicated to his new temporary position as your personal nurse.

dazai wasn't too unfamiliar with runny noses and sore throats. for the most part, he was sure you weren't dying and he was somewhat confident in his ability to nurse you back to health. and surprisingly, you didn't seem too mad at his presence, begrudgingly allowing him to spoonfeed you soup that was far too salty.

honestly, this experience made him a little nostalgic, thinking back to oda taking care of him after their first encounter. but also, you were surprisingly quiet when you were sick, not the same silent anger you normally radiated, but just quiet. he didn't mind it all that much, though, since the first night he stayed over, you were so deliriously ill that he definitely took advantage of your state and asked you all sorts of questions that you'd normally ignore. half your answers didn't really make sense, but they served to be pretty entertaining deciphering games when you were fast asleep and he was bored.

the real fun only started when you started getting better. for one, you looked horrified at the sight of him prancing around in your apron and messing with your kitchen, but because you were able to answer him coherently, it was all the more entertaining. while waiting for your water to boil, dazai would offer to read your journal out loud, sing you a lullaby in the middle of the day, and even dare to ask if a kiss would make you feel better. and then he'd provide commentary on every object in your home.

the ease with which he navigated your home and the familiarity with which he handled your things did send some alarms blaring in your head, but what could you do in your current state?

any attempts at protesting his presence are fruitless. even if you claimed he might get sick from hanging around you, dazai would only laugh.

"i'm not as weak as you," he'd say, "i won't get sick. and if i wasn't here you'd probably be dead by now. besides, if i get sick, guess who'd going to have to come to take care of me?"

somewhere during his response, dazai managed to stick himself closer to you, a hand wiping at your clammy forehead. if at all you seemed to not get better, dazai immediately jumps to threatening you, saying that if you didn't get better, if you died on him, he'd never forgive you, promising to make sure that your ghost will be stuck with him. and that's about the best incentive to get better.

[sathanasslut]

I'm back at it again :)

(To Sodo's detriment, it seems...)

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Rain / Dewdrop / Swiss

Tags: Dom/Sub/Sub, Overstimulation, Punishment, Voyeurism

Word Count: 2,938

Read on Ao3 or below the cut!

"What the fuck was that?" Rain hisses, shoving Dew's shoulder. Hard. Dew growls in response, stumbling a couple of steps back. "You need attention, huh? Is that it?"

Rain was ever so good at being the calm one of the group, a pleasant, mild-mannered ghoul who tried his best to talk everything out before resorting to more drastic measures. Usually. Not today, nor after Dew had sunk his teeth into Mountain's palm during one of his hissy fits.

"Knees." Rain commands, the thudding in his chest making it hard to hear anything else. "Now."

Dew relents only because he can smell the genuine anger radiating off of his packmate. He knows he's pushed it too far, but that doesn't mean he's going to just roll over and weep in apology. Regardless, he kneels as he was instructed.

In one swift motion, Rain's glove is removed from his hand and used like a whip against Dewdrop's cheek, leather biting into his freckled skin.

"God- what the fuck!?" Dew gasps out, a hand applying pressure onto the crimson mark flourishing on his face. "The hell is wrong with you?"

Fingers wrap around Dew's throat, applying pressure without hesitation, deftly cutting off his airflow.

"I don't wanna hear a goddamn thing come out of your mouth unless it's your safeword. Understand?" Rain's voice is low, gravelly, taking a tone that can only mean Dew is not gonna be in for an easy night. "You've got hell to pay, so I need you to shut up and take it already."

Dew pulls at his lip with his teeth, the metallic tang of blood teasing at the tip of his tongue.

"Or fucking what?" He just can't help himself. Not when Rain is already so riled up, and Dew can already feel the heat pooling in his abdomen. "Gonna fuck me about it? You know I can take anything you've-"

If the choking didn't shut him up, Rain's two fingers being forced into his open mouth all the way to the entrance of his throat sure did. He gags, not having any warning that would enable him to quell the reflex. Rain seems to trill at the noise, taking great pleasure in Dew's discomfort.

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up." He punctuated every word by shoving his fingers a little further into the warmth of Dew's throat, his body responding to the familiar sensation of pushing deeper. "I won't be the one fucking you tonight. You of all people know only good boys get the honour of pleasing me. And you… you haven't been a very good boy, have you, Dewdrop?"

The way Rain says his name makes him want to melt, his tone soft, a complete contrast to the fury evident in his eyes and the bite behind his words.

Just as tears begin to well in Dewdrop's eyes, Rain pulls his hand back, wiping the saliva onto Dew's stinging cheek.

"You've been bad. Very bad…" Rain takes a step back, and Dew finally feels like he can breathe for a moment, despite the slight ache blossoming in his chest at the realisation that Rain is disappointed in him. "But that's okay, because I do have a good boy. One that I know is just desperate to help me discipline your hissy ass once and for all."

Dew tilts his head at that, like a cat hearing an unfamiliar noise. Rain… has a good boy? He's always been Rain's good boy… So what the fuck is this?

Rain smirks at the look of confusion written across Dew's expression.

"In, boy." Rain commands, and the door cracks open agonisingly slowly. Dew's mouth falls open at the sight of Swiss pushing his way through the doorway. The door clicks shut behind Swiss, and he locks it without a second thought.

"You see, brat…" Rain glances at Dew, stepping closer to Swiss. "I've tried for so long to put you in your place alone, I think it's time I accepted I need some help. Some muscle." His hand wraps around one of Swiss' biceps, squeezing gently. "It's just so convenient that my good boy deserves a reward, right when my bad boy decides to earn a punishment."

Bad. That word is starting to get to Dew now, the submissive mindset kicking in and triggering the drive to be good for his dominant. But he hasn't been good, and he's becoming overwhelmed by shame.

"Is this… really okay?" Swiss' voice is like Dew's never heard it before. That usual smooth tone hidden away by a blanket of submission and obedience. Dew grits his teeth.

"Are you questioning me?" Rain's voice doesn't hold the same anger when he addresses Swiss that it does when he speaks to Dew, and that only serves to piss him off more. Swiss only shakes his head, which seems to appease Rain.

Dew wants to speak up, to ask what's happening, what's about to happen - but his cheek still stings, an aching reminder of Rain's warning to 'shut the fuck up'. It doesn't matter though, as Rain clearly picks up on Dew's curiosity.

"Do I need to spell it out for you?" There's that harsh tone again, irritation. "Our little multi-ghoul here has made such good progress with me recently, he deserves to let loose and have some unrestrained fun. And you… you've exhausted all of my other options, so I'm going to allow him to exhaust you."

It finally clicks in Dew's head, and he looks between Rain and Swiss like he's watching a tennis match.

"There it is." Rain sighs, squatting besides Dew and grabbing a handful of his hair. "You take your time sometimes. Don't you, brat?"

Brat. He doesn't like being a brat, but he knows he's earned this treatment.

"He's gonna… we're gonna-…?" Dew stutters out, his eyes trained purely on the awkward stance Swiss has adopted besides the bed. It sends a shiver down his spine, seeing his cocky, free-spirited bandmate all placid, tamed.

Rain doesn't even deign that with a response, just turning his back on Dewdrop and sauntering through the room, seating himself in an armchair besides the bed.

"Bed. Now." His eyes are on Swiss, but Dew knows the order is for him. He tries to find his way to his feet, but a leather glove implanting itself into the wall besides his head forces his body to freeze. "Crawl." comes the amended command.

So, crawl he does. He can feel Swiss' eyes on him, but the multi-ghoul is silent. It's eerie, his head ringing with all of the teasing comments he would assume Swiss would make in this scenario, but the reality is completely void of them.

Once he's situated atop the silk sheets, another command comes. "Hand and knees." for him. "Behind him." for Swiss.

They both assume their positions, still fully clothed. Dew's eyes are trained on the baby blue sheets below him, but Swiss' can only focus on Rain's form, lounging in the armchair.

"What, don't know what to do with the pretty little reward I'm giving you, baby?" Rain laughs softly, looking at the way Swiss has frozen behind Dew like a deer in headlights. "Undress him, touch him. Use him."

Swiss' body tingles with anticipation, his hands already reaching to unbuckle Dew's belt now that he's been given explicit permission. Dew squirms at the slow way Swiss' hands work to tug off his trousers, fighting the urge to just throw off his clothes himself and get this over with.

"Is this okay…?" It's that meek, disconcerting tone again, a mockery of Swiss' voice. They've fucked before, plenty of times, but he's never been exposed to this side of Swiss, and it's really throwing him off.

"Obviously. Get on with it." Impatience continues to gnaw at Dew, he'd been wet since the moment Rain had thrown him into his bedroom, and he really didn't want to waste time pussyfooting about.

Though, his impatience proved to be a mistake.

Neither of them even noticed Rain getting out of his seat until his hand is forcing Dew's face into the pillows, pushing him into an arch that has Swiss aching.

"Watch your fucking mouth." Rain growls, his warm breath grazing Dew's ear. "Your his treat, brat. He can toy with you in whichever way he likes. He doesn't even have to fuck you if he doesn't want to, you know you haven't earned it."

The pressure is gone as soon as it came, and Rain plops himself back into his seat with a small hand gesture telling Swiss to proceed.

Dew shudders. Oh Dark Lord, Rain is hot when he's scary. Swiss' mind spins, noting that Dew didn't move an inch from his arched position even without Rain enforcing it.

"Anything goes?" Swiss queries, looking to Rain for confirmation, which he receives in the form of a nod. "Oh, perfect..." He's practically purring at just the thoughts of what he can do with this blessing.

Swiss finally tugs off Dew's boxers, having to physically restrain himself from gnawing at the wet patch soaking into them. It doesn't bother him too much, not when his eyes stray from the fabric to focus on Dew's pretty pussy, right in front of him, all exposed and just dripping.

"Oh, Sathanas…" His trousers become impossibly tighter, saliva pooling in his mouth. He sees every small movement in Dew's body, the slight twitch as a drip of slick runs down his pale skin, the way he presses his thighs together as Swiss just stares.

Dew can smell the lust in the air, but holy fuck, Swiss is still not touching him. He feels like he's going to explode, or at least he's moment's away from giving in and shoving his own fingers in - though, he can only imagine the punishment he'd get for that. It doesn't matter though, not when he feels Swiss' breath shudder between his thighs, and a tongue runs firmly against his core.

"Shit-" Dew gasps, fingers curling in the silk of Rain's bedsheets. He has to stop himself from mewling, pleasure already coursing through his veins.

"Does he taste good, baby?" Rain practically cooes, a slight smile on his lips as he sees both of his boys already shaking with pleasure.

Swiss can't form words, not when his mouth is busy devouring his bandmate, fulfilling a thirst he didn't realise he had until now. He can only hum in response, whining happily as his tongue breaches Dew's entrance, delving deeper in search for more of this utterly divine taste.

Dew feels the sweat beading on his back, his stomach tightening and thighs shaking with every single movement Swiss makes. That hum almost sends him over the edge, his clit pulsing at the soft vibrations. His tail curls around his own thigh, a grounding sensation to keep him from truly getting lost in this pleasure. It's not much of a punishment, he thinks, but he knows not to underestimate Rain.

Dread begins to dawn on Dew as Swiss' actions become more fervent, his muscles clenching and his hips bucking. "Im… Swiss, fuck, Rain- I'm-..." He pants, his eyes squeezed shut as he pushes every ounce of focus into keeping himself under control.

Rain let's out a cold laugh. "Already? Pathetic." Dew hears him step closer, but his eyes stay screwed shut. He thinks whatever dark look Rain has in his eyes, paired with the way Swiss is using his tongue, would demolish his restraint in an instant.

"Puppy?" Rain's voice softens slightly, his hand gently pulling Swiss' face from between Dew's thighs. Swiss pouts slightly, his lips glistening. "You're gonna push him over the edge. Is that what you want?"

Swiss nods, his chest rising and falling rapidly with irregular breaths. His brain is a fog, the only clarity is his primal instinct to have his mouth enveloped in Dew's warmth again already.

"I see." Rain grins, his eyes sparkling with pleasure. "Go on, then. Destroy your toy, puppy."

Dew doesn't care that Swiss' teeth graze catch on parts they shouldn't be catching on, not when he can feel the pleasure forcing its way into every inch of his body. He doesn't even know when his orgasm hits, his entire body short circuiting as Swiss' tongue fucks him over the edge and doesn't stop.

"Oh fuck- Oh Satan below, please, fuck-!" Dew gasps, his body pressed flat against the sheets as he squirms and begs. Swiss pays him no mind, flipping him onto his back in one swift motion and tugging his thighs over his shoulders, immediately diving in for more.

He has unfettered access to Dew's clit in this position, and he doesn't hold himself back one bit. He sucks it harshly and tugs at the sensitive bud with his teeth, his tongue flicking it skillfully.

Dew can barely inhale enough to beg, the muscles in his thighs cramping so hard they ache. He doesn't know what the words spilling from his mouth actually are, just that Swiss isn't stopping, and the low hum of Rain's laugh indicates that he's saying something truly pathetic.

He doesn't care, not when he feels like his soul is being torn from his body by the heat of Swiss' mouth and the dexterity of his tongue.

Dew's sharp tug at Swiss' hair elicits a sinful moan from the multi-ghoul, and that alone is enough to send Dew over the edge again. He thinks he might have actually screamed that time, and through his tear-filled eyes he can see drips of squirt dripping down every inch of Swiss' face.

"How easy…" Rain chimes in, admittedly feeling himself becoming quite overwhelmed by the sight of Dew's shaking body and Swiss losing himself in the pleasure of another. He hadn't even noticed until then that Swiss was grinding onto the sheets, the zipper of his trousers fighting for its life. "He's such a slutty toy, isn't he baby?"

Finally, Swiss pulls back to breathe, his tongue lapping up the juices dripping from his moustache.

"Toy…" He pants, his eyes roaming Dew's trembling body. He knows his primal side is taking over, and he isn't resisting it one bit.

Dew yelps as Swiss shoves his thighs apart and plants himself between them, claws tears his shirt to shreds. He doesn't get a chance to say anything, not before Swiss' tongue is back to work, this time tormenting a pierced nipple standing proud on his chest. His head spins, and he can't do anything but moan and squirm.

Rain almost pities Swiss, watching as Swiss' clothed crotch bucks up between Dew's thighs, imitating fucking the smaller ghoul in a fit of desperation.

He can't help but enjoy it, though. His puppy is just so needy, and he's putting all of his effort into committing this image to memory.

"You can fuck him, pup." Rain takes it upon himself to remind Swiss, knowing that if he doesn't, Swiss is gonna blow his load in his boxers like a horny teenager. "Show him how good you can be."

Both of the ghouls on the bed respond with whines and groans, Swiss' teeth tugging on the nipple piercing as his hands fumble with his trousers. He pulls the waist and of his trousers and boxers down the smallest amount possible, and in one moment, pushes himself inside of Dewdrop.

Dew's back arches on the bed, his claws digging into Swiss' back. He doesn't even get a second to adjust, before Swiss is pulling back and fucking himself back in, further.

"You're not even all the way in…" Rain sighs, a hint of humour behind his tone. "Fuck him properly, come on."

Swiss whines, his lips forming a pout, but he obeys. He takes a deep breath, and eases himself all the way in.

"Tight… wet, hot…" The words practically drip from his mouth, meant as a form of praise, but coming out as nothing more than lewd rambling. "Deep, perfect..."

Dew's body doesn't seem to care that he's already cum twice at this point, his clit throbbing at Swiss' words and his guts twisting, as if begging Swiss to go deeper.

Rain can barely restrain himself at that point, finally slipping a hand beneath his jeans and palming himself slowly. Oh, his sweethearts fit together so well.

It's barely a few moments before Swiss' thrusts stutter and that familiar warmth pulses inside of Dew, his own cunt clenching and spasming at the sensation. His claws puncture holes into Rain's bedsheets, and he can hear his own pants and whines flooding the room.

But… it doesn't stop. More specifically, Swiss doesn't stop. Dew spots a cruel grin on Rain's face through the tears in his eyes. Fuck. This is a punishment, after all.

It could've been hours, days, weeks, before Dew is given enough of a moment to come back to himself. Swiss is still inside of him, filling him to the brim with his cock and cum, but his movements have stilled entirely. They're on the bed, all three of them apparently.

"You can be a good boy, when you want to be. I knew you had it in you, precious." Rain is… talking to him? Dew's tail ripples with happiness, and he nuzzles the water ghoul's neck affectionately. "That's it, good boy."

Good boy. He's been good.

"Mmph… good." Swiss mumbles, his mind fried from the pleasure, but a fragment of clarity reminding him of the aftercare Dew deserves after such a rough session. "Good boy."

"Good boys." Rain affirms, his once cruel grin entirely wiped away by the genuine smile the sight of his bandmates cuddling pulls out of him. "My good boys."